No Visible Bruises

Latest Episodes:

The Physical Effects of Narcissistic Abuse Oct 13, 2020

Show notes

We rarely talk about the illness and disease that come from being in a narcissistic relationship. Today I want to talk about the physical effects of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, about why that might happen, and I want to potentially give you some hope.

What you will learn in this episode:

How our bodies respond to stress.
Why our bodies remain in constant trauma when being in a relationship with a narcissistic.
The different areas of our brains and how they work in triggering situations.
The burdens and beliefs we carry that makes us a magnet to narcissistic people.
How talking therapy and brain body based therapy can help you.

A lot of the physical conditions that you have might be your body’s response to stress and trauma. I want you to get to know your body, your history, your timeline of events, and see if there's actually a root cause to whatever physical stress related illness you have.

Resources:

Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

Narcissistic Abuse and Overwhelming Fatigue Oct 06, 2020

Show notes

Many times people are saying to me ‘Caroline, I just struggle getting out of bed in the morning, and I know I should be doing x, y, and z but I just haven't got any energy, and I feel weak and ashamed.’ In this episode, I want to help you try and lift some of that guilt and shame off yourself.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

How our body and our nervous system works
The Polyvagal Theory and the ladder analogy
The roles of the ventral vagus and dorsal vagus
Freeze trauma response and the root of your overwhelming fatigue
How limbic system therapies like Brainspotting or EMDR can help you

So if you're feeling tired all the time, really take a look. Is that a trauma response? Because if you're healing from narcissistic abuse, know that it's not you being lazy or weak. It's just your normal natural nervous system response, it’s your body trying to protect you.

Resources:

Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse
The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Neurophysiological-Communication-Self-regulation/dp/0393707008/
The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb A. Dana https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/

The 4 Trauma Responses of Narcissistic Abuse Sep 29, 2020

Show notes

In this episode, I want to talk to you about the 4 trauma responses when we talk about narcissistic abuse. Many of you have heard about fight, flight and freeze, but there's also a fourth one that’s lesser known - fawn or appease. So let’s go through each of these four, and see if you can resonate with any of them.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

What happens in our brain when we perceive danger
What is fight response and what is behind the anger you feel
Flight response and how it connects with anxiety
Freeze response, depression and survival mode
Fawn or Appease response and why it is typical for narcissistic abuse

Can you recognize those trauma responses in your behavior? Which ones were you in the most? Were you like me? Let me know!

Resources:

001 Why Narcissistic Abuse is Trauma https://www.carolinestrawson.com/001-why-narcissistic-abuse-is-trauma/
Join my Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

Am I a Narcissist? Sep 22, 2020

Show notes

I get so many messages every day from people all over the world asking - Am I A Narcissist? The first answer I always say back to them is no, you're not a narcissist because no narcissist would ever ask themselves such a question.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

Why narcissists will never describe themselves as narcissists
How your doubts reveal your being abused
The psychological changes that happen in your brain due to narcissistic abuse
Why you feel like you can’t get out of a narcissistic relationship
In what cases narcissists will seemingly admit their abusive behaviour

If you are feeling upset right now wondering if You are the narcissist, please let me tell you you are definitely not. But it is good to have awareness that the reason you're thinking that is because you've been the victim of narcissistic abuse, and what you need to do now is get intentional about your healing.

Resources:

010 Why Talk Therapy Alone Can't Heal Narcissistic Abuse https://www.carolinestrawson.com/010-why-talk-therapy-alone-cant-heal-narcissistic-abuse/
003 What is Complex PTSD https://www.carolinestrawson.com/003-what-is-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

Grey Rock The Narcissist Sep 15, 2020

Show notes

Today I want to talk to you about a term that you may have seen associated with narcissistic abuse.. This is Grey Rocking, and I’m going to explain how to be a Grey Rock around the narcissist.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

What Grey Rock means in the communication with a narcissist
Why it is necessary to adopt this behavior
How to avoid being activated by what the narcissist says
Practical tools to modify your communication with the narcissist
What reaction to Grey Rocking you can expect from them

I want you to give it a go now and be the Grey Rock to the narcissist. It gives you a sense of control, and being like that doesn't mean you're giving in. What it means is yourself taking your power back, so you can recognise that you deserve to heal, to survive, and you deserve 100% to thrive after the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

The Trauma Bond & Addiction to the Narcissist https://www.carolinestrawson.com/011-the-trauma-bond-addiction-to-the-narcissist/
Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

The Trauma Bond & Addiction To The Narcissist Sep 08, 2020

Show notes

I get messaged many times about the fact that people just can't break that addiction to the narcissist even if they know that it isn't the right thing for them to keep on messaging or emailing the narcissist in their life. We actually call this a trauma bond, and in this episode I explain exactly what it is.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

What is Stockholm Syndrome and how it relates to the trauma bond
What behaviour of the narcissist forms the trauma bond
What neuropeptides are and the brain chemistry side of the trauma bond
How to start creating the safe space for you to start healing
Why it is absolutely necessary to block or extremely modify communication with the narcissist in your life

Remember where you are right now with creating those neuropeptides, because that’s what we are addicted to. In order to break the addiction to the narcissist, we've got to calm that nervous system, so that we can create a space for you to start to heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

Resources:

010 Why Talk Therapy Alone Can't Heal Nracissistc Abuse https://www.carolinestrawson.com/010-why-talk-therapy-alone-cant-heal-narcissistic-abuse/
003 What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder https://www.carolinestrawson.com/003-what-is-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

Why Talk Therapy Alone Can't Heal Narcissistic Abuse Sep 01, 2020

Show notes

While talking therapy does have a place in the recovery process, in this episode I'm going to explain to you exactly why talk therapy alone can't heal narcissistic abuse.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

Complex PTSD and why it so difficult to heal
The benefits and limits of talk therapy like CBT and DBT
Why you need a therapist who has been through the trauma of narcissistic abuse
Why talk therapy can access only 10% of your brain and what to do with the rest
How talk therapy can sometimes actually make you feel worse
How EMDR and Brainspotting therapies work

Wherever you are on your healing journey, please make sure that you are getting the right treatment for you. Look for a therapist who has been through what you have been through, and who is using brain-body based somatic psychotherapies, so they can help you shift in the part of the brain where the trauma is stuck, because if you don't do that, you could be in talk therapy for years.

Resources:

Episode 003 What is Complex PTSD https://www.carolinestrawson.com/003-what-is-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
Join my Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

What Is Gaslighting Aug 25, 2020

Show notes

Gaslighting is a very insidious form of psychological abuse. It leaves the victims feeling insane, thinking they are the crazy ones. In this episode I’m going to tell you some stories about gaslighting, so you can recognise it when you see it or experience it.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

Why narcissists will never question themselves
The examples of gaslighting
How continuous gaslighting changes your brain physiologically
Why you need to learn to believe your gut
Being angry with yourself as a sign of healing

I'd love to hear if you've got any stories of gaslighting. Are they as wild as wacky as mine?

Resources:

Divorce Became My Superpower by Caroline Strawson https://www.amazon.co.uk/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

The Family Dynamics Of Narcissistic Abuse Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

Today I’m talking about the family dynamics of narcissistic abuse, and the different roles that occur within a family. In particular, I want to talk about the scapegoat within the family when you have a narcissistic parent.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

What is a scapegoat?
Why narcissistic mothers are particularly harmful to a child
The examples of scapegoating within a family
How scapegoating affects a child’s beliefs about themselves
Why narcissistic personality disorder cannot be cured
How you can heal your children by healing your own codependency

I'm a big believer that when you heal yourself you heal the next generation. So just because your children have a parent that is a narcissist does not mean that they will be a codependent or a narcissist. You can break the cycle of scapegoating, you can heal, and the reason I know that is because that's exactly what I did.

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

The Root Cause Of Narcissistic Abuse Aug 17, 2020

Show notes

It's not a coincidence that you end up in a relationship with a narcissist. There are always patterns to this type of behaviour. So where does it all start? That’s what we are looking at today.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

How unhealed inner child wounds manifest in our adult life
Why it is wrong to leave babies to cry and fall asleep by themselves
How our brain actually keeps us safe by keeping us stuck in the trauma response
Where our inner feeling that the world is unsafe comes from
How to heal and upgrade our inner operative system

What we have to look at here is deep inner child healing. When we heal and upgrade that inner child into your world today, we get a level of understanding, and when we heal that inner wound, we can change everything.

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

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