Oh Crap Parenting with Jamie Glowacki

Latest Episodes:

16. Mental Health Jul 19, 2019

Show notes

The last few episodes of Oh Crap! haven’t been as upbeat as Jamie’s usual output, but it’s important to address the more serious side of introducing your children to the world and dealing with the not-as-fun aspects of parenthood. To conclude this series, Jamie is looking at how mental health affects our parenting, specifically focusing on anxiety. We all need to discuss mental health in a serious and proactive way, while still giving one another the love and encouragement we all deserve. In this episode, Jamie discusses the different forms of anxiety, explains how you can begin to treat each kind, and gives you permission to not go to that big event you’ve been dreading. The Finer Details of This Episode: Looking at how we frame mental health in casual discussion and why it can help to not speak as lightly about it. Why Jamie’s brand of self-care can come off as “brutal.” What are the different types of anxiety and how do they each manifest? The reason cutting out sugar intake can massively and positively improve your general level of calm. Magnesium: not just for electronics anymore! How a little bit of liver (and several B vitamins) can go a long way. Be a happy flower and absorb some sun! Vitamin D is essential to keeping you feeling fresh and energized. You don’t have to go to that big event! If you do, both you and your little ones will feel drained and on edge by the end. It’s okay to taper off hangouts with a friend you know is leaving you feeling worn down. Realize that social media and YouTube algorithms are designed to throw upsetting and misery-inducing content in your face; seek out some happier stories for a change! What Jamie does—and you yourself can do—to get through an anxious episode with your wits intact. Why you shouldn’t be afraid of medication, especially if you need it. Medication doesn’t have to be forever, but they can be a helpful guide for when they’re a necessity. Make your mental health one of the first things you address in your day. Quotes: “For me, self-care is about mental health.” “A lot of what we know is not set in stone, and this goes for nutritional research.” “If you don’t feel good all the time it’s worth doing your own research to figure out why.” “You are not showing up fully as a parent if you are suffering from anxiety, depression or other mental health issues.” “If your family’s toxic, you have every right to cut them off.” “Don’t throw yourself under the bus for someone else.” “Stop looking for the bad; look for the good.” “We have to confront what our anxieties are so we can keep our kids safe.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15. Keeping Kids Safe Jul 12, 2019

Show notes

Last week, Jamie looked at the many ways we can explain the heavy stuff—body parts, birth, death—to our kids in language that’s simple yet mature. For this installment, we’re looking at an upsetting but still very important topic: the creepy people who can be of danger to your children. There’s no way to keep your children completely sheltered and safe without emotionally stunting them and preventing them from truly growing up. They’re going to have to step out of your line of sight at some point. The best we can do is to impart some hard yet necessary truths about the world to them so that if they do find themselves in a troubling situation, they know what to do. In this episode, Jamie discusses how we can minimize the risks faced by our children while also minimizing the perception of risk—that is to say, how parents with the best intentions can misread innocent people and situations as devious and dangerous. Jamie also impresses the importance of teaching your little ones when it’s okay to say ‘no.’ The Finer Details of This Episode: How malicious adults manipulate fear and shame to take advantage of children. Kidnapping is absolutely something to be concerned about, but we need to understand how unlikely it is. Human traffickers exist, and they’re awful, but your children are NOT their targets. Debunking some myths about stranger danger, and revealing how the actual dangers your child faces may be closer to home. Why teaching our kids to say ‘no’ in a mature and respectful way is so vital to their safety and growth. How Jamie was able to impart some wisdom about consent to her son Pascal. Quotes: “It is imperative that we talk shamelessly about this stuff.” “Knowing who the good people are is just as important as who the bad guys are.” “We want to create this culture of ‘It’s okay to dissent’.” “It’s really never too early or too late to talk to your kids about keeping them safe.” Links: Free Range Kids - http://www.freerangekids.com/ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14. Talking About the Hard Stuff Jul 05, 2019

