Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Latest Episodes:

TPP 341: Dr. Lori Desautels on Shifting Educational Systems Towards Post Traumatic Growth Aug 29, 2023

Show notes

Dr. Lori Desautels is coming back to the show to talk about her new book Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth, which stems from her passion of applying the social and relational neurosciences to education and integrating her applied research into classroom procedures and transitions prepping the nervous system for learning and felt safety.

An Assistant Professor at Butler University, K-12 educator, and researcher, Lori joined me on the podcast last year to talk about her book Connections over Compliance: Rewiring our Perceptions of Discipline, and that conversation has really just stayed with me, so I loved having this opportunity to go deep with her about intentional neuroplasticity.

In this conversation, we discussed some of the research about neuroplasticity not only in kids but in adults, and how we can use it and what we know about the nervous system to help us co-regulate at home and at school and truly meet our children where they are.

Dr. Lori Desautels, has been an Assistant Professor at Butler University since 2016 where she teaches both undergraduate and graduate programs in the College of Education. Her passion is engaging her students through the social and relational neurosciences as it applies to education by integrating the Applied Educational Neuroscience framework, and its learning principles and practices into her coursework at Butler. The Applied Educational Neuroscience Certification, created by Lori in 2016, is specifically designed to meet the needs of educators, counselors, clinicians and administrators who work beside children and adolescents who have, and are, experiencing adversity and trauma. The certification is now global and has reached hundreds of educators.

Things you'll learn from this episode

What this school year has shown us about the impact COVID has had on students and educators
What the research says about neuroplasticity in adults and how we can use it in co-regulating with children and students
What “building a nest” for our kids means, and and why it’s the best place to start when tending to our kids nervous systems
How Lori’s approach has been received by educators
What’s possible in classrooms when teachers apply Lori’s methodology to nervous system management

Resources mentioned

Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website
Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth by Dr. Lori Desautels
Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline by Dr. Lori Desautels
Eyes Are Never Quiet: Listening Beneath the Behaviors of Our Most Troubled Students by Dr. Lori Desautels
Resources from Revelations

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TPP 044a: Amy Lang on Sex Education and Differently-Wired Kids Aug 25, 2023

Show notes

I'm sitting down with sexuality educator and parenting expert Amy Lang for a very frank and open conversation* about sex ed for children—what they need to know, when they need to know it, how to talk about it, and much much more. Amy is passionate about the fact that at its core, sex education is a health and safety issue for our kids. She explains why as our children’s parents and caregivers, it is up to us to initiate and continue to have conversations surrounding sexuality.

Amy Lang is committed to changing and challenging cultural beliefs about children and sexuality. She does this by teaching adults the best and most effective ways to talk, learn, and think about the birds and bees, and provides research-based, high quality keynotes, workshops, webinars, books, and other tools so adults can be true champions for the kids they care for and love. Her website is Birds + Bees + Kids.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

When parents should have “the talk” about sex (and why the “child-focused” approach of waiting until they ask is wrong)
The importance of parents reflecting on their own relationship with sex education before talking with their kids
What children should know by what age
How to talk to kids who are reluctant to engage in any conversation having to do with sex
Why differently-wired kids are especially vulnerable / need additional sex education than typically developing kids

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Birds + Bees + Kids (Amy’s website)
Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Lang
Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships by Amy Lang
It’s Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends by Robie Harris
It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris

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TPP 340: Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards on Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World Aug 22, 2023

Show notes

My guests today are on a mission to show parents that there are different ways of approaching autism beyond what they’re told in doctors or therapists offices. Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards, co-authors of the book I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World, are making it really clear that there is no one size fits all for any families and that there is so much to learn from just listening more.

Meghan Ashburn is a continuous learner, educational consultant, parent mentor, and co-author of I Will Die On This Hill. She's passionate about helping schools create more inclusive, accessible environments. Her online book club has over 10K members, and releases book recommendation lists on autism and neurodiversity. Meghan advocates for communication rights and inclusion at the local, state, and national level. She sits on her school district's Special Education Advisory Committee (SEAC) and is a recent graduate of Virginia's Partners in Policymaking.

