IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

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Resilience 101 Aug 27, 2020

Show notes

"It ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward."
~Rocky Balboa

Resilience for parents and teens.

Parents worry that their teens are still struggling, worry that their teens don’t have resilience, worry that things are too hard.

You and your teens are human, you are going to struggle.

Developing resilience means that you are struggling, doing hard things, and getting stronger and better equipped to handle all of life’s struggles and adversity.

When parents and teens understand what resilience is and how to develop it, struggles become an opportunity for growth and strength.

Resilience leads to self-confidence, and self-confidence leads to resilience. This is a cycle.

Dr. Ivan Joseph said, “Self-confidence is the ability to believe in yourself to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity.”

What Resilience IS NOT vs What Resilience IS:
❌ Resilience is not a character trait that we are born with.
✔️ Resilience is a skill that we have to learn, practice, and develop.
❌ It is not a one-time achievement.
✔️ It is a daily process, practice, and commitment.
❌ It doesn’t magically make things easy or easier.
✔️ It is a commitment to do hard things.
❌ Resilience is not something you simply learn or do.
✔️ Resilience is something that you learn, practice, do, and become.

How to develop resilience with M.E.S.S.:

🧠 M-Mindset is key to developing resilience!

🧡 E-Emotion

🎯 S-Skill

💪 S-Struggle

You can’t change your teen, but you can be the change.

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
I say, “Be the change you want to see in your teen.”

This will take your focus off of your teen (who you can’t control) and bring your focus back onto yourself (the only one you can control). It's natural as a parent to want to lighten the load that our teens face. It's easy to worry that our teen's struggles will be too much, of that they will somehow "ruin their life" with their mistakes.

But the truth is, it is our teens' struggles that are making them stronger. It's their mistakes and struggles that give them valuable experience. Lots of parents come to me, worried that their teens are making "too many mistakes," or "ruining their life" somehow.

They want to know that everything will be okay.

Your teen cannot ruin their life! They are resilient; they have the power to bounce back from EVERYTHING!

Trust that your teen has the resilience that they need to recover from everything. They do, and it starts with YOU believing in them! You see, your teen wants to believe that everything will be okay too. If you believe it, they'll believe it.

I can help you believe in your teen's resilience. I can help you develop the mindset and skills to boost your own resilience, which will boost your teen’s resilience too.
Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge

If you haven't yet, join our FREE Be the Change Challenge. Each day we will be doing simple 5-10 minute daily exercises to help give you a powerful perspective on your role as a parent and your ability to be the catalyst for incredible change in your life and your relationship with your teen.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Back to School Tips with Joey Mascio Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

Are you ready to send your teen back to school?
“You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!”

~Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

A Little About Joey!

Joey has been working with teens ever since he was one.

Currently, he is a middle school teacher and counselor. Joey has also been a high school teacher, Sunday school teacher, seminary teacher, and teen improv instructor. He has professional training in acting for the stage, a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, and a Master’s in Education.

Now, as a certified Life Coach, Joey works with teens on developing crucial life skills that aren’t taught in schools. Using his background in comedy, storytelling, and performance, he produces a podcast and videos to help teens learn tools and techniques to help them choose happiness and achieve at high levels.

3 Back to School Tips.

Give your teen options
- Give them choices
- Actually let them choose.
- Don't just give them the "allusion of choice."
Enforce consequences and boundaries with emotional control.
- You don't have to enforce consequences with negative emotions.
- "Them's the rules."
- Follow through.
- I'm not mad, I'm just following through.
- Anger doesn't mean that you're serious.
- Emotions are contagious.
  - Watch this video, "Calm is Contagious," by Rorke Denver.
If your teen is doing something you don't want them to be doing, you're letting them do it.
- Teens are data collectors.
- they're trying to find the boundaries and ways around them.
- You cannot control your teen, but you can control how you enforce your boundaries.
- What you tolerate, you allow.
Listen, really listen to your teen.
- Listen in a way that they can hear you listening.
- Find the right way.
  - go on a drive
  - play a video game
- show them that you are listening.

Where to Find Joey

Joey's website is found at https://www.firmlyfounded.com/.

joey's program teaches Crucial Life Skills that are not being taught in school.

