More than Roommates

Episode 118 - Small Things Make a Big Difference in Marriage – (feat. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goi Mar 04, 2025

In Part 2 of their interview with Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how the little things truly matter in marriage. We discuss the importance of believing the best about our spouse and why we need a combination of quality and quantity time together.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:9

Rom 2:4

Phil 4:8

Questions to Discuss:

What are some small changes you can make in your marriage that could make a big difference?

How do you and your spouse do at believing the best about your spouse’s intentions?

How can you create more quality and quantity time together with your spouse?

Resources:

Book - The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference, by Shaunti Feldhahn

Shaunti’s Website – Shaunti.com

Follow Shaunti on Instagram

Follow Brian on Instagram

Married With Benefits Podcast (FamilyLife Network)

Podcast - I Wish You Could Hear This with Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn

Episode 117 - Changing the Way We Talk About Marriage – (feat. Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins) Feb 25, 2025

In Part 1 of a 2-Part interview, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott interview Shaunti Feldhahn and Brian Goins about the small things that make all the difference in marriage. In Part 1 we discuss the myth that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and why it’s harmful to perpetuate this myth

Scriptures:

1 Cor 13:13

Hebrews 3:13

1 Cor 7:28

Questions to Discuss:

How can you build your sense of hope in your marriage?

What would you tell a young couple before they get married? How would you encourage or challenge them?

What are some ways you need to change the way you talk about marriage with others?

Resources:

Shaunti’s Website – Shaunti.com

Follow Shaunti on Instagram

Follow Brian on Instagram

Married With Benefits Podcast (FamilyLife Network)

Podcast - I Wish You Could Hear This with Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn

Episode 116 - How Can You Serve Each Other in Marriage When You Don’t Feel Like It? Feb 18, 2025

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss the importance and centrality of serving your spouse in marriage when life is full and busy and when you don’t feel like it!

Scriptures:

Mark 10:45

Gal 5:13

Phil 2:1-11

Phil 1:27

1 Cor 13:6

1 Peter 3:7

Resources:

Book – Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage, by Ted Lowe

More Than Roommates – Episode 16 – The Importance of Empathy in Marriage (feat. Ted Lowe)

Questions to Discuss:

1. What is the thing around the house you hate to do?

2. What is one thing your spouse hates to do around the house?

3. What Does It Look Like to Serve Each Other in Your Marriage?

Resources to Help Marital Intimacy and What To Do Next? MTR Quickies Episode 12 Feb 14, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates (our last “Quickie”), Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what’s next—what do you do with all that’s been shared in these 12 days of Quickie episodes. We also share some recommended resources to help you take the next step in your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Questions to Discuss:

Which episode of the 12 days of Quickies was most helpful to you?

What’s something you learned in this series that you want to apply in your marriage?

Are there some concepts discussed in these episodes that would be good to discuss with community to help encourage and challenge each other?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy

Podcast – Christian Sexuality – Java with Juli

Podcasts – The Naked Marriage Podcast with Dave & Ashley Willis and Marriage on the Line with Dave & Ashley

Book – A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds, by Douglas Rosenau

Book - Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Michael Sytsma

Frequently Asked Questions About Sex - MTR Quickie Episode 11 Feb 13, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some frequently asked questions about sex, including questions about cussing in the bedroom, sexual abuse, can I say “No,” sex during menstruation, and more.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Hebrews 13:4

Ephesians 4:29

Questions to Discuss:

How do you handle it in your marriage when one of you is in the mood for sex and the other isn’t?

Is there any part of your past/your story that would be helpful to discuss a counselor or doctor to get some help and guidance?

What questions do you still have about sex and marriage? Email them in to marriage@harriscreek.org for future episodes.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy

Ministry for those who have experienced sexual abuse – Courageous Hope at Harris Creek

Book – Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault, by Justin & Lindsey Holcomb

Is the Goal of Sex Mutual Orgasm? MTR Quickie Episode 10 Feb 12, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss a frequently asked question about orgasms—for him, for her, and the elusive unicorn of mutual orgasm. We also discuss some common differences between the male and female orgasm.

Questions to Discuss:

Have you and your spouse discussed your expectations about how to please each other?

How can you take one step to help your spouse reach orgasm?

How do you do in giving feedback to each other in the bedroom?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – The Naked Marriage Podcast – Should We Orgasm Together?

Website – Authentic Intimacy

A Christian Perspective on Birth Control - MTR Quickie Episode 9 Feb 11, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss a frequently asked question— how followers of Christ should think about and make decisions about birth control. What does the Bible say and how Christians should think about birth control.

Scriptures:

Psalm 127:3

Romans 12:2

1 Cor 6:19-20

Questions to Discuss:

Have you and your spouse discussed your views about birth control?

Take some time to pray about what God would have you do regarding birth control.

Do some research about birth control and discuss with your doctor and your community as needed.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – More Than Roommates Episode 42 – When’s the Right Time to Grow Your Family?

Website – Authentic Intimacy

Addressing Common Myths About Sex - MTR Quickie Episode 8 Feb 10, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some common myths and stereotypes about sex drive, desire, and frequency and some potential differences between men and women.

Questions to Discuss:

What’s the biggest challenge you face in your marriage related to sex drive, desire, and frequency?

Have a conversation with your spouse about the topics raised in this episode. Make sure you listen well and seek to understand.

Resources:

Book – Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – Married with Benefits (FamilyLife Network)

Website – Authentic Intimacy

What If There’s Pain, Guilt, or Shame in Sex? MTR Quickie Episode 7 Feb 09, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss common challenges couples face with sexual intimacy. These challenges (such as past abuse and trauma, physical pain, guilt and shame) are more common than we might realize, and if you’re struggling, you are not alone!

Scriptures:

Romans 8:1

Genesis 3

2 Cor 5:17

Questions to Discuss:

What’s been the biggest challenge the two of you have faced in sexual intimacy?

Who can you connect with to discuss any issues/challenges you face/could face when it comes to sexual intimacy?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy

Married Sex In Different Seasons of Life - MTR Quickie Episode 6 Feb 08, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how sex changes in different seasons of marriage – newlyweds, with a newborn, with kids in the house, empty nest, and everything in between.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:7

Genesis 2:25

Song of Solomon

Questions to Discuss:

How can you best serve each other in marriage and sexual intimacy in your current season of marriage?

What’s one challenge you anticipate in the season ahead and how can you proactively address some of the potential challenges?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Is It Okay To Have a Quickie? - MTR Quickie Episode 5 Feb 07, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss whether or not it’s within bounds to “have a quickie.” We discuss different ways to think about sex depending on your schedule and margin, and how to have a healthy rhythm of intimacy.

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to quickies?

2. How can you make space for more extended time for intimacy together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

The Naked Marriage Podcast

Specific Questions of What’s In and Out of Bounds - MTR Quickie Episode 4 Feb 06, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss specific questions of what’s in and out of bounds in the bedroom. What does the Bible say about specific questions such as pornography, masturbation, positions, oral sex, and so much more.

Scriptures:

Hebrews 13:4

1 Cor 6:18

Ephesians 5:3

MT 5:27-28

1 Cor 10:31

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are some ways you can honor your spouse and serve them in the bedroom? Discuss with one another.

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

What's In and Out of Bounds in the Bedroom? - MTR Quickie Episode 3 Feb 05, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some general principles of what’s in bounds and out of bounds in the bedroom. Sex cannot involve others besides your spouse (Matthew 5:27-28), cannot involve willingly hurting your spouse against their will (Philippians 2:3-4), and cannot violate your or your spouse’s conscience (Romans 14). Come back tomorrow as we get even more specific.

Scriptures:

MT 5:27-28

Phil 2:3-4

Rom 14

Questions to Discuss:

1. Have you and your spouse ever discussed what’s in bounds and out of bounds in your bedroom?

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Talking to Your Spouse About Sex - MTR Quickie Episode 2 Feb 04, 2025

Let's talk about Sex! In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the importance of talking about sexual intimacy in marriage and why couples often struggle to discuss sex. Part of the reason why so many couples struggle in their sex life is because they don’t talk about it.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

Ephesians 4:29

Questions to Discuss:

How do you and your spouse do at talking about sexual intimacy? Why is it sometimes challenging for you and your spouse to discuss sexual intimacy?

How can you and your spouse create a marriage where you are fully known and fully loved?

One of the best ways to help you communicate more effectively about sex is to read a book about sex together. We highly recommend the book Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta.

Write down 2-3 adjectives about how you feel about sex and marriage. Share your responses with your spouse. There’s no wrong answer!

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

What Does the Bible Say About Sex? - MTR Quickie Episode 1 Feb 03, 2025

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott kick-off a series of “quickies” about sex and the most frequently asked questions about marital sex and intimacy. In this first episode we discuss a Christian, biblical theology of sex—we want to help you think rightly about the gift of sex.

Scriptures:

Song of Solomon 1:2, 5:1

1 Corinthians 10:31

Phil 2:3-4

Genesis 2:24-25

Questions to Discuss:

Why do you think that sex is so significant in marriage/to married couples?

Do you believe God delights in you as a married couple when you’re sexually intimate together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Episode 115 - Fighting FOR Your Spouse Jan 28, 2025

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how you can fight FOR (not against) your spouse. What does it look like to stand up for and defend them when they face unjustified criticism from someone else (i.e., parents, children, friends)?

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:24-25

Romans 12:19

Matthew 5:38-40

PR 26:4-5

MT 18:15-17

Hebrews 3:13

Questions to Discuss:

Do you have any hot takes that you’re willing to fight for/defend?

What does it look like to rightfully stand up and defend your spouse?

How do you know whether the best thing is to fight for your spouse or to just walk away?

Resources:

More Than Roommates - Episode 97 – Why Are In-Law Relationships Often So Challenging?

Episode 114 - A Story of Confession and Redemption (feat. Layton & Chelsea from Liberator Podcast) Jan 21, 2025

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview Layton & Chelsea Boeve from the Liberator Podcast as they share their story about pornography and how it’s affected their marriage. Layton and Chelsea share how their story has not become their ministry as they seek to help couples with similar stories.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 6:18

2 Timothy 1:7

Psalm 139:23-24

Resources:

Podcast – Liberator Podcast (with Layton & Chelsea)

Websites – Fight the New Drug and Truth About Porn

Study & Website – Beyond the Porn Phenomenon

Questions to Discuss:

What are some topics you don’t like to discuss with your spouse?

What encouraged you most from Layton & Chelsea’s story?

What steps are you taking in your marriage to fight temptations with lust and pornography?

Episode 113 - How Porn Affects Your Brain and Your Marriage (feat. Nick Stumbo) Jan 14, 2025

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview Nick Stumbo, the Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, about pornography and its impact on the brain and how it affects marriages. This episode is Part 1 in a 2-part series about pornography and marriage.

Scriptures:

James 5:16

1 Cor 6:18

Resources:

Website - Pure Desire Ministries

Free Downloads - 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma and 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Podcast – Pure Desire Ministries Podcast

Questions to Discuss:

What’d the goal and purpose of our sexuality? How does pornography work against God’s purposes?

How has pornography impacted your marriage?

What stood out to you from our interview with Nick?

Episode 112 - Do You Speak Your Spouse’s Language? Jan 07, 2025

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the five love languages (as written by Dr. Gary Chapman) and how knowing our love languages allows us to better speak the love language of our spouse. When we know their love language, it gives us an opportunity serve our spouse in a way that honors them.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:7

Phil 2:3-4

Resources:

Book – The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Resource - 5 Love Languages Quiz

Blog Post - How You Can Date Your Spouse According To The 5 Love Languages

Questions to Discuss:

1. What language did you study in school?

2. What’s your love language? Your spouse’s love language? If you don’t know, take the quiz at the website listed above.

3. What’s one way you can speak your spouse’s love language today/this week?

Episode 111 - Looking Back and Forward with Gratitude Dec 31, 2024

Happy New Year! In this brief episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott briefly reflect on the last 12 months as we look backward on 2024 and forward to 2025 with gratitude.

Questions to Discuss:

What are you most grateful for from the past 12 months?

What are you most looking forward to in 2025?

