Overcoming Birth Trauma: Heather’s Journey to Positive Birth
Dec 14, 2023
In today’s episode, I am joined by Heather to dive into her incredible journey from a fear-filled first birth to two positive and empowering experiences.
Heather shares her deep emotional work in overcoming the negative feelings from her traumatic first birth and the steps she took to prepare herself mentally and emotionally for her second pregnancy.
From therapy to Emotion Code, to Head Trash Clearance and hypnobirthing, Heather explores the various tools she used to transform her mindset and approach childbirth with a newfound sense of confidence.
Key Points Discussed:
Traumatic First Birth Experience:
Heather opens up about her initial birth experience, which left her feeling fearful and exhausted. She realised that her emotional baggage and negative energy had a significant impact on her birth. This realisation became the catalyst for her transformative journey towards healing and empowerment.
Emotional Work and Preparation for Second Birth:
Heather undertook various methods to prepare for her second birth, including therapy, Emotion Code, Head Trash Clearance, and hypnobirthing. By clearing trapped emotions and healing herself emotionally, she was able to let go of fear and create a positive birthing environment.
Tuning In and Connecting with Herself:
Throughout her pregnancy, Heather focused on self-care and cultivating her feminine energy. She discovered the power of connecting with her body through movements such as birth dance, a Middle Eastern practice that strengthens muscles and centres the mind. This allowed her to embrace her pregnancy and tap into her innate strength as a woman.
Mindset Shift and Empowering Second Birth:
Heather’s mindset shift played a crucial role in her second birth experience. She approached the process with confidence, uninhibited by fear, and embraced the sensations as a natural part of birth. She utilised the tools she had acquired and received invaluable support from her doula, ultimately delivering her baby in a positive and empowering way.
Postpartum Support and Integration:
Heather talks about the importance of postpartum support and she recognised that her healing journey continued beyond the birth. With the love and guidance of her husband and parents, she navigated the chaotic postpartum period, and was able to balance it along with moving house and doing renovations. Through out all this, she realised she wanted to help to empower women and helping them realise the beauty and potential of birth, just as she had experienced.
Heather’s inspiring journey is a wonderful tale that shows us quite plainly that with the right tools, support, and a positive mindset, it is possible to have a birth experience that is both beautiful and empowering.
Tune in to this episode and discover the techniques and mindset shifts that enabled Heather to go from a place of trauma and fear to being able to embrace the journey of birth with strength and empowerment.
Birth has the potential to be a transformative and life-changing experience, and by preparing emotionally and mentally, you can create the empowering birth experience you want.
Resources Mentioned During the Episode
During this episode, the following resources were mentioned:
1. Therapy: Heather sought the support of a therapist to work through the trauma of her first birth experience and prepare emotionally for her second birth. Therapy is a valuable resource for processing emotions, overcoming fears, and building a positive mindset for childbirth.
2. Emotion Code: Heather used the Emotion Code as a tool to release trapped emotions and create a more balanced emotional state. This resource helps individuals clear emotional baggage and negative energy, promoting a sense of well-being and empowerment during pregnancy and birth.
4. Hypnobirthing: Heather adopted hypnobirthing techniques as part of her preparation for childbirth. Hypnobirthing involves practicing relaxation, visualisation, and self-hypnosis to reduce fear and anxiety, and promote a positive and calm birth experience.
5. Birth dance: Heather practiced birth dance, which involves using Middle Eastern moves to strengthen muscles and create a sense of grounding and connection with the body. This resource helped Heather stay active and centered during her pregnancy, promoting a positive mindset for birth.
6. Doula support: Heather hired a doula to provide continuous emotional and physical support during labor and birth. A doula is a valuable resource for offering guidance, comfort, and advocacy, enhancing the birthing person’s confidence and well-being.
7. Positive birth experiences podcast: Heather listened to a podcast that shared positive birth stories, which inspired and uplifted her mindset toward childbirth. Listening to positive birth experiences can be a valuable resource for shaping a positive mindset and building confidence for one’s own birth journey.
8. Birth course: Heather took a birth course during her second trimester to further educate herself on positive birth experiences. A birth course is a resource for learning about childbirth, coping techniques, and empowerment, providing valuable knowledge and preparation for the birthing person and their partner.
9. Lactation consultant: After giving birth, Heather received support from a lactation consultant to ensure successful breastfeeding. A lactation consultant is a valuable resource for providing guidance, troubleshooting breastfeeding challenges, and promoting a positive breastfeeding experience for the mother and baby.
About the Guest
Heather, originally from a small town in New York, ventured out to Utah for college. During a summer sales job in Texas, she crossed paths with her future husband, who was also pursuing his education. Both Heather and her husband are members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and hold strong spiritual beliefs. Growing up in a culture that emphasized the importance of having a family, Heather had always been aware of the challenges of parenthood. However, as she embarked on her journey, she discovered how deeply these negative aspects had affected her mindset. She obtained a degree in food science and eventually settled in Salt Lake City, finding both a place to rent and a job in her field.
Heather is a life-long dancer and a university graduate with a Food Science degree. As a natural-birth mama and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, she strongly believes in God’s divine design of a woman’s journey.
During her first childbirth experience, Heather encountered physical smoothness but was emotionally traumatised. Despite taking a Hypnobirthing course, she realised the impact of unhealed emotional baggage on the birthing process. This realisation prompted her to embark on extensive research and emotional healing to prepare for a positive second birth.
Heather’s second birth proved to be an incredibly empowering and positive experience, transforming her life in profound ways. Inspired by her journey, she started sharing her insights with other women, witnessing their positive transformations as well.
Specialising in helping women navigate the various facets of womanhood, from monthly cycles to fertility, pregnancy, and motherhood, Heather focuses on moving beyond western cultural conditioning, releasing inhibiting emotions, and fostering a deep connection with their bodies. Her coaching approach combines thought-work with emotional healing and practical lifestyle support.
Covering a range of topics such as period pain, fertility, discomfort in pregnancy, positive birth preparation, fulfillment in motherhood, weight-loss journeys, chronic pain, and sexual healing, Heather’s unique coaching style draws from her diverse experiences at university, her involvement in dance and music, her knowledge of food and nutrition, her spirituality and meditation practices, and her use of emotional release tools, including Non Personal Awareness (NPA). Clients working with Heather find support, encouragement, and excitement in their personal journeys.
Be sure to check Heather’s Rising Woman brand and follow her inspirational journey on Instagram.
Episode Time Stamps
00:00 Heather’s traumatic birth experience and emotional recovery. 04:46 Fear and family experiences shaped birth beliefs. 07:06 Positive birth experience through Hypnobirthing class. 11:32 Passionate about helping others prepare for birth. 15:51 Baby born after intense pushing, exhaustion afterward. 19:25 Hard adjustment, fear, pain, dark place 23:14 Did not forget birth, remembered every bit. 24:31 Discovering perspectives on positive birth experiences. 28:18 Improved pregnancy through changed eating, emotional clearing. 32:07 Embracing womanhood through birth dance is incredible. 34:30 Balanced preparation, hired doula to clear fears. 38:26 Appreciated her helpful phrases during labor. 42:37 Empowering birth led to positive life changes. 44:39 Believe in growth, change, and helping others. 49:28 Fear Free Childbirth podcast for fearless motherhood.
Celeste’s Journey from Tokophobia to Inner Peace
Dec 07, 2023
In this episode, I sit down with the inspirational Celeste to delve deep into her transformative journey of overcoming fears and phobias related to childbirth and pregnancy. Throughout the episode, Celeste candidly shares her profound and life-altering experiences, providing invaluable insights for anyone navigating similar challenges.
This episode is for you if you want to have a peep under the bonnet to better understand what it looks like EXACTLY to clear your head trash (tokophobia, anxiety or indeed anything else) using Head Trash Clearance.
We get down to brass tacks and leave no stone unturned.
At the heart of Celeste’s journey is her struggle with tokophobia, a deep-seated fear of childbirth and pregnancy that extended beyond the realm of motherhood, infiltrating her daily life and relationships.
What unfolds in this episode is her amazing journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and healing, as Celeste takes us through her journey of clearing the fears and anxieties that were contributing to her tokophobia and anxiety.
Through a very candid conversation, Celeste shares how she initially grappled with her fear, with symptoms ranging from anxiety attacks triggered by the mere thought of pregnancy to physical manifestations of tingling in her arms and legs, burping, and spontaneous crying during her shifting process.
Over the span of 6-7 transformative months, she experiences a significant shift, moving from a space of anxiety and fear to a newfound sense of peace and calm. Her journey of clearing head trash and addressing deep-seated fears takes her on a path of self-realization, lending her the clarity and insight needed to navigate her fears and emerge stronger on the other side.
It’s incredible to see where Celeste is today, and I hope that her journey inspires you on your healing journey.
Resources Mentioned During the Episode:
The following resources were instrumental in Celeste’s journey of tackling her fears and phobias related to childbirth and pregnancy.
If you’re interested in learning more about these resources, you can find them through the Fear Free Childbirth podcast and on this website.
About Celeste
Celeste Rollins is from East Tennessee in the US. This past year, she put the dots together and learned her lifelong fears concerning pregnancy and childbirth translated to an actual phobia (Tokophobia). Not one to sit passively when introspective growth is needed, she sent herself on a quest for knowledge, answers, and solutions. Eventually her journey led her to Alexia Leachman’s podcasts, the Head Trash Clearance Method, and the Tokophobia Support Program — all of which were game changers for her.
Episode Time Stamps:
00:00 “DIY solution to mental and emotional challenges.” 03:47 Celeste achieves remarkable healing and consciousness shift. 06:55 Questioning desire for children, exploring underlying reasons. 10:44 Connected dots revealed deeper head trash issues. 14:14 Identify and clear your head trash method. 18:42 Clearing head trash can feel like difficulty. 24:19 Navigating and clearing head trash for wellbeing. 27:27 Lack of control over body functions realization. 28:21 Uncontrollable bodily functions, especially for women. 33:29 Clearance journey leads to calmer, happier life. 36:58 Fear of pregnancy and childbirth causes panic. 37:49 Struggling with friends’ pregnancies, anxiety, and clarity. 41:15 Impressive transformation in just 6 months. 46:37 Reducing stress and improving sleep with self-care. 48:38 Navigating head clearing journey with lightheartedness. 53:29 Fear Free Childbirth: Podcast and Mama Ship.
Periods & Pregnancy: Learning to love your cycle
Nov 30, 2023
In today’s episode, I have a thought-provoking conversation with Elizabeth Tidwell, a menstrual cycle coach, as she shares her journey of healing and embracing the power of her menstrual cycle.
I wanted to talk about periods because even though they’re not front and centre of the pregnancy and birth experience – they are! We obsess over when they stop – are we pregnant??? – and then we obsess over when they start again. They are a HUGE part of this.
And, more importantly, I wanted to talk about them because I don’t think that we appreciate our periods much. There’s lots of negativity around them and so I wanted to flip the script and help you to LOVE your period and tap into their power.
Here are some of the things you can hear as part of this conversation:
Resolving Childhood Trauma:
Elizabeth opens up about her personal experience with childhood trauma and how it impacted her menstrual cycle. Through healing this trauma, she discovered that it had a profound effect not only on her cycle but on various aspects of her life. Elizabeth believes that addressing trauma is crucial to breaking free from negative cycles and embracing our menstrual cycles as sources of strength and wisdom.
Menarche Kits and Breaking the Cycle of Shame:
I love that Elizabeth has created menarche kits and creates resources for us to discuss periods with openly. Elizabeth emphasises the importance of releasing the shame and trauma surrounding puberty for the next generation. By providing education and support during this transformative phase, we can set the foundation for young girls to navigate their menstrual cycles with confidence and self-acceptance.
The Connection Between the Lunar Cycle and Menstrual Cycle:
Is this a myth? Maybe. We discuss the connection between the lunar cycle and the menstrual cycle. While there are different viewpoints on this connection, Elizabeth points out that light-sensitive hormones might have caused women to sync up with the moon cycle in the past. However, modern lifestyles with artificial light can disrupt hormonal rhythms. Despite the scientific explanation, Elizabeth emphasises the energetic significance of aligning with the moon cycle, giving it a sense of specialness.
Understanding Menstrual Cycle Awareness:
Elizabeth talks us through the concept of menstrual cycle awareness, which involves being conscious of the different phases of our cycle and how they impact our daily experiences. I struggle with this big time! Hormonal fluctuations throughout the cycle lead to varying emotions and reactions. Understanding this awareness can enhance communication, help avoid conflicts, and enable us to have a better understanding of our bodies. And for those entering perimenopause – very interesting!
Healing Trauma and Its Impact on Menstrual Health:
Trauma, whether big or small, can have a profound impact on our menstrual cycles. Elizabeth tells us how trauma can manifest in fears and phobias related to pregnancy and birth, body image issues, and fears of losing control. By healing from trauma, we can potentially resolve related physical and emotional issues, leading to a better relationship with our bodies and our cycles.
Fertility Awareness and Birth Control:
Elizabeth shares insights into fertility awareness and birth control. She suggests considering fertility biomarkers rather than relying solely on apps and algorithms. We know that stress and cortisol levels can impact fertility, so stressing about trying to conceive is probably going to hinder fertility. This is why she emphasises the importance of self-care during menstruation so that we can shift our we feel and honour our bodies.
I hope that listening to Elizabeth as she takes us on her transformative journey of embracing and loving her menstrual cycle can help you to learn to LOVE your periods. By addressing trauma, understanding our cycles, and cultivating self-awareness, we can unlock the immense power and wisdom that our bodies hold, and help our daughters to do the same.
Resources Mentioned During the Episode:
Here are some additional resources mentioned during the podcast conversation:
1. Book: “Wild Power” – This book transformed Elizabeth’s perspective on periods and is recommended for anyone looking to embrace and love their menstrual cycle.
2. Club Red – This is Elizabeth’s company that offers period self-care subscription boxes, menarche kits, workshops, and menstrual cycle coaching. You can find more information on their website.
About Elizabeth
Elizabeth is a woman who, four years ago, left the religious community she grew up in due to the traumatic messaging she received about her identity and femininity. After giving birth to a baby girl, Elizabeth realised she wanted her daughter’s female experience to be different from the societal shame surrounding female bodies and menstruation. She overheard a friend recommending a book on menstrual cycles, which piqued her interest. Despite not having her period due to an IUD inserted by her OB after giving birth, Elizabeth started to notice that she was missing something natural in her life. Intrigued by the idea of living by cycles and being connected to nature, she began exploring this concept further.
Elizabeth Tidwell is a holistic menstrual cycle coach who helps women and menstruators learn vital body literacy and facilitates a deeper relationship between menstruators and their cycles, bodies, and whole selves. She is a graduate of Red School’s Menstruality Leadership Program and Lisa de Jong’s Menstrual Cycle Coaching & Facilitation Professional Training. As a former university educator, Elizabeth is passionate about bringing menstrual cycle awareness to both her local community through live events and the broader international community through individual client work, virtual workshops, and group coaching programs. She prioritizes nervous system regulation and personal agency, empowering her clients in a trauma-informed environment. She’s also a mom and the founder of My Club Red, a hormone-friendly period self-care subscription box designed to transform menstruators’ periods into a time of self-nurture, radical rest, and self-connecting ritual.
02:53 Left religious community, questioned female identity, embraced cycles. 04:14 Transformative book leads to period empowerment business. 08:07 Trauma affects menstrual cycles, awareness helps. 12:05 Trauma around birth, fear of tokophobia. 17:10 Period kits for girls with education included. 20:18 Using 7 words: Cycle alignment with lunar cycles, is it true? 21:32 Menstrual cycles, moon sync, hormones, artificial light. 27:00 Stress, nutrition, and endocrine disruptors affect fertility. Subscription box helps with hormone-friendly self-care. 28:43 Period: Connect, honor, and appreciate your body. 32:23 Menstrual cycles communicate overall wellness, impacting emotions. 36:36 Hormonal health imbalances affect overall well-being. 39:18 First period follows fertile phase; beware pregnancy. 42:01 Breastfeeding can suppress ovulation but not always. 47:01 Period self-care subscription box, menarche kits, workshops, coaching – myclubred.com.
Solo Parenting: Choosing to Thrive and Finding Balance in Work and Motherhood
Nov 28, 2023
In this episode, we dive into a powerful and inspiring conversation with my guest, Steph Bennet, as she shares her experience of choosing to solo parent.
Finding Balance in Work and Motherhood
Steph’s story is a testament to the strength and resilience of women who navigate both career success and motherhood on their own terms. Join us as we explore the challenges, triumphs, and joys of Steph’s unique journey into motherhood.
Steph made the decision to prioritise a career that allowed her to have control over her work without judgment. She is a strong advocate for not compromising but optimising her life to create a balanced and fear-free environment for herself and her daughter. As a managing director, Steph initially faced challenges in balancing work and parenting, but she gradually found strategies to create flexibility and adapt to hybrid and flexible working arrangements. Her story highlights the ongoing need for better support and understanding in the workplace for working mothers.
Here are some of the things we chatted about…
The Challenges of Being a Solo Parent: Steph’s journey began with a clear vision of becoming a mother, even if she couldn’t find a partner. She discusses her decision to explore single parenthood and the concerns she had about the physical and emotional aspects of raising a child on her own.
Choosing the Path of Insemination: Steph underwent tests at a fertility clinic and discovered that IVF was not suitable for her. She decided to pursue IUI, or intrauterine insemination, as an alternative. She shares her experience of choosing a sperm donor from an online catalog based on various factors, including health information and personality traits.
Balancing Work and Motherhood: Steph candidly discusses the challenges and rewards of being a working mother. She emphasises the importance of setting boundaries and not overworking, while also acknowledging the lack of respect and flexibility that many working parents face in the workplace.
French vs. British Parenting Styles: Steph and I compare parenting styles in France and the UK. They explore the benefits of allowing children to be independent and figure things out on their own, as well as the challenges of French school holidays for working parents.
The Journey of Conscious Parenting: Steph highlights the importance of allowing children to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. She shares her desire to give her daughter the freedom to choose her own interests and create her own path in life.
Steph candidly addresses these key questions shaping her solo parenting journey:
How did Steph’s previous health concerns and epilepsy diagnosis affect her decision to become a solo parent?
In what ways did Steph’s career choice allow her to have more control over her work and spend more time with her daughter?
Steph mentions the importance of not compromising but optimising her life. How does this mindset play a role in her journey as a solo parent?
How does the support and childcare system in France compare to that in the UK, and what impact does it have on working mothers?
What are some organisations and campaigns that are working towards supporting working moms in the workplace, and what more needs to be done?
How has the COVID-19 pandemic affected the experiences of pregnant women and new mothers, especially those who are solo parenting? What are some of the challenges Steph faced as a solo parent, and how did she navigate them? How did she find support and emotional connection during the early stages of parenting?
Steph discusses the importance of allowing children to be independent and make their own decisions. How can parents balance setting boundaries with fostering independence in their children?
Steph mentions her new podcast, “For the Love of Kids.” How does her experience as a solo parent influence the topics and themes covered in her podcast?
Steph’s journey from considering adoption to choosing IUI as a solo parent is unique. How did she approach the process of selecting a sperm donor, and how did she envision her daughter’s future relationship with her donor father?
Steph’s story of choosing to solo parent is an incredible testament to the power of following one’s dreams and embracing the possibilities of motherhood. Her journey highlights the need for increased support for working mothers in the workplace and challenges conventional norms surrounding parenting and work-life balance.
Resources Mentioned During the Episode
During this episode, the following resources were mentioned:
Steph’s podcast, “For the Love of Kids“: Steph mentions her own podcast called “For the Love of Kids,” where she explores the experiences of parents and non-parents alike in navigating the challenges and joys of parenthood. It is available on Spotify.
About the Stephanie Jane Bennett
Stephanie is a marketing and social media consultant with twenty years of experience and has worked for some incredible brands during that time including Nespresso, Lavazza, Pernod Ricard, Google, Gatwick Airport, RSPCA, Harrods, Hotels.com, and Great Ormond Street Hospital. Now a freelance consultant she provides marketing and social media services, website development, produces podcasts, is a mentor, trainer and business development strategist. She’s also launched a parenting podcast, ‘For the Love of Kids’ to share her experiences and those of others; a passion project inspired by her pursuit of becoming a solo parent and raising a toddler. Steph is never one to shy away from following her instincts. She believes in never settling for anything less than butterflies and has found real purpose in working on the things that really matter to her in life.
In 2009, Steph, a woman in her late twenties, began to feel out of sorts and decided to visit the doctors. After undergoing blood tests and scans, she made an unexpected discovery – she had a low-grade, benign brain tumor. While her doctors assured her it could be monitored with regular scans, they cautioned her to be vigilant for major symptoms such as seizures. This revelation marked the starting point of Steph’s journey.
00:31 Solo parenting: working mother’s journey and challenges. 04:49 Good chance to fight for pregnancy, tested. 08:43 Can I physically do it? Major concerns. Emotional stability, financial practicality. Blind spot. Living situation. 11:42 One shot, IUI process, watch and wait. 14:58 Selected sperm donor had diverse mixed heritage. 17:15 Early pregnancy cravings led to immediate test. 20:39 Partner absent during pregnancy, friend allowed once, support from remote friend. 23:31 Preparing my house, typing, attempted induction, contractions. 28:24 Extended hospital stay after c-section; baby’s health concerns. 30:50 Parents feel pressure to be perfect, adapt. 35:59 Working mothers face unfair treatment and disrespect. 39:26 Taking control of work, family, and guilt. 40:58 Brilliant woman leader inspires other women. 44:42 Changing laws and societal shifts are impacting lives. 49:44 Balance, selling France, studying French, Erasmus, memories, unique, productivity. 51:36 Children need boredom to foster creativity. 56:23 Little gestures build confidence; independent young woman. 57:28 Parenthood changes perspective and impacts all aspects.
Birth Culture: Resolving Conflict in the Birth Space, with Jenny Kozlow
Nov 16, 2023
Birth is a profound and transformative experience, but unfortunately, conflicts and disagreements within the birth space can sometimes overshadow the joy and empowerment that should be at the forefront.
Navigating Conflict in the Birth Space
In this episode of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, Jenny Koslow, a perinatal educator with four decades of experience, sheds light on the issues of conflict and tension within the birth world.
Understanding the Birth Space:
Jenny begins by sharing her wealth of knowledge and stories gathered from birth workers around the globe. She highlights the conflicting views and struggles that exist between different professions within the birth world, such as midwives, lactation consultants, and doulas. These conflicts often arise from differing ideologies stemming from the biomedical and naturalistic sides of childbirth. From home births to highly medicalized hospital births, the spectrum of choices and opinions can be quite divisive.
The Influence of Birth Settings:
The conversation then delves into the impact of various birth settings. Jenny discusses how midwives typically handle vaginal births with minimal intervention, but the c-section rates in private clinics in many countries are unacceptably high. Public hospitals, where most people give birth, often face issues with support and the need for less judgment towards healthcare providers working in these systems. There is also a sense of resentment among professionals like midwives, obstetrical nurses, and doulas, especially in countries like Spain and other Latin American nations.
Examining the Roles of Birth Workers:
Jenny addresses the challenges within the doula movement, including the need for more professional training and regulation. While doulas carry immense emotional weight, they may not bear the same level of medical responsibility as healthcare providers. This discrepancy, coupled with differences in income and work dynamics, can sometimes lead to tension and dissatisfaction among birth workers.
Finding Common Ground:
Despite these conflicts, Jenny emphasises the importance of recognising the positive work being done by individuals in the system and avoiding generalisations. She highlights positive initiatives in different countries, demonstrating that change can come from a combination of different approaches rather than extreme views. The conversation explores the crucial need for effective communication, formation of personal relationships, and acknowledgement of the contributions made by individuals across the birth spectrum.
Promoting Unity in the Birth Space:
Positive changes often stem from top-down leadership but acknowledges that frontline caregivers need more support. The conversation explores the imbalances in authority, challenges faced by professionals within institutionalized childbirth, and the importance of respect and recognition. The episode also delves into the role of birth education, the impact of the internet on preparation, and the different priorities individuals have when it comes to their birthing experience.
Jenny tackles these burning questions:
How does conflict in the birth space impact the overall birthing experience for families?
What are some common sources of conflict between different professions in the birth world, such as midwives, lactation consultants, and doulas?
How do different birth settings, like private clinics, public hospitals, birthing centers, and home births, contribute to the conflict in the birth world?
What are some potential solutions to reduce the conflict between birth professionals and improve collaboration in maternity healthcare?
What role does fear play in creating conflict and backlash in the birth space? How can fear be addressed and alleviated to create a more positive birth experience?
How can authorities and decision-makers in the birth industry support birth professionals and foster unity and respect among different roles?
What are some potential drawbacks of the current doula movement, and how can it be improved and regulated to create a more professional environment?
What can be done to bridge the gap in understanding and respect between birth professionals in the biomedical and naturalistic sides of the birth world?
How can birth education and prenatal classes be improved to better prepare couples for childbirth and empower them to advocate for their own values and desires?
What steps can individuals in the birth industry take to address judgment, shame, and guilt among birth workers, and promote empathy, respect, and professional ethics?
By exploring the perspectives of various birth professionals and delving into the need for unity, better training, and improved communication, this episode serves as a catalyst for positive change in the birthing industry.
About Jenny
Jenny Kozlow is a highly experienced perinatal educator with a passion for traveling and listening to people’s stories. Over her 40-year career, she has accumulated hundreds of stories from birth workers such as OB GYNs, doulas, midwives, obstetrical nurses, and lactation consultants from various countries around the world. Jenny recognized the value of these stories in promoting better understanding and collaboration within the field.
She discovered that many stories centered around the lack of respect and feeling of invisibility experienced by the gestational family, and she aimed to address this imbalance. By sharing these stories, Jenny hopes to shed light on the perspectives of others and foster a more inclusive and collaborative approach in the birth community.
02:40 Long working hours create stress, disrespect. Toxicity and conflict in medical environments. Need for collaboration to support families. 07:56 Perinatal educator accumulates stories from birth workers. 11:21 Openness and criticism among birth workers. 19:38 OB GYNs and doulas clash in birth. 26:23 Institutionalised childbirth vs. more natural birth options. 32:34 Internal vs external communication in pregnancy care. Professional/personal balance. New professionals lack experience but want to serve. 33:57 Challenges of healthcare system for midwives. 39:18 System not all toxic, individuals doing great things. 45:52 High c-section rate in private clinics unacceptable. 53:21 Doulas and consultants support families emotionally. 59:10 Fair reporting and recognizing shared humanity. 01:05:26 Difficulties raising child, authority and boundaries. 01:07:26 Amazing, vulnerable, emotional journey of childbirth education.
From Phobia to Calling: From Fearful Mama to Confident Midwife
Oct 26, 2023
In this episode, I have an incredible story of transformation to share with you. My guest, Jessica, was once plagued with fear when it came to pregnancy and childbirth. However, she conquered her fears and had a positive birth experience that inspired her to make a bold career change.
From Fearful Mama to Confident Midwife
Jessica talks about her journey from fear to becoming a midwife. It’s a remarkable turnaround that showcases the power of overcoming our deepest fears and embracing new paths in life.
But before we delve into Jessica’s inspiring story, I want to share with you a tale that highlights what can happen if we leave our pregnancy and birth fears unchecked.
Learn about the fears commonly faced by women during pregnancy, birth, and even those struggling with tokophobia. While some may assume these fears revolve around pain and tearing, they often stem from deeper conflicts and anxieties. These fears include the fear of losing control, feeling trapped or lacking choices, making the wrong decisions, and feeling weak or vulnerable.
These fears are not exclusive to pregnancy and birth. They can manifest in various areas of our lives, such as feeling out of control at home or work, or even a loss of control over our own bodies. It’s crucial to recognise and address these fears because they tend to permeate other aspects of our lives, affecting our overall well-being and hindering our personal growth.
To illustrate this point, I recount a powerful story of a radio show presenter who, like me, experienced tokophobia. Following the loss of her baby and her subsequent aversion to getting pregnant again, she discovered that this fear had affected multiple areas of her life without her realising it. Once she identified and faced her fear head-on, she realised how it had suppressed her ability to birth anything significant in her business and personal development. The transformation she experienced after releasing this fear was nothing short of astounding.
