Freedom from Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#628 The Choice To Have (Or Not Have) Love Is Yours Mar 22, 2022

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Do you choose love, or are you waiting to be chosen? Maybe you believe love has forgotten about you, or it’s reserved for other, more “deserving” people. Instead of opening yourself up to it, you ruminate on what you don’t have, believing you’re being punished by some mysterious force. That, my friends, is playing the love victim. Love is actually a choice, but to get there, you have to see how your actions are working against you to create what you don’t want. Shame around being single, negative beliefs that say you’re not good enough and fear of abandonment all contribute to feeling like love isn’t available to you. And when that’s what you believe, you’ll pick partners who support that belief; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. In this week’s podcast I’ll challenge you to look at your situation as an observer to zero in on what you’re choosing to create. Yes, CHOOSING. Having love starts with owning your choices and deciding to make new ones. If everything is a choice, why not choose love?

#627 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Gina DeVee Mar 16, 2022

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Gina DeVee is a published author, speaker, podcast host, business coach and self-made multimillionaire who built the women’s empowerment and lifestyle brand, Divine Living. But she started out as a broke, struggling, co-dependent psychotherapist who made $2,000 month working 75 hours/week and living with her parents. Gina grew up in the Detroit suburbs where money was scarce, so everything was “expensive.” If you wanted more money, you had to work harder. So that’s what she did… until she burned out and realized she had some internal issues to deal with, like her warped relationship with money and her desperate need to be loved and accepted by others. Listen in as Gina shares how she turned her wish, her hope and her dream of living a bigger life into reality while staying true to who she is. There were mentors, vision boards, serendipitous moments and leaps of faith along the way, plus a $3,000 investment in herself that changed everything. In 2021 her business went through a radical transformation that she resisted at first, but eventually surrendered to, and now she’s finding herself in places she never would’ve imagined. What hasn’t changed is her dedication to helping women connect spiritually, start profitable businesses and create wealth from a feminine perspective. “It’s not about knowing the next thing. It’s about creating the space so it can come to you.”—Gina DeVee You can learn more about Gina including her book, podcast, and online community here: Website: https://www.divineliving.com/ Instagram: @GinaDeVee Instagram: @DivineLiving Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divinelivingpodcast/members Twitter: @ginadevee

#626 Was Your Mom a Narcissist? How This Affects Your Relationships (REBROADCAST) Mar 15, 2022

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Did you grow up with a narcissistic mom? Her behavior may have been unpredictable, and you never knew what was going to set her off. She might have been manipulative, always looking for your validation and sympathy. Whether she was a malignant narcissist or a covert narcissist, her actions shaped your current behavior and your relationship insecurity. Her criticism and inconsistency made you afraid of emotional intimacy. In many ways, she created your first codependent relationship. The good news is that, even though your mom instilled these behaviors in you from a young age, you can still change this cycle of insecure attachment. Listen to today’s episode to learn how your mom’s narcissism affects your current relationships and how you can finally end the fear and insecurity you feel. Want to submit your question for Tracy's FB Live? Click here: bit.ly/2sQ4sJT and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9am PST. Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#625 Fear Of Intimacy (REBROADCAST) Mar 08, 2022

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While we may be aware of our distrust of love, we often identify our fears as negative (i.e. rejection or abandonment). But often it’s fear of positive emotions—more specifically intimacy—that keeps love elusive. Those of us who fear intimacy actually want it quite badly, but feel we don’t deserve it because our negative beliefs are always running in the background. We pick “safe” partners who don’t require vulnerability, enabling us to hide. Avoidance of intimacy usually goes back to childhood, when we felt an inconsistency of emotional care. Maybe we experienced rejection, neglect or emotional pain, causing us to shut down. We learned NOT to rely on others for connections because it was perceived as unsafe. Then as adults we tend to create a push/pull effect, pushing our partner away or hiding from their affection, but then pulling them closer if we fear them leaving. We try to make ourselves less lovable, withholding our desirable qualities, in an effort to create distance because deep down we’re afraid of being loved. Our subconscious is smart, protecting us from perceived harm, which is why we simultaneously crave intimacy but avoid it like the plague. Acting from this fear keeps our negative self-image alive, and we avoid experiencing the deeper connections of a healthy relationship. Opening yourself up to intimacy is a step-by-step process that requires emotional risk. It doesn’t happen all at once, so you have to be willing to stand in the discomfort of these feelings, both feet firmly planted in the fear. Keep them there and you’ll begin to open up to love.

#624 Being An Anxious Pursuer In Relationships (REBROADCAST) Mar 01, 2022

Show notes

“I attract avoidants” has almost become a mantra for anxious pursuers who are convinced they are only attracted to people who shun them. They believe relationships require a lot of effort, thus feeling a deeper connection to partners who reject them. If it comes easy, something must be wrong. This anxious pursuer is always focused on their partner, pushing, pulling and waiting for that “wake-up” moment that never comes. Let’s say you start dating someone who checks a lot of your boxes, but they rarely contact you so you do all the work. You create excuses to contact them, enticing them with sex or whatever carrot you think will prove irresistible. You live in the fantasy of feeling close to them, making the reality of rejection both painful and comfortable. The irony is that if they DO get close to you, you’ll distance yourself. This push/pull dance is a pattern, with fear of abandonment at its core. To break it you need to connect where it hurts, accessing those deep feelings you avoid like the plague. Instead of running from pain and anxiety when they strike, sit with it. Be with it. Do not react or discharge your pain on someone else. It is SO HARD to do and feels like walking through fire, but it will set you free.

