Marriage Therapy Radio

Latest Episodes:

Ep 359 Love, Pickleball, and Kitchen Knife Moments with Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman Feb 11, 2025

Show notes

Stepping into his new role as the solo host, setting the tone for a fresh era of the podcast Zach reflects on what’s ahead, expressing gratitude for listener support and outlining the exciting changes coming to the show.

Zach is joined by Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman https://loveandpickleball.net/, co-authors of In a Pickle: How to Master Love and Pickleball and Not Kill Each Other https://amzn.to/3QdMYhZ. They dive into how pickleball, the fastest-growing sport in the U.S., serves as a fascinating metaphor for relationships. From communication styles to competitive dynamics, they share personal stories and practical takeaways that couples can apply—whether on the court or in everyday life.

Even though Zach has never picked up a Pickleball paddle, he enjoys the conversation of how this sport fosters connection, builds emotional intelligence, and even teaches conflict resolution. Whether you’re a seasoned player or someone just curious about how play impacts relationships, this episode offers insight, laughter, and some surprising wisdom.

Key Takeaways

Pickleball as a Relationship Microcosm

Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman discuss how playing together exposes key relationship dynamics, from communication to trust and teamwork.
Couples often face “kitchen knife moments” (times of high frustration), but understanding emotional intelligence and boundaries can turn challenges into growth.

Lessons in Play and Connection

Playfulness is a vital component of a healthy relationship, and pickleball naturally fosters joy, teamwork, and lighthearted competition.
Safe words like “pineapple” and “pumpernickel” (borrowed from intimacy practices) can help couples navigate tension both on and off the court.

Avoiding Pickleball Divorces

Many couples struggle when one partner is more competitive than the other, leading to frustration on the court.
The first and second rules of pickleball? “Don’t be a dick.”
Emotional intelligence matters more than skill—whether in pickleball or marriage.

Applying Relationship Strategies from the Court

Love languages, intention-setting, and non-verbal communication play a huge role in both sports and relationships.
Understanding a partner’s strengths and weaknesses, just like in a doubles match, creates more harmony at home.

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Ep 358 Dr. Emily Nagoski and Richard Stephens Feb 04, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura sit down with renowned sex educator and author Dr. Emily Nagoski and her husband, Richard Stephens, to discuss how Emily’s expertise in sexuality and relationships intersects with their personal lives. Emily, known for her groundbreaking books Come As You Are and Burnout, introduces her latest work, Come Together, which focuses on sustaining sexual connection in long-term relationships.

The conversation explores Emily and Richard’s journey as a couple, from their serendipitous meeting on OKCupid to navigating challenges such as perimenopause, long COVID, and the demands of collaborative intimacy. Emily shares insights into her “emotional floor plan” model, which maps how emotions like care, play, and lust interact in relationships, offering couples a practical framework for enhancing connection and pleasure.

Richard provides a refreshingly candid and humorous perspective on life with a relationship expert, highlighting the importance of playfulness, empathy, and teamwork. Together, they normalize the struggles that even the most informed couples face, underscoring that expertise does not eliminate life’s challenges—it simply offers tools to address them. Whether you’re looking to deepen intimacy or better understand the dynamics of long-term relationships, this episode is packed with valuable lessons, heartfelt stories, and laughter.

Episode Highlights:

Emily and Richard’s Love Story: From meeting on OKCupid to their early days as a couple, they reflect on how their shared values and collaborative mindset laid the foundation for their relationship.
The Emotional Floor Plan: Emily explains her innovative model for understanding how emotional states influence sexual connection and how couples can use this framework to foster intimacy.
Navigating Life’s Challenges: The couple discusses the impact of perimenopause, chronic illness, and other life events on their relationship, sharing how teamwork and humor helped them persevere.
Insights from Come Together: Emily introduces key concepts from her new book, emphasizing the importance of pleasure over desire and the role of collaboration in overcoming relational obstacles.
Empathy and Playfulness in Relationships: Richard shares how his lighthearted approach complements Emily’s intensity, creating a dynamic that fosters connection and resilience.