Jules Edwards is a neurodivergent Anishinaabe writer, gardener, accountant, and disability justice advocate. She is the parent of neurodivergent Afro Indigenous people, and care provider to many neurodivergent children throughout the years. Jules is passionate about building community and works to improve child safety and disability policy.

Current roles include: care work of disabled youth, co-founder of Minnesota Autistic Alliance, board member for the Minnesota Ombudsman for American Indian Families, board member of The Arc Minnesota. She serves as the elected chairperson of the Minnesota Autism Council, a workgroup of the Senate Human Services Reform Finance and Policy Committee.

Things you'll learn from this episode

What disability justice is
Ways that allistic and autistic parents raising autistic children can work together toward our common goals for our kids
The harms of a continual pursuit for “normal” in ways that don’t respect or embrace our kids’ neurodivergence
Why self-determination should be the goal over “independence”
Ways that allistic parents may be perpetuating ableism without realizing it
What an “autism moon” is and why ideal for families who are navigating a new diagnosis of autism

Resources mentioned

Meghan Ashburn’s website Not an Autism Mom
Meghan Ashburn’s Au-Some Book Club
I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards
The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a 13-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida

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TPP 097a: A "Masterclass" in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler (Part 2 of 2) Aug 18, 2023

Show notes

This week is a continuation of last week’s episode with executive functioning coach Seth Perler, which was so packed full of information (and also so long) that I had to break it up into two separate episodes, which I’m now referring to as a “masterclass” in executive functioning.

In last week’s episode, Seth shared his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In today’s episode, Seth is going to get into the nitty gritty about specific strategies he uses to address different executive functioning challenges that show up in school and in life.

Seth Perler is a renegade teacher turned Executive Function Coach/Education Coach who is based in Santa Monica, CA and Boulder, CO. He helps struggling students navigate a crazy educational landscape and does his part to “disrupt” and improve education. Seth specializes in Executive Function and 2e. Find out more at sethperler.com.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

What “Frankenstudy” is, and how to know where to focus your energies so you can create a “domino effect” with your child’s fledgling executive functioning skills
How to best use “learning planners” to learn how to think / talk through their plan (and what we’re doing wrong)
The benefits of monthly planners versus daily or weekly planners
Helping kids identify the “MIT” – most important thing – each day
The importance of creating a sacred study space for a child
How to optimize an internet browser to make it easy with bookmark bars (and have tabs automatically open, including calendar, grade tab, email)
Why it’s important to get kids to start checking grades weekly (Seth recommends Sunday nights)
The importance of helping a child create clearly identified routines (for leaving house, doing daily plan, doing homework, etc.)
How getting visual with kids benefits them in developing their executive functioning skills
Why separate digital timers need to be a part of a child’s life so they can learn to calibrate time, as well as get started and do short bursts of work
Creating a weekly overhaul of systems
The important of kids “getting into the mode” for studying, etc: organize their space, make their plan, and executive

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Seth Perler’s website and blog
A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 1 (podcast episode)
A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode)
Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment
Seth Perler’s YouTube Channel

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

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TPP 339: Dayna Abraham on Helping Parents Calm the Chaos Aug 15, 2023

Show notes

Today I’m welcoming back Dayna Abraham to the show to discuss her latest book, Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids. I really resonate with Dayna’s work because we both are committed to empowering families, especially those who are deep in survival mode, and in her new book, she shares the framework for her signature “calm the chaos” framework which is designed to give parents a doable plan for navigating challenging situations and finding genuine calm in the midst of the storm. In our conversation today, Dayan gives us the highlights of this framework and gives us some strategies to start employing right away.

I’m betting most of you are familiar with Dayna Abraham, but just in case, here’s a bit about her. Dayna is the bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101. She is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time. As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world. Through Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them.

About Dayna Abraham

Dayna Abraham, bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101, is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time.

As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world.

Through her compassionate framework, Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world, find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them.

Things you'll learn from this episode

What the five stages of Dayna’s Calm the Chaos framework are and how they work together
Why every stage of the framework includes these four elements: You, Connect, Understand and Empower
What emotional anchors are and how they can help parents regulate themselves
Why getting back to emotional safety and nervous system regulation is so important and what it looks like in action
Ideas for finding calm in the midst of challenging situations

Resources mentioned for:

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TPP 096a: A "Masterclass" in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler (Part 1 of 2) Aug 11, 2023

Show notes

In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I’m bringing back a previous guest, executive functioning coach Seth Perler, for a two-part series in which Seth shares with us the exact approach he uses with students he works with when helping them foster their fledgling executive functioning skills.

