Intentional Living with Tanya Hale

#331 Sense of Self Oct 28, 2024

Our sense of self, how we see ourselves, how we understand ourselves, and how we accept ourselves is core to our capacity to show up in healthy ways in our lives. When we have a strong sense of self, all aspects of our lives run more smoothly, from our personal growth and happiness to our ability to have happier and more successful relationships. When we have an under-developed sense of self, all aspects of our lives will struggle. We will constantly be floundering in our personal lives, in our relationships, and in all of the other things we engage in. We will not have that underlying sense of calm and peace, the fulfillment and satisfaction with the paths we are on. In this episode, we are laying the foundation for understanding what our sense of self is and where it comes from, and in the next few episodes, we will explore more in-depth how to strengthen our sense of self.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

11 I Am Enough

29 Validation

36 Belonging and Fitting In

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

118 100% Responsibility

130 Exploring Our Darkness

179 Being Kind to Yourself

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

232 Feeling Empowered

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough

310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

#330 Stuck to Your Ex Oct 21, 2024

Many of us, when we get divorced, create a story about our ex that keeps us stuck. And even if you're not divorced, you may have a story about your current marriage or family that keeps you stuck. Stuck in victim mentality, where you feel disempowered and at the mercy of someone else to change before you can feel better. Very often, we can't change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change the perspective, the story we tell ourselves, about the circumstance, and that has the power to move us forward and get us unstuck. It's a concept that is powerful in any strained relationship in your life.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

31 Choosing Your Life 122 Your Story About You 123 Your Thoughts About You 291 Divorce and Self-Worth 250 Being a Victim 263 Greatest Hits - Being a Martyr 264 Greatest Hits - Still Being a Martyr 292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce 312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1 313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

#329 Five Strategies for a Rotten Marriage Oct 14, 2024

In his book, The New Rules of Marriage, Terrence Real talks about five losing strategies that we often use in our marriages. I think all of us are guilty of using these, but when we are aware of what they are, and are willing to see how we have and do use them in our relationships, we can start to clean up our thinking and our behaviors and really start to create relationships that are intimate and strong, and partnerships that are equal and engaging.

#328 Divorce Indecision Oct 07, 2024

Some decisions are harder than others. Everyone I have worked with or talked to who has gotten divorced says that their decision to do it was the hardest one of their life. Whether it's divorce, or another decision that is super difficult for you to make, understanding why it's difficult and how you can process all the pieces is a valuable part for helping you to make that final decision, whether it's to stay or to go.

#327 Learning to Love Your Human Self Sep 30, 2024

Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves for being human? We were created, by God, to be a human, and yet we can have such a difficult time embracing our imperfect humanity. When we can instead embrace our humanity, love the learning journey, and praise the imperfect path, we will not only grow faster and with more comfort, but we will enjoy the life journey we are on.

#326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe Sep 23, 2024

We all seem to have this innate drive and desire to be right. And yet, there's a pattern I often see that the more we are right in a relationship, the weaker the relationship is. This is because we often push our being right on others at the expense of them feeling safe. They feel judged, criticized, and maybe angry, but not safe. And creating safety in our relationships is a vital part of creating a healthy relationship.

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#325 Greatest Hits - Overflow Sep 16, 2024

Remember the analogy about filling our buckets? I don't love that one. And the reason I don't is because I feel it leaves us always in a scramble for keeping out buckets full since we're always emptying them out with acts of service. So, here's an idea for you. How about if we move into a space of overflow, where our service for others comes from our overflow rather than from our bucket? How do we get to this space of overflow? That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast.

#324 Greatest Hits - The Tolerable Life Sep 09, 2024

It can be super easy to slide into a life that we're not passionate about. I've heard so many people say that their life isn't what they want, but it's okay. They have leearned to tolerate a life that feels far below what their spirit is aching for. And that's not okay. You have great things to do and amazing contributions to make in this world, and it won't happen when you are living a tolerable life. Moving out of this life requires courage and a boatload of work, but it is so worth it when you feel a deep fulfillment and a 'coming home' to who you are meant to be. So, how do we stop tolerating a life that we don't love? We start to recognize when and where we're tolerating and we courage up to creating movement. Let's do this!

#323 Greatest Hits - Taking Risks and Becoming Sep 02, 2024

Often in middle age we get really comfortable, and in that comfort, we neglect that inner voice inside of us that says we still have great things to do, that there is still growth and understanding for us to move into. And yet, it can feel scary to listen to that voice and courage up and do something different. But until we do, we will never find the deep joy and satisfaction that life has to offer.

#322 Greatest Hits - Stuck in 'I Don't Know' Aug 26, 2024

One of the most important things we can do when we want to grow personally is to learn to be honest with ourselves. And when we rely upon the phrase, 'I don't know' when things come up for us, we are being dodgy. We are not being honest with ourselves because, we really do know. Sometimes it's just painful and a lot of work to look deep within ourselves to see what we need to see. And this resistance to self-awareness keeps us stuck. Let's explore why and how this works and how to move into the deeper work of figuring it out.

#321 Clean Love and Relationships Aug 19, 2024

Last week we revisited a concept called 'clean love', a space where we learn to love without expectations of others. A question I frequently get when discussing clean love is, 'But aren't there inherent expectations in relationships, such as a marriage?' The answer to that is absolutely. So, in this episode, we are going to be discussing how to have clean love and also have expectations in our relationships for the best possible outcomes.

#320 Greatest Hits - Clean Love Aug 12, 2024

Today we are revisiting episode #92 Clean Love. This is one of my favorite concepts that I teach about, and for those of you who haven't gotten that far back in listening, here's your chance to catch up on this concept. Clean love is a space where we learn to love without expectation, without an agenda, something that many of us don't know how to do, and may not even be aware that we are loving with conditions. When we can learn to clean up our love, we show up better, and we have more clarity around our relationships and how and when boundaries can be important.

#319 Get Ready to Rock the Boat Aug 05, 2024

Many of us were raised to believe that not rocking the boat was the best bet for happy relationships, and yet, from my experience, not rocking the boat created an unequal relationship that caused feelings of either resentment or contempt in my relationship, both of which were very destructive. Rocking the boat is not only necessary, but also an important part in any healthy relationship, and yet we also want to make sure we are sending gentle waves and not a huge tsunami. So how do we do that? Listen in and see!

#318 The Challenge of Parenting Adult Children Jul 29, 2024

We hear a lot of talk about how hard it is to raise toddlers and teenagers, but not many of us were prepared for the challenges of having adult children. In this episode we are discussing five reasons it can be so challenging and how to work through them so you can be the kind of person you really want to be with your adult children.

Want to check out some more podcasts about adult children?

#99 Parenting Adult Children #129 Parenting Discomfort #157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children #180 Better Relationships With Our Adult Children #182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our Lives #202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children #237 You'll Never Be Enough For Your Children

#314 When Boundaries Are Hard

#317 Fawning – What Is It, Why Do We Do It, and How To Stop Jul 22, 2024

In recent years, fawning has been added to the survival responses of flight, flight, and freeze. While fight is a conflict strategy and flight and freeze are avoidant strategies, fawning is referred to as an appeasement strategy. When we fawn we seek to bring ourselves into alignment with the other person, who our brains perceive as a threat, by people-pleasing, saying yes when we want to say no, or doing what it takes to avoid conflict. Though fawning can work out well short-term by diffusing the situation, it makes it impossible for us to create healthy relationships. Understanding what fawning is, why we do it, and how to stop is an important conversation.

#316 Confidence To Make Tough Decisions Jul 15, 2024

Sometimes the decisions we need to make feel overwhelming and super scary. And because of that we hesitate and procrastinate, and we drag it out and cause ourselves extra hours, days, weeks, months, or even years of angst as we struggle to make the decision. How can we find the confidence to make decisions easier and faster? And how will we know if the decision we make is right? The answer to those question lies in our SELF confidence.

#315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please! Jul 08, 2024

People having a mid-life crisis is common enough that it is often the focus of movies and tv shows, memes and jokes. It is often portrayed as middle-aged people buying expensive cars or running off and having an affair. But a mid-life crisis does not need to be something that brings down the financial well-being or the family. If we understand it and approach it from the inside, rather than the outside, it can be an amazing turning point in our lives for tapping into our life's possibility, of creating a renewed zest and energy for life that feels amazing. In that context, I absolutely say 'Yes, please!' to a mid-life crisis.

#314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard Jul 01, 2024

Setting healthy boundaries is an important part in every relationship, and sometimes, it is just so hard. When the other person is not happy about the boundary, when they get angry or make accusations or threats, it can be so challenging to stick with what we feel is important for our relationship. So, when we get pushback from those few special people in our lives, how can we hold to the boudaries that we decided to set?

#313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2 Jun 24, 2024

This week I get to interview my husband, Sione, on his experience with moving forward after divorce. Though it can often feel as though divorce is the end, and it absolutely is in some ways, it can also be the beginning of greater self-awareness, cleaning up your dysfunctional behaviors, and creating a life, and even a relationship, you could only dream about when you were in the thick of a really difficult marriage.

#312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1 Jun 17, 2024

Divorce is tough, and when it happens to you, it can be devastating, and it can feel like the end. And to be honest, in many ways it is. But divorce can also be the beginning of finding yourself in a way you never have before. It can be the beginning of understanding who you really are and how you can grow into a healtheir and happier version of yourself. In this episode I am talking with my good friend and fellow life coach Wendy Lee Johnson about her divorce journey and how what seemed like the end, really turned into the beginning of an incredible life journey. You can find Wendy at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com or on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff.'

#311 The Business and the Personal of Relationships Jun 10, 2024

There are parts of our relationships that we would consider 'business', and parts that we would consider 'personal'. When we get the two all jumbled together, we end up with a lot of drama and miscommunication. On this podcast I'm talking with my great friend and fellow coach Wendy Lee Johnson about how we can recognize these two aspects of our relationships and approach them differently to strengthen them. Check her out at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com and on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff'.

#310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'Us- by Terrence Real Jun 03, 2024

In Terrence Real's new book 'Us', (one of my newest favorites) he talks about our adaptive child. This is the part of us that learned to adapt to the dysfunctional parts of our childhoods, which we all had. And although these adaptive behaviors served and protected us as children, very often they are destructive to our adult relationships. In this episode, I am sharing Terry's insight about our adaptive child and how engage our 'wise adult' instead.

#309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like May 27, 2024

When I work with many of my clients regarding their one-up and one-down beliefs and behaviors, they often find themselves at a loss to describe what an equal response would look like or sound like in their circumstance. We don't live in a world where equal partnerships have been modeled for us, in fact, mostly we live in a world where the opposite has been modeled, in our families or origin, extended families and friends' families, and on TV and in movies. In this podcast, I dig a little deeper into what equal relationships look and sound like and how we can move our relationships in this direction.

#308 Stop Dabbling and Start Doing May 20, 2024

Some of the areas where we can feel the most stuck in our lives are places where we are just dabbling with change in our lives rather than digging in and doing what needs to happen to create the change we want. And yet, dabbling is comfortable and easy and even justifiable, whereas committing to doing is scary and risky and requires some determination and courage. When we choose to move into doing, into some dogged determination to create the change we want, we will create said change. And once the commitment is fully made, we will even find and energy and drive behind us that will carry us through the challenges that will inevitably lie ahead.

#307 Curiosity, Not Criticism May 13, 2024

When we're not paying close attention, we can very easily slip into critical words and behaviors in our relationships. Often, we won't even see it, because in our minds we are being helpful or just expressing concern or our opinion, but it can still very easily be perceived as criticism. And criticism breaks down relationship by treading on trust and respect. When we create awareness around our critical tendencies, stop criticizing, and instead move into curiosity, we create deeper connection and intimacy. Curiosity strengthens our relationships whereas criticism destroys our relationships.

#306 The Problem with Happiness May 06, 2024

We live in a society that can be a little happiness obsessed at times. And though the thought of being happy all the time can sound lovely, it's just not going to happen. Life is meant to be messy, to be challenging, and to provide us with a lot of opportunities to figure out the tough stuff. It can be difficult to remember this when we live in a world where discomfort is seen as a problem to be avoided rather than just part of life. This week we are discussing how to balance out the discomfort of life and our quest for happiness.

#305 When We Don't Feel 'Good Enough' Apr 29, 2024

Most of us, at one time or another, have had a story that we are not good enough. And it can really wreak havoc in our lives. It can cause us to feel insecure, and from that place we struggle to be the person we really want to be. Understanding how to address our 'not good enough' thoughts is a life-changing skill that will bring a confident and beautiful approach to life.

#304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives Apr 22, 2024

It is really easy for us to create dysfunctional and destructive relationships when we haven't learned how to respect and honor others' personalities, preferences, and perspectives. These three things are at the heart of who people are, and when we reject these things, we reject them. And when we reject them, we shut down the opportunity to create deeper friendship and intimacy.

#303 The Thought Model Reteach Apr 15, 2024

Although I talk about the thought model and use it here on the podcast, it's been a while since I talked about the basic parts of it and how they work together. On this podcast we will be looking at how the circumstances in our lives are neutral, how we have thoughts about those circumstances, how those thoughts create feelings, how our feelings fuel our actions, and then how our actions create the ultimate results in our lives. When we can understand this model more clearly, we have the tools to clean up our lives and our relationships in ways we never imagined. And it all starts with a thought. . . huh! Who knew?!?

#302 Gottman’s Four Horsemen – Destroying Relationships Has Never Been So Easy Apr 08, 2024

John Gottman is a brilliant relationship expert who has done an amazing amount of research on what makes marriages successful. He has identified four elements of dysfunctional behavior in marriages that are especially destructive, and he calls these The Four Horsemen. These four elements are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. In this podcast we are digging into these four behaviors and learning how to identify and clean them up in our own relationships.

#301 The Primitive Brain Problem Apr 01, 2024

Our primitive brain does some amazing things for us. However, if we aren't paying attention, it can keep us stuck and struggling to create the kind of life we really want to have. When we learn to manage our primitive brain and engage our pre-frontal cortex, we have the capacity to really show up for our life in the ways we want. On today's podcast, we're learning just how to use your brain to do what you really want to do.

#300 Lessons Learned From the Second Year of Our Second Marriage Mar 25, 2024

Today Sione and I are celebrating our second year of marriage, and we have a lot to celebrate! In this podcast we are talking about how we have grown this past year, tools we have learned and implemented, and ideas we have come to understand better. This is a chance for you to see how the tools I teach here on the podcast are implemented in real life.

