Show notes
In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr. Lauren Cook, who will be diving into a topic that affects many parents in the modern era – anxiety in Gen Z. Gen Z Anxiety: Navigating Parenthood in Uncertain Times Dr. Cook, a therapist and author, brings her expertise and insights from her book “Generation Anxiety,” which provides a guide for millennials and Gen Z to navigate an uncertain world. We’ll be exploring how anxiety manifests in young people, particularly as they contemplate starting a family or becoming parents. Plus, we’ll discuss strategies for overcoming fear, managing anxiety, and finding empowerment in the midst of uncertainty. During our conversation, we chat about the fears and anxieties surrounding starting a family and becoming parents, especially in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic and concerns about climate change. Lauren offers invaluable insights on how to tackle these challenges and find a sense of community and connection even in uncertain times. If you’ve ever experienced anxiety, worried about starting a family, or simply want to gain a deeper understanding of Gen Z anxiety, this episode is a must-listen. Get ready for an insightful and empowering conversation. Let’s dive in! Resources Mentioned During the Episode During the podcast, several resources and tools are mentioned to help with anxiety, mental health, and fear during pregnancy. Here are some of the resources that are discussed: 1. Music: creating a playlist of uplifting songs on your phone or using a music streaming platform like Spotify to have uplifting music readily available for easy access when feeling down. 2. “Empowered Acceptance”: explores acknowledging the difficult and scary realities of life, taking action, and finding ways to be part of the solution. 3. Therapy: holistic healing and therapy on an individual level to address mental health challenges. 4. Calm App: for guided mindfulness and mentions enjoying guided mindfulness with this app. They also suggest downloading the hypnobirthing app called Calm Birth. 5. Self-Care Kit: creating a self-care kit that engages all the senses. This may include items that can be touched for comfort, aromatherapy for relaxation (such as peppermint essential oil), sound machines or music, visual cues like family pictures or favorite quotes, and even taste-based items like peppermint candy or gum to help with anxiety. Overall, the podcast provides a range of resources and approaches to support those dealing with anxiety, fear, and emotional well-being during pregnancy and motherhood. Episode Timestamps 00:01:35 Lauren had a baby, discussing fear during pregnancy.00:04:12 Fear of losing control during birth.00:06:56 Apprehension and excitement normal for pregnancy decision.00:10:42 Writing “Generation Anxiety,” paralleling pregnancy, high anxiety, pleasant ending with breach baby, commonality of breach births, peaceful C-section, beautiful birth.00:14:50 Anticipatory anxiety is worse than reality.00:18:53 Anxiety in youth: prevalence and cultural impact.00:22:26 Exposure therapy: practice and face-to-face interaction.00:23:59 Anxiety feeds into family planning, COVID impact.00:28:55 Fast paced world makes it hard to stay.00:32:36 Empowered acceptance: acknowledging realities, taking action.00:34:06 Holistic healing can be approached indirectly.00:37:06 Deviance from norm, dysfunction, danger, support00:40:15 Music game changer. Lift you. Spotify playlist.00:46:47 Fear Free Childbirth podcast: removing pregnancy fear. Episode Guest Meet Dr. Lauren Cook, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, company consultant, author, and speaker. With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology and her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, Dr. Lauren appears frequently in the media to provide commentary while also working with companies as well as individual adults, couples, families, and teens to help reduce anxiety and improve personal and professional outcomes.She integrates evidence-based tools from a systems lens and she speaks internationally, both in-person and virtually. Dr. Lauren owns a private practice, Heartship Psychological Services, serving all clients residing in California. You can connect with Dr. Lauren through TikTok, Instagram, her Brain Health Book Club, and through her podcast, The Boardroom Brain. Stay tuned for Dr. Lauren’s latest book, GENERATION ANXIETY—set to hit the shelves in September 2023. Other Links:Website: https://www.drlaurencook.com/Heartship Psychological Services: https://www.heartshipcounseling.com/ Episode Transcript Alexia [00:00:34]: Now, on today’s show, I’m going to be speaking to Dr. Lauren Cook, and we’re going to be speaking about gen z and anxiety. Anxiety is something that a lot of us struggle with, but I think that when it comes to millennials and gen z, they are considered to be two of the most anxious generations in history. And so I really wanted to sort of dive into the topic of anxiety with a real focus on how anxiety is being experienced by these generations, and particularly because they are the generations that are coming into parenthood. So for me, when it comes to contemplating parenthood, having a baby, and how anxiety might feed into your own fears around birth, this felt like a really important conversation to have. And Dr. Cook is bringing a book out imminently. It might already be out in your local bookstore called Generation Anxiety a Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying afloat in an uncertain world. So we’re going to be diving into that conversation. Alexia [00:01:35]: Also, Lauren has just had a baby, so she’s just come out. She’s got a new squishy newborn that she is making friends with, getting to know. So we dive into some of that, too, because, of course, I’m always interested in how people’s pregnancies went and how their birth went. But before I dive into that conversation, I want to answer a question that I’ve had from a listener. So the question I’ve had is, how can you trust that you’ve conquered your fear enough to move forward with pregnancy? Now, this is a really good question, and I’m glad it’s been asked, because I’m more than happy to dive into this. So a good place to start would be how do you know when you’ve healed of something? Or how do you know when you have cleared the fear? And I’m going to be speaking specifically in regards to using head trash clearance, the technique that I developed, because that is where I have my knowledge, and that is also where I can give you concrete answers. So when you have cleared a fear using head trash clearance, the end result of that is you feel neutral. You’re in a state of neutrality about the thing pain, for example. Alexia [00:02:39]: So let’s say you have a fear of pain. And this fear that you have of pain is every time you think of pain, you tense up, you get really anxious. Your body, your legs, tighten up together, you frown, you’ve got tension in your shoulders. All of these things come into play the minute you kind of think about pain, the idea of experiencing pain. And so that tells me that there’s a very visceral fear at play if these are your responses to pain and thinking about pain. Now, once you have cleared that fear of pain, and there could be many strands to this fear, so it might mean one clearance or it could mean several, it could be connected to some other themes for you. And that is unique to everybody. But once you have cleared it, the way that you know that it’s clear is that when you think about the idea of pain or experiencing pain, you think, oh well, okay, so what? I’ll deal with it, it’s going to be fine, I’ll be absolutely fine, whatever. Alexia [00:03:37]: I can handle it, I can handle it. And it’s that state of not being bothered, not being, not caring about it, thinking, well, I’ll just take it my stride, I’ll handle it when it comes. That’s the position that you reach when a fear is no longer a fear, where you’re contemplating this thing and it’s like, okay, well, I’ll take it my stride. And that can be a really good sign where you simply just don’t care about the prospect of that thing anymore. It doesn’t kind of trigger you. It doesn’t bring up any anxiety in you. You just feel neutral. So whether you experience pain or not, it doesn’t really matter. Alexia [00:04:12]: You’re still going to go through the thing and yada, yada, yada, that’s how that feels. So how does that feel then, with a different fear? Let me give you another example. So another really common fear that people have around birth is control, and the fear of losing control or not being in control. And so when somebody has a fear of not being in control or that the idea of losing control and that could be fear of losing control of their emotions, of their state of mind, but also of the situation or their bodily functions, that level of control that you might feel that you’re losing could affect different aspects of your being. So when you have overcome that fear, you reach a place where you think, well, okay, so I might lose control. Doesn’t matter, I’ll be fine, it’s okay, I don’t need to be in control. I might start crying in an uncontrollable mess, and that’s okay because I probably just need to express that and get out of my system. Or maybe if I’m thinking about birth and I think I might wheel over the floor or something, then, well, that’s okay, that happens. Alexia [00:05:11]: It’s a normal bodily function. It’s not going to kill me, it’s fine. You just reach this place where you’re just not bothered. That’s how you know that this fear has cleared. So let’s take this forward then. When you, let’s say you’ve had a lot of fears that you’ve worked through and now you’re, am I ready for pregnancy? Then how do you know if you’re ready to move forward with pregnancy? Well, at that point, you can think, how would I feel right now if I saw a pregnancy test and it was confirmed that, yes, I was pregnant? How would that make me feel? And you might think, Actually, I’m okay with that situation now. Of course, it might be very different when it actually happens. The reality of it might strike very differently to the imagined version. Alexia [00:05:54]: Okay. And that happens. But if in your mind you can contemplate that position and you’re like, actually, I feel quite neutral if I’m pregnant now, great, okay. And if I’m not pregnant, well, I will just keep trying. It’s that kind of it’s okay if I am, It’s okay if I’m not. That’s what this neutrality position is, where you are happy to go either way. You’re happy being pregnant or you’re happy not being pregnant. Alexia [00:06:18]: Of course, there might be an overwhelming desire for pregnancy and you