Real Recovery Talk

Latest Episodes:

47 - What Prevents People from Getting Into Treatment: Struggles During Treatment Dec 27, 2018

Show notes

We have a round table with a group of addicts and alcoholics. We are all sitting here in a circle. We're going to talk about real life experiences when it comes to getting clean, staying clean, and what treatment is like. We also talk about what they've been going through and the struggles that they have.

We also talk about what they're looking forward to. Chris, Evan, Casey, Dylan, and James kick off the discussion with what they were going through prior to treatment. We talk about turning points and the actual treatment process once they are here. Everyone shares their struggles and more in this episode.

Show Notes

[03:38] The group consists of Chris, Evan, Casey, Dylan, and James who are first going to talk about some of the barriers they had prior to treatment.
[04:13] Life blowing up in your face is one of the things that gets you to treatment.
[05:16] Evan was only 16, and he was embarrassed about his drug use. He overdosed and his parents knew something needed to be done.
[08:34] Accepting that you are an alcoholic is a big part of going to treatment and having it work.
[09:58] Changing things like beginning to exercise and who you hang out with can help, but you really do need the treatment process.
[12:31] Everybody shares what they struggle with the most while they're in treatment.
[12:59] For Chris, relationships are a struggle while in treatment. He needs to find relationships with people who have long-term sobriety.
[16:24] People have different reasons for coming to rehab.
[18:28] Certain things that you have done in the past can lead to misery. Don't repeat those behaviors that lead back to addiction. Don't get overconfident.
[19:37] You don't realize how much you actually have until you look at it everyday and see all the things you have to be grateful for.
[20:55] Go to treatment where you're going to be living. Build a support network because 30 days isn't enough.
[22:52] A lot of people have the urgency to progress forward. Goals have to happen within a certain time frame. It can't be rushed.
[25:49] Sometimes people with heroin addiction think that they can drink. There isn't much of a difference with the addiction aspect and needing to change something about yourself with a substance that you will use to an extreme.
[30:42] Be okay with what you feel and what you think and try to find the core reason why you're putting these substances in your body in the first place.
[31:37] Drinking begins as a social thing than it progresses to something more when you have the addictive mentality and the addictive mindset.
[32:59] If you're not a drug addict or an alcoholic, you may never discover some of the things from childhood that are holding you down.
[33:27] Tom's addiction has given him the opportunity to look at everything that has happened in his past.
[35:12] Fears that come when treatment comes to an end.
[36:02] It's crucial to build a foundation around people who are serious about recovery.
[36:28] Reach out and find people in meetings to hold you accountable.
[37:56] A big fear is what are you going to do when no one is watching you.
[39:59] Stay as long as you can and make sure you are ready to go home. There's a good chance that home isn't a sober place to be.
[40:35] When you go to treatment be completely open-minded and let the people there make the decisions for you.
[41:03] Do your research on treatment places before you go, and 30 days isn't enough. Take your time, because you can't fix your problems and do what you have to do when you're using.
[41:54] Be careful who you associate with. Get in a 12-step program. Take some time and sit with yourself.

46 - How to know if you are cut out to work in the addiction recovery field: who should and should not... Dec 20, 2018

Show notes

There is no shortage of people who need to be in recovery. Many people in recovery consider at one point or another working in the industry. There are wrong reasons and right reasons to work in the addiction recovery business. Today Tom, Ben, Adam, and Renee discuss how and why they got into the business.

We also talk about the right reasons and the wrong reasons to get into the business. We talk about the challenges and complete chaos that happens as well as the joy of seeing people succeed. We talk how you have to have a desire to help people to be successful and why your own recovery is a separate thing.