How can you and your spouse cultivate a habit of gratitude for your lives and marriage?

Scriptures:

Joshua 4

Episode 110 - Hope This Christmas Dec 24, 2024

Merry Christmas Eve from the More Than Roommates team! In this brief Christmas Eve reflection, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss our true hope and where hope is found on Christmas Day and every day!

Scriptures:

Proverbs 13:12

Romans 15:13

Questions to Discuss:

What’s your favorite Christmas gift you’ve ever received?

What are you hopeful for this Christmas?

What’s your greatest hope that God would do in your marriage and through your marriage?

Episode 109 - Marriage Myth: We Think We're Healthy Because We Don't Fight (feat. Greg and Erin Smal Dec 17, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott interview Greg and Erin Smalley about conflict and the myth that an absence of conflict means a couple must be healthy. We discuss what the Bible says about conflict and how healthy conflict repair can help us to be fully known and fully loved.

Questions to Discuss:

1. Do you believe that quarrels and conflict can help couples truly know each other better?

2. Are there areas of your marriage where you have avoided tough conversations and swept any issues under the rug?

3. How are the two of you different from one another when it comes to conflict?

4. How can you develop a posture of humility in your marriage?

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:28

James 4:1

1 Cor 13:6

Eph 4:29

Phil 2:3-4

Rom 12:18

MT 7:3-5

MT 18:15-17

1 Peter 5:5

Resources:

Greg and Erin’s Podcast - Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage

Website - Focus on the Family

Episode 108 - How the Reactive Cycle Affects Your Marriage Dec 10, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the reactive cycle couples often get into with each other when their expectations aren’t met. We often fall into harmful patterns that can lead us to negative reactions in our marriage. What is this cycle and how do we get out of it?

Scriptures:

PR 15:1

Rom 12:2

Phil 4:8

Resources:

Hope Restored Marriage Intensive (from Focus on the Family)

The Reactive Cycle “Test” – through this brief assessment you can learn your marriage triggers and responses.

Cherish: The One Word That Changes Everything for Your Marriage, by Gary Thomas

Seven Primal Questions: Take Control Of The Hidden Forces That Drive You, by Mike Foster

Questions to Discuss:

1. What triggers your reactive cycle?

2. How can you increase the gap between a negative trigger and your response?

3. How can we avoid spiraling down into the reactive cycle?

Episode 107 - Memorable Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary Dec 03, 2024

It only comes one time every year, but it’s worth celebrating! In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to celebrate your wedding anniversary in a memorable and significant way.

Resources:

Blog Post – 30 Unique Ways to Celebrate Your Anniversary

Scripture:

Ephesians 5:31-32

1 Peter 3:7

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s your favorite party you’ve ever been to?

2. What are your expectations for your anniversary? Make sure you discuss what each of your expectations are for celebrating your anniversary.

3. Why is it important to celebrate your anniversary? Do you realize your marriage is intended to be a picture of God’s triune love?

4. Where do we want to be in our marriage on our 50th anniversary?

Episode 106 - When Do I Overlook An Offense? Nov 26, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk about what it means to overlook a small offense in marriage. When is it okay to overlook it and when do you need to address and discuss it?

Scriptures:

Proverbs 19:11

Romans 12:18

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Resources:

Harris Creek Conflict: Field Guide

Harris Creek Peacemaker Guide

More Than Roommates – Episode 44 – What To Do When Your Spouse Annoys You

Questions to Discuss:

1. What is your favorite Disney song?

2. How do you know whether you can overlook an offense from your spouse?

3. Why do we give more grace or more easily overlook an offense from a stranger than we do for our spouse?

4. Are you a peace faker, a peace breaker, or a peace maker?

Episode 105 - Mutual Respect in Marriage (feat. Kyler & Britt Nixon from Love Your First Year) Nov 19, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle and Scott interview Kyler and Britt Nixon about mutual respect in marriage. The Nixons primarily work with young couples, but this message is relevant for every couple. The Nixons provide practical ways to provide mutual respect in your marriage.

Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:33

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Romans 12:10

MT 7:12

Resources:

Follow Love Your First Year on Instagram!

Website – Love Your First Year

Online Course - Love Your First Year

Blog Post - The 5 Conflict Languages

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you and your spouse make decisions? Do you make decisions together? How do you fight for alignment?

2. Why does it matter for you and your spouse to show each other respect?

3. How do you restore trust and respect when either has been broken?

Episode 104 - Holidays and In-Law & Family Expectations Nov 12, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discussing holidays, especially related to expectations around family and in-laws. How can you proactively address some of the challenges couples often face around holiday expectations?

Scriptures:

James 4:1

Matthew 7:12

Phil 2:3-4

Galatians 1:10

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s your favorite Holiday movie? Is Home Alone a Christmas movie? (Yes, of course it is!).

2. How can you fight back against selfishness during the holidays?

3. How can you and your spouse be peacemakers this holiday season?

Resources:

More Than Roommates - Episode 51 - How To Make This Your Best Holiday Season Yet (Part 1 in a 2-Part Series)

More Than Roommates – Episode 52 – How to Have the Best Holidays Yet With Your Family and In-Laws (Part 2 in a 2-Part Series)

Episode 103 - Protect Your Marriage (Live from the 2024 MTR Marriage Conference) Nov 07, 2024

Live from the 2024 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference! In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott respond to a testimony of infidelity shared live at the 2024 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference. We share some lessons learned on how to protect our marriages.

Registration is now open for the 2025 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference! Find out more at harriscreek.org/events.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Romans 13:14

Luke 6:47-49

PS 16:11

MT 7:3-5

1 Tim 1:15

Questions to Discuss:

1. As we unpack Kevin & Kelli’s testimony, what stuck out to you from our observations?

2. What do you run to when you’re stressed in life and in marriage?

3. Who or what is the biggest problem in your marriage?

Resources:

More Than Roommates Episode 102 – A Story of Redemption and Forgiveness (feat. Kevin & Kelli Mainz)

Episode 102 - A Story of Redemption and Forgiveness (feat. Kevin & Kelli Mainz) Nov 05, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we get to hear a testimony from Kevin & Kelli Mainz and their story of infidelity and recovery. While you may not have the same testimony as Kevin & Kelli, you can still learn from their mistakes and be encouraged by God’s faithfulness in their story.

Registration is now open for the 2025 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference! Find out more at harriscreek.org/events.

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are you most encouraged by or challenged by in Kevin & Kelli’s testimony?

2.How have you experienced God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness in your life and in your marriage?

3. What story does your marriage tell? A story of brokenness or of redemption and healing?

Scriptures:

Romans 12:2

Deut 31:8

Rom 8:28

Ecc 9:9

PR 3:5-6

Isa 40:28-31

The 2025 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference! Nov 04, 2024

We are so excited about the 2025 More Than Roommates Marriage Conference on January 31-February 1, 2025 at Harris Creek! We'll have great teaching, breakouts, fun, and surprises as we seek to help couples take the next intentional step to become so much more than just roommates.

We hope to see you there! You can find all the details about the conference and sign-up to join us right here.

We sold out last year and we assume we will this year as well, so come join us while spots are available!

As always, if we can answer any questions, email us at marriage@harriscreek.org. Please make sure to rate and review More Than Roommates, and please share with your friends.

Episode 101 - Elections, Your Vote, & Your Marriage Oct 31, 2024

In this special episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk Elections, Your Vote, and Your Marriage. We discuss whether you and your spouse should share who you’re voting for, how you can disagree well, and what to do if you disagree on who to vote for.

Scriptures:

MT 22:15-22

2 Cor 6:14

Ephesians 4:3-5

MT 5:13-16

Jeremiah 29:7

Romans 12:1-2

Eph 4:29

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are some disagreements that you and your spouse had in the past that are funny to look back on now?

2. How can you and your spouse disagree well to the glory of God?

3. What can kindness look like in your marriage even when you disagree with one another?

Resources:

Peace Talks Series – Part 1, Peace With God, Jonathan Pokluda

Podcast – Becoming Something – Episode 289 – Conspiracies and Candidates (feat. Jason Woodruff)

Podcast – The Pour Over, 2024 Election Topics Bonus Episodes

Instagram Post - The 11:05 Challenge

Episode 100 - How Marriage Has Changed Us Oct 29, 2024

Welcome to the 100th episode of More Than Roommates! In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott celebrate the fact that we’ve now released 100 episodes! We share some of our favorite episodes, what we’ve learned about marriage through this podcast, and how marriage has changed each of us.

Questions to Discuss:

1. What have you learned about yourself, your spouse, and marriage through listening to More Than Roommates? Share with our team by emailing marriage@harriscreek.org

2. What is God currently teaching or showing you about your marriage?

3. How has marriage changed you?

Scriptures:

James 3:1

Ephesians 5:22-27

Resources:

List of all episodes of More Than Roommates on Apple Podcasts

List of all episodes of More Than Roommates on Spotify

Episode 99 - Marriage Through Different Seasons of Parenting Oct 22, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the unique challenges and opportunities that come along with different seasons of parenting, from newlyweds to the empty nest. How can you keep your marriage strong in every season?

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s your favorite season of the year? (Winter, spring, summer, fall)

2. How can you keep your marriage strong in your current season of marriage and parenting?

3. Regardless of the season you’re in, what are the priorities for your marriage and family?

4. What can you do today in your marriage to help you finish the race strong?

Scriptures:

PR 15:22

Luke 6:47-49

John 16:33

1 Corinthians 7:28

Phil 2:3-4

Mark 10:45

Eph 5:15-16

Romans 12:2

Hebrews 12:1-2

Resources:

Are You at Risk for Gray Divorce?, by Focus on the Family

Episode 98 - Discover and Celebrate Your Spouse's Gifts Oct 15, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to discover and celebrate the spiritual gifts God has given to both you and your spouse. How can you live on mission together, using and highlighting the gifts God has given to each of you?

Scriptures:

Ephesians 4

1 Corinthians 12

Romans 12

1 Peter 4

Ephesians 5:25-27

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

2. What are your spiritual gifts?

3. How can you highlight your spouse’s gifts?

4. Ask your spouse how you can help them use their gifts.

Episode 97 - Why Are In-Law Relationships Often So Challenging? Oct 08, 2024

Why is conflict between a husband and wife and the in-laws so common? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some common challenges couples often encounter with family and in-laws and discuss some ways to proactively build and reactively repair in-laws relationships.

Scriptures:

Ruth 1:16-17

Romans 12:18

Hebrews 12:14

Romans 12:10

Matthew 7:3-5

1 Peter 3:7

Genesis 2:24

Col 3:12-14

Resources:

More Than Roommates – Episode 94 – How to Be a Better Listener in Marriage

More Than Roommates – Episode 32 – The Non-So-Secret Guide to In-Law Relationships (feat. Dave Willis)

More Than Roommates – Episode 21 – How Can We Have Healthy Relationships with Our In-Laws?

Questions to Discuss:

1. Why do in-law and family relationships often seem so fragile and challenging?

2. How can you be for your in-laws and family and not against each other?

3. What are some ways you can do a better job of believing the best about your in-laws instead of assuming the worst?

4. Challenge: Make a commitment to consistently pray for your in-laws and family.

Episode 96 - Staying Engaged Long After You Say “I Do” (feat. Colby & Amanda Taylor) Oct 01, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview Colby and Amanda Taylor about how to stay engaged in your marriage from before you say “I Do” until “Death do us part.” We discuss the importance of focusing on the marriage and not just the wedding day and how couples can thrive long after they say “I do.”

Resources:

Embellished Weddings & Events – Website and Instagram

The Engaged Life – Website and Instagram

Ready or Knot? 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage, by Scott Kedersha

Scriptures:

James 4:6

Question to Discuss:

1. What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve ever seen at a wedding?

2. What’s one decision you’re glad you made from day one of your marriage?

3. How can you stay engaged in your marriage? What’s one thing you can do to help fight against the drift away from oneness?

Episode 95 - Sabbath Rest and Your Marriage Sep 24, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk what the Bible says about rest, the importance of Sabbath rest and your marriage, and reasons why we struggle to Sabbath.