#299 Love Is Not a Reward Mar 18, 2024

I think a lot of us grew up believing, at some level, that love was a reward for good behavior. And yet, when looked at through the eyes of God, love is never a reward. Love is actually the first and greatest commandment, it is a law. The law of love teaches us that regardless of how others act, regardless of how we're treated, regardless of what is said or done, our responsibility in every situation is to learn how to love. That's a tall order, to be sure, and it is also the way to find our greatest happiness and best relationships ever.

#298 Friendship In Marriage Mar 11, 2024

Many of the people I work with who are struggling in their marriages find friendship with their partner to be elusive. It was there when they got married, and over time, they have become more and more distant, negative, and dismissive, until they find they just don't have a good friendship with their spouse anymore. And this is a huge problem. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert has said, 'happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. . . a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.' It's time to rekindle the friendship in our marriages, and in this podcast we're going to talk about how.

#297 Why Can’t We All Just Get Along? Mar 04, 2024

I hear so many people who just want us all to get along. What many of them are meaning is, why can't everyone have the same opinions and wants and needs? Why doesn't everyone just do things the way I want and then it would be easy? Of course that would be easy, it would also defeat a huge part of the reason we are here on earth, to learn to be more loving and accepting and respectful of other people's agency. So, maybe we're actually not all supposed to get along, maybe we're really supposed to learn to love and accept other people for who they are and honor their agency.

#296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship Feb 26, 2024

When we feel safe in our relationships, we feel we can show up with more vulnerability. When we show up with more vulnerability, we create more emotional and physical intimacy. But oftentimes, the behaviors we are engaging in in our relationships put the other person into protective mode rather than feeling safe, and so we struggle to create the connected relationships we really desire. In this podcast we will talk about ten ways we can create more of a safe space for our person.

#295 Safety in The Relationship Circle Feb 19, 2024

So many of us did not learn growing up what it means to be in a relationship. If you're like me, you thought that growing up and getting married would mean that you would have someone to love you, to shore up your insecurities, to validate you, or to agree with your opinions. If you're like me, what you wouldn't have thought was that a relationship is a place to learn how to be more loving and kind and show up in a space of US rather than a space of ME. In this podcast we are digging a little deeper into what it means to show up in relationship to create a safe space for our partner.

#294 The 90-day Relationship How To Feb 12, 2024

When I really got serious about dating in my 50's, I used something called the 90-day Relationship. An idea baby of Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School, I took it and ran with it. Basically, you're all in, fully committed, and figuring things out for 90 days. It was a brilliant process for me to figure out relationships more and to find my person. Through this process I discovered some of my most destructive patterns of behavior and was able to clean them up. Check out this podcast to learn more about why this process worked so amazingly well for me.

#293 Dating in Mid-life Feb 05, 2024

Dating in the middle part of our lives is a different ballgame than when we were in our 20s. Thank goodness! We have a much better understanding of who we are and what is really important to us in a relationship. And using the tools you learn here on the podcast you will be able to create something very different. I'm going to be sharing with you some of the ways that I showed up dating in my 50s that I feel made a huge difference for me finding such an amazing partner.

#292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce Jan 29, 2024

Divorce is a major life event, and one that can leave us feeling as though our whole world has been upended, because, often it has been. It can be really tough to get our feet on solid ground with all of the emotional and even physical turmoil that divorce creates. How do we start to heal from all of the pain? And how do we move forward into the life we imagined waited for us outside of our terribly dysfunctional marriage?

#291 Divorce and Self-Worth Jan 22, 2024

If ever there is a time in our lives when our self-worth seems like it's up for grabs, going through a divorce is it. It's a time when we question our judgment, our wisdom, our value, our loveability, basically, we question so much of who we are and the choices we have made. And yet, having a strong sense of self is so vital to our abililty to move forward and heal and grow. So, how can we hold onto, or even grow our sense of self-worth? How can we see our value even in the midst of one of the toughest decisions in our lives?

#290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships Jan 15, 2024

One-upping and one-downing in our relationships is so normal and expected for most of us, that we can often have a tough time recognizing when we are doing it. Here are two things to look for to help you be more aware: resentment and contempt. When we are putting ourselves in a one-down position, we will often feel resentment. When we are putting ourselves in a one-up position, we will often feel contempt. When we can learn to recognize these thoughts and behaviors, we can then start to figure out how to approach our relationships from a much healthier and happier equal place.

#289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation Jan 08, 2024

Validation is something that we often seek from others to shore up our sense of self. And this never really works, because SELF-worth is something that can only be created within ourselves. Validation in our marriages and relationships, however, is a very important tool. It lets the other person know we see them, we acknowledge them, we accept them, and it creates connection and intimacy. In this podcast we are discussing how we can better validate our relationships to create greater connection.

#288 When You’re In a Tough Marriage Jan 01, 2024

It's hard to know what to do when you're in a tough marriage. You have tried so many things to make it better, and often it seems that despite your best efforts it's getting worse. You're stuck in limbo trying to decide what to do and whether you should call it quits or keep trying. What can we do to make it better? How do we know what the right decision is? How do we make a decision we can feel confident in? All that and more in this podcast.

#287 Equality In Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth Dec 25, 2023

Our natural tendency as humans is to go into a one-up or a one-down approach in our relationships, especially when there is conflict. And yet, this tactic is incredibly ineffective in helping us to communicate clearly and get on the same page. In addition, when we engage with one-upping or one-downing the other person, we are attacking our own sense of self-worth, which then exacerbates our tendency to go up or down. Let's clear this up, shall we?

#286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships Dec 18, 2023

Miscommunication is a silent killer in our relationships. The tricky part is, we often don't even realize we are miscommunicating, and yet it causes so many fights and so much frustration for us. When we can understand why miscommunication happens, we can behave in ways that will clear up what both of our expectations are about and we can preemptively stop most of the fights before they even start.

#285 Trust & Betrayal Dec 11, 2023

When we talk about betrayal in relationships, we most often think of the really big betrayals such as infidelity. But just as important are the small betrayals that can occur over and over in our relationships that erode trust over time. Trust is such a vital part of our relationships, and when it's not there, we also don't have emotional intimacy or partnership. Learning to recognize our small betrayals and clean them up is vital in order to create stronger relationships.

#284 Why Vulnerability Matters Dec 04, 2023

Many of us grew up in homes where we didn't receive any training about vulnerability in relationships. We were fairly uneducated about emotions, and it has shown to be very detrimental in our marriage relationships. My previous 24-year marriage struggled with a severe lack of vulnerability, and today we're talking about why that was such a problem and the difference vulnerability will make in your emotional intimacy.

#283 How To Be A Better Partner Nov 27, 2023

Sometimes our relationships can get difficult, or if not difficult, a little stale. In those times it can be hard not to check out and show up in a way that nourishes our relationship. Today we're going to talk about eight ways that we can be a better partner in our marriage relationships, or in any relationship. When we show up better, the relationship is always better. And since the quality of our life depends mostly on the quality of our relationships, it's always helpful to give our relationships some solid TLC.

#282 What We Are Really Fighting About Nov 20, 2023

Sometimes in our relationships we find ourselves fighting a lot. The fascinating part about this is that what we're fighting about, isn't really what the fight is about. We may think it's about them being a side-seat driver when it's really about our insecurities about being thought of as not being good enough or being wrong. When we can dig a little deeper into what's really going on, we can learn to have some meaningful and intimate discussions that create connection rather than fights that lead to disconnection.

#281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Nov 13, 2023

Learning to step into our God-given sexuality is a necessary step to coming into a sense of self. And having a strong sense of self is vital in being able to create the life we are capable of and develop the equal marriage relationships we desire. In this episode, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife discusses how sexuality often manifests itself in middle-age and how we can learn to create a healthier sexual relationship in our relationship.

#280 Living in Alignment Nov 06, 2023

Living in alignment is a place where our thoughts and behaviors are aligned with our values. Just because we are human we will get out of alignment, we will say and do things that hurt others, that break down trust, or that don't exemplify our religious beliefs. Learning to offer ourselves grace in these times and then understanding how to get back into alignment will heal our hearts and our relationships.

#279 When You're Not Equally Yoked Oct 30, 2023

I work with a lot of clients who don't feel they are equally yoked with their partner, meaning, they don't feel they are both 'all in' or even in at the same level, and yet they want to stay in the relationship. When this is the case, resentment and frustration will begin to take over our relationship and things start to break down and make it more and more difficult to stay. In this podcast we are talking about how we can work with what we have to create the best possible relationship and a fulfilling life as well.

#278 My Coaching Journey Oct 23, 2023

My journey to become a life coach started when I was a teenager, and became a reality about the time I got divorced. The tools I teach have been instrumental in me learning to get out of divorce victim mode and begin to take responsibility for my life. The tools I teach have deepened my relationship with my children, my husband, and God. In this podcast I share a bit about my life coaching journey and how it has impacted my life in ways I could have never imagined and brought more joy than maybe people should be allowed to feel. And I may have cried a few times while recording. . .

#277 Your Spouse Is Not Your Responsibility Oct 16, 2023

Thinking that our spouse is our responsibility can cause a few different problems in our relationship. First, we can overstep boundaries when we, with every good intention, try to be responsible (take control) of their thoughts, feelings, and actions. It's more common that we realize and very subtle. Second, when we start thinking of our spouse as a responsibility rather than a choice, a person we choose to be in relationship with. This week we are talking about how and why these ideas about spousal responsibility will strain your relationship.

#276 When You Don't Like Change Oct 09, 2023

I often hear people use phrases like, 'I hate change', or 'I don't like change', or 'I'm not good at change.' And though these may seem like helpful phrases to express our discomfort with change, they are actually making the change more difficult for us. To complicate these types of phrases, using them also distracts us from the actual feeling we are having and begins to create disconnection in our relationships. Let's talk about it.

#275 The Problem With Being Good Oct 02, 2023

So many of us were raised with ideas about what it meant to be a 'good' wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend. And we now use these ideas to beat ourselves up when we don't measure up. What if I were to tell you that being that 'good' person you aspire to be is actually unattainable? What if I could show you how you step into a version of 'good' that really does feel good, genuine, and authentic? Well, you're in luck! Let's talk about how to really believe you're good enough.

#274 When We Behave Badly Sep 25, 2023

All of have times when our behavior doesn't match up with who we really want to be. That's part of being human. Understanding why we, and others, don't always behave our best is a great way to create greater compassion and grace for ourseves and those around us. And when we interact with more compassion and grace, we have better relationships.

#273 The Love Language Problem Sep 18, 2023

Many of us were impacted by the Book The 5 Love Languages in our earlier years. For me, I was impacted negatively because I used the concepts as a weapon against my spouse, a way to prove he wasn't doing it right. In reality, focusing in on how he was or wasn't loving me was the problem. The solution? Learn to focus on the law of love, the commandment to love and learn to love better, rather than the non-commandment of receiving love from others. Love isn't the reward, love is the law.

#272 Stay In Your Own Lane Sep 11, 2023

Learning how to stay in our own lane can be tricky because it is often disguised as love and wanting to help. And yet, when we try to control other people's thoughts or feelings, when we try to control their decisions and outcomes, we are veering into their lane. So, how do we recognize and become more aware of when we're getting in other people's lanes? And how do we learn to stay in our own lane? Let's talk about it.

#271 Equal Partnerships Sep 04, 2023

So many of us are miserable in partnerships because we feel unseen and unheard. We feel that our wants and needs are not considered and that our worth depends on how well we fulfill the wants and needs of others, especially our partner. And yet, the true connection and intimacy we so deeply desire will never be available to us until we step into equal partnership with them, and that starts with us becoming an equal partner.

#270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What’s the Difference? Aug 28, 2023

I am often asked what the difference is between people pleasing and being kind. It's a great question because often the behavior will look exactly the same. The difference lies in our motives behind the behaviors. Are we engaging from a place of fear and trying to control the other person's feelings or behaviors in some way, or are we engaging from a place of love and choosing to show up the way we want to? When we can learn to tune into our own motivations, we can clean up our engagements with others and reduce the people pleasing behaviors that destroy our relationships with others and ourselves.

#269 Fine – The 4-Letter F-Word Aug 21, 2023

The phrase 'I'm fine' can be so destructive to our relationships. Often we use it to deflect having a tough conversation, but what we're really doing is lying and gaslighting. What we are really doing is burying our thoughts and feelings and letting them fester until we've got a lot of resentment brewing inside of us. Let's talk about how to stop being fine and start being honest.

#268 Drama Response Aug 14, 2023

Our tendency as humans to have a drama response to situations is so normal. But not helpful. Dropping into drama expends a lot of energy, causes us to show up in ways we're not proud of later, and often damages relationships. In this podcast I share four ways to recognize when we're having a drama response and keep from going there.

#267 Should & Shame Aug 07, 2023

'Should' is a word that is used way more in our conversations than it 'should' be. It's a passive-aggressive word that pulls our judgment and lack of acceptance into a nice little bundle that says, 'you're not doing it right,' and 'you're not good enough,' even though it sounds much softer and seemingly kinder. But it's still destructive to our relationships, both with others and with ourselves. Learning to clean up the 'shoulds' from your conversation will help you show up with more kindness and compassion and stop heaping shame onto others.

#266 When It's Not Your Fault Jul 31, 2023

There are things in life that happen to us that are not our fault. For example, our spouse may have an affair and want a divorce. To stay out of victim mentality, it's important that we step into responsibility for our situations in life. But how do we take responsibility when it really isn't our fault? When what we're going through is because of someone else's choices?

#265 Greatest Hits - What Are You Sorry For? Jul 24, 2023

Another blast from the past! I love this episode so much, it's a replay of episode #195, What Are You Sorry For? 'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society. We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are just taking up space as a human. Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace.

#264 Greatest Hits - Still Being a Martyr Jul 17, 2023

Engaging in martyr behavior can be really easy for so many of us. In this week's podcast we're digging deeper into specific behaviors that a martyr engages in, and also ways that you can start to work through your own martyr tendencies.

#263 Greatest Hits - Being a Martyr Jul 10, 2023

This week I'm playing for you another great podcast from the past. Being a martyr is something that can come so easily for many of us, and being able to recognize how and when and where it is showing up in our lives can really help us to feel more powerful in our lives as we clean up our engagements with other people and show up more honestly and loving.