Show Notes

[02:00] Why would somebody want to work with a bunch of addicts?
[02:48] Adam asks why wouldn't someone want to work in this field? It is so rewarding. Even though, there is chaos all the time and so many moving parts.
[03:06] Adam went to school to become a counselor. He tried several things, but working with the addiction population is way more exciting and fun.
[05:55] Adam has a four-year degree with a specialty major in something related to psychology and a graduate degree in mental health counseling. He had two years of supervised work. Then he sat for his exam. Then he can go out and help people.
[07:45] Adam was told do what you love and the money will follow and he loved helping people.
[09:20] There's a common story in the helping profession, people have just been doing it their whole lives.
[11:49] It's pretty natural for a lot of our clients to decide to get into this field. There is definitely a right way to do it and a not so right way to do it.
[12:29] If you go full time to the addiction program it's 18 months.
[12:48] The South Florida Shuffle is when people come down here and get into treatment and they start marketing for treatment centers down the road. The South Florida Shuffle is people bouncing from treatment center to treatment center because some street marketer got involved.
[15:39] One of the problem is these people don't know anything about the care that these clients will receive.
[16:11] There is now less client brokering going on here in South Florida.
[16:44] You can also start as a behavioral health tech and work your way up. This is what Ben, Renee, and Tom did.
[17:12] This is a great way to find out what it's like and to spend time with clients.
[18:47] Legitimately good treatment centers require you to have at least a couple years of being sober.[22:11] We let people know that if they relapse they have a place to come to.[22:27] Renee was managing a pest control company. A friend of hers told her about a job in the recovery industry. At first, she really didn't want to do it.[23:04] Ben was Renee's tech, and she wasn't a good client at that point.[24:02] She was actually blacklisted from that treatment center.[24:59] Renee and Ben ended up working together and Renee was HR and case management.[25:15] Once Renee started working in the field, she never wanted to do anything else.
[25:31] Renee loves the fact that we want to make the world better.
[27:01] Ben says that Renee is so valuable because there's not much that she can't say to a client or a parent that she hasn't been through.
[29:48] Treatment work is not your recovery. Your personal recovery happens outside of work.
[30:44] In the addiction industry, you are caring for other people.
[34:00] Sometimes Ben feels even more effective helping people outside of work.
[37:06] Everybody sees themselves staying in this job for the future.
[38:03] They not only love working with clients, but they also love working with each other. People in this field are very passionate.
[39:08] The opportunities helping people are amazing. They have built lives that they could never met imagine. They're always trying to find creative ways to treat people.
[40:16] If you like helping people and you're strong in your recovery then get in the industry.

45 - Am I ready for a relationship as an addict? Dec 13, 2018

Show notes

To get the right answers, you have to ask the right questions. Today's episode is a recording of a group session led by Tom and Ben. Eric and Casey are their guests. Tom asked these gentlemen to answer the following questions. What is your name? Who are you? What are you interested in? Where are you from?

He also asked about what their lifestyles consisted of, what are their backgrounds, values, how people describe them, what people notice about them, future goals, what makes them smile, perfect date, qualities of a life partner, and what do they believe is the key to a successful relationship? As we work through their answers, it'll become clear why Tom asked these questions as he puts a bow on things and ties up the end of the show.