might be slightly disappointed, but that disappointment is not the same as, oh, thank God for that. Oh, my goodness, that would have been a nightmare. That’s not that is it? It’s a very different position or a different state of mind to think, okay, well, we’ll keep trying and see you next time. Fingers crossed for next time. That’s a calm, neutral response to the prospect of pregnancy compared to, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness. Panic, panic, panic. Am I pregnant? Oh, my God. That kind of like tension, anxiety and overall sort of sense of panic coming on at the prospect of pregnancy. Alexia [00:06:56]: Now, the thing that I do want to say is that obviously the decision to have children and move forward to pregnancy is a big decision. And so that may still be met with some apprehension and some nervous tension or excitement or something that gives you butterflies or a bit like, oh, my goodness, is this the right thing for me, that kind of thing. But that kind of apprehension is natural, is normal, and is not necessarily fear. And so it’s important to start to discern what you’re noticing, what you’re feeling, to see whether, is this what I’m feeling? Is this just a little bit of excitement with a little bit of fear thrown in? But actually it’s a natural level of fear. It’s a normal level of fear for somebody to be thinking or feeling going into such a big life change, because when we go through something that is new, that is quite significant, there’s always going to be a level of apprehension. If you start your first day at a new job, you’re going to be slightly worried, slightly apprehensive before you go in because it’s all unknown. Similar kind of feelings might show up when you’re contemplating pregnancy. Once you’ve got over all those fears, you’re like, oh, my God, this is going to be new and all of that, but that’s not the same as this visceral fear that you might have felt previously. Alexia [00:08:14]: So it’s really to tune into how does that fear feel within you, in your body. And if you’ve managed to eliminate these strong physical sensations that crop up with the fear, whenever you want to connect to this idea of the fear or thinking about it, or the prospect of experiencing this thing that you fear, if you have lost those visceral reactions that kind of immediate trigger, then that’s a good sign. But also notice what’s going on in your mind and whether or not now you’re like, actually I can take it or leave it, actually I’m okay with this. I feel quite neutral and you feel calm and almost like the information is coming into your space, into your headspace, and it isn’t dragging in with it, loads of emotions with it. It’s coming in quite clean and content free in that respect. This idea of pain comes in, you’re like, well, of course I wouldn’t want to experience pain because that’s weird. But if I do experience, if I do experience pain, I’ll be fine because it won’t last long and I’ll get over it and I’ll move on. That’s a very different state of mind. Alexia [00:09:18]: So I hope that that helps. For those of you that are wondering, what does it look like when you have conquered a fear? Okay, so I’m going to go back to today’s episode and a conversation with Dr. Lauren Cook. Now, as part of this conversation, we’re going to be diving into all manner of aspects of anxiety and we’re also going to touch on emetophobia, which I touched on a few weeks ago because Lauren also suffered from emetophobia, which is a fear of being sick. So this was a big deal for her in the lead up to her pregnancy, but I’ll let her talk all about it and tell us more about how her pregnancy journey was, but also spilling the beans on anxiety for the millennial and Gen Z generations. Enjoy. Hello Lauren, and welcome to the podcast. Lauren [00:10:05]: Oh, Lexi, it’s so good to be with you. Thanks for having me. Alexia [00:10:08]: That’s OK. We’re going to have such a great conversation. I know, because there are so many topics before we recorded that I said I really want to talk about this and I want to talk about this. The main meat of the conversation. I think today is really going to be around anxiety, and specifically around anxiety for Gen Z, because that is a huge topic that I really want to dive into as they are thinking about planning, think about having a family. But you’ve just become a mum three months old. You’ve got a three month old. So let’s just talk very briefly about your own journey, becoming a mum and your pregnancy journey. Alexia [00:10:40]: Would you mind just sharing a little bit about that, Lauren? Lauren [00:10:42]: Oh, absolutely. Well, it was so funny writing this book, generation Anxiety, kind of in a parallel timing with getting pregnant, being pregnant. I had so much anxiety around pregnancy and what that would all entail. When we were talking before we hit record, I’ve got a very fun phobia, emetophobia, which is a phobia of vomit, which as you can imagine with pregnancy is like prime exposure, right? Very anxious about that, but honestly had a really nice, healthy pregnancy, ended up having a little breech baby. So I am convinced that breech babies are more common than the literature says. It says like 1% to 3% of babies are breached. But I don’t know, four out of ten mommies in my Mommy and Me class we h…
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