Mamaste with Tanika Ray

Latest Episodes:

17. Teen Mom Wins Beautifully—Against the Odds with Shaleea Varney Feb 22, 2022

Show notes

For me, raising an infant was complicated enough on its own and I was a full grown woman! You can read all the books you want, but all of that nitty-gritty, not-so-pretty stuff is something no one prepares you for (Mamas, you all know what I’m talking about!). Now, imagine doing all of that at 16—and not only creating a surviving relationship out of it, but one that’s still loving and thriving, almost two decades later.

Today, I’m welcoming Shaleea Varney, a woman who truly wears many, many hats. Shaleea is a best selling author, a podcast host, an internationally known speaker, a licenced nurse, a master certified life and relationship coach… AND a mama and wife!

Tune in and listen to episode seventeen of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Shaleea and I talk about what it was like for her when she had her first child at 16, the expectations of men and women’s roles in relationships, and how our parents’ relationships can be models of what we want and what we absolutely don’t.

Some Questions I ask:

How did you end up writing a book? How did you know your voice was important? (05:10)
When you first went viral, what were people really connecting with? (11:36)
What do men bring to the table? (15:35)
What was it like as a kid raising a kid? And what jewels did you discover along the way? (24:00)
Why do we, as Black people, continue to worship a white Jesus when every indication is that he was brown? (37:15)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

My frustration and disillusionment with the utopian narrative I got from my pregnancy books (10:01)
How Shaleea and her husband are best friends and that’s what keeps them successful in the long (long!) term (17:54)
The way Shaleea and her husband created a thriving relationship at such a young age (20:40)
When Shaleea found out she was pregnant, everyone immediately wrote her off, despite her being an incredibly high achiever (24:09)
The difficulties of practicing self love as a Black woman (27:29)

Connect with Shaleea:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

16. Manifest Mommying AF with Destini Ann Feb 15, 2022

Show notes

Motherhood is the hardest job many of us will ever have. It’s also the most challenging, the most aggravating and… the most rewarding. One of the most difficult things about mommying is the constant self doubt, the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, the sense that, however much you’re doing, it’s never enough. But here’s the thing… No matter what that little voice inside your head is telling you, here’s a mantra you can replace it with: bitch, you doin’ a good job!

Today, I’m welcoming Manifest Destini AKA Destini Ann, a mama of two who uses her profound, Maya-Angelou-like wisdom to promote intentional parenting. Destini takes the psychology of parenting and turns it into fun, digestible content for her community.

Tune in and listen to episode sixteen of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Destini and I talk about how important it can be to step away and take a breath while mommying, why we have to be good models for our kids, and how she’s taught me how to say, “F that laundry!”

Some Questions I ask:

Where did “bitch, you doin’ a good job” come from? (04:45)
Did you have a good relationship with your mom? (07:26)
What’s the most controversial thing you've said that mommies have questioned you on? (09:20)
Do you believe that our children are sent here to teach us? (13:30)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

Where Destini’s parenting philosophy and ideology comes from (06:03)
How Destini models her parenting style after her mother’s (07:50)
Why Destini believes that so many of us are parenting from a place of “survival mode” (11:40)
Why communication with your kids is extremely important (18:25)
How Destini was raised in a way that let her come to her mom with mistakes (32:11)

Connect with Destini Ann:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

15. A Real Talk on Mental Health Feb 08, 2022

Show notes

Content warning: this episode of Mamaste with Tanika Ray contains discussion of self-harm and death.

“The grass is greener on the other side.” It’s a phrase we’ve heard countless times, and most of us probably ignore it or roll our eyes when it’s said. But have you ever stopped yourself to think about how true it is? How many times have you coveted the fame and fortune of that gorgeous actress or the beauty and self-confidence of that incredible supermodel? The truth is, you’re probably doing it without even knowing it—maybe even the majority of people are. But what most of us fail to remember is that those people are all human beings and just the very condition of being human means that everyone has struggles.

Today,I’m having a real chat about mental health and the toll our focus on success and wealth takes on us. The truth is, no matter how much they try to convince us that things and titles and homes and cars are the greatest goal, we keep seeing people who seemingly have it all destroy everything that is supposed to be success.

