Pillow Talks

Latest Episodes:

E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes Oct 09, 2025

Show notes

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories.

So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for.

Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships.

💛 Here’s what we’re getting into:

Why some guys are so into swallowing (and what it really means).
When “lasting too long” in bed becomes its own problem.
How to tell your new partner about things you liked with an ex.
What to do when you can’t seem to drop a fetish.
Healing steps for survivors of sexual trauma who want a healthy sex life.
What happens when you both want the other person to initiate.

And that’s just the beginning — this episode is packed with your real questions and our no-BS answers.

🔗 Links & Resources

Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
Treat your partner to the best foreplay they’ve ever had 👉🏻The Ultimate Foreplay Guides http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Learn how to initiate with confidence 👉🏻The Art of Initiation https://vmtherapy.com/initiation
Unlock expert tools, our core course library, and more inside our membership 👉🏻 Deeper https://vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of flirty fun.

Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.

Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

03:00 – Why are guys so into swallowing?

11:04 – My partner lasts too long in bed

22:47 – How do I bring up things an ex used to do to me with my partner?

30:54 – Scheduling sex feels awkward—how do I get over that?

39:52 – How to get over a fetish

47:30 – How to reassure your partner with ED

56:19 – How SA survivors can have a great sex life

58:31 – What to do if we both want the other partner to initiate

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow

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E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.) Oct 02, 2025

Show notes

You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight.

One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking.

In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict.

💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why so many couples end up fighting about sex over text (and why it almost never goes well).
Why text is the worst place to argue (and how to get out of the spiral).
The hidden emotional needs behind “yes” and “no.”
How to express hurt feelings without slipping into blame.
How to validate your partner without abandoning your own boundaries.
Communication tips that will help you feel heard and understood — even in the heat of the moment.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a text fight with your partner, this one’s for you.

👉 Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ @vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of sex puns. Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.

========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of wild-caught, sustainable seafood—delivered right to your door. ➡︎https://www.wildalaskan.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping. ➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/vanessandxander 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW

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E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right Sep 25, 2025

Show notes

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up.

Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting.

We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the biggest challenges couples face.

💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:

The biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to initiation (and what to do instead).
Why one partner often feels all the pressure, and how to change it up and share the spark.
How to shift from frustration and rejection to connection and desire.
Practical strategies to make initiation feel exciting, flirty, fun, and hot again.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated, annoyed, or even rejected by your partner’s initiation attempts (or lack of them), this conversation will help you see both sides of the equation and give you totally do-able techniques you can try tonight.

🔥 $40 FLASH SALE : Art Of Initiation 🔥

We’re doing something we’ve never done before. For this weekend only, get our top-selling course, Art of Initiation, for just $40 (normally $89). That’s more than 50% off! Now through Sunday, September 28, 2025

Inside, you’ll learn how to initiate in ways that actually feel amazing for both of you. Trust us, it’s a total game-changer.

👉 Grab AOI here: vmtherapy.com/initiation and use code FLASH40 at checkout.

Links & Resources

👉 E73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode73

👉 What’s Your Sex Drive Type? Free Download: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type

👉 E38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode38

👉 E183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner https://vmtherapy.com/episode183

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks Skims. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. ➡︎https://www.skims.com/pillow

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👏Thanks Cowboy Colostrum. Get 25% off when you use the code PILLOW. ➡︎https://www.cowboycolostrum.com

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E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay Sep 18, 2025

Show notes

Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience.

No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.”

The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone).

💛 In this episode, we cover:

Does foreplay actually count as sex?
How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings.
Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.”
What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less.
How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward.
Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful.
What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off.
And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all.

Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you.

✨ Want more foreplay inspiration?

Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason!

⁠Links & Resources

👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies

🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

⏰ Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

10:54 – When your partner won’t give foreplay

18:25 – Tips for talking about foreplay

23:25 – Exploring different types of foreplay

31:00 – I want more foreplay, my partner wants less: finding middle ground

37:55 – How to start the conversation about foreplay

40:47 – How to mix things up in the bedroom

45:49 – I don’t want to give blowjobs, but my partner loves them

55:54 – Women who don’t like foreplay

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow

👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow

👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow

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E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido Sep 11, 2025

Show notes

Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope.

