Recovering Out Loud

*/ ?>

Latest Episodes:

You Can Get Addicted to Weed. It Almost Killed Him | "I Was Smoking Lint Off the Carpet to Get High" Jun 02, 2026

Show notes

Everyone says weed isn't addictive. Alex is eight years sober and almost didn't make it out.

This is the first time he's told the whole thing start to finish. We get into the last 30 days of his using — when he was so deep he couldn't even get high anymore, just chasing a feeling that was already gone. He takes us to his last day: an ice storm, a long drive for weed that wasn't there, and waking up passed out half in a toilet bowl, ribs smashed, realizing how close it got.

The part that stuck with me is what came after the drugs stopped: "The war on drugs is over. Now it's the war on self." We talk about the stuff nobody warns you about in long sobriety — isolation that feels safe, cross-addiction (food, work, gaming), men white-knuckling their mental health, and why "it's just weed" is the sentence he trusts the least.

If you've ever wondered whether weed can really be a problem — or you're years in and still fighting yourself — this one's for you.

What we get into:

Why he couldn't get high no matter how much he used
The one question his uncle asked that he couldn't lie his way out of
Isolation as a "safe place" — and what it costs
Getting sober before legalization, and why he thinks that saved him
The difference between quitting the drug and quitting the war on yourself

Recovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media built on lived experience — real stories of addiction and sobriety. No clinical voice, no guru energy.

Old Ideas: How to Uncover, Discover & Discard What's Keeping You Stuck May 28, 2026

Show notes

Nobody told me that getting sober wasn't the hard part. The hard part was realizing the version of myself I'd been dragging around for years — the beliefs, the patterns, the way I saw the world — most of it wasn't even mine.

In this episode, I'm breaking down one of the most important phrases in my recovery: Uncover, Discover, Discard. This isn't a clinical framework — it's how I actually learned to stop being run by ideas I picked up before I ever touched a substance. We're talking about the subconscious operating systems that keep us sick, where they came from, and how to actually let them go — not just white-knuckle through them.

I get into the old ideas that still show up in my own life: tying my self-worth to money, earning love through making people laugh, needing everything to be okay on the outside before I can feel okay on the inside. I also talk honestly about how stopping those patterns is exactly what I wasn't doing before I relapsed — and how "Anthony 3.0" is something I'm actively building, not looking back from.

In this episode:

What old ideas actually are (hint: they're not opinions, they're operating systems)
The three-phase process: Uncover → Discover → Discard
Why the gap between letting go of the old and finding the new is where most people relapse
Schema theory, ACT therapy, and neuroplasticity — what the research says
How to "borrow" someone else's beliefs until you build your own

Listener reflection prompts:

What's one belief you carried into recovery that you picked up long before you ever touched a substance?
When did you first realize a belief you had about yourself wasn't actually yours?
Have you ever discovered where one of your survival strategies originally came from?

Recovery is simple. Not easy.

A Mother’s Story of Grief, Faith, and Recovery : I Lost My 1-Year Old In Recovery May 26, 2026

Show notes

Jesse stayed sober after losing her 1-year-old son. A mother's story of recovery, grief, and faith.

In December 2022, Jesse hit her rock bottom — a night of drinking and cocaine that ended in an ER waiting room, where she prayed for the first time and asked for help. Four months later, she found out she was pregnant. Her son Jacob — what she calls her miracle baby — became the reason she stayed clean.

Last September, Jacob was rushed to the Emergency room. He didn't come home from the hospital. Against every odd, Jesse stayed sober through it.

In this conversation, she opens up about what nobody warns you about — the brutal month and a half of Suboxone withdrawal, finding leftover drugs in her home days after the funeral, the moment anger (not strength) saved her from relapsing, and why she now believes recovery was training for grief.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Jesse opens up about:

– The last 30 days of her addiction and the night she prayed in an ER waiting room

– Coming off Suboxone (a month and a half of withdrawal she calls worse than cocaine)

– Why pregnancy became her head start in recovery – Losing Jacob, and the moment she found leftover drugs in her home days after the funeral

– How recovery turned out to be training for grief — both are one day at a time

– Faith, anger at the funeral, and praying for "just a little relief"

– What real support looks like (the neighbour who didn't ask, she just showed up)

– Her honest answer to "worst day sober vs best day drinking" — and why it's not the one you expect

FOLLOW JESSIES JOURNEY HERE ON INSTAGRAM

📸 INSTAGRAM: @recoveringoutloudpod

🌐 WEBSITE: https://linktr.ee/Recoveringoutloudpod

—

ABOUT RECOVERING OUT LOUD

Recovering Out Loud is a peer-led recovery podcast hosted by Anthony — a social work student and person in long-term recovery sharing real stories of addiction and sobriety. No clinical voice. No guru energy. Just lived experience.

