Quiet The Clock

Latest Episodes:

Understanding the Motherhood Spectrum: Validating Every Woman's Choice with Joanna Townsend Aug 09, 2023

Show notes

In episode 18 of the Quiet the Clock Podcast, therapist and host Beth Gulotta interviews Joanna Townsend about her story and the book club inspired by the book, "Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood." by Ruby Warrington. They discuss the societal expectations surrounding motherhood and the need to understand and validate the choice of not having children.

They also explore the concept of the motherhood spectrum, which recognizes that not everyone has the same experience or desire for motherhood. That the decision is not so binary as yes or no that women fall on many places on the spectrum of being unsure or undecided.

Joanna emphasizes the importance of offering language and validation for the diverse range of thoughts, beliefs, and struggles around motherhood. They highlight the need to normalize different stories and experiences and empower women to make their own choices.

Quotes:

"It felt like an exhale to have language around the spectrum of motherhood.
"I love what you said to like holding space for all of it right? No choice is 100% and holding space for the grief but the sort of this decision you can make room for all of it and I think that's so helpful for women to hear that there might not be 100% you know and that's okay there can and I talked to my clients about this all the time like you can feel more than one thing at once and just it's about holding space for all of it."
"Your choice is valid and we don't have to question it."

Key Points:

The Motherhood Spectrum [00:06:49] Discussion on the concept of the motherhood spectrum and the validation it provides for women's varying feelings and experiences regarding motherhood.
The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood [00:03:18] Introduction to the book "Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood" and the importance of adding another voice to the conversation about women's journeys and choices.
Challenging Assumptions and Stereotypes [00:04:26] Exploration of the assumptions and stereotypes surrounding the choice not to have children, and the need to challenge societal expectations and judgments.
The response to posting the book [00:11:21] The speaker discusses the surprising response and the creation of a book club for "Women Without Kids."
The power of finding like-minded women [00:12:27] The speaker talks about the relief and sense of belonging that comes from finding a community of women making similar choices.
Personal decision and processing grief [00:14:33] The speaker shares their personal journey of arriving at the decision to not have children and the complexities and emotions involved.
The variety and diversity of experiences [00:20:20] Discussion on women who didn't initially choose to be childless, but circumstances led them to make that choice later on.
Reasons for choosing not to have children [00:22:20] Exploration of reasons such as intergenerational trauma, personal vision for life, and connecting with one's authentic self.
Empowering women to make their own choices [00:25:31] Highlighting the importance of accepting and honoring women's choices, empowering them to make decisions without feeling judged or obligated.

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Resources:

Navigating Relationships: Challenges of Partnership and Friendship Aug 02, 2023

Show notes

In episode 17 of Quiet the Clock, I sit down with my best childhood friend to continue our conversation on navigating relationships. We discuss the challenges of being in a relationship with a strong-willed partner and the importance of communication. We also touch on the fear of loss and the pressure we put on ourselves to say the right thing, which sometimes led to rationalizing away talking to our partners.

We both acknowledge the importance of having difficult conversations and the growth that comes from them. We also recognize the strength of our partners and how they are not easily rocked, which provides a sense of security in our relationships. Overall, we emphasize the importance of communication and navigating the challenges that come with being in a relationship with a strong-willed partner.

We also discuss the ups and downs of friendship and the importance of being there for each other through life's challenges. We acknowledge that no one is perfect and that it's important to have realistic expectations of our partners and friends.

We also reflect on our own experiences of envy and sadness when seeing others reach milestones like getting engaged or having children. We emphasize the need for vulnerability and for friends to hold space for each other's pain and suffering. We also acknowledge the complexity and challenges that exist behind the curated images of social media and remind listeners that everyone has their own struggles and hardships.

Overall, this episode highlights the importance of communication, empathy, and vulnerability in relationships. We hope to normalize all emotions, including envy and sadness, and encourage others to come to their friends with their "shitty feelings" and allow them to hold space for them.

As always, thank you for listening. Don't forget to tune in to the full episode for more insights and stories.

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Quotes:

"it feels daunting and there's a lot of fear about...losing something that's important to you if you don't talk about it the right way."
"deciding what's important to you and deciding what you really need and sort of pushing through that fear oh yeah and having those conversations because for me it felt heavier to hold those conversations than to actually have oh yeah have them."
"What are your two or three things that you need in that person? because they're not gonna be everything and they're not."
"I mean, one of the things I think a lot about is the emotion of envy. I think it's the most damaging, hardest feeling to experience, and I think it comes with this idea of like, you want, I am your best friend, I want to be fully happy, and why can't I do that?"
"just to remember that what you see on the outside is not what's real on the inside and i think we do a lot of comparison to what we project onto couples walking down the street right yeah and to remember that like everyone's got complexity behind their."

Key Points:

