Hard Factor

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Hard Factor 4/23: Social Security Is Fucked And Hand Jobs In Florida Apr 23, 2019

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So stop me if you've heard this before, Social Security is going to run out right before you're old enough to collect. Word on the street is that people are going to be collecting a lot less than 100% of their social security check starting in 2035, but that can change. Baby boomers are good though so don't worry about them. Elon Musk had his space ship blow up, one of his cars spontaneously combust, and his smelly girlfriend Grimes said she feels like she's in "villain mode" and turned into Thanos because of hanging out with him. What the fuck have you done lately. Okay enough of the Florida hand job shop in the news already. Apparently now there is a video of Bob Kraft getting his front drained that is now on sale to the highest bidder. We propose that Kraft just lean into this whole thing, buy the video himself and play it over the giant screen at Gillette before the first home game right before they drop the banner. Blurring of any objects onscreen could be a game time decision.

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HARD FACTOR 4/22: Easter Massacre in Sri Lanka, Wild Easter "Celebrations" in the US, Militia Man Arrested, and a Cannabis Cup Recap Apr 22, 2019

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Three churches and four hotels were bombed in Sri Lanka on Easter in an apparently religiously motivated attack. There have been counter attacks, and it's a bad situation. A Seton Hall professor wanted to “celebrate” Easter by lighting several Catholic churches on fire… good news for everyone that this man is an absolute moron and didn't get away with his plan. Also, a pastor in Ohio encouraged his 12 year-old Sunday school kids to spit on him and cut him with steak knives to simulate the torture that Jesus Christ endured; and aggressive lesson plan to say the least. 69 year-old Larry Mitchell Hopkins has been arrested for leading a militia group on the border, apprehending border crossers they felt were unable to be handled by the Federal authorities. The real star of this story is the mug shot. Cannabis Cup Recap, Michael Avenatti allegedly stole over a million from Hassan Whiteside and his ex-girlfriend, and Ukraine has elected a comedian as their new president.

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Hard Factor 4/18: Apple Settles Lawsuit With Qualcomm, A Mom In CA Banged Her Daughter's Boyfriends, Shady Opioid Doctors Busted, Lightening Round Apr 18, 2019

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Coral Lytle, of Tulare CA is being accused of banging her daughters two separate freshman boyfriends and bribing them off with booze and smokes. Sounds like a great deal for a 15 year old boy, because she is kinda hot.....The whole thing fell through when one of the freshman got a conscience and alerted police because he felt guilty shaking her husband's hand.....what an idiot that kid is. Apple and Qualcomm have finally settled their lawsuit. What does it mean?? Well this is great news for Iphone users because it means Apple will be able to bring you 5G service quicker, so quicker stream times for porn clips and whatever else you like to look at on your phone. Federal prosecutors charged 60 physicians and pharmacists Wednesday with illegally handing out bullshit scripts for opioids in what they are calling is the biggest dirty doctor opioid bust ever in the U.S. It's probably laughable in China. Doctors were handing out prescriptions to friends, trading them for sex, and even pulling teeth to cover up the prescriptions. Lightening Round: - Double Suicide, including the girl who was terrorizing Colorado schools with threats of another Columbine Massacre, she's dead. Former Peruvian President, Alan Garcia, killed himself while police were in his house to arrest him for charges of money laundering and accepting bribes. - Scientists now believe that you know you are dead for several minutes when your heart stops and are actually conscience of what is happening around you....bummer. - The dog that was found swimming 135 miles off Thailand is back on land, safe and sound, maybe..

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Hard Factor 4/17: Trump Busted Out His Veto Gong, Ancient Diseases Unearthed by Global Warming, John From The Robert Kraft Handjob Parlor Choses An Interesting Defense Apr 17, 2019