Tune in and listen to episode fifteen of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. I’m breaking down misconceptions around the glamor of television reporting and getting honest about my battles with depression, alcohol, and being taken for granted by my superiors while I worked on TV. I also talk about how I was brought up not to value labels and brand names, but to put emphasis on culture and experience and why I’m so lucky to have been conditioned not to value things.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

So often in motherhood, your response to a negative trigger is completely autopilot (02:18)
CW As outsiders looking in, it’s often so confusing how people who seemingly ‘have it all’ can harm themselves (04:48)
Working as a reporter at a TV entertainment magazine was an incredibly difficult, trying job (06:24)
I believe what saved me from working a job that exhausted me and pushed me into hysterics was my natural sense of rebellion (13:53)
The fact that people of color are in the projects and have less opportunity is not by accident (20:14)
This is a call to action to figure out what your tools are in order to navigate your way out of the darkness (22:47)

Mental Health Resources:

Shanti Das on Instagram

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

14. Raising Black Boy Joy with Mumu Fresh Feb 01, 2022

Show notes

When raising our kids, who's to say conventional is the best way to go? So many of the current institutions in the US, whether it’s politics, the education system, or the way our law enforcement functions, don’t favor Black and brown people—and especially not our children. If we’re going to raise our kids to think outside of the box, to value emotional maturity, and to grow to become the strongest, proudest, and most empathetic people they’re capable of being, then why stick to a blueprint that’s served us so poorly in the past?

Today, I’m welcoming Maimouna Youssef AKA Mumu Fresh, a Grammy-nominated singer, songwriter, and MC who’s also a mama making her way in the wild world of the music industry.

Tune in and listen to episode fourteen of Mamaste with Tanika Ray.Mumu and I talk about how her son is her best friend, business partner, and tourmate, how not to conflate Black culture and parenting with post-slavery trauma, and breaking the pattern of resentment that so many men hold toward their mothers.

Some Questions I ask:

What is it like being in the crazy music industry as a mother? (03:07)
What do you call yourself? How would you describe yourself? (20:32)
What do you wish kids knew about themselves? (27:57)
What do you tell your son about navigating this world that keeps him confident and keeps him feeling strong so that fear isn't at the forefront? (30:52)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

The origin story of the name Mumu Fresh (01:28)
Why it’s so important to raise children with emotional intelligence and maturity (08:44)
Why we teach our kids to have a voice and speak clearly (15:20)
The disillusion Mumu felt in Hollywood and how she finally accepted her role as a healer (20:40)
Mumu’s advice for her son living as a Black teen in 2022 (32:19)

Connect with Mumu Fresh:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

13. Mama Drama with LisaRaye Jan 25, 2022

Show notes

So often we’re told to cut the toxic people out of our lives, that those relationships serve only as a detriment to us and our psyche… but what happens when those relationships are intricately entwined with other loved ones? What happens when we actually still love that person that’s putting that negativity into the universe—and we love them a lot? Forgiveness is a long, hard, difficult road, but it’s a choice that so many of us face when we grow up with a parent who might not have loved us in the way we really needed to be loved.

Join me as I welcome my friend LisaRaye, an actress, humanitarian, entrepreneur, and an incredible mama who has been killin’ it in Hollywood for over 20 years. Today, we’re talking about all varieties of mama drama.

Tune in and listen to episode thirteen of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. LisaRaye and I talk about how her fearlessness early in her career got her to where she is now, how she figured out the balance between helping with homework and slaying auditions, and what it’s like to shift your perspectiven in order to make peace in a rocky mother-daughter relationship.

Some Questions I ask:

Did you manifest your career in Hollywood for yourself? (02:20)
Where was your sister Da Brat in her career when you first came out to the West Coast? (08:39)
How did you manage mommy life with your newfound Hollywood career? (12:44)
How did you learn to be openly physically affectionate with your daughter? (31:26)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

When LisaRaye made the big move from Chicago to LA, she decided not to take ‘no’ for an answer (04:38)
How having her daughter made LisaRaye a no-nonsense person (14:47)
About LisaRaye’s eye opening experience on Iyanla: Fix My Life and the shift it created in her family dynamic (17:27)
About LisaRaye’s relationship with her daughter and how she’s worked to fix it (36:52)
Both people have to be willing to do the work to help mend the rift in a relationship (41:31)

Resources Mentioned:

Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything by Iyanla Vanzant

Connect with LisaRaye:

Instagram

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12. Stop Repeating History with Claudine Cooper: Part 2 Jan 18, 2022

Show notes

One of the most difficult things to accept as a parent is how quickly we go from being our kids’ heroes to being decidedly uncool in their minds. It’s pretty hard to come to terms with at first, but once you realize the fact that you’re often dealing with your own mini-me, you can start to give them the tools and examples to make better decisions for themselves—even if they don’t realize exactly what you’re up to.

Today is part two of my chat with Claudine Cooper, my sister-friend, wellness expert, fellow mama, and co-founder of the Grace Space Wellness Studio. Through Grace Space, Claudine has built a community of wellness enthusiasts while staying dedicated to her mission for accessible wellness.

Tune in and listen to episode twelve of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Claudine and I talk about the negativity and manipulation we’re fed by mass media, why it’s so important to reserve judgment on what others do with their bodies, and how the best thing you can do for your maturing kids is to give them the tools to make informed decisions.

Some Questions I ask:

Who are three people you follow as a mood booster? (07:35)
How do you protect your kids from losing track of their self and their self love when we as parents become uncool to them? (10:17)
What kind of conversations are you having with your kids to make sure they’re making the good choices? (15:21)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

We all have a valuable testimony to share (06:07)
What a slippery slope parenting can be when you start restricting your kids decisions (14:44)
Setting a great example as people is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our littles (23:35)
None of us are exempt from being played by our children—who literally think they're just a better version of us! (24:39)

People mentioned:

Connect with Claudine:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

11. Stop Repeating History with Claudine Cooper Jan 11, 2022

Show notes

Over the past two years, we’ve all been through so much stress, upheaval, and trauma. But what a lot of us probably don’t fully realize is how all of this ongoing pressure and anxiety has forced us to live out a world-wide post-traumatic experience. Whether we know it or not—whether we’ve accepted it or not—none of us is the same person on January 1, 2022 as we were on January 1, 2020. This affects not only us, but our children and our parenting, too.

Today, I’m talking to Claudine Cooper, my sister-friend, wellness expert, fellow mama, and co-founder of the Grace Space Wellness Studio. Through Grace Space, Claudine has built a community of wellness enthusiasts while staying dedicated to her mission for accessible wellness.

Tune in and listen to episode eleven of Mamaste with Tanika Ray.Claudine and I talk about our collective pandemic trauma and how it’s affected all of us, how important it can be to learn to choose our battles with our kids, and why we need to be intentional and conscious about the class struggles happening in our country.

Some Questions I ask:

How did you start your journey to creating your own world, your own thought processes, in order to survive and thrive? (04:00)
Did your mom allow you to be free as a child? (06:53)
Why do you think our kids feel so free to push back and press our buttons? (12:37)
What has your therapist taught you about bridging the gap between pragmatism and emotion? (17:02)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

The real trauma occurs when you try to force your kids into a particular box (05:13)
Bringing your own trauma into your parenting can have a lasting impact on your children (08:32)
How our reactions to our own kids behavior can be a response to our own trauma (17:23)
The way class informs so much of our attitude toward child rearing and discipline (19:56)

Connect with Claudine:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10. Peace Out 2021… Let's Go 2022! Dec 28, 2021

Show notes

In a year like the one we’ve just had (or maybe the last two or three…) it can be easy to forget that along with all the trials and tribulations came important lessons and amazing experiences. For me, the new year is also a time to focus on rebirth and fresh starts. Vision boards offer a great time to think about all that I've been throughout the year. It’s also a great time to make peace with yourself. Make a list about the things you're no longer going to do and the things you want to incorporate into your every day. No, not a New Year’s resolution! But just simple ideas that allow you to make some some deals with yourself in order to be happier, healthier, and more vibrant in 2022.

Today, I’m ready to close the door on 2021 because I am willing 2022 to be a better year! Join me as I do a 2021 Instagram Best Of countdown for my account, @tanikaray.

Tune in and listen to episode ten of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Y’all know that I curate my Instagram with the finest detail and that I only want to follow people that inspire. I only want to follow people that illuminate space, that make me feel good, that I can learn from, and that remind me what I’m made of and I think you’ll be able to take a little inspiration from my IG, too.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

Twitter's a little snarky, Facebook's a little long-winded, but Instagram is right in my social media sweet spot (01:59)
Clubhouse shifted me, forced me to get out of my ego, and allowed me to figure out how humans move and shape each other, just by their mere presence (04:47)
In April, I really started to understand how important my energy field was, why certain people deplete my energy, and that it’s okay to leave those people (09:32)
I never mourn the end of a relationship or friendship, because I truly believe everything happens in its own time (14:04)
Women need to wake up and understand where our power is and that we’ve got to educate ourselves (18:56)
When people want to lie to me or cheat me, that’is all about their issues… so I pray for them (23:37)
It's great that things are social norms, but that doesn't mean they're always right (25:31)

People to follow on IG:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9. Healing Trauma with Anita Kopacz: Part 2 Dec 21, 2021

Show notes

As a child, were you encouraged to embrace your uniqueness? Or were you told that it was important to learn to be more like everyone else? So many of us had those special, quirky, beautifully weird parts of ourselves put down or even extinguished by authority figures… do you ever wonder what might have happened had we been allowed to let that part of us blossom?

Today, I’m welcoming back Instagram star and my girlfriend-in-my-head Anita Kopacz for part two of our chat. Anita is an amazing, light-filled author, spiritual psychologist, and mommy who just published her debut novel, Shallow Waters.

Tune in and listen to episode nine of Mamaste with Tanika Ray.Anita and I discuss how letting your child be who they are, who they were born to be, is one of the greatest gifts we can give them as parents and mothers—and we’re getting to the nitty gritty in this episode. We’re talking about the perils of organized religion, remembering and respecting our ancestors, and, of course, how she approaches the challenges of mommyhood.

Some Questions I ask:

Do you think we as a people are better off once we get through the delusion of religion? (01:14)
As one of seven, you saw a lot of your mother mothering, how did you approach mommying yourself? (08:49)
Is it hard for us to raise our kids? (13:58)
On your journey of mommying, what are your three non negotiables that you have in your arsenal? (16:32)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

The mutual experience that Anita and I had when discovering Agape and the work of Michael Beckwith (03:27)
Why mentorship is so important for black women (07:35)
How watching her mother love and admire herself when Anita was a child informed her world view as a mother (09:19)
Why we should encourage our kids to be proud of their “weirdness” (14:04)

Connect with Anita:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

8. Healing Trauma with Anita Kopacz Dec 14, 2021

Show notes

One of my favorite things is knowing moms that I see as a reflection of myself. Moms who mommy by their own rules, show empathy, and embrace their spirituality. These are moms who have done the work, read the books, and learned how to grow and expand as humans so that they don't pass on their traumas to their kids. The fact is, we all have trauma, but it takes dedication to heal and seek help.

Today, I’m talking to Instagram star and my girlfriend-in-my-head, Anita Kopacz. Anita is an amazing, light-filled author, spiritual psychologist, and mommy who just published her debut novel, Shallow Waters.

Tune in and listen to episode eight of Mamaste with Tanika Ray.If you’ve been triggered by the word ‘trauma,’ I feel you. Once I did the work, I realized that it’s a hurdle our emotional intelligence has to jump over in order to navigate this world. Anita and I talk about what it’s like to write a book with kids at home, she tells me about the spiritual beliefs behind Shallow Waters, and we discuss why she wrote her book with healing generational trauma in mind.

Some Questions I ask:

What was the journey like that brought you to writing your book? (14:12)
How old were your kids when you started writing Shallow Waters? (16:36)
Can you tell me about the Yemaya circle that you recently held? (18:56)
Is this book the first of a series? Or do you see this as a closed circle? (28:48)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

We're all desperately in need of healing, and doing the work isn’t always easy (4:15)
There's no better time than now to strengthen our foundation so that we can truly raise our kids through better circumstances (10:53)
A little background on the Orïsha and the beliefs that surround them (20:08)
The incredibly emotional experience Anita has when rereading her work (24:38)

Connect with Anita:

Let’s Connect!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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