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Ep 357 Terry Real and Belinda Berman-Real Jan 29, 2025

Show notes

Zach and Laura interview Terry and Belinda Berman-Real, diving deep into their personal relationship dynamics and the lessons learned through years of couples therapy and individual healing. The conversation touches on themes of sobriety, trauma, recovery, and the power of relational healing.

Zach starts by sharing his journey through recovery and how it has influenced his marriage, while Belinda and Terry provide insights into their own marriage, particularly how they overcame significant challenges stemming from trauma and emotional reactivity. They discuss the importance of repairing relationships through honest, sometimes painful, confrontation and how they’ve evolved from fighting for survival to fighting for love and connection.

One of the major takeaways is Terry’s explanation of the concept of "harmony, disharmony, and repair," emphasizing that no relationship is free from conflict, but the key lies in learning how to repair after the inevitable disruptions. Belinda adds that their journey has been one of learning to regulate themselves and each other in ways that foster love and security, rather than reactivity and defense.

They reflect on the impact of their trauma histories and how these experiences not only shaped their early relationship struggles but also led them to profound personal growth. Throughout the episode, Terry and Belinda share real-life stories, making this episode a rich blend of personal insight and professional expertise.

Episode Highlights:

Sobriety and Growth: Zach reflects on his sobriety journey and how it has paralleled his growth as a partner, highlighting the importance of personal transformation in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Trauma and Its Lasting Effects: Terry and Belinda share how their childhood trauma impacted their early relationship, focusing on the process of moving from emotional reactivity to emotional regulation.
The Art of Repair: Terry introduces the idea of "harmony, disharmony, and repair," explaining that relationships aren't about avoiding conflict but learning to repair after conflict in order to strengthen connection.
Partners in Recovery: Belinda and Terry discuss how they see themselves as "partners in recovery," constantly working on themselves and their relationship to break free from their old patterns and build something stronger.
Fighting for Connection, Not Survival: The couple explains how their marriage has transitioned from fighting for survival to fighting for love, and the role that therapy, honesty, and self-awareness have played in that shift.

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Ep 356 Drs. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. Jan 21, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura get personal with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt—relationship experts who don’t just teach about marriage, they live it. Get ready for an intimate look at the ups and downs of their own marriage. Spoiler: it wasn’t all smooth sailing!

Harville and Helen open up about the times they nearly got divorced—twice! At one point, they even had divorce papers ready to go. But what saved them? They teach couples the very same techniques around the world. You’ll hear how a random trip to a bookstore and a “zero negativity” experiment helped them find their way back to each other. Helen also shares a funny story about trying to "fix" Harville by reorganizing his books and closet—only to realize she was driving him crazy!

From learning to approach frustrations with curiosity instead of criticism to recommitting in a powerful New Year’s Eve ceremony, their journey is full of relatable moments and inspiring takeaways. It’s a beautiful reminder that even experts have to work on their relationships, just like the rest of us.

What You’ll Learn:

How Harville and Helen used their own tools to avoid divorce—twice!
The story of their “zero negativity” pact and how it transformed their relationship.
Why curiosity and asking your partner the right questions can change everything.
The power of recommitment—even after decades together.

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Ep 355 Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

In this first special episode of "So I Married a Relationship Expert", Zach and Laura sit down with Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founders of The Couples Institute. This conversation dives deep into the dynamics of relationships, focusing on the developmental stages of couples therapy, the power of differentiation, and essential skills to strengthen partnerships. Known for pioneering the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, Ellyn and Peter share invaluable insights into managing differences, fostering curiosity, and cultivating long-term relationship growth.

Topics discussed include:

The unique journey of Ellyn and Peter, from their chance meeting to building a thriving partnership and business.
Key relationship stages, including the often-overlooked "differentiation stage."
How curiosity and resilience are fundamental to a healthy, growing relationship.
The transformative power of mini-intensives and two-day intensives for couples, especially for entrepreneur couples.
Practical exercises for couples to manage conflict, deepen understanding, and support each other's dreams.

