How To! with Charles Duhigg

Latest Episodes:

How To Fight Rattlesnakes and Polar Bears Apr 06, 2021

Show notes

Have you ever wondered how you'd fare in the wild? What you'd do when facing off against a rattlesnake or staring down a polar bear? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we dive into two extreme scenarios worthy of their own action movies. First, Kyle Dickman, author of On the Burning Edge and a former hotshot firefighter, opens up about the time he truly feared for his life—not when fighting wildfires, but when crossing paths with a rattlesnake on a family hike. Next, we'll bring on Jill Fredston, author of Snow Sense and Rowing to Latitude who has fought avalanches for decades only to realize the mountain doesn't care about our sense of self-confidence. Though their experiences may seem remote, they can teach all of us something about risk, luck, and how to coexist with nature.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Withstand Pain."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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How To Write the Perfect Obituary Mar 30, 2021

Show notes

Laura's dad lived an unusual life. He raised 12 children on a farm without running water in the Texas countryside while also programming his own website that connected families, for free, with help when they were going through difficult times. Ever since he passed away this January, Laura has been searching for a way to tell his story, hoping to ultimately post what she writes about her father on Facebook. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Glenn Rifkin, author of Future Forward and veteran obituary writer at the New York Times, to help Laura craft the perfect remembrance. A good place for Laura to start, Glenn says, is to interview the many members of her family, acting as a reporter to gather as many stories about her dad as she can.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Make an Exit Like Mary Poppins Mar 23, 2021

Show notes

For years, Stella helped raise twin girls whom she loved deeply. She potty trained them, read bedtime stories and made sure they ate their veggies. But then, one day with little warning, she was asked to leave them. Stella isn't a parent—she's a nanny. And though it's been years, she's still heartbroken over being let go from her old job, especially the way it ended. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Tasha Blaine, author of Becoming a Social Worker and Just Like Family. Tasha spent years interviewing nannies for Just Like Family and she's here to help Stella process her loss. When you're getting paid to raise someone else's kids, how do you navigate that messy work-life divide? And for couples, how can you establish a better, more professional relationship with this "third parent"? Listen in for the secrets of a real-life Mary Poppins.

If you liked this episode, check out our "Cheat Sheet" series on raising children in an unusual year.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Stop Snoring (And Breathe Easier) Mar 16, 2021

Show notes

Andrew snores so badly that his cats won't sleep in the same room as him. He's desperate to sleep better at night, and breathe more easily during the day. As a trans man, Andrew spent most of his life training to be a soprano opera singer only to become a baritone when he transitioned in his early 20s. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, to share the history of why we breathe the way we do. Turns out being a "mouth-breather" is more than just an insult, it's harmful to our health. James gives Andrew some nasal breathing exercises to improve his snoring, anxiety, and overall wellness.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Sleep."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, and Rosemary Belson.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Quiet the Chatter in Your Head Mar 09, 2021

Show notes

Emilia can't stop thinking about a long-ago love affair with Ivan, a man she met in Mexico in her early 20s and dated for several years. Now, a decade later, Emilia is newly married, but thoughts of her time with Ivan pop into her mind daily, a fact she's never shared with her husband. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Ethan Kross, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan and the author of Chatter: The Voice In Our Head, Why It Matters, and How To Harness It. Whether thinking about a past experience or worrying about the present, we all get stuck in negative cycles of thought, and Ethan has the tools to help us form a better relationship with our thoughts.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fall Out of Love."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Survive a Doomsday Cult Mar 02, 2021

Show notes

Michael grew up terrified that the world was going to end. This wasn't your typical childhood anxiety, but something he was taught while being raised in the Children of God cult. Michael left the cult years ago, but now in his 30s he's struggling to heal the scars it left on his parents and 11 siblings. How do you go on living when the world doesn't actually come to an end? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Rebecca Stott, author of In the Days of Rain, a memoir about her childhood in a cult called the Exclusive Brethren. "Whenever I have an interview like this, I can feel the frog in my throat," Rebecca tells us. "It's like there's something still censoring me...in my own head." Rebecca knows what it's like to feel ashamed of her childhood, but she's also learned to find what was useful in her experience and apply it to her life today. She says Michael can do the same thing by opening himself up to his loved ones and in future relationships.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Forgive the Unforgivable."

Do you have an unusual problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Fall Out of Love Feb 23, 2021

Show notes

Several months ago, Sarah told her best friend John she's in love with him—but he doesn't love her back. Now Sarah can't get John out of her head, especially because they still talk all the time. How can Sarah move on from John? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and the author of Anatomy of Love, to help Sarah train her heart—and her brain—to fall out of love. The first thing Sarah needs to do, Helen says, is cut off contact with John. Every time she sees him, it reactivates her brain circuitry for romantic love. And as beautiful as their friendship may be, it's holding Sarah back from finding her true love.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Propose (to a Man)."

Do you have a problem in your love life? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Start Over at 60 Feb 16, 2021

Show notes

Age may just be a number but turning 60 is a big deal—at least, according to three listeners who recently wrote us about the challenges they're facing in their later years. Joy can't decide whether to retire from her job as a high school Spanish teacher. Doug is trying to figure out where to channel his energy after a career in the military. And Kim needs to find a way to support herself for the first time in her life after a devastating divorce. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Herminia Ibarra, a professor at the London Business School and author of Working Identity. Herminia has studied life transitions extensively, discovering that we make changes by running small experiments rather than taking one flying leap into the unknown. And since our identities are so closely linked to our professional life, Herminia says, it's important to surround yourself with new people as you conduct these experiments, testing out different possible selves and imagining what new identities may be out there for you, at any age.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Find a New Career Before It's Too Late."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Leave the Church When Your Dad's the Pastor Feb 09, 2021

Show notes

Chris's childhood was defined by the Pentecostal church, where his father is a minister and his siblings are following the same path. But when Chris went to college, his views on the church changed, and now at age 23, he no longer identifies as religious. That's caused a major rift with his parents, and Chris can't stand the tension anymore. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Patricia Lockwood, a poet and writer who chronicled her own experience leaving the church in her memoir Priestdaddy. Raised in a strict Catholic family with a father for a priest (thanks to a rare loophole), Patricia thought she was done with religion by the time she was in her early 30s. But when an unexpected financial crisis prompted her and her husband to move back in with her parents, Patricia learned a new way to bridge the gap between them. Reflecting on your shared values, Patricia says, is key to connecting with your parents, even if you're still leaving their religion behind.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Steal Back Your Identity Feb 02, 2021

Show notes

Ever since Casey's husband had his identity stolen, Casey hasn't been able to relax. She spends late nights and weekends obsessively checking their family bank accounts and scouring the web for information on the thieves who live just 15 minutes from her house. The police told Casey that an arrest is unlikely, so how can she find closure and move on with her life? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Abby Ellin, journalist and the author of Duped, who experienced a personal betrayal of her own—almost marrying a con man. Abby shares what she learned about getting over a breach of trust when there's no resolution in sight. The bottom line: You have to create your own kind of closure. Don't let the thief steal any more of your time.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get Away With Murder."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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