How to Love Your Body: The Official UNdiet Online Podcast

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**How to Love Your Body: The Official UNdiet Online Podcast**

Along with your hosts Lauren McAulay and Jenna Free (co founders of UNdiet Online), build a healthy relationship with food and your body by learning from the non diet experts on UNdiet Online. Learn more about UNdiet Online here – www.undietonline.com.

Latest Episodes:

Ep 130 - Scared to keep food in your house? Oct 27, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to this week’s episode of How to Love Your Body.

A reminder to Please rate and review if you find our podcast helpful in any way!

Today we are talking about a very common fear and that is keeping food in the house (anything “bad” of course).

Why do we fear this?

Because we feel out of control around food, like we cant be trusted around it, we just think about it until we give in, say screw it, eat it all, and then promise we won't buy it again.

Is this food addiction? Is this a lack of willpower? How come other people can keep chips in their pantry and ice cream in their freezer and it’s not gone in a day? They can just eat it in a normal way? There must be something wrong with me, I’ll just have to control myself forever, I’m just different and that’s the way it is.

This is not food addiction, has nothing to do with willpower and you aren’t different - you’re just restricting.

Dieting, trying to be “healthy” or good, eating in moderation, being sensible, WW, or Keto, whatever you call it - not allowing all food and listening to your body is considered restriction.

NOTE: Some people ask, I’m eating the food, why isn’t it getting better? - mental allowing is key too, having a healthy relationship with food is also needed! If you feel bad for eating the food or are stuck in retaliation of dieting, there are still some steps to take to get to freedom.

All this is being said so that you KNOW it can be different, you aren’t different or weird or just lack will power and you are NOT addicted to food, yes even you :).

Diet culture teaches us that we need to control MORE that it’s our fault if we’re weird with food - but it isn’t and that just makes it worse - making you more likely to run back to another diet next week - the diet industry is brilliant. It causes a problem and then sells the solution, over and over and over until we die.

Well we’ve seen the truth - ALLOWING food and repairing your relationship with food and your body is the key to being normal with food and be that person who can have the chips in the pantry and the ice cream in the freezer and eat them like any other food - enjoying it when you want and not worrying about it when you don’t.

Here are 3 steps to take to move towards being comfortable having any foods in your house with ease and enjoyment:

Like Jenna always says - she could live in a grocery store and would eat the same.

Step 1: Know, understand and believe that you aren’t weird with food, these fears and food obsessions have nothing to do with you as a person, you’re just another cog in the diet culture machine! Know and believe that allowing food and ditching diet culture, and repairing your relationship with food and your body will heal this. 100%, yes even you.

In order to move forward with confidence you need to know that this is possible, or when it takes a bit of time and experimentation, it makes it really easy to say SEE ITS ME! I’m just like this.

Step 2: Start slowly allowing all foods - this is a step that you may already be doing, if not start introducing a few things you’ve been wanting to eat. Such as bread, real salad dressing cheese, chocolate, peanut butter, ice cream, etc.

If you ARE physically allowing food, start assessing your beliefs around the food/ your relationship with these foods - do you feel like you really SHOULDN’T be eating this food? Not eating this much of it? Really SHOULDN’T be having dessert every night? This is still going to feel restrictive and the effects of allowing won’t be in full effect. Work on identifying shoulds and start questioning them! What if I do want dessert every night for the rest of my life? What if that lets me live a life that is less about food and my body and more about living? Does trying to restrict dessert work? What do I end up doing when I don’t let myself enjoy the things I want (binge eating, food preoccupation etc)

Step 3: Start listening to your body when eating these wonderful foods. We ignore our bodies when we go into “Screw it i’m going to eat it all” mode so we just polish off what's there and feel like crap after!

One way to do this is to buy a lot of the item that you obsess over when it's in the house. So much that you couldn't possibly eat in one sitting (if you can afford it, this is a privileged approach). This way there isn’t the option to just eat it all and get it out of the house, you’ll have to rely on your body signals to decide when you’re done.

Why does it matter if we keep food in the house?

It helps solidify the idea that food is just food and is abundant (and not scarce like it feels in dieting -- this is different from true food scarcity which is another issue).

When you can have dessert at home anytime you want, that dinner out just becomes another meal, you might order dessert, you might not, but it's just food. You can enjoy life experiences, really BE with people and have fun without it all being about the food and deciding if you’re going to be “good” or go wild tonight!

NO MORE! Just eat the food you want and carry on.

Just a reminder that this is possible for every single person. It takes time and some energy to rewire your thinking and habits but you can do this!

If you want support in this we’d love to invite you into our Riding Out 2020: Intuitive Eating and Body Image Membership

This is a powerful group that includes weekly live coaching sessions, worksheets, daily prompts and room to ask questions in the group and get daily coaching.

We cover 10 vital topics in this work including diet mentality, body acceptance, fear of weight gain, intuitive eating and more.

Doors close Saturday October 31st at 9 pm pacific.

You can learn more about this membership at thebodylovesociety.com/membership

This is a one time event so if this speaks to you now is a great time to join!

Ep 129 - 10 Steps Closer to Food Freedom Oct 20, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to love your body today we are sharing 10 important steps you need to take to get closer to food and body freedom.

This episode is brought to you by our 10 steps closer to food and body freedom guide you can grab it at bit.ly/undiet10steps

01 Diet Mentality

This is number one for a reason. If you only do one thing in this work, be aware of and work on shifting the way you think.

How we THINK about and what we believe regarding food and our bodies is what creates our unhealthy relationships with these things.

The first step is to be aware of our thoughts and beliefs.