Show Notes

[03:26] Eric is a person with a strong sense of morals finding his way to a better life on the path of recovery.
[03:48] Casey is a brother, son, and uncle who loves music and Pokemon.
[04:13] Eric and Casey are both from Georgia. Ben is from South Florida, and Tom is from Pittsburgh, PA.
[04:35] Eric is interested in having a good time and being intellectually stimulated.
[04:55] Casey likes music, art, Pokemon, social science and self-care.
[05:25] Eric works at two stores and is going to five AA meetings and two group sessions.
[05:51] Casey is looking for a job.
[06:48] Eric has a retail background and is a communications major. He comes from a broken family and was orphaned and moved around.
[07:26] His background and fear of abandonment and uncertainty tied into his addiction.
[07:41] Casey is one of 10 kids. He has one semester left to graduate.
[08:06] Both guys are 24 years old.
[08:29] Eric's values include honesty, respect, and doing the right thing no matter how difficult it may be.
[08:45] Casey's values include Independence, work ethic, honesty, and creativity.
[10:00] Casey has been clean 62 days and Eric 65 days.
[10:32] Eric is described as loving and caring yet sometimes irresponsible or incompetent.
[11:29] Casey is a good person who makes terrible. His decision-making is getting better.
[12:51] Eric is open and easy to talk to.
[13:09] Casey comes off as shy but opens up once you start talking to people.
[13:32] Ben has been told that he is intimidating.
[15:36] Eric's future goals are establishing a career.
[17:00] Casey wants to get a job. He wants to get six months sober. He also wants to go back to school and graduate with a degree in anthropology.
[17:54] Humor makes Eric smile and random acts of kindness.
[18:46] Casey likes seeing himself grow and when his higher power works things out for him. He also loves his nieces.
[19:51] One of the first signs of relapse is losing the attitude of gratitude.
[21:50] A perfect date for Eric would be dinner, shopping, a movie, and then back to his place.
[22:48] A perfect date for Casey would be to go to a mom-and-pop restaurant and then chill outside. There would be lights, a fire, and they would even hang out and drink hot chocolate.
[23:46] Eric would want his mate to be honest, caring, resourceful, intelligent, physically attractive, and to love his family.
[23:59] Casey would want his mate to be independent, confident, kind, giving, honest, possess a good work ethic, patient, and they would have respect for themselves.
[24:14] Compassion, understanding, trust, dependability, and honesty are the keys to a great relationship for Eric.
[24:30] Honesty, not relying on each other too much, self-awareness, effective communication, and being able to spend time apart are keys to a great relationship for Casey.
[25:16] These questions all came off of match.com.
[25:41] The point of all this is a question that Tom noticed from Andy Stanley. The question is are you what you are asking for?
[26:18] This is an opportunity to look at your answers to these questions and ask if you are in a position to get in a relationship right now.
[26:52] New relationships often cause relapse, because they are an excuse not to focus on yourself.
[31:27] Are you exuding the values that you say that you have?
[32:19] The recovery process takes an emotional toll and it takes time to heal. It wouldn't be good to jump into a relationship before you are ready.
[34:54] Nick shares tips for working on your weaker qualities one by one until they are mastered.
[39:30] Even casual dating is opening yourself up emotionally.
[41:51] The important thing to understand is relationships right now shouldn't be part of the equation.
[42:57] The person you want to date will not be the same person after your 12 steps are completed.
[45:24] Anything you put before your recovery and your sobriety, you will lose.

Links and Resources:

Andy Stanley

44 - LGBT Recovery Community Dec 06, 2018

Show notes

David was a guest we had on episode 12 last January. He talked about his journey from addiction to sobriety. That David was a totally different David than today's David. After the episode, he joined the military, had a relapse, and became sober again. We talk about his journey and the LGBT recovery community.

He shares how the military was a scapegoat for him, but it didn't work out. He ended up getting discharged and going on a party bender right afterwards. He then went back to detox for a week and spent 90 days in Rock Recovery. He has been sober for eight months now and shares the entire story with us.

