How to Survive

Latest Episodes:

How to Survive: Ready or Not (2019) Dec 22, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 233...and don't take it personally. They're just trying to figure out if you're a gold-digging whore. Ready or Not (2019) tells the story of newly-married Grace, who wants to make a good impression on her new husband Daniel's relatives - the mysterious Le Domas family, owners of the Le Domas boardgaming Monopoly. As is only fitting, before the happy couple start their Life together, they have a traditional family game with the newlyweds on their wedding night, but this game is less Ticket to Ride and more Ticket to Die. Can Grace Scrabble around and survive the night, or will she end up another victim of the Le Domas' arcane Operation? We cut into a slice of (sort of) wedding-themed horror, family traditions and the adherance thereof, cults, Colts, 100-second counts, and whether one should ever make a deal with the devil. Plus, stick around at the end for Joe's attempts to return to Return to Castle Wolfenstein. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She'll never be one of us. Next time - we did it to ourselves. It's The Nun (2018). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: The Lighthouse (2019) Dec 10, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 232...and should pale death, with treble dread, make the ocean caves our bed, God who hears the surges roll, deign to save the suppliant soul. The Lighthouse (2019) tells the absolutely fine and normal story of Thomas's Wake and Howard, two wickies with the task of operating a remote lighthouse for a month off the coast of 19th Century New England. But can they keep their fragile friendship intact, or will the isolation take its toll? Also featuring mermaids and tentacles. We discuss what we think actually happens in Robert Eggers' The Witch follow-up, the dangers of cabin fever, eldritch horrors and marxism, but mainly the extremely subtle and subtextual homoerotic tension of two grown men living and constantly wanking inside a big dick. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You're gonna spill your beans. Next time, it's the best day of our lives as we watch Ready or Not (2019). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

Anniversary Special - Revisiting Friday the 13th (1980) Nov 23, 2020

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How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's time for a bonus episode...and I'm Mrs. Voorhees, an old friend of the Christys'! We turned 5 years old back in August and marked it by...doing absolutely nothing! So here we are, 3 months later, revisiting the film that started it all - Friday the 13th (1980).

If you didn't know, Friday the 13th tells the story of Camp Crystal Lake, and a group of teenagers who arive to help renovate the camp ahead of its grand re-opening, 30 years after a brutal double murder. What could go wrong?

We revisit a classic and ask ourselves, fresh from watching 250 other horror movies, is it any good, does it deserve its reputation (good and bad), and have the intervening years given us any new insights?

All of which leads to one important question: why aren't we cracking on with the films we're supposed to be watching? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Guess I always wanted to work with children. I hate when people call them kids. Sounds like little goats. But when you've had a dream as long as I have, you'll do anything.

Back next time with our previously scheduled programming with Robert Eggers The Lighthouse (2020).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: Host (2020) Nov 07, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 231...and "There are no approved quotes yet for this movie" - Rotten Tomatoes Host (2020) tells the story of a group of friends who hold a seance over Zoom during the 2020 COVID-19 lockdown. Before long (no really, the movie is only an hour long), a bad spirit is summoned and some video-conferencing-based-haunting ensues. We discuss how restrictions can encourage creativity when it comes to horror; the importance of respecting the experts (particularly when there are dangerous spirits around); and pay tribute to that most overlooked of survival tips: turning on the lights. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: the movie is truly only an hour long. So good. We should watch it every week. Next time, we're hunkering down for The Lighthouse (2019). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: Heat (1995) Oct 15, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 230...and there is a dead man at the end of this line. Heat (1995) tells the doomed story of star-crossed lovers Neil McCauley and Detective Vincent Hanna, two kindred spirits torn asunder by their respective loves of doing crimes and stopping people what do crimes. Set on the seedy, steamy streets of 90s Los Angeles, can the two overcome their differences and finally be together, or will it all end in an avoidable tragedy behind an electrical substation on the tarmac at LAX? We watch possibly the greatest acting double-header of all time, discuss why it's unwise to watch the loudest gunfight in movie history with a sleeping infant upstairs, and question whether a movie criminal who is famous for his guiding principles is actually a weak-willed hypocrite. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: She's got a...GREAT ASS! Next time we're checking out 2020's Zoom-set remote horror hit Host! Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: The Godfather (1972) Sep 28, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 229...and What did he say? Badda-beep, badda-bap, badda-boop, badda-beep. It's The Godfather (1972). Michael Corleone is back from the war, and looking for love - but when his father is injured in a work-related incident, it falls to Michael to step in and whip the family business into shape. We set aside all vendettas to hand out marriage advice for the masses; top tips for managing an unarmoured toll-booth; and advising anyone who will listen to take advantage of the opportunities life gives them. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders! 'Movies We Haven't Seen / Crime Drama / 3-Hour Long / Al Pacino / Good Film Season' continues next week with Heat (1995). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: The Orphanage (2007) Sep 14, 2020