—

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or grief, please reach out to a local support resource. This podcast is for peer support and storytelling — not a substitute for clinical care.

#RecoveryPodcast #SoberStories #AddictionRecovery

Self-Forgiveness in Recovery: Why You Can't Afford to Hate Yourself Sober May 21, 2026

Show notes

Self-forgiveness in addiction recovery is the work nobody markets — because nobody wants to buy it. In this solo episode, Anthony shares why shame is a stronger predictor of relapse than a deterrent, why guilt and shame are not the same emotion, and the 5-step practice he uses to forgive himself one day at a time.

After 7.5 years sober, Anthony relapsed in 2024. He came back January 12, 2025. This episode is about what kept him stuck on the way back — and what finally got him off the hook.

In this episode:

- Why "I'll just feel bad enough to never do it again" doesn't work

- Brené Brown's guilt vs. shame distinction — and why it matters for relapse risk

- June Tangney's research on shame-proneness and substance misuse

- Kristin Neff's three pillars of self-compassion, adapted for recovery

- A 5-step self-forgiveness practice you can start today

- The "cookie jar" — using your own hardest experiences as proof you can do this

Chapter markers:

00:00 Cold Open: The Day I Stopped Trying to Forgive Myself

02:55 Resentment Is Poison: Forgiving Others First

04:55 Welcome to Recovering Out Loud

06:30 Real Check-In: My Struggle With Patience This Week

09:55 Why Self-Forgiveness Is the Hardest Step

12:44 Story 1: Blowing the Money & Relapsing After 7.5 Years

17:47 Guilt vs. Shame — The Distinction That Changes Everything

20:32 The Relapse Reckoning

22:00 What Self-Forgiveness Actually Is (and Isn't)

24:21 The 5-Step Self-Forgiveness Practice

29:17 You Are Not the Worst Thing You Did

31:16 The Cookie Jar: Drawing on Past Wins

If you got something out of this, please follow, rate, and share with one person who needs it.

— Anthony

Host of Recovering Out Loud · Real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy.

#RecoveringOutLoud #SoberPodcast #Recovery #SelfForgiveness #Shame

Two Cops Ended His 32-Year Addiction : I Used Daily in a Motel For 5 Months May 19, 2026

Show notes

Steven spent five months in a hotel room smoking crack, accepting he'd die there. Then his mother asked a judge if he had children — and two cops knocked. The story of one last day.

Six and a half years ago, Steven was sitting in a hotel room he hadn't left in five months, smoking crack cocaine in the same clothes he'd been wearing since July. He'd accepted he was going to die there.

Two weeks before the end, in a sober moment, he whispered, "Please make this stop." He didn't know who he was talking to. Then his mother sat down with a Justice of the Peace and asked the judge one question: "Do you have children?"

Twelve hours after the cops knocked, Steven was in rehab. He's been sober since December 14, 2019.

In this episode, Steven walks Anthony through the last day, the Form 2, the divine intervention timeline, and the turning points inside treatment — including the two women who walked in taking responsibility while everyone else played victim, and the counselor who put his hand on Steven's shoulder and said, "I believe you kid, because I tried to quit too."

Anthony shares his own relapse map after seven and a half years sober — how it started with body image, became ADHD pills, then cocaine, then benzos. The slow drip. The line: "I emotionally relapsed long before I picked up."

They close on current unmanageability — financial insecurity, body image at 52 — and a closing line that does the work of the whole episode.

No clinical voice. No experts. Two guys in recovery telling the truth about what it actually took.

🎙️ Recovering Out Loud — peer-led recovery media built on lived experience.

