Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Latest Episodes:

TPP 088a: Jessica Lahey Talks About the Gifts of Failure for Our Kids Aug 12, 2022

Show notes

My guest is Jessica Lahey, an educator, writer, and speaker, and the author of one of my favorite parenting books, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jess shares her insights about how we can best prepare our kids for an independent, successful adulthood in the way we practice autonomy supportive parenting versus overparenting, what it means to let our kids “fail” to help them thrive, how we can help our kids learn how to “sit with frustration,” and much more.

Jessica Lahey is an educator, writer, and speaker. She is an English and writing teacher, correspondent for the Atlantic, commentator for Vermont Public Radio, and writes the “Parent-Teacher Conference” column for the New York Times. Jessica earned a B.A. in Comparative Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a J.D. with a concentration in juvenile and education law from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two sons.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

The difference between overparenting and “autonomy supportive parenting"
How many parents underestimate their kids and might be unknowingly fostering learned helplessness in them
How we can build scaffolding for our kids
What Jessica wishes parents of atypical kids knew about teachers
Jessica’s advice for how we can best advocate for our kids in school
How we can foster more of a growth mindset in our children, especially those who are perfectionist, as well as how to NOT foster “learned helplessness”

Resources mentioned about the gift of failure

Jessica Lahey’s website
The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey
Why Parents Need To Let Their Kids Fail (The Atlantic article)
Dr. Ross Greene Talks About Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (podcast episode)
The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber
Am Writing (Jessica’s podcast)
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Childrenby

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TPP 301: Navigating Big Life Transitions with Differently Wired Children (a Solocast) Aug 09, 2022

Show notes

I haven’t done a solocast in a while, but when you talk, I listen, and this topic has been requested by many of you, so I decided to dedicate this episode to talk about navigating big life transitions with differently wired kids. Our family has gone through our fair share of big changes, which you’ll hear all about in this episode, so this is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. Especially as a parent of a differently wired kid, I know that there are some extra challenges that might come up when their routines, environment, life circumstances, or supports change, and our kids are also more likely to be resistant to changes (even if they are beneficial). So today I’ll be sharing the strategies I’ve personally found helpful while going through big transitions with Asher.

In this episode, I talk about key things such as why being honest when communicating with your kid is so important to help them understand and process change, how being vulnerable can be a way to show support, how to validate our kids’ feelings about the changes or transitions, and how to identify their concerns so you can make plans to address them in advance. I also share about what adjustment disorder is and the kind of extra support you might need during transitions.

Tilt Parenting Founder & CEO Debbie Reber (MA) is a parenting activist, bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker. A certified Positive Discipline trainer and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, Debbie’s most recent book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. Debbie’s Tilt Parenting Podcast is the top performing podcast for parents, caregivers, educators, and professionals raising and supporting neurodivergent children, and has more than 4 million downloads. In November 2018, she spoke at TEDxAmsterdam, delivering a talk entitled Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired. In the summer of 2020, she co-created the Parenting in Place Masterclass series.

Things you'll learn from this episode

The benefits and growth that can come from navigating big changes as a family
Why honesty is so important when communicating with your child about big changes
What to share versus what not to share with your child about the transitions you go through
How to validate the big emotions and thoughts that big transitions can bring up in your child
The importance of doing your own work as a parent to be able to support our kids during transitions
What adjustment disorder is and the extra support you might need to help your child through one
How being vulnerable with your kids can be really supportive for them
Identifying the concerns that our kids have and coming up with plans to address them in advance
Creating new routines to create security for our kids during big transitions

For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session301

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TPP 029a: How to Live a Satisfying Life While Raising a Differently-Wired Kid, with Samantha Ettus Aug 05, 2022

Show notes

In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I talk with Samantha Ettus, a renowned work-life balance expert, author, radio show host, and media personality. Sam is passionate about helping people, and especially moms, find create a more fulfilled, healthier, and more satisfying life. She writes about her ideas in her new book The Pie Life: A Guilt Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction.

I was excited to talk with Sam about her new book and ideas behind what she refers to as “embracing the mess and bumps” that come hand-in-hand with living a truly fulfilled life, since messiness and bumps seem to a part of any parent raising a differently-wired kid’s experience. In our conversation, we talk about everything from self-care and intentional parenting to getting our partners up to speed since often moms seem to be the ones holding onto a lot of the information relevant to our kids’ day-to-day life.