Show Notes

[01:56] David was here at the beginning of the year in Episode 12. He had a slip after the episode was recorded. He has since been sober for about 8 months.
[02:00] David joined the military and had a mental and emotional relapse before the physical relapse.
[03:03] Recovering addicts and alcoholics are some of the most accepting people on the face of the planet.
[03:58] David about nine months ago talked about his journey and going into the military.
[04:32] When he knows people are going to tell him something opposite from what he wants to do, he just doesn't talk about that thing.
[04:55] In the back of his mind, he thought that joining the military would be a way to leave and use again without people knowing.
[05:43] He discovered that the military environment wasn't the most supportive emotionally, plus he was being messed with for being gay.
[06:09] The Baker Act means you spend a week in a psych ward and then he got a medical discharge.
[07:15] After his discharge, he went on a party binge.
[08:02] He was in the military for three months.
[09:55] He did learn discipline and a code of ethics while he was in the military.
[11:55] After his binge, he went back to detox for a week and then 90 days in Rock Recovery.
[12:14] He has a new sponsor and has been sober first. He went through the steps in the book.
[15:43] From David's experience, LGBT people want to be treated equal, but they want their struggles to also be recognized.
[17:08] The common denominator between all of us is that all addicts have the same type of issues.
[22:49] How some gay people may feel that making themselves vulnerable and showing who they are is showing weakness, so they use deflection to stay apart from the group.
[23:39] Many gay guys take on the identity of stereotypes, because that's what society tells them is their role.
[24:43] Doing the steps and finding a higher power can help someone become more comfortable with who they are.
[25:35] You can grow from the steps. You figure out what defense mechanisms you use in your life with other people, and then you can change them and grow as a person.
[26:03] Being vulnerable is a key step to recovery.
[29:18] Things that we can't control don't need to differentiate us so much that we can't bond with other people. Our underlying experiences and emotions are similar.
[31:14] If we look at our similarities instead of looking at what makes us different, our experiences are going to be so much greater.
[31:19] If you get vulnerable, other people around you will get vulnerable.
[36:36] We all have different issues. Gay people can have different issues in therapy, but a lot of us have the same issues. Everyone has traumatic events.
[39:29] David tries to treat people the same and not look at them as being different. The only thing about being gay that sets him apart is that he's attracted to men.
[40:41] Ben gets David's opinion on transgender people.
[42:31] Ben also asks David about LGBT exclusive recovery meetings. David thinks these might be distracting.
[44:55] While doing steps, people don't really have an idea about who they are. It's not the best time to be in a relationship to give love and respect.
[45:38] Know who you are before getting in a relationship.
[46:14] Exclusive meetings can be closing yourself off.
[47:17] Gay men may be more prone to sex addiction. Sometimes people can get confused as sex as love.
[51:03] It's very easy for gay guys to find hookups.
[54:22] David suggests not to only hang out with people in the gay community when you're a gay person in recovery. Also, stay off of the dating apps. Open up and share your story. Use your drug addiction experiences as a beacon of light.
[56:56] Ben is super proud of David, he is nailing quality sobriety.
[57:42] Giving back to the community is what keeps him sober.

Links and Resources:

Ep. 12 - A Discussion with David, His journey from Addiction to Sobriety

43 - People Die from Addiction: Unfortunately it Happens All Too Often Nov 29, 2018

Show notes

We recently received a text from the mother of one of the people that we tried to help. It thanked us for our efforts but said that her son recently lost his battle with addiction and life. Getting a message like this puts everything in perspective. It is sad and heart breaking, but it also is a reminder of why we do what we do.

It's a reminder of all that we have to be thankful for and why it is important that we do the best we can to help people cherish their lives and strive to move foreword in a positive way. Today, we are going to discuss how serious addiction can be even when you do everything possible to help someone.

Show Notes

[02:34] We received a text message from the mother of someone that we have known for more than a year. It said that he had lost his battle with addiction.
[02:56] We did everything we possibly could to help him.
[03:37] even when we do everything right on our end someone can still lose their battle with addiction.
[03:43] We aren't in the results business. We are in the business of showing up.
[04:04] We do what we can with what we have to help people. Unfortunately, this stuff happens a lot.
[04:58] We feel a sense of responsibility to the parents of the people who come to us for treatment.
[06:04] In some cases, we work for three or four months with the parent before we even meet the person who is struggling with addiction. We get to know the parents very very well.
[06:38] It hits home when you know the family and know that they are depending on you to do the best job possible.
[07:13] We are at a loss for words because we know this is a terrible Thanksgiving for this mother who lost her son.
[08:37] There's a fine line between helping someone and enabling someone. You need to be able to look back and know that you did everything you could. In this case, this mother did do everything that she possibly could.
[09:31] Ben's aunt recently passed away from alcohol and drug induced overdose.
[10:16] A childhood friend of his also recently passed away.
[10:52] If you stick around recovery long enough, you're going to see a lot of death. On the other hand, you're going to see miracles that outweigh the tragedies.
[11:48] People react differently with the grieving process. Ben has seen parents get angry at him. and he has had parents thank him for all that he tried to do.
[13:00] It's not your fault. The three C's. You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it.
[14:00] Sometimes tragedies like this bring more awareness to the battles that people have with addiction.
[15:13] We need a lot more people doing the same thing that we are doing and getting the word out about addiction.
[15:52] It hurts when people don't have the resources to get into a good treatment center.
[17:04] If you have the opportunity to get help, please utilize it.
[17:41] Treatment helps, but it's not a cure-all.
[19:07] If someone decides that they want help down the road, if they've been to treatment before, at least they know that these resources exist. Sometimes success in our field is planting a seed that will sprout later.
[19:30] There are faith-based organizations out there and AA and 12-step programs and Celebrate Recovery.
[19:54] Tom is grateful and thankful that he and Ben get to do this and talk to multiple people throughout the days in an effort to help them and spread the message of recovery.
[20:36] Ben is thankful for the here and now. He is so grateful and proud of the people in the groups that he is a part of.
[22:41] Ben is making up for all of the harm that he did in the world. Being a dad is an amazing feeling. He is grateful for the little things in our precious lives.
[23:55] Be grateful for what you have been through and what you are here to do now.
[26:04] Ben and Tom have known each other for 7 years plus. Now they podcast together, work together, and help as many people as possible.
[26:30] If you have questions or need help with anything, please reach out to us. We are a resource that you can utilize.
[28:23] Getting better is more important than being home for the holidays.