Chasing Pleasure, Finding Meaning: What I Got Wrong in 7.5 Years of Sobriety May 16, 2026

Show notes

Most people don't relapse because they wanted to drink. They relapse because they were still chasing pleasure — just in a legal package.

Anthony had 7.5 years of sober time before he picked up. In this episode, he breaks down the real reason long-term sobriety unravels: the war between pleasure and meaning, and why the recovery world is full of people white-knuckling a life they were never trained to actually want.

Covered in this episode: – The hedonic treadmill and why every "high" eventually feels like baseline – Anna Lembke's pleasure-pain balance (from Dopamine Nation) – Bruce Alexander's Rat Park study and why connection beats the lever – Cross-addiction: gym, golf, Instagram, work, achievement — the "ism swap" – Viktor Frankl, Dr. Joseph Lee, and the iPhone-vs-house metaphor that changed how Anthony sees addiction – Why "I don't need to feel good. I need to do good." is the line he comes back to

If you're newly sober and bored, or years in and quietly restless — this one's for you.

New episodes Tuesdays. Recovering Out Loud — real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy.

Is Alcohol the Problem? The Honest Answer About Addiction May 14, 2026

Show notes

Is alcohol the problem, or is the person holding the glass? Anthony breaks down the science, the shame, and the honest answer most people in recovery won't say out loud.

Full description:

Is alcohol the problem — or is the person drinking it? It's one of the most argued questions in addiction recovery, and how you answer it changes everything about how you get sober and stay sober.

In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, host Anthony — alcoholic, addict, and addiction counselor in training — pushes back on the growing "alcohol is the villain" movement on social media and asks the harder question: if alcohol were really the problem, why do most drinkers never develop alcohol use disorder? And why did rehab alone never keep him sober?

Anthony walks through the neuroscience (GABA, dopamine, why alcohol withdrawal can kill you), the genetics (50–60% heritability, AMA's 1956 disease classification), the 12-step "allergy" model, and the critical difference between guilt and shame in recovery. Then he lands on the answer most camps refuse to hold: both are true. Alcohol is genuinely addictive AND the person has the capacity to change.

If you've ever wondered whether you're "broken," whether you can ever drink normally again, or why the just-drink-like-a-normal-person advice feels so damaging — this one's for you.

Topics covered:

Why "alcohol is the problem" is the wrong frame for people in recovery
The neuroscience of alcohol addiction (GABA, dopamine, the reward pathway)
Why alcohol and benzo withdrawal can be fatal
DSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteria and WHO global stats
Heritability, co-occurring mental health disorders, and the 14% who develop AUD
The 12-step allergy metaphor and its critics
Disease model vs. agency model — and why both matter
Guilt vs. shame in addiction recovery
Why the anti-alcohol movement misses the point
Anthony's relapse at 7.5 years sober and what he learned

Mentioned in this episode:

DSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteria
AMA 1956 disease classification
Dr. Nick Heather's "complex learning disorder" model
WHO data on alcohol-related deaths (5.3% globally)
Previous episode: Is Alcoholism a Disease or a Choice?
Previous episode on peptides

Connect:

Instagram: @recoveringoutloudpod
Recovery is simple, not easy.

I Relapsed Before 2 Years Sober And Now I Can’t Stop May 12, 2026

Show notes

Emily returns to Recovering Out Loud mid-relapse to announce she's ending her own sobriety podcast. This is by far The most raw and vunerable conversation we've had on chronic relapse, identity in recovery, and what happens when "sober Sally" disappears.

Emily came on the first season of Recovering Out Loud almost two years sober, running her own recovery podcast Talks on the Rocks. She's back — and she's fighting addiction demons every day.

In this episode, Emily opens up about chronically relapsing on cocaine and alcohol, why she's putting her sobriety podcast on pause, and what it feels like to be the "sober girl" online while crying in the bathroom rolling up a bill she doesn't want to use. We talk about the Mother's Day relapse, the overdose from fentanyl-laced cocaine that nearly killed her, the hole in her septum, dating apps as a relapse trigger, isolation, and the identity crisis of taking a new sales job that puts her in clubs and at open bars for a living.

