Marriage Therapy Radio

Latest Episodes:

Ep 379 Emotional Fluency, Acting, and Getting It Wrong Sometimes with Victoria Shalet and Adam James Jul 01, 2025

Show notes

Zach sits down with couple Victoria Shalet and Adam James for a thoughtful and honest conversation about navigating the complexities of partnership. Drawing from their experiences in psychotherapy and performance, they unpack how their personal and professional worlds inform the way they connect, communicate, and occasionally clash.

Through light banter and open reflection, they explore moments of conflict, the importance of language in de-escalating tension, and the ways in which curiosity and humor keep them grounded. The episode offers listeners a window into a real, evolving relationship—complete with vulnerability, insight, and a shared desire to do better.

Key Takeaways

Words carry emotional weight
Replacing phrases like “that’s crazy” with “that’s surprising” can reduce defensiveness and create more space for empathy.
Curiosity is a relationship strength
Being able to ask your partner, “What’s really going on here?” rather than jumping to conclusions can keep you connected even in disagreement.
Repair isn’t a performance
What matters most is showing up after a rupture and trying again, not always getting it perfect in the moment.
Therapy and acting intersect
Understanding roles, scripts, and self-reflection can enrich how we navigate relational dynamics—but they don’t make us immune to the mess.
Laughter lightens the load
Humor isn’t just a relief valve—it’s a tool for staying close during tough conversations.

Guest Info Victoria Shalet
A former actor turned psychotherapist, Victoria now works with clients to build emotional resilience and deeper self-awareness. Her therapeutic lens brings nuance and reflection to how she shows up in her relationship. Learn more at spaceinme.com.

Adam James
Adam is a seasoned British actor with credits across television, theatre, and film, including roles in Doctor Foster, I May Destroy You, and Belgravia. His insight into communication, presence, and emotional fluency offers a unique complement to his partner’s therapeutic perspective. View his work at IMDb.

Key Takeaways Guest Info

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Ep 378 When Labels Hurt More Than They Help - Dr. Shannon Curry Jun 24, 2025

Show notes

Zach is joined again by clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a direct and thoughtful exploration of how language shapes conflict in relationships. Together, they dissect common but often misused terms like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” and “codependent,” highlighting the real harm that can come from assigning labels without clear definitions or clinical backing.

Shannon brings clarity and nuance to a conversation that many couples face in therapy: how do you talk about what’s not working without turning your partner into a diagnosis? They explore why describing behavior—not assigning blame—builds trust and forward movement. The conversation also touches on the research around what actually predicts relationship success and how couples can stay grounded in hope and creativity, even in difficult seasons.

Key Takeaways

The problem with labeling
Terms like “narcissist” and “gaslighter” are frequently misapplied.
Talk about behavior, not pathology
You don’t need a diagnosis to identify harmful or unhelpful dynamics. Focusing on specific behaviors allows for clarity and change.
The traits that actually matter
Zach discusses the importance of approaching our relationship with hope and creativity.

Guest Info

Dr. Shannon Curry
Dr. Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist with advanced training in trauma therapy, couples counseling, and high-conflict relational dynamics. She is the founder of the Curry Psychology Group, a team-based mental health practice in Southern California. Shannon is known for her clarity, compassion, and expertise in both therapeutic and legal settings.

Website: currypsychgroup.com

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Ep 377 Three Traits That Predict Relationship Happiness - Dr. Shannon Curry Jun 17, 2025

Show notes

Zach continues his conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a vulnerable and intellectually engaging conversation that blends personal storytelling, relationship science, and unexpected insight. Shannon opens up about how her own relationship defied her expectations, thanks to what she learned from psychologist Tai Tashiro’s research on the three personality traits that lead to lasting happiness.

They dive into what it means to choose a partner based on substance over spark, how grief and trauma can shape family planning decisions, and why admiration—not just chemistry—can sustain love. Shannon also shares her deeply personal journey of caring for her father through dementia and how it’s connected to her professional values and sense of purpose.

This episode is rich with real-life honesty, expert-backed wisdom, and the kind of reflective conversation that stays with you long after the final minute.

Key Takeaways

The Three Relationship Traits That Matter Most: According to Tai Tashiro’s research, conscientiousness, low neuroticism, and moderate adventurousness are better predictors of lasting relationship satisfaction than looks or wealth.
Choosing the Right Kind of Chemistry: True intimacy often comes from admiration and emotional safety, not physical attraction alone.
Love Without Children: Shannon shares why she and her husband Ty are "childless by choice" and how past grief shaped that decision.
Caregiving as Sacred Work: Shannon reflects on caring for her father through dementia and how her training as a psychologist helps her meet his needs with dignity and compassion.
Letting Go of the Checklist: Her personal love story challenges societal norms around partner selection and encourages listeners to rethink what really leads to long-term happiness.

Guest Info

Dr. Shannon Curry

Clinical and forensic psychologist
Founder of Curry Psychology Group
Certified in the Gottman Method
High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships
@currypsychgroup on Instagram

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Ep 376 Dr. Shannon Curry on Trust, Triangulation, and Telling the Truth Jun 10, 2025

Show notes

Zach sits down with Dr. Shannon Curry—clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and founder of the Curry Psychology Group—for a nuanced discussion about what happens when couples “team up” against their therapist in session. Drawing on her forensic background and deep clinical insight, Shannon explores the subtle dynamics of triangulation, conflict avoidance, and the emotional strategies people learn early in life to stay safe in relationships.

Together, Zach and Shannon talk about how the therapeutic space can trigger old wounds, what it takes to speak hard truths in love, and why being emotionally honest is often the most generous thing a partner can do. With warmth, curiosity, and real-life anecdotes, this episode speaks directly to the complexity of partnership—and the courage it takes to grow within one.

Key Takeaways

When Couples Turn on the Therapist
Shannon shares how one partner will sometimes rush to “protect” the other during difficult feedback, forming an unconscious alliance that derails growth—and puts the therapist in the role of the enemy.
Emotional Manipulation as a Survival Strategy
Many clients learn passive or controlling behaviors in childhood because direct expression wasn’t safe. These aren’t character flaws—they’re adaptive tools that once worked.
Conflict as a Mirror
The messiest moments in therapy often reflect old attachment wounds. Shannon emphasizes that when conflict emerges in session, it's not a sign of failure—it’s a signal of something important beneath the surface.
The Generosity of Truth
Zach proposes a compelling reframe: that emotional honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable—is a gift of generosity in relationships. Shannon agrees, calling truth-telling a spiritual value in her work.
The Truth Will Set You Free... Eventually
Sometimes growth hurts. Shannon shares a quote from her boarding school that sticks with her: “The truth will set you free—but first it will make you miserable.”

Guest Info

Dr. Shannon Curry

Clinical and forensic psychologist
Founder of Curry Psychology Group
Certified in the Gottman Method
High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships
@currypsychgroup on Instagram

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Ep 375 Behind Closed Doors with Laura and Ryan Heck Jun 03, 2025

Show notes

Previously available only to our Patreon supporters, this special episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert is now being released to the full Marriage Therapy Radio audience.

In this candid and heartfelt conversation, Zach interviews his longtime co-host, Laura Heck, and her husband, Ryan Heck, to explore what it’s really like to be married to a relationship expert. You’ll hear honest reflections, unexpected challenges, and plenty of humor as they open up about the reality behind the podcast mic.

Laura and Ryan talk about how therapy shaped (and sometimes complicated) their dynamic, what they’ve learned about conflict and connection over the years, and how their relationship continues to grow. It’s real, it’s vulnerable, and it’s full of insights that any couple, expert or not, can relate to.

This is real life, not a therapy room: Laura explains how her skills as a therapist don’t always transfer cleanly into her marriage.
Conflict isn’t failure: Ryan shares how he used to fear that fighting meant something was wrong, and how he’s redefined that belief.
Growth takes time (and patience): Both Laura and Ryan open up about how emotional literacy didn’t come naturally, and still requires practice.
Connection over perfection: A recurring theme in the conversation is letting go of being right or perfectly understood, and focusing instead on meaningful connection.

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Ep 374 Our Wedding Was Perfect. Then Our Relationship Fell Apart: Baya & Emmy’s Story May 27, 2025

Show notes

Zach sits down with Baya Voce and Emmy Bush to talk about falling in love hard and fast, hitting a wall after the wedding, and what it takes to rebuild a relationship rooted in honesty, health, and play. The couple, known for their wildly creative wedding (think Burning Man meets RuPaul meets adult summer camp), dive deep into what really happened once the party ended.

They speak candidly about the emotional fallout after getting married, the surprising way attachment systems get triggered by commitment, and how chronic health issues nearly broke them. What followed was not a breakup—but a rebuilding. One that required therapy, nervous system repair, personal accountability, and a whole lot of humor.

Baya and Emmy don’t just offer advice—they embody a kind of radical relational creativity. You’ll hear about their cake competitions, their “Spock Mind Meld” reconnection rituals, and their profound respect for giving each other freedom inside commitment.

Key Takeaways

Commitment Triggers the Nervous System
Getting married activated their attachment systems in a new way, challenging their sense of freedom and safety. This is a common but under-discussed phenomenon in newlyweds.
Health Impacts Conflict
Post-wedding, Emmy’s health deteriorated due to mold toxicity, and Baya’s stress response was in overdrive. Their physical states made emotional regulation nearly impossible, leading to what they called “nothing burgers” turning into huge fights.
Processing Isn’t Always the Answer
Despite being a therapist and being in therapy, they realized their go-to relationship tools (like deep processing) weren’t what the relationship needed. What it needed was play, softness, and space.
Staying = Growing
They describe “packing their bags but never leaving,” demonstrating that staying through the hard parts gave them the space to evolve as individuals and as a couple.
The Relationship Is Its Own Entity
Inspired by their mentor, Baya describes how the relationship has its own needs, separate from individual preferences. Honoring those needs became the key to rebuilding trust and connection.

Guest Socials

https://www.instagram.com/baya_voce/

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Ep 373 Building a Friendship That Lasts Beyond Parenting May 20, 2025

Show notes

Zach is joined by Darren and LaVerna Wilk to explore the journey of maintaining a thriving marriage through the transitions of parenting, fostering, and embracing the empty nest phase. With over 35 years of marriage and five daughters, they share insights on shifting from parenting to partnership, cultivating friendship, and keeping their relationship adventurous.

They discuss planning intentional "midlife crises" to infuse novelty into their marriage, the importance of repair as a core practice, and how prioritizing their relationship has strengthened their family. Their experiences as foster parents and therapists provide a unique perspective on building resilience and connection in long-term relationships.Best Marriages

Key Takeaways

Embracing the Empty Nest: LaVerna reflects on finding joy and predictability in an empty house, and how her relationships with her daughters have flourished as they gained independence.

Intentional Midlife Adventures: The Wilks share how planning shared adventures, like off-road Jeep trips, has brought excitement and growth to their marriage.
The Power of Repair: They emphasize that conflict resolution is about building the muscle of repair, trusting that they can return to and resolve issues when ready.
Marriage as the Foundation: Prioritizing their marriage, even when it meant disappointing their children, has been key to their enduring partnership.
Reconnection Rituals: After time apart, they use intentional rituals to reconnect and realign emotionally, ensuring their bond remains strong.

Darren Wilk, R.C.C., M.A., C.G.T. and LaVerna Wilk, R.C.C., M.C., C.G.T.

Co-founders of Best Marriages
Certified Gottman Therapist and Advanced Trainer

Best Marriages

Couples counseling center based in Langley, BC
Offers Gottman Method therapy, workshops, and intensive sessions
Visit Best Marriages

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Ep 372 Reparenting, Receiving, and Reconnecting May 13, 2025

Show notes

In this concluding episode of the guest-host series, Desirae Ysasi and Zach dive into the art of reparenting, integration, and communication in relationships. They explore what it means to revisit your childhood self while also allowing your younger self to guide you through present challenges.

Desirae opens up about the overwhelm of parenting through work stress, sharing how her daughter’s recent emotional outburst became a mirror for her own emotional state. Zach reflects on a recent conference experience, the power of being seen by your partner, and how receiving feedback can sometimes feel like being put under a microscope.

They also discuss the five winning strategies for building intimacy, from speaking to make things better to cherishing what you have. Desirae explains her concept of “history-colored glasses,” a powerful metaphor for how our past influences our present reactions. Whether you’re struggling to communicate or trying to feel more connected to yourself and your partner, this episode is full of practical, reflective insights.

Key Takeaways

Reparenting the Inner Child

Desirae explains that reparenting is about becoming the parent you needed as a child, addressing unresolved wounds, and learning to provide yourself with the nurturing and validation you may have missed.

History-Colored Glasses

The way we see the world is deeply influenced by our past experiences. If you grew up around loving, joyful yelling, loud voices will feel warm. If yelling was traumatic, it will feel threatening. The challenge is to rewrite those old scripts.

Learning to Speak to Make Things Better

Desirae emphasizes that many of us speak to unload or defend, not to improve the relationship dynamic. Shifting to a “speak to make things better” mindset can completely alter the tone of conflict.

Cherishing as a Practice of Receiving

Cherishing isn’t just about giving love—it’s also about receiving it. Desirae explains that learning to accept even small gestures from your partner can be just as transformative as grand gestures.

Integration: Bringing All Parts of Yourself to the Table

Zach reflects on his own experience of feeling fragmented, wondering how to integrate all parts of himself rather than prioritizing certain aspects and neglecting others. Desirae affirms that all parts have a place, even the wounded, anxious, or insecure ones.

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Ep 371 Do I Belong Here? Race, Intimacy & Emotional Safety May 06, 2025

Show notes

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences.

Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility.

This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow.

Key Takeaways

Curiosity Over Certainty
Zach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences.
Self-Esteem as a Spiritual Concept
Desirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness.
Therapists are Still Learning, Too
Zach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity.
Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized Body
Desirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind.

Guest Link

ysasicounseling.com
Based in San Antonio, TX
Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing

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Ep 370 Therapists Have Messy Marriages Too | with Desirae Ysasi Apr 29, 2025

Show notes

Zach welcomes Desirae Ysasi for her first appearance as a guest co-host—and what unfolds is a warm, insightful, and occasionally awkward conversation about parenting, marriage, culture, and therapist life. From Desirae’s daughter offering podcast advice (“don’t be weird”) to Zach’s reflections on parenting adult children, the two therapists pull back the curtain on their real lives.

They explore how therapists experience their own relationships, what it means to “cherish” your partner, and why Desirae believes couples can still struggle with conflict even when they have all the tools. Their honesty and laughter make space for listeners to reflect on their own relationships—not from a place of performance, but of grace, learning, and genuine care.

This episode is the first of a three-part series with Desirae, and it sets the tone beautifully: smart, soulful, and full of moments that might just help you feel softer toward yourself or your partner.

Key Takeaways

You Can Know the Tools and Still Struggle
Desirae reveals that even as a couples therapist, conflict in her marriage doesn’t always look pretty—but what makes the difference is how she and her husband repair.
Cherishing as a Daily Practice
Cherishing isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about making sure your partner has tangible access to your love and affection—in everyday moments, through small actions.
Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Disconnection Is
Desirae shares that the hardest part of conflict is not being able to be generous. What matters is not just the argument, but whether you can still be open, kind, and connected during hard moments.
Therapists are People, Too
The episode normalizes that even people trained to guide others through relationships have messy, human partnerships of their own—and that’s part of what makes the work so honest.

Guest Link

ysasicounseling.com
Based in San Antonio, TX
Specializes in couples therapy, trauma, and relational healing

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