Links and Resources:

Celebrate Recovery

42 - What a State Run Facility Is Like, Billy Tells His Experience Nov 22, 2018

Show notes

Billy is a man who has been clean for 14 months and is helping other people to do the same. In this episode, he shares his story and his history of abuse. He was in a downward spiral until a man he met in jail told him about Fern House recovery center. Billy took it step by step and just followed the directions. He now not only is in recovery, but he is helping others do the same.

This show is going to focus on the differences between a private treatment center and a state-run treatment center. People whose resources have been used up often end up in a state run center or a non-profit like Fern House. These centers are much more bare bones, and you really have to want it to recover with minimum help. We also talk about how people who are fortunate enough to go to a private treatment center have an opportunity of a lifetime. Listen in as Ben and I talk with Billy about treatment and recovery.

Show Notes

[02:16] Billy has been in South Florida for about 23 years.
[02:27] He is from Pomona, California. He is 45 years old and has been clean for 14 months.
[03:40] Billy was in a motorcycle accident about 10 years ago when he was trying to outrun the police.
[03:48] He was put on medication and it eventually got a hold of him. He would go to a dual diagnosis hospital and get his meds for the month so that he would not be sick.
[04:23] He had a pain medication doctor who would legally subscribe his medication. He was abusing the medication, so he would run out before the month was up.
[05:14] Billy already had a history of addiction. He started with pot when he was just a kid and gradually worked up the chain of drugs. He even did something that he said he would never do and put a needle in his arm when he was 36.
[07:19] After his motorcycle accident, Billy lost his new house and his business and had to move back in with his parents.
[08:26] He had limited insurance, but he would use it to fuel his drug habit. When he ran out of medication, he would get admitted to a dual diagnosis hospital to be given pain medication during treatment.
[09:21] A dual diagnosis Hospital treats mental illness and substance abuse. The Baker Act means if someone is a harm to themselves or others, they can be put into a hospital for up to 72 hours.
[10:03] At the dual diagnosis hospital they do provide treatment groups, but you don't have to attend. You basically just eat and sleep and go out for cigarette breaks while being high on the drugs that they give you.
[11:16] Things continued to spiral downward for Billy. He got arrested and met a guy in jail who told him about Fern House residential rehabilitation.
[11:20] He went there and stayed there for six months. People in jail or prison get referred here often.
[13:10] In state-funded facilities the clinicians aren't paid very well, and it's more of a bare bones treatment plan. Private centers have more resources.
[18:41] At the Fern House, Billy learned to go to meetings, and he kept following the directions. He did what people told him and followed the process.
[20:55] Ben and Billy met at the Fern House and Ben shared his 12-step experience with Billy.
[21:32] Today, Billy sponsors guys at the Fern House and passes it on.
[22:38] Billy shares a story of how lying is not the best idea. Honesty is part of the process.
[25:28] Sending kids to a treatment facility is not sending them on vacation.
[26:16] Private facilities provide more in client care such as quality well-paid therapists. You can also have fun, because getting sober isn't easy. At Rock they do fun activities like boating and fishing.
[28:07] It can be a struggle to learn how to live again at a state lock-down type facility.
[31:21] Ben would look at Fern House as more of a boot camp style facility.
[32:01] People need to be ready for treatment, but having insurance can be an excuse to not try because they can keep going into treatment.
[33:19] Going in and out of detoxing can cause people to overdose.
[34:32] Alcoholics recover when they have two options either die or recover.
[35:31] Billy helps people recover in the right way.