Partnerships and Strong-Willed Men [00:01:26] Beth and her best friend, Edin, discuss the challenges of being with strong-willed partners, including communication and decision-making styles.
Love Languages and Communication [00:04:13] They talk about their partners' love languages and communication styles, and the anxiety and fear that can come with initiating difficult conversations.
Fear of Loss and Battling Fear [00:05:48] Beth and her best friend, Edin, discuss the fear of loss and the battle against fear when it comes to having difficult conversations with their partners.
The Challenge of Having Conversations with No Results [00:06:54] Beth and Edin discuss the difficulty of having conversations with no clear outcome or plan, and how it can be counterproductive to always want to have action and resolution.
The Importance of Finding the Right Moment to Communicate [00:09:22] Beth and Edin talk about the challenge of finding the right moment to have difficult conversations, and how it can be counterintuitive to bring up heavy topics during good times.
Checking in with Yourself and Knowing When to Have Conversations [00:11:48] Beth and her best friend, Edin, share advice on checking in with oneself and knowing when it's time to push through the fear and have difficult conversations, rather than letting the weight of unspoken issues manifest in other ways.
Navigating Relationships [00:12:59] Beth and Edin discuss the challenges of being with strong-willed partners and the importance of communication in relationships.
Friendship Struggles [00:15:24] Beth shares her pregnancy news with Edin, who struggles to be happy for her due to her own personal issues. They discuss the ebb and flow of friendship and the importance of communication.
Reconciling Friendship [00:18:30] Beth and Edin discuss their recent phone call to reconcile after a week of no communication. They talk about the importance of owning up to mistakes and being honest in their friendship.
Straddling experiences [00:19:21] Beth and Edin discuss the challenge of straddling different relationship experiences and how to be respectful and sensitive to each other's situations.
Envy and competition [00:21:29] They talk about the emotion of envy and how it can damage relationships, especially when it comes to celebrating each other's successes.
Separation and change [00:24:06] Beth and Edin discuss how changes in their lives, such as becoming mothers or getting engaged, can create separation and affect their relationships with each other and with friends.
Normalizing Emotions [00:24:51] Beth and Edin discuss the importance of normalizing emotions, including envy and sadness, in relationships and being vulnerable with friends.
Challenges in Relationships [00:25:55] Beth shares her struggles with seeing others get pregnant and how it affects her, while Edin talks about the difficulties that many of her friends face in their relationships.
Reality vs. Fairytale [00:26:42] They wrap up their conversation by discussing the importance of remembering that what is projected on social media is not always reality and that everyone faces challenges and hardships in their relationships.

Egg Freezing and the Pressure of Motherhood: A Candid Conversation Jul 26, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling the pressure of the biological clock? Do you feel like you're running out of time to have children?

If so, then you'll want to listen to the latest episode of "Quiet the Clock" where I sit down with my close friend Quinn to discuss her journey with egg freezing.

Quinn is someone who has gone through the process of egg freezing multiple times and she shares her emotional complexities of doing it at multiple phases of her life, first, single which she shared allowed her to take the pressure off dating. Then twice in her relationship, without certainty of the direction of the relationship then one last time engaged and planning a wedding. Quinn talks about the complexities and range of different emotions of going through this process at such different stages.

We also discuss the financial considerations and the pressure women feel to have children before a certain age.

Quinn shares her experience with egg freezing and the control she felt over her fertility. She explains that she first learned about it from her gynecologist who had just attended a lecture by a doctor at a clinic in her town. Quinn decided to take the step and freeze her eggs, feeling like a trailblazer even though the procedure had been around for a while. While Quinn felt like there were components to the relationship and her road to motherhood that were uncertain or not totally within her control, she felt that freezing her eggs was and she wanted to do everything she could to ensure her chances of motherhood.

We also touch on the emotional toll of the process and the importance of seeking support from a psychologist. We share personal anecdotes about our own journeys and the uncertainties and breaking points we faced. The episode aims to provide a safe space for women to share their experiences and find support in navigating the complexities of fertility and motherhood.

Quinn encourages women to consider egg freezing as a form of insurance and to do it early if having a child is important to them. So, if you're interested in learning more about egg freezing and how you may be able to take more control of your motherhood journey, tune in to the latest episode of "Quiet the Clock."

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Quotes:

"I like the concept of insurance...just freeze your eggs...think of it as something that you can have if needed."
"you've gotta do what makes you feel better."
"it is like a disability for women in a sense that's not funded like you know the fact that insurance doesn't cover it is pathetic um because it's aging and aging is our like fertility disability"

Key Points

Quinn's first egg freezing experience [00:02:48] Quinn shares her experience of freezing her eggs for the first time when she was 34 years old and single. She talks about the pressure she felt to have children before a certain age and how freezing her eggs helped her separate dating from the pressure of having children.
Financial considerations of egg freezing [00:04:00] Beth and Quinn discuss the financial cost of egg freezing and how it can be a big consideration for women who are considering the process. Quinn shares how her mother paid for her first round of egg freezing and how it helped take some of the emotional burden off of her.
Emotional complexities of egg freezing [00:07:42] Beth and Quinn discuss the emotional complexities of egg freezing, particularly for women who are single versus those who are in a relationship. Quinn shares how she felt depressed, pathetic, and embarrassed about freezing her eggs while being single.
Egg Freezing Consultation [00:07:58] Quinn talks about how she learned about egg freezing and her consultation with a doctor who framed it as a "fertility disability" for women.
Financial Considerations [00:08:47] Beth and Quinn discuss the lack of insurance coverage for egg freezing and how it is becoming more common as a benefit in tech companies.
Second Round of Egg Freezing [00:09:16] Quinn discusses her decision to freeze her eggs again at age 40 while in a relationship and the emotional complexities of keeping the process separate from her relationship.
Control and Body Guilt [00:15:03] Quinn talks about how egg freezing gave her a sense of control over her fertility and how she felt guilty about putting her body through the process.
Uncertainty and Psychic Reading [00:17:32] Quinn discusses her anxiety about the future and the unknowns of her relationship, including considering having a child on her own. She also shares her experience with a psychic reading that gave her hope and validation.
Embarrassment and Shame [00:20:41] Quinn shares her embarrassment about going to the fertility clinic without a partner and how she would wear a ring on her engagement finger to avoid feeling like a "leper." She also talks about feeling judged by couples at the clinic.
The clock is ticking [00:22:31] Beth and Quinn discuss the pressure women feel to have children before a certain age and the emotional complexities of egg freezing.
Creating embryos with a partner [00:24:20] Quinn talks about the emotional experience of creating embryos with her partner after going through the process of egg freezing multiple times alone.
Perfectionism and shame [00:29:28] Quinn and Beth discuss the role of perfectionism and shame in the process of egg freezing and the importance of being open and vulnerable about it.
The Importance of Support [00:30:18] Beth and Quinn discuss the importance of having a support system during the egg freezing process and how it helped them get through the difficult days.
The Emotional Toll of Egg Freezing [00:31:08] Beth and Quinn talk about how the process of egg freezing can take an emotional toll on women and how it can affect other aspects of their lives.
Advice for Women Considering Egg Freezing [00:32:51] Quinn encourages women to consider egg freezing as a form of insurance and to do it early if having a child is important to them.