So, if you’re currently grappling with fears surrounding pregnancy, birth, or any other areas in life, listen closely to Jessica’s remarkable journey. Her story is a testament to the incredible power we possess within ourselves to rewrite our narratives and conquer our deepest fears. Get ready to be inspired, empowered, and discover a fearless mindset with Fear Free Childbirth.
In this episode, we delved into a wide array of thought-provoking questions with Jessica:
Have you ever experienced any fears related to pregnancy or birth? How did you handle them?
How do you think fears about pregnancy and birth can impact other aspects of a person’s life? Can you think of any examples?
Have you ever witnessed someone close to you struggling with fears around childbirth? How did they cope with it?
Do you think understanding the root cause of a fear can help in overcoming it? Why or why not?
Have you ever been inspired to make a major career change due to a life-changing event?
How do you think conquering a fear can lead to personal transformation?
Do you think this fear is universal? How might it manifest in different areas of life?
How do you think societal expectations and judgments contribute to fears around pregnancy and birth?
Do you think addressing past traumas is essential in overcoming fears?
What steps do you think can be taken to raise awareness and provide support for individuals facing fears related to childbirth?
Resources Mentioned During the Episode
During the episode, the following resources were mentioned:
Fearless Birthing online course: The ONLY self-healing program that will show you how to let go of your fears and anxieties around pregnancy and birth so that you can approach motherhood with confidence.
Clearance Club: Everything you need to free yourself of stress and anxiety so that you can experience calmness, clarity and confidence.
Episode Guest
Jessica Mengel was fearful when she was facing pregnancy and birth. She conquered her fears and had a positive birth experience. This transformative experience motivated Jessica to change careers and become a midwife. Her passion for helping others navigate the fear surrounding childbirth led her to pursue a new path in supporting women during one of the most crucial periods of their lives. Jessica’s story showcases the power of overcoming fear and how it can lead to remarkable personal growth and professional transformation.
Episode Timestamps
00:00:33 Jessica overcomes birth fears and becomes midwife. 00:03:34 Fear of losing control: chaos at home, work, body 00:09:49 Consider your birth experience’s impact on life. Explore struggles, patterns, and fears. Find unique insights beyond conventional thinking. Now, let’s delve into the interview. 00:13:53 Overcoming fear to pursue pregnancy, facing reality. 00:15:48 Doctor’s appointments didn’t provide enough time. Researched fear-free childbirth and found helpful information. Listened to podcasts and read positive birth book. 00:20:44 Massage, niggle, labor, cookie-making, possible labor. 00:22:24 Got intense, woke husband, possibly in labor.
Spirit Babies: Exploring Fertility and Conscious Conception
Oct 19, 2023
In this episode, my special guest is Emma Moon, a cosmic fertility guide and a spirit baby medium.
Emma’s unique background includes a Bachelor of Science in nursing and expertise as an integrative health practitioner. She blends both science and spirituality in her work, supporting women through their fertility journey, pregnancy, and conscious birth. Emma’s approach involves connecting with the energy and spirit of her clients, helping them navigate emotional and spiritual blocks that may affect their fertility. Through a combination of nutrition, lifestyle changes, and intuitive guidance, she provides comprehensive support for women and couples.
Conversations with Spirit Babies: Exploring Fertility and Conscious Conception
In this episode, we delved into a wide array of thought-provoking questions with Emma.
How does Emma Moon blend science and spirituality in her work as a cosmic fertility guide and spirit baby medium?
Can emotional and spiritual blocks affect a person’s fertility? How does Emma address these challenges?
Why does Emma prefer to use the term “fertility challenges” instead of “infertility”?
How does Emma tap into her intuitive abilities during her work with clients?
What strategies does Emma use to support and heal the body in terms of nutrition, lifestyle, herbs, and supplements
How does Emma connect with a client’s energy field and spirit babies to guide the conversation and healing process
Has she ever considered the spiritual aspects of pregnancy and fertility? How might this perspective enhance your own experience?
How can a conscious pregnancy and conscious conception positively impact a person’s journey to parenthood?
Resources Mentioned During the Episode
These resources contribute to a holistic approach to fertility and pregnancy, incorporating both scientific and spiritual perspectives.
1. Integrative Health and Nutrition Program – The program Emma attended to specialise in women’s health and hormones.
2. Nutrition, lifestyle, herbs, and supplements – Strategies used by Emma to support fertility and overall health.
3.Energetic therapies – A component of Emma’s comprehensive fertility support.
4. Spirit Baby Medium – Emma’s ability to connect with and advocate for spirit babies.
5. Conscious Pregnancy – A concept discussed in the episode.
6. Conscious Conception – The idea of intentionally creating a pregnancy.
7. Conscious Birth – Approaching birth with awareness and intention.
8. Science and spirituality – The blending of scientific and spiritual perspectives in fertility support.
9. Energy system – The recognition of the body’s energetic aspect in fertility.
10. Fertility challenges – A term used instead of infertility to focus on the potential for healing.
11. Spirit team – Spiritual guides and helpers that support individuals.
12. Chakra systems – Energetic centres in the body that may affect fertility.
About Emma Moon
Meet Emma Moon, a passionate advocate and practitioner dedicated to holistic reproductive health and the magic of cosmic fertility. Emma’s unique approach blends science, intuition, and spirituality to provide comprehensive support for hormone balancing, conscious conception, fertility, and spirit baby journeys.
Emma Moon fosters a deep connection with your body, leveraging menstrual cycles for wellness. As a Spirit Baby Medium, she guides parents-to-be with fertility science and intuition. Her work empowers conscious conception and holistic reproductive wellness.
Connect with her: https://www.emma-moon.com/, https://www.instagram.com/cosmicallynourished/
Episode Time Stamps
00:00:32 Emma Moon is a cosmic fertility guide and spirit baby medium, supporting communication with babies during pregnancy. 00:03:48 Overcame illness, pursued women’s health, fertility. 00:10:14 Pressure to embody parental roles, societal expectations, desire, readiness, fear, trauma, support in reproductive journey. 00:14:06 Ancestral birthing experiences impact our intuition & safety. 00:17:04 Inherited memories impact our own experiences. 00:19:33 Importance and calling to become a mother.
How to Measure Healing Progress in Pregnancy and Birth
Oct 12, 2023
Welcome back to Fear Free Childbirth! In today’s episode, I want to explore how we can measure healing progress when we’re undertaking personal development work, or healing. And in doing so I’d like to share a tool that I think can help you with this called the Map of Consciousness.
How to Measure Healing Progress in Pregnancy and Birth
Have you ever invested time and energy into courses, therapy or retreats to bring about a change in how you feel, only to wonder if they’re really making a difference?
We all have, right?
Today, I want share a powerful tool that you can use to measure the effectiveness of these activities in overcoming fear, anxiety, and finding calm and peace.
Once I discovered this method of measuring healing progress I decided to revisit my own healing journey around overcoming tokophobia, and my pregnancy fears and anxieties; I wanted to see what it would tell me.
And it’s fascinating!
In today’s episode, we’ll explore the concept of consciousness and how understanding your own state of mind can give you clues as to where you are on your healing journey.
So, let’s dive in and learn how to measure the effectiveness of our healing work or therapeutic methods, and ultimately, achieve fear-free childbirth.
Going from Fearful to Fearless: And Being Able to Demonstrate the Change
In this insightful podcast episode, I want to help you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing as we explore a series of thought-provoking questions;
How do you personally measure the effectiveness of your healing work or therapeutic practices?
Have you ever experienced a significant shift in your level of consciousness? If so, what factors do you believe contributed to that shift?
Do you think it’s important to have a tool or method to track progress in overcoming fears and anxieties?
How do you distinguish between temporary feelings of happiness and true progress in your healing journey?
Have you ever felt trapped in repeating negative patterns or self-destructive behaviours? How did you break free from them?
What role do you think self-awareness plays in the healing journey? How has it impacted your own progress?
How do you perceive the relationship between your level of consciousness and your emotional well-being?
Are there any specific life events or experiences that have significantly impacted your personal growth and healing journey?
These questions will guide our exploration into the realms of personal transformation, self-awareness, and the various tools and experiences that contribute to our individual healing journeys.
Resources mentioned during the episode
During the episode, the following resources were mentioned:
1. Courses or retreats focused on personal development and healing.
2. The Map of Consciousnesstool, which measures an individual’s level of consciousness on a scale from 0 to 1000.
3. Kinesiology, a method used to test muscle response and identify weaknesses or strengths in relation to specific triggers or issues.
4. Tony Robbins events or programs, which are known for their motivational and self-improvement focus.
5. “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, a book that explores the importance of living in the present moment and letting go of negative thought patterns.
6. Inner work, fear clearance, and therapy as general concepts and approaches to healing and personal development.
Episode Timestamps
00:00:29 Measuring healing work and fear release progress. 00:03:16 Measure success of activities and personal journey. 00:09:22 Tool to measure progress on emotional healing. 00:13:53 Conquer head trash, evolve into washing ball. 00:14:59 Emotional patterns repeat; frustrating, repetitive cycle. 00:19:40 Unexpected triggers bring unresolved trauma, but progress continues. 00:23:58 Progress is measured by bounce back ability. 00:25:03 “Measuring bounce back ability and resilience” 00:29:59 Freedom to pursue what you want, healing work, measuring impact. 00:32:35 Kinesiology used for healing and self-improvement. 00:34:43 Understanding consciousness, gaining inspiration and insight. 00:40:12 Understanding levels of consciousness, navigating shifts. 00:41:38 Moments in time reveal personal development progress. 00:46:44 Shift consciousness, reflect life, empower healing progression. 00:48:45 Fear Free Childbirth podcast for overcoming tokophobia.
Gen Z Anxiety: Navigating Parenthood in Uncertain Times with Dr Lauren Cook
Oct 05, 2023
In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr. Lauren Cook, who will be diving into a topic that affects many parents in the modern era – anxiety in Gen Z.
Gen Z Anxiety: Navigating Parenthood in Uncertain Times
Dr. Cook, a therapist and author, brings her expertise and insights from her book “Generation Anxiety,” which provides a guide for millennials and Gen Z to navigate an uncertain world.
We’ll be exploring how anxiety manifests in young people, particularly as they contemplate starting a family or becoming parents. Plus, we’ll discuss strategies for overcoming fear, managing anxiety, and finding empowerment in the midst of uncertainty.
During our conversation, we chat about the fears and anxieties surrounding starting a family and becoming parents, especially in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic and concerns about climate change. Lauren offers invaluable insights on how to tackle these challenges and find a sense of community and connection even in uncertain times.
If you’ve ever experienced anxiety, worried about starting a family, or simply want to gain a deeper understanding of Gen Z anxiety, this episode is a must-listen.
Get ready for an insightful and empowering conversation. Let’s dive in!
Resources Mentioned During the Episode
During the podcast, several resources and tools are mentioned to help with anxiety, mental health, and fear during pregnancy. Here are some of the resources that are discussed:
1. Music: creating a playlist of uplifting songs on your phone or using a music streaming platform like Spotify to have uplifting music readily available for easy access when feeling down.
2. “Empowered Acceptance”: explores acknowledging the difficult and scary realities of life, taking action, and finding ways to be part of the solution.
3. Therapy: holistic healing and therapy on an individual level to address mental health challenges.
4. Calm App: for guided mindfulness and mentions enjoying guided mindfulness with this app. They also suggest downloading the hypnobirthing app called Calm Birth.
5. Self-Care Kit: creating a self-care kit that engages all the senses. This may include items that can be touched for comfort, aromatherapy for relaxation (such as peppermint essential oil), sound machines or music, visual cues like family pictures or favorite quotes, and even taste-based items like peppermint candy or gum to help with anxiety.
Overall, the podcast provides a range of resources and approaches to support those dealing with anxiety, fear, and emotional well-being during pregnancy and motherhood.
Episode Timestamps
00:01:35 Lauren had a baby, discussing fear during pregnancy. 00:04:12 Fear of losing control during birth. 00:06:56 Apprehension and excitement normal for pregnancy decision. 00:10:42 Writing “Generation Anxiety,” paralleling pregnancy, high anxiety, pleasant ending with breach baby, commonality of breach births, peaceful C-section, beautiful birth. 00:14:50 Anticipatory anxiety is worse than reality. 00:18:53 Anxiety in youth: prevalence and cultural impact. 00:22:26 Exposure therapy: practice and face-to-face interaction. 00:23:59 Anxiety feeds into family planning, COVID impact. 00:28:55 Fast paced world makes it hard to stay. 00:32:36 Empowered acceptance: acknowledging realities, taking action. 00:34:06 Holistic healing can be approached indirectly. 00:37:06 Deviance from norm, dysfunction, danger, support 00:40:15 Music game changer. Lift you. Spotify playlist. 00:46:47 Fear Free Childbirth podcast: removing pregnancy fear.
Episode Guest
Meet Dr. Lauren Cook, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, company consultant, author, and speaker. With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology and her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, Dr. Lauren appears frequently in the media to provide commentary while also working with companies as well as individual adults, couples, families, and teens to help reduce anxiety and improve personal and professional outcomes. She integrates evidence-based tools from a systems lens and she speaks internationally, both in-person and virtually. Dr. Lauren owns a private practice, Heartship Psychological Services, serving all clients residing in California.
You can connect with Dr. Lauren through TikTok, Instagram, her Brain Health Book Club, and through her podcast, The Boardroom Brain. Stay tuned for Dr. Lauren’s latest book, GENERATION ANXIETY—set to hit the shelves in September 2023.
Now, on today’s show, I’m going to be speaking to Dr. Lauren Cook, and we’re going to be speaking about gen z and anxiety. Anxiety is something that a lot of us struggle with, but I think that when it comes to millennials and gen z, they are considered to be two of the most anxious generations in history. And so I really wanted to sort of dive into the topic of anxiety with a real focus on how anxiety is being experienced by these generations, and particularly because they are the generations that are coming into parenthood. So for me, when it comes to contemplating parenthood, having a baby, and how anxiety might feed into your own fears around birth, this felt like a really important conversation to have. And Dr. Cook is bringing a book out imminently. It might already be out in your local bookstore called Generation Anxiety a Millennial and Gen Z Guide to Staying afloat in an uncertain world. So we’re going to be diving into that conversation.
Alexia [00:01:35]:
Also, Lauren has just had a baby, so she’s just come out. She’s got a new squishy newborn that she is making friends with, getting to know. So we dive into some of that, too, because, of course, I’m always interested in how people’s pregnancies went and how their birth went. But before I dive into that conversation, I want to answer a question that I’ve had from a listener. So the question I’ve had is, how can you trust that you’ve conquered your fear enough to move forward with pregnancy? Now, this is a really good question, and I’m glad it’s been asked, because I’m more than happy to dive into this. So a good place to start would be how do you know when you’ve healed of something? Or how do you know when you have cleared the fear? And I’m going to be speaking specifically in regards to using head trash clearance, the technique that I developed, because that is where I have my knowledge, and that is also where I can give you concrete answers. So when you have cleared a fear using head trash clearance, the end result of that is you feel neutral. You’re in a state of neutrality about the thing pain, for example.
Alexia [00:02:39]:
So let’s say you have a fear of pain. And this fear that you have of pain is every time you think of pain, you tense up, you get really anxious. Your body, your legs, tighten up together, you frown, you’ve got tension in your shoulders. All of these things come into play the minute you kind of think about pain, the idea of experiencing pain. And so that tells me that there’s a very visceral fear at play if these are your responses to pain and thinking about pain. Now, once you have cleared that fear of pain, and there could be many strands to this fear, so it might mean one clearance or it could mean several, it could be connected to some other themes for you. And that is unique to everybody. But once you have cleared it, the way that you know that it’s clear is that when you think about the idea of pain or experiencing pain, you think, oh well, okay, so what? I’ll deal with it, it’s going to be fine, I’ll be absolutely fine, whatever.
Alexia [00:03:37]:
I can handle it, I can handle it. And it’s that state of not being bothered, not being, not caring about it, thinking, well, I’ll just take it my stride, I’ll handle it when it comes. That’s the position that you reach when a fear is no longer a fear, where you’re contemplating this thing and it’s like, okay, well, I’ll take it my stride. And that can be a really good sign where you simply just don’t care about the prospect of that thing anymore. It doesn’t kind of trigger you. It doesn’t bring up any anxiety in you. You just feel neutral. So whether you experience pain or not, it doesn’t really matter.
Alexia [00:04:12]:
You’re still going to go through the thing and yada, yada, yada, that’s how that feels. So how does that feel then, with a different fear? Let me give you another example. So another really common fear that people have around birth is control, and the fear of losing control or not being in control. And so when somebody has a fear of not being in control or that the idea of losing control and that could be fear of losing control of their emotions, of their state of mind, but also of the situation or their bodily functions, that level of control that you might feel that you’re losing could affect different aspects of your being. So when you have overcome that fear, you reach a place where you think, well, okay, so I might lose control. Doesn’t matter, I’ll be fine, it’s okay, I don’t need to be in control. I might start crying in an uncontrollable mess, and that’s okay because I probably just need to express that and get out of my system. Or maybe if I’m thinking about birth and I think I might wheel over the floor or something, then, well, that’s okay, that happens.
Alexia [00:05:11]:
It’s a normal bodily function. It’s not going to kill me, it’s fine. You just reach this place where you’re just not bothered. That’s how you know that this fear has cleared. So let’s take this forward then. When you, let’s say you’ve had a lot of fears that you’ve worked through and now you’re, am I ready for pregnancy? Then how do you know if you’re ready to move forward with pregnancy? Well, at that point, you can think, how would I feel right now if I saw a pregnancy test and it was confirmed that, yes, I was pregnant? How would that make me feel? And you might think, Actually, I’m okay with that situation now. Of course, it might be very different when it actually happens. The reality of it might strike very differently to the imagined version.
Alexia [00:05:54]:
Okay. And that happens. But if in your mind you can contemplate that position and you’re like, actually, I feel quite neutral if I’m pregnant now, great, okay. And if I’m not pregnant, well, I will just keep trying. It’s that kind of it’s okay if I am, It’s okay if I’m not. That’s what this neutrality position is, where you are happy to go either way. You’re happy being pregnant or you’re happy not being pregnant.
Alexia [00:06:18]:
Of course, there might be an overwhelming desire for pregnancy and you might be slightly disappointed, but that disappointment is not the same as, oh, thank God for that. Oh, my goodness, that would have been a nightmare. That’s not that is it? It’s a very different position or a different state of mind to think, okay, well, we’ll keep trying and see you next time. Fingers crossed for next time. That’s a calm, neutral response to the prospect of pregnancy compared to, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness. Panic, panic, panic. Am I pregnant? Oh, my God. That kind of like tension, anxiety and overall sort of sense of panic coming on at the prospect of pregnancy.
Alexia [00:06:56]:
Now, the thing that I do want to say is that obviously the decision to have children and move forward to pregnancy is a big decision. And so that may still be met with some apprehension and some nervous tension or excitement or something that gives you butterflies or a bit like, oh, my goodness, is this the right thing for me, that kind of thing. But that kind of apprehension is natural, is normal, and is not necessarily fear. And so it’s important to start to discern what you’re noticing, what you’re feeling, to see whether, is this what I’m feeling? Is this just a little bit of excitement with a little bit of fear thrown in? But actually it’s a natural level of fear. It’s a normal level of fear for somebody to be thinking or feeling going into such a big life change, because when we go through something that is new, that is quite significant, there’s always going to be a level of apprehension. If you start your first day at a new job, you’re going to be slightly worried, slightly apprehensive before you go in because it’s all unknown. Similar kind of feelings might show up when you’re contemplating pregnancy. Once you’ve got over all those fears, you’re like, oh, my God, this is going to be new and all of that, but that’s not the same as this visceral fear that you might have felt previously.
Alexia [00:08:14]:
So it’s really to tune into how does that fear feel within you, in your body. And if you’ve managed to eliminate these strong physical sensations that crop up with the fear, whenever you want to connect to this idea of the fear or thinking about it, or the prospect of experiencing this thing that you fear, if you have lost those visceral reactions that kind of immediate trigger, then that’s a good sign. But also notice what’s going on in your mind and whether or not now you’re like, actually I can take it or leave it, actually I’m okay with this. I feel quite neutral and you feel calm and almost like the information is coming into your space, into your headspace, and it isn’t dragging in with it, loads of emotions with it. It’s coming in quite clean and content free in that respect. This idea of pain comes in, you’re like, well, of course I wouldn’t want to experience pain because that’s weird. But if I do experience, if I do experience pain, I’ll be fine because it won’t last long and I’ll get over it and I’ll move on. That’s a very different state of mind.
Alexia [00:09:18]:
So I hope that that helps. For those of you that are wondering, what does it look like when you have conquered a fear? Okay, so I’m going to go back to today’s episode and a conversation with Dr. Lauren Cook. Now, as part of this conversation, we’re going to be diving into all manner of aspects of anxiety and we’re also going to touch on emetophobia, which I touched on a few weeks ago because Lauren also suffered from emetophobia, which is a fear of being sick. So this was a big deal for her in the lead up to her pregnancy, but I’ll let her talk all about it and tell us more about how her pregnancy journey was, but also spilling the beans on anxiety for the millennial and Gen Z generations. Enjoy. Hello Lauren, and welcome to the podcast.
Lauren [00:10:05]:
Oh, Lexi, it’s so good to be with you. Thanks for having me.
Alexia [00:10:08]:
That’s OK. We’re going to have such a great conversation. I know, because there are so many topics before we recorded that I said I really want to talk about this and I want to talk about this. The main meat of the conversation. I think today is really going to be around anxiety, and specifically around anxiety for Gen Z, because that is a huge topic that I really want to dive into as they are thinking about planning, think about having a family. But you’ve just become a mum three months old. You’ve got a three month old. So let’s just talk very briefly about your own journey, becoming a mum and your pregnancy journey.
Alexia [00:10:40]:
Would you mind just sharing a little bit about that, Lauren?
Lauren [00:10:42]:
Oh, absolutely. Well, it was so funny writing this book, generation Anxiety, kind of in a parallel timing with getting pregnant, being pregnant. I had so much anxiety around pregnancy and what that would all entail. When we were talking before we hit record, I’ve got a very fun phobia, emetophobia, which is a phobia of vomit, which as you can imagine with pregnancy is like prime exposure, right? Very anxious about that, but honestly had a really nice, healthy pregnancy, ended up having a little breech baby. So I am convinced that breech babies are more common than the literature says. It says like 1% to 3% of babies are breached. But I don’t know, four out of ten mommies in my Mommy and Me class we had breach babies, so ended up having a plan C section and really actually felt a lot of peace in that. In the end, it was still a very beautiful birth.
Lauren [00:11:37]:
How he came into this world. Now I’ve got a three month old little Derek.
Alexia [00:11:41]:
So let’s just talk about the vomit phobia briefly because I know this is a very, very common phobia. If not, sometimes I see it stuck at the top of the charts. In terms of one of the most common phobias, how did that manifest for you? Have you always had it?
Lauren [00:11:55]:
Yeah, I write about this in the book, and oftentimes people who have this phobia, they have some kind of trauma around vomit, but not always. It might be a really embarrassing experience they had where they got sick or someone got sick on them. That disgust piece in the brain is so powerful, and that’s really what vomit is for a lot of people. It feels pretty disgusting. My mom had breast cancer when I was two years old and was very sick. Of course, I don’t consciously remember any of this, but I was throwing up a lot from chemotherapy. I was often physically removed from my house, I think, to kind of try to protect me from seeing her so sick. But I think that really led me to internalise that vomit was out of control, was sickness, was potentially even life threatening and death.
Lauren [00:12:45]:
I’m really happy to say that my mom is healthy and well, and I saw her yesterday and she’s loving being a grandma. I think seeing her at least unconsciously as a little child, that really led to some very deep trauma for me. And I’ve always had this phobia of vomit ever since. And it’s been fascinating with the book coming out because I write a lot about emetophobia in the book. So many people have been coming out and saying that they too have this phobia.
Alexia [00:13:12]:
Did you heal this phobia or do you still have it today?
Lauren [00:13:15]:
It’s in between, and I say that’s true for all of anxiety. It’s rare that we ever make it go completely away. Will I ever be that person that’s out holding somebody’s hair back at a bar probably not, but I am able to withstand it. Where I was able to even get pregnant because my phobia was so bad. At one point, I felt like I would never be able to have kids because the idea of pregnancy and morning sickness scared me so bad, and kids throwing up, that scared me so bad. And if you don’t experience this phobia, I realised this can sound like, ridiculous. Someone could be hearing this and being like, get over it. But phobias are so instinctual and there’s such a deep rooted fear.
Lauren [00:14:01]:
Logically, I could say, yeah, this is ridiculous. But on a biological level, I really felt endangered. So I did a lot of therapy. I did a lot of work to get to a place where I could be pregnant. I did, in fact, throw up during the pregnancy only once, but I got through it. A lot of exposure and response prevention therapy was really helpful for me. And my son has even thrown up on me since he’s been born, and I’ve been able to handle it. So I think that’s a big win.
Alexia [00:14:28]:
You are totally winning it. You are totally nailing motherhood there. Brilliant. Brilliant. Let’s dive into anxiety, because obviously I would imagine that the fear of vomit as well as any other anxieties that you had, would have really contributed to the anxiety that you were feeling. Any fears around birth and thinking about pregnancy? Talk to me a little bit about how that anxiety was for you and how you manage that.
Lauren [00:14:50]:
Well, like with all things with anxiety, we see the anticipatory anxiety is so much worse than the actual reality of it. The fear of what could happen was so much worse than what actually did happen, right? Like, when I did actually throw up, I remember saying to myself while it was happening, literally a mantra out loud, I’m okay, I’m okay. And after the fact, I was like, that wasn’t fun, but my world didn’t end. I didn’t die. It’s the same thing with panic, right? People have panic attacks, and they feel in the moment like they’re going to die, but no one has actually died of a panic attack. I try and remind myself of that and my clients of that, of, like, the fear of what could be is often so much worse than the reality of what is. And I tried to really remember that during the pregnancy. Like, I’m strong, I’m capable, I can live with anxiety.
Lauren [00:15:44]:
My big thing is I don’t want anxiety to determine the outcome of my life. And if I didn’t have kids, knowing that that’s a value that I’ve had for myself, if I didn’t make that choice, I knew it would have been because I was avoiding anxiety, and that’s what I didn’t want to happen. It’s fine if you don’t have kids for other reasons, right? But I think it’s really important that we don’t let anxiety call the shots on our life.
Alexia [00:16:07]:
Yeah, I totally agree. And that’s exactly what I say in terms of fear, don’t make that decision from a place of fear. Heal that so that you can make a decision about having kids from a place that is from a good place, from your heart, not from fear or anxiety. So I think that you can live with the decision like that in a way that you can’t. I think from anxiety or fear, it’s much more difficult as regret and guilt and then it suddenly becomes worse. Right? It just kind of becomes a situation that can be difficult for people to live with long term.
Lauren [00:16:37]:
Oh, I was just going to say, like you mentioned that regret piece and that’s everything right there. We have to ask ourselves, when I end my life and I look back, will I have any regrets? And if the answer is yes, then we know that the anxiety is probably really getting in the way there.
Alexia [00:16:54]:
Yeah, and absolutely no. I love that you picked that out. So your book is really about the Generation Z and how anxiety plays out for them. So I’m really interested in what does that look like and how is it different, maybe to the anxiety that maybe different generations are experiencing? I mean, is it completely different? Is it just a shade different? I don’t know. I’d love for you to shed some light on that.
Lauren [00:17:19]:
Yeah, absolutely. And the book is written a millennial and a Gen Z guide because we are really seeing that anxiety does look different for millennials and Gen Z and I did a lot of research into why exactly that know, you look at something like the Generational Power Index and you ask people what has been defining generationally for you? Most generations, at least here in the United States, will tell you September 11 for us was like a Hallmark moment. But there’s been so many things since then, one thing after another. Climate change, gun violence. I mean, the UK just came out and said that the US. Is an unsafe place to travel to. Right? I mean, there’s just so much going on in our world with social media, the inundation of news, the war in Ukraine. You start to see people feeling helpless and hopeless.
