Good Children

Latest Episodes:

Slenderman Is A Twink Aug 31, 2022

Show notes

Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella were so pretty and so smart and got good grades and dated all the popular boys in high school. Ppl in their school TOTALLY HATED THEM so they planned to lock them in a closet forever. Unless you send this message to 10 other people, they will come to your room tonight and harmonize. They will show up every night. You have seven minutes to send this. LOLJK! In this very SCARY episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe unpack some of their earliest fears, and a few fears they have today. Ranging from chain messages to intimacy, basements to rejection, no holds are barred.

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My Super Sweet 16 Aug 24, 2022

Show notes

You walk into a Long Island catering hall, there’s fried calamari, wyd? Celebrate our Sweet 16 with a look back on some of our more memorable Sweet 16 experiences, a polite conversation about Debby Ryan, and an emotional candle ceremony celebrating all of our favorite people. An introspective journey into the psyche of “LMFAO,” an inspiring call to action to bring back Bump Its, and the mortifying ordeal of being watched at a wedding. It’s a celebration fit for Good Children and YOU’RE invited.

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Remember When Frozen Yogurt Came Up? Aug 17, 2022

Show notes

Susan Boyle, Balloon Boy, Joe’s wart doctor… the stars align on this very nostalgic episode of Good Children! Andrew and Joe talk headlines and trends that had them glued to their TVs and abusing frozen yogurt topping bars. BeReal about chasing your dreams, negotiate the terms of your laundry service, finalize your Whale Rep application, and journey Into The Vault for more classic videos from the archive!

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Sports (But In A Gay Way) Aug 10, 2022

Show notes

OK sooooo this episode is about sports but not in a way that you will be bored/triggered/scared of. Joe and Andrew expose the seedy underbelly of sports through locker room trauma, halftime performances, Taylor Swift’s next album, and a weirdly sentimental speech on self love. Strap up your shin guards, put on your jockstrap, and get start praying for rain, because it’s time to play ball!

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Fighting For Your Life At Gymnastics Parties Aug 03, 2022

Show notes

It’s another year around the sun for Joe! Celebrate the old fashioned way with nearly losing your life at a gymnastics party, exploring repressed middle school homophobia, technical difficulties and a fondant cake. Joe and Andrew talk birthdays then and now— and invite you along to the extravagantly themed party of your dreams!

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Repressed Theater Gays Jul 27, 2022

Show notes

Life’s a stage and Joe and Andrew will do anything it takes to get into the spotlight. The Good Children vault is officially opened in this retrospect of life’s greatest performances. Andrew and Joe react to childhood videos, unpack movie theater trauma, and wonder what life would be like if they took a page from Troy Bolton’s playbook and pursued musical theater in high school.

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Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure Jul 20, 2022

Show notes

Wake up at 3am and get on your way to a traumatic flight to nowhere with Joe and Andrew. This week, the boys talk all things travel (and toilets). Fasten your seatbelts, stow all carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and don't forget to check in on your straight (gay) boyfriends as they explore the world of PrEP and Grindr.

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Growing Pains Jul 13, 2022

Show notes

Take a trip to the doctors office with Andrew and Joe. In this week's GOOD CHILDREN, the duo talks all things growing: from getting weighed in to getting checked out. You'll be instantly transported back to 7th grade health class, taken to a Pride party under a bridge in Williamsburg, and demand legal retribution for the cultural impact of Nicole Scherzinger.

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Abroad Changed Me Jul 06, 2022

Show notes

In this very special travel episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe take you abroad to the streets of Italy, where their lives have been forever changed by the Roman lifestyle. A discussion on Michelangelo's body dysmorphia, a revelation about toilet paper, and an honest look at American idealism. These good kids cover it all and more.

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Can You Push Me In The Pool? Jun 29, 2022

Show notes

In quite possibly the darkest episode to date, Joe and Andrew discuss the chilling experiences that filled their summer breaks. A glimpse into the psyche of two emotionally disturbed Spanx for Men-wearing camp counselors, a retrospective look at the Cold Stone Industrial Complex, a dip in the pool, a trip to the spa, and a hopeful glance forward into summers unwritten.

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