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On Today's Episode of Hard Factor: Roll back out the veto gong. Our guy Donnie got a taste a few weeks ago. He got his first veto in over the National Emergency “invasion” in air quotes at the border and now he's going to be smashing that veto gong a lot. Number 2 came on Tuesday when President Donald Trump vetoed a congressional resolution that sought to end U.S. involvement in the Saudi-led war in Yemen. There has been a four-year-long civil war where one side is backed by Saudi Arabia and the other side is backed by Iran those being the Houthi rebels. A few quick facts about Yemen are it is located at the southern end of the Arabian peninsula in western Asia and is only separated from Africa by the Gulf of Aden. Really sexy gulf front property with a vast array of coral, fish and even whales I would love to go snorkeling there. An article published by the Sun, an Australian news outlet, on Monday is scaring the shit out of news readers everywhere because it talks about all the things that can happen when permafrost is melted by global warming/climate change/being hot outside, whatever the fuck you want to call it. The basic gist is that prehistoric bacteria and diseases can lie dormant in permafrost that's been frozen deep beneath the earth's surface for thousands of years, or more. Some more news out of the handjob capitol of the United States, Jupiter Florida. Where a man being identified as “John Doe” is suing the Jupiter Police Department for violating his constitutional rights to privacy because he was at the Orchids of Asia on the same day the police were operating their bullshit sting against Patriots owner and all around great guy, Bob Kraft. So he is suing the Palm Beach County State Attorneys Office, the detective who got the warrant to spy with cameras, and the Jupiter police department for damages. Something tells me the judge is going to throw it out and tell him sorry about his divorce.

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Hard Factor 4/16: Notre Dame Was On Fire, Tiger's Getting a Presidential Medal and Bernie's a Millionaire Apr 16, 2019

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Well that was wild, the whole fucking cathedral almost burnt to the ground and the whole world was watching it and acting like it was a royal wedding except one where someone got stood up at the alter. This is not the first time Notre Dame was nearly or just straight up destroyed, it happened in World War I as well. No one died, they will rebuild and the baguettes and wine will still be phenomenal in the meantime. Tiger won the Masters, holy shit let's give him a Medal of Honor, the Nobel Peace Prize, the Pulitzer, a Grammy, a Kennedy Center Honor and the Presidential Medal of Freedom along with his fifth green jacket. President Trump says he is actually going to give Woods the Medal of Freedom, good for Tiger and great for local madams because Tiger is back and he be fucking. Yesterday was Tax Day and fuuuck Tax Day. Bernie Sanders seemed to be loving it though as he released the last ten years of his tax history and revealed that he became a millionaire when he ran for President in 2016 by selling a shit load of copies of his book as well as whatever else money you make running for President. Brought to you by: We The People Holsters

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HARD FACTOR 4/15: Julian Assange Detained, Party at the Eau Claire Walmart, and a Man Sues His Parents Over Destroyed Porn Stash Apr 15, 2019

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The guy Beto O'Rourke wishes he was, Julian Assange, has been detained and is now facing charges from the United States… but everyone doesn't agree on if he's guilty or not. A family of complete savages wrecked shop on the Eau Claire, Wisconsin Walmart, and hilarity ensued. Even the dog got in on the action. A man in Michigan, recently divorced, is suing his parent for over $80K for destroying his porn stash, claimed to be valued at $29K. The additional $50K is for the emotional stress he's had to endure without his pile of porn… Nancy Pelosi wants President Trump to lay off Ilhan Omar, a 75 year-old Florida man was killed by his pet cassowary (basically a raptor, see pic), and Tiger Woods is BACK.

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Hard Factor 4/11: PFT Commenter Joins The Show And Covers The "First Ever" Picture Of A Black Hole, A Festival In Japan That Celebrates A Steel Penis, Tiny Species of Human Discovered On Philippine Island Apr 11, 2019

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Hard Factor VP of Football Operations & Host of Pardon My Take PFT Commenter joins the show today to talk... A festival that takes place on the first Sunday of every April in Kawasaki, Japan is quite the event!! The centuries old festival, which is based on a legend involving a jealous demon hidden inside the vagina of a Goddess who bites dicks off, is basically the worlds biggest bachelorette party. NASA unleashed the "first ever" picture of a black hole that is 55 million light years away and 6.5 billion times bigger than our little bitch Sun. PFT discusses his theory on how NASA may be trolling Trump with this new incredible photo, and we discuss why it actually is not that cool to look at. A new species of tiny humans has been discovered. Standing an estimated max height of 3 feet 6 inches, the Homo luzonensis, as they are being called, suffered from a form of dwarfism, and PFT believes the guy who first discovered the tiny foot print and then dug for 9 more years, may have a little bit of a foot fetish. Lightening Round: - US Attorney General Bill Barr says Trump was definitely spied on during his campaign, yea no shit. - Bernie Sanders unveils his new 1 trillion dollar Medicare plan for all citizens. - A woman in Tennessee was arrested for stealing an electric scooter from Wal-Mart and driving it to Waffle House for "coffee" - You can now change your gamer handle on Playstation, first one is on the house, after that its $10 a pop.