Lauren [00:18:09]:
And when you put those two things together, it’s a recipe for feeling anxious and left unchecked, a recipe for feeling depressed over time. So that’s why I felt like I’ve got to write this book right now. Because we are seeing anxiety go through the roof for folks. And people are either having an avoidance reaction of I just want to put my head in the sand and ignore everything because it’s too much, but then the problems continue or they’re almost over preparing and they’re not able to live in the present moment of their life because they may be engaging in all kinds of compulsive behaviours. My hope is that people, even given everything going on in the world, can still live life in alignment for them, even with that anxiety present.
Alexia [00:18:53]:
And so when they are experiencing the anxiety, how does that play out in someone that is quite young, really? I know that mental health doesn’t discriminate by age, but I’m just wondering when I think about maybe I think I was a really hot mess, actually when I was young, and I was probably wrestling with loads of anxiety and I didn’t realise it. Okay, so maybe when I was that age, 1020 years ago that we were all maybe I was just surrounded by loads of anxious people and I wasn’t able to tell. Maybe it really is quite a big significantly different now, and there’s a larger proportion of people who are suffering from anxiety. And I think also because now we’re talking about mental health and now we’re okay to talk about our wounds and our parents and we’re going to therapy now. It’s kind of something where people are more willing to talk about. Maybe we’re just more aware of it. I don’t know. But I’m just interested in how this anxiety piece looks among that generation and how it kind of plays out in the culture among them and their peers.
Lauren [00:19:53]:
Well, I think that’s a big part of the problem, is that we’re also seeing this loneliness epidemic happen, right? And I do think generationally, that’s a big difference. You look at what was happening during World War II, right? A lot of people will say, well, that time, how were people not more anxious then than now? That was a horrible time in history. But people had more community back then. People knew who their neighbours were. They were closer with their families. Now people tend to really live in way more isolation. They don’t know who their neighbours are. They don’t say hi to the person at the grocery store.
Lauren [00:20:28]:
We don’t know who we can trust anymore. We’ve lost our ability to have meaningful relationships with people where we’re seeing social anxiety go through the roof, right? It’s kind of a joke. If a Gen Z gets a voicemail, that ‘s like prime ten, like an anxious reaction, right? So we’re losing our social muscles. This happens. We naturally see anxiety go up because we feel isolated and scared in the world. Who do I have to turn to for support? Who can I share this with? Yes, I can pay a therapist and talk about it with them. That’s great. But there’s also a sadness, right, that maybe I can’t talk to my friend about it or my parents about it.
Lauren [00:21:08]:
People are spending so much more time on their phones than actual face to face connection. And our brains are literally starved neurologically for those deep connections. I think that’s a huge part of why these two generations, millennial and Gen Z, are more anxious than ever because they’re doing this alone.
Alexia [00:21:26]:
And also now we’re hearing that AI is now going to be we’re going to get therapists, AI therapists. And you just think, hang on a minute, this is not going in the right direction at all. Because it’s that human connection that we crave, that we need as mums. Everybody listening to the show, I would imagine, is aware of this, but a baby needs to be held. If a baby is not held in its first few weeks, it will die. It needs that loving connection. That is a thing that we all humans need. Doesn’t stop when you stop being a baby, you continue to need that human connection.
Alexia [00:21:56]:
And so this kind of stuck to the phone, only engaging through an app, only messaging through apps, not meeting up. Even when they do meet up, they’re all on their phones together. I just had all my family around and they were just sitting in the same room just on phones. You’re like, what are you doing? It’s really difficult. And then also I’m hearing colleagues and friends that are saying, when we have some young people starting, we’ve got to train them on how to answer a telephone, which, again, reinforces that sense of this difficulty with social connection. So where’s the starting point?
Lauren [00:22:26]:
Well, we mentioned exposure and response therapy. And honestly, that’s the best treatment for something like this is to actually practise this. I’m a big behaviourist as a psychologist, it’s great to work on your mindset, but the brain has to behaviorally see that we’re capable of these things that make us uncomfortable. So, yes, leaving a voicemail on the phone right. Or asking a friend out to dinner or lunch and having a rule, we’re not going to pull our phones out. Right. The more we can have that eye contact, that face to face, and even talking to a stranger, right? I just read a study the other day that interacting with strangers is so good for our brain health. And actually those interactions tend to go way better than we expect they will.
Lauren [00:23:10]:
But we just need to build more community. And if that’s even setting a goal of, like, today I’m going to smile at someone, or today I’m going to ask the Grocer how they’re doing, even though that makes me feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. We start to have those corrective experiences to see, like, oh, either somebody was friendly back to me or maybe it was a neutral interaction, but going to get into a fight with someone when we’re kind and nice to someone, right? We have to practise these things more. And I think older generations can be a part of that too, by really asking young adults like, hey, how’s it going? What’s going on for you today? Right. And really trying to help pull Gen Z and Millennial out so that they’re engaging more. Because we know that mentorships across generations is huge, and that’s not really happening either.
Alexia [00:23:59]:
And so how does this anxiety then feed into those that may be thinking about planning a family or thinking about becoming parents. Because you mentioned some things that are happening in society that are really kind of quite terrifying where you kind of spend too long thinking about them. And of course, we’ve all been through that collective traumatic experience that is COVID whether it’s lockdown the isolation that that brought on, but also that did in some areas foster some sense of community. I know in some areas in the UK, everyone was out clapping at night and they got to know their neighbours and they were chatting on the fence and there was a little bit of community that started kind of building up. Certainly where I was, we got to know our neighbours a lot more. So I think it’s a mixed bag. But for the most part, I think a lot of people felt the isolation, the disconnection from family, the fear of that whole situation that played out. But like you said, there’s the climate change narrative that a lot of women that I’m in contact with are saying, well, I don’t know if it’s right that I should bring a child into the world.
Alexia [00:24:54]:
This is what’s making me think twice. Then you’ve got the community. We know that it takes a village to raise a family and there isn’t a village. So it’s hard work. People aren’t with their families anymore, they’ve moved away. So how does this anxiety in the work that you’ve done, how does that play out with those that are planning families or thinking about wanting a family?
Lauren [00:25:13]:
Well, and that’s spot on. We see right now that about 40% of young adults are saying I don’t want to have kids because of the anxiety around things like climate change and things like that. And you hear of a lot of drinks, right? Double income, no kids. That’s kind of a name that we have here in the States for people who want to make that choice. I really come back to values here. What are your personal values? If a personal value is I want to bring someone into this world and teach them how to be a citizen that makes a difference. I want to help teach someone, learn how to grow, then if that’s a value for you, how can we help you reason with the anxiety that comes from that? And I often will say values induction is not about pain reduction. A lot of times we want to make choices because we don’t want to feel pain, we don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
Lauren [00:26:04]:
There’s a lot of things about pregnancy, having a child that include pain, that include discomfort. And if we’re so set on just being comfortable all the time, why would anyone have kids, right? But are there things that come out of it that are so meaningful to you that you want to build this family that is going to hopefully help contribute to the. World, right, make things better, then I think that’s something we have to be willing to sit with that discomfort because there’s so much good that comes out of it. I think that’s something that’s really important for us to hold in the conversation of all of this. It’s not about reducing our pain, it’s about inducing the values there. It’s not an easy call, I totally want to acknowledge that. But at the same time, I think we need more people being a part of the solution than the problem.
Alexia [00:26:51]:
I think the avoidance of discomfort. I grew up before phones. I’m giving away my age now, obviously. But I think now we’ve been very used to having immediate gratification, things being very easy. Smart apps, smartphones are smart. They are smart everywhere and really having this convenience I’m going to order it now and if it’s not here by 08:00 tonight, then I’m not ordering from them again. This idea is like I’ve now moved to rural France, so if I order off Amazon, I’m lucky to get it within four days. So the idea of getting it later that day, which was my old reality, is like so I’ve had a bit of a kind of wake up call on that.
Alexia [00:27:25]:
But the sense of community and actually when there’s other things that are able to take hold and to be nurtured, which are meaningful connections and being within a natural environment, some of those things are really I’m really recognizing now how important they are for me. When I was disconnected from all of that, I kind of didn’t realise how much I was missing kind of thing. This convenience thing, we kind of if it’s too hard work, I’m not going to go into town because that’s a pain. I’m going to have to park the car and I’ll stand in a queue and if I’ve got what I want, I’m going to go to another one. Oh my goodness. All this drama, this hard work, it’s easy to do it without. We’re now kind of not even, can’t even handle hard work or an effort. And so even things that take effort, that isn’t really difficult per se.
Alexia [00:28:11]:
It’s just time.
Lauren [00:28:12]:
It’s so true. And we have more free time than we ever have historically before, but it doesn’t feel like that to people. We don’t want to be uncomfortable. So that constant like go, go, that unwillingness to sit in any kind of inconvenience is definitely impacting our brain on a neurological level. And I would argue it’s even affecting things like diagnosis rates of ADHD, an amazing book, Stolen, focused by Johann Hari, talks about as we’re seeing such a surge in social media and just this instantaneousness, yes, we’re having difficulty concentrating, but it’s being diagnosed as ADHD. When could it actually be that our environment is just so over stimulating and so.
Alexia [00:28:55]:
Fast paced about an inability to stay with something a little bit longer? So some of them have moved to France now so their approach to films, for example, is a lot slower. They’ll really kind of labour the point to where western, Hollywood movies, that kind of thing, it’s like there’s no hanging about, and they won’t allow that. Now, working with 32nd, 22nd reels on Instagram, this is kind of like the TikTok generation where if it’s not funny within 15 seconds, they’re onto the next one, then yes, goodness. How can they sit and read a book or even kind of move past that period where something might feel uncomfortable to sit with discomfort long enough to kind make it through the points? When you have a moment that might feel a little bit discomfort, uncomfortable at first, where those of us that maybe have been used to that, you kind of realise that that’s only last the beginning of it. And then you sit with it and you kind of ride through that, and then you’re like, oh, no, actually, I’m okay. But if you can’t sit through that first bit, you shy away from it every time, and you never learn that actually you can handle discomfort. It’s fine. And actually, it’s nothing to be afraid of.
Alexia [00:29:58]:
Actually, it makes you feel good. That’s where you get your confidence from sometimes is going through a lot of those uncomfortable experiences and knowing, hey, throw anything at me. I can deal with it. How can we teach people to kind of maybe live with discomfort, which I feel is maybe the early signs of anxiety developing. It’s the beginning of it, potentially. What do you think?
Lauren [00:30:16]:
I think mindfulness is huge. I really do. We are losing this ability where I’ve even had clients, we’ll be a minute into a mindfulness session, and they will interrupt and say, this is too hard. It feels really hard to just sit with ourselves. And mindfulness is not about feeling relaxed. It’s actually about learning how to just be in our bodies. So anything that kind of requires you to sit with it, whether it’s going to an exercise class, right, where socially it might be kind of weird if 20 minutes in, you just walk out of the yoga studio, but where there’s some social scripts of like, okay, I got to hang in there with this. That’s teaching us how to really sustain our attention and stay with and in turn, learn how to sit with discomfort.
Lauren [00:30:59]:
We’ve got to practise that. Even a little bit of a silly exercise, but a good way to harness this a little bit. Let’s say you have an itch on your face and you really want to scratch your nose. A lot of times we’ll just do it right away, right? But mindfulness would be, okay, can I sit with that discomfort of like, oh, I really want to. Itch my nose, but can I hold this? And that’s just a simple exercise that kind of elucidates the example of this, of learning how to sit in that discomfort and seeing that we can handle it.
Alexia [00:31:30]:
And so what other things can they do? Because it sounds to me like really maybe to help this generation, maybe better cope is these little exercises like the one you’ve just shown us now that’s very simple and really easy to do. I know I’ve done that loads in just, in meetings at work where you’re like, oh, I can’t. Is it really something? Are you really asking them and saying to them, you’ve got to kind of take this on. This is for you to own and to kind of figure out and fix yourself. That feels like a really mean thing to say. But also you have got to take responsibility for your own mental health, your own emotional well being and notice when things are starting to unravel and take action. At one end, it’s me sounding super mean, like, well, you got to own your stuff and crack on and sort it out. Which obviously isn’t very empathetic and helpful.
Alexia [00:32:21]:
But also there’s a part of that where you do need to just kind of throw a pair and just find the help. Go and find the resources, go and find a therapist, go and find the support, make some go and do the things. Where do you sit on that? Do I sound super mean here or Is it
Lauren [00:32:36]:
I really like this idea. I write about this in the book called Empowered Acceptance and it’s really taking this both and approach. Like we have to accept and acknowledge the realities of this world, that life is really hard and scary. It’s not about gaslighting ourselves and saying like it’s not that bad. No, sometimes it is that bad and it does really feel hard accepting that, not avoiding that and being empowered too. Still taking action, right? Acceptance is not about apathy and just throwing our hands up and saying, well, I guess we’re all screwed, right? It’s saying, no, what can I do in my own life to take action? And what can I do to be a part of the solution? With climate change, for example, versus just standing on the sidelines, shaking my boots kind of thing, you have to be a part of the solution in that sense. On an individual level, I’m a huge advocate for holistic healing. Obviously, I’m a therapist, I’m a big fan of therapy.
Lauren [00:33:33]:
But I really think we’ve got to look at so many forms of healing, whether it’s acupuncture, whether it’s nutrition and the food we put into our body. I mean, the research on the gut brain connection and how that impacts anxiety with the foods we’re eating, that’s something that we can take action with. So it’s really looking at a lot of different avenues and seeing what works well for each individual person and putting in the time to do that that’s well worth the effort instead of just checking the boxes on all the other things on our to-do list.
Alexia [00:34:06]:
I think one of the holistic healing points are really important, I think. And I think when for some people going in the way I see it’s, like sometimes your mental health or emotional well being, let’s call that, that’s maybe the most pressing challenge that you’re facing. And so you could go in through the front door and deal with that head on, or you can maybe sneak in through the garden and maybe just do some exercise and maybe start running or doing something that’s going to build your physical strength. The nutrition, another back garden route where you can start doing things from the edges and then that builds up your overall health in other ways that then can give you the strength to then think, actually, I think I can tackle the front door now. Whereas without those things, maybe you kind of felt that was a bit too much. Whereas if you take the back door, you can still help the emotional well being through your nutrition, through the exercise, but it’s just doing it in a slightly roundabout way that’s still helpful.
Lauren [00:35:00]:
I love that metaphor. That was so cool. I’m going to use that with clients. That’s beautiful.
Alexia [00:35:07]:
Yeah. I think that can really help whether they haven’t got the emotional strength, because I think tackling anxiety does require you with the work I do around getting helping people to get rid of their phobias. With my approach, you have to eyeball the phobia, have to eyeball the fear. And that takes a lot of guts, though, to do that. A lot of people can’t, that’s too difficult for them to do. It is because of maybe the trauma, whatever they’ve gone through. And so to help those people still bring about a transformation, maybe the gentle approach is what works best for them because they can take it easier and this is where I use the back. But the garden approach where you can build up strength in other ways so that you can then come back to the Phobia and then deal with that once you’ve got more emotional strength within you to be able to deal with that totally well.
Lauren [00:35:50]:
And I always love to have an anxiety hierarchy with clients and myself of where am I at in terms of how anxiety poking this is for me, I always say, and the research shows the sweet spot is like a four to six. So if you’re like at a four to six range, in terms of a scale of one to ten, that tells us like, okay, this is a good challenge, let’s go for it. But if it’s like a seven to ten for you of like, this is going to be too much for me to face this right now. We’ve got to honour that, right? It’s not always just about pushing through because sometimes that can retraumatize or make the anxiety worse for someone, actually.
Alexia [00:36:25]:
And what about those that maybe are struggling with maybe kids, new kids, newborns are dealing with this kind of.
Lauren [00:36:32]:
Anxiety, the existential anxiety, I think, around kids. I really feel that like a new anxiety for the first time of like what happens if something happens to my spouse or something like that, right? It can trigger all kinds of anxieties. I like to use what’s called the four DS. This is from one of my best professors, Dr. Henderson. So this is helpful for parents listening. Some cues that maybe the anxiety is next level and might benefit from some help is if you’re noticing any kind of distress where you yourself are like, I’m worried about how worried I am. This doesn’t seem like my normal pace.
Lauren [00:37:06]:
And if there’s deviance from your norm right. If you’re noticing this isn’t normal for me or when I’m looking at my peer group and other parents, I’m not hearing them endorse the same level of worrying or checking behaviour. They’re not checking their infants multiple times in the night to see if they’re breathing okay. What could be going on there? There’s any kind of dysfunction if you’re not able to keep up with the things in your life, if you’re not able to go to the paediatrician appointment or maybe go to your exercise routine, right. Because you feel like I can’t keep up with my life. And lastly, if there’s any kind of danger and we have to normalise this last point, if you yourself are feeling unsafe, if you’re having thoughts of I just wish I wasn’t alive for this right now, or if I could just go to sleep and never wake up. Or if you’re feeling danger towards others, those are all signs that it would be good to get some support for those symptoms. And we got to normalise all of that because postpartum anxiety is actually more common than postpartum depression.
Alexia [00:38:07]:
I think prenatal anxiety isn’t talked about enough as well because prenatal anxiety is huge and we hear a lot about postpartum depression, so we hear a lot about that. But I think those women that suffer extreme anxiety the minute they find out they’re pregnant, a lot of those women possibly have tokophobia and they don’t realise that tocophobia is a thing. No awareness of that. So they’re wrestling with these feelings that they literally don’t understand. And I know that I’ve got clients that suddenly their anxiety just goes off the chart the minute they’re pregnant. The minute baby comes out, everything’s back to normal again. That the carrying of a baby in their body is kind of the stuff that really just explodes the anxiety for them. Just talk a little bit about some prenatal anxiety with work that you do.
Lauren [00:38:47]:
And I’m so glad that you bring that up because it definitely is not talked about enough and a lot of times people do get surprised by that experience. What’s hard is that in any other situation, pretty much you are consenting to the exposure, right? Like when I was doing my exposure therapy for emetophobia. I am choosing to look at pictures of videos of people vomiting. When you’re pregnant, you’re not necessarily choosing whether or not you want to have that exposure. It is happening to you. I remember being pregnant and saying it’s like I’ve gotten on a roller coaster and I can’t get off the ride. And that almost can really have feelings of claustrophobia for people, right. That sense of entrapment.
Lauren [00:39:26]:
So that’s where that mindfulness piece is really key of the distress tolerance of like, I’m feeling uncomfortable in my body right now and that’s okay, it’s not fun, but let me sit through this and sit in this and bring in support too. Whether it’s your partner or someone else in your life, there’d be so many times where I would voice to my partner, I’m feeling kind of panicky right now. Can you sit by me? And I’d like to hold your hand kind of thing, right? And music is huge. I think music can really help us get into another headspace. When my son was born, I had a whole birth playlist and that really affected my mood. So lean into music or whatever engages you from a senses standpoint and that can help you too, when we’re starting to really get in our head with the anxiety.
Alexia [00:40:15]:
Yeah, music is a game changer. Actually, I’m glad you mentioned it because it’s so simple and it’s something that we all have access to readily. Knowing which tunes can really lift you. I’ve got some good tunes, tunes that always get me going and that I love knowing what music that having all of that maybe stored on your phone or make yourself a spotify playlist where you’ve got them to hand really easily. I think it’s creating these little shortcuts so that when you are in a state like that, you can reach for stuff easily. And the one thing that I notice is that when I’m not in a good place, I’ve got loads of tools and things that I use, but when I’m not in place, I forget all of them. You’re in that state and you’re like after something like, oh my God, I could have done this and I could have done this and I’m like, why did I not do any of that? And I feel like I need to have a great big notice up. So it’s saying like, if you’re feeling crap today, do go through this list.
Alexia [00:41:05]:
I’m just thinking of there any little really easy go to like the music, one you just shared.
Lauren [00:41:10]:
We love to help people create like a self care kit and it engages all the senses. So what’s something you can touch? Whether it’s like a little fabric or something that feels nice for you? What’s something you can smell? Aromatherapy is huge and peppermint is especially a good one for anxiety and helps with nausea too. What can you hear? Whether it’s sound with music or a sound machine is really helpful. I love listening to mindfulness guided mindfulness with the Calm app and I believe maybe you’ll know better than I, but there’s a hypnobirthing app that got me through my pregnancy. So everybody should download it. I want to say it’s called Calm Birth. That is so, so good. And then your other senses, what am I forgetting? A sight? What is something visually that’s great for you? Whether it’s a picture of your family that you have in this box or maybe a quote that you like to read, taste. Whether it’s peppermint candy, a piece of gum, or sour candy helps with anxiety.
Lauren [00:42:07]:
So have it all in a little box, your self care, soothing box. And that can be some nice things to turn to.
Alexia [00:42:13]:
Yeah, but maybe not the bottle of wine for your taste because that might.
Lauren [00:42:15]:
Not be a good.
Alexia [00:42:18]:
I know a lot of new mothers do turn to that. I joke. But actually the glass of wine is and also drinking is such a certainly within British culture, it’s such an accepted if you suddenly announce that you’re not drinking anymore, you’ve got to deal with a lot of, kind of friction from people going, what are you doing? Why look at you not being fun anymore. This kind of like there’s a lot of culture around drinking, but also when you have that, there’s an association, a very powerful association, that when you take that first sip of wine, it just feels like you’re and when you’ve had kids screaming around all day. There is a huge thing with mums getting together, having wine, and then before they know it, they’re drinking wine every night and maybe husband’s away or he’s working late and they’re drinking half a bottle a night, maybe a bottle a night. And it can kind of escalate very rapidly, I think, with dealing with that new mum anxiety and the stress of navigating that journey. I don’t know. Do you want to talk to that?
Lauren [00:43:16]:
No doubt about it. That is so true. And one thing that I think can be helpful in terms of deciding whether or not to drink, we see that alcohol is really inflammatory and really contributes to the increase of anxiety. If you even start to test it out of like, how do I feel the next day after I drink? A lot of people will tell you, I actually noticed a spike up in my anxiety. It creates this negative feedback loop. And the other piece too is we know that alcohol affects not just the first night of sleep, but the second night of sleep. And if you’re drinking every other day, your sleep cycle is never getting a chance to recalibrate. And sleep is a huge part of anxiety and depression as well.
Lauren [00:44:00]:
That to me is like enough of a buy-in of like, oh yes, I don’t want that increase in anxiety any more than is already happening in my body. And if alcohol is something I can do to reduce fat by cutting back on the inflammation, then that’s something that I think can be good. And it’s nice to see, I’m seeing a lot more like a mocktail culture of more fun drinks that don’t have to have the alcohol in it. So we’re still getting the culture and community of drinking something together, but not having to have alcohol in it.
Alexia [00:44:32]:
Yeah. So, yeah, cutting back on alcohol is really another little thing you can do to start reducing the anxiety that you’re feeling. Yes, I love that. I’m just going to recap. What I’ve remembered is you’ve got your self care kit, you’ve got your trying to sit through the discomfort moments, like the itchy nose thing. That was a really good one. Also choosing some tracks or things that you can sit on, like meditation, like mindfulness tracks, whatever’s going to work for you, do it for you. While we’re on tracks.
Alexia [00:44:59]:
I really like mantras. I really got into an artist called David Permel and she’s got some really wonderful mantras. They’re often played at yoga classes. She’s got that kind of music going on. But just sitting with some of these, I found that because there was a vocal that I could hang on to and maybe learn, but because it was Sanskrit, I never really knew what they were, so but it was a really useful hook for my mind to just kind of follow it. And I found those very, very calming. And then what else have you mentioned? Self care kit.
Lauren [00:45:23]:
I think that covers it. Well, maybe give acupuncture a try. But yeah, nutrition is really big for people. And you mentioned, now, there was a study that just came out of Australia that they found that exercise was more effective than therapy and psychiatric medication. So not great for my mean, obviously therapy is helpful, but exercise is huge. So I always think that’s a really good entry point for folks. If you can get out for a 20 minute walk, we see changes in the brain even at just that level. So it’s absolutely worth it.
Alexia [00:45:57]:
Brilliant. Well, Lauren, thank you so much for sharing all your expertise on anxiety. Now, if people want to find out more about you, your book, where can they track you down? And also your socials. I mean, you’re prolific on lots of platforms, so tell us where we can find you.
Lauren [00:46:10]:
Well, generation anxiety comes up. September 19 is the official day. I’m so excited because we have a special publisher with Watkins that’s doing specifically UK and the whole Commonwealth. You can get on Amazon or wherever you like to buy your books. You can follow along on Instagram and TikTok. I love doing a good mental health meme, and then I speak internationally with teams. So if your company really wants to bring this conversation about anxiety, please join us. I would love to be a part of that conversation with your group.
Alexia [00:46:40]:
Thank you. Thank you so much, Lauren, for joining me on the Fear Free Childbirth podcast.
Lauren [00:46:45]:
Thank you, Alexia. Be well.
Postnatal meets Perimenopause with Linda Stephens
Sep 28, 2023
In today’s episode, we dive deep into the world of perimenopause and how it intersects with the postnatal period.
With so many women waiting until later in life to have children, this is an important topic for women to get their heads around.
Postnatal meets Perimenopause
To help us do that, I am joined by my guest, Linda Stephens, who brings her expertise and insights on women’s health to help you navigate this transitional stage in your life.
We explore the hormonal changes, physical symptoms, and emotional challenges that can arise during this time. Together, we discover how understanding and nurturing our bodies can lead to a graceful transition and a renewed sense of self.
Some of the key questions we explore include:
What are some common symptoms experienced by women during the perimenopause stage? How do these symptoms compare to those experienced after childbirth?
How can understanding the natural hormonal cycle of women help them navigate their energy levels and productivity throughout the month?
How can create a more supportive and accommodating environment for women during the perimenopause transition?
How can taking care of the adrenal glands help support hormonal balance during the perimenopause stage?
Why there is a lack of awareness and knowledge about this treatment option among healthcare professionals?
What are some techniques or practices mentioned in the episode that can help shift the body into a parasympathetic state and support adrenal care?
How can we prioritise good fats, fiber, and quality carbohydrates in our diet to support our hormones?
How societal expectations and pressures impact women’s approach to exercise during this stage of life?
Why it is important for women to educate themselves about the changes they will experience during the late 30s to post-menopause stage?
How can women embrace the “wise woman” phase and let go of societal pressures to stay young and slim? What steps can we take to promote positive self-acceptance and embrace the changes in our bodies during this stage of life?
Resources mentioned during the episode
To help you make the most of this information, here’s a comprehensive list of resources mentioned in the podcast:
1. Fear Clearance Tracks
Audio tracks designed to reduce fears related to pregnancy and childbirth. These tracks address common fears such as fear of pregnancy, fear of childbirth, fear of losing control, fear of losing dignity, fear of change, and fear of uncertainty.
This Healing Activation was created to help you to heal from the emotional wounds and traumas related to any birth experiences you’ve had. This would benefit those who have had difficult or traumatic birth experiences.
But because we’ve ALL had a birth experience: our own arrival into the world, then everyone would benefit from this wound healing track. Particularly those who suffer from Tokophobia, because often, the trauma that is at the root of their phobia is the trauma of their own birth.
This birth wound healing track also helps you to release ancestral trauma. If your mother or grandmother (or great grandmother) had a difficult birth, then you will be carrying the memories of those experiences and they could be affecting how you feel about pregnancy or birth.
3. Fear Free Childbirth Shop
Visit www.fearfreechildbirth.com to access these resources that aim to provide emotional support and healing for individuals facing anxieties and fears related to pregnancy, childbirth, and postnatal experiences.
4. Linda Stevens Wellbeing
Explore Linda’s offerings, including online courses, retreats, and workshops, to support your journey through perimenopause and women’s health.
The Bathroom Method Bootcamp: Access free exercises and guided meditations designed to strengthen your pelvic floor and enhance your overall well-being.
5. Dr. Mindy Pelz
She is an expert in women’s health and intermittent fasting. Her YouTube channel offers valuable insights and guidance on optimizing your health. https://www.youtube.com/@DrMindyPelz
Books by Dr. Mindy Pelz: “Fast This Way: Burn Fat, Heal Inflammation, and Eat Like the High-Performing Human You Were Meant to Be”, “The Menopause Reset: Restoring Balance and Well-Being Naturally”
6. Yoga Nidra
A guided relaxation practice that can help you achieve deep rest and balance your nervous system. You can find yoga nidra sessions online or through various meditation apps.