Solve any problem.
Master any relationship.
Handle any big emotion.
Develop a self-image that will make you unstoppable.
Self-motivate to reach your biggest goals.

Check out Joey's Podcast here!

Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge

Join the FREE Facebook Group
- Join other parents just like you and get the support that you've been looking for.
Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
- These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!

Join the FREE Facebook Group!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Turning Struggles into Strengths Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

Why does struggling get such a bad wrap?

Struggling has gotten a bad wrap.

We seem to think that struggling is something that should be avoided.

We are hardwired to avoid struggles and discomfort. This is just a basic part of being human. Our brains have evolved to minimize effort and maximize efficiency.

Society and media look down on struggles.

The truth about struggling.

Struggling makes us stronger, more experienced, and more able to connect with others.

Struggling isn't the problem, it's the discomfort that we experience with the struggle.

Deep down we respect the struggle and those who overcome struggles and adversity. We love rooting for the underdog. We love hearing motivational stories about how people have overcome even the worst of times.

Struggles are a part of life that affects EVERYONE, not just our teens and not just people who have done something wrong.

If you take the time to think about it, you'll find areas of growth in your life that ONLY came about because of struggle and adversity. Struggles are nothing more than an opportunity to grow.

5 Simple keys to harness the power of struggles.

You're going to struggle in life. Your teen is going to struggle in life. Here are 5 simple keys to help you and your teen make the most of your past, current, and future struggles.

Change your perspective and mindset when it comes to struggles.
- The way you think about the struggle will determine how you feel about it, which will influence the actions you choose to take.
- How you are feeling about your struggle is an indicator of what you think about it.
Rather than focusing on the obstacles, focus on the opportunities (yes, this is very closely related to mindset).
- This is simple, and yet SO HARD!
- This takes some creativity. It's is natural and easy to find the obstacle, the negative. Instead, get creative and explore:
  - What opportunities are there?
  - What benefits can I find?
  - How am I growing?
Stop trying to fix it, hide it, or change it, and embrace it.
- Resisting your struggle often only increases your struggle.
- Viewing your struggle as a problem needing fixing leads to feeling shame about the problem.
- The quickest way to grow from struggles is to embrace the discomfort that comes with struggling.
Identify skills that will help you through the struggle.
- This is the perfect time to learn, practice, and master some new skills.
- Every struggle comes with a set of skills to learn. Identify the skills and get to work.
- This is like weight lifting at the gym. It doesn't get lighter or easier, you just get stronger and make it look easy.
Trust the process.
- In the moment it can be hard to use the skills mentioned above.
- Sometimes all we can do is trust the process.

So, where do I start?

Get curious. Explore the struggles that you are having as a parent and practice using the 5 keys mentioned above.

When it comes to your teen and their struggles, again, get curious. What can you see that they can't? How is this helping them grow. How can you support them without minimizing their struggle or exaggerating their struggle?

We can't change our teens. We can't make them handle struggles better. All we can do is trust their process. Trust that they are doing their best, and trust that change begins with us. By simply changing how we view and handle struggles, it will influence how our teens view and handle their own struggles.
Join the Be the Change Challenge.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Personal Narrative Aug 06, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

What is a personal narrative, and what does it have to do with my teen?

Personal narratives are the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves, others, and our circumstances.

These narratives are tied to our thoughts and our beliefs, which then influence our feelings and actions.

Our personal narratives as parents are often reflected and copied by our children.

The stories we tell ourselves, our personal narrative, become our reality because we begin to believe them.

Some of my past personal narratives.

I'm the first to admit that this is an area that I used to struggle with. As a teen I thought that there was something wrong with me. Those thoughts carried over into my adult years until I finally addressed them through coaching and using the model.

I’m not good enough
I’m a trouble maker
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not cool
I’ve ruined my life
Nobody likes me

Narratives that I'm practicing today.

You CAN change your personal narrative. You don't have to continue believing the harmful stories from your past.

It isn't always easy, but it is totally doable. Here's a few narratives that are helping me right now.

I am good enough
My past troubles were actually preparing me for greatness
I can bounce back from anything
My teen is resilient
He is doing his best
His struggles are preparing him for greatness.

So, where do I start?

Lot's of parents want to change their teen's personal narrative. They say, "My teen doesn't have confidence because he's constantly telling us that he's 'not good enough.'"

His narrative is definitely linked to his confidence, BUT you have to remember that you can only control YOUR NARRATIVE!

You cannot change your teen's narrative.

You can only have an impact on their narrative by controlling your own personal narrative.

Here's a good place to start.

Become aware of your personal narrative about yourself
1. This is the most powerful place to start.
2. If you have negative narratives about yourself, you are more likely to have narratives about others or even just your circumstances.
Become aware of your personal narrative about your teen.
1. Start to pay attention to the thoughts that you have about your teen.
2. How you think about your teen impacts how you treat them.
Explore your teen’s personal narrative through observation and conversation.
1. Watch your teen. Look for clues as to what their narrative is.
2. Listen to the things they say about themselves and others.
3. Have a conversation with them about this.
Become intentional about your personal narrative.
1. Once you've become aware of exactly what your personal narrative sounds like, start the practice of becoming intentional.
2. Practice over and over.

Join the 5 Day Be The Change Challenge

Join the FREE Facebook Group
- Join other parents just like you and get the support that you've been looking for.
Download the easy to follow Workbook and Exercise Guide.
- These exercises are designed to take you just 5-10 minutes a day!
Start making real growth as a parent TODAY!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

The Model Jul 30, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

The Self-Coaching Model puts YOU in control.

The most empowering thing about the model is that it gives you control. It helps you identify the things that are within your control and then helps you focus on those.

The model helps you realize how many things you can control, and how all of them are connected you YOU!

Too many of us, as parents, focus on things that are completely outside of our control. We focus on our teens and whether or not they obey, how they are thinking, how they are acting, and what others are thinking of us.

The model will help you bring your focus inward. It will help you be more results driven and future focused, rather than getting stuck in the past.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Perception of Success Jul 23, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”
~Winston Churchill (Though after searching the internet, I'm not sure he actually said this.)
Too many teens think they are failing life.

Often times our teens think that success is what they see on social media, TV, and the movies.

They don't realize that life rarely looks that way.

They don't realize that success if often ugly, boring, and embarrassing.

Many teens are experiencing success in their lives, but because it doesn't look like something they'd see on TikTok, or Snapchat, they don't acknowledge it as a win, as a success.

Instead, they completely miss their success and chalk it up as another "failure."

How to help your teen see the whole picture.

We can't make our teens see the whole picture, but we can certainly help them see it.

Often times we are part of the problem when we refuse to be happy with our teens progress, just because it hasn't yet met our standards or end goal.

Often times we too get caught up in comparing reality to the perfect image that we were expecting, and we don't recognize the success for what it is. Instead, we are just disappointed that it didn't meet our expectations.

Help your teen enjoy the journey.

Help them appreciate their growth along the way.

Praise them for their efforts.

Help them understand that sometimes success is simply not giving up.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

5 DAY CHALLENGE - Day 5 - Plan & Practice Jul 13, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

#005- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 5 Challenge will help you come up with actual steps that will help you make permanent change and improvement. Your plan will be short, doable, and custom fit for you.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/5

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

5 DAY CHALLENGE - Day 4 - The Best Place to Start Jul 12, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

#004- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 4 Challenge will help you appreciate where you are right now, rather than wishing you were already at your goal. You’ll find that where you are is the perfect place to start, and that you have special strengths to help you achieve your goals.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/4

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

5 DAY CHALLENGE - Day 3 - Exciting New Change Jul 11, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

#003- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 3 Challenge will help you identify something you’re actually excited about, something that you actually believe you can do, actually want to do.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/3

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

5 DAY CHALLENGE - Day 2 - Making a Statement Jul 10, 2020

Show notes

"Send Ben a text"

#002- Parenting Life Coach, Ben Pugh in on a mission to help parents reconnect and build better relationships with their teens. These first 5 podcasts are a 5 Day Challenge that will do just that.
The Day 2 Challenge will help you gain even more clarity and make a bold statement that will help guide you as you go about the task of parenting.
Join the 5 Day Facebook Challenge and Subscribe!
https://benpughcoaching.com/challenge
To get the shownotes for this episode head to:
https://benpughcoaching.com/2

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

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