Show notes

In this episode, Jamie would like you to step out of your comfort zone for a minute or two and really think about how you talk to your kids about Big Serious Things: private parts, reproduction, consent, and even death. Discussing these things openly in your household creates a culture without secrecy, weirdness or shame. This means that when your child stumbles across these topics in the big wide world without you—as scary a thought as that may be—they’ll be mature, prepared, and a role model for their peers. In this episode, Jamie impresses the importance of teaching your children the correct language for their bodies as well as the slang, suggests constructive ways you can discuss death with them, and gives her personal stories from in the trenches. The Finer Details of This Episode: Jamie discusses the surprisingly mature teenagers she met when helping a momma goat deliver her kids. Why it’s a bad idea to discuss sex and the human body through a lens of shame. Use the real term for each body part—private or otherwise—to make sure your child doesn’t feel alienated from them. When it’s okay and even preferred for your little one to use nicknames for body parts. Would you rather not have grown men be grossed out by women’s periods? Then start teaching your boys about them at a young age. How Jamie turned a funny remark by her son at the pool into a learning experience. Why “the talk” isn’t as effective or healthy as meting out reproductive education in bits and pieces over time. Don’t make the mistake of falling into the “My kid would NEVER” trap. Kids are going to approach the subject of death with curiosity rather than fear, so use death as an opportunity to educate rather than scare them. Quotes: “You’ve never met a better bunch of kids than 4H kids.” “I have a 13-year-old boy who knows more about reproductive organs than most grown men, and I have to say I think that kinda rocks.” “Anytime your child is gonna say a word that gets a reaction from other people they’re gonna latch on very quickly to the power of the word.” “Most women bleed. No, I’m not hurt. This is natural for women.” “The kids as they get older need help with the emotional landscape, not the mechanics.” “We want to create a culture of normalizing all of this stuff so that we don’t have a culture of secrecy and shame.” Links: Sesame Street: Mr. Hooper’s death - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4CKuSRYrcQ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

13. They Just Won't Listen Jun 21, 2019

Show notes

One of the biggest questions on young parents’ minds has got to be just HOW do you get your kids to listen. You could be trying to get them to do the simplest task or impress just how important it is for you to get out the door in the morning but they just. Don’t. Get it. Turns out that a lot of things are at play in a toddler’s mind, chief among them the fact that their executive functioning isn’t really that developed yet. So what we think are clear and direct instructions might be passing between their ears in a completely jumbled order that doesn’t make sense to them. In this episode, Jamie explains why it’s so essential for us to slow the hell down when talking to our kids and gives you a clearer idea of just how children listen so you know which buttons NOT to press when trying to get their attention. The Finer Details of This Episode: The surprising length of time it can take children’s little brains to actually process the words you’re saying. Trying to teach your toddler too many words at once can actually overload them—and interrupting them doesn’t help either. How visualizing what you’re saying a physical flow reaching your child’s ears will allow you to better understand how they listen. Why slowing down your morning routine is so necessary to getting your toddler to follow instructions. Maintaining eye contact: key to getting your rowdy little kid to understand you. The trick to rousing your toddler from deep play without pissing them off. Practise slowing and breaking things down to make it easier to communicate with your kid. Quotes: “We’re not born with these skills, you guys; we develop them!” “You have to slow down.” “You have to control the things you can—being rushed in the morning is one of them.” “It’s not just that they’re slow, it’s that they’re gonna need your help along the way. “You’re gonna get a much better reaction if you make eye contact.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

12. Time Management Jun 14, 2019

Show notes

Toddler time is very slow—after all, we’re talking about little humans who’re still getting the hang of executive functions and motor skills. Consequently, parents need to slow down for their little ones so that we don’t end up transitioning from activity to activity too quickly and upset them in the process. This can be VERY difficult because as a parent, you feel compelled to move quickly and deal with a bunch of tasks ASAP. The solution? Optimize your time like an efficiency expert has taken over your life so you can handle each little task and chore at the best pace for your kid. In this episode, Jamie explains why toddlers can’t move as quickly as we expect them to, gives you a novel way to visualize your priorities, and argues for why airplane mode on your phone is your best friend. The Finer Details of This Episode: What is the Pareto principle, and why does optimizing a mere 20% of your time help you manage the remaining 80%? The priority debacle—namely not knowing how to manage our priorities, or not even being sure what they’re supposed to be! What it means to lose your “white space” as parents. Managing your priorities more effectively by visualizing them as big stones. The ways you interact with your child are going to change over the years, and how much of your time that will involve is going to wax and wane. Managing your social media use through a new method called “time chunking.” Quotes: “If you give 100% of yourself to your kids you have 0% left over!” “Guys, you can’t have 30 big stones when there’s only 24 hours in the day!” “I want you to own your priorities with pride.” Links: Digital Minimalism book - http://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11. Deconstructing the "Magical Childhood" Jun 07, 2019