Scriptures:

Exodus 20:8-11

Genesis 2:2-3

Mark 2:23-28

MT 11:28-30

Resources:

Books - Practicing the Way and The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, by John Mark Comer

Podcast, More Than Roommates, Episode 62 – Your Marriage and the Unhurried Life (feat. Chris Schultz)

Podcast, More Than Roommates, Episode 82 – How Does Work Affect Your Marriage (feat. Jordan Raynor)

Books – Andy Crouch – The Tech-Wise Family and Amy Crouch & Andy Crouch - The Tech-Wise Life

Book - Sabbath Keeping, by Lynne Baab

Website – 9 practices - Practicing the Way

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you and your spouse do with sleep and rest?

2. How often do you and your spouse set aside intentional time for rest?

3. What prevents/keeps you from Sabbath rest? (i.e., pride, trust)

4. What would Sabbath rest make possible in your lives, family, and marriage?

Episode 94 - How To Be A Better Listener In Marriage Sep 17, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss one of the most important skills required for healthy marriages. We discuss why we struggle to be good listeners and what we can do about it.

Scriptures:

James 1:19

Proverbs 18:2

Romans 12:10

1 Peter 3:7

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are you listening to now (podcasts, audiobook, music)? Share with your significant other.

2. Discuss with your spouse some of the reasons why you struggle to listen well? What are your biggest challenges/obstacles to being a good listener?

3. What’s one step you can take to a better listener in your relationships?

Resources:

Podcast More Than Roommates – Episode 82 – How Does Work Affect Your Marriage (feat. Jordan Raynor)

Episode 93 - Who is Ashley Madison and Why Should You Care? Sep 10, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the Ashley Madison scandal and how to fight temptations in your marriage. We want you to be more than roommates and to fight for your marriage as you guard against the enemy who seeks to destroy you and your marriage.

Scriptures:

MT 10:26

Rom 2:16

1 Cor 4:5

PS 32:3-4

James 4:1

MT 5:27-30

1 Cor 7:28

1 John 1:9

James 5:16

Ephesians 4:26-27

1 Cor 6:18

PR 28:13

Resources:

Podcast – More Than Roommates, Episode 70 – What’s the Deal (And Dangers) With Polyamory?

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s a courageous step you can take in your marriage today to help strengthen it against the threat of temptations?

2. Discuss with your spouse the things that tempt you. How can you help each other in this battle? How can you prayer for each other?

3. This is a scary prayer, but would you be willing to pray for God to mercifully expose any sin in your life and in your marriage?

Episode 92 - How Do I Balance Time With My Spouse and With Friends? Sep 03, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk about how to balance time with your spouse, family, and friends. Is it possible to strike a healthy balance in how to best spend our time together and with others?

Resources:

More Than Roommates – Episode 49 – Made For People (feat. Justin Whitmel Earley)

More Than Roommates – Episode 13 – Why We Need Healthy Friendships and Community For Our Marriage

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18

Hebrews 10:23-25

Galatians 6:1

1 Corinthians 15:33

Proverbs 18:24

Questions to Discuss:

1. Discuss with your spouse: Who were your closest friends when you were growing up?

2. What would it look like for you and your spouse to not give up, but to unswervingly pursue relationships with others?

3. Discuss together: What do we need to do to help us find a healthy balance in our time together and time with friends?

Episode 91 - Q&A About Sex & Marriage (feat. Kait & JJ Tomlin) Aug 27, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle and Scott interview Kait & JJ Tomlin from the Heart of Dating. We have a great discussion about sex and marriage as we pepper Kait & JJ with all kinds of questions.

Resources:

Heart of Dating Website

Follow Heart of Dating on Instagram

Podcast – Heart of Dating with Kait & JJ Tomlin

Podcast - That Sounds Fun – Sex + Dating with Kait & JJ Tomlin

Book – Married Sex, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy Ministry

Website – Regeneration Recovery

Podcast – More Than Roommates – Episode 64 – Questions to Ask Your Spouse Every Week

Scriptures:

1 John 4:8

Matthew 5:27

Ephesians 5:3

1 Corinthians 6:18

Questions to Discuss:

1. What do you and your spouse do when one person is in the mood sexually and the other is not?

2. Do you have a safe space to be 100% honest with your spouse about everything in your life? Your sex life?

3. What do you and your spouse need to discuss with each other from this episode of More Than Roommates?

Episode 90 - Our Favorite Marriage Resources Aug 20, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the books, podcasts, and resources that have most deeply affected their marriages. With a lot of great resources out there, we want to help you to be thoughtful about the resources that impact your marriage.

Scriptures:

Proverbs 11:2

Job 12:12

Proverbs 13:20

Resources Mentioned:

The Glorious Pursuit, by Gary Thomas

The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim and Kathy Keller

Cherish, by Gary Thomas

Married Sex, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman

Ready or Knot?, by Scott Kedersha

The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide, by Scott Kedersha

Outdated, by Jonathan Pokluda

Friends, Partner, and Lovers, by Kevin Thompson

Married Into the Family, by Dave & Ashley Willis

Hold Me Tight, and Created For Connection by Sue Johnson

A Lasting Promise, by Scott Stanley

Us In Mind, by Ted Lowe

Greater Joy Twogether, by Ted Cunningham

More Than Roommates, Episode 35 – How to Identify the Four Negative Horsemen of Communication and Conflict

More Than Roommates, Episodes 53 – Friends, Partners, and Lovers in Marriage feat. Kevin Thompson

More Than Roommates, Episode 58 – How to Thrive in a Blended Family feat. Ron Deal

More Than Roommates, Episode 43 – The Not-So-Secret Guide to In-Law Relationships, feat. Dave Willis

More Than Roommates, Episode 12 – Identifying Negative Communication Patterns

Website & Podcast - Authentic Intimacy, Juli Slattery

Website & Podcast - Fierce Marriage

Website & Podcast – Family Life Today

Questions to Discuss:

1. If you were on a deserted, and could only bring 1-2 books (besides the Bible), what book(s) would you bring with you?

2. What marriage book has been most helpful for you and your spouse?

3. Out of all the resources mentioned, which one will you and your spouse read and/or listen to?

Episode 89 - Exceeding Your Spouse's Expectations Aug 13, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss expectations in marriage – where do our expectations come from, what if they’re not met, and how can you exceed your spouse’s expectations? Part 2 in a 2-part mini-series on expectations.

Scriptures:

James 4:1

Proverbs 13:12

1 Corinthians 7:28

John 16:33

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Questions to Discuss:

1. When’s the last time something did not meet your expectations?

2. What are the main sources of your expectations in your marriage?

3. What’s something you can do today to exceed your spouse’s expectations?

Resources:

More Than Roommates – Episode 88 - Who Or What Most Impacts Your Marriage? Part 1 in 2-part series (feat. Ann Daly)

More Than Roommates – Episode 23 – What Did You Expect In Marriage? (Part 1, feat. Jonathan “JP” Pokluda)

More Than Roommates – Episode 24 – What Did You Expect In Marriage? (Part 2, feat. Johnathan “JP” Pokluda)

Episode 88 - Who Or What Most Impacts Your Marriage? Aug 06, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Ann, and Scott talk about who or what most significantly impacts your marriage. Whether it’s other couples, what we’re entertained by, or what we follow on social media, we need to be thoughtful about who and what most impacts our marriages. Part 2 in a 2-part series on expectations.

Scripture:

1 Corinthians 15:33

Psalm 1

PR 13:20

2 Corinthians 6:14

Romans 12:15

PR 27:6

PR 27:17

Questions to Discuss:

1. Who did you want to be like when you were growing up?

2. What are the characteristics of couples who have a poor influence on marriage?

3. What couples are most influencing your marriage (in a positive or negative way)?

Episode 87 - When Your Marriage Is Stuck In A Rut Jul 30, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Ann Daly joins Derek and Scott as we discuss what to do when you’re stuck and struggling in your marriage. Even if you’re not stuck today, there are seasons of marriage when we all find ourselves stuck and just going through the motions. This would be a great episode to share with a friend who’s stuck in their marriage.

Scriptures:

Matthew 7:3-5

Romans 12:18

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Proverbs 18:2

Gal 6:9

Resources:

Book - The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness – by Timothy Keller

Marriage Ministry and Resources - reengage

Recovery Ministry and Resources – regeneration recovery

Podcast – More Than Roommates, Episode 57 – What To Do When You’re Stuck

Questions to Discuss:

1. Icebreaker - When’s the last time you were stuck in really bad weather?

2. When’s the last time you and your spouse were stuck in your marriage?

3. What do you do when you’re stuck and think there’s no way out?

Episode 86 - The Dangers of Money & Marriage Jul 23, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the potential dangers of money and how money can affect your marriage in both positive and negative ways.

Scripture:

1 Timothy 6:10

Acts 5:1-11

Matthew 6:21

Psalm 24:1

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s something dangerous you’ve done in life?

2. What do you think about the statement that we should be more afraid of the dangers of money?

3. Where does money draw you offsides in your marriage?

4. What are some ways you and your spouse can be more creative in how you steward your finances?

5. How does your upbringing affect the way you and your spouse view money/stewardship?

Episode 85 - Is There Anything Hidden In Your Marriage? Jul 16, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss a story where a couple’s “secret” argument was overheard by a room of people. What would happen if others heard your arguments that take place behind closed doors?

Scripture:

Luke 8:17

Matthew 12:36

Proverbs 5:21

MT 18:15-17

1 John 1:5-7

Questions to Discuss:

1. What reality show would you and your spouse want to be on?

2. What if everything you did and say was broadcast for the rest of the world to see and hear?

3. How do you decide when to bring others into your marriage disagreements and conflicts?

Episode 84 - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage - Part 2 Jul 09, 2024

In Part 2 in this 2-part series on marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott focus on remarriage, how you can help others walking through marriage challenges, and the role community can play in helping proactively and reactively strengthening marriages.

Scriptures:

Matthew 19:3-12

Genesis 2:18-25

Ephesians 5:22-33

1 Corinthians 7

2 Corinthians 6:14

Matthew 5:27-32

Questions to Discuss:

1. Pray that God would strengthen your marriage and that God would protect you from separation and divorce.

2. How can God use you and your marriage to help strengthen the marriages of others?

3. Do you believe God can truly heal any marriage?

Resources:

Article - Revisiting Enough is Enough, by Gary Thomas

Episode 83 - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage - Part 1 Jul 02, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk about what the Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage and how this plays out in our marriages. This new episode will be helpful for your own marriage and as you seek to encourage friends in their marriages.

Scriptures:

Matthew 19:3-12

Genesis 2:18-25

Ephesians 5:22-33

1 Corinthians 7

2 Corinthians 6:14

Matthew 5:27-32

Questions to Discuss:

1. Have you ever studied and discussed with your spouse what the Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage?

2. What are some practical steps you can take to help strengthen your marriage proactively?

3. How can you do a better job of inviting others in to your conversations about your marriage?

Resources:

Podcast – More Than Roommates, Episode 3 – The Biblical Vision and Picture of Marriage

Episode 82 - How Does Work Affect Your Marriage? (feat. Jordan Raynor) Jun 25, 2024

In this episode, Derek and Scott interview speaker and author, Jordan Raynor. Jordan is a leading voice of the faith and work movement, and in this episode we get very practical as we discuss the connection, challenges, and opportunities of work and marriage.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Spend some time thinking about Jordan’s statement – who do you do your work with?

2. How can you not let your work/jobs negatively affect your marriage and family?

3. How can you be fully present both at home AND at work?

Resources:

Books by Jordan Raynor – Redeeming Your Time, The Sacredness of Secular Work, The Word Before Work

Website – Jordanraynor.com

Jordan’s Podcast – Mere Christians

Book – Every Good Endeavor, by Tim Keller

Scripture:

Genesis 1:26-28

Revelation 21

Isaiah 65:17-23

Episode 81 - How To Grow In Emotional Intimacy (Part 2 In A Series) Jun 18, 2024

In Part 2 in a series on emotional intimacy, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to practically grow in emotional intimacy with your spouse. Check out Part 1 of this 2-Part series if you haven't already!