Links and Resources:

Fern House

41 - Top 5 Reasons to Come to South Florida for Treatment and What We Really Think of Dope Sick Nation Nov 15, 2018

Show notes

Tom and Ben discuss the top five reasons to come to South Florida for treatment. There are a lot of reasons why South Florida is a great place to come to for treatment for you or your loved ones. We talk about those reasons along with real life examples that have affected us.

We also give our real opinion on the TV show Dope Sick Nation. We want to set the record straight on why everything on TV isn't portrayed as accurately as it could be. We also talk about what a good recovery center is and the importance of having a great community.

Show Notes

[03:54] How Dope Sick Nation is a bit misleading.
[06:03] When treatment doesn't work out for people the first time. Then they lose insurance and need a scholarship to go through treatment again.
[06:20] Scholarships in Florida are limited because there's been a huge crack down on client brokering. Unscrupulous owners can look at individuals as insurance policies.
[07:04] The show does not show accurate representations of professionals in the recovery field.
[07:56] The detox being represented in Dope Sick Nation isn't well-established.
[08:48] Unfortunately, addicts can use suboxone to get high.
[09:27] Dope Sick nation is not what South Florida treatment looks like. You can't stay street and continue to help people.
[10:38] True interventionist inspire people, they don't go running around looking for addicts.
[12:35] It looks like premature intervention is what's going on in the show. You can't treat people until they are ready.
[13:12] We think South Florida is a good place for treatment. There is a good recovery community here.
[13:30] The 12-step Community is key. There is a meeting on every corner at every hour in South Florida.
[13:52] The recovery community is widespread. We can't go anywhere without seeing someone in recovery.
[14:39] South Florida fosters a good environment for people to get clean.
[15:18] When you come to South Florida for recovery, it's like a getting a fresh start. There is no fear of running into people who know about you.
[16:51] There's very little stigma in South Florida and a lot of acceptance.
[18:12] The meetings are great opportunities to meet new people even if you are looking for a job. Talk and mingle because you never know what opportunities you will find.
[19:16] When people get clean and sober, they have an opportunity to do whatever they want.
[20:22] By going to treatment, you get the opportunity to rewrite your script.
[20:43] Geographical change. There are so many benefits to getting out of your hometown. You get a new place and a new you and you get to portray something different.
[22:11] There are so many cool things to do in South Florida that you don't have time to go out and get high.
[22:42] We take our clients surfing, boating, horseback riding, and do all kinds of fun activities.
[23:17] Adventure therapy shows that there are other things to enjoy.
[25:29] These activities also give people an opportunity to develop new hobbies that they enjoy.
[25:44] We aren't the only good treatment center in South Florida. There are many great treatment centers here.
[27:22] The FBI has a task force that cracks down on unscrupulous treatment centers. We wish Vice News would cover the better treatment centers.

Links and Resources:

Dope Sick Nation

Ep. 38 – Geographical Change: Assisting People Through Recovery

40 - A Child of an Alcoholic Nov 08, 2018

Show notes

We have a very special guest today, it's my wife Amanda Conrad. Amanda has a lot of knowledge to offer. Many people in her family have struggled with addiction. She is here to talk about what it is like growing up with addiction and being the only one not struggling with it.

Some of the things we discuss are how behaviors that she thought were normal actually weren't. She started to realize this when she was around other families. We also talk about why Amanda was never an addict, how Amanda had to set boundaries with her father, and more.