Diet culture is so ingrained in us that we assume what we think is true and “just the way it is”. But it isn’t.

Guilt around food isnt natural.

Picking your body apart isnt natural.

Wanting to control the way your body looks isnt natural.

Counting calories and following food rules isnt natural.

That is all learned.

Working through the diet mentality means being aware of these thoughts and beliefs, unlearning them and then discovering a new truth for yourself when it comes to food, movement, your body and wellness.

02 Intuitive Eating

Intuitive eating is an amazing resource. It truly is intuitive, both of us read the book after we were already a ways down the path out of dieting and when we read it we thought that’s what I’m doing! It is natural, this is the way we’re born - listening to our hunger and fullness, eating with ease and flexibility and not having negative emotions around any of it. If you never dieted, weren’t full of the diet mentality and just ate “normally” since you were born, you would be an intuitive eater. This is something that you can learn to begin the steps forward but it’s also something you’ll naturally fall into when all of the mindset, body image, self love, is worked on.

03 Weight Gain Fears

THIS IS THE #1 thing holding people back. We know this. It’s the scary part because of the world we live in but it’s also the thing we need to consciously practice letting go of. The FEAR itself does not help us, it can feel like control, it can feel like it’s keeping us from going wild but it isn’t, it’s just keeping us from freedom. The first step out of fear is to take action. What is the fear of weight gain/ not losing weight holding you back from doing? Do those things (if you know it something you want for yourself). Such as beginning to allow more foods, loosening food restrictions and food rules, ordering what you want instead of what you think you SHOULD have. This fear can be diminished so you can move forward in a way that honors your body instead of a life that is just about controlling your body size.

04 Get Rid of Guilt

Guilt can hang on even when we start allowing all foods. This is when a lot of people reach out and ask - I’m eating the food and it’s not “working”, I’m still stressed about it, thinking about it all the time, bingeing and its not getting easier. Mental allowing (not feeling guilty or like you really shouldn’t be eating that) is also needed in order to find freedom with food. Putting the food in your mouth is a great start, your body needs the calories and it needs to know it won’t be going into another famine (diet) again! But to get the mental benefits like not thinking about food all day, being able to have food in the house and forget it’s there, not feel stressed every time you eat a dessert - you need to be OK with eating the food you’re now allowing. This comes with time but there are also a lot of mindset shifts you can work on to make this happen more quickly.

05 Body Acceptance

Let’s be real - our tumultuous relationships with food started because of not accepting the body we had at the moment. The funny thing is that we talk to so many women who say WHAT was I thinking? I looked great back then! We don’t see ourselves accurately AND we put way too much value in the way we look (thanks a lot diet culture) which leads to body dissatisfaction and then we turn to controlling our food intake to FIX the problem. In order to get back to food freedom we need to work on the issue that started it all, feeling like we needed to (and could) change our bodies. Body acceptance does not mean you like the way your body looks, it means you have a respectful relationship with it, you value it for all it gives you and you have an understanding that controlling the way it looks is not your job and really not in your power.

06 WWTO

Wellness without the obsession is the idea that you can absolutely care about your health and wellness without it being rigid or stressful - in fact if your wellness is stressful then it isn’t very healthy at all! The key pillar of wellness without the obsession is removing the focus on weight. Once this is in place, you can then recalibrate what health and wellness mean to you. WWTO will look different for and on everyone!

07 Boundaries

Boundaries are needed in order to protect yourself and your process of letting go of diet culture, the people around you are likely still dieting and have the diet mentality so protecting yourself against this is a key step in doing this work long term.

08 Food Freedom

Food Freedom is not the opposite of dieting - it is what comes when dieting is no longer a part of your life or your thinking. Many people think that being free around food means eating whatever you want whenever you see it - and it is true in a sense, you CAN eat whatever you want whenever you want, absolutely, but if you’re simply in retaliation of dieting (which is a common first step but to live here forever can be stressful) it isn’t freedom. If you are in reaction to something you are not living freely, you are still ruled by the thing you’re reacting to (diet culture). So instead of thinking of food freedom as doing the opposite of dieting, think of it as starting from a blank slate and then doing what you want to do from there. This will both be enjoyable AND feel good. For example, if you have food freedom you know you can eat things anytime so something like christmas dinner can be FULLY enjoyed and you can also feel free to stop when you like and feel good afterwards - this is really our definition of having it all!

09 Body Signals

Having the ability to tap into your body signals and honor them easily is an important life skill. We’ve been taught out of this by diet culture. Imagine not being able to listen to your signals when you have to pee, or feel too warm, or are thirsty. We react to these body signals without judgement and the same thing can happen with hunger and fullness too!

10 Vision

Knowing what you want gives you a beacon to work towards. Having a vision of the relationship you want with food and your body gives you a path to work towards and this can make the journey feel like less of a freefall. We know this work can be scary and hard so having a vision of the future will lead the way.

To get more help in these ten areas grab your free 10 steps closer to food freedom guide at bit.ly/undiet10steps

PS - Our Intuitive Eating and Body Image membership starts November 1st and prices increase on Friday October 23rd 2020! → thebodylovesociety.com/membership

Ep 128 - How to Ride Out 2020 Oct 13, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to Love Your Body - On today’s episode we are going to be talking about how to RIDE OUT 2020- We know this year has most likely been really challenging - for many reasons!

Even though we are nearing the end of this crazy year - we also know it may feel like it’s never going to end. That these last few months feel like an eternity.

You are ready to get this year over with and move on into better times ahead - we get it!

This is why we want to help support you in riding out the rest of 2020.

