GoalLess: A Soccer Show - SmartLess Media

Latest Episodes:

The Divine Shadows (Season Finale) Jun 03, 2025

Show notes

On this season finale of GoalLess... the guys discuss PSG's dismantling of Inter Milan in the Champions League final and whether or not Manchester United vs Tottenham was the worst European final of all time. Also, a look back at some of this season's best bits and our way too early 2025-26 predictions. Thanks for listening this season, see you all this fall! And always remember, of all the unimportant things in life, football is the most important!

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Trying To Score Past An Octopus May 13, 2025

Show notes

On this episode of GoalLess… the guys try to figure out if Barcelona vs Inter was the best ever Champions League semi-final and look ahead to PSG vs Inter. Plus, Witty rants on if Tottenham or Manchester United can argue that they’ve had a better season than Arsenal, Leeds are marching on to the Premier League, and Trent Alexander Arnold gets boo’d in what could be his final (home) appearance at Anfield.

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Jackrabbit on a Hot Date Apr 21, 2025

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On this episode of Goalless... Manchester United's epic game against Lyon in Europa League. Meanwhile, the Champions League semifinals are set after a wild day in Birmingham and a calm one in Madrid. Plus, the guys try and figure out if it's a Ray Hudsonism or a Kama Sutra position.

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Sydney Sweeney’s On His Dibs List Apr 10, 2025

Show notes

On this episode of Goalless… Declan Rice and Arsenal with their biggest win of the decade, is Harry Kane overweight? Barcelona score 4 and PSG top Aston Villa in Paris. Plus, Liverpool, 2019 title winners vs 2025 (soon to be) title winners and the guys dive into why players flourish once they leave Manchester United.

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He Parked the Nuke Apr 03, 2025

Show notes

On this jam packed episode of Goalless… The guys ponder if OnlyFans can fix Barcelona’s financial issues, Liverpool get Merseyside Derby revenge, Arsenal loses Gabriel for the season, Aston Villa’s magical run, and a curious case of recurring injuries for Neymar. Plus, another round of club or country and so much more. Tap in!

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Like A Flying Sea Lion (Feat. Eli Lesser) Mar 27, 2025

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On this episode of Goalless… Trent Alexander Arnold is (reportedly) heading to Real Madrid, the guys react to a disastrous weekend for US Soccer, and look at some of the best moments in FA Cup upset history. Plus, Eli Lesser joins to talk promotion and relegation coming to America, his LA Galaxy origins, and the best away trips in MLS.

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God's Gift To Us (Feat. Ray Hudson) Mar 20, 2025

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On this episode of Goalless… Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! The Carabao Cup final saw Newcastle lift their first trophy in 56 years, the race for top 5 is heating up, and could there be 11 English teams playing in Europe next season? Plus, the magisterial Ray Hudson joins us to talk about some of his best ever goal calls, his love of Newcastle, and working with Witty.

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Can’t (Double) Touch This (Feat. Rebecca Lowe) Mar 14, 2025

Show notes

On this episode of Goalless… the Champions League quarterfinals are set. Alvarez’s double kick, Liverpool’s exit, Lamine Yamal’s brilliance, and does Manchester United’s newly proposed 2.6 billion dollar stadium look like an infected nipple? Plus, Rebecca Lowe joins to talk Crystal Palace’s FA Cup run, her time on Ted Lasso, walking to school with Peter Crouch, and more!

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The Man Behind Wonka (Feat. Jon Glaser) Mar 07, 2025

Show notes

On this episode of Goalless… We’re onto the Champions League knockout stage, a “what if” starting 11, and a crazy injury in Germany. Plus, actor and comedian Jon Glaser joins us to talk about how FIFA made him a wolves fan, World Cup 94, the world’s best kits, Detroit City FC and finally, The Diet Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show.

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Mystique of Legends (Feat. Arturo Castro) Feb 27, 2025

Show notes

On this episode of GoalLess… a busy weekend in the Premier League, Manchester United’s cost cutting measures, a quick look ahead to next week’s Champions League, and the guys relive some hilarious drunken sports moments. Plus, comedian and actor Arturo Castro joins to talk about Guatemala, Bayern Munich, Messi, and watching PSG Barcelona in between takes of Narcos.

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