Flying Free

Latest Episodes:

Is It Rebellious for Christian Women to Say No? [71] Jun 17, 2020

Show notes

It seems like a simple question with a simple answer. But I think a lot of Christian women are confused about this. Many of us have been taught from childhood that it's rebellious for Christian women to say no. When religious people called Jesus the son of the devil, he didn’t suddenly have the thought “What if I AM the son of the devil?” Or “Why do they think that of me after all I’ve done for them?” Or “Who do they think they are?” Or “What did I do to make them say such horrible things?”

It didn’t make him feel guilty or angry or out of control. He felt unconditional love - because he knew who he was. That doesn’t mean he hung out with them. He respected their lack of love for him and let them go their own way. He didn’t chase after them or fawn after them or try to get them to believe him. He just lived a consistent life of love and belief in Who He was - and what His mission was. That’s it.

What if we could live that way? Imagine being able to say “No” - and having the other person call you a name or whisper behind your back and accuse you of being selfish, and all you feel is unconditional love and understanding for their anxiety and petulance? But you felt zero guilt or shame?

I think that’s something we can strive for. Here's how.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

When Giving the Silent Treatment is Emotional Abuse [70] Jun 10, 2020

Show notes

Julie homeschooled seven children in a 900 square foot home with a man who pretended like she didn't exist. . Even though the Bible was used against her over and over again, she clung to her faith in God, and she eventually got out.

Here's her advice to others like her: "If you are a woman of faith, know in your heart that God is going to take care of you. If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship, He does not want you there. He will take care of you. Trust yourself. I stopped trusting myself so long ago. I couldn’t even trust myself to decide what conference to go to because I had to make sure it was okay with him. I would say you know what you must do and just trust that God is going to take care of you. I think that’s the hardest thing for us to do – to just step out and know in our hearts, we mouth it, we say it, but to know in our hearts that He is going to take care of us. And He will."

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Setting Boundaries with a Husband Who Blames You for Everything [69] Jun 03, 2020

Show notes

In today's episode, Natalie, Rachel, and Becky tackle a common issue many survivors have when they begin to set boundaries. You'll also learn why taking all the responsibility in a relationship is never a win-win for anyone and what you can do instead!

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

The Link Between Narcissism and Legalism in the Church [68] May 27, 2020

Show notes

"The fundamental bottom line of narcissism is that you are not a real person. You are only some other person or force that affects my life. As long as you affect my life, then I have to deal with you; but I don’t have to treat you as a real person because a narcissist literally does not see others as a real person – neither does the legalist: the legalist pastor, the legalist parent, the legalist church members. People say they don’t understand the church. How can you be friends (and we’ve all heard this) such deep, wonderful friendships for years, and you cross them one time, you do something where they think differently than you do, and all of a sudden you are a pariah. You are pushed away, they talk about you behind your back, and they are cruel. What kind of a friendship is that? That’s a friendship that is self-serving. That’s a friendship that didn’t value you as a person, it valued you as someone useful in their lives. I’m not sure that makes me feel any better, but it answers the question and again is a connection between legalism and narcissism."

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Check out Dave's books: Practical Grace, Milestones of Grace, Narcissism in the Church, andWalk with Me
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Dave Orrison is an author and long-time pastor (42 years) who lives and works in Colorado happily enjoying life with his wife and eight sons.

Can Christians be Narcissists? [67] May 20, 2020

Show notes

Natalie interviews Pastor Dave Orrison, author of Narcissism in the Church, about how legalism breeds narcissism and vice versa. If you've been part of a religious organization that powers over and lays heavy burdens on its constituents, then you've experienced this pathological combination and the spiritual and emotional trauma it causes.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Check out Dave's books: Practical Grace, Milestones of Grace, Narcissism in the Church, andWalk with Me
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Dave Orrison is an author and long-time pastor (42 years) who lives and works in Colorado happily enjoying life with his wife and eight sons.

Should a Christian Wife Submit to an Abusive Husband? [66] May 12, 2020

Show notes

What does the Bible mean when it tells Christian wives to “submit” to their husbands? Was this kind of submission only for that culture? Is this a free ticket for men to take power over their wives? Should a Christian wife submit to an abusive husband? What is submission, anyway?

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

God Loves You More Than He Hates Divorce [65] May 05, 2020

Show notes

In spite of numerous red flags, Kary married her abusive partner when she was very young. After 29 years, she was able to save some money and get out. Now she shares some insight into what made her stay for so long and what she would do differently if she had a do-over. I asked Kary if she could go back and tell her younger self one thing, what would she say?

This is what Kary said:

"Stop second guessing yourself. Trust your instincts and your gut. If you are uncomfortable, that is God speaking and directing your life. Listen to your own heart. You matter. Your thoughts matter, and you are valuable and dearly loved just as you are. You don’t need a man or anyone else to validate your worth. You need to love yourself first and foremost before you can love anyone else. Any man or woman who tries to control you or makes you feel less than is not a safe person. Healthy people build you up; they don’t tear you down. God never asked you to carry these burdens because He said His yoke is easy and His burden is light; so if you are feeling burdened and heavy and weighted down, stop and ask yourself why. Then lay down that burden at the foot of the cross and walk away free. God is not a slave master. He said it is for freedom that He has set us free, so don’t let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Marriage is not slavery. It is meant to be a beautiful reflection of Christ and His great love for us. If it is not, and you are being enslaved and abused, you are free to go. God loves you more than He hates divorce, and He wants you to live an abundant life and not a life surviving abuse."

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics [64] Apr 28, 2020

Show notes

Emotional abuse tactics leave a target feeling confused and powerless. Learn some strategies to help you recognize the tactics when they happen as well as respond from a place of clarity and power.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Can a Christian Get a Divorce? [63] Apr 21, 2020

Show notes

Natalie interviews Gretchen Baskerville, author of the newly released book, The Life Saving Divorce, on the issues Christian women face when contemplating a divorce. Find out why most divorces are actually life-saving.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Connect with Gretchen on her website, Life-Saving Divorce.
Check out Gretchen's book, The Life Saving Divorce.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area helping heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 20 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse. Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.

Seven Things an Abuser Does When You Set Boundaries [62] Apr 14, 2020

Show notes

Learn the seven predictable things that happen when you set boundaries with an emotionally abusive partner. Knowing what to expect in advance will empower you to respond with emotional control and self-respect.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

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