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

Galatians 6:2

Ephesians 5:31-32

Matthew 18:15-17

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Resources:

Podcast – More Than Roommates - Episode 80 – Fully Known, Fully Loved

Podcast – More Than Roommates - Episode 64 - Questions to Ask Your Spouse Every Week

Book – Untangle Your Emotions, by Jennie Allen

Book – The Voice of the Heart, by Chip Dodd

Book - The Naked Marriage, by Dave and Ashley Willis

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you handle an “emotional mismatch” in your marriage (when one more readily expresses/shares/shows their emotions)?

2. What prevents you from being emotionally intimate with your spouse (i.e., technology, invalidation)?

3. How can you create more time and space for emotional intimacy?

Episode 80 - Fully Known, Fully Loved (Part 1 in a series on emotional intimacy) Jun 11, 2024

We don’t often talk about emotional intimacy in marriage—we get to be fully known and fully loved in marriage. In part 1 of this 2-part series on emotional intimacy, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what it means to be emotionally intimate in marriage.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Resources:

Book – The Voice of the Heart, by Chip Dodd

Book - The Naked Marriage, by Dave and Ashley Willis

3 Questions to Ask Your Spouse:

1. Is there anything that I’m holding back from or not confessing to my spouse?

2. How can we be more emotionally intimate with each other (i.e., clear out time and space for emotionally intimacy)?

3. Am I providing a safe space for my spouse?

Episode 79 - Is Drinking Good For Your Marriage? Jun 04, 2024

Are you and your spouse thoughtful about your views and practices about drinking/alcohol? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to be more thoughtful about decisions you make about drinking and alcohol.

Scriptures:

John 2

1 Corinthians 6:12

1 Corinthians 10:31

Ephesians 5:18

Isaiah 5:22-23

Questions to Discuss:

1. When did you have your first alcoholic drink (if ever)?

2. How can you and your spouse be more thoughtful about alcohol and your marriage?

3. Have a conversation with your spouse and an age-appropriate conversation with your kids about alcohol.

Resources:

Christ-Centered Recovery - Regeneration Recovery & Celebrate Recovery

Substance Abuse Resources

Episode 78 - How Does Anger Affect Your Marriage? May 28, 2024

Many of us struggle with anger in small and big ways. How does your anger impact your spouse and your marriage? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how anger impacts our own marriages and how anger can affect your marriage as well.

Scriptures:

Proverbs 15:1

Ephesians 4:26-27

Proverbs 21:19

James 1:19-20, 4:1

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are the small day-to-day things that get you frustrated?

2. Do you find yourself quick to anger or slow to anger? What would your spouse say about you?

3. What are the triggers that you’ve identified that make you quick to anger both in life in general and in your marriage?

Resources:

Book – Unoffendable, by Brant Hansen

Episode 77 - Struggles, Recovery, and Your Marriage (feat. Ann Daly) May 21, 2024

Like it or not, our struggles affect our marriages more than we realize. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle and Scott talk with Ann Daly about struggles, recovery, and your marriage. Because of Jesus, life change is possible for everyone and for every marriage.

Scriptures:

James 5:16

Proverbs 28:13

Genesis 2:24

Galatians 1:10

Romans 5:3-5

1 Peter 4:19

Galatians 6:9

Hebrews 3:13

Resources:

Regeneration recovery – change is possible!

Regeneration Struggle Finder – What are you struggling with?

Celebrate Recovery

Questions to Discuss:

1. Do you tend to identify yourself by your sin or by your relationship with Jesus Christ?

2. How do your issues/challenges affect your marriage?

3. What lies do you tend to believe? Who does God say you are? (Replace the lies with Truth).

Episode 76 - Decisions We Make in Marriage That Might Seem Weird to the World May 14, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss things we do that may seem weird to the world but allow us to be different in our marriages than the struggling marriages we all see around us. These are decisions we’ve each made that may seem unique but allow us to strengthen our marriages.

Scriptures:

Romans 12:2

1 Peter 2:11

Philippians 3:20-21

2 Timothy 2:4

Resources:

Podcast & Blog Post - 5 Weird Decisions that Make My Marriage Awesome

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are the things you do in your marriage that make you different than the marriages of the world? (Romans 12:2)

2. Where do you see your marriage blending in with the marriages of the world/non-Christian marriages?

3. Would your non-Christian friends look at your marriage and see something unique or different?

Episode 75 - Simple Ways to Build Culture In Your Marriage May 07, 2024

Do you and your spouse have inside jokes, traditions, or rituals that make your marriage unique and build a culture of exclusivity in your marriage? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the importance of building a strong culture in your marriage that makes it different than any other marriage on the planet.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:24-25

Revelation 2:4

Proverbs 5:18

Resources:

Blog Post - How Inside Jokes And Rituals Can Strengthen Your Marriage

Discussion Questions:

1. What are some of your inside jokes or rituals in your marriage?

2. How can you build the culture of your marriage? What are the things that are like glue that bond your marriage together?

Episode 74 - How To Fight Your Temptations Apr 30, 2024

Everyone of us struggles with temptation—even Jesus faced temptations! What are the temptations we need to avoid that can wreck our marriage? And how is marriage uniquely designed so that we can help each other flee from temptations?

Scriptures:

Proverbs 5

Proverbs 18:8

Proverbs 13:20

1 Peter 1:16

Questions to Discuss:

1. What does it look like for you to flee from temptation?

2. What temptations do you face? How can your spouse help you?

3. How can you move the line, magnify the consequences, and map out your escape?

4. What would be helpful for you to confess to your spouse and to your community to help you with your temptations?

Resources:

Book - Think Ahead: 7 Decisions You Can Make Today for the God-Honoring Life You Want Tomorrow, by Craig Groeschel

Episode 73 - Strengthen Your Marriage Through Prayer (feat. Aaron Smith) Apr 23, 2024

On this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott have an authentic and honest conversation with Aaron Smith from the ministry Marriage After God. We discuss pornography, intimacy issues, and the challenges many couples face. Aaron and his wife Jennifer hope to inspire individuals to draw closer to God and their spouse as they chase boldly after God’s purpose for their life together.

Scriptures:

Hebrews 4:15

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Questions to Discuss:

1. How are you and your spouse doing at consistently praying together?

2. What’s one step you and your spouse can take to pray together on a more consistent basis?

Resources:

Aaron & Jennifer Smith’s Website – Marriage After God

The Smiths new book – The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers for Our Marriage

Aaron and Jennifer Smith’s Marriage Podcast – Marriage After God

Episode 72 - Should Married Christians Have Celebrity Crushes? Apr 16, 2024

In our culture, it’s extremely common for married people to have celebrity crushes—studies say 80% of married men and women have celebrity crushes. Does that make it okay for you or your spouse to have a celebrity crush? Should you have crushes on anyone besides your spouse?

Scriptures:

Proverbs 5:18-19

Romans 12:1-2, 13:14

Ephesians 5:3

1 Corinthians 6:18

Questions to Discuss:

Who’s the most famous person you’ve ever met? Why do you think we obsess about celebrities?

Why do you think people believe it’s acceptable to have a celebrity crush but not okay to have a crush on non-celebrities?

Tell your spouse what you love about them and then go crush on them!

Episode 71 - What Are Some Lies We Believe About Our Marriages? Apr 09, 2024

We have an enemy who likes to feed us lies about marriage, temptation, and God’s design for relationships. The enemy actively tries to destroy our marriages, but as followers of Christ, the One we serve and follow is greater! We hope you’re encouraged by this new episode of More Than Roommates.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 5:8

John 10:10

1 Corinthians 13:5

Romans 5:8

Resources:

Book – The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis

Questions to Discuss:

1. Did you and your spouse write letters to each other during dating and engagement?

2. What are some of the lies you believe about yourself and about marriage?

3. What are some things that your spouse does ‘right’—focus on keeping track of what they do right and not wrong/annoying.

4. What are the times when you tend to be the most susceptible to believing lies or engaging in conflict with your spouse?

Episode 70 - What’s the Deal (and the Dangers) With Polyamory? Apr 02, 2024

While this may not be the story for most of our marriages, polyamorous relationships (multiple romantic relationships with the consent of all involved) are gaining traction in culture. What do you need to know about polyamory and how can you protect your marriage?

Scriptures:

Isaiah 4:1

1 Peter 5:8

John 10:10

Resources:

Podcast – The Briefing with Albert Mohler – February 15, 2024

Book – Get Married, by Brad Wilcox

Article – “Couple to Throuple” Normalizes Polyamory, by Jim Denison

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are some ways you can “water your own garden” and pour into your own marriage?

2. Take a few moments to pray that God would protect your marriage from any polyamorous desires and pray the same for the marriages of your close friends and family.

3. Think about what you engage with in books, TV, and movies. How can these resources potentially fuel your desires in a harmful way? Discuss with your spouse.

Episode 69 - The Enneagram And Marriage (feat. Christa Hardin) Mar 26, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we interview Counselor and Author Christa Hardin about her book and work with the enneagram. The enneagram is a helpful resource to help you learn more about yourself, your spouse, and your interactions in marriage and today we discuss how it can help you strengthen your marriage.

Scripture:

1 Peter 3:7

Resources:

Christa’s Book – Enneagram in Marriage, by Christa Hardin

Christa’s Podcast – The Enneagram and Marriage Podcast

Christa’s Website – Enneagram and Marriage and Follow Christa on Instagram

Questions to Discuss:

What is your enneagram number? Your spouse’s?

How is the enneagram a helpful tool to help you understand yourself and your spouse in a deeper way?

What’s one practical way you can serve and encourage your spouse today in their unique wiring?

Episode 68 - What Are You Currently Learning In Your Marriage? Mar 19, 2024

In Part 2 of this series on being a learner in marriage, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss different ways we can all learn in marriage and what we're each learning in our own marriages currently.

Scripture:

1 Peter 3:7

James 1:22-25

Resources:

Blog Post - Do You And Your Spouse Have Teachable And Humble Hearts In Marriage?

Book – The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you learn? What kind of learner are you?

2. What is something you are learning in marriage right now?

3. What’s one way, today, you can choose to intentionally learn more about your spouse?

Episode 67 - What We Did And Didn't Learn in Premarital Counseling Mar 12, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what they did and didn’t learn in premarital counseling. Whether engaged or married for decades, we hope today’s new episode encourages and challenges you in your marriage.

Scriptures:

Proverbs 18:2

James 1:19

1 Corinthians 7:28

Resources:

Book – Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Book – Scott Kedersha, Ready or Knot? 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage

Podcast – Episode 35 – How to Identify the Four Negative Horsemen of Communication and Conflict

Podcast – Episode 12 – How to Identify Negative Communication Patterns

Questions to Discuss:

When’s the last time you were really unprepared for something?

What are you glad you learned in premarital counseling?

What do you wish you had learned in premarital counseling?

Episode 66 - Do You and Your Spouse Talk More Than The Average Couple? Mar 05, 2024

Multiple studies and articles show that the average couple talks to each other for only twenty minutes per week. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss practical ways to make time in your marriage to connect and communicate with each other. All healthy couples might intentionally fight for time together.

Scriptures:

Colossians 3:12-14

Matthew 18:15-17

Ephesians 4:29

Resources:

Blog Post - Do you talk more than the average couple?

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are you an internal or external processor? How about your spouse?

2. What are some ways you and your spouse can increase the amount of time you communicate with each other every week?

3. What consumes your thoughts right now? Discuss with your spouse.

Episode 65 - Being Real > Being Perfect (feat. Justin Davis) Feb 27, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott interviews his friend Justin Davis. With candor and transparency, Justin shares he and his wife’s powerful marriage testimony and we discuss the value of authenticity in helping couples be so much more than just roommates.

Scriptures:

Proverbs 28:13

Genesis 2:25

Questions to Discuss:

Justin defined intimacy as being fully known emotionally, spiritually, and physically. How are you doing in marital intimacy?

Who’s more authentic in your marriage—you or your spouse? How can you grow in authenticity?

