Pardon the Mess with Scarlet Hiltibidal - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

Latest Episodes:

Trailer Dec 17, 2024

Show notes

As parents, we know raising kids is the opposite of neat and tidy. Each day brings wins, losses and valuable lessons. Pardon the Mess is a place where we discuss parenting and faith in a biblical, approachable and relatable way. We may cry and laugh while we learn and grow together in our beautiful mess. Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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BONUS: Love Their Enemies Dec 16, 2024

Show notes

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44)

It’s one thing to love your neighbor as yourself, it’s a whole other thing to love your enemies. As believers, we aren’t called to ignore our enemies or to tolerate our enemies, we are called to love them and to pray for them. This is a radical teaching that goes against the norm in society because it is much easier to judge or gossip about our enemies (guilty!). But even more, we are supposed to love our enemies without expecting anything in return.

Scripture makes it clear that the most powerful way we can actually love our enemies is to pray for them.

We begin to see a change in ourselves as we pray for others. First, we start to see our enemies the way God sees them, and God sees them as his beloved and dearly loved children, just like we are. Second, we can be freed from bitterness, resentment, and anger by praying for our enemies as our hearts are softened by the Holy Spirit.

So, this week let’s pray that our kids will love their enemies in a radical way and that they will begin to see themselves as God sees them.

Father God, loving our enemies starts with us. I pray that ___________ would learn to love their prayed and pray for them while establishing healthy boundaries. I pray that their hearts are softened towards the people who treat them poorly so that they see them the way you do. I pray for reconciliation and peace if ________ is being bullied or bullying others. Give me wisdom in those conflicts. Amen.

Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer Journal

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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Best & worst parenting advice with Lisa Clark Dec 12, 2024

Show notes

I crave mentors and wisdom! I feel like I can spot wise women in any room. Lisa Clark is one of those mentors and I’m delighted to share her with you today. You will absolutely love hearing her “best and worst parenting advice” as she thinks back over her 35 years of parenting.

As a grandmother now, she is at a place in life where she can look back and assess what was true and what wasn’t. Some advice is helpful and some is not. Some advice is biblical and some is not. Lisa shares so many incredible pieces of encouragement with us today - from how to discipline, the role of dads, when and how to have sex talks and much more. Lisa prioritizes her faith in a beautiful way but also has a very solid grasp on the realities we are facing as moms. I always feel lighter and more encouraged after time with her.

My favorite part is at the end when she shares why we should be deliberate in teaching the gospel. She gives very specific ways we can do this and reminds us why it matters. I am praying that you feel so deeply seen in this episode and that the work you are doing as a mom matters.

In this episode we discuss:

Some best and worst parenting advice
Why adult children are amazing
How to trust our gut as mothers
How to help our kids learn boundaries
How to be our child’s advocate first

Enjoy!

Courtney

(00:00) Navigating Grandparenting Dynamics

(02:12) The Myth of 18 Years

(04:31) Evolving Relationships with Adult Children

(06:50) The Balance of Discipline and Gentle Parenting

(10:51) Challenging Conventional Parenting Advice

(14:58) Trusting Your Instincts as a Parent

(18:24) Navigating Kindness and Boundaries

(20:29) The Importance of Sleep Schedules

(22:25) Open Conversations About Sex

(25:52) The Balance of Parenting Styles

(30:33) Empowering Dads in Parenting

(33:38) Intentional Gospel Teaching

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide

Resources from today’s show:

Wild Interest podcast

Connect with Lisa Clark

Raising Sinners book by Lisa Clark

Raising Sinners podcast by Lisa Clark

Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp

Crossover at OU

Dr. David and Amanda Erickson episode - Discipline, Consequences

Birds & Bees (Mary Flo Ridley)

Dangers of Growing Up in a Christian Home

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BONUS: Love Others Dec 09, 2024

Show notes

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34–35)

We are commanded to love others the way we love ourselves—which is kind of hard when we sometimes aren’t so nice to ourselves (we can pray against that for our kids). But we are also called to love others the way Jesus loves us: sacrificially and actively.

