No Visible Bruises

Latest Episodes:

Can a Narcissist Change Their Spots? May 25, 2021

Show notes

This week we will answer a question that many people ask themselves after an abusive relationship - can a narcissist change their spots? We will dive deep into why those abused start doubting themselves, and understand why our narcissistic ex-partners seem happy and fulfilled in their new relationship.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why we start doubting ourselves after breaking up with the narcissist

- How a narcissist's protective parts trigger a codependent's protective parts

- The two things to consider when a narcissist enters a new relationship

- What we can and what we cannot change about what happened to us in the past

Healing from narcissistic trauma doesn't happen instantly. It's about realising that the narcissist highlighted our core wounds and protective parts. The best thing we can do is stop looking at the narcissist and their new relationship, focus that lens on ourselves, take back our power, and do what we need to do to live our best life.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Rock Bottom to Post Traumatic Growth - A Story to Inspire Hope with Danette May May 18, 2021

Show notes

Today I'm joined by the extraordinary Danette May, America’s leading healthy lifestyle expert, #1 best-selling author of “The Rise,” and 7 health and fitness books and programs. She is a co-founder and CCO of Mindful Health, LLC (#48 on the Inc. 5000 List), dedicated founder of The Rise movement, world-renowned motivational speaker, wife, and mother.

Danette's rise began after losing her son during childbirth, getting divorced, and finding herself with $47 to her name. It was then that she decided to stop being a victim and rewrite her story.

She began to focus on the three pillars of healing: healing foods, healing movement, and a healing mindset. These three pillars form the foundation of every product or program she's created since then.

In this episode, Danette charts how she was able to pull herself back from rock bottom to have POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH in all areas of her life.

Danette would also offer anyone who pre-orders her book access to a Free Live Virtual Relationship Coaching Event (worth $597). As a VIP coach, she leads healing retreats, and helps high level execs change their mindset, learn to manifest, and call in intimate relationships, attracting their Soul’s Contract Connection. Pre-orders of the new book "Embrace Abundance" can get a FREE TICKET to a live event by going here: http://embraceabundancebook.com

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What it meant for Danette to fail to tune into her intuition

- The importance of taking responsibility for our life choices

- Why forgiveness is so liberating

- The three pillars of healing, and why it’s essential to focus on each of them

- The importance of the words that we say to ourselves

When we forgive those who hurt us, we unplug them from our energetic field. Either if they say or do something to us, or if we remember what they did to us in the past, we won't be affected. Only after we unplug ourselves from the people who hurt us, we can rise up and be who we want to be, without being pulled down by past memories.

Resources:

- Visit Danette May's website: https://danettemay.com/

- Pre-order Danette’s new book “Embrace Abundance” http://embraceabundancebook.com

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Interview With Ross Rosenberg, Founder of Self-Love Recovery Institute May 11, 2021

Show notes

Today I’m sharing with you a fantastic conversation with Ross Rosenberg.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is the owner of Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker who has presented in 30 States/70 cities and abroad and has been regularly featured on national TV and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 120K copies and are translated into 10 languages. His YouTube Channel has amassed 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers.

In this episode, Ross shared brilliant insights about responsibility, codependency, children moulded by narcissistic parents, and core shame. We talked about his definition of codependency, and how it was a game changer for so many people after finding an explanation that made sense for them.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The victim's connection with responsibility and the band-aid therapy

- Ross' journey of dealing with narcissists in his life, and how he managed to overcome his challenges

- How many types of codependents there are according to Ross, and the difference between them

- What is the human magnet syndrome

- What is a relationship template, how it is created, and how it works

Ross’s definition of codependency is revolutionary, because it offers a simple explanation of the condition. After we have an answer, we can make a choice to address the problem and neutralize its cause.

Connect with Ross Rosenberg:

- Self-Love Recovery Institute https://www.selfloverecovery.com/

- Find Ross on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/rossarosenberg/

- Find Ross on Twitter https://twitter.com/rossrosenberg1/

- Find Ross on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rossrosenberg_slri/

- Visit Ross’s YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/clinicalcareconsult

Resources:

- Book: Ross Rosenberg - The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse https://www.amazon.com/Human-Magnet-Syndrome-Codependent-Narcissist-ebook/dp/B07D99945P/

- Book: Alice Miller - The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Third-ebook/dp/B06XCG9MKN/

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Why Do I Have To Be The One To Change In Response To The Narcissist?! May 04, 2021

Show notes

Today, we will talk about why we feel WE need to change after all the abuse received from the narcissist in our lives. To help us see this issue from a different lens, we use the Internal Family System perspective, and we will understand why we feel that way.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What is the reason behind our protective parts making us feel angry or frustrated

- The consequence of blending with our protective parts

- The questions we need to ask ourselves when we start feeling angry and frustrated

When we feel we need to change our behaviour around the narcissist, or change how we react to their abuse, a sense of injustice invades us. The truth is we don't need to change; we only need to ask ourselves and understand why our protective parts are coming to rescue us. Ideally, we should see a narcissist as a spotlight warning us against being triggered and confusing our protective parts with our true self.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Am I Turning Into A Narcissist? - Mirror Neurons Explained Apr 27, 2021

Show notes

In this episode, we will dive deeper into a question that I get asked a lot - am I turning into a narcissist? We will talk about why we start to notice some narcissistic behaviours in ourselves after going through an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- Why those victimised by a narcissist start exhibiting narcissistic behaviour

- What the mirror neurons are, and their role in our behaviour

- Why narcissists won't start mirroring codependency

- How looking from a trauma-informed lens can help us understand our own narcissistic traits

No narcissist will ever question their narcissistic behaviour, they will blame others for their actions. The best thing we can do when we detect narcissistic behaviour in ourselves is to step back, and look at it from a place of curiosity, compassion, courage, and clarity. If we are genuinely asking ourselves - am I a narcissist? - we most certainly are not.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Empathy & The Narcissist - Or Lack Of!!! Apr 20, 2021

Show notes

In today's episode, we will talk about narcissists and empathy. We will go through the three types of empathy and explain which area of the brain is responsible for each of them, so we can understand better why, according to the DSM, narcissists lack empathy.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The three types of empathy - cognitive, emotional, and compassionate

- The three main areas of the brain that are associated with each type of empathy

- What kind of empathy narcissists are able to demonstrate

- Why and when narcissists are showing some kind of empathy

- What happens to us when we are offered no empathy

When we understand the origin and the difference between the three types of empathy, it becomes easier to understand why sometimes it may look like the narcissist in our lives is showing kindness or compassion. For them, it is all about getting narcissistic supply, and they'll put themselves in a situation where they can get more of it.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

The Shame Of Staying With A Narcissist - Just Leave Then!!! Apr 13, 2021

Show notes

In this episode, we will talk about the shame and judgment that those who stay in a narcissist relationship suffer from others and from themselves. We will dive deep into the reasons behind the decision to stay in an abusive relationship, and how to be more compassionate towards those who make such decisions.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How our protective parts don't know what happiness is

- What happens when we hear the phrase ‘Just leave then’

- Safety concerns in case of leaving a narcissistic relationships

- How we can help people who decide to stay in abusive relationships

- The importance of bringing awareness into your internal protective mechanisms

Someone that comes from a place of not feeling worthy is more likely to end up as a codependent in an abusive relationship. In most cases, the fear of leaving that relationship will be greater than their suffering, so they'll choose to stay. Without help, those people can enter the endless cycle of not feeling good enough to leave and, simultaneously, not worthy enough to generate love in their partners.

Resources:

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Part 3 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited Apr 06, 2021

Show notes

The third and final interview segment with Sam Vaknin is perhaps the most triggering, as we discuss the concepts of victim, victimhood, and being victimized by a narcissist. We also analyze Sam's view on victimization and victimhood as new social trends and part of the tribalism we live in nowadays.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- What happened to us is not what we are

- Why people idolize, perpetuate, and glamorise being a victim

- The danger of the self-styled empaths

- How to love yourself, trust your gut, and not abuse your abuser

When we grow up hearing things like we are not good enough or our parents find us helpful only as victims, then our self-esteem is low and we understand there is no other way than victimhood to get favourable outcomes from our environment. However, in order to heal, we must allow ourselves to be loved for who we are, and not for what happened to us.

Resources:

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Part 2 of the Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited Mar 30, 2021

Show notes

This is part two of the fantastic interview with Professor Sam Vaknin. In this episode we talk about narcissistic abuse from a social perspective, and how we, as society members, deal with abusers and victims. We dive deep into the danger of labelling people, and discuss the idea of fluidity between the roles of victims and abusers.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The counterproductive tendency of isolating trait behaviours, labelling and medicalising

- Regarding narcissism as a positive adaptation that has helped a child to survive

- Are we all a part of a colossal victim community?

- The differences in a relationship between narcissists and healthy people, and narcissists and codependents

- How the confirmation bias and the saviour mentality affects the victims of narcissist abuse

Accepting that many victims are never likely to abandon their abusers, Doctor Vaknin believes that people should be educated on self-defence, on how to create boundaries and react to abusive situations. Both the victim and abuser share the same source - they are children with wounded inner parts, utilising their survival tools.

Resources:

- Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

Interview With Professor Sam Vaknin - Author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited - Part 1 Mar 23, 2021

Show notes

This episode is the first part of an enlightening interview with Sam Vaknin, Professor of Psychology & Finances at the Southern University of Rostov-on-Don, Russia, PhD in Philosophy and Physics, and author of the book "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited."

In this first of a three-episode series, we talked about why the narcissistic abuse experience is different from other abusive relationships, and why each narcissistic abuse story is unique.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- How it was connecting with narcissistic abuse victims before the internet era

- The uniqueness of the narcissistic abuse experience

- How narcissists live inside their mind

- Why making demands or having expectations threatens a narcissist’s equilibrium

- The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) vs. the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual (PDM)

When Professor Vaknin started working with narcissistic abuse trauma back in 1995, there was no terminology, no words to describe it. One of his first jobs was to coin terms like narcissistic supply, somatic narcissist, cerebral narcissist, and narcissistic abuse itself. He has been studying the subject passionately for over 26 years, helping thousands of people to recover from their trauma.

Resources:

- Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

- Connect with Professor Sam Vaknin on LinkedIn, Instagram, and YouTube

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

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