The Pressure to Find a Partner: Modern Dating Challenges Explored with Anne Sandefur Jul 19, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling the pressure to find a partner and start a family? Do you feel like societal expectations and gender roles are impacting your dating life? Do you feel frustrated with the landscape of this Modern dating world? If so, you're not alone.

In episode 15 of "Quiet the Clock," therapist Anne joins us to share her personal and professional experiences with dating, motherhood, and egg freezing. We discuss the challenges and frustrations women face in finding a partner and starting a family, and how societal expectations and gender roles impact dating and relationships.

As we dive into the topic, we discuss a book by Richard Reeves called "Boys and Men," which explores the changing roles and worth of men in society, and how this affects dating and relationships. We also share our personal experiences and frustrations with dating, and how we have learned to shift our perspectives and find joy in our own journeys.

We discuss the challenges of dating and the lack of transparency and communication in relationships. We explore the common excuse of not wanting anything serious and how it may be informed by fear or anxiety. We also touch on the linear approach to life that many men have, where they feel the need to establish their career and finances before committing to a relationship. Additionally, we share our experience of feeling pressure as women in the "danger zone" of dating, which can be a burden when trying to find a partner and start a family.

We also discuss the challenges of modern dating and the pressure to appear perfect and likable. We note that the abundance of options can lead to a fear of commitment and collude with anxieties about forming relationships. We also touch on the traditional gender roles that still linger in dating culture, such as the expectation that men should make the first move. We acknowledge that dating can be vulnerable and anxiety-inducing, but suggest that reframing it as an opportunity to explore personal preferences and experiences can make it more enjoyable and authentic.

Overall, this episode provides valuable insights and perspectives on the challenges and pressures women face in dating and relationships, and how to find joy in one's own journey. As Anne shares her experiences and expertise, we hope you'll find guidance and understanding in your own dating life.

So, if you're ready to learn more about how to navigate the challenges of dating and how to shift your perspective, tune in to this episode of "Quiet the Clock." And don't forget to subscribe to our podcast for more inspiring stories and insights.

As Anne says, "We're all just trying to figure it out." Let's do it together.

FOLLOW ANNE:

Anne Sandefur, JD, EdM, LMHC

Quotes:

"it's more about if i'm gonna enter into this what am i getting out of it? yeah is this really what i want?"
"Is this truly what you want for your journey, your goals, your values? Or are we colluding with a fear or anxiety that's keeping you from getting to where you actually wanna be?"
"Making space for all of it and sometimes you might be more leaned into the negative thinking and giving yourself grace in those moments and then trying to bring yourself back to more positive thinking again."

Key Points:

Navigating Dating, Motherhood, and Egg Freezing [00:00:39] Beth and Anne introduce the podcast and discuss the challenges women face in finding a partner and starting a family, and how societal expectations and gender roles impact dating and relationships.
The Boys and Men Book by Richard Reeves [00:02:01] Beth and Anne discuss a book by Richard Reeves called "Boys and Men," which explores the changing roles and worth of men in society, and how this affects dating and relationships.
Personal Frustrations with Dating [00:07:01] Anne shares her personal frustrations with dating, including being pursued for about three months and then having the relationship drop off.
Men's fear of commitment [00:10:30] Beth and Anne discuss how men's fear and anxiety can affect their ability to commit to a relationship, and how this can create frustration and confusion for women.
Linear thinking in dating and relationships [00:12:18] Beth and Anne talk about how men and women approach dating and relationships differently, with men often having a more linear approach to life and relationships, while women tend to multitask and prioritize different aspects of their lives simultaneously.
The "danger zone" for women in dating [00:13:26] Beth and Anne discuss the societal pressure and expectations placed on women to find a partner and start a family, and how this can create anxiety and frustration for women, especially as they get older and are perceived to be in the "danger zone" for dating.
The Biological Clock [00:14:18] Beth and Anne discuss the pressure women face in dating and starting a family, and how men opt for younger women due to the biological clock.
The Cool Girl Narrative [00:15:11] Beth and Anne talk about the challenges of navigating the "cool girl" narrative in dating, and when to bring up personal goals and expectations.
The Slow Burn [00:20:28] Beth and Anne discuss the concept of the "spark" in dating and how shifting expectations and exploring the slow burn can lead to deeper connections.
The Paradox of Endless Options [00:21:20] Beth and Anne discuss the challenges of dating in a culture of endless options and how it colludes with fears and anxieties about forming a relationship.
Traditional Gender Roles in Dating [00:24:17] Beth and Anne discuss how traditional gender roles and expectations still linger in dating, such as the expectation that men should ask women out first.
Shifting Perspectives on Dating [00:27:06] Beth and Anne discuss how they have shifted their perspectives on dating, focusing on finding joy in their own journeys and approaching dates as interviews to see if the other person fits with them.
Finding Joy in the Journey [00:27:55] Beth and Anne discuss shifting perspectives and finding joy in personal journeys, despite societal pressures and expectations.
Therapy Services [00:28:16] Anne shares her therapy services for adults in New York City, available through telehealth.
Next Episode Preview [00:28:35] Beth and Anne invite listeners to join the next episode to hear the journey of another incredible woman.

Navigating the Pressure of Societal Timelines: A Woman's Journey with Anne Sandefur Jul 12, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling the pressure to conform to societal timelines when it comes to fertility? Do you feel like you're running out of time to have children?

In episode 14 of "Quiet the Clock," I had the pleasure of interviewing Anne Sandefur, JD, EdM, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, former ballet dancer, and law degree holder, about her journey of freezing her eggs.