Show Notes

[02:35] Amanda and I have been married just over 4 years. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
[02:56] Addiction played a role in Amanda's life well before me.
[03:11] Her father started drinking when Amanda and her sister were in the 4th or 5th grade. He was sober for 3 or 4 years.
[04:17] Being a dry drunk in the recovery world is when someone just stops drinking, but they don't work on anything.
[04:51] Amanda sister also struggled with depression, eating, and cutting. She has a lot of addictive tendencies.
[05:20] She would hide the food or sneak.
[05:35] Amanda's brother smoked pot and used drugs and alcohol which caused a psychotic break.
[06:22] Amanda has no idea why she didn't become an addict, she thinks a lot of it has to do with going to private school and the Christian aspect of things.
[09:14] Fear of relapse and addiction creeping in is a problem for Amanda. She is co-dependent without knowing it. There are things she accepts that aren't normal.
[10:41] She thought it was normal for her dad to get drunk or drink in the car. These things are toxic and unhealthy.
[12:18] Amanda surrounded herself with families that she wanted her family to be like. Like moms that baked cookies. This allowed her to see that her dad's behavior wasn't healthy.
[13:36] Addicts are the last ones to know that something is wrong. They don't believe that their behavior is affecting the people around them.
[14:29] A lot of stress and unmanaged emotions probably played into Amanda's father's addiction.
[15:11] Drinking can creep in and take over your life before you know it.
[15:44] She has cut her father out of her life. This is the best boundary that she could set.
[16:17] She was seeking love from her father. He would choose alcohol over being present.
[17:07] Not all alcoholics hit rock bottom, but this is what it sometimes takes to clean up their life.
[17:38] Amanda's fear of relapse comes from seeing the destruction of her family.
[18:41] Anyone can become an addict by the simple choices that they make.
[19:27] There was something calm about Tom that attracted Amanda to him. She felt safe.
[22:13] Amanda still sometimes reads things based on the environment that she grew up in.
[23:01] Her dad would raise his voice when he was drunk. Tom hardly ever raises his voice. She has a subconscious fear of Tom yelling which never comes true.
[24:43] When Amanda was growing up their dad would hover over them when they cooked. She kind of has cooking PTSD.
[25:33] Amanda became a Christian in 2008. She surrounded herself with like-minded people that were able to lift her up. She also went to Al-Anon.
[27:00] Being around people who don't judge her has played a part in her life hear it.
[27:45] Al-Anon is the most common group for people dealing with the addiction of a loved one.
[29:07] When alcoholics and addicts get clean and sober they have a lot to offer.
[30:01] Boundaries with people around you are something that you need to learn every single day. Especially, for people to grow up around addicts.
[30:54] Learn how to create clear boundaries and have someone hold you accountable to those boundaries.

Links and Resources:

Al-Anon

39 - Paige advises those married to an active user Oct 25, 2018

Show notes

Paige Fant is back to talk about what it is like to be married to an active user and what it is like being married to someone in recovery. We are joined by Adam Colling and Ben Bueno. Paige shares her personal experience with codependency and how it is important to love without being self-destructive.

We talk about the importance of setting boundaries and finding outside support from 12-step programs like Al-Anon and AA. We also talk about achieving balance and each person being responsible for their own pain. Finding support and a therapist are also helpful when going through the process.

Show Notes

[02:54] Often times people don't know what to do when they're married to an active user, and they just retract and don't do anything.
[03:24] A good place to start is by asking the question is this person willing to get help or have they ever asked for help.
[03:44] A dry person is someone who has stopped drinking, but they're absolutely miserable and nothing else has changed.
[04:00] Family members and friends are all responsible for dealing with their own pain. How they deal with it is very important.
[04:44] Learn about alcohol and addiction and try to understand what your loved one is going through.
[05:17] Sometimes it feels really good to relate to somebody that has gone through what you're going through.
[07:23] The idea of Al-Anon is a place where relatives can gain support. It's a great place to find support but also find a therapist.
[08:00] Boundaries and settling your emotions down are the most important things in this process.
[08:40] The families of addicts experience so much embarrassment and shame and people don't realize that. There is also a loneliness to that that makes Al- Anon a safe and inclusive place.
[09:21] It's about finding a good meeting that's the right fit for you with a wide variety of people in different stages of recovering.
[11:12] Paige had some friends who recommended that she go to Al-Anon. She cried during her first meeting.
[12:11] Paige was interested in someone who was in recovery. She was in Al-Anon for about 6 years, and she credits the health of her marriage to it.
[14:27] Alcoholics can be very co-dependent, and they frequently move on to Al-Anon after their 12 step program.
[16:19] Having an addict as a family member can take control of your life. This is one of the reasons why a support group is so important.
[18:14] Paige became enslaved needing the approval of others. She felt like she had to please everybody else. She had to learn the balance and how to lovingly treat someone suffering from addiction without it hurting her.
[20:39] Don't try to convince others to go to AA with you.
[21:55] Alcohol and drug addiction has to be self-diagnosed. You can't tell someone that they need to go to AA.
[22:25] it's Insanity to go to a 12-step program and not work the 12 steps.
[22:47] The 12 Steps in Al-Anon are the same 12 steps in AA.
[24:34] It's important to recognize major boundaries. You need to take care of yourself and live your own life independently.
[25:53] It's important to step back and not make major decisions right away.
[28:16] When someone gets clean their loved one suddenly has no one to help.
[30:36] When you are married to someone in recovery their program is not your program. You have to take your hands off of your spouse's program.
[32:07] It's important to not be insecure and resent the time your spouse spends in AA.
[34:51] It can be hard to find balance between meetings and family life.
[37:06] Nobody is immune from the effects of the addiction. It affects everybody and all the family members.
[37:46] If you go to a 12-step program, do the work.
[38:29] Get a therapist too.
[39:01] Family Support is so important. Keep searching until you find the right support.