Show notes

Jamie’s personal parenting style straddles the line between new and old, and she often likes to look back and see how child-rearing strategies and expectations have changed over the decades. For example, nowadays it’s far more acceptable for a child not to be fully potty trained until 3 or even 4 years old when a long time ago even 2 years was unthinkable. We need to ensure that these often inaccurate expectations from our early years don’t prevent us from teaching our kids the wrong lessons and passing on even more unrealistic expectations. In this episode, Jamie debunks some of the myths that have been built up around your own childhood, argues for what you should take time to appreciate instead, and suggests ways you can help your little ones feel like they’re a useful part of the “village” that is family. The Finer Details of This Episode: Your childhood memories are never as magical as you recall them being; for example, you never remember having to pay the bills. The downside to these memories is that they give us completely unrealistic expectations for how early child-rearing years should go and prevent us from enjoying them for how they actually are. A surprising fact: the idea of a teenager is a relatively recent concept! Viewing family as part of a “village” your child belongs to and feels compelled to fit in with. How free, open play helps develop imagination in a way merchandised products simply don’t. The way a simple anthole provided Jamie’s son Pascal with a wealth of curiosity and focus. Thinking of ways we can engender adult behavior and fine motor skills (and teaching your little one to prepare their own food). Quotes: “We are being led by the nose by marketing that we have to make our children’s childhood magical.” “Childhood is training to be an adult.” “We’ve gotten away from the true goal, which is to raise healthy, happy, competent adults.” “You can say ‘good job!’ all you want but it doesn’t build self-esteem.” “You’re going to feel like a great parent because you’re nurturing this home life for your child.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10. Risk-Taking May 31, 2019

Show notes

This week’s discussion centers on an issue Jamie feels very passionate about, and one which she believes makes our kids act out in crappy ways. That issue? Being so incredibly, uncompromisingly protective of our little ones for fear that they get so much as a scratch. Enforcing extreme caution on our kids at too early of an age means they might grow up too terrified to take ANY of the necessary risks in life, which will come back to bite them—and, indirectly, you—once they head off to college. So rather than bubble wrap our tots, we need to let them explore and discover their own physical limitations. In this episode, Jamie explains the senses at play when it comes to getting a handle on your body, advises you to buddy up with other parents who aren’t afraid to let their kids trip and fall, and helps you come to terms with the fact that your children will need to get a few scratches and scrapes for them to grow on their own terms. The Finer Details of This Episode: Try putting yourself in the socks or shoes of a little toddler who’s only recently mastered basic motor functions and is being constantly told to “be careful.” Letting our children explore their bodies and range of motion is an empowering experience, bruises and all. Proprioception: our sense of movement and position based on internal stimuli, aka knowing how all our limbs and movements fit together. Vestibular system: our sense of balance and spatial orientation, aka what keeps us from constantly falling over. Why your child’s 3rd birthday is when you need to back off a little and let them take a few risks. What you can do to encourage your little one to explore their range of movement and develop core motor skills. The benefit of letting our kids engage in old school “big play,” such as tag. Seek out friendships with other like minded parents who aren’t afraid to let their kids be a little more boisterous. Some fun ways you can challenge your own kid and foster rough-and-tumble risk taking. Tips for encouraging your child to explore an environment courtesy of Josée from Backwoods Mama. Why you shouldn’t lift your little one up to reach something. Accepting that your kid is going to get hurt at some point, and that it will probably help them in the long run. Quotes: “We have to let them explore the limits of their body!” “There is no magic age at which your child knows how to do something.” “We have to let kids make mistakes.” “We’re being too soft on our kids and we spend our time making their lives easier when really we should just be throwing some obstacles in their way.” “Self-esteem is built by doing things you thought you couldn’t do.” Links: Backwoods Mama - https://www.backwoodsmama.com/ The Land documentary - https://www.kanopy.com/product/land-adventure-play-documentary Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9. Baby Boomers & Picky Eaters May 24, 2019

