Stay ConnectedMarriage and Martinis is an attempt to present a real, authentic marriage at its core: the love, hate, teamwork, struggles, laughter, humiliation, and ever-changing dynamics that comprise spousal relationships. Join Danielle and Adam as they explore every hilarious, heartfelt, shocking, embarrassing, and completely inappropriate facet of marriage and parenting. It’s a bumpy ride, but it’s worth it.
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Copyright: © Marriage And Martini's 2018
In what was supposed to be a "tamer" follow-up to their first election episode, Danielle and Adam just can't seem to get on the same page concerning influential commentators, and the impact they think listening has on opinions and mindset. Adam feels like he can listen without being truly "affected" by what they say, while Danielle is frustrated that Adam doesn't understand that some voices are more intrusive and influential than we think.
Some things they discuss:
Buckle up. This episode is WAY bumpier and more intense than originally planned. However, it's also a conversation that will most likely be relatable to many couples.
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Five days after the election, a tension has been brewing: in households, in friendships, and in society. While Danielle and Adam voted the same way, that doesn't at all mean they share the same experiences concerning politics and advocacy. Even though they've been together for 25 years, there have been a lot of times in which they felt differently concerning what type of role and voice they should each have in the world of social issues, engaging in social media, and even concerning their parenting. Danielle comes from a very political family. Adam does not. How have they navigated this terrain? They get into the deep reflection, and some extremely tense discourse, highlighting the differences they both face, and answering each others questions concerning:
Make sure to tune in for part two next week, when they discuss what public figures and influences have negatively impacted the way they relate to one another concerning issues?
What's the big deal about listening to Joe Rogan?
What does Adam think about "feminism" and the role it plays in Danielle and Mia's lives?
If you enjoyed this episode and gained something from it, please don't forget to rate and review on Apple and/or Spotify. Follow and subscribe to get all upcoming podcast episodes.
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It has taken over 22 years for Adam and Danielle to be able to have a conversation about the topic of finance without it ending in a fit of rage, resentment, and frustration. For the first time, they can each admit to their mistakes, and the ways they individually and cohesively have contributed to the mistakes they've made, and their negligence concerning preparing for the future. Yes, this is definitely a testament to the progress they've made and the incredible work they've done, but it doesn't change the fact that they'll be feeling the impacts of their poor decisions for years to come. This is a topic that is so seldom discussed by couples in a way that's so public and especially, so honest, that they weren't sure if they should edit some of it out. However, they decided not to touch it. Hopefully, their vulnerability will inspire other couples to have similar conversations, and even learn from Adam and Danielle's mistakes. More specifically, some of the issues they discuss surrounding money and finances in this episode are:
Stay tuned for part two of this topic, in which we delve even further into these issues and so much more!
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Want to have this type of dynamic, gentle, honest conversation with you partner? Purchase the Date Night Questions print version, and use code "MNMPODCAST" for 20% off plus free shipping. Or, download it immediately with the ebook version, and use code "RECONNECT" for 15% off.
Trying to incorporate more gratitude, equity, and understanding into your relationship, use the framework that got Adam and Danielle to the place they are now as a couple, by purchasing the Small Change, Big Impact Challenge, and use code "SCBI15" for 15% off!
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Is there a such thing as too many discussions about the mental load? Until it stops being one of the most complicated issues in relationships, the answer is definitely no. Danielle and Adam were so happy that Zach joined them for a conversation about all the different facets and nuances about the mental load which are rarely discussed. In fact, for a couple that has spoken more about this topic than most partners, they each learned a lot of new, insightful information. Plus, they discuss how far they've come since their devastating fight from one year ago, that almost caused Danielle to leave. Plus, with the upcoming holidays, the three of them tackle the different ways that time of year can make the division of mental and emotional labor even more complicated. This is another one of those episodes that you'll definitely want to share with your partner and ask them to listen. There is a lot of great info in this discussion.
Follow Zach on instagram, and check out his awesome coaching and facilitator services on his website.
Be sure to sign up for the Marriage and Martinis Holiday Challenge, if you often feel like the sole magic maker during the holiday season, leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed. Purchase the regular version for the downloads only, or join us for the 30-day interactive version starting October 27th. THIS WEEK ONLY: 20% off both versions of the holiday challenge. Discount applied at checkout.
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Danielle is officially in full-perimenopause mode. But even she doesn't know what that really means! For the first time ever, she and Adam sit down to discuss the basics of perimenopause and what it truly means to be in this stage of life. What does the term even mean? How long does it last? What are the symptoms? WHY TF DON'T WE KNOW MORE?! Danielle and Adam discuss all the things they don't understand and the stuff they want to understand more. This is an episode that every couple should listen to, and DEFINITELY every woman.
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Their wedding day is not really something about which Adam and Danielle talk very much. In fact, they don't even have a picture from their wedding day anywhere in their house. During this really in depth discussion, the two of them talk about everything from how Danielle rushed Adam into getting engaged, why getting married so young presented some problems for them, how discrepancies about how money should be spent led to contention, and why they actually wouldn't go back and change a thing. Plus, they share a lot of information from their listeners and community, and go into detail about what they will tell their own kids about weddings and marriage. Whether you're single, engaged, married, or divorced, this is an episode you will not want to miss.
https://www.marriageandmartinis.com/
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Until recently, the have been very few platforms available for women to share stories about their pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experiences. But amazing resources like The Birth Hour podcast are helping to change all of that. With more than 900 episodes, this podcast (named one of Time Magazine's 50 best podcasts), Bryn has offered hundreds of women a safe space to share their birthing stories, whether they were "regular," complicated, or "unconventional." This podcast opens up so many experiences surrounding pregnancy about which we're never introduced or educated, that is has literally saved lives. In this episode, Danielle has the honor of sitting down with Bryn to discuss everything from, why women are so judgmental of one another for making decisions that differ from their own, what do we need to each remember about birthing plans, and the reality surrounding unexpected occurrences and how they impact plans and hopes. Plus, Bryn talks about some of the most memorable and impactful stories she's heard over the years. Plus, what has Bryn learned from almost one thousand birth stories that she wants all of us to know, as well? Unfortunately, it's impossible to have every woman hear an episode, but Danielle truly hopes that each woman who listens will send this to someone else who might need to hear it. If you are unpacking your own birth experience(s), are hoping to one day give birth or know someone else close to you who is, or are just curious about all the different options, choices, and paths women take when having a child, you'll absolutely want to listen to this episode.
Follow Bryn on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/thebirthhour/. Check out the website at https://thebirthhour.com/, where you can access resources to help prepare for an upcoming birth. And, check out The Birth Hour podcast to hear Danielle's birthing story this week.
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In this fun, lighthearted episode, Adam and Danielle face off in a test of elementary school knowledge. Answering questions in vocabulary, grammar, math, science, history, and geography, each wants to see how much they've retained in the 35 years since they went through the fifth grade. Who winds up the winner? Are they able to fill in a map of the 50 United States? Of Europe? Of Canada? What do they not remember being taught? What do they each wish they'd be taught but haven't? Listen to the episode for some good laughs and to test your own knowledge and find out if YOU'RE smarter than a fifth grader.
Want to get our FREE version of the Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Sign up for emails and have it sent directly to your inbox later this week!
Want another Date Night activity that's fun and an incredible way to reconnect? Purchase The Date Night Questions and use code "RECONNECT" for 15% off the book and ebook versions.
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This episode is not AT ALL what Adam and Danielle had planned. But that's actually a good thing, because it winds up being one that's pretty impactful. After dropping Mia off at her second year of college, they reflect on her acknowledgement that after years of wanting to be a teacher, so has been brave enough to admit that maybe it isn't actually the path she wishes to pursue. As nervous as she was to admit this, Adam and Danielle are trying to convince her that sometimes life takes twists and turns, because we haven't been given the proper space to truly know what it is we want THE REST OF OUR LIVES to be like. At 40 years old, Adam and Danielle finally pursued a journey that felt more authentic to them, but both wish they had been given more options earlier in life. This leads them to discuss what is lacking along the way so that each of us can more openly and honestly decide the future that's "right" for us. What could schools and communities do to better open doors that otherwise young adults might not even know are there to open in the first place? How do we allow our youth to explore options without spending a fortune or giving them false hope? How much time is the right amount to try something before saying, "this isn't for me," and pivot in another, safer direction? For anyone who has had a child voice that they no longer have the same goals, despite the money, time, and effort spent on that dream, this episode is will offer the room needed to reflect on this redirection. For anyone who feels they were misguided, or rushed into a career or lifestyle, this episode is for you, too. We've all had moments where we wonder, "whose dream is this, anyway?" Let's figure out what to do with those REAL reflections.
Want to make room in your household for these conversations? Check out our Back To School toolkit, ("BTS15" for 15% off) meant to prompt conversations, and inspire a household vibe that feels safe enough to say the things that matter.
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The number one most requested guest listeners always ask to return is none other than Adam and Danielle's oldest daughter, Mia. After years of struggling to understand more about her identity and find a place for herself, Mia has learned that navigating life as a neurodivergent human is a multi-layered, complex journey filled with redirection and deep reflection. Mia openly reveals how life has changed since getting diagnosed with Autism and ADHD four years ago, and the ways she's learned to live in a way that balances her unique, individual needs with the social and academic requirements of college life. Mia walks us through her experience changing high schools, graduating, and her transition to living away from her parents. How has she managed to stay on top of her schoolwork while also having to figure out how to make new friends and keep on top of everyday routines that are more complicated for her than for most 18 year olds? What tips and strategies does she have that others can benefit from knowing about and incorporating into their daily life as a newly independent "adult?" Also, how has this whole experience changed the way Danielle and Adam parent, and how they view "success?" What do they wish they had known sooner and done differently? What concerns did they have, and how did they stay afloat when it seemed like maybe the hopes and goals they had for Mia wouldn't come to fruition? What do they want other parents to know about communicating with their kids about their needs and concerns? How have they managed the stress of having a struggling kid away and, at times, uncertain about what would come next? This is a must listen for all parents, and offers so many amazing insights and nuggets of invaluable information for any caretaker who is navigating life with a kid who doesn't always check all the proverbial boxes and fit neatly into the world, which is undoubtedly designed for neurotypical humans.
Check out our incredible Back To School Toolkit. This is your go-to “positive vibes” solution for a smoother, optimistic, and more supportive school year for everyone in your household.
Use code "BTS15" for 15% off.
If you loved this episode, you'll also love the Pivot episodes from August, 2022, when Adam and Danielle were going through their most difficult summer of parenting.
Check out our Back to School essentials, *Mia Silverstein approved.
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And check out our products, and our new Back to School Preparation Toolkit for parents (available this week) and other bestselling, wildly-popular resources for couples and parents.
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If you loved this episode, or any other Marriage and Martinis episode, please take a moment to rate and review on Apple and/or Spotify. It really means the world to us.
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Danielle and Adam have just returned from their first REAL kidless vacation in around six years. They divulge everything - from why they chose this resort, to what Adam did for the first time ever, to why he wanted to turn the plane around halfway through the flight. How did being a "TV-less" resort impact their enjoyment? What shocking thing happened right in front of their hut? And what pet peeves did they have with one another throughout the trip? This is definitely an episode that will keep you entertained, and also inspire you to plan your next couples' getaway.
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What if you could sit down with your partner and ask them the questions you've ACTUALLY been wanting to ask? The ones that you aren't sure you want to know the answers to, or wish you had a truth serum to ensure they were being completely honest? That's exactly what Danielle and Adam do in this episode, and it definitely gets a tad intense at times. Danielle questions Adam about his complete lack of regard concerning certain aspects of his mental health, and why it worries her so much. Adam asks Danielle a questions that seems almost too complicated to answer in just a few sentences, and catches her off guard with an interesting type of "lightening round." Listen to find out what other questions cause some discomfort and make each of them do some serious reflecting.
BRAND NEW: Check out the brand new, 2.0 version of the Marriage and Martinis' Small Change, Big Impact Challenge. What would you have your partner take off your plate for thirty days? What would they have you take off of theirs? The Small Change, Big Impact Challenge tackles issues with the Mental load while gently guiding couples through a fun, unique, insightful experience quite like they've never done before. What might your relationship be like in thirty days? Use code "VIPCHALLENGE" for 20% off - our biggest discount, intended for listeners of the podcast!
Want to answer the same questions Adam and Danielle have asked one another throughout their most popular, impactful episodes? Grab our wildly popular Date Night Questions book or ebook. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 20%!
If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to RATE AND REVIEW on Apple and/or Spotify. Rating and reviewing is one of the best ways to help your favorite independent podcasts. Thank you for supporting us!!
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When Danielle discovered Dr. Kat, she knew she needed to have her on to ask her about so many recent revelations she’s had about her personal experience with perinatal OCD, birth trauma, and postpartum depression. As Danielle learns more and unpacks an experience she had almost 20 years ago, she can’t help but wish she could go back and tell her younger self so many things. She can’t, but she can ask the questions for the women who may encounter (or have encountered) similar issues during their pregnancies. This conversation is one that should be listened to be everyone, regardless of gender, marital and parenting status, and whether or not people personally deal with issues with perinatal Mental Health….it absolutely should be on EVERYONE’S radar. Danielle and Dr Kat discuss:
⁃What exactly does the term “perinatal mental health” encompass?
⁃Are there regulations in place to ensure that OBGYNs are educated on modern discourse concerning PMH?
⁃What are Dr Kat’s thoughts about waiting three months to tell people you’re pregnant?
⁃What necessary questions would she tell every couple (or single human looking to get pregnant) to ask prospective OBGYN’s before choosing a physician?
⁃What might be some prior warning signs that someone might encounter issues with perinatal mental health?
⁃What exactly is a “birth trauma,” and how does a woman know whether or not she went through one?
⁃What does Dr. Kat want every person to know about perinatal mental health and how you can help someone who might be experiencing it in some way?
Make sure you follow Dr. Kat on IG at @momandmind and listen to her podcast Mom and Mind wherever you get podcasts.
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In what will most likely be the most honest conversation about masturbation you've ever heard a real couple have, Adam and Danielle answer every question you've been wanting to ask about self pleasure. The two discuss the first time they each discovered they were capable of achieving orgasm without a partner, and how their experiences with masturbation have continued throughout the years. Some extremely open and raw discussions include:
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Listeners always ask Danielle and Adam to do an episode with their three kids, asking what it's like to have them as parents, and to have the podcast out there in the world for all to hear. Finally, the time has come for Danielle and Adam to sit down with each kid, individually, (Mia 18, Ean 16, and Jonah 12) to discuss all the questions about life with Danielle and Adam. Some questions include:
And so much more!!
Download our Mother's Day activities here and use code "MAMALOVE" for 15% off.
Contact Evgenia to learn more about her special boudoir offer ONLY for listeners of Marriage and Martinis.
Check out Sojo Spa Club for the perfect Mother's Day experience, or just an experience to slow down and savor the day.
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In this episode, Danielle sits down with the amazing boudoir photographer, Evgenia Ribinik, to hear all about what it's like to be a part of such an intimate, momentous experience from the other side of the camera. The two discuss:
To check out Evgenia's amazing work, visit her website.
Make sure to follow her on instagram at @evgeniaribinikstudios
To read Danielle's latest blog about her experience, click here.
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In this rollercoaster of an episode, Adam and Danielle get into a REAL conversation about what is still missing in the conversation about body image. Adam is honest about his thoughts on Danielle's weight gain, and the two get down and dirty about why they're both a little petrified for the future. Danielle reveals why she often wonders if she's "broken," and Adam reveals why he's been able to step up in a way he never has before. Plus, Adam hilariously throws Danielle under the bus concerning all of the ridiculous things she did while high, and Danielle calls Adam out on his "conditional love." Plus, what's with all the insane, recent orgasms?
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In this follow up episode from Danielle's Boudoir shoot, Adam and Danielle discuss how it felt to finally see the pictures, and how they handled posting pictures that most suburban moms don't reveal to over half a million people. What did Danielle say to her 15 year old son and how did that discussion go? How did she prepare people like her mother-in-law and others whom she was worried might feel uncomfortable with the situation? How did Adam react initially, and what was his ultimate takeaway from the whole experience? Plus, the two discuss:
don't forget to follow Danielle's new hero @evginiaribinikstudios
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Danielle has wanted to work up the courage to have a Boudoir shoot for years. Finally, after finding a photographer she knew she could be comfortable with, she went to have this experience, without informing Adam. In this episode, the two discuss:
To find out more about Danielle's amazing photographer, check out Evgenia Ribinik.
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Recently, Danielle heard something on Tik Tok that really struck her: "are we all just spending the second half of our lives recovering from the first half?" This got her thinking about all the things we're taught for so long while growing up, only to figure out that all of those messages and concepts are all just a bunch of BS. Are we all too "gaslit" to even know what we, as individuals, even want in life? How can we separate our own goals and desires with those we've been TOLD we should want? In this interestingly nostalgic-yet-eye-opening episode, Adam and Danielle discuss:
and so much more!
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Molly had reached her breaking point as an overwhelmed mom and wife when she and her husband decided to open up their marriage back in 2008. In this honest conversation, Danielle asks Molly questions that are on so many people's minds when we think about allowing our partners to be intimate with other humans. Some of these include, how do you handle the intense moments of jealousy that follow knowing your partner has been sexual with someone else? What happened when your kids found out, and how did they react? Were you worried about your parents finding out? And, has the experience been all you hoped it would? Molly's new memoir, "More," takes readers through the journey of becoming polyamorous, and all of the layers, hardships, and joys involved in this process. Luckily, Molly was willing to share some of those stories on the podcast. Hearing these reflections helps us to understand the concept of open marriage from a different, more honest perspective.
Buy Molly's book More, A Memoir Of Open Marriage wherever books are sold.
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts and/or on Spotify.
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In this not-so-conventional "check-in" episode, Adam and Danielle answer some deep questions about recent lessons on life they've learned, what's something they've each done recently about which they're proud, and a lighting round of quick answers concerning how they're feeling about certain aspects of life. Plus, Danielle introduces Adam to the term, "tradwife," and wants to know if he secretly wishes she was more like one of those wives. Get a pen and paper out, because partners are going to want to write down these questions to ask one another (or anyone in your life with whom you'd like to have a deep conversations).
Check out our upcoming, awesome sessions of Beyond Permission, including a discussion on Sex Toys, Libido and Desire, and a DATE NIGHT opportunity with Danielle and Adam!
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Lyz Lenz grew up religious, in a household that taught their children that marriage is the only option, and divorce is totally off-limits, with the possible exceptions of infidelity and/or abuse. But 11 years into her own marriage, she knew she couldn't stay, even though the reasons for wanting to leave were different than what she had been taught were valid and acceptable. In her new book "This American Ex-Wife, How I Left My Husband And Started My Life," Lyz intertwines her story with a broader one: that of how the institution of marriage is obviously not working as it exists right now, and why we need to change the narrative on marriage and divorce. In this episode, Danielle and Lyz discuss myth vs. fact when it comes to marriage, divorce, single motherhood, and what "happiness" actually looks like. Plus, what does Lyz want women to know about marriage and divorce that no one else will tell you? And no, she isn't anti relationship, or even marriage. But she is in favor of coming together to figure out what society needs to do to make it be more fulfilling and beneficial for everyone who decides to enter into this union.
Purchase Lyz's book wherever books are sold. Follow her on instagram @lyzlenz and subscribe to her Substack.
BY POPULAR DEMAND: Check out Danielle's upcoming Beyond Permission sessions. Weren't able to attend the whole weekend of Beyond Permission? We're offering Mini-sessions with all the same topics that are of interest to you! Check out the details and schedule HERE!
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In this fun, pre-Valentine's Day episode, Danielle and Adam go head to head in a battle of "Sex trivia." Each of them came up with ten questions revolving around sex and intimacy to try to stump the other. If you've been wanting to know more weird facts about sex, or even basic information we should have learned a long time ago, you'll love this lighthearted challenge to determine whether Adam or Danielle is the master of sex (ed).
Valentine's Day is coming! Time to order the Date Night Questions book, and enter code, "MNMPODCAST" for 20% off - our biggest discount anywhere! Want to have it immediately? Download the ebook version and use code, "DATENIGHT" for 15% off.
Valentine's Day Digital Download for Couples: Spice up your Valentine’s Day whether you’re staying home or going out. Use Code VAL2024 for 15% Off!
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Adam and Danielle continue their conversation about communication by finally going deep into "apologies." They discuss whether or not they heard HEALTHY apologies growing up, whether they remember apologizing to friends, and how apologies (or lack thereof) have affected their relationship over the years. Other things they discuss include:
Valentine's Day Digital Download for Couples: Spice up your Valentine’s Day whether you’re staying home or going out. Use Code VAL2024 for 15% Off!
Valentine's Day is coming! There's nothing better to bring and/or give on your special date night than The Date Night Questions Book! Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 20% off! Use code "DATENIGHT" for 15% off the ebook version, and download it immediately!