#623 What Do You Mean I Look Happy? I’m Addicted to Feeling Bad! (REBROADCAST) Feb 22, 2022

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Complainers are addicted to feeling bad. Those who constantly compare themselves to others, believing everyone else is better off, are addicted to feeling bad. People who host weekly pity parties about everything that sucks in their lives are addicted to feeling bad. So why would you choose this over feeling good? Because it’s easier. It allows you to avoid your fears, blame the universe for your problems and not do anything differently. Choosing to feel bad let’s you off the hook so you don’t have to make changes (that’s the benefit). But it also keeps you stuck in a personal prison where everything remains frustratingly the same. You want your life to change, but you can’t see what you do to hold yourself in this “feeling bad” state. To do things differently is too scary, so you don’t do it. But that’s the path to feeling good: going through those fear walls and making things happen. The longer you stay victimized by your own thoughts and stories, judging your life by the outside, the longer you stay in your self-made prison. In this episode I’ll show you how to start breaking your addiction to feeling bad. It requires deep emotional work and a willingness to confront your fears. Your past does not define your present or your future. You get to choose how you feel from this point forward… so isn’t it time to start feeling GOOD?

#622 You Are the Prize! Winning on Being a Confident You Feb 15, 2022

Show notes

Do you say to yourself (or others) that you are the prize, and your partner is lucky to have you? And do you actually believe it, or is it just false bravado? Maybe you overcompensate for your true feelings that you don’t measure up by working hard to “be the prize.” Or you go the other direction and withdraw because deep down you not only believe you’re NOT the prize… you feel completely worthless. Whichever road you take, you’re causing drama and sabotaging your relationships. In this week’s podcast we explore what’s behind this diminished sense of value and how to build yourself up so you feel worthy and deserving of love. It starts with unraveling your shame and self-judgment, then feeling it instead of minimizing it (yep, you’ve gotta there). I’ll walk you through a few steps to get you started. Shame is a tough emotion to allow, but you are more resilient than you think. And it’s worth this deep work because once you start believing you really are a gem, you’ll attract someone who believes it to.

#621 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Sarah Merrill Feb 09, 2022

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Sarah Merrill is the woman behind “Big Kid Problems,” a wildly popular Twitter, Instagram, blog and podcast about the daily struggles growing up and navigating the adult world. But, like many of us, this was not where Sarah expected to end up. The only thing she knew she wanted to do after graduating from college was leave Florida, which never felt like it fit. So off to New York she went, living on her friend’s couch, eating Cup O Noodles and dating so she could take a break from ramen! It was during this time of struggle that she started sharing her thoughts and experiences on Twitter in short, witty quips under the handle @BigKidProblems. “Nobody knows what they’re doing at any given time.” –Sarah Merrill Listen in on my conversation with Sarah as she shares her journey from broke and directionless to a comedic powerhouse who has been on the Steve Harvey show three times. What started as a hobby has become her full-time career, and it keeps expanding. A collection of her original jokes were published by Andrews McMeel in 2020, and Sarah is now chronicling her most recent adventure, pregnancy, through a new podcast. “Bottle Service” has the same raw, hilarious openness that drew people to “Big Kid Problems.” Learn more about Sarah and follow her here: Website: www.thebigkidproblems.com Instagram: @BigKidProblems Twitter: @BigKidProblems Facebook: @BigKidProblems Tik Tok: @BigKidProblems

#620 Love Doesn't Have To Be Painful (REBROADCAST) Feb 08, 2022

Show notes

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level of pain they are used to as well. It's a vicious cycle because the amount of emotional awareness you need to catch yourself is pretty intense, and hard to recognize if you have never paid attention to how you show up. Most of us think we’re fine and that it’s all about the other person. Nope! It is freeing to keep your heart open, then catch yourself when you try to invite pain where it doesn't belong. Join me for more of this Attachment Series to learn how to separate pain from love.

#619 How to Really Be a Badass at Receiving Love! Feb 01, 2022

Show notes

Are you holding yourself back from receiving the love you want and being your badass self? Or does your need for control and “giving to get” keep you stuck in the same paradigm? Let’s be clear: a badass is not someone who struts around, pretending they don’t need anyone. That’s a victim wearing a suit of emotional armor. A badass when it comes to love is open-hearted, trusting, courageous and vulnerable. A badass takes care of their own emotional wellbeing, and when they’re in a situation where someone doesn’t respect them or their boundaries… a badass removes themself from that situation. A badass is the REAL you. So how do you stop people pleasing and playing the role of the “good” partner in order to be comfortable as your badass self so you can receive love freely? First, look at what you say you want, and how your actions work against it. If you’re not sure what you want, tune in to today’s episode for a writing exercise that will help you identify your disconnects and help you uncover the motivation behind your actions. Receiving love requires clarity, honesty and openness. There is no magical genie who can grant you “badass” status. The only power capable of doing that is you.

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