Show notes

This week’s Oh, Crap! is a little more freestyle and a little more livid. Jamie has a lot on her mind right now, from how Baby Boomer parents look down on how the younger generations raise their little ones, to the perilous journey of dealing with a picky eater. So now’s the time to collectively let off some steam. In this episode, Jamie lets out some of her pent-up feelings re: the Baby Boomer generation, makes a case for why we should ease back on helicopter parenting, and lists some of the dos and don’ts for dealing with picky eaters. The Finer Details of This Episode: Raising kids isn’t a 24/7 “precious” experience and we shouldn’t pretend that it is. Growing up under Boomer parenting: like Stranger Things but without the extra-dimensional aliens. Lenore Skenazy’s mission to debunk myths about childhood dangers and prevent parents from bubble-wrapping their kids. Baby Boomers: you don’t need to call the cops on anything that looks vaguely suspicious! Why the wealth of knowledge available to modern parents makes raising kids much more complicated than it was 30 years ago. When to accept picky eating and when you’ll want to seek out medical treatment for it. Keep a “backup meal” on hand for when your little one gets choosy. None of us want a hangry toddler, but letting them snack constantly isn’t going to help in the long run. Your kid doesn’t have to sit at the table for all of dinner, but they should eat only what you set out for them. Quotes: “The Baby Boomer bullshit is affecting all of us!” “Parenting has gotten harder because we know more!” “Take from the older generation what worked but then ditch what didn’t.” “If my neurotypical, non-sensory kid doesn’t want to eat chicken but wants to eat desert, he’s not hungry. That’s the reality.” Links: Let Grow - https://letgrow.org/ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8. "Bad" Behavior May 17, 2019

Show notes

Jamie doesn’t believe kids are capable of “bad” behavior in the traditional sense—most toddlers aren’t mentally developed enough to act truly maliciously. But when you mix complex feelings, a near-complete inability to verbally communicate those feelings, and few if any inhibitions, and your little one can turn into a little shit really quickly. The trick is figuring out what feelings motivate acting out and what tools we can use to help them express those feelings in a healthier (and quieter) way. In this episode, Jamie discusses the three major ways your little one can act up, as well as some helpful techniques you can use to expand your kid’s emotional vocabulary and keep them from going overboard. The Finer Details of This Episode: Don’t trust anyone who claims they can eradicate your kid’s unruly behavior. Acting out: when our kids put into action what they’re unable to communicate. Limit-testing: how our little ones figure out what they can get away with. Tantrum: the emotional explosion that happens when stimuli get to be too much. Why firmer boundaries will inhibit limit-testing. Nearly every tantrum can prevented if your little one is getting the sleep they need. Don’t go all out for an overly stimulating birthday party your toddler’s never gonna remember. Teaching your kids the basic language that will allow them to express their new and strange feelings. The “tetherball” approach to pushing back against limit-testing. Figuring out which tantrums are preventable and which ones you’ll just have to accept. The “Will I Cave?” method for determining the right times to say yes or no. Quotes: “Remember, they’re so new—2, 3 years old. They don’t have all the words!” “Children are allowed to have bad days, and I think we all forget that.” “The tricky thing about boundaries is that kids will keep moving them.” “If it’s gonna wack your kid out and result in tantrums and bad behavior, say no.” “Your job is to be a pole in cement, in the ground, that they can totally kick off of.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7. Emotional Swaddling May 10, 2019

Show notes

Any parent of a newborn knows why you swaddle them: it’s snug, it’s secure, and it keeps them from constantly swatting themselves in the damn face. Instilling boundaries in your toddlers is like kind of like emotional swaddling in that sense. You might recoil at the idea of enforcing too stringent boundaries—some of us came from controlling households, after all—but without any boundaries your child will grow up not feeling developmentally safe. In this episode, Jamie discusses the positive effects setting boundaries at an early age can have later on, explores how much leeway parents should be able to have with those boundaries, and suggests some tips to keep from going Bad Mom Viral. The Finer Details of This Episode: Accepting that the early years of your child’s life require stricter boundaries and restrictions—and why that’s not a bad thing! Figuring out the right times to enforce these boundaries and when to ease up a little. Setting up boundaries now is laying the groundwork for being firm with your child when they’re older. What it means to “be the fencepost” to your child. Why trying to get your toddler to understand logic is only going to be a dead end. Determining which boundaries you want to play fast and loose with (not bedtime, though!). Setting expectations with your child so they know exactly what’s going to happen if they do X — mom algebra! Quotes: “You cannot guide a 0 to 6-year-old. They will flail.” “If you don’t set your expectations and keep your boundaries firm in that age range, you get screwed later on.” “Your kid’s gonna eat you like a piranha and spit out the bones if you smell like fear.” “You need a lot less [discipline] than you think if you simply follow through with your action.” “If you say it more than once it’s an empty threat! And your child knows that.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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