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Danielle and Adam discuss why communication is just so damn hard. Each reflects on what communication was like in their households growing up, how gender roles affects communication styles, and what type of communicator each is currently. Plus, where have they made progress concerning communication, and where do they still need to improve?
Join Danielle on January 25th, 26th, and 27th in the evenings, EST. for an empowering virtual workshop for women. Beyond Permission will be led by Danielle and Leah, and they sessions will be filled with support, learning, conversation, activities, and so much more concerning everything midlife, sex, desire, effective communication, and body image related. Get one of the very limited VIP passes, and join Danielle, Leah, and a very small group for an after hours pajama party for Girl Talk After Dark, and go even deeper and get more raw about all the things. Do not wait! Prices increase soon! Use code "UNLEARN25" for $25 off!!
Valentine's Day Digital Download for Couples: Spice up your Valentine’s Day whether you’re staying home or going out. Use Code VAL2024 for 15% Off!
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** This episode mentions and has some discussion of sexual trauma. Please take care while listening.
Recently, Danielle asked her good friend, sex and intimacy coach, Leah Carey, to listen to her and Adam's wildly popular episode, “Awakening The Sex Talk Demons.” Danielle wanted to know why this conversation with Adam concerning intimacy had been so explosive and chaotic before it was able to be productive. Had they done it wrong? Is it actually possible to tell your partner you need more, sexually, and have it be a smooth, gentle discussion?
Leah breaks down what we need to remember during these very tough conversations: we’ve been conditioned differently from the time we’re very young, and are often simply adhering to the roles we’ve been instructed to fulfill. She and Danielle discuss that infamous first Marriage and Martinis episode that Leah was on, why we can’t always trust our bodies’ physical responses during intimacy, games that can be played in lieu of telling our partner, “we’re not satisfied” as means to get a similar message across, and so much more.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th. We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires. Head to BeyondPermission.com too sign up!
Want more of Leah Carey's incredible insights on intimacy and coaching, and learn more about the "Three Minute Game?" Check out LeahCarey.com.
Listen to the conversation that inspired this episode, Awakening The Sex Talk Demons. Want more information on how to navigate your own hard conversations about intimacy? Read Danielle's blog post here.
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In this follow-up episode to last week's "When Is It The Last Straw," Adam breaks down some of what he has reflected on, realized, and is starting to learn, even in the past week. However, he also admits that removing his ego from the equation is difficult for him. Danielle and Adam discuss their history with therapy, why it hasn't been effective for Adam in the past, and why he presently is beginning to change his view on it. Adam confronts Danielle about the confusing mixed messages she gave him all week, wanting to have sex despite their fighting and disconnection. Plus, Danielle brings up past events from six years ago, and discusses how never having closure about these awful acts has impacted her overall ability to move forward with Adam.
Episode #31, The Guilt Episode, is referenced a few times in this episode. Listen to that episode from December 3, 2018 for more context.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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In this difficult, impactful episode, Danielle and Adam get real and raw about some pretty complicated issues they've been dealing with recently. Danielle attempts to "walk the walk" concerning her changing expectations and "demands" about which she talked in the Letting My Freak Flag Fly episode. What set it all off? What influences have led to her fresh understanding of what a partnership should look like? How can Danielle and Adam move forward and not fall back into old patterns? This episode is emotional, vulnerable, relatable, and informative. This is one of those episodes you'll definitely want to send to your partner, or anyone else who might benefit from hearing some "real talk" about struggling through a phase of marriage.
Some other topics and issues covered:
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify.
Give the gift of reconnection this holiday, with the Marriage and Martinis' Date Night Questions Book. Perfect for stocking stuffers, host/hostess gifts, for the engaged, newlywed, and empty nest couples.
Listen to other episodes mentioned in this podcast:
The Five Love Languages, Veruca Salt Style
The Five Love Languages, Part Two
Check out Danielle and Adam's 2023 Holiday Gift Guide!!
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In the first solo episode since "Is She....Letting Herself Go," Danielle discusses the ways she has always had to "tone herself down" to fit into the confines of societal norms and expectations. However, now that she is older and has stopped restricting herself so much, she is working towards creating a life where she can feel as close to 100% of her true self as often as possible. This means podcasting more, containing to work towards body acceptance and allowing herself to continue to savor aspects of life which we're taught to actually limit ourselves. In this episode, Danielle discusses:
If you liked this episode please take a moment to rate and review on Apple and/or Spotify.
Also, if you enjoyed this episode, you'll also enjoy:
"Is She....Letting Herself Go?!"
Want to have real, raw conversations with your partner in a gentle, productive, and fun way? Don't forget to buy the Date Night Questions, available in print and ebook versions. Use code "reconnect" for 15% off the book, and "e-checkin" for 15% off the ebook.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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Danielle and Adam have been participating in their own challenge for over three weeks now, and the results have been awesome. When Danielle first created The Challenge, she hoped that it would lead to improved communication, intimacy, laughter, and connection....and it has far surpassed her expectations. Now, Danielle and Adam are offering other couples to have the same chance to participate in their own version of The Challenge. This month-long experience gives couples everything they need to choose a challenge for one another, prepare for the exciting "reveal meeting" for the challenge, check-in with one another throughout, and end with a celebratory Date Night with exclusive Date Night Questions only accessible to those who participate in the challenge.
With tons of opportunities to feel more seen, valued, and understood, the challenge is unlike anything couples have most likely experienced. Plus, there is only a small time commitment, it's incredibly affordable, and there's room for collaboration and discussion. Listen to episode to hear more details about the challenge, and then head to Marriage and Martinis to sign up, and choose promo code "podcastchallenge" for $10 off your one month subscription. Signing up in only the beginning. Check your inbox on Wednesday to receive your first guide and get going on making this challenge a complete success!! WE CANNOT WAIT for you to join!! The last day to sign up for the November challenge will be November 6th. It will formally begin on November 6th.
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In their follow-up episode about The Love Languages, Danielle and Adam go much deeper into everything from the overall concept, certain problematic aspects of the overall phenomena, and what they would both need from EACH of the five love languages. Plus, they talk more about Adam's findings concerning the symbolism behind the upside-down pineapple and the red Adirondack chairs. What are Danielle's thoughts about Words of Affirmation, and what would she prefer to have that feels more organic and authentic? How have their needs for each of the five things changed over time, and what do they need more of now that they may not have needed in the past? Whether or not you've had any experiences with the five love languages, this episode will offer ideas to make it all more productive, comprehensive, and impactful for couples, as well as for friendships.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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People always ask Danielle and Adam to do an episode on The Five Love Languages. So, they're finally doing it. But, they're doing it their own way. Danielle talks about why she refuses to choose one love language. Adam talks about his concern that the love languages quiz would be viewed more of a "test" and how that affected his answers. The two discuss how their love language styles would have most definitely changed over the course of their relationship, and how certain important aspects of their relationship don't seem to fit into any of the love languages. Stay tuned for part two next week when Danielle and Adam go even deeper into what they would want and need from each love language.
Want to have conversations that lead to fun, better communication, and renewed intimacy? Get your copy of The Date Night Questions and use code "RECONNECT" for 15% off the paperback version, and "E-CHECKIN" for 15% off the ebook.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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Danielle and Hanif discuss the life events that impacted Hanif so greatly that he co-founded the Center For Equity and Inclusion. Born to a father of Indian descent from Tanzania, and a Mexican-American mother, Hanif breaks down how being a person of color has affected his identity in every space he's occupied in life. Also, how his parents' desire to have their children assimilate into American culture caused a lot of confusion concerning how he should feel about his mixed background. For these reasons and more, he became intensely set on teaching others how we can make schools, workplaces, homes, and communities feel more accepting and comfortable regardless of someone's gender, sexual orientation, etc. Danielle asks Hanif small, actionable steps we can all take immediately if we want to be a part of the movement towards inclusive spaces.
Contact Hanif through the Center for Equity and Inclusion (https://ceipdx.com/).
Pre-Order links for An Other World -
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1774583313
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/an-other-world-hanif-fazal/1142911253
Powells World of Books: https://www.powells.com/book/an-other-world-9781774583319
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Danielle and Adam have the opportunity to choose one challenge for each other to complete in the next thirty days. They discuss how they came up with these challenges, how they think one another should go about doing the work to complete them, and what the ultimate goal is for each.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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Why is it so hard for us to get into a mindset that allows us to just feel contentment and happiness in the life we've created? In this episode, Danielle discusses the "guilt" she feels for not being able to fully embrace all of the new, positive aspects of life this move has brought their family. If happiness is the goal in life, why is it so difficult for us to feel that ultimate emotion over long periods of time? Adam and Danielle break down the thoughts of Brene Brown, the ways we've been conditioned to never actually get content in a state of happiness, and why maybe, just maybe, moments of pleasure and joy are the actual answers to that for which we're searching.
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After a whirlwind phase of chaotic life events, Danielle wants to take a moment and discuss how far she and Adam have come as individuals, as a couple, and especially as parents. But, the two realize that just stopping and living in the moment is difficult when there are still so many uncertainties. Still, the couple attempt to discuss the fact that it's necessary to stop and reflect on how much they've accomplished together over the past year and a half (and longer). Some things the two discuss:
If you enjoyed this (or any other) Marriage and Martinis podcast episode, please take a moment to support Adam and Danielle by rating and reviewing on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify. It helps them so much, and, it's totally free and easy (just like Danielle).
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Three days ago, Danielle and Adam dropped their daughter, Mia, off for her freshman year at college. But getting to this point was nothing short of a rollercoaster of a journey. In this episode, Danielle and her sister, Life Coach Amy, discuss what they've both learned about preparing our kids (and ourselves) for the post-high school phase. Amy has sent her two kids off to college, and helps other moms deal with this transitional time of life filled with so much change and uncertainty. Some topics the two discuss are:
Subscribe to Life Coach Amy Alpert's amazing must-read newsletter, and follow her on substack.
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For the majority of their relationship, Danielle and Adam have slept in separate bedrooms. So, what happens when, after all this time, they attempt to sleep together all through the night in the same bed? Why does Danielle feel like this is an important change to make in the relationship at this particular stage of life? How did they start sleeping in separate bedrooms in the first place? Adam and Danielle break down the history of their "sleep divorce" and all the reasons it may have worked for them in the past. Plus, is Adam ok with the only physical affection he gets being from Danielle and the kids? Does he wish his friends were more affectionate? For anyone who has anything "taboo" about their relationship, you will not want to miss this episode.
Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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In an episode that Adam describes as, "one of his favorite we've ever recorded," the two discuss more concerning etiquette and how these unwritten "rules" have affected their lives. Adam goes deep into the frustration of owning a retail business and why "the customer isn't always right." Danielle talks about the workers who she thinks should be tipped ALL THE MONEY for what they are expected to do. They also talk about the hardships of teaching kids how to behave out in the world when over the last 18 months, there has been a whole lot of time at home. What "teachable moments" are important to Danielle regarding her kids, and how is she trying to make up for lost time during the pandemic when it comes to showing their kids how to be socially considerate and caring with people you know, and when it comes to strangers.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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This episode of the podcast is brought to you by two people who desperately need sleep, don't have enough energy to make much sense, but really wanted to check in with everyone with a quick update. Danielle and Adam discuss finally being in their new home, why this was the most draining of all the moves, and how they're embracing their new small-town lifestyle. Danielle talks more about her guilt concerning moving the cats to a new home, and Adam is excited to talk all about his new lawnmower and weedwacker. Plus, how has this move made them think differently about the importance of life changes, especially while in their 40s? But mostly, this episode is a lot of rambling, and these two aren't even sure if anything they've said during the hour even makes sense.
We recommend listening to the prior episodes about moving before listening to this episode.
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It took two tries for Danielle and Adam to record this episode, because the first attempt ended in one of the worst arguments they've had in months. However, the second time, the conversation was one of the best and most honest talks about sex and intimacy on the podcast. However, this was after four hours of heated debate and fighting after Danielle opened up a "can of worms" that neither of them was expecting would result in such anger and frustrating on both their parts. In what Danielle claims was an "indicator of how fragile the male ego can be when it comes to feedback about sexual performance," the fight after the first (partial) recording brought up everything from Adam's famous statement in an episode back in 2018, "when I'm done, I'm done," the fact that men have never been taught to take women's pleasure seriously, that women are not strongly encouraged to take their own pleasure seriously (until later in life), and the truth about female pleasure is never truly researched and discussed by male partners. However, after clearing the air and finally calming down, they are able to have a truly productive and eye-opening discussion as to why their intimacy is better now than it ever was, and what secrets they can share about steps couples can take to become more compatible sexually and connect on a deeper, more passionate level. But first, they need to go back and acknowledge that their intimacy was definitely not always like that. Danielle and Adam both agree that this might be their favorite episode on the topic of sex they've ever done. Everyone should listen to this important, honest episode, no matter their relationship status.
The two also discuss:
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Want to spend a weekend with Danielle, Leah, and other badass women, embarking on a virtual, groundbreaking journey from January 25th to 27th? We'll be exploring our true sensual and sexual selves at midlife, shedding old stories that no longer serve us, and rewriting our personal narratives as we learn how to truly fulfill our needs and desires.
Register for Beyond Permission with Danielle & Leah here.
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In a society that glamorizes the idea of "doing it all," it's easy to get sucked in to the idea that if we aren't doing it all, we're somehow failing. But according to Kendra, AKA "The Lazy Genius," we absolutely do not need to and should not even attempt to do it all. In this episode, self proclaimed "hot mess mom" Danielle asks Kendra about everything from the secret to making a good "to do list," to how we can possibly stop feeling like laundry is taking over our lives, to how we know what's an essential task not to be ignored, and which things we need to put on the back burner. Want to be more productive by doing less? Then you don't want to miss this conversation.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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In this highly requested follow-up to last week's episode about moving into their seventh house, Danielle and Adam talk more deeply about how the stress is starting to manifest in ways that aren't so positive, and how the impending move is making them appreciate certain aspects of their current lives that they may have taken for granted. Also, what types of rituals, products, and habits are saving them right now, and making the whole process a little easier? Danielle talks new bras, clothing, and body image, and Adam talks about picking up old habits as a means to cope. Plus, where would they each move if money wasn't an issue, and what dream projects would they do in their new home?
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In this extremely vulnerable episode, Adam and Danielle divulge all the details concerning their move: why, where, and when. Plus, they go on some pretty crazy tangents about some TMI concerning Danielle's recent sexual craze, and Adam's ridiculous stress level. The two discuss how their relationship has changed since the last move, and how Adam's obsession with moving has completely transformed. Plus, what are they hoping to get from their new house and the town to which they're moving that they haven't gotten before?
Every pet owner needs Tractive to give them peace of mind about their pet getting lost.
Live in the New Jersey are and looking for a unique, delicious dessert truck to come and bring some unique excitement to your party? Check out Wandering Sweets.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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It's pride month, but it's always a good time to celebrate all the love. This episode has no shortage of real, honest, deep, intense love, and what beautiful things can happen when someone stops letting society dictate how their life should look, and starts looking inward to make big decisions. Danielle was so excited to catch up with her friend, Linda, to get caught up on the impactful and enormous changes that have occurred since she came out over two years ago. Danielle was even more thrilled that Linda's partner, Maddy, (who happens to be pregnant with Linda's ex-husband/co-parent's baby) was gracious enough to join the conversation. They catch up on the huge events that have taken place, including:
Linda and Maddy have recently been feature in People magazine and other media outlets to highlight their love story. But only on this episode will you get the raw, complete details of how it all happened.
Check out Linda's instagram @fruitsofmotherhood to follow along their journey from here.
Click here to purchase Tractive pet tracker and use code "Martini" for 20% off. Tractive is the #1 pet tracking device, and the only way to achieve true peace of mind as a pet owner.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Danielle and Adam are finally reunited with Erica and Jamilah from the podcast, Good Moms Bad Choices, and in this episode they are going DEEP into what society gets wrong about relationships, and why they're shifting the narrative about what a "life-partner" can look like. These best friends discuss everything from how Erica had the courage to ask Milah to "be her friend," when they were both young single moms, and the incredible bond that has developed and evolved since then.
In this episode:
Check out Erica and Jamilah's new book, A Good Mom's Guide To Making Bad Choices, on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, or wherever you buy books.
Follow Good Moms Bad Choices on Instagram.
If you loved this episode, you'll also love episodes #81, #90, and #194.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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So many couples go years without ever truly "checking in" with one another to discuss how things are going between them and which aspects of their relationship they need to focus on and improve, as well as which aspects of their relationship are going well. Danielle and Adam sit down to do a "relationship check-in" in real time. After looking for a "check-in" that suits their needs but not finding anything she really liked, Danielle creates one that she feels is more comprehensive and balanced. Here's some of what this discussion covers:
Any couple who feels they could benefit from a check-in with one another should absolutely listen to this episode, as it exemplifies what it means to take the time to focus on one another and remember that you are a team. It is filled with opportunities for positive discussion, while also leaving room to explore areas for growth.
Sign up for Marriage and Martinis' emails here to receive a PDF copy of the "relationship check-in" created by Danielle for this episode.
Want to take your check-ins to the next level and really discuss aspects of your relationship in a fun, intimate, and productive way? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
Loved this episode? Then we think you'll also love episodes 220 (The PIVOT Episode Part One) and 221 (The PIVOT Episode Part Two).
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Danielle has been extremely honest about her struggle with body image and self-acceptance. She was so excited to sit down and ask one of her biggest role models, Sarah Landry (aka The Bird's Papaya) all about her experience and journey towards unapologetic body confidence. The two discuss why a attaining a "goal body" isn't all it's cracked up to be, how they're trying to show up in the world even when they feel uncomfortable, and what they really think makes a person incredibly sexy. Sarah talks about the first time she let her husband really touch her stomach after being a "no-go" zone for so long. Danielle discusses a time when she unintentionally made her daughter self-conscious about her appearance, and what she has since learned from her mistake. Danielle and Sarah also commiserate about how clothing stores have taken the joy and excitement out of shopping, and instead made it an experience filled with exclusion and shame.
Follow Sarah on Instagram.
Check our Sarah's website and blog.
If you enjoyed this episode, and/or any episode of the Marriage and Martinis podcast, please rate and review on Apple, and/or Spotify.
Want to have a gentle, open discuss about body confidence with your partner but aren't sure how to go about it? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
Really struggling to find inner peace and show up in the world in your body at this moment? Us too. That's why we wrote this guide and journal to taking steps towards more body confidence.
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For the past four and a half years, there's one question that Danielle and Adam get pretty regularly: "why do you have to curse so much?" It's a fair question, and one that actually doesn't bother them, as long as it's asked in a f*cking respectful way. So, why do they curse so much? In what ways do they feel that the art of cursing is misunderstood? What are their rules as parents concerning their kids using profanity? What are their favorite lines from movies that involve cursing? Which of them curses more? If you love cursing, sit down, relax, and get ready for some fantastic facts about "F bombs."
Love this episode or any other episode of Marriage and Martinis you've heard? Please take a moment to rate and review on Apple Podcasts. It only takes a moment and helps so much.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Warning: This episode discusses body image, disordered eating, and other complex relationships with food and exercise. Please take care while listening.
This is Danielle's first solo episode in over three years. However, the response she's gotten to some more recent episodes in which she gets very vulnerable about body image and the all-consuming aspects of trying to attain a certain physique, made it clear to her that she needed to dig deeper into the topic by herself before tackling the the subject with Adam. Danielle discusses everything from what she was told about her weight growing up, to the numerous diet plans she's tried (and failed), to her biggest fears regarding body acceptance. This episode is raw, emotional, and will most likely be relatable to many who have endured the shame and scrutiny caused by diet culture. What does she want Adam (and so many partners) to understand? How does she want to live her life from this point forward? What struggles have exhausted her emotionally and physically? It's all in this episode. Listen, and then send it to someone else who might need a little more self-love and to feel less alone.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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The term "Estate Planning" is quite misleading. So many of us believe that "getting our affairs in order" is something reserved only for the wealthy. Yet it is absolutely necessary to our loved ones' futures that we sort out financial and personal details ASAP, no matter the status of our finances and assets, especially if we have children under the age of 18. But how do we approach such a monumentally confusing and overwhelming task? Danielle and Adam sat down with Estate Planning expert (who just happens to also be their VERY awesome brother-in-law) to ask all the questions, no matter how simple or naive. Danielle is pretty confident that they don't even have an "estate," (what does that even mean?!) and it's been around 15 years since they last updated their will (oops). Luckily, Gideon patiently addresses all of their (and your) concerns, and discusses his very personal experience with this subject, which caused him to pivot in his career. It turns out, there are people who are very passionate about estate planning (thank goodness).