Linda emphasizes the importance of adrenal care to manage stress and hormonal balance. Explore relaxation techniques, such as extended exhalation, low vibrational toning, and conscious rest, to support your adrenal glands.
9. Nutrition for Hormones
Dr. Mindy Pelz recommends exploring intermittent fasting and paying attention to the timing of your meals to support hormonal health. Focus on quality carbohydrates, good fats, and nutrient-dense foods.
10. Yoga and Movement
Engage in activities like yoga, walking in nature, and gentle exercises to promote physical and mental well-being. These practices can help you connect with your body and reduce stress.
Remember that your path to optimal health is unique, and it’s essential to listen to your body and intuition. These resources offer valuable guidance and support as you navigate perimenopause and embrace your feminine wisdom. Take a step towards greater well-being and empowerment by exploring these resources and incorporating them into your daily life.
Episode Timestamps
00:00:01 “Fear Free Childbirth podcast helps navigate postnatal perimenopause. New fear clearance and wound healing tracks added.” 00:08:33 Late pregnancies, perimenopause, and hormone imbalance explained. 00:10:46 Low progesterone, oestrogen, and baby blues fatigue. Women’s brains need these hormones to function well. Going into perimenopause after childbirth. 00:16:43 Track your cycle and symptoms for empowerment. 00:20:47 Estrogen is vital for energy and health. 00:25:44 Having a baby challenges control and identity. 00:34:44 New vaginal oestrogen available in the UK. 00:37:40 Breath, rest, nutrition, and less stress. 00:46:52 Ideal fitness: consider adrenals, intermittent exercise, calming. 00:50:37 Trying different strategies, accepting personal changes. 00:53:04 Freedom in surrender, conscious choices, letting go. 00:56:14 Free exercise and meditation for women.
Episode Guest
Meet Linda Stephens, the Women’s Wellbeing Warrior, dedicated to reawakening core strength in midlife women. With a belief that core health is true wealth, Linda empowers women through her expertise.
You’re listening to the Fear Free Childbirth podcast with me, Alexia Leachman. Let me help you to take the fear out of pregnancy, birth and beyond with a mix of real life stories and experts sharing their wisdom. I’ll also be sharing psychology insights to help you to cultivate a fearless mindset, be inspired and be empowered with Fear Free Childbirth . And now it’s time for the show.
Hello and welcome back to the Fear Free Childbirth Podcast. My name is Alexa Leachman. Thank you so much for joining me today. On today’s show, we’re going to be talking about where postnatal meets the perimenopause with a lot of mums that are now having babies later in their life, some mums are facing the perimenopause while going through the postnatal period.
So today I’m being joined by Linda, who’s going to help us navigate this delicate stage in life so that you can better manage it and not be succumb to the cocktail of hormones that might be chucking themselves your way as you wrestle with a new baby.
But before I hand over to that, I just want to update you on a couple of things I added to the shop this week, the Fear Free Childbirth Shop. Now, as you know, I’m all about helping you to reduce the fear that you’re carrying around birth and pregnancy. And I’ve got quite a lot of fear clearance tracks in the Fear Free Childbirth store and I’ve been recording some new ones. So I just wanted to let you know about the new ones that have just been added. Now, for some reason, I don’t know how this even was a thing was possible, but I didn’t actually have a fear clearance track for a fear of pregnancy. But now I have. So now you can buy a fear of pregnancy fear clearance track, as well as a fear of childbirth fear clearance track. There are other ones in there also for common fears that women experience around birth and pregnancy, including fear of losing control, fear of losing your dignity, fear of change, fear of uncertainty. All those are already in there as well. And they would be very useful for you to listen to, to benefit from, if you want to let go of the fear. People are getting amazing results listening to these tracks and it can make a huge difference to how you’re feeling. Very, very quickly, I’ve just added fear of pregnancy, so just head over to fearfreechildbirth.com shop or store, that kind of thing, and then you will find the fear clearance audios in the shop.
And I’m also creating some wound healing tracks. So these are really about healing traumas and the emotional wounds that you’re carrying around things. And there is also now a birth wound healing. So for many people, this might mean that when they gave birth and it was difficult or traumatic or it has left an emotional trace of some sort for them, that whenever they think of that birth as a little bit of pang of sadness or guilt or something that’s just not pleasant. It doesn’t have to be a full blown traumatic experience. But if there’s any kind of wounding that you’re carrying on the topic of birth or the idea of birth, this will be ideal for you if you have suffered from a birth experience that wasn’t pleasant, that was difficult or traumatic. And maybe when you think of your earlier birth experiences, there’s a little tinge of sadness or something that’s not entirely pleasant comes up for you. Whether it’s a full blown, kind of really nightmare experience or whether it wasn’t a nightmare, but for some reason you just can’t shake there’s something that you can’t shake about that experience, then that wound healing will be perfect for you. Also, this is going to be perfect for those that suffer from tokophobia, because the thing about tokophobia and any phobia is that there’s usually a root trauma going on there that’s feeding the phobia. And for many that suffer from tokophobia, this root event, this root trauma could well be your own birth experience the time that you arrived in the world. So this birth wound healing is for you too. It’s really all encapsulating to capture any experiences of birth that you’ve had. And obviously we’ve all experienced birth because we’re all here and we’ve all come through from our mothers. So we all have a birth experience within us and memories of that and maybe some of the fears and anxieties that you’re experiencing are as a result of your own birth experience. So this birth wound healing really does capture your own experience of birth, any experiences that your mother may have had while she was carrying you or the memories that she had, because it also looks at ancestral trauma. And this is an element that we really can’t dismiss when it comes to traumas because they have such an impact on who we are today, because the very memories of ancestral trauma are baked within the fabric of our very being. So letting go of any wounding that you’re carrying around the idea of birth is going to really help you no matter what your situation is in terms of facing pregnancy and birth. If you’re planning for a family, even if you’ve not got pregnant yet, if there’s any tinge of fear or anxiety around birth, then maybe it’s to do with your own birth experience. So I would recommend this birth wound healing for anyone really that considers themselves anxious or fearful or scared or even worried about birth or pregnancy. This is going to be a good one for you. So just all you need to do is head over to the Fear Free Childbirth shop and it’s in the Wound Healing Activation section along with many, many other Wound Healing Activations for other things that are very, very common. A lot of childhood themes are in there. Lots of inner child themes. As you know, I’m all about you self healing, helping you to really heal your own fears and anxieties so that you can be empowered, feel confident and calm as you go into your birth experiences. That’s what I really, really want for you. So I’m always looking at ways that I can make that journey as easy for you and as simple for you so that you can own that experience. You can be in charge of your own mental health and emotional well being.
Back to today’s show, then. So today I’m chatting to Linda. You may recognise Linda, who’s been on the show before, and she talked all about yoga and how yoga can support you during your pregnancy and birth experiences, especially the yoga moves. And the way that yoga can support you in terms of helping you to train and get your body ready, but also how you can use it during labour. So you may recognise Linda, and if you want to dig out the old episode, I would urge you to go and do that, and I’ll put a link in the show notes for that. But we’re going to be talking today about that transitional journey from postnatal to perimenopause.
And the reason I really wanted to have this conversation is because this perimenopause can really start very early for some women, maybe late 30s, early 40s, but that’s also when many women are now choosing to have their babies because they’re leaving it later. So it could be that you are wrestling with early signs of perimenopause while you’re breastfeeding a newborn. And so the cocktail of hormones that’s going on, you could be feeling like you’re really being battered left, right and centre and not knowing how to handle all that. And that can be very unsettling, very overwhelming, very emotional. So Linda’s going to talk through that, how we can start to figure out what’s going on, and maybe even those of you that maybe have got toddlers now and maybe heading into your early 40s, maybe mid to late 40s, depending on when perimenopause hits for you. This is going to be useful for you too, as you navigate this important next stage in your life. This is a stage that I’m going through at the moment.
So I found this interview incredibly helpful and validating for some things that I’m also starting to try out in my life. So I think this is going to be a really important conversation. And even for those that maybe have a little bit long way off from perimenopause, listen to this, because this is coming your way. So you might as well start getting ready and thinking about it because there’s some really useful, timeless advice that Linda shares that goes beyond the perimenopausal phase in terms of just how to live a healthy life and have a healthy pregnancy. So let me just hand over to my chat with Linda. I hope you enjoy it.
Hello, Linda. Welcome to the podcast.
Linda [00:07:39]:
Thank you so much for having me, Alexia. It’s lovely to be back.
Alexia [00:07:42]:
Now, for those eagle eyed well, not eagle eyed, but eagle eared among you. You might recognise Linda’s voice because we’ve spoken before on the podcast talking all about yoga and the moves that can help you to prepare for birth. But Linda also works with the whole gamut of well being for women. And so we’re going to dive into another really important part of the journey today that I think more and more women are really experiencing, and that is that postnatal to perimenopause phase where some women, because they’re birthing later, are diving from one straight into the other. Let’s just start with postnatal, first of all, and what’s happening with the hormones so that we can start to understand how this hormonal mix is correlating or how it bleeds. Not bleed. Bleeds. Isn’t that useful word I just picked that doesn’t bleed?
Linda [00:08:29]:
That’s the thing.
Alexia [00:08:30]:
Straight into the perimenopause phase. What’s going on?
Linda [00:08:33]:
It’s kind of like a whole societal thing, isn’t it, where we are finding that women are having pregnancies later on in life. So it’s not unusual at all to be in your late 30s, even early 40s, when you’re having even your first baby. And the thing is, roughly on average, women will start to go into perimenopause between 35 and 38 years old. So perimenopause literally means you’re starting to have an ovulatory cycle. Your menstrual cycle isn’t actually around you, it’s not defined by your period. It’s defined by your ovulation in the middle of the cycle. And if your ovaries are not releasing an egg in the middle of that cycle, you’re not producing progesterone, which is our key chill out hormone. It’s the hormone that is anti anxiety. It helps us to sleep. It’s a smooth lining of the gut. So it’s incredibly important in about 400 different pathways in our body and our brain. So if we’re not producing progesterone in the second part of our cycle, we start to experience all sorts of issues which are very, very similar to what we are experiencing when we’ve just given birth and we’ve just birthed our placenta. And our progesterone level just absolutely plummets along with oestrogen levels. Early perimenopause, when we start to have those ovulatory cycles, progesterone is starting to drop away quite rapidly, more so than oestrogen. So we tend to see from about 38, we’re starting to have not every cycle, but quite often we’re starting to have those and ovulatory cycles. We’re starting to diminish in our production, our ovarian production of progesterone, from about 35 to about 50, we lose about 70% of that ovarian production of progesterone and about 45. So mid 40s, we start to diminish our production of oestrogen. And it’s a dysregulation. It’s when our oestrogen is a bit high in comparison to the progesterone. That’s when we are experiencing night sweats, brain fog, heart palpitations. Itchiness, dry eyes, dry mouth, pelvic floor issues. As you can see, it’s very, very similar to straight.
Alexia [00:10:46]:
Boom.
Linda [00:10:46]:
We’ve had a baby going into that period where the progesterone is super low, oestrogen is low as well, maybe not quite as low as progesterone and baby blues. Unbelievable fatigue being wired, but tired, not being able to sleep when baby sleeps. And the problem is, women are going from losing that progesterone, having birthed their baby, losing that oestrogen, being very low on these key hormones. And it’s really important to understand that women are… our brains are oestrogen rich, male brains are testosterone rich. Our brains are oestrogen rich. So we need these key hormones to function well. And we’re going straight from this period of being very low in these key hormones straight into perimenopause. So it’s not like we’re going back up and reaching sort of mid 20s levels of our normal hormone production again. And our ovaries are going back into production, they’re not. We might have ended up getting pregnant, because what happens is, when our ovaries are starting to shut up shop, they’ll have big bursts of oestrogen. So it’s like one more baby, one more baby. So you might actually be very low in oestrogen, but suddenly you have these spikes like this, and it might be in that spike in one month where you are ovulating that you get pregnant, but then those hormones that start to crush down afterwards. So, of course, pregnancy, our body goes into hyperdrive and we produce a ton of progesterone. But once that’s all gone post pregnancy, and if we are in our early 40s or late 30s, you are a totally average, normal woman if you are then in perimenopause.
Alexia [00:12:23]:
So you mentioned there’s a change in the cycle. What did you call it?
Linda [00:12:27]:
An ovulatory cycle simply means that you don’t produce an egg, that cycle. So you can still be having a period. I might be a little bit scantier, a little bit closer together, a little bit further apart, but to be honest, most of us of our generation don’t really track our periods like the younger girls do these days. You might not even notice that you’re not ovulating. And it might be just that you’re starting to really suffer with insomnia or you’re starting to find that you get really severe PMT, because, of course, PMT, our progesterone is so affiliated with our level, our mood levels. So if you’re already very low in progesterone right before your period, you’re going to be getting really snarky and bitchy and flying off the handle. People will, or a lot of women, experience much worse digestive issues. IBS issues get way worse because progesterone is incredibly important in the thumping action, if you like, of the intestines. It’s really important to know that if you are experiencing classic perimenopausal symptoms and you’ve got a new baby and potentially other slightly older children as well, and you feel like you’re going mad, it’s not you, it’s your hormones.
Alexia [00:13:47]:
It’s all made for hormones.
Linda [00:13:50]:
But there’s an awful lot of things that we can do to help ourselves. And I would say it starts with education on what is actually going on with your body. And it really needs to graduate through a total paradigm shift on how we approach wellbeing. Women’s wellbeing, at this very crucial stage, and I would say from your late 30s through to post menopause, so 52, 53, 54 that decade or so is not a time to be pushing through, trying to do a marathon, trying to beat these fitness goals, et cetera, et cetera. It is really a time, and this is probably a bit controversial saying this, because we all want to know that we can do more, more and more. It’s time to stop up the leaky colander, yeah. Does that make sense? Or the leaky boat. It’s a time to really focus on adrenal care, because our adrenal glands take over the production, the key production of those hormones when our ovaries shut up. So, yeah, I’d like to talk a little bit more about that because I think that’s super, super important. And it’s a time of actually kind of stepping into the whole wise woman phase, which, yes, is hard when you’ve got little children around and you’re trying to look after a baby, et cetera. And a lot of women need to go through a grieving process, a letting go process of the younger them, and actually almost do as stepping in a metaphorical, stepping in of this new aspect of themselves. So it can be extraordinary transitional, an extraordinary transitional time. It can be an incredibly empowering time, but not if you listen to the media, which is totally focused on staying young and slim and basically looking like you’re 25 forever. It’s really got to be learning about what is going on with your body and embracing being a woman in midlife and how exciting actually it’s going to be in the second spring, they call it, after menopause. We enjoy that second spring when we actually nurture the body and the brain in this midpoint, this decade or so of huge transition, just as hormonally huge as going into puberty, just as huge.
Alexia [00:16:24]:
You talk about raising self awareness, so does this awareness. Are you talking about educating yourself around this transition, around the impact of hormones, or about being more aware about where you are in your cycle and how you’re responding? And I think you’re going to say both, but what did you mean when you said you need to become more aware?
Linda [00:16:43]:
A lot of women will go from having a baby and they won’t necessarily start cycling again on a regular basis. Perimenopause and then they might end up having a few periods, but they might be quite scanty and quite all over the place. Yes, having an awareness of your cycle, cycle tracking is so powerful. It really is. And starting to track your symptoms as well. So starting to track when you have a migraine, when you are leaking, when you find that you’re getting stress, incontinence or urgency issues. Tracking when you have Insomnia, tracking when your skin gets really super, itchy because by tracking what’s going on. So just keeping a little journal and every evening maybe just jotting down what your energy levels are like, tracking how much water you’re drinking, how your body is responding to any kind of exercise and movement you’re doing. If you feel knackered or if you feel energised it is really empowering for you. Because when they say know thyself, you have to know thyself because we’re all very different. So my levels of natural progesterone from when I was in my twenty s and thirty s will be different from yours. Yeah. So what’s normal for me and if I went to go and do a blood test, is going to be very different from you. And the trouble is doing, to be honest, the trouble with doing blood tests in perimenopause is that literally, day to day, almost hour to hour, our hormones are all over the place. You might go and see what your hormone levels are doing by going and having a blood test. But when you’re there, if you just happen to be having a spike in your oestrogen, then you’re going to look like you’ve got regular levels of oestrogen. But it might be that later on that day your oestrogen levels are plummeting down. So it’s very difficult to have blood tests that will actually show what is going on with your hormones. Unless you are on HRT, that’s a different story. Then it’s more telling the doctor how your body is absorbing the hormone replacement therapy. But prior to that, it’s more about your symptoms. So there is this called the Green Climactic scale and doctors will get you to fill in a very, very detailed form which will show them via all of your symptoms, roughly where you probably are in your perimenopausal journey.
Alexia [00:19:23]:
Yeah. And I know that there are lots of apps out there that enable you to do this. I just wonder if you’ve got any recommendations, any apps that you really like or that really work and help you because it’s all very well tracking the symptoms or what I’d really want from an app is, oh, you’ve got this. That means it’s this hormone, like to translate that information meaningful rather than just you just go, oh right, I’m just, I get really angry on it, whatever it is, to kind of turn into something useful. Are there any apps that help?
Linda [00:19:49]:
Balance app is very good. So the balance app was developed by Newson Health. It’s kind of like the initial one, the first one, and it’s great. I would recommend the Balance app to just to track your cycles and things and just getting to know a little bit. I mean, you can just go and look on, I mean, I’ve got lots of articles on what these hormones do. It’s just important to know that progesterone, it’s your mood regulating, calming chill hormone. So if you’re feeling like you’re going to kill somebody or you’re going to throw a chair through the window, or you find yourself just screaming at the kids and then going, oh, my God, where did that monster erupt from? Then it’s probably that you are low on progesterone and we really need to look at caring for your adrenal glands. So your adrenal glands can be producing the progesterone that your ovaries are no longer producing. Does that make sense?
Alexia [00:20:46]:
Yeah.
Linda [00:20:47]:
Whereas oestrogen is our focus, it’s our drive, it’s our energy, it’s our get up and go. It’s the elastic in our skin, it’s the ability to respond to a bit of impact and not wear your pants or the detrusor muscles of the bladder to not be inappropriately spasming and making you have urgent continents. Oestrogen does so many, it keeps the heart pliable. It’s an essential hormone to keep our bones growing. It’s absolutely essential for our brain. So if you’re suffering more from issues around dryness, depletion, itchiness of the skin, dryness and itchiness of the eyes and mouth. Yes. Inability to sleep as well, then it might be that oestrogen is the main problem. I’m just going to caveat that by saying progesterone and oestrogen, they work like the sisters that fight, but essentially they fundamentally need each other. So they work well when they are in balance. When we are premenopausal, so not peri, but pre. So when we’re just ovulating every month beautifully, then we’ve got very high levels of oestrogen and pretty high levels of progesterone. And they just, we are changing constantly, but they’re pretty balanced. And then we go into if we’ve had a baby, we go into this postnatal period and they both plummet down, but especially progesterone. And it’s the differential, this is the tricky bit. It’s the differential between oestrogen and progesterone. So if they’re not nice and balanced and close together, if one’s up high and one’s down low and it’s normally oestrogen that’s higher and progesterone that’s lower, that’s normally the case. It’s that differential which causes most of the symptoms that women will recognise as being perimenopausal. So this is what happens when we go into early perimenopause. I’m going to say postnatal is, say late 30s, early 40s. Give us another year or so and we’re in perimenopause. Perimenopause, the progesterone drops down first and around about 45, roughly, sometimes 43, 44. That’s when the oestrogen starts to go, one more baby. No, one more baby. No, one more baby. And when the oestrogen is high and the progesterone is low, it’s those days, but it’s that time which is really difficult. So one of the things that women who are especially those experiencing real mood issues, depression in a postnatal stage and who are in maybe late 30s, early 40s, going to the GP, it would be worth talking about perimenopausal issues and maybe supplementing progesterone. So these days we can get body identical progesterone. It is exactly the same molecular structure as the progesterone that we produce ourselves from our ovaries or adrenal glands. It’s not a progestogen, so it’s not the same as what’s in the pill or in the coil, which is a progestogen. It’s a synthetic version. So progesterone, it’s supplied in the UK as a product called Utrogestan. It’s micronised means basically, it’s bashed into tiny, tiny, tiny little pieces, little capsule, and it can be taken orally or intra, vaginally, up the vagina, and that can supplement, it can bring up your levels of natural your natural levels of progesterone, so that there isn’t such a differential between the oestrogen and the progesterone. That is going to help with mood disorders, anxiety, heart palpitations, insomnia, depressive feelings, because we’re actually working at the hormonal level. Whereas an antidepressant, it can help. It can help, but it’s not actually a long term solution, if you like. So really important to work with a GP who understands women’s health and has been kind of recently trained in women’s health and understanding that it’s highly likely if you’re an older mum, that you are going straight into perimenopause.
Alexia [00:25:03]:
So to recap, it’s really about tracking your symptoms. It’s really about really upping that self awareness so that you’re able to discern. Because I’m just here, when you think about depression or anxiety, there’s life that creates that kind of stuff as well. So how do you discern that the thing that you’re feeling is a hormonal led situation versus a you’ve actually just got healing to do and stuff like that? How do you figure that out right?
Linda [00:25:31]:
This is what I assume is the paradigm shift. And I like to say my kind of motto is being in control of letting go of being in control.
Alexia [00:25:41]:
Which is the birth thing. Right. That’s a whole birth thing anyway. Yeah.
Linda [00:25:44]:
To be honest, if you’re going to be, later on in life having a baby, it’s likely not necessarily, but it’s likely that you have had a career. You are having a career, you’re a busy woman, you’re used to juggling all the balls. Likely that you’re somebody who’s used to being in control and getting things done, and then you’ve been busy, busy, busy. And then it’s like and you know what? I think I would like to have a child as well. In my experience, and including myself here, when you have, and we’ll say, A type personalities, even though that’s bollocks, isn’t it? But if you’re used to being in control of a situation, suddenly you might be the CEO of a big company and suddenly you’re in a situation. We’ve got this little scrap of a little person who shows you very dramatically that you have no control. Actually, that was a total illusion. It can be such a shattering of the ego. And when you’re dealing with that kind of shattering of the ego and you’re also deeply sleep deprived it can lead to a full on breakdown of who you think that you are in this life. That’s why if I could just talk to every woman going into perimenopause and just say girlfriend, this is not a time to smash the glass ceilings and to push through you have nothing to prove. This is the time to deeply and holistically revere your female form. Be thankful that you have managed your body. This extraordinary the trillions and trillions of cells, the condensed energy that makes up this physical manifestation that you’re inhabiting in this lifetime has created a human being. Now that’s huge. To expect yourself to also then be running your business and potentially looking after other children and older parents and running your social media account and doing all the WhatsApp groups with school and having all of these tabs open and your adrenal glands, which have not changed how they operate. Neither have your ovaries for 300,000 years. They don’t know about all of this stuff. They just see it as stress. Stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress. You’ve got so much stress going on girlfriend right now that the adrenal glands are going we have to keep on pushing out cortisol and adrenaline and cortisol and adrenaline and cortisol and adrenaline and we are in this totally revved never turning off state. Totally, totally revved and the trouble is there’s this thing called pregnant alone steel so your adrenal glands once the ovaries start to shut up shop so once they start to diminish their production fair enough. They’ve been popping out those eggs month after month for decades and they are now slowing down. They don’t have as many eggs to pop out anymore so they’re starting to shut up shop. Your adrenal glands need to be nourished and looked after and revered. And instead the adrenals, the pregnenolone, which is the master hormone, if you like, that the adrenal glands produce that pregnant alone either goes to creating progesterone and oestrogen testosterone. Or if you’re it’s going to keep pushing out cortisol and adrenaline instead, and you’re not going to get that really essential oestrogen and progesterone. So not only have your ovaries shut up shot but your adrenal glands are not taking over the job like they should be. So it’s more for us. It’s more for us because we are still being hoodwinked by society to think that we should be little men and have a baby and we should be men in a skirt who are able to work at a level constantly and not understand that what we are doing is we are going into adrenal revving and fatigue. So we have a tiny bit of testosterone that we produce in the middle of our cycle if we ovulate about a 10th of the testosterone that men produce. Men produce testosterone every 15 minutes consistently up until about. 70. And that’s what gives them the ability to constantly go get up at 09:00 and go to work and work through till six or whatever and be whereas with a woman, we have this extraordinary flux through a normal cycle, which is completely shafted once we get to perimenopause. But through a normal cycle, once you’ve just had your period and your oestrogen is soaring, most women for those first couple of weeks before ovulation, they’re like, on it. We can get 200% done in those times. We can get all the stuff done. We’re very sharp here and then we ovulate, and then we go into this progesterone time of being as we’re going towards our periods. And that’s not the time to be pushing through, especially right before your period. That’s the time where we can be creative, we can come up with extraordinary out of the box solutions to things, but it is not the time to be trying to be really articulate in meetings and boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. By understanding your cycle and the general cycle, understanding what these key hormones allow us to do, understanding our extraordinarily unique female hormonal makeup and actually shifting into I’m not going to keep being that pushing forward woman who basically tries to be a small man because that’s what society has asked of us. And instead of insisting all of us need to do it together, we’ve got to all help each other out, insisting that rewrite the playing field, we create a new playing field for women’s bodies and our brains. And this transition time, this decade, if we don’t get it right, the rest of our life is going to be hard. If we do get it right, we can enjoy that second spring. That’s when we can change the world, that’s when we can really make a huge difference. Because our hormones, yes, they’re lower, but they go back into balance again.
Alexia [00:32:16]:
And it sounds to me like actually you need to be. Whether or not you’re in your late 30s, early 40s, tracking your cycle and being aware of these hormones and how they impact you is something that all women, the minute they start bleeding, should start that process, because it just raises their own level of self awareness and how they need to change and adapt and flux with their cycle. If you start preparing for birth two months before birth, you’ve left it too late. You need to start thinking about it before you’re pregnant. You need to start planning for pregnancy before you’re pregnant. You need to start planning for this before it happens because suddenly you’re learning. You’re having to do a huge steep learning curve while getting stressed and the hormones are battering you because they’re now out of balance. And you’re like, oh. Whereas if you start in your 20s doing this, then by the time it’s coming around, you’re like, oh, yeah, no, this hormone is out of whack. I know what’s going on here and you can get the heads up, whereas otherwise you’re chasing your tail. That’s the sense I’m getting with what you’re saying.
Linda [00:33:16]:
I think it’s changing quite dramatically. I look at my 18 year old daughter and I’ve got an eleven year old daughter as well. The conversations around women’s health, I mean, obviously this is what I teach, so they hear about this all the time. My daughter tracks her cycle automatically, so do all her friends. It’s just something they do. Whereas I know I’m 51 now and I remember when I first started my circles, I was deeply embarrassed. I mean, I literally put my hands in my ears and was like, no, I wouldn’t listen to anything that my mum tried to tell me. I was so set on basically diminishing and suppressing anything feminine about me because I wanted to work in advertising and it was a man’s world and I needed to be as masculine as possible and just forget about that diminishing kind of woman’s stuff. Whereas I think this generation, the new generation coming through, are way more open to, and so are men, obviously, as well, the beauty of being a woman. And I think unfortunately, we’re having to play catch up and the women just a decade behind me are also having to play catch up. It’s crazy. There’s only in the last couple of years, and I mean literally since me too, in 2018, that there has been funding for research on the female brain in the life stage, as opposed to just assuming we are little men.
Alexia [00:34:41]:
I mean, that’s mind blowing, isn’t it?
Linda [00:34:44]:
And so much information has only been coming out now. I mean, it’s just the fact that vaginal oestrogen has only just come out on prescription here in the UK, so not on prescription where you can get it over the counter here in the UK in the last few means, this is something that almost all women will really, really benefit from. It’s not systemic, it does not go into the bloodstream, it just works on the localised area. But the difference it makes for women who are suffering with stress, incontinence or urgency or urgent continents, who’ve got prolapse organs, who have got scar tissue from an episiotomy or tearing, which is becoming hard to deal with once we start to lose our ovarian oestrogen. Many, many women, I’d say 80% plus women start to deal with pelvic floor dysfunction. Now to get some oestrogen back into the area. Intruder vaginally around the vulva and around the sphincter muscles can make a life changing difference. It can literally mean the difference between a woman not leaving her house and having a fully functional life. And yet it’s only just now comes something that you don’t have to try and get. And most GPS didn’t even know that they could prescribe it or didn’t even know what it did until now. We’re starting to get specialist training for GPS in medical school but it only got mandated last year. It’s a cutting edge topic. It shouldn’t be embarrassingly terrible, but it is. I’ve just jotted down a couple of things that I think that I’d love. Midlife woman. I’m going to say midlife woman for when you’re in your late 30s, early 40s, you kind of midlife should be on your radar. One adrenal care. Yeah. So adrenal care focuses completely away from getting skinny again, looking a certain way and focusing on adrenal care. Your adrenal glands are your primary focus. Adrenal care means what I was talking about before, getting away from being in the rev state where we’re pushing out the cortisol adrenaline and getting into a state where we go into the parasympathetic nervous system. So when we’re in that rev state, it’s the sympathetic nervous system and we have mastery over it’s called the autonomic nervous system, but actually we have mastery over it. We can go into that parasympathetic nervous system and that’s when our adrenals are able to go and start to produce the calming progesterone and they need oestrogen.
Alexia [00:37:30]:
The adrenals can’t produce both. They’re either on an adrenaline mission or they’re on the other hormone mission. So you need to make sure that you are nurturing them because they can’t do both. Is that right?
Linda [00:37:40]:
Yeah. So it’s a bit more nuanced than that, but let’s just keep that. So things like extending your exhalation with low vibrational toning. So basically humming or singing, anything that is extending that exhalation is toning your vagus nerve. And the vagus nerve goes from the brain, it goes down through all of the organs of the body. It does not ever get activated if we are breathing, shallow breathing or mouth breathing. It gets activated when we extend the exhalation. When you’re sitting around the fire 300,000 years ago and you’ve done your kill and you’re safe and you’re in your tribe and you’re digesting your food, you’re going to be slow breathing. Yeah, like a baby slow breathing. Elephants slow breathe. Tortoises slow breathe. They live forever. Monkeys breathe really fast and that’s why they don’t live very long. But when you are running from the sabre tooth tiger, when you are fighting, when you are in modern life, when you have got all the tabs open, metaphorically and literally, that’s when we’re in that sympathetic system and we don’t extend our exhalation. We’re fast breathing. So slowing down your breathing rate, learning how to breathe properly, learning how to diaphragmatically breathe, if you know you’re a chest breather, if you know you’re a mouth breather, if you know that you’re habitually. Head forward, like go, go, shoulders rounded. Then sort out your posture. Sort out your breathing. Slow your breathing down. Use the buzzy bee breath. Use the if you got a new baby, use your calm the baby calm yourself. Honestly. That’s the key. It’s really easy. That is the key to getting yourself into that parasympathetic nervous system. Yoga nidra, which is in yoga. Yoga sleep yoga. Nidra means taking yourself for 20 minutes, naps, where you have a guided relaxation, taking you into a deep state of rest, into that parasympathetic nervous system and then bringing you back up again. So you’re not going into sleep, it’s called conscious rest. So you are consciously taking yourself into a state where you are deeply replenishing, deeply replenishing at a cellular level and then coming back up. That is so nourishing for the Adrenals. So especially as a new mum, as you know, bub goes to sleep, you might need to do a little bit of movement. And you know we are animals at the end of the day, so if we’ve got adrenaline pumping through us, we need to release it, literally, shake it out like an animal does. So you might need to do a bit of yoga, a bit of dancing, a bit of just literally shaking. Get out for a walk in nature. If you’ve got someone else to mind the baby for a bit, something that will just release the adrenaline and then resting restorative in a pose just 20 minutes or legs up the wall and extending that exhalation, going into that conscious rest. It doesn’t take much. It does not take much and it’s one of those things, the more you practise it, the easier it is. It’s cumulative. So literally, the more you practise the restorative relaxation response, the faster you can go down into it. Two is nutrition for hormones. So basically you got to start looking at intermittent fasting for women. There’s a lady called Dr. Mindy Pelz who’s an American clinical nutritionist and she talks in great detail about intermittent fasting for women’s health. So our hormonal profile, so basically not snacking late and eating breakfast early, but giving your gut a chance to rest overnight to get the gut biome working as well as possible, because of course our gut biome is so correlated with the oestrogen that we’re producing and progesterone that we’re producing as well. So giving your gut a chance to rest overnight and then when you are eating progesterone, needs quality carbohydrates to be produced. So we need quality carbohydrates. Like I always say, quinol, but I know it’s, other people say quinoa, sweet potato. So good quality carbohydrates. If you’re going to have carbohydrates, it’s not fish and chips, it’s good quality carbohydrates. And then oestrogen actually thrives in a low insulin environment. So making sure you have really good quality protein and we should be having about 30 grams of protein per meal, that’s quite a lot. It’s like a big slab of salmon. Really good quality, good fats. So, you know, before I was talking about the pregnant alone. The Adrenals produce the pregnant lone. So that precursor hormone that will either then produce cortisol or progesterone. And oestrogen, pregnant alone is created by cholesterol. So you need to be having good fats like eggs and salmon and avocados and tons of olive oil in order to create the pregnant alone, that’s going to help you create those hormones. So nutrient dense, good fats, lots of good fiber. So the other thing to know is that if we’re constipated constipation is the number one driver of incontinence issues of bladder incontinence, but it’s also issues we get late in trial 40s. If you’re constipated, we tend to then reabsorb oestrogen, use it and then lose it. We need to be able to detoxify it by pooing it out. And if we’re not, it can be reabsorbed. And then we can find that that differential between the oestrogen and the progesterone gets worse and worse and worse and worse, and symptoms get worse and worse and worse and worse. Getting enough good fibre in the diet in order to make sure that a cup of linseed in the morning with water, very helpful. So number three is do less to do more. So it is the opposite of what we have been taught. If you’re finding yourself that you do have enough energy to and you’re suddenly like, wow, I need to lose this baby weight, which I would say, please just park that. It took nine months to create this baby. Give yourself two years at least in order to lose that weight. It’s much more important that you focus on building your health. But because of the whole Adrenal thing, because of the pushing out of a cortisol, when you’re pushing out cortisol, you have insulin spikes, and it’s those insulin spikes when you’re becoming insulin resistance, which is putting that band of fat around the midsection, which a lot of perimenopause women experience. By doing that conscious rest thing that I’ve just been talking about, by gifting yourself times where your Adrenals are calming down, you’re going to find that you’re going to lose weight doing that way more than in the hour you’ve got off each week. You go, right, I’m going to hit the gym or I’m going to go on a five or ten k run or I’m going to go to a hit class. And then on top of already stressed Adrenals, you’re putting what you think should be exercise, relaxation, but it’s not. It’s actually quite stressful and it’s just pushing up those levels of cortisol even more, pushing up the insulin even more.
Alexia [00:45:29]:
So what about like a walk in nature, for example? That’s still going to be good for you, but that’s not going to be stressful or hardcore, but it’s also not conscious resting. But I’m just wondering because you’re not sort of lying on the floor.
Linda [00:45:43]:
Especially if as you’re walking, you’re actually in your senses. You’re looking at the leaves as you pass them. You’re absorbing the colour, you’re smelling the earth, you’re seeing the trees. You’re being absolutely in the senses. That’s incredibly enlivening and deeply replenishing, deeply restful. So, yes, walking in nature, getting out in nature, doing yoga outside, I reckon I’m stronger now in my 50s than I probably ever have even when I was a gym bunny. I mean, yoga can be deeply restorative, but it can be incredibly strengthening, bone enhancing, muscle enhancing yoga and isometric pilates and be very consciously regulating your breath. So you are calming your adrenals breathing beautifully and you’re doing extraordinarily powerful stuff. So I only ever do about ten minutes a day, that’s it. And then I walk out in nature. But I reckon that being smart about it just working smarter, not harder, that’s the key.
Alexia [00:46:48]:
So you basically don’t want to break out into a sweat is what I’m hearing.
Linda [00:46:52]:
Look, no, that’s not true. That’s not true. But in an ideal world, if you are doing a fitness thing, if you’re not sleeping 6 hours a night, your baby is still waking up regularly for feeds and stuff, it’s not the time to be doing stuff that’s going to stress your adrenals. But if you’re a bit further down the track, if you’ve already built up your good Pelvic floor and deep core strength again and you can cope with intra abdominal pressure downwards, then by adding in intermittent exercise where for like 20 seconds on, you’re spiking your heart rate up and then you’re taking your heart rate right down. So you’re going sympathetic nervous system, parasympathetic nervous system sympathetic nervous system, parasympathetic nervous system so I’ve developed this thing called Half a hit. So it’s basically a 30 minutes blast class. And that’s what we do. We do cross patterning for the brain, lots of balance work, bring the heart rate right up with exercises and then drop it right down into deep stretches, slowing the breath and then going back up to breath where we’re activating deep core muscles and then down again. And it is good to do little short bursts of exercise as long as it’s followed with adrenal calming. Does that make sense?
Alexia [00:48:11]:
Yes.
Linda [00:48:11]:
So what I want to be doing is going for an hour run on the treadmill. That’s the worst thing you could do. Don’t do that.
Alexia [00:48:18]:
I’ve had some friends say that she started training for a marathon. I think she’s like early forties and she put on a ton of weight when she started training for the marathon. So that’s the kind of response that you’re talking about, which is that stress and the body’s like what the hell’s going on? I need to protect myself.
Linda [00:48:34]:
I’ve got a group of mums that I run with sometimes and it’s really interesting. The more the midlife ones are running, the more of a box their physical shape looks like, the more they’re losing their waist and the more weight they’re putting on actually, overall. And that’s the thing, understand that our hormones at this stage of our life is totally different. What worked when you’re in your twenties and thirties, the whole eating less calories in order to lose weight, that does not work. Now, if you’re not feeding those key hormones with good fats. We need a lot of good fats in order to create those hormones. We really need way more good fats in the diet. Like I said before, not fish and chips. We’re talking about avocados, your salmons, your olive oil is brilliant put on everything. If we’re not doing that satiating ourselves, then we’re going to be spiking insulin. And you might be in calorie deficit, but you’re going to put on weight as soon as you eat anything. Your body’s got to go. It’s a total rewiring. It’s a total paradigm shift on woman’s health and fitness. And it’s got to be, I believe it’s got to be an acceptance process. And yoga is called santosha. Santosha literally means sitting with what is now, like being in total acceptance of what is now. Not wishing for something else, not yearning for the past, not projecting into what you would like the future to be, but sitting at what is right now. And that acceptance that Santosha is the key ingredient to change. Because once you sit with this is the body, this is the brain, now what can I do to enhance the way my body wants to operate is naturally wanting to operate. And it’s not trying to be a little man. It’s not revering, revering your womanhood. Exactly.
Alexia [00:50:37]:
And all those things you’ve described, like, I’m going through this phase where the things that used to work don’t work anymore. And so I’ve started intermittent fasting, so really extending that fasting window as much as I can, doing those walks in nature. Dr. Mindy Pelts, I think she’s got a really good book out called Fast Like a Girl. She’s got a really great YouTube channel for anybody who wants to learn more about all of this, which is really great. But all these things that used to work for me just don’t work. And it’s taken a lot of me just going hang on a know, tracking everything a lot more closely and doing the calorie deficit, doing more exercise. I was like, hang on a minute. Normally this would like my weight would be dropping off right now, and it’s not. So yeah, I’ve been incorporating some of these things that you’ve been describing. It’s a suck it and see thing. You’ve got to kind of try that. Oh, that’s not working. Try that. Okay. And it’s this constant, pivoting, shifting learning, because what might work for somebody else isn’t necessarily going to work for me. So I’m now tracking everything like crazy and just learning. But I think that acceptance piece is really important because, yeah, it’s like, okay, I am not going to get back into those genes. They’re not even pre baby genes. I’m changing as a woman, and that’s okay. And accepting that rather than trying to be ten years behind me in my life, it’s like I have evolved, I’m different. That’s been an inner work piece, not a physical, not a diet, not running, whatever it is that’s been, okay, this is who I am. That’s, I think, a huge part of that process. Because when you can accept yourself for who you are, then you’re just happier with the way you are. So you’re not trying to do all this stuff. You can just think, okay, I’ve got a really busy time right now, and what I should do is go and go crazy and do the go go, but no, I’m not. I’m going to go for a walk in nature.
Linda [00:52:19]:
Which I am going to achieve, by the rule, on my to do list. But actually, I need this. And that’s where I’m getting my insights, my intuition, my shortcuts come in, my inspiration. For that, I’m very grateful. And yet it’s required a huge step change in how I manage my life. So, yeah, listening to you saying all this stuff, I can resonate it all resonates with me. And I’m definitely still on that learning journey. And I think I should start tracking some of this stuff sooner, actually. But that’s why I want to encourage listeners to really start familiarising themselves with their cycle sooner, making friends with their cycle. Not kind of thinking, oh my God, it’s my period. Oh, my God, just go like, I’m going to be out for a week now, just leave me alone. It’s accepting that this is an important part of your womanhood.
Linda [00:53:04]:
I heard this expression years ago and it just has stayed with me. “There is freedom in surrender.” Yes, that surrender. So in yoga, there’s a word called Ishvara pranidhana, which I love to say, and it literally means if we set where we want to go, roughly, we have this idea of how we want to feel in ourselves. And we make conscious choices to take ourselves along that path, knowing that sometimes the path might zigzag all over the place. But we’re making conscious choices and we’re doing daily practices, daily things that are going to help us move towards that vision that we have of ourselves. So it might be starting the day with hot water, doing five squats after we’ve been to the loo, trying to tune in to do a 15 minutes yoga nidra once a day, or in CBT, whatever it is. We’ve chosen our things, we’re doing our things, getting out into nature walking, but ultimately, it’s not with grasping onto a certain outcome, getting back into those skinny jeans or whatever it is, it’s not then I’ll be happy. It’s going with an open palm and kind of giving over to something that’s bigger than ourselves, something that is that collective consciousness, the co-creation with the universe, the Mother Nature, God, whatever you want to call. In yoga, we say the little self and the big self. Our connection with all that is in Ishvara pranidhana, is that ability, which I feel is so feminine, of giving over with an open hand grace, having the grace to not be holding and controlling everything. And that’s why it gets back to that being in control, of letting go, of being in control and control the controllables. Control what you choose to do for movement. Control the people that you choose to be around. If people are toxic and they make you feel exhausted, spend more time with people that bring, you know what you do when Baba does go down for sleep, do you actually need to do all the tidying up then? Do you need to necessarily do those emails right now? Do you need to be doing your website right now or could you go for the first 20 minutes? I’m going to go into a yoga nidra. I’m going to do a deep rest. It’s a paradigm shift and it’s huge because we have been conditioned from birth, most of us, that our busyness equals our worthiness, to take off that hat and consciously set it aside and sit with the fact that you essentially, as a woman, are enough, just as you are, and that you’re more than enough. And if you’ve just had a baby, you literally create a human being. You are perpetuating the human race. That’s more than enough.
Alexia [00:56:10]:
Is there anything more that needs to be said, Linda? I don’t know. I think you said it all.
Linda [00:56:14]:
Apart from the fact that I’ve got thebathroombootcamp.com which is free. And if you want to just get into little bits of exercise, little bits of movement, which can be very helpful for your posture and your pelvic floor, then grab that, because those exercises do work. I’ve got a nice guided meditation. It’s not a yoga nidra, it’s just a nice guided meditation for women who are postnatal and in that perimenopause phase, who just focused around the centre of our being, around the pelvis. And this is a nice way to relax. So if you like, I can send you the link to have a listen.
Alexia [00:56:50]:
And where can people find you, Linda, if they want to track you down and go, I love what she’s saying. I love her. Where is she? Where are you?
Linda [00:56:57]:
I’m all over the place. So I’ve got my umbrella website, which is lindastephens with a ph. lindastephenswellbeing.com. So there you can go through to I’ve got womenswellbeing.me, which is where I teach online. And I’ve got a huge plethora of information and interviews with health professionals and all of my different yoga classes and things in womenswellbeing.me. And I’ve also linked through to yogamums.net, which is for birth training and postnatal recovery courses and the like. I run retreats, wellbeing retreats and workshops. So most of the stuff is all linked through Linda Stevens well being.
Alexia [00:57:37]:
Wonderful. Well, you’re going to send me all the links, so I’m going to have all the links in the podcast, show notes and links of your meditation. We can also let people know that I’m sure they’re going to want to track that down as well. So thank you, Linda, for joining me on the podcast. It’s been brilliant. Thank you.
Linda [00:57:53]:
Thank you for having me. It’s always such a pleasure.
Alexia [00:57:55]:
You’ve been listening to the Fear Free Childbirth podcast with me, Alexia Leachman. Fear Free Childbirth is the online destination for women seeking to take the fear out of pregnancy, birth and beyond with fear clearance, meditations, self healing products and courses, professional training and specialist programs for overcoming tokophobia. And if you’ve enjoyed this episode, then check out the Fear Free Childbirth Mamaship. It’s a bit like Netflix where you can binge on a boatload. More Fear Free Childbirth content to inspire you on the journey to motherhood and beyond. More interviews, more birth stories? More expert wisdom? Visit fearfreechildbirth.com to find out more.
From Fearful to Surrogate: Susie’s Story
Sep 21, 2023
In today's episode, I am joined by the incredible Susie Hamilton as she shares her spine-tingling story of transformation from someone who wrestled with tokophobia, the fear of pregnancy and birth, to becoming a surrogate.
When Susie discovered this podcast when she was preparing for pregnancy, she went on to use my fear clearance method to clear her fears of pregnancy and birth. This led to an incredible transformation in her. Not only did she have two wonderful births of her own children, but she has since embarked on the surrogacy journey, and she is currently pregnant with her second surrogate baby.
Susie's story exemplifies the activation of inner power, self-advocacy, and the incredible impact that facing fears can have not only during childbirth but also in other aspects of life. As we delve into her experiences, we will explore the importance of feeling comfortable, making informed decisions, advocating for oneself, and embracing the journey with all its emotions.
Overcoming Fear: Susie's Transformation from Anxiety to Empowerment
Pregnancy and childbirth can be daunting experiences, filled with fears and anxieties. But what if there was a way to transform that fear into empowerment? In this episode of the Fear Free Childbirth Podcast, Susie's story is a testament to the power of overcoming fear and finding strength in vulnerability. Let us dive into Susie's journey and explore the lessons we can learn from her transformation.
Embracing the Fear:
Susie's journey starts with her admission of being terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. Like many expectant mothers, she found solace in the Fear Free Childbirth Podcast. Through the fear clearance method that I openly share, Susie learned to confront and release her fears, allowing her to embark on a path of radical transformation.
Activating Inner Power:
Susie's story highlights the activation of inner power and self-advocacy in the birth context. She shares her belief in fully experiencing the moment, embracing all emotions and adrenaline that come with it. While some may prefer to be fully clothed during birth, Susie felt comfortable being naked, emphasising the importance of feeling safe and secure during such a vulnerable time.
The Journey into Surrogacy:
Susie's positive birth experiences inspired her to explore surrogacy, so that she could to capture the empowering feeling of pregnancy without bringing another baby home. Despite her initial uncertainties, Susie embraced the opportunity when she met the qualifications and embarked on her incredible journey as a surrogate parent.
Self-Advocacy and Empowerment During Birth:
One message that's clear throughout this episode is the importance of advocating for yourself during labour and delivery. From questioning the necessity of certain medical procedures to choosing different positions for labour. Susie shares how she fearlessly asserted her right to make decisions about her own body and the birth. Her experiences are a useful reminder that assertiveness and comfort are essential for a positive birth experience.
Building a Supportive Community:
Susie's transformation was not just personal; she also found strength and support through the Fear Free Childbirth community and by starting her own Instagram account. By connecting with others who shared similar fears, Susie was able to overcome feelings of guilt and ungratefulness for desiring a peaceful pregnancy and birth. The power of community and the ability to create lifelong connections through shared experiences can really help you on this journey to motherhood, no matter what that looks like for you.
Susie's tear-jerking story from fear to empowerment is a remarkable testament to the transformative power of embracing vulnerability and confronting your deepest fears.
Resources mentioned during the episode
During the episode, several resources were mentioned that helped the guest, Susie, overcome her fears and have a positive pregnancy an...
Emetophobia, Fear of Vomit and Pregnancy
Sep 14, 2023
Fear of Vomit and Pregnancy: How to Navigate the Emetophobia in Preparation for Pregnancy and Parenthood
Today I am diving into a topic that affects more people than you might imagine - the fear of vomit and pregnancy.
The fear of being sick is also known as emetophobia and while it may not be the number one fear for everyone, it ranks high on the list of most common phobias.
During this episode I explore the seriousness of this fear, and its impact on those contemplating pregnancy or dealing with a fear of pregnancy or giving birth. I'll also be sharing insights and strategies to help you overcome this fear and create a fearless mindset.
Emetophobia is the fear of vomiting or being sick, and it can have a profound impact on pregnancy.
A fear of vomit or a fear of being sick is particularly tricky when coupled with the challenges of morning sickness or for those who suffer with tokophobia, the fear of pregnancy or giving birth. When your phobias start to stack on top of each other, things can quickly feel overwhelming.
Emetophobia: Understanding the Fear of Vomit or Being Sick
Emetophobia is no ordinary dislike of throwing up. It's a deep-seated fear that can elicit intense anxiety and panic at the mere thought of vomiting or being around others who might.
This fear often extends to situations where illness is a possibility, leading to a complex web of anxieties.
From discomfort to phobia: How it develops
The roots of emetophobia can often be traced back to personal experiences or traumas involving vomiting. It might be a childhood memory of a stomach bug or witnessing someone fall ill. Over time, these experiences become etched in the mind, linking vomiting with extreme fear and distress.
As the fear solidifies, it begins to infiltrate various aspects of life. People with emetophobia might become hypervigilant about potential sources of illness, meticulously avoiding situations where vomiting could occur. This avoidance, though initially a coping mechanism, eventually reinforces the fear, turning it into a phobia that exerts significant control over one's daily life.
How I developed my fear of vomit
I developed this phobia as a result of my baby being sick on a car journey. My partner was working away when my youngest was around 9 months, so one weekend we went to visit him. It was a really long drive and we were stuck in really bad January traffic. It was raining really badly and I was stuck in roadworks on the M25 in the UK (affectionately called the Road to Hell by Chris Rea in his famous song).
My baby used to do this thing where she would sometime bring up her milk about half an hour after feeding and I was conscious of this as I was driving soon after we had stopped for a feed. Then she started being sick! And, I was stuck in the front seat driving and couldn't do anything about it. Because we were in roadworks I couldn't pull over. I just had to sit there listening to her vomit all over the back of the car. It was horrid!
From then on, I would be super stressed on any journey longer than half an hour as I would anticipate the inevitable. When baby #2 turned up this continued and it was a total nightmare to deal with. But I didn't realise at first that was was going on was a fear of vomit as I'd never had that before.
Fear of Vomit and Pregnancy: Morning Sickness
Now, imagine emetophobia and pregnancy. Now, we find a convergence of fears, where the potential for vomiting during morning sickness becomes a daunting prospect for those already grappling with emetophobia.
Morning sickness, although a normal part of many pregnancies, triggers a sense of dread for individuals with emetophobia. The anticipation of nausea or vomiting during this period amplifies their existing anxiety, creating a challenging mental and emotional landscape to navigate.
Emetophobia meets Tokophobia
When we add tokophobia to the mix too, things can quickly start to escalate emotionally.
Hidden Pregnancy & Birth Trauma
Sep 07, 2023
The Power of Healing Your Hidden Pregnancy and Birth Trauma
In this episode I explore hidden pregnancy and birth trauma. Discover how ancestral trauma can fuel fears and anxieties about pregnancy and birth, even if you've never been pregnant. I also share my personal healing journey, transforming my perspective on childbirth. Join me in addressing any hidden pregnancy and birth trauma for a fearless pregnancy and birth.
I'd like to dive into a topic that often gets overshadowed by nursery décor and baby names: the importance of healing your emotional wounds and traumas around pregnancy and birth.
Pregnancy and childbirth are undoubtedly transformative experiences, and while they can be filled with joy and excitement, they can also bring forth a surge of emotions, some of which may be deeply rooted in our past.
So, let's chat about why taking care of your emotional well-being during this time is not just a good idea – it's crucial.
1. Emotions and Pregnancy: A Deep Connection
Pregnancy is a powerful journey that connects the physical and emotional aspects of our lives in a profound way. As your body changes and grows, so do your emotions. It's like a rollercoaster ride – thrilling, sometimes scary, and occasionally a bit overwhelming.
But here's the thing: those rollercoaster emotions aren't just about what's happening in the moment. They can also be influenced by unresolved issues and traumas from the past. These emotional wounds can impact your overall experience, your connection with your baby, and even your postpartum period.
If you've had difficult pregnancy or birth experiences in the past, then making peace with them is an important step for you to be able to enjoy the future. And I don't just mean future pregnancy or birth experiences, but YOUR future. Difficult or traumatic pregnancy and birth experiences will stay with you and will cloud your parenting journey. Releasing them will enable you to enjoy your time as a parent.
And, if you're struggling with fears of pregnancy or birth, or are suffering from tokophobia, then it's likely that you have some traumas or wounds that are feeding your fears. These might well be traumas or emotional wounds that are related to pregnancy or birth. Taking the time to heal any pregnancy and birth trauma will help you make good progress in releasing your fears and getting to a place whereby you can enjoy your pregnancy or the thought of being pregnant.
2. Create a Healthy Emotional Blueprint for Your Baby
The emotional state you're in during pregnancy can have a lasting impact on your little one. Babies in the womb are incredibly perceptive and attuned to their mother's emotional state. I've talked about this a lot in the past, and I've interviewed the Father of Prenatal Psychology himself, Dr Thomas Verny all about this important topic. So be sure to listen to that episode if you want to better understand this.
Putting time aside to heal any pregnancy and birth trauma, you're not only taking care of yourself but also nurturing a healthy emotional environment for your baby.
Imagine the beautiful ripple effect of starting your baby's life with a foundation of love, peace, and emotional well-being. It's like giving them a head start in the game of life!
3. A Fear Free Childbirth Experience
When you've worked through your emotional baggage, you're more likely to approach birth with confidence and calm. There is a lot of evidence to support this and it's one of the surer ways to guarantee a smooth and fear-free childbirth experience.
Birth is a transformative event, and it's normal to feel anxious or fearful. However, healing emotional wounds can help you manage these emotions and make the birthing process smoother and less stressful. Our emotional wounds feed our fears and anxieties, so when we take the time to heal our wounds, we are taking away the fuel that feeds our fears.
4. Postpartum Bliss
The postpartum period can be a challenging time,...
How Drumming Enhances Pregnancy and Birth Experiences
Aug 31, 2023
Welcome to another episode of Fear Free Childbirth podcast, where we delve into the incredible realm of childbirth and explore unconventional yet empowering practices.
In this episode, I am joined by special guest Sophie Messager, a doula who has integrated drumming into her work with expecting mothers. Together, we explore the profound effects of drumming during pregnancy and birth, while highlighting the lost wisdom of traditional women's practices.
Drumming during Pregnancy and Birth
We touch upon several thought-provoking topics and intriguing questions related to drumming for pregnancy and birth.
1. Uncovering the Healing Power: Sophie emphasises the importance of healing oneself before guiding others on their journey. By attuning to their own energetic patterns and addressing any emotional blocks, practitioners can hold space more effectively and transmit the transformational power of their method.
2. Training and Specialisation: Our discussion sheds light on the availability of training options for practitioners interested in incorporating drumming into their work. From practitioner and professional levels to specialised training for pregnancy and birth, individuals can explore these avenues to deepen their understanding and skills.
3. Science Meets Tradition: Our conversation touches upon the scientific validation of non-scientific practices like Reiki and the need to bridge traditional wisdom with modern science, bringing together the best of both worlds. This holistic approach offers a comprehensive understanding of the profound effects drumming can have on the mind, body, and spirit.
Some of the key questions we explore include:
How does the use of drumming in pregnancy and birth align with traditional women's wisdom and cultural practices?
In what ways can drumming support women in feeling empowered and relaxed during childbirth?
How can drumming be adapted to meet the needs and preferences of each individual woman?
How could Sophie’s book contribute to the existing literature on childbirth practices?
How does drumming affect the brain and fascias, and what other potential benefits might it have for the body?
How can holistic approaches, like drumming, contribute to this healing process?
How can we promote a more positive and empowering perspective on menopause in our communities?
How could drumming positively impact young girls' experiences of developing womanhood?
How can we advocate for a more holistic approach to health, especially in the context of childbirth?
Is there a correlation between drumming and labour induction? How might we further explore this connection?
This episode takes us on a captivating journey into the ancient wisdom of drumming and its transformative power during pregnancy and birth. We shed light on the forgotten practices of women's wisdom, emphasising the significance of creating safe and supportive spaces for birthing individuals. As we explore the profound connection between science and tradition, may we embrace the healing potential of drumming and empower expecting mothers to embark on their birth journeys fearlessly.
Resources mentioned during the episode
Throughout the episode, we mention several resources that can provide in-depth information and insights into the practice of drumming for pregnancy and birth. Here are some valuable resources to get you started:
1. Fearless Birthing Professional Training for doulas, midwives and birth professionals: For detailed information on the upcoming training programmes for learning Alexia's fear clearance method - Head Trash Clearance - visit the Fearless Birthing website. www.fearless-birthing/training
2. Head Trash Clearance: If you're a therapist or coach who works outside of the pregnancy and birth world, and you would like to find out more about the Head Trash Clearance method and the various training opportunities.
3. Corine Sombrun’s Research: Corine Sombrun,,
Conquering Tokophobia & Body Dysmorphia: Ramona’s Story
Aug 24, 2023
In this week's episode, Alexia chats to Ramona, who shares her powerful story of triumphing over tokophobia and body dysmorphia to embrace and enjoy pregnancy.
Throughout our conversation, Ramona imparts wisdom on communicating with healthcare providers, finding the right support, and illuminating challenging experiences. She candidly shares her transformation from body dysmorphia to embracing pregnancy joyfully, revealing how her perspective changed with the help of a personal trainer and a comprehensive program of healing and self-care.
Conquering Tokophobia & Body Dysmorphia: Ramona's Story
Ramona's journey traces a path to acceptance and empowerment, from initial anxiety about her pregnancy to a resolute decision to embrace it. We explore how her past experiences parallel her approach to pregnancy and childbirth, as she confronts longstanding fears and anxieties head-on.
Here are just some of the questions we explore in this episode
How did Ramona's initial doubts about the effectiveness of mantras change over time? Did her open-mindedness play a role in their transformation?
What were some of her previous attempts to improve her sleep and why did she find the mantras to be more effective?
In what ways did her trauma therapy, combined with the use of mantras, contribute to her transformative journey?
How does she experience with CBT for anxiety disorders and phobias compare to their belief in the need for body therapy to rewire the brain and body's response to fear?
What are some additional therapies that she recommends for addressing phobias and anxiety disorders, and why does she find them effective?
What steps did she take to prepare for childbirth and ensure a positive experience despite her tokophobia?
Why does she emphasise the importance of talking to someone about fears and traumatic experiences, and what role does validation and support play in this process?
How can societal expectations around pregnancy and parenthood contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation?
What strategies did she suggest to overcome these challenges?
How did her work with a therapist and personal trainer impact her body image and relationship with her own body during pregnancy?
Reflecting on her journey, what role did research, online communities, and exposure to positive birth stories have in her transformation and acceptance of pregnancy?
Resources mentioned during the episode
In this episode, several resources were mentioned:
1. Fearless Birthing Online course: provides information and support related to perinatal mental health and overcoming their phobia of childbirth.
2. Supportive community: online support groups, including Facebook groups (Tokophobia Support Network), where Ramona engaged with others who shared their experiences and struggles.
3. Instagram page: "Pain Free Birth," which provided valuable insights and positive birth stories.
4. Perinatal therapist: helps navigate fears and anxiety related to pregnancy and childbirth.
5. Tokophobia Support Program: My most popular one-to-one program for those wanting support in overcoming tokophobia
6. Research: focusing on alternative modalities to treat their specific condition and seeking recommendations from perinatal therapists.
Episode Timestamps
00:01:52 "Anxiety about pregnancy leads to self-discovery."
00:11:15 Therapist researches perinatal mental health treatment options.
00:16:50 Delay, avoidance, immersion, fitness, pregnancy, commitment
00:22:30 Changed routines and mantras helped me sleep.
00:26:37 Traumatic experience with puberty and menstruation.
00:32:01 Overcoming body image issues and embracing pregnancy.
00:37:36 Prepared, educated woman takes control of birth.
00:40:56 Talk to someone, don't be lonely.
00:45:39 CBT has its place, but needs body therapy for phobias.
00:47:54 Energy psychology technique offers fast relief for women.
Anxiety and Pregnancy
Aug 17, 2023
In this episode of Fear Free Childbirth, I delve into the topic of anxiety and how it affects pregnancy. As someone who has personally experienced anxiety during my own pregnancy journey, I understand the importance of addressing and overcoming these fears and anxieties.
Anxiety and Pregnancy
Fear and control are significant themes in anxiety and tokophobia, which can intensify during pregnancy due to the numerous unknowns and changes that occur. The fear of uncertainty and the feeling of things spiralling out of control can be overwhelming. I discuss how this fear primarily exists in our minds, until a real threat is encountered.
During labour, fear can arise if things are not going well, while anxiety is present before that point. Our fear radar can be influenced by society's fear messaging, making it challenging to distinguish between real threats and imagined ones. The past few years have been filled with fear messaging, but not all of it has been based on reality.
In addition to the fear of pregnancy and birth, I explore how fears and anxieties can manifest in other aspects of life, such as health, relationships, parenting, work, and our professional life. I explain how patterns of conflict around control and letting go can impact multiple areas of life, and how addressing and healing these conflicts can lead to positive ripple effects.
I also share my personal journey of overcoming fear of judgment and fear of losing social connections, which can cause hesitation in having children. I explore how fear of judgment and indecision can lead to procrastination in various areas of life, resulting in poor sleep quality and increased tiredness during the day.
So, if you're experiencing anxiety during your pregnancy journey or simply want to understand and overcome fear in different aspects of your life, this episode is a must-listen.
Here are some of the questions that I explore in this episode:
How does the fear of uncertainty and change impact anxiety during pregnancy?
What are some common fears and anxieties that women experience during pregnancy and childbirth?
How does fear messaging from society affect our ability to distinguish between real threats and imagined ones?
What role does fear of judgment play in anxiety around pregnancy and parenthood?
How can conflicts around control and letting go impact various aspects of life, including pregnancy and childbirth?
How does anxiety and fear of judgment affect decision-making and procrastination in other areas of life?
What are some strategies or resources that can help women overcome fears and anxieties surrounding pregnancy and birth?
What are some potential consequences of prolonged anxiety and fear during pregnancy, such as poor sleep quality and reliance on stimulants for energy?
How can tokophobia, the fear of pregnancy and childbirth, impact a woman's journey and choices during pregnancy
What can be done to increase awareness and understanding of tokophobia, and support women who are experiencing it during pregnancy?
Resources mentioned during the episode
During the episode, several resources were mentioned to help women overcome fears and anxieties surrounding pregnancy and birth. These resources include:
1. Fearless Birthing group: This Facebook group is focused on pregnancy and birth-related questions and concerns. It provides a supportive community for women to share their experiences and seek guidance on overcoming their fears using my fear clearance method, Head Trash Clearance.
2. Clear Your Head Trash group: This Facebook group is for anyone dealing with non-pregnancy related issues such as relationships or work. It offers a space to address fears and anxieties in various areas of life and to get support in using Head Trash Clearance.
3. Fear Free Childbirth courses and meditations: Fear Free Childbirth offers various courses and meditations specifically designed to assist women in overcoming...
Ethnicity Scans and Black Bodied Maternal Health, with Mars Lord
Aug 10, 2023
In this episode, I'm am joined by the incredible Mars Lord, doula and activist dedicated to improving the birthing experiences of black and brown-bodied women.
Ethnicity scans for women of colour
Mars will shine a light on a pressing issue: ethnicity scans. We'll delve into the controversy surrounding ethnicity scans, their potential risks and benefits, and the systemic racism that underlies their implementation.
We dive deep into the challenges faced by black and brown-bodied women within the healthcare system and explore ways to navigate these hurdles and ensure a fear-free childbirth.
Here are some key questions that we explore during our conversation:
How does systemic racism contribute to poor healthcare outcomes for black and brown-bodied people, specifically during the perinatal period?
What are some specific examples of discrimination and mistreatment experienced by black and brown-bodied pregnant women within the healthcare system?
How does chronic stress and anxiety, along with systemic issues, contribute to the high rates of maternal mortality among black and brown women?
What are some potential solutions for improving the birthing experiences and healthcare outcomes for black and brown-bodied women?
How can healthcare providers be better equipped to address the specific healthcare needs and concerns of black and brown-bodied women?
What role does self-advocacy play in navigating the healthcare system as a black or brown-bodied pregnant woman?
How can education and awareness surrounding ethnicity scans be increased to empower black and brown-bodied women to make informed decisions about their care?
How can the healthcare system shift its focus from technology-centred care to women-centred and evidence-based care?
What steps can be taken to ensure that the voices and experiences of black and brown-bodied women are listened to and heard within the healthcare system?
In what ways can the healthcare system address and dismantle systemic racism in order to provide equitable and quality care for all women, regardless of their ethnicity?
Resources mentioned during the episode
Here are some of the resources and materials mentioned during this episode that you can use to address your fears and anxieties related to childbirth and pregnancy:
Mama Ship Program: a valuable resource for pregnant individuals and new mothers. It is a membership program where you'll get access to exclusive podcast episodes and interviews, empowering birth stories, expert advice, a supportive community of like-minded individuals, and a wealth of knowledge and support to help you navigate your unique birth experience. This community that prioritises evidence-based care, advocates for women-centred birthing experiences, and provides a safe space to share concerns, questions, and support.
Mary Cronk's Phrasebook: http://www.homebirth.org.uk/marycronkphrases.htm
BRAIN. BRAIN is an acronym used to help pregnant women make informed decisions about their healthcare during pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting. It stands for benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, and nothing.
Mars discussed a cheat sheet that women can use to help them better navigate difficult conversations during healthcare appointments should they be offered ethnicity scans, or indeed any other procedure. This cheat sheet is available for download in the Mama Ship.
Episode Timestamps
00:00:23 Podcast discusses ethnicity scams and birth
00:06:33 Ethnicity scans offered to combat health disparities
00:11:19 Disparity in healthcare for black and brown women
00:14:34 Discrimination against black and brown bodies
00:21:18 Lack of evidence-based care affects women
00:23:00 Legal inquiry panel looks at black experiences
00:29:36 Neglecting women, favouring technology in healthcare
00:33:53 Ineffective communication creates lack of choice
00:35:14 Questioning medical procedures for better informed decisions
Overcoming Tokophobia: Heather’s Journey from Fear to Motherhood
Jul 27, 2023
In this episode of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast, I chat to Heather, who shares her inspiring journey from being tokophobic to becoming a mother of two.
Heather never expected to have children but decided to confront her fears for the sake of her relationship. She initially came across my work in her search for information about tokophobia and Heather ended up finding a supportive community* that understood her struggle to support her on her journey.
*Heather took part in one of my tokophobia group programs that runs a few times a year. Find out more about my programs here.
Heather shares her experience of going from fearful to fearless. She was someone who suffered with terrible tokophobia and not only went on to becoming a mother and now expecting her second, but also quit her therapy practice to set up on her own. Truly fearless! . But not only that, on
As part of this chat. we discuss the need to take women's fears seriously and explore their specific concerns, rather than dismissing them. Heather believes tokophobia is not well-known enough and hopes that by discussing it, more women can receive the support they need. This is something that I agree with whole-heartedly!
This episode provides valuable insights for both women experiencing tokophobia and professionals supporting them. I hope that Heather's story serves as an inspiration to those who suffer with terrible fears that they too can embrace the journey of motherhood.
Listen to us as we explore and unravel the answers to these most pressing questions:
What is tokophobia?
How did the guest, Heather, overcome tokophobia?
Why did she choose to have an elective cesarean?
How did she feel about their experience with the elective cesarean?
What resources are available for women with tokophobia?
How long did it take for her to get pregnant after starting the program?
How did she initially feel about the possibility of getting pregnant?
Did she have any doubts or uncertainties about becoming pregnant?
What is the prevalence of tokophobia among women?
How can professionals offer support to women suffering from tokophobia?
Tokophobia, the fear of childbirth, is a complex and often underestimated condition that affects many women. Through Heather's story, I hope that you can learn about the challenges faced by those with tokophobia and how they can find support and freedom from this condition.
Here are some of the main themes we discuss;
Navigating Unexpected Fears: Heather opens up about her unexpected path to motherhood. Initially, she didn't anticipate having children, but as her relationship grew, she felt motivated to understand and confront her fears for the sake of her partnership. Heather found solace in connecting with others who shared her fear, providing her with a safe space to discuss her concerns and gather valuable information.
A Journey of Empowerment: Heather's journey began when she started one of my group tokophobia programs. Completing this program enabled Heather to overcome her fears and make an informed decision about starting a family. The availability of resources like group programs and one-on-one support options proved instrumental in Heather's journey.
The Surprising Reality: As Heather embarked on her pregnancy journey, she had many preconceived notions about childbirth, fearing the worst. However, her actual experiences in the hospital were quite different from what she had imagined. The support she received from healthcare professionals, particularly her midwife, played a crucial role in alleviating her anxieties and creating a calming environment.
Having a Choice: One essential aspect that emerged from Heather's story is the significance of having a choice when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. She emphasises the importance of healthcare providers taking women's fears seriously and not dismissing or downplaying them. The ability to explore different options,
How to have a fear-free childbirth
Jul 20, 2023
Welcome back to the Fear Free Childbirth podcast!
After a long break, I'm bringing the podcast back. Fear of birth and pregnancy is a common experience for up to 85% of women, but it is not something to be ashamed of. The way I see it, there are two main types of fear when it comes to pregnancy and birth;
Mild or Moderate Fear - this is usually due to misinformation or lack of education.
Deep-rooted Fears - typically stemming from conflicts in personal values.
Addressing these fears is crucial not only for having a fear free childbirth but also for setting women up for success in motherhood.
In this episode, I explore the multifaceted nature of fear and how it goes beyond simple anxieties. I talk about the importance of addressing fears early on, preferably before getting pregnant, to ensure a more enjoyable and prepared pregnancy journey.
I also dive into my plans for the new season, which include expert interviews, covering new topics, and exploring the mental and emotional aspects of the journey to motherhood.
Join me in this thought-provoking episode as I delves into the importance of conquering fears and empowering women to have a fearless childbirth experience.
Here are just some of the questions i explore in this episode;
What are the two types of fear when it comes to birth and pregnancy?
How common is fear around birth amongst women?
What causes mild/moderate fear around childbirth?
Are deep rooted fears easier to overcome than mild/moderate fears?
What are some conflicts in personal values that deep rooted fears can stem from?
Why was the Fear Free Childbirth podcast put on hold?
What can listeners expect from the new season of the Fear Free Childbirth podcast?
How does addressing fears and conquering them prepare women for childbirth and motherhood?
How can listeners support the Fear Free Childbirth podcast?
What kinds of topics will the podcast cover in future episodes?
Resources mentioned during the episode
Here are some of the resources and materials mentioned during this episode that you can use to address your fears and anxieties related to childbirth and pregnancy:
Fear Free Childbirth Facebook Group: Join the Fear Free Childbirth Facebook group for more support and connection. The group is full of peeps struggling with the fears, but also mamas who have come out the other end and friendly birthworkers.
Find self-healing resources, including inner child wound healings, to facilitate personal transformation.
Fear Clearance Starter Pack - the fear clearance scripts for the top 10 most common pregnancy and birth fears. And you can upgrade to the full collection of the top 30 fears that i see time and time again when I'm working with women helping them to overcome tokophobia.
The Fear Free Childbirth Shop - my shop is packed with products and self-healing resources that you can use to clear your fears and anxieties. You can buy Fear Clearance audio tracks, Trauma & Wound Healing activations, Birth Affirmations and more…. Visit the shop here.
Books: Read my book to find out how you can clear your fears for a positive birth.
The Clearance Club - My self healing membership that you can use to clear your pregnancy and birth fears and anxieties. Access my vault of self-healing resources to tackle anxieties in all aspects of life - not just pregnancy and birth.
Episode Timestamps
00:00:22 Fear Free Childbirth podcast is back after a break due to personal challenges. Alexia shares her experiences and why she decided to bring the podcast back. She also discusses the upcoming season, which will include expert interviews and new topics. The podcast aims to help women conquer their fears surrounding childbirth and motherhood.
00:10:00 Motherhood brings anxiety and fear at every level. The birth experience is a gateway to a transformative journey. Healing and self-care are important for mothers.
How partners can support women during pregnancy & birth, with Souvereign
Aug 22, 2022
The one idea that inspired and motivated me when I started working in the birth and pregnancy space was this: the birth moment is a sacred one that has ripple effects that impacts so many people.
The moment of birth creates a ripple that affects many
Birth doesn't just affect the mother and the baby being born, it affects the father and/or the mother's partner too. And it affects the professionals present; the midwives, the doctors or OB-GYNs, the consultants, the doulas, and the nurses.
But it doesn't stop there. Depending on how the birth goes, it will will also affect the baby's siblings, and other family members.
Then there's the life of the baby as he or she grows up. Our births create an emotional blueprint that we carry with us our whole lives. Our fears, our patterns of behaviour, our stresses and our anxieties are all rooted in our birth experience. If we experienced a traumatic birth, then this will affect in all sorts of mysterious ways as our fears and traumas play out.
I say 'mysterious' because many people don't realise that the struggles they are afflicted with as adults probably have their roots in their birth experience. The WAY we are born - c-cection, vaginal birth, ventouse etc - can impact us too, as I've covered already quite a bit on the podcast. Anna Verwahl has done incredible work in this area if you're interested in finding out more.
If, as a baby, we experience our birth as challenging or traumatic then as adults we might not go on to have children as our trauma creates fears or phobias in us. In my work supporting women in overcoming tokophobia, for many of my clients the trauma of their arrival in the world is often the trauma that is at the root of their phobia.
The moment of birth has far-reaching consequences. And it's for this reason that I want to help people to improve the chances or that moment being as wonderful as possible.
Birth is sacred
You see, when you take a closer look, the moment of birth is a sacred one. But it's not simply because it affects so many. It's because it is the creation of life. It's the moment when we exist for the first time outside of our mother and it carries such potency. The first time we look into our babies eyes is a powerful moment that can stay with you forever. Those first few hours with your baby can be like nothing you've ever experienced. But sadly, these are experiences that can be missing for those whose births are difficult.
When a birth experience is a difficult one, the impact of this is far-reaching and does not only affect the mother and child. The father or partner is affected, as are the professionals present. And so the ripple expands. By focusing our energy on preparing to create the space for a wonderful birth experience to take place, we are creating the possibility for lots of people to benefit in important ways from this one birth.
Conscious preparation is not just for mothers-to-be
But this conscious preparation is not limited to the mother-to-be, although she can often feel like it's all on her shoulders. The father or partner also needs to be part of this, and while they might know that, it might not always be immediately obvious HOW they can support the mother.
If this is you - wondering how you can best support your partner as you prepare for the arrival of your baby - then this interview is a must listen.
Conversation with Souvereign
In this interview I chat with Souvereign who helps dads to prepare for the arrival of their baby. During this conversation Souvereign shares;
how his experience of the arrival of his first child made him decide to do things differently for his second
how he views birth and its sacred nature
practical ways on how men can support their partners during pregnancy
his experience on being asked to cut the cord made him feel
his fascinating perspective on the cutting of the cord and why we need to wait as long as possible
The Psychology of Pain, with Dr Gary Keil
Jun 18, 2020
Pain is interesting. At least I find it interesting. I guess that comes from my work in helping women prepare for pregnancy and birth, because pain comes up a lot! In fact it comes up too much in my opinion. More than it should do. And this is because a fear of pain is probably one of the most common pregnancy and birth fears I come across. Well, it's only to be expected, after all childbirth is the gold standard when it comes to pain. Everything is compared to childbirth. And yet in some countries, childbirth is not considered or thought of as being painful. Now THAT is interesting! This raises all sorts of questions for us around the psychology of pain especially around something like childbirth. Is childbirth painful? A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that 'childbirth is painful' as being a fact and therefore guaranteed that it will happen. Well it's not. It's not something that happens every single time. It might happen for some people but not all. In fact some people find labour enjoyable or euphoric. From the reading I've done over the years, it's accepted that around a quarter of women experience pain-free births. In this study the figure was 28%. So it's most definitely not a fact. It's simply the experience of the majority. So this does raise all sorts of questions for me around the psychology of pain. How subjective is pain? Do our beliefs around pain have an impact on us experiencing it? Can we do anything to avoid it or reduce it in some way? Do we all experience it differently? At what point does pain become suffering? Is it psychological or is it physical. Or both? Thankfully I came across the opportunity to speak to someone who specialises in pain and suffering and was able to put these questions to them on my Head Trash Show podcast. The psychology of pain In this podcast chat I'm joined by Dr Gary Keil. Dr. Keil was originally a pharmacist but has continued his hunger for knowledge in better understanding the human condition, why we behave the way we do and how we can improve. And now he specialises in pain and suffering. "I am passionate about how the mind and body work together, and how both can be fully developed to create happier, healthier and more creative individuals. Neuroscience and neuroplasticity, philosophy/theosophy/positive psychology, and mind-body practices like yoga and meditation are my main passions but I'm a FIRM believer that what you put into your body is just as important as how the innards work." During my podcast chat Dr Keil talks about the difference between pain and suffering how pain has both emotional and physical components what we can do to reduce our experience of pain, and what is likely to increase it how our beliefs impact our experience of pain the opposite of PTSD, PTGO what we can to prevent our experience of trauma the length of time it can take to train and change our minds It's a fascinating conversation and one that I hope you enjoy.
The psychology of pain
Jun 18, 2020
Pain is interesting. At least I find it interesting.
I guess that comes from my work in helping women prepare for pregnancy and birth, because pain comes up a lot!
In fact it comes up too much in my opinion. More than it should do. And this is because a fear of pain is probably one of the most common pregnancy and birth fears I come across. Well, it's only to be expected, after all childbirth is the gold standard when it comes to pain. Everything is compared to childbirth.
And yet in some countries, childbirth is not considered or thought of as being painful. Now THAT is interesting!
This raises all sorts of questions for us around the psychology of pain especially around something like childbirth.
Is childbirth painful?
A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that 'childbirth is painful' as being a fact and therefore guaranteed that it will happen. Well it's not. It's not something that happens every single time. It might happen for some people but not all. In fact some people find labour enjoyable or euphoric.
From the reading I've done over the years, it's accepted that around a quarter of women experience pain-free births. In this study the figure was 28%. So it's most definitely not a fact. It's simply the experience of the majority.
So this does raise all sorts of questions for me around the psychology of pain.
How subjective is pain?
Do our beliefs around pain have an impact on us experiencing it?
Can we do anything to avoid it or reduce it in some way?
Do we all experience it differently?
At what point does pain become suffering?
Is it psychological or is it physical. Or both?
Thankfully I came across the opportunity to speak to someone who specialises in pain and suffering and was able to put these questions to them on my Head Trash Show podcast.
The psychology of pain
In this podcast chat I'm joined by Dr Gary Keil. Dr. Keil was originally a pharmacist but has continued his hunger for knowledge in better understanding the human condition, why we behave the way we do and how we can improve. And now he specialises in pain and suffering.
"I am passionate about how the mind and body work together, and how both can be fully developed to create happier, healthier and more creative individuals.
Neuroscience and neuroplasticity, philosophy/theosophy/positive psychology, and mind-body practices like yoga and meditation are my main passions but I'm a FIRM believer that what you put into your body is just as important as how the innards work."
During my podcast chat Dr Keil talks about
the difference between pain and suffering
how pain has both emotional and physical components
what we can do to reduce our experience of pain, and what is likely to increase it
how our beliefs impact our experience of pain
the opposite of PTSD, PTGO
what we can to prevent our experience of trauma
the length of time it can take to train and change our minds
It's a fascinating conversation and one that I hope you enjoy.
Listen to the podcast here
What’s the story behind the podcast?
May 28, 2020
The Fear Free Childbirth and Motherhood podcast is where I help you to lose the fear, anxiety and stress that inevitably accompanies the journey to motherhood. When you listen to this podcast you can expect to listen to me and my guests as we dive into real stories, expert topics and psychology insights to inspire you and change your mindset on this the most exciting journey of your life. My name is Alexia and I’m a therapeutic coach and the author of Fearless Birthing and Clear Your Head Trash. I help people to get rid of the head trash that stands between them and the life and business they want. When I found out I was pregnant I was a business mindset coach. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had tokophobia, the extreme fear of pregnancy and birth. This forced me to get up close and personal with Fear, in a way that I hadn’t before. I was able to overcome my tokophobia during my pregnancy using a fear clearance technique that I developed. At the time, I didn’t realise that what I had achieved was a big deal; apparently you can’t overcome tokophobia. But I missed that memo! As a result of my experience I now help women to overcome tokophobia using the same approach that I used. I call this approach Fearless birthing and at its heart is the Head Trash Clearance Method, the technique that I developed and refined over both my pregnancies. So how do we reduce fear? One of life’s biggest fears is the unknown. And nowhere does this apply more than to pregnancy, birth and motherhood. One of the best ways to reduce any fears is to learn and become better informed. To help you with this I seek out interesting experts to share insights and experience on a wide range of topics around pregnancy, birth and motherhood. Now, if you still have a lot of fear after becoming better informed, then it suggests that there is some emotional and mindset work to do. This is a little bit more involved and very much depends on you. Sometimes better understanding the psychology or mindset aspects to this journey to motherhood, can be helpful in unblocking things. And so that’s what some episodes will focus on - the mindset and psychology aspects - and how they relate to the pregnancy and motherhood journey. Some people really struggle with learning about aspects of pregnancy, birth or motherhood. If that’s you, then it suggests a strong emotional component is present - in other words - a high level of fear. But sometimes, listening to enough positive content and better understanding our psychology is all that’s required to lose the fear, anxiety and stress. And so that’s what you can expect from this podcast. I hope you enjoy it! Alexia
Anxiety in pregnancy
Nov 12, 2019
Anxiety in pregnancy is currently estimated to affect around 15% of women. Through my work in supporting women in preparing for birth and pregnancy, anxiety is something that I see a lot and, dare I say, I think the numbers are probably higher.
When women are feeling fearful around aspects of their pregnancy or birth it can trigger feelings of anxiety, but these feelings are known to fluctuate through pregnancy. Anxiety in pregnancy has been shown to peak in both the first and the third trimester (1).
How anxiety in pregnancy affects birth outcomes
From the evidence available (2) we know that pregnancy anxiety not only affects pregnant women’s health but also has an impact on labour outcomes. Anxiety in pregnancy can affect the likelihood of things such as
preterm delivery
prolonged labour
caesarean birth,
low birth weight
When you combine these potential outcomes with those that may arise as a result of fear, it’s clear that helping women to deal with fear and anxiety in pregnancy needs to be an important focus if we’re to improve birth outcomes for women.
I’ve been supporting women in overcoming their fear for many years now, particularly those with tokophobia, and I’ve enjoyed some incredible success rates. Success rates that are apparently impossible.
I was once told off on Twitter by a midwife specialising in tokophobia for suggesting that it’s possible to overcome tokophobia. “… [I] shouldn’t raise women’s hopes like that because they can’t. They just end up having c-sections.”. That may well be the case, but a positive c-section birth experience that is empowering for the woman is a world apart from the c-section that the woman dreads and feels anxious and terrified throughout.
That’s when I realised that I needed to get some evidence behind my Fearless Birthing method. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to get birth professionals and healthcare providers to take my work seriously. And that in turn would limit the women able to benefit from the success I’m achieving reducing strong fears and anxieties.
So, that’s what I set out to do.
