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Join us as we talk about what to do when kids push back. When our kids push back, it can look disrespectful, mean or lazy... and their communication can be sub-par. We're here to help you excavate what's underneath that non-preferred behavior and really support you and your kids in getting what you all need. We'll also talk about if it's ever ok to push our kids. Fall 2022 Season Sponsors We are so grateful to our Fall 2022 Season Sponsors. Use the links below for their special offerings: Blossom & Root and use code HSUnrefined15 for 15% off your purchase Outschool and use code Unrefined for $20 off your first class Night Zookeeper for a 7-day, risk-free trial, as well as 50% off an annual subscription LTWs Maren: Blue Diamond Sweet Thai Chili Almonds Angela: The Ordinary Peeling Solution Connect with us! Visit our website Sign up for our newsletter and get our Top 100 Inclusive Book List We are listener supported! Support us on Patreon Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and see video episodes now on Youtube Angela on Instagram: @unrefinedangela | Maren on Instagram: @unrefinedmaren and @alwayslearningwithmaren Email us any questions or feedback at homeschoolunrefined@gmail.com Complete Episode Transcript [00:00:09] Hi, we're Maren and Angela of Homeschool, Unrefined. Over the past 25 years, we've been friends, teachers, homeschool parents, and podcasters together. With our master's degrees and 20 years combined homeschooling experience, we're here to rethink homeschooling, learning, and education with an inclusive and authentic lens. [00:00:30] At Homeschool, Unrefined, we prioritize things like giving yourself credit, building strong connections, respectful parenting, interest led playing, and learning. Learning differences, mental health, self-care, listening to and elevating LGBTQ plus and BIPOC voices. We are here to encourage and support you. [00:00:52] Whether you're a new homeschooler, a veteran, you love curriculum, you're an unschooler. Whether all your kids are at home or all [00:01:00] your kids are in school or somewhere in between, wherever you are on your journey, we are the voice in your head telling you, You're doing great and so are your kids. This episode is 1 96 when kids push back. [00:01:13] We'll talk about what to do when kids push back and whether it's ever okay to push your kids, and then we'll end like we always do with our lt. Ws loving this. Something new that we wanted to tell you about this season is we are doing transcripts for every single episode. [00:01:33] Mm-hmm. . Those you can find on our website or in the podcast app that you're using in the show notes. We're also doing video episodes, so if you'd rather watch us on video, you can do that too. Yeah. Yeah, and links to those are in the show notes and it's just on our YouTube page. We are starting something new this season where we are bringing you three new sponsors for the entire fall season. [00:01:58] We were very intentional about [00:02:00] who we chose for sponsors, and we really appreciate you taking the time to learn about them because we think they're just really good companies and they're giving us discount codes, so you'll wanna listen for those. We are so happy to work hard on this podcast and we appreciate the financial support in making it happen. [00:02:17] We know from experience that finding a homeschool history curriculum tells that tells stories from multiple perspectives is an almost impossible task. That's why we're excited about the work Blossom and Root is doing. Blossom and Root is a nature focused secular homeschool curriculum focusing on creativity. [00:02:40] Science, nature, literature, and the arts. Blossom and root has been gently encouraging in supporting homeschooling families around the globe since 2016. Blossom and Root currently offers curricula for pre-K through fifth grade with new levels being added in the future. Additionally, a [00:03:00] three volume inclusive US history curriculum told from a variety of viewpoints is currently in development. [00:03:08] As of August, 2022, volume one is available for purchase and volume two is a available on presale all profits from this history curriculum. A River of Voices will be used to support storytellers and artists from historically excluded communities. You can find samples, scope, and sequences and information about each of their levels. [00:03:33] Blossom and root.com. You can also find them on Instagram at Blossom and Route. Blossom and Root has created a special discount for our listeners. Use the code Hs. Unrefined 15 at checkout for 15% off your purchase. Biology, Coloring Club, Math Frog, Life Cycle Grammar, Star Wars, the Old Republic. These are just a sampling of classes our kids have taken throughout school.