I first had Seth on the show last fall, where he gave us an introduction to executive functioning, but we didn’t get to the more practical strategies that I know so many of us are looking for. So I asked Seth to come back on, and that conversation turned into an hour-and-a-half long sharing by Seth of truly valuable tips and strategies and insights. Because Seth shares so very much over the course of these ninety or so minutes, I wanted to split our conversation into two parts. So this episode is part one of what I’m now referring to as a “Masterclass in Executive Functioning.” In this episode, Seth shares with us his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In part 2 next week, Seth will go in-depth into his specific strategies surrounding building these skills in school and in life.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

Seth’s definition of executive functioning framed so it helps people apply the principles to help kids
A step-by-step breakdown of exactly how Seth works with families
Why our relationship with our child is the number one thing to be preserved when doing this work
The importance of parents doing their own personal work / self-care during this process
Why kids “can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they can’t, not because they won’t,” so we need to back up and scaffold from where they’re at
The role of mindfulness, mindset, and motivation
Why symptoms are more important than labels
Why it’s critical to understand the role of emotional regulation in executive functioning
How we as parents can co-regulate our emotions with our child
Why we want to focus on 3 positives for every 1 negative

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Seth Perler’s website
A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode)
Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment
Dr. Gail Saltz Talks About the Power of Different (podcast episode)
Carol Dweck and Mindset

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

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TPP 338: When Home Isn’t Working: How to Find Therapeutic Programs, with Sue Scheff Aug 08, 2023

Show notes

Today I’m bringing you an episode that covers a new topic for this show — how to find the right program when you realize your child is in need of more substantial therapeutic support or intervention. I’ve wanted to cover this topic for a long time because I know how overwhelming it can be if this is a road your family is going down. Sue Scheff has decades of experience in this field, personal and professional, and I’m grateful she joined me to shed light on the ins and outs of navigating different therapeutic programs.

With Sue’s fascinating background, we could have explored many different topics for this episode, but what I wanted to do in this conversation is to have Sue give us an overview of the options available to parents whose kids are struggling with challenging or dangerous behaviors and are in need of more intensive supports. Sue explains the difference between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers and wilderness programs, what the signals are that a child would benefit from these types of supports, how to identify the best fit program, the possibilities for having programs covered by insurance, and much more.

About Sue Scheff

Founder and President of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™), Sue Scheff has been leveraging her personal experiences to help others through her organization since 2001.

After being stalked, harassed, bullied and slandered online – in 2006, Scheff won a landmark case for internet defamation with an $11.3M jury verdict. Since then, she’s been an advocate for cyberbullying prevention and promoting the importance of online reputation.

She has three published books, Wit’s End (HCI 2007), Google Bomb (HCI 2009) with a foreword by Michael Fertik, and her latest, Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate (Sourcebooks 2017) with a foreword by Monica Lewinsky.

Things you'll learn from this episode

The differences between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers, and wilderness programs
What the signs are that a child may be in need of more intensive intervention or a therapeutic program
How to go about identifying and vetting programs that are an ideal fit for a child’s individual challenges
The possibilities that exist for having the high cost of therapeutic programs be partially (or fully) covered by insurance
Whether or not parents should be concerned about placing their teens in programs where their peer group may be dealing with more problematic behavior and negatively influence a teen
Why any therapeutic program has to involve the whole family in order for it to be effective

Resources mentioned for

Sue Scheff’s website
Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™)
Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen by Sue Scheff
Google Bomb: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff
Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff
Sue Scheff on Facebook

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

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TPP 017a: One Mother's Radical, Nature-Based Approach to Helping Her Daughter Live with Anxiety Aug 04, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with Jill Emmelhainz, the mother of a 14-year-old differently-wired daughter who struggles with severe anxiety. Over the years, Jill and her husband noticed their daughter Anna’s anxiety was greatly reduced when she spent time outdoors and in nature, so this past year, they decided to try something radical and fully immerse themselves in nature for extended periods of time to see what would happen. For six weeks in fall 2015 and five weeks in spring 2016, Jill and her daughter have hiked the Appalachian Trail in the eastern U.S. The result? During those weeks in nature, Anna’s anxiety all but disappeared, and she’s found ways to bring the learnings from those experiences back into her day-to-day life in a helpful way. JIll and her daughter’s story is fascinating…we have a sense you’ll think so, too!

