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It's below zero in Chicago, and none of the boys are wearing coats.
I'm driving the middle school carpool—two boys, two girls. The girls are each dressed in heavy winter coats, thick gloves, and knitted stocking caps. Both boys are wearing hoodies, with no outerwear. They're not abnormal amongst their peers. When we arrive at the school, almost every other boy will be dressed the same way. So, I ask them, "Why are the girls wearing coats, but you're not?" One of them responds with an answer that makes no sense.
"It's not that cold out today."
I decide to teach a little science. "The temperature is a constant in this experiment," I say, "you and the girls are feeling the same temperatures. Yet they are wearing coats, and you're not. So, what variable does explain why you aren't wearing coats?" There's a long pause. Then one of them says something that makes even less sense.
"Because the lockers are small and it's hard to get coats into them?"
There's a question mark at the end of his statement, as if he knows he's making it up. "Oh," I say in mock surprise, "the girls have larger lockers than the boys?" They are half-smiling and half-cringing now. My son Quinn makes the decision to get this thing over with as quickly possible, by telling the truth.
"Dad, boys aren't supposed to admit they feel cold."
For a middle school boy in the year 2020, it's okay to feel cold so long as you don't admit it. We've made great progress with our younger boys. We are increasingly aware that little boys have feelings and need to be able to express them just like girls. So, these days, most little boys are allowed to cry when wounded and to be scared when threatened. We give them that.
However, by the time they reach middle school, they are apparently still expected to bury their most vulnerable emotions. Its okay to feel angry and aggressive, or tough and competitive, but it's not okay to feel weak or wounded. So, boys start cutting themselves off from much of their emotional data. They do what they have to do to not feel it, from drinking to drugging to gaming. To freezing.
However, a winter coat is a public confession of vulnerability they are still not allowed to make.
Is it any wonder boys are struggling so much right now? Their numbers are dwindling on college campuses. They are less and less inclined to get into long-term romantic relationships. They are exponentially more likely to fail to launch from their parents' homes. They are struggling to find vocations, but they report being happy anyway, as long as they have a screen in front of them. They are more anxious and depressed than ever, but they have trouble admitting it, until they are in such despair they can't hide it anymore.
Like frostbite of the heart.
As we approach the school, I tell the boys about a conversation I had with a man at a retreat I led a couple of years ago. We were talking about how, when he was growing up, you were only considered to be a "real" man if you weren't afraid of anything around you. In other words, you were only a real man if you didn't feel the cold. I told the boys in my carpool that I have a different definition of what it means to be a real man.
A real man isn't afraid of anything within him.
A real man can have the whole human experience going on within him. He can feel shame and sorrow and fear and anxiety. He can feel hurt. He can feel rejected. He can feel lonely. He can feel doubt and uncertainty and confusion. He can feel tender. He can feel love and gratitude and joy and grace. He can feel ordinary and lost and hopeful and hopeless.
A real man can feel cold.
He can feel it all. The whole human thing. A real man can feel all of that and not be afraid of it, which is to say, instead of resisting it or hiding it or running away from it, he can approach it and name it and show it. He can advertise it, whether by wearing his heart on his sleeve, or a coat on his back.
The relationship between boys and their feelings has been messed up for too long. We're doing better with our younger boys. We must do better with our adolescent boys.
The outerwear industry is depending upon us.
Ryan Levesque is the Inc. 500 CEO of The ASK Method® Company, and the #1 national best-selling author of Ask, which was named by Inc. as the #1 Marketing Book of the Year. His work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Forbes, and Entrepreneur and over 250,000 entrepreneurs subscribe to his email newsletter offering business advice. He is also a co-founder and investor in bucket.io®, a leading marketing funnel software for entrepreneurs. His latest book Choose, helps readers avoid making the single biggest mistake when starting a business and guides people through answering the all important question: What type of Business should you start?
Ryan discusses how family meeting's influence the mindset of his children when it comes to business, discipline, and values. As well as, how he educates his children to learn important life skills.
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Jeff Latham is the father of 3 awesome children, Ellie (8), Stella (6), and Maverick (2) and is married to an amazing woman Rorrielle Latham. He lives a challenge based lifestyle to see what he is made of so he can set an example for his family and tribe.
Jeff is also a licensed Real Estate Agent, having 14 years of experience, and had formed a team specializing as a Buyer's Agent, Listing Agent, Foreclosure, and a Community Pillar. His team offers a unique Guaranteed Sale Program where he will Guarantee to sell your home or he will buy it.
In today's episode, Jeff talks about creating an active mindset to properly cherish and appreciate the most important people in your life - your family.
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"I want to set the example for what they are capable of; that we are unlimited. I want them to see their dad challenge his limits instead of limiting his challenges." - Jeff Latham
JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD
Join the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood.