Samantha Ettus is a work-life expert whose goal is to find the spark within each one of us and turn it into a fire. She is a best-selling author, a writer for Forbes, a sought after speaker, a Harvard MBA, and host of a nationally syndicated call-in radio show. Sam has shared her advice on hundreds of television shows and media outlets including The TODAY Show, Access Hollywood, NBC Nightly News, CNN, The Doctors, and Fox and Friends, and in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and USA Today.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

Why working moms are, in many ways, set up to fail
Thoughts on being a more intentional parent, embracing empathy, and seeing our kids for who they are
What’s reasonable to expect when designing a healthy, fulfilled life, and how to find work-life balance
How to get your parenting partner on-board / up-to-speed on important matters related to our children
Why self-care is so critical for mothers and how to build self-care practices into daily life
Sam’s thoughts on juggling work and the unpredictable nature of raising a differently-wired kid

Resources mentioned for work-life balance + parenting

Samantha Ettus’ website
The Pie Life: A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction by Samantha Ettus
Sam’s Tedx Talk: The Secret to Unlocking a Child’s Potential
Working Mom’s Lifestyle Radio Show

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TPP 300: Executive Function Coach Seth Perler on What Is / Isn't Working in School Aug 02, 2022

Show notes

I wanted to have a frank and honest conversation with my friend, executive function coach, and frequent guest of the pod, Seth Perler, about what is and is not working in schools right now, especially as we are once again in that back-to-school season. Of course there have been many changes in education since the start of COVID, including the inclusion of technology in almost every aspect of learning and the increased testing that students are being subjected to since returning to campus. And we know that neurodivergent kids tend to be impacted by these changes more than other students. So what can we do as parents? Where should we be putting our energies? That’s what Seth and I get into in this episode.

Seth Perler is an Executive Function Coach and Consultant with extensive experience addressing extraordinarily diverse learning needs. Seth was a teacher for 12 years, working with a diverse range of Gifted and Twice Exceptional (2E) students in charter schools for 8 years, and teaching students with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia and other executive function challenges, as well as students with developmental disabilities. He’s been an Executive Function coach for middle, high school and college students since 2010.

Things you'll learn from this episode

Seth’s opinion on what is working and what is not working in schools right now
Advice on how to push back on the increase in testing that has started since students returned to in-person lessons
What Seth would say to parents who have kids with ADHD who are checked out of their school day
Ideas for getting educators on board in shifting the paradigm
How to collaborate with a student who insists executive functioning strategies don’t actually work for them
Practical strategies or ideas for parents who are dealing with that challenge of technology being useful but full of distractions and how to tailor the approach if a kid is showing resistance
Seth’s thoughts on school refusal and children’s mental health

Resources mentioned for What Is / Isn't Working in School

Seth Perler’s website
Seth Perler’s YouTube Channel
Introduction to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory
A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 1 (podcast episode)
A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 2 (podcast episode)
A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode)
Seth Perler Talks to Asher About Resistance (podcast episode)
Seth Perler on Helping Kids Work Through Resistance, Part 2 for Parents (podcast episode)

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TPP 142a: Kayce Hughlett Talks About Her Differently Wired Son's Drug Addiction Jul 29, 2022

Show notes

My guest is Kayce Stevens Hughlett, a psychotherapist, life coach, spiritual director, and speaker, and the author of three books. Kayce and I have been friends for many years, and she was a compassionate listener and empathetic friend as I was going through some of my most challenging years with Asher. At the time, Kayce was a few years ahead in her journey with her own differently wired son, who was in his early twenties.

I wanted to bring Kayce onto the show to talk about what she and her family went through when her son, as a young teen with an ADHD diagnosis, got involved with drugs. I know that this is a possibility many parents with atypical kids fear, and in fact some listeners may be in this very situation today. Hearing Kayce tell her story and share how she not only got through it, but how her family emerged on the other side more engaged and connected, is incredibly powerful. I hope you find her story as inspiring as I do.

Kayce Stevens Hughlett started her writing career as a blogger in the early 2000’s and found her voice as a contributor to several collections and online publications. Now she is the author of three varied yet beautifully intertwined and popular books. Her 2012 nonfiction book, As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Life, is a lyrical and lucid treasure that invites readers to new awakenings throughout the year. Blue: a novel, an award-winning study of three women in the Pacific Northwest, released September 10, 2015. Her journey memoir, SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, & wings of the world, was published in November 2018.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

Kayce’s story of being the mom of “that kid” in a time when being differently wired was less acceptable
The importance of listening to our gut in conjunction with “experts”
Why we want to always choose from a place of love (and not fear) when making parenting decisions
The power of community to get through difficult times with our children
Why Kayce says that parenting Jonathan through their challenges saved her life

Resources mentioned for ADHD and drug use

Kayce Stevens Hughlett’s website
SoulStroller: Experiencing the Weight, Whispers, & Wings of the Worldby Kayce Stevens Hughlett
Blue: A Novel by Kayce Stevens Hughlett
As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Lifeby Kayce Stevens Hughlett

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Connect with Tilt Parenting

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TPP 299: Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman on Navigating the Neuropsych Evaluation Process Jul 26, 2022

Show notes

The neuropsych assessment process can be daunting and complicated to navigate, especially in recent years as a result of COVID, so I’m excited to share my conversation with pediatric and adolescent young adult neuropsychologist, Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman. Jonine’s work is about taking into consideration the whole child and the big picture when assessments are being done.