#262 Greatest Hits - The Law of the Lid Jul 03, 2023

The Law of the Lid is a concept taught by John C. Maxwell, a leadership expert. When applied to the work we do here, we are talking about how our own self love puts a lid on our capacity to both give and receive love to and from others. When applied to people in our lives with whom we struggle to connect emotionally, this concept can help you to understand them and show up with more compassion and grace.

#261 No More Growing Old Gracefully with Kwavi Agbeyegbe Jun 26, 2023

You know that phrase 'growing old gracefully'? It's time for a shift. How about we all start thinking about Growing Old Boldly? My friend, and fellow mid-life coach Kwavi, joins me today for a discussion about how we can start living more boldly as we age, and not less. We have so much amazingness to contribute to the world as we age, so let's jump in with both feet!

#260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability Jun 19, 2023

What makes a person lovable? Is it their charisma? Their kindness? Their willingness to serve? Actually, it isn't any of those things. Those things might make it easier to love someone, but whether we do love someone or not depends solely on our love ability. If you're interested in increasing your ability to love others, listen up!

#259 The Sometimes Space Jun 12, 2023

When we struggle to show up our best selves, it can be really frustrating, even disheartening. And when we have a tendency to get on our case and even beat ourselves up for our mistakes and short-comings, we start digging a hole that makes it hard to start moving forward again. But when we can extend grace to ourselves for when we fall short of our ideal, we create a place that is so much easier to get moving again in the direction we want. Embracing the idea that sometimes we are just human and don't make decisions in alignment with what we want, is a powerful place to be, I call that the Sometimes Space. It's a beautiful place of acceptance and love and compassion.

#258 Communication That Connects Jun 05, 2023

Communication can be the source of our greatest connections to other people, or it can be the source of some of our greatest disconnections to other people. When communication is not happening or when things are misinterpreted, we create frustrations and relationship breakdowns. But when understood and entered into with intention and curiosity, communication can be just the thing to bring emotional intimacy and connection to the people we love. Good communication can change your relationship, and what we talk about today will get you started.

#257 Other People’s Agency May 29, 2023

Have you ever said something like, 'I just wish I could take their agency away and make them do what I know is best for them!'? I think probably most of us have at some point, especially if we have adult children! And yet, agency is not only a gift from God for us to learn from our own choices, but it is also a gift from God to help us learn how to become more like Him in honoring and respecting others' agency. When we can learn to really accept other people's agency, then we are learning how to show up in more Christlike and loving ways.

#256 Advocating for Yourself with Samantha Nielsen May 22, 2023

Learning to advocate for ourselves is a skill that many of us haven't acquired yet, and until we do, we will struggle with self-respect and with having the equal relationships that we desire. When we come to realize that our wants and needs are just as important and valid as anyone else's, we can advocate with more clarity and confidence. Fellow life and divorce coach Samantha Nielsen joins me today in a discussion about what advocating means, why it's important, and how to do it.

#255 What Is Gaslighting? May 15, 2023

Gaslighting is a term that has really gained some traction in the past 12 years, and some of us may still be a little sketchy on what exactly it means. In today's podcast, I reference two articles that give concrete examples and phrases that will help you understand with more what gaslighting is so that you can increase your awareness of where you may be showing up manipulating others with gaslighting techniques.

#254 When You Feel Resentment May 08, 2023

All of us have felt resentment at one time or another. Resentment is one of those emotions that we call 'indulgent emotions' because it may feel good and justified, and even feel like it's productive, when in reality, it keeps us stuck. And it usually keeps us stuck in a place we don't want. So, how do we work through resentment and into movement again? That's what today's podcast is all about.

#253 How To Get Motivated May 01, 2023

Do you ever struggle with motivation? I think it's just part of the human condition to have to figure out how to get things done. And although there are a lot of quick tricks and tips we can use to get us moving, in this podcast we're talking about how to change your thinking around the things you want to do so that your motivation comes from your brain and you become more intrinsically motivated to do the things you really want to.

#252 How to Courage Up in the Face of Fear Apr 24, 2023

All of us have fear in our lives, it's part of being a human. If we let it, this fear will hold us back from experiencing life to its fullest and growing into the person we have the capacity to become. So, how do we manage our fear? How do we summon the courage to do the things we are scared to do? How do we courage up? Check out today's episode and let's talk about it!

#251 Contention is a Choice Apr 17, 2023

What if we could learn how to keep out of contention more often and instead create greater connection? Contention really is a choice, and so is connection. Learning to set aside our fear-based responses and choose to respond with love instead will help us to create greater emotional intimacy from those tricky situations.

#250 Being a Victim Apr 10, 2023

It can be so easy to allow ourselves to slip into victim thinking. Being able to recognize when we get there and understand how to move ourselves out of it is a powerful tool that puts us back in charge of where our life is going. When we can rid ourselves of the villain by no longer blaming but rather taking responsibility, we are no longer the victim, and then we can become the hero of our own story.

#249 Finding Rest Apr 03, 2023

In our lives that are often filled with so much stuff and stress and busyness, it can sometimes seem improbable that we will be able to find rest. And yet, we are promised that if we will turn to Christ that we can find rest. What does that have to do with life coaching? From my personal experience, quite a bit. Let's talk about how.

#248 Lessons from the First Year of Our Second Marriage Mar 27, 2023

Sione and I just celebrated our first anniversary. Second marriages have a 67% divorce rate, and because that's not a space either of us in interested in, we have made some pretty intentional moves to make sure we stay connected in the ways that are most important to us. We both have a pretty good idea about why our first marriages failed, and in creating a completely different type of relationship this time around, today we're sharing some lessons we've learned that are changing our lives.

#247 The Value in Knowing Our Value Mar 20, 2023

Recognizing the value and worth of all people, knowing that there is no spectrum of value, opens us up to feeling more compassion and empathy and acceptance of others. When we can recognize and embrace our own value, we can move into a greater space of compassion and confidence for ourselves as well. Separating out the difference between value and contribution is where we sometimes get hung up on both of these processes, and that is an understanding that is definitely worth stepping into as it helps us to move forward in our own lives.

#246 Self Coaching Strategies Mar 13, 2023

Learning how to coach yourself on a daily basis is an important tool for helping you to align the life you are living with the life you really want to be living. Today I share some of my favorite strategies that I use to increase my awareness around my thoughts so that I can gain clarity around the experiences I am having and learn how to better show up the way I really want to more often.

#245 Transactional Relationships Mar 06, 2023

Our brains have a natural tendency to always look for what is fair and what is equal. But when we're working to create a more intimate, close relationship, fair and equal is destructive. When our brain is keeping score of who is doing what to make sure it is fair, we are creating a transactional relationship, and that isn't going to create the deeper intimacy that we are seeking. Learning instead, to look for what is needed in our relationship rather than what is fair will do amazing things to move our relationships forward.

#244 The Relationship Circle Feb 27, 2023

The relationship circle is a concept that helps us to stay in our own lanes and resist the temptation to try and take control of things that aren't ours to control. When we more clearly understand how to allow the other person the space to work through their own struggles and challenges and show up empathetic, supportive, and kind, we can start tapping into the intimate partnership relationships have the possibility of becoming.

#243 Having More Honest Communication Feb 20, 2023

This week my husband, Sione, joins me as we share a recent experience we had in which we had the opportunity to step into some pretty honest communication. It took a lot of vulnerability, courage, and awareness for both of us to create this experience, but it ended up being a beautiful exchange. Our hope is that by sharing how we are stepping into better communication, you can understand how you can as well.

#242 Circling Back Around Feb 13, 2023

Circling back around is a technique that my husband, Sione, and I use in our marriage that allows us to apologize better and show up more as the partners that we really want to. We incorporate the concepts of awareness, acknowledgement, apology, and application to increase our connection and communication. This episode delves into these concepts more depely and helps you understand how you can become more the person you want to be.

#241 Forgiving Others Feb 06, 2023

Forgiving someone who has hurt us can seem like a herculean task sometimes. The pain can run deep and wide and it can feel that if we forgive that we are condoning the behavior that was so painful to us. And yet, forgiving is the path to peace and progress. Learning to let go of the pain and lean into the love exemplified by Christ is one of the purposes of forgiveness. There is a stronger and better you waiting on the other side.

#240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior Jan 30, 2023

So many of us unintentionally engage in passive-aggressive behaviors, and it's hurting our relationships. Today we are going to talk about 18 different ways that these behaviors show up. When we create greater awareness around our own passive aggressive behaviors, we can start to clean them up and start healing our relationships.

#239 How to Own Your Own Jan 23, 2023

When we want/need to have a tough discussion with someone, we can have a tendency to blame and accuse the other person, which generally tends to lead to defensiveness and a fight. In this podcast I'm sharing with you a tool I use to help communication around difficult circumstances that allows us to share what we're experiencing without blaming, and creates a safer space to discuss tough things.

#238 Overflow Jan 16, 2023

There are times when we feel as though our cup is so low that we don't have anything left to give, and then we need to check out of our lives long enough to replenish and refill. But what if we could get to a place where we always have more than enough and are in a constant state of overflow, never running out? Maybe it's possible. Let's talk about it!

#237 You’ll Never Be Enough For Your Children Jan 09, 2023

Sometimes it can feel as though we get a lot of complaints from our children about all the things we are doing wrong, or have done wrong, as their parents. And that's all pretty normal, I think, because no parent is perfect, and we all fall short of being the parent our children wish they would have had. In this episode we're going to discuss why that's all okay, and how not being enough for our children isn't the problem, it's when we aren't enough for ourselves that the real struggles begin.

#236 None of Your Business Jan 02, 2023

We tend to put our noses into a lot of things that are none of our business, and it ends up hurting our relationships. In this podcast we are talking about three things that are none of our business, why they are none of our business, and how to figure out what really is our business.

#235 The Beautiful Mess Dec 26, 2022

Life is messy. That's not the problem. The problem is when we believe life shouldn't be messy, that we should always be in control and that people should always say and do the right things. That people should get addicted or have affairs or get divorced or separate out from the family. I'm not saying those things are easy, but they are part of life. When we can learn to accept the messy as the part of life where we get to continue on our journey to becoming who God created us to be, then we can begin to see the mess as beautiful.

#234 Forgiveness and Compassion Dec 19, 2022

The lack of forgiveness in our lives can be a huge source of feeling stuck. Sometimes forgiving another person can be one of the most difficult challenges in our lives - even more difficult than working through the original offense. When we can learn to step into compassion for ourselves and for the 'offender', forgiveness will come much easier. And that's important because there isn't any healing or moving forward with our lives until we can let go and forgive.

#233 Having Tough Discussions Dec 12, 2022

Many of us really struggle having discussions with people we love about what might be a difficult topic. And yet, working through things together, in a productive and healthy way, is part of what creates great relationships. In this episode I will share with you five things you can do to help you go into the tough discussions with better skills and more confidence, and how to come out of them with a solution that moves your relationship forward.

#232 Feeling Empowered Dec 05, 2022

For me, few things cause more discomfort than feeling disempowered. The idea that someone else gets to decide what happens to me, how my life turns out, how I feel, doesn't sit well with me. Knowing how to feel empowered in life gives us confidence and assurance and hope for our future. Today we are talking about four things we can do to create more empowerment in our lives.

#231 Other People's Pain Nov 28, 2022

It can be so easy to look at other people's poor behavior and get really judgy about it, especially when it is hurtful toward us or someone we love. But one of the greatest shifts that we can experience in life is when we begin to see other people's hurtful behavior coming from a place of pain. When we can recognize that 'hurt people hurt people', and begin to look beyond the behavior and see instead the pain that is spawning the behavior, we can move into a much more compassionate and kind place. In so doing, we can create a safe space for the other person to see and acknowledge their pain and their behavior, and we can feel amazing about how we are engaging in our relationships.

#230 People Pleasing Nov 21, 2022

So many of us get caught in people-pleasing. This is a space of trying to please others, often at our own expense, and seeking others' approval. In this episode we not only talk about how people-pleasing shows up in our lives, but where it stems from and how we can begin to move out of constantly worrying about how others perceive us, and feel really good and confident about how we are showing up for ourselves.

#229 How To Make Better Decisions Nov 14, 2022

Are you someone who gets stuck making decisions? You just might find that it has more to do with how you respond to the decisions you make than the actual making of the decision. In this episode we talk about the reasons why making decisions can be difficult, how to make decisions easier, and how to move with more confidence when you finally get there.

#228 Our Relationship Rules Nov 07, 2022

Sione (my husband) and I have some rules we feel make a huge difference in helping us to create the intimate partnership we want. These were put in place the weekend we decided to date exclusively, and we continue to implement them because they have made such an amazing impact in our marriage. Our hope is that our rules will spark ideas for you to create your own rules and have more connected relationships in your life.

#227 Feeling Obligated Oct 31, 2022

Obligation is such a detrimental concept when it exists in our relationships. Obligation comes from a place of fear, a place that relies on 'have to' or 'should'. And this is a space that will never create intimacy in our relationships - whether they be with a partner, with God, or with ourselves. In this podcast we discuss more in-depth the dangers of obligation and how to begin the move out of it.

#226 The Best Is Yet To Come Oct 24, 2022

It can be so easy to get stuck in resistance to middle-age. This can often show up with patterns of behavior that damage our relationships and keep us stuck. And yet, learning to lean into all of these mid-life changes, to accept them and, yes, even embrace them, is the key to really creating the life we want and discovering ourselves at a deeper level. Believing that the best is yet to come will move you into the most amazing time of your life, which is now!

#225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment Oct 17, 2022

When we feel disempowered, we often don't recognize it as a result of our own thought processes. And yet, when we allow ourselves to settle into shame or blame, we are creating just the right environment to feel disempowered. Feeling in control of our lives requires that we counter our shame with self-acceptance, and our blame with self-awareness.

#224 Compassion and Curiosity Oct 10, 2022

Learning to replace shame and judgment with compassion and curiosity in our relationships with ourselves and with others will create a huge shift in the quality and intimacy of those relationships. Whereas shame and judgment will shut us down and stop our progression, compassion and curiosity will create a safe space for growth and exploration. They give us the opportunity to really come to know ourselves and others, and to move into deeper connection. And isn't connection what we really want in developing relationships?

#223 It Really Is All About You Oct 03, 2022

Contrary to what your mother told you, life really is all about you! This episode has nothing to do with ignoring others pain or being selfish, but rather intentionally choosing to take on the responsibility for being the person you really want to be. About showing up as the best version of yourself. This is what you can control in any circumstance, and it has everything to do with you!