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Hard Factor 4/10: HUGE Medicare Scheme "Operation Brace Yourself", Key West Millionaire Busted by K-Mart, Lightening Round Apr 10, 2019

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Federal agents busted one of the largest medicare schemes in history on Tuesday. The scheme, which targeted elderly and disabled persons on medicare, involved shady doctors, who were getting bribes from medical equipment companies to write fake prescriptions for knee, back and neck braces that patients didn't actually need. Telemedicine companies would call up people known to be on medicare, tell them they could get them braces they didn't really need, then would bill medicare after the braces were delivered. This will cause YOUR healthcare premiums to go UP, and you should be outraged!! Andrew Lippi, who just bought an 8 Million Dollar private island off the coast of Key West, is being charged with grand theft in Florida, after returning products to K-Mart (yes a few still exist) that contained nothing more than bullshit. The man, who was attempting to fill his new home with necessities like a new Keurig machine, was returning the boxes of these items for refunds, but the kicker is the boxes didn't have those products in them. Florida should really up their qualifications for "grand theft" Lightening Round: - Everyone forget all the opportunities Johnny Football carelessly blew over the last six years. Johnny's dead, he died... and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes - meet John Football. All is forgiven. -Aunt Becky is probably going to jail for bribing her ridiculously hot daughters into USC. -A 34-year old professional gambler set the new record for the largest single-day-cash-win on the game show Jeopardy, taking home over $110,000. Unfortunately for him even $110k isn't enough to make a know-it-all degenerate gambler lovable.

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HARD FACTOR 4/9: (H)UGE Trumpdate, Uncle Chaps Joins to Talk Mussolini Apr 09, 2019

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On Today's Episode of Hard Factor: We're joined by special guest host @UncleChaps. Trump had such a big day. So much stuff. Trump fired the director of the Secret Service. He named the Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corpsas terrorists. The Senators he tapped for the “healthcare policy group” just aren't that into him. And a California judge blocked Trump's policy of returning asylum seekers to Mexico as they wait for their cases to be heard by an immigration court, and it's only Monday. I would bet the over on an early departure to Mar-a-Lago for Donald this week. If you're saying to yourself “yea, there is something vaguely familiar and also evil about this guy's face” then you may have paid attention in history class. Meet Julius Caesar Mussolini. He is the great grandson of the bad boy of the Axis Of Evil, Benito Mussolini. Beyond his name being Julius Caesar (which is equivalent of an Austrian being named Archduke Franz Ferdinand) he is running on behalf the the Brothers of Italy Party; so this should work out well for all parties involved.

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HARD FACTOR 4/8: DHS Secretary Kristjen Nielsen Resigns, Happy News from Africa, and a Pennsylvania Man's Meth-Fueled Maxi-Pad Raid Apr 08, 2019

Show notes

Special co-host Kate joins the boys to discuss the news on this episode. DHS Secretary Kristjen Nielsen Resigns Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kristjen Nielsen resigned effective immediately on Sunday amid criticisms from all sides on how the situation at the US southern border has been handled so far. Double Feature from Africa: The American Hostage in Uganda was Found, and A Poacher was Killed by Elephants and Lions The American hostage being held ransom for $500,000 inside a Ugandan national park on safari, Kimberly Sue Endicott, was found. Over in South Africa, a suspected poacher was killed when he was mauled by elephants and later devoured by lions inside Kruger National Park, must have been pretty satisfying for the lions. PA Man Raids Maxi-Pads and Cereal on Meth Binge A man in Altoona, PA woke up to a stranger passed out on his kitchen floor, surrounded by cut up maxi-pads and empty cereal boxes. Turns out the guy was on a meth binge and just really wanted cereal and maxi-pads. Lightning Round of Other Headlines Devin Nunes is moving forward on criminal investigation referrals to AG Bill Barr about alleged illegal activity carried out by the Mueller investigation team made up of the FBI and DOJ. A Florida man was arrested for burglary after he was released from jail and immediately began stealing stuff out of the cars parked inside the jail parking lot. Will skipped a Liz Warren speech for a weed convention, and Kate grades Austin, TX.

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