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Ep 354 Going Solo Jan 07, 2025

Show notes

Zach embarks on a new chapter as the solo host of the podcast following Laura’s departure. Reflecting on the past seven years, Zach expresses gratitude for the journey and shares his excitement for the future. He introduces fresh ideas, including new interviews, experimental formats, and thought-provoking content, all designed to continue the mission of helping listeners think differently about relationships while offering practical tools for growth.

Zach also outlines his vision for the podcast’s future, emphasizing his commitment to creating valuable and engaging content. He reflects on his own relationship, drawing on personal experiences to explore themes of growth, intentionality, and adaptation in partnerships. With humor, sincerity, and a forward-thinking perspective, this episode marks the beginning of a new era for Marriage Therapy Radio.

Key Takeaways

The Transition to a New Era
Zach acknowledges Laura’s departure and shares his determination to continue the podcast’s mission of fostering insight and connection.
He outlines upcoming content, including interviews with relationship experts and personal conversations with couples navigating marriage.
The Philosophy of "I Never Thought About It That Way Before"
Zach emphasizes the importance of encouraging listeners to see relationships in fresh and surprising ways.
He recounts a recent marathon therapy session where this approach helped a couple gain new perspectives on their partnership.
Practical Tools for Relationship Growth
Zach shares three foundational principles for building healthy relationships:

Do more of what your partner likes and less of what they don’t.

Ask for what you want and practice gratitude when you get it—or adaptability when you don’t.

Focus on self-improvement and show up as your best self in the relationship.

What’s Ahead for the Podcast
Zach teases upcoming content, including interviews with couples, collaborative “boat night” episodes, and a three-week series with a therapist specializing in complex trauma.
He invites listener feedback and encourages support through Patreon to help sustain the podcast’s growth.
A Message of Gratitude
Zach thanks listeners for their continued support and acknowledges the unique dedication it takes to invest in relationships and personal growth.

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Ep 353 Looking Back and Moving Forward: Laura’s Last Episode Dec 31, 2024

Show notes

Zach and Laura reflect on their seven-year journey together as co-hosts. Laura announces her departure from the podcast, sharing her gratitude for the experiences, growth, and connections she’s gained along the way. The episode is filled with nostalgia, humor, and thoughtful reflections as the two discuss their favorite episodes, memorable guest moments, and lessons learned from seven years of talking about relationships.

Zach and Laura also look ahead to the new year, discussing resolutions, personal growth, and Laura’s plans to focus on her family and career. From New Year’s challenges to the importance of presence and connection, this final episode with Laura captures the essence of their partnership—insightful, warm, and filled with genuine camaraderie.

Key Takeaways

Reflections on Seven Years: Zach and Laura reminisce about their favorite episodes, guests, and moments of tension and humor that shaped their partnership.

New Year’s Inspiration: Laura discusses her plans to focus on intentionality and self-care in 2024, sharing ideas like daily walks in nature and seven-day challenges for personal growth.

Lessons on Relationships: The duo emphasizes the importance of communication, reflection, and making space for growth in relationships—whether with a partner, friends, or oneself.

A Message to Listeners: Laura leaves listeners with encouragement to continue focusing on their relationships and striving to be the best versions of themselves.

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Ep 352 Nostalgia, Transitions, and Holiday Traditions Dec 24, 2024

Show notes

Zach and Laura explore the complexities of transitions, nostalgia, and holiday traditions. Laura is feeling proud of her proud of her gym routine, even if her husband hasn't noticed. Meanwhile, Zach recounts nostalgic moments from a recent trip to his hometown, emphasizing how revisiting the past can offer clarity and a sense of grounding.

The conversation also dives into “sliding door” moments, those pivotal decisions that shape our lives. Laura reflects on turning down a high-powered job at Microsoft to pursue a life filled with love, adventure, and personal growth. Zach, on the other hand, ponders alternate paths and how they’ve led him to the life and family he cherishes today. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and meaningful reflections on how we embrace change and the lives we’ve chosen.