#222 When You Are Considering Divorce Sep 26, 2022

The time in our life when we put divorce on the table is tough. There are so many things to consider, tons of pressure, the grief of unfulfilled dreams, and the pain of perceived failure. We really want to make sure that we make the best decision for us, that we don't walk away when things could have gotten better. From my own work, and work with a lot of clients going through this process, today I am sharing some ideas of what you really want to make sure happens so that you can make the best decision for you, so that you're really content with the reasons for your decision, whether you choose to stay or to go.

#221 How To Handle Your Friend's Divorce Sep 19, 2022

Divorce is often one of the biggest challenges in a person's life. And it impacts a lot of people, not just those in the immediate family. So often friends and family struggle with knowing how to handle the divorce of people they love. What should they say? What should they do? Today we're going to talk about the best way to show up for the divorce of someone you love.

#220 Being Low Maintenance Sep 12, 2022

I love low maintenance things, and I put a lot of value on being low maintenance in my marriage. But with the tools I now have, I can see that in my previous marriage the things I considered would me a low maintenance spouse, were actually very damaging and hurtful, and in reality, very high maintenance that added to the demise of my marriage. Now I still value being and having a low maintenance relationship, but it looks almost the opposite of what I used to engage in. Let's take a look!

#219 The Truth About the Struggle Sep 05, 2022

I used to think that if I was doing life 'right', that I would be happy all of the time, that I wouldn't need to have challenges or trials. I was so cute and misguided back then! Now my understanding of the struggle has deepened and grown so that now I see it as an amazing place for growth and progression. The tension created by struggle is actually necessary for our progression and happiness, and learning to take responsibility for our responses during struggle is a vital piece of the truth about the struggle.

#218 Honest Relationships Aug 29, 2022

Most people I know would put honesty at the top of their values list. But there is one place that many of us consistently lie - and that is in our relationships. Not so much about things happening or what we're doing, but in not showing up as the real us, in pretending to be someone we think the other person wants, or someone who we think seems safer. This is one of the most harmful things we can do in a relationship, and today we're going to talk about what that looks like, how to step into vulnerability, and how to start showing up as the person you really are inside.

#217 Self-Respect and Being Wrong Aug 22, 2022

Just what is the connection between self-respect and being wrong? I'll give you a hint - it has to do with self-awareness and self-honesty. When we are truly able to acknowledge when and where we are wrong, we provide opportunities for growth, and this creates greater self-respect. Being wrong is a human condition, we may as well embrace it and use it for good!

#216 One Up and One Down Relationships Aug 15, 2022

When we think that someone is better or worse than we are, we are engaging in one-upping or one-downing, and it's really harmful for our relationships. To really created connection and intimacy with those in our lives, it's important to start learning how to create equality, to see each other as equals, whether this be in a marriage relationship, a parent/child relationship, or a friend or co-worker relationship. All of these can benefit by learning how to step out of one-upping and one-downing.

#215 Being Seen and Being Heard Aug 08, 2022

Women in middle-age can often struggle with feeling seen and heard. And with the social conditioning of the 70s and 80s, it's not surprising. But if we are to create the intimate, equal partnerships we really desire, it is imperative we start standing up and speaking up. Today we talk about why we may struggle with this and how to start creating a pattern of being seen and being heard.

#214 How To Stop Being ‘The Fixer’ Aug 01, 2022

Do you identify with being a 'Fixer'? Here's the thing. We really do think that we're fixing things and making them better. But the hard truth is that we're actually making things worse and breaking down connection with the people we love the most. So, how do we stop trying to fix things that really aren't broken? Let's chat about it!

#213 Thriving Post Divorce - An Interview With Jody Moore Jul 25, 2022

This week I had the honor of being interviewed by Jody Moore, another life coach. In this interview, I share my top recommendations and advice for anyone going through a divorce. I show you why pointing fingers at your spouse is preventing your healing, how to approach yourself with compassion as you take responsibility for your next chapter of life, and why a mid-life divorce can be the perfect storm for creating a better version of ourselves.

#212 Healing Your Disconnected Relationships Jul 18, 2022

Most of us have relationships where we feel disconnected. Sometimes things have happened in them and now there is a rift and we don't know how to feel the same closeness and connection that we used to feel. Today we're talking about tools you can use to help heal and repair these relationships. You won't want to miss it!

#211 Why We Do This Work Jul 11, 2022

This work can be hard. It takes a lot of self-awareness, a lot of humility to see yourself for who you really are sometimes, and a lot of determination to create the changes you want in your life. So if it's just a lot of hard work, why invest in this process? Why take the time to work with a coach or do self-coaching? Why invest time and money to do something that can be so heart-wrenching and overwhelming sometimes? Today, I'll share with you why I do it, and it will probably sound a lot like the reasons you'll want to do it as well.

#210 Greatest Hits - Love It Before You Leave It Jul 04, 2022

It seems so easy to think that if we change our circumstance that things will get better, and they might, for a very short time. Eventually we will catch up with circumstance and find ourselves in the same place. When we learn to change ourselves first and our circumstance second, then we can walk away, or not, feeling complete and satisfied. Let's chat today about loving your circumstance before you leave it.

#209 Greatest Hits - Are You Motivated By Love or Fear? Jun 27, 2022

One of the best ways to start digging deep into ourselves and seeing what's holding us back is to start looking at our motivation for what we do. And ultimately, always, it comes back to love or fear. When we're motivated by fear, we destroy. When we're motivated by love, we create. Understanding and choosing love as our motivation can help us start creating the life and the relationships that we ultimately crave.

#208 Greatest Hits - The Cost of Being Right Jun 20, 2022

If you want to be right, you are not alone! Being right is a primal desire for humans, and sometimes we will work to be right at any cost. But the thing is, the cost can be huge, and the biggest casualty is our relationships with the people we value the most. Today let's look at our reasons behind being right and how we can let go of it.

#207 Greatest Hits - The Right Path Jun 13, 2022

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it? Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others. I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!

#206 Greatest Hits - Clean Love Jun 06, 2022

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your love will come with conditions? And not just conditions on the front end, but conditions on the back end as well? We often expect that when we show love to another person that they will behave in a certain way in return. That, my friends, is controlling and manipulative. Clean love is when we learn to love without any expectation at all. And that, is an amazing place to get to!

#205 Greatest Hits - How To Coach Yourself May 30, 2022

So today we go into detail about how to coach yourself. We will discover how to decide what the circumstance is, and what your thoughts are. Then we'll discuss how to fill out the thought model to come to an awareness of how your thoughts impact and create your feelings, actions, and the results of your life. This is the basic process for learning how to see yourself more clearly and understand how you can take more control of your life.

#204 Being a Peacemaker May 23, 2022

Peace is a feeling that many of us wish we had more of in our lives. But often, in seeking to make our lives more peaceful on the outside, we sabotage our inner peace. Learning how to be a peacemaker instead of just a peacekeeper is a skill that will really start to create the deep inner peace that we are really seeking.

#203 Cleaning Up Your Apology May 16, 2022

Being willing to apologize is an important part of healthy relationships. But when our reasons for apologizing are not so clean, it can sometimes do more damage than if we don't apologize. Really looking at our reasons for apologizing is an important aspect of growing and progressing into the person we really want to be.

#202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children May 09, 2022

Did you have the dream that when your children became adults you would have this wonderful friendship going on? Me too. But sometimes reality means that we have children disengage and decide they no longer want to be a part of our lives. And that is really painful. Amidst that pain though, we can also find a space for peace. And the pain and the peace can coexist in a way that has us growing up into a better version of ourselves.

#201 The Tolerable Life May 02, 2022

Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the life you're in? You used to have all of these dreams and desires and now you just feel a bit unfulfilled and not sure how to jumpstart your life? You're not alone. Far too many of us start settling just a bit at a time, and before we know it, we're living a life far below what we would actually love to be living. But we can step back into listening to those small nudges that have us wanting more from life. Let's talk about it.

#200 My Most Life-Changing, Life Coaching Lessons Apr 25, 2022

A milestone like 200 episodes always seems to make me reflective. I feel that since diving into life coaching the last three years, my growth game has been so huge, and these are some of the life coaching concepts that have had the greatest impact on my life, in helping me to adjust my thinking and feeling so that I can show up more the kind of person I want to be. I hope this helps you to see the impact that this work can have in your life as well.

#199 The Power To Be Apr 18, 2022

It can be really easy to get bogged down in our to-do lists, and some of us make list after list after list of things we want to do. I want to offer to you today the idea of creating a to-be list. Really identifying who you want to be underneath all of the hats we wear in our lives. Stepping into who we want to be will serve us at such a deeper level, and it even makes completing our to-do lists easier. There's a lot of power in the 'be'!

#198 My Last 90 Day Relationship Apr 11, 2022

Last year I decided I was ready to get married. Not because I thought it would make me happier, or a better or more worthy person, but because I really wanted to have the experience of creating and participating in a deep, emotionally intimate relationship. To help me along the way, I used a concept called the 90 day relationship, and it was brilliant. Today I share with you my story of how I stepped into dating with the intention of finding my person, and how I've now participated in my last 90 day dating relationship. His name is Sione and he's perfect for me.

#197 Connecting Through Conflict Apr 04, 2022

Conflict often gets such a bad rap. So, today I'm discussing how we can look at conflict completely different, as neutral, as people having different opinions and ideas, and how we can turn this neutral circumstance of conflict into greater connection, rather than into contention. When used correctly, a good conflict can be the source of deeper emotional intimacy in our relationships.

#196 How to Break the Blame/Defense Cycle Mar 28, 2022

We've all been there. Someone blames and the other person gets defensive, and around and around we go. We breed contention, when what we're really after in our relationships is connection. So, how to break the cycle? Today I'll teach you the tools you need to have stronger, better relationships where responsibility and curiosity reign!

#195 What Are You Sorry For? Mar 21, 2022

'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society. We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are taking up space as a human. Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace.

#194 When You Feel Sad, or Bad, or Mad Mar 14, 2022

Some of the emotions we experience in life do not feel good. Not even a little bit. But actually feeling and processing these emotions allows us to move through them and into a healthier space that does feel good. And when we realize how important all emotions are to our well-being, both the easy and the hard emotions, it can become easier to move into processing. Let's chat about it!

#193 No Back-Burner Issues Mar 07, 2022

Sometimes it seems so much easier not to say anything. So we take our 'issue' and we put it on the back burner and pretend it doesn't exist. But the thing is, things on the back burner eventually start to stink and wreak a lot of havoc in our lives. Having a no back-burner issue standard in your relationships is an amazing way to keep things clean and moving forward, and even moving deeper.

#192 Facts and Thoughts Feb 28, 2022

Learning to distinguish between the facts of our lives and the thoughts in our heads is one of the first and most valuable tools I use in life coaching. When we start to understand the difference, we are able to become empowered by our own agency and begin to create the kind of life we really want to live. This is a skill you won't want to miss!

#191 Why We Seek To Control Others Feb 21, 2022

Trying to control others is often an innate behavior for humans. We think that if we control how everyone else thinks, feels, and behaves, that life will be easier for us. But it actually destroys relationships by keeping us from connecting with others and with ourselves, and limits our emotional maturity.

#190 Protective Walls Feb 14, 2022

All of us have the tendency to build protective walls when we start to feel emotionally unsafe. Understanding what is behind those walls and why we're feeling emotionally unsafe is the key to creating the close, connected, intimate relationships we innately desire. This is work we can do with ourselves, and with the people we love the most in this world.

#189 Patterns of Behavior Feb 07, 2022

So much of our life is run by established patterns of behavior that we are completely unaware of. And when these patterns create dysfunctional behaviors, it can be very frustrating to pinpoint the cause of the struggle in our relationship. When we can learn to identify the patterns that are not serving us, and create and implement patterns that do serve us, everything can change. Whether your relationship is new or long-term, we can all use some better patterns of behavior.

#188 A Safe Space For Awareness Jan 31, 2022

Awareness is the first key ingredient to growth. If we're not aware of our flaws and weaknesses, we won't take the necessary steps to grow beyond them. But when our primitive brain thinks we're going to be punished or ridiculed or shut down for having flaws, it will resist showing them to us. Today we're talking about how to create a safe space to become aware of our flaws and weaknesses, so that our growth game is strong.

#187 Growing Up After Divorce Jan 24, 2022

Recently I was interviewed on a podcast called 'Latter-day Life Coaches' about the work I often do with divorced women and men in the church. We're not so unique anymore, but often the stigma of being divorced can seem pretty big whether you're the one who is divorced, or whether it's someone you know. Sometimes we don't know what to do with ourselves, and others don't know what to do with us either! But divorce is such an incredible opportunity to grow into a better version of ourselves. Let's talk about it!

#186 Are You Committed or Just Interested? Jan 17, 2022

Three weeks into your New Years goals and you might be finding yourself waning a bit. You are so not alone! Often we think that we are committed to something when we are actually just interested in it. We think we 'should' really want to accomplish this goal for reasons that don't really align with our values. Understanding these concepts can help us to interact with more grace towards ourselves, find more peace in our lives, and actually accomplish more.

#185 The Impact of Personal Growth Jan 10, 2022

What is the impact of our personal growth on the lives of those around us? Here's an interview with my daughter Allison where we talk about how my personal growth over the last few years has impacted her life in positive ways. Because when one person changes, it impacts everyone they come in contact with.

#184 Excited About Middle-Age Jan 03, 2022

Do you feel like you're stuck? Middle-age has come and you don't know what you want to do, how to move forward, or how to fix what you want to fix? Today we are talking about how to shift your mindset so you can begin to move forward, get unstuck, and dream amazing dreams again. Because middle-age is the perfect time to start resurrecting your dreams that may have been put on the back shelf while you were busy raising a family and dreaming dreams for them. Now it's your turn. Let's go!

#183 Taking Risks and Becoming Dec 27, 2021

Do you want to create something different in your life? Maybe deeper relationships or more purpose? Becoming the person we really want to be will require some risk on your part. All growth requires that we step into discomfort and into doing things we have never done before in order to become our desired person. Let's talk today about what this can mean for you.

#182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our lives Dec 20, 2021

When our children choose to take a different path than we, as their parents, have envisioned for them, we will often label them as 'wayward.' Let's chat today about how not only does this term 'wayward' not serve us or them, but also how our children, using their free agency to make their own choices, bless our lives and help us to become more the kind of people we really want to be.

#181 6 Tips For A Happier Holiday Dec 13, 2021

I do believe that the holiday season is one of the greatest reasons for stress and anxiety for a lot of people. Today I have 6 really practical tips for you on how you can step back from the stress, spread yourself a little thicker, and really enjoy your holidays this year.