It’s important to do things that you can “land safely” on when things are feeling overwhelming / (insert word) - taking care of yourself, finding ways to cope, finding healthy distractions ...will help you get through the days ahead that feel hard.

Here are some tips/ practices you can add into you life that could help get you through these times:

Physical:

Stretch/ Breathe

Move your body

Gentle movement is great if that’s what feels good
More strenuous movement is great if that’s what feels good
A mixture or somewhere in between is great if that’s what feels good
Also it’s important to assess your circumstance - sometimes we can’t always move in ways we want due to life, environment, etc - if so GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK - you will get back to movement when you can
And of course You can also choose not to move your body

Prioritize sleep/ rest - The most important of them all.

Eat - Eat enough, eat what you want, eat what feels good - the point - eat!

Mental/ Emotional:

Prioritize sleep/ rest - this isn’t just a physical thing.

Listen/ read books/ audios / podcasts that make you feel good/ supported

Personal development / growth mindset is great AND
If what you need is some light reading / listening - something uplifting / something to make you laugh/ some kind of fiction to dive into a world that isn’t real - do that!
One or the another / a mixture of both is great - whatever feels good for your mind.

Body Image - Put post its on your mirror saying something empowering - giving yourself a little message- it could make all the difference.

Get rid of unnecessary stress - We get there are things that we stress about that we can’t just get rid of - but there may be things that cause you stress that you can - figure out what those things are and do it! (document story)

“Cliche” self care - When is the last time you filled up the bath with bubbles, lavender oil, your favorite candle, and some music? Seriously, do it!

Other self care - Ask for help! skip the dishes (ask your partner to help), hire a cleaner if financially available (even if it gives you a week break), get someone to watch the kids for the afternoon, Order a meal instead of cook, what are things in your life that you could really use help with that you typically don’t ask for support with - ask!

Validate your feelings (yourself) and also talk to a friend / family member/ trusted human in your life that could be a place to listen and understand as well - most of the time we are feeling something, so are millions of other people - we really are not alone in these hard times.

Release any kind of perfectionism going on - give yourself compassion. This is a year for the books - so no need to beat yourself up about anything - you are doing the absolute best you can.

We know it may feel lonely, we know it may like “IT’S JUST TOO MUCH” (we have said this many, many times to each other lol) which is why we created a community based support system to help you ride out the rest of 2020….

In this 10 week program we are going to be going through 10 major topics including intuitive eating week, diet mentality week, weight gain fear week, body acceptance week, food freedom week and more.

We’re excited to offer this program for the price of 1 therapy session :) 10 weeks of live lessons, daily support and more for $149.

If you want more information on this you can go to thebodylovesociety.com/membership

We start Nov 1 and we can’t wait to get started! Prices increase Oct 23rd.

See you in there!

Ep 127 - Diets don't work but the statistics don't change anything ... Oct 06, 2020

Show notes

On today’s episode we are going to be talking about the stats behind why people say diets don’t work but also go into the emotional side of dieting - because even with these groundbreaking stats proving that diets don’t work (and they are actually harmful) - dieting is still a multi billion dollar industry with lifelong returning customers.

Facts don’t sway people; emotions and beliefs do.

We, as a culture, believe that thinness is better and should always be the goal, that weight loss is about health and to think otherwise is promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and body size.

NO amount of statistics showing this isn't true changes anything.

Our beliefs and emotions around weight prevent us from taking statistics seriously.

Let's dive in and show you what we mean.

STAT: 95% of diets fail and most will regain their lost weight in 1-5 years

Emotion: Some things that might prevent a person from accepting this fact and using it to decide what to do next (quit dieting), are the time and money already invested in losing weight and the hope that that NEXT diet will work -- and why do we want it to work so badly? Our society treats those in thinner bodies better, we praise people working at losing weight and criticise weight gain and fat bodies.

To say that the diets arent going to work is TRUE but it isn’t what people want to hear.

STAT: 35% of “occasional dieters” progress into pathological dieting, (disordered eating) and as many as 25%, advance to full-blown eating disorders

Emotion: We hold a belief that this would never happen to us, we’re just being balanced, trying to be “healthy”, doing it in a gentle way, we’re not this extreme. But the truth is that it’s a slippery slope. The hope that dieting gives us, blinds us to the many dangers of dieting and reaffirms the messaging that says that pursuing weight loss is going to solve many health issues (when in fact dieting often has little affect on health positively, particularly long term, but it does put many people at risk).

STAT: Dieting is a consistent predictor of weight gain.

Emotion: Because we so deeply believe that restriction and dieting are what keep us in control, many people see their weight gain overtime as their “fault” and they believe that if they DIDN’T diet they would have gained even more weight over this time. Dieting is so sneaky because we are told its the right thing to do, that we need to control ourselves around food and that we cannot be trusted. But we dont trust ourselves BECUASE of the physical and psychological toll of restriction! It is a vicious cycle that our deep ingrained beliefs prevent us from seeing.

STAT: A recent government survey indicated that over half the “overweight” adults

(51.3%) being targeted are metabolically healthy, and one in four “normal weight”

(23.5%) metabolically unhealthy adults are overlooked.

Emotion: As a society, we have hung our hats on weight so heavily that it has become the #1 marker for health. It makes things easier for humans, who LOVE order and control. Weight simplifies health - it makes us believe we can control our weight, therefore our health, therefore our destiny and mortality. This sense of control is VERY emotional - realizing that weight isnt what we thought it was makes the idea of health and being the decider of our own wellness destiny slip through our fingers, people dont want that so they choose to hold on to the idea that weight is our personal responsibility and that in turn controls our health.