Reflections on Nostalgia Zach recounts a recent trip to his hometown, filled with memories of childhood friends, old haunts, and transformative moments that shaped his perspective.

Sliding Door Moments Both hosts reflect on the life-changing decisions they’ve made, from career moves to relationship choices, and how those decisions created the lives they now cherish.

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Ep 351 Manipulation or Boundaries? Dec 17, 2024

Show notes

Zach and Laura kick things off with their signature banter, sharing personal stories from their week. Zach recounts his recent trip to Chicago, sharing about connecting with an old friend and nerding out about superheroes. Laura recounts her excitement about seeing Wicked with her son, reflecting on the joy of revisiting experiences that remind us to embrace wonder and connection.

As the conversation transitions, Zach and Laura tackle the nuanced topic of manipulation versus boundaries in relationships. What’s the difference between expressing your needs and attempting to control your partner’s behavior? They explore how manipulation often sneaks in when communication breaks down and how healthy, collaborative boundaries can strengthen relationships.

Laura opens up about a time early in her marriage when she used the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic to get her way. She admits, “I thought I was being clever, but really, I was just shutting my partner out.” Zach shares how guilt and unclear communication led to his own missteps in creating healthy boundaries. They explore common examples—emotional, time, financial, and physical boundaries—illustrating how small changes can lead to healthier dynamics.

The episode balances humor, personal anecdotes, and expert insights as Zach and Laura share practical strategies for recognizing manipulation, fostering intentional communication, and setting clear boundaries that honor both partners' needs.

Key Takeaways

Manipulation vs. Boundaries:

Manipulation seeks to control behavior by exploiting emotions, guilt, or fear.
Boundaries are clear, respectful expressions of needs and limits to protect well-being without forcing a partner’s behavior.

Recognizing Unhealthy Tactics: Examples of manipulative behavior include silent treatment, ultimatums, threats, love bombing, and triangulation (using a third party to create jealousy or tension).

Why Manipulation Happens: When couples fail to communicate boundaries clearly, manipulative patterns often arise out of frustration, fear, or avoidance of direct confrontation.

Healthy Boundaries Require Collaboration: Healthy boundaries are created through mutual agreement, clear communication, and respect for each other’s needs and limits.

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Ep 350 Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity: Insights from Dr. Jeanne Michele Dec 10, 2024

Show notes

Zach and Laura are joined by special guest Dr. Jeanne Michele https://drjeannemichele.com/, a relationship coach and author of The Infidelity Cure https://amzn.to/4g6QBSf. The trio delves into the complex topic of infidelity, exploring its emotional impact, the motivations behind it, and how couples can navigate the aftermath. Jeanne shares her professional insights, emphasizing the importance of understanding vulnerability factors that can lead to affairs and the paths to recovery for all parties involved: the betrayed partner, the involved partner, and the affair partner.

The conversation is rich with anecdotes, practical advice, and moments of levity, as Jeanne, Zach, and Laura reflect on the deeper needs driving infidelity and how couples can rebuild trust. From navigating the decision to disclose an affair to setting new boundaries and agreements, this episode offers a compassionate guide for those grappling with the complexities of betrayal and healing in relationships.

Key Takeaways:

Infidelity as a Crisis and Opportunity: Jeanne highlights how an affair, while painful, can serve as a wake-up call for couples to address neglected aspects of their relationship and potentially strengthen their bond.

Understanding Vulnerability Factors: External and internal factors, such as unmet emotional needs or personal insecurities, can create conditions where an affair might occur. Awareness and communication are key to mitigating these risks.

Navigating Disclosure: Jeanne and Laura discuss whether disclosing an affair is always necessary, emphasizing the importance of considering the motivations and potential impact of disclosure on the betrayed partner.

Healing Requires Individual and Joint Work: Rebuilding trust involves both partners reflecting on their values, setting clear boundaries, and working together to create a new, healthier relationship dynamic.

Support for All Parties: Jeanne discusses the importance of including the affair partner in the healing process, encouraging them to address their own patterns and emotional needs.

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