Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Latest Episodes:

TPP 051a: Asher and Debbie Talk About Handling Parent-Child Conflict Oct 14, 2022

Show notes

Today’s episode is a Kid’s POV Special episode featuring another conversation with 12-year-old Asher. Our topic? Conflict. More specifically, handling parent-child conflict between the two of us. We’re tackling this topic because I’ve been getting questions from listeners who want to know a) if we even have conflicts at all and b) if so, how we handle them.

The easy answer to the first part of that question is DEFINITELY. We DEFINITELY have conflict. I’m very human in that way, as is Asher. Today, we’ll spend the episode answering the second part of that question. We’ll talk about the kinds of things that crop up and cause conflict between us, and then we’ll share with you what that actually looks like in our world—what I do, what Ash does, and most importantly, how we move through and past it.

Pro tip: This is a good episode for co-listening! When Asher and I listen to podcasts, we dump a puzzle out on the dining room table and listen while building the puzzle. It makes for a nice combination!

Debbie Reber is the founder and CEO of Tilt Parenting and the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast. 12-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast. Find out more by visiting the About Page.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

The benefits of talking through and getting clear on expectations (for all members of the family) prior to leaving for a vacation
A strategy for using the collaborative problem solving approach to identify, address, and pre-solve concerns ahead of time
How to make departure day go more smoothly
The benefits of exploring and researching aspects of a vacation time well in advance of the trip (including accommodations, activities, etc.)
A strategy for using written schedules coupled with frequent reviews during a vacation keeps everyone’s expectations in check
The benefits of bringing a child into the planning process (and letting them determine some of what will happen on vacation)
Why it’s useful to work with your child to discover what they need most on vacation and then incorporating it into your daily plan (ie: rest, chill time, etc.)

Resources mentioned for handling parent-child conflict

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TPP 306: Laura Vanderkam Shares How We Can Find Tranquility by Tuesday Oct 11, 2022

Show notes

My guest today is author, productivity guru, and mom of 5, Laura Vanderkam. Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the one we are discussing today, Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is also the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast.

I’ve long been a fan of Laura’s books, and so I was excited to talk with her about Tranquility By Tuesday, and honestly, since reading it, I’ve started incorporating a few of her strategies into my world as I try to be more mindful and aware of how I spend my time. The results have been pretty great. That’s why I wanted to share Laura’s work with my community because I know so many of you are dealing with overwhelm and burnout. And my hope is that you’ll take away one or two nuggets that you can play with in your daily life to move the needle closer to tranquility.

During our conversation, Laura shared her definition of tranquility, the common myths that get in the way of building more peace in our lives, and why it’s so important for families to have adventures together. She also shared multiple strategies that I promise are easy enough to implement. And again, even though they might seem like small shifts, they can have a big impact in your world.

Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the forthcoming Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children.

Things you'll learn from this episode

Laura’s definition of tranquility and pushing back against the perception of not having enough time
Advice for parents who want to better manage their energy
The barriers and myths that get in the way of building peace and tranquility
Strategies to poke holes and reframe the stories that we tell ourselves
Why it’s so important for families to have adventures together
Simple “rules” or guidelines that can be gamechangers in your daily life

Resources mentioned for How We Can Find Tranquility by Tuesday

Laura Vanderkam’s website
Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters by Laura Vanderkam
168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam
The New Corner Office: How the Most Successful People Work from Home by Laura Vanderkam
I Know How She Does It: How the Most Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time by Laura Vanderkam
Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting Stuff Done by Laura Vanderkam

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TPP 117a: Angela Pruess on Supporting Children's Fledgling Self-Regulation Oct 07, 2022

Show notes

This week’s episode features a conversation with Angela Pruess, a licensed clinical therapist and mom of three who wants to help all parents raise emotionally healthy kids that will change the world, by explaining the he(art) and science behind our child’s development and emotional regulation.

For this episode, we focus on that elusive thing so many of us are trying to help develop in our kids, but can be very difficult to know exactly where to start and what we should expect over our child’s developmental timeline—self-regulation and emotional regulation.