Some of the topics covered in the episode:
Whether you're listening in hopes of talking to your parents or elder family members about your concerns for their late-in-life planning, or hoping to gain more insight into what steps you should take next in your own planning, this is one of those episodes that takes a scary topic and makes it not only relatable, but solvable. Send it to your family, friends, and anyone else who needs to a reminder that we aren't taking these steps only for our own peace of mind, but for the futures of those we love the most.
For more information, visit Gideon's website.
Looking for more guidance on having these meaningful conversations with your partner? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and/or on Spotify.
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What was supposed to be a light, fun episode of Danielle and Adam asking one another random questions about life turns into a deeper, more real discussion about frustrations and issues beneath the actual subject matter. How does Danielle feel about Adam's crypto obsession? Why does Adam feel like he doesn't need to take more of an interest in women's content? This is a fun episode that also tackles some unexpected marital issues that will most likely be relatable to tons of couples.
Want to ask one another questions and have deep conversations? Purchase the wildly popular Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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After recently completing the college admissions process with their oldest child, Adam and Danielle knew they wanted to do a series of episodes for parents who might be anticipating or already immersed in the process. They asked their friend and seasoned admissions consultant, Peter Tilles, to sit down and answer their (and your) questions concerning all things college related. They also knew, however, that they wanted this series to be different than other podcasts that center on higher education in the fact that they want to emphasize the idea of "finding the right fit school" for each unique child.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Looking for help and guidance preparing for your upcoming college visits? Check out the FREE guide created just for Marriage and Martinis listeners.
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TW: All things "vice" related.
Adam and Danielle make it no secret that they have some questionable life choices. Most people won't talk about the taboo aspects of coping mechanisms due to the shame and stigma. But guess what? Life is hard, and we're not all equipped with the healthiest and most acceptable tactics. This is a safe space for anyone who has at times felt shamed for resorting to vices that aren't "healthy" or socially encouraged. In part one of this series, Danielle and Adam discuss how they've walked the tightrope of edgy behavior, and how their privilege has allowed them to do so. They discuss compassion in a world where people are expected to be able to solve problems in a more "productive" and responsible manner. Plus, they go more in depth discussing a vice in which they've both partaken since a young age and how they were first introduced to this substance. If you are going to listen to this episode, please check your judgment at the door. It's a truly honest conversation about elements of life which about which are greatly shameful to speak.
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Adam and Danielle discuss the concert of Sliding Doors and all the ways their lives would be different if they had made alternate momentary decisions.
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Is there any more uncomfortable subject to discuss in a real, educational way than porn? Probably not. Which is exactly why Danielle wanted so desperately to do this episode.Erika Lust is an award-winning, feminist, sex-positive director of adult cinema. Now, she’s made it her mission to educate parents about how we can have these incredibly hard discussions with our kids. Porn is ubiquitous these days. So why are so few people talking about it? Erika breaks down why we can’t wait any longer to dive into the topic and the ways we can do it so it’s not so damn uncomfortable.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Danielle and Adam reflect on their household rules growing up (or lack thereof) and how these (non) rules impacted them in becoming the people they are today. They discuss how their "rules" around religion have changed, which societal rules we need to get rid of, and what the rules of their household are now that they're supposedly in charge. What's the only movie Danielle's mom ever made them walk out of and why? What were the rules living in the dorm at Adam's boarding school? What would their kids say are non-negotiable rules in their family?
Have you enjoyed a Marriage and Martinis episode lately? Please take a moment to rate and review. It means so much and truly does help.
Looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
Also, there are still a few limited edition Valentine's Day Date Night Boxes, but hurry (US shipping included in the price).
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Very few couples are as honest and refreshing as Erinn and Oliver. In this episode, the two couples commiserate about everything from trust in marriage, to how hard consistency is in parenting, and why perfection is such a scam. Oliver gets real about what it was like coming clean to Erinn early in their marriage about his infidelity, how it almost broke him, and how they've been able to talk about it so openly now that they have such a strong, solid partnership. Erinn talks about what it was like to receive that shocking news, and how they were able to rebuild after this huge reveal. Their relationship is a testament to what can happen when two people decide to go "all in" and do whatever it takes to heal. Also, why it's so absurd that we say "til death do us part" in our vows, but neglect to discuss how committing to one person for our entire lives comes with inevitable hardships and mistakes.
Listen to the Unconsciously Coupled podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
Follow Unconsciously coupled on Instagram.
Looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Ok, so Adam and Danielle are a little late with their New Year's episode, but hey, what else is new? 2022 was the year that felt like ten years. Adam and Danielle go deep about what stunk, what was great, what they learned, and what they are really hoping for in 2023.
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For the past few years, Danielle and Adam have done a lot of researching when it comes to ADHD. But they've really wanted to sit down and ask an expert all of their questions and the questions from listeners. In this episode, Danielle and Ryan (aka The ADHD Dude) talk about everything ADHD related when it comes to kids (especially boys). The two talk about how to get your child's teachers to better understand and how to seek their help. They discuss medication, handling tough situations like homework and chores, and also what not to do when dealing with a kid who has ADHD. This episode is incredibly informative and dives deep into finding solutions to oftentimes misunderstood problems surrounding ADHD.
Follow Ryan instagram @theadhddude
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Want to hear more discussion about ADHD? Listen to episode 230.
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In this light, fun episode just in time for the holiday season, Danielle and Adam ask the hosts of this popular "etiquette-ish" podcast about everything from tipping, to regifting, to what to do when you seriously just don't want to go to that party. Danielle reveals what weird thing happened when she neglected to send a thank you note to an older member of her extended family after having her first child, and Adam asks if it's ok for customers to just leave their crap all over the aisles. Are snail-mail thank you notes ever going to be a thing of the past? Is it rude to invite guests to a party that starts way too late at night? Listen to hear Danielle and Adam find out if their thoughts on these topics are appropriate, or just plain incorrect.
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Listen to Were You Raised By Wolves wherever you get your podcasts!!
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TW: Mention of suicidal thoughts.
In one of their most vulnerable episodes, Danielle and Adam sit down to discuss the impact that ADHD has had on their family. While currently fully in the thick of this journey, opening up about this struggle was not easy, but it is something they know could help so many others. Having a daughter and a son who struggle, Danielle and Adam reveal the deep heartbreak that has fully consumed them as parents for the past year. However, they also feel so lucky and grateful to have the platform and connections to research and to advocate for their kids. They offer ideas and steps that will help other families who are also figuring out this oftentimes misunderstood diagnosis. Some of what they discuss:
Whether a person is impacted personally by ADHD, raising a child who has been diagnosed or is awaiting an evaluation, or someone simply wants to better understand how to be an ally to those who present as "different" in some way, this is definitely an episode that is well worth the listen.
Mentions/Resources:
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Danielle sits down with her good friend Leah Carey, who is a sex and intimacy coach and host of the podcast, "Good Girls Talk About Sex." The two discuss Leah's new ventures into pursuing an open relationship with her longtime partner. How did they know it was the right time to explore this lifestyle? What is different about their relationship now that allows them to trust one another enough to pursue sexual experiences outside of their relationship? What are the boundaries for these sexual encounters? What is the communication in most healthy open relationships a great example for all couples of how discussions and discourse around sex should take place? This episode is filled with important advice for any couple who feels like improved interactions could lead to deeper intimacy and a better, more fulfilling sex life.
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This episode is by far one of the most personal and vulnerable of the Marriage and Martinis podcast yet. In this special episode, Adam and Danielle's oldest child, 15-year-old Mia Silverstein comes on to discuss her experience grappling with sexual identity, and what she wants kids and parents everywhere to know about self, family, and social acceptance as someone in the LGBTQ community. What was "coming out" like for her? How has social media both helped and hindered her experience with self-confidence and establishing her identity? Why have movies, TV, and books been such a source of solace and connection for her, and which have had the most impact on her experience? Mia's hope in doing this episode is that people will feel more comfortable and less alone in whatever they are going through concerning sexual identity, and also to help parents everywhere with some tips and advice from the perspective of a teenager who is truly in the thick of growing up. Send this episode to family, friends, or anyone you know who might benefit from some open and honest conversation with someone from the next generation, who also happens to be the generation who just might save the world.
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How did we use technology in the past, and are we regulating it for our kids? Probably not.
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Adam and Danielle discuss their history and current budgeting situation. It pretty much goes as you'd expect.
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Danielle and Adam have been very honest about the ups and downs of finances in their marriage. But from where does it all originate? The two go deep into their childhoods, uncovering imbalances between perception and reality concerning the money situation while they were each growing up. How has it impacted them as individuals and as a couple? When did it all go wrong? How has society set them up to fail? Any couple who has ever encountered hardships about money will not want to miss this episode.
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Episode 25: Keeping Up With The Joneses
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Dr. Jennifer Lincoln has become a tik Tok phenomenon. With 2.8 million followers, she's demystifying sex and taking the shame out of the conversations surrounding sex ed that our youth really need to be having and hearing. Tackling everything from periods, to puberty, to body parts, she's working hard to stop the stigmas and spread the real message that this is all natural and normal. Danielle asks all her questions as a mom of tweens and teens, and both sons and a daughter. How do we make our households a place that naturally makes these discussions and topics more comfortable? What do our kids really need to know before going off to college or wherever they might go after leaving the nest? Is there really an "age" when it's finally appropriate to have "the talk" or teach the real language for body parts and bodily functions? Dr. Lincoln tells it all exactly as it is, and makes us all feel more like we can feel good about tackling these topics.
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For years, Adam and Danielle have done whatever possible to avoid facing "real life" situations. Now, as they get older and realize the impertinence of life, things have started to change. How are they embracing the here and now more than ever before? With their kids and pets getting older, there's a longing to make time slow down and really capture all of life's occurrences, whether good or bad. How did Adam go from wanting to escape every facet of the hard times, to totally being invested in the hardships of raising teenagers? What was Danielle's escape, and how was it more subtle? How can they make the most of this upcoming year and truly live in the now? For anyone who has ever felt like they want to embrace the present but have no idea what that even means or how to do it, this episode is one you don't want to miss.
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In this episode, Danielle chats with Ashley and Keri from the Momtourage Podcast about how each of them has navigated the pressures of doing things the way their parents and families did them while growing up, with figuring out how they each want factors such as tradition, spirituality, and religion to play a factor in their own adult lives and the lives of their kids. How does being in an interfaith marriage affect the decision-making process concerning tradition? Is there a way to honor our upbringing while still changing how our own family unit approaches aspects of religion and spirituality? How does one figure it all out when they didn't have real role models as children? Throughout the episode, the three women go off topic several times, and the conversation that ensues is both hilarious and relatable. Diversions include how pandemic parenting differed from "regular" parenting, getting periods for the first time, and fascinating ghost sex stories.
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In the previous episode, Danielle and Adam discuss how their summer turned drastically wrong. During this episode (should be listened to after listening to the first one), they discuss how they handled the disappointment, frustration, and anxiousness that followed the unexpected July events. How did they deal with everything as parents and as a couple? In what ways did it all wind up being a blessing, and it what ways are they still trying to figure out what needs to be done to turn certain things around? If you have a child who has struggled or is struggling, or if you've faced unexpected tumultuous circumstances, this is an episode you won't want to miss.
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The beginning of Summer of 2022 was supposed to be "the time of Adam and Danielle...." sleeping in, relaxing, having romantic dinners, and doing the dirty deed whenever they felt like it. Because, the beginning of the summer, all three of their kids were supposed to be away, having fun in different parts of the country. Nothing went as planned. In fact, so much went wrong, that there almost isn't enough time to talk about it all. In this episode, Adam and Danielle break down what went wrong and how they were forced to quickly and reluctantly change course. What was supposed to be the best July ever turned drastically wrong. What was supposed to be the summer of romance turned into the summer of hardcore parenting. But, there were also good things that came out of it all. Lessons were learned, and a lot of growth wound up occurring for everyone. Still, the two are hopeful that the second half of summer will be smoother and steadier than the first half. In this episode, Danielle and Adam reveal a lot of personal details in hopes that other parents who are "going through it" will know that they absolutely are not alone.
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Danielle's away for the night so I have to do this description thing. It was a fun episode, love you all, and hope you enjoy. Stay Orange (That will make sense after you listen). -Adam
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In the first-part of the follow up episodes to Danielle's solo episode, Adam is finally confronted with questions concerning how he really feels about Danielle's changing body. The two discuss the numerous and honest reactions to the solo episode, the miscommunication about self-esteem they've had for so long, and why Danielle feels the word, "laziness" is so problematic. Plus, why is sex based on connection so much better and deeper than sex based on physicality? What really turns them on about one another, and what do they need to work on in the future to ensure that neither of them feels self conscious? This episode is raw, real, and extremely vulnerable. It's also dedicated to any couples out there who are struggling with the harsh expectations we face concerning bodies and intimacy.
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy, Episode 217, Episode 219
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Warning: This episode discusses body image, disordered eating, and other complex relationships with food and exercise. Please take care while listening.
This is Danielle's first solo episode in over three years. However, the response she's gotten to some more recent episodes in which she gets very vulnerable about body image and the all-consuming aspects of trying to attain a certain physique, made it clear to her that she needed to dig deeper into the topic by herself before tackling the the subject with Adam. Danielle discusses everything from what she was told about her weight growing up, to the numerous diet plans she's tried (and failed), to her biggest fears regarding body acceptance. This episode is raw, emotional, and will most likely be relatable to many who have endured the shame and scrutiny caused by diet culture. What does she want Adam (and so many partners) to understand? How does she want to live her life from this point forward? What struggles have exhausted her emotionally and physically? It's all in this episode. Listen, and then send it to someone else who might need a little more self-love and to feel less alone.
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy, Episode 147, Episode 218, Episode 219
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In this episode, Danielle and Adam spend some time catching everyone up on their crazy recent adventures, including new kittens being born in their backyard, and how Danielle had to learn to trap the feral mama cat in order to get her spayed. Plus, what's on their summer bucket list, considering all three kids will be out of the house at the same time for almost three weeks. As always, life is nuts in the Silverstein household, but luckily it also makes for some hilarious conversation.
We Have Awesome Pride Merch!!
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 197.
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In what has quickly and unexpectedly become one of Adam and Danielle's favorite episodes, the two get to the bottom of why most conversations surrounding death are so serious, and why we should be able celebrate a person's life in the unique, personality-centered ways they deserve. This episode explores the role of Disney movies as a child's first impressions of death, how the couple wants to talk to their own children about the topic, and how Danielle and Adam each feel about "the afterlife." Plus, what characters' deaths have each of them never gotten over, and what do they want done at their own funeral?
Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/marriage-and-martinis
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 134, Episode 170, Episode 189.
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In this episode, Danielle sat down with author, journalist, and podcaster Jo Piazza, to talk all about the importance of hard conversations in relationships (romantic and platonic) and why we need to stop avoiding them. The two of them discuss Jo's new book, We Are Not Like Them, which Jo co-wrote with her friend, Christine Pride. The story follows tan interracial friendship which is tested in many ways when one of their husbands (a police officer), shoots a black teenage boy. Danielle asks Jo all about the writing process and how nerve-wracking it must have been to tackle such an intensely polarizing topic. They also discuss why this was such a topic to explore head on no matter how uncomfortable, and how the timing played a huge role. Danielle and Jo also talk about Jo's podcast, Under The Influence, and how Jo is now delving into the complexities of social media and how it affects women especially, and why these platforms are such a mixture of positives and negatives. According to Jo, we need to talk about all of these truths in society, no matter how much it makes us nervous and uncomfortable. You do not need to have read Jo Piazza's books or listened to her podcasts to enjoy this episode. However, after listening, we're pretty sure you'll want to.
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 167, Episode 176, Episode 213
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Danielle and her sixteen-year-old daughter, Mia, sit down to talk all about the journey they've been on together for the last couple of years for Mia to get some answers about why she's always felt "different." What made her start wondering about how her brain functions? Why was she worried to tell her mom that she wanted to get evaluated? What was it like to be evaluated and ultimately, diagnosed? Listen to this heartfelt episode to hear all about the this teenager's experience with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and an unspecified learning disability.
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 140, Episode 145, Episode 166, Episode 191, Episode 192
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Danielle and Adam discuss the misconceptions about "happiness," why it's a multi-layered emotion. The two contemplate the connection between money and happiness, and if they felt "happier" after winning the jackpot in Las Vegas. When do they feel the greatest sense of happiness, and why is there so much pressure for happiness to be the ultimate goal in life?
pompflowers.com promo code "Marriage15" for 15% off
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 155, Episode 160
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Note: This is episode is just two people sitting down to try to get acquainted with kinks and fetishes. This episode will be followed up by several others with experts as well as couples who are already immersed in the kink culture. Adam and Danielle are open about the fact that they sometimes participate in kink-adjacent activities. However, there is a whole world out there about which they know very little and would like to become more comfortable with so that it can be spoken about and experienced without share, guilt, or embarrassment.A brief history of kinks
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 157, Episode 177, Episode 193
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Danielle was thrilled to have the chance to talk with esteemed teacher and teaching advocate, Nicholas Ferroni, to ask all the questions so many of us are wondering about the state of education and teaching nowadays. The two discuss:
And so much more!
After listening, go follow Nicholas Ferroni on Instagram, twitter, and tik tok. Then, go and thank as many teachers as possible and ask how we can best support them.
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Did you enjoy this episode? You might also enjoy Episode 101, Episode 136, Episode 166
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Danielle and Adam loved researching and recording this episode, which feels refreshingly different from most other episodes. The two talk all about their memories of such campaigns as "stranger danger," "D.A.R.E," "Fire Prevention," assemblies, After School Specials, and so much more! If you were a child of the 1970s and 1980s you aren't going to want to miss this fun, interesting and nostalgic discussion!
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It all started with The Hulk and Freddy Krueger, and only escalated from there. In this episode, Danielle and Adam talk all about fears: rational fears, irrational fears, and how their parents' fears impacted them growing up. What fears do they have as parents, for their marriage, and for the future? What does Adam fear most about the Zombie Apocalypse, and what were some of the worst fears Danielle had during her struggle with OCD? Plus, what fears have they gotten over and how did they do it?
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Ty Tashiro is a social scientist and relationship expert whose research and data has been shared all over for its valuable insight about how to find lasting true love. Using his philosophy of "the three wishes," Ty explains why the most commonly sought after traits in a partner often have a very low "return rate" in life. Which traits are undervalued when it comes to dating? How are Disney movies and teen romance series hindering people's perceptions about real, thriving relationships? How come we tend to falter when it comes to sensing whether someone will be a good mate in life? Plus, how can we apply all of these incredible strategies to existing relationships to ensure couples who have been together a long time can also have a "happily ever after."
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TyTashiro.com
If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to take a moment to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify.
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One of the most popular questions Danielle and Adam get is about how they started couples' counseling, and how and why Adam finally agreed to go to therapy himself. It was a long road before they sought therapy together, something they now wish they had done sooner. In this episode, the two talk about their own history with therapy from childhood until now. Danielle breaks down her OCD treatment, and discusses a time when red flags told her she was not seeing a therapist who really understood what she was going through. Adam talks about why he thinks men are so reluctant to seek therapy. The two also discuss medication, what they've told their kids about therapy, and why their current therapist is such a good fit for them.
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One of the most common messages Danielle and Adam receive from listeners is that they and their partner mismatched libidos. Truthfully, 80% of couples experience one partner having a higher libido than the other. We all think that we're the only ones struggling with this, and we tend to take it personally when our partner isn't in the mood as often (or ever). But there are so many misconceptions and myths surrounding sex drives and compatibility. This episode breaks down some of those misconceptions, and sheds light on the issues in Danielle and Adam's own marriage that have led to little or no sex over extended periods of time.
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With the world feeling really heavy right now, Adam and Danielle figured they would do a lighter episode. In honor of awards' season, they talk about their best (and some worst) choices for all kinds of random categories, from movies to vacations to their favorite indulgence. If you're in need of a break from the seriousness of the world right now, this episode is a good place to start.
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In this extremely fun, funny episode, Danielle and Adam sit down with their 16-year-old daughter, Mia, and 13-year-old son, Ean, for the opportunity to ask each other all about what it's like to grow up in Gen Z vs. what it was like to grow up in Gen X. Plus, it's the teens against their "cringeworthy" parents in a "Battle of the Generations." This a great episode to listen to with a teen or tween (warning: there are a few curse words) to ignite your own conversation about generational differences and similarities.
If you enjoy this episode, please take a moment to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify.
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Danielle sat down with Margaret and Amy from the comedy podcast, "What Fresh Hell." The three moms (who have a combined nine kids), talked about whether or not they are worried that their kids are seeing enough healthy relationships, between the world of social media, at home, and from the people who surround them. They talk about everyone from Taylor Swift, to Harry and Megan, to their own personal marriages and friendships. Plus, what are some of the new euphemisms the kids are using to describe dating? How do we handle fighting in front of our kids? Sometimes you just need to hear moms commiserate about everything from romance to platonic relationships, and this is exactly that conversation. Check out Margaret and Amy on the What Fresh Hell podcast and on instagram.
