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The Small Bow Podcast — Society & Culture
The Small Bow Podcast

Welcome to the Small Bow Podcast. I’m your host, A.J. Daulerio. This is a show about expanding the definition of recovery, where we talk to writers, entertainers, recovering addicts, recovering jerks, and even the occasional normal person — about their struggles with love, sex, money, loneliness, shame, grief, drugs, alcohol, ego, identity, fame, and other fun things. Whatever is bringing you down, you might find something here that you didn’t know you needed.

In addition to this podcast, the Small Bow is also a newsletter and recovery community that I started in 2018 to chronicle my own path toward sobriety and sanity following multiple rehab stints and a very public ordeal in which I was a co-defendant in Gawker’s groundbreaking legal trial against professional wrestler Hulk Hogan for publishing a portion of his sex tape. A Florida jury voted in favor of Hogan and awarded him $115 million, which bankrupted the company and torched my former life.

But out of the ashes of that ordeal grew the Small Bow. If you like what we do, consider subscribing to our newsletter and joining our community. We publish essays, interviews and other musings on recovery, and have online recovery support meetings seven days a week.

Sign up for the Small Bow newsletter & community at: http://www.thesmallbow.com

IG: @smallbowmedia

Copyright: © iHeartRadio

Latest Episodes:

How to Tame Your Monster with Claire Dederer Oct 18, 2024

Show notes

The acclaimed and wonderful author of Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma helps us sift through the ugliness of monstrous behavior and the guilty feelings associated with being a fan of the art made by vile people. Is it okay to still watch those movies and listen to those songs? Claire Dederer tells A.J. what to do, plus a lot of great advice on writing memoir, and navigating the world of publishing.

Links:

Claire’s book Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma, and Claire’s essay in the Paris Review.

Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

Thanks to Robo9418 for your recording of people cheering for a banana.

In this episode:

0:38 Intro

3:49 Origins of the book, feeling conflicted about Polanski

7:17 The gift of distaster and monstrous perspective

9:23 Feeling shameful in early recovery

13:23 AJ's experience with judgment, shame

16:27 How recovery changed Claire's work, Responsibility

22:07 Two things for A.J. that came from the book

25:37 Ubiquity of biography online, public cancellations, notoriety

32:29 No longer identifying with who you were

43:47 What do you tell your kids about your own monstrousness?

54:40 Different types of monsters

57:27 Charles Bukowski, Gena Rowlands, and other forms

1:03:44 Whether you are your work, Derrida

1:07:21 Are writing retreats helpful?

1:09:45 Claire v. A.J.'s therapist

1:13:46 Balancing sober content, Dopey, TSB's philosophy

1:18:57 Where A.J. feels shaky with blurred lines, how he approaches the newsletter

1:23:23 False Ending

1:26:57 The half-life of Monsters, avoiding getting typecast as a subject matter expert

1:35:52 Outro

This is Supposed to Be a Children’s Story with Kerry Madden-Lunsford Oct 04, 2024

Show notes

Today we talk with writer Kerry Madden-Lunsford about how Al-Anon has helped her deal with the pain of having a child who’s treatment-resistant and now living on the streets of Los Angeles.

Find more stories and conversations at thesmallbow.com.

Kerry’s book Werewolf Hamlet

Kerry’s Substack

"Easy Crier" by Al Oldender

Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

In this Episode

0:38 Intro

4:51 Flannery's Childhood, Kerry's Parenting Philosophies

5:59 The Christmas Letter

8:04 Flannery Today

10:29 Being in Denial, then Noticing Signs

14:08 The most codependent family ever vs Al Anon

17:17 Diagnosis, Jail, Christmas

19:42 Self-Pity vs Al Anon

22:35 Werewolf Hamlet

25:28 Travel Town Museum, Torment

28:08 Realizing your child is unhoused

30:50 Looking For Flannery

32:50 Justin Szlasa

35:43 What Should You Do?

42:17 Ideal Outcomes

45:17 Kerry's current approach

50:22 Angels

55:04 Outro

Why Does No One Care About Recovery Month? with Joe Schrank Sep 06, 2024

Show notes

For the past five years, TSB’s in-house social worker, Joe Schrank, has tried to get someone other than us (and Andy Cohen) to acknowledge Recovery Month every September. Alcoholism and mental health issues affect one in ten Americans. So why does no one want to talk about it?

Find more like this at thesmallbow.com. And Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

In this episode:

02:56 What should Recovery Month look like?

08:18 Stigmatizing Alcoholism vs viewing it as a disease

17:19 Care and Moralization, AA value system, Recovery Mass

21:09 AA vs Recovery, the Father Joe of Cyberspace

24:05 Joe's recovery ambassador work at Georgia State

32:45 Recovery month's competition, Andy Cohen

35:32 Recovery Ambassadors

49:14 Promoting Recovery Stories

Take this Pod and Shove It Aug 30, 2024

Show notes

We talk to each other about the state of the podcast, and whether A.J.'s workaholic tendencies torpedoed the chance for a second season with iHeartRadio.