For our kids, love as an action means more than being kind to everyone, it means our kids notice when someone is left out and they include them. It means forgiving others, standing up for others, noticing the lonely, and looking for ways to serve others. It’s not always easy, but it’s always good.

When we love people in this way, the people around us notice that there is something different about us. The love of Christ shines bright so the whole world can see that we are his disciples. That is what it is all about because, at the end of the day, the most loving thing we can do for the people around them is to tell them about Jesus and his great love for us.

So this week let’s pray that our kids love others with their words and their actions. Let’s pray that when people see the way our kids treat others, they will see Jesus in them.

Jesus, thank you for loving us. Help ____________ to notice the lonely, the sad, and the hurting and love them well. May they always seek to be more than kind to everyone, but be moved to action so that they can show the world around them your love. Amen.

Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer Journal

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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How to BE YOU with Bob Goff Dec 05, 2024

Show notes

What an absolute delight! If I could have dinner with 5 people (dead or alive) - it would be Jesus, Princess Diana, my grandmother, Mother Teresa and Bob Goff. What about you? Are there people in the world that have shaped your mind and heart? Bob’s first book, Love Does, had a significant impact on my faith and the way I parent my kids. So, you can imagine it was PURE JOY to have this conversation today.

He sprays wisdom, inspiration and joy like confetti - so you will not be short on takeaways for this one. I loved his encouragement for us to, “GO BE YOU!” He encourages us to reconnect and rediscover how God made us. When we do that, we have less comparison with other moms. And we can settle into who we are. And then, as parents, we get to help our kids settle into who they are.

One of my favorite parts is when he talks about his role as a dad and grandfather. He encourages us to ask “What do they uniquely need that only I could give?” Let’s sit with that today and try not to overcomplicate it. What do our kids, friends and family need that only I could give?

- Courtney

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide

Resources from today’s show:

BobGoff.com

Catching Whimsy - Bob’s new book

Love Does - Bob’s first book

Daily Drills

In This House, We Will Giggle

Wild Interest podcast

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

BONUS: Love God Dec 02, 2024

Show notes

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads” (Deuteronomy 6:5–8)

To love God with all our hearts is to love God despite our emotions and our circumstances.

To love God with all our soul is to rest in him. It is to know our creator and to be in relationship with him, knowing that he is where we will find peace and eternal rest.

To love God with all our mind is to know God, but also trust him with our life, our soul, and our story. It is to know that he is sovereign and knows what is best for us.

To love God with all our strength is to live our faith in everyday life. It is to serve him by using the gifts that he has given us, being the hands and feet of Jesus, and putting into practice all the things we know to be true about God.

We love God fully when we love him in these ways and it is that full love that overflows into the way we love others. So this week, let’s pray that our kids will love God fully in every area of their lives.

Jesus, you love us completely, fully, and perfectly. May __________ love you with their whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. May their love overflow in a way that everyone around them notices there is something different about them. May they grow in their love for you every day and every year. Amen.

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What Matters Most: Generosity Nov 28, 2024

Show notes

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you are having a beautiful day with your friends and family. I am so very thankful for each of you. I got to meet several of you in person at a recent retreat - and you were so kind to stop me and tell me the impact this podcast is having on your life. I care about each of you so much and it was so refreshing to meet you in person and hug you tight.

Today’s episode is just ME! I decided to pause from interviewing guests and start a series that we will sprinkle in over the next year or so. As I am launching my first child into the world, it’s fun to look back and think “What mattered most?” One of the things that has mattered most in our parenting journey is the topic of GENEROSITY.

As Ron and I reflect, we do believe making that a priority in our home has genuinely impacted our girls’ faith - in big and small ways. We didn’t always get it right - but we did make sure we spent very practical time giving to others. This is way more than giving money - it’s our time, talents and more.

Today, you will hear some super practical ideas too for the holiday season. You can find 100 free ideas over at Light ‘Em Up. Enjoy this season with your family shining the light of God. Praying we each have eyes to see where God is moving and that we have the courage to step in and be a part of it this Christmas season.

Send me some stories after the fact!

Much love,

Courtney