Intimate Interactions

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Making Babies in Consensual Non Monogamy (Elle) May 05, 2019

Show notes

Elle and I chat about relationship anarchy and finding baby-raising nesting partners. Non monogamy and coparenting are definitely things that can work together. Enjoy our lively conversation and possibly the dulcet sounds of my trying to discreetly eat an orange while recording. We talk about time allocation and how hard these issues can be to navigate as a woman.

We briefly discuss how the gender pay gap is getting to a point where it’s almost entirely due to motherhood. In equal partnerships where both share domestic duties rather than assuming it’s the woman’s job (think “I have to go do some dishes rather than I have to go help my wife with the dishes”), even in those equal partnerships, the man will go to work and if it’s known he’s a father, he’ll make a little more than men and women in the workplace. The mother, however, will go to work and make significantly less than her non mother female coworkers. I’ve included a link as I find it both horrible and fascinating.

We also recorded a session about dream living arrangements and forming intentional non monogamous communities, and we’ll tackle that topic in a few weeks if you’re a patreon. For now, I’m excited to have Elle back to discuss non monogamy and how it intersects with parenting.

Resources

NYTimes: The Gender Pay Gap is Largely Because of Motherhood

See the study below, page 39 figure A vs figure B of this study from Denmark. Look at page 39 figure D to see the wage rate and how mothers 20 years after having their first child are paid less even when you take into consideration hours worked and that motherhood in its immediate demands are behind them. It’s also possible that when paid less, people choose to work fewer hours; so it’s a bad assumption (especially 10-20 years later) that working fewer hours is necessarily why people are paid less, especially when they proportionally more hours as evidenced by page 39 figure D.

“if a college-educated woman has one child, she will lose about a million dollars in lifetime earnings. I didn't have my child until I was over 40, and I already had a number of years working. But my Mommy Tax is close to a million.” - Ann Crittenden

Compassionately Communicating Needs (Sia) Apr 20, 2019

Show notes

Service is complicated
Shame is powerful
- It might once have been complicated
- The results to me feel very simple
- Worth is hard to foster
Coping with worthlessness is hard
Self care isn’t obvious to many people
My journey of understanding self care began with what’s called Compassionate Communication or Nonviolent Communication, NVC for short
Thinking about what I needed helped
Learning words for feelings

Needs Inventory

Feelings Inventory

Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

A Veteran of Masculinity (Kyle Huntley) Apr 06, 2019

Show notes

A kinky, nonmonogamous reserve forces veteran and former MRA discusses different cultures of masculinity and what healing has looked like for him on the road to healthier relationships with himself and his intimate partners.

Addiction and Our Intimate Selves (Yana Skorstengaard) Mar 16, 2019

Show notes

Yana, a criminology student, discusses addiction, shame, abuse, and intimacy from her own experience and research.

Educating without Colonialism (Kyle Huntley) Mar 02, 2019

Show notes

An educator and former MRA discusses SOGI (sexual orientation and gender identity), GSA (gender and sexuality alliance), and the importance of curriculum. We discuss accomplishing learning objectives using content from queer and indigenous sources.

Prison, Gender, and Addiction (Yana Skorstengaard) Feb 16, 2019

Show notes

Yana, a criminology student, discusses the intersection of prison, gender, and addiction with me. We haven't seen each other in more than a decade, so we spend some time catching up first.

Personal Growth in Nonmonogamy (Emma) Jan 19, 2019

Show notes

Relationships of all shapes and sizes require skills. While monogamy and nonmonogamy sometimes require different skills, sometimes they suffer from the same pitfalls. Emma talks about some toxic relationship ideas and monogamous ideals that don’t serve us in nonmonogamy. My Relationship Primer is available at https://victorsalmon.com/relationships

A Good Day for Sex Work (Selena) Dec 22, 2018

Show notes

I chat with Selena, a sex worker for an escort service downtown about the stigma and dangers of sex work. We discuss sex work types, legalities, and resources. Resources are posted on posted about testosterone in older men and how women can promote testosterone secretion in men. We also discuss STI stigma.

Opening Up Preparation and Perfectionism (Emma) Dec 08, 2018

Show notes

Emma, a woman in a monogamous partnership is currently in discussions surrounding opening up her relationship. Today we’ll talk about why Emma wants to practice nonmonogamy, what she’s interested in practicing, and the preparation / pre-work she’s been doing to try to make the transition as easy as possible. We talk about Emma’s primary partner T and her emerging queerness and kinkiness. (Episode 23)

Dealing with Shame (Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti) Nov 03, 2018

Show notes

Shame expert Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti discusses her experience of shame and then offers some strategies (and a worksheet linked in the description) on transcending shame.

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