[00:04:00] [00:04:00] We know that kids who love to learn don't just prepare for the future. They create it. That's why Out School has reimagined online learning to empower kids and teens to expand their creativity, wonder and knowledge. Empathetic, passionate teachers encourage learners ages three to 18 to explore their interests, connect with diverse peers from around the world, and take an active role in leading their learning out. [00:04:24] School has created a world filled with endless possibilities for every schooling journey. Explore over 140,000 fun and flexible live online classes to find the right fit for your family and join us as we set learning. Sign up today at Out schooler.me/homeschool unrefined, and get up to $20 off your first class when you enroll with the code. [00:04:49] Unrefined teaching creative writing and reading in a way that is fun and accessible is a necessity. 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[00:05:54] That's a great deal if you ask me. [00:05:56] All right, Marin. We are here [00:06:00] today for our main topic, which is about kids pushing back. Mm-hmm. . And this is, we chose this topic because we hear about it all the time. We hear, we hear about it all the time, and we hear it happening all the time. . Yeah. We experience it, we hear it happening. Yep. Yeah, , we experience it and hear that others are experiencing it often. [00:06:21] It may not be worded exactly like my child is pushing back, but it might be like, My kid doesn't wanna do this thing, or this subject is stressful, or something like that. Mm-hmm. . And so we wanted to talk about it, or it could be my kid. Being disrespectful or my kid is being really whiny, , you know, that's what it can, can sound like often. [00:06:44] Right, right. Or lazy. Or Right, right, right. Something, something like that. And we, we know that this is a common occurrence in for homeschool families. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. at different, lots of different ages and stages. [00:07:00] And we know that it's really tough, . Right. And I think it's probably, I mean, I think we know it's even more common probably in homeschool than if our kids were going to school. [00:07:12] They're with the person they trust and feel the most comfortable with. Our kids are gonna be their true selves in front of the, you know, their most, their most, the safest environment they have, which is for sure your home . For sure. For sure. And so really they're being vulnerable too when they're sharing, when they're, when they're pushing back, right? [00:07:33] I mean, you guys, we all know that kids Break down when they come home or when they're home because they feel it's a safe place to do that. And so it makes sense that this would also happen during homeschool time. And I do think it's one of the challenges that homeschool parents face because I think If you've heard about kids in school or if you've experienced your child in school, you know that sometimes they, there isn't that breakdown, there isn't that pushback. [00:07:59] Right.[00:08:00] With teachers or even you may have experienced it with like them doing a sports class or a co-op class or something. Yeah. But then when they're at home with you, they really do push back. And so I think that can be a special homeschool challenge. Oh yes. Yes, for sure. And it, it is true though, and I do think this happens too when my kids do go to do one of those classes or whatever and come back, they can sometimes talk about how much, you know, they can tell me how hard that thing was too. [00:08:30] Yeah, yeah. You know, But it's not until they come home sometimes, For sure. For sure. Yep. Yep. And so I think what can be really hard about this is you have had a vision of what your homeschool might look like or what you might be doing for a particular subject. Or you might have a vision of us all being like, happy together, or this be a really cozy setting. [00:08:52] And so you have this vision, you've spent time thinking about it, you've spent. Time planning, you spent [00:09:00] energy planning, you've probably spent money. Mm-hmm. on different curriculum or like different setup things and you know, your kid like may have been on board with whatever you're do you were doing at one time too. [00:09:13] Like they may have said like, Exactly, yeah, this is what I wanna do. Mm-hmm. and it may have worked for a while and then all of a sudden it doesn't. So I think that's what makes it especially hard is that you can feel like. Yes, it can felt very confusing. Cause we, you're like, I'm so in, we're so in tune with each other. [00:09:30] We did the whole thing that we, you know, like in our in our back to school summer, we talk a lot about having this meeting at the beginning of the year. You know? Yeah. Talk about your hopes and dreams and be really collaborative with each other. You may have