STAT: Weight and BMI are poor predictors of disease and longevity. The

bulk of evidence suggests that five pounds “underweight” is

more dangerous than 75 pounds “overweight.”

Emotion: Thinness at all costs has become the norm in our culture. We say it’s about health but if you ask someone if they would work this hard at dieting if it improved their cholesterol levels but didn’t change the way their body looked I’m pretty sure 99% of people would say no. The emotion behind belonging -- ego -- appearance -- acceptance is SO deeply ingrained. It blinds us to the truth - making this work very difficult because we need to tap into people’s emotions to make any change at all.

Which is why it’s so important to publicly share our struggles with dieting, food, body acceptance and self love. To show that this is NORMAL to struggle because it doesnt work. To show that we’re all in this mess together and there is an alternative that is so freeing and enjoyable that someone is motivated to see the facts for what they are because the truth is emotional too.

We are currently interviewing a lot of amazing people and experts for our upcoming documentary - Behind the Before and After: Our Obsession with Weight is Anything but Healthy. The emotion in their stories will help a lot of people break through the information and see the truth behind the power of wellness without the obsession and breaking free from the focus on weight.

That will be out early 2021.

In the meantime we would LOVE for you to join us LIVE on a free Wellness Without the Obsession Workshop we are hosting on October 14th at 5 pm pac, 8 pm est. We will be sharing the vital components of wellness without the obsession, how to start and why it’s important.

This is a great fit for anyone who has been undieting for a little while but they dont know how to tune into wellness while never going back to dieting or the diet mentality.

You can grab your spot in the free workshop at bit.ly/wwtoworkshop

Love, Lauren and Jenna

Ep 126 - How WE practice Wellness without the Obsession Sep 29, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to Love Your Body - on today’s episode we are going to be talking about how we practice wellness without the focus on weight/ how we practice wellness without the obsession. We share a lot on this topic because it’s the core foundation of our coaching and we thought it would be helpful to share specific examples in our lives - this is how we naturally live now - so we wanted to give some ideas to you or help you get a better understanding of what this wellness without the focus on weight could look like.

A key pillar of having wellness without the obsession is separating weight and wellness, a great way to start doing this is to grab our free 33 page workbook called Separating Weight and Wellness. You can get this at bit.ly/wwworkbook

The main point of this is that your health does not = your weight.

A little content warning: we do want to share that this episode is more focused on wellness - you may be in a place to hear this or you may find yourself not ready - either way it’s okay!

So here we go, here’s a mini look into how WE practice WWTO regarding food and movement: this isn't all that WWTO is but its an area we know many people are curious about:

The focus: Prioritizing feeling good for all things - Prioritizing feeling good after eating, as much as I prioritize allowing all food.

Of course all food is allowed and it’s a priority but also - I want to feel good in my body so I make that just as an important priority.

EXAMPLE: Ordered Chinese food and asked myself why it feels easy to stop when I feel satisfied when it never did before. I don't equate food with weight and I truly value enjoying food. That means BOTH eating what I want and feeling good while and after eating it - it is much less enjoyable if I eat too much.

The way to do this without feeling restriction is truly allowing all food, getting rid of the weight focus and valuing pleasure as a part of wellness!

Not the focus: Never eating the Chinese because of the weight.

The focus: According to what is happening in my life - that’s how I choose to move my body or not move. Choosing from a place of what I enjoy. Typically take a walk every morning with my daughters in the stroller. Great for mental health to get outside and enjoy the sun/ fresh air (unless there is too much smoke/ too hot). Feels good in my body. I also have a peloton - definitely a quarantine purchase. It’s great to use when I feel like it - anywhere from 10-30 min depending on how I feel. If it’s too hot or any other reason I skip it until I feel like it.
Not the focus: Choosing exercise that I think will make me lose weight. Doing a workout because I want to lose weight, not because I actually like doing it. Using movement as a punishment or trying to undo eating a “cheat meal.”
The focus: If I’m actually hungry I eat “real” food as in even if chocolate sounds good I’ll eat food and then have chocolate. - Just a bunch of chocolate to fill me up never feels good - this allows me to still eat the chocolate and feel good. And of course I’m choosing “real” food that I want to eat that satisfies me.
Not the focus: Wanting chocolate and saying no I can’t have it and try to distract myself with something else that I don’t want to eat.

The focus: Choosing to eat nutritious food that I actually enjoy (if you hate kale don’t ever eat kale, maybe you love spinach?) AND making it actually taste good (satisfaction!). Ex. Roasting veggies in the oven with olive oil (enough of it!) and seasoning. Adding “all the things” to your salads - yes, like cheese, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, avocado, full fat dressing etc etc) - Adding butters and sauces - spice it up! Whatever you enjoy - adding some cheese to your broccoli doesn’t reduce the amount of nutrition. It only adds satisfaction, pleasure, and enjoyment (if that’s what you enjoy)
Not the focus: Eating as bland as possible to avoid extra calories and fat to try and control/ shift your body size.

The focus: Everything I do is never a rule it’s just what I have discovered works for me and everyone will be different
Not the focus: Eating a certain way because some diet told me too or because the person next to me is eating a certain way.