Jill Emmelhainz says: “I have had the privilege of raising and homeschooling our seven children. Travel and creativity have always been part of our family life. Now that we have only one child still at home, she and I enjoy outdoor adventures as a way to help her cope with significant life challenges.”

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

How trying something completely new and radical can sometimes have unexpected, positive consequences
The power of having shared, powerful experiences with a child (especially one who’s a teenager)
Suggestions for getting kids more excited about and engaged in outdoor time and nature

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv
Jill’s blog, The Big Epic

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

TPP 337: Phyllis Fagell on Raising Resilient Teens in Turbulent Times Aug 01, 2023

Show notes

This week I’m bringing back school counselor, therapist, and author Phyllis Fagell to talk about her new book Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times which she wrote as a response to what she is seeing in her work with children in the aftermath of COVID.

During this interview, we talked about why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please perhaps than past generations, effective strategies for helping kids who might be rigid thinkers become more flexible, and how parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming and maintaining healthy friendships.

Phyllis L. Fagell, LCPC is the school counselor at Sheridan School in Washington, DC, a therapist who works with children and teens in private practice, and an author and journalist. She is the author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help and her most recent book, Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times.

Things you'll learn from this episode

Why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please than past generations
How to help kids who might be rigid thinkers to become more flexible
What Phyllis is seeing in how kids are connecting and finding a sense of belonging in the post-pandemic era
How parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming, and maintaining healthy friendships
What the “magic question is” and how to use it to support our kids in developing empathy
How to navigate situations where our kids are seeking support from sources that may not be our first choice
Why it’s important to respect how our kids want to present their neurodiversity and other parts of their identities to the world

Resources mentioned

Support the show

Connect with Tilt Parenting

Visit Tilt Parenting
Take the free 7-Day Challenge
Read a chapter of Differently Wired
Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram

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TPP 101a: TV Creator Angela Santomero on Her New Book "Preschool Clues" Jul 28, 2023

Show notes

Angela Santomero is also an author, and one I had the chance to work with very closely over the past two years, as she asked me to be her co-author for her new book Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World, which comes out one week from today! Preschool Clues shares the secret sauce behind Angela’s shows’ powerful, transformative results in the form of eleven research-based, foundational “clues” to ensure that preschoolers flourish academically, socially, and emotionally during this critical time.

In this episode, Angela and I talk about the book—what it’s about, who it’s for, and how it supports parents in parenting their preschoolers and beyond. Though the book isn’t written specifically for an audience of parents raising differently wired kids, the “clues” we share are relevant for any parent of any child. And the bonus? I was able to bring my unique lens as the mother of an atypical kid to the project, and so we took special care to ensure the book is inclusive of every type of child.

Angela Santomero is the creator of many preschool TV shows including Blue’s Clues, Super Why, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Creative Galaxy, and Wishenpoof, and was the host of The Parent Show with Angela Santomero on PBS. She has a Master’s degree in Child Developmental Psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University with a sub-concentration in Instructional Technology and Media. Find out more at Angela’s website, Angela’s Clues.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

The story behind the book Preschool Clues
The importance of a healthy media diet and choosing high-quality programs for our kids
How Angela defines the ingredients of a high-quality program for preschoolers: educational, interaction, and engagement
How parents can use the “power of the Pause” in their every day life
The importance of celebrating the small things
How parents can embrace media as part of their parenting toolkit
How programs like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood help kids learn through social stories

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Angela’s Clues (Angela’s website)
Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World by Angela Santomero and Deborah Reber
Blue’s Clues (Nick Jr.)
Super Why (PBS Kids)
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood (PBS Kids)
Daniel Tiger Becomes a Boy with Autism’s Guide to Social Life (article from New York Times’ Motherload)

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