#180 Better Relationships With Our Adult Children Dec 06, 2021

Parenting adult children is nothing like parenting our younger, dependent children. It requires a completely different mindset and skillset. Learning how to approach these relationships from a new perspective will help to create the better, stronger relationship you really want.

#179 Being Kind to Yourself Nov 29, 2021

So often we think that if we are kind to ourselves that we are letting ourselves off the hook, and that the only way to motivate ourselves is it call us out by saying harsh things. Today I want to offer that, actually, the best way to motivate ourselves and get us moving in the direction we want, is to extend greater kindness in how we speak to and interact with ourselves. Let's talk about the why and the how.

#178 The Importance of "I" Nov 22, 2021

Although we are often taught to forget ourselves and serve others, there is one place where stepping into "I" will always serve us the best and also help us to serve others. Learning to manage our thoughts around how we want to show up and what we want to create in our lives is an incredibly valuable tool to becoming our next best version.

#177 Change Made Easy Nov 15, 2021

Really though, we can make change easier. By understanding some great things about our primitive brain, and by learning to leverage them, we can 'hack' the part of our brain that resists change and we can begin to make the changes that we seek.

#176 Stuck In 'I Don't Know' Nov 08, 2021

Have you ever paid attention to how often you use the phrase, 'I don't know'? It seems to be a default for our brain when it doesn't want to expend the energy and the effort to figure something out. The problem is, that 'I don't know' is a lie and a bad habit that will keep us stuck and impede our progress. In this podcast we're going to talk about why it seems to be our 'go to' and how to move ourselves out of 'I don't know' and into 'I'm figuring it out.'

#175 Happy No-Drama Holidays To You Nov 01, 2021

We are just starting into the holiday season and there's one thing so many of us dread - the drama. But what if we could drop the drama? What if we could just enjoy the people, the conversations, the sentiments and the season for what we really want them to be? Today we're going to talk about just how to do that - how to show up in a way where we can sit on the sofa after it's all over and just feel really satisfied with how we showed up.

#174 Better Boundaries Oct 25, 2021

Boundaries are essential for healthy and strong relationships. Setting appropriate boundaries engages our self-respect and also protects the relationship from destructive feelings such as resentment, anger, and frustration. Today we are digging a little deeper into what boundaries are, how to set them, and why they can sometimes feel so tricky.

#173 A Space For Grace Oct 18, 2021

It can be so easy to see the inconsistencies between how we're living and how we really want to be living, and the space between these two is really important. Often, we may find that this space is ideal for berating ourselves and a lot of negative self-talk, but if we can learn instead to create a space for grace, we'll find that the distance between where we are and where we want to go becomes easier and more attainable.

#172 Peace Misunderstood Oct 11, 2021

Peace is something that is often on the top of our want list. We want to have peace in our lives, to be free of contention. But so often we go about 'keeping the peace' by not being honest or speaking up about things that matter to us, which actually creates the opposite of peace. Let's talk about it!

#171 Growth Is A Skill Oct 04, 2021

Growth is not just a byproduct of challenges, it is also a skill to be learned. When we develop the skill of growth, over time it becomes easier and even fun, just as any skill we learn does. When this happens, seeing our flaws and our weaknesses is no longer an overwhelming, daunting task before us, but a challenge we know we can overcome.

#170 Rewriting Your Divorce Story Sep 27, 2021

Divorce can be one of those circumstances that seems like it spirals us into negative thoughts and feelings. And though it can be challenging because it necessitates that we show up differently than we have been, it doesn't have to be a place where we get stuck in despair or in victim mentality. Let's talk today about how to rewrite your divorce story into one that serves you and helps you to move into a better, healthier, and happier version of yourself.

#169 What Don't You Want? Sep 20, 2021

Many of us in middle-age have lost touch with what we really want in life. We've forgotten about our desires and our dreams, our wants and our wishes. Learning to tap into these again, or for the first time, is a brilliant part of mid-life growing up. Join me today as we chat about how asking the question, 'What don't I want?' can help you start to identify what it is you really do want in life.

#168 Accepting Compliments Sep 13, 2021

Do you have a tough time accepting compliments? You're not alone. Today we're going to work on understanding why it can be so difficult and how to learn to accept them more graciously. It's such a valuable skill when we're working on personal growth and progression.

#167 I Didn't Sign Up For This Sep 06, 2021

I've heard this phrase so many times throughout my life. In fact, I'm sure I've used it more than once. And today it's time to take a look at how this thought, and others like it, are not serving us. They are not putting us into figuring-it-out mode and moving us forward. Today we'll talk about why thoughts like this keep us stuck and how to create thoughts that move us, instead, into our possibility.

#166 Imaginary Friends Aug 30, 2021

Our relationships are being destroyed by our imaginations. When we struggle to accept people as they are and live in the land of 'should' by expecting them to be something they're not, we are destroying connections with our people. Let's create instead the beautiful, intimate relationships we innately crave.

#165 I Would Never Act That Way Aug 23, 2021

Have you ever seen someone do or say something that just shocked you and you thought, "I would never act that way", or "I would never say something like that." If so, you're not alone. Today I want to chat with you about why that isn't a helpful thought and how it's keeping you from becoming your best self.

#164 How Being In Control Is Destroying Your Life Aug 16, 2021

Our desire to control all the things - the people, the situations, the how's, when's, why's, and where's - is destroying our lives. It comes packaged in cute phrases akin to,"I just want you to be happy and successful", but our relationships are suffering and our sense of well-being is always teetering on the edge of misery. Today we're talking about how to more clearly see our controlling behaviors and how to let go of them.

#163 Difficult People Aug 09, 2021

You know who I'm talking about. Those people who push your buttons, who are so challenging to love, and who make you question yourself. Today I will give you the tools to know how to deal with the most difficult people in your life in the most effective way - and it probably won't be what you think!

#162 My 90-day Relationship Aug 02, 2021

I recently completed what is called a 90-day relationship - a predetermined time for a relationship in which you commit to intentionally create a healthy partnership and work through all of the inevitable struggles. It was brilliant and beautiful and I loved every second of it. At the end of 90 days we ultimately decided our paths were diverging, but it was an amazing experience I would do all over again, even knowing the heartache waiting for me at the end.

#161 Developing More Intimacy In Your Relationships Jul 26, 2021

Sometimes our relationships can tend to get a little shallow. Specifically I notice my relationship with God, with myself, and with others can all struggle at times. That's because relationships are never a 'one and done' situation — they require consistent nourishment if they are to thrive and continue to deepen in intimacy. Today's we'll chat about four things we can do to keep connected and moving forward in our relationships.

#160 Being Single and Being Lonely Jul 19, 2021

Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Lonely is a feeling caused by our thoughts, when we learn to be more intentional about our thoughts, we will be more fulfilled and happy with where we are, single or not. What thoughts are holding you back and which ones with move you forward? Let's chat about it.

#159 When Your Brain Lies To You Jul 12, 2021

The first time we realize that our brain consistently lies to us, it can seem a little strange. I think we have this underlying belief that our brain processes and figures things out and always tells the truth. But it doesn't. And generally the lies it tells don't serve us very well and move us into a better version of ourselves. Usually the keep us stuck in a place we don't want to be. Today we'll chat about how to figure out when your brain is lying and what to day about it.

#158 Sometimes Dysfunction Is Easier Jul 05, 2021

All of us engage in dysfunctional behavior, unhealthy patterns of behavior that create disconnection. Sometimes we're completely unaware of the dysfunction, but other times we intentionally choose to look away and not see it because it can be so uncomfortable. Only when we are willing to step in and take a closer look, engage with the dysfunction, and move into healing it can we create the connections and the relationships we desire.

#157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children Jun 28, 2021

One of the toughest things about being a parent of adult children is letting go of the desire to continue to parent them. We have been so used to having expectations of how we want them to behave and what we want them to do, that letting go of that can be difficult. But once they're adults, it's time to friend-zone them and step away from parenting them. Let's talk about how to do that.

#156 The Benefits of Being Wrong Jun 21, 2021

Some of us can have strong physical and emotional reactions to being wrong, and it can make us very resistant to the experience. But learning to look for and embrace the experience of being wrong can have some amazing benefits to us. When we learn to step into the more humble space of understanding where we are wrong, we can step into a stronger and happier version of ourselves.

#155 How To Forgive Anyone Jun 14, 2021

Forgiving can sometimes be so difficult. When we feel we have been severely wronged, letting go of the pain and the anger and the resentment can seem overwhelming. And sometimes, we don't even know where to start with moving into forgiveness. Today we are going to talk about how to do just that. How to forgive anyone. It may seem a pretty large task, but it is possible.

#154 Rethinking Kindness Jun 07, 2021

Kindness has so often been associated with acts - Acts of Kindness. What if we were to back this up a bit and start with Thoughts of Kindness and see the difference it would make in how we, and the recipients of our kindness, felt? Focusing on our thoughts rather than our acts will create a completely different experience.

#153 The Manual May 31, 2021

All of us tend to have manuals for how we believe other people should behave. What we find, is that our expectations for them are a way to try to control their behavior so that we can feel better. When we seek to control other people's behavior, it never turns out very well. They feel manipulated and we feel horrible because they're not doing what we think they should and then we're angry or frustrated on top of it. It's time to figure this one out!

#152 Victim or Hero? May 24, 2021

Every experience we have in our lives gets turned into a story in our brain. And in our story, we generally become either the hero or the victim (and maybe sometimes the villain!) When we choose to become the victim, we feel disempowered and experience little to no growth, or may even decline a bit. And it's so easy and can feel so good to be the victim! When we choose to become the hero, we are empowered and step into a space of growth that can be amazing. Let's chat today about how to become your own hero of your story.

#151 Connection May 17, 2021

Connection with other people is something we were created to desire. And yet, sometimes we feel as though we are struggling to connect with those people who matter the most to us - our spouses or significant other, our children, siblings, friends, and even ourselves. What creates true connection and how can we step into more of it? Let's talk about it!

#150 Living In Possibility May 10, 2021

Possibility. A word filled with hope for what is to come. Dreaming of an amazing future of fulfillment and contribution. And yet, somewhere along the way, many of us have forgotten about our possibility. We've entered into middle-age having focused on other people's possibility, and lost touch with our own. Let's remedy that, shall we? We still have decades of possibility ahead of us!

#149 The Importance of Discomfort May 03, 2021

Why would we want to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotions? Because discomfort is the price we pay for growth and progression. When we avoid uncomfortable emotions, we are keeping ourselves stuck, and nobody I know likes being stuck!

#148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships Apr 26, 2021

Sometimes in our closest relationships, it can be very easy to hold a grudge rather than extend grace. But to truly develop the connection that we desire in our relationships, it is imperative that we learn to forgive others and embrace their humanity. Only with grace will we create the deep, intimate connections that we desire.

#147 Hijacked By Your Emotions Apr 19, 2021

When was the last time your emotions came on so strong and powerful that you felt out of control? All of us have times that our response is way bigger than is warranted by the circumstance. Today we're chatting about why this happens, and how we can turn these times into opportunities to grow and learn and progress.

#146 Emotional Spring Cleaning Apr 12, 2021

Spring always feels like the perfect time to clean out some closets and cabinets. We get rid of things that are no longer needed in our lives in order to make space for things that will serve us better. Emotionally, spring is a great time to do the same thing - find behaviors and patterns that may have served us well at one time, but that are no longer creating what we want to create. Is it time for you to do some emotional spring cleaning?

#145 How to Get What You Want Apr 05, 2021

Do you ever feel like you work towards getting what you want and then get exhausted and quit? Whether it's weight loss, business or education goals, relationship goals, we can only change our behavior for so long before we just don't have what it takes to keep it up anymore. Today we're going to talk about how to really get what you want by getting out of just changing our actions and instead move into changing our thoughts, which are the cause of all of our actions and results.

#144 Happy Being Unhappy Mar 29, 2021

Challenges, struggles, and trials are just a part of God's plan for our life here on earth. When we can embrace this concept rather than believing that we should be happy all the time, we can find a level of peace, fulfillment, and contentment previously unavailable to us. We truly can find happiness in our unhappiness!

#143 Stuck in Perfectionism Mar 22, 2021

Perfectionism has, at time, been hailed as a really great thing. And I'm sure it is. . . at some point in the far distant future! Having perfectionist tendencies at this stage in our human experience can actually be more detrimental than beneficial. In fact, perfectionist ideas can keep us stuck in a place we don't want to be. Let's talk about why.

#142 Pay Attention Mar 15, 2021

What would you be willing to pay on Amazon for a happier, more connected relationship? What would you be willing to pay for more confidence? More fulfillment? More engagement with your life? Would you be willing to pay . . . attention? Because paying attention to our lives, our minds, our people, is what having a more fulfilling, engaging, connected life will cost.

#141 Coaching and Counseling. What's the Difference? Mar 08, 2021

A question I get asked a lot is, "What's the difference between coaching and counseling?" Today, we'll discuss the differences, the similarities, and when you would enlist the services of each.

#140 Still Being A Martyr Mar 01, 2021

Very few of us will want to admit that we sometimes lean toward martyr behavior, but I believe a lot of us exhibit it from time to time, and it's destroying our relationship with ourself and with others. Last week we discussed what being a martyr in a relationship looks like, and this week we're talking more in-depth about 10 ways being a martyr shows up in your life, and 10 ways we can begin to move away from our martyr behaviors

#139 Being A Martyr Feb 22, 2021

I believe that most of us, at one time or another, have relished in being a martyr. The fascinating thing is, we often do it as a desperate cry to be seen and heard, and what we create is everyone avoiding us so that there is no way we'd be seen or heard. We actually end up destroying the relationships we want so much to be a part of. Today we're talking to you about why we do it, how it shows up, and how to move out of it.

#138 Intuitive Eating with Wendy Lee Johnson Feb 15, 2021

If you're someone who has constantly been in the "my weight is not what it should be" mindset, you will love this podcast. My good friend, and fellow coach, Wendy Lee Johnson will walk you through the basics of intuitive eating and how it differs from dieting in some very significant ways — most notably, the thought work behind it. And I love that these concepts apply not just to dieting, but also to moving into intuitive living as well.

#137 Not Enough? Not True. Feb 08, 2021

Why is it that so many of us have bought into the lie that we're not enough? What does that phrase even mean? What are we not enough of? Who are we not enough for? How does that thought even serve us? It doesn't. It's that simple. Join me today as we talk about this tricky little thought and learn how to get to a place where we truly can believe that we are more than enough.