Collaborating with the University of Nottingham
I joined forces with the University of Nottingham Psychology Department to explore the possibility of collaborating on a research project to evaluate my Fearless Birthing method.
This is when I first met Dr. Megan Barnard. Dr. Barnard specialises in anxiety and so exploring anxiety in pregnancy was a good fit for her area of research. So we set out to design a study that would enable us to answer the question: can women reduce their anxieties and fears during pregnancy using a self-paced online programme?
Can we reduce anxiety in pregnancy?
After many iterations and submissions to the Ethics Board, we got the green light. So I’m delighted to say that there is currently a study underway which aims to evaluate the effectiveness of the Fearless Birthing method in helping women to reduce their anxiety and fear during pregnancy.
Given, Dr. Barnard’s expertise in anxiety, I thought it would be a great idea for us to have a conversation about anxiety in pregnancy so that we could all learn more about anxiety. But even more of a reason is this; Dr. Barnard is now currently pregnant. When we started working together, her interest in our work was purely professional. Now that she is experiencing some of the anxieties that we are researching, she has a unique insight into our project which I just wanted to ask her about.
A conversation with Dr. Megan Barnard
One thing that stood out for me from our conversation was that Dr. Barnard was saying that anxiety could strike anyone during pregnancy; you don’t already need to be someone who suffers from it to be affected by it during pregnancy.
Dr. Barnard also explained how much pregnancy has bought about a very human reaction to her pregnancy. Even though she studies and researches anxiety - and so is very knowledgeable on it - that doesn’t mean that she isn...
Thomas Verny, Father of Prenatal Psychology
Jan 31, 2019
Prenatal psychology is an area of psychology that looks at the psychological changes that women go through from conception to postpartum. If you're going to better understand your fears and anxieties during pregnancy then I think understanding prenatal psychology is pretty crucial.
The journey to motherhood is one of massive change for a woman and is often accompanied by fear, insecurity, and stress. There is so much that could go wrong: preterm birth, an especially traumatic birth, problems breastfeeding, problems bonding with the baby, miscarriage, problems conceiving… gosh the list goes on!
How prenatal psychology can help
But mamas-to-be can handle their fears by drawing on ideas from prenatal psychology. Prenatal psychology can give you psychological resources for whatever may come your way: grief after a miscarriage, complicated parenting issues, bonding with their child, etc.
For me, the biggest thing I took away from prenatal psychology was getting to grips with the idea that I could consider my unborn baby as a human being from my third trimester. This represented quite a shift in my thinking and my approach to pregnancy. Once you accept that you're carrying another human being who is able to listen, feel and hear around with you while your pregnant, then it invites some changes to your behaviour.
"By the end of the second trimester, the unborn child is a sensing, feeling and sensible (and remembering) human being." Thomas Verny
During our chat I put these questions to Thomas;
What should a mother focus on during her pregnancy to improve the likelihood of a positive birth outcome?
What can a mother do during pregnancy to nurture the baby?
Can babies understand what their mothers are thinking when pregnant?
Do babies pick up on the emotional journey of the mother during pregnancy?
What are some causes of tokophobia [the extreme fear of pregnancy/birth]?
Does the type of birth we have - vaginal unassisted, forceps, c-section etc - have any psychological impact on us?
As you can see from these questions, they have the potential to reveal some fascinating answers, and Thomas doesn't disappoint. I was in heaven!
Thomas starts by sharing some key factors that pregnant women should focus on during pregnancy to improve the likelihood of a positive birth outcome. These include;
A desire for a child
Relationship with her partner
Relationship with one’s own mother
Your own birth
Some people might be surprised at these because they are not things we tend to see in the typical birth prep lists alongside the more expected items like nutrition exercise or birth education. Thomas shares some interesting perspectives that are definite food for thought.
We chat about the importance of tuning into our babies and how best to do that and Thomas shares some ways that mamas-to-be can nurture baby during pregnancy. We also discuss fertility and how stress affects fertility.
How our birth type affects our thinking
The bit that I think you'll love though is what he has to say about our birth type, and what kind of mental and emotional patterns they can lay in place. Things like;
Forceps birth - Pain in the neck is a common theme for them. At times of stress, they will likely have pain in the head or shoulders.
C-section birth - Common thoughts will include "I can’t make it on my own", "If I’m in a tight place, people will come to my rescue"
Breech birth - They are the most hard headed of people "It's my way or the highway". They don't want to conform.
So, as you can see, this really is a fascinating chat and one that I think could really shift your perspective of your pregnancy journey.
Let me know what you think in the comments!
About Thomas Verny
Thomas R. Verny is a psychiatrist, writer and academic. He has previously taught at Harvard University, University of Toronto, York University, Toronto and St. Mary’s University Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Dr.
7 signs of a woman with tokophobia
Jan 17, 2019
How to tell if you know a woman with tokophobia
Tokophobia is the extreme fear of pregnancy and birth. It’s not very well known and yet it can affect a lot of women. This extreme or pathological fear of birth is estimated to affect between 4 and 43% of women. 14% is an accepted estimate. So you see, a lot more common than you might think.
Sadly, many women with tokophobia avoid pregnancy despite being desperate to be mothers. But that doesn’t mean you won’t come across it.
Some women only realise they have tokophobia once they’re pregnant.
Up until that point, they might feel that “I’m just not maternal” or “I don’t like kids” which is something you hear a lot. However, both of these are typical comments made by women with tokophobia. It is simply their fear speaking.
Of course, there are also many women who simply don’t want kids who say these things. But it’s possible that when a woman says she doesn’t want kids that her fear is clouding her judgement, or that her true feelings are buried beneath the fear. Once she has overcome her tokophobia, she may very well change her mind. I’ve seen this a lot with the women I’ve worked with.
In fact, it was something that I used to say all the time. I recently met up with some people who I’d not seen for ten years and both of them told me how they would never have imagined that I would have had kids; they thought I didn’t want any! Well, that changed once I’d overcome my fears.
Why it's important to know if a woman has tokophobia
It can be easy to shrug this phobia off as silly or irrational, but doing that is missing the point. Many women with tokophobia don’t see this fear as irrational. You can actually die in childbirth: that’s something worth fearing. Compare that to claustrophobia; being trapped in an enclosed space is not known to be fatal.
The fact is, a woman with tokophobia would love a bit of kindness and understanding about how she's feeling. Having tokophobia can feel incredibly isolating because people don't understand and are quick to judge. Here's one woman's experience of sharing how she felt;
I just explained that I suffer from tokophobia and I was looking for some positive encouragement, maybe some stories from people who had been through it and could tell me some positive things. What I got instead was the nastiest group of mean girls I've encountered in a very long time. Seriously, these women jumped all over me. The pitchforks immediately came out. It was seriously upsetting!
I hope that by sharing this, that you can better understand what they're experiencing. If you have a wife or partner is tokophobic then maybe this post will help to explain things that you may have observed in your relationship. If you have friends who you suspect might have tokophobia then maybe this post will help you to better understand them.
7 signs of women with tokophobia
Not all women with tokophobia will experience all of these, but if a handful of them are present, then it’s a pretty good sign.
1. They avoid conversations of babies, pregnancy and birth
It’s often assumed that women love nothing better than to talk babies, but this simply isn’t true. Women with tokophobia will tend to remain silent if there is a group conversation that touches on babies, pregnancy or birth. They might do this because they simply have nothing to say and they can’t relate to what’s being said.
But it could also be that they daren’t say anything because of the possible reaction from other women. Very often, women with tokophobia find that when they speak up about how they’re feeling, that other women do not understand or shrug off their feelings. They might feel judged or ashamed so they keep quiet.
2. They don’t want to hold a baby
Holding a baby could easily freak them out and bring out quite a reaction. This means that they’ve probably never held a baby.
3. They have medical fears
Women with tokophobia tend to have one or more fears that are ...
The Maternal Brain, with Jodi Pawluski
Nov 01, 2018
Today's podcast is all about the maternal brain and the neuroscience of pregnancy, birth, postpartum and parenting.
A few months back I shared an article about the maternal brain on my Facebook page and it went a bit nuts. It's since been shared over 40 times which is unprecedented for my Facebook page. It also received tons of comments, many of which were saying how the article helped them to better understand what they were going through. So I knew I had to cover this topic on the podcast.
I reached out to the expert that was quoted in the article, Jodi Pawluski, and was thrilled when she agreed to come on the podcast to talk about all things maternal brain.
Jodi Pawluski is a perinatal mental health expert and Research Associate at the University of Rennes in France. Her research aims to promote maternal mental health: enhancing the health and well-being of both the mother and child. Her research focus is to determine the behavioral and neurobiological processes underlying maternal mental illness and use this information to improve mental health in women during the perinatal period. In other words, she knows a thing or two about the maternal brain!
The Maternal Brain
During our conversation, Jodi talks about
the changes that are happening to our brain during pregnancy and how it's an important evolution for becoming a new parent
how we have new brain circuitry coming online that provides us with the ability to tune into our infant by enabling us to experience a feeling of reward from our child and a feeling of attachment
changes to the mood and emotions during pregnancy
the role of the environment on the maternal brain aka "pregnancy brain"
how quickly a mother can tune into her infant
After half an hour of touching your baby's hand, you will recognise your baby's hand from touch alone.
Pregnancy Brain
We talk about whether this is a "thing". Some articles have stated that it's not a thing, so we talk about what it could be instead and why it might feel that it really IS a thing.
15% of women during pregnancy will have a high level of anxiety
We touch on the important topic of anxiety and depression during pregnancy and taking medication when pregnant.
And, we also cover the brain changes happening to dads.... there is so much in this conversation!
Further Resources
The Neurobiology of Postpartum Anxiety and Depression.
The adaptive human parental brain: implications for children's social development.
The Neglected Neurobiology of Maternal Anxiety and Depression
Jodi Pawluski
Why aren't we talking about maternal brain changes?
Pregnancy Body Changes
Oct 25, 2018
Worrying about pregnancy body changes is something most pregnant women worry about. Whether it's the expected changes in the shape of your body as pregnancy progresses, to the least expected changes that might happen as a result of birth complications - and everything in between! Pregnancy body changes are a huge source of worry for women which is why I wanted to talk about this on the podcast.
To help do that I’m going to be joined by Bianca and Natasha from Bebo Mia. They have a doula business and have been working with women for over 10 years so they’ve seen it all when it comes to women getting worried about pregnancy body changes.
We cover quite a few angles when it comes to pregnancy body changes, from plus size pregnancies, to being pregnant when fit and of course vaginal tearing.. and lots more.
Listen here
Pregnancy Body Changes
The adjustment you need to go through in how you perceive your body once you’re pregnant is quite significant. Many women have worries when it comes to pregnancy body changes which mean they struggle with this adjustment. This is particularly so for women who have strong feelings around their body - whether that's love because they've spent a lot of effort being fit or whether they don't like their body.
Common worries and fears around pregnancy body changes include;
"why isn’t my pregnancy going like a “normal” pregnancy?" ..... whatever *that* is!
“I’m worried about gaining too much weight during my pregnancy"
Plus size pregnancy
We talk about BMI measurement and the obese categories. Yes, a BMI of 30 and above carries risks, but it’s simply an increased risk, not an absolute or guaranteed outcome. As with all risks, it's crucial to understand what the numbers are telling you. The important thing to bear in mind is that with plus size pregnancies, positive outcomes are all possible!
Did you know that a common misguided belief is that overweight women are not strong enough to birth their babies? And another is that their vagina will be too fat. Yes, you read that right.
A fat vagina!
Since when can you get a fat vagina?? How can a hole get fat? #crazytalk
We also talk about the importance of ditching the yo-yo dieting habit
Fit women
The Bebo Mia ladies are clear to state that it's important for women to give themselves at least 6 weeks to recover. They encourage women to connect to their postpartum body rather than focus on trying to re-establish their pre-baby body.
Another common problem is that some women are too scared to gain weight during pregnancy, with some women working out too much because they’re worried about gaining more than 25 pounds.
Changes down below
No chat about pregnancy body changes would be complete without talking about vaginal tearing. I know! Vaginal tearing is a HUGE fear among pregnant women. And yet interestingly, when I speak to women about their birth stories, vaginal tearing rarely features as something they worry about during birth - with many not even noticing it happening when it does. This vagina talk also covers;
the husband stitch
the importance of pelvic work
This is a great episode that is made brilliant by my fabulous guests, who have also offered a discount on all products on their site - see below.
About bebo mia
bebo mia is a training & mentorship organization for women in the maternal health field, including pregnancy/birth professionals, childbirth educators & parenting specialists. They offer comprehensive skills, business support & community care through an innovative online structure that spans a global market.
A very different culture from both the patriarchal boardroom model & the female-centric multi-level marketing industry, bebo mia offers opportunities for women to work from home while making an income for themselves and their families. They develop inclusive, accessible trainings for women that provide the skills needed to grow & sust...
Preparing for Motherhood, with Sophie Brigstocke
Oct 18, 2018
In today's podcast episode I'm honoured to be joined by Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie won Doula of the Year in 2017, so this is a real treat - my second Doula of the Year guest!
As well as being a doula, Sophie also runs Nurturing Birth where she trains doulas alongside her co-founder Florence Etienne-Jackson. Together they have trained over 3000 doulas, so she knows a thing or two about birth and supporting women as they approach motherhood.
It was really tricky to pick a title for today's podcast because we talked about so much. But it's all birthy and all very interesting!
Some of the things we talk about include;
Sophie's epic 10-day labour - YES you read that right... 10-day labour!
her ECV and her difficult birth experience
planning her subsequent VBAC
her elective emergency c-section
Preparing for motherhood and parenting
We talked a lot about how we can use pregnancy to prepare for motherhood. Often the focus of pregnancy is preparing for the birth, but preparing for motherhood is also important because there are things that can be done during pregnancy to lay the foundation.
Sophie shares with us that a lot of couples come unstuck with a new baby and they say they would have liked to have had help to prepare their relationship for the arrival of the baby. And yet, when classes were put on, no-one signed up. The benefit of hindsight, eh?
the case for ditching parenting books and tuning into your baby
why the mother is the expert on her baby
the importance of tuning into the mothering instinct
what women can do during pregnancy to prepare
why psychological preparation is important
maternal mental health
Let’s take the emphasis OFF what we need to BUY materialistically. Let’s think a lot more about what we need to invest in for our mental and emotional well-being.
Sophie tells us that "in terms of a good head space, preparing for the birth has a big impact. Your birth informs your postnatal period in a big way. I felt like my body had let me down. The positive feelings from having a good breastfeeding journey made such a difference”
We also talk about breastfeeding and touch on some common breastfeeding myths. And any birth conversation is not exactly complete unless oxytocin is mentioned! Sophie feels that "oxytocin isn’t talked about enough. It has an important role in early parenting too; it’s part of breastfeeding."
About Sophie Brigstocke
Sophie is a birth and postnatal doula, Doula Mentor at Doula UK, Breastfeeding Supporter and Baby Massage Teacher. She was awarded “Doula of the Year” at MaMa Conference, 2017.
Sophie started working with mums and babies in 2004 when she trained as a baby massage teacher with Peter Walker, something she regularly teaches with busy courses around SW London. She also trained as a Therapeutic Massage Practitioner at the London College of Massage, specialising in Pregnancy and Post-Natal treatments. She offers Closing the Bones postnatal massage and ceremony to new mothers, as well as babywearing support.
You track Sophie down at Nurturing Birth.
Webinar for Birth Workers
In today's episode, I announced that I'll be running a live webinar for birth workers. I've been getting lots of enquiries from birth workers who would like mt to share how I help women to prepare for a fearless birth. So I thought I'd run a webinar. If you'd like to join me on the webinar, then you can sign up here.
Fearless Birthing
Oct 11, 2018
The Fear Free Childbirth podcast is back! After a year off, I'm back... lots of great episodes coming too!
In this episode, I talk about my new book, Fearless Birthing. I get lots of emails asking what reading people should do, well, my answer to that is simple: my Fearless Birthing book!
When I was pregnant, I didn’t read any books. I was tokophobic and one aspect that affects many women with tokophobia is that reading about birth can be very difficult - it can easily trigger their fears or panic attacks - and this happened to me. So I’m the last person to ask about birth books.
My Facebook group is a great place to ask that question!
Fearless Birthing Book
So today I’m going to talk about my book and share with you what you can expect from it - in a very top-line fashion. It’s nearly 100,000 words and pretty meaty, so I will NOT be going into the detail... I just want to give you an overview so that you can decide whether it might be a good one for you to read.
As I go through the chapters I also mention where there might be other podcast episodes that cover those topics - and I mention upcoming episodes that dive deeper too.
As well as helping you to shift your mindset around birth, I also include my fear-clearance technique - the Head Trash Clearance Method - which is what you can use to clear your fears. Now, some people prefer more than just a book to help them, so if that's you, then the Fearless Birthing Self-Healing Online Programme is for you. This is my online program that accompanies the book. It includes lots of videos to help you to identify your fears and then to clear them. There are also many mindset techniques in there to help you during birth.
Since the book has come out I'm also getting lots of questions from birth workers and birth professionals asking me if they could train in Fearless Birthing so that they can use it to support their clients. Well, the answer to that is YES YOU CAN! You can find out more about joining the tribe of Fearless Birthing Professionals here. The Fearless Birthing Professional training is an online training program that combines live classes with online materials which means that you can train from anywhere in the world - as long as you have an internet connection.
Other Resources
During the podcast I mentioned other resources to help you on your Fearless Birthing journey;
Fear Clearance Meditations - to help you to address the most common birth fears
Fearless Birthing book bundle deal - buy 5 paperbacks - for friends or for your lending library and save money.
Fear Free Childbirth Facebook group - the best place to ask me questions and get answers from other mamas on the same journey as you.
Breastfeeding, with Cindy Leclerc
Jul 06, 2017
Breastfeeding is not something you might expect to do your research on while pregnant, but there is certainly a lot of value in preparing yourself as much as you can while you have the time and space to do so. When your little one arrives you'll thank yourself for being prepped as much as you can.
I've been asked loads to do a podcast on breastfeeding and I've resisted because I wanted to stay focused on the birth prep, but I'm getting way too many requests to ignore it - so here we are!
Today I'm speaking to Cindy Leclerc. Cindy is a Canadian Registered Nurse and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. She has helped over 12,000 families get started with breastfeeding. In addition to her nursing practice, she teaches prenatal breastfeeding classes both in-person and online. Together with a colleague, she hosts a website (cindyandjana.com) and an app (NuuNest) which provide reliable information to answer the questions new parents ask. NuuNest can be downloaded for free on their website.
During our chat Cindy shares the 5 things that every pregnant woman should know about breastfeeding.
But we don't stop there! We also talk about
breastfeeding positions
growth spurts
what to expect the days after birth in terms of milk
how to know if your baby has fed enough - and it's not to do with time spent on the boob!
During our chat, Cindy talks about her free breastfeeding course as well one of which is free. Check them out below.
FREE 3 lesson course - Getting Ready to Breastfeed
Simply Breastfeeding
But that's not all!
FREE DOWNLOAD
Cindy has kindly offered to share a PDF of the 5 Things Pregnant Women Should Know About Breastfeeding.
(I’m sorry but this free guide is no longer available. If you are looking for super useful resources such as this then join the Fearless Mama Ship. Find out more here.)
Get support as a new mama
As I mentioned on the podcast new mama support is now available as part of The Fearless Mama Ship member area. The Fearless Mama Ship is to support you throughout your four trimesters and has been created to help you to reduce the overwhelm when it comes to all the information out there. It is packed with bonus podcast episodes, mini-course and plenty of resources to help you prepare for birth. My birth prep program includes birth template downloads as well as information of the various birth professionals that can support you during your pregnancy and birth so that you can find the support you need. Find out more below.
Essential Steps of Birth Preparation
Jun 29, 2017
Birth preparation is a huge part of preparing for a positive birth. Lots of women don't appreciate why doing birth preparation is so important with many leaving it last minute. The truth is if you want to stack the odds in your favour when it comes to having a positive birth experience, birth preparation is essential.
The thing is, birth preparation can seem like this huge overwhelming task, so it's understandable that many shy away from it or procrastinate. To help you I'm going to talk you through what I believe are some of the most important elements of your birth preparation.
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Why birth preparation is important
Preparing for your birth means that you're saying no to the "winging it" birth plan. For the record, “winging it” or “going with the flow” is NOT recommended and is more likely to lead to a difficult birth;
Your labour is more likely to be longer
Increased chances of experiencing a painful labour
You’re more likely to have a medicalised labour
Increased chances of ending up with an emergency C-Section
I don't know about you, but they are good enough reasons for me!
To receive my 9 Steps to a Fearless Birth just pop your details below and I will send you everything you need to know via email.
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Essential Steps of Birth Preparation
So, in no particular order, here are some of the important steps that I think you need to include in your birth preparation.
Get clear on what you want
How can you prepare if you don’t know what you want? So this bit is super important. Think about what you DO want and what you DON’T want when it comes to your birth.
Where do you feel the safest? Home or hospital? Birth centre? Maternity-led unit?
How do you feel about medical staff? Do they scare you or make you feel safe?
Are you considered high risk? If so, what does this mean in terms of your birth? Does your current health have any implications for your birth? If so, what?
What birth assistance would you like? Birth pool? Pain relief? Space to move around? Home comforts? And, where is that most easily available?
What’s the birth you DON’T want? Why? What is it about that that you don’t like/want? If this ended up being your birth how would that make you feel?
Get savvy
If you’re going to prepare for something, then it’s important to know what you’re preparing for so that you improve your chances of getting it. This means going all crazy on the details. So even though you might have things clear in your head in terms of what you want - you still need to plan for various eventualities.
With birth, nothing is guaranteed, which is why it’s also worth preparing for plan B and maybe even plan C.
The reason why I want you to prepare for the birth you don’t want is so that you do your homework on it. This does two things;
it helps you to understand it better as a birth option, and crucially,
this helps to reduce the fear you might have of it. After all, there’s a reason you don’t want it, right?
Having a load of negative emotion around your plan B will not be very helpful for you on the day if your birth ends up going that way. Being prepared means that you will be able to change tack without getting all stressy on the day, which would be no good for the hormonal cocktail that keeps labour moving.
So you see; being clear AND savvy on both birth options is important work! Start seeking out the information you need that will support your birth choices.
Who do you want at your birth? Your partner? Your mother? Friends? Doula? Photographer? Are they are fully briefed and “on the same page” as you?
Pain relief: do you know your options and consequences of their use? How do you feel about accepting pain relief? Does this carry emotional weight? What pain management strategies would you like to adopt?
What methods would you consider to induce labour if required? At what point would you accept an induction?
Conscious Conception and Pregnancy, with Jane Jennings
Jun 22, 2017
I'm a huge fan of conscious conception and pregnancy and I believe that taking a conscious and deliberate approach to your journey from pregnancy to motherhood is the gold standard to aim for. But I also know that not everyone has got that memo and simply don't get it.
To help you understand this in more depth, today I'm chatting to Jane Jennings about conscious conception and pregnancy. Jane is a Conscious Conception Doula and works with families throughout the pregnancy journey and that often means BEFORE conception.
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What is a conscious conception and pregnancy?
I know that many of my listeners choose to listen to my podcast as part of their preparation for motherhood and so THIS is what I'm talking about here; being conscious and deliberate about your journey to motherhood.
Living consciously isn’t limited to pregnancy and birth. It’s something we can all do at any time, if we’re ready and open to it. Put simply, living consciously is being deliberate and mindful about your choices and conscious of their consequences. Many people live unconsciously from moment to moment and allow themselves to be carried by the current of life, instead of choosing to pick up an oar and paddle in a certain direction.
When it comes to a living a conscious conception and pregnancy, things you might want to explore include;
Create the space in your life for your baby
Many couples who are expecting their first baby, do not intentionally create the space for a new person in their life. Particularly if the baby wasn’t entirely expected. It can be all too easy to try and bolt the baby onto your young, free and independent life (I know because I was guilty of this!), but taking the time to think about what you need to let go of so that you can welcome your baby fully, is worthwhile.
Take a closer look at your work, chores, hobbies and relationships that are simply not compatible with family life. Be prepared to make changes to enable family life to flourish and thrive. Often, family friction comes from this resistance to let go of the life habits that suited a younger person with no responsibilities. By accepting your new role sooner, you can avoid much of this, but importantly, it gives a clear message to your new family member that they are welcome, valued and loved.
Work On Your Relationship with Your Partner
The greatest gift you can offer your future child is a loving relationship between his or her parents. If there are any unresolved issues between you and your partner, make a point to work on them before your baby arrives so you can welcome your child into a peaceful home. Take time to devote to your relationship, whether through therapy or counselling, simple open communication or even a baby-moon. A happy couple and a happy home massively increase your chances of having a happy child.
Journal your pregnancy experience
Write about your thoughts and emotions during pregnancy. Aside from the physical changes that accompany pregnancy, explore your ideas around how you want to parent, the relationship you hope to have, and the qualities you expect to foster in your child. Not only will this be interesting to read years from now to see how things panned out, but it will be a wonderful gift for your baby.
Our pregnancy journey impacts our babies in ways that we might find hard to grasp. Babies develop their senses very early on in utero and will be picking up on a lot of your thoughts and experiences. The emotions that you will be experiencing will be affecting your baby in quite profound ways; one of the key reasons to address your emotional wellbeing during pregnancy.
Regularly connect and communicate with your baby
Build a relationship with your baby early on in your pregnancy so that your baby is used to a two-way dialogue and trusts you. During birth, there needs to be trust between the two of you. Trust that you’re both capable and confident of doing what needs to be done and that you can rely ...
Gentle C-Section, with OB, Andy Simm
Jun 15, 2017
Caesareans are often feared by women going into birth, but there's a new trend coming through that could hope to reduce that somewhat. The gentle c-section otherwise known as the natural caesarean is a much softer approach than the usual surgical ritual.
To help explain what a gentle c-section is I'm being joined by OB Andy Simm from Nottingham City Hospital (my local!). It is Andy who was the OB behind the gentle c-section positive birth story that I shared last season. He's a bit famous around my neck of the woods!
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What is a gentle c-section?
In a gentle c-section, or natural caesarean, the drapes which normally screen the operation from the mother are lowered – so she (and her partner) can actually see the baby being born. The baby is also given time to “wriggle out” of the womb, rather than being instantly lifted out by the obstetrician. The newborn is then placed on the mother’s chest for her to hold, cord intact, instead of being whisked off for weighing and measuring.
To help the mother to have some skin to skin, the ECG wires are taped to her back which means that she is more likely to be able to breastfeed straight away.
All this is quite a departure from what we know c-sections to be like, but it doesn't stop there. A gentle -c-section is also one where the environment of the operating theatre is tweaked to help make it more friendly... lower lights basically!
This women-centred approach has many reported benefits for mother and baby including: improved breastfeeding rates; a better birth experience; increased bonding due to instant mother and baby skin to skin contact; plus reduced risk of lung issues as the extra time allowed pressure from the uterus to expel liquid from baby's lungs.
Of course, a natural caesarean is not drug-free or risk free – but local anaesthesia is carefully used to ensure the mother is alert and able to hold her baby. This is HUGE!
During our chat we identified a gentle c-section checklist that you can use as part of your birth planning;
lighting and environment (music)
let baby wriggle out on their own
skin to skin
delayed cord clamping
birth narration
seeding the microbiome
About Andy Simm
Andy Simm has worked as a Consultant Obstetrician in Nottingham for 15 years, with interests in diabetes and endocrine disorders in pregnancy and fetal growth disorders. He has a keen interest in management of labour where this deviates from the norm, and promotes the importance of communication, team work and other non technical skills. This has been recognised with both awards from within the Trust and nationally.
Andy has a large obstetric clinical practice, and as College Tutor is responsible for the overall quality of education and training of junior doctors within his unit.
Most recently he has become involved in undertaking the ‘gentle’ caesarean section, with video footage posted on social media websites getting 10 million hits. ‘Gentle’ caesarean is undertaken in a softer environment, with a slower delivery that facilitates autoresuscitation of the baby, namely expulsion of fluid from the fetal lungs, and a gentle transition to breathing in air by undertaking deferred cord clamping. Women are enabled to watch the birth if they wish, and immediate skin to skin contact is facilitated. Demand for the procedure is increasing
The Psychology of Pregnancy, with Leah Butler-Smith
Jun 08, 2017
The psychology of pregnancy doesn't often get discussed and I don't know why, so today I'm remedying that.