Today we dive deep into what it is, why it’s an important skill for our kids to develop, the different ways we as parents and caregivers and teachers can support our kids in nurturing these skills, and more.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

What self-regulation / emotional regulation actually is and what it can look like when kids struggle with it
Why self-regulation can be developed over time, even when the time line looks different
How we might expect development of self-regulation to progress at different ages
The importance of modelling self-regulation for our children
How we can best support teachers in being our partners in developing our kids’ self-regulation
How parents can most effectively do in supporting our kids in learning these skills
Strategies for what to do when children are resistant to working on self-regulation
Top tips for jump-starting our child’s self-regulation

Resources mentioned

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TPP 305: Stuart Shanker on What Self-Regulation Is, Why It Matters, and How to Help Our Children (and Ourselves) Do It Better Oct 04, 2022

Show notes

We are kicking off this season with a conversation with Dr. Stuart Shanker, who I first learned about through my friend Seth Perler as he’s been part of the TEFOS Summit. I love Stuart's message and recently devoured his book Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life, and wanted to dive deeper with Stuart about it. In this episode, we get into the ways in which the brain controls the levels of stress, the difference between self-regulation and self-control, and the difference between stress behavior and misbehaving. Stuart also walks us through his 5 steps to Self-Reg, and talks about the power of us as parents and caregivers and educators doing our own self-reg work so we can support the kids around us.

Dr. Stuart Shanker (D.Phil) is a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology, the Founder & Visionary of The MEHRIT Centre, Ltd., and Self-Reg Global Inc. One of his many books, Calm, Alert and Learning: Classroom Strategies for Self-Regulation (2012), is a top-selling educational publication in Canada. Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life (2016), has garnered enthusiastic reviews and media attention throughout North America and has also been published in the United Kingdom, the United States, Poland, Germany, China, South Korea, Japan, the Netherlands, Georgia and the Czech Republic. His latest books are Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators (2019) and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society (2020)

Things you'll learn from this episode

How the explosion of stress-related problems in recent years among children has augmented the need for additional self-reg resources for parents and educators
How the brain controls the levels of stress and simple strategies that can be used to calm the nervous system response
Why self-reg practices for parents and teachers other adults begin with learning how to regulate ourselves
The difference between misbehavior and stress behavior
How self-regulation mechanisms evolve as we get older
The distinction between self-control and self-regulation and the five steps to self-regulation

Resources mentioned:

The Mehrit Center / Dr. Stuart Shanker’s website
Resource Library on Stuart’s website
Self-Reg Online Learning & Certificate Programs
Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Dr. Stuart Shanker
Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society by Dr. Stuart Shanker
Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators by Dr. Stuart Shanker and Dr. Susan Hopkins
The Functional Neuroanatomy of Pleasure and Happiness (Overview of Olds and Milner study)
Seth Perler’s website
A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, P

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TPP 072a: A Conversation with Debbie About About Her Homeschooling Curriculum and Schedule Sep 02, 2022

Show notes

This is the third installment in a series of solocasts specifically about homeschooling 2e children. I know many families of 2e and differently wired kids end up going down the homeschooling road, whether they’re reluctant homeschoolers and they felt “forced” into the decision because they ran out of other options or whether they knew they would homeschool from the moment their child was born. Whatever the case, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I share how Asher and I structure our school, what kind of classes he takes, how I figure out what he’s going to focus on, and what a typical school day looks like for us. I wanted to talk about these things because I know that designing a curriculum can be one of the most overwhelming pieces of this puzzle.

A quick note: If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to listen to the two other solocast episodes I’ve done on homeschooling 2e children. In Episode 42 I talk about how I made the decision to homeschool even though I had a LOT of resistance to the idea, and in Episode 48, I talk about the actual transition to homeschooling … basically how we survived that first rocky year.

Debbie Reber, MA, is a parenting activist, bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker who moved her career in a more personal direction in 2016 when she founded Tilt Parenting, a top resource for parents like her who are raising differently wired children. The TiLT Parenting Podcast has grown to be a top podcast in Kids & Family, with more than 4 million downloads and a slate of guests that includes high-profile thought leaders across the parenting and education space. A certified Positive Discipline trainer and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, Debbie’s newest book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. In November 2018, she spoke at TEDxAmsterdam, delivering a talk entitled Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired. In the summer of 2020, she co-created the Parenting in Place Masterclass series.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

How Debbie has worked with curriculum advisors in designing the game plan for Asher’s classes
The big role developing executive functioning skills plays in Asher’s curriculum
Why Debbie believes freedom and flexibility is one of the biggest benefits of homeschooling
How Debbie has incorporated outside curriculums into her school approach
How Debbie supplements formal curriculum with videos, books, and experiential learning
Debbie’s favorite resources for teaching, subject by subject
What a typical school day looks like for Debbie and Asher
Why Debbie believes it’s critical that Asher participate in the actual design of their schedule and curriculum

Resources mentioned for homeschooling 2e children

Kathi Kearney (curriculum advisor classes)
Kristi Helgeson (curriculum advisor)
Gifted Homeschooler’s Forum
Athena’s Advanced Academy
Yoga with Adrienne (YouTube channel)
Life of Fred

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TPP 304: Special Episode on Updated College Vetting & Admissions Process for Differently Wired Students Aug 30, 2022

Show notes

To close out this Summer season I’m bringing you a special double episode all about college, specifically, how families can navigate the application process and what’s changed since Covid, as well as understanding the ways in which colleges may, or may not, support their neurodivergent students and what families should be looking for when exploring potential schools.