Links and Resources:

38 - Geographical Change: Assisting People Through Recovery Oct 18, 2018

Show notes

Geographical change can help assist people going through recovery. A change that includes getting away from the people and influences that led to the addiction in the first place can be helpful. Benjamin B. and Renee L. are here today to talk about the benefits of sending your loved one to recovery someplace that includes geographical change.

We talk about South Florida recovery versus Northeast recovery and Renee shares her experience with both. Renee and Ben both share their experience with recovery and geographical change. We talk about medically assisted therapies like suboxone and methadone and how additional therapy geared toward abstinence, spirituality, or AA are needed along with a desire to change.

Show Notes

[02:50] Prior to coming to South Florida, Renee was deep in her addiction. She actually came to South Florida for geographical change.
[03:21] She didn't stay in the Northeast because of people, places, and things.
[03:40] In the Northeast, there's the high-end recovery that focuses on yoga or medically assisted treatment.
[04:00] Renee had tried suboxone therapy and it didn't keep her sober.
[04:18] There are a lot of suboxone clinics up north.
[04:47] Ben also has experience with methadone and suboxone.
[06:24] When Ben was taking the methadone, he received therapy once a month. The methadone and suboxone kept him alive long enough to gather enough tools to want abstinence.
[08:35] Ben went to therapy in Minnesota where his grandmother lived.
[09:07] Medically assisted treatment means some type of methadone or suboxone, but there is no actual therapy.
[10:02] Technically, Renee wasn't sober. She was just switching from opiates to suboxone.
[11:47] Suboxone is also an abusable drug that people can become dependent on.
[12:53] Geographical change removes the addict from the place where they are comfortable with their addiction.
[13:17] Getting on an airplane and going 1500 miles away from home is a commitment. It's also a good way to avoid triggers.
[14:25] Without geographical change, Renee doesn't think she would have gotten sober.
[16:50] In the first year, Renee changed nothing other than where she was living. Relationships made getting clean the hardest for her.
[18:01] When relationships failed, Renee went back to drugs.
[18:57] South Florida is known for having great recovery.
[20:30] It's hard to get clean when you're still surrounded by people who don't want that to happen.
[22:59] By traveling for recovery, it's harder to change your mind and go home. Addicts can be extremely impulsive.
[24:28] It's vital that loved ones and those involved don't make the geographical change with the addict. This includes over the phone and Skype. People need to make their journeys on their own.
[27:04] Life is going to happen no matter what. You can get through things without getting high. Treatment is not easy for your love ones, you can't derail it as a family member.
[30:23] Families being involved are a vital part of the process, but there is a time and a place.
[33:37] Renee is hoping to start a meeting in the Northeast. She built a good foundation during the five years she was in South Florida.
[35:09] Exercise abstinence first. Don't look at a MAT program as your first option. Benefits to geographical change include commitment, recovery based culture, and lack of triggers.
[37:33] Geographical change is very important if it is a viable option for you.

Links and Resources:

Episode 20: Is Methadone an Effective Treatment Option?

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected