Christianity
**Mormon Marriages**

Join Angilyn and Nate Bagley as they capture the real-life stories of amazing LDS couples, and learn the principles and tools of how to have an incredible Eternal Marriage from LDS marriage experts. If you want a marriage that makes you look forward to eternity… this show should be in your feed!

Latest Episodes:

E13 - The "M" Word with Daniel Burgess, MA, LMFT Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.

Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, “Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at daniel.burgess@gmail.com. You can also schedule a video appointment with him here.

E12 - Experiment Upon The Word with Celeste and Rich Davis Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

What if you want so much more, but you don’t even know where to start?

Let’s see what Alma had to say about this:

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” -Alma 32:27

In other words, if you’ve got a desire to have an awesome marriage, then you’ve already begun. The next step is to slap on those rubber gloves and protective goggles and start experimenting.

experiment
ex·per·i·ment \ ikˈsperəmənt \
noun: a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome.
verb: try out new concepts or ways of doing things.

My favorite part of this definition is, “without being sure of the eventual outcome.” Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and give something a try even if you have no idea what is going to come out of it. (See 1 Nephi 4:6-7)

In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sat down with Celeste and Rich Davis from the Marriage Laboratory to talk about the importance of experimenting.

E11 - Spare It A Little Longer with Nate and Angilyn Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Jacob 5…

It is by far the longest chapter in the Book of Mormon. In seventy-seven verses spanning across six and a half pages, Jacob introduces us to the allegory of the olive tree.

Growing up, I dreaded getting to this chapter. It was so long! To be honest, I didn’t really get the point of it. There’s lots of trees and the Lord and his servant go and graft in a bunch of branches and spread a bunch of poop on them, gather up the bad branches to burn them, they go back and forth between good fruit and bad…. yada yada…. On to the next chapter!

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized the life-altering lesson in this allegory that I had been missing out on all those years. As I read each verse, the story came alive to me in my mind.

We are the olive trees. Each of us. You and me.

The Lord of the Vineyard (Heavenly Father) and his servant (Jesus Christ) are working so hard on us. They labor and anguish over us - doing everything in their power to help us grow and develop. They are digging about our roots, casting out the bad in us and cultivating the good.

Sometimes, they rejoice because the fruit we are producing is good! And sometimes, they mourn because the fruit we produce is less than ideal. We can be easily corrupted, the wild branches taking over and running rampant in our lives.

At one point in the story, the Lord of the Vineyard is about to “hew down” and cast all the trees in the fire. None of them were producing the desired fruit and he lamented saying, “What more could I have done?”

The following verse has forever changed my outlook on life:

But, behold, the servant said unto the Lord of the vineyard: Spare it a little longer.

Spare it a little longer.

A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson.

The servant goes on to describe that though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone.

They can still be saved.

No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good.

Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness.

Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons.

Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late.

Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words:

Spare it a little longer.

E10 - Conscious Living with Josh & KC Brothers Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Josh and KC Brothers met on Tinder and have been messaging each other ever since! Early on in their relationship, they had discussions about their roles as stewards--not only of the Earth, but of each other. This led them to start making small changes in the way they live that would have a positive impact in their relationship with their home, their attachment to material goods, their food, their bodies, and each other. They discovered that no one was showing them how to start living a more conscious lifestyle--so they began documenting all of the baby steps it takes to get there in the hopes that others might be able to follow their trail as they became inspired to make similar changes. You can follow their journey to becoming better stewards on Instagram @consciousliving247.

E09 - Navigating a Mixed-Faith Marriage with Nick and Chelsea Homer Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

I never thought I’d be in a mixed-faith marriage.

We hadn’t even celebrated our first wedding anniversary before my husband told me he no longer identified with most of the teachings of the Church. I was hurt and confused. We both were.

I had imagined this honeymoon stage playing out very differently. Rather than focusing on this new exciting thing called marriage, we were trying to compromise on theology, lifestyle, and what felt like our entire future.

Where do we go? How do we navigate this journey? Who do I choose?

"This isn’t fair.”

My husband’s beliefs changed, and as a result I’m the one who suffered the consequences. Or at least that’s what it felt like. It wasn’t until we started to become more open about his changes in beliefs with those around us that I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering. My husband was having a very hard time with this transition too.

Though they might have had good intentions, he felt that people were more interested in fixing him and not so much in understanding him.

While there are times to have faith-promoting conversations, there are also times, I believe, that are better served by just listening and trying to understand.

That’s when it hit me. Rather than seeing the situation as a dichotomy (he’s either with me or against me), in reality he was just begging to be understood at a deeper level and I was needing that same understanding from him.

Navigating a situation that deviates from family and the surrounding community is no easy task. Getting married with the understanding that we shared similar beliefs, only to have his beliefs change and that foundation crumble is no easy task. Feeling “forced” to change a stance on faith because a spouse believes differently is, again, no easy task. It can be complicated, messy, and confusing for all parties involved.

I believe both sides deserve more love and understanding...

Read the rest of Chelsea's article here, on LDS.org

E08 - Unrighteous Dominion with Dr. Julie de Azevedo-Hanks Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Julie de Azevedo-Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

E07 - Living the Dream with Merrilee Boyack Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.

That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.

Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”

Date night is sacred time.

Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.

Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!

Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”

Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.

Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.

How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.

You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.

Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.

“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”

You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.

Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.

The “Treat as if…” principle.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.

It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.

These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.

A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.

E06 - Why We Started Mormon Marriages | Q&A with Nate and Angilyn Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?

These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.

We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.

Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity.

And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.

On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.

Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it!

E05 - The Pressure Church Leadership Positions Put on Marriage with Kurt and Alanna Francom Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Kurt is the founder of the Leading LDS podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

E04 - Clarity is Power with Super Bowl Champion, Setema Gali Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.

He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.

Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.

Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.

4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife
6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her
8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements
8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.
10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.
11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works
12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.
12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.
13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.
15:10 Ask for what you want and need
15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”
16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.
18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.
18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.
19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.
20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.
22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.
23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”
23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.
24:05 “What can I do better?”
25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”
25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”
26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?
27:00 Effective communication is key
28:45 “Where are you at right now?”
29:05 Winning after the game
31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.
31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.
31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship
32:30 Wealth is beyond money
32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people
33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”