#136 How Coaching Helps Feb 01, 2021

Have you wondered about life coaching and how it could help you? Today I will share two experiences of how working with my own life coach and using the self-coaching skills I teach you have moved me forward into more of the person I really want to become.

#135 Why Is That? Jan 25, 2021

Want to learn how to be more self-aware? Let's start with this question, "Why is that?" Take any behavior you engage in or any feeling you have and ask yourself this question and you will begin to understand yourself more clearly. You will start to understand yourself in a way that will allow you the clarity necessary to start creating different experiences for yourself if you'd like. Let's chat about it. . .

#134 What About Pornography? Jan 18, 2021

This can be a tough topic. But we're going to chat today about pornography use from both the user and the spouse today. Both have work to do. Both get to learn how to step out of being a victim and living from fear and choosing instead to step into responsibility and living from love. There is so much hope and empowerment available to all impacted by pornography use.

#133 How to Accomplish Your New Year's Resolutions Jan 11, 2021

We are 11 days into the new year and many of our resolutions are starting to not be so fun. What needs to happen for us to actually accomplish what we want to this year? How do we keep moving forward instead of slowing down and eventually quitting? Managing our thoughts around our goals and being very clear on our reasons and motivations top the list. Let's chat about it.

#132 How to Have a Happy New Year Jan 04, 2021

We live in a society that has a bit of an obsession with being happy. We can often see happiness as our ultimate goal in life, and we strive to be happy with everything we do. But where our culture often views happiness as a place of ease with no struggles or challenges, true happiness is actually something much different. Let's chat today about how we can truly have a happy new year.

#131 The Gift of Life Dec 28, 2020

Your life consists of so much more than being alive and healthy. It is actually a gift from God. What you are, who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and desires are all a gift given to you from Your Creator. Let's chat today about how we can more fully appreciate our lives and Our God who has gifted us with it.

#130 Exploring Our Darkness Dec 21, 2020

Part of being a human is that some of the things we think and do are amazing, and some of them can be pretty rotten. Sometimes we can spend so much energy avoiding and denying the darker parts of us, that we don't grow into the person we were created to become. Because only in discovering our darkness can we begin to replace it, bit by bit, with the incredible light we have the capacity to become.

#129 Parenting Discomfort Dec 14, 2020

Parenting. One of the toughest gigs on the planet. And it the gift that continually keeps giving us discomfort! Today we discuss all the ways parenting brings us discomfort from the day they're born until today -- and why it's not only okay, but amazing and desirable! Discomfort is just a feeling, and an opportunity to recognize an opportunity for growth.

#128 Growing Up Into Middle-Age Dec 07, 2020

Middle-Age is the best time for growing up! Serious. We have the experiences and the wisdom at this point in our lives to move forward at an unprecedented rate -- if we want to. When we take the time to review our lives, our growth and progress, we can start to see just how amazing our paths have been, and will continue to be as we move into our futures.

#127 Our Worth & Our Works Nov 30, 2020

So many of us have the beliefs that our works, the things we do or don't do in life, are what creates our worth. In actuality, our works and our worth don't have anything to do with each other. Our worth is not, and never has been negotiable by the things that we do. Add to that the fact that discovering and embracing our worth is the key to really finding fulfillment in life, and we have a topic worth exploring!

#126 Abdicating Our Emotional Responsibility Nov 23, 2020

Many of us are so responsible in our lives, but have never really learned how to be emotionally responsible. We continue to blame other people for our feelings, giving others the credit for us being angry or frustrated or annoyed. We also abdicate our emotional responsibility when we expect other people to make us feel happy or loved or empowered. Part of the joy in growing up is realizing that all of our emotions are our responsibility.

#125 Love It Before You Leave It Nov 16, 2020

It seems so easy to think that if we change our circumstance that things will get better, and they might, for a very short time. Eventually we will catch up with circumstance and find ourselves in the same place. When we learn to change ourselves first and our circumstance second, then we can walk away feeling complete and satisfied. Let's chat today about loving your circumstance before you leave it.

#124 The Curse of the White Knuckles Nov 09, 2020

We have been taught our whole lives to "fake it till you make it," "just do it," "embrace the suck," and "do the thing you don't want to do." Great phrases for a short-term fix. But if we want to really create lasting change in our lives, we have to stop "white-knuckling" our behaviors and create change from our thoughts rather than from sheer will-power. Let's chat today about how to do that.

#123 Your Thoughts About You Nov 02, 2020

The thoughts we think about ourselves are incredibly powerful, because they create everything that we are and everything that we will be. What thoughts about yourself are going on in your head? Are those thoughts setting you up for a healthier life? For better relationships? If not, it's time to switch out those thoughts for ones that will create a better version of yourself. Today, we're talking about how to do just that.

#122 Your Story About You Oct 26, 2020

The story that we choose to tell ourselves and believe is one of the most powerful choices we can make. Because every story can be told from many different perspectives, and that makes all the difference in whether we approach our lives from a place of power and learning or a place a victimization and stagnation. Join me today and I'll show you how this works.

#121 Self-Certain Oct 19, 2020

The world we live in is a very uncertain place -- and it always has been. In this very uncertain world, what can we do to be self-certain? And just where do I get me some of that self-certainty? We can never be sure of what tomorrow will bring, but we can be certain that when the struggle is over that we will come out on top, a stronger and healthier version of ourselves. Let's chat about it.

#120 Are You Motivated By Love or Fear? Oct 12, 2020

One of the best ways to start digging deep into ourselves and seeing what's holding us back is to start looking at our motivation for what we do. And ultimately, always, it comes back to love or fear. When we're motivated by fear, we destroy. When we're motivated by love, we create. Understanding and choosing love as our motivation can help us start creating the life and the relationships that we ultimately crave.

#119 FAQs About My Divorce Oct 05, 2020

So many people have a lot of questions about divorce, the whys and the hows -- and I'm never afraid to answer them even though they are usually hesitant to ask. So today, I'll share with you some of the most frequently asked questions about how I knew it was the right decision, to my regrets, what I'm grateful for, and also some advice.

#118 100 % Responsibility Sep 28, 2020

Taking 100% responsibility for our lives is one of the most important things we can do to grow and progress. And yet, it can be so difficult to do when we have behaviors that hold us back that we're not aware of, or when we know we are right in a situation. What is there to take responsibility for when I'm not to blame? More than you would think. Let's chat about it!

#117 Anti-Responsibility Sep 21, 2020

What are the behaviors that would be classified as anti-responsibility? Chances are, if you are like me, most (if not all) of these 19 behaviors are ones that you have engaged in at some point. Stepping away from responsibility is a sure-fire way to step away from our growth and progression. Let's talk today about what anti-responsibility looks like.

#116 The Peace of Imperfection Sep 14, 2020

So many of us struggle with ideals of perfection, and it wreaks a lot of havoc in our lives. When we can see imperfection for the gift it is, we can start finding peace in all of our flaws, mistakes, sins, and imperfections. Let's chat about it today!

#115 Better Questions Create Better Answers Sep 07, 2020

The questions we ask ourselves in our brains make such a difference. When the questions focus on reasons, we tend to spiral into negativity and it drains our energy. When the questions focus on solutions, we create energy and start moving forward and progressing in the ways we want to. Learning to manage these questions will help you learn to manage your life. Let's talk about it!

#114 Confidence Aug 31, 2020

Is it possible to build our own confidence or is it just something we were born with? It is possible to create confidence! So many of us struggle with feeling confident, and yet, it is entirely within our grasp when we learn to manage our thoughts in order to create the feeling of confidence. Let's talk about it!

#113 Self-Acceptance Aug 24, 2020

Recognizing and embracing the truth that we are human and will make mistakes is such an important piece of the self-acceptance puzzle. Learning to accept what we can change, what we can't, and then having the courage to change what we can, will bring us to a place of self-acceptance that creates space for positive change. Let's chat about it. . .

#112 Interview with Beth Hillman, Coach for Parents of Struggling Teens Aug 17, 2020

Beth Hillman is an amazing coach who works with parents of struggling teens. Join me today as Beth talks about her own personal journey with her struggling teen and how learning to take responsibility for her part in their relationship changed everything. You can find Beth at bethhillmancoaching.com.

#111 The Checklist Relationship Aug 10, 2020

We are hard-wired as humans for connections with other humans. And yet, our primitive brain is hard-wired to take the easiest path possible and get all habitual and superficial with our relationships. So how do we move out of the primitive brain "checklist" and into a space where we emotionally engage with the people we love? That's what we're talking about today. You won't want to miss this one!

#110 The Cost of Being Right Aug 03, 2020

If you want to be right, you are not alone! Being right is a primal desire for humans, and sometimes we will work to be right at any cost. But the thing is, the cost can be huge, and the biggest casualty is our relationships with the people we value the most. Today let's look at our reasons behind being right and how we can let go of it.

#109 Your Reasons Matter. . . A Lot Jul 27, 2020

One of the most amazing things we can be aware of with ourselves is our reasons for why we make the decisions we make. Our reasons will make all the difference on our end results, as well as give us valuable insight into our minds and what motivates us. Once we clue into the thinking of our minds, we have a distinct advantage!

#108 Spiritual Submission & Our Self-Worth Jul 20, 2020

What is the connection between submission and self-worth? More than you'd think! Learning to truly be submissive to God, to create a relationship of trust is so valuable to our spiritual growth. And so is embracing our God-given self-worth. Today we're talking about how these two ideas are intertwined. Good stuff!

#107 Why Our Thoughts Are So Important Jul 13, 2020

Most self-help books out there make it seem like it's so easy to change your life. If you will just follow these easy steps you can make your life better. But until we get to the cause of those behaviors, our thoughts, long-lasting change is not possible. Are you ready to up-level your life? Let's start with your thoughts.

#106 Fierce Self-Love Jul 06, 2020

Really learning to love ourselves deeply, and unconditionally, is the path to truly being able to love others deeply and unconditionally. When we can let go of needing other people to love us in order for us to feel love, and whole or complete, then we are free to love and serve others with openness and honesty. Loving ourselves fiercely is an empowering, energy-producing creation in our own lives that allows us to bring forth our greatest contribution in this world. Let’s talk about it!

#105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present & Future Jun 29, 2020

Self-love is so important in our lives. When we extend this love to our past and future selves, rather than just loving our present self, we can develop a much deeper, more inclusive love that will impact our sense of self and our personal growth as well. This is a discussion you won't want to miss!

#104 Cultivating Self-Love Jun 22, 2020

Sometimes the concept of self-love can get a bad rap because people will associate it with being arrogant, or conceited, or vain. But real self-love will lead you into a place of honor and respect for yourself and your worth, and will allow you to tap into the best parts of you. Today we are going pretty in-depth about how to begin cultivating your own self-love. You won't want to miss this one!

Bonus Episode - Supporting Our Sisters with Anita Miller Jun 15, 2020

With all of the racial tension going on in our country right now, many of us are feeling a little helpless and disempowered. I've been spending so much time seeking to educate myself and become more aware of the racial issues within the United States. This week I'm chatting with my friend Anita Miller. She is a fellow life coach and a black woman who focuses on finding solutions. I hope you enjoy what she has to share.

#103 The Case for Curiosity Jun 15, 2020

Curiosity is the beginning of everything great that will happen in your life! Curiosity is the first step to growth and progression because it creates awareness, and awareness means we finally see what we need to see. Today we'll talk about how curiosity will move you into the next best version of yourself.

#102 The New Normal Jun 08, 2020

As the Covid-19 Pandemic is slowing down, I keep hearing about the dreaded "new normal." And yet, when we can learn to start looking for the opportunities in this new normal, rather than expecting disaster, we can create a very different experience for ourselves. Because it all starts with a thought. . .

#101 Conscious Unbelieving Jun 01, 2020

Our brain is always so busy thinking all kinds of thoughts, the VAST majority of those which are unconscious. And a lot of these unconscious thoughts are not serving us, in fact, they can often be very detrimental for our progress and growth. Learning how to identify and un-believe those thoughts is vital. Let's talk about how.

#100 Lessons Learned Through 99 Podcasts May 25, 2020

It's amazing what a person can learn about themselves in the process of creating 99 podcasts! Today I get a little personal, and sometimes a little emotional, as I share the lessons I've learned in the past 15 months of podcasting.

#99 Parenting Adult Children May 18, 2020

Making the transition from parenting young children, over whom we have a lot of say, to parenting adult children, over whom we have no say, can be a really difficult challenge for many of us. But the only way we can have the connected relationships we desire with our adult children is to learn to step back, let go, and love unconditionally.

#98 Mom Guilt May 11, 2020

If you're a mom, you've most likely felt this at some point in your parenting career, and it doesn't just go away when our children become adults. But let's take a closer look at what it is, and why it is, and how to create something different -- like a closer, connected relationship with our children.

#97 Why The Thought Model Matters May 04, 2020

The Thought Model is a tool I use in my life and with my clients to help them understand their feelings and actions better. Building upon last week's podcast, today we're discussing how understanding our thought model can help us to feel more empowered and step into emotional adulthood.

#96 Understanding The Thought Model Apr 27, 2020

Do you ever wonder why certain situations make you so happy or angry or frustrated? Do you wonder why you act the way that you do or why the results in your life are what they are? The Thought Model is a tool I use with coaching my clients that helps them to understand the connection between circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. This is the basis for my coaching. If you want to know how to feel more empowered in your life, understanding and implementing The Thought Model is the first step!

#95 Resilience Apr 20, 2020

Who are the people who come through challenges and adversity more successful and fulfilled than they were before they experienced it? You got it. Resilient people. People who have the ability to bounce back and recover easily. How do we become more resilient? Join me today and let's talk about it.

#94 The Right Path Apr 13, 2020

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it? Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others. I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!

#93 Finding Fulfillment Apr 06, 2020

Feeling a deep sense of fulfillment in our lives is something that we innately crave, and yet, so many of us still struggle to get to a place where we feel we've tapped into the level of fulfillment we desire. In this episode we discuss what does and what doesn't help us to feel fulfilled with our lives and where we are.

#92 Clean Love Mar 30, 2020

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your love will come with conditions? And not just conditions on the front end, but conditions on the back end as well? We often expect that when we show love to another person that they will behave in a certain way in return. That, my friends, is controlling and manipulative. Clean love is when we learn to love without any expectation at all. And that, is an amazing place to get to!

#91 Personal Responsibility Mar 23, 2020

It is so easy to not only blame other people for things that go wrong in our lives, but just as easy to expect people to be responsible for our happiness and for fulfilling our needs. Well, it's time to step up, my friends, and start taking responsibility for the emotions, including happiness, that we feel, and also for our own needs. Wanting, or expecting, someone else to take care of these things for us leaves us completely powerless, and who wants that?

#90 Divorce Trauma Mar 16, 2020

Divorce is traumatic, and we can carry that trauma with us for many years. And it's not just the trauma of the separation, it's also the trauma of many years of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the dysfunction. This is a great discussion to help you become more aware of the trauma and learn how to work through it.

#89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst Mar 09, 2020

What do mid-agers and teenagers have in common? A lot of angst! And for a lot of reasons you may not have considered. Join me today as we discuss how our mid-life funk correlates so strongly with the life of a teenager.

#88 Marriage Mending with Jane Copier Mar 02, 2020

Today I get to interview my good friend and fellow life coach, Jane Copier (janecopiercoaching.com). Jane is an amazing coach who focuses on helping couples save their marriages. If you've been married you know that it definitely has it's challenges, but you may not feel that divorce is the option for you. That being said, you also don't know how to fix it and be in a healthier and happier marriage. Jane can help!

#87 The Law of the Lid Feb 24, 2020

Why is personal growth so important? Because our personal growth puts a lid on everything else that we engage with in our lives -- our relationships with others, God, and ourselves, as well as our work. We are limiting every aspect of our lives by our lack of personal growth by what is known as The Law of the Lid.

#86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? Feb 17, 2020

When is it self-care and when is it selfishness? Good question! But here's an important distinction. Self-care is us taking care of our needs so that we then have the energy to take care of the needs of others, while selfishness seeks to exploit others to take care of our own needs. We actually have to engage in self-care in order to be self-less.

#85 Emotional Tones Feb 10, 2020

Did you know that the actual words we speak are only 7% of our communication? 93% of what we say is communicated through the tone of our voice and our body language. Today we're going to talk about our emotional tones and how they impact our relationships with others. If we want to truly connect with the people around us, it's important to pay attention to our tones, understand where they come from, and how to change them.

#84 Creating Energy Feb 03, 2020

What is it about mid-life that makes us feel tired all of the time? I'll tell you a secret -- some of it has to do with what you're thinking. Today we're talking about how to create energy with your thoughts when it feels like you don't have any. Our thoughts create energy. . . who knew?!?

#83 Self-Honesty Jan 27, 2020

So many of us are just not honest with ourselves. Not on purpose, mind you, but unconsciously our brain perpetuates lies. At one time these lies may have kept us safe or been coping mechanisms that helped us to manage the difficulties in our lives. And even when they're no longer useful, our brain continues to tell these lies because they're easy and comfortable. Learning to become aware of these thoughts and develop honesty with ourselves is vital for our growth and progression. Let's chat about it.

#82 Courage and Fear Jan 20, 2020

Did you ever think that we couldn't have courage without fear? They really do work together. We often think of fear as only being a negative emotion, but when we adjust our thoughts around it, fear can be a great motivator to move us into courage. And courage is when we grow and get things done!

#81 How To Be More Patient Jan 13, 2020

Is patience your thing or not your thing? Most of us struggle at some level with being patient. Today we're going to discuss the reasons behind our lack of patience and how to learn how to be more patient, creating a better version of ourselves and healthier relationships with those around us.

#80 What A Girl Wants Jan 06, 2020

Alright, My Sweet Lady Friends, let's have a chat. What do you want? Do you know? Some of us don't. If you do know, do you let people around you know what you want? Some of us don't. Do you speak up and ask for what you want? Some of us don't. Today we're going to explore all of these scenarios and discuss why it's so important for us to know what we want and ask for it.

#79 Gratitude Dec 30, 2019

Want to be happier and more content in your life? Numerous studies point to gratitude as a major player in creating what you're after. And where can we find gratitude? In our thoughts of course! Because thoughts create our feelings. Believe it or not, gratitude actually has nothing to do with the circumstances in our lives. It's what we think about our circumstances that creates our feelings of gratitude.

#78 Playing Small Dec 23, 2019

I believe that one of the most damaging things we can do in our lives is to play small. As women, we often feel this person inside of us wanting so desperately to come out and impact the world in amazing ways. And yet we keep shushing her and buy into the cultural ideas that we have our place and should stay there. But I know God gave us these talents, abilities, and desires for a reason. Because we need to use them. Let's get started!

#77 Other People's Opinions Dec 16, 2019

What is it about other people's opinions and criticisms that can make us feel hurt or insecure or good? Actually, nothing. Their opinions and criticisms are just neutral circumstances. It's what we make those things mean that cause our feelings about them. Let's dig into our thoughts to figure out how to manage our feelings better around what other people think and say about us.

#76 Finding My Wings Dec 09, 2019

Growing up is such an amazing journey. I feel that this stage in our lives is perfect for putting all of the pieces together, discovering who we are and what amazing contribution we can make in this world. Today we're talking about the process of finding our wings and really stepping into what we feel we are called to do while here on earth.

#75 Emotional Adulthood Dec 02, 2019

Emotional Adulthood. It's a beautiful thing when we learn how to take full responsibility for all of our emotions and stop blaming others for how we feel and for our behaviors. It can be a process to learn because most of us were taught from the time we were young that other people were responsible for how we feel, but taking back the control over ourselves is an amazing, empowering process!

#74 Money Management Nov 25, 2019

This is #10, the last of our concepts necessary for mental health -- money management. Our emotional relationship with our money and our stewardship over it plays a huge role in our self-respect, which is a major player in our mental health. When we can learn to understand this relationship and learn to engage with it in a healthy way, we make a direct deposit into our mental health. And the better our mental health, the happier we are and the better relationships we have with those in our life.

#73 Time Management Nov 18, 2019

#9 on our list of mentally healthy behaviors is Time Management. Technically, it's managing ourselves within our time, and it's brilliant when we can wrap our discipline around being clear on what we want and need to do to progress into a better version of ourselves. On this podcast we talk about the processes necessary for better "time management" and why it's all so important, anyway. Turns out, it's vital for our self-respect which is always a must for better mental health.

#72 Unconditional Self-Love Nov 11, 2019

#8 on our list of things we need to be mentally healthy is unconditional self-love. This one is SO IMPORTANT! When we can first, learn what it really means to have unconditional love, and then apply that to ourselves, we are finding a place of acceptance and kindness and real growth. And mentally healthy people grow, and grow often! They embrace their imperfections as part of this amazing human journey and they exhibit grit and resilience. This is all part of our unconditional self-love.

#71 Contribution Nov 04, 2019

#7 on our list of important things to do to have good mental health is contribution. This refers to contributing to ourselves in order to become the best version that we can be, and then turning that best version around to contribute to the world in meaningful ways. And a third piece to this -- embracing our contributions as important and valuable to the world. Such a great piece to the mental health component!

#70 Self Reflection and Self Coaching Oct 31, 2019

#6 on our list of mental health behaviors is self reflection and self coaching. When we become more aware of where we really are, and when we can start intentionally moving ourselves out of negative thinking and into more positive thinking, we are also moving into better mental health. Awareness and intentional change are a powerful combination in helping us to truly discover our true selves.

#69 Internal Control Oct 28, 2019

#5 on our list of good mental health indicators is internal control. This refers to our ability to take full responsibility for our feelings, realizing they come from our thoughts rather than from external situations. Tapping into our internal control allows us to feel empowered in relation to our future and our potential rather than at the mercy of outside forces. And feeling empowered is great for our mental health.

#68 Taking Action Oct 24, 2019

#4 in Brooke Castillo's list of things we need to do for good mental health: Take Action. And this is brilliant because when we take action we create confidence and self-respect. We grow into the person of our dreams and we move forward in accomplishing our goals. And all of those things are key elements of having great mental health.

#67 Buffering Oct 21, 2019

#3 for better mental health is little to no buffering. Buffering is the process of using something external to try and solve for an internal problem, such as emotional discomfort. But buffering, although it may feel good in the moment, has some unintended consequences such as keeping us from truly experiencing life and keeping us from truly knowing who we really are. Discovering how and why we buffer and how to stop is a huge component in getting to greater mental health.

#66 Emotional Balance Oct 17, 2019

#2 in our list of things we need to have good mental health is emotional balance. Here we are talking about the 50/50 balance of positive and negative emotions, and specifically about our ability or inability to feel and work through the negative ones. They can be challenging for sure, but only in choosing to feel them can we find the balance that we seek that brings mental health.

#65 Future Plans Oct 14, 2019

Future plans, #1 on the list of what we need to have better mental health. Consistently moving toward growth by tapping into our potential and our dreams is an amazing place that helps us find greater fulfillment and satisfaction in life. If you feel as though you are just living on auto-pilot most of the time, not growing into a greater version of yourself and not experiencing the joys you feel you are meant to experience, this is a great place to start!

#64 Mental Health Oct 10, 2019

It's fascinating that our culture often defines mental health by stating that it is not having a mental illness. But mental health is so much more than that! It is more accurately defined by our ability to be resilient and work through tough emotional and mental situation in a healthy way. Today we are going to take a closer look at mental health and what it is, and then prep for the next 10 episodes when we explore an aspect of how to be more mentally healthy in each one.

#63 Rejection and Approval Oct 07, 2019

Rejection and approval. One we seek desperately to avoid and the other we seek desperately to obtain. And yet they are not always what they seem. Learning to move into rejection can be one of the greatest ways to ensure our own approval. Join me today as we discuss how learning to accept ourselves rather than how to avoid rejection can be one of our greatest tools for truly discovering our deepest potential.

#62 The Value of Discomfort Oct 03, 2019

I don't know too many of us who enjoy being uncomfortable, and given the times and culture we live in we rarely have to endure being physically uncomfortable. However, mental and emotional discomfort is a key element in our growth and progression. When we can learn to lean into discomfort, we can begin moving into our potential and find greater satisfaction and happiness in life. But to begin the whole process we have to start learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

#61 Charity is the Antidote Sep 30, 2019

Remember last episode when we talked about that huge list of mental and emotional behaviors? Well today we're going to talk about the antidote for intentionally or unintentionally wanting to engage in them: Charity. This amazing piece of Christ-like love will rid us of all of those relationship killers and instead deepen and strengthen our relationships. Charity will help us engage in healthy behaviors that will create healthy relationships.

#60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors Sep 26, 2019

Today we are covering a huge list of mental and emotional abusive behaviors. When we know better, we do better, right? This is to give us an opportunity to see behaviors that we may be engaging in that are harming our relationships and preventing us from having the connections that we ultimately desire. This is not meant to cause us shame or guilt, but rather to bring awareness to our actions so we can explore the feelings and thought behind them.

#59 My Life, My Creation, My Responsibility Sep 23, 2019

Life can deal all of us a bad hand sometimes. But actually, it's not the hand that's bad, it's how we choose to think about that hand. Today I'm going to share with you the experience of my Client Charity, who seemed to have been dealt some pretty rough childhood experiences. I'll show you how coaching has helped her to move from being a victim of those circumstances and blaming others to taking responsibility for her current actions and starting to create the life she really wants to live.

#58 The Brain and the Mind Sep 19, 2019

Today we are taking a look at the difference between the brain and the mind. Both do amazing things for us, but where the brain is part of the physical body, the mind is part of our spiritual body. When we tie this into the understanding that part of our purpose here on earth is for our spirit to learn to manage the physical body, this takes on a whole new understanding. We can start to understand how our brain works to keep our physical body alive, and how our mind works to move us forward to find and fulfill our potential.

#57 The Ripple Effect Sep 16, 2019

Have you ever thought about the fact that every action we engage in has a ripple effect? When we do something, it will affect the people around us, then they will take that action, turn it into thoughts, feelings, and actions, and their actions will in turn affect the people around them, and on and on. So what about our actions? Are they creating the kind of ripple effect that we want to send out into the world? Let's take a look at this today.

#56 Respect Sep 12, 2019

Respect is one of the most basic and fundamental elements in any healthy relationship. Today we're going to discuss some of the indicators of a lack of respect so you can recognize your own unhealthy behaviors in this area, and also so you can recognize when respect is not being shown to you. We'll also touch on the importance of consequences and boundaries in regards to respect. If you don't have respect, you don't really have a relationship.

#55 Don't Should Yourself Sep 09, 2019

The word "should" is one that we really should take out of our vocabulary! All it does is work to create controlling expectations of others and bring guilt and shame to ourselves. When living from a place of should rather than a place of love, we break down the relationship with ourselves and with others. Learning to do or do not, rather than shoulding ourselves is a place of self-care and compassion.

#54 Finding Faith In Our Future Sep 05, 2019

I love this one! Today we are learning about how we can use our future to create our future. Generally we tend to look to our past for patterns and examples of how to live our lives and create our future, but our past is limited by what we already know. Our future is full of potential and ideas that we currently just dream of, so learning to tap into our future to help us create our future is an amazing way to move forward.

#53 Finding Peace With Your Past Sep 02, 2019

Sometimes it seems as though we can't escape the difficulties of our past. They just keep coming up and coming up and making our current lives so much more difficult. But if we can really learn to embrace our past for the amazing lessons it has to teach, and to think in more positive ways about the challenges we have encountered in our lives, we will find the peace with our past that will allow us to have faith in our future.

#52 Healing Aug 29, 2019

Healing after a really difficult experience can be so challenging. But healing can happen when we start to see the meaning behind the experience. Learning to ask ourselves, "What can I learn from this?" rather than "Why did this have to happen to me?" is a process of learning to cue into our thoughts and start creating healing thoughts rather than thoughts that keep us stuck in pain. Today we'll talk about how to do this.

#51 The Silent Treatment Aug 26, 2019

Emotional abuse is such an inside killer of so many relationships, and most of us don't even know we're engaging in it. Giving someone the silent treatment is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse because so often we think we're taking the higher road by not yelling and screaming. So today we're discussing what the silent treatment is, how we engage in it, and what we need to do whether we are the perpetrator or the victim. Good stuff!

#50 The River of Misery Aug 22, 2019

The River of Misery is the place of discomfort where all good things happen in our lives. Growing from one form of ourselves to the upgraded version of ourselves is almost always a painful, difficult process, but it's the only way to move forward. And growing is the only way to be happy. And the River of Misery is the only way to grow. So it's time to be willing to embrace the discomfort if we're going become the even more amazing person that we are.

#49 Fixing Yourself Aug 19, 2019

Do you ever think of yourself as a fixer-upper? Sometimes it seems there is just so much we need to fix to get us to a healthy and happy place. But what if we were to embrace the idea that there isn't actually anything about ourselves that we need to fix? What if we were to accept the fact that we are perfect just the way we are? What if we could start believing that we are completely whole and that it's just our behaviors that need tweaking? Let's chat about it.

#48 Love Is All You Need Aug 15, 2019

So today I get a little bit personal when I tell you about a recent experience I had hurting someone's feelings and what I learned from it. Basically, that it's all about love. If I can get my heart to a place of love, everything in my life is better. Love really is the answer if we want greater happiness and peace in our lives.

#47 Thoughts, Consequences, & Boundaries Aug 12, 2019

This podcast is prompted by three situations this week where people have felt that they don't need to worry about the consequences of their behavior because it's the other person's responsibility to control their thoughts using the thought model. And yes, it is their responsibility, but it is also your responsibility to control your own actions and take responsibility for them. We're talking today about how consequences and boundaries fit in with The Thought Model.

#46 Choosing to Love Yourself Aug 08, 2019

Choosing to love yourself is one of the most important things we can do in this life. The love we have for ourself is the impetus for all emotional health and deep peace and happiness. When we love ourselves we unleash a potential for growth that will change the world we live in. Today we discuss how to start changing all of those negative thoughts and become a person filled with love for themselves, others, and God.

#45 Grown Up Thoughts Aug 05, 2019

Isn't growing up an amazing thing? The things I know now that I didn't know when I was younger are so great and life-changing. Today I'm going to share six of my grown-up thoughts that have changed how I view the world and made me a better person.

#44 How to Find Balance Aug 01, 2019

Finding balance as our lives get busier and busier just seems to be so elusive. So how do we live lives that don't seem to be spinning out of control? Let's start by how we view our lives first. Rather than seeking for perfect balance, embracing the idea that our lives are always unbalanced in certain seasons of our lives is a great first start. The second thing we can do is begin to seek to be centered rather than balanced. Join me today and we'll chat about it!

#43 The Three Degrees of Intention Jul 29, 2019

The reasons behind why we do things have such a huge impact on the results in our lives. Today we are discussing how our reasons for engaging in certain behaviors affects our relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves. This is a concept worthy of a lot of self-reflection to understand where we are and where we want to go.

#42 Change That Sticks Jul 25, 2019

Ever wonder why sometimes changing behaviors can be so incredibly difficult? Today we're discussing why that is and how we can work to make changes in our lives that are long-lasting.

#41 Correcting and Connecting Jul 22, 2019

Correcting and connecting. A small difference of two little letters, a huge difference in how to get there and the results once we are there. When we seek to correct others, especially with the wrong motivation, we are always going to run into resistance. But when we seek to connect with others first and always, we will break down walls that will allow for stronger relationships. It can be so easy for us to feel as though it is our responsibility to correct the world around us, when really, it is way more our responsibility to connect the world around us.

#40 The Secret to the Universe Jul 18, 2019

Really? The secret to the universe? Yep. Today we are talking about how to really create the kind of peaceful, content life you really want to have. How our thoughts can create exactly what we want from our circumstances so we can have stronger connections and relationships with those people around us. Through this you can create your universe just the way you want it. Really.

#39 Guilt & Shame Jul 15, 2019

Although we often use the words guilt and shame interchangeably, understanding the difference between them can be a real eye-opener. Guilt can actually be a quite helpful feeling to experience as it will drive us to change our behaviors and move into a better space. Shame, however, is never helpful. It shuts us down and stops us from progressing. Guilt says, "What I did was bad," and shame says, "I am bad." This has huge implications in our daily journey.

#38 Love Is Minding Your Own Business Jul 11, 2019

One of the more difficult things many of us struggle with is minding our own business. This is because we've been raised with the idea that it is our responsibility to make sure that everyone is happy and everyone is progressing and things are good. When we feel this way we can become very controlling and start stepping into everyone else's business. Minding our own business is really one of the most loving things we can do for people.

#37 Self-Care Jul 08, 2019

So much of our society is trying to sell us on the idea that self-care involves spending a lot of money at the nail or lash salon, or at the spa. But self care goes a lot deeper than indulging ourselves. Self-care really isn't always a lot of fun, it can be difficult and even boring. Self-care involves doing the things we need to every day, and week, and month to keep ourselves in a good place mentally and emotionally. Let's talk about what those things are today, shall we?

#36 Belonging & Fitting In Jul 04, 2019

What so many of us seek for is true belonging with other people, but we often think we can get there by trying to fit in. But where belonging is bring our true selves to the table, fitting in tries to change who we are in order to be a part of the group. Today we are discussing how these concepts of belonging and fitting in work with ourselves and with our children and others closest to us.

#35 Self-Esteem Jul 01, 2019

Self-esteem is a topic that is constantly being covered in women's and parenting magazines. We hear about how our self-esteem impacts our choices for both good and for bad. And yet so much of the information about how to create a healthy self-esteem is focused on external changes, when what really needs to happen are internal changes that create more self-respect. Let's chat about this today, shall we?

#34 Self-Compassion Jun 27, 2019

Sometimes it can seem so much easier to have compassion for others than it can be to have compassion for ourselves. But self-compassion is a vital element in our having a life filled with peace, contentment, and happiness. In this episode we are discussing what self-compassion is and how we can draw upon it when we need it, which is most days!

#33 Forgiving Yourself Jun 24, 2019

Forgiving ourselves for things we have done can be a pretty difficult challenge sometimes. But learning to understand our life experience in the context of God's Plan of Salvation can help us see how forgiving ourselves is not only part of our human process, but a necessary one if we are to find the promised peace that we so desperately seek during these times.

#32 My Divorce Decision Jun 20, 2019

Ugh. Divorce. What a topic. But I frequently have people ask me about my divorce and how I came to the decision to file after 4 kids and 24 years of marriage. And I know I sought similar information from other women whom I admired before I made my decision. So today I'll tell you my process of coming to the decision to file for divorce and how I knew it was the right one. Though my situation will not be your situation, I pray that if you're working through this that something will be helpful to you.

#31 Choosing Your Life Jun 17, 2019

Do you remember the life you envisioned when you were a young 20? I do too. And the circumstances I imagined back then are nothing like the life I'm living now. But all is not lost! When I come to realize that although I can’t choose the circumstances of the life I’m living, I can choose how to live with the circumstances of my life, then I can come to a place of peace, contentment, and growth. Join me today as we discuss how we can learn to take our circumstances and turn them into growth opportunities.

#30 Processing Pain Jun 13, 2019

Pain. Definitely not one of our favorite things to feel, but it is an inevitable part of life. Today we are discussing three ways we tend to want to deal with pain that are not helpful at all: avoiding, resisting, and reacting. But, we're also going to talk about how to process pain so that we can work through it and come out the other side in a better place.

#29 Validation Jun 10, 2019

Do you ever feel you would like a little more validation in your life? But then we get it and it seems it's never enough, we still don't feel appreciated for all of our sacrifices and efforts. Today we are talking about external validation versus internal validation. Real purpose in life comes from our own internal validation rather than the external validation from other people. So how do we get there? Let's talk about it.

#28 How To Coach Yourself Jun 06, 2019

So today we go into detail about how to coach yourself. We will discover how to decide what the circumstance is, and what your thoughts are. Then we'll discuss how to fill out the thought model to come to an awareness of how your thoughts impact and create your feelings, actions, and the results of your life. This is the basic process for learning how to see yourself more clearly and understand how you can take more control of your life.

#27 Healthier Relationships Jun 03, 2019

What do boundaries have to do with healthy relationships? Everything! Today we're going to talk about how our thoughts can help us to respect other people's boundaries so we can have greater connection and satisfaction in our relationships.

#26 Taking Offense May 30, 2019

You know that lady that offended you last week? She didn't really offend you. She just acted like a human. You chose to take her words or actions and think about them in such a way that you hurt your own feelings. Getting offended is such a "go-to" when we don't want to take responsibility for our own feelings, but feeling offended is entirely up to us. We choose what to think about what other people do or say, they actually don't have any control at all -- unless we give it to them. Join me today as we talk more in-depth about how we can never be offended again.

#25 Getting Unstuck May 27, 2019

Oh my gosh! How many of us find ourselves totally stuck in life sometimes?!? Definitely me. We're in a situation and we can't figure out how to get out of it and move on. Well, today we're discussing how to get unstuck. What are the types of thoughts that keep us stuck and what are the types of thought that get us unstuck and keep us moving forward and progressing? I know this is a shocker, but it all begins with our thoughts.

#24 The Blessing of Adversity May 23, 2019

Adversity. Just the word can cause us to shrink back and want to hide in a corner. But despite all of its struggles and challenges and frustrations, adversity is one of the greatest blessings in our lives. It can take us from a life of stagnation to a life of growth and happiness. Today we discuss all the ways adversity is actually a huge blessing in our lives.

#23 Divorce and the Kids Part 2 May 20, 2019

This is the second half of an interview I had with my 19 year old daughter, Allison, almost four years after my divorce. She showed up with some vulnerability talking about the effects the divorce has had on her, both good and bad. If you know a teenager impacted by divorce, this is insightful to see things from one child's perspective on her parents' divorce.

#22 Divorce and the Kids Part 1 May 16, 2019

This is the first half of an interview I had with my 19 year old daughter, Allison, almost four years after my divorce. She showed up with some vulnerability talking about the effects the divorce has had on her, both good and bad. If you know a teenager impacted by divorce, this is insightful to see things from one child's perspective on her parents' divorce.

#21 Letting Go of the Past May 13, 2019

For many of us, our past can be one of the biggest obstacles we have to overcome in this life. Experiences from when we were younger, or even just last week, can weigh us down with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, frustration, and anger. In this episode we are discussing how to see things from our past as things in the past, and not something to dictate our today or tomorrow. Here's a hint - it has everything to do with how we choose to think about them!

#20 Blame & Responsibility May 09, 2019

It is so easy to get caught up in the blame game! It's just such a natural part of being a human. But blaming instead of taking responsibility is a place where we become the victim, a place where we have no control over where we are and how we got there. Responsibility is a place of empowerment where we realize that we are in control of our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and ultimately the results in our lives. Join me today as we discuss what blame looks like, and how to move from blame to responsibility.

#19 Storytelling May 06, 2019

Alright. Today we're hitting some of the basics of self-coaching, figuring out how to tell the difference between the facts in our story and our thoughts in our story. This is the first and most important skill to master in being able to start moving towards a more healthy emotional life and being in control of our emotions and how much drama we experience.

#18 Overwhelm May 02, 2019

All of us find ourselves in a place of overwhelm at times. Today we're discussing how to get out of it, and how to keep from going there as often and as deep.

#17 Goaling Apr 29, 2019

Setting and accomplishing goals is one of the hallmarks of all successful people. Today we're discussing five of the biggest mistakes we can make when setting goals, and how to combat them.

#16 Inner Circle Apr 25, 2019

Who are the people you trust to be in your inner circle? These are the friends who are closest to you, who know your hopes and dreams and fears, and with whom you can be most vulnerable. We have a lot of friends in our lives, but there are just a few who have earned the right to the title of inner circle. Join me today as we discuss the qualities of an inner circle friend, which can be very different from a Friday night Netflix friend.

#15 Forgiveness & Trust Apr 22, 2019

For most of my life I believed the adage "forgive and forget", and in so doing, I thought that if I forgave someone I also had to trust them. Not so! Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. In today's episode, we discuss what forgiveness is and why having a forgiving heart doesn't require that we also have a trusting heart.

#14 Nice & Kind Apr 18, 2019

Being nice and being kind -- they're not the same thing. Join me today as we discover why it's so much better to be kind than to be nice.

#13 Being Content Apr 15, 2019

So many of us live our lives in such an unsettled place. We don't feel we're good enough, or strong enough, or beautiful enough. We really struggle to accept ourselves for who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, and we struggle to accept others as well. Today we'll discuss how we can live a more content life, a life full of acceptance and growth.

#12 Mindset Apr 11, 2019

Do you have a growth or a fixed mindset? And why would it matter? Based off of Carol Dweck's phenomenal book "Mindset", today we are discussing what the difference is between a growth and a fixed mindset and why it's important. Trust me. It matters.

#11 I Am Enough Apr 08, 2019

Our self-worth is not something we build up, but rather something we discover. Each of us is a person of worth just because we are -- just because we are human. Discovering that we are enough is the most important thing we can do in this life because it fuels every decision that we make. Join me today as we discuss how to discover that we are enough.

#10 Unconditional Love Apr 04, 2019

Unconditional love is perhaps the biggest secret to truly being happy and content in life, and it's probably not what you think! Join me today as we discuss what unconditional love is, what is isn't, and how to get there.

#9 Boundaries Part 3 Apr 01, 2019

In the last two episodes we discussed what boundaries are and why they are so important. In this episode we will talk about 9 steps we can take to implement healthier boundaries into our lives.

#8 Boundaries Part 2 Mar 28, 2019

So much more to say about Boundaries! We'll discuss even more about why boundaries are so important for healthy and intimate relationships and look more in-depth at why we often struggle so much with setting boundaries.

#7 Boundaries Part 1 Mar 25, 2019

Boundaries are so important for strong and healthy relationships. In this episode we will explore what it means to have healthy boundaries and why they are so important.

#6 Happy All the Time Mar 21, 2019

Doesn't that just sound great? To be happy all the time? Well it does, until it doesn't. Positive and negative emotions are necessary for our well-being and happiness. Today we'll discuss why this is and how negative emotions can actually help us to have greater happiness than before.

#5 Learning to Listen Mar 18, 2019

Listening is the most vital skill for good communication and connection, and yet so many of us are just not good listeners. Today we'll discuss how we can strengthen this skill and improve our relationships as a result.

#4 How to Change Mar 14, 2019

Changing our behaviors can be one of the most challenging things in our lives. Today we'll discuss how to create long-lasting change to put us on the path of personal growth we really want to be on.

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#3 Resolving Conflict Mar 04, 2019

Most of us come from a place where we are not big fans of conflict, in fact, often we say we hate conflict. Today we'll discuss how conflict can be a good thing and how we can use it to strengthen our relationships.

#2 Control Issues Feb 28, 2019

If you're like me, you may have a few control issues here and there. Today we'll discuss when it's ok to have control issues and when it's not, because sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

#1 This is Us Feb 28, 2019

Welcome to Intentional Living with your host, certified life coach Tanya Hale. On this podcast we will discuss who we are, where we're going, and how we're going to get there.

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