In the first half of this episode, you’ll hear me talking with Eric Karlan, the co-founder of Ivy Experience, a company providing academic tutoring, standardized test preparation, and essay consulting services. Since 2010, Eric has consulted thousands of high school and graduate school students on their college and graduate school application essays and resumes across the country and around the world. He gave a TEDx Talk in 2018 called “What do I need to know about you?” inspired by his work brainstorming with students on their college application essays.
Eric and I talked about what’s different in the college admissions process today as a result of the Covid pandemic, and whether or not those changes are here to stay. Eric explains what “test-optional” and “test-blind” policies are and how they affect some students more than others, what schools are doing to bring in more diversity to their student body, and how students might choose to disclose their neurodivergence, disability, or other parts of their identities in their college application.
Then in the second half of the episode, I’m joined by Elizabeth Hamblet, an expert in college disability services and helping neurodivergent high school students successfully transition to college. Elizabeth began her career as a high school special education teacher and then began working at the college level in the late 1990s. She is now at her third university, where she helps students with time management, organization, reading, and study skills. She offers programs on preparing students for successful college transition. Elizabeth’s newest book, Seven Steps to College Success: A Pathway for Students with Disabilities, will be out in early 2023.
In our conversation, Elizabeth and I talk about what kinds of services colleges may offer students, how to vett schools to find out what kinds of supports and accommodations may be available and how to access them, and what parents should consider when helping their differently wired young adult explore potential colleges.
Things you'll learn from this episode

How the college admission process has changed as a result of the COVID pandemic
What it actually means when colleges declare they are “test-optional” or “test blind,” and how applicants should navigate decisions around submitting tests
How the young adult mental health is impacting students’ performance in high school, and how prospective colleges are considering those dips
What schools are doing to foster more diversity within their student body (race, gender, neurodiversity, etc.)
Considerations surrounding whether or not a student should disclose their neurodivergence, disability, or other parts of their identities in their college application
How some universities have added expanded their disability and mental health services on campus in response to student’s needs since the pandemic
What fee-base

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TPP 039a: A Conversation with 12-year-old Asher About Goal Setting Aug 26, 2022

Show notes

In this special kid’s POV edition, Asher and I talk about having ADHD and goal setting, a topic near and dear to my heart, but also an issue we hear from parents about a lot. Asher is someone who always seems to have a lot of projects he’s working on and he sets often ambitious goals centered around those projects. Yet because of the way Ash is wired, he can often get distracted or derailed, which results in him being frustrated with himself.

I know a thing or two about goal setting — it’s actually the topic of a book I wrote for teen girls in 2015 called Doable, and so I am committed to using what I know about goals to help Asher learn how to successfully set and reach his own goals while also developing his planning, organizational, and time management skills. If you have kids with lots of ideas for things they’d like to do but seem to get stuck before they finish, or maybe even struggle to begin in the first place, this would be a good episode to listen to with them.

Debbie Reber is the founder and CEO of Tilt Parenting and the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast. 11-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

The connection between ADHD, executive functioning challenges, and goal planning
Asher’s strategy for setting, measuring, and reaching goals
How Asher uses both daily and weekly goal planning to keep him on track
What typically derails Asher when he’s pursuing a goal
The power of the daily check-in
Asher’s tips for other kids looking to set and reach their personal goals

Resources mentioned for ADHD & goal setting

Debbie’s book Doable: The Girls’ Guide to Accomplishing Just About Anything by Debbie Reber
A Conversation with 11-year-old Asher About His Game-Changing Morning Routine (podcast)
Understood.org
Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change
Download a copy of Asher’s Goal Planning Worksheet
The Color Run (series of 5k races)

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Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
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TPP 303: Dr. Joseph Lee Talks About the Importance of SEL / Social and Emotional Learning Aug 23, 2022

Show notes

Have you ever wondered if SEL (social and emotional learning) in school and classrooms really matters? I’ve been exploring this question a lot about over the past year, as well trying to understand the recent increase in parental and political pushback in the US specifically that is putting the future of SEL in schools at risk.

I wanted to get into a deep conversation about SEL for the show, and so I reached out Dr. Joseph Lee, a psychiatrist with a special interest in social and emotional learning and helping people achieve what he calls optimal mental healthiness.

