We're talking this week about the three main parts of staying in our lane:
Emotionally, Physically, and in How You Show Up.
Instead of feeling good because of what he’s been doing or not doing and what you made that mean, let’s feel good because you are taking care of your own emotional wellbeing.
For some of you, especially if you’re new (and there are so many new people so welcome!!) I know that it sounds like a cop out. Like I’m letting him off the hook.
But here’s the crazy truth.
He doesn’t have the ability to make you happy anyway.
Only you can do that.
So the best place to start is that whenever we notice our mind wandering, or our feelings reacting, to the way he’s acting or who he seems to be, to gently remind ourselves to get back into our own lanes.
He missed date night, because he stayed late at work.
Your automatic thought is LIKELY to be, “if he really cared, he wouldn’t miss date night.”
Guess how many women out there would be thrilled for their husband to want to work that hard? I’ve got one group telling me they can’t be happy because their husband doesn’t work hard, and the other half telling me they can’t be happy because their husband works too hard.
Like I said, he can’t make you happy.
There isn’t a happy medium.
There’s only what you make it mean.
What is too much work, anyway? Is there an amount of hours somewhere that we all mutually agreed upon? Where did you come up with the idea of what’s too much, what’s not enough?
That’s the kind of work we want to do, questioning our thoughts, figuring out where they came from and where they are leading us.
How do I take care of ME in this marriage?
We need a whole episode on this phenomenon I’m seeing where women lose the self-preservation gene the moment they tie the knot.
Suddenly he’s responsible for your water intake and whether you’re overworked.
For sure, even more so once you’ve had kids!
But is that how you would have acted if you were single? Waited around for some guy to bring you a water bottle and remind you to hydrate? No of course not!
We want to feel like a good wife.
We have to dig a little deeper to know what that means.
What did you decide is a good wife?
What things are just sticking with you and giving you guilt or shame, but you don’t even believe them?
Who are you measuring yourself against?
Then get crystal clear on what ideas are rattling around in our heads and THEN you can do the work of clarifying what values you truly believe.
Bring those values, bring that woman into the marriage, and just see what that creates.
It’s going to be an amazing month
If you want to join us to take this work further, this is our entire focus in the month of January, in our Focus video and workbook and live group coaching calls.
Group coaching is only available to grads of first year married online, to allow us all to take this work much deeper. Join us by signing up for First Year Married Online -- the foundational course that ALL newlyweds (and I’m talking easily through 5years married but we’ve had women married MUCH longer) should absolutely be taking -- and you get your first three months of group coaching totally free! www.firstyearmarried.com I can’t wait to see you inside. Have a great week! Buh bye!
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