Anne shares her personal story of making the decision to freeze her eggs in her thirties, after reflecting on who she wanted to be as a woman and realizing that she couldn't reconcile her values with the culture of the ballet world. She also discusses her transition from ballet to mental health counseling and her recent establishment of her own private practice.

Anne discusses the physical and mental challenges she faced during the egg freezing process, including severe bloating and swelling after the retrieval and the additional stress of going through the process during a COVID surge. She also shares the conflicting emotions she experienced during and after the process, including a sense of pride in doing it alone and the grief of letting go of the expectations she had for her future family.

Anne and I discuss the importance of normalizing conversations around egg freezing and societal timelines for women. We also talk about the concept of worth when it comes to egg freezing and the importance of owning one's journey and being proud of one's accomplishments, rather than comparing oneself to societal expectations.

The episode ends with Anne sharing a powerful quote that has stuck with her throughout her journey. Join us in this episode to learn more about Anne's journey and the importance of normalizing conversations around egg freezing.

If you're feeling the pressure to conform to societal timelines when it comes to fertility, this episode is for you. Tune in to "Quiet the Clock" to learn more about Anne's journey and gain valuable insights into navigating through the pressure and shoulds of society.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to learn and grow!

Follow Anne Sandefur, JD, EdM, LMHC:

Anne's Website

Quotes:

"Let's be where we're at, maybe this is right where we're supposed to be and really lean into that."
"I feel like that you know I was quite open to okay you just gotta ride the ride here."
"If I can do this, there should be a sense of pride."
"how dare you ask me to put worth on my potential fertility".
"Given the emotional, medical, and economic benefit of childbearing that's neither very early nor very late, it seems we would be stumbling over ourselves trying to rearrange society rather than women's reproductive biology so as to accommodate that timetable."

Key Points:

Let's Own Our Own Journeys [00:00:03] Beth Gulotta discusses the pressure women face to conform to societal timelines and the importance of owning our own journeys.
Introduction of Anne [00:02:19] Beth Gulotta introduces Anne as her guest and talks about the shared passion they have for bringing conversations around egg freezing and the journey through the thirties to the public.
Anne's Career Transitions and Egg Freezing Journey [00:05:18] Anne shares her journey of freezing her eggs, her career transitions, and her values as a woman in her thirties.
Freezing eggs [00:07:45] Anne discusses her decision to freeze her eggs at 34 and the societal pressure women face to conform to timelines.
Physical and mental health during the process [00:09:29] Anne talks about the physical effects of the egg retrieval process, including severe bloating and swelling, and the importance of mental health support during the process.
Isolation during COVID-19 [00:13:20] Anne discusses the added stress of going through the egg retrieval process during a COVID-19 surge and the isolation she experienced during the process.
Conflicting Emotions [00:19:06] Anne and Beth discuss the conflicting emotions that come with freezing eggs, including anger and grief, and the burden that falls on women.
Completing the Process [00:17:27] Anne talks about her experience after completing the egg freezing process, including the physical pain and the unexpected lack of immediate relief.
Shifting Expectations [00:15:00] Anne and Beth discuss the shift in expectations around relationships and family units, and the importance of normalizing conversations around egg freezing.
The pressure women face [00:22:18] Anne and Beth discuss the societal pressure women face to conform to timelines and the existential questions that come with it.
The worth of egg freezing [00:25:09] Anne talks about the question of whether egg freezing is worth it, the cost, and the emotional journey that comes with it.
Owning our own journeys [00:28:28] Beth and Anne emphasize the importance of owning our own journeys, being proud of our accomplishments, and moving away from comparison.
Maternal Desire [00:29:48] Anne shares a quote from a book that influenced her journey of freezing her eggs and her anger towards societal timelines.
Normalizing Conversations [00:30:36] Beth and Anne discuss the importance of normalizing conversations around egg freezing and the emotions that come with it.

Navigating the Uncertainty of Dating and Motherhood - A Therapist's Perspective with Julie Newman and Lauren Milo Jul 05, 2023

Show notes

Are you struggling with dating, motherhood, or egg freezing? Do you feel uncertain about how to navigate these journeys?

In episode 13, Julie Newman, Lauren Milo, and Beth Gulotta discuss their personal frameworks on dating and how they let those frameworks inform their work with clients who are struggling with dating.

Julie shares their perspective on what makes a good date and a bad date. They believe that a good date is where you can show up as yourself and leave as yourself without feeling like you've lost anything. On the other hand, a bad date is when you feel less than the other person, especially if they are overly charismatic or narcissistic.

Lauren introduces the topic of using self-disclosure in therapy and how it can humanize the therapist. They discuss the importance of being mindful of the intention behind self-disclosure and how it can benefit the client. Beth shares their approach to using self-disclosure sparingly and only when it can benefit the client. They also talk about their personal framework on dating, which is to enjoy the present moment and be mindful of the limited time we have.

The speakers emphasize the importance of being mindful and intentional in therapy and using personal frameworks to inform their work with clients. They encourage clients to stay curious and open-minded, and to seek support from a therapist when needed.

The speakers also discuss the impact of fear on dating, and how it can lead to self-doubt and insecurity. They suggest that clients should be mindful of whether their fear is internal or external, and work to overcome it in order to show up authentically in a relationship. They also note that the traditional view of partnership and children as a cornerstone event has shifted to a capstone event, where people feel they need to have everything in place before committing to a relationship.

Overall, the speakers emphasize the importance of staying grounded and true to oneself in dating. They encourage their clients to view breakups or unsuccessful dates as opportunities to learn and invest in themselves, rather than feeling like they have wasted time.

As Beth notes, "It's important to recognize that you're not alone in this journey. We all have our own struggles and challenges, but with the right support and guidance, we can navigate through them and come out stronger on the other side."

