How To Survive The Classroom

Latest Episodes:

Raising Andrea: A Mother’s Day Special May 04, 2026

Show notes

I have a very special guest today, the woman, the myth, the legend: my mom, Candi Neal (aka Mama Neal).

Mama Neal is here to spill all the tea on what I was really like before the PhD and let's just say, eighth grade was a "spicy" season. From my mom literally snitching on my dress code violations to the principal to her calling me out for being a "pill" on a school trip, we are diving deep into my "rule-follower to a fault" childhood. Plus, I finally show off my weirdest special skill: rolling my tongue like an ocean wave.

We also discuss why my husband Steven is basically the real-life Ron Swanson and how my mom used to hide rotten bananas to magically turn them into banana bread. Happy Mother's Day!

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Takeaways:

The Snitch on the School Board: Why Mama Neal didn't just enforce the dress code, she called the principal to make sure Andrea got busted the second she stepped out of the car.
The President of South America: Gerry digs up a "subpar geography" moment from Andrea's past that involves a very embarrassing question about George W. Bush.
The "Worst Student" Overachiever: How Andrea went from a disorganized middle schooler who stuffed her locker until it wouldn't shut to having a PhD and two Master's degrees.
Gerry’s Exit Interview: Why Andrea's daughter gave Gerry a "condolences card" level of shade and asked him to leave their house during a Sunday hang.
The Benjamin Button Finger: Andrea reveals the story behind her "child-sized" pinky and the genetic quirk she shares with her mom and daughter.

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We Are Your Mother Now Apr 27, 2026

Show notes

The box finally arrived. My book is officially here! I’ve worked on it for years, but now that I’m holding it, I’m having a total crisis.. I can’t even look at the pages without feeling nauseous.. Gerry, of course, thinks I should just popcorn read it to my students like it's a fifth-grade class and carry it around like a dictionary..

Speaking of things that make me want to disappear, we’re talking about "insane" professional development.. I’m sharing my trauma of being forced to pass Fruit Loops from person to person using a toothpick during a high school assembly, which, from a distance, looks exactly like you're making out with a 50-year-old colleague.. It was a dark time..

Plus, Gerry is coming for the "anonymous" commenters in his local teacher Facebook group.. If you’re going to talk smack about your school or your coworkers, Gerry has a message for you: put your name on it and stand on business.

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Takeaways:

The Book Paradox: Andrea finally has her book in hand, but the thought of actually reading it out loud or discussing it makes her feel physically sick..
The "Fruit Loop" Assembly: Why Andrea’s first year of teaching included a viral-worthy moment that made her look like she was making out with a stranger in a dusty gym..
Facebook Beef: Gerry explains why posting anonymously in a 9,000-person private forum isn't a "point of view", it’s just slander..
The $43,000 Speaker: Andrea recounts the time her school paid a speaker an entire year's teacher salary for one hour of work, only for her to never return..
Sycamore Summit: Andrea’s vision for a teacher conference that doesn't suck, featuring mimosas, bloody marys, and, hopefully a rage room for stressed educators.

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Will Robots Ever Replace Teachers? Apr 20, 2026

Show notes

Have you heard the news? Apparently, the First Lady thinks we might need a robot in the classroom. Today, Gerry and I are breaking down the "AI humanoid robot" pitch and why we’re a little skeptical that a faceless machine can handle a middle schooler with a paperclip and a dream. Gerry is convinced that unless the robot has lasers to keep the kids in line, it’s basically just an expensive target for classroom chaos.

We also dive into the networking vibes of Gerry’s recent comedy festival, where he successfully dodged seeing any students or parents in the wild. Plus, I’m getting heated about the "subject matter expertise" myth. Just because you have a degree in biology doesn’t mean you know what to do when a student starts crawling under desks or picks a "pee corner" in your room.

Write in and let us know: would you rather have a robot co-teacher or a random person off the street? Because I’m pretty sure the robot would at least follow the safety protocols while the desk is being flipped.

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Takeaways:

Gerry’s Comedy Showcase: How Gerry spent his weekend networking and hosting in Raleigh without getting recognized by a single student's mom.
The "Robot" Teacher: Andrea and Gerry react to the White House's introduction of a humanoid AI tutor and why they think the battery would die before first period ends.
Laser-Focused Management: Gerry’s "devil’s advocate" theory on why a robot with laser eyes might actually be the ultimate classroom management tool.
The "Pee Corner" Reality: Why knowing the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell won't help you when the classroom environment gets... biological.
Subject Matter vs. Teaching: Andrea’s "hill to die on" regarding new state policies that think nine credits are enough to prepare someone for the chaos of K-12.