In this episode, we talk about what parents should think about when vetting psychologists to assess their child, the difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment, and how parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis. We also talked about what to do with all the feedback parents get from an evaluation and how that feedback can best be relayed to our kids, and to their schools.

Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman has over 25 years of experience specializing in assessing and treating children, adolescents, and young adults with neurodevelopmental disorders such as Autism, ADHD, learning differences, and genetic conditions. She works closely with families, treatment teams, schools, and the community to ameliorate social-emotional, behavioral, and educational challenges.

Things you'll learn from this episode

What parents should think about when looking for someone to do an assessment for their child, as well as tips for vetting evaluators
The difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment
How Jonine works with students and adjusts the evaluation process during the assessment in response to what she’s discovering
How parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis
Whether or not a neuropsych evaluation would benefit every neurodivergent child
How feedback is ideally shared with parents, kids, and schools after an assessment has been completed
How the COVID pandemic has impacted the assessment process
How parents can best use the detailed feedback they receive as part of the neuropsych evaluation process

Resources Mentioned

For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session299

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TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes” Jul 22, 2022

Show notes

My guest this week is Steve Silberman, an award-winning science writer who authored the 2015 book NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, a brilliant book that upends conventional thinking about autism and suggests a broader model for acceptance, understanding, and full participation in society for people who think differently. In our conversation, Steve and I talk about neurodivergence, autism, acceptance, tolerance, changing cultures, systemic change, and so much more.

Steve Silberman is an award-winning science writer whose articles have appeared in Wired, the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Financial Times, the Boston Globe, the MIT Technology Review, and more.and the author of NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity (Avery 2015), which Oliver Sacks called a “sweeping and penetrating history…presented with a rare sympathy and sensitivity.” In April 2016, Silberman gave the keynote speech at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day. He has given talks on the history of autism at Yale, Harvard, MIT, Oxford, the National Academy of Sciences, Queen Mary University, Apple, Microsoft, Google, the 92nd Street Y, Imperial College London, the MIND Institute at UC Davis, and many other major institutions. His TED talk, “The Forgotten History of Autism,” has been viewed more than a million times and translated into 25 languages.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

The impetus for Steve’s book NeuroTribes
How and why the anti-vaccine movement has negatively affected the autistic community
The real impact of language like “epidemic” in relation to neurodifferences like autism
How Steve’s book NeuroTribes has been received by members of the autistic community
Steve’s thoughts on how parents raising neurodiverse kids can best support the neurodiversity movement
The importance of autistic peer mentoring

Resources mentioned for Steve Silberman, autism, and neurodiversity

Steve Silberman’s website
NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman
Steve Silberman’s TED Talk
The Geek Syndrome (Steve’s article in Wired Magazine, 12/01/01)
Autreat
The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism
The Real Experts: Readings for Parents of Autistic Children

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TPP 298: Pat Harvey on DBT and Strategies for Parenting Emotionally Intense Teens Jul 19, 2022

Show notes

Parenting a differently wired child can be challenging and as I sat down with my guest, clinical social worker Pat Harvey, to have this conversation, I wanted to acknowledge and validate the experiences we have as parents as much as we do the same for our kids. As you’ll hear from Pat, her work centers around helping parents navigate raising kids who have highly intense emotions …the kind of emotions that can cause big disruptions at home.

In this conversation, Pat talks about her book Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, how she supports families using Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT, the three priorities within the DBT framework, some of the critical things to understand to effectively parent emotionally intense kids, and where to start if you are looking for more support for yourself.

Pat Harvey, LCSW-C, ACSW, has been a clinical social worker for one 30 years, currently focusing on supporting and guiding parents of kids with emotional challenges using a DBT framework. The co-author of 2 books on parenting, Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions and Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, a book for siblings and a book for clinicians, she has also spoken nationally and in Canada about DBT and about working with parents.

Things you'll learn from this episode:

The similarities and differences between cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
How DBT prioritizes the three core tenets of safety, treatment, and quality of life
Why is DBT so effective in helping teens who are engaging in risky behaviors, including self-harm, suicidal ideation, or past suicide attempts
Critical things to be aware of in order to effectively parent emotionally intense kids
The biggest roadblock for parents that prevent them from leaning into DBT
Where to start and the things to pay attention to if you are parenting an emotionally intense kid

Resources mentioned for DBT & Parenting Emotionally Intense Teens:

Pat Harvey’s website
Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges by Pat Harvey and Britt Rathbone
Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors by Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo
Hey, I'm Here Too!: A Book for Tween/Teen Siblings of a Young Person With Emotional Issues by Pat Harvey

For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session298

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TPP 139a: Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD on Redefining Giftedness and Intelligence Jul 15, 2022

Show notes

My guest Scott Barry Kaufman PhD, a psychologist, author, and podcaster who is passionate about changing, or perhaps expanding, the way intelligence is defined and measured. In our conversation, we talk about his ideas about intelligence, potential, and what it actually takes for our children to develop into self-actualized adults.

Scott is a cognitive scientist and humanistic psychologist exploring the mind, creativity, and the depths of human potential. He is a professor at Columbia University and founder and director of the Center for the Science of Human Potential. Dr. Kaufman received a B.S. in psychology and human computer interaction from Carnegie Mellon, an M. Phil in experimental psychology from the University of Cambridge under a Gates Cambridge Scholarship, and a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Yale University. He is also an Honorary Principal Fellow at the University of Melbourne’s Centre for Wellbeing Science.

Dr. Kaufman hosts the The Psychology Podcast, and his writing has appeared in The Atlantic, Scientific American, Psychology Today, and Harvard Business Review. He is the author and editor of 9 books, including his latest book Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

Why Scott believes traditional markers of intelligence are missing the mark
The problem with assessing for “labels” instead a child’s highest strengths
Scott’s thoughts on how we can create a better educational model
Why potential in our children is a “moving target”
How gifted education as a construct has a “fixed mindset”
Scott’s ideas for expanding the definition of intelligence through a multiple manifestations of intelligence lens
Why we should focus on self-actualization as opposed to excellence
What qualities we should be helping our children develop to become self-actualized

Resources mentioned for redefining giftedness

Scott Barry Kaufman’s website
Scott at Scientific American Magazine
Scott’s podcast, The Psychology Podcast
Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined by Scott Barry Kaufman
Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind by Scott Barry Kaufman
Twice Exceptional: Supporting and Educating Bright and Creative Students with Learning Difficulties by Scott Barry Kaufman
Scott’s TEDxZumbroRiver Talk: A New Theory of Hum

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TPP 297: Jennifer Natalya Fink on Disability Lineage — What It Is and How it Impacts Families Jul 12, 2022

Show notes

In this conversation with Jennifer Natalya Fink, we explore the nuances of her fascinating new book, All Our Families: Disability Lineage and the Future of Kinship. The premise of Jennifer’s book is that disability is often described as a tragedy, a crisis, or an aberration, even though more than 1 in 5 people worldwide have a disability. She wanted to explore the question: Why is this common human experience rendered exceptional?

Instead, Jennifer is advocating for a reclamation of disability as a history, a culture, and an identity. She is pushing for a world where families see disability in the context of a collective sense of belonging, as cause for celebration, and is a call for a radical reimagining of carework and kinship.

We went deep into this idea of a disability lineage, and Jennifer shared what’s at stake if we don’t know and claim our family history. We also discussed why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by how our society thinks about disability. Lastly, Jennifer shared her thoughts on making the care system more equitable by embracing disability as a collective experience rather than something individual families have to deal with.

***

Jennifer Natalya Fink is director of the Program in Disability Studies and a professor of English at Georgetown University. She is the author of 6 books and founder of the Gorilla Press, a nonprofit promoting youth literacy through bookmaking. Fink is the winner of the Dana Award for the Novel and the Catherine Doctorow Prize for Innovative Fiction, as well as a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. First and foremost, she is a mother; the transformative experience of parenting her autistic daughter is the center of her work.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

How Jennifer’s own family story led her to be interested in researching disability and disability lineage
What a disability lineage is
Why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by our society’s views of disability
The importance of understanding that care and disability are woven into the human experience
What we are losing out on by not knowing our family disability history as families raising differently wired kids
How even good-intentioned comments can feed ableist beliefs
How we can work to make the care system more equitable, including seeing disability as a collective experience rather than something families must face on an individual basis

Resources mentioned for Disability Lineage — What It Is and How it Impacts Families

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