If you're looking for guidance and support in your dating journey, I highly recommend giving this episode a listen. It's full of valuable insights and practical advice that can help you navigate through the uncertainty of dating, motherhood, and egg freezing.

Thanks for tuning in, and don't forget to subscribe to our podcast for more great content like this!

FOLLOW JULIE AND LAUREN:

Julie Newman on Instagram

Juli Website - http://talkingwithjulie.com/

Lauren Milo on LinkedIn

Quotes:

"A good date is where you lose nothing. You show up as yourself and you leave as yourself."
"Pure recognition just recognize what's going on the catalyst for change isn't always jumping off the bridge or blowing things up in one shot like the catalyst for change really starts with the awareness of saying I can do this."
"The other thing I see is a lot of questioning of fear in their ability to live their lives. The question that I ask is, is the fear in you or on you? If it's in you, like we can handle that, that's self-doubt that is a space of like inner critic, inner talk a hundred percent like we can handle everything that's internal here but if it's on you and that's where it's going back to Julie where it's like are you getting external messaging?"
"No, you're starting new with the information that you learned from our sessions from this relationship like you're moving forward with more clarity."

Key Points:

Navigating Self-Disclosure in Therapy [00:01:31] Julie Newman, Lauren Milo, and Beth Gulotta discuss the use of self-disclosure in therapy and how to identify when it can be helpful for clients.
Humanizing the Therapist [00:05:42] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss the trend towards humanizing the therapist and how it can impact the therapeutic relationship.
Using Personal Frameworks in Therapy [00:07:56] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how they let their personal frameworks on dating inform their work with clients who are struggling with dating.
The Only Responsibility is to Meet Your Own Needs [00:08:43] Lauren discusses her personal framework on dating and how she lets it inform her work with clients who are struggling with dating.
Attachment Theory and Building Awareness [00:11:33] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss the importance of attachment theory in therapy and how building awareness can lead to change in patterns and behaviors.
Struggles in Dating for Women in their 30s [00:15:48] Julie talks about the struggles her female clients face in dating, specifically with men who are not content with their careers and struggle to show up in relationships.
Shifts in Dating [00:19:29] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how dating has shifted from being a cornerstone event to a capstone event, and how this affects people's expectations and fears.
Sparks and Fear in Dating [00:22:01] Julie, Lauren, and Beth talk about the importance of not expecting sparks or love at first sight, and how fear can impact how people show up on dates.
Self-Doubt in Career and Relationships [00:17:28] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how women can feel less motivated or accomplished in their careers when compared to their partners, and how this can affect their relationships.
Courageous Clients [00:25:09] Julie, Lauren, and Beth discuss how proud they are of clients who show up for therapy and continue to reflect on their dating experiences, using the information to improve future dates.
Starting New [00:26:02] Julie, Lauren, and Beth talk about how clients can move forward with more clarity after a breakup or deciding not to see someone again, using the information they learned in therapy to start anew.
Investing in Learning [00:26:36] Julie, Lauren, and Beth emphasize that dating experiences are not a waste of time, but rather an investment in learning about oneself and what they want or need in a partner.

The Power of Being Single - Practicing Gratitude and Rejecting External Narratives with Julie Newman and Lauren Milo with Julie Newman and Lauren Milo Jun 28, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling the pressure to meet societal timelines when it comes to dating, motherhood, and egg freezing? Do you struggle with internal judgment and the fear of missing out? If so, you're not alone. In this episode of "Quiet the Clock," we dive into these topics and more with Lauren and Julie, two mental health professionals from NYC Therapeutic Wellness.

We start by discussing the importance of turning self reflection and asking ourselves what are the patterns or the narratives that get in the way of dating. Lauren and Julie share their newfound love for their independence and the benefits of being single. We emphasize the importance of recognizing the benefits of being single and practicing gratitude, as well as rejecting external narratives that don't align with personal values.

Lauren and Julie share their experiences with dating in their twenties and thirties, and the challenges of navigating dating apps in the modern age. We discuss the pressure to constantly date and the discomfort of being thrown into the conversation about freezing eggs without considering if motherhood is even desired.

We also touch on the mental load of decision-making and the impact of egg freezing on mental health. Julie emphasizes the importance of making autonomous choices and finding joy in the present moment, while Beth adds that the conversation about motherhood should be informative rather than forced.

We wrap up the episode with a discussion of the book "Olive" by Emma Gannon, which captures the complexities and doubts surrounding motherhood and the importance of owning one's journey.

Join us for this thought-provoking conversation and learn how to break free from societal timelines and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

FOLLOW LAUREN:

Lauren on LinkedIn

FOLLOW JULIE:

Julie on Instagram

Quotes:

"just the amount of fear that you feel about showing up as yourself is completely minuscule compared to the power that you have as showing up as yourself."
"I'm like basically like a plant like sunshine water great food like all of that makes me a better me yeah so when I go on dates now I'm like do you have your conditions of growth?"
"I think a lot of the times like you can once disguise themselves as need."
"you need space you need time to breathe and show up as you and like being able to reject things even if it's given with care is like an incredibly empowering space."
"I'm finally in a place where I kind of love my independence. It doesn't feel like it's something that I have and I don't want. It's something that I fought really hard to get, and now I'm like hell yeah."