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Knife to the Heart: Kindergartner Insults with Jayson Cross Apr 13, 2026

Show notes

Have you ever booked a hotel so sketchy that even the Uber driver took one look and canceled the ride? Because that was my weekend in Essington, Pennsylvania. I’m joined by Chicago-based interventionist and comedian Jayson Cross, who, despite being 47, looks like he’s microdosing youth because he hasn’t aged a day since 2001.

We’re settling a major debate: is it worse to bomb in front of 30 paying comedy fans or 30 middle schoolers who have to see your face every day for the next six months?. Jayson breaks down the "cleanup crew" life of an interventionist, and Gerry admits he’s basically a classroom dictator because "whatever gets you to follow me on Instagram" is his new motto.

Also, we’re back on our medical nonsense (sorry, not sorry). Gerry finally learns that he does, in fact, have a prostate, while I try to explain why a kindergartner’s insult feels like a literal knife to the heart

ORDER MY NEW BOOK (AVAILABLE NOW)!!! — https://bit.ly/49CZ5A0⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Takeaways:

The "Crack Den" Hotel: Andrea recounts her harrowing stay in Essington where the hotel room looked like a middle schooler’s backpack and the Uber drivers fled on sight.
The Fountain of Youth: Comedian Jayson Cross reveals he’s 47, leaving Gerry and Andrea spiraling over how he looks twenty years younger than he actually is.
Classroom Weapons: Andrea reveals why the humble stapler is the most dangerous item in a classroom, leading to some truly disturbing "nail bed" stories.
The "Taco" Dealer: Andrea recalls a student who was running a foil-wrapped taco empire in her class—which is a much better alternative to the actual drugs teachers usually find.
Gerry the Dictator: Why Gerry refuses to feel guilty about losing his temper unless he "went too hard," and why he’s leaning into his "dictator" reputation in the comments.

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The Birds and the Bees Episode Apr 06, 2026

Show notes

I have a confession to make: I am officially eating my words from last week. My husband, who actually went to Yale for medicine, informed me that basically everything Ms. Dugan and I said about male anatomy was 100% wrong. We had the confidence of straight white men, but we were batting zero.

In this episode, Gerry updates us on his "stroke of thunder" snow day (which was actually just a regular storm) and his new hobby of doing glamor shots for his Spider-Man "dolls", excuse me, action figures. Plus, we dive into the world of "Fuglers," which are quite possibly the most upsetting stuffed animals I’ve ever seen, yet Gerry owns five of them.

We’re also talking about the "food desert" of healthy fast food. Gerry is officially on his health king journey, but he’s ready to crash out over the fact that a side of fruit at Chick-fil-A costs more than a literal chicken combo.

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Takeaways:

The "Dolls" Photoshoot: Jerry spent his afternoon house-sitting and using "cinematic vision" to pose Marvel figurines in empty rooms.
The Anatomy Apology: Andrea sets the record straight after her husband (the Yale-educated PA) completely obliterated her medical "facts" from the last episode.
Winston the Mascot: Get ready for a new addition to the classroom—an English Bulldog puppy named Winston is joining the pod family.
Stranger Danger Sex Ed: Why a certain school district brings in retired teachers to give eighth graders the birds-and-the-bees talk instead of their regular biology teachers.
The $14 Fruit Cup: Jerry’s "hill to die on" involves the literal crime of Chick-fil-A charging $5 extra just to swap fries for grapes.

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Quality of Life vs The Teaching Crisis with Miss Molly Dugan Mar 30, 2026

Show notes

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Today, we're joined by my fellow high school English teacher and total girl’s girl, Miss Molly Dugan. We’re diving into the absolute chaos of being a teacher on the internet, from people trying to pit us against each other to the "sourdough baddie" comments that have basically become an inside joke at this point.

We also get into the trauma of being bullied by our own students. Molly shares a story from her early teaching days about getting "dumped" and having 28 eighth graders basically tell her she’s going to die alone. Plus, Gerry explains why he crashed out in his classroom this week.

Write in and tell us: Have your students ever bullied you into changing your life?

Takeaways:

The Comedy Trap: Andrea explains why being asked to "do a joke" in a room full of 11:00 AM business majors is actually a form of torture.
Medical Mysteries with Gerry: Gerry realizes he might have skipped a few too many units during his time teaching health when the topic of male anatomy comes up.
Sub Day Sabotage: Why coming back to a three-page sub note is the fastest way to make a teacher "crash out" on a Friday.
The "Reverse Spider-Man": Andrea recounts a legendary (and slightly scarring) prank from a senior trip to Europe.
Molly’s Student Roast: How a group of eighth graders managed to turn Molly’s breakup into a "mentor moment" that ended in them suggesting she needs therapy.