The focus: Eating some type of dessert/ sweet every single night because that’s what I really enjoy. Allowing it every night actually allows me to tune in to how I’m feeling and eat accordingly. Most of the time a chunk off my chocolate bar is just perfect. Or another night it may mean a mini ice cream bar I so much enjoy. Of course there are times the amount fluctuates but I’ve found a place that really works with me and dessert - every night is what works for me, my mental state, and my body because it feels good and so pleasurable! Eating the amount I eat has nothing to do with trying to control my weight. Last night ex. Noticed I was getting full at dinner - ate the rest anyway which is fine but then that shifted what I ate for a sweet after. I was feeling like the ice cream bar but felt too full and knew it wouldn’t feel good so I opted for a piece of chocolate and I knew I could have the ice cream bar the next day if I wanted. Why is this wellness? Because it prevents me from bingeing. Allowing the food I once obsessed over was the only way to get rid of bingeing for good.
Not the focus: Restricting dessert when you really want it and bingeing on the weekends. Sometime I did for 10 years. I loved sweets so so so much but I would never allow myself to have any - I would eat until I felt sick because I needed to get as much as I could get in because it was my only chance. Restricting dessert meant focusing on the weight.

Gluten free / touching on allergies - doing it for wellness/ health not because cutting out gluten will also help me lose weight.
Not the focus: Using GF as an excuse to cut out foods and lose weight

The focus: It’s not a rule, not even something I tell myself I must do but I Drink water throughout the day without measuring or forcing myself to hit a certain amount. I have a water bottle I like to fill and just drink When I’m thirsty. Just something I have next to me- I drink water, it feels good - and I also know if I feel like having something other than water it’s okay. Like coffee - my favorite. I’ll drink more of it just because I love it but I also know drinking it all day long won’t feel good.
Not the focus: Drinking water to fill up/ avoid eating/ curb hunger/ forcing water because “its healthy” and I need to drink x ounces. Not allowing coffee because of the creamer / or drinking coffee in a way I don’t enjoy to reduce the calories.

The focus: I do weights with a body positive program.
Not the focus: Working out to lose weight - body will do what it’s going to do.

The focus: Power in the pause. When I'm eating I just take a moment to pause and check in with how I’m feeling. It’s not to try and eat less, it's to take an inventory of how I'm feeling, where my hunger is at. It’s a quick pause - not drawn out. Nor do I force the pause - it’s second nature now. I can feel the pause, drop into my body and do a little scan and see where I’m at. Keep going? Another few bites? Finished?
Not the focus: Trying my hardest to eat the least amount by pausing because my main goal in life is to lose weight.

WWTO is not just about our physical health - it’s also about our mental and emotional health. In this episode we are focusing more on sharing how we practice wellness without focusing on weight - but we did want to touch on that self care, de-stressing, mindset work/ personal development, therapy, meditation, sleep/ rest, breathing, getting child care etc is so so important -- and these are things we absolutely practice in our lives as well to have overall wellness without the obsession.

Today’s episode is all about WWTO which is SO MUCH MORE than what we shared today but we know many people are curious about how you can focus on physical wellness/ positive health behaviors without it being diety. We are opening a new WWTO Group Program mid October which will dive into all 8 areas of WWTO including much deeper work than what we talked about today.

You can learn more about WWTO in a free live training we will be offering October 14th - keep your eyes open for that. For now, grab your Separating Weight and Wellness Workbook at bit.ly/wwworkbook. Working through separating these things is a vital first step in finding wellness without the obsession.

See you next week!

Ep 125 - Separating Weight and Wellness Sep 22, 2020

Show notes

Today we are talking about wellness without the obsession.

You can grab your free 33 page workbook to go with this episode at bit.ly/wwworkbook

This is the end goal of our work for the people that we work with. NOTE: This doesn’t mean we think that everyone needs this goal or should want this. This simply means this is our outlook and for anyone looking for a life that still has some attention to wellness but in an entirely new way with a new way of thinking - we can help!

One vital part of attaining wellness without the obsession is separating weight and wellness.

Why? Because if we still link health and weight in our minds it will be almost impossible to practice wellness while not focusing on weight which is a central pillar of wellness without the obsession.

There are 3 key ways you can unlink weight and wellness:

Learn the science and research behind weight and health.

Much of what we were taught is not based in science. For instance, BMI, which I’m sure we all know by now is not a reliable tool to determine health, is actually completely random. The numbers that tell us we are underweight, normal weight, overweight or obese were chosen at random. There is no scientific reason for a person to be called overweight when they hit “25” on the BMI, body mass index. Not to mention the many other issues such as :

BMI was not created by a medical professional and the mathematician who did create it said that it was not meant to calculate the health of individuals
The BMI was only created with white men as the subjects
BMI does not consider fat, muscle, bone density etc

There are a lot of other studies that show that the assumptions we have societally that those in larger bodies don’t live as long as those in smaller bodies is not true! There’s a lot to unpack on the scientific side of things but we will share more on how you can learn a bit more about this shortly.

2. Diving into your personal wellness and how it is affected by the focus on weight. We are our own greatest teachers if we actually sit with these ideas for a while and see how it relates to our own personal experience.

Take the time to contemplate - how has my focus on weight affected me? What actions do I take when I try to pursue weight loss? What results does this give me?

If I have been focusing on weight for 20 years and it hasn’t given me what I want - should I start thinking maybe the focus on weight is the problem not ME?!?

Wellness without the obsession has to start in your imagination, because it’s likely no one in your life lives this way.

So imagine -- what would your life look like without the thought I need to lose weight/ can’t gain weight? If thoughts about weight weren’t possible. What would happen?

Think about it. How would you move your body? What would you want to eat? How would you want to feel? What would your thoughts be about?

This is something we want you to give real time and energy to, and we’ll share how you can do this at the end of the episode.

3. Lastly - this may seem like a separate topic but identifying beauty from health and weight is also an important part of the process because our society has tangled the 3 concepts so tightly that if we cannot see which is which, it can be difficult to move forward.

The way we look has been tied to health for so long so it makes sense that we want to keep appearing a certain way so people see us as healthy, as trying our best and not judge us. But this keeps us stuck!

This doesn’t mean we need to stop caring what we look like, that is highly unlikely to happen in the society we live in, and honestly that’s fine.

Certain elements of “beauty” can be enjoyable, so how do we decide what elements of beauty are appropriate for ourselves and what fits into our lives of wellness without the obsession?

There is never any judgement here - it is solely about having a deeper look at what is serving you and what might not be.

For instance, is makeup and hair care enjoyable for you? Lovely!

Is going under the knife ever okay?

How can we know if something is being used to heal wounds (body image etc) or if it is adding joy into our lives?

We advise you to do a cost/ benefit analysis.

The cost of a beauty treatment of product includes:

Time

Money

Risks

The message it sends and the message it feeds into

Bypass for emotional work?

The benefits are whatever you perceive the treatment to give you: time to yourself, feels good, like the way it looks etc.

It’s then YOUR personal choice to decide if something is worth it or not.

We invite you to go through these 3 areas of separating weight and wellness in our new free 33 page workbook called Separating Weight and Wellness. It’ll walk you through this untangling in detail so you can give it the time and attention it deserves. Remember this is necessary in order to get to that goal of wellness without the obsession. You can grab your workbook at bit.ly/wwworkbook

You can always send us a DM on Instagram or email us at hello@thebodylovesociety.com if you need more support, or want to share how it goes for you! We love to interact with you and help you in every way we can.

Ep 124 - When UnDieting Feels Hard Sep 15, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to Love Your Body - on today’s episode we are talking about a phrase that we learned from Bri Campos, a body image educator/ LPC - follow her on Instagram at @bodyimagewithbri

So what does it mean to “sit in the suck”?

Well - you may have noticed that this UnDiet work (intuitive eating, body image, body acceptance/ trust) can be hard. It is hard!

A few things that may happen when it gets hard…

When things get hard it can be really easy for humans to do anything to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings - to turn to coping mechanisms that may feel like distractions instead of processing and healing the emotions.
Another thing that happens - no shame or blame - but when it gets hard our brains can start to tell us this UnDiet work isn’t safe, it doesn’t work, etc and all the catastrophic feelings come flooding in - someone may consider going back on a diet because they need the control (false control that is).
There could be a bad body image day - where you are looking in the mirror and you just feel defeated, angry, sad, etc … you aren’t thinking “I need to go on a diet again” but you dive right into trying to push the feelings away and try and reframe your thoughts - try to “just be positive.”

Shifting your mindset, reframing, and thinking differently is liberating AND here’s why you may feel like it never is getting easier no matter how much reframing you do …

You aren’t acknowledging the “suck.” --- You quickly either go to “this IE/ UnDieting doesn’t work, might as well diet”....Find yourself in a spiral of catastrophic thoughts that ruin your entire day and berate yourself for everything or on the other end --- you avoid the hard feelings, say “it’s fine” - push it away and don’t think about it - you say something positive and it’s done. But it doesn’t ever feel very good.

When it feels so hard - there is so much power in sitting in the suck. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to force yourself to reframe your thoughts (just yet), you don’t have to be anything or do anything, expect anything from yourself other than allowing yourself to acknowledge that this work is hard - to validate all these feelings you are having and just be okay with sitting with these hard feelings. You don’t need to push them away or pretend like it’s all good - you don’t need to cover it up with mindless scrolling on Instagram etc...

It’s about sitting in it, feeling it, and just saying gosh this is hard, this isn’t fair, I hate this, I hate these feelings, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel it all without having an agenda to dive into “fixing” it.

The next time you are feeling one of these really hard moments - allow it. Take a moment to be still and breathe.

Here are somethings you can say to yourself:

-This is so hard. And it’s okay that it’s hard. There is nothing I need to do or fix.

-This work is hard, these feelings are hard. And that’s okay.

-I’m so uncomfortable with these feelings. And that’s okay.

-I have no idea what’s going to happen. I feel scared. And that’s okay.

-I’m anxious when I feel like I don’t have control. And that’s okay.

-I feel X (insert anything you resonate with). And that’s okay.

Say anything that allows you to feel like it’s okay to feel what you are feeling without an action you need to take to fix it.

YES. It’s so important to also process feelings, take action, and heal/ transform - and that is very much a part of this work.

And don’t skip over “sitting in the suck” - it’s part of the process, it’s part of the healing, it’s part of the transformation.

Reminder, there is no timeline and you get to choose if you want to do any of this - you choose your process. Who says you HAVE to heal and be free around food and your body? You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to -

You have the power in how you take on The UnDiet. You can feel empowered to sit in the suck, and feel empowered to move out of the suck and onto the processing, healing, and transformation - it’s messy work and it’s beautiful work and however you do the work is perfect and normal because everyone is different and has their own process.

We commend you for your courage to take on UnDieting - we know it’s not easy but we can absolutely say it’s worth it… we love sharing all the tips, tools, and mindset shifts and felt it was so important to also share the message that sometimes sitting in the suck is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Before we go we’d like to share a free resource with you - it’s a 5 day Weight Gain WTF Video Series that helps you start to break down the fears you have around weight gain and how to move forward without this fear holding you back - you can get it at bit.ly/weightgainwtf -

If it’s that time to sit in the suck - do that first and save this video series for when you feel ready to process!

Until next week!

Ep 123 - Fearing Weight Gain Does Not Control Your Weight Sep 08, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to Love Your Body. On today’s episode we are going to be talking about how the fear of weight gain doesn’t actually control your weight (lose, gain, stay the same)- even though it feels like it does.

When we say, fear of weight gain, what do we mean?

It means:

-You are constantly aware of what food you are eating. If it’s “healthy” or “unhealthy.”
-You always feel like eating food has a reward or consequence - if you eat nutritious healthy “light” food, you will be rewarded with weight loss (or at least not weight gain). If you eat unhealthy processed food / desserts / carbs etc then you face the consequence of weight gain.

-You make choices with the diet brain instead of your intuition.

-Even if you allow the food and you physically are eating it - you have mental restriction, meaning you have lots of shame, judgement, guilt, and a feeling that you shouldn’t be eating what you’re eating.

-There’s an undertone of fear, self hate, judgement, shame rather than love/ peace, self respect/ acceptance, and trust surrounding food and your body.

So - what does this fear actually do?

It blocks you from truly getting to a place of peace and freedom around food and your body. It blocks your intuition.

Using your intuition is such a big part of this work in IE and UnDieting - and the fear of weight gain is standing right in the way - your intuition is just on the other side. Knocking on the door asking to get in -

Opening the door releases the fear of weight gain and not only does your intuition flood through the door so does everything else that comes along with being intuitive.

Trust, peace, freedom, love - A LIFE. A sustainable life of wellness without the obsession can finally be cultivated.

What does releasing this fear of weight gain mean?

It doesn’t automatically mean that you will gain soooo much weight just because you release this fear - reminder that fearing weight gain doesn’t actually control your weight as we mentioned above.

Question - has fearing weight gain resulted in weight loss that you’ve kept off in a sustainable way? Mostly likely it hasn’t because diets don’t work - and we can’t control our bodies as much as we want to .

If you answered - yes, I have lost weight and kept it off in a sustainable way - we would like to ask how your mind feels? How’s your mental health? Do you feel free and at peace around food? Mostly likely no.

Don’t you want to live in a world where you can have it all - where you can feel good physically and mentally???

This is possible.

And it starts with releasing this fear of weight gain.

Letting go of the fear of weight gain does not mean you now do not care about your health. It's actually very much the opposite. Releasing this fear will allow you to be much more in tune with your body therefore you'll be able to listen to what it needs/wants. Your mind will be clear and at peace and your body will finally get the focus that it deserves - to feel good.

The diet industry has taught you to fear weight gain - why? Because they deeply care about your physical and emotional wellbeing - JK, EYE ROLL, BS.

They want you to live in constant fear so you can be a lifelong customer. They want your money. The Diet Industry is one big scam. And we all bought in. US TOO.

Annddddd now we are choosing to buy out. And you can too- you most likely have already bought out because you are listening to this podcast - AMAZING.

And now it’s about taking another step further into buying out of diet culture and letting go of this fear so you can truly start living. You can eat with peace, joy, pleasure, content, clarity --- all the things that feel oh so good.

By the way - WE deeply care about your mental and emotional wellbeing. We are here to support you in all the ways we know how.

This is why we created the 21 Day Weight Gain WTF Intensive - why did we call it this? It’s validating all the WTF’s that come along with un doing all the toxicity - because honestly diet culture is one big WTF.

This intensive will help you dig much deeper into your mindset behind all the fear. You’ll create new beliefs, coping strategies, and even debunk some really ridiculous myths regarding weight.

It’s a rich intensive! We wanted to make it as accessible and affordable as possible.

You get all 21 days for $21.

You can go to bit.ly/21daywtf to learn more and get started on Day 1.

This is an email series - meaning you get 1 email a day for 21 days but if you aren’t ready to begin just yet but still want to do the course - we recommend you save all the emails in a file and you can dive into them when you’re ready.

The Intensive closes Tuesday, September 8th at midnight - which is TODAY. So if you are listening and are ready to get started go to bit.ly/21daywtf. We’re excited to hang out with you for the next 21 days.

Lastly, if you have any questions email us at hello@thebodylovesociety.com or you can send up a DM on IG - we are @thebodylovesociety.

Ep 122 - What if someone NEEDS to lose weight? (A common question in Intuitive Eating) Sep 01, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to this week’s episode of How to Love Your Body, today we are talking about the common question we get:

“But what if someone REALLY NEEDS to lose weight? What if someone is xx lbs, and they HAVE to lose weight?”

NOTE: This is a fat phobic question but it is important to address why this question is so damaging in many ways for all.

This question, or a version of it comes up a surprising amount.

It rears its head when we share that we advise people to not pursue weight loss (regardless of body size), that intuitive eating involves allowing all food, unconditional permission to eat and getting rid of all food rules.

This is a MAJOR paradigm shift from diet culture which almost all of us came from. To hear the opposite of what we were always taught makes a lot of people uncomfortable EVEN if they KNOW dieting doesnt work. Theyve been at it for 20 or 30 years and it hasnt worked, its caused a lot of damage mentally and physically… but dont pursue weight loss at all? That seems crazy, certainly this cannot be the answer for everyone.

"So what about someone who NEEDS to lose weight or they’ll die?????"

Here’s the problem with this question:

1. It reveals a lot about our culture’s obsession with worrying about others people’s weight and health. Whether this is a fictional example or a real person in your life it’s frankly none of your business. Do not use other people as examples to question this work. Keep it about YOU, and your health.

2. It keeps a wall between you and the work. If you put a faceless and exaggerated example in between you and undieting it lets you remain cold and cruel to those in larger bodies. It makes it impersonal and this is what is wrong with so much of our culture’s obsession with thinness and fear of weight gain - not seeing that real people are involved. It remains cruel and judgemental.

3. It takes the nuance out of undieting. When someone provides a fake example of who it wouldnt work for there is no room for exploration to see what’s really going on because it isnt real! People are layered and complex and one belief system or behavior affects another. This work can only effectively be applied to real people, it takes some rooting around in your beliefs, behaviours and relationship with food and your body to figure out what can shift to become an intuitive eater and increase positive body image. The joy of this work is it is SO personal and will be different for each person so it doesn’t really work to apply to a fake example.

4. Making your question about someone else (real or made up) lets you never take undieting seriously. When you solely relate everything you learn to YOUR personal situation you can think more deeply about if it seems like something that suits you at this time in your journey.

For instance: Hmm she says restriction causes binge eating and thinking about food all day … does that apply to me? Have I seen that to be true in my life?

They said that if I allow all food, I will actually obsess over food less and I can just eat normally. Does that make sense to me? Was I ever that way as a child before I started thinking of food in dieting terms?

And so on….

We say that you can decide if this seems like a good fit for you in this stage of your journey because even though UnDieting and Intuitive Eating is absolutely suitable for everyone at anytime (It’s our natural state!), we understand that not everyone is ready for it at any time.

Ourselves for instance, if someone had told me about intuitive eating and undieting 10 years ago I would have thought it was so ridiculous. I am so GOOD, look how hard I work. Thats just lazy….all while deeply deeply stuck in the restrict binge cycle and absolutely food and body misery. But I couldnt see clearly and I wasnt ready for it.

As you move forward learning about this work, when you hear something that is new or makes you uncomfortable think, how does this apply to me? How do I see this for myself? Is that something I want to work on or do even if its scary? Am I ready for this even if im nervous about it?

Those are the only questions you ever need to ask.

If this makes sense but the one big question still keeps popping up for you -- BUT WHAT IF I GAIN WEIGHT?, we would love to support you!

Fear of weight gain is the #1 thing that stops women from becoming undieters and intuitive eaters.

Our 21 day weight gain wtf intensive is the best place to begin moving past this fear. You can learn more about the intensive at www.thebodylovesociety.com/21daywtf

We can often feel like if we allow ourselves to let go of the fear of weight gain, this will cause us to gain weight. The fear can feel like control but let us remind you, it’s not.

Fear will not motivate you to exercise more or eat less. It may in the short term but it cannot fuel a long term and sustained way of living that is truly self honoring. Fear is what creates the all or nothing cycles we get stuck in.

When you let go of the fear of weight gain you let self love in. How you treat your body is then fuelled by love, enjoyment and feeling good instead of terror, fear and self hate.

If you have fear over releasing your fear of weight gain right now we urge you to trust the process and take this leap. Living your life and taking care of your body because you love it, not because you fear weight gain, can change everything.

PS – We KNOW that fat phobia in our diet obsessed society is a HUGE part of many being afraid of weight gain. This is a very real part of this work. But letting go of the fear (or at least lessening the fear) can only help everyone. Once the fear is out of the forefront we can then move forward and make our choices with a clear mind and heart.

This Intensive will not ignore the very REAL obstacles in being fat in our society. It will also allow you to find some peace regardless of these obstacles (while we all work to demolish them!)

Again you can get more information at thebodylovesociety.com/21daywtf

Love, Lauren and Jenna

Ep 121 - Diet Brain Aug 25, 2020

Show notes

Welcome to How to Love Your Body on today’s episode we are talking about DIET BRAIN.

This is the effect that being a dieter has on our brains and our thinking.

If you already know that your thinking and mindset has been affected by dieting before we even get into it you're welcome to grab our 5 day UnDiet Mindset Boost at bit.ly/undietboost

Let’s get started

A little biology note before we get to our main focus, mindset and ways of thinking.

When we restrict calories from our brain this leads to rigid thinking, creative thinking goes out the window and we cannot go with flow very easily. This makes so much sense to me because whenever I was dieting it was always so rigid, and honestly never very logical. Eat a piece of chocolate and screw it, may as well eat the whole cupboard. And I did this so often, how does any of that make any sense? I couldn’t be flexible with my thinking or see things that were staring me in the face - like I should not be obsessing over food this much and it isn't healthy to be dieting all week just to binge on the weekends.

So know that when you’re dieting it biologically is going to affect the way you think - so you can’t always trust your dieting brain to give you the best answers which is one big reason that we love to support people in this work because with a dieting brain it can be really challenging to find your way out on your own.

But let’s move onto how dieting affects our mindset and thinking around food and body.

DIET BRAIN: Preoccupation with food - thinking of what you’re eating next, calories tallying up in your head, feeling almost out of control or gluttonous because you always think about food

The natural state: Think about food when you’re hungry, enjoy food and be excited for a great meal but its not the focus of your thoughts

DIET BRAIN: Picking apart your body, body checking, weighing yourself regularly, being focused on how clothes fit

The natural state: Your body’s value doesn't come from the way it looks, naturally we would focus on how we feel, weight would be a non issue (and it WAS until insurance companies decided that weight was a nice easy measurement of health and doctors took that on too). If clothes were too tight or didn’t feel good we would get new ones.

DIET BRAIN: All or nothing thinking - being perfect, following a plan or SCREW IT! Going all out, last supper effect.

Natural state: Ebb and flow, naturally eat more some days and less on others, honor cravings in a way that feels good and is satisfying.

The good news is we can ALL get back to this natural state.

It just takes some mindset work and a new way to relate to food and our bodies.

We welcome you into our free 5 day UnDiet Mindset Boost - this is a 5 day series that will give you small but important daily mindset activities to begin making this shift back into your natural state of thinking.

You can grab the mindset boost at bit.ly/undietboost

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