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How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 228...and seeing is not believing, it's the other way round. It's time for The Orphanage (2007). Laura has bought the orphanage she grew up in, and has high hopes for its re-establishment. But before long her son, Simon, goes missing, and Laura is haunted by... ghosts, grief, guilt? You'll have to see it to believe it, or believe it to see it. We brandish the building surveys and blueprints; send in the safety standards; and forgo playtime in favour of getting the job done. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: One, Two. Three... Knock on the wall... Next time, it's an offer that you can't refuse: The Godfather (1972). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: Under the Skin (2013) Aug 31, 2020

Show notes

A quick note from us: we didn't anticipate only recording one podcast in August but unfortunately that's how the cards fell! We hope you can forgive us, and we promise it won't be another month before you hear from us again! How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 227...and you don't want to wake up, do you? In Under the Skin (2013) Scarlett Johansson plays a mysterious, human skin-inhabiting alien who travels around Glasgow seducing unwitting men for nefarious reasons. But will her disguise lend her a deeper understanding of the human psyche, and will that ultimately change her view of humanity? We tackle Jonathan Glazer's unique and disturbing horror vision, lure it into our black analysis void and suck out its inside meanings, and also find time to discuss all the usual suspects - stranger danger, GUM clinics, and all those hopeless derelicts north of the border. All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive? Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I have a place about 30 minutes away. Will you come with me there? Join us next time as we continue our look at a pair of Modern Classics with J.A. Bayona's The Orphanage (2007). Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive: Looper (2012) Jul 31, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 226...and this time travel crap, just fries your brain like a egg..

Looper (2012) tells the story of Joe, a 'Looper'. Loopers are assassins who kill people sent from the future, where time travel exists but is controlled by criminal gangs. There are also psychic people. Fun and games ensue when Joe is ordered to kill a 30-year-older version of himself.

We discuss then whens, wheres and whyfors of mute begging, hoverbike jousting, propose picking a safe word for you and your older self, and Joe outs himself as a Little Monster masquerading as a Moonage Daydreamer.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This is a Remington 870. One blast could cut you the f*ck in half.

Join us next time as we go under the skin of Jonathan Glazer's Under the Skin (2013)

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

How to Survive: Back to the Future (1985) Jul 15, 2020

Show notes

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 225...and I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.

Back to the Future (1985) tells the story of Marty McFly, a precocious teen with deadbeat parents and a good friend in Doc Brown, a local inventor and all-round eccentric. When Marty helps Doc test his newly-constructed time machine, he winds up stranded three decades earlier in 1955. Can he convince the younger Doc Brown to help him, and can he make sure his high schooler parents still meet and fall in love?

It's time for celebration as we mark the 35th anniversary of one of the greats of family adventure cinema, and cover all the usual ground - fawning potrayals of Americana, desperate levels of product placement, troubling depictions of sexual violence, the ending's facist overtones, and elderly men welding U-Boats in a 3ft canal in West London.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Nobody calls me chicken!

Join us next time as we carry on time travelling in Rian Johnson's Looper (2012).

Get in touch! HowtoSurviveShow@gmail.com

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