Anthony shares his own seven-and-a-half-year relapse and why "the obsession of every addict is that one day they'll control it again." If you've ever relapsed after long-term sobriety, struggled with chronic relapse, or felt like a fraud in your own recovery — this one is for you.

Topics covered:

Why she's ending her sobriety podcast
Chronic relapse after almost 2 years sober
Cocaine addiction, septum damage, and using alone
The Mother's Day relapse
The fentanyl overdose at work
Dating apps and addiction
Identity in recovery: who are you when you're not "the sober one"?
Why we don't pick up the phone even when we have hundreds of numbers
Self-pity, shame, and starting over

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a local recovery resource. In the US: SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357. In Canada: Wellness Together 1-866-585-0445.

Recovering Out Loud is hosted by Anthony. New episodes weekly.

Busy Is the New Drunk | How Resistance Kills Your Recovery May 09, 2026

Show notes

Struggling to move forward in recovery — even when you're "doing everything right"? That might be resistance. And it probably doesn't look the way you think it does.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down 5 forms of resistance that hide in plain sight in addiction recovery — the ones that feel like growth, look like progress, and get socially rewarded, but are quietly keeping you stuck.

Whether you're newly sober, years into recovery, or struggling to get back after a relapse — this episode is for you.

Topics covered:

Why staying busy might be your new drug
The difference between research mode and recovery mode
How self-sabotage shows up when life starts going well
Why chaos feels comfortable and stability feels wrong
Performing recovery vs. actually doing it
Pain × Resistance = Suffering — and how to reduce it

If you've ever felt stuck in sobriety, struggled with self-sabotage, or wondered why you can't seem to follow through — this one hits different.

Recovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media built on lived experience. No clinical voice. No guru energy. Real stories of addiction and sobriety from someone still in it.

🎙 Follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. New episodes weekly.

In this episode:

The 5 forms of resistance hiding in plain sight
Why busy is the most socially rewarded skip button available
Research mode vs. recovery mode — and why you're probably in the wrong one
Why chaos feels like home and calm feels like a warning sign
The difference between performing recovery and doing it
Pain × Resistance = Suffering — and what to do with that

Notes:

The equation pain × resistance = suffering is rooted in Buddhist philosophy and popularized in modern mindfulness by teacher Shinzen Young — it's one of the most useful frames I've come across in recovery.
The concept of Resistance as a force that blocks creative and personal work was written about extensively by Steven Pressfield in The War of Art — worth a read if this episode hit you.
The idea of research mode vs. recovery mode — consuming content instead of taking action — is something I see constantly working in the addiction space. It's real, it's common, and it's not your fault. But awareness is the first step through it.
The unsexy work: sleep, food, water, one human contact a day. The research on sleep alone as a factor in addiction recovery and relapse prevention is significant — [general reference: NIDA, sleep and substance use disorder literature].

Injecting Wellness: How the Peptide Industry Is Targeting People in Recovery May 07, 2026

Show notes

People in recovery are being deliberately targeted by the peptide industry — and most of us don't even realize it.
In this episode, Anthony breaks down how the influencer ecosystem profits from the exact vulnerability that early recovery creates: the desperate need to feel better, faster. Post-acute withdrawal syndrome is real, the brain genuinely takes time to heal, and predatory actors are filling that gap with products instead of solutions.
He covers what most peptide promoters won't tell you — the regulatory status, the evidence gap, the relapse risk hidden in the behaviors around self-injection and secrecy, and the questions you should be asking before anyone sells you anything in recovery.
This isn't anti-peptide. It's pro-honesty.
Three questions to ask before you try anything being sold in recovery spaces — and what actually worked for Anthony when nothing external did.
---
Topics covered:
• Why people in early recovery are the easiest people to sell to
• How the influencer affiliate model works — and who profits from your discount code
• The regulatory and evidence reality behind the most-promoted peptide compounds
• The relapse risk nobody in the wellness space is talking about
• What peer-reviewed evidence actually requires vs. what's being passed off as proof
• Three questions to ask before anything in recovery gets sold to you
---
If this episode resonated, share it with someone in recovery who's exploring this space. Like, follow, and subscribe — and recovery is simple, not easy.

Mentioned Studies:

BPC-157 — FDA status (unapproved drug, Category 2)