This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging.

We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot.

💛 In this episode, we cover:

How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never)
What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore
Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them
Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20
How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy
Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all”

And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had.

You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age.

Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional.

✨ Ready to spice things up at any age? Our Ultimate Sex Guide is your roadmap to better intimacy. Inside, you’ll find:

42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications
A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting)
Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned
An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime

Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get!

Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate

Links & Resources

Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate

E215 Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215

E121 When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode121

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

03:38 – How old is too old to have sex?

11:12 – How does libido change with age?

16:22 – When does a drop in libido become a health concern?

19:18 – Navigating perimenopause with your partner

33:31 – Body image and aging

39:34 – Best sex positions for older couples

44:34 – Vaginal dryness and aging

46:18 – Does your labia shrink or change with age?

49:52 – How to keep your sex life exciting as you get older

54:03 – Trouble staying hard as you age

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow

👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. You can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping!➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/@vanessandxander

👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order! ➡︎https://curehydration.com/pillow

👏Thanks MasterClass. Get an additional 15% off any annual membership ➡︎https://masterclass.com/pillow

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E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools Sep 04, 2025

Show notes

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun.

Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode.

We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone.

💛 Here’s what we’re diving into:

The best starter toy for women
How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings)
Whether orgasms feel different with a toy
Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing
Talking to men about male sex toys
Using toys solo vs. with a partner
How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one)
The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them
Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners

If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you.

Resources & Links:

Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products

Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172

❤️ Ready to go deeper? Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, you’ll get:

Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication
Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy)
Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly
Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach
A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals

Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again.

💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means

11:11 – Best beginner toy for women

19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings)

26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy?

29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys?

30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them?

37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time

43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)?

48:44 – Should you use toys every time?

53:50 – How to store toys discreetly

55:43 – Funny toy stories

========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/ 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire Aug 28, 2025

Show notes

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through.

Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.

And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:

Resentment toward your partner
A crushing imbalance in the mental load
Feeling “touched out” 24/7
Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again
Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same
The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months

In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners.

💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready
How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate
What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery
Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers
How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy
Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth
The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired

Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other.

👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to.

From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic.

A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok.

Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Lola Blankets. Use code PILLOW and get 35% off your entire order. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets.➡︎https://lolablankets.com/ 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. ➡︎https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here! ➡︎https://cozyearth.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy Aug 21, 2025

Show notes

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage…

Not for a real-life person.

But for their AI companion.

Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships.

From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways.

Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have.

Here’s what we’re getting into:

The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳)
Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore
The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs
Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection
The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection
How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it)
Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond

🔗 Links + Resources

How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship.

Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai

💬 Want even more support? Inside Deeper, our monthly membership, you get access to:

Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries
Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships
Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉)

💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎https://audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Blissy. Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop. ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more) Aug 14, 2025

Show notes

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Splash Blanket. Use code PILLOWTALK for 15% off. ➡︎ https://splashblanket.com 👏Thank you goPure. Get 25% Off with code PILLOW ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/pillow 👏Thank you Cozy Earth. Use my code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎ https://cozyearth.com /PILLOWTALKS

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E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm Aug 07, 2025

Show notes

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover.

In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar.

Here’s what we’re getting into:

Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it)
What to say if your partner has never had one before
How to know if she’s really having an orgasm
The truth about female performance anxiety
Which positions are best for helping her O
How to help her experience multiple orgasms
G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen?
What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!)
How to make it last longer + aftercare

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💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School!

It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms.

Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are.

Here’s what’s inside:

A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want
The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide
3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI
2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us!
Lifetime access to go at your own pace
And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise

💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had.

👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get.

👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth

🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

⏰ Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro

04:00 – Why do women fake it?

12:50 – How to be a supportive partner

25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming?

26:25 – Do some women not need to finish?

31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms?

33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure

38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent?

42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0?

46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting

47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming?

49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer

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