done all of that . Yeah. Right. And you're like, I am a really tuning into my kid and I'm doing this thing. [00:09:47] Mm-hmm. , then they're still just like, No, I don't wanna do that. . Yeah. Oh, that's so hard. It's heartbreaking. Right, right. Or then it may also be just a thing that that is a real big priority to [00:10:00] you. It's a really big priority to you. It's so important. This is something that we need to do and, and you, and maybe you're thinking, but I've like I've, you know, like. [00:10:11] Changed so many of my plans and or, you know, like I've, we've worked so much on other things, like, I've allowed you to do these things. I've let you do this. I've let you do this. Just do this one thing for me. Please. Just do this one thing for me. Yeah. I mean, and so it feels like like, oh, they're just, you know, it could be just, they're. [00:10:29] It may seem like they are spoiled or, you know, like you're like, I've given you everything . Yeah. Everything you want, You, you get to do so much. You have so much freedom. And then I just want you to do this one thing. Mm-hmm. , come on. You know? Mm-hmm. . So I think that there is a pain point there for sure. Yeah. [00:10:44] Especially when you've put so much thought and planning into it and money. Right. [00:10:50] And so the way that our kids are pushing back is probably not like, Hey, mom, ideal. Mm-hmm. , can we have a meeting? Yeah. I'm not[00:11:00] , I'm enjoy Do math right now or something. Right? It's not gonna look like that. It's gonna look like something hard. It's gonna look, They might look like they're cry. They might be crying. [00:11:10] Mm-hmm. , they might be refusing, they might be manipulating you. They might be you know, they might look like manipulation off. They could look like, Yes. Look like manipulation. They could be being disrespectful. Mm-hmm. . There are lots of things it can look like, and that's, that's okay. That's them communicating. [00:11:30] That is them communicating to you. Right, Right, right. And it's our, not our job in that moment to fix the way they're communicating to us what's wrong. I think that that is a big mistake that we all, and that might be even hard to wrap your head around right now at this moment when I'm saying it, because I think what we as parents, Wanna do is correct. [00:11:52] Like we can't perpetuate this bad behavior. Yeah. By listening to them when they're acting this way. And I [00:12:00] think that's a mistake. Parents. I think that's a mistake. Mm-hmm. , I think what we do need to say is I hear you. I see that this is not working. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna, we're gonna work on that first. [00:12:13] I'm gonna be take responsible, you know, responsibility for what's not going well be of, because of like what I've planned and what's, what's going on here. Mm-hmm. , I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna take responsibility for that. And, you know, like, let's, let's work together here and. Then like at a very, in a distant time, when they're, when the emotions are back to regulated mm-hmm. [00:12:35] and you've moved, you know, you've moved on emotionally from this tough situation, then you can say that's when you can work on communication skills, the way they communicated it, the way they communicated it, and it doesn't even, you don't even necessarily have to go back to rehash that. Scenario, right? [00:12:52] Cause that could just bring it all back up. It could be like, I wanna talk everybody about like, if you're ever having a problem with something, this is what you could do. You know, just moving [00:13:00] forward, here's what we can do. Yeah, yeah. Right. Just talk about it in general. In general or, Yeah, exactly. Yeah. [00:13:07] Because I think a lot of times when kids are trying to say something and it's, it comes out as disrespectful. Parents, including myself, I've done this focus on the disrespectful nature of what they're saying, Right? They do. Yes. Which is not the point, which is, which is really they're just trying to get heard trying to get heard. [00:13:26] Yep. So, And it can be tempting to do that because you're like, Wait, you shouldn't talk to me like that. Like, I don't talk to you like that. And I, we, we don't talk to each other like that, right? It can be tempting to focus on that first, but I think we really need to take a step back and be like, You know what, we'll deal with that later. [00:13:42] Right now they're trying to communicate with me that something's not working. Right? Yep. So you can say something like, Hey I hear that I see you, that you're really upset and something's not working. Mm-hmm. , can we talk about that? Mm-hmm. , or do we need to take a break right now? Cause you might need to take a break because maybe emotions…
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