Resources:

Justin’s New Book – Being Real > Being Perfect: How Transparency Leads to Transformation

Justin & Trisha Davis’ Ministry – RefineUs Ministries

Justin & Trisha’s Marriage Story – Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough

Justin & Trisha’s Podcast – Let’s Get Real with Justin and Trisha Davis

Episode 64 - Questions To Ask Your Spouse Every Week Feb 20, 2024

One of the best ways you can grow your marriage is to set aside time every week to ask each other some intentional, specific questions. In this episode of More Than Roommates we discuss the weekly meeting and some questions you can ask each other every week.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

2 Corinthians 12:9

Ephesians 5:15-16

Questions to Discuss:

What is God teaching you?

How can I serve you better this upcoming week?

How can I pray for you in the week ahead?

How can we make sure we make time for each other?

What's on our calendar in the next week?

Resources:

Blog Post - One Thing We Like To Do For Our Marriage Every Week

Self-Control - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 9 Feb 13, 2024

Today in part 9 of our 9-part series on the Fruit of the Spirit and your marriage, we discuss self-control. Like a city whose walls are broken down, a marriage marked by a lack of self-control is often broken and in need of restoration. In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss why it matters to demonstrate the fruit of self-control in your marriage.

Galatians 5:22-23

Proverbs 25:28

Questions to Discuss:

1. Who is more disciplined in your marriage—you or your spouse?

2, Where do you show self-control in marriage and where can you grow?

3. As we wrap-up this 9-part series, which of the 9 Fruit of the Spirit mark your life and marriage? Where is it lacking?

Gentleness - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 8 Feb 12, 2024

Today in part 8 of our 9-part series on the Fruit of the Spirit and your marriage, we discuss gentleness. In our relationships, we either escalate/exacerbate the challenges with anger or a lack of gentleness, or we demonstrate the fruit of spirit of gentleness and turn away wrath.

Galatians 5:22-23

Proverbs 15:1

Matthew 11:28-30

Gentle and Lowly, by Dane Ortlund

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s a household task you’re not good at?

2. Would your spouse/others describe you as gentle/tender?

3. How does a lack of gentleness affect your relationships with your spouse/kids/others?

Faithfulness - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 7 Feb 11, 2024

Today in part 7 of our 9-part series on the Fruit of the Spirit and your marriage, we discuss faithfulness. We all want to be faithful in every aspect of our lives and reflect God’s faithfulness. This plays out in many different ways in our marriages!

Galatians 5:22-23

2 Timothy 2:13

Luke 16:10

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are there any teams/brands/artists that you are way too loyal to (i.e., they can do no wrong)?

2. Would you and your spouse say your marriage is marked by fidelity? Do you keep your promises and do what you say you’re going to do?

3. Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets. How can you build trust through your faithfulness?

Goodness - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 6 Feb 10, 2024

Today in part 6 of our 9-part series on the Fruit of the Spirit and your marriage, we discuss ‘goodness’. What if our marriages were marked by integrity and goodness? We know God is good, and so how can we look more like Jesus in our marriage?

Galatians 5:22-23

Romans 3:10-12

Psalm 14:3

Psalm 31:19

Acts 5:1-11

Questions to Discuss:

1. When did you most get in trouble for school (for cheating, or for other reasons)?

2. What are some ways you can grow in your integrity in your marriage? Discuss with each other.

3. Are there small areas in your life and marriage where you allow space for compromise? Ask your spouse if they see any areas of compromise in your life and marriage?

Kindness - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 5 Feb 09, 2024

Today in part 5 of our 9-part series on the Fruit of the Spirit and your marriage, we discuss the importance of kindness. What if our marriages were marked by kindness? How different would we look than the rest of the world if husbands and wives were kind to one another?

Galatians 5:22-23

Romans 2:4

Ephesians 4:32

Psalm 145:17

1 Corinthians 13:4

Questions to Discuss:

1. What were some TV shows you watched as a kid?

2. Who’s the kindest person you know? What does this person do that makes them kind?

3. What’s one tangible way you can show kindness to your spouse today?

Patience - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 4 Feb 08, 2024

In part 4 of our 9-part mini-series on the Fruit of the Spirit we’re talking about patience! In our instant society, patience can be really challenging. But when we’re led by the Spirit, we can demonstrate a Christlike patience in our marriages.

Galatians 5:22-23

2 Peter 3:9

Questions to Discuss:

1. Is it easier for you to show more patience to other people or towards your spouse?

2. How does selfishness contribute to a lack of patience in your marriage and family?

3. How does a lack of patience play out in your marriage and family?

Peace - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 3 Feb 07, 2024

In part 3 of our 9-part mini-series on the Fruit of the Spirit we’re talking about peace! Is your life and your marriage marked by the peace that surpasses all understanding? With such a lack of peace in our world and in so many marriages, the marriage marked by peace stands out.

Galatians 5:22-23

Philippians 4:7

Isaiah 26:3

Romans 12:18

Ephesians 4:3

Proverbs 25:24

MT 11:28-30

Questions to Discuss:

1. Who do you know who is marked by peace?

2. Does peace mark your life and your marriage/family? Why or why not?

3. Are you making every effort to keep unity and peace in your marriage and family?

Joy - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 2 Feb 06, 2024

In part 2 of our 9-part mini-series on the Fruit of the Spirit we’re talking about JOY! As part of the Fruit of the Spirit, our joy is intended to be connected to who God is, not the circumstances of life. And this is intended to be played out every day in our marriages.

Galatians 5:22-23

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Philippians 4:4

John 10:10

Psalm 16:11

Questions to Discuss:

1. What’s your favorite Pixar movie?

2. What’s your joy tied to? How about your joy in marriage?

3. What can help bring joy in your lives and marriage (in addition to your relationship with Jesus)?

Love - Fruit of the Spirit Mini Episode 1 Feb 05, 2024

Welcome to our 9-part mini-series on the Fruit of the Spirit. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, we’re doing 9 daily mini episodes on each of the nine Fruit of the Spirit. Today we talk about love and why it matters in a God-honoring marriage.

Galatians 5:22-23

1 John 4:18-19

Romans 5:8

John 15:13

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are you and your spouse aligned on expectations for Valentine’s Day?

2. Do your actions back up your words? Do you demonstrate your love to your spouse in your actions?

3. What would it look like for you to lay down your life for your spouse?

Episode 63 - Celebrating One Year of More Than Roommates (feat. our spouses!). Jan 30, 2024

In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott celebrate one year of More Than Roommates with some very special guests. Together we talk through some great conversations for you and your spouse to have that will help grow your marriage. Thanks for joining us this first year. We're so excited for all to come in the year ahead.

Scriptures:

Ephesians 3:20-21

Hebrews 3:13

Resources:

Book - The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide, by Scott Kedersha

Podcast – Episode 53 More Than Roommates – Friends, Partners, and Lovers (feat. Kevin Thompson)

Questions to Discuss:

1. In the year ahead, what do you want to KEEP doing in your marriage?

2. In the year ahead, what do you want to STOP doing in your marriage?

3. In the year ahead, what do you want to START doing in your marriage?

Episode 62 - Your Marriage and the Unhurried Life (feat. Chris Schultz) Jan 23, 2024

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we talk with marriage pastor Chris Schultz about the unhurried life. Chris shares his marriage testimony (which includes $100,000 debt, infidelity, porn, and much more), and we discuss how you and your spouse can make decisions to live the unhurried life.

Questions to Discuss:

1. How’s our pace of life and the pace of our marriage?

2. Do we have the courage to say “no” to the wrong things so that we can say “yes” to the right ones?

3. What’s one step you can take to eliminate hurry?

Resources:

Follow Chris Schultz on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/pastorcoachschultz/

Book – An Unhurried Life: Following Jesus’ Rhythms of Work and Rest, by Alan Fadling

Episode 61 - Trust: How to Build It and Restore It Jan 16, 2024

Building trust is hard work that takes a lot of time and hard work. It’s often been said trust is built in drops and lost in buckets. Yet trust is so crucial in every relationship, especially in marriage. In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss how to build and restore trust in your marriage.

Scriptures:

Matthew 5:37

Proverbs 28:13

Romans 8:1

1 Corinthians 13:6

Questions to Discuss:

Are you quick or slow to confess when you sin or mess up in marriage?

What are a few ways you can quickly build trust in your marriage?

How can you do a better job of looking for ways where your spouse is trustworthy?

Resources:

Book - Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken, by Dr. Henry Cloud

Book – Marriage: 6 Gospel Commitments Every Couple Needs to Make, by Paul David Tripp (2 great chapters on trust)

Episode 60 - What Does Healthy Commitment Look Like in Marriage? Jan 09, 2024

Many couples have a poor picture of the commitment required to thrive in marriage. In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss two types of commitment and why they’re both required to thrive in your marriage.

Scriptures:

Matthew 19:3-6

Matthew 5:37

Ephesians 5:22-33

Acts 20:24

Phil 3:14

John 15:13

Phil 1:6

Questions to discuss:

What does it mean that God is a Covenant keeping God and how does that affect the way you live out your marriage?

What’s the difference between constraint commitment and dedication commitment?

What does it mean to cast aside all other options and to be fully commited to your spouse?

Resources:

Book – A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage, by Scott Stanley, et al

Episode 59 - Common Characteristics of Couples Who Do Well Jan 02, 2024

While every marriage is different, there tend to be some common characteristics of couples who thrive. In this episode, we discuss four common characteristics of married couples who thrive in marriage.

Scripture:

John 15:5

James 4:1

1 Timothy 1:15

Proverbs 13:20

Hebrews 10:24-25

Matthew 7:3-5

Matthew 19:6

Matthew 5:37

Questions to Discuss:

1. Input - How have you fed your soul this week? What are you learning in the Word?

2. Output - How are you feeding others? Have you shared the gospel, served others, etc…?

3. Confession - How have you fed your flesh? What do you need to confess?

4. Of the four common characteristics shared, which one is a strength in your marriage? Which do you need to most improve in?

Episode 58 - How to Thrive as a Blended Family (feat. Ron Deal) Dec 26, 2023

Approximately one-third of all weddings in America today form stepfamilies and many couples are either currently part of a stepfamily or grew up in a stepfamily. And even if you didn’t, chances are extremely high that you know some stepfamilies. In this episode, we interview Blended Family speaker, author, and podcaster, Ron Deal. We hope this episode helps your marriage and family and that you’ll share it with a friend!

Questions to Discuss:

Have you ever given any consideration to the unique challenges and opportunities of stepfamilies?

What did you learn that was new to you about blended/step families?

How does pride affect you and your marriage?

Take a few moments to pray for your family and for any stepfamilies you know.

Resources:

Book - The Smart Stepfamily, by Ron Deal

Website - Family Life Blended – Strengthening Stepfamilies

Website – SmartStepfamilies.com

Podcast – FamilyLife Blended

Episode 57 - What To Do When You’re Stuck Dec 19, 2023

Every couple knows what it’s like to be stuck in a decision. What do you and your spouse do when you’re stuck and can’t move forward? In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss some steps you can take to get unstuck in your marriage.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:24

PR 18:1-2

James 1:19-20

PR 15:1

Colossians 4:6

2 Tim 3:16-17

1 Thess 5:16-18

James 1:5

PR 16:9

PR 13:20

Isa 26:3

Resources:

More Than Roommates, Episode 22 – What Questions Can Help You Make Decisions in Marriage?

Sermon from Harris Creek from Jonathan “JP” Pokluda – Questions to Ask When Making Decisions

Questions to Discuss:

1. What steps do you take when you and your spouse are stuck (in a decision, spiritually, in your marriage, etc…)?

2. When’s the last time you and your spouse prayed about a decision you needed to make?

3. What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? How can you apply when you learned in this episode to the decision you’re trying to make?

Episode 56 - What to do When You're Spiritually Mismatched Dec 12, 2023

What do you do when you and your spouse are in a spiritual mismatch, where one spouse is more spiritually mature than the other? In this episode we discuss what to do and how you can best grow your relationship and encourage your spouse. Share this one with a friend who needs some encouragement.

Questions to Discuss:

How can you specifically pray for your spouse if you’re more mature than they are?

Honestly ask yourself if you nag your spouse. How can you more gently encourage them or ask others to help?

Are you being patient with yourself? Your spouse?

Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 6:14

1 Peter 3:1-2

Romans 12:10

Colossians 3:12-14

Galatians 5:22-23

1 Corinthians 7:15

1 Thessalonians 5:14

Luke 18:1-8

Galatians 6:9

Shownotes:

Podcast - Questions Couples Ask Before Marriage (feat. Nate Hilgenkamp)

Blog Post - What If You Want to Pursue the Lord But Your Spouse Does Not?

Book – Sacred Pathways: Nine Ways to Connect with God, by Gary Thomas

Episode 55 - Is Technology Good or Bad For Your Marriage? (Part 2 in a 2-Part Series) Dec 05, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss how technology can positively and negatively impact your marriage. There are plenty of dangers and benefits of technology, and we need to think through how technology can grow our marriage and not hurt them.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 6:12

1 Corinthians 10:13

Ephesians 5:15-16

Matthew 5:27-30

Philippians 2:3-4

Mark 1:35

Questions to Discuss:

How does technology impact your marriage in a positive way?

How does technology impact your marriage in a negative way?

What limits/rules/practices do you have around technology? Do you have screen-time limits? Are there any areas in your home that are device-free?

Resources:

The Tech-Wise Family, by Andy Crouch

Made For People, by Justin Whitmel Earley (Justin has a great chapter on technology in this book)

Technology and Your Marriage (Part 1 in a 2-Part Series)

Humility: The Joy of Self-Forgetfulness, by Gavin Ortlund

Episode 54 - Technology and Your Marriage (Part 1 in a 2-Part Series) Nov 28, 2023

Technology can be both a blessing and a curse. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss ways to grow in oneness in your marriage when it comes to phones and technology.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:24-25

PR 28:13

Romans 13:14

Psalm 139:23-24

Galatians 5:1

Questions to Discuss:

1. Is there anything technology-related that’s off-limits to your spouse? Are there any legitimate reasons why your spouse doesn’t have access to your phone/iPad, social media accounts, texts… ?

2. What’s one intentional step you can take to grow in oneness when it comes to technology?

3. Pray Psalm 139:23-24 together, asking God to reveal any offensive ways within you.

Resources:

The Tech-Wise Family, by Andy Crouch

Made For People, by Justin Whitmel Earley (Justin has a great chapter on technology in this book)

Episode 53 - Friends, Partners, and Lovers in Marriage (feat. Kevin Thompson) Nov 21, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott interviews marriage pastor and author Kevin Thompson about three roles we are each created to play in marriage. We talk about what marriage was intended to look like before the fall and the three roles we get to play in marriage today (and what happens when we don't live as friends, partners, and lovers).

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18-25

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Resources:

Book - Friends, Partners, and Lovers by Kevin Thompson

Book – Stay in Your Lane by Kevin Thompson

Kevin’s Website – Changetheodds.com

Find Kevin on Instagram

Questions to Discuss:

How are you doing in your friendship in marriage?

How are you doing in your partnership in marriage?

How are you doing in your role as lover in marriage?

What can you celebrate and how can you grow?

The More Than Roommates Marriage Conference! Nov 16, 2023

We are so excited about the More Than Roommates Marriage Conference on February 2-3, 2024 at Harris Creek! We'll have great teaching, breakouts, fun, and surprises as we seek to help couples take the next intentional step to become so much more than just roommates.

We hope to see you there! You can find all the details about the conference and sign-up to join us right here.

As always, if we can answer any questions, email us at marriage@harriscreek.org .Please make sure to rate and review More Than Roommates, and please share with your friends.

Episode 52 - How to Have the Best Holidays Yet with Your Family and In-Laws (Part 2 in a 2-Part Seri Nov 14, 2023

The holidays provide a great opportunity for us to love and serve our families. Yet, they’re often filled with stress, conflict, and broken relationships. In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss how we can best serve our families and keep our marriage strong during the holiday season.

Scriptures:

Romans 12:10

Genesis 2:24

Proverbs 27:17

Romans 12:2

1 Thessalonians 4:13

Questions to Discuss:

What’s one way you can serve your family this holiday season?

Have you communicated your plans for the holidays with your families?

What’s a new tradition you can start as you visit family this year during the holidays?

Resources:

Episode 43 of More Than Roommates – The Not-So-Secret Guide to In-Law Relationships (feat. Dave Willis)

Book – Married Into the Family by Dave & Ashley Willis

Blog – 3 Ways to Communicate Your Way to a Merry Little Christmas

Episode 51 - How to Make This Your Best Holiday Season Yet (Part 1 in a 2-part series) Nov 07, 2023

How can we keep our marriage strong in the middle of a very full holiday season? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss practical ways you can strengthen your marriage and family to make this the best holiday season yet!

Scriptures:

Mark 10:45

Romans 12:1-2

Questions to Discuss:

What are some holiday traditions we can start or continue to do in our marriage?

What’s your favorite Christmas movie? Song? TV show?

Take a few minutes to pray together for the upcoming holiday season.

Resources:

Paul Tripp Advent Devotional – Come, Let Us Adore Him

She Reads Truth & He Reads Truth – Advent Studies

Annie F Downs – Advent Study

Blog Post - 8 Ways to Make This Your Best Christmas Yet

Episode 50 - Are You Quick To Own Your Part Or Quick To Blame Your Spouse? Oct 31, 2023

Many of us tend to be quick to blame our spouse and slow to own our part. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how we can do a better job of owning our part instead of blaming. Draw the circle around yourself and work on the person inside the circle.

Scriptures:

Matthew 7:3-5

1 Timothy 1:15

Psalm 139:23-24

Proverbs 28:13

Shownotes:

How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told, by Harrison Scott Key

How to Stay Married, TED talk by Harrison Scott Key

When Sinners Say I Do, by Dave Harvey

Save the Date: The More Than Roommates Marriage Conference, Feb 2-3, 2024, Harris Creek Baptist Church (More details coming soon)

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you do in owning your part? Do you tend to own your part or point the finger and blame your spouse?

2. What would owning your part allow to happen in your marriage?

3. Do you own your part too slowly? Too quickly? Or just right? Ask your community if you need some input.

Episode 49 - We are Made For People (feat. Justin Whitmel Earley) Oct 24, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we interview Justin Whitmel Earley, author of Made For People. We discuss loneliness and how to fight for a life of friendship, both inside and outside of marriage. We also talked about vulnerability, technology, forgiveness, social media, and so much more!

Shownotes:

Justin’s website – Justin Whitmel Earley (check out his email list!)

Made For People: Why We Drift Into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship

The Common Rule: Habits of Purpose for an Age of Distraction

Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhyhtms

Questions to Discuss:

1. How’s your friendship with your spouse? How can you grow in your friendship with your spouse?

2. How can you grow in your friendship with others outside of your marriage?

3. Do you have friends who know you fully and love you anyway?

Episode 48 - How to Keep Your Marriage A Priority When You Have Kids Oct 17, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to keep your marriage strong when you have kids. It’s easy to make your kids your number one priority, so we discuss practical wisdom on how to keep your relationship with Jesus and your spouse strong while still raising your kids.

Scriptures:

Ephesians 6:10-20, Genesis 2:24, Eph 4:1-3, Romans 12:18, PR 13:20, 22:6, Mark 10:45, MT 20:28, 1 Cor 7:3-5, 1 Peter 5:8, Phil 2:3-4

Questions to Discuss:

How do you and your spouse view children? Are they a blessing or a burden?

What do you think God is trying to teach you in this season of marriage and parenting?

How are we doing at keeping Jesus our number one priority? How are we making our kids a priority?

Resources:

Episode 42 – More Than Roommates – When’s the Right Time to Grow Your Family?

For Better or For Kids, by Ruth and Patrick Schwenk

Episode 47 - The One Habit That Can Most Strengthen Your Marriage Oct 10, 2023

What if there was one habit you and your spouse can do in your marriage that would dramatically increase your likelihood of marital success and satisfaction? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott talk about the importance of prayer in marriage and share about Scott’s new book, The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide.

Scripture:

James 5:16, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Matthew 18:20

Scott’s New Book! The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide – 100 Prayers for Dating and Engaged Couples

Book Website and Pre-Order Bonus Information

Pre-order Bonus form

Scott’s first book – Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are the biggest obstacles to why you and your spouse don’t pray together?

2. What keeps you and your spouse from praying together? Do you and your spouse believe in the power of prayer?

3. What’s one tangible step you and your spouse can take to more intentionally pray together on a consistent basis?

Save the Date! The More Than Roommates Marriage Conference at Harris Creek – February 2-3, 2024

Coming this Fall on More Than Roommates Oct 09, 2023

Coming this Fall on More Than Roommates - technology, keeping your marriage strong when you have kids, commitment, holidays, and much more. We also have some great guests joining us this fall. As always, if we can answer any questions, email us at marriage@harriscreek.org. Please make sure to rate and review More Than Roommates, and please share with your friends.

Episode 46 - What Factor Makes the Biggest Difference in Healthy Families? Oct 05, 2023

BONUS EPISODE! In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott share some of their takeaways from their interview with Professor Nancy Pearcey about her book The Toxic War on Masculinity. They discuss what surprised and encouraged them and also discuss what healthy spiritual leadership in the home looks like.

Scriptures:

Galatians 3:28, Genesis 1:26-27, Proverbs 22:6

Shownotes:

Book by Nancy Pearcey – The Toxic War on Masculinity

Episode #45 of More Than Roommates - Interview with Professor Pearcey

Blog Post – What Does Spiritual Leadership in the Home Look Like?

Blog Post – How Can A Husband Best Lead His Wife

Blog Post - How Can A Dad Best Lead His Children and Home

Questions to Discuss:

1. What surprised you or encouraged you the most from this episode?

2. What’s one area of your life where you are nominal in your faith?

3. Have you and your spouse discussed what healthy spiritual leadership looks like in the home?

Episode 45 - The Toxic War on Masculinity (feat. Nancy Pearcey) Oct 03, 2023

What if much of what you hear about marital satisfaction and divorce rates inside and outside the church is actually incorrect? In this week’s episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott interview Professor Nancy Pearcey about her latest book, The Toxic War on Masculinity. Stay tuned for a bonus follow-up episode later this week!

Nancy Pearcey is the author of The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes, as well as Love Thy Body, The Soul of Science, Saving Leonardo, Finding Truth, and Total Truth. She is professor and scholar in residence at Houston Christian University. She has been quoted in The New Yorker and Newsweek, highlighted as one of the five top women apologists by Christianity Today, and hailed in The Economist as "America's pre-eminent evangelical Protestant female intellectual."

Nancy’s website - https://www.nancypearcey.com/

Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:25-27

Questions to Discuss:

1) What can you do in your relationship with Christ to help prevent you from being nominal in your faith?

2) What surprised you most from this interview with Professor Pearcey?

3) Men - Are you willing to ‘pay the daddy penalty’ at work?

Episode 44 - What to do When Your Spouse Annoys You Sep 26, 2023

It’s inevitable for every married couple that you will walk through times when your spouse annoys you. What do you do in these situations – overlook it, pray about it, talk to them about it, talk to others about it? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott, Derek, and I Gabrielle discuss what to do when your spouse annoys you.

Scriptures:

James 4:1

Matthew 7:3-5

Proverbs 19:11

1 Corinthians 13:5

Shownotes:

Episode 25 of More Than Roommates - How to Have Hard Conversations and How to Do Them Well

Questions to Discuss:

What do you do that annoys your spouse? What does your spouse do that annoys you?

Keep track of your spouse’s rights today, not their wrongs. Tell your spouse something you appreciate and value about them.

Pray that God would help you overlook any small offenses and that He would help you love your spouse as the Lord loves you.

Episode 43 - The Not-So-Secret Guide to In-Law Relationships (feat. Dave Willis) Sep 19, 2023

In-Laws and family of origin often get a bad reputation, and our relationship with our families is often a major stressor in marriage. In this week’s episode, Derek and Scott interview podcaster, speaker, and author Dave Willis. Dave and his wife Ashley host the very popular podcast, The Naked Marriage with Dave & Ashley Willis. We’re confident this episode will both help and entertain you as we discuss how to have healthy relationships with your in-laws.

