Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

**Another F Plus Guest Spot** Jun 05, 2024

The latest episode of The F Plus I sat in on is up. It’s another episode I edited, as well. https://thefpl.us/episode/405

I’m STILL LOOKING FOR WORK…

I’ve been going to a lot of concerts. Check out some of show pictures!

https://www.instagram.com/p/C7YdeFHOTdw/?img_index=1

@loureads
FEAR! Lee Ving still going strong. #punkrockbowling #lasvegas #notorietylasvegas
♬ original sound – Luis Fernandez

**Another F Plus appearance: F+ #388: Confessions of a Bubble Slut** Jul 12, 2023
https://thefpl.us/episode/388

Thankful to be included in yet another episode of The F Plus. Nice to get to read the stupidity of the internet again when the opportunity arises.

How the fuck did i forgot to add this? Jul 10, 2023

I’m not sure how I forgot to add this but last year I participated in the F Plus Garbage Day and was graciously afforded my own 1 hour slot to relive the glory days of reading horrible nonsense. I can’t embed it but here it is for your easy listening pleasure.

I read some really incredibly silly things here.

I THINK I have posted most of the old Lou Reads episodes on YouTube now. I should also make a torrent to be shared of all the episodes so people can just download them all in one chunk or something…

Here are some of the last videos I converted! ALL NSFW! Enjoy

CUM ON FOOD

BAD DRAGON

FISTING & BESTIALITY!

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC WEIRDOS

**2022 Update! YouTube Project Continues Slowly plus F Plus.** Feb 04, 2022
Hi! Belated happy new year. As we get into February I wanted to post an update about what I’ve been up to regarding Lou Reads. I have slowly, but surely, working on moving all the original episodes to YouTube. I had been working with a plug-in for Final Cut Pro X but the last update broke it. After waiting for several months for the plug-in maker to update the thing I finally caved and got a legit subscription to Creative Cloud. So, One again I’ll be posting old episodes of Lou Reads to YouTube for archival purposes. https://youtu.be/Yg7UlF3KHlo

In other news, I was on a fairly recent episode of The F Plus. If you’d like to hear me reading about SPLOSHING (smearing food all over yourself for sexual pleasure) then please check it out over here! https://thefpl.us/episode/364

Professionally I haven’t been doing many recordings during the pandemic. Although, I did do another VO for the VR game INTO THE RADIUS.

I have also written for the Apex Legends esports broadcasts.

And finally, I’m still streaming on Twitch and posting the highlights on Tiktok. This remains my current, most consistent creative output. Stop by Twitch.tv/loureads if you’re interested in chatting or watching me play fake baseball! It is fun.

@loureads
#supermegabaseball3 #smb3 #homerun #deepvoice #baseballlife #baseballboys Heaters score 3!
â¬ original sound – Luis Fernandez

**Lou Updates:** May 09, 2021
Hello, everyone. If you haven’t been following on Facebook or other social media you might not be up on my latest adventures so I thought I’d take a second to update here. It has been 6 months since I recorded an episode of Lou Reads and despite a lot of encouragement from friends, fans and family, I just haven’t had any desire to record again. I have, however, participated in several episodes of The F Plus since then and encourage everyone to check out these episodes. They’ve been a lot of fun to record and I think it shows.

Here are links to the most recent episodes I’ve taken a part in.

**BOOBS in RAINGEAR** (British Rain Gear Fetishists)

**350:Â The Similar Worlds Project**

**348:Â Do Not Summon Beelzebub** (How to Become a Living God)

**338:Â Let’s Stick Crystals Up Our Vaginas** (Pretty Self-Explanatory)

Beyond that, I’ve been keeping myself busy. I’m working again, freelance part-time but it is something, and that has been very important. I got vaccinated. My oldest son is graduating High School. Basically, a lot going on. I’ve also been streaming myself playing video games on Twitch. For the last month, I’ve been streaming myself playing Super Mega Baseball and doing the play-by-play announcing at the same time. I do that every night at 11pm ET unless something comes up and would love it if you could give me a Follow on Twitch and pop in to say Hi. I have a lot of fun chatting with people, playing baseball, pinball, and other odd games.

**I also post the highlights on TikTok!**

@loureads
Coming off the bench and delivering a 3 run #homerun #supermegabaseball2 #baseballtiktoks #twitchclips #announcervoice #sportsannouncer
â¬ original sound – Luis Fernandez

Finally, I have been posting old Episodes of Lou Reads on YouTube in video form. Currently scheduled to come out once a week through August. So, if you’d like to relive the podcast in video form, please check it out!

Thanks again to everyone who has written and checked up on me over my long unemployment and throughout the pandemic. I hope everyone out there is doing well and coming out this global nightmare in good shape. And finally, I’ll leave you with this thought: GET THE VACCINE. IF YOU HAVEN’T. GET IT. IF YOU ARE DENIER THEN PLEASE SEEK HELP FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS! GET THE VACCINE! IT MAY HELP YOU WITH YOUR MORGELLONS!

**Lou Reads ep 190 – Tales of Wild Parties from Reddit** Nov 13, 2020
Hey, you know that kid from History class that never talks? His parents are out of town this weekend and he’s having a party! We should totally go and be thankful for the opportunity to party, get wasted, and then just lose our shit and ruin all his stuff to teach him a lesson. Sounds good? That’ll teach him to offer us a chance to be free!

In this random return to the podcast, I found a fun little thread on Reddit. Nothing too salacious and some funny stories in this one. Thanks for continuing to listen! If you want to hang out while I play video games please consider following me on Twitch. I hope to record a new episode soon. Thanks for listening!

Woodrage paddles man spanking wife — **Lou Reads 189 – Biblical Gender Roles and How to Follow them!** Aug 08, 2020
Oh, hello. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? As you may have read on the Lou Reads Facebook page I haven’t felt very inspired to record anything for a while. I started and stopped several episodes on drugs and one about some kind of porn-related thing but it all felt kind of done. Well, I finally found something that made me want to read out loud again. And that something was the blog known as BiblicalGenderRoles.com. Now, this is a blog dedicated to the idea of men & women’s roles in marriage, and in life, are better if you live in accordance with the rules set forth in The Bible.

Wife Spanking is a Christian Man’s Duty! Especially sad when she went to the trouble of dressing like a torpedo-breasted, high-class prostitute for you. Oh, well!

As you’ll soon hear, this website has a fairly unmodern approach to relationships and that’s the point. Apparently the last 50 years or so have really dinged the whole “Men are leaders of the family” paradigm thingy. Especially because the Devil has encouraged people to live by the creed, “Don’t do stuff if you don’t wanna.” So, let’s say you don’t want your husband to spank you when you’ve been disobedient. Your rejection of his desire to give you a good butt whuppin’ is really the Devil encouraging you to reject your husband’s Biblically mandated right to exercise his dominion over you. See, when you say it like that it just makes sense. I hope you enjoy this long-overdue episode!
Here are some supplemental books to get you headed down the right path. I’m sure they’re all super great or dumb. One of the two.

Image result for having a small penis is okay — **Lou Reads episode 188 – The Forums Measurection.com** Dec 31, 2019
According to Medical News Today, “As much as 45 percent of men believe they have a small penis.” Certainly, there are a lot of factors to this low self-opinion. While I’m not going to offer a solid argument on all the reasons I think it’s safe to say that pornography featuring an over-indexing of massive dongs and general societal theories about big dicks’ connections to virility and manliness play a big part. Unfortunately, insulting the size of man’s penis is very common, can be seriously injurious and it’s one of the things in life that men can literally do nothing about outside of surgery and weird stretching rituals I’ve read about before.

So, this month’s episode of Lou Reads revisits the world of men with penises that are smaller than the average. When we last ventured to this topic it was back in the first year of Lou Reads in an unfortunately titled episode, My Tiny Dick Forum of Horrors. Now, Measurection is a forum for men who consider themselves to have below-average length penises to come and share in a community of similarly endowed guys. The forum has been around for over a decade and was even a focus of a Weekend Web posting before I got involved in WW. As always, I have selected a bunch of random threads of interest to read from without comment. I hope you enjoy it. And as the owner of My Tiny Dick wrote in a comment on the episode about their site **“You**‘**d be surprised at how small a penis can be before women really consider it small.”**

**Lou Reads ep 187 – NSFW Stories from High School** Nov 22, 2019
I don’t remember a lot from High School but what I do recall is mainly the dumb shit my friends and fellow classmates got into. Most of my stories from High School revolve around drinking too much and doing graffiti (separately). A kid did bring a gun to school but he was just showing off, not trying to kill everyone for some teen angsty reason. IIRC he was kicked out of the school at a later date for something minor that appeared to be the final straw/excuse the principle was looking for to get the guy out. This episode of Lou Reads I went to AskReddit and read a bunch of stories of people’s most NSFW memories from High School. I hope you enjoy it!

**Lou Reads ep 186 – Rub Maps – Happy Ending Advice** Oct 02, 2019
Have you ever had this conversation? “Look, it’s my first time going to get a “massage” and I’m not sure how to make sure my “massage” ends in a “happy ending.” I mean, if it just ends in just getting my body relaxed with a real “massage” I guess that would be okay, too… but I’m really hoping to, you know… get a certain muscle worked on… you know? Oh, you don’t? Look, mom, I need to go…” Well, if you have then you should be checking out RUB MAPS instead of asking your mom for Asian Massage Parlour advice. RUB MAPS is a consumer review site for illicit massages with an entire, active forum for its users. Unfortunately you have to pay to see the reviews. Luckily you can see the forums for free and it’s a great source for all your “going to have sex with a masseuse” questions.

This time around I didn’t actually read any of the site reviews but I may do so if I ever revisit. I hope this doesn’t give you blue balls… Also, if you get confused by any of the slang in this episode please consult this amazing **massage parlour slang guide**. You’re gonna need it!

**Lou Reads ep 185 – Adult DVD Forums** May 31, 2019
It wasn’t so long ago that DVD’s were the awesome collectables. Now, of course DVD’s are taking up space in your home because we all just stream everything. This month’s forum is all about people who hang out the AdultDVDTalk Forums. It’s a fairly active forum with threads that sometimes run for over a decade. What do they talk about there? Well, mostly they talk about how much they love or hate different kinds of porn. Mostly they talk about how much they love anal porn but are sometimes disappointed by it. Occasionally they throw in some other topics as well.

If I can see the red inside it’s over for me.

Thanks for listening! Tell your friends! Ask for a magnet!

**Lou Reads ep 184 – Complaining About Friends on The Internet from Something Awful.** May 08, 2019
WHYYY!!?!11

Everyone has problems with their friends and family. But sometimes it can be too complicated to actual confront them with these problems. Why? Well, maybe because if you did your friend might shoot you! Or maybe your family might also shoot you! Or, you know, maybe they’d just kind of think you’re a jerk or maybe, just maybe, they’d listen and understand that you have a legitimate point about and take it into consideration. Either way, this month’s episode is basically people airing their grievances in a place where their friends are basically never going to see them. That is unless they are part of the Something Awful forums. And let’s face it, these days that is less and less likely. The thread I am reading from started over a decade ago and is over 400 pages long! That’s a lot of complaining! If I learned anything from this episode it’s that there are a lot of people with issues around weed in this world…

This image says it all.

Thanks for listening!

**Lou Reads ep 183 – The Best of Craigslist –** Mar 20, 2019
Well, something happened last time and the audio file disappeared from the post… ANYWAY, Craigslist is an anomaly on the internet. While some minor tweaking and tinkering has gone on, it remains basically the same ugly-but-useful website that was it was when it first appeared in 1995. Over the years someone, I don’t know who, has been selecting certain posts to be classified as **BEST OF CRAIGSLIST.**Â So you can imagine that after 24 years there have been a lot of qualifying posts!

This episode was a sort of palette cleanser for me. After doing three mainly gross episodes in a row it was time for some lighter content. I hope you found it entertaining. Thanks for listening! And be sure to follow, subscribe or whatever for all of my various media outlets.

Join the Lou Reads FaceBook Page for frequent posts of Internet nonsense! Follow me on Instagram to see random pictures from my random life! Sometimes I stream on Twitch.tv so follow me there to get updated when I go live. And if you miss me live you can check out the videos on my YouTube Channel. There are probably more but that’s already too many requests than I’m comfortable with!

Thanks for listening and spreading the word friends!

**Lou Reads 182 – Deep in the Pits of Armpit-Fetish.com** Mar 05, 2019
Greetings, friends and those interested in the more obscure parts of the internet. This months episode is a visit to the fabulously spam-destroyed pages of Artpit-Fetish.com. This site was once the home of a small number of folks that really liked armpits more than most people (if people think about armpits at all.) Now, sadly, the forums are almost 99% spambots with the occasional lonely armpit lover trying to call out in the void…

According to some guy in this episode, the following video sparked a life long obsession about masturbating to men’s armpits. See if you can spot any particularly erotic pits! Specifically, Kenny Chesney’s wild underarm action is what drove the gentleman in question wild. Please, try to control your own feverish self-pleasure urges when watching it!

**Lou Read Ep181 Bonus – Learn Prostate Massage Again and Again!** Jan 30, 2019
Are you feeling the protrusion yet? Please enjoy this episode about milking your prostate. If you don’t know how to milk your prostate by the end of this episode then you just aren’t trying very hard…

I miss Prince, too…

**Lou Reads ep 181 – The Spicy Talk Forums** Jan 17, 2019
As a married man who hates breasts I could not get down with this forum. I mean, who likes breasts? Especially breasts full of milk that are being shared with lots of grown dudes and ladies looking for some kind of Adult Nursing Relationship? Oh right, the people who used to hang out at **Spicy Talk Forums!**

Good night, sweet cowboy…

Ok, I was lying. I don’t really hate breasts. Please don’t send me hate mail and pictures of your breasts to let me know how angry you all are at me. Reading this forum was fairly funny because of how almost every thread somehow got around to talking about adult breastfeeding… In the end I decided to just double down on all the ANR talk and accept the concept that there are a lot of people out there who think about drinking mothers milk ALL THE TIME… I hope you enjoy it!

I am planning a small bit of bonus content in a week. Keep your ears posted!

**Lou Reads ep 180: Do you have the stomach to endure the Big Guts Forum?** Dec 01, 2018
I think we can all agree that everyone loves that feeling when you go to try on some clothes and realize that we’ve gotten too fat to fit into then. I think “super proud, content and certain that we’re living our best life” is probably the best way to describe that universal feeling that we all get when all that cramming of massive amounts of high calorie food pays off. Just like society teaches us. Gain weight. Gain status.

All that pizza ain’t gonna cram itself down your throat repeatedly until you expand your guts to handle a ton of extra food by itself, dude!

**This forum for Lovers of Big Guts** is still live on the internet but sadly the community of fat tummy loving guys who used to hang out there appear to have moved on. For now, we can still visit the forums to explore this record of their obsession with and enjoyment of overeating and gaining weight. This isn’t unlike the forums of **Fantasy Feeder – A Forum For Fat Ladies and The Guys Who Feed Them.** However, where that community focuses on the codependent relationship of feeder and eater, Big Guts focuses mainly on men and their own personal obsession with being overweight. I didn’t actually join this forum so I wasn’t able to see picture in that part of the forum. The avatars I saw in the thread featured a fair amount of naked or near-naked guys with big bellies. I guess what better way to really show off your whole belly? Wherever these men have moved on to you can be certain that most of them are still out there eating too much and rubbing their full bellies with a smile. Also, they probably all have diabetes, but hey…

And remember, sometimes that beer belly you’re so proud of just might be a giant 77 pound tumor.

HOLY SHIT!

**Lou Reads ep 179 – The Visit Beyond the Vail of Afterlife Forums** Oct 30, 2018
What happens to us when we die? What happens to us before we are born? Somehow the people at this forum know, with certainty, that everything is going to be alright. Especially after you die. This is truly amazing considering I can barely figure out what is happening to me right now, this very second!

Why the fuck the stairs gotta be so long?! It’s like that episode of DBZ! *“Run in the Afterlife, Goku! The One Million Mile Snake Way!!”* Give me a break, I’m dead!

I am fairly certain that at some point during this episode you will say out loud, “What? Wait… what?” That’s because there is more than a little complete nonsense being discussed here. Yes, I am a doubter. This much is clear! I’m also concerned with so many of the people on this site considering suicide in order to get to this next level of experience! If you’re considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Don’t kill yourself because you read on an online forum that the next life is SOOO MUCH BETTER! Amazingly irresponsible… Oh, also the whole “I remember as a baby I was thinking….” thing is so much insane bullshit… I can’t even… A BABY!… sigh…

As promised, here is your unassailable proof of the existence of the life after death. A lawyer who wrote a whole bunch of nonsense about the afterlife!

**Lou Reads episode 178 – The Joys of Smoking Spice and K2 from Erowid!** Sep 28, 2018
Hey, I know that drug laws are lame and whatever, but what if I told you that you could get super high… legally! What if I told you that there was this drug that was pretty much *like* marijuana but was **totally legal**. What if I told you that you’ll have no idea what the Hell you’re smoking because the chemicals keep changing to stay ahead of the drug laws. And what if I told you that it used to be a relatively well known synthetic cannabinoid 10 years ago but was now a complete crap shoot of junk being made in clandestine Chinese laboratories! What if I told you that no matter how you warn people they will keep smoking this quasi-legal weed because it’s really easy to buy despite the fact that it can totally make you lose your shit! Alright, then! Well, take a hit of this super sweet incense blend, homie! Let’s start puking!

In this episode I’ll be reading from the **Erowid experience vaults.** These are anecdotal stories of drug use connected to Erowid’s super informational database about almost every drug. If you’re ever considering doing an illicit or even prescribed drug consider going to Erowid and checking out what it has to say about the compound before you try it. Especially if the drug has a potential for abuse! You’ll be glad you did!

Also, please encourage the legalization of marijuana globally because it should be easier to buy than this Spice garbage… If you are actually thinking about buying K2/Spice/Whatever other name this crap goes by please watch these videos. This drug can only be enjoyed in small amounts but should probably be avoided at all costs. I mean, unless you like screaming in the street, naked. Then go ahead.

Also, if you enjoy drug trips and safe access to a wealth of drug info, consider supporting **EROWID!**

**Lou Reads ep177 Tales of Escorts First Clients from Reddit** Aug 30, 2018
Hey, I know we just has sex and that I paid you for that sex because you’re an escort. But, I really feel that in this 10 minute encounter that we’ve bonded and I’d really like to see you again. And, also have sex with you again for money. But, maybe you’ll kind of be into me next time a little and give me a discount and eventually you’ll see that, although we met via an exchange of sex for cash, that I’m a super nice guy! And maybe you’ll want to date me and have sex with me for free because we’ll be dating! Wouldn’t that be awesome?! Oh, but don’t tell my wife…

I’m different than all the other guys you’re fucking. I’m a nice guy!

The world of escorting appears to be less awful from the world of street sex workers. However, every sex worker who trades sex for cash has to have a first time that they did it. That’s what is happening this episode of Lou Reads. I hope you enjoy hearing these stories!

**Lou Reads ep176 – Dark Secrets Shared from Reddit** Jul 25, 2018
What’s that now? You want me to share some of my darkest secrets with the internet? Well, gee… I mean, I’ve seen and done some terrible things in my life but I’m not sure I want to post them on THE INTERNET… Oh, you think I should make a throwaway account in order to freely share the darkest of the dark? Well… Okay!

This is a direct reference to this episode. It is gross. Enjoy.

This episode of Lou Reads is your basic confessions post. Always a good time to hear what people feel are the dark secrets in their lives. Of course, some of these secrets are truly awful and as I mention at the end of the episode if you’re considering killing yourself please consider call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you’re just some weird guy who like’s masturbating at work or once considered boning your cousin then just keep on being yourself, you weirdo.

Also, **CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS!**

LAST CHANCE FOR SHIRTS!

**Lou Reads ep175: The parasite infested forums of The Cure Zone** Jun 24, 2018
You know that feeling you get when the world is telling you that you should take anti-psychotic medicine to deal with the invisible parasites you’re being plagued by? And you know the feeling you get when you tell the doctors you don’t want to take the medicine because it will just make the parasites sleepy but not actually kill them. And you know that feeling when you decided to drink your urine to help with your self diagnosed diseases? Wait, you don’t relate to any of these feelings? Well you must not be a member of the forums of **Cure Zone.**

Delish, nutrish and straight from the tap. Urine might be the best self-made medicine you you’ve ever gagged on!

**Cure Zone** is a forum for people who are battling a lot of problems. Is it all in their minds? Is society mocking their problems? Do they really have multiple types of parasites attacking them in a way that normal science cannot detect? Well, from reading all these posts I’d have to say… yeah… It’s all in their minds. But that doesn’t stop it from being all too real and troubling for the poor folks who post here.

I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode and that if you do start to feel like maybe you’ve got **Morgellons** or some other kind of skin parasite maybe take your doctors advice and try the antipsychotics. Also, if you have any serious disease, please realize that drinking your urine as a cure seems like a desperation thing and not a real solution to your problems. But please, take my opinion on this as simply that. I’m just a simple reader of the Internet who hasn’t rubbed any of my own urine on my body. What do I know?

**Lou Reads ep 174 – The Forums of Prison Talk** May 16, 2018
Have you considered marrying a man who you’ve only known through a pen pal connection? In this age of swiping right or left to instantly connect with someone, you can still find some people who are meeting people like it’s 1980 or something! Prison Talk is a forum for the loved ones of people who are somewhere within the prison system of the United States. It’s a support group for those looking to commiserate with others in the same misery boat.

I’d have to hear a list of your bad choices before I’m ready to confirm this but for now I’ll say okay…

This episode is a departure from the typical grossness and stupidity that I sometimes deal in. There is a lot of head scratching behavior on there, to be sure. But it’s a small glimpse into the world of those, mainly women, who are dealing with a life where revolving door incarceration is the norm. There is no guarantee that they’ll ever actually meet the people they are writing to in person. Or worse that if they do get out of prison there is the chance that they aren’t who they say they are…

I hope you enjoy it.

Also, **CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS!**

The SHIRT STORE IS OPEN AGAIN FOR A LIMITED TIME!

**Lou Reads ep173 – SOLO SUCK FORUMS** Mar 29, 2018
I’m not doing myself any favors by reading from the forums of Solo Suck. I knew it would be tough to read and yet, I persisted. Just like Elizabeth Warren! Except instead of standing up to the GOP I stood up to my own stomach and challenged it with some seriously nauseating content.

Yes, that is what you think it is from the episode. All rights reserved by the guy who saved all his cum to make it into an egg…

Now, like many forums I read, this forum is just another example of people who aren’t hurting anyone engaging in a sex hobby they feel passionate about. However, it’s hard not to be grossed out by this act that is so taboo and generally frowned on. Of course there is some modicum (no pun intended) of hypocrisy for being grossed out in a world where pornography is all about women & men being the semen targets. However, the act of self-sucking & the raising cum to a fetishized sacrement… well, I personally had some trouble with queasiness reading it. I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode. I know it may be difficult and in some ways mentally damaging but… Well, I hope you enjoy it if you can keep your food down…

**Lou Reads ep 172 – Men Wear Bras – A Support Forum** Mar 01, 2018
Hey can you help me with the clasp on this thing? I was so easy to undo when it was on a lady. Seriously, I was a one-hand, no-look, two-finger bra-undo-er. But now that it’s on my body I’m having a hell of a time getting this bra off! Luckily the fellas over at Men Wear Bras is a community of happy to help men who, do in fact, wear bras.

Hey, honey, yeah, what kind of bra do I like again? Sandpaper on the inside? Thanks, babe!

So, yeah, guys wearing bras. Crossdressing is nothing new but it is rare that one hears from the dudes who are out there dealing with their desires to wear over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. I’m still not sure why the domain is so very weird but I guess it does cut down on unwanted attention. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks for listening!

**Lou Reads ep 171 – The Human Santapede – Part 2** Jan 15, 2018
Here it is! The not so long, but still long awaited part two & conclusion to the harrowing novel **The Human Santapede!**.” I hope you enjoy finishing off this particularly silly bit of reading. I must admit that although a lot of the book was really dumb & trite, by the end I found myself not hating it as much I had been originally. Part of that may have been relief that I knew it was coming to and end but whatever. Thanks for listening! Be sure to subscribe & rate on whatever pod-source you use!

**Also, if you want shirts the store is still open until January 23rd. HURRY!**
Here’s my ugly mug in my very own sweet-ass shirt!

Lastly! If you want to watch the unedited live video of this reading then by all means please enjoy! Be sure to subscribe to see when I’m live again!
Watch Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! – The Human Santapede from loureads on www.twitch.tv

**Lou Reads ep 170 – Meet Fighters: A One Stop Shop for Boxing, Wrestling & Boner Lovers** Jan 07, 2018
Hey there! I was just thinking about you! Oh, I was just thinking that you should come over, have a couple of drinks and then, I don’t know, take off your clothes and wrestle me to see who gives who a blowjob. You know, just normal guy stuff. Where’d I learn about this? Oh, **MeetFighters.com** of course! It’s a great place to go and talk about how horny fighting makes you. I mean me. But maybe you? No? Okay… Well… thanks for dropping off my mail.

Someone, somewhere totally got a boner about this image.

So… I will admit to having been a boxing fan at some point in my life. However, I have to clarify that not once during my watching dudes beat the shit out of each other for money did I ever get an erection. Well, the same can’t be said for many of the men found on Meet Fighters. These men love fighting and being naked and maybe even… just maybe… forcing the loser of their own fights to perform sexual acts. Sound like something you’d like to do? Well then by all means go ahead and check out the site. Not your bag? Well then enjoy listening to the odd topics discussed in this episode of Lou Reads!

What? Again? Yup! Buy one quick!

**By the way, the t-shirt store is open again for another brief window! Get yourself a Lou Reads T-Shirt today!**

**Lou Reads ep 169 – The Human Santapede – Part 1** Dec 30, 2017
Happy holidays! It’s taken forever but just two days ago I did a stream of myself reading from The Human Santapede on Twitch. I made it all the way to chapter 16 before I tapped out. So please enjoy this stupid reading I did! I just finished recording the second half of the book tonight so look for that in 2018!

Just a warning, this is very long! It’s very stupid but I enjoyed reading it over the two days. You can watch the live reading here if you want to watch it with all my fuck ups & asides.

Watch Alternate Side Talking with King Lou from loureads on www.twitch.tv

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

Lou Reads ep168 More Trip Reports from the Forums of Bluelight.Org Nov 22, 2017

Hey everyone, sorry this episode took so long. I’ve been too busy plugging all these Chinese research chems day & night to record. And while I am high as a kite these drugs appear to have removed my ability to read & write (I’m dictating this and hoping it’s carrot cake, rivets!). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode from the Trip Report forum of BlueLight.org

via GIPHY

For those of you in the USA, I hope that this Thanksgiving you make some well thought out decisions regarding your drug use around your family. Maybe try 4 less hits of acid before you sit down for dinner. Or maybe consider holding off on chasing the dragon before you go pick up grandma at the senior center. You know, just for the holidays…

**Lou Reads T-Shirts Available for a Limited Time!** Nov 07, 2017
Hey folks, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve started a short run campaign at Bonfire.com. If you’ve been itching to get into a non-itchy Lou Reads related shirt, then now is the time.

**CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS!**

What? For real? Yup!

This is a limited time run for these shirts and if we don’t make the minimum order then no one gets charged & no shirts get made. The shirts will be delivered in time for the 2017 holiday season so don’t delay!

**Lou Reads posts from Hiccup Forum** Oct 26, 2017
Oh boy, did I see someone with a case today! She was walking down the street and I could see her hiccuping and grabbing at her throat. It was so hot! Then I realized she was actually choking on some food that went down the wrong pipe. That was kind of disappointing so I just think about the part where I didn’t know she was struggling to breath to get turned on. Pretty hot, right!?

So hot until I realized she was actually choking to death.

So, this months episode is a trip to the pages of Hiccup Forum. As you might have guessed this is forum is exclusively for people who are turned or somehow activated when they see or hear hiccups. There are obvious parallels to the folks from the Sneeze Fetish Forum due to the specific nature of their interest in highly specific body spasms. However, there doesn’t seem to be any crossover. Please enjoy this exploration of the world of folks who get their jollies when a spasm contracts the diaphragm, a large sheet of muscle that separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity, causing an intake of breath that is suddenly stopped by the closure of the vocal cords (glottis). HOT!

via GIPHY

**Lou Reads ep166: Is It Normal? If You Have to Ask….** Sep 22, 2017
Hey guys,

I know this is weird but when I come across weird websites on the internet I have this compulsion to share them with strangers in podcast form… Is it normal to do that? No? Oh well…

No funny caption. Just be yourself as long as you aren’t hurting other people you moron.

This month’s episode is all about asking the Internet to validate your weird behavior. Do you have a thing you do but you’re not sure if anyone else does it? Well go to **isitnormal.com**. The helpful people there will help guide you to the realization that you are a weirdo in no time.

I hope you enjoy it!

**Lou Reads ep165 – I Put a Love Spell on YOU! Because You’re Mine! Thanks, Ashra.Net** Aug 17, 2017
So… I just wanted you to know that when we broke up I kind of went a little crazy. I was pretty upset and I decided that since we’re soulmates and fated to be together I would speed up our eventual reconciliation by paying real money for a love spell to bring you back to me. I also paid for spell to make your new relationships not work. See, by making sure you couldn’t find happiness with another person it totally made you come back to me in a completely natural way!

So this month’s episode is a reading from the forums of Ashra.net. I was surprised to find that a single spell-caster had her own fairly active forum dedicated almost 100% to discussion about her and how great she is. I was also surprised to discover how many folks out there are willing to spend money on love spells. It’s been a while since I visited the forums of Lucky Mojo and had kind of forgotten about this world of sad people who believe in spells affecting their romantic targets. I mean… they don’t really work… right? Anyway, get ready to hear a lot of praise for this lady! Enjoy.

**Lou Reads ep164 – Return to FetLife Mountain: The Destroyed Pussy Adventure.** Jun 26, 2017
Fetlife, short for “Fetish Life” (I’m assuming), is an online forum for kinksters of all varieties. If you’re vanilla (aka a normal sex person) then you probably don’t want to go there. However, if you’re into something… unusual… or just plain fucked up sexual weirdness, this is place for you!
That firecracker really did a number on your pussy! Good job!

While I enjoy reading from Fetlife because it is full of all manner of super candid sexual absurdity, it is a very supportive and rational kind of absurdity. If I knew someone was having trouble finding people who want to talk about destroying their tits or wanted to find out where to go to talk about giving women orgasms via throat fucking, well, Fetlife would have to be the first place I’d recommend. Lucky for me I’m rather vanilla so no eating piss soaked dog food in my future. But hey, whatever floats your boat! I hope your enjoy the episode.

**Lou Reads ep163 – Men Come First in the SubReddit of The Red Pill** May 31, 2017
So, here we are once again. Why do I keep coming back to the world of Men’s Rights & Pick Up Artists? Is it because their worldview, which they seem to insist is right by sheer will, is so incredibly negative and yet self-assured that it boggles the mind. I’m sure these guys would see me as a blue-pill, cuck-dupe and by their definitions they’d be right. Sure, I let guys fuck my wife while I cry in the corner. But, that’s my business.

This seems like it probably happens all the time. Worthy of a graphic for sure.

The Red Pill, as it turns out is yet another Men Going Their Own Way, man-centric self-improvement-movement that is also supposedly full of ways to trick women into sleeping with dudes. Does it work? You tell me! The scene certainly seems to alway be full of guys who are getting laid and living out their dreams in every way possible. It’s almost like they can’t lose. Like… Never losing. Almost impossibly so… Whatever, best of luck to them! I’ll be over here in the corner waiting for my wife to finish all this cuckolding stuff.

I hope you enjoy listening to this reading from Reddit’s The Red Pill subreddit!

**Lou Reads – Ep 162 The Forums of SexInfo101.Com** May 06, 2017
Hey guys & gals. I’m ashamed to ask you about this but… if I put my pee pee in a girls woo woo, can she get hypnotized by my sperms? She can? Wow, thanks internet. You saved me some grief!

Me-sa-vagina going to drain you-sa ball balls so good, yes?

So this months episode is a trip into the forums of sexinfo101.com. It’s the typical kind of place where people ask questions they should have learned the answers to when they were kids. Sadly, thanks to the United States stupid Puritanical fear of sex & pleasure, there are a lot of people out there who are just in the dark. Luckily for them they have a place like Sex Info 101 to help guide them through the mysterious world lurking inside their pants. And, as usual, there are a lot of weird or lost people out there. Join me in exploring the fascinating world of Sex Info 101.

**Lou Reads ep161: Tales of Stupidity in Airplanes** Apr 12, 2017
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard Podcast Episode 161 with service from your listening device to your ears. We are currently third in line for take-off and are expected to be in your ears for approximately 39 minutes. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all personal baggage underneath your seat or in your head compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays are in the upright position for pod-off. In fact, don’t even recline at all because it’s only like a 2 inch recline and it isn’t worth the annoyance to the person behind you. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, except laptops and cell phones or whatever you’re going to listen to this on. Smoking is bad for you but I understand if you need it for addiction purpose for the duration of the podcast. Thank you for choosing Lou Reads Airlines. Enjoy your flight.

You better not ask me to carry your piss ANYWHERE!

After the traumatic response to last month’s episode I decided to go with a little palette cleanser. Simple stories of crazy stuff happening on planes from the r/AskReddit subreddit. I hope you enjoy it!

**Lou Reads ep160: The Scabby Forums of Skin Pick** Mar 12, 2017
Oh man, I can feel it. It’s almost there! Just a few more squeezes and I’ll get my reward. A reward of oil, dirt & bacteria. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll get some pus! Maybe some of those nice blackhead rods that come out on a Biore strip. I just wish I all this blood would stop getting in the way of the squeezing!

SQUEEEEEEEZE!!!

This month’s episode of Lou Reads is a visit to the **Forums of Skin Pick**. Skin Pick is an online resource and community, for people who suffer from Compulsive Skin Picking. They also offer services to help you stop messing with your skin. I didn’t explore the services they sell but I did discover the uncomfortable world of those among us who just can’t leave their bodies alone. Do you think you have parasites in your skin? Are you convinced that your scabs are infested with foreign weirdness? Eat skin you’re peeling off your feet? Well, it sounds like you need a doctor. In the meantime you have Skin Pick.

Whether it’s absent minded picking at your face, belly button or feet… cut it out. It’s clearly a symptom of a disorder you should seek help for. Don’t eat your foot skin. Talk to a therapist. Tough love!

**Lou Reads Ep159 – The Sissy Babies of Sissy Kiss** Jan 31, 2017
Hewoe. I’m a witty, bitty baby. Won’t you put a bwutt pwug in my bum bum? Fank-oo berry much. Me wuv oo…

Hey Dad, where are the keys to the… Oh… I see you’re busy… I’ll.. uhh. ask mom…

Hey Mom, Dad is doing he weird baby shit. Do you know where the keys to the… Oh…Ah… I see you’re busy, too… I’ll.. go buy heroin and kill myself…

Ok… So… Adult babies meets humilation fetish in a meeting of the oddness. This fits into the Alex Shaw, from School of Movies, fetish danger scale firmly in the “Weird but not harming anyone” category. In theory I understand the concept of baby regression and wanting to be taken care of but I totally do NOT get the whole humiliation thing. Life sucks enough without having to pretend to be an emasculated baby man in a diaper with a cage on your dick and plug up your ass. But as long as you’re doing that at home then go bananas. This may be unkind but I pray this never becomes accepted enough that people do it public. I don’t think I could contain my scorn… I apologize for being judgy but… yeah… Unless it was Trump…

Here is the link to The Something Awful Weekend Web that launched a thousand dirty nappies. I seriously used to look forward to trying to find the dumbest things on every forum I went on. I have to admit I was pretty good at it! *humblebrag*

And here’s a link to the The F Plus episode I mention on the podcast. 63: Achtung! Adult Babies! I seriously recommend listening to the baby talk story. I remember walking down the street laughing with a pained look on my face. So good.

Thanks for listening everyone!

**Lou Reads ep158 Conspiracy Madness from the Let’s Roll Forums** Jan 11, 2017
This podcast is an obvious tool of the MSM (mainstream media) to help perpetrate a fraud on the people of the Earth. I mean, you can hear that the “human” who is reading these posts is clearly either an A.I. approximation of a human designed to trick normals or an MK-Ultra brainwashed dupe. I feel sorry for the sheeple who listen to this and come out believing that contrails aren’t poisoning the earth for real or that the Boston Marathon bombing was real and not a big hoax. All I can say is, if someone comes for my guns… I’ll be sad… But at least then I’ll be right, for once!

I know a guy who said he knows a guy who knows Alex Jones and he said Alex Jones never said this. So who said it? Obviously the Mossad!

Hey, folks. This month I’m reading from the **Let’s Roll Forums**. Obviously, that is a reference to the words of the people who fought back against the hijackers on 9/11 and not a reference to them loving Katamari Damacy. The Let’s Roll Forums are a one-stop-shop for all your crockpot conspiracy theories. From 9/11 to Sandy Hook and beyond. No tragedy is so real that it’s above not being real at all. And just like that sentence, none of it makes sense. So, if you like to get worked up into a lather about stuff then this is the place for you! Won’t you please enjoy listening to the heartfelt weirdness of the Let’s Roll Forums.

**Lou Reads ep157 Canadian Escort Reviews** Dec 11, 2016
Prostitutes, who doesn’t love them? I mean, who doesn’t love them as long as they give a full & real Girlfriend Experience and don’t try to rip me off and look at me while we’re fucking! How am I supposed to fool myself into thinking you are enjoying this if you won’t look at me? LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!

Nothing sadder than a hooker looking for a handout.

The weird and wonderful world of escort lovers. I’m sure you’ll all recall when I read from the English escort review site PUNTERNET. Well, I thought it was time that I read about some of the great ladies of the evening from the Great White North. So strap on your headphones and get ready to hear some tales of the amazing & not so amazing sex workers of Canada!

**Lou Reads ep156 – Tales from the Forums of Drugs And Users** Nov 16, 2016
DRUGS! WHOO! LET US CONSUME THEM IN MANY DIFFERENT MANNERS!

This time around I’m reading from the forums of Drugs and Users. This is a forum that rose from the ashes of the Opiophile forum. You may recall I did a couple of readings from that site before it closed.

If this is your idea of a light snack then you may want to hang out at Drugs and Users.

Far too many people start using drugs without the proper information they need. Whether it’s information about the addictiveness of certain drugs, the safe use of drugs, or how not to get ripped off, a lot of people have to learn the hard way. Fortunately for the online drug-using community, there are sites like this where people can feel free to share their experiences. Having drugs become your all-encompassing focus in life can make your world very small and these kinds of sites really do serve as a lifeline for a lot of users around the world.

That being said, there is a lot of entertainment value to be gleaned from the casual conversations of people deeply entrenched in their own drug-fueled lives. I hope you enjoy it.

Yeah, I'm talking about you, you damn CAC. — **Lou Reads episode 155 – The Forums of The Coli** Oct 19, 2016
What up, my fellow CAC‘s? Listen, I don’t care if you get down with the local thots or you on that PAWG tip. All I care is that you listening to this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! This episode is all about a forum known as The Coli. **The Coli** is a forum dedicated to Sports, Hip Hop & PIFF. Among the other things they talk about are how to treat women, how to get revenge on mean gym employees and how they would feel finding out their girlfriend had slept with a dog. If that doesn’t make you want to listen then I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
Yeah, I’m talking about you, you damn CAC.

lonely_lady — **Lou Reads ep154 – The Forums of Plenty of Fish** Sep 26, 2016
Thank the bearded skyman that I haven’t had to deal with the humiliations of the online dating scene. Knowing how terrible I was at dating in general as a young adult it withers the soul to think of putting myself through that now. Luckily for me these fine people are online dating and talking about their trials & tribulations. Now, these aren’t stories of bad dates but just general dating discussions that I found interesting… I do hope you’ll enjoy the forums of Plenty of Fish.

pasted_image_at_2016_08_01_03_53_pm — **Lou Reads ep153 – Juggalo Discussions from Faygoluvers.net** Aug 12, 2016
What up, fam? WHOOP WHOOP! I got mad love my for ninjas! Or rather that is what I might say if I were a Juggalo. I am not but the people at the forums of FaygoLuvers.net most certainly are. Join me as I read a bunch of random threads of Juggalos and Juggalettes sharing their opinions on a myriad bunch of topics and marvel as how often they get political!

If you’re confused about what I’m talking about when I talk about Juggalos then I recommend that you watch the video below. It is great.

American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.

**Don’t forget to register to vote!**

Shameless Begging

**Lou Reads ep153 – Juggalo Discussions from Faygoluvers.net** Aug 12, 2016
What up, fam? WHOOP WHOOP! I got mad love my for ninjas! Or rather that is what I might say if I were a Juggalo. I am not but the people at the forums of FaygoLuvers.net most certainly are. Join me as I read a bunch of random threads of Juggalos and Juggalettes sharing their opinions on a myriad bunch of topics and marvel as how often they get political!

If you’re confused about what I’m talking about when I talk about Juggalos then I recommend that you watch the video below. It is great.

American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.

**Don’t forget to register to vote!**

Shameless Begging

Mondays, am I right? These fucking star people... What a bunch of assholes. — **Lou Reads Episode 152 – Alien Abduction Forums** Jul 19, 2016
I remember when I was a growing up as a kid there were two distinct periods when alien encounters & alien abduction were all the rage. There were shows in the 70’s like “Project Blue Book” and the classic “Alien Autopsy” film that was all the rage in the 90’s. My whole life I was into shows like The X Files & My favorite Martian or even the classic movies likeAlien! What I’m saying is that aliens from outer space are great entertainment! That is, unless they are visiting you in the middle of the night to do weird experiments on you while you’re sleeping! That hardly seems fair or necessary. And yet our alien visitors continue to come to earth to torture & probe & experiment on us while we sleep. Surely they should use all their superior technology to make the earth a better place to live! But no, it turns out that aliens aren’t like My Favorite Martian after all. They are night visiting, paralyzing, sample taking assholes.

Mondays, am I right? These fucking star people… What a bunch of assholes.

I hope you’ll enjoy listening to these discussions from the forums of the **Alien Abduction Help**. Are these people for real? Well, judging by the responses on this forum that these people believe not only in aliens but a whole host of conspiracies and mystical things. Also, judging by the low amounts of traffic on this website I’d say that the current level of global interest in alien abductions is pretty much zero. As always, thanks for listening! Be sure to rate the show on iTunes & wherever podcasts can be rated!

As mentioned on the episode: **THE STORY OF THE ALIENS OF EL YUNQUE**

**Elder HunbatZ Men meets the Crystal Skull from Brazil**

**Meditation guide by Bonnie**

Shameless Begging

This photo didn't even come close to making me reconsider anything besides getting on the internet today... — **Lou Reads ep151 – Mermaid Talk from the MerNetwork** Jun 20, 2016
What’s the matter? You look like you came down with a case of fin rot! Come on you can share your feelings with me. Catfish got your tongue? Ok, well you don’t have to tell me what your deal is but if you feel like talking about it I recommend checking out the forums of The MerNetwork.

This photo didn’t even come close to making me reconsider anything besides getting on the internet today…

This episode is all about the wonderful world of the MerMaiding community. I’ll bet you thought it was all about people who wish they were really MerMaids or debate the possibility of there being REAL mermaids in the depths of the ocean. Nope, it’s just some folks talking about dressing up like a half-fish and flopping around in pools. I’ll bet you feel like a real asshole now. Serves you right. Enjoy!

**Lou Reads episode 150 – Tales of Sibling Injuries** May 18, 2016
Ok, I admit I meant to push you off that cliff but I really didn’t mean for you to get THAT hurt. I guess in hindsight it should have been more obvious that a 300 foot drop may have resulted in multiple contusions. Again, my bad. But look at it this way. In 30 years, if you pull through, we are going to laugh & laugh. You might even get a fun nickname like “Old Falling Jim” and I might get called something like “Pusherman.” We don’t have to go with those ideas but, you know, just think about it. Ok, visiting hours are over so I’ll catch you later. Whatever you do, don’t die… Mom would be hella pissed at me if you do. Ok, later, little bro!
THIS IS A FUN GAME WE ARE PLAYING! SAY IT!

I don’t know if this is a good representation of the kind of posting that happens at the Fark.com forums but it is as close as I’m going to get for the time being. This episode is a collection of mostly fun stories of kids getting injured by or injuring their siblings. If you have a brother or sister (however they present their gender today) you’ll most likely have at least a few similar stories in your mental roladex. I’m sure my brother could make his own podcast about what a complete asshole I was to him growing up. Sigh… Anyway, I hope you enjoy this break from the wretchedness of the episodes of the recent past. I know I needed a break from the awfulness! Next month I’ll be back to the horrors. Until then, enjoy the show!

I'm not going to lie. Reading this nonsense sucked. — **Lou Reads ep149. The Horrible Racism of ShitSkin.com** Apr 08, 2016
Look, we’re all a little racist, right? We all dabble in little stereotypes we think are based in reality. You know, like all Puerto Ricans are carrying at least 2 knives at all times or black people don’t tip or that filipino people’s livers can be used to cure AIDS. I’m sure we’ve all said that last one. But, I’m sure we can all agree that really, all we want to do is complain about African Americans. Like, all the time. It’s nice to know that there is a place you can go on the internet to hang out with like minded people and just pour all your super bad feelings about African Americans in a terrible echo chamber for like-minded bigots. That place is of course Shit Skin Plantation.

I’m not going to lie. Reading this nonsense sucked.

Shit Skin is a new home for the people who used to post openly super racist things at the now defunct Chimp Out website. While not as busy a site as Chimp Out, Shit Skin is still full of virulent uber racism. FUN! I won’t lie, reading from this website was unpleasant and although I have a few similar sites in my spreadsheet I will probably take a break from reading anything so over the top as far as using the N-Word is concerned!

Enjoy!

I'm glad this sign exists or I would be shitting in the shower every morning. — **Lou Reads Ep148 My Husband Pooped in the Shower** Mar 06, 2016
Hey, it happens to everyone, right? You get in the shower, you realize you need to poop. Now you have a choice, get out and have a weird wet poop on the toilet or just have a sensical dump right there in the shower. Oh… that doesn’t happen to everyone? Uh… yeah.. me neither.
I’m glad this sign exists or I would be shitting in the shower every morning.

This episode was a pretty entertaining silliness. My own story of shower pooping (a complete accident) was part of a time in my life when I had constant irritable bowel syndrome issues. I won’t go into details but it was gross… Anyway, I hope you enjoy the episode. Ironically, I’m stuck home editing this because I have some kind of super terrible stomach flu! Blehhh.

Now watch this video. It is the best.

**Lou Reads ep 147 – Share Your Druggiest Moments from Something Awful** Feb 23, 2016
Oh my God, dude. Last week I was so wrecked. Dude, you would not believe it. I took so many drugs! How many? Like this many!
I took 5 reds, 3 blues, a hit of tan and smoked a banana peel.

What is the deal with 1p-LSD? Anyway, I always enjoy reading the stories of peoples silly (scary) adventures in altered states. Most of these are not THAT bad but they are still entertaining. I hope you find them so.

Hey, buy your next vape at PuffitUp! Great service & Prices!

Best Vape Prices — **Lou Reads ep 147 – Share Your Druggiest Moments from Something Awful** Feb 23, 2016
Oh my God, dude. Last week I was so wrecked. Dude, you would not believe it. I took so many drugs! How many? Like this many!
I took 5 reds, 3 blues, a hit of tan and smoked a banana peel.

What is the deal with 1p-LSD? Anyway, I always enjoy reading the stories of peoples silly (scary) adventures in altered states. Most of these are not THAT bad but they are still entertaining. I hope you find them so.

Hey, buy your next vape at PuffitUp! Great service & Prices!

1377626265tumblr_me6e2tO8IV1rieeh3o1_500 — **Lou Reads from the forum at ManWhore.org (episode 146)** Jan 25, 2016
Hey guys, so I was at the club last night and there was this A.D.D Girl there who I was pretty sure was DTF. So I initiated EC and eventually got #close. I’m feeling pretty good about the possibility to turn this into a FClose by the end of the week.

If you understood any of that then you’re probably a pick-up artist. Congrats! If not well I hope you’re ready to learn all about this interesting dating system developed at Manwhore.org. Generally, this website is yet another Pick Up Artist (PUA) system with the difference being that it focuses around using texting to get girls to give you a shot. At least thats what I got from it in my brief experience there. Does it work? I have no idea. But in this episode of Lou Reads you’ll hear the trials & triumphs of the users of this Manwhore system. I hope you enjoy it.

Bad, dog. You've been posting your stupid incest fantasies on the internet again , haven't you... — **Lou Reads ep145: Confessions from the Pages of Naughtypost.com** Dec 28, 2015
Hey, I know this is weird, but I have a confession to make. Sometimes I go on the internet and write anonymous confessions about super mundane things I do in my life that no one cares about. Like, how I took out the trash today and then thought about how we’re ruining this planet with our trash. What’s that you say? You kind of do the same thing? Oh, that’s cool. Like what kind of stuff do you write about? Oh, you write about how you fucked your sister and are cheating on your wife by giving blow jobs to strangers by the bus load? Huh… well what site are you posting them on? Naughtyposts.com? Well, what do you know. Me, too!
Bad, dog. You’ve been posting your stupid incest fantasies on the internet again , haven’t you…

Not much to be said about this episode. It’s basically people submitting stories about every kind of supposed naughty thing you can confess about it. Is any of it real? I’ll leave that distinction up to you for mine is not to judge but rather to read.

Thanks for listening to another stupid year of the the Internet being read for YOU! I sincerely appreciate it. See you in 2016!!!

Happy New Year 2015 Animated GIF Images — **Lou Reads ep145: Confessions from the Pages of Naughtypost.com** Dec 28, 2015
Hey, I know this is weird, but I have a confession to make. Sometimes I go on the internet and write anonymous confessions about super mundane things I do in my life that no one cares about. Like, how I took out the trash today and then thought about how we’re ruining this planet with our trash. What’s that you say? You kind of do the same thing? Oh, that’s cool. Like what kind of stuff do you write about? Oh, you write about how you fucked your sister and are cheating on your wife by giving blow jobs to strangers by the bus load? Huh… well what site are you posting them on? Naughtyposts.com? Well, what do you know. Me, too!
Bad, dog. You’ve been posting your stupid incest fantasies on the internet again , haven’t you…

Not much to be said about this episode. It’s basically people submitting stories about every kind of supposed naughty thing you can confess about it. Is any of it real? I’ll leave that distinction up to you for mine is not to judge but rather to read.

Thanks for listening to another stupid year of the the Internet being read for YOU! I sincerely appreciate it. See you in 2016!!!

**Lou Reads ep144 Shoplifting Tips & Tricks from the dead forums of Zoklet.net** Dec 11, 2015
Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step back into the store. Would you mind taking off your jacket? Sir, I don’t care if it was a gift from your mother. I’m more concerned with the 10 pairs of FUBU hoodies you’ve concealed in your shirt. Oh, I suppose someone else jammed them in there. Great.
I know what will help me forget my shoplifting conviction. Stealing this bottle of booze!

There are a lot of sources for information about shoplifting and I’m very proud you chose to come here to learn. Why, by following the advice in this episode of the podcast you should have a nice little crime record. Don’t get me wrong. You’ll also have some stolen clothes. It’s totally worth going to all the trouble to steal all your clothes. Yup. Not being sarcastic. Nope.
**SUPPORT LOU READS! REMEMBER TO BUY YOUR HOLIDAY AMAZON PURCHASES THROUGH MY LINK!**

**Lou Reads ep143 Random Topics from the Forums of Bodybuilding.com** Nov 06, 2015
Are you looking to get ripped? Need shed some pounds? Do you need a safe place to talk about why if homosexuality is ok then incest should be okay, too? Well you might benefit from reading the forums at bodybuilding.com. Not only is Bodybuilding.com a great place to learn about your physical wellbeing, it’s a safe haven for some of the dumbest discussions online. To be fair, the vast majority of the discussions are mostly your typical fitness advice, knowledge exchange & general bickering. But some of the thread on the forums are really hilariously silly.

Not only can I lift, I am your #1 source for life advice!

Thanks for listening and please be sure to rate the show wherever shows can be rated!

Hugs & kisses,
Lou

**Lou Reads episode 142 – Intactivism from the forums of Restoring Foreskin** Sep 14, 2015
I really don’t want to share any images related to this episode.
But God is infallible!

Circumcision is a controversial topic. For me it’s a Star-Bellied Sneeches thing. “They have extra skin on thars!” If you didn’t know about foreskin would you miss it? Well, these guys would and they do. On the other hand the reasons for circumcision are really amazingly stupid. Mainly because they are based on religious nonsense and outdated medical knowledge. If God told you to kill someone because they believed in a different religion than you would you? Never mind.

I hope you enjoy this episode. Whatever you do don’t let someone you cut you off mid-podcast.

**Lou Reads episode 141 – Tales of Troll Dads from Reddit** Aug 26, 2015
Game recognize game

I’m a dad. This topic is close to my heart because giving my kids a hard time in a fun & friendly way is one of the funnest things I get to do on a daily basis. In this episode of Lou Reads I once again delved back into the posts of Reddit to find tales of dads trolling. I hope you enjoy listening to these stories shared by the victims of fatherly mind-fuckery as much as I enjoyed reading them.

Oh shit, yeah! Squash that balloon! Pop that fucker! I'm losing my mind over here! — **Lou Reads Ep 140 – A Looner Minisode** Jul 25, 2015
Oh shit, yeah! Squash that balloon! Pop that fucker! I’m losing my mind over here!

Well, here we are again. Exploring the marvels of human sexuality. Todays topic is balloon fetishists. AKA: Looners. It’s sad to think that our pre-inflatable forefathers never were able to get their rocks off by squashing a balloon with their butts or high heels until pop. Why, what kind of greater nation could have been build if they only knew what they were missing. Well, thanks to these brave true-believers who squash, pop, jump on and general just break balloons we don’t have to worry. I’m sure George Washington is looking down from that slave plantation he owned in the sky to say “Hot damn! I wish I could pop me one of them there b-loons! That looks like a fucking hot ass time!” Or at least that is what I like to think.

Well, I hope you enjoy this episode. It was recorded a gift in June 2015 and I share it with you now. Be sure to rate Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! on iTunes, etc. Thanks!

If you need a drink before we get started we have a lot of Ensure in the fridge. — **Lou Reads ep139 – Swingers Problems from the Forums of Swingers Board** Jul 09, 2015
Hey, nice to see you again. Please take your clothes off and hang them up over there. In the living room you’ll find a group of open & inviting couples who are looking forward to fucking you. So, good luck with all the fucking.

Hey Sexy, if you need a drink before we get started we have a lot of Ensure in the fridge.

This episode of Lou Reads is all about the wonderful world of swinging. Swinging is a mysterious world of polyamory & thrills among consenting adult. If your relationship is strong enough to endure watching your partner be pleased by another person well then good for you. Sadly, this kind of messing around is frowned upon by polite society. I say “sadly” because I really want to bone your wife. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to all of this Swingers nonsense and let me know if your wife is DTF. Oh yeah, my wife is not into this scene so don’t mention this to her…

That sex was so great, here, please take all my money. I totally believed you liked what we just did, too. So, you're welcome. — **Lou Reads ep138 – Prostitute Reviews & More from the forum at UK Punting** Jun 11, 2015
Hey, do you know a good place to go and talk about prostitutes? Well I do. Especially if you want to talk about prostitutes in and around England. What is this wondrous place you ask? Well it’s the fabulous forums of UK Punting.
That sex was so great, here, please take all my money. I totally believed you liked what we just did, too. So, you’re welcome.

Uk Punting is a website for the many men in the UK who frequent prostitutes. It’s a safe place for them to get together to share their experiences with the same prostitutes & call girls that they are all fucking. Of course it is great that there is a place you can go and read up on and rate all the hookers in your area. An informed customer is a happy customer. Especially when it comes to fucking random ladies for money. I hope you enjoy this punt-cast.

Below is a book actually written by the owner of UK Punting! Guess which one it is!

There are so many choices in life! Cherry? Grape? To not drink cough syrup to get high? Just kidding. Pick cherry. — **Lou Reads Ep137 – The Amazing World of Robo-Tripping. DXM not DMX.** May 22, 2015
Look, I know you said you’re up for anything, so I was thinking that we should go down to Walgreen’s, buy a fuck-load of DXM cough syrup and drink the shit out it. Why? So we can get super high, stupid! Why are you so stupid? Have you already been drinking cough syrup? Is that why you’re so dumb? Oh? Well, cool…

There are so many choices in life! Cherry? Grape? To not drink cough syrup to get high? Just king. Pick cherry.

So this episode is all about the great idea of drinking cough syrup to trip. Aka “Robo-Tripping.” I know, it sounds like a great idea. Well, listen for yourself and decide if you’re missing out. And if you do your local pharmacy is just down the street just sitting there chok’ful of liquid tripping just waiting for you! Go on, now… CHUG!

**Lou Reads from the forums of The Burp Fetish Forums** Apr 14, 2015
Hey there, are you ready for a fun podcast? You are? Me, too! Okay, lets get started. Wait, before I begin let me take a second to gulp down some air. Why? Oh, because I want to make a series of burps that I will hope you find erotic. What do you mean you don’t find burps erotic. Whats not to like? I mean, it’s air… that has been in your tummy… and then it comes out with a big sexy noise and, with any luck, some hot stomach contents smell. I mean, if you aren’t down with that then I don’t know why we hang out. Oh… you’re leaving… I see…

I defy you to not be aroused by this erotic burping comic.

Well, if this scenario sounds familiar you are probably already a fan of The Burp Fetish Forum. It’s a small community of people with a very particular fetish revolving around the expulsion of air from either mouth or butt. Why? No one seems to be able to really put it into words that I could find. Regardless, they like a nice belch or fart and I guess there isn’t anything wrong with that. Do I care for it? No, sir. I have enough personal issues with gas in my life to worry about someone getting a boner when air escapes my various orafices. The only thing I like coming out of my mouth is the words of the stupid internet.

Enjoy!

**Lou Reads from the Forums of I Love Interracial** Mar 20, 2015
First, let me begin by stating that this episode has given me my new life motto.
Aww Yeah Player. You do you!

“If you’re going to talk about dominating something, you should be dominating pussy and money.”

Honestly, it’s hard to discuss this episode. I mean without just outright talking about African American sex organs and the white women, and apparently men, who are craving to be stretched to the limit by them. Now, we could spend time discussing the fetishes of humiliation, or all the articles about penis size that seem to come out constantly, or the whole cuckold thing versus couples that have open relationships, etc. I mean, while this episode is mainly about what is known in the vernacular as BBC it doesn’t just only talk about that. It explores such topics as “Why white women like to have unprotected sex?” and “Why white men like to fellate BBC?”

This is the only interracial action I felt comfortable posting…

I know you can’t get enough of this horrible nonsense. Here, buy some awful cuckold erotica!

This is the only interracial action I felt comfortable posting... — **Lou Reads from the Forums of I Love Interracial** Mar 20, 2015
First, let me begin by stating that this episode has given me my new life motto.
Aww Yeah Player. You do you!

“If you’re going to talk about dominating something, you should be dominating pussy and money.”

Honestly, it’s hard to discuss this episode. I mean without just outright talking about African American sex organs and the white women, and apparently men, who are craving to be stretched to the limit by them. Now, we could spend time discussing the fetishes of humiliation, or all the articles about penis size that seem to come out constantly, or the whole cuckold thing versus couples that have open relationships, etc. I mean, while this episode is mainly about what is known in the vernacular as BBC it doesn’t just only talk about that. It explores such topics as “Why white women like to have unprotected sex?” and “Why white men like to fellate BBC?”

This is the only interracial action I felt comfortable posting…

I know you can’t get enough of this horrible nonsense. Here, buy some awful cuckold erotica!

**Lou Reads ep134 – All About Human Puppy Play** Feb 27, 2015
Here, boy! Here, boy! That’s a good human doggy. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy! Now, feel free to lick my boot.

I have nothing to say about this photo. It speaks for itself.

If you found yourself excitedly leaping about and getting ready to lick a boot then do I have a fetish for you! Please, allow me to introduce you to the world of Human Pups. This is a subculture of mostly gay men who are into the BDSM scene and like to role play as dogs. The type of roleplay is as varied as the types of dogs in the world (This may be an exaggeration.) But, mainly it’s about acting like a dog for a thrill and humiliation (Which is somehow freeing.) Is it something silly and childlike taken to an absurd length? No doubt.

Yeah. That looks really comfy in there. Congrats on your life choices.Â

But how serious is this fetish? Serious enough to have a 10 year history & international contest. Ok, so maybe it’s older than that (I’m sure it is. I’m just not going to look.) Who cares. I just hope you enjoy my reading from the world of human pups. Please just remember one thing: You can’t just feed your human pups actual dog food. It’s not good for them. They need people food. Table scraps are probably ok.

a_dude_in_a_puppy_cage — **Lou Reads ep134 – All About Human Puppy Play** Feb 27, 2015
Here, boy! Here, boy! That’s a good human doggy. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy! Now, feel free to lick my boot.

I have nothing to say about this photo. It speaks for itself.

If you found yourself excitedly leaping about and getting ready to lick a boot then do I have a fetish for you! Please, allow me to introduce you to the world of Human Pups. This is a subculture of mostly gay men who are into the BDSM scene and like to role play as dogs. The type of roleplay is as varied as the types of dogs in the world (This may be an exaggeration.) But, mainly it’s about acting like a dog for a thrill and humiliation (Which is somehow freeing.) Is it something silly and childlike taken to an absurd length? No doubt.

Yeah. That looks really comfy in there. Congrats on your life choices.Â

But how serious is this fetish? Serious enough to have a 10 year history & international contest. Ok, so maybe it’s older than that (I’m sure it is. I’m just not going to look.) Who cares. I just hope you enjoy my reading from the world of human pups. Please just remember one thing: You can’t just feed your human pups actual dog food. It’s not good for them. They need people food. Table scraps are probably ok.

Some problems take care of themselves... — **Lou Reads ep133 – Tales of Crazy Parents** Feb 09, 2015
You know, as a parent I sometimes feel like I’m doing a terrible job with my kids. Then I read some stories like these and I’m like, “Oh… I guess I’m doing ok after all.”

Some problems take care of themselves…

I don’t even know if it is okay for me to say “Enjoy” this episode because its just depressing… I guess I hope you enjoy it. A lot of the stories in this episode are long and will make you feel bad… Remember the time that you didn’t get a toy you wanted and you were sad and mad at your parents for it? Listen to this episode and give your parents a high five for not completely fucking you up.

Enjoy?

Oh, for fucks sake. Really? That better be brownie batter or we're breaking up. — **Lou Reads ep 132 Wet Set – A Panty Peeing & Pooping Paradise** Jan 12, 2015
Hey there, are you interested in peeing in your pants or bed? No? Okay then. How about pooping? Could I talk you into maybe pooping in your pants or diaper. No? How about just wearing the diaper and then if you like it we can negotiate your peeing & pooping in it later? No? Wow… Okay, well then I guess you may not be interested in a forum membership at WET SET.

Oh, for fucks sake. Really? That better be brownie batter or we’re breaking up.

As you’ll soon hear, if you choose to proceed, this forum is a mix of adult baby behavior focused mainly on the soiling of things. So, no baby talk but plenty of talk about wetting, pooping and other nonsense. I hope you enjoy it. I found it particularly absurd.

Also, not directly related, while I was looking for images for this episode I discovered this horrifying episode of MY STRANGE ADDICTION about a woman who sucks urine soaked baby diapers… I defy you to watch with cringing.
SO…. GROSS….

Do not have food before watching that… Thanks for listening to LOU READS! Please remember to write review on iTunes!

SO.... GROSS.... — **Lou Reads ep 132 Wet Set – A Panty Peeing & Pooping Paradise** Jan 12, 2015
Hey there, are you interested in peeing in your pants or bed? No? Okay then. How about pooping? Could I talk you into maybe pooping in your pants or diaper. No? How about just wearing the diaper and then if you like it we can negotiate your peeing & pooping in it later? No? Wow… Okay, well then I guess you may not be interested in a forum membership at WET SET.

Oh, for fucks sake. Really? That better be brownie batter or we’re breaking up.

As you’ll soon hear, if you choose to proceed, this forum is a mix of adult baby behavior focused mainly on the soiling of things. So, no baby talk but plenty of talk about wetting, pooping and other nonsense. I hope you enjoy it. I found it particularly absurd.

Also, not directly related, while I was looking for images for this episode I discovered this horrifying episode of MY STRANGE ADDICTION about a woman who sucks urine soaked baby diapers… I defy you to watch with cringing.
SO…. GROSS….

Do not have food before watching that… Thanks for listening to LOU READS! Please remember to write review on iTunes!

**Lou Reads ep131 – Talk Paranormal To Me** Dec 25, 2014
You know how sometimes you buy a piece of jewelry from an antique store and you can just feel that there is an energy trapped inside? Or when you use a Ouija board that you’re pretty sure may be bringing demons over from the other side into you home? Or you know that feeling you get when you’re pretty sure you’re a tantric vampire? Oh right, you don’t get those because you’re a rational person who doesn’t hang out at the Talk Paranormal forums. Actually, Talk Paranormal is an interesting site with a lot of users dumping a healthy amount of skepticism on each other on a regular basis. All the while encouraging people to chat about their interest in the supernatural and other absurdities. I hope you enjoy it. It’s a long one!

If you see a ghost wearing this hat RUN!

Hey there, thanks a ton for listening to Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! I truly hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoy recording & laboriously editing each one. So, I say again, thank you from the bottom of my internet weakened heart. Keep listening!

Photo on 12-21-14 at 2.30 PM — **Lou Reads ep131 – Talk Paranormal To Me** Dec 25, 2014
You know how sometimes you buy a piece of jewelry from an antique store and you can just feel that there is an energy trapped inside? Or when you use a Ouija board that you’re pretty sure may be bringing demons over from the other side into you home? Or you know that feeling you get when you’re pretty sure you’re a tantric vampire? Oh right, you don’t get those because you’re a rational person who doesn’t hang out at the Talk Paranormal forums. Actually, Talk Paranormal is an interesting site with a lot of users dumping a healthy amount of skepticism on each other on a regular basis. All the while encouraging people to chat about their interest in the supernatural and other absurdities. I hope you enjoy it. It’s a long one!

If you see a ghost wearing this hat RUN!

Hey there, thanks a ton for listening to Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! I truly hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoy recording & laboriously editing each one. So, I say again, thank you from the bottom of my internet weakened heart. Keep listening!

What's that mom? Oh, I'm just talking to my online friends. NO DON'T COME IN! — **Lou Reads ep130 – Vore Discussions from Eka’s Portal** Dec 02, 2014
So you have this craving. I know you think it was to get a new episode of this podcast. But what if it was the craving to get suddenly eaten by a tiger’s dick? Or maybe to get swallowed live and live in a giant’s tummy? Well, if that was your craving then not only am I a mind reader but I’m also a vore forum reader. And as you may have guessed, that will be this episode’s subject.

What’s that mom? Oh, I’m just talking to my online friends. NO DON’T COME IN!

Don’t know what VORE is? Well, now you do! VORE

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode. As I hope you enjoy every single episode… I know. It’s too much to ask…

Lou Reads ep129 Revisits the Forums of Opiophile.com Nov 04, 2014

Heroin! Opiates! We love them! Who doesn’t?! We all love them equally, too. Well, maybe some people love them a little more than others. If you’re the kind of person who loves them so much that you throw your life away to do them all the time you… well, you’ve put yourself in a bit of a pickle, sonny. But where do you go to talk to people if you’ve decided that a life of occasional bliss and more than occasional constant craving is the thing for you? Why the forums of Opiophile.com of course.

Opiophile is a safe haven for users, abusers & survivors of the dope game where they can come together and discuss everything from their local drug scene, harm reduction and the day to day issues of being a slave to the poppy in it’s numerous forms. Many forums have sections dedicated to heroin and the like but Opiophile is pretty much the only forum I know dedicated to opiates and once again proved to be a very interesting and informative read. I hope you enjoy it.

Other Heroin related sites you may find interesting.

DequinxyJinxie (RIP) – Heroin Glassine Bag Art & Product Review

That Guy’s on Heroin – Street reports and unflattering photos of people nodding (or worse) in public. Focused mainly on junies in Baltimore but also takes submissions from around the world.

HBO’s documentary – Black Tar Heroin: The Dark End of the Street

nuggets — **Lou Reads ep128: Tales of Mean Customers from AskReddit** Oct 16, 2014
I hope you enjoy this lighter fare as once again we delve into Reddit. Won’t you enjoy this selection of tales of people being treated poorly by jerks while they do their jobs.

Can't we all stop arguing and just agree that we are all really weird ponies? — **Lou Reads from the pages of My Little Waifu** Sep 04, 2014
How do you cope with your day to day struggles? Do you call your mom to vent or maybe see a psychiatrist? Or do instead slowly become convinced you are having a relationship with a fictional character? That is what is happening on the pages of the forum known as My Little Waifu. I won’t even try to explain what I read this time around. It doesn’t make any sense and explaining it requires navigating several different strata of super nerdy nonsense. Just listen… It’s still won’t make any sense but whatever.

Can’t we all stop arguing and just agree that we are all really weird ponies?

Terms used in this episode that may require explanation:

1) Waifu
2) Brony
3) Weeabo
4) Clop
5) Ship

And many more…. Please enjoy the podcast & this wonderful selection of Japanese body pillows for you to consider marrying in the future.

**Lou Reads ep126 – Squat the Planet: Advice for the Homeless by the Homeless** Jul 29, 2014
Hey man, can you spare any change? Spare anything? Even a smile helps. Also a lot of drugs to help me forget I beg for a living and sleep on the streets would help more than a smile. I’m just being honest.

This is what most of the signs mean anyway.

So this episode is about the worldful world of gutterpunks, crusties, hobos, bums or whatever you want to call this nations wandering house-less people. It is amazing, and yet unsurprising, that the homeless have such ready access to the site known as Squat The Planet. But just because they are roaming the world rudderless doesn’t mean they don’t want to have a place to have stupid discussions and share their best criminal practices! Won’t you please enjoy this sampling of nonsense from the pages of StP.

**Lou Reads ep125 – Porn Fan Chats from Brazzers Forum** Jul 08, 2014
Look, I love porn. I am a man. I have a sad addiction to watching people who are better at sex than me go at it for unrealistic lengths of time. I love to be reminded of the average to subaverageness of my man parts and that my testicles don’t contain massive amounts of semen (aka pina colada mix). Thats why I go the forums at BrazzerForum.com to complain and compliment my favorite porn stars! Or, I would if I was one of the people who are actually registered on there.

This is how I imagine everyone is listening to this episode of the podcast.

Sadly, I am not so obsessed with the world of pornography to know who the people I read about were (for the most part.) Luckily for us the guys and gals who do hang out at Brazzers Forum feel perfectly at home chatting about their favorite porn moments. I do admire the actors availability to the people posting there. It’s kind of sweet thinking about a porn star reading a fans email about how awesome he is at fucking and the porn star writing back,Â Â “Aw shucks. Thanks little guy. I’m glad I made your day. Keep jerkin’ it to the video of my strangely massive dong. Yours truely, XXX INSERT NAME HERE XXX.”

Enjoy the show!

This isn't my D&D map. It's my well thought out rape plan. — **Lou Reads episode 124 – Tales of Creepy Gamers from RPG.net** Jun 20, 2014
This episode takes a peek into the world of role playing gamers and the creepy players they occasionally run into.

This isn’t my D&D map. It’s my well thought out rape plan.

That image joke will make more sense if you listen to the episode. Also, don’t play Tomb of Horrors. Even if you win you’ll probably die in the end.

**Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums** May 22, 2014
Any takers?

Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

**Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums** May 22, 2014
Any takers?

Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

**Lou Reads Revisits the Poz Experience at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone** Apr 14, 2014
This guy is probably in the Breeding Zone Hall of Fame. Way to go, dude.

This podcast is going to make you laugh and probably make you a little uncomfortable. Or it might just make you feel sad. It’s unlikely to make you feel horny… unless you actually hang out at **Raw Top’s Breeding Zone** (Do I have to say it’s NSFW?). Anyway, Its been almost 4 years since I read from The Breeding Zone and thank the Lord, the posters there have not gotten any less graphically horrible about what they are into/doing. As always with topics beyond the pale, if it helps you sleep at night, I’ll allow you to reserve the right to believe the more crazy things are pure fiction. But… yeah… ENJOY?

Oh yeah, I’d like to thank The Breeding Zone for always wishing me a happy birthday!
What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz’ing dudes.

What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz'ing dudes. — **Lou Reads Revisits the Poz Experience at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone** Apr 14, 2014
This guy is probably in the Breeding Zone Hall of Fame. Way to go, dude.

This podcast is going to make you laugh and probably make you a little uncomfortable. Or it might just make you feel sad. It’s unlikely to make you feel horny… unless you actually hang out at **Raw Top’s Breeding Zone** (Do I have to say it’s NSFW?). Anyway, Its been almost 4 years since I read from The Breeding Zone and thank the Lord, the posters there have not gotten any less graphically horrible about what they are into/doing. As always with topics beyond the pale, if it helps you sleep at night, I’ll allow you to reserve the right to believe the more crazy things are pure fiction. But… yeah… ENJOY?

Oh yeah, I’d like to thank The Breeding Zone for always wishing me a happy birthday!
What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz’ing dudes.

**Lou Reads 121: Discussions from the Forums of DefensiveCarry.com** Mar 27, 2014
Hey all you gun-loving podcast fans out there. I know that maybe when you’re listening to podcasts your situational awareness may not be at its height. So, I implore you to look around while you’re listening to this podcast. Also, while listening, please keep your hand on your holster at all times. One can’t be too careful these days. I mean, what if something happened? Would you be ready to defend yourself AND listen to podcasts? These are important topics, to be sure.

Well, in my house I would get the broom because it meant the cat had knocked some shit over.

This episode is all about people who are concerned about their right to carry a firearm. So lock the 6 locks on your bedroom door, get inside your safe room and press play. It will all make sense. I promise.

Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait... yeah, that's fucked up. — **Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005** Mar 10, 2014
Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….
HOLY FIVE YEARS, BATMAN!

**Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005** Mar 10, 2014
Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….
HOLY FIVE YEARS, BATMAN!

I think I'm handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue! — **Lou Reads ep119: Dumb Things Done on Drugs** Feb 16, 2014
I hope you find it a breath of fresh air after the last episodes anal destruction theme. I promise no anal anything this episode. If you want to do some anal stuff while you listen that is your God damn business! This episode is basically people sharing dumb stuff they’ve done on drugs. I don’t have much to say about it beyond that. Maybe, just “Thanks to all the drug users out there who are so wonderfully open about sharing their experiences on the internet.”

I think I’m handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue!

I hope you enjoy it. You may enjoy it more if you are on drugs.

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS! Seriously, these are like a q-tip to these peoples asses... — **Lou Reads ep118: Tales of Anal Destruction from FetLife.com** Jan 14, 2014
Hey, I’m talking to you! If would you take that 2 liter bottle of soda out of your ass once in a while maybe you could pay attention to me when I tell you that I just read from the highly disturbing pages of Fetlife.com again. What did I read? Well, it just so happens that I read from a couple of groups who are dedicated to severe ass stretching. So severe, in fact, that I didn’t even feel like I could find an image that would do it justice or that I could stomach… THAT BAD! Ok one image.

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS!

Anyway, please enjoy this episode if you can. It’s full of some pretty intensely crazy… stuff. Thanks for listening!

black-friday1 — **Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit** Jan 01, 2014

Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!

817225987_296016 — **Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit** Jan 01, 2014

Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!

**Lou Reads Stories of Hooking Up with Celebrities from Groupies (from AskReddit)** Dec 10, 2013
I have never had sex with a famous person but these people (claim to) have… The closest I think I got was harassing Siouxsie Sioux at a bar once. Wait, there was never any chance of me having sex with her. I was just bugging her.

People like to have sex because it fun. But sex with a famous person is so much better, right? Well, the people in these stories proudly claim to have been with famous people, in a biblical way. Or at least they claim to know a person who knows a person…. Well, all that matters is they shared stories. You can choose to believe them or not. I believe everything I read about John Mayer. Enjoy.

I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus... Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum. — **Lou Reads ep115: True Stories of Emergency Medical Service Workers** Nov 25, 2013
Hey, next time your pondering taking that razor blade swallowing bet your friends dared you to do, or you’re about to impale yourself with a giant dildo while on your Lil’ Rascal Scooter, take a moment to think of the men and women who work in the local emergency medical services world. Is your stupidity going to make them have to come over to your house and save your stupid ass? Probably… And then guess what! The story of how they had to come and save you is going to end up on the internet! Yup!

I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus… Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum.

This episode is chok’ful of true stories related by the EMS workers of the Something Awful forums. I think that speaks enough for itself. I hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely,
Lou

digitalgonzo-art — **Lou Reads Interview on Digital Gonzo** Nov 14, 2013

Hey everyone, about a month or so ago I was interviewed by Alex Shaw for the Digital Gonzo podcast. We discuss the origin of the podcast and all manner of topics. I had a great time doing it so if you’re interested in a casual chat with me then give’r a listen!

Blog post with description -> **HERE**
Direct Download -> **HERE**

**Lou Reads about The Demons that Cause Wet Dreams.** Nov 01, 2013
I have no words for how silly this episode is. Look, if you think that your nocturnal emissions, wet dreams, night-spooges, etc… are caused by filthy spirits touching your boy/girl parts, then you should probably get professional help. But, if you don’t want to see a brain doctor then go right on ahead to the dumbness known as Stronghold of Satan. There you’ll find many posts on all manner of silly, bible based views of the world.

I wonder how many portals this demon has come through?

Well, sorry if I’m wrong about the whole demon-sex thing being really, really, really silly. Because basically if its true, you’re all doomed to constant filthy, ghost sleep-rape just from listening to my podcast… You’re welcome? *shrug*

I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I'm different that the other dummies! — **Lou Reads Tales of Phenazepam Drug Trip Nightmares** Oct 10, 2013
Ok, so you got your hands on a not-yet-illegal, mega-effective, pharmaceutical grade benzodiazapine. This stuff is so powerful that it makes you forget you took it so you keep taking it until you black out and lose days at a time. So what do you do with it? Why, you just jump right in there. Why not? Sounds awesome, right? Well, unluckily for the people in this episode they basically did just that. Luckily for us, however, they decided to share it on the internet. So, please enjoy these stories of reckless drug adventuring from the pages of The Drug Forum, Erowid & Bluelight. If, after hearing this episode, you think to yourself, “Gosh, I don’t know, that doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe I’ll look into getting some!”, Please seek professional help. Also please try some Krokodil because you’re an idiot.

I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I’m going to roll the dice with this really awesome drug! See you in prison!

That's why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?! — **Lou Reads from The NiceGuy (Men Going Their Own Way) Forums** Sep 19, 2013
This week I’m reading from the forums of The-Niceguy.com. If you really don’t like American women then you are going to enjoy this episode. If you ARE an American woman then… why are so terrible? Ask yourself that! Well, if you don’t want to do your introspection this forum and it’s fed-up-with-feminism members will be happy to explain it to and your tiny, selfish brain.

That’s why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?!

Lou Reads Throwback Video – Maharishi and His Dog Lover Aug 14, 2013

Just came across this video made by a fan of the show. Enjoy!

Funny to hear the difference in the quality of the podcast! Thanks to Matt DeCostanza

These dudes will probably fuck you... If you're into that kind of thing... — **Lou Reads Ladyboy Pattay Forum** Aug 06, 2013
Who hasn’t been intrigued by the mysteries of the Third Sex. Of course I’m talking about those mysterious, curvy women whose panties conceal a hidden wang. Oh the allure of the being with a woman whose big old shlong you go down on and have enter you. Why wouldn’t everyone prefer that? What’s that you say? Oh, hardly anyone is into this? Huh.. well go figure….

These dudes will probably fuck you… If you’re into that kind of thing…

So this episode I went to the forums of the Pattaya Ladyboys Forum. It’s a place where men who love woMEN from all of the globe get together to talk about their unusual obsession. I’ll admit that in reading this forum I saw A LOT of naked ladyboys. You know what? Some of them really look like chicks until your eyes wander low enough to see their big old dongs. If you are into that… I guess I’m glad there is a place for you go and talk to other weirds about it. No judgements… (weird).

**Lou Reads Tales of Things You Did as a Kid That You’re Ashamed Of** Jul 21, 2013
Look… I know what you did so you should probably just admit it. I mean it will be better than carrying around that guilt with you for years until you share it on a forum on the internet.
DID YOU STEAL MY PICKLE PUSS GUM? YOU ASSHOLE!
In this episode you’ll hearing people recounting things they did a children that they are ashamed of. Some of the them trivial, some of the gross and some that maybe seem a little fake… I hope this episode triggers some sort of cathartic truth telling adventure for you in your own life. Isn’t it about time you confessed to that murder? No? Okay, then.

**Lou Reads True Stories from Hotel Workers from AskReddit** Jul 04, 2013
Happy Birthday, America! How are you planning to celebrate? I was hoping you’d say,”Well Lou, I plan to celebrate by listening to a new podcast!” Well, you’re in luck!

The latest episode of Lou Reads is out and its true stories about weird encounters at hotels. So if you’ve ever taken a shit in the garbage can next to the toilet while staying at a hotel then this is going to be run of the mill stuff for you. If not, then clutch your pearls because there are some pretty odd tales in this episode. Please enjoy them!

I hope no one finds the huge diarrhea nightmare this sailor left at the Holiday Inn

**Lou Reads from the Forums of Dick Flash** Jun 04, 2013
Hey, you! Check this out! Nope. Lower… lower… yup! Thats my self-esteem! Oh you thought I was trying to show you my dick? Well, since its out you might as well look at it, too. Feel free to not be impressed.

PLEASE RECOGNIZE ME AS A SEXUAL BEING!!!

Ok, so this is a forum where people who are titillated by exposing their junk to unwitting people. Is it sad? Yeah. Are they hurting anyone with their surprise dong exposures? Not physically… but mentally, probably. Well, whatever you think about these unwanted dong viewings this forum serves as a place for guys (and according to the site, girls) to get together and share tips & tricks on how to trick people into seeing their tips… get it? Oh boy, I am way to proud of that joke… Anyway, without further ado, won’t you please enjoy episode 108 of Lou Reads the Internet for you!

**Lou Reads from AskReddit “Where Is the Worst Place You Ever Took a Shit”** Apr 30, 2013
Sorry folks! I’m breaking my long running streak of classy, high-brow topics and delving in the gut churning topic of emergency pooping. As a semi-reformed IBS sufferer its a subject near & dear to my heart.

doodie.com
My only caveat to this episode is that some of peoples stories actually seem like poop stories that they are really proud of. I guess maybe they were non-optimal pooping places but they come off kind of braggy… Whatever. If you’re interesting in reading all 6000+ posts about poop please feel free to check it out here.

**Reddit, what is the worst place that you have taken a shit?**

Oh boy, who wouldn't want to get in on all that action! Especially if you're a doctor! A GOLD MINE OF HEALTH ISSUES! — **Lou Reads from the Forums at FantasyFeeder.com** Apr 09, 2013
Thats right, its time to loosen your belt, unbutton your pants and cram just a little more podcast into your fat earholes! Come on, you can do it. Just have someone rub your ears while you’re listening to make sure you take it all in…

Oh boy, who wouldn’t want to get in on all that action! Especially if you’re a doctor! A GOLD MINE OF HEALTH ISSUES!

So this episode I read from a forum called Fantasy Feeder. Its a site that revels the in joys of obesity. How refreshing in this age of soda bans & “healthy” eating to find a site where people dream of weighing so much they are immobile. What luxury! Of course on the other hand these people have some bizarro ideas of whats sexy which is what fetishes are all about. So open that bag of Cool Ranch Tacos from Taco Bell and grab another milk shake and start your way down the path to super sexy flab!

Yup, Thats right... So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF. — **Lou Reads from the Forums of DarkFetish.Net – Home of the Cannibal Cop and Friends** Mar 19, 2013
I have to admit, I was getting ready to record something different this week. I was pretty content with my subject. Then something happened. I read a story about the police officer they were calling **The Cannibal Cop**. The story mentioned that he was on a forum where he and his fellow cannibalism fantasizers hung out and chatted about how awesome it would be to kill and eat people. Unfortunately for this cop his wife found his posts specifically talking about eating her and she called the cops. Luckily for us that story mentioned the forum he hung out at. Unfortunately for me I went there and read from it… for YOU!

Yup, Thats right… So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF.

To be fair this is only one of the many websites the cannibal cop went to but I’m sure you’ll agree this one is enough for now… Right? I’m not sure if enjoy is the right thing to say here… Good luck!

Exactly like this except in your ass... — **Lou Reads from Fist Forum. All Your Fisting Needs and More!** Feb 22, 2013
The day is finally here! The day I do an episode that is entirely about fisting! I know you thought the day would never come but I finally worked up the courage to push past the tight ring of my resistance to this topic and punch fist my way to the fantastic forums at **fistforum.com**. If you’re thinking about getting into fisting this is definitely the place to go as you’ll soon see. And you will see… well… you’ll see A LOT of stretched orifices and fists… mainly…

Fisting is exactly like this except the fist goes in your ass or vagina… you’re welcome.

Sooo…. yeah. Fisting… get ready to bear down and take it all deep in your ear holes. Whatever… ENJOY!

Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil... so many things!!! — **Lou Reads from the Forums of Survivalist Boards – MY GUNS! MY RIGHTS! OY VEY!** Feb 04, 2013
Look, we can’t talk here. Obviously, things have been set in motion. The recent events, Sandy Hook, Bengazi, Time Warner Triple-Play, Twinkies, the Super Bowl halftime show and others too obvious to keep listing have set in motion the end of society. So if you’re not a sheeple you need to get your ass to the forums at Survivalist Boards and start getting your Bug Out Location squared away. You know when the SHTF all the unprepared societal leeches in your circle of doomed friends are going to come banging at your door to save them from themselves or from the government. The government they voted for! HA!

Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil… so many things to be afraid of!!!

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! It was hard to pick what to read from here because it was so full of interesting takes on the world. I hope for our sake these guys are really, really completely wrong about the world. Still, part of me hopes they’re right just because they are obviously really, really hoping things fall apart. I’m sure it would feel great to be SO right about things… once.

**Lou Reads About How To Fight Demons** Jan 21, 2013
How to fight demons? Its the question on everyones mind. Well at least the inquiring minds of the wordpress blog knows as **Heal the Land**. They have a lot of super helpful posts about how to prepare for spiritual warfare, how to expel demons & other super helpful demon related advice.

Defeated by arguing on the internet!

Well, as you might imagine this argument devolves into bickering and nonsense but I thought it was amusing enough to read. Sadly no ones questions really get answered. Are Freemasons a harmless club or Luciferian based cabal? Can you fight demons by typing words into your keyboard? How can that one lady stop the demons from making her cough? Demons, I condemn thee with this bottle of Robotussin DM!

Enjoy!

**Lou Reads about Sucky Christmas Presents from the Something Awful Forums** Jan 03, 2013
“*Look, its not that I didn’t like what you bought for, per se. It’s more that your choice of gift shows me that you don’t know me at all and its making me sad.*” If you’ve thought something like this at Christmas then this is the podcast episode for you! Won’t you join me as I read from the collected sharings of the Something Awful community in a thread about times they received sucky presents for the Holidays. If this all sounds familiar it may because I did a similar episode about Terrible Xmas Presents in 2010. Look, it was two years ago… Lets hope that was enough time!

Here you go, Fatty. Stop being such a whiny bitch & read these self-help books. Merry Christmas, Asshole.

As promised here is that video that was linked in the original post.

Urine Sample — **Lou Reads Extrasode from the Cum on Food Forums** Dec 28, 2012
The year is almost over! Believe me, I cannot wait to put 2012 behind me. Sadly thats how I felt about 2011, too. I’ll be recording something tonight but before that happens I just wanted to drop off this extrasode gem from 2011.

Oh, well, as long as its not cum in my drink I guess its okay…

I hope you enjoy it more than a glassful of urine a “friend” may be sneaking into your drinks.

Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation - GLASS THE EARTH! — **Lou’s Top 10 XMAS Countdown from Something Awful’s Goon Made Christmas Music** Dec 18, 2012
Hey! Hanukka is almost over (or over I can’t remember) and its almost Christmas! The guys over at the Something Awful forums have been working super hard on their 4th annual Christmas music collection. I took it upon myself to fire up the Garageband and make a top 10 countdown. There were 87 songs to choose from and it was actually hard to pick 10 but I did it, you guys. There were some great bad songs made! As you may have seen on the Facebook Page I threw my hat into the ring for a couple of holiday classics. Please forgive this diversion from the usual forum nonsense and enjoy a lovely jumble of holiday awfulness. More forumsy goodness is just around the corner!

You can download the whole collection of 87 songs here

Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation – GLASS THE EARTH!

And remember if you haven’t finished your holiday shopping & you’re planning on buying stuff at Amazon you can help Lou Reads out by shopping via **THIS HANDY LINK!** Thank you!

If you want to hear all the Something Awful Christmas music ever made then check out https://saxmas.robotcousin.com/

dragon-penis-xmas — **Lou Reads about Dragon Dildos from the Forums of Bad Dragon** Dec 07, 2012
Honey, I know you’ve been complaining about being bored with our sex life. Now, I’m not comfortable with your suggestion that we invite another man into the bedroom. However I was thinking that you might be open to inviting a giant fantasy dildo instead. I already spent the money soooo…. Merry Christmas!

Hasbro had a big recall on this one…

So here we are at the big 100. *Shrug* I hope you enjoyed it! This forum is great because for such a silly product it has some really friendly and enthusiastic customers. I recall when Something Awful discovered Bad Dragon the owner joined SA to talk to people and actually was soliciting the forum members for dildo designs before being banned. Seemed nice enough. You know, for a guy who earns a living making fantasy dildos. Who am I to judge. Who says I am? I’m just reading here. Get off my case.

Oh by the way, here is the baby jesus dildo I mentioned in the epilogue. And here is the magic health tea. It really did help.

76b55d23386eec7d475aa58ba96afb3b — **Lou Reads Extrasode from Ponychan. How My Little Pony Helped a Man Confront His Abusive Step-Father** Nov 26, 2012
You may remember when I read from the forums of the Bronies way back in March of 2011. Well you may have missed this extrasode that was posted on the blog. This story was not from the forum but another site called Pony Chan and involves a person using My Little Pony to help them through a tough time.
My thoughts exactly. No judgements…

A listener told me they actually met the author of this story in person at some Brony meet-up… I don’t recall if they told them I had read it online but whoa! Small world.

smokingmeth — **Lou Reads – More Crystal Meth Tips from Drugs-Forum** Nov 13, 2012
Oh hey, just getting ready to call it quits after being up for the past 80 hours so I thought I’d wrap it up and post this podcast about Crystal Meth. Its been a while so I thought I’d dip my toe back into the madness of getting spun. Last time around it was more meth sex talk but this time around I’m exploring more of the tips, tricks & travails of the meth users landscape. And what bette place to do that than Drugs-Forum.

Looking for a real contrast in the “Faces of Meth” poster on this one. Yes, I know its an amazingly terrible image.

I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode and that it doesn’t make you want to try Crystal Meth. Because as glamorous as it is, I just don’t think you have what it takes to be that cool. Wait… You are totally cool enough! Go for it!

HEY WHILE YOU’RE HERE! Consider these awesome Crystal Meth related Holiday Gifts!

puking_unicorn — **Lou Reads episode 98! Emetophiles talk about Hot Puke.** Oct 30, 2012
Well, if Hurricane Sandy did one good thing over these last couple of days its that it gave me time to edit this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! A silver lining to the whipping winds and flood tides. I’m sure you’ll agree. So, hold onto to your puke and get ready to listen to discussions from people who are aroused by vomit!
I just didn’t feel like including a real humans puking picture.

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as its humanly possible to enjoy such a thing.

blog-juggalo_baby — **Lou Reads minisode: How Can I Become a Juggalo?** Oct 12, 2012
Just stopping in to drop off a little minisode for you. This was a recording done for a fan of the podcast. It was requested as a birthday gift. I figure since this was recorded in April it might be okay to share by now.
Be sure to finish all your faygo, little ninja.

If you want a recording for your friends birthday please let me know! More full length episodes coming soon!

DogOnGirl — **Lou Reads Arguments Against Bestiality & Why They Fail** Oct 03, 2012
Ok, this dog may be too young to consent…

Look, I know this topic is probably going to split my listenership into two groups. Those who love animals and those who love animals for their hot wet love holes. Well, now that you’re in your two separate groups I expect you to fight to the death! Well, maybe before you do that you should listen to this episode of the podcast. You may come away from this one coming to terms with your deeply buried need to bury your needs into your companion animals. (I know… it’s gross…)

As promised here is a link to the original blog post.

Spiderwick-Dumb — **Lou Reads all about Real Faeries!** Sep 18, 2012
Have you ever lost something of value mysteriously? You may have thought it was a your thieving junky son, home from college! But perhaps there is something more magical afoot! Have you heard invisible people singing? It doesn’t mean you’re having a psychotic episode or that your forgot you’re wearing an iPod. It could be that a member of a magical race of tiny people could be trying to tell you they are there for no reason! Welcome to the wonderful world of faeries and the people who believe in them. Welcome to RealFairies.net
Almost as bad as the people who wish Avatar was real… almost…

As far as silliness on the internet goes this forum is pretty tame. That doesn’t stop it from being very very silly.

Lou-at-PAX2012 — **Lou Reads: Bonus Content from Episode 73 – My Brother is my Baby Daddy** Sep 04, 2012
Hey everyone! I just got back from PAX and wanted to give you guys yet another mini-update from the Extrasode archives. This story was cut out of Episode 73: The Forums of Female First for time reasons (I think). This is a lovely short reading about a woman who comes to the most logical conclusion to the problem of her husbands sterility.

to quote my original post

It involves the delightful story of a brother and sister who decide to have babies together and all the details of how they went about it. Its reallyâ€¦ special?

Enjoy?

Bonus content. Here is a picture of me working at PAX!
Manning the Social Media station & Official Dragon & Baron Clock Caller

sneaker-fetish — **Lou Reads all About Foot Sniffing: a Minisode** Aug 23, 2012

Hello, true believers. I just wanted to drop a minisode I’ve been sitting on for a while. This was a recording I did for a listeners birthday a while back and I figure now is the time to share. The reading selection was suggested by the birthday girls significant other. If that isn’t true love then I don’t know what is… Maybe I need my head examined… Its been a while so I figured it would be okay to share it with ya’ll. I hope you enjoy it.

movietalker-asshole — **Lou Reads Movie Reviews of His Local United Artists Movie Theater** Aug 02, 2012
**Have we no decency?**

OMG! Then what happened? Oh, yeah, I’m totes at the movie but its hella lame, Ya’ll. I don’t know… Shindler something.

No, not at my local movie theater, anyway. I go to this big theater in NYC and its a horrorshow. Imagine how delighted I was to find a large repository of pretty funny and, quite honestly, pretty racist comments about the place on Yelp. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to me read the angry rantings of the patrons of the Court Street 12. Somehow that place is still always packed! Sigh…

Tea Party in a Nut Shell — **Lou Reads Endless Election Nonsense from Tea Party Nation** Jul 20, 2012
Ok, so this episode has me sorry on several fronts. First off I’m sorry that it took me so lont to come out with it. As I mentioned on the Facebook page I had some family related health news that has took the wind out of my sails. More about that in the podcast. Secondly I’m sorry because this episode is really one-note-y. I decided to revisit the Tea Party Nation because last time it was a nice assortment of mixed wingnuts. Lots of different stuff to read about. By the time I was 20 minutes into recording I realized that there was almost no variety in the topics. In an election year everyone on that site has one common mission. Defeat Bolak Blaramo.
Oh believe me, they will!
Or at least something like that. Its been a while since I dipped myself into this side of the political pool. I always find it fascinating and yet horrifying all at the same time. I don’t want to spoil it too much but suffice it to say… these people are very scared and very angry about the world and there is only one thing that will make them happy… Actually I have no idea what would make them happy. Probably nothing short of a magic bomb that makes everything back the way it was in the 1950’s… Good luck with that!
It would help if the GOP weren’t complete obstructionists, too but you do what you can.

obama-delivers — **Lou Reads Endless Election Nonsense from Tea Party Nation** Jul 20, 2012
Ok, so this episode has me sorry on several fronts. First off I’m sorry that it took me so lont to come out with it. As I mentioned on the Facebook page I had some family related health news that has took the wind out of my sails. More about that in the podcast. Secondly I’m sorry because this episode is really one-note-y. I decided to revisit the Tea Party Nation because last time it was a nice assortment of mixed wingnuts. Lots of different stuff to read about. By the time I was 20 minutes into recording I realized that there was almost no variety in the topics. In an election year everyone on that site has one common mission. Defeat Bolak Blaramo.
Oh believe me, they will!
Or at least something like that. Its been a while since I dipped myself into this side of the political pool. I always find it fascinating and yet horrifying all at the same time. I don’t want to spoil it too much but suffice it to say… these people are very scared and very angry about the world and there is only one thing that will make them happy… Actually I have no idea what would make them happy. Probably nothing short of a magic bomb that makes everything back the way it was in the 1950’s… Good luck with that!
It would help if the GOP weren’t complete obstructionists, too but you do what you can.

realdoll — **Lou Reads about Men Who Love Dolls and the Dolls that Lay There.** Jun 18, 2012
Hello and welcome back to Lou Reads. I assure you that I have missed you almost as much as you’ve missed me. So this weeks episode is pretty self-explanatory. There is a subculture of men & women who enjoy the company of dolls. I won’t pretend to know the psychology behind it. Some people like to play with dolls, some like to not feel alone and some people just want to fuck something that isn’t their hand and feel this is somehow better.

This doll has the same look on its face as anyone might have if they found it in your home. Or maybe it knows what you have in mind for tonight! Yuck!

A lot of people have asked me to read from The Doll Forum and I put it off for a while but I felt I’d finally give it a shot. There really is a massive wealth of readable material. I hope you enjoy what I found. It was fun to read.

If it was possible to be judged by dolls, these dolls would be judging you.

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Let me know how I’m doing with a comment in iTunes, Facebook or with the comment form below. Thanks!

realdolls-judgingyou — **Lou Reads about Men Who Love Dolls and the Dolls that Lay There.** Jun 18, 2012
Hello and welcome back to Lou Reads. I assure you that I have missed you almost as much as you’ve missed me. So this weeks episode is pretty self-explanatory. There is a subculture of men & women who enjoy the company of dolls. I won’t pretend to know the psychology behind it. Some people like to play with dolls, some like to not feel alone and some people just want to fuck something that isn’t their hand and feel this is somehow better.

This doll has the same look on its face as anyone might have if they found it in your home. Or maybe it knows what you have in mind for tonight! Yuck!

A lot of people have asked me to read from The Doll Forum and I put it off for a while but I felt I’d finally give it a shot. There really is a massive wealth of readable material. I hope you enjoy what I found. It was fun to read.

If it was possible to be judged by dolls, these dolls would be judging you.

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Let me know how I’m doing with a comment in iTunes, Facebook or with the comment form below. Thanks!

Nurse Giving Enema — **Lou Reads from the forums of EnemaPlease.com** Jun 03, 2012
Ohhh… that old familiar feeling. You know the one. The feeling you get when you fill up your colon with several gallons of soapy liquid and then you dance around to make sure the water is loosening all your stool. Right! I knew we were talking about the same thing.

This Hotel Offers Very Odd Services... Some Wake-Up Call!

Now, I’m sure most of you out there are already giving yourself enemas on a daily basis so this will seem boring to you. However, for the uninitiated few I’m sure this will be an eye-opening adventure down a path less travelled. Join me, please, as I guide you through the delights of **Enemaplease.com**

BONUS: Here is the video I made in college about a guy killing people in a hospital. WARNING! THIS VIDEO IS REALLY DUMB!

Yes that is me with the cycling cap. The early 90’s were horrible.

robot-cat — **A Disturbing New Trend? Magnet Cats?** May 12, 2012
I’m not sure if we’re seeing the beginning of a trend here but in the last week we’ve seen 3 photos of Lou Reads magnets on cats. I’m in no way suggesting you test your cats iron content by placing one my powerful magnets on another living creature. However I think you’ll find these pictures are pretty cute.

The first two are from a great story entitled **“I “**. Check out the amazing trip that magnet went on!

The last magnet belongs to a fan whose boyfriend bought a person birthday reading for her and got a magnet bonus, too! Keep those magnet pictures coming!

sleepy-cat — **A Disturbing New Trend? Magnet Cats?** May 12, 2012
I’m not sure if we’re seeing the beginning of a trend here but in the last week we’ve seen 3 photos of Lou Reads magnets on cats. I’m in no way suggesting you test your cats iron content by placing one my powerful magnets on another living creature. However I think you’ll find these pictures are pretty cute.

The first two are from a great story entitled **“I “**. Check out the amazing trip that magnet went on!

The last magnet belongs to a fan whose boyfriend bought a person birthday reading for her and got a magnet bonus, too! Keep those magnet pictures coming!

A Man Smoking Heroin Off of Foil — **Lou Reads from Forums of Opiophile.org** May 09, 2012
Okay, last episode was a tease. It should have been about drugs and it was all about people being crazy. This episode, I make it up to you with a reading from **Opiophile.org**. As you can probably guess, **Opiophile** is a website for people who love Opiates. And why wouldn’t they? Everyone says heroin is great and then they say they are coping with their use and then they disappear for a while and then they come back from rehab. It’s great!
Screw your hippy drugs. I'm doing the Hard Stuff!

Well, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads. Please try not to OD while listening to it. I’d hate to come home and find you like this unfortunate girl. THANKS!

Smoking_Crack_On_a_Plane — **Lou Reads tales of the Worst Thing You’ve Ever Done from Bluelight.ru** Apr 26, 2012
Howdy folks. I meant to come to Bluelight.ru to read trip reports but I got distracted by this gem of a confessional thread entitled The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done. I was so taken with its stories that I had to share.

I’m In the Mile High-High Double High Club!

Now, you may find it odd that some people considered these events to be the worst things they have ever done. Especially considering that this is posted in a drug use forum. I mean, someone of them are just kids being kids. On the other hand some of these stories are fucked up! Such is the internet. People just gotta share and for that I thank them. Bless your stereotypically described Cheetos-stained fingers.

**UNRELATED BONUS AUDIO.**
A friend-of-a-fan commissioned this reading for said fan’s birthday. It was a fun little read and I thought I’d share it with you, too. Of course I waited until the birthday was over. Didn’t want to ruin the surprise after all!

**Lou Reads Live – MP3 Version** Apr 16, 2012
Hey guys. As you’ll hear on this episode of Lou Reads I had a series of unfortunate events last night & this morning. Lost over an hour of recording & then spilled coffee on all my computer stuff. To hold you over I hope you’ll enjoy this mp3 of the live show I just did. I’ll get right back to recording some stuff as soon as I can! Right now I need a new keyboard. I’m hoping that my mic & MBox Mini2 aren’t coffee soaked junk now. I couldn’t even log in because half the letters in my password weren’t working on the keyboard anymore. *frowny face emoticon*

In happier news the podcast as a new sponsor. **SMOKEWIRE.COM** is a online headshop that is offering listeners of the podcast **15% Off anything in the store thru June 20th, 2012**. Just Use the code **poca420** when you check out. It’s almost 420! If you don’t have a nice smoking piece then perhaps now is the time to get one!

Also a reminder that **Adam & Eve** are still offering Lou Reads listeners **50% Off the most expensive item in their cart when they check out using the code:LOUREADS.** Its the same great offer. Three free adult DVDs, a Free Gift & Free Shipping plus that heavy discount on almost everything in the store!

Support Lou Reads and get yourself a nice bong & dildo combo in one fell swoop! Let me tell you, my mom is so proud of that sentence…

Have a great rest of your day, folks!

USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

**Lou Reads Live – VIDEO!** Apr 09, 2012
Here its! For 4 whole days you wondered if you would live long enough to see this come to pass. I apologize if you actually died while waiting. However, if you did, in fact, live long enough then please enjoy this video of the 2nd “Lou Reads: Live” show. I had a great turn out. My guest readers, Dyna Moe & Nate Starkey, really helped me out with some great readings.

If you’re wondering… I gave the shirts in the video away at the show.

USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

Loureads-postcard — **Lou Reads Live #2 Happens Tonight! April 5th @ 7pm** Apr 05, 2012
I really hope you didn’t read that like I’m going to poop on stage tonight… I promise thats not going to happen… Really…
Come on down!

If you’re in New York please come on down to the Peoples Improv Theater 123 E24th Street Downstairs Theater. I’ll be reading some old favorite internet finds as well as new horrible stuff! I’ll also be showing a video and reading some really stupid stuff with guest readers Dyna Moe & Nate Starkey! On top of that I’ll be giving away posters and other podcast related materials!

Plus I’ll be celebrating my birthday after the show upstairs @ the theater bar! How can you pass it up!?

New episode will be up after the live show video pops up. So watch the blog or the Facebook Page for updates!

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**Lou Reads Live #2 Happens Tonight! April 5th @ 7pm** Apr 05, 2012
I really hope you didn’t read that like I’m going to poop on stage tonight… I promise thats not going to happen… Really…
Come on down!

If you’re in New York please come on down to the Peoples Improv Theater 123 E24th Street Downstairs Theater. I’ll be reading some old favorite internet finds as well as new horrible stuff! I’ll also be showing a video and reading some really stupid stuff with guest readers Dyna Moe & Nate Starkey! On top of that I’ll be giving away posters and other podcast related materials!

Plus I’ll be celebrating my birthday after the show upstairs @ the theater bar! How can you pass it up!?

New episode will be up after the live show video pops up. So watch the blog or the Facebook Page for updates!

USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

**Lou Reads about The Sucky World of Vampires** Mar 16, 2012
Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… **YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW!** No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now!
Don't worry. This won't turn you into a vampire... nothing will.

Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires aren’t really trying to kill you. They are just born with some kind of unexplained deficiency that can only be helped by leeching energy from humans. Some of them need blood. But don’t worry, they don’t bite you for it. Apparently they ask you for it and they have to make sure you don’t have ant diseases first. Energy vamps appear to just sort of drain you and apparently, even if there were like 20 of them, all draining you at the same time, it still wouldn’t kill you. So… yeah. Anyway… this episode is about these people so get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to about this nonsense.

**ALSO RELEVANT!** As it so happens this weeks Comedy Bang Bang featured a poem about vampires.
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psi-vampire — **Lou Reads about The Sucky World of Vampires** Mar 16, 2012
Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… **YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW!** No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now!
Don't worry. This won't turn you into a vampire... nothing will.

Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires aren’t really trying to kill you. They are just born with some kind of unexplained deficiency that can only be helped by leeching energy from humans. Some of them need blood. But don’t worry, they don’t bite you for it. Apparently they ask you for it and they have to make sure you don’t have ant diseases first. Energy vamps appear to just sort of drain you and apparently, even if there were like 20 of them, all draining you at the same time, it still wouldn’t kill you. So… yeah. Anyway… this episode is about these people so get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to about this nonsense.

**ALSO RELEVANT!** As it so happens this weeks Comedy Bang Bang featured a poem about vampires.
Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

USE CODE: “LOUREADS” at CHECK OUT TO SAVE!

New Video: Excerpts from Lou Reads #84: Pokemon Vore Mar 07, 2012

Just made this video version of the first 10 minutes of Episode 84 of Lou Reads. Still amazingly dumb. Kind of wondering if YouTube will allow this to stay up… I guess we’ll see.

Soul_Crushing — **Lou Reads Tales of Soul Crushing Moments from the Something Awful Forums** Feb 29, 2012
I have to go cry now.

I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you?

To see the original thread on the Something Awful forums please go here: **Cuts Like a Knife: Soul-Crushing Things People Have Said To You**

I apologize in advance for theÂ incrediblyÂ annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.

adam-n-eve_468x60 — **Lou Reads Tales of Soul Crushing Moments from the Something Awful Forums** Feb 29, 2012
I have to go cry now.

I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you?

To see the original thread on the Something Awful forums please go here: **Cuts Like a Knife: Soul-Crushing Things People Have Said To You**

I apologize in advance for theÂ incrediblyÂ annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.

A girl masturbating in class — **Lou Reads from Orgasmanic. A Forum about General Sex & Masturbation Chat** Feb 11, 2012
First off, I would like to apologize to this forum for just straight mutilating the name of the forum for the 1st million times I said its name. The name of this forum is **OrgasmanicÂ** not Orgasm Maniac or Orgasmania or whatever other retarded ways I pronounced it. I mean, I think you’d have to agree that my mistakes are probably better names for the forum but who knows. Maybe those names were taken. If they aren’t then you should probably go and register them and start your own masturbation forum.

I know you spelled it wrong but we get what you mean

I hope you enjoyed this episode. Sure, its no Fetlife but really, what is… I know its not the grossest but I actually enjoyed how not over-the-top gross Orgasmanic was compared to some of the horrible stuff I’ve read. Not to say that the topics aren’t gross or dumb at times. Its always amazing to see like minded people gleefully sharing their stories that in “polite society” would have people covering their ears in disgust. But then again there you are having it read straight into your ears! I guess thats says a lot about you!!! … and me… *Sob*

Anyway, I hope enjoy this episode. Hopefully next time I’ll have a lot less technical problems!

**Lou Reads Mini-Post: Holiday Gift Supreme** Feb 07, 2012
Hi everybody!

As you may remember over the holidays I offered to record things for you, the fans. In the past people have asked for voicemail or answering machine messages and I’ve been happy to record them. This last holiday season I did a lot of great recordings for people. One request, however, stood out from the rest. A gentleman contacted me about reading some stories for his wife. He and his wife are both big fans of the podcast so he thought it would be great for me to record the stories he would normally make up for his wife before she went to bed. The stories revolve around his wife’s beloved cats, Mr. Mo Mo & Dr. Norman P Nibbles. In all he had me read 5-6 stories about the wacky antics of the furry duo. I asked him if I could share them with the rest of the Lou Reads fans and he said yes! The recordings, as you might imagine, were a total surprise on Christmas Day. They were apparently also a big hit! Hooray! A Christmas Miracle!!!

So, since I just lost a ton of my last recording to yet another crash, I thought I’d share just one of the tales of Mr. Mo Mo & Dr. Norman with you fine folks. So without further ado I present:

**The Time Dr. Normal P. Nibbles Pimped out Mr. Mo Mo.**
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Meanwhile I’m recording again tonight. When you listen to the next episode keep in mind that I had to re-read a bunch of this junk. Bleh.

url-1 — **Lou Reads about Unexplained Mysteries** Jan 28, 2012

Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence…

How can you NOT see the demon in this photo?!?!

Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too.

As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast.

DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not…

There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page.

Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries!

url — **Lou Reads about Unexplained Mysteries** Jan 28, 2012

Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence…

How can you NOT see the demon in this photo?!?!

Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too.

As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast.

DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not…

There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page.

Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries!

Screen-Shot-2012-01-06-at-4.21 — **Lou Reads: Pokemon Vore Discussions from The Hungry Pokemon Forum** Jan 06, 2012
First, I’d like to apologize about the opening part of this podcast. I should have described Hungry Pokemon as a forum for people who like talk about Pokemon Vore. Thats the main focus of the forum. Talking about Pokemon eating each other, eating people and sexual/eating encounters with them. They also discuss Pokemon generally but the main thrust of their focus is Vore. For this I apologize!

This is a Pokemon that has been eaten and is enjoying being crushed inside the monster that ate it. Totally normal.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this episode! More soon! Happy new year!

Menage-a-trois — **Lou Reads: AskReddit: Whats Your Most IRL Porn Story?** Dec 16, 2011
Hello, Ladies. It's Boner Time!

Thanks to the over-sharing members of the mighty Reddit for sharing their stories in this thread in AskReddit. I would like toÂ commission a study on the apparent high frequency ofÂ Â three-way sexual encounters and internet use. Are young people having more three-way sex because of the internet? Are internet users more likely to have menage-a-trois? Will they let me watch them? Don’t worry. This is all on the up and up. You know… for science… Yes… Thats why I want to know about it… for science…

I’ll say that I’ve only been in one of these porn like situations once or twice. Sadly, none of them ever came to fruition. One time, I had 2 sisters let me choose between which one I wanted to go to sleep with. I ened up choosing neither because I am a loser… I’m so sad now. I’m a good person… when do I get my IRL porn situation… This world is unfair…

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Please tell everyone you know about it!

igotstiffed-fansign2 — **Lou Reads Service Industry Complaints from IGOTSTIFFED.COM** Nov 25, 2011
Waiting tables… sucks. I’ve never done it but I have friends and loved ones who have made the food industry their careers. I’m sure if you’ve worked in a restaurant you’ll relate to these true submitted tales from the people who take your order every day. These particular tales come from the website called

**igotstiffed.com**

Tip your server, people... sheesh...

I didn’t mean for this episode to get totally taken over by this whole race issue but wow! There is a lot of comments on this topic. I barely scratched the surface!

**EXTRASODE!** Originally I was going to read from this Pissed Off Waiters thread from Tribe.net but it was basically dead. I did managed to find some fun stuff to read from it. ENJOY!
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Finally, the new Magnets have shipped! Order now!!!

LOU READS 3rd ANNUAL HOLIDAY OFFER IS BACK! Nov 24, 2011

Hey there guys. It’s that time again. If you’re looking for a stupid gift for someone (including your stupid self) do I have an offer for you! Once again I am offering to read something for you, yes YOU, for the low sum of $5 in paypal monies. Need a new voicemail for your smartphone? I can make it! Need a new recording on your outgoing answering machine? Tell me the number and how to make a remote recording (yes, you can do that. Find the manual!) and I’ll do it! Just want a sound file of me saying you’re a pretty fucking amazing person you can play for your co-workers when you feel like pissing them off? No problem. Just drop me an email at loureads AT THE GMAIL!

Here are some examples of recordings I’ve made in the past. Please note: I’ve gotten a lot better at audio production so the audio will sound better than these.

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fetlife-list-of-fetishes — **Lou Reads Horrible Fetish Chat from Fetlife.com** Nov 07, 2011
Look, I’ve been very busy lately. I had to go work at BlizzConÂ and then I had to finish some paid work and then I had to do some other junk. It’s really not any of you business… Okay, I’m just feeling bad because it took me so long to get this episode out. In order to make up for it I’ve delved into some of the worst stuff I’ve done. Is it THE worst? I’ll let you decide.

Fetlife is an online community of people from all over the world who get together to discuss, among some topics, how much they like consuming feces and the finer points of crazy gluing a submissive slaves penis to his leg.

This is just is the TIP of the filthy pile of endless fetishes @ Fetlife

My attention was drawn to this fantastic nonsense by the fine folks at Something Awful who featured it in a front page article entitled **“Beating a Man in a Trash Bag and Other True Stories from FetLife.com.”Â** Do yourself a favor and check out that hilarious piece.

Anyway, please enjoy this well overdue episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Its gross!

Love,
Lou

YF059l — **Lou Reads Episode 80 – More Erowid Trip Reports** Oct 12, 2011
Fellow Psychonauts, for those about to dose, we salute your reckless bravery in your quest for shits, giggles and inner-truths.

If you have this much 2C-i you're either a Euro-zone drug kingpin or a college kid with a lot of long evenings ahead of you.

You asked for it and you got it! More tales of illegal drug adventures from the Vaults of Erowid. I hope you enjoy them! I seriously hope after listening to this harm-reduction podcast that you will think twice about not-inviting me to your drug binge parties.

Also won’t you please enjoy this:
**HUFFING DUSTER EXTRASODE**
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**Lou’s Library Recommended Reading!**

Serious_Penis_Science — **Lou Reads Penis Enlargement Advice from PEGym** Sep 23, 2011
Look, I know this is a touchy subject… but have you checked your penis lately? Yes, I’m talking about measuring it and comparing it to other dudes. It’s looking pretty pathetic… I mean who couldn’t use another foot of cock-beef hanging out the front of their pants? I mean TWO FEET of dong-meat? It boggles the mind! Well, let me tell you about a website I found that will help you out…

What are you waiting for? Lets Get STRETCHING!

So this episode is all about the lofty goal of penis enlargement. Hooray. I hope that you’ll all start Jelqing and Edging your way to super dongs in no time.

Enjoy the madness!

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**Lou Reads Hand Selected Penis Remedies**

Lou Reads Live Show Video is Live Sep 19, 2011

I’m sorry you couldn’t be at the live show. I’ve made a video version so you can feel like you were there. I’m sorry you chose such a terrible seat for yourself.

Ok! New episode coming this week!

working-like-crazy — **One Week Left until the Live Show!** Sep 10, 2011
Sorry for the delay in podcasting the dumbness. I’ve been socked with a ton of distractions. I’d had a bunch of paying Voice Over work, School is back in session and I’ve been losing sleep on the Live Show!

Insomnia? Yeah, gimme a double dose!

Just checked the Advance Ticket sales for the show. 5 brave people have pre-bought their $5 tickets to this life changing event! I assuming the rest of your are just going to roll the dice and push through the throng. I predict a bloodbath.

As an extra enticement the next episode of Lou Reads will be recorded based on a poll decided by the audience of the live show! Come cast your vote to make me read something truly amazing/awful/racist or something… mysterious!

Also I will probably be giving out posters and perhaps even hand-made adult magnets! Depends on how cool I think you are… I’m a pretty tough judge on coolness. Tough but fair.

Alright new episode coming soon. I promise!!!

Lou Reads Live Front — **Lou Reads Live Tickets Finally On Sale** Aug 23, 2011
Well its finally official. Lou Reads Live is up on the People’s Improv Theater website. They currently have the event linked to the wrong page to buy tickets at but if you want to buy tickets you can go click the photos below to go to the correct event.

It promises to be a very weird night! I’ve done tons of improv and sketch comedy but reading weird shit in front of people is going to be a new one on me! If you are have something you really want me to read and talk about please chime in at loureads-at-gmail-dot-youknow or fill in the contact page thingy.

Lou Reads Live Back — **Lou Reads Live Tickets Finally On Sale** Aug 23, 2011
Well its finally official. Lou Reads Live is up on the People’s Improv Theater website. They currently have the event linked to the wrong page to buy tickets at but if you want to buy tickets you can go click the photos below to go to the correct event.

It promises to be a very weird night! I’ve done tons of improv and sketch comedy but reading weird shit in front of people is going to be a new one on me! If you are have something you really want me to read and talk about please chime in at loureads-at-gmail-dot-youknow or fill in the contact page thingy.

fucked-up-confession2 — **Lou Reads Confessions from Confessionpost.com** Aug 19, 2011
Guys…. I’m sorry… have something to confess… One time…

This is the worst confession I have ever heard... I know its going to haunt me!!!!

Well, you probably get the idea of this episode. It’s all kinds of confessions. I was originally going to split the episode between two different confession sites but as it turned out, one was enough. Real stories? People wasting time on the intertubes? I read. You decide.

As promised here is this episodes EXTRASODE: **HOW THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE SAVED MY SOUL BUT ALSO MADE ME WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO FORTY YEAR OLDS.**
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Okay, my debt is paid. Back to the beach. I am on vacation after all…
Well deserved vacation is in effect

louoncavacation — **Lou Reads Confessions from Confessionpost.com** Aug 19, 2011
Guys…. I’m sorry… have something to confess… One time…

This is the worst confession I have ever heard... I know its going to haunt me!!!!

Well, you probably get the idea of this episode. It’s all kinds of confessions. I was originally going to split the episode between two different confession sites but as it turned out, one was enough. Real stories? People wasting time on the intertubes? I read. You decide.

As promised here is this episodes EXTRASODE: **HOW THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE SAVED MY SOUL BUT ALSO MADE ME WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO FORTY YEAR OLDS.**
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Okay, my debt is paid. Back to the beach. I am on vacation after all…
Well deserved vacation is in effect

Lou Fernandez: Real Doll Repairman Aug 05, 2011

Just made another video. I hope you enjoy it. It’s not really a “Lou Reads” thing but I couldn’t help myself…

Lou Fernandez: Real Doll Repairman (NSFW) – watch more funny videos

Watch it FULL SCREEN to get the TRUE HD POWER!!!

harpy-warning — **Lou Reads from Creepy Hollow: A Place for Spirit Keeping, Spell Casting and Other Nonsense.** Jul 29, 2011
I know I am going to come under psychic attack for this episode but so be it. I have my harpies at the ready!
UH...Okay Bird Lady... Whatever You Say...

So this forum is for people who believe hardcore in the paranormal and hidden world. We’re talking spells. We’re talking spirits. We’re talking black magicks. The whole kit’n’kaboddle. So please imagine me in a healing glow and pray a special pray (with special double luck candle) for me as I delve into the forums of Creepy Hollows

**EXTRA BONUS CONTENTAROONY!**

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Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share Lou Reads with everyone you know!

real-magic-spell — **Lou Reads from Creepy Hollow: A Place for Spirit Keeping, Spell Casting and Other Nonsense.** Jul 29, 2011
I know I am going to come under psychic attack for this episode but so be it. I have my harpies at the ready!
UH...Okay Bird Lady... Whatever You Say...

So this forum is for people who believe hardcore in the paranormal and hidden world. We’re talking spells. We’re talking spirits. We’re talking black magicks. The whole kit’n’kaboddle. So please imagine me in a healing glow and pray a special pray (with special double luck candle) for me as I delve into the forums of Creepy Hollows

**EXTRA BONUS CONTENTAROONY!**

Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share Lou Reads with everyone you know!

break-up-lame — **Lou Reads Tales of Best and Worst Break-Ups** Jul 16, 2011

Everyone gets dumped. If you haven’t been dumped its either because you’re some kind of insecure jerk who always dumps people before they dump you or you’re some kind of unwanted gross person who no one wanted in the first place. *WHY ARE YOU SO GROSS!?* If you’re not one of those equally awful things then chances are you’ve been dumped. This episode of Lou Reads deals with true break-up stories. Sometimes its been a painless event and for the best. Other times its been a full on nightmare comprised of vengeance, pain and general hurting. Won’t you join me in marveling at the intricate dance between men and women as they end their relationships.

Sorry, no bonus content this episode. Next time, I swear…
**please don’t break up with me!!!!**

break-up-high-five — **Lou Reads Tales of Best and Worst Break-Ups** Jul 16, 2011

Everyone gets dumped. If you haven’t been dumped its either because you’re some kind of insecure jerk who always dumps people before they dump you or you’re some kind of unwanted gross person who no one wanted in the first place. *WHY ARE YOU SO GROSS!?* If you’re not one of those equally awful things then chances are you’ve been dumped. This episode of Lou Reads deals with true break-up stories. Sometimes its been a painless event and for the best. Other times its been a full on nightmare comprised of vengeance, pain and general hurting. Won’t you join me in marveling at the intricate dance between men and women as they end their relationships.

Sorry, no bonus content this episode. Next time, I swear…
**please don’t break up with me!!!!**

Lou Reads about Bestiality (repeat) in Video Form (NSFW) Jul 14, 2011

Hey everyone, just converted another old episode from its old-school GarageBand format to the YouTube hotness. I hope to find time to do this with some of the newer episodes, in time. This is a seriously gross episode!

New episode is mostly done so keep an eye out for that in the next few days.

Old Lou Reads Episodes on YouTube in Video Style Watchables Jul 11, 2011

Early on in Lou Reads history I attempted making “Enhanced” podcasts in GarageBand. That basically means adding photos to the audio file. That way people who are listening and staring at their iPods or whatever can see something, too! Well I gave up on it because it had to be an m4a file instead of mp3 and I figured that might cause some problems. Anyway, I found the old ones and realized that I could just export them as a Quicktime and toss them up on YouTube. So thats what I did. Hooray.

Lou Reads from the PeeSearch Forums.

Lou Reads Salvia Trip Reports.

In other news it looks like Lou Reads will be appearing on RedditRadio’s talk channel in the very near future. Due to that I’ll be needing to change the intro music. Try not to be too jarred by the music change!

New, not-old-episode-made-into-a-video, coming up soon!

reddit-askreddit — **Lou Reads: Tales of Being Creepy from Ask Reddit** Jul 06, 2011
You asked for it and now you got it. I have finally ventured into the wilds of Reddit to search out something good to read! Thanks to the many suggestions of you loyal listeners I was able to bypass the one million imgur images submitted daily and found some great stuff. So in this inaugural Reddit Lou Reads we’ll be hearing the true tales of Redditors admitting their own creepy behaviors.

The Post That Revealed 1000 Creeps

Images related to the podcast! Can you tell which story they are from?

Young Unrequited Love for a 45 Year Old

There is no excuse for this...

Thanks to listener John Jackson for showing me the SA thread about Reddit to help me get started and find some good stuff!

I_love_you — **Lou Reads: Tales of Being Creepy from Ask Reddit** Jul 06, 2011
You asked for it and now you got it. I have finally ventured into the wilds of Reddit to search out something good to read! Thanks to the many suggestions of you loyal listeners I was able to bypass the one million imgur images submitted daily and found some great stuff. So in this inaugural Reddit Lou Reads we’ll be hearing the true tales of Redditors admitting their own creepy behaviors.

The Post That Revealed 1000 Creeps

Images related to the podcast! Can you tell which story they are from?

Young Unrequited Love for a 45 Year Old

There is no excuse for this...

Thanks to listener John Jackson for showing me the SA thread about Reddit to help me get started and find some good stuff!

girl_peeing_on_beach — **Lou Reads from the Forums of FemaleFirst.Co.Uk (NSFW)** Jun 10, 2011
Finally a place for ladies to go and talk about lady stuff. EWW! Well not just lady stuff… really people go to FemaleFirst.Co.UK to talk about all kinds of dumb stuff. And you can rest assured that they are talking a ton! I barely even scratched the surface and there was so much more to read. It’ll have to wait for another time and I promise there will be another time. Keep being crazy, people.

I'd be more impressed if those were places you pooped.

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads and as promised, your bonus content. It involves the delightful story of a brother and sister who decide to have babies together and all the details of how they went about it. Its really… special?

Finally, please take some time and visit Lou Reads Official Sponsor Adam & Eve. Thy have a ton of amazing deals on great sex toys, movies and more. **Use the code LOUREADS** when you check out and you’ll save 50% off almost any item! Three Free Adult Movies DVD a Free Gift and Free Shipping! Check’em out!

Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Super finally: The band BATTLES put some of my videos in their YOUTUBE PLAYLIST. Big ups to BATTLES for exposing their fans to my videos. Now if I can only talk them into letting me read for them live to open their shows!

Banner — **Lou Reads from the Forums of FemaleFirst.Co.Uk (NSFW)** Jun 10, 2011
Finally a place for ladies to go and talk about lady stuff. EWW! Well not just lady stuff… really people go to FemaleFirst.Co.UK to talk about all kinds of dumb stuff. And you can rest assured that they are talking a ton! I barely even scratched the surface and there was so much more to read. It’ll have to wait for another time and I promise there will be another time. Keep being crazy, people.

I'd be more impressed if those were places you pooped.

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads and as promised, your bonus content. It involves the delightful story of a brother and sister who decide to have babies together and all the details of how they went about it. Its really… special?

Finally, please take some time and visit Lou Reads Official Sponsor Adam & Eve. Thy have a ton of amazing deals on great sex toys, movies and more. **Use the code LOUREADS** when you check out and you’ll save 50% off almost any item! Three Free Adult Movies DVD a Free Gift and Free Shipping! Check’em out!

Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Super finally: The band BATTLES put some of my videos in their YOUTUBE PLAYLIST. Big ups to BATTLES for exposing their fans to my videos. Now if I can only talk them into letting me read for them live to open their shows!

**Lou Reads from the forums of CumOnFood.net** May 27, 2011
Welcome! Welcome to the forum that made me feel like puking every step of the way. That’s right! You heard it here first! As you’ll soon hear I thought I might have met my match here in the bowels of the **CumOnFood.net** forums. That’s right. A forum… about people… who want to cum on food and eat it or have other people eat it…

THAT IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS… PERMISSION TO VOMIT GRANTED

I won’t belabor the point. This episode is gross! I hope you find the strength to make it to the end and I apologize in advance if it makes you vomit. This episode is so that I recommend not eating while listening.

As promised, here is the extra gross Extra Content!
First, the photo that made me cry for my brain…

A Giant Jar Full of Jizz…. BLECH!!!!

And second, the extra readings from the forum… Enjoy… if that’s the right word for what is happening here… I am no longer sure…
Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

cum_on_food2 — **Lou Reads from the forums of CumOnFood.net** May 27, 2011
Welcome! Welcome to the forum that made me feel like puking every step of the way. That’s right! You heard it here first! As you’ll soon hear I thought I might have met my match here in the bowels of the **CumOnFood.net** forums. That’s right. A forum… about people… who want to cum on food and eat it or have other people eat it…

THAT IS WHAT YOU THINK IT IS… PERMISSION TO VOMIT GRANTED

I won’t belabor the point. This episode is gross! I hope you find the strength to make it to the end and I apologize in advance if it makes you vomit. This episode is so that I recommend not eating while listening.

As promised, here is the extra gross Extra Content!
First, the photo that made me cry for my brain…

A Giant Jar Full of Jizz…. BLECH!!!!

And second, the extra readings from the forum… Enjoy… if that’s the right word for what is happening here… I am no longer sure…
Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

blackwidow-eggsack — **Lou Reads from the Arachnoboards. Creepy Crawly People!** May 16, 2011
Hey there, true believers! Are you ready for some tales of eight legged wonders? How about stories about owning poisonous centipedes? How about the best way to handle your spiders? Are you man enough to do it barehanded? Or will you need to cool them down in the fridge first? Huh? YOU PUSSY!

Check out my sack!

This weeks episode is all about lovers of arachnids and arthropods who weave their posts on the Arachnoboards. I apologize in advance for its length. I was caught in the trap of the dreaded Podcast Spider!

Worth 48 Hours of Searing Pain, Fershur!

Sorry… thats a face (is it a face?) only a mama ‘pede could love!

Scolopendra-bite — **Lou Reads from the Arachnoboards. Creepy Crawly People!** May 16, 2011
Hey there, true believers! Are you ready for some tales of eight legged wonders? How about stories about owning poisonous centipedes? How about the best way to handle your spiders? Are you man enough to do it barehanded? Or will you need to cool them down in the fridge first? Huh? YOU PUSSY!

Check out my sack!

This weeks episode is all about lovers of arachnids and arthropods who weave their posts on the Arachnoboards. I apologize in advance for its length. I was caught in the trap of the dreaded Podcast Spider!

Worth 48 Hours of Searing Pain, Fershur!

Sorry… thats a face (is it a face?) only a mama ‘pede could love!

hardcoregangster — **Lou Reads from TheHoodUp.com, a Place for Gangsters to Trade Tales and Recipes** Apr 27, 2011
Whattup Cuzzin? You heard about the forum where people in gangs can get together to shoot the shit about gang related topics? Oh, you ain’t? It’s called The Hood Up and its a place where you can kick back, relax and have a discussion with gang members all across the country.
When do I get to see myself? Where is the mirror?

Well, good luck with this episode of Lou Reads. It’s all crazy gang talk. I’m not exaggerating when I say this was a hard one to read. Not because of the contents offensiveness but just because the slang and spelling were so crazy that I kept tripping up. I hope it you enjoy it! If you do, you can join my gang!
Why didn't we bring our Gang sweaters...

Editorial note: There are no recipes on the site unless you count the recipe for Sugar Butt… You’ll know what I am talking out soon enough…

coldgangsters — **Lou Reads from TheHoodUp.com, a Place for Gangsters to Trade Tales and Recipes** Apr 27, 2011
Whattup Cuzzin? You heard about the forum where people in gangs can get together to shoot the shit about gang related topics? Oh, you ain’t? It’s called The Hood Up and its a place where you can kick back, relax and have a discussion with gang members all across the country.
When do I get to see myself? Where is the mirror?

Well, good luck with this episode of Lou Reads. It’s all crazy gang talk. I’m not exaggerating when I say this was a hard one to read. Not because of the contents offensiveness but just because the slang and spelling were so crazy that I kept tripping up. I hope it you enjoy it! If you do, you can join my gang!
Why didn't we bring our Gang sweaters...

Editorial note: There are no recipes on the site unless you count the recipe for Sugar Butt… You’ll know what I am talking out soon enough…

APRIL28THSHOWPIC — **Lou Reads the Discussions at Tea Party Nation** Apr 14, 2011
Oh Brother… Where to begin… My understanding of the “Tea Party” is that it was started to express outrage at Government spending and taxation deemed out of control. Why this only popped up once Obama was in office and not during the Bush years when the spending was out of control is beyond me. Please don’t suggest its because he’s black. THAT WOULD BE CRAZY!

Yes, I hate American so much I want to be in charge of its demise!

Anyway, so there are a lot of these forums out in sigh-berspace but I chose this one for no particular reason. Its full of the usual nonsense that you find on the White Power sites. Especially sad is their constant pining for the “good old days” which are invariably the 1950’s & 60’s. Equally sad is the seemingly endless amount this junk is driven by religious dogma and just the same flailing to hold onto a bygone way of life. All this culminates in the most delicious nonsensical rage possible.

Here's the "Real" Truth: You Need A Therapist.

Enough dissecting this nonsense. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the Forums of Tea Party Nation…

**Bonus material**:Â I had to join this horrible Tea Party site for the next episode of my podcast. This lady sent me a video with the following message:

I’m new to TPN so I thought I would start trying to get to know like-minded folks on here. A friend of mine, who’s a comedienne, and I are “underground” Conservatives in Hollywood…that can be a real treat as I’m sure you can imagine! Nice to e-meet you! If you’re on Facebook as well,Â **check out The Right View Undercover and if you’d like to have a laugh, here’s our video we shot at a Union march/rally downtown LA!**

**http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyGm9tHBf1w**

I defy you to have a laugh at anything in this video… All the classic reasons why Conservative humor falls flat.

duhrealtruthamerica — **Lou Reads the Discussions at Tea Party Nation** Apr 14, 2011
Oh Brother… Where to begin… My understanding of the “Tea Party” is that it was started to express outrage at Government spending and taxation deemed out of control. Why this only popped up once Obama was in office and not during the Bush years when the spending was out of control is beyond me. Please don’t suggest its because he’s black. THAT WOULD BE CRAZY!

Yes, I hate American so much I want to be in charge of its demise!

Anyway, so there are a lot of these forums out in sigh-berspace but I chose this one for no particular reason. Its full of the usual nonsense that you find on the White Power sites. Especially sad is their constant pining for the “good old days” which are invariably the 1950’s & 60’s. Equally sad is the seemingly endless amount this junk is driven by religious dogma and just the same flailing to hold onto a bygone way of life. All this culminates in the most delicious nonsensical rage possible.

Here's the "Real" Truth: You Need A Therapist.

Enough dissecting this nonsense. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the Forums of Tea Party Nation…

**Bonus material**:Â I had to join this horrible Tea Party site for the next episode of my podcast. This lady sent me a video with the following message:

I’m new to TPN so I thought I would start trying to get to know like-minded folks on here. A friend of mine, who’s a comedienne, and I are “underground” Conservatives in Hollywood…that can be a real treat as I’m sure you can imagine! Nice to e-meet you! If you’re on Facebook as well,Â **check out The Right View Undercover and if you’d like to have a laugh, here’s our video we shot at a Union march/rally downtown LA!**

**http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyGm9tHBf1w**

I defy you to have a laugh at anything in this video… All the classic reasons why Conservative humor falls flat.

Screen shot 2011-04-07 at 12.47.17 PM — **A Fun Fact About Lou Reads** Apr 08, 2011
Hey, true believers, I had something silly I wanted to share with you today. As you know, God I hope you get this by now, I read from all kinds of crazy places on the internet. Sometimes, in order to get access to a forums best material, I have to sign up to the site as a member. While I always use a secondary email account I always use my real birthday. Since it was my real birthday last week I thought I’d share with you the bonus material that I found in my inbox that day.

See, its not all bad! These people like birthdays, too. Sure, they may like to celebrate your birthday with some kind of neutering or hardcore bareback act but I’m sure you’d get a cake with a candle on it at the end.

New episode being recorded this week. It promises to be depressing!

Screen shot 2011-04-07 at 12.47.29 PM — **A Fun Fact About Lou Reads** Apr 08, 2011
Hey, true believers, I had something silly I wanted to share with you today. As you know, God I hope you get this by now, I read from all kinds of crazy places on the internet. Sometimes, in order to get access to a forums best material, I have to sign up to the site as a member. While I always use a secondary email account I always use my real birthday. Since it was my real birthday last week I thought I’d share with you the bonus material that I found in my inbox that day.

See, its not all bad! These people like birthdays, too. Sure, they may like to celebrate your birthday with some kind of neutering or hardcore bareback act but I’m sure you’d get a cake with a candle on it at the end.

New episode being recorded this week. It promises to be depressing!

Here’s an old podcast in Video Form! Apr 06, 2011

~~So it looks like my rss feed didn’t get hacked by perhaps Feedburner did? regardless I’m going to drop Feedburner for now.~~ If you need to re-subscribe please use the RSS feed buttons on the upper right.

UPDATE: My site was hacked. According to http://sitecheck.sucuri.net/

Malware entry: MW:DEFACED:01

Description:
Site got defaced (hacked with the web page modified).
Generally done for fun, political reasons and by script kiddies.

Affecting: Any web site (no specific target).

More later…

To make up for it please enjoy this video I made of an early Lou Reads episode. I posted this on the Facebook page and the twitter but I realized that some people refuse to use social media. Don’t you want to know what I’m eating for lunch? You’re so weird! Anyway, have a look at this. It’s funny.

Sorry Everyone. My RSS Got Hacked Again Apr 06, 2011

So, I don’t know what the fuck is up but some asshole hijacked my rss feed somehow. It’s not in my .htaccess file or anywhere I can figure it out. I would really like to have people who do this kind of shit murdered. Such a day-killer to deal with this kind of shit. Amazing. I’m trying to sort it out now.

**Lou Reads: A Forum for Adults Who Love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic** Apr 01, 2011
Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . Now, these people set up this nice new forum so they could escape from persecution at a less tolerant forum. Sadly someone told me about it and I decided to read all about it. Now, in the name of fairness I’m including an episode of the MLP:FiM in this post. See if you can resist the allure of the cuteness of… of… PONIES!

As you’ll find out in the podcast there are quite a few people who are crazy about this cartoon! And as promised I found a horrible post to read for you guys from one of the other forums. Warning: This story is really a downer on many levels. However it does involve in a very odd way. I don’t know if “Enjoy” is the right term… but its all I got. ENJOY!

Thanks for stopping by the blog! Make sure your rate the show on iTunes and tell everyone you know that they need to hear all about the stuff they didn’t want to know about. It builds character!

elastrator2 — **Lou Reads from the Forums of Eunuch Archive** Mar 15, 2011
Hi boys and girls! If you’re like me, you hate your balls, or your cock, or both your cock and balls. Right? So what are we going to do about that? Well if you’re like the people on this forum you might put said private parts right up in this little beauty above. Not your style? Then maybe you’d like to dip your dick in some liquid nitrogen? Or perhaps something you come up with on your own innovative to remove your twig and berries! Exciting times for those who no longer want the parts they came with!

Won’t you please enjoy listening to Episode 67 of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! The Eunuch Archives. **DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO EMBED IN THE POST IF YOU FIND COCK REMOVAL UNSETTLING!**

Hey! Want to know more about the great idea of removing your dong and coconuts? Consider getting some amazing Eunuch Items at Amazon!

eunuch — **Lou Reads from the Forums of Eunuch Archive** Mar 15, 2011
Hi boys and girls! If you’re like me, you hate your balls, or your cock, or both your cock and balls. Right? So what are we going to do about that? Well if you’re like the people on this forum you might put said private parts right up in this little beauty above. Not your style? Then maybe you’d like to dip your dick in some liquid nitrogen? Or perhaps something you come up with on your own innovative to remove your twig and berries! Exciting times for those who no longer want the parts they came with!

Won’t you please enjoy listening to Episode 67 of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! The Eunuch Archives. **DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO EMBED IN THE POST IF YOU FIND COCK REMOVAL UNSETTLING!**

Hey! Want to know more about the great idea of removing your dong and coconuts? Consider getting some amazing Eunuch Items at Amazon!

King Lou Fernandez — **Changes Afoot at Lou Reads!** Mar 12, 2011
Dearest Stalwart Listeners,

Delicious Pen

There are changes going on at Lou Reads. You may have already guessed that from the title of this post! Nothing crazy drastic. Basically I got fed up with all the weird aborted downloads I was hearing about and decided to switch media hosts. Right now I’m trying out BluBrry. They seem alright so far but a lot of episodes didn’t get slurped down by their media-slurper thing so I’m trying to figure out how to remedy that. Other nice-ness is that you can now embed Lou Reads podcasts into your own blogs or websites. Sadly it doesn’t do forum BBCODE but hopefully an iFrame is good enough for you. So, anyway, if there is a file or two missing from iTunes or a post I hope to have them linked back up ASAP. I’m just waiting on BluBrry support to get back to me…

In other news the first Lou Reads magnet photos have started to come trickle in. Get in on the awesome paper/photo/receipt holding fun and send me your name and address and I’ll send you your very own Lou Reads magnet. How does it work? I don’t know. Miracles! Here are the first two photos!

Lou enjoys an exhibit in Chicago

DONT YOU MUNCH ME!

Thanks everyone! New episode out soon!

Screen shot 2011-03-12 at 12.59.14 PM — **Changes Afoot at Lou Reads!** Mar 12, 2011
Dearest Stalwart Listeners,

Delicious Pen

There are changes going on at Lou Reads. You may have already guessed that from the title of this post! Nothing crazy drastic. Basically I got fed up with all the weird aborted downloads I was hearing about and decided to switch media hosts. Right now I’m trying out BluBrry. They seem alright so far but a lot of episodes didn’t get slurped down by their media-slurper thing so I’m trying to figure out how to remedy that. Other nice-ness is that you can now embed Lou Reads podcasts into your own blogs or websites. Sadly it doesn’t do forum BBCODE but hopefully an iFrame is good enough for you. So, anyway, if there is a file or two missing from iTunes or a post I hope to have them linked back up ASAP. I’m just waiting on BluBrry support to get back to me…

In other news the first Lou Reads magnet photos have started to come trickle in. Get in on the awesome paper/photo/receipt holding fun and send me your name and address and I’ll send you your very own Lou Reads magnet. How does it work? I don’t know. Miracles! Here are the first two photos!

Lou enjoys an exhibit in Chicago

DONT YOU MUNCH ME!

Thanks everyone! New episode out soon!

austinrocket1 — **Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments from the Forums of Something Awful** Mar 02, 2011
Whoa… wait… what? Did that just happen… whoa… wait… WHOA!
THIS IS A MUTINY!

Greetings, mellow fellows. Its been too long since I ventured in to the smoke filled corridors of the memories of stoners. “Wait,” you’re saying, “aren’t stoners memories highly suspect?” Ha, you said “highly.” Well, stoners may have short term memory effects about stuff like what just happened on that show they were watching or what they were just talking about but they rarely forget when something hilarious or other wise momentous happens. So I found a great thread in the Something Awful forums about shared stoner moments and then, predictably, I read them. I’m sure many of you will appreciate and relate to the tales within. The rest of you… are probably narcs…
I sense much weed in you! Share you must!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments!

Advice Yoda Gives - Right now High you are — **Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments from the Forums of Something Awful** Mar 02, 2011
Whoa… wait… what? Did that just happen… whoa… wait… WHOA!
THIS IS A MUTINY!

Greetings, mellow fellows. Its been too long since I ventured in to the smoke filled corridors of the memories of stoners. “Wait,” you’re saying, “aren’t stoners memories highly suspect?” Ha, you said “highly.” Well, stoners may have short term memory effects about stuff like what just happened on that show they were watching or what they were just talking about but they rarely forget when something hilarious or other wise momentous happens. So I found a great thread in the Something Awful forums about shared stoner moments and then, predictably, I read them. I’m sure many of you will appreciate and relate to the tales within. The rest of you… are probably narcs…
I sense much weed in you! Share you must!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments!

terrible-prostitute — **Lou Reads Escort Reviews from Punternet** Feb 13, 2011
Welcome to the wonderful world of prostitutes… I mean escorts… Finally someone made a website that has stepped up to these unlicensed sex menaces and had the guts to let Johns anonymously complain about their services.

Ok, we can do it, but if the sex sucks I am going to complain on the internet!
I mean, how many of you out there have called an escort, had sex and then wished you had someone to complain to? Of course, in the past the fact that having sex for money is totally illegal has stood in the way of the TRUTH! NO LONGER! Okay, so this site has been around for at least a decade but still… these hookers had it coming! Well… truth be told the reviews are mostly positive but I didn’t read those. Why? Because complaining is so much more fun to listen to! Also, the positive reviews tend to be written like Penthouse Forum letters and reek of false advertising. How many Johns can really wax poetic about the dirty sex they just paid for? I guess check out punternet.com and find out! Thanks for listening!

**BLOG ONLY BONUS TRACK!**

1111-Angel-Proof — **Lou Reads: Craziness from the 11:11 Angels Forums** Jan 24, 2011
This episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! deals specifically with people who believe that angels, celestial teachers and other things are trying to contact us through our digital clocks. That’s right. If you happen to look over at your clock and see 11:11 or any other double number or numbers in sequence thats not just you seeing a number that happens twice a day! You’ve been touched by an angel!

Time to Get Your Clock Fixed!

So, yeah. If you really want to read into seeing something then this is the forum for you. Not only that but this forum has like so seriously amazingly bananas theories about all kinds of nonsense. I can’t even get into how utterly loopy it is. I tried to read some of the explanatory stuff but it just got to be too much. Wait until you learn that we live on the 606th planet called Uranita in the System of Satania!!! I know, its almost too much to fathom! Anyway, won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads the forums of 1111angels.com**

Yeah... I know... I'm mean...

**Lou Reads: Craziness from the 11:11 Angels Forums** Jan 24, 2011
This episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! deals specifically with people who believe that angels, celestial teachers and other things are trying to contact us through our digital clocks. That’s right. If you happen to look over at your clock and see 11:11 or any other double number or numbers in sequence thats not just you seeing a number that happens twice a day! You’ve been touched by an angel!

Time to Get Your Clock Fixed!

So, yeah. If you really want to read into seeing something then this is the forum for you. Not only that but this forum has like so seriously amazingly bananas theories about all kinds of nonsense. I can’t even get into how utterly loopy it is. I tried to read some of the explanatory stuff but it just got to be too much. Wait until you learn that we live on the 606th planet called Uranita in the System of Satania!!! I know, its almost too much to fathom! Anyway, won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads the forums of 1111angels.com**

Yeah... I know... I'm mean...

BLAMMM!!! TWO MORE SHOTS TO THE DOME! Jan 18, 2011

I know! You we’re just asking “Whats up with Lou? Has he recorded any more Voice Overs that aren’t about the horrors of the internet?” Well, how nice of you to ask! I just got my hands on two of the latest commercials I’ve worked on. So if you’re bored check these out!

This was for the New York Times! The Old Grey Lady just got Read By Lou!

Now back to recording the horrors. New podcast coming out soon!

**Lou Does a Guest Spot on the FlopHouse Podcast** Jan 10, 2011
Hey there, Fellers. As I mentioned in the last episode of Lou Reads (See Previous Post) I sat in on my pal Dan’s movie related podcast, **The Flop House Podcast**.

We watched the not so great movie “**KILLERS**!” For those not familiar with the podcast we watch a movie that has already come and gone from the theaters and then talk about it. For extra bonus fun I talk about seeing Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark on Broadway and about what a train-wreck is was. SO if you get a chance, check out **The Flop House Podcast: KILLERS.** I predict you will be in a state of entertainment at some point in the podcast. If not… well maybe you should ask yourself why you’re so angry…

Not a Good Movie!

Don’t fret, though. I’m busy looking for new horrible stuff to read about for you. Perhaps I’ll be taking a break from the HYPER-WRETCHEDNESS of the last bunch. I’ll even see if I can go a podcast without talking about excretions! See you later!

The-Killers-Sucked — **Lou Does a Guest Spot on the FlopHouse Podcast** Jan 10, 2011
Hey there, Fellers. As I mentioned in the last episode of Lou Reads (See Previous Post) I sat in on my pal Dan’s movie related podcast, **The Flop House Podcast**.

We watched the not so great movie “**KILLERS**!” For those not familiar with the podcast we watch a movie that has already come and gone from the theaters and then talk about it. For extra bonus fun I talk about seeing Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark on Broadway and about what a train-wreck is was. SO if you get a chance, check out **The Flop House Podcast: KILLERS.** I predict you will be in a state of entertainment at some point in the podcast. If not… well maybe you should ask yourself why you’re so angry…

Not a Good Movie!

Don’t fret, though. I’m busy looking for new horrible stuff to read about for you. Perhaps I’ll be taking a break from the HYPER-WRETCHEDNESS of the last bunch. I’ll even see if I can go a podcast without talking about excretions! See you later!

piss-filled-shoes — **Lou Reads: Shoe Sessions Forum. A Place to Cum in Shoes! NSFW** Jan 07, 2011
Wait till you see your Golden Air Jordans!

So… first of all… welcome to a new year! Thats right, it’s 2011 and I’m starting this year off with a bang! Wait… do you hear that? What’s that sound? If you guessed the gentle sound of urine filling a pair of women’s shoes you guessed right! If you guessed that it was human semen you may have also been correct if you went to this forum. **Shoesession.com** is a site dedicated to the myriad world of shoe fetishism. Not just the love of shoes but also the serious defiling, staining and plain old ruining of shoes. WHAT? Yeah. So get ready for some serious illness in your ears. Its not as bad as the Breeding Zone podcast but its up there! If you find out that someone you love is into this fetish you may require some Urine Off Odor and Stain Remover for your shoes…

Hey! Here’s that audio clip that I mentioned in the podcast! HOORAY!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

OH YEAH! FOLLOW LOU READS ON TWITTER! <– CLICK THAT

magical_moments_game_moxley — **Lou Reads: What the hell is this shit? Tales of Terrible Xmas Gifts!** Dec 24, 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Go ahead! Open your present! I thought long and hard about what to get you and I really think it shows… Go ahead…

This is what all 22 year olds want this year!

We’ve all been there! It’s Christmas today and you are probably going to have to put on the happy face for a gift you don’t like at all. You probably won’t even have the slightest clue as to why someone would even think you would like something like this thing you’re holding. “DON’T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ME AT ALL!!??!!,” you’ll scream as you storm up to your room and start texting about how much you hate your family… Well the last podcast of the year at Lou Reads is all about this special moment in a persons life. The moment you peel off the wrapping and look in shock at the object picked with care, or maybe not so much, for you. The terrible present moment. I have to thank the Something Awful Goons as always for their fantastic and truthful over-sharing. As always it leads to a great and fun read. If you want to read the stories yourself then please check out the thread **here**. And remember you can always give someone an AMAZON GIFT CARD!!!

Heres to having a happy, healthy and safe Holiday season. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!!

Death Fucking You in the Ass — **Lou Reads: Raw Tops Breeding Zone – Bareback Bonanza! – NSFW** Dec 08, 2010
Look, there is no two ways around this topic. This episode of Lou Reads is not for the weak. In fact I would say its outright gross. Now, you might say, “Hey, Lou, whats so gross about it? Its just gay men talking about mostly consensual, unprotected sex, with multiple sex partners per evening and all the ins and outs of said practice. Whats wrong with that?”

This is hilarious...

Well… maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just being a prude. Maybe I should take a look at myself and as myself the tough question of, “Why am I not comfortable reading about the proper use of semen ice cubes?” I mean, I bet if I went to a shrink they’d probably ask me the same thing. So in a way this is like a free therapy session for you. When you stop crying you can thank me.

Just in case you were concerned about your semen output volume...

**One last note**: At *no time* should you become aroused when you are listening to this episode of Lou Reads. Specifically not aroused by the subject matter discussed. If you are aroused by an external stimuli then I can’t fault you for that. However, this particular episodes kinks are just kinda over the top gross. So quit getting all hot and bothered by it. At least around me…

maxium-semen — **Lou Reads: Raw Tops Breeding Zone – Bareback Bonanza! – NSFW** Dec 08, 2010
Look, there is no two ways around this topic. This episode of Lou Reads is not for the weak. In fact I would say its outright gross. Now, you might say, “Hey, Lou, whats so gross about it? Its just gay men talking about mostly consensual, unprotected sex, with multiple sex partners per evening and all the ins and outs of said practice. Whats wrong with that?”

This is hilarious...

Well… maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just being a prude. Maybe I should take a look at myself and as myself the tough question of, “Why am I not comfortable reading about the proper use of semen ice cubes?” I mean, I bet if I went to a shrink they’d probably ask me the same thing. So in a way this is like a free therapy session for you. When you stop crying you can thank me.

Just in case you were concerned about your semen output volume...

**One last note**: At *no time* should you become aroused when you are listening to this episode of Lou Reads. Specifically not aroused by the subject matter discussed. If you are aroused by an external stimuli then I can’t fault you for that. However, this particular episodes kinks are just kinda over the top gross. So quit getting all hot and bothered by it. At least around me…

customer-service — **Lou Reads about Sucky Customers and the Sucks who Serve them at CustomersSuck.com** Nov 22, 2010
You know… I once thought that everyone who has a job loves the job and is grateful for the customers who come in and make that job possible. Oh, what a dreamer I was. Full of grand ideas about how the world worked and free trade economic policies…

If more customers did this then I could understand why people felt so angry towards them. Of course if you did the opposite no one would shop at your store. Classic Catch 22....

Then I got a job and realized that customers, for the most part, kind of suck. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I am a customer, too. I try really hard not be a bad customer. I don’t haggle, I don’t smell, I don’t do any of the things people on this forum complain about. I AM THE PERFECT CUSTOMER! Oh wait, I do the thing where I come in and get all the info then buy online… crap… I got too full of myself… and now I’ve paid the price for my hubris… I apologize. Look, my shift is almost over so if you don’t mind I’m just going to shut the register down and get some Dunkin Donuts and go home and cry…

While you imagine me crying and eating glazed donuts (such salty sweetness) won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads from the forums of Customers Suck dot com

2 Shots to the Dome! Nov 11, 2010

Hey guys and gals, another non-podcast related posting. I just wanted to drop a quick note to update you on stuff I’ve been working on. First is commercial I just finished recording last week. I’ve been told its on the air but I haven’t seen it yet.

Then I did something for Blizzcon. If you don’t know what it is it’ll be obvious after you watch the video. It’s a huge online gaming nerd fest.

It’s been a busy November! I know if you belong to the Facebook page you already saw these but not everyone is as eager to share their personal info with the social network as you FB’rs. Now its back to working on the podcast for you rowdy lot, once again.

Photo illustration by Tyler Metcalfe/The Daily — **Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates** Nov 08, 2010
Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room…

Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep?

Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremelyÂ privilegedÂ upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too!

I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate.

For the record making a bathtub full of poop and newspapers does make you a bad roommate.

Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe!

fecal-lasagna — **Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates** Nov 08, 2010
Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room…

Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep?

Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremelyÂ privilegedÂ upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too!

I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate.

For the record making a bathtub full of poop and newspapers does make you a bad roommate.

Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe!

Suffering Through A Can of Four Loko — **Hey, I’m Busy!** Nov 01, 2010
Hey Podcast Pals!

Sorry for another slight delay in the semi-irregular schedule of Lou Reads podcasts. The end of October was pretty crazy for me! As you can see I traveled to the Rally to Restore Sanity. On the way down my friend and
I consumed a can of Four Loko to see what all the hubbub was about.
It tastes like garbage juice mixed with gasoline and it will get you disturbingly drunk very quickly!
After that we went to the rally it was a lot of fun
Holy People! So Many People!!!
Then I had to hurry home from DC and get my kids costumes all ready for Halloween… No Four Loko was consumed.
Cuteness Robotified

Add on top of that whole mess of stuff to do that I just booked a voice over job doing a national commercial for Cuisinart and man… I am busy! I’ve got a couple of days off so I am going to try and punch a podcast out for you lovely lovers of Lou (Reads) and post it as soon as I can.

**MOST IMPORTANTLY: VOTE IN FAVOR OF STUFF I CARE ABOUT TOMORROW!** Don’t be an apathetic loser. Throw your vote in the vote hole. Do it. TTYL!

lou-rally-for-sanity — **Hey, I’m Busy!** Nov 01, 2010
Hey Podcast Pals!

Sorry for another slight delay in the semi-irregular schedule of Lou Reads podcasts. The end of October was pretty crazy for me! As you can see I traveled to the Rally to Restore Sanity. On the way down my friend and
I consumed a can of Four Loko to see what all the hubbub was about.
It tastes like garbage juice mixed with gasoline and it will get you disturbingly drunk very quickly!
After that we went to the rally it was a lot of fun
Holy People! So Many People!!!
Then I had to hurry home from DC and get my kids costumes all ready for Halloween… No Four Loko was consumed.
Cuteness Robotified

Add on top of that whole mess of stuff to do that I just booked a voice over job doing a national commercial for Cuisinart and man… I am busy! I’ve got a couple of days off so I am going to try and punch a podcast out for you lovely lovers of Lou (Reads) and post it as soon as I can.

**MOST IMPORTANTLY: VOTE IN FAVOR OF STUFF I CARE ABOUT TOMORROW!** Don’t be an apathetic loser. Throw your vote in the vote hole. Do it. TTYL!

Lou’s Latest Mac Tip (Video) Oct 21, 2010

Howdy podcast fans and people who come here through image search. I hope you’re having a great day. He’s something to put a cherry on top of that sundae of a day you’re bound to have today. It’s my latest Mac Tips video. I hope you’ll enjoy following and learning along. You probably won’t learn anything, actually…

crying_confession — **Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us** Oct 15, 2010
Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us!

I ATE THE LAST DONUT

Much like a FML website its a place for people to drop their gems of personal confessions. Some are short, some are long, some are painfully honest and some are just stupid bullshit thought up by jerks. To me Â that makes it a mixed bag of internet wonder!

Won’t you join me in shaking my head in amazement at this short assortment of crazy confessions.

devil-magic-trick — **Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces** Oct 05, 2010
I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer shorts. The Devil’s work I tell you!

Sorry, Lucifer, it was the 3 of Clubs. Better luck next time!

At least thats what I believed until I discovered The Magic Cafe and it’s sub forum for Christian Magicians. They showed me how you CAN do magic in the name of HIM who is HE who is GOOD and LIVING and LOVING and all the other words used to attribute emotions to imaginary stuff. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy listening to the mildly mind numbing discussions of how to do magic as a good Christian magician. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get…. something!!!

Russian Skank! — **Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams** Sep 17, 2010
A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!”
Thank you for bring me your country. Now, how you say, I marry good Russian boy.

Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!

Now you too can waste all your time pursuing fruitless long distance relationships!

Russian-Bride-Book — **Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams** Sep 17, 2010
A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!”
Thank you for bring me your country. Now, how you say, I marry good Russian boy.

Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!

Now you too can waste all your time pursuing fruitless long distance relationships!

Crystal_Meth — **Lou Reads: Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs-Forum** Aug 28, 2010
Just Let Me Stick One Shard Up There... Please?

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you want to have sex for money? Okay, okay. No need to get all angry about it. Sheesh! Okay… what if I do a podcast about Crystal Meth and all the really great ways to have sex or re-use your urine while on it? Okay! Now we’re talking! Well you’re in luck because I already did a podcast about just that very thing from the forums at Drugs-Forum. Its actually a very informative forum as well as being a great source for unintended hilariousness. So won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs Forum!

I Have $15 Dollars...

This is not a picture of me…

METH-SEX — **Lou Reads: Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs-Forum** Aug 28, 2010
Just Let Me Stick One Shard Up There... Please?

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you want to have sex for money? Okay, okay. No need to get all angry about it. Sheesh! Okay… what if I do a podcast about Crystal Meth and all the really great ways to have sex or re-use your urine while on it? Okay! Now we’re talking! Well you’re in luck because I already did a podcast about just that very thing from the forums at Drugs-Forum. Its actually a very informative forum as well as being a great source for unintended hilariousness. So won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs Forum!

I Have $15 Dollars...

This is not a picture of me…

P1000021a — **Dearest Lou Readers: Gone Fishin’** Aug 16, 2010
Hey Lou Reads Fans, Listeners and General Lay-Abouts,

Sorry for not posting this earlier but I’m on vacation! I’m resting the golden pipes of internet horror for another week but I’ll be back at it next week. I started recording a podcast about services that arrange meet-ups between lonely American losers and Russian black-widows who want to come to the US so they can claim domestic abuse, leave their American loser and then marry a proper Russian guy like momma wanted. Its REALLY DEPRESSING! I may shelve that to do one about how awesome sex on Crystal Meth. Thats if I can stop having amazing meth-fueled sex…. I am raw!

In the meantime check out this band. They were nice enough to send me a praise-filled email asking to include part of one of my podcasts on their CD. I said “*I guess…*” and here is the result. **FUR by Eat Babies?**.

Now I please excuse me while I go back to the beach to be cooled with a palm frond by my Russian bride. What? Oh, she got that black eye from falling on a door knob. Don’t forget to send me your suggestions for stupid things to read!

Yours truly,
Lou (Reads)
Pre-Vacation Photo. Note the Stress...

[Rollie-Reincarnation — **Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!** Aug 01, 2010
What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!

comedynerds — **Lou Does the Comedy Nerds Podcast: a XXX Parody.** Jul 20, 2010
Comedy Nerds One and All

Hey people. Just wanted to drop you a line to tell you that I did a guest spot on the often times entertaining (when I’m on it) podcast “**The Comedy Nerds.**“ They wanted to do an episode about the trend of XXX Parody versions of popular comedy shows and who better to talk about filth than yours truly. So if you’ve got some time to spare check out the show! We had a lot of fun watching the 30 Rock parody and some hilarious stuff was said… if I recall correctly…

Reviewing The 30 Rock Adult Parody (VERY NSFW)

Also, please enjoy this self-shot neckless photo above. I am imitating a turtle there apparently. Bleh..

**Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums** Jul 17, 2010
This is the mating call of the Bully.

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh!

Don't Attract The Bullies Attention. Let Her Take the Damage...

Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.

bully-cartoon — **Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums** Jul 17, 2010
This is the mating call of the Bully.

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh!

Don't Attract The Bullies Attention. Let Her Take the Damage...

Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.

thebestvampire — **Lou Reads about Vampire Awakenings from Sanguinarius** Jul 04, 2010
Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part of your life but this is just dumb. Basically I found a website that lists the best stories of Vampires realizing they are what they are and they are not at all just normal sad teens looking for a reason they are different. Maybe at one time they would have been considered punks or goths… But no. Instead they are somehow forever cursed vampires who just happen to be teens that are getting older. What… EVER…

Get Ready to Be Lame for Eternity!

Okay… In all seriousness, if you are a recently awakened vampire then please go out an buy this book. The New Vampire’s Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night. It could be the difference between a life of running from the Hunters and one of regular teenage nerd stuff!

In honor of the dearly departed Wesley Willis…

kumpounophobia — **Lou Reads: OFEAR.com the Phobia Forum** Jun 23, 2010
Its time to look deep inside yourself and think about what terrifies you. Not rational fears like death or loss of your job. Things that terrify youÂ irrationally. Well if you are a’fear’d of anything irrationally and need a place to see if you’re not alone then ofear is the place for you.

I also fear my fingers getting stuck into my face!

Without further delay I present to you the ofear.com forum read from Lou Reads. If you are afraid of listening to the podcast I recommend you go to ofear to see if there is such a thing as Podcastophobia.

racoonballs — **Lou Reads: Rantallion – The Low Hanging Balls Support Group** Jun 07, 2010
I know, you’re saying “Finally! A podcast that is all about guy stuff!” Yes, I finally gave in and did a podcast about everyones favorite subject: Guys with really long balls. Low Hangers they call them. Apparently there are guys out there with naturally saggy or droopy testicles and this forum is where they get together to chat about how apparently great it is.

One Giant Raccoon with Huge Balls as Requested

Now some people weren’t born with this “gift” so they resort to all manner of cock and ball torture to lengthen their scrotums. It’s really quite insane. Please heed this warning: If you have a weak stomach do not go to this website. Even I had to stop looking at it and my eyes have seen some seriously awful stuff!

This is actually something you are supposed to put your penis in... No joke...

Without further ado won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads the forums of Rantallion AKA The Low Hanging SupportÂ Group**. If you’re up for you it can read more about it at the Something Awful Weekend Web thread about the this site and one that is for people who like not wear underwear.

Penis Steam Roller — **Lou Reads: Rantallion – The Low Hanging Balls Support Group** Jun 07, 2010
I know, you’re saying “Finally! A podcast that is all about guy stuff!” Yes, I finally gave in and did a podcast about everyones favorite subject: Guys with really long balls. Low Hangers they call them. Apparently there are guys out there with naturally saggy or droopy testicles and this forum is where they get together to chat about how apparently great it is.

One Giant Raccoon with Huge Balls as Requested

Now some people weren’t born with this “gift” so they resort to all manner of cock and ball torture to lengthen their scrotums. It’s really quite insane. Please heed this warning: If you have a weak stomach do not go to this website. Even I had to stop looking at it and my eyes have seen some seriously awful stuff!

This is actually something you are supposed to put your penis in... No joke...

Without further ado won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads the forums of Rantallion AKA The Low Hanging SupportÂ Group**. If you’re up for you it can read more about it at the Something Awful Weekend Web thread about the this site and one that is for people who like not wear underwear.

sex-sneeze — **Lou Reads: The Sneeze Fetish Forum** May 24, 2010
Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it?

I need two hankies! One for my nose and the other....

No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be an absolute weirdo about something else.. Look I’m not judging you. That is unless you’re already a member of this forum and thats because these people are very weird and the thats because they are sneeze fetishists. They proudly wave their freak flags in the safe haven of the appropriately named Sneeze Fetish Forum. If you don’t get what they are into you’re just beingÂ obstinate.Â Now one thing I found really interesting in the posts I read was that no one on this stupid forum ever talks about actual sex. Just that they love sneezes and get all frustrated or how they are going to explode. Where is the release, people? Anyway, you may not believe your ears when you hear the absurdity of this podcast. But it takes all kinds I guess… Just be aware that the next time you sneeze someone nearby may just be getting a boner (or explode-y) Â because of it….

What a sneeze slut! She's asking for it! (it being a tissue)

Won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads The Sneeze Fetish Forums**!

presneezeface — **Lou Reads: The Sneeze Fetish Forum** May 24, 2010
Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it?

I need two hankies! One for my nose and the other....

No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be an absolute weirdo about something else.. Look I’m not judging you. That is unless you’re already a member of this forum and thats because these people are very weird and the thats because they are sneeze fetishists. They proudly wave their freak flags in the safe haven of the appropriately named Sneeze Fetish Forum. If you don’t get what they are into you’re just beingÂ obstinate.Â Now one thing I found really interesting in the posts I read was that no one on this stupid forum ever talks about actual sex. Just that they love sneezes and get all frustrated or how they are going to explode. Where is the release, people? Anyway, you may not believe your ears when you hear the absurdity of this podcast. But it takes all kinds I guess… Just be aware that the next time you sneeze someone nearby may just be getting a boner (or explode-y) Â because of it….

What a sneeze slut! She's asking for it! (it being a tissue)

Won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads The Sneeze Fetish Forums**!

worktoilet — **Lou Reads: The Poop Report Forums. The Scoop about Poop!** May 07, 2010
So it has come to this. An actual website dedicated to talking about poop. Sure, people have issues with their poop. It’s a dirty shameful business. But the levels of hang-ups people have with their pooping is pretty out there. Believe me, I’ve seen it all working at a university. I’ve even ecountered people who actually do some of these things discussed in this weeks podcast. See if you can’t figure out which one matches this picture that I actually made for the bathroom on my floor.

This is the tip of the nastiness iceberg at my job

At least the person who smears poop all over the stall only struck once. There really isn’t much to say about this site except to acknowledge that there are some severely damaged people in this world. And this week their damage is all about the poopin’ and the fartin’! Enjoy listening to your poop chat from Poop Report dot com.

15-276x300 — **Lou Reads: Stories of Awkward Sex Times (NSFW)** Apr 21, 2010
I can't believe that condom was still inside me...

You’re probably like, “Why you gotta do another sex podcast, you pervert.” Look, I am old. So fucking old. I am living vicariously through you good people and all your fucky sucky stories. Even the ones where things go terribly wrong. At least then I come out a winner because even though I am not having sex* at least it isn’t the terrible awkward kind these people are having. Once again I’m delving into the wonderful world of the Something Awful forums to share what they have shared with the world. As always, the Goons spin some of the best yarns around! Won’t you please enjoy the Stories of Awkward Sexual Encounters.

*Authors note: I have had sex recently. It was not awkward.

** Double Authors note: Also, I was just listening to this podcast at work and discovered that people tend not to like hearing about sex in general, in public. Oh society, when will you catch up with me? Get crackalackin!

Disney must not sue! — **Lou Reads: Witch Forums. Spirit Attacks and Ouija Boards, OH MY!** Apr 09, 2010
So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of Â Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the **Lucky Mojo Forums** read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.

Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.

In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!

Na Na Na Na Na BAT WITCH!

ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? **ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!**

Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net

halloweenwitch — **Lou Reads: Witch Forums. Spirit Attacks and Ouija Boards, OH MY!** Apr 09, 2010
So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of Â Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the **Lucky Mojo Forums** read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.

Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.

In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!

Na Na Na Na Na BAT WITCH!

ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? **ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!**

Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net

Sick boy with a paige boy cut. Sexy. — **Sorry friends, I’ve been sick.** Apr 05, 2010
Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and Â sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.

I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.

Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.

Neytiri is a bangable anorexic! — **Lou Reads: The Avatar Forum** Mar 17, 2010
Kaltxi Ayeylanur oeyÃ¤! Let me tell you, it was harder than mounting my first Ikran to get through this episodes forum. At least with the Ikran you know its either going to work or you’re going to die. With the Avatar Forum I often wished I would die and yet did not. Both feats took amazing force of will so, you know… I got that going for me. Plus I got me a Ikran bird-dragon to ride… which is nice.
Who doesn't want to have sex with this? LIAR!

Seriously though, when is the last time a movie was so amazing that it made people so crazy they were depressed they couldn’t live on the fake planet in it. It wasn’t **Planet 51**, I can assure you. Anyway, these people love Avatar. They love it hard and long. If they spent 1/4 of that energy working on the planet they live on instead of wishing they were blue or having sex with a blue person (I get kinda depressed sometimes. Does that count for blue?) … well you get the idea.
This gives me a Space Boner!

You probably didn’t read this far… sigh. But if you did… THANKS! Without further ado won’t you please enjoy THE AVATAR FORUM

Jake Scully — **Lou Reads: The Avatar Forum** Mar 17, 2010
Kaltxi Ayeylanur oeyÃ¤! Let me tell you, it was harder than mounting my first Ikran to get through this episodes forum. At least with the Ikran you know its either going to work or you’re going to die. With the Avatar Forum I often wished I would die and yet did not. Both feats took amazing force of will so, you know… I got that going for me. Plus I got me a Ikran bird-dragon to ride… which is nice.
Who doesn't want to have sex with this? LIAR!

Seriously though, when is the last time a movie was so amazing that it made people so crazy they were depressed they couldn’t live on the fake planet in it. It wasn’t **Planet 51**, I can assure you. Anyway, these people love Avatar. They love it hard and long. If they spent 1/4 of that energy working on the planet they live on instead of wishing they were blue or having sex with a blue person (I get kinda depressed sometimes. Does that count for blue?) … well you get the idea.
This gives me a Space Boner!

You probably didn’t read this far… sigh. But if you did… THANKS! Without further ado won’t you please enjoy THE AVATAR FORUM

**Lou Reads: The Dick List** Mar 11, 2010
Thats right! I am yelling because I am a Dick!

Oh Ladies. I am so sorry you have to put up with us horrid and flawed man-creatures. For too long there was no where outside of coffee klatch or lesbian book store that women could go to complain about men in a widely available manner.

Well, back in the early days of the inter-web-tubes one woman realized that she could use the internet to fashion her rage at men into a sharp pokey-poking stick to jab at men and reveal them for the dicks there are. Thus was born **“The Dick List”** and I stumbled upon it back in the early 2000’s. I was just reminded of it by a comment here at Lou Reads and I decided to go back and see if it was still around. Alas, it had been lost to the internet sands of time. Struck down by the cruel reality of domain registration lapses. Luckily archive.org still had some of the hilarious complaints stored. I barely scratched the surface! Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: THE DICK LIST.

drug_trip — **Lou Reads: Drug Trip Reports from Bluelight** Feb 23, 2010
I love when people share their stories with me. Thats why I love the interwebs. It’s all people sharing all the time! Well this episode I’m revisiting some of my favorite kinds of sharing! I love when people talk about their drug experiences. Good or bad I think what people experience in their altered states is hilarious. I mean who can’t relate, right? You’re probably on drugs right now you dirty hippy. Anyway, I love drug trip stories. They are part confession, part bragging and part warning all in one. If someone tells you a story about having a close call with a drug they may really be warning you not to do it but in their heads they are shining their knuckles on their lapels and checking their nails. They are head-space explorers, you pissant!

I love me some drug trip reports

Lou Reads in no way condones all this illegal drug use. You should definitely not do drugs around Lou. Specifically do not say Crack or Freebase…. unless you got some…

Moron — **Lou Reads: Steady Health Forums. How Body Werks?** Feb 06, 2010
Dear people. Please pay attention when you are in school. Especially when you are in sex education class! For the love of god don’t just giggle and guffaw through it or you might end up like these poor people. As you will soon hear these fools are busy at work asking the internet things they should have learned in school or asked a doctor about.

Pay attention in School

Some of these questions aren’t stupid but odd. What I found most amazing was the amount of people claiming to have the exact same issues. What are the chances that you’ll find 15 women who recently had abortions who want to talk about it on a random health forum. Well one thing is for sure. The women at SteadyHealth.com are easy and won’t make you wear a condom.

Won’t you please enjoy **LOU READS THE STEADY HEALTH FORUMS**.

A grown man in a diaper — **Lou Reads: The Daily Diaper! A Place for Adult Babies.** Jan 19, 2010
What is there to say about adults that like to dress up like babies and poop and pee in their diapers? Besides shunning them and calling them on their twisted shit? Not much really. I mean these people are seriously damaged. They crave a simpler time. And somehow this time is directly tied to being able to take a shit in their pants.

I don’t blame you if you’ve already closed the window. Why this is a simpler time I don’t know. I mean it harkens back to when someone had to take care of you but somehow dressing like a baby doesn’t seem like a stress reliever to me. Nor does filling my pants with waste. Oh, I’m sure it’s MUCH deeper than that for these poor souls. Or maybe not…. This particular fetish is one I find super stupid. It combines play acting, effort and just so much nonsense that I can’t even entertain it. Yes, I am judging you, freaks. Wahhhhh.

Without any more delay won’t you please enjoy the grand stupidity known as the forums at the Daily Diaper. GAGA GOO GOO!!! WAH WAH!!!

A dummy man in a diaper — **Lou Reads: The Daily Diaper! A Place for Adult Babies.** Jan 19, 2010
What is there to say about adults that like to dress up like babies and poop and pee in their diapers? Besides shunning them and calling them on their twisted shit? Not much really. I mean these people are seriously damaged. They crave a simpler time. And somehow this time is directly tied to being able to take a shit in their pants.

I don’t blame you if you’ve already closed the window. Why this is a simpler time I don’t know. I mean it harkens back to when someone had to take care of you but somehow dressing like a baby doesn’t seem like a stress reliever to me. Nor does filling my pants with waste. Oh, I’m sure it’s MUCH deeper than that for these poor souls. Or maybe not…. This particular fetish is one I find super stupid. It combines play acting, effort and just so much nonsense that I can’t even entertain it. Yes, I am judging you, freaks. Wahhhhh.

Without any more delay won’t you please enjoy the grand stupidity known as the forums at the Daily Diaper. GAGA GOO GOO!!! WAH WAH!!!

Rocking the 1987 Stylez Yo! — **Lou Reads excerpts from a Graffiti forum.** Jan 07, 2010
Yo, Player! Yo, check it out. We gonna go do that crime tonight? You know the one with the spray paint? You know the one where other people within our specific subculture will notice our markings, potentially recognize them and appreciate or hate on them where as the rest of society will frown upon them? Yes, **we’re going out to do graffiti paintings on stuff**. That is what I am talking about!

From back in time comes the Hopeless Wackness

Oh, boy I hope that you don’t think talk about **graffiti is boring** because thats what this weeks podcast is all about! Thats right, jerks from all over the world sharing their love of doing “art” on public and private property alike. Now before you think I am being an ass about the subject know this: I was fully immersed in this subculture in the mid 1980’s! The above video is actually me **doing some graffiti** in the 80’s for a bad video performance art class I was in at the time. My FAIL tag was 20 years ahead of FAILBLOG! Be sure to read the comments on that video. People DO NOT LIKE IT.

Anyway, won’t you please enjoy this **podcast about Graffiti** and how to do it and not get caught… or if you’re caught how to not talk to the cops…

Check out the sexy rib cage! — **Lou Reads: Puking and Burning and Dumbness** Dec 25, 2009
Oh man there is nothing more disgusting than a fat bitch. Am I right? I mean seriously guys, you’re with me on this one, right? I can’t stand these “regular” chicks saying how fat they are. Shut the fuck up and do something about it! These super sexy people have it all figured out! Thats right, I’m talking about **Anorexics** and **Bulimics**. Why don’t you follow what these chicks are doing and join the ranks of the super sexy! Like this hotness! HUBBA HUBBA ZERO BLUBBA!

Oh I know what you’re going to say. “Oh Lou, these people have a problem!” Yeah they do. *Its turning down dates!!!*

Who isn’t going to ask for that the number of someone that hot!? Thats what I thought. Thanks for being honest! Another nice thing about dating these super hot skeleton ladies is that they usually have friends who are into **Self Mutilation**. As long as you don’t invest yourself emotionally with these chicks it can be a hell of a ride! Oh and if you’re interested in following in the footsteps of this babe I’m including this handy diet chart for you. Learn it, live it, LOVE IT!

Won’t you join me now as I fill your Christmas ears with tales of people who are dying to be thin and hurt themselves to remember what it’s like to feel. Because if there is one constant truth in this world its that people are super duper crazy and I like to read about it.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO LISTENS AND HAS MADE LOU READS SO FUN TO DO!

Also, just in case you’re wondering the music for this episode came from the Something Awful Goon’s Xmas Album. You can **find the whole thing for free here**.

Anorexic Food Pyramid — **Lou Reads: Puking and Burning and Dumbness** Dec 25, 2009
Oh man there is nothing more disgusting than a fat bitch. Am I right? I mean seriously guys, you’re with me on this one, right? I can’t stand these “regular” chicks saying how fat they are. Shut the fuck up and do something about it! These super sexy people have it all figured out! Thats right, I’m talking about **Anorexics** and **Bulimics**. Why don’t you follow what these chicks are doing and join the ranks of the super sexy! Like this hotness! HUBBA HUBBA ZERO BLUBBA!

Oh I know what you’re going to say. “Oh Lou, these people have a problem!” Yeah they do. *Its turning down dates!!!*

Who isn’t going to ask for that the number of someone that hot!? Thats what I thought. Thanks for being honest! Another nice thing about dating these super hot skeleton ladies is that they usually have friends who are into **Self Mutilation**. As long as you don’t invest yourself emotionally with these chicks it can be a hell of a ride! Oh and if you’re interested in following in the footsteps of this babe I’m including this handy diet chart for you. Learn it, live it, LOVE IT!

Won’t you join me now as I fill your Christmas ears with tales of people who are dying to be thin and hurt themselves to remember what it’s like to feel. Because if there is one constant truth in this world its that people are super duper crazy and I like to read about it.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO LISTENS AND HAS MADE LOU READS SO FUN TO DO!

Also, just in case you’re wondering the music for this episode came from the Something Awful Goon’s Xmas Album. You can **find the whole thing for free here**.

Lou Reads: Stories of Shameful Hookups Dec 11, 2009

Who hasn’t been there? You go out and the opportunity presents itself for some quick boning. The circumstances and the person at hand aren’t perfect but you’re determined to bust a nut or get filled up (or whatever means sex for your type of body) so you go for it. Everything fine until you’re done and then your guilt based programing kicks in and you start to feel bad about it. Does this describe you? Hell yeah. Does it describe me? Hell no! Mainly because I was always clueless to when a girl liked me and was too busy dreaming of the day I would have stuff to make a podcast about. Okay, so you and I don’t have that much in common but you and these guys sure do. They’ve lived the deeds and feel okay enough with their deviant lustful acts to share them. Won’t you please join me know as we take a virtual walk of shame with these brave folks in the podcast known as “STORIES OF SHAMEFUL HOOKUPS!” Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.

And won’t you also enjoy the above music video by the sexy and talented lady known as Shayna Ferm. I know her from my sketch comedy and improv days. She’s a nice lady.

**Lou Reads: Tales from the Drug War! Close Calls with the Law!** Dec 01, 2009
OH SHIT! There’s cops behind us! What are we going to do? Quick, toss the weed! I can’t get busted in my dads car!

ALMOST GOT ME, COPPER!

Ahhh close calls with the long arm of the law. They’re to be expected in the lives of those who choose to break societies rules. Stupid society always messing stuff up with it’s rules and stuff. This weeks podcast is a collection of stories with shared from the pages of the forums of International Cannagraphic Magazine’s forums. These tales are the true life stories of peoples encounters with the law in which they escaped unscathed (for the most part) from the long arm of Johnny Law. Many more people aren’t quite so lucky when it comes to these kinds of situations! They should probably read up with books like Busted!: Drug War Survival Skills and this guys Never Get Busted Again 1: Traffic Stops (2pc) DVD’s. Hey, it couldn’t hurt! Anyway, these are the stories of the lucky ones. The guys who don’t end up on Cops for having a pipe in their car. Not for lack of guilt, of course! Well lets hope that these kinds of stories are soon a thing of the past because they are the result of a ridiculously draconian drug war. Oops. I’m letting my opinions leak out again!

Won’t you please enjoy **LOU READS: Tales from the Drug War. Almost Busted Stories.**

**Lou Reads: Excerpts from the Our GOP forums** Nov 23, 2009
Oh my gorb! Obamer is going to do something crazy to the werld! His supreme court nomination wants to perform abortions in your living room with a bald eagle beak! Obama wants to change the nation currency to condom, just like Euro-town! Nancy Pelosi is 400 year old alien that needs stemcells to live! Obama and the Democ-rats are are considering making everyone take a shit at the same time. FIGHT THE SOCIALIST NATIONAL POOP CLOCK!

Separated at Birth

Alright, I may be exaggerating what you’re about to hear a little. The GOP forum is pretty boring but is there is also the special kind of crazy there that gives me the **jibblies**! While there is a WHOLE LOT of heart felt totally crackers nut jobs on this forum there are most certainly a fair number of rational voices in the weeds. Too bad they’re out numbered by the nuts. You can tell a nut by the number of youtube links and obscure articles they post to prove their point. Asking someone to watch 5 links that you feel prove your point is kind of unreasonable IMHO. And as we are now well aware, my HO is pretty much always the right O. Not so humble an O after all, I suppose. Anyway, on to the stupidity. In the name of fairness, if you you can find me an equally unhinged Democrat forum I’ll be happy to betray my loyalty in the name of some chuckles.

**Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Our GOP Forum**.

There ain't no cure for Baby Weiner! LMAO! — **Lou Reads: My Tiny Dick forum of horrors!!!!** Nov 11, 2009
LOL You Got a Babby Weiner

As we learned from the podcast I did for the **Large Penis Support Group** I am well endowed. I have always heard of there being a race of men who have extremely tiny penii but never really took those stories at face value. Let me tell you something. This may scare you… It is absolutely true. Horrible and awful and true. Oh, my damned eyes! Why have I clicked the links? Was it curiosity or do I just hate myself that much. Visions of vienna sausages and baby mice fill my mind. Luckily for you I went there so you don’t have to. All you have to do is listen to the nonsense that people at MyTinyDick.Net talk about. I warn you, there will be acronyms you’ve never heard of. Like SPH and SPG. These stand for Small Penis Humiliation & Small Penis Glorification. I think if you went to this site your natural inclination would be towards SPE (Small Penis Eradication.) That may sound harsh but I think we’d all be better off….

I know.... It was a cheap laugh...

Won’t you please enjoy listening to the delights to your ears known as **Lou Reads: MyTinyDick.net**

**Lou Reads: My Tiny Dick forum of horrors!!!!** Nov 11, 2009
LOL You Got a Babby Weiner

As we learned from the podcast I did for the **Large Penis Support Group** I am well endowed. I have always heard of there being a race of men who have extremely tiny penii but never really took those stories at face value. Let me tell you something. This may scare you… It is absolutely true. Horrible and awful and true. Oh, my damned eyes! Why have I clicked the links? Was it curiosity or do I just hate myself that much. Visions of vienna sausages and baby mice fill my mind. Luckily for you I went there so you don’t have to. All you have to do is listen to the nonsense that people at MyTinyDick.Net talk about. I warn you, there will be acronyms you’ve never heard of. Like SPH and SPG. These stand for Small Penis Humiliation & Small Penis Glorification. I think if you went to this site your natural inclination would be towards SPE (Small Penis Eradication.) That may sound harsh but I think we’d all be better off….

I know.... It was a cheap laugh...

Won’t you please enjoy listening to the delights to your ears known as **Lou Reads: MyTinyDick.net**

**Lou Reads: The Happy Bachelor Forum. A Place for Women Haters.** Nov 02, 2009
Hear ye, Hear ye! The Loyal Order of the He-Man Woman-Haters club is officially coming to order. Is there any new business with the LOHMWHC? Ah, yes. There is the matter of deciding where we should all get together online to bitch about how much we hate women. Does anyone have a suggestion that isn’t in Second Life? That gives the creeps. Whats that you say? A forum called Happy Bachelor that is all about men dealing with the mysteries of why women suck so hard and why us poor men even have to deal with broads and whats on their stupid minds. **OH MY GOD I HATE WOMEN SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!1**
I AM AN ANGRY WOMAN! FEAR ME!!!

Oh my…. Sorry, I lost control there… Look, just listen to the latest Lou Reads about this. Trust me. I have to go lay down. All this hating is giving me the wind.

**Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Happy Bachelor Forum**

Al Jaffe you are my hero — **Lou Reads: Stupid Questions from Yahoo Answers** Oct 27, 2009
Hey, is it okay if I ask you a stupid question? No? Fine, I’ll just turn to the internet for the answer. Someone out there will know what this thing on my testicle is. Hrrmmm I could go to a medical site… Nah, I’ll just go and ask the brain trust of Yahoo Answers! Why? Because yahoo answers has a wonderful community of people who are apparently constantly looking for questions to answer.

Do they have good answers? HELL NO! Why do people ask questions there when the answers tend to be so bad? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! It is a mystery! All I know is that if you type in almost any stupid and outlandish term into the search box you’ll almost always find a topic about it in there! Seriously. Using childish terms increases your chances of finding even worse questions.
People Are Stupid

Won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads: Yahoo Answers** starting…. now….

**Lou Reads: Stupid Questions from Yahoo Answers** Oct 27, 2009
Hey, is it okay if I ask you a stupid question? No? Fine, I’ll just turn to the internet for the answer. Someone out there will know what this thing on my testicle is. Hrrmmm I could go to a medical site… Nah, I’ll just go and ask the brain trust of Yahoo Answers! Why? Because yahoo answers has a wonderful community of people who are apparently constantly looking for questions to answer.

Do they have good answers? HELL NO! Why do people ask questions there when the answers tend to be so bad? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! It is a mystery! All I know is that if you type in almost any stupid and outlandish term into the search box you’ll almost always find a topic about it in there! Seriously. Using childish terms increases your chances of finding even worse questions.
People Are Stupid

Won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads: Yahoo Answers** starting…. now….

The thread about this album is 500 pages long! — **Lou Reads: The Real Rap Talk Forum** Oct 20, 2009
Aw Naw! Hellz nah, ya’ll gone up and done it! Ya’ll gone up and done it! Can I get a what what?! Just throw ya hands in the air and wave ’em like you just don’t care! And if you love to listen to podcasts about stupid shit somebody say “INDEED I DO!!!!!!!!!!”

Welcome to yet another super delightful episode of Lou Reads! I don’t even know what to say about this forum. It’s a great place to go and see gigantic, frame breaking images, it’s a great place to fine undiscovered hip hop talents and It’s a great place to steal content like movies, music and other stuff! It’s a one stop shop of stuff you could pay for but can’t be bothered to. It’s also a great place to go and read some really stupid arguments and opinions about stuff. When people aren’t talking about he music they are stealing and sharing they are having entertaining arguments. What do you think I focused on? The arguments of course, silly pants. Arguments and conspiracy theories are my bread and butter. Now I didn’t think that there would be anything too crazy on this forum but luckily I was wrong. A lot of it is really boring but when I hit that vein of hilarious dumbness I was pleasantly surprised! I hope you will be too. Won’t you please enjoy **Lou Reads: The Real Rap Talk Forum**.

The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die! — **Lou Reads: The Rapture Forums Forums** Oct 13, 2009

Do you hear them? The trumpets! The trumpets! Oh lawdy lawdy! Lawdy done come to take me up to my reward!!!!

Oh wait. It’s just that guy with the kicking stereo system down the street. Dang. I thought for sure it was the rapture. Sorry everyone, false alarm. You can stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth, I guess. Or wait… Maybe I was left behind? No… No… it was just a false alarm. Yes. Thats it…. I’m not the one who is burning in Hell on earth. Thats going to be you… Which is fine by me….

Oh my. Its the rapture again! Thats right, the fighting jesus is coming and he’s going to be super pissed at what a bunch of jerks you all are. Not me of course. Jesus loves me. Yes he do. Well, if he does its not because of anything I’m doing for him. These people however are placing all their hopes and dreams on getting all rapturized in the near future. Â And in their preparation for the end times and tribulations they indulge themselves in trying to decipher the signs god is sending them or the Devil is sending them or someone is sending them. And well they just love to talk about it. So won’t Â you join me now as I read for you the kooky ramblings of the fanatics at the Rapture Forums.

I made this for you because I can't cry in real life. — **Sorry for the Delay in Disturbing Hilarity** Oct 08, 2009

Hello friends. I’m sorry about the continued delay in amusing offerings. I just bought a new fancy-shmancy microphone and it came with ProTools. I’ve been trying to learn how to use it just to do my simple stuff but ProTools hates me to pieces. Every time I sit down to try it out I end up walking away because of some technical difficulty that makes no sense. Now I’m sure all you protools masters out there will say “of course your issue makes sense. You forgot to flip on the jimjam meter when you deviated from the dipdorp conundrum.” Well to you I say “ProTools LE shouldn’t be so insanely complicated. They should have a novice default layout for itself.” For the time being I am going to try to just record some little dumb things Â to hold you over. Don’t you quit on me!!! Not after all we’ve been through.

Also, if you know a forum I should be reading out-loud into the Â microphone for the people then by all means shoot me a comment or something at kinglou AT the gmails. Me want to hear you long time.

In the meantime may I recommend the following podcasts to fill your days.

The Flophouse, The Comedy Nerds, Jordan Jesse GO! andÂ Comedy Death Ray (will launch iTunes). You will enjoy these in my absence and I will return so very soon! Look for me in the East at the Third Moon! (thats my favorite gay bar.)

This is your door on drugs! — **Lou Reads: A Thread about Your Legal Rights** Sep 28, 2009
Hey there, are you a careless drug user? Do you wake and bake then drive and bake and then work and bake then just bake? Well if you’re a constant drug enthusiast then chances are at some point in the near future you will get into a legal situation for which you are unprepared. Well then, this is the episode of **Lou Reads** for you! Put those headphones on, light up a fatty and learn something that will blow your mind!!! It doesn’t hurt to throw on a barrister’s wig and maybe cue some episodes of Cops, too.

As the podcast will tell you this podcast is not a binding legal contract and the advice given there in is not necessarily 100% accurate for the area you live in. So I don’t want to get any emails where you claim I told you to sass some PoPo and ended up in cooler. Hellz naw! This is just to inform you of things you may not have known about your rights. I hope you enjoy it. If you don’t there really isn’t much you or I can do it Â about it. I mean it’s already been made…. can’t go back in time. Oh how I wish I could….

Alight, enough jibber jabber. Listen to the podcast already!

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