Key Points:

The Fight Worth Having [00:00:00] Lauren and Julie discuss the importance of turning inward and having a fight with oneself about who they want to be, rather than being angry about external factors such as being single or not married.
Introducing Julie and Lauren [00:01:42] Beth introduces her guests, Julie and Lauren, who are both mental health professionals at NYC Therapeutic Wellness. They discuss their motivations for being on the podcast and the common ground they share as professional women navigating dating and love.
The Perks of Being Single [00:07:41] Julie and Lauren discuss the benefits and perks of being single, including the ability to choose and live on their own timeline, without having to worry about anyone else. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and practicing gratitude for these benefits.
Recognizing the Temporary Nature of Life [00:08:47] The speakers discuss the temporary nature of different eras in life and the importance of finding joy in the present moment.
Time as a Limited Resource [00:09:14] The guests talk about the societal pressure of meeting certain milestones and the importance of recognizing time as a limited resource.
Rejecting Societal Expectations [00:13:10] The speakers discuss the importance of rejecting societal expectations and choosing to accept or reject external information. They also touch on the generational and cultural ties to tying self-worth to milestones.
The Messy Twenties [00:16:45] The speakers discuss their experiences in their twenties, including dating and societal pressure to find a partner.
Dating in New York City [00:21:41] The speakers share their experiences with dating apps and dating in New York City, including using Hinge and meeting people in person.
Accepting Uncertainty [00:22:36] The speakers discuss the societal pressure to have everything figured out by a certain age and the importance of accepting uncertainty in life.
Being Single and Gratitude [00:24:23] The speakers discuss the benefits of being single and the importance of practicing gratitude.
Approaching Dating and Relationships [00:25:37] The guests, Lauren and Julie, share their personal experiences and frameworks for approaching dating and relationships.
Egg Freezing and Turning 30 [00:31:05] Everyone discusses the societal pressure of egg freezing and turning 30, and how it can feel daunting and challenging.
Autonomy of Choice [00:32:07] Lauren and Julie discuss the pressure of societal timelines and the importance of having autonomy of choice when it comes to deciding whether or not to have children.
Mental Health Impacts of Egg Freezing [00:33:02] Lauren and Julie discuss the mental health impacts of the egg freezing process and the lack of information provided to those going through it.
Owning Your Own Journey [00:35:47] Julie and Lauren discuss the book "Olive" by Emma Gannon, which explores the complexities of questioning whether or not to have children. They emphasize the importance of owning your own journey and being empowered by it.

Freezing Time - Navigating Egg Freezing as a Single Woman in Your 30s with Jen Mctigue Jun 21, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling a little overwhelmed with the pressures of dating, motherhood, and career? Well, I have just the episode for you! In this week's episode of "Quiet the Clock," I sit down with a woman in her 30s who is considering egg freezing and navigating the uncertainty of dating and motherhood as a single woman.

Throughout the episode, we discuss the overwhelming nature of the decision-making process, including the financial and insurance aspects. We also touch on the increasing prevalence of egg freezing and the importance of having open conversations about it.

But it's not just about egg freezing. We also dive into the pressure women feel to freeze their eggs once they turn 30 and the struggle to balance that conversation with accepting a non-traditional path in life. We even discuss the impact of being in a relationship on the decision to freeze eggs or embryos.

One of the most inspiring parts of the episode is when Jen shares her experience of buying a house alone in Pennsylvania, despite being a city person who had only ever lived in apartments. She faced imposter syndrome and struggled with the competitive housing market, but ultimately felt empowered by the experience.

And let's not forget about the importance of mental health breaks and self-care. Jen shares her experience of taking two hiatuses from work, one for a sabbatical and one for a mental health break, and the guilt she initially felt about taking time off. We discuss the importance of not feeling guilty for taking care of oneself and the positive impact it can have on our personal and professional lives.

Overall, this episode provides insight into the challenges and opportunities faced by single women considering egg freezing and navigating their personal and professional lives. So, my friend, if you're feeling a little lost or overwhelmed, give this episode a listen. You won't regret it!

Quotes:

"this is so brave and this is so courageous and these are all the words we use in our sessions and i value you so much"
"I think that having done things like that you know now having traveled alone i've traveled i went to thailand by myself for two weeks too which my mom did have a panic attack but and buying a car and buying a house and doing all these things you know now i'm like why can't i freeze my eggs by myself? like why should i have to wait for someone else to come along and be like should we do this? or waiting? that's such a good word that just like caught my ear because we've talked a lot about that too and i talk a lot about that with with other clients and with friends like moving out of this space of waiting to to living right? mm-hmm i think that we sometimes we wait to find the partner we wait to be pregnant or whatever we're waiting for we're waiting for somebody else to do those things."
"I don't know that I ever thought marriage kids picket fence like all this stuff cuz that's not what I grew up with...so when I say that I'm more comfortable off-roading I don't even really remember what that original path in my mind looked like."
"I always envisioned myself having a family, so it's kind of a weird position to be now and like question okay like do I like is this all worth it? could I do it a different way? and I don't know like emotionally it is like pretty taxing and then I think for those reasons I sort of slowed down the process like before I was like soak un ho and now that I have so many questions I'm like I'm gonna take a step back and like take a lay of the land a little bit."
"I just wanna make sure I'm like I don't wake up 20 30 years from now and regret how I've used my time."

Key Points:

Information Gathering Stage [00:05:23] Jen discusses her decision-making process around egg freezing, including the benefits offered by her company and the overwhelming amount of information she has to navigate.
Time and Fear of Wasting It [00:03:11] Jen talks about her fear of wasting time and the pressure to use every minute of every day the "right" way, especially in the post-COVID environment.
Introduction to the Podcast [00:00:41] The host introduces the "Quiet the Clock" podcast and the Jen, a single woman in her 30s who is considering egg freezing and navigating the uncertainty of dating and motherhood.
Relationship status and egg freezing [00:08:09] Jen discusses how being in a relationship would change the conversation around egg freezing and the emotional pressure of freezing embryos.
Choosing between eggs and embryos [00:08:50] The host shares her personal experience of choosing to freeze eggs instead of embryos and the emotional impact it had on her relationship.
The emotional considerations of egg freezing [00:09:32] Jen and host discuss the emotional toll of egg freezing, including uncertainty about the future and questioning whether it's worth it.
Striking the balance on egg freezing conversation [00:15:14] Jen and the host discuss the pressure women face to freeze their eggs and the uncertainty around the right time to do it.
Off-roading and carving your own path [00:16:32] Jen talks about her comfort with veering off the traditional path of marriage and kids and how she thrives in spontaneity.
Taking sabbaticals and mental health leaves [00:18:01] Jen shares her experiences taking two hiatuses from work, a sabbatical and a mental health leave, and the guilt and resistance she faced before taking them. The host emphasizes the importance of normalizing mental health breaks.
Mental Health Conversations in Latin Communities [00:22:40] Jen talks about how mental health conversations are not common in Latin communities and how her mother reacted to her decision to freeze her eggs.
The Pressure of Time in Dating [00:24:08] Jen discusses the pressure of time in dating and how freezing her eggs could relieve some of that pressure.
Accomplishments During the Pandemic [00:28:25] Beth and Jen discuss Jen's major accomplishments during the pandemic, including buying a house and a car, and how she sometimes overlooked them because she was doing them alone.
Living Alone and Accomplishments [00:29:46] Jen talks about her experience of buying a house alone and how it changed her perception of things. She also shares her accomplishments of traveling and buying a car.
Moving Out of Waiting and Into Doing [00:32:24] Jen and the host discuss the importance of living in action and not waiting for someone else to do things. They talk about motivation and momentum and how to move out of the space of waiting.
Passport Mentality [00:35:47] Jen shares her passion project called "Passport Mentality" where she talks about how to bring the vacation version of yourself back home and live that day to day. She has been writing articles on Medium.com about it.
Embodiment mindset [00:36:40] Jen and the host discuss how to embody a mindset of relaxation and permission to choose how to spend time, without pressure or expectation.
Benefits of the podcast [00:37:19] Jen expresses her gratitude for being part of the podcast and highlights the importance of having a non-medical, relatable resource for people considering egg freezing.
Gratitude and appreciation [00:37:19] The host expresses her appreciation for Jen's bravery and courage in sharing her story and being part of the podcast, and values the work they have done together.

Fertility Yoga - A Tool for Coping with the Stress of Egg Freezing with Lauren Blandin Jun 14, 2023

Show notes

Are you feeling lost and uncertain about your career path? Do you feel like you're not following the traditional path to success? Then you'll want to tune in to the latest episode of "Quiet the Clock" podcast, where I interview Lauren, a professional ballet dancer turned yoga instructor, massage therapist, and now a nurse working in the surgical ICU. Lauren shares her non-linear path and how following her passions and interests has led her to find fulfillment in her career and life.

Lauren's journey has been non-linear, and she celebrates that. She went back to school for pre-med pre-reqs and ended up becoming a nurse working in the surgical ICU. She also developed fertility yoga and works with clients going through the same process. When the pandemic hit, Lauren's business transitioned online, allowing her to expand her business beyond the confines of New York City. Lauren and I discuss how our non-linear paths have led us to find fulfillment in our careers and lives by following our passions and interests. Lauren emphasizes the importance of listening to oneself and trusting one's instincts to achieve success and recognition.

Lauren shares her experience with egg freezing and how it led her to develop fertility yoga. Her fertility yoga focuses on restorative postures that are supported with props and held for three to ten minutes. This elicits a parasympathetic response from the nervous system, reducing stress and sending blood, oxygen, and nutrients to the reproductive organs. The practice also includes specialized breath work to slow down brain waves and calm racing thoughts. Lauren emphasizes that fertility is a primal instinct, and the process can be emotionally challenging for many women. While some may get pregnant right away after fertility treatments, it is not everyone's story. Lauren's fertility yoga aims to help individuals stay grounded and connected to themselves during the transformative process of fertility treatments.

Lauren and I discuss the challenges of fertility treatments and the pressure, stigma, expectation, and judgment that come with it. Lauren emphasizes the importance of community and group work in this process, as it takes a village to navigate the emotional and physical challenges of fertility treatments. She also highlights the practical tools and resources, such as yoga, acupuncture, and talk therapy, that can help individuals manage their energy and regulate their emotions during this time.

Lauren shares her own emotional journey with egg freezing, including the disappointment of unsuccessful cycles, and how having more resources and knowledge helped her cope with the anxiety and stress of the process. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-care and support during the challenging and transformative process of fertility treatments.

Follow Lauren

Instagram

Lauren's Website

Quotes:

"you know what's best for you? trust yourself listen to yourself the answers are within you and there are people outside to facilitate certain experiences to support you on your different journeys but ultimately you know what's best for you and to trust yourself you got this."
"My intention for fertility yoga is to help you stay grounded to help you know that you are whole that you can go through this process and no matter which way you land you know because the fact of the matter is that once you go through fertility treatments you are going to be transformed your life is going to change one way or the other yeah and you can go through this process not lose yourself not feel as though you are disconnected from yourself and you can remain whole that is that is my ultimate intention yeah for this practice."
"Stay on course, trust yourself, listen to yourself, you've got this."
"When I realized that the reason I was achieving success or recognition, it was because I was following my heart, I was listening to my gut, I was pursuing my passions and my interests, and the more that I did that and I was just doing me and being me, the more I was recognized and rewarded."