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Danielle and Adam have recently had a fight that was bigger than any fight they've had in years. The two discuss what led to this, how they finally dealt with it, and what they hope to do from now on to prevent it from happening again.
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In this comforting and informative episode. the tone and cadence are slower than usual. But that makes sense because it is all about sinking into the powers of rest and retreat, both during the season of Winter, and during the periods of our life when we are forced to "winter," or go into a state of disconnection, shame, and isolation from the world around us. These periods could include a struggle with mental health, the loss of a loved one or job or friendship, infertility or pregnancy loss, a diagnosis, and so much more. Danielle and Amy share their own thoughts about times when they have "wintered," how these periods help us become more compassionate humans, and how cultures around the world celebrate the cold and darkness rather than wish it away. An individual does not have to have read the book Wintering to appreciate this episode. However, it is a fabulous work and we highly recommend it.
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Danielle and Adam are officially well into their forties. Do you think they have reached "Middle Age?" How do they feel about getting older? What are their concerns? What do they love about it? The two have an honest conversation about everything from Menopause, to physical changes, to how they would have thought life would have been different by this age.
Date Night Questions
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Danielle and Adam have long struggled with the idea of, "The Mental Load," (the division of household and domestic responsibilities) in their marriage, so much so that they thought about separating after an enormous blowout following the recording of episode #56, The Mental Load. Danielle then turned to Eve Rodsky, THE Harvard trained expert of all things "mental load" related, and after following her advice (episode #137), things definitely improved, although there is still much work to be done. Now, Eve Rodsky is taking the next step in her mission, ensuring that women everywhere are finding themselves in a manner that has nothing to do with domestic life OR work, but rather, is rooted in creativity and "flow." How does a busy woman find time for such a passion? Eve is here to tell us, and help us understand why our identity and sense of self is dependent upon us doing so.
Check out Eve Rodsky's new book (Reese's Book Club Pick), "Find Your Unicorn Space."
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Danielle has been waiting three years to record an episode all about dogs. Finally, what is the first of what will most likely be a series of three or four episodes, is here. Adam and Danielle discuss their personal experiences with dogs (and other pets) over the years. Danielle discusses her first memory at three years old rescuing her first dog, Adam talks about his parakeet, and the two talk all about getting their first dog together at the age of 23 before they were even engaged. Twenty years later, they have two other dogs, both with unique stories. Hear one of the most incredible aspects of their life so far....the story of Auggie running away and coming back three days later.
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Resolutions are out, intentions are in in 2022. In this fun, first episode in the new year, Adam and Danielle cover a lot, including: a tribute to Betty White, what they definitely want to do better as parents in the coming months, how each of them is making it more difficult to achieve a true sense of peace, who their dream podcast guests would be this year, and so much more. Danielle discusses how she is beginning to embrace the winter more the older she gets, and Adam talks about life goals. This episode truly is a mish mosh of great Adam and Danielle banter. Anyone who loves the "chit chat" will definitely enjoy this episode.
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Danielle and Adam cover everything 2021 related during this episode. How did they feel about the year overall? Why was this Danielle's most difficult year in parenting? What were their favorite moments? TV shows? Movies? Books? And what 2021 trend did Adam and Danielle shockingly both pick as really overrated and needing to end?
Give the gift of reconnection, laughter and intimacy to your partner this holiday season with the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Liz Earnshaw is the type of relationship expert that concentrates on all of the different, important relationships in our lives, not just the romantic. She has been "obsessed with the idea and inner workings of relationships" since she was a kid. Danielle asks all about the need women have for strong bonds with people other than their romantic partner, and whether or not men innately have that same need. Why do men and women react so differently to emotions, what do we do if we're feeling burdened by fulfilling "all the roles" for our partner, and also, why do our kids need more role models than just their parents? Plus, Liz tells us how she got her husband to do a whole lot more domestic tasks, and how we can, too.
Follow Liz on instagram @lizlistens
Visit her website, ElizabethEarnshaw.com
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What does intimacy actually mean? Danielle and Adam have a raw conversation about this, concentrating on the times they've felt most intimate in their relationship, and the aspects of life that have made their intimacy feel like it was lacking. Danielle gets real about how her weight gain has affected their intimacy in the past few years, and Adam reveals which body part of his about which he's most insecure. The conversation gets intense, and the two wind up focusing on a topic that they really need to discuss, and which will most likely be very relatable to most couples.
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Trigger Warning: some mentions of suicidal thoughts and suicide.
Danielle and Adam continue their conversation about all things teenager related. Danielle gives an update about their daughter Mia and her journey since her ADHD and Autism spectrum diagnosis this past June. Plus, the two discuss how they have worked together to get through this tough time, and what advice they have for other couples going through similar uncharted territory. What do they want their teenagers to understand about the world before they leave the house? What did they not expect about raising teenagers, plus so much more.
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Trigger Warning: some discussion of eating and body image issues, porn, and other sexual conversation.
Following the Bar Mitzvah of their middle child, and in the midst of receiving results from their 16-year-old's neuropsychological examination, Adam and Danielle are feeling like they are fully immersed in the world of teenagers and figuring out how to best support and guide them through this uncertain time. The two of them recall their own past as teenagers, and the ways in which they were rebellious, promiscuous, and "tough" in certain ways. What nickname, looking back, would Danielle give herself, what recurring dream did Adam have as a teenager? Who were their role models? What did their parents do really well? What do they wish they had been told/taught that they weren't? Stay tuned for episode two in a few weeks when the two discuss more about parenting teenagers.
To have conversations like this one with your partner, purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Popular divorce coach Michelle Dempsey-Multack not only survived her own divorce, but figured out how to move on with her life, just like you will, too. Now happily remarried with a blended family, she’s living proof that no matter which “firsts” you might be experiencing as you end your marriage, and no matter how long you stayed with someone who didn’t meet your needs, your best days are ahead. In this episode, Danielle and Michelle discuss everything from, what really stops most women from leaving toxic relationships, what a person needs to do to prepare to leave, co-parenting, and the myths of divorce that need to be cleared up once and for all. Danielle talks about her own near-divorce and why she felt like leaving wasn't an option. Michelle discusses the details of her own divorce and how growing up with a single mother greatly affected her decision to leave and "move on." Even if you're not someone who has ever contemplated starting again, this episode is so filled with perspectives that will help each of us better support someone else we love who may have chosen to leave a relationship.
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In this episode ("proud," "congrats," and "family or friends who are like family"), Adam and Danielle discuss the big milestone of their son becoming a Bar Mitzvah, and all the components that go into planning a big celebration like this. The two go into detail all about how religion impacted their upbringing, and which traditions and practices they hope to continue, and which they have decided don't hold much meaning for them. How being a part of the "sandwich generation" is tricky due to the pressure of older generations to uphold parts of religion that might not be as relevant for today's world. Plus, have these parties and celebrations gotten out of hand concerning the cost, time, and effort that go into planning? No matter what religion (or lack thereof) you practice(d), this episode is definitely extremely relatable and offers a lot of insight into how partners can come together to figure out how to blend two different experiences into one successful lifestyle.
To have these meaningful conversations:
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Danielle and Adam's party planner (not a sponsored ad, she's just awesome)
https://www.360creativeapproach.com
https://www.instagram.com/360creativeapproach/
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Original airdate: 07/30/2020. What makes a person sexy? How has Danielle and Adam's ideas of sexiness changed over the years? Turn offs? How does body image affect their sexual identity and confidence? This episode covers so many different aspects of sexiness, lust, compliments, and all the things we try to keep going throughout the years of our relationship. Plus, what's the sexiest place Danielle and Adam have ever been, sexiest movie they've ever watched, etc.
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Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist who is on a mission to help as many women as possible achieve their first orgasm. She also wants it to feel more natural to talk about sex with your partner. Her husband, Xander, is just a "regular dude" who decided to quit his corporate job to join Vanessa in her practice. Together they have helped normalize the conversation about intimacy and help couples feel more comfortable in the bedroom. The two couples chat about everything from why women fake orgasm to dirty talk in the bedroom, to their openness about most likely not wanting to have children, and why it is such an important conversation to keep having.
Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
Learn more about Vanessa and Xander here
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Danielle sat down with friend and fellow content creator Linda Fruits to hear all about her recent journey to discovering her true sexual identity. Linda discusses how her Tik Tok "for you" page made her question herself and her sexuality. Finally, should could no longer hide from the reality that she was attracted to women. The next steps? Coming out to her husband, family, friends, and huge social media following. In this episode, she details all of these events, as well as how she and her husband are dealing with everything that has happened in the past few months. She and Danielle discuss, as friends, things they wish they had been told about experimentation and sexuality when they were younger, and what they're hoping to teach their own kids. This episode is filled with so much honesty, and Linda and Danielle both hope that it will help other women live their own truth.
Follow Linda on instagram https://www.instagram.com/fruitsofmotherhood/
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In an episode that Adam describes as, "one of his favorite we've ever recorded," the two discuss more concerning etiquette and how these unwritten "rules" have affected their lives. Adam goes deep into the frustration of owning a retail business and why "the customer isn't always right." Danielle talks about the workers who she thinks should be tipped ALL THE MONEY for what they are expected to do. They also talk about the hardships of teaching kids how to behave out in the world when over the last 18 months, there has been a whole lot of time at home. What "teachable moments" are important to Danielle regarding her kids, and how is she trying to make up for lost time during the pandemic when it comes to showing their kids how to be socially considerate and caring with people you know, and when it comes to strangers.
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Danielle is admittedly horrible when it comes to stuff like thank you notes and RSVPing. Adam has impeccable bathroom etiquette and is much better at giving Danielle gifts than she is for him. In this fun episode, the two of them discuss everything from whether or not asking a girl's father for her hand in marriage is outdated, whether or not it's appropriate to make out in the backseat of an Uber, and whether or not partners should be ok sharing toothbrushes. Danielle shares poll results from the Marriage and Martinis community and shares some of people's extremely passionate thoughts about certain types of etiquette.
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TRIGGER WARNINGS: In-depth discussion of miscarriage, stillbirth, postpartum, and pregnancy complications.
Liz Lehmann is a postpartum doula whose own journey through pregnancies and expanding her family has been one filled with a great deal of struggle, strength, and volatility. She has since used her own experiences to advocate for mothers and make sure women get the support and nurturing they need and deserve, whatever the road to expanding their family might look like for them. Danielle and Liz discuss Liz's extremely difficult history with pregnancy and delivery, her path to becoming a doula and what the role means to her, why every woman deserves to give pregnancy lots of care and attention, and why it is so important to her that she share her real, unique story. Visit Liz on instagram @nourishedfam and her website nourishedfamilies.org
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Adam and Danielle sat down and spoke with Tammy, AKA "The Cannabis Cutie" all about the science, myths, taboos, and the future of weed and the growing industry around it. Tammy talks about how she first became so passionate about cannabis, how moms should stop feeling guilty of using cannabis, all the benefits of the plant itself and so much more. Visit Tammy in instagram @thecannabiscutie
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Their wedding day is not really something about which Adam and Danielle talk very much. In fact, they don't even have a picture from their wedding day anywhere in their house. During this really in depth discussion, the two of them talk about everything from how Danielle rushed Adam into getting engaged, why getting married so young presented some problems for them, how discrepancies about how money should be spent led to contention, and why they actually wouldn't go back and change a thing. Plus, they share a lot of information from their listeners and community, and go into detail about what they will tell their own kids about weddings and marriage. Whether you're single, engaged, married, or divorced, this is an episode you will not want to miss.
Sign up for BetterHelp.com/marriageandmartinis and get 10% off your first month with the world's largest network of licensed, accredited, and experienced therapists.
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Andy Hill was just a regular husband and dad when he started to get really interested in finances and made a commitment to live debt and mortgage free. Fast forward to a few years, when he quit his corporate job and has done what most people think is impossible; made a living as a full time blogger and podcaster helping other people achieve financial freedom just like he and his wife did. Danielle, Adam, and Andy get real about the financial struggles and how insanely expensive it is just to live and raise kids. Danielle and Adam open up about some of their financial missteps and ask Andy what is REALLY involved in being debt and mortgage free: the sacrifices a person has to make, how long it takes, and what small changes we can start making right now that will have a big impact on our future. Adam also asks Andy about cryptocurrency, a topic with which Adam is currently pretty obsessed. Even if you don't consider yourself a financial guru, this episode is well worth listening to and is extremely relatable no matter your level of knowledge about money.
To continue the conversation about finances in a relatable and gentle manner, purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
To learn more about Andy and his journey to become debt free, visit marriagekidsandmoney.com
Looking to ensure your kids learn about a healthy spending and savings habits from a young age? Visit gohenry.com and use code "Martinis" for one month of their amazing debit card for kids.
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** This episode contains some discussion of childhood discipline and parental relationships. Please take care if this is a topic for which is sensitive or triggering for anyone and deciding whether or not this is a good episode for you.
Adam and Danielle have just returned from a very long overdue trip, just the two of them. After vacationing in the tropical paradise of Brooklyn, the two are feeling the effects of their romantic getaway. Two two discuss how this trip compared to the same trip they took three years ago, why one trip can change the entire course of a relationship, and getting up the courage to finally get a tattoo after waiting over twenty years to "wait for the right time." Danielle discusses how her dad might feel about it, how the tattoo in some way connects her to her beloved late grandmother, Bubbi, and why this was the right time to finally stop talking about it and just do it.
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Visit ridge.com promo code "MARRIAGE" for 10% off of all the functional, gorgeous gear for all of your upcoming adventures or just for a better everyday lifestyle.
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During the month of June, Adam worked more hours than he has maybe ever worked. He's been exhausted all month from his job, and Danielle has been exhausted from all of the stuff going on with the kids and household. The feeling of "languishing," that feeling like you just can't seem to enjoy things or make progress in life has been overwhelming for both of them. This is the first conversation the two of them have had together in weeks, and they catch up Mia's evaluation (details in episode #166), Adam's vaping habit and how his attempt to quit is going, and their hopes for their upcoming getaway together.
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TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussions of porn, rough sex, and other sexual acts that might be uncomfortable and/or upsetting for some people.
Sara Rosen, AKA "The Kink Therapist," has made it her mission to create shame-free spaces in which people can openly discuss their kinks, fetishes and fantasies no matter how "taboo" society tells us they are. Danielle and Adam ask Sara all about her journey to becoming a kink therapist, what it is about the topic excites her so much, and why it's so important to discuss kinks and fetishes more frequently and honestly. They also ask her some popular questions from listeners, and reveal their own past experiences in the bedroom when shame played a role. The Kink Therapist reveals the benefits of "Fantasy Disclosure" with your partner, and some kinks and fetishes that are far more common than people might realize.
Follow Sara Rosen, The Kink Therapist
For the "Yes, No, Maybe Sexual Checklist" talked about in the episode and more tools for sexual communication, purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.
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Danielle and Dr. Traci Baxley have a candid conversation about everything from interracial marriage, to privilege, to how to handle it when people say, "agree to disagree," about social issues and race. Danielle asks how parents can implement teachings and actions to help their kids become better allies and more conscientious human beings. Have we come as far as we think concerning progress, and what do we still need to do? Follow Dr. Baxley on instagram at @socialjusticeparenting and check out her website Social Justice Parenting.
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Danielle has an absolute blast having girl talk with Tammin and Roxy of the Women on top podcast. She asks Tammin (Pretty Little Liars) and Red Carpet Roxy (Hollywood entertainment host) all about how the standards of Hollywood impact their views on sex, all about their sexual fantasies, and how the pandemic has impacted their sex lives. It's an hour of pure honesty, laughter, and feeling like you're chatting with three of your good friends. Check out Women on Top Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to go follow them on instagram at @womenontop @tamminsursok and @redcarpetroxy.
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Danielle and Adam take a fun walk down memory lane talking about everything from their first memories, to what they collected as kids, to stuff their parents did that would get them arrested today. They also discuss what they would like to replicate from the households in which they grew up, and what they're hoping to do differently. What part of the 80s and 90s are they sad that their kids won't ever experience? If you grew up in the late 70s, 80s, and 90s, this is an episode you won't want to miss.
Want to ask your partner the questions Danielle and Adam ask each other in this episode and others? Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off and have all the conversations you've always wanted to experience with your partner.
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Last week's Guilt Episode, Revisited, uncovered a lot of questions that had gone unanswered after not talking much about this topic for the past two and a half years. Now, Adam and Danielle are breaking down Adam's feelings, giving advice to couples going through similar situations, and exploring how to trust a partner again after a period of contention. Should a spouse be allowed to go through her or his partner's social media? Is there a time limit on anger and hurt? Adam and Danielle are discussing it all.
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Laura Tremaine is an avid podcaster, writer, and reader, who has spent several years sharing all aspects of herself with her audience. Danielle wanted to sit down with Laura to discuss her new book, "Share Your Stuff, I'll Go First," because they both have similar feelings about putting it all out there in the name of others feeling less alone. This episode is truly "girl talk" at its best. The whole basis of the book is prompts for conversations with friends or other people in your life, and the two of them go deep discussing their childhoods, how they deal with other people judging them for revealing too much information, checking up on past boyfriends on Facebook, and so much more. Grab a cup of coffee and sit down with these two women and get ready to feel like you're talking with two good friends.
Check out Laura's book Share Your Stuff, I'll Go First
Check out Laura On Instagram
Visit Laura's website
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Two-and-a-half years ago, Adam and Danielle put out their most downloaded episode ever, revealing some very personal details of their marriage. To this day, it remains one of the most revealing and vulnerable episodes of any relationship podcast. Now, they're talking about all the ways they've grown and evolved since the release of that episode, and the ways in which they are still affected by those same issues. Danielle asks some questions she still has about that infamous night, and Adam tries to explain the details of the mysterious aspects that surround the night of Danielle 40th birthday celebration. There is still a lot to discuss about that night, and although love the current state of their relationship, those memories have not just disappeared. NOTE: THIS IS A VERY RAW CONVERSATION HAPPENING IN REAL TIME.
There's a lot of history, frustration, emotion, and pent up curiosity here, and listeners are encouraged to listen with an understanding that this is an extremely personal issue they are sharing with the world, unedited.
Danielle gets extremely raw in this episode, and so much comes pouring out that she has been waiting to say for so long. Part 2 will highlight more about Adam's experience and how they will both be moving forward together.
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In several podcast episodes, Danielle has been very open about her struggles with OCD since she was diagnosed at 19-years-old. But on today's episode, she and Alegra talk about Obsessive Compulsive disorder in a raw, deep way that can only be done by two people who have suffered from the illness firsthand. Alegra is a therapist and expert in OCD with her own specialized practice in NYC, and runs the amazing instagram account and community @obsessivelyeverafter. The two talk all about the different types of OCD, how to be a good advocate, what REAL therapy looks like, and what parents can look for in their kids if they're concerned a child might be showing signs of OCD. Whether you suffer from OCD, know someone who does, or have always just wanted to better understand this illness, this is an episode you will not want to miss.
Follow Alegra on Instagram at instagram.com/obsessivelyeverafter
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This might be Danielle and Adam's most vulnerable episode yet. What do they both feel guilt about on a daily basis, and what are the more serious issues that they struggle with concerning feelings of shame? Plus, Adam relives a night when he made one of the most horrible and humiliating mistakes in the history of their relationship. If you're a Marriage and Martinis fan, this is an episode you won't want to miss.
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In the third episode of their series on women's health, Adam and Danielle got a chance to ask Ovia Health specialist Christine Peter all about the different aspects of infertility: the stigmas, misconceptions, and statistics that surround this oftentimes unspoken about struggle.
Check out more about Ovia's supportive platforms and FREE apps at https://info.oviahealth.com/marriage
Visit this link to get 15% off your first Promescent order
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Danielle often feels so much guilt about the waste that occurs in her household. Over the past year, she's tried taking certain steps to become a bit "greener," but she has way more work to do trying to raise kids who care more about the planet. In this episode, Jessie helps her realize that any steps towards more sustainability is a win, and we don't have to take huge leaps in our changes, but rather can pick and choose which eco-friendly practices and products work best for us individually and as families. This episode is filled with awesome information, tips, products, and truths to help us all be better citizens of planet Earth.
Follow Jessie on all platforms @tinyyellowbungalow
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Danielle had the incredible pleasure of sitting down with her 15-year-old daughter, Mia, and Mia's hero, Autism advocate and wildly popular influencer, Chloe Hayden. Chloe and Mia talk about their own journeys with getting evaluated for Autism, what a diagnosis means to them, how the neurodivergent community wants to and deserves to be treated, why Autism is actually beautiful and powerful, and so much more. Not only is this conversation completely empowering, but it's informative and will make so many people feel seen and heard. They discuss terms like stimming, masking special interests, and how much information is lacking concerning how Autism affects girls. Share this episode with anyone whom you think would love to hear these young women (and one mom) discuss this topic in a way that is totally empowering.