Scriptures:

Romans 12:18

Genesis 2:25

Ruth 1:16-17

Shownotes:

Dave & Ashley’s new book - Married into the Family: The Not-So-Secret Guide to In-Law Relationships

XO Marriage

Podcast - The Naked Marriage with Dave & Ashley Willis

Dave & Ashley on Instagram

Questions to Discuss:

How is your relationship with your parents/family of origin? In-laws? What can you do today to improve these relationships?

When you have issues/challenges in your marriage, who do you first turn to—friends, the Lord, your parents?

Episode 42 - When’s the Right Time To Grow Your Family? Sep 12, 2023

We’re answering our most frequently asked questions! When do you start trying to grow your family? How many kids should you have? What if you want kids but can’t get pregnant? How should couples view children? Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott answer these questions and more in this week’s new episode of More Than Roommates.

Scriptures:

Genesis 1:27-28

Psalm 127:3-5

James 1:17

Matthew 19:12

Matthew 28:19-20

Show Notes:

Blog Post: How to Change the World: Raise a Godly Young Man

Becoming Something with Jonathan Pokluda (Podcast) – Should I Want to Have Kids? And How Many?

Resources for those walking through infertility:

Website - Watermark Community Church in Dallas has compiled some helpful resources through their Shiloh Ministry.

Book - When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples Facing Infertility

Other couples – the best resource is to find another couple who has walked this road.

Questions to discuss:

How do you view children? As a burden or a blessing? (Answer with honesty)

Are you and your spouse aligned in how you view children?

How did you know when to start trying to grow your family?

Episode 41 - Why Busyness Might Destroy Your Marriage (feat. Gary Thomas) Sep 05, 2023

Busyness is one of the biggest challenges to marriages and we don’t even realize it. It’s the sucker punch and silent killer of many relationships that affects every part of our lives. In this episode of More Than Roommates, pastor and author Gary Thomas joins Scott & Derek as we discuss busyness and marriage. Gary is the author of more than 20 books and serves on the teaching team at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, CO.

Scriptures:

Ephesians 6:12

Psalm 90:12

Shownotes:

Sacred Pathways

Making Your Marriage a Fortress

Gary’s Website – Garythomas.com

Blog post - One Thing We Like to do for Our Marriage Every Week

Questions to discuss:

Do you know what’s going on in each other’s lives? When’s the last time you checked to see how your spouse is really doing?

How can busyness destroy your marriage? How do you know if you’re too busy in your marriage?

What relational skill can you work on this year?

Episode 40 - The Impact of Gender Roles in Marriage (Part 2 in a series on roles) Aug 29, 2023

In this episode (Part 2 of a 2-part series), Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what practical implications of what the Bible says about roles in marriage. We discuss how biblical roles play out in marriage with specific examples from our own marriages.

Scriptures:

Proverbs 18:2, Phil 2:3-4, Romans 12:10, 1 Corinthians 12

Resources - We’re including more resources that normal since we know this is a topic about which many husbands and wives have questions.

From God Questions - What is egalitarianism?

From Got Questions - What is complementarianism?

From Harris Creek – a Message from JP - Real Marriage

Must Wives Submit to Husbands?

From the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood - Summaries of the Egalitarian and Complementarian Positions

Questions to discuss:

1) Read 1 Corinthians 12 and discuss with your spouse. What gifts do you each have? What are some ways you each uniquely strengthen your marriage?

2) How can you encourage your spouse in the role they play in your marriage?

Episode 39 - What Does the Bible Say about Marital Roles? (Part 1) Aug 22, 2023

In this episode (Part 1 of a 2-part series), Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss what the Bible says about roles in marriage. We discuss different views on marital roles, and even share some of our own different views on this topic. Roles are often misunderstood and abused, so we all need to think (and act) rightly on this topic.

Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:22-28, Genesis 1:26-27, 2:28, 3:16; John 14:26; Mark 10:42-45

Resources - We’re including more resources that normal since we know this is a topic about which many husbands and wives have questions.

From God Questions - What is egalitarianism?

From Got Questions - What is complementarianism?

From Harris Creek – a Message from JP - Real Marriage

Must Wives Submit to Husbands?

From the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood - Summaries of the Egalitarian and Complementarian Positions

Questions to discuss:

1) How did your upbringing affect your views on roles in marriage?

2) How are you doing at serving each other?

3) How do you make big decisions in your marriage?

Episode 38 - Healthy Patterns of Couples Who Thrive, Part 2 (feat. Byron & Carla Weathersbee) Aug 15, 2023

In Part 2 of this 2-part series, Byron & Carla Weathersbee, founders of Legacy Family Ministries, share three more patterns they’ve observed in couples who thrive in marriage. They share from their own 39 years of marriage and 28 years of full-time marriage ministry. This is Part 2 in 2-Part series from the Weathersbees. We discuss resilience, unity, and spiritual intimacy.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:28, John 16:33, 1 Peter 3:7, 1 Peter 3:1-2, Luke 6:47-49

Questions to discuss:

1) How do you deal with your differences and the small things that frustrate you about your spouse?

2) What’s one small step you and your spouse can take to grow in spiritual intimacy?

Sacred Pathways, by Gary Thomas

To Have and To Hold: Preparing for a Godly Marriage, by Byron & Carla Weathersbee

Legacy Family Ministries

Together: Building a Godly Marriage, by Byron & Carla Weathersbee, Amy Castello

Episode 37 - Healthy Patterns of Couples Who Thrive, Part 1 (feat. Byron & Carla Weathersbee) Aug 08, 2023

In Part 1 of this 2-part series, Byron & Carla Weathersbee, founders of Legacy Family Ministries, share patterns they’ve observed in couples who thrive in marriage. They share from their own 39 years of marriage and 28 years of full-time marriage ministry. This is Part 1 in 2-Part series from the Weathersbees. In this episode, Byron and Carla discuss the importance of both loving and liking your spouse. Part 2 coming next Tuesday! (8/15/23)

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 13:5

Questions to Discuss:

1) What do you do to play and have fun in your marriage?

2) How can you show more gratitude to your spouse?

To Have and To Hold: Preparing for a Godly Marriage, by Byron & Carla Weathersbee

Legacy Family Ministries

Together: Building a Godly Marriage, by Byron & Carla Weathersbee, Amy Castello

Episode 36 - Questions Couples Ask Before Marriage (feat. Nate Hilgenkamp) Aug 01, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, we’re joined by Nate Hilgenkamp, one of the co-hosts of the podcast, Becoming Something with Jonathan Pokluda. We discuss questions couples ask before marriage on topics such as purity, sex, conflict, and more. If you’re already married, be encouraged in your own married and share this episode with friends who are dating and engaged.

Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Hebrews 12:1-2, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Romans 13:14, Romans 8:1

Resources:

Outdated, by Jonathan “JP” Pokluda

Ready or Knot, by Scott Kedersha

The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide, by Scott Kedersha

Questions to Discuss:

1) Whether married or single, how can you grow in personal and relational purity?

2) How well do you and your significant other resolve conflict?

3) What dating and engaged couples can you share this episode with?

Episode 35 - How to Identify the 4 Negative Horsemen of Communication and Conflict Jul 25, 2023

What are the 4 Horsemen of communication and conflict? In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss four negative patterns all couples need to watch out for and remove—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by Dr. John M. Gottman

Scriptures Referenced:

Philippians 2:14, Proverbs 21:19, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5, 1 Timothy 1:15

Questions to Discuss:

1. How can you fight back against being overly critical of your spouse?

2. Text your spouse right now and tell them one reason why you’re grateful for them.

3. With which one of the four horsemen do you most readily identity with? What can you do to minimize this negative behavior in your marriage?

Episode 34 - It's That Marriage Q&A (feat. Jonathan "JP" Pokluda) Jul 18, 2023

Hey Podcast World! In this episode of More Than Roommates, Jonathan "JP" Pokluda, Lead Pastor of Harris Creek and Host of the Becoming Something Podcast, joins Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott for some marriage Q&A. We discussed trends in marriage, what JP is learning in his own marriage, and how to prioritize your marriage in the midst of the busyness of life.

Becoming Something with Jonathan Pokluda

Why Do I Do What I Don't Want to Do?, by JP

Scriptures: 1 Peter 3:7, PR 18:22, Matthew 5:27-28

Questions to Discuss:

1. What's the biggest challenge you're facing in your current season of marriage?

2. What are you learning about marriage right now?

3. How do you and your spouse make decisions about what to prioritize?

Episode 33 - Why Does Prayer Matter in Marriage? (feat. Jodie Berndt) Jul 11, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview author and speaker Jodie Berndt about her new book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage. We talk about how to pray for your marriage, what to do if your spouse doesn’t want to pray with you, and how you can best pursue the Lord together in marriage.

Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage

Jodie’s Website

Follow Jodie on Instagram.

31 Days of Prayer for your marriage

Questions to Discuss:

1. How are you and your spouse doing at praying for your marriage?

2. What are some specific ways you can pray for your spouse today? For your marriage today?

3. Check out Jodie’s new book – it’s an excellent resource for every couple and would make a great wedding gift (Hardcover Edition)!

Episode 32 - Are You and Your Spouse Aligned in Your Sexual Expectations? (Part 3 of 3 in a series o Jul 04, 2023

In Part 3 of this 3-part series on sex and marriage, Scott, Gabrielle, and Derek discuss two more barriers to intimacy couples often face. We discuss sexual expectations (sexpectations) and unresolved pain, sin, or struggles. We hope this 3-Part series has helped you have some needed conversations about intimacy.

Married Sex, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Rethinking Sexuality, by Juli Slattery

#4 - We all have unmet expectations

1. How satisfied am I sexually?

2. How satisfied is my spouse sexually?

3. Where are our sexual expectations aligned?

4. Where are they different?

5. Do I feel a freedom to share my desires sexually?

6. What are some barriers or insecurities that prevent me from sharing with my spouse?

#5 - We have unresolved or unconfessed pain, sex, and struggles

1. Have I worked through any sexual hurts/addictions/habits?

2. What do I need to confess or share with my spouse?

3. Do I have a right view of intimacy?

Episode 31 - Too Busy to Get Busy (Part 2 of 3 in a series on marital intimacy) Jun 27, 2023

In Part 2 of this 3-part series on sex and marriage, Scott, Gabrielle, and Derek discuss three barriers to intimacy couples often face. We discuss the importance of working on our marriages, communicating well, and how schedule and busyness affect marital intimacy.

Married Sex, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

#1 - We’re not willing to work hard on our marriage.

1. On a scale of 1-10 (1-horrible, 10-perfection), how would I rate our marriage?

2. How would I rate our sex life?

3. What would it take to increase our numbers?

#2- We don’t communicate (in general and about sex)

1. How are we honestly doing in our day-to-day communication?

2. Is there any unresolved conflict?

3. Why is it difficult for us to talk about sexual intimacy?

#3 - We’re too busy to get busy

1. What in our schedule prevents us from being more intentional sexually?

2. When is the last time I pursued my spouse romantically and sexually?

Episode 30 - What Does It Look Like To Be a Lifelong Learner In Your Marriage? Jun 23, 2023

One of the biggest challenges most couples face is that they become complacent in marriage and stop making efforts to learn more about themselves, their spouse, and marriage. In this main stage session from the Behind the Scenes Marriage Conference at Harris Creek (Jan, 2023), Scott Kedersha shares what it looks like to be a lifelong learner in marriage.

Questions to Discuss:

1. When you first started dating each other, what did you do to learn more about your significant other?

2. What is one practical step you can take today to be a better student of your spouse?

3. Challenge: You and your spouse each come up with 2 questions to ask each other. Make time on your calendar to ask each other your questions.

Episode 29 - How Can You Think Rightly About Sex and Marriage? (Part 1 of 3) Jun 20, 2023

In Part 1 of this 3-part series on sex and marriage, Scott, Gabrielle, and Derek discuss how to have a healthy and right view of sex and marriage. We all bring baggage and challenges into marriage when it comes to sex, but if we want to have a healthy sex life, then we must learn how to think rightly about it.

Married Sex, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Questions to Discuss

1. What were some fears you had about sex before you got married?

2. Do you believe you and your spouse have a healthy view of sex and marriage? Why or why not?

3. How would you and your spouse rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? Why did you answer the way you did?