Also — we need more voice memos from you about your own workaholic/ambition problems. Hit ajd@thesmallbow.com subject WORKAHOLIC, or 323-917-3846.

Swamp Dogg’s latest record here.

Some Kind of Ambition Monster with Jennifer Romolini Aug 16, 2024

Show notes

We talk with writer Jennifer Romolini about Philly shit, her book "Ambition Monster," her relapse into workaholism while promoting the book, and how to be satisfied with a “B minus” work day.

Also: We’re calling on the Small Bow Family Orchestra: Do you think you might be a workaholic? What moments come to mind? Send a voice memo along to ajd@thesmallbow.com, SUBJECT: WORKAHOLIC. Or you can leave us a voicemail at +1-323-917-3846.

Read Workaholism 101 here. Find Jenn’s book and more writing here. Listen to Jenn’s podcast with Kim France Everything is Fine. Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy here.

In this episode:

4:53 Interview Begins

6:53 Creative Burnout, Balancing Life and Writing, Jenn's Essays

10:17 Ambition & Insecurity, Trauma-Success, Acting in Charge

17:34 Changing Ambitions, Sober Heartbreak, Drinking Culture

21:33 Relapse, New Cycles, Parental denial

33:00 Getting What You Wanted, Working to Fix It

38:40 Status vs. What You Want, Consistency, Creative Blocks

42:20 How to Stay Sane When You Care, Self-Pressure

47:23 The Fuck You Voice, Burritoville

49:55 Trusting yourself? Being hypersensitive, Being patient, Parental growth

54:43 Reparenting

1:03:28 What to do if you're workaholic

Main Character Defects with Josh Radnor Aug 02, 2024

Show notes

Josh Radnor joins TSB pod to discuss the spiritual life he acquired while navigating the pitfalls of becoming internationally famous for his role as Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother.” We also discuss the problem with gurus, the perks of solitude, free desserts, and “Brats”.

Find Josh's newsletter here. And check out Swamp Dogg's album Black Grass here.

In this episode:

2:43 Josh's relationship to Ted Mosby, surviving fame, spiritual work, No Bad Parts

11:00 Being famous but not the main character, suggested bibliography,

18:10 Turning 50, Josh's reading list, A.J.'s recommendation

25:04 "Brats" but like Andrew McCarthy, sobriety and public life

30:55 Finding camaraderie in sobriety

37:35 Gurus, charlatans, cults

43:25 Living with a dark side, expanding your definition of self

51:42 Seeking camaraderie in sobriety

54:30 Gurus, Charlatans, Cults

58:00 Richard Rohr, pride, feeling strange, writer brain, Mary HK Choi

Go Say Hello with Mary HK Choi Jul 26, 2024

Show notes

Mary HK Choi returns to the pod to discuss her extremely popular NY Mag essay about her adult autism diagnosis. We also discuss social anxiety, self-forgiveness in the aftermath of both our father’s deaths, and Mary’s practice of using a post-it note to remind her to “go say hello” to other people in social situations and not to isolate.

Some of this conversation is an update to Mary's last time on the show. If you like this, check out S1 E15 "Suffer the Adult Children".

Find more of us at thesmallbow.com/podcast.

In this Episode:

00:00:00 Top of Show

The Essay

00:02:50 Mary’s essay, public response

00:06:29 Perceptions of autism, personal and professional challenges

00:15:27 What didn’t make the article, self-diagnosis and resources, https://embrace-autism.com/

In Relationships

00:27:07 Self-compassion, communicating needs, growing into things

00:34:18 Relationship to eating, food, autistically feeling your body

00:37:30 No Surprises Club, Julianne hello’s A.J.

Parents and Parenting

00:42:27 Addressing the past, Ozzy vs Dr. Drew

00:50:07 Father-child relationships, Hungry Girls Forever, breaking cycles

00:55:10 Unsubscribe from your 11yo, Looking back without anger, old-boy dads

00:59:12 Reevaluating memories, choosing to have a relationship, saying goodbye

01:02:59 Asking what was my part? Being in our heads, “Don’t be like me”

01:13:49 A.J. geeks

01:15:00 Closing thoughts, our next super famous guest

Connection Junkie with Peaceful John Jul 12, 2024

Show notes

The inimitable Peaceful John returns for our new season for another round of soothing lessons in reparenting ourselves. Today we talk about the difference between deserving and entitlement. Do you know the difference? Neither did we.

Dead Inside with Megan Koester Jun 28, 2024

Show notes

We reconnect with comedian Megan Koester and learn all about her (new) sobriety and how she’s finally excavating some long-buried family trauma. After multiple EMDR sessions, she’s learning how to grieve. But is she less funny now?

Nothing Will Ever Be Boring Again, with Emily Gould Jun 14, 2024

Show notes

Emily Gould is a writer from New York Magazine. This Valentine's Day, The Cut published Emily's essay "The Lure of Divorce."

Between the two, Emily was coming to grips with a mental breakdown. We talk about her bipolar diagnosis and the way back into herself and into her marriage. It gets real!

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