Follow Chloe Hayden on all platforms under @princessaspien and visit princessaspien.com to learn more about this incredible autism advocate.
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During this vulnerable (but also at times light and funny) episode, Danielle and Adam discuss their very personal experiences trying for a baby, dealing with Danielle's complicated pregnancies, miscarriage,
all the lack of information they had growing up about fertility and pregnancy. Danielle discuss the very frustrating idea that pregnant women are supposed to be "glowing" and love being pregnant. As someone who greatly struggled being pregnant, this idea somehow made her feel like a failure. For anyone who has ever felt like pregnancy was way more complicated than they assumed it would be, this is an episode you do not want to miss.
Visit marriageandmartinis.com to sign up for the first Marriage and Martinis Date Night Question E-Book.
Download the Ovia Fertility, Pregnancy, and Parenting Apps or search "Ovia Health" in your App Store
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Many episodes have touched on what made Danielle originally come to Adam with the idea of starting a podcast. But never have they really gone into detail about what that night was like, what made her come up with the idea, and the events that led to them to FINALLY releasing the first episode. With zero experience and no qualifications, what made the two of them think this would ever work is completely crazy. Yet, they did it anyway. Following the release of the episode, more secrets were revealed and they had yet to really hit rock bottom. And now they had a business to think about on top of everything else. This episode uncovers all of the anxiety, bravery, fights, and secrets behind the start of the podcast, community, and brand. If you've ever considered a new venture but have no idea how to actually go through with it, this episode is a "must listen." Visit marriageandmartinis.com to sign up for our Friday Five emails and to learn about our Date Night Questions E-Book pre-order!!
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CEO Jeffrey Abraham joins Danielle and Adam in one of their most open and honest conversations about intimacy yet. Jeff, who has spent years heading Promescent, a company whose mission it is to make the bedroom a place where couples are totally free from anxiety and shame, talks about why communication is so important in relationships, why men need to open up more, and how they are committed to closing the orgasm gap. Danielle and Adam discuss personal issues and experiences they've had, and Jeffrey chimes in to remind them that all relationships can benefit from keeping an open mind and trying new things. All partners, regardless of gender, can benefit from hearing this episode. It's especially refreshing to have a male guest who is so open and forthcoming about intimacy, and so many people will relate to what Jeffrey says.
To try Promescent's products with an exclusive 15% off your first order, click here
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Anthropologist and NYT bestselling author Dr. Wednesday Martin joins Adam and Danielle for an awesome conversation about everything from how agriculture influenced the expectations for monogamous relationships, why less emphasis needs to be put on "virginity,' how "bad science" is leading to unfair assumptions about boys and girls roles and personalities, why sex ed needs to change, and so much more. The conversation starts with talk about life 12,000 years ago and winds up as a discussion about where we need to go next in terms of altering our expectations of women as sexual beings, as well as female pleasure. To learn more about these topics, read Wednesday Martin's book, "Untrue," and listen to her podcast, "True Love and Wild Sex."
Don't forget to sign up for the Friday Five at marriageandmartinis.com to get this coming week's "Date Night Questions" corresponding to this episode.
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One part of the mental load that Danielle spoke about in episode #159 is all the emotional and physical burdens that are inherent in being born female; the expectations of just carrying on with life even though we may be suffering from exacerbated periods, issues getting pregnancy, being pregnant, losing a pregnancy, postpartum....the list goes on and on. Marriage and Martinis is starting a series delving into all these aspects of life and how they affect individuals, couples, and other close relationships. In the first episode in this series, Danielle and Adam sat down with Dr. Loree Johnson, to discuss all things related to pregnancy loss, including topics of guilt, shame, misconceptions, grief, and hopefully, healing. Dr. Loree helps people overcome the emotional challenges that come with infertility, including pregnancy loss and emotional trauma. Some issues the three of them discuss are
Dr. Loree Johnson can be found at drloreejohnson.com and on instagram @drloreejohnson
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Danielle and Adam had a blast talking to Kim and Penn about everything from starting their business, to creating viral videos, to their most recent project, writing a book together. The two couples break down their most ridiculous fights, discuss why it's important not to hide our fights from our kids, and why it's impossible not to bring up every other past annoyance when we argue. Head to their website theholdernessfamily.com or wherever you get your books to pre-order, "Everybody Fights."
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First off, Danielle and Adam have come a long way since they recorded the first episode about the Mental Load almost two years ago. However, the progress has definitely been incremental, and they still have work to do. What starts out as a calm conversation quickly turns defensive and competitive as they list off responsibilities, stresses, emotional tolls, and physical hardships they each endure in life and parenting. Danielle does not understand how Adam can possibly think they are 50/50 household, and despite absolutely no scientific data to back up the idea that women are somehow better equipped to care for their kids and family, Adam feels like there definitely must be some truth in this longstanding societal norm. When things get heated, the couple pauses the mics and proceeds to speak privately, and then comes back to finish the conversation. Danielle breaks down into tears, proving that while they have definitely made strides, it's still an extremely sensitive topic in their marriage. Ultimately, the two realize that there is more work to be done, and another episode will need to be recorded to update everyone on their progress. If you are looking for more Mental Load episodes, download #56, #108 and #137. Don't forget to head to marriageandmartinis.com to get the corresponding Mental Load "Date Night Questions," and to sign up for all future questions in the "Friday Five" email.
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After the overwhelming response to their first episode with Jodie Utter from last February, Danielle and Adam finally had the chance to continue their conversation with her. Where is she now in her journey of healing and forgiveness after her husband's infidelity? Is she able to trust again? How does she deal with the inevitable feelings of pain that come flooding back at any given moment? Is self-forgiveness harder than forgiving someone else? What advice does she have for others going through a similar situation? This is a must-listen for anyone who has dealt with any form of betrayal, not just infidelity. Jodie provides us all with a feeling of hope, understanding, acceptance, and peace. She is gentle, incredibly vulnerable, honest, and reveals all in her quest for no one to feel alone during their healing process. It is important to note that listeners definitely should listen to her episode from February, 2019 in order to hear the first part of her story.
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One of the most common messages Danielle and Adam receive from listeners is that they and their partner mismatched libidos. Truthfully, 80% of couples experience one partner having a higher libido than the other. We all think that we're the only ones struggling with this, and we tend to take it personally when our partner isn't in the mood as often (or ever). But there are so many misconceptions and myths surrounding sex drives and compatibility. This episode breaks down some of those misconceptions, and sheds light on the issues in Danielle and Adam's own marriage that have led to little or no sex over extended periods of time.
Make sure you sign up for the "Friday Five" to get this week's corresponding Date Night Questions at marriageandmartinis.com
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We are taught from a young age that doing for others is what makes us good, generous people. We are conditioned to say "yes" even when we're faced with something we really don't want to do. Obhave overtaken so many of our lives, that we have run out of time to do the things that truly matter to us. Our dreams and goals have been put on hold. But HOW do we say no? What's holding us back and how can we overcome it? "Recovering People Pleaser," Natalie Lue talks us through why we need to stop associating "saying yes" with "goodness" and "generosity." She also walks us through her famous practice of "unsent letters" and why this is a tool that can cleanse us all from so much of our baggage. If you are looking to lighten your load and reclaim your time and value, then you definitely want to listen to this episode.
Follow Natalie Lue on instagram @natlue
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Adam and Danielle have had some week, between Adam working 24/7 and the kids being off from school and trapped in the house due to snow. Let's just say there wasn't a ton of prep time for this episode, but sometimes being unprepared can lead to some serious laughs and unplanned hilarity. That is exactly what happens in this episode. Adam and Danielle start off with some innocent conversation about a few recent episodes and some listener's messages and questions. Things go south really fast though when Danielle and Adam have to give each other compliments they've never told one another in the spirit of Valentine's Day. Why did Danielle apologize to Adam? For what sexual act does Danielle say Adam is impressively focused, despite usually having a very short attention span? What compliment is Adam hesitant to give Danielle? Buckle up, because this episode takes all kinds of unforeseen turns and is definitely sprinkled with some unplanned inappropriate commentary.
Head to marriageandmartinis.com to sign up for this Friday's special Valentine's Day "Date Night Questions."
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Danielle and Adam could have kept talking to Bryde and twelve hours. They had so much to ask them, and the conversation just kept evolving and branching off into so many different directions. They discuss being a poly couple who is very curious, adventurous, and open-minded. What was their journey from monogamy to polyamory? How have they kept their jealousy in check? How has Jeremie's chronic illness affected decisions about their relationship? Why they live in separate houses and what is that like? How did upbringing affect their sexual identities? This conversation is as interesting as it is important, and it will answer a lot of questions many people have concerning some more "unconventional" lifestyles. Check out Bryde and Jeremie on their podcast, "Turn Me On."
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Note: This is episode is just two people sitting down to try to get acquainted with kinks and fetishes. This episode will be followed up by several others with experts as well as couples who are already immersed in the kink culture. Adam and Danielle are open about the fact that they sometimes participate in kink-adjacent activities. However, there is a whole world out there about which they know very little and would like to become more comfortable with so that it can be spoken about and experienced without share, guilt, or embarrassment.
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So many of us are feeling like we have hit the "pandemic wall." We're exhausted, emotionally drained, and we're surrounded by our kids 24/7. Living in sweatpants and never getting a proper date night can definitely take its toll on romance, and at the end of the day, we just want to fall into bed and not be bothered. Sex and intimacy coach Leah Carey helps Danielle and Adam understand what baby steps we can take to bring that connection back, and try to keep the frustration and distance we feel with our partners down to a minimum until life resumes as we once knew it (or as close to that as possible). We discuss how medication, alcohol, job loss, and monetary worries are all affecting people's sex drive. It's definitely normal, and it's happening to more couples than you think. This is definitely one of those very relatable episodes, and as always, Danielle and Adam are completely honest about the state of things and how they might be willing to take steps to change them.
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(SKIP AHEAD TO 17:45 TO HEAR JUST THE ADVICE PORTION OF THE EPISODE) If there's one thing Adam and Danielle make very clear all the time, it's that they are not experts in pretty much anything. However, on this episode, Adam and Danielle first discuss their own history with therapy, and then they take a chance and answer listeners questions about certain issues with marriage and life. Using their own twenty years of experience in marriage, the two of them try their best to give insight on physical connection, in-law relationships, fetishes, and dealing with stubborn spouses. While everything they say should be taken with a grain of salt, Adam and Danielle loved having the opportunity to dive in and give a husband/wife perspective on issues that affect tons of couples. This is something they will definitely be doing more often on the podcast.
To submit your own questions about marriage, parenting, or life in general to Adam and Danielle, send an email with the subject "Dear Abby" to marriageandmartinis@gmail.com
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This year has been such insanity that there really is no way to even explain it. However, Danielle and Adam sit down to dissect and discuss it all in the style of which only the two of them are really capable. After 12 months of sheer chaos, we're all feeling emotionally and physically depleted. But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of laughs to be had when we really think about how inexplicable it all really is. Sit back and start 2021 with a chuckle, a feeling of pride, hopefulness, and maybe even some gratitude after all we've been through.
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Original Airdate: October 21, 2019
It's incredible how the roles and careers we choose to partake in as adults turn out to be nothing like we expected, and how little we were warned what is truly involved in life at work and at home. In this episode, Danielle discusses how shocking it is that being a stay-at-home-mom is not at all how she pictured it, and she's constantly feeling like a failure because she's terrible at the aspects of being a "homemaker" that she never thought about. She also discusses how she spent years being a high school teacher, and that job too came with so many unexpected responsibilities that they don't warn you about when getting your degree. Adam discusses the physical aspects of being an adult that are beginning to wear him down, and the shocks of parenting that are still thrown at him all the time. On the other hand, Danielle and Adam talk all about the awesome things involved in being "grown-ups" and how cool it is to have the freedom that comes with getting older. No matter your role or career, if you ever feel like you had no freaking clue what was coming your way, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode.
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TRIGGER WARNING: This episode discusses alcohol and other substances. If this is a topic that is sensitive or triggering to you, please skip this one.
Adam and Danielle both have a history with indulgence, and sometimes can tip the scale to the excess when it comes to having a good time and living life to the fullest. This episode explores the unhealthy behaviors in which so many of us partake, because they make us feel better and can often lead to great nights and memories. But of course they all come with a price, AKA. the next day (or four, depending on your age). Adam and Danielle discuss some of these behaviors and how they've impacted their lives, and also polled their community to find out about their favorite indulgences in life. They also discuss obscure but popular hangover cures, some interesting facts and stats about alcohol, and Danielle reveals why she feels she has been overlooked as a prodigy in life. While obviously some of these can become serious issues and Adam and Danielle have covered the more serious sides of these substances and indulgences in the past, this episode explores more the lighter, jovial aspects indulgence. This is a great episode in which to listen while you are running around for the holidays and need a stress reliever.
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Not only are we almost ten months into a pandemic (and 82% of our community said they're definitely facing pandemic fatigue), but we are about the go into the holiday season, causing even more stress and pressure. How can we keep our dwindling energy up to get through what feels like is about to be a very tough winter? How can we practice self-compassion? How can we keep our family on board with staying safe and finding the most in the current situation despite the disappointments and anxiety? What are some ways we can support one another and really be a team to ensure none of us feels like we are in this alone? Danielle and her guru/sister sit down to discuss so many of these issues about which Life Coach Amy is a trained expert: work, family-life, and self-care. If you could use a boost or a small supercharge to get through the next month or two, you definitely want to listen to this episode.
For more of Life Coach Amy Alpert's expertise, sign up for her FREE weekly Newsletter, "Just Keep Going."
https://www.amyalpert.com/newsletter
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In this fun episode, Adam and Danielle discuss all the ridiculous decisions they've made over the years, as individuals, as parents, and as husband and wife. Recently, Danielle has been using the excuse, "but it's a pandemic," to rationalize some crazy behavior and over-indulgence. They also discuss the insanely young age Danielle first started smoking, how Adam risked his life multiple times hitchhiking, the large purchases they've made even though they had absolutely no business making them, and so much more. At a time when life feels complicated, busy, and uncertain, this is a perfect episode to just laugh, relate, and definitely feel better about yourself and your own decision-making.
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Following up on Mia's episode on unconditional acceptance, Danielle and Adam got a lot of requests for an episode with just the two of them discussing what unconditional acceptance means to them. Danielle gets vulnerable discussing what she felt she was maybe not so accepted about while growing up and even today. The two discuss if there is anything their children could do to make them not accept them. Adam reflects on whether he feels unconditionally accepted by Danielle, and how toxic their relationship was for a long time because they kept attempting to change one another. Danielle also does her best Matthew McConaughey impression and talks more about her "acceptance" idol, Andrew Solomon, and what she has learned from him.
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Danielle and Adam are taking you back to when it all first started: meeting, re-meeting, wedding planning, those first few years of marriage, and everything in between. Anyone engaged or newly married will definitely want to hear this episode. Anyone who was married at a younger age will understand how there are so many aspects of their wedding that they would do so differently now. Why was Danielle hesitant about their relationship in the beginning? What regrets do they have about those first few years? What advice would they give younger listeners or their own kids in preparation for tying the knot? It's all here, and as always, they do not hold back in the retelling of their not-so-fairytale love story.
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Dana Suchow is an eating disorder survivor, and an award-winning speaker and body empowerment coach. Her goal is to teach parents how to raise kids to have a healthy, balanced relationship with food and exercise. In this episode, Dana tells her personal story of overcoming her trauma concerning food and her body image, and reflects on how diet culture has completely manipulated parents and kids into thinking they are never enough. She helps Danielle understand how some of her own parenting tactics and practices concerning food and diet are actually a mirror into her own upbringing, and how she can avoid passing down these dysfunctional views of how we are supposed to look. Dana and Danielle discuss girls AND boys and how we can instill a solid love of their appearance and identity despite all the factors that make kids believe that they are falling short in the beauty department.
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Gary John Bishop, bestselling author of "Unf*ck Yourself," talks all about his unique philosophy and why we are the only ones standing in the way of us and what we want. What does it mean to be "wise as f*ck?" How did he learn to REALLY love the people in his life unconditionally? What can we do to really start living as our authentic selves?
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This episode is by far one of the most personal and vulnerable of the Marriage and Martinis podcast yet. In this special episode, Adam and Danielle's oldest child, 15-year-old Mia Silverstein comes on to discuss her experience grappling with sexual identity, and what she wants kids and parents everywhere to know about self, family, and social acceptance as someone in the LGBTQ community. What was "coming out" like for her? How has social media both helped and hindered her experience with self-confidence and establishing her identity? Why have movies, TV, and books been such a source of solace and connection for her, and which have had the most impact on her experience? Mia's hope in doing this episode is that people will feel more comfortable and less alone in whatever they are going through concerning sexual identity, and also to help parents everywhere with some tips and advice from the perspective of a teenager who is truly in the thick of growing up. Send this episode to family, friends, or anyone you know who might benefit from some open and honest conversation with someone from the next generation, who also happens to be the generation who just might save the world.
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Callie and Jeff are fellow married podcasters, and they are about to have their first baby. Adam has a blast "initiating" Jeff into the world of parenthood with stories of "choose your own adventure"c-sections and instilling a good, healthy fear of living without sleep. Callie and Danielle share their stories about being on anxiety medication during pregnancy, decisions to bottle or breast feed, and Adam and Danielle let Callie and Jeff in on all the hidden gems of an elongated hospital stay. Plus, Jeff reveals his plan if anyone attempts to convince Callie to do something with which she's not comfortable concerning herself and the baby. If you are pregnant, are having a baby, or know someone who is, this is an episode you definitely don't want to miss.
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Danielle and Adam cover a lot of different conversations in this episode that just happened to flow really freely. What happened when Danielle planned an overnight date night for the two of them but then got angry with Adam? What did Adam reveal about why he was being so short-tempered and irritable all week? What did they do on their date night that they have never done before? How does Danielle react to a new secret that Adam reveals? If you've been feeling disconnected from your partner due to the pandemic and all the stresses right now, you will definitely relate to this fun but sometimes serious episode.
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Eve Rodsky has committed her life to help couples achieve a happier and more fulfilling life as partners tackling the domestic and household responsibilities. Not only did she interview hundreds of couples and research for years about the stress of "the mental load," but she has come up with real solutions. Especially now, during the pandemic, moms are feeling the overwhelming stress of home, work, and school all coming together in one forum, and the burden at times feels like too much to bear. How can both spouses in a marriage ensure a more equal role? How can we communicate these issues without causing fights and divisiveness within a relationship? Eve is an extraordinary woman who is on a mission to make it better. And it's working. We highly recommend you listen to this episode with your partner, or have them listen separately and then discuss.
Follow @fairplaylife and @everosky on instagram. Visit fairplaylife.com to learn more and order the book.
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Denmark consistently ranks in the top three countries in regards to happiness and fulfillment among its residents. Danielle speaks to distinguished writer and psychoanalyst Iben Sandahl about what they're doing differently from other countries, and what we can learn and implement into our own daily parenting in an attempt to achieve some of this same positivity. In this informative episode, they talk about everything from the importance of "free play," the danish family practice of "hygge" (togetherness), the beauty of boredom, and the balance between being honest and real with our children while still maintaining a sense of calm and safety when communicating with our children in the face of the pandemic. Obviously these methods aren't something most of us can realistically emulate in their entirety overnight. However, we can sprinkle many of the practices and values into our own behaviors within our households and hopefully reap some of the extraordinary benefits that come with their philosophies.
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New home, new school year, new attitudes?? Adam and Danielle discuss how they would like to do things differently this time around financially, as parents, and as individuals. How does Danielle think she needs to change her attitude concerning difficult circumstances? What are they hoping to achieve concerning their relationship now that they are attempting to "start fresh?" What does Danielle hope Adam will help with more than he has been recently concerning their kids? This episode is relatable to anyone who has a tendency to fall back into old habits and is constantly trying to break negative cycles in their life.
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Danielle and Adam have been very honest about their issues with mental health, ADHD, and addiction. But what else in life do they feel has held them back? What experience did Danielle have in college that still affects her to this day? What does Adam think has been his biggest hurdle in terms of buckling down and really taking care of responsibilities? How has the pandemic only made everything even more complicated? Listen to hear their always real and raw take on life's obstacles and how hard it has been to move past them.
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While Danielle and Adam are always open and vulnerable, this episode takes certain things to a new level. What will Danielle not do because she's worried that at 41 years old she'll still disappoint her dad? What sexual position does she despise? What are Adam's serial killer tendencies? Why is he embarrassed about his bathroom habits? They both reveal insecurities that are not easy to admit. If you are easily offended or uncomfortable, this will definitely NOT be the episode for you.
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People in Danielle and Adam's life know them to be....how shall we say...."serial movers." They're currently getting ready to move into their sixth home together, and especially during a pandemic, to say this has been stressful is an understatement. People are asking, why the move again? What mistakes have they made that has led to so many relocations? How do they deal with big change and uncertainty? What advice to they have for people going through big readjustments in life? How do they deal with the speculation and judgment from acquaintances who can't wait to find out why they've made this decision. If you're thinking about making hard changes sometime in the near future, this is definitely an episode to which you'll want to listen.
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Danielle and her mom, Linda, sat down to talk about ways parenting has changed since the 1960s. How did parents in the 1960s explain how babies are made? Why did moms in the 80s leave their kids in the car while they food shopped for an hour? In this funny, revealing conversation about "who had it tougher," one thing was definitely determined: parenting has always been ridiculously confusing and overwhelming.
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What makes a person sexy? How has Danielle and Adam's ideas of sexiness changed over the years? Turn offs? How does body image affect their sexual identity and confidence? This episode covers so many different aspects of sexiness, lust, compliments, and all the things we try to keep going throughout the years of our relationship. Plus, what's the sexiest place Danielle and Adam have ever been, sexiest movie they've ever watched, etc.
Mentions in the episode:
Erika Lust's TED Talk
Marta Meana study of female desire
50 Shades of Grey
Outlander
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Who would win in a face-off of questions about anything from personal details about their life, politics, science, history, and so much more. In this hilarious episode, Danielle and Adam try to stump one another by asking questions about things like Danielle's bra size, how many sexual partners Adam has had, where they lost their virginity and so much more. This episode is pretty explicit from the beginning, so be ready to be shocked, but also be ready to laugh.
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We are halfway through 2020 and it feels like it's been an entire lifetime already. Parenting through the pandemic has made Danielle a tad feisty and impatient, but she is hopeful for what the second half will bring. Adam is back to work at his retail business, and this is his first afternoon off in almost two months. How are the two coping as a couple? How has life changed, and what are they hoping will stay the same even after things return to "normal?" How have the current political and social issues affected their life as parents and individuals? How has their sex and romantic life changed? This episode is relatable, relevant and definitely brings up a lot of issues so many couples and parents are facing today.
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Tiffany Aliche is America's favorite financial educator. The way she breaks things down, makes money issues so relatable, and provides countless simple tips for achieving financial freedom is so refreshing. She credits her parents and their practices implementing lessons about savings and budgeting all throughout her childhood for her comprehensive and realistic sense of how to be responsible when it comes to money. Tiffany also offers so many ways to teach kids about the appreciation for and value of every dollar. This episode is jam-packed with so much knowledge and insight about finances.
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Danielle and Bethany sat back towards the beginning of quarantine to discuss balance, body neutrality, and taking time for ourselves in the midst of all the craziness happening all around us. Bethany identifies as queer, non-binary, and uses they/them pronouns. Their confidence, positive outlook and undeniable acceptance of humans no matter their identity or experience is truly infectious. Check out their lifestyle program, The Become Project.
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Danielle and Adam were so excited to sit down with Marlo and Phil to discuss all things marriage related. After forty years of marriage and talking to forty celebrity couples for their new book, "What Makes A Marriage Last," Marlo and Phil definitely had a lot of insight concerning everything from jealousy, to lust, to trust. Plus, Danielle and Adam give Phil and Marlo the "Tik Tok Couples' Challenge," and Danielle fangirls over Marlo pretty hard.
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Now that the conversation about race and Black Lives Matter has come to a forefront, it's important that we understand how we can each keep it going within our homes and communities. Danielle asks Charnaie all about having a dialogue about racial injustice with our kids, whether they are young or teenagers, ways we can incorporate cultural awareness into our households on a daily basis, and looking inward (and around us) to become true advocates and allies to the Black Lives Matter movement. Also, why not everyone needs to advocate in the same way, and what Charnaie hopes will happen from this moment forward to become a more equal and just society. While this conversation is just the tip of the iceberg concerning the questions that need to be asked and answered, it is a good point from which to begin, and covers many relatable topics about which so many of us are hoping to begin to acknowledge and understand. If you are looking to become a more socially aware and culturally conscientious parent, this is definitely an episode you don't want to miss.
Links for Charnaie Gordon:
http://instagram.com/hereweeread
http://facebook.com/hereweeread
http://twitter.com/hereweeread
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http://instagram.com/50states50books
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Danielle and Adam have so many crazy stories through the years that it almost seems as if they must be embellishing the truth. But....they're not. While they often have contrasting memories about exactly what took place, the awkwardness, discomfort, hilarity, and absurdity of the stories is real. In this episode, Adam and Danielle pick a few of their favorites to tell, including one about one of the worst moments from Danielle's OCD, one from a vacation with friends, the birth of their second child, the night they met, and more. With all of the heaviness happening in the world, this is just a quick episode to decompress.
Please head to marriageandmartinis.com to sign up for emails on the homepage in order to receive the upcoming guide Danielle and her team is putting together to help get involved and fight for Black Lives Matter. Make sure you are following @marriageandmartinis on instagram to receive updates on tools and resources we can all use, and subscribe to the podcast to hear the episode to help talk to our kids about race, tolerance, and being an ally (coming soon).
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"Women get better with age," is something about which Tova Leigh and Danielle definitely agree. The two sat down in New York City to discuss literally everything, from growing up under the impression that we need to be "good girls," to gaining success in the unlikeliest of ways, to sexual bucket lists. The two mesh so well, as they are both completely open and honest about their struggles and experiences. F*cked at 40 is a book all about empowerment, support, truth, and grow as a woman, and the episode definitely touches on all of those points. Check out Tova Leigh at tovaleigh.com and buy her book, "F*cked at 40" wherever you get your books.
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After more than twenty years together, you would think that Danielle and Adam would be over some of the same disagreements they have had over and over a trillion times. But, that's definitely not the case. In this episode, they discuss ways in which they definitely don't see eye to eye, including such things as tipping, cleaning, college, TV and movie watching, and so much more.
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Danielle, Erica, and Jamilah were so happy to be reunited in NYC at the end of March. Even though this convo took place pre-pandemic, this is the type of "girl talk" we all need in our lives right now. These moms talk about EVERYTHING, from growing up with traditional values, to what they each hope their kids look for in a partner, religion, good vs. mediocre sex, and so much more. They don't hold anything back, and what ensues is an incredibly authentic, often hilarious talk about the aspects of life so many of us think about, but hardly ever are given the opportunity to really discuss. If you're missing your best friends right now, this episode is one you will be so happy you downloaded.
Want more discussion with "Good Moms, Bad Choices?" Check out episode #81
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Adam and Danielle get drunk and don't remember what they talked about...
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Although Danielle and Stephanie sat down to discuss their love of teachers back in January, the details they bring up are still very relevant right now.
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What happens when two of the most inappropriate, honest, vulnerable, funny marriage podcasts sit down (virtually) together to talk about literally everything, from getting pregnant as a teenager, to infidelity, to sex (and lack thereof)? One hilarious episode that no one wants to miss. Danielle and Adam had a blast chatting with Sara and Sterling of the podcast and Instagram account Not The Worst Marriage. It helped pass the time during quarantine and provided many much needed belly laughs. Definitely take the time to listen to this raw, so-wrong-it's-almost-right, discussion among good friends as they reveal way more than they probably should.
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Danielle had the incredible privilege of talking to one of the nation's most respected experts concerning tweens and teens. Dr. Lisa Damour is a top parenting columnist for the New York Times, a regular contributor on CBS News, and a profound public speaker. In this episode, she and Danielle discuss tactics for parents to use when navigating adolescents and the world of social media during quarantine, what rules and boundaries we should have concerning privacy, how sleep is playing a critical role for kids during the time of the pandemic, and so much more. Dr. Damour is both calming and no-nonsense when discussing her philosophies on teenagers. She explains viewpoints in a manner that makes so much sense and can help all parents feel like we can absolutely get through this and communicate with our kids in a way that is firm yet understanding. Right now, her guidance is so incredibly valuable, and Marriage and Martinis is so grateful to be able to share her insight with their community.
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Like everyone else, Danielle and Adam and are just trying to figure out how to parent through a pandemic day by day. With three kids ages 8, 11, and 14, they are very much wondering what the current steps are in order to make this ordeal as "normal" as possible for their kids. They ask Dr. Becky everything from how to deal with homeschooling, to what our expectations should be for our kids during this time, to how much of this trauma will affect our kids in years to come, and so much more. No matter the ages of your kids, if you feel like you want some great strategies and insight about parenting while quarantined, this is definitely the episode for you.
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Ahhhhh, quarantine. What can Adam and Danielle say about it that hasn't already been said? A lot, actually. The two discuss polls from their instagram community, including questions about sex during quarantine, people's crazy dreams, who is thriving and who is definitely not, and so much more. Where do Danielle and Adam fit in all of these scenarios? Plus, what is Danielle's new Quarantine nickname for Adam, and how are the two getting along being together 24/7? Leave the news and stress of everything going on behind for an hour and listen to a lighter conversation about the world's problems. Just make sure you wash your hands (and probably your soul) afterwards.
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Now, more than ever, our communication skills are critical to helping the people around us who need to be heard and understood. We may not be able to be there physically for one another, but we can still be a huge source of comfort, support, and consistency for those in our life who rely on us. Our kids are used to having several adult influences throughout the day, and now they are basically reliant on us for all their learning and communication needs. Our partners usually leave and have other connections and shoulders on which to lean. We are taking on a new huge role with them, as well (and they are with us). In this episode, "deep listening" expert Oscar Trimboli discusses several useful, simple strategies we can all use on a daily basis to become more effective listeners, and show up for our people in ways we may not have been before. Only about 2% of the population is skilled in listening, and the rest of us think we know what it means to be active listeners, but really, we have very little understanding about its true meaning. Oscar's goal is to turn 100 million people into better listeners. Danielle and Adam were so excited that he agreed to help them and their audience become some of those people. Some topics in this episode include:
How Oscar became so obsessed with listening, and why he thinks it's the key to success in business, at home, and in society.
What are some ways we can better listen to young children?
What are some ways we can work on keeping calm and not jumping in when having a discussion with our spouse?
What is the 125/400 rule and why is it so crucial?
What are the different levels of deep listening?
How do we show up for the people in our lives who are struggling and truly need someone to be there for them as a listening ear?
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Check out Oscar at oscartrimboni.com
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One of the greatest gifts we can embrace in times like this is the power of humor and how it can physically and mentally calm and soothe us. Laughter has always been a huge part of Danielle and Adam's lives, and while everyone is navigating these unchartered times, the connection we can all still make through comedy and relatability is invaluable.
In this episode, Danielle and Adam also talk about how the current situation has impacted them personally. What has changed in the past week even since their last episode, and what they are attempting to keep consistent even with this storm swirling all around.
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Paige and Catherine are founders and directors of the incredible Motherhood Center in New York City. They are ensuring that pregnant women, new moms, and their partners have plenty of support, therapy and guidance while facing difficult times with anxiety and all mood disorders. Together with Danielle and Adam, they discuss why moms should not feel guilty about not feeling a "motherly instinct," how much more common anxiety is in new dads than is oftentimes discussed, Danielle's story with PPD and how everything might have been different if The Motherhood Center had existed back when she was a new mom. Right now, so many of us are feeling anxious, and just hearing Paige and Catherine's voices and gentle, knowledgable stories will make anyone feel better and more understood. If you are pregnant, a new mom, went through postpartum, or are the partner of anyone going through any of those stages, this is definitely an episode to which you should listen. Send it to friends who might be going through a rough time with anxiety, are new parents, or just want to hear more about what is being done to help women get the attention and professional help they all deserve without shame or embarrassment.
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It's tough to concentrate on anything else right now when the Coronavirus seems to have overtaken every realm of our being, including work, home life, and the media. While there's tons of coverage concerning the physical symptoms and effects, we need to remember to figure out how we can best get through the next few weeks while staying sane and keeping our family as comfortable and mentally stable as possible. We may be stuck in limited settings with a great deal of uncertainty swirling around us, but there are still some things we can control and handle in the most positive and beneficial way possible. Life Coach Amy and Danielle discuss so many of these topics in this episode, including:
- How to deal with disappointment for ourselves and our kids (cancelled sporting events, parties, celebrations, etc.)
- Setting a family meeting to plan and prepare for the weeks to come.
- Figure out ways to focus on things other than the excessive coverage that might be detrimental to our well-being.
- Transitioning from work to working from home (especially with kids around).
- Being more forgiving of ourselves about things like allowing more screen time, cereal for dinner, and allowance on perks/luxuries we might not usually allow for ourselves.
- Turning negative thinking into more positive circumstances.
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Trigger warning: this episode discusses different types of discipline. Please take care if this is a topic which is sensitive to you.
This might be the most sensitive topic in Danielle and Adam's current relationship. Having a high schooler, middle schooler, and elementary schooler is tricky in terms of navigating the subject of discipline, and Danielle and Adam are hoping to improve their current strategies. Exploring discipline in the households in which they grew up, in the schools they attended, and their overall current practices, they are attempting to get to the bottom of this issue before it becomes even more of a problem between them. While Danielle and Adam both know they are raising empathetic, compassionate humans, they worry that they're not doing enough to really emphasize the importance of responsibility.
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New York Times' Bestselling author, Jancee Dunn, joins Danielle and Adam to discuss her ideas about "The Mental Load" and how her marriage almost ended after the birth of her first child. Using "escapism" to deal with an overwhelming and stressful situation, Jancee's husband left her with the bulk of the parenting responsibilities from day one, causing an enormous amount of friction to occur within their otherwise strong and wonderful marriage. Determined to resolve the issue and figure out a more balanced set of parenting tasks, Jancee went full force into research mode, talking to experts, therapists, and even a hostage negotiator to figure out how to overcome this enormous hurdle. How could they communicate their needs more effectively? How could they stop fighting in front of their child? How could they get back to being the loving, connected couple they once were? Jancee is both hilarious and relatable while telling all about her experience with what so many couples go through after kids. Her honesty is refreshing, and fits in perfectly on Marriage and Martinis.
How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids
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It's been over twenty years since Danielle and Adam were in the dating game. They asked millennial reality star (Bravo's "Summer House") and stand-up comic, Hannah Berner, to fill them in on everything they're missing. Danielle and Adam quickly find out they are way too old, exhausted, and lame to partake in the single lifestyle of today. Hannah very patiently explains apps like Tinder and Hinge, and hilariously breaks down some of the worst dates and relationships she's ever had (don't listen around the kids). Danielle has to refrain from being the big sister/mom advice-giver and just listen as Hannah details some of her most awkward and questionable moments trying to find a life partner. Adam feels as though he's being spoken to in a different language (what's an "eskimo sister," anyway?) with all the lingo that Hannah introduces to them. Danielle and Adam learned a lot (maybe too much) this episode and had so much fun with Hannah as she talked to them about trying to date and balance her life as an up-and-coming "entrepreneurial powerhouse."
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Check out Hannah on this season of Summer House in Bravo and find out more about her at hannahberner.com
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These days it can be overwhelming to figure out exactly what terms like "self-care" and "wellness" actually mean. Do self-care and health have to align? Has the wellness industry gotten completely out of hand? What are Adam and Danielle's thoughts about incorporating self-care into their everyday lives? What "wellness" products has Danielle bought over the years that Adam has thought were completely ridiculous? This is definitely not your average conversation on these topics, and their opinions probably would not parallel those of most doctors and therapists who discuss forms of self-care and wellness, but it is definitely an honest take on the subject. As confusing as these subjects are, Adam and Danielle are just trying to make sense of it all as regular people who want to live their best life without getting sucked in to the trends and fads that oftentimes sway people into believing there's a "magical" solution to so many of our problems.
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Danielle and Adam delve more deeply into their discussion with their special guests (Danielle's parents) during this episode, including a lightening round of listener questions. How was Linda so confident with her laid back parenting style? What was her parenting philosophy when she took Danielle to see an R rated movie at three years old? What does Danielle still remember her mom telling her about sex as a teenager? About what issue did the couple most commonly fight? How did Ron's arduous, high-stress career affect his role as a spouse and what did he learn over the years concerning "taking work home?" What was a time during their marriage when they almost didn't last? How would they sum up the secrets to it all in just a few sentences? And the most commonly asked question of all: is sex still a priority after almost sixty years together?
Marriage and Martinis is so lucky to have such an experienced couple who has stood the test of time come on as guests. Thank you to all our listeners who sent messages and kind comments about these episodes. They are near and dear to Adam and Danielle's heart and they think everyone can benefit from listening to a couple who has shown teamwork, compromise, gratitude, and generosity to one another for six decades together.
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Danielle and Adam are so excited to bring you this special episode (the first of two parts), with Danielle's parents, who have been married almost 55 years. Starting at the very beginning, they discuss dating in the late 1950s and how much different it was (do they wish Tinder had been around then?). Going steady, "pinning" ceremonies, and getting married while still in college are all things so many couples of today know so little about. Were they worried about Ron possibly getting drafted for Vietnam? Did Linda feel like she put her own life on hold so her husband could become a doctor? How hard was it to have a long distance relationship without cell phones and texting? Plus, did people really wait til marriage to have sex? This conversation covers so much about the 50s, 60s and 70s. Don't forget to check back next Monday when they release Part Two of this fun and insightful discussion, which will cover parenting and growing older together.
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"A Marriage Story" is up for tons of awards this year, including best picture. Adam and Danielle wanted to release a bonus episode discussing the movie because it delves into a process so seldom seen and dissected. Whether or not a person loves the movie, it definitely offers a ton of interesting details concerning why so many couples enter into a separation with good intentions and the desire to remain friends, only to be miserable and spiteful by the end. In this episode, the two break down the film's background, characters, and pivotal scenes. As a couple who has not faced divorce on a technical level, but has come close to separation more than once, looking in on this process from the outside opened their eyes to so many aspects about which they never before know. Some questions explored in this episode are:
Too often does too much go unsaid in a marriage?
Could Charlie and Nicole's Marriage have been saved?
Was Nicole fighting dirty or just doing what she thought was best for her and her son?
Why do two obviously good and caring parents suddenly get treated like a possibly unfit mother and father just because they're entering into a separation?
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Everything surrounding divorce and blending families can be messy, chaotic, and traumatic for everyone involved if people don't know the healthiest ways to go about this process. Naja Hall is a leading coach, mentor, and podcaster whose goal is to help families through these transitions in the smoothest way possible. She talks to Danielle all about the negative stigmas associated with being stepparents, her own experience as a stepmom of three children, whether it's possible to actually have an amicable divorce, and so much more. She also helps those of us who have friends and families facing these situations know the most effective ways to be there for them. Even if you have never been through a separation and don't ever plan on blending your family, there is still so much to learn in this episode. It's also an awesome episode to share with anyone who might need some more support going through these events.
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https://www.marriageandmartinis.com/post/the-friday-five-1-24-20
Naja Hall:
Najahall.com
Check out her facebook groups VIP Stepmom and Blended and Black for more support and expertise on this subject.
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Janet Allison is a teacher, mentor, coach and advocate who has made it her life's mission to help boys reach their full potential with the support of parents and teachers. We talk all about communication, shame, gender roles, ensuring boys are active participants in their own households one day and so much more. Whether you're raising boys inside your own home or are an influence in the life of young men to any degree, this episode is definitely worth a listen, and worth sending to anyone who has an impact on boys today.
Janet Allison:
boysalive.com
Podcast: On Boys
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This week, Danielle and Adam are breaking down all things vasectomy related. From stats about vasectomies to the reason why Danielle still wanted Adam to get a vasectomy even though she was going in for a c-section and could have gotten her tubes tied simultaneously. Why are men oftentimes so hesitant about getting the procedure done? Is it really reversible? What were Adam's pre-conceived notions about getting it done verses his thoughts after having gone through with it? Even if you or your partner or not considering getting a vasectomy, this episode will still entertain, inform and give you plenty of subject matter for some good discussion among friends.
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Birth control isn't something often discussed in conversation in adulthood. But it is a topic which so many of us have had so many different, as well as similar experiences: from the first time we saw or bought condoms, to how the pill affects our or our partner's physical and mental well being, to the decision of what birth control to use once in a longterm relationship. In this episode, Danielle and Adam are extremely open (and quite explicit) concerning stories involving birth control (or lack thereof). While this episode is not about the medical and "expert" information concerning different types of contraceptives, it definitely contains a lot of extremely identifiable and real moments which will have many listeners laughing at times, and also nodding at how relatable these stories are.
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2019 will go down as one of the hardest and most volatile for Adam and Danielle. It was 12 long months of hashing and re-hashing out a whole lot of issues concerning finance, dishonestly, resentment, and misunderstanding. While it definitely all got tedious at times, it also was all very necessary to put them in the direction in which they now seem to be heading. The two of them discuss what mistakes they think they made, what they learned, what they're hoping 2020 will bring, and so much more. On a lighter note, they also discuss favorites of 2019, including movies, shows, and music. As always, it's all real, it's vulnerable, and it's practically unedited....and you'll definitely hear the parts they were going to edit. This is a great episode to conclude this year and look forward to what lay ahead for Danielle and Adam concerning the podcast, their marriage, as individuals, and as parents.
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In the midst of all the holiday madness, we all need to take a minute and just laugh and de-compress. That's why Danielle and Adam thought it was a perfect week to put out a mindless, fun, and funny episode with no deep thinking necessary. Of course things get a little out of hand, and they reveal too much. This episode is definitely not for the easily offended, and if you want to wait to listen while you're sitting around at night with a glass of wine or a cocktail, we get it. No matter what, you won't be able to make it through this episode without laughing.
Skip to 9:16 to get right to the game.
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After the overwhelming response to their first episode with Jodie Utter from last February, Danielle and Adam finally had the chance to continue their conversation with her. Where is she now in her journey of healing and forgiveness after her husband's infidelity? Is she able to trust again? How does she deal with the inevitable feelings of pain that come flooding back at any given moment? Is self-forgiveness harder than forgiving someone else? What advice does she have for others going through a similar situation? This is a must-listen for anyone who has dealt with any form of betrayal, not just infidelity. Jodie provides us all with a feeling of hope, understanding, acceptance, and peace. She is gentle, incredibly vulnerable, honest, and reveals all in her quest for no one to feel alone during their healing process. It is important to note that listeners definitely should listen to her episode from February, 2019 in order to hear the first part of her story.
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As the new year approaches, let's make some resolutions that will really change our lives for the better: getting just a little bit braver talking to our partners about our sexual needs and desires. Danielle and Adam continue their conversation with sexual communications coach, Leah, all about how couples can handle differing libidos, exhaustion, lack of orgasms, the need for sexual touch throughout the day, and so much more. Leah recommends some "bedroom games," explains why women and men might have such different needs when it comes to sensual touch, explains some misconceptions about the vagina, and talks about why we need to start thinking of sexual experimentation in small increments rather than this huge, overwhelming task. This is an awesome episode to listen to with your spouse, or listen separately and then use it as a tool for discussion.
https://www.leahcarey.com/brave
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In theory, the holidays are an amazing time of year and should feel completely magical. In reality, there are a thousand tasks to get done, anxiety levels are heightened, family time can be overwhelming, and it's all expensive AF. Life coach Amy sits down with Adam and Danielle to discuss ways that we can ensure that this year will be more enjoyable for everyone. Being more intentional with our time, remembering acts of self-care, communication with our partner, and seeing the bigger picture are just some of the ways that help lessen the intensity of it all and allow us to focus on the more memorable details. This episode is fun and light, but also definitely covers a lot of topics and gives a ton of useful strategies and ideas.
Amy, Adam and Danielle each discuss memories of the holidays from childhood.
What are Adam and Danielle doing differently with their kids this year concerning gift giving?
How bad at math is Danielle, really? (It's really bad)
What can spouses do to make each other feel more comfortable while at one another's family's houses for the holidays?
What are some ways we can make parties and gatherings easier for introverts?
How do we figure out how we want to look back on this season and feel about it all?
What steps do we take to get wind up with successful results?
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The founders of Grown and Flown took time out of their book tour to talk to Danielle all about raising kids and young adults between the ages of 14 and 25. Danielle asks them how we can gauge when we are giving them too much independence or not enough, how to deal with teens who no longer want to spend time with the family during events and activities, if we should really be driving their forgotten homework and gym clothes to school, how to handle conversations with kids who are unsure about attending college, and so much more. This episode is filled with great strategies to use in order to keep open communication with our kids no matter how old they're getting, and ways to ensure our home is a safe space where they feel they want to be.
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Last weekend Danielle went to see Glennon Doyle live in NYC, and during the show, writer and activist, Glennon, said something that was a gut punch to Danielle. She was talking about how one day when she was in her former marriage, she looked around and said, "Isn't it all supposed to be more beautiful than this." It was this phrase that initiated Danielle's idea for her and Adam to check in with each other about needs they might still have within their relationship. What are they not getting enough of which they still desire? What are they currently kicking butt at in their relationship? How has everything been between them these past few months? John Gottman says that the number one questions spouses need to be asking each more is, "how are you doing?" and that is exactly what Danielle hopes this episode will lead to in more relationships.
In this episode, Danielle discusses why aging makes it even more important for partners to show love to one another.
Adam discusses how he snapped out of being in a bad mood every night after work.
The two debate how important romance is in a relationship even if everything else between the partners is completely fine.
Danielle describes what she and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman have in common.
Adam talks about needing to take baby steps when getting back to a place they were before.
Danielle reads an excerpt from one of her favorite books, "Love Warrior."
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Danielle and Adam have always been very honest that finance has been a big source of stress in their relationship. They've had periods of feeling like they were in a really good place concerning money, and times when it has been a complete disaster. This episode, unlike the other finance episodes they had a few months ago, are not with experts giving advice, but rather, just their personal experiences with finance, both growing up and as a couple. They discuss everything from how Danielle deciding to be a SAHM affected their situation, to Adam's period of binge-spending as a way to deal with his hardships, and how their lack of communication made everything worse. This episode is very relatable for any partner who has ever felt there was a great imbalance concerning spending in their own marriage, and for any couple who is finally trying to get their life back on track.
Adam and Danielle discuss:
- How private school impacted their feelings of inadequacy and jealousy
-Adam's obsession with buying a house he couldn't afford
-Danielle wanting Adam to prove his willingness to spend on her when he bought her expensive jewelry
-The feeling of having your credit card declined in public
-The purchase Adam made that Danielle wanted to smash to pieces
-How they used spending money together as a form of therapy
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Mom shamers unite - and leave....no one wants you here. Danielle and our guest host Tara Clark (aka @modernmomprobs) are talking all things mom shaming. They discuss personal experiences in real life and in the virtual world, and why we need to stop asking people when they’re having kids. These ladies touch on everything from breastfeeding to screaming kids on airplanes, and the time when Danielle let her newborn cry hysterically in an elevator and what ensued with a stranger. Plus, how can we make moms feel more supported? Check out this episode no matter how old your kids are or even if you have no plans on ever having them. And send it to someone who might need a bit more support right now. It’s an episode intended for absolutely everyone.
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Danielle and Adam are joined by actual Millennial, Sarah Merrill (also know on Instagram as @bigkidproblems), who is currently in the midst of planning her own wedding. The three of them discuss the differences that naturally arise when getting married at age 24 verses age 32, how weddings have changed since Danielle and Adam were planning theirs 18 years ago, how technology has completely reconstructed the wedding industry, and the actual costs of being in a bridal party. This is such a fun episode, but also dives into some issues such as what happens when you have to share the decision-making about aspects such as the guest list, venue, and honeymoon with two sets of parents. Sarah tells her incredible engagement story, and also her experiences going to extremely non-traditional, more modern weddings such as the one she recently attended at the "House of Yes" involving bathtubs, twerking, and endless amounts of glitter. This is not the same kind of wedding that Adam and Danielle are used to, and they are super jealous. If you are planning a wedding, know someone who is, or just want to hear all about all the amazing options available to brides and grooms today, you definitely want to tune in to this episode.
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It's incredible how the roles and careers we choose to partake in as adults turn out to be nothing like we expected, and how little we were warned what is truly involved in life at work and at home. In this episode, Danielle discusses how shocking it is that being a stay-at-home-mom is not at all how she pictured it, and she's constantly feeling like a failure because she's terrible at the aspects of being a "homemaker" that she never thought about. She also discusses how she spent years being a high school teacher, and that job too came with so many unexpected responsibilities that they don't warn you about when getting your degree. Adam discusses the physical aspects of being an adult that are beginning to wear him down, and the shocks of parenting that are still thrown at him all the time. On the other hand, Danielle and Adam talk all about the awesome things involved in being "grown-ups" and how cool it is to have the freedom that comes with getting older. No matter your role or career, if you ever feel like you had no freaking clue what was coming your way, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode.
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Miriam Kirmayer is a therapist, writer, speaker, and relationship expert who has spent the last decade researching young adult friendships. Her work focuses on helping others navigate life transitions, achieve their goals, and build stronger relationships with the people who matter most. A leading voice in the media, her words and advice have appeared in outlets such as The Atlantic, Forbes, The New York Times, TIME, Vogue, and Women’s Health. As a consultant, Miriam partners with businesses and brands on a variety of initiatives related to social connection and well-being.
Website: www.miriamkirmayer.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/miriamkirmayer Facebook: www.facebook.com/miriamkirmayer Twitter: www.twitter.com/miriamkirmayer
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Relationship experts will tell you it's the little things partners do for each other that actually wind up going the longest way in a marriage. Big, elaborate gifts are meaningful in their own way, but we need to concentrate on the small moments and favors that help show each other that we are actively thinking about the other person. Danielle and Adam discuss everything from choreplay to compliments to the gift of "the nap" within relationships. Also, how did watching their own parents' interactions affect their own expectations of what partners are supposed to do for one another? How have those expectations changed over the years? What do they feel they would like one another to do more of in the future to show they care? How does Gottman's famous "six-second kiss" affect their daily routine, and what other advice does Gottman give in this area? And, what occurred a few weeks ago to show Danielle that this topic was an absolute necessity as soon as possible? This episode is fun, insightful, and offers just the right amount of TMI, in natural Marriage and Martinis style.
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Kim Cavill is a sex educator and host of the podcast “Six Minute Sex Ed,” meant to help start the conversation between parents and kids about all things sex and sexuality related. As a sex-positive parent, she is attempting to get rid of the shame that surrounds the teachings of sex that currently exist in schools today. We discuss age-appropriate conversations no matter how old your kids are, where and when the best times to open a dialogue are, which parent should be the one leading the discussion, and so much more. Kids deserve a more positive understanding of how sex can impact our lives, and not just learn about it from a risk-based approach. Giving them a safe space at home to feel they can ask any question is the first step as parents if we want to truly bridge the gap on this topic with our children. No matter the age of your kids or if you’re maybe planning on having kids sometime in the future, this is definitely a very important and insightful episode.
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Most people know about Alexis Haines from her role in the notorious group of teenagers who robbed over 3 million dollars in cash and possessions from the houses of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Orlando Bloom and more. She also starred in the E! network reality show, "Pretty Wild." We sat down with Alexis to talk all about this out-of-control time in her life when she was addicted to heroin, was dealing with the trauma of her childhood, and a prison sentence. But what came after this time was a period of healing, hard work and intense recovery. Now a doula, drug counselor, wife and mom, Alexis is actively ensuring people have a safe space to come forward, tell their truth, and do so without shame or judgment. Her podcast, "Recovering From Reality," helps to show people how fulfilling life can be once we embrace our past and deal with our mistakes. *Trigger warning: this episode contains discussion of childhood trauma and drug addiction. This is Alexis's vulnerable and honest story about going from rock bottom to the top of her game.
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*TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of addiction and being the spouse of an addict.
Adam and Danielle have experienced both sides of gambling: the fun, exciting side, when winning is an adrenaline rush and getting caught up in the moment feels incredibly fun and exhilarating. But they've also experienced the much more negative aspects of gambling and what can happen when that feeling becomes an escape that starts to get all too familiar and frequent.
This episode is really two parts: the first part has a lighter, more nostalgic tone, looking back on how growing up an hour from Atlantic City was a big part of their childhood, and how a portion of the beginning of their relationship was rooted in the more glamorous side of casinos and spending money. The second part delves more deeply into the serious side of when gambling becomes an addiction rather than a once-in-a-while activity. The financial ramifications, mistrust, and spiraling out of control are just a few of the harsh realities they were forced to ultimately face and deal with. How did they deal with it? What were the next steps? Listen to the episode to find out how this regular couple dealt with critical circumstances.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, there is absolutely no shame in getting help.
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Over the past few decades, there has been a lot more openness about the fact that monogamy is not the only type of lifestyle for couples. Polyamory, open marriage, swinging and other options are making some partners wonder if any of these experiences are right for them. In this episode, Danielle and Adam discuss how their upbringing formed their understanding and opinions about monogamy. They discuss whether or not trying to have an open marriage would ever be on the table, and what experiences they might want to have if ever given a "free pass." Is Monogamy inherent in our being or is it a social construct created to keep order in society? Why is Danielle mad at herself for something that happened 20 years ago, and how does she wish she had handled her youth differently? How will Adam and Danielle feel about their own children possibly wanting to explore non-monogamy? Listen to episode to find out how and why this is a conversation and topic that is coming up more and more in relationships across the US and around the world.
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Adam and Danielle continue their Los Angeles adventure by traveling to "The Valley" to meet Erica and Jamilah from the podcast, "Good Moms, Bad Choices." After realizing very quickly that it was fate for the four of them to meet, the conversation got extremely comfortable and there were pretty much no inhibitions about anything. Thus begins the discussion about everything from Danielle's last visit to LA in which she visited the Menendez Brothers (but, for real....), a clarification of what "The Valley" actually is, anyway, and a whole lot of real talk about teaching our daughters about body image, Jamilah's "free the nipple" movement, how old is too old to be naked in front of our kids, and so much more. If you imagine sitting around with your three best friends all day holding nothing back, and someone came in and just recorded the middle hour, that pretty much sums up this episode. It's fun, it's a tad out of control (in the best way possible), and for sure is going to be continued sometime in the near future.
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Adam and Danielle sit down with Jodie Sweetin and Celia Behar, BFF's from the Never Thought I'd Say This podcast. The four talk all things friendship, including how these two women met and formed a lifetime bond via social media, how our value of friendship in our lives has changed over the years, how friendship differs for men than for women, and whether or not it's ok for a significant other to have good friends of the opposite sex.
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While maybe not every single person feels like they've lost some of who they were before they got married and had kids, a good amount of people seem to agree that in order to gain part of ourselves through parenthood, we sacrifice a large part of our former identity. Passions, dreams, and talents get put on the back burner in order to take care of those around us, and it becomes apparent that we are not the same person we once were. Of course we're grateful for what we have and may not want to change it for the world, but we also look forward to one day being able to explore our individuality again once the kids are grown and no longer need us on a daily basis. Will we even know what we're looking for once that happens? Danielle and Adam dive into all of this and more in this episode.
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Back to school can be such a stressful time for parents and kids when motivation is a struggle and there's enormous pressure in school and extracurriculars. Homework, catching the bus on time, study skills and organization are all things we discuss in this helpful and insightful episode. Fortunately, humans continue developing executive function skills far into their twenties, so there's hope and time for us to keep teaching and building on helpful techniques. This episode is a must listen for anyone who wants to ease the weight of expectations from schools, coaches, and most of all, ourselves.
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Rachel Sobel of the blog Whine and Cheez Its is talking all things co-parenting, blended families, and finding happiness after divorce. What was it like dating again while having a young daughter? What have been the challenges of remarrying and how has she dealt with those hurdles? What advice does she have for others going through a similar situation? How did she know when it was time to end her first marriage and move on? We discuss all this and more in this heartfelt but fun and at times humorous conversation.
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When was the last time you came up with some new ideas to spice up the romance and intimacy in your relationship? Adam and Danielle decided it was time to take things to the next level after 17 years of marriage, and let's just say the conversation and topics become more than either of them can really handle. Listeners can only imagine where this conversation goes, and let's just say it's not for the faint or timid. But if you're in the mood for some naughty, real, and even helpful information, then sit down, relax (awkwardly), and get ready to hear a whole lot of TMI.
Want to be on the Marriage and Martinis podcast? Listen to the end of this episode to find out how!
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Jamie Lynn Sigler and Jenna Parris of the "Mama Said" podcast talk with Adam and Danielle about things we're no longer giving a f*ck about and how we're saying no to things for the first time since becoming parents. It's empowering to finally prioritize everything in our lives rather than feel like we need to say yes to everything. Adam gives the guy's perspective on canceling because we just can't possibly say yes to everything, while the women feel like it's a lot less easy to cancel on people without the guilt.
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In one of their most vulnerable episodes yet, Danielle and Adam discuss a time when Danielle’s OCD was so debilitating that she could not leave the house, make phone calls or hold a job. Unable to understand that was happening, Adam couldn’t give her the help she so desperately needed. The two of them also discuss medication, the complications of being a spouse or being married to a spouse with mental illness, the petrifying aspects of “intrusive thoughts,” and so much more. If you or someone you love suffers from anxiety, you do not want to miss this painstakingly honest episode.
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Nick He was born and raised in China in an extremely traditional home and community that never discussed sexuality. So when he thought he might be attracted to men, he assumed he must be diseased and broken. We talk to him about his journey from China to America, where he put himself in numerous dangerous situations looking for love on Craig's List, coming out to his parents, and ultimately finding love and creating a family through surrogacy. His story is heartbreaking, inspiring, and completely filled with love. His struggles and accomplishments are beyond incredible and we are so happy his story has a happy ending.
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Boundaries are something that most therapists say are healthy within a relationship. What small boundaries do you and your spouse have with one another? What bigger boundaries? Danielle and Adam both admit that they struggle with boundaries on different levels, and it has definitely affected their relationship and their lives. What line did Adam cross on 4th of July that inspired the idea for the episode and reminded Danielle that Adam’s struggle with limits is still very much there. What limits and boundaries do Adam and Danielle think they’ll have as parents of teenagers? For anyone who struggles with doing anything in moderation and is constantly working towards achieving a peaceful balance in life, then this is the episode for you.
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Marriage expert Liz from the #1 relationship app, Lasting, is back answering all our questions about trust, including is ok to track your partner? Should you be able to check their social media? How do you truly regain a partner's trust? And giving insight about how to have those awkward conversations about sex. She gives so much great information, and it was so awesome to get a professional perspective about so many topics about which we're uncertain.
https://buy.getlasting.com/annual-sale to get the app for ONLY $4.16 a month! That's 40% off the regular price. Check it out.
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Throughout society, there seems to be this unanimous ideal of achieving an overall "happy" life. But, what does this mean and how do we get there? How much control do we really have over our emotional state and is it possible to change all of that even as adults? Life coach Amy is back again to give us ideas, exercises and the knowledge we need to become more fulfilled. As always, the conversation with her is fun, the big sister/little sister/brother-in-law dynamic is hilarious, and the conclusion is doable and relatable. If you're looking for easy steps to make your daily living feel like less of a chore and to have more "flow," you do not want to miss this episode.
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Marriage and Martinis launched one year ago, and the past year has been an absolute rollercoaster ride and adventure. What started as a small idea that seemed somewhat unrealistic to Danielle and Adam has turned into more than they could have hoped or imagined. In this episode, they discuss what they've learned about themselves, life, and each other. Coincidentally, this past year has also been one of the most difficult for the couple, as they've dealt with so much drama within their relationship after many secrets were revealed. How did that all impact the podcast? What have been their favorite episodes so far? Sit back and listen to some fun conversation as they re-hash the memories, shocking moments, and funny aspects of their first year as podcasters.
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A lot has happened in the lives of Danielle and Adam this past year that has made them totally re-evaluate the idea of what it truly means to feel and be successful. How much do success and wealth overlap? Whom do each of them deem to be truly successful and inspiring? What makes a successful marriage and do they consider their own marriage to be an example of one? What do they not want their kids to lose as they get older and start to equate accomplishment with skill? There's so much more to this topic that needs to be discussed, and it's pretty obvious that there are going to be more episodes to come on this topic.
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Doyin Richards is an in demand keynote speaker who goes all around the country discussing modern day fatherhood, how to deal with toxic masculinity, and highlighting what being an involved dad really looks like in today's society. He talks to Danielle and Adam about his experience as a black dad raising two multiracial daughters, why wives need take a step back and let husbands help in their own way, and why he has created a platform that focuses on awesome dads from all different walks of life. Doyin doesn't hold back when talking about his feelings about why men need to step up and do their part, and how we need to shift the conversation to focus on the dads who are in fact good role models, rocking the role of fatherhood.
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Leah Carey is back by popular demand answering listener questions about dry spells, incompatible sexual preferences between partners, and how to achieve a bit more body confidence in the bedroom. Also, we follow up the “when I’m done I’m done” statement Adam so infamously made in the first sexual communications episode (April 5th). Join us in this fun, important conversation concerning how we can all feel a little more comfortable discussing all things sex related
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How do we balance our need for safety in our relationship with our need to indulge our wild side? What happens when one person starts to overindulge and the other one has to pick up the pieces? The struggle between these two necessities can be exhausting, and finding a balance is an ongoing process. Danielle and Adam break down the dichotomy and the steps they’re currently taking to get back on track to both getting to enjoy their carefree needs while also creating a safe haven for one another in their relationship.
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We're delving deeper into this idea of "the mental load." Darcy Lockman is a psychologist who researched the myth of 50/50 partnerships between moms and dads, and why it's taking so long for us to finally find an equal ground concerning parenting and household responsibilities. What were Darcy's findings? What did the hundreds of couples she interviewed reveal about their situations? How can we bridge this gap so everyone feels some relief concerning responsibilities? Also, Adam weighs in as a husband and a dad who says that while it's tough to sit there and listen to all of this, he understands where it's all coming from, but he has a bunch to say on behalf of men, too.
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Danielle and Adam have been co-habitating for almost 20 years. It's no surprise then that there are a bunch of habits they each have that really annoy each other to no end. For the second time on the podcast (the first time was way back on their second episode!) they duke it out about messiness, forgetfulness, dishes, mail, and so many other habits. Do they both come out of the episode alive? Listen to find out.
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After reading the book, The Polyamorists Next Door, Danielle was so interested in the topic that she asked the author and polyamory expert, Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, to come on the podcast to teach them about a lifestyle which they knew very little. Not to be confused with Polygamy, Polyamory is the act of being open to having more than one consenting relationship, and any gender can partake in having multiple partners. As the book title suggests, Polyamorists truly are living around us, but they are often too frightened to reveal their preferences because of all the stigmas attached to that identity. Dr. Sheff answers Danielle and Adam’s questions concerning how jealousy is dealt with in these relationships, how does one find poly partners, and how Dr. Sheff herself became so fascinated with the community.
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Are our expectations for ourselves, our partners, and those around us too high? Are we setting ourselves up for failure? Is social media causing us all to feel we pale by comparison? Adam and Danielle discuss all of this, how their own upbringings has influenced their set of expectations, and what our expectations for our own kids are. Maybe if we can start figuring out a way to appreciate for what we already have and instead of concentrating on what hasn’t happened or gotten done, we would all walk around feeling even a little more satisfied and content.
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When Danielle decided she wanted to surprise Adam by finally attempting to organize their house, she reached out to Neat Method to help her. but she had some stipulations: the people who came to help had to be fun, non-judgmental, and not ask her to hug her clothing to see if she still loves it or wants to donate the item instead. She wound up having such a great time, that she asked the ladies to come back and answer some listener questions all about some simple ways to make our routines easier, stop drowning in laundry, and what really is the right way to store a fitted sheet. What ensued was a really fun conversation with some helpful information for parents everywhere who want to make their lives a little easier each day, and so we can stop drowning in clutter and start being able to breathe in our own homes again.
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Valli Gideons joins us to talk all about being the wife of someone in the military who has been deployed ten times throughout their marriage. She's also raising her two children, both of whom are deaf, and uses her blog, My Battle Call, to educate as many people as possible about the hard of hearing. As moms, we are stronger than we often believe and more capable than we often give ourselves credit. Valli is one example of just how tough and unstoppable moms are. We are so grateful that she took the time to speak with us and answer all of our questions on Marriage and Martinis.
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A recent study shows that 86% of us are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by a this ongoing burden that is now finally being labeled as, "The Mental Load." In honor of Mother's Day, which is quickly approaching, Adam and Danielle sat down with resident Life Coach Amy Alpert to discuss how moms, especially, seem to constantly be weighed down by balancing the schedules, chores, appointments, household duties and emotional burdens that saturate everyday familial life. By opening up a dialogue, breaking down all the moving parts, and "making the invisible visible," we can finally realize what steps we need to be taking to ease some of this burden and share this issue of "the mental load." If you and/or your spouse are suffering from this oftentimes ignored issue, this is definitely an episode you won't want to miss, and hopefully, you will listen to it, together, to get the conversation started.
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Danielle and Adam are taking you back to when it all first started: meeting, re-meeting, wedding planning, those first few years of marriage, and everything in between. Anyone engaged or newly married will definitely want to hear this episode. Anyone who was married at a younger age will understand how there are so many aspects of their wedding that they would do so differently now. Why was Danielle hesitant about their relationship in the beginning? What regrets do they have about those first few years? What advice would they give younger listeners or their own kids in preparation for tying the knot? It's all here, and as always, they do not hold back in the retelling of their not-so-fairytale love story.
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We're so tired of there still being things that we should feel shameful to admit out loud even in 2019. Topics that are considered "taboo" such as parenting hardships, sexual preferences, being on anxiety medication, bottle feeding, breastfeeding in public, (among so many others) need to be discussed as often as it takes until it all becomes commonplace and we no longer feel the need to hide our true feelings and actions. We hope you'll join us on Marriage and Martinis as we try to get one step closer to making this happen.
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So many of us would love to attend couples’ therapy on a regular basis. However, due to reasons such as financial issues, lack of childcare and a partner’s unwillingness to attend, it’s often just not in the cards. Lasting marriage counseling app is offering an affordable and convenient solution to all of that. We had the chance to talk to one of the app’s top researchers about the benefits of connecting with our partner on a more regular basis, why so many partners are so resistant to attending therapy, and which research they have used to develop the app’s daily five-minute sessions. Additionally, we ask Liz for her expert opinion concerning dealing with in-laws, spouses who travel, and how to deal with different levels of emotions in relationships.
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Adam & Danielle discuss personal finances with Joel from the How To Money Podcast in this 2nd part episode.
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Leah Carey is helping us reclaim (or claim) our sexuality and helping us to understand that it's never too late to start getting the greatest amount of sexual pleasure possible. At 42 years old, she realized the power of her sexual identity for the first time, and since then she has made it her mission for couples everywhere to start getting what they truly want in the bedroom, and making it an easier topic to discuss even for the most hesitant and introverted personalities. We ask her a bunch of listener questions and share stories about how we can all start getting the most satisfaction from our sexual experiences.
Yes/No/Maybe checklist downloadLink to new YouTube channel Podcast links: iTunes Spotify Website - www.LeahCarey.com Offer: $25 off their first sexual communication coaching session - DM me to redeem
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After going through a reoccurring pattern of Adam becoming distant and seeming aloof, Danielle put an Instagram story out asking if other couples struggle with this, too, and the response was overwhelming. Obviously this is a huge issue for a lot of couples. After 18 years, Danielle finally confronts the issue, and gets an unexpected response concerning why Adam falls into this behavior. They also discuss how much alone time is necessary for spouses to feel a sense of independence, and what activities they wish they could pursue alone if they had more time. As far as parenting is concerned, Danielle expresses her overwhelming sense of feeling bombarded by her younger kids and the need to just not be touched sometimes. Then, Adam and Danielle discuss the issue of how much privacy is appropriate for two of their kids now that they are teens and preteens.
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Danielle and Adam have discussed financial tension in their relationship in several recent episodes. Considering the number one cause of divorce in marriage involves financial disagreement, we need to be doing a better job of getting on the same page about money as couples and parents. Danielle and Adam sit down with finance guy Joel from the How To Money podcast and simplify some concepts that seem intimidating to many people. They also ask Joel a bunch of questions from listeners and discuss issues like budgeting, saving for college, and whether or not a SAHM really needs life insurance. This will be the first part of what we hope will be a series aimed to make money matters seem much more simple to tackle.
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Do you think that where you land in your birth order or if you're an only child really affects you in life? Have you ever thought about how you and your spouse's place in your birth order affects your marriage and how you act as adults? Where do Danielle and Adam land in their own birth order among their siblings? No matter what you think about the whole topic, it's a fun discussion, and one that hasn't really been researched until the past 20-30 years. No matter if you're an oldest, middle, youngest, only, or wherever you land in your family lineup, you won't want to miss out on this fun discussion.
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Danielle and Adam further discuss some issues that arose during the Guilt and Communication episodes, and dive more deeply into the occurrences of the past few years concerning drinking, gambling, and other problematic struggles in their marriage. Plus they discuss and debate what, if any, secrets are acceptable to keep in a marriage and what happens when a spouse finds out about them. How does Adam plan on dealing with honesty going forward, and what will happen if anymore secrets arise in their relationship?
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Ever wonder how accounts get to have a hundred thousand followers or more? Want to mold your account to help you to become an online influencer, lead people to your website, learn about your brand or business, or sell something you make? Danielle has done all of this and is sharing some of her strategies and inside secrets with you. Forget algorithms, statistics, and spending money on sponsored posts. Gaining organic followers who help build your community and fulfill your ultimate goals is really all about heart and soul. Listen to this episode to learn how to get started, and then keep an eye out for follow-up episodes that will tell you exactly what to do from there.
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We were so privileged to talk with our friend, Jodie Utter, who embraces vulnerability in order to share her personal experience with marital infidelity and how she got through the immense pain of dealing with her husband's affair. What was her initial reaction? Did she think about leaving the marriage? What made her stay? How did she trust again? If anyone has experienced any form of lying and betrayal in their relationship, you won't want to miss this episode, and you won't believe her bravery in telling her truth. She lets us all know that we are capable of handing so much more than we think we can. Jodie is an inspiration, to say the least.
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Adam and Danielle continue their discussion of effective communication (or lack thereof) in their relationship. Danielle focuses on Adam's lack of communication in the bedroom and how learning from the BDSM (Bondage Dominance Sadism and Masochism) community might benefit all couples in more open and honest dialogue concerning sex. Plus, more tips from Esther Perel, and a look towards the future with Adam drinking less and trying to be more involved in family dynamics.
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Adam and Danielle discuss everything from how they communicate well to ways they both need a lot of improvement when manifesting their needs. Raising their voices, avoiding the problem, refusing to get outside their comfort zones are just some of the ways they struggle with communication. Any spouse hoping to better express him/herself won't want to miss this important episode.
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In this follow-up episode with FlirtyGirl, we discuss everything from how to introduce new sexual ideas to a partner who's less adventurous, to what to do if one spouse has a lower libido, to well, just about everything you were too embarrassed to ask but always wanted to know. It's so much fun when Danielle and Adam get together with Brooke and this conversation is no exception. Plus, what do women really want for Valentine's Day?
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It's no secret that Danielle and Adam share a great love of good food, and on this episode they're discussing everything from foods that remind them of their childhoods, to the greatest meals they've shared together, their great love of Anthony Bourdain, foods that are aphrodisiacs, fast food as a form of self-care, and so much more. Also, they discuss what happened one night while dining at one of the best restaurants in the world, that led Danielle to have the idea to start the Marriage and Martinis podcast.
Get ready for more moaning, drooling, and passion than maybe any previous episode topic. Plus, Adam and Danielle answer some audience questions, and respond to someone who asked why the couple hasn't "just gotten divorced already."
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While Danielle and Adam are always open and vulnerable, this episode takes certain things to a new level. What will Danielle not do because she's worried that at 41 years old she'll still disappoint her dad? What sexual position does she despise? What are Adam's serial killer tendencies? Why is he embarrassed about his bathroom habits? They both reveal insecurities that are not easy to admit. If you are easily offended or uncomfortable, this will definitely NOT be the episode for you.
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Adam and Danielle sit down to talk about “goals” with Life Coach Amy Alpert, who also happens to be Danielle’s sister. Is it possible to help the hosts of Marriage and Martinis figure out how to get organized and buckle down to commit to some resolutions for the New Year? It’s definitely not an easy task to give anyone, but Amy is up for the challenge and extremely patient with these two slackers. And if nothing else, they definitely had a lot of fun chatting together.
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Adam & Danielle close out 2018 with everyone's favorite topics to discuss... Health, Diet, & Exercise! Don't worry, it's Marriage & Martinis style, as always.
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Of course, you can imagine how hard it was for Adam and Danielle to just concentrate on the stuff we do well as parents, cause complimenting ourselves is so out of our comfort zone. But despite how crazy we are, there are a few ways we don’t suck.
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Danielle and Adam follow up the guilt episode with a discussion about how they can move forward into the future without anger or resentment. Adam does some research about steps people can take to say they're sorry, and Danielle responds to Adam's progress and intentions for the future of their marriage. Plus, Danielle says what she thinks she needs to do in order for their marriage to be the best it possibly can.
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Amber Leventry identifies as non-binary and uses their platform as a writer and advocate to educate people about the LGBTQ community. They explain why they prefer to be referred to using "they, them" pronouns, how they are adjusting and learning while raising a transgender daughter, and how getting sober helped launch a whole new perspective on life and advocacy. Marriage and Martinis is so grateful that Amber was willing to share with us and our community. Join us in this incredibly important information session concerning all things non-heteronormative.
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This might be Danielle and Adam's most vulnerable episode yet. What do they both feel guilt about on a daily basis, and what are the more serious issues that they struggle with concerning feelings of shame? Plus, Adam relives a night when he made one of the most horrible and humiliating mistakes in the history of their relationship. If you're a Marriage and Martinis fan, this is an episode you won't want to miss.
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What do Adam and Danielle think each other would want for the holidays? How well do they know one another concerning their wish lists? What are the best gifts they have given one another, and when did they feel unappreciated for a present they worked really hard to acquire and give one another? Plus, what do husbands and wives really want from their spouse for the holidays?
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At least 20% of women experience some type of postpartum depression. Danielle was one of those sufferers, and was burdened with an extreme mental illness throughout her first pregnancy and even after her child was born. In this episode, Danielle and Adam discuss so many aspects of maternal mental health with fellow PPD sufferer and motherhood blogger, Jen Schwartz. As always, they are honest and forthcoming while sharing their own unique experiences with the topic. What are the signals that indicate someone might be a potential sufferer? What can the spouse, friends, and family do to support the mom going through it? What are some resources out there to help? What happens when a new mom suffers from PPD, OCD and psychosis? This is a conversation you won't want to miss, no matter who you are. Let's work together to end the stigma. We can start by educating ourselves on the subject.
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The highly anticipated episode in which Adam and Danielle discuss the role of a SAHM and why it's complicated and misunderstood. Danielle attempts to show Adam that he does not completely realize the extent of her role. They discuss everything from maternity/paternity leave to the benefits and complications of having one parent who "doesn't work." Also, the beginning of the episode follows up the Flirty Girl interview in which Adam and Danielle review a product given to them by the sex expert. More episodes about being a SAHM and working mom soon to follow.
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Work, family life, "adulting," and so many other forms of stress pervade our everyday life. Danielle and Adam discuss how they deal with (and avoid) stressful situations. How do each think the other one handles stress? What ideas do they have for how one another could better handle these situations? How much do one another contribute to or make difficult situations better for each other? They discuss all this and more in this episode.
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Danielle and Adam discuss and debate everything from our smaller, everyday phobias to more serious fears, nightmares, thoughts on death and everything in between. What keeps us up at night? How have our fears changed? Plus, plenty of random facts and questionable advice seeps in although should be taken with little to no degree of seriousness and validity.
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Adam and Danielle have certainly dealt with their struggles when it comes to "keeping up with the Joneses," and they have some pretty unique stories to tell about the topic. One situation almost led to Danielle calling it quits in the marriage. Plus, find out something that happened to Adam that he never told anyone other than good friends about before.
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Interview with Flirty Girl
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Sure, we don't really understand anything about one another, but let's get married and spend the rest of our lives together. Sounds perfectly logical, right? Adam and Danielle discuss everything from a woman's "ugly cry" to men's fascination with big screen televisions in this fun episode. Why are men in the bathroom so long? What's the hardest part about being a man or a woman? Join us and laugh along while we discuss, argue, and keep it real and inappropriate throughout this entire episode. Plus, it's our longest yet, so you know Adam is telling at least two or three of his interesting stories in it.
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It's Adam's turn to choose two movies for Danielle to watch which she would never otherwise see. Of course we all know he chooses at least one sci-fi film (Interstellar) and one war film (Braveheart). Will Danielle understand what's going on in either of them? Find out what she thinks and how she reacts. Spoiler alert: this was recorded after movie swap #1 so Danielle is already a few cocktails deep, and we all know what that means.
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Danielle and Adam talk about if/how friendships have changed as they've gotten older, whether or not they would be ok with the other having a good friend of the opposite sex, celebrities they would love to be friends with, and Adam's "bromances."
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After years of begging Adam to watch certain movies that she loves, Danielle finally convinces him to view two of her choosing. How did he like them? What did he learn about the making of the films? How long can he spend giving a summary of each movie before Danielle totally loses it completely? So many fascinating topics to be discussed, and we even manage to throw in a bit of a discussion about labiaplasty, because we always like to keep things nice and random around here.
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Admittedly having gone through some really tough periods throughout their 16-year-marriage, Danielle and Adam discuss how and why they've made it through, and offer some wisdom and real-life experiences concerning what helps a relationship withstand the test of time, hardships, and loss. Plus, they reveal some very personal information that they haven't yet revealed on the podcast.
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What stuff have you done that you wouldn't be so forthcoming about with your spouse, even after being married for so long? Adam and Danielle come out with details of their life that the other may or may not be ok with. As always, they divulge way more than originally intended, so if you're not comfortable with the real life details of relationships and marriage, you may want to skip this episode.
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How do men and women's ideas of romance differ? Adam and Danielle discuss everything from their romantic fantasies to which movie couples they think represent the ideals of romance, plus so much more. As always they reveal way more than they originally intended, and keep it completely real in a way that is totally relatable. Get ready to laugh your way through another meaningful but hilarious episode.
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Adam and Danielle tell it like it is (as always) concerning what a person really needs to expect when having kids. What could be better than they're non-expert, questionable advice, experience, and ideas for how to raise the youth of the world. Trust us...whether you don't have kids, are planning on having them, or are already a mom or dad, you're going to want to listen to this episode, and then probably forget everything you've heard after you've laughed your way through.
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Adam and Danielle discuss the differences and similarities with men and women concerning issues such as weight, height, aging, and plastic surgery. What are men really thinking about women's bodies during sex? What are men self-conscious about? What would Adam and Danielle love to have someone say about them? They explore all of this and more in this completely honest and revealing episode.
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Adam and Danielle continue their game series as they try to stump one another with facts and lies about science, celebrities, movies, and their own childhoods. Laugh with them throughout this bonus episode as they reveal personal information about their youth, and as Adam cheats his way through the game.
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C-sections, morphine, push presents, baby nurses, and all the other fun stuff associated with bringing life into the world. Danielle and Adam explore everything from pregnancy sex to things you should never say to a woman in labor. Join them as they share their experiences and give their non-expert, always questionable advice on these subjects.
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The first of many bonus episodes to come in Marriage and Martinis "Game Nights" edition, in which Danielle and Adam take a popular game and personalize it to fit the show. Play along in the car or at home as they hilariously answer questions made up by each other. As always, the banter, language, and humor is off-color, and truths and realness of marriage come through again and again.
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What happens when Adam and Danielle explore their different fighting styles and openly discuss how they feel when they argue? Because they both allow themselves to be completely vulnerable and open in this episode, a lot of unexpected turns of events take place, causing for some pure emotional rawness. As always, they keep it authentic and don't pretend that anything in marriage is sugar coated and easy. There's definitely something something very intimate and deep about this episode (while still being humorous) that we really think listeners will appreciate. Buckle up....it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
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When kids are involved, it's a trip, not a vacation. Find out what Adam and Danielle learned after almost two weeks overseas with their family. Spoiler alert: there's some extra bickering in this episode due to jet lag, exhaustion, and just being really sick of one another after 12 days straight of being together.
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Millennials, Snapchat, YouTube, texting acronyms....it's nearly impossible to keep up with all the terms and advancements today. Join us as we discuss all these things and more, and then quiz one another to try and figure out who knows more about all the new and trendy concepts. Of course, we do it all Marriage and Martinis style, so expect a whole lot of banter, humiliating one another (and ourselves), and a ton of laughter.
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Most of us have seen the Friends episode about getting a free pass to sleep with any five celebrities you want. If given the same chance, who would you choose? In this episode, Adam and Danielle reveal who would be on their lists. Spoiler alert: they have at least one of the same people on both their lists.
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How far would you and your significant other go to have the experience of a lifetime and add excitement and adventure to your life? In this hilarious, inappropriate, and fun episode, Adam and Danielle compare ideas of what makes the perfect exotic vacation.
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Adam and Danielle talk completely openly about dealing with OCD and mental illness. As usual, there's no holding back with these two, as they discuss very private aspects of Danielle's constant battle with anxiety.
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What makes us hot mess parents? We talk about the film Bad Moms and then discuss this somewhat new idea of being a "hot mess." What ways do we fall into this category? Hear some hilarious stories and play Never Have I Ever - Parenting Edition.
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How much is too much to do in front of your spouse? Adam and Danielle explore everything from bodily functions to “that time of the month” during this hilarious episode.
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Kids, pets, work, friends, devices, exhaustion: all these distractions make it tough to find time for sex. Danielle and Adam discuss the importance of making sex a priority.
Show clip: Modern Family
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What are the top pet peeves for couples? If you could list your top annoyances about your spouse what would they be? What do you think they would say their greatest frustrations with you are? Danielle and Adam fess up about what drives each of them insane about the other person. (Spoiler alert: they both come out alive).
Movie clips: Father of the Bride
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If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would you say? Danielle and Adam explore this and how turning 40 and being married for 15 years has affected them.
Movie clips: This Is 40
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