Episode 28 - What Does It Look Like To Be On Mission In Your Marriage? Jun 16, 2023

Marriages either have the wrong mission or no mission at all. What would it look for you to be on mission in your marriage? In this main stage session from the Behind the Scenes Marriage Conference at Harris Creek, Derek and Kellie Davidson share what it looks like to be on mission together in your marriage.

Questions to Discuss:

1. How are you doing in being/living on mission in your marriage?

2. Are you willing to live at a cost while on mission in marriage?

3. What is God asking of your marriage and your family?

Episode 27 - How Can You Celebrate Your Spouse Well? Jun 13, 2023

What does it look like to celebrate your spouse well? Instead of competing with each other, what would it look like for you to consistently celebrate them. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss practical ways to rejoice with and celebrate your spouse.

Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman

Five Love Languages Quiz

Questions to Discuss:

1. How do you do at celebrating each other?

2. What’s one way you can celebrate your spouse today? Now go do it!

3. Do you focus more on your spouse’s flaws or do you focus on ways you can celebrate and encourage them?

Episode 26 - What are the Dangers and Benefits of Comparison in Marriage? Jun 09, 2023

In this bonus episode of More Than Roommates, we share a talk Alison Treadaway gave at Harris Creek’s marriage conference in January 2023. In this talk, Alison talks about the pitfalls and benefits of comparison in marriage. It's what we do with comparison that matters!

Questions to Discuss:

1. How is comparison in marriage holding you back and potentially even building resentment?

2. What leads you to compare yourself, your spouse, or your marriage to others?

3. What's one thing your spouse does so well? Encourage them in one way they are beyond comparison!

Episode 25 - Hard Conversations in Marriage and How to Do Them Well Jun 06, 2023

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how and why to have hard conversations with your spouse. Most couples struggle with hard conversations because of things like pride and defensiveness. But, when we do this well, it can strengthen our marriage in every way!

Shownotes:

One Conversation with My Son that Left Me Speechless.

Questions to Discuss:

1. Why is it difficult to have hard conversations in our marriage?

2. What’s the best time for us to have hard conversations?

3. How can we make our marriage a safer place for hard conversations?

Episode 24 - What Did You Expect in Marriage? Part 2 (feat. Jonathan "JP" Pokluda) Jun 02, 2023

Part 2 on expectations: In this bonus episode of More Than Roommates, we share a talk Jonathan “JP” Pokluda, lead pastor of Harris Creek and host of the Becoming Something Podcast, gave at Harris Creek’s marriage conference in January 2023. In this talk, JP talks about how we combat unmet expectations and marital entitlements with gratitude towards our spouse.

Questions to Discuss:

How have you allowed your expectations turn into entitlements in marriage?

What do you think your spouse owes you?

What’s one way you can show gratitude to your spouse today? Now go do it or say it!

Episode 23 - What Did You Expect in Marriage? Part 1 (feat. Jonathan "JP" Pokluda) May 30, 2023

In this episode, we bring Jonathan “JP” Pokluda, lead pastor of Harris Creek and host of the Becoming Something Podcast, into the studio as we discuss expectations in marriage: where do they come from and how you and your significant other can walk through your unmet expectations in a way that can strengthen your marriage.

Questions to Discuss:

What are the sources of your expectations?

What are some examples of your biggest disappointments that come from your missed expectations?

Who are you learning from?

Coming this Summer on More Than Roommates May 26, 2023

Coming this summer on More Than Roommates - bonus episodes dropping in addition to our weekly episodes on Tuesday mornings.

Episode 22 - What Questions Can Help You Make Decisions in Marriage? May 23, 2023

Life and marriage seem to be filled with one decision after another. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss helpful six questions to ask when making decisions.

Shownotes:

Sermon from Jonathan “JP” Pokluda - Questions to Ask When Making Decisions

Blog Post - One Way to Help You Avoid Life's Biggest Regrets and Mistakes

Questions to Discuss With Your Spouse:

1. How can you and your spouse improve you make decisions?

2. Do you tend to process decisions with others or just report decisions you already made? Why?

3. Think of a medium-size decision you and your spouse need to make, and discuss how these six questions can help you make a better decision.

Episode 21 - How Can We Have Healthy Relationships With Our In-Laws? May 16, 2023

In-Laws often get an unfair reputation. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss several ways to grow a healthy relationship with each of your parents and families. We discuss practical ways to navigate the challenges and opportunities that come with our families.

Questions to discuss with your spouse:

1. What is your vision or hopes for what your family and in-law relationships can look like?

2. What's one intentional step you can take to strengthen your relationship with each of your families?

3. Take a few minutes to specifically pray for each of your families.

Episode 20 - How Can I Intentionally Pursue My Spouse Every Day? (feat. John McGee) May 09, 2023

How can I love my spouse well every day? Our marriages reflect the amount of work and effort we put into them. In this episode, Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle interview John McGee, the Senior Director of Resources at Watermark Community Church in Dallas, TX. John has an abundance of wisdom we can learn from as he shares how he and his wife intentionally pursue each other.

Shownotes:

Watermark Resources

Tiny Habit Challenge

John & Pam McGee’s talk from the Uncommon Marriage Conference

Questions to Discuss with your spouse:

1. Discuss with your spouse how you’re doing in intentionally pursuing each other in the day-to-day moments.

2. Pick 1 habit from the Tiny Habit Challenge to add to your marriage this week!

3. Encourage your spouse with one small thing you’ve seen them do well in the last week. Tell them how they’re pursuing you well.

Episode 19 - Removing Sin So Your Marriage Can Thrive May 02, 2023

Healthy marriages are filled with small challenges and sin struggles couples must attend to every single day; things such as busyness, selfishness, and pride. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott address some challenges we must focus on every single day to grow a healthier, more intentional marriage.

Shownotes – Marriage, by Paul David Tripp, Adam Grant Tweet

Episode 18 - Your Money and Your Marriage Apr 25, 2023

Money and financial problems often rank high in the reasons why couples struggle or get divorced. What does the Bible say about money and how does it affect our marriages? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss four biblical principles that can help your marriage when it comes to money and finances.

Resources – Becoming Something – Money and Family, The Marriage Challenge, by Art Rainer

Episode 17 - Is Kindness In Marriage Really That Big Of A Deal? Apr 18, 2023

We all want to be kind in marriage, but for some reason, it can be so challenging to show kindness to our spouse! In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss some of the reasons why we struggle to be kind to our spouse and ways we can be kinder to each other.

Resource – The Kindness Challenge by Shaunti Feldhahn

Episode 16 - The Importance of Empathy in Marriage (feat. Ted Lowe) Apr 11, 2023

Our thoughts affect the way we live and affect our marriages, probably much more than we realize. In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview marriage expert and author Ted Lowe. We focus our discussion on the importance of empathy in marriage.

Shownotes – Us In Mind, by Ted Lowe; Find out more about Ted at TedLowe.com

Scripture – Rom 12:2, 12:15, James 4:1

Episode 15 – How Can I Be Spiritually Intimate With My Spouse? Apr 04, 2023

What does it look like to be connected spiritually with your spouse? How do you pursue Jesus well together even with your different personalities and wirings? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott share some ways you can pursue Jesus together.

Shownotes – Bible Reading Plan, Spiritual Pathways by Gary Thomas

Episode 14 - Can You (and Your Spouse) Have Friends of the Opposite Sex? Mar 28, 2023

What is the wise thing to do when it comes to marriage and friends of the opposite sex? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to be above reproach with opposite sex friendships and share some practical ways to be thoughtful about opposite sex friendships.

Why Do We Want to Put a Stone in Your Shoe?

Episode 13 - Why We Need Healthy Friendships and Community For Our Marriage Mar 21, 2023

What role do friendships and community play in marriage? In this episode, Derek, Scott, and Gabrielle discuss how friendships play a key role in marriage and the ways in which community provides both support and encouragement.

Episode 12 - Identifying Negative Communication Patterns Mar 14, 2023

How's your marital communication? Ever need help resolving and managing conflict? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss harmful marital communication patterns and how they affect our relationships. Learn how to better communicate by identifying your communication ditches.

Check out the book A Lasting Promise by Scott Stanley, Trathen, McCain, Bryan

Episode 11 - Celebrating Our Differences Mar 07, 2023

How do you handle the differences you have with your significant other? Do you resent them and do they drive you crazy? Or do you embrace and celebrate them? In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to celebrate your differences and see how the Lord can use them to strengthen your marriage.

Episode 10 - How to Talk About Lust & Pornography Feb 28, 2023

In Part 2 in this series on porn, we discuss how to discuss our struggles with community and the importance of confession in marriage. Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle share authentic, biblical, and practical thoughts on confession and community.

Freedom Starts Today, by John Elmore

Why Do I Do What I Don’t Want to Do?, by Jonathan “JP” Pokluda & Jon Green

regen recovery

Becoming Something Episode 203 - A Conversation with a Former P*rn Star (feat. Joshua Broome)

Episode 9 - Will lust and porn impact my marriage? Feb 21, 2023

Pornography destroys lives and ends marriages. In this episode of More Than Roommates, we discuss how pornography has affected each of our lives and marriages, and why we need to actively fight back against sin struggles with lust and pornography.

Shownotes:

How Porn Nearly Ruined My Life

Becoming Something – Episode 002 - Finding Freedom From Porn

Fight The New Drug - https://fightthenewdrug.org/

Episode 8 - Practical Ways to Keep Pursuing Your Spouse Feb 14, 2023

Happy Valentine’s Day! In part 3 of this series, we talk about practical ways to date your spouse. We hope you and your spouse love each other because Christ first loved us and because of His love, we want to be so much more than just roommates.

Episode 7 - How to Keep Pursuing Your Spouse Feb 13, 2023

In Part 2 of this bonus 3-part series, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how to keep dating and pursuing your spouse. Even in the busyness of life, we need to look for ways to make our marriage a priority.

Episode 6 - Why to Keep Pursuing Your Spouse Feb 12, 2023

In this special episode, we talk about the importance of continuing to date and pursue your spouse, long after you say, “I do!” Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss why to keep dating your spouse.

Here are a few resources we reference in this Special 3-Part Series:

Waco Date Guide

How to Make Date Nights (With Your Spouse) Less Boring

Conversation Starters

Defy Drift Conversation Cards

Trailer - Special episodes coming soon! Feb 10, 2023

Special episodes coming soon! We have three short episodes coming your way next week. Learn why, how, when, and where to date your spouse so that you can become More Than Roommates!

Episode 5 – Good Habits Help Make Great Marriages Feb 07, 2023

In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott each share three things they’re glad they did from the beginning in their marriages. Whether you’re already doing these things or not, it’s never too late to start good habits and practices in your marriage.

Episode 4 - Mistakes We Made As Newlyweds Jan 31, 2023

In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott share three mistakes they each made from Day 1 of marriage. Whether you’re a newlywed or married for decades, it’s never too late to make changes in your marriage.

Episode 3 – The Biblical Vision and Picture of Marriage Jan 24, 2023

In this episode, we discuss what it looks like to have a biblical vision and picture of marriage. To be more than just roommates, we need to have a better understanding of God’s design and ideal for marriage.

Episode 2 – How to Intentionally Grow Your Marriage Jan 21, 2023

Without an intentional plan to grow our marriages, most couples will coast into mediocrity. In this episode we discuss how to take intentional steps to grow your marriage in the year ahead.

Episode 1 – Why We Started More Than Roommates Jan 20, 2023

In this first episode, we share the heart behind the More Than Roommates Podcast and the reason why we created this podcast. Our passion is to see couples break out of ruts, stop settling for “good enough,” and become so much more than just roommates with each other.

More than Roommates - Trailer Jan 19, 2023

Welcome to More Than Roommates, where we want to help you take the next step to be more intentional in your marriage. We want to help you avoid falling into the trap of being merely roommates with your spouse. We hope that through authentic, biblical, and practical conversation you will gain tools and wisdom to help you take one step closer to the Lord and the marriage He intends for you and your spouse. Listen in as Scott Kedersha, Gabrielle McCullough, and Derek Davidson help you intentionally strengthen your relationship.

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