We had exactly the conversation I was hoping we would, as we got into so many important topics, including the state of children and young adult’s mental health today, demystifying what SEL or social emotional learning actually is, why SEL matters, how it’s best introduced in schools, the limitations in the current educational model for social emotional learning curriculums, what the pushback against SEL is really about, and what it’s at stake if our children aren’t provided with social and emotional learning opportunities. I think this is such an important and timely conversation – I hope that you enjoy it and that you help me amplify this episode by sharing it in your communities.

Dr. Joseph Lee, MD., is a Psychiatrist in private practice in Redondo Beach, California. He is also an educator in social and emotional learning (SEL) and provides individual and group supervision to licensed therapists looking to add mental healthiness and SEL principles to their own practices. Dr. Lee has a medical doctorate from University Of California, Los Angeles, School Of Medicine.

Things you'll learn from this episode

What Joseph Lee is seeing in his practice regarding and his thoughts on the state of children and young adult’s mental health today
What SEL or social emotional learning actually is
Ways that SEL can be weaved into traditional educational curriculum as well as the use of specific SEL curriculum
What social and emotional learning inside schools looks like in practice
The “why” behind the pushback against SEL in the recent years and what’s it’s at stake if we lose the ability to teach SEL in classrooms

Resources mentioned for SEL or Social and Emotional Learning

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
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TPP 038a: Dr. Jenna Flowers on How to Practice Conscious Coparenting Aug 19, 2022

Show notes

In this episode of the Tilt Parenting Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Jenna Flowers, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and speaker, and the woman behind the fantastic new book, The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Coparenting: A Mindful Approach to Creating a Collaborative, Positive Parenting Plan.

Dr. Jenna’s book is aimed at helping parents who are no longer together design a healthy alliance and share their parenting responsibilities in a way that best supports their children. In our conversation, we talk about the extra considerations for those parenting differently-wired kids, kids for whom consistency and support is critical to their healthy emotional development. Dr. Jenna also explains how parents of atypical kids can foster a structured, supportive environment in both homes, as well as shares her advice for things parents can do right now to strengthen their relationship with their co-parent, whether together or apart.

Dr. Jenna Flowers is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Author, and Speaker. She completed her undergraduate studies at the University of Michigan. She then graduated with her MA in Spiritual Psychology from the prestigious University of Santa Monica, and Doctoral Degree in Psychology from the professional psychology school American Behavioral Studies Institute. Upon completing her Marriage and Family Therapy licensing board examinations in 2006, she has been in private practice in Newport Beach, California.

Things you’ll learn from this episode

What exactly conscious coparenting is
The importance of repairing hurts from our childhood in order to become more present with our own children
How to help a child not take on responsibility or blame for their parents’ breakup
What to do when both parents aren’t on the same page
What a designed alliance with a coparent actually looks like

Resources mentioned for conscious coparenting

Dr. Jenna Flowers’ personal website
The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Coparentingby Dr. Jenna Flowers
Brene Brown
Samantha Ettus
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dr. Dan Siegel
Conscious Mothering Curriculum
How Positive Discipline Can Help Children Thrive, with Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage (Tilt Parenting Podcast)
What it Takes to Live a Hea

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Connect with Tilt Parenting

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TPP 302: Online Learning & the Future of Education with Outschool Founder Amir Nathoo Aug 16, 2022

Show notes

In this conversation with Outschool co-founder and CEO Amir Nathoo, we discuss alternative education models and why they’re so critical in preparing all kids for the future, as well as get an inside look into the mission and vision for Outschool, learn more about they successfully create community through virtual classes, ways in which classes are designed to support students with different learning styles and much more.

If this conversation sparks you to explore and enroll in classs at Outschool classes, be sure to use the code TILT to get a $20 credit towards your first class.

Amir Nathoo is CEO of Outschool, a marketplace for live online classes for K-12 learners. Amir worked at Square, leading the development of Square Payroll. Previously, he served as CEO and co-founder of Trigger.io, a development platform for creating native mobile apps. He holds an MEng in Electrical and Information Sciences from The University of Cambridge. Amir lives in San Francisco with his wife Kirsty and their two children.

Things you'll learn from this episode

How Outschool grew through COVID and how online learning has changed in the past 2 years
How alternative ways of learning are helping prepare our kids for the future
The crucial part that community plays into Outschool’s platform and what they offer to families
How Outschool supports different types of learners and why it has attracted neurodivergent learners from the start
How Outschool finds and onboards teachers and how they develop their classes
Amir’s tips for parents on vetting online learning programs to determine if they are right for your child/ren

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