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The Advice Every New Teacher Needs Mar 23, 2026

Show notes

My kids were sick. My husband was sick. My babysitter got sick. Somehow I was the only one left standing, which honestly felt suspicious.

Meanwhile, I was traveling for shows in Washington, DC and Philadelphia, performing for teachers… and accidentally for a group of 40 people who absolutely did not know who we were.

So naturally Gerry and I had a lot to discuss. We talk about the chaos of teaching during flu season, the truly unhinged things students say to teachers’ faces, and the advice every new teacher should hear before stepping into a middle school classroom.

There’s also a heated debate about movie theater etiquette, a surprisingly philosophical conversation about insults from students, and the passive-aggressive teacher phrases that somehow become second nature after a few years in the classroom.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that… we discover that Gerry’s students think he looks like a thumb.

ORDER MY NEW BOOK (AVAILABLE NOW)!!! — https://bit.ly/49CZ5A0⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Takeaways:

The advice new teachers get before facing middle schoolers for the first time.
The insult students discovered about me that I didn’t even know was a thing.
Gerry’s experience watching a classic movie… with the worst possible audience.
The passive-aggressive phrases teachers secretly love using.
The unexpected comedy audience that had absolutely no idea who we were.

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Gerry Shot His Shot on the Podcast Mar 16, 2026

Show notes

Gerry came to my house for the Indianapolis show, insulted my daughter’s dental hygiene via the Tooth Fairy, may or may not have been exposed to Flu B, and then drove 11 hours home fueled almost entirely by marshmallows.

So yes. We have a lot to unpack.

We talk about the Terre Haute experience (including Gerry’s pilgrimage to the Larry Bird statue), the movies Gerry somehow managed to avoid his entire life, and why he believes Monty Python and the Holy Grail might be one of the worst films ever made, which is an absolutely unhinged opinion.

There’s also a very important moment where Gerry publicly shoots his shot with one of my friends, a discussion about the truly shocking things parents would hear if they spent one day in a classroom, and multiple interruptions from my children who apparently believe recording a podcast is the perfect time to ask for snacks or show me injuries.

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Takeaways:

The unexpected road snack that immediately became a terrible idea.
Gerry’s extremely controversial movie take that I refuse to accept.
The one thing parents would be shocked to hear happening in classrooms.
The on-air romantic confession I absolutely did not see coming.
Why recording a podcast with kids in the house is… unpredictable.

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I Said Don’t Come Down Unless It’s an Emergency Mar 09, 2026

Show notes

Teacher besties… I turned 39. Which means, naturally, I decided to spiral publicly and create “52 Weeks Until 40” as content instead of processing my feelings privately like a normal person.

This episode has everything. Gerry trying to convince me to buy Crocs as a personality pivot. A listener question about burnout that feels way too real this time of year. My best life achievement (which unfortunately involves a cafeteria and questionable liquid). A very honest conversation about doing less in your classroom and surviving licensure requirements without losing your mind. And… a confession from Gerry that I genuinely did not see coming.

We talk about burnout while trying to become a teacher, why you do not have to Dead Poets Society every single lesson, and what student behaviors absolutely would not survive in corporate America.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, we discover that sometimes the worst day of your life is just the worst day so far.

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Takeaways:

The 52-week challenge I may regret starting.
The burnout advice I give my graduate students when they’re drowning.
Why you absolutely do not need to grade everything.
The classroom behavior that would end most adult careers instantly.
A confession from Gerry that changes how you’ll hear the rest of this episode.

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From Basement Book Shipping to Book Tour Cities with Matt Eicheldinger Mar 02, 2026

Show notes

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Matt Eicheldinger is back and somehow since the last time he was on, he’s casually signed over a dozen book contracts, written across multiple age ranges, and is now launching a dystopian trilogy. Meanwhile, I’m still over here arguing with copy editors about commas.

We talk about what self-publishing actually looks like, what happens when Kirkus reviews decide your book is either brilliant or from the devil himself, and how middle schoolers might actually be the toughest literary critics alive.

Matt shares the premise of his new YA trilogy, a flooded world, a foster teen, hardcore preppers, and a mysterious place called “The Hill”, and we get into what it feels like to pivot from autobiographical humor to dystopian survival.

Takeaways:

The version of self-publishing nobody romanticizes.
The Kirkus review line that absolutely sent me.
Why Matt’s “violent” middle grade series is more autobiographical than I realized.
The unexpected inspiration behind a flooded dystopian trilogy.
The workplace interaction that reminded me kindness is free and somehow still controversial.

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