Key Points:

Following Your Heart [00:00:00] Speaker 0 talks about how she achieved success by following her heart and pursuing her passions.
Introduction to Quiet the Clock [00:00:47] Speaker 1 introduces her podcast, "Quiet the Clock," which focuses on navigating through the uncertainty of dating, motherhood, and egg freezing.
Non-Linear Paths [00:03:57] Speaker 1 and Speaker 0 discuss their non-linear paths and how they found fulfillment by pursuing their passions.
Non-linear path and following your intuition [00:08:05] Lauren and Beth discuss the importance of following your own path and intuition, despite societal pressure and judgment.
Fertility yoga and filling a gap [00:13:36] Lauren talks about her experience with egg freezing and the lack of resources available, leading her to create fertility yoga to support women going through the process.
Restorative yoga for stress reduction during egg freezing [00:15:01] Lauren explains the benefits of restorative yoga for women going through the egg freezing process, including reducing stress and promoting blood flow to reproductive organs.
The Success Rate Question [00:16:39] Lauren discusses the pressure and stigma surrounding the success rate of fertility treatments and how it can add to the emotional burden of the process.
The Importance of Community [00:18:07] Lauren emphasizes the importance of community and group work in the fertility journey, as it helps individuals feel seen and understood by others who are going through the same experience.
Emotional Experience of Egg Freezing [00:23:14] Lauren shares her emotional experience of going through the egg freezing process, including the disappointment of not getting any eggs retrieved and the anxiety and stress that comes with the process.
Letting Go [00:25:53] Lauren and Beth discuss the importance of letting go and surrendering to the universe, sharing personal experiences and advice.
Non-Linear Paths [00:28:10] Beth and Lauren talk about the pressure to follow a traditional path and the complexities of defining success in your 30s.
Trusting Yourself [00:29:27] Lauren shares advice to trust yourself and listen to your inner voice, while also finding the right support systems to facilitate your journey.

The Evolution of Therapy in Reproductive Medicine: A Conversation with Sharon Covington Jun 07, 2023

Show notes

Are you curious about the field of reproductive medicine and the evolution of therapy in this space? In this episode of "Quiet the Clock," I interview Sharon Covington, a clinical social worker and director of psychological support services at Shady Grove Fertility, the largest reproductive medical practice in the US.

Sharon shares her personal journey into the field of reproductive medicine, which began with her own experience of reproductive loss and the lack of resources available at the time. She also discusses the use of self-disclosure in therapy and emphasizes the importance of therapists working through their own issues before sharing personal experiences with clients.

We also dive into the emotions and pain points that women experience when considering or undergoing fertility preservation. Sharon explains that the decision is often a gut-wrenching one, as it is not the first choice for most women. She also acknowledges that fertility preservation is not accessible to everyone and discusses the challenges of dealing with uncertainty in infertility treatment.

We even touch on the increase in women freezing their eggs during the COVID-19 pandemic and the complexities of egg freezing. Sharon emphasizes the importance of mental health professionals being well-informed and passionate about this work, and she encourages the next generation to get involved.

I hope you'll tune in to this insightful conversation with Sharon Covington. As she says, "Personal experience is not professional training," and it's important to be well-versed and knowledgeable about the field of reproductive medicine.

About Sharon Covington:

Quotes:

"I try to do everything particularly this point in my career to bring the kind of next generation along and to really make sure that people are well informed."
"I think that any kind of counseling that someone is doing offers a therapist an opportunity to begin to talk about this as an option and a as a question. One of the things that we see over and over again is how misinformed the public is about their fertility."
"Fertility preservation, there isn't a guarantee, there's no guarantees in any of this kind of treatment."
"Therapists really have to work through their own issues and be really very careful about that before they start sharing their own personal experience."
"70% of both mental health professionals and nurses who were working in the field came to it as a result of their personal experience."

Key Points:

Feelings and emotions [00:00:00] Sharon Covington explains the emotions and feelings of women who freeze their eggs, including the age range and reasons why women choose to do it.
Introduction to "Quiet the Clock" [00:00:46] Beth Gulotta introduces her podcast "Quiet the Clock," which aims to provide guidance and understanding for women navigating dating, motherhood, and egg freezing.
Sharon Covington's background and experience [00:02:41] Sharon Covington discusses her extensive work in the field of reproductive medicine, including her role as director of psychological support services at Shady Grove Fertility and her involvement in research, writing, and teaching.
Therapists' use of self-disclosure [00:08:24] Sharon Covington discusses the use of self-disclosure in therapy and the importance of being careful not to unduly influence clients.
Emotions and pain points of women considering egg freezing [00:10:14] Beth Gulotta asks Sharon Covington about the emotions and pain points of women considering egg freezing, including financial, emotional, and physical aspects.
Challenges and uncertainties of egg freezing [00:16:09] Sharon Covington and Beth Gulotta discuss the challenges and uncertainties of egg freezing, including the financial burden, physical and emotional toll, and uncertainty of success.
The evolution of therapy in reproductive medicine [00:17:55] Sharon Covington discusses the exponential growth of reproductive medicine and the changing technology that has offered new options for family building. She also talks about the need for specialized training in this area and the importance of mental health support for patients.
Importance of specialized training in fertility counseling [00:23:12] Sharon Covington emphasizes the need for mental health professionals to have specialized training in fertility counseling and reproductive mental health. She mentions various training opportunities available and cautions against assuming personal experience is professional training.
The surge in egg freezing during COVID-19 [00:26:07] Sharon Covington talks about the surge in egg freezing during COVID-19 and the importance of support systems for patients going through reproductive medicine treatments. She also mentions the potential for trauma associated with the invasiveness of treatment and the need for appropriate supports and treatment.
The impact of COVID-19 on fertility treatment [00:26:31] Sharon and Beth discuss the impact of COVID-19 on fertility treatment and the changes in family building plans.
Increase in egg freezing since 2012 [00:29:10] Beth learns from Sharon that the experimental label on egg freezing was removed in 2012, leading to a significant increase in egg freezing.
Preconception counseling and fertility awareness [00:32:37] Sharon emphasizes the importance of preconception counseling and fertility awareness among mental health professionals to help patients understand their fertility and make informed decisions.
Passion for Reproductive Medicine [00:35:42] Sharon Covington expresses her passion for reproductive medicine and her desire to bring the next generation along.
Information about Sharon Covington [00:35:18] Beth Gulotta asks Sharon Covington to share where people can find more information about her, her books, and her trainings.
Training Cohort Applications [00:36:53] Sharon Covington mentions that applications for the next cohort of classes will start in September and invites interested individuals to send in an application.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected