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    Christianity

    Kristen Welch

    We are THAT Family

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    Latest Episodes:
    WFMW: DIY Prayer Board Mar 05, 2014
    Show notes

    wfmw-300x198

    I love love love inspiring, intentional home decor.

    And so when I saw this project my sweet friend Justina posted on Facebook, I knew I had to make it.

    But I also know that I have to do laundry first and I didn’t want y’all to have to wait for me to get to it. So, I asked Justina to share this beautiful idea with you.

    1. I just took an old unattractive picture out of the frame, painted it with one coat of paint I had on hand.

    photo 2

    2. I used thumb tacks & twine to finish it.

    photo 1

    3. After it dried, I hung it in a central place in our home:

    photo copy 3

    4. And added the faces we have been praying for by name during our little Devo time every night, and I can’t even explain how awesome it’s been for our family. I want to add mini flags to represent where everyone is in the world. photo copy 2 P.S. While praying for our missionary & ministry friends, we now pray with our eyes open!

    ———————————————————————

    Thanks so much for sharing, Justina! Isn’t this the best idea, y’all? I love the visual reminder and I can’t wait to make one! I think it’s the perfect place to add our Compassion kid’s pictures and those we pray for regularly.

    And seeing my family on that board, definitely works for me.


    The Truth About Church No One is Talking About Mar 03, 2014
    Show notes

    I can remember lying beneath the pew on Sunday nights with my twin sister.

    I can remember coloring and drawing pictures quietly while the pastor preached.

    I can remember what happened when we weren’t so quiet.

    I can’t remember not going to church.

    We rarely missed the three weekly services and that didn’t count Easter Pageant practices and Friday night youth events. I left those pews for Bible college and left Bible college for church staff positions. I spent the first thirty-something years of my life inside the church walls.

    I’ve heard hundreds of topical, expository, textual, and biographical sermons. I’ve listened to dozens of personal testimonies and shared some of my own. I’ve attended discipleship courses and witnessing classes. I’ve done Beth Moore Bible studies for countless Thursdays and I’ve attended my fair share of Christian conferences. I have five versions of the Bible and 12 crosses in my home decor. I know a hundred Christian songs.

    I took it all in. I was a beefed-up Christian.

    But for most of my pew sitting years, I ignored something very important.

    I was full of faith, but I wasn’t obedient.

    powerful quote about Christians and service

    Our churches have everything these days–killer kids programs, cool and traditional decor, an array of worship styles, and some even have bookstores and coffee shops, fitness classes, x-box game rooms, multi media events, but something is lacking. It’s obedience.

    I’ve read the Bible my entire life, but for most of my time on earth, I haven’t done what it said. I stayed away from the big sins and wore my Christian t-shirts. But often when I was asked to serve or say yes to God, I would answer, “Let me pray about it.”

    I got fat on the Good News. I hoarded it all to myself and didn’t share it.

    And then a few years ago, I got fed up with my unhealthy diet of the American Dream. I was sick to death with affluenza. I was bored and busy with temporal things that didn’t matter.

    I was cured when I decided to do whatever God told me.

    I said yes and I will keep saying it–even when it feels small, even when I don’t know what to do next, even when I am inadequate. Because it’s not the results that matter–the success or failure–it’s that I am being obedient.

    I’m sad that for most of my Christian walk, I fell for the lie that church was the holding tank for believers. If I just went to church, that was enough. But church isn’t the culmination of Christianity, it’s the springboard for our obedience to God.

    I love my church. I look forward to attending every week! But the truth is we were never meant to just attend church. There are people all over the world dying for this faith. There are people held captive by sin and poverty, waiting on someone to come share the news about Jesus. Christians don’t have the luxury to add church to their lives like it’s an optional elective.

    Church isn’t the place where we draw the line at the door and say to those inside the walls “We are good. We are right. We are done.” Because when we do that we are saying to those outside, “You are bad. You are wrong. You don’t matter.”

    Instead we are commanded to turn our churches into a hospital for hurting people, not a club where we are comfortable. When we walk in obedience, it’s risky. It’s scary as hell. It’s the wildest thing we will ever do. When we are willing to walk away from our comfort zone and say to God, “I will do whatever you tell me,” we’re embarking on a journey that will change our lives. And nothing will ever make us feel more alive or fulfilled.

    This is Christianity. This is faith in action. These words from James chapter 2 (Message translation) leap off the page:

    Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

    18 I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, “Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I’ll handle the works department.”

    Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.

    19-20 Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That’s just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?

    21-24 Wasn’t our ancestor Abraham “made right with God by works” when he placed his son Isaac on the sacrificial altar? Isn’t it obvious that faith and works are yoked partners, that faith expresses itself in works? That the works are “works of faith”? The full meaning of “believe” in the Scripture sentence, “Abraham believed God and was set right with God,” includes his action. It’s that mesh of believing and acting that got Abraham named “God’s friend.” Is it not evident that a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works?

    25-26 The same with Rahab, the Jericho harlot. Wasn’t her action in hiding God’s spies and helping them escape—that seamless unity of believing and doing—what counted with God? The very moment you separate body and spirit, you end up with a corpse. Separate faith and works and you get the same thing: a corpse.

    This is the truth no one is talking about. Obedience transforms the church from a meeting place to a moving body with flexible parts so that together we can reach a broken world.

    A couple of Sundays ago, we drove a loaded u-haul truck in front of our church that they had rented for us to hold the donations. What started as a simple yes of obedience turned into an avalanche of action from our church. My daughter asked, “Are we going into church today?” We had an hour drive to the refugee apartment complex where we would serve the rest of the day. I looked at my watch, “No, honey. Today we won’t be going into church.”

    photo copy

    “Instead we are going to BE the church.”

    We are going to put our faith in action.

    We worked like dogs for people who’ve been treated worse than dogs most of their lives. We were hot and sweaty and outnumbered. We were overwhelmed and exhausted.

    We were the church inside out.

    At one point, as I led an elderly man around with his voucher to choose his 15 most needed items, he stopped and said in broken English, “Do you love the poor? Only people who do this love the poor.”

    I stopped and answered slowly, “Yes, sir. I love the poor.”

    And without hesitation he looked me square in the eyes and said, “Then you must love Jesus.”

    The truth of his words were like a sucker punch.

    I am compelled to obey–not because I just want to do more–frankly, I have enough to do. I am compelled to obey because I love Jesus and I have to share him. It’s an overflow of the miracle that has happened within me. This is the gospel.

    This is our job. This is the moving body of Christ.

    There is a local ministry in place that is helping refugees and I’m just joining in. But as I’ve started talking to local churches about supporting this new refugee endeavor in our city, I’ve been cautioned, “We can give you money, but if you need people, that will be challenging.”

    It’s time we exchange our comfortable seats for a place of service. It’s time we say, “We are full; we have enough, it’s time to share.”

    It’s time to make our churches a hospital.

    It’s time to open our eyes to the needs around us, right in our own cities.

    It’s time to stop just attending church and start being the moving body of Christ.

    With feet in action.


    I Think We May Be Missing Something Very Important Feb 24, 2014
    Show notes

    It was a hot February day in Texas. We only had a handful of volunteers and hundreds of needy refugees had already formed a line, so everybody had a job. Even our kids. Especially our kids.

    From across the parking lot, I watched my 14 year old give directions to the handful of kids barely taller than her waist. This small army of children were in charge of the mound of toiletry and hygiene items we were sharing with refugees in our city.

    I blinked back tears as they divided the supplies into over 100 paper sacks.

    1662670_10152181562114590_212700481_n

    They sorted donations, led refugee families around the free garage sale, and collected their vouchers for needed items.

    They worked for hours and never complained.

    Earlier in the weekend, I felt guilty for roping my family into all this extra work. What started out as a simple yes, ended up being a time-consuming-several-day event that is now an on-going service project.

    Volunteers helped us organize and sort a truckload of donations, spread out on our driveway. When my 6th and 8th grade kids got off the bus, their friends asked if we were hoarders.

    I think that might be called Junior High persecution.

    sorting donations

    As I watched my kids work hard in preparation for that day, jump in and serve refugees and navigate a language barrier, I quickly realized they didn’t need an apology for not making the weekend fun! filled with more stuff! just for them! all about them!

    It reminded me how healthy a bit of hard work is for all of us and how rewarding it is to serve other people.

    As parents I think we’ve missed something very important in our culture. In an effort to make family a priority and give our kids what we didn’t have, we’ve become a child-focused culture. In many ways, we’ve lost our purpose. The sense of entitlement our kids exhibit is fueled by a parenting model that is obsessed with giving our children what they want and by making our kids the center of our lives.

    In a way, we are just too into this parenting thing. We used to have birthday parties where A CAKE made it special and now it’s an EVENT. We used to pass out store bought Valentine cards, now we have them professionally printed with photographs and candy and goodie bags and mylar balloon bouquets. We used to play outside with sticks and get dirty; now kids have a variety of expensive game systems and a lot of technology at their disposal.

    This quote by Jerry Seinfeld made me laugh because it’s so true. But then it really made me think.

    The bedtime routine for my kids is a royal coronation jubilee centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi circle of emotional support. I have to read 8 different moron books to my kids. Do you know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? DARKNESS. My parents would yell “Go to bed!”

    We’ve all probably done the bedtime dance. I remember one of my kids had to have a certain color of pacifier to HOLD in her hand before she’d sleep. So, clearly, I’m no expert here. I’m learning from my parenting mistakes, too.

    But in centering our world around our children and giving into their demands, we foster entitlement.

    Most entitlement begins because we lack the courage to tell our children no or because we don’t exhibit the strength to keep our no a no.

    We continue to enable entitlement by rewarding our kids for everything they do.

    We may be taking away the sense of satisfaction and pride that comes from genuine achievement.” Jason Walsh, a special education teacher in Washington, D.C., witnessed this firsthand during his school’s fifth-grade graduation ceremonies. Some students received as many as 14 different awards. “The majority of the students didn’t know what their awards really meant,” says Walsh. The honors “didn’t reinforce a specific achievement—but a sense of entitlement and of being great.”

    Kids don’t need more stars and stickers.

    They need more hard work.

    Kids don’t need more activities.

    They need more unstructured time.

    Kids don’t need more stuff.

    They need more opportunities to give their stuff away.

    Kids don’t need more store-bought or manufactured fun.

    They need freedom to create their own.

    Teaching our kids about serving

    I looked at my exhausted, dirty children who gobbled down sandwiches in the car on the way home after our full day of serving, grinning silly and full and I didn’t feel bad at all.

    Because I realized I had given them something money couldn’t buy. I had offered them something more valuable than the latest technology or hottest brand. I had given them perspective. And opportunity.

    A few days later, I wanted to reward my kids. I’m definitely not against a pat on the back. But as I offered a small token for their great attitudes and hard work, it occurred to me they didn’t need a sticker or star or reward from me for serving others. It was time for me to change the way I parent.

    Because working hard and serving others was their reward. Just ask them.

    Available Now


    If Your Marriage is Broken Jan 28, 2014
    Show notes

    It was 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday in January and we were still in bed.

    Is there a better way to begin a weekend?

    My husband flipped to his side and said, “I’m sorry.”

    I stretched and yawned myself awake and that’s when I remembered we’d gone to bed the night before irritated at each other.

    It was a stupid little fight. Aren’t they always? It wasn’t really about the price of ski pants (don’t ask). It was simply the result of two thick-headed people who both wanted their way and refused to budge.

    We’ve been married 19 years. You’d think we would have moved past this stage–the one where we argue over insignificant things, get mad and pout. And we have in many ways. It happens less often and we get less angry and over it more quickly, but every once in awhile, I want my way more than I want to get along.

    “I’m sorry, too,” I whispered.

    And then we talked about why we got mad in the first place. It’s always a deeper issue. Most arguments about money are really about fear. Most arguments about parenting boil down to control or the lack of it. But on this particular lazy Saturday morning, the conversation led to a long talk about things we were struggling with personally.

    When I reluctantly left the cozy down comforter for a quick shower, I felt like I knew my husband a bit more. I could see the stress and burden he carried more clearly. And I wanted to bless him. He understand why I was on edge and we vowed to love each other better.

    That pillow talk wouldn’t have happened without first the struggle. When we can push past our little grievances and irritations and lift the veil of life and circumstances, we can grow together towards God, instead of apart.

    Our world used to fix broken things, remember that? Our grandmothers darned socks with holes in them. Our grandfathers rebuilt and repaired damaged things. Our moms superglued little $1 store figurines.

    Now we throw things away.

    We live in a disposable culture that tosses damaged things because it’s easier. It’s quicker, it doesn’t require hard work or humility.

    if your marriage is broken, don't throw it away. Fix it

    If your marriage is broken, don’t throw it away.

    Fix it.

    Take your marriage back and fight for it. Talk. Forgive. Change. Confess. Laugh. Counsel. I understand that not every marriage is repairable. But for those who let little issues become bigger than they should, I urge you to fix what’s broken, instead of starting over.

    We don’t do a lot for Valentine’s Day at our house. But we proudly show off our love all year long–there are less repairs that way when the storms of life hit.

    While these shirts won’t fix a broken marriage, they are an easy way to get started–new Union28 “My Husband/Wife Rocks” T-shirts!

    2014-Valentine-HomePage

    [Updated with winner, Rachel, random commenter #34]

    One couple will receive a his and her shirt and a pair of *ahem* these or these (winner’s choice). Leave a comment if you’d like to win.

    Discount Code: Use Code U28LOVE5 at checkout for $5 OFF any Union28.net order of $25 or more. (Does not include Clearance items or Gift Certificate purchases) OFFER VALID THUR February 14, 2014.

    Make every day special, even the broken ones.

    How To Pray for Your Strong-Willed Children Jan 23, 2014
    Show notes

    My little girl barged into the bathroom while I was soaking in the tub.

    My head snapped up from my book.

    She walked over to the edge of the tub and stuck both hands in my warm water.

    And wildly splashed.

    There went my relaxation. And my privacy (thanks, broken bathroom door lock). And my temper.

    “Please don’t touch the water again,” I whispered through gritted teeth.

    She stared at me and let her fingers hover over the water, so close to touching, but not quite. So, obeying. But just barely.

    This is a strong-willed battleground and I know it well.

    how to pray for your strong-willed child

    In the last 14 years, between my two strong-willed girls, there have been meltdowns and tantrums and wild words and power struggles. There have been moments of anger and tempers and tears and regret from all of us. We have hurled angry words at each other over little things that don’t matter, the color of clothes, the length of shorts, the scary stuff under beds.

    We have found our way, only to falter and find it again as we navigate this life together.

    Much of parenting is two steps forward, one step back.

    My daughters are loyal. They are determined leaders. They stand for justice. They work hard and are fiercely protective of those they love. They can’t be bullied or manipulated. They are rule followers, but also risk-takers. They are respected by their peers. They know what they want and nothing can deter them. They are passionate lovers and fighters. And they never stop talking.

    They walk into a room and light it up.

    SBP_8239c

    Their iron clad wills have rocked my world. And even in the hardest moments when I fail them or they fail me, I wouldn’t change who they are for a minute.

    Because their fierceness will change the world.

    And so I pray this over them, under them, before them and after them:

    God,

    You gave me strong girls. They are a gift. You and I both know, this is a hard calling.

    Please help me not to crush their determined spirits with all my rules and regulations.

    You created them to color outside the lines, give me the courage to let them.

    Channel their determination into purpose. Turn their stubbornness into pliable willingness to say yes to you. Teach them to yield their steadfast spirit and help me to let go of what doesn’t matter.

    I need help mothering: Show me how to look past the attitude and see a pure heart. Lead me to look for the good and appreciate the crazy. Instead of controlling them, teach me to empower them. And instead of drawing a line in the sand and demanding my way, remind me that these girls are a whole lot like me.

    Oh, and see what you did there.

    Most of all, teach all of us how to follow you.

    Amen.


    The Most Important Thing We Can Teach Our Kids in an Over-Sexualized World Jan 16, 2014
    Show notes

    It was the middle of the night. Or day. Or whatever that fog of time is called when your jet-lagged family is in-between flights at an airport in Paris, on the other side of the world.

    We had an extra hour and we were on a mission to find Chapstick for our windburned lips. We stumbled into one of those airport stores that has everything from duty free cigarettes to luggage and split up to start our search. My husband walked one way, but I thought I spotted the familiar red and white tubes and headed the other with my little one following behind me. The label was in French and I wasn’t sure if I’d found what I was looking for and turned to look for an English speaking attendant.

    That’s when I saw my two older kids. My teen daughter had a shocked look on her face and was just turning to look for me. I heard her say her brother’s name sharply after she noticed what he was staring at and his head snapped up just as I walked towards them. He looked at me. “Mom?” he said confused. I looked at the row of magazines in front of him and realized my son was standing in front of a half dozen magazine covers in the center of the store. Pornography.

    It was Europe after all.

    The most important thing we can teach our kids in an oversexualed world

    “I didn’t mean to look,” he said. “I just…’

    “It’s okay, son. Looking once is unavoidable. It’s what we do after that first look that matters.”

    Everything is filtered in our home: we have protected Internet, our Netflix account has a parental password, we opted in addition security on Google images, and Net Nanny on our phones.

    We aren’t paranoid, we are proactive. Plus we are highly sensitive to this topic since it nearly destroyed our marriage nearly ten years ago.

    We are also prepared. We talk about the dangers online. We have a stack of books we’re working our way through from living in purity to fighting lust. We are open about what our kids are exposed to from peers.

    2014-01-12 05.42.14

    Protecting our children from our sexually-charged culture is something we work hard at. And in one unavoidable moment, it happened. My sixth grade son saw pornography right in front of me.

    And that’s when I realized something gravely important: It’s impossible to filter the entire world. I can’t do it forever. It’s not realistic or even my job. Instead I have to equip my kids.

    You can’t turn on the TV during a half-time football game and escape breasts and tiny shorts or checkout at a grocery store and miss Miley Cyrus hanging nude from a wrecking ball. My kids don’t have smart phones to receive sext messages or view explicit images online, but friends at church and school do. And really, we’re all just one click away from something we can’t un-see.

    The most important thing we can teach our kids is self control. Because let’s face it: no matter how well we parent, our kids are going to be tempted. It goes with being human. Self-control is the ability to control our emotions, abilities and desires. It’s the power to stop spending money we don’t have, to tell our kids no when entitlement rears it’s ugly head. It’s exactly what we need to teach our kids to stop eyes from looking the second time.

    Without self-control, we are absolutely defenseless against sin. “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Proverbs 25:28. When the word self-control is used in the Bible it describes a person who is willing to get a grip on their lives and take control.

    Self-control is the key to living in our sex-crazed world without giving into it’s lustful appeal. And as hard as it is to accept, our kiddos are sexual creatures and at some point in their lives, it will appeal to them. That’s why we can’t wait. Here are three things we can do to help our kids (and ourselves) exercise self-control in their lives:

    1. Model it. Our kids are watching us and we are their example. And when you blow it, apologize and try again.
    2. Ask God for it. Self-control is a gift from God. The more we get work on our relationship with Him, the more empowered He makes us.
    3. Teach it. It’s easy to feel unprepared. Don’t be afraid to rely on solid resources like Passport2Purity; Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle; Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle; Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World

    My husband pulled my son close as we paid for the Chapstick and walked towards our gate. “Whenever you see something like that, look away immediately. Bounce your eyes and try really hard not to look again. You might be tempted to look again, but ask God to help you have self control not to.”

    I’ll never forget that day in the airport on that cold day in December. But instead of remembering it as a day of failure, I see it as a day of opportunity to teach my kids the importance of self-control and second chances.

    *Updated to add* If you’re not a regular reader here you might read this post out of context with the way we live our lives for God (and what I’ve written for years). While I’m encouraging parents to teach self control and fleeing sin to their kids, that’s only part of it. It’s mostly about pursuing Jesus and showing our kids how satisfying it is to have a relationship with him. The closer we are to God, the less we want the things of this world. That’s the foundation we base our lives on.


    What Really Happens When We Give Kids Everything They Want Jan 09, 2014
    Show notes

    “I want it.”

    Why?

    Because everyone else has it.”

    (Or does it. Or wears it.)

    It’s a conversation we’ve had countless times in our house. It doesn’t matter what it’s about–the newest technology, the latest fad, the most popular shoes- it’s treacherous ground to add it to our want list so we can be like everyone else.

    These five dangerous words are turning homes upside down. When we give our children everything they want (because everyone else has it), it speeds up their childhood: We have six year olds addicted to technology, carrying around their own ipods and iphones without limitations; eleven year old sons playing bloody battles of Assassin’s Creed over the Internet with strangers instead of playing ball outside; And 13 year old daughters shopping at Victoria’s Secret, wearing angel wings across their bums, looking far older than they are.

    But worse than losing a generation of children, this choice breeds a nasty virus. Because maybe if we keep giving them everything they want, they might just drive a new car intoxicated and kill four people and be diagnosed with affluenza.

    The psychologist testifying for the 16 year old boy who did just that, defined affluenza as this: children who have a sense of entitlement, are irresponsible, and make excuses for poor behavior because parents have not set proper boundaries.

    And when you write a little post about the warning signs of entitlement and it’s shared nearly 800,000 times, perhaps we’re all a little scared of our kids catching the same bug.

    “I am an RN working on a psych unit, and I see everyday the effects of entitlement. I see adults in their 20′s and 30′s who always had everything they ever wanted given to them while growing up, and now they just don’t get it. They are unemployed, either living with parents or with one friend or relative after another, or on the street. Having been given everything they ever wanted without working for it while growing up, they don’t feel that they should work for anything now. They were raised to think they could do no wrong, but instead of growing up to have high self-esteem, they have grown up unable to function. They cannot take disappointment of any kind. So we have a generation of kids that don’t want to work and can’t function as adults. Because they have no coping skills of any kind to deal with life, they become depressed and often turn to drugs and/or alcohol to feel better. Then, they end up on our unit, depressed, suicidal, and addicted,” a comment on this post.

    Why are we saying yes to our children too early, too soon and pulling in the boundaries? I’m not sure, but I think it starts here:

    1. We don’t understand the future implications of giving them everything they want right now
    2. We want them to have the life we didn’t
    3. We are afraid to tell our children no because we know there will be backlash or because we think they will feel loved if we say yes.
    4. We want them to fit in with their peers because it’s hard to be different.
    5. We feel it’s often easier just to give in
    6. We struggle with a bit of affluenza ourselves

    This excellent article shares the symptoms of this nasty virus:

    To conquer the affluenza virus, though, one must first recognize it within himself and ask why and from where it comes. Ask yourself the following questions:

    Do you frequently buy things you do not really need?

    When shopping, are you unable to control how much you spend?

    Do you envy the lifestyles of the rich and famous?

    Do you feel bad when your neighbors have things you do not?

    Do you measure yourself by what others have?

    Do you ever use shopping as a means of escape?

    Do you use your possessions to impress others?

    Do you compare your possessions with what your peers have? If so, do you experience a feeling of superiority that yours are better?

    Do you speak often about the things you want?

    Do you find yourself complaining about the things you want but cannot afford?

    Do you think of spending your money more often than saving it?

    Do you often think your life would be more complete if you had more money and possessions?

    “Jesus, speaking to the people, he went on, “Take care! Protect yourself against the least bit of greed. Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have a lot.” Luke 12:15

    So what’s the cure?

    Maybe it starts with the little word no. We aren’t going to buy, get, do that just because others are. It’s okay to want things, but there’s a big difference in getting something because you love it and getting it because you want to be loved.

    Maybe it starts with deciding why you do what you do. Don’t let the culture lead your family. Because it certainly will. I heard this week the most popular word among teens in 2013 was twerking. Do we really want society guiding our children?

    Maybe it starts with reality–no, not everyone has, does, gets ____ (fill in the blank). We’ve discovered other people who don’t have ____(fill in the blank), but we’ve had to look for them and pray them into our lives. The world will tell you (and your kids) you’re completely alone. But that’s a lie. There are other families swimming upstream against our society and affluenza.

    Maybe it starts with a dab of old fashioned failure (I love what this teacher said below).

    “Some parents don’t wish their kids to fail. I admit I want my children to. I want them to fail, so they can learn how to get back up. I want them to not get every gift they want on their Christmas list, so they can appreciate what they have and work for what they don’t. Lastly I hope all of them get at least one or two teachers they hate. That way they will learn that in the real world, they will have to work with people (and bosses) they may not like,” a teacher who left a comment on this post.

    Maybe it starts with exposing them to how the majority of the world lives. Affluenza is a first world problem. Hunger is a real world problem. Give them an opportunity to serve others.

    Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

    I really don’t think our kids want the latest technology or the hottest name brand as much as they want something else. Oh, they think they do. And they will beg and plead (and drive us crazy) for it. But deep down, they are hungry for something deeper that satisfies and lasts a lot longer than just stuff. Giving them firm boundaries, love and perspective is exactly what we can offer them.


    5 Signs Kids are Struggling with Entitlement Dec 19, 2013
    Show notes

    5 signs kids are struggling with entitlementI finally wrapped a couple of gifts and put them under the tree. I don’t know about your house, but the minute I do this every year, my kids get really interested in what’s happening under the tree. Curiosity kills my kids. And the cat.

    “Mom, when are you taking us shopping to buy gifts for you and Dad?” one of my kids asked.

    “Do you have money to buy gifts?” I asked.

    Eery silence.

    “Well, I was thinking you could give us money. Um, to buy your gifts with,” came the answer.

    Every month we give our kids money and it’s up to them to buy things they want (we provide things they need and also many wants). When I reminded my daughter of this, she said, “Oh, I wanted to buy a cute Christmas shirt with my money.”

    Ah, choices.

    When I polled my other kids, they too, were short on money and big on expectations. Now, I’m not a Scrooge and I don’t want to rob my kids of the opportunity to give gifts to others. But I also refuse to rob them of the privilege of hard work. Because that’s when the joy of giving is revealed.

    So, I created a Jobs to Earn Money For Christmas Gift List and stuck it on our family memo board. I mentioned it once and waited to see who really wanted to give gifts this season.

    photo

    In our culture, it’s hard not to let entitlement creep into our homes and lives. It’s especially challenging not to fuel the expectations of our kids by our own parenting choices to make life easy for them and give them everything they want. We struggle with the “you owe me” mantra in our home. I’m writing about this because it’s an issue we really battle. But the first step is admitting it.

    According to this must-watch Glen Beck segment, there are four cultural trends that contribute to the entitlement movement:

    Self Esteem Movement– Raising kids with the “you are special” mantra isn’t healthy for kids. They don’t need to hear they are the best at everything and everything they do is the best (instead of look at me, it should be I’m a person of value that God created. Self esteem isn’t bad, but narcissism is).

    Celebrity Culture-Reality TV shows highly dysfunctional people, and celebrates bad behavior. Rich celebrities are portrayed as ignorant and they are worshipped in our culture.

    Emerging Media– The growth of social media has altered reality, enhanced self-promotion, offers a “fake” sense of who we really are, as opposed to who we present online. Technology is not bad. It’s like fire-it serves a good purpose, but it can get completely out of control and dangerous.

    Credit Bubble-This culture feeds on comparison. Not only in comparing ourselves to what others have, but also in getting it for ourselves even when we can’t afford it.

    In our own homes, these trends can manifest in our children. This is what it might look like:

    Five Signs of Entitlement in our kids:

    1. I want it now. Kids are impatient and who can blame them? We live in a drive-thru culture and instant gratification is well, instant. And often we find ourselves living in fear of saying no because our children are used to getting what they want.

    2. I don’t want to work for it. Why work when it can be given to you? It’s fosters a cycle of laziness and poor work ethic when we constantly give to our children without requiring any work. We need to create entry points starting at a young age for our children to contribute to household chores and jobs.

    3. I don’t have to clean up my mess. We battle this one often. I’m learning to choose my wars. But I believe this is also responsible living. If you make a mess, you clean it up.

    4. I want it because everyone else has it. My 7 year old has asked for an Elf on the Shelf every day this week. Why? Because she feels left out that many of her friends have one. And that’s awesome for them, but I don’t want that to be the focus of our season and I honestly don’t have time or energy to create things for the stuffed animal to do. The bottom line for us: it’s okay for you not to have what everyone else has. I asked my daughter, if everyone had a swimming pool, would you want one too? She said yes. Clearly, we are working on this one.

    5. I expect you to fix all my problems. I love to help my kids out. But there’s a fine line between helping and aiding bad behavior. If my child forgets their lunch everyday and I bring it everyday, there’s really not a reason for them to ever be responsible. My kids expected us to give them money for a gift for us. Instead, I found it the perfect chance to teach them about hard work and let them solve their own dilemma.

    This week, my son spent about 4 hours raking leaves in our big backyard. He had blisters on his hands and he worked very hard.

    photo

    My oldest babysat for five hours and my youngest earned money by cleaning and organizing under all the sinks in the house. When I took them to Target to Christmas shop, they were so proud to use their money. My teen spent more than she planned, “Mom, I love the way it feels to buy for others” she said as she counted out her hard-earned money.

    My job here is done.

    Not really, but it did make me smile to hear those words. The reality is, entitlement will rear its ugly head more than once this week and probably next. It’s a constant battle to remind our children and ourselves that we aren’t owed anything, that life is a gift and it needs to be appreciated.

    So, what do we do about it? We can counteract these negative expectations by expecting more from our kids and teaching them these principals from Empowering Parents:

    • Money doesn’t come easily.
    • People work hard to earn money; it’s part of life.
    • If you want something, you need to work to earn it.
    • You are not entitled to things you haven’t earned.
    • Compassion for others (show them third world problems, so they have perspective on their first world ones)
    • Responsibility for Actions: there are consequences and rewards for our behavior and choices

    Parenting is hard. Doing it in our culture is even harder. But it is possible to raise grateful, hard-working kids who put others first. That’s my goal anyway.

    Available Now


    How to Have a Stable Home This Christmas Dec 08, 2013
    Show notes

    It’s strange to return from November on the Equator to December in full swing in the Lone Star. To an unlit house, undecorated tree, unwrapped gifts. And six days of unturned Advent pages.

    Motherhood and Christmas go together. It’s mostly up to Mom to hang the stockings over the mantle with care, to make the house happy and bright, to play Santa if she so chooses, to handle the wrapping and coordinate the baking and to keep Christ in Christmas…. It’s a pleasure and pressure pot, all this merry-making.

    And throw in hectic calendars, three school band concerts this week, a 6 year old turning 7, a basketball game and the emotional ups and downs that sometimes accompany the holidays… oh, and jury duty on a Monday.

    It’s enough for an undoing.

    “Mom, we are so behind on Christmas,” my 6 year old said as I stood over an intimidating pile of unwashed laundry and unpacked suitcases.

    She wanted to do the things of Christmas. And I was about to come unraveled.

    Her words matched my own holiday To Do list, the one that reminded me that if we were really going to capture the magic, we would have to chase it down, and fill our days with pin-worthy recipes and memory-making and house-decorating, shopping and crafting, parties and handmade gifts in recycled jars.

    She precariously carried a box of ornaments from upstairs where they’d been sitting since November-something. Itching to catch up, I opened the plastic lid and held a red glass Santa, a favorite from my childhood. And it slipped right thru my fingers and shattered.

    Into a thousand bright pieces against the unforgiving tile.

    Broken.

    It left me feeling shaky.

    It left me looking around for something stable.

    how to have a stable christmas

    My oldest rushed into the room frantically looking for her winter scarf that matched the cozy sweater that went with the tall brown boots. She turned the house and the atmosphere upside down as only a teen girl can do and before I could say ho ho ho, it was a winter storm of attitude and anger.

    Peace, it’s what I crave. Not just in my home, but in my heart this Christmas.

    Peace that says Rest.

    Stop.

    Don’t Do.

    Be. Still.

    Because this year, I’ve decided we won’t catch up. We won’t mark it all off our list. We won’t get the best cyber deals or go ice skating at the mall (thankfully). We won’t make homemade ornaments or trim our tree to be magazine worthy. There won’t be an Elf on our Shelf.

    We will be behind this Christmas.

    But isn’t that was followers do…stay behind? They are led. By a Leader. The One searchers found swaddled in a barn, born to die. To be the gift we unwrap this Christmas.

    And He is saying Peace, be still. Not as the world gives, but as I give.

    I swept up the glass on the floor and asked this Savior born in a messy stable and a broken world to give me a stable home this Christmas.

    To fill me with peace, not more pieces, to quiet the raging, waiting list and help me focus on the unending gift of His presence. The Present.

    How to Have a Stable Home This Christmas With Your Children:

    1. Do less Stuff: Resist the urge to do it all. You don’t have to make all your gifts, compete with the neighbors, be Mom of the Year this season. It’s easy to get so tangled in the festivities that we are left exhausted and undone. I remember having a meltdown one year because I missed a couple of devotions on the Advent Calendar with my children. Oh, y’all. Christmas is not about doing and I’ve learned that the hard way.

    2. Be the Gift: Want to bless those in your life? Want to give your kids the most memorable gift ever? Be the gift. Give your love and time. Turn off the distractions and live.

    2. Stop Keeping Up: I’m not visiting Pinterest these days. Once I decided I can’t keep up with all the perfection of matching Christmas pajamas and hand stamped gift wrapping, the desire to keep up left me. We can get so wrapped up in doing Christmas, we miss the true meaning altogether.

    3. Seek Peace: If you long for peace this season-in your home and heart- find Jesus. If you’re kids need peace, your marriage, He’s there. That’s where we will find peace. Jesus is Peace.

    4. Be Still: I love Ann’s new Advent Devotional, The Greatest Gift: Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas. If I could recommend one resource, this is it: It’s short, daily, doable chunks of inspiration (even if we are days behind). It’s a moment for our family to connect around the table, add an ornament to our simple Jesse Tree and pause our busy lives. I especially love the fill in the blank spaces for reflection.

    5. Be Led: Instead of following our culture down a sparkly-lighted path that demands more is more, be a follower. Be a disciple of Jesus, our leader. The great thing about our children is they will generally follow where we lead. He will guide us if we let Him.

    Sometimes life can feel precarious and uncertain this time of year.

    The only way to remain unshaken is to start at the stable.


    Raising Grateful Kids in An Entitled World Nov 21, 2013
    Show notes

    When my family moved a few miles away to a smaller town last year, we swapped a huge school district for a smaller, more rural one, a push mower for a broken down riding one that my hubby fixed and city sewage for our very own septic system (just don’t play in the sprinklers). And while we are still close to The City (and by city, I mean Target and Chick Fil A), it was time we two-stepped over to the other side–and became a boot-wearing family.

    grateful

    On the way to the Rodeo a few weeks ago, one of my kids had a nasty, ungrateful outburst and I was half tempted to leave them in tennis shoes (the horror), but grace won out. Outfitting our children in cowboy boots was quite a splurge (hubby and I already had some).

    After a fun day, we drove home, and this same kid’s ugly attitude showed up again with a bit of entitlement thrown in and it went downhill from there. There was dysfunctional family activity (so glad my life isn’t a reality show) and my husband asked for the boots back. This sort of broke my country heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

    We didn’t buy the boots, so we could return them. As a matter of fact, my hubby couldn’t find the receipt at first and I bit my nails because THIS PARENTING THING IS SO HARD. We wanted our child to share the joy down to their feet, but it was the heart that needed the immediate attention.

    The said child cried and begged and promised and fretted. And then pulled the grace card: “Why can’t you show me grace?”

    I piped up and said, “Buying you the boots in the first place was grace” and then I recounted the earlier behavior.

    My husband put the boots back in the box and stuck them on a high shelf in the laundry room and said,”If you want the boots, you’ll have to work for them.” He pointed to the huge mulched areas in the front yard and then the back. “You have 3 days to pull every weed. I won’t remind you, it’s up to you. It’s your job if you want it. It pays in boots.”

    And that was that.

    I wanted to high five my man and sob with my child, all at the same time. Because, lo, the weeds were many.

    Our big yard is muddy and wet and full of weeds and I grimaced at the job, wondering what my child would choose. I was a silent cheerleader on their behalf. And my heart soared when I heard the front door click and I saw my offspring in old clothes sit down for the long hours ahead.

    For the next two days, I watched my child work hard and get hands dirty and heart tender.

    When my husband handed back the boots and I heard a true apology on my kid’s lips, I knew we had all won. “You earned these. I won’t take them away again.” A certain little cowhand is walking high around here and those boots means twice as much this time around. Hard work pays off and changes us in the process.

    We live in an entitled world and whether we like it or not, children in our culture are consumers. It has become a global issue because they are a captive audience and the average kid views up to 40,000 commercials a year and business pour up to 17 billion into that advertising. Source. If you still doubt, just walk down the Easter aisles in your local store. Because only a consumer-driven society could take a Savior on a cross and turn it into a four aisles at the grocery store.

    “Marketers want to accomplish two things with our children:

    1. Awaken and amplify their desire to consume
    2. Blur the line between wants and needs.” Source

    And this combination is creating a generation of children who aren’t grateful, who expect everything to be handed to them and don’t really know how to work and this breeds the greatest enemy of all: discontentment.

    Just look at what our culture has done with holidays. They’ve turned it all into hoopla and not only is it confusing to our kids to live in a world of made-up celebrations, it muddies the waters of the Holy ones and their true intent is lost.

    If “true godliness with contentment is great wealth” (1 Timothy 6:6), then discontentment leaves of spiritually bankrupt and completely empty.

    Honestly, I don’t blame the kids. As parents, we often foster this mentality with our own actions. We compare ourselves (and our homes, cars, etc) to what others have, we let media (and ultimately, advertising) influence our home by not limiting screen time and we have a hard time deciphering between needs and wants.

    Fighting the entitlement battle in our home is hard, but here are some things we are doing to try and live counter-culturally in this area:

    1. We are Asking for Hard Work– I think many kids in our culture (my own included) don’t know much about hard work. I grew up in a house that worked. We cleaned and did yard work every weekend and everyone helped clean up the kitchen every night. A few weeks ago, we spent most of the day in the yard. And the more my kids complained, the more I realized how much we had neglected giving them hard, dirty work. My kids get their own laundry basket and take over washing, folding and putting away their clothes when they turn 8, they take turns helping clean up in the kitchen and their rooms, but it was clear to me that a little hard work was needed. I’m excited to say a truckload of dirt and rock are sitting in our driveway right now, waiting a few hard workers. Oh parenting, you do come in handy. (Phil 2:14-15)
    2. We aren’t Making Unrealistic Promises-We regularly tell our kids not to expect us to pay for college. While we hope to help in some way, we don’t have plans to pay it for their college education in its entirety. We expect them to work hard now, focus on their gifted areas, get scholarships, part time jobs, etc, to contribute. We try not to make them promises that only enhance the entitlement attitude in our culture or promises we don’t know if we can keep.
    3. We are Sticking to Consequences-If we suggest a consequence, we commit to seeing it thru as often as we can. I’ve come up with some stupid consequences in my day and have regretted my rash tongue. But something clicks in our kid when they understand we are serious about some things.
    4. We are Limiting Media-Hushing the voices of our culture that is telling our kids all the stuff they need comes in part by tuning it out. Media specifically targets our children to want a lot of stuff they don’t need. We have a TV and computers and devices, but besides filtering them, we turn them off. My kids still complain about it, which reinforces exactly why it’s important.
    5. We are Exposing Them to the World-I’m a firm believer that an entitlement attitude is in direct correlation to perspective. When you’re only looking and thinking about yourself, you can only see what you want. But when you remove the blinders and see needs around you and in the world, it alters your perspective. Exposing our kids to other cultures and how most of the world really lives, stirs up gratitude like nothing else.
    6. We are Extending Grace-Living by a bunch of strict rules and do’s and don’ts isn’t the answer. Being flexible with your own rules is not only necessary, it’s healthy for your family. And let’s face it, who doesn’t need extra grace? We are on the same team.
    7. We are Examples in our Mistakes-Ouch. This is the hardest. When I compare and complain, I’m leading by example. When I am thankful and gracious, they are watching. As I make mistakes, I’m offering them the greatest lesson. It’s important to admit when we are wrong and ask for forgiveness when we hurt our kids.
    8. We are Raising them to Be Different– I Peter 2:11 Our society has low expectations of kids. We expect toddlers to get what they want and teens to be rebellious. Instead of helping our kids fit in every area of their lives (an impossibility, really), we are encouraging them to go against the flow, reminding them we’re supposed to be different than the world. They are normal kids and have longings to fit in-we all do. We just aren’t going to compromise our beliefs or lives to do so in every circumstance.
    9. We are Relying on God- By far, parenting is the hardest job. And honestly, there are so many days, we don’t know what to do. Our kids belong to God. He loves them more than we do. He wants to guide us down the hard roads.

    Our family certainly didn’t need new boots, even though we plan to wear them for years to come. But walking a mile in them taught us a great lesson in gratitude. Some days we feel like we’ve lost the battle against entitlement in our home; we are still in the trenches, trying to figure this all out. But as we reflect on Jesus’ sacrifice and turn our attention to The Cross, it’s thankfulness for His sacrifice and our chance at New Life that I want them to grasp the most.

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