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Sachin is most notably a father, husband, philanthropist, functional medicine practice success coach, international speaker, and author. His philosophy is that "The doctor of the future is the patient" and he is actively doing whatever it takes to keep people out of the medical system and empower them through education, self-care, and remapping their mindset.
Sachin Patel is a guardian of truth and a warrior of light. His superpower is taking complex ideas and distilling them down to their essence with easy to understand analogies. Sachin uses this gift to help transform the lives of thousands of people around the world through his organization, The Living Proof Institute.
Sachin founded The Living Proof Institute as part of his own personal transformation. When he couldn't find answers through conventional medicine he began to explore functional and lifestyle medicine and it dramatically changed his life.
Sachin has delivered hundreds of community workshops and his videos have been viewed by hundreds of thousands of people and his online posts have reached millions all over the world. He is an advocate for changing the healthcare paradigm and has devoted his life for the betterment of humanity.
Sachin leads by example and motivates others to take ownership over their own health. He is a passionate visionary that serves as both a teacher and a guide to help people create their best life and bring out their inner healer.
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Join the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood.
LEAVE A REVIEW
If you've listened to multiple Front Row Dads interviews and get value from the show, we'd love your support! Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts only takes a minute, and in turn, it allows us to rank higher and become discovered by other Dads, just like you. Visit FrontRowDads.com/review and tell others what you think about the show!
Cue crying from the playroom.
My son Ocean bursts into the kitchen to let me know he hurts his finger.
I asked "which finger did you hurt?"
Seconds later I found myself struggling to contain my internal laugh fest because let's face it — what's cuter than a 5-year old flipping you the bird 🙂
On a more serious note, I reflected on that moment, and many others over the past several months, evaluating my ability to be empathetic.
Today's episode is a reading from my most recent blog post This is REAL empathy.
JOIN THE BROTHERHOODJoin the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood.
LEAVE A REVIEWIf you've listened to multiple Front Row Dads interviews and get value from the show, we'd love your support! Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts only takes a minute, and in turn, it allows us to rank higher and become discovered by other Dads, just like you. Visit FrontRowDads.com/review and tell others what you think about the show!
Tom Lambotte lives in Cleveland, Oh with his wife and 4 kids, Eliana, Atreyu, Malia and Kaia -- along with two ancient English bulldogs Zeus and Luna and his mother-in-law.
He is the founder and CEO of GlobalMac IT, a national Managed Service Provider that provides legal technology services to Mac-Based law firms. Their mission is to help entrepreneurs grow by leveraging technology and they are slowly expanding into other markets.
He has a passion for entrepreneurship and in addition to being a speaker, author and thought-leader in his space, is starting to coach heart-centered high-performers by invitation and referral only. And he does this all in under 35 hours a week and extremely limited travel.
In today's episode, he joins us to share his experiences facing tragedy in losing two sons and his wife and how they persevered and grew their family through adoption.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:Join the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood.
LEAVE A REVIEWIf you've listened to multiple Front Row Dads interviews and get value from the show, we'd love your support! Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts only takes a minute, and in turn, it allows us to rank higher and become discovered by other Dads, just like you. Visit FrontRowDads.com/review and tell others what you think about the show!
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Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt inspires open-hearted, unapologetic living with delicious sass.
Her inspiring vulnerability and courage has landed her a featured weekly column on the GoodMenProject, featured as an Icon of Influence, and as Guest Expert on The Jenny McCarthy Show, Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS, TLC and FOX.
This cum laude graduate of Columbia University is the Author of 4 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg, Alanis Morissette and Dr. Bernie Seigel and Hosts the edgy Podcast "Intimate Conversations" where listeners learn to thrive after heartbreak and find the relationship they deserve.
A certified coach, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars.
With over 4 million viewers on YouTube, Allana is the go-to authority for those wanting to create healthy, thriving intimate relationships with themselves first, and with their partners.
In today's episode, she joins the podcast to talk about the do's and don'ts when it comes to Valentine's Day.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:Join the Front Row Dads private Facebook community so you can ask questions, share ideas, and be part of a supportive group of incredible brothers who help one another navigate the role of marriage and fatherhood.
LEAVE A REVIEWIf you've listened to multiple Front Row Dads interviews and get value from the show, we'd love your support! Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts only takes a minute, and in turn, it allows us to rank higher and become discovered by other Dads, just like you. Visit FrontRowDads.com/review and tell others what you think about the show!
[read more] Disclaimer: The transcription you're about to read was produced digitally. It's 95% accurate, however at times, the system interprets words incorrectly, so if you're shrugging your shoulders saying, "What the heck?" — just skip that word/sentence and read on :) Thanks and happy readi
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