Pregnancy and the journey of motherhood are such a huge time of change that it's no wonder that there are psychological implications. The thing is, we don't often stop and think about what those might be. In today's episode I'm going to be lifting the lid on the psychology of pregnancy and motherhood so that you can have a better understanding of what might be going on for you. To help me, I'm joined by Leah Butler-Smith who is a therapist and a coach as well as being a mum of three. Leah had a very successful practice in London's Harley Street and has worked with many women on the whole motherhood spectrum. This includes from fertility and miscarriage to overcoming pregnancy fears and birth recovery.
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The Psychology of Pregnancy
Many women approach pregnancy and birth with very little if any preparation and assume that they can just take it in their stride. This might work for some, but given the seismic changes that are involved in becoming a mother, it's worth taking some time to doing some preparation. Going from being an individual with no responsibility for anyone other than yourself to becoming a parent has its own set of challenges and adjustments to overcome. Add pregnancy and birth to the equation and you've got a mighty cocktail of craziness right there.
During our chat, Leah shares some interesting insights into the psychology of pregnancy and birth that might very well help you to unpick what is going on for you. Leah talks a lot about how our irrational mind is responsible for our beliefs and fears. She explains how those beliefs and fears may have been implanted in the first place, which is very interesting to listen to. I work with this stuff all the time so while it's not new to me, I still find it super fascinating!
Leah also talks about her experience of working with women on the fertility journey. She talks about how, in her experience, fears play a huge role in our ability to become and stay pregnant. Leah shares stories of women she's worked with who, once they've worked on the mind and the fears and anxieties at play, are able to then go on to be pregnant. Certainly worth a listen for that alone!
Managing pain with the mind
You will have already heard me talk quite a length about how pain is a mental thing and how we can manage our ability to cope with pain by using the mind. Well, Leah bangs this drum to. During our chat, she shares a brilliant technique for managing pain during labour and birth.
FREE download
During our chat, Leah mentioned a free download that she was creating. To get hold of the download CLICK HERE.
About Leah Butler-Smith
Leah Butler-Smith wittily refers to herself as a ‘Rapid Transformation Specialist’ who has a ‘particular set of skills’ (think the popular movie, Taken LOL). Having worked with celebs, creatives, sports personalities, entrepreneurial business owners including a few Billionaires. Since the late 90’s, her experience and knowledge is surpassed only by her constant enthusiasm for helping others. Her many skills include being awarded the title of Senior Hypnotherapist - one of the first awarded by the GHSC, Advanced Psychotherapist, Analytical Hypnotherapy, NLP Trainer, TFT Practitioner combined with the latest proven techniques Havening, EMDR and EFT. She now fills any spare time with studies in Neuroscience, Bio-Medicine and any other research that supports her members & private clients.
You can get access to Leah in person inside her newly formed community inside Facebook. There you’ll get regular tips for improving your mindset, learning NLP & other techniques proven that will help you improve your mindset, overcome challenges, build your confidence and support your business growth.
You can also get a Free Coaching Guide at WWW.LEAHBUTLERSMITH.COM
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Placenta Encapsulation, with Maria Pokluda & Maryn Taylor
Jun 01, 2017
Placenta encapsulation might not be something you know too much about. So, I thought it was about time I covered this on the podcast because many women report that placenta encapsulation can help them emotionally in the postpartum period.
Consuming your placenta (placentophagy) is undergoing a bit of revival at the moment. So, who better to have on the podcast than two placenta queens, Maria Pokluda and Maryn Taylor who run their own Placenta Encapsulation business in Dallas Fort Worth, Texas
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Some view this as a way of celebrating the placenta's significance as well as promoting postpartum physical and mental health. Placenta encapsulation is becoming a popular method of preparing the placenta for consumption. What this basically means is creating capsules that are a bit like tablets for you to take with a drink. The other way of consuming the placenta is through placenta smoothies which, apparently is not as bad as it may sound.
Placenta encapsulation
If placenta encapsulation sounds appealing to you, discuss your plans with your midwife or doula during your pregnancy. Ensure that it is highlighted as part of your birth plan. Be clear that you wish to keep your placenta. If you don't feel up to the job right away, you can freeze your placenta until you are ready to process it. A specialist can come to your home, process your placenta and produce the capsules for you. Or you can have a go of this yourself. There are plenty of articles about this online so you can research the subject at your leisure.
There is limited evidence when it comes to placenta encapsulation, but what there is in bucket loads are testimonials and anecdotal evidence with mothers report lots of benefits from consuming their placenta during the postpartum period, including;
more breast milk
more balanced feelings
more energy
The only thing that I could find in terms of evidence was this.
During our chat, we talk about
when to book your placenta encapsulation
what your options are
what the process is
placenta traditions
umbilical cord art
About the Placenta Queens
MARIA POKLUDA: Maria has prepared more than 700 placentas. Doula since 2007. Mom of four. Owner of Great Expectations Birth Professional Doula Services. Creator of BEST Doula Training Voted Best Doula in North Texas six years in a row.
MARYN TAYLOR: Marin has prepared more than 400 placentas. Birth pool distributor since 2012. Mom of three. Owner of Buoyant Birth - Birth Pool Rentals & Sales
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A tokophobia birth story; Cee Fee’s Positive Birth
May 25, 2017
Today I'm sharing a fabulous positive birth story on the podcast. It's fabulous because it's positive and empowering birth, obviously. But also because it's a tokophobia birth story.
I'm joined today by Cee Fee Dunn who admits to being completely terrified of pregnancy and birth. Cee Fee and her husband had decided that they wanted to have children, so when she found out she was pregnant, she was excited for sure, but she was also filled with dread. The dread stayed with her pretty much throughout her whole pregnancy.
Cee Fee's tokophobia birth story is also worth listening to, and not just for women who are terrified of birth. Her birth did not go to plan and the birth she had, was not the birth she wanted. Things changed. But, despite all this, Cee Fee was able to roll with it and still feel in control of HOW things unfolded and WHAT happened. And this is important. We can't guarantee how our births will go, but being well-informed and savvy can help to ensure you experience your birth as positive, no matter what happens. And surely, that's the ultimate goal.
Tokophobia Birth Story
During our chat, Cee Fee shares:
The strategies she used to keep her fear under control, and ultimately reduce it sufficiently to be able to embrace her birth experience
How she prepared for her birth
How she dealt with her fears instead of doing actual fear-clearance
What she felt as a tokophobic during her pregnancy
How she feels her hormones contributed to her level of fear
Who she had on her birth team
How it feels to have an epidural, and how it affected her birth
What she did to adapt and stay positive during the birth
It's such a great tokophobia birth story that I hope that it inspires you if you're tokophobic.
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About Cee Fee Dun
Cee Fee is A Personal Trainer, Health Coach and Nutritional Consultant who has spent the last decade working both one to one and with communities empowering women to take ownership of their own ability for self-care. Her absolute passion derives from her own recovery having suffered most of her adolescent life with disordered eating and poor body image and personal demons anxiety and depression. From anorexia to compulsive binge eating and bulimia, from dangerously thin to several stone overweight. Her skill set has been developed alongside her own long-lasting recovery to health.
She works with her clients rebuilding relationships with food and body image. ESPECIALLY after pregnancy. Preparation for pregnancy, pre and postnatally is where she truly comes into her own. Supporting women as they venture into motherhood. She could not be more emphatic about support during this time.
Alongside her business based in Windsor and South Bucks, she is also a dedicated online coach, writer and life style presenter who has contributed to magazines such as Body Fit and presented and written for BBC Radio One.
She lives with her 11month old baby boy Rocco and her gorgeous husband Remo in Buckinghamshire.
You can follow most of her weekly antics, recipes, nutritional tips and exercise tutorials via ceefeedunn.com where there are links to all her social media platforms and her blog featuring her own journey during her pregnancy or follow her directly on Instagram for daily blogs and stories, facebook for training tips and recipes, Youtube for vlogs, Snap chat ceefeedunn for more cooking tips, question and answer time and community support
Do you think you have tokophobia?
If you think you have tokophobia and would like to overcome it, I've pulled together a free email series that helps you to think through your options. You can sign up for that right here.
Essential Oils in Pregnancy, with Amber Duncan
May 18, 2017
Using essential oils in pregnancy can be a bit of a minefield. There is so much confusion as to what you can and can't use that it can be stressful. So I knew I had to do an episode on it!
To help me tackle this subject, I'm being joined by Amber Duncan, who is a clinical aromatherapist. But not only that, but she is also a mama of three, so she's pretty familiar with the pregnancy and birth journey. She works a lot with pregnant mamas so I knew she would be ideal to have on the show.
Essential Oils in Pregnancy
If you've thought about using essential oils in pregnancy, then this is probably pretty familiar to you. Women just don't know what is safe and what is not, and so often avoid using them altogether. Midwives often avoid recommending essential oils in pregnancy because they are confused too and so they prefer to avoid the subject altogether. Essential oils can have great benefits when pregnant providing the right ones are used in the right way.
During our chat, Amber covers quite a bit, including;
Why you need to avoid using a diffuser during labour
What support you can expect from using essential oils in pregnancy
Typical pregnancy symptoms that essential oils can help with
Which carrier oils to use - including one that you probably haven't heard of before
How to dilute essential oils to a safe level
What to pack in your birth or hospital bag
How to prepare your essential oils that you might want to use during labour, including a great hack
Why you need to avoid topical EO applications immediately post birth
One thing that's a bit scary or overwhelming when it comes to using essential oils in pregnancy is knowing what to avoid. So Amber has rather helpfully, provided me with a list of
Essential oils to avoid
Essential oils to use with care during pregnancy
(I’m sorry but this free guide is no longer available. If you are looking for super useful resources such as this then join the Fearless Mama Ship. Find out more here.)
About Amber Duncan
Amber Duncan is the proud owner of Holistic Health Helper, LLC based out of Dayton and the sole instructor for The Apothecary Institute. As a Clinical Aromatherapist, she makes it her mission to educate others on the safe use of essential oils. She does this by offering many classes, workshops and seminars. These educational opportunities are available in person, via Skype and online.
Amber is the NAHA Regional Director for southern Ohio and also has written for their quarterly journal. In 2016 she was invited to speak at the NAHA national conference which took place this October in Utah. Amber has also been interviewed for articles in various publications including one with Massage Mag, as well as being invited to various speaking engagements including this 2016's SOFT Conference held in Tacoma, Washington.
Most recently she decided to add herbal studies to her repertoire and began a course to become a Master Herbalist. She knows this enhanced knowledge of the whole plant will only further allow her to best help those coming to her with questions. She is excited to share this knowledge with everyone including her local clients in Dayton, Ohio.
When not helping others better understand essential oils she is raising her three children with the help of her loving husband. She works with the kids in a home-school format to help them better learn about the things around us. Such as plants, animals, and how we fit in; so that they can feel comfortable with their knowledge of the world and who they are in it.
Recurrent Miscarriage, with Naava Carman
May 11, 2017
Today on the podcast I'm tackling yet another important - but not talked enough about - topic; the recurrent miscarriage. Baby loss is taboo enough as it is, but recurrent miscarriage is even more so, and neither should be.
To help me, I'm joined by Naava Carman, who specialises in working with women who experience a recurrent miscarriage through her clinic in London. Naava blends Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) with the Western approach to medicine to help women on their fertility journey.
Recurrent Miscarriage
The term recurrent miscarriage is defined as the loss of three of more pregnancies. If this is your situation then I please just let me give you a big hug. This is one situation where I find myself at a loss for words because I simply cannot imagine how hard it must be. Any talk that suggests hope feels a little crass because I'm all too aware of the emotional weight that rests on the pregnancy outcome. But when I spoke to Naava, I did find myself thinking about how her work does offer hope to women on such a journey. But not wishy-washy hope; a hope of a more practical nature with a rooting in science. Her work blending traditional Chinese Medicine with the Western approach certainly sounds like a fresh approach that is bringing results to many, so much so that Naava's reputation precedes her.
FREE DOWNLOAD
I'm sorry but this free guide is no longer available. If you are looking for super useful resources such as this then join the Fearless Mama Ship. Find out more here.
About Naava Carman
Naava Carman is a fully qualified member of the Register of Chinese Herbal Medicine and of the British Acupuncture Council. She founded The Fertility Support Company in 2006, and has been in practice for almost twenty years. She is a highly experienced fertility, gynaecological and obstetric acupuncturist and herbalist, and is also a Recognised Doula (birthing assistant) and Doula Mentor with Doula UK.
Naava specialises in using acupuncture as part of an innovative method of treating gynaecological and fertility problems, combining Traditional Chinese Medicine with Western diagnostic techniques and Western medicine. Her Fertility Support System, which is a three-month programme, is designed to tackle the underlying causes of infertility and helps men and women to enhance their chances of conception naturally and in conjunction with IVF and IUI.
Acupuncture is ideal for rebalancing hormones, inducing ovulation and preparing the body for a natural or assisted conception. It can also help a patient to manage and overcome distressing symptoms and can be used through pregnancy, working to help prevent miscarriage and treat symptoms such as morning sickness and lower back pain. Men can also be treated to help increase their sperm count and the quality of sperm produced. Her areas of speciality include the treatment of Recurrent Miscarriage, PCOS, Endometriosis and Poor Sperm Motility.
Naava says, “Many of my patients have been told that they will never conceive – even with IVF or IUI – but often this is not the case. Medically, they may run out of options, but acupuncture combined with Chinese Herbal Medicine, nutrition and lifestyle changes can and does result in the impossible becoming very possible indeed.”
The Fertility Support Company
www.fertilitysupportcompany.co.uk
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Being pregnant with PTSD
May 04, 2017
This week it's maternal Mental Health Matters Awareness Week here in the UK and to honour it, I'm delighted to be talking to Susanne Grant about being pregnant with PTSD, birth trauma or baby loss.
Not long ago Susanne found herself pregnant with PTSD as a result of her own abuse experiences. Her journey in overcoming her PTSD is something that she is very open about and it's what inspired her to work with women in this area.
Being pregnant with PTSD or with other trauma that may be from baby loss or a previous birth is not easy. Susanne's story not only promises hope to those who have are facing this experience but also actual direct help.
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Here's Susanne story of being pregnant with PTSD in her own words.
"Because of my own childhood experiences (including abuse), which had led to me being diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 17. I specialised in trauma and human behaviour through university, I think it somehow made me understand what happened to me better. As I saw others heal, step by step, I knew that I could too! I just needed to find out how. I had different therapists, tried EMDR (didn’t work for my type of trauma), and so on.
When I became pregnant, for some reason, that I still not understand to this day, my pregnancy triggered my past. The nightmares started again. I was having panic attacks and my body ached all over. For whatever reason my body and mind were reliving my past traumas and illnesses.
My midwife suggested going back into therapy, but I told her no. I did not want to go through all of it for the fourth time. In hindsight, that was a mistake as a few days before giving birth I started to freak out. I didn’t want to be in this world, I hated being alive, and now I was bringing a life into this world. What was I thinking?!
My birth was a great experience, even though the fear created more tension than necessary, it was a positive experience. Over the next few months my triggers became a bit more frequent as I was tired and alone in a country without family or friends to help. It was challenging to say the least.
After my pregnancy, I realised that – even though my midwives did their absolute best to try to support me – some of them still tried to guess their way through it. I realised what I had to offer this world, is what I needed the most myself; healing of my past. I remember thinking ‘If we can fly to Mars, I could heal my PTSD right? You know, on the scale of things’. I tried everything I could think off, I asked for help, reached out and slowly but steady my trauma started to shift.
But it wasn’t until I dealt with what was underneath of it all, I started to really heal. The healing I found is incredible. Not only do I not get triggered anymore, I am even feeling grateful for the experience. Because – as it turns out – it made me such a great birth & healing coach!
That’s why I am sharing my story. Healing after birth trauma is possible. For you, for me, for everyone. Just don’t give up before you found something that works for you!"
Resources
During our chat, Susanne shared some resources that you might want to check out
Penny Simkin - When Survivors Give Birth
Birth Trauma Association
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About Susanne Grant
Susanne is an International Hypnobirthing & Healing coach who specialises in working with women who are pregnant with PTSD, birth trauma & body issues. She coaches clients around the world to heal (sexual) abuse & trauma as well as prior traumatic births.
While pregnant, Susanne’s experience of child abuse put her on a different road of care from her team of midwives. This gave her a new mission in life and she is now helping others to heal wounds from the past too. Having been diagnosed with PTSD at 17, she knows firsthand how challenging this can be.
To find out more about her work you can visit her website or find her on Facebook.
Access to Susanne's Free Ebook, Hypnobirthing Course and Heal Yourself Workshop
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How to have a happy birth, with Beverley Turner
Apr 27, 2017
On today's podcast I'm joined by journalist and radio presenter (and now best-selling author!) Beverley Turner. Bev is also the lady behind The Happy Birth Club ante-natal classes that are run out of a pub in Chiswick, London.
I first heard Bev speak at the IMUK (Independent Midwives UK) conference last year where she spoke about The Happy Birth Club ante-natal classes that she runs alongside a dream team of birth professionals. When I heard her speak I knew I wanted to get her on the podcast to talk more about it. I've got a bit of a thing about childbirth education and it's this; it's so damn flakey!
If you seek out the free birth education option in your community it's usually run out of the hospital or local maternity unit, which by definition means that you're more likely to learn about the medicalised view of birth. This in itself is a very narrow perspective on birth so you will miss out on lots of important information that can help you to prepare.
The travesty here is that we actually NEED to seek out this information and education. Surely we should come out of school with a basic knowledge of childbirth that goes beyond the usual let's-put-teenage-girls-off-pregnancy-and-show them-the-scary-shit version. But we don't. So when we're pregnant, it's up to us to get off our bumps and educate ourselves.
Happy Birth Club classes
When Bev decided to create her classes, she made a point of seeking out the best in class, which admittedly, is probably easier in London than in other locations around the world, but at least it shows what can be achieved when taken seriously and done well. At £350 for a couple, it might not be the most affordable option for everyone, but that pales into in significance when compared to how much a happy birth is worth... and what you'd spend on other big days of your life like your wedding for example. You can never spend too much preparing for your birth, especially if it improves your chances of coming out the other end with a positive birth experience... and more importantly avoiding a difficult or traumatic birth and the horrid consequences such as post-natal depression.
During my chat with Bev she talks through the things they share as part of her classes, but we also talk about a load of other stuff. Given that we're both into birth the conversation does indeed wander...
What started her interest in birth
Bev shares her perspective on the midwifery situation that is affecting women in the UK at the moment
Why she wanted to write her book The Happy Birth Book
Why she feels that women are made to "aim low" in birth and why this is wrong
But, why aiming low in parenting is totally acceptable
Her advice for pregnant mamas who want to have a happy birth
And more...
I hope you enjoy it!
About Beverley Turner
I became a birth junkie after my son was born ten years ago and have spent much of that time writing, campaigning and talking about birth and parenthood as a journalist and broadcaster. For pregnant women, knowledge is power. Honest, supportive ante-natal education in a fabulous location alongside other growing bumps is the best way to begin the craziest journey of your life. When I am not drinking tea with my beautiful Blooming Bunch, I write a weekly Daily Telegraph column; campaign for better maternity services for all women and look after my kids (10, 5 & 3). I am so proud of The Happy Birth Club: there are no rules, no embarrassment and no finger-wagging – but laughter is obligatory.
To find out more about the Happy Birth Club: website and Facebook.
The buy The Happy Birth Book on Amazon UK
Save the midwife
Apr 20, 2017
It's time for a rallying cry "Save the midwife!". I've talked about this already on the podcast, but this week, I'm giving it focus. Save the midwife is a campaign that needs support and not just here in the UK, and not just by midwives.
This is a family issue that affects birthing women directly.
When we hear talk of the oldest profession in the world, many mistakenly think of prostitution - thanks in part to Rudyard Kipling - but that would be wrong. What did society need first? Food? Shelter? Safety? Help birthing our young? Or an outlet for sexually frustrated men? Hmmm....
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Midwifery is one of those professions that is as old as we are and appears alongside other professions who perform human rituals. And yet, today in the UK, the profession is being chip chipped away. This makes me mad. VERY mad. Since the begining of time, midwives have been supporting women during their rite of passage from maiden to mother. This transition isn't always an easy one for women, and yet the presence of midwives can be the difference that makes the difference. A difficult, challenging experience can become an empowering, powerful emergence for a woman when she is supported by her midwife.
Midwifery under threat
Believe it or not the very esssence of midwifery is under threat here in the UK. Unfortunately, many countries around the world look to the UK on midwifery matters, so what happens here counts. I dedicated the first podcast in the current series to independent midwives because I wanted to show support for their plight which kicked off just before Christmas last year. In a nutsell: the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) announced that the insurance level that independent midwives have in place is not sufficient. Although unhelpfully, they have never stated the level of insurance that IS adequate. This resulted in all independent midwives here in the UK being banned from attending births. This meant that women who had hired an independent midwife for their birth now had no-one to support them. So not only did independent midwives suddenlty find themselves without work, but women found themselves without important support. What makes this so shocking is that independent midwives are typically hired by women who feel they need the extra support.
Why hire an independent midwife?
Many people mistakenly believe that independent midwives are a superfluous requirement for women. But that is simply not the case. Here are some reasons that a woman would want to hire an independent midwife.
You want guaranteed continuity of care
This means you want the same midwife (team) to support you throughout your pregnancy, AND be present at your birth and support you during the post-partum period. Here in the UK, it is not guaranteed that the midwife who supports you during your birth will be the same one that you have met with during your pregnancy. The midwife who attends your birth will depend on the available midwives who are on shift. Also, depending on when the shift changes take place, your midwives might change during your labour.
You had a difficult or traumatic previous birth
Understandably, you're worried about your upcoming birth and need the extra support an independent midwife can offer you. Independent midwives can spend much longer with you during your pregnancy to help you prepare as much as possible.
You want to give yourself the best chance of a positive birth
Continuity of care is shown to improve birth outcomes; reduction in stilborn rates, reduction in miscarriages, reduction in pain levels experienced by women, shorter labours
You want to know the person who will support you at your birth
Birth is a big deal and so it makes sense that you want to know who will be there to support you. But knowing them isn't always enough. Trust is important too. Some women don't want to have to worry about whether the midwife who turns up is going to be right for her, and understandably so.
Pregnancy as a rite of passage, with Charlotte Kanyi
Apr 13, 2017
Our pregnancy journey has the potential to be one of the most transformative and expansive periods in our lives, and I don't just mean in terms of our body! The opportunity for personal growth is huge, and yet this important rite of passage is not always widely accepted or appreciated for what it is.
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When I think back to my own experiences of miscarriage and birth, I'm in awe of the journey I've been on, and it's so obvious to me now that being pregnant was both the start and the trigger. When I miscarried and realised that it was relief that I felt, I knew then that I had some stuff to resolve, which I then tackled head-on for about a year. I was rewarded with a pay-off, because the next time I found out I was pregnant, I was delighted (instead of being in a bad state of shock). But, staying pregnant came with its own set of emotional challenges for me; I had to face my blood-curdling fears. Well I did, and was rewarded yet again; this time with an incredible birth experience.
As motherhood took hold, the lessons and opportunity for growth continued and to be honest I don't think they ever stop. Once you start on this journey, it's not like you ever reach The Destination; it's never-ending. So of course, my second pregnancy pushed me even more. The lessons and challenges I had overcome for my first pregnancy, came back but from a slightly different angle. I had to go deeper and be more thorough in my inner work, something which I couldn't have done the first time, but that felt quite natural and do-able as I faced them this time around.
I share that with you because, it seems I'm not alone in having this kind of rite of passage experience. The universe gives us what we can handle, but we don't always step up. If we don't, we just get stuck wrestling with the same old crap on repeat.
In today's podcast, I'm joined by Charlotte who tells a similar rite of passage story and I think it's one worth hearing because hopefully it will wake you up to your story of growth. Things will always come up. In order for us to grow and evolve as human beings, we have to continue to move through our issues, and when you become pregnant, you are preparing yourself in every way - mind, body and soul - to transition into the next phase of your life. But are you open to that?
Are you prepared for the rite of passage that is pregnancy?
The transition from free woman to mother is massive and issues are bound to come up for you. Open your arms to them. Welcome them. It's normal and everyone has it. Whatever comes up has to be embraced and dealt with - sooner rather than later. The more you face up to your stuff, the more you lighten your load and the easier your birth will be.
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More Information
Find out more about Charlotte Kanyi from Birth Essence.
Charlotte's Facebook group
Blog post on NPa
Free Fear Release Guided Visualisation.
For information specifically about the tools that Charlotte mentioned
The JOURNEY
NPA The Non Personal Awareness Process
The Compassion Key
Taking responsibility for your birth
Apr 06, 2017
In today's episode I want to talk about taking responsibility and share with you something that happened to me last week that was a huge wake-up call. It's not exactly birth related but it is ...
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Last week I had a minor op. I thought it would be this no big deal. They were OK with me walking home afterwards so I thought I'd be able to carry on with normal life afterwards. How wrong I was! The day after the op I crashed into a painful and depressed state. The anaesthetic had worn off and I slowly came to the realisation that I had been slightly traumatised by my experience. There were 6 people in theatre with me and the lady who was meant to be there keping tabs on me just wasn't that interested and kept walking off. Looking in, it certainly didn't look like a traumatic experience, and I'm using the word trauma with tiny T, but it affected me that's for sure. As I was lying there for 25 minutes being worked on I couldn't help thinking about birth (I'd asked for a drape like in c-sections), and in the days that followed the similarities continued.
I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't really do any research about the procedure I was having. I thought I could just "go with the flow" and that "it would be fine". And it would've been, had I prepared for it. If I'd done my research, I would have ben prepared psychologically for my experience. I would have planned for being bed ridden and AWOL in my head for a week. Instead I was trying to continue with normal life - work, client sessions and household duties. I was failing and this was making me feel even more crap. My inspiration during this low period was Catherine Holland. If you don't know her story listen to my podcast chats with her. She died and came back - awful bike crash. During her recovery she didn't even use painkillers. All last week, I was thinking, "if Catherine can do it, I can!" I only took 4 paracetamol all week! (< my version of Catherine's hardcoreness!).
Why taking responsibility matters
I can't help think about the similarities with birth. Those women who don't prepare and who don't do their research are the ones who suffer and have the shitty experiences. One thought kept making me angry last week "Why didn't they warn me I'd me like this?" Well guess what Lex? Your health and wellbeing is YOUR responsbility, not theirs. Just as in birth. Don't hand over to the health care professionals thinking they've got your back. They have, but only to a certain extent. You need to meet them half way. You need to take responsbility too. And when it comes to health this means doing your homework and preparing. It means getting savvy on what your about to go through and understanding the facts and the practical consequences. It means making psychological preparations. For me I had to learn that it was ok to be weak and depend on others (not easy for me!).
I can't believe I let this happen to me. With the work that I do around birth how could I have been so naive? And yet, this happens to women all the time when it comes to birth. Intelligent, proactive, responsible, empowered women still rock up to birth with the "i'll be fine, I'll go with the flow" attitude and it crushes them.
Please don't be one of those.
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Looking after your Pelvic Floor, with Anita Lambert
Mar 23, 2017
Your pelvic floor is one of those things that you take for granted before giving birth. It's just there. Then you give birth and it's not! After my first pregnancy, I went to a weekly buggy workout where we were talked through the kegel exercises and I remember being so utterly bored by them that I quickly lost interest in doing them. Give me crunches or squats any day, but kegels?!
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All those well meaning pieces of advice about doing them while sitting at a red light or while making a cup of tea didn't help at all. My head is way too full of thoughts to remember doing things like that. The thing is, I'm paying for it now. I didn't realise quite how much until I went trampolining with my daughter. Yikes! Well after ten minutes, let's just say that I was sitting it out.
So, when I'm sitting here telling you how important it is to look after your pelvic floor, I mean it!
Thankfully, I have Anita Lambert on the podcast today, who is going to help you look after your pelvic floor. But not only that, but she is also going to share with us her wonderful positive birth story. Anita starting listening to the podcast before she was pregnant as she wanted information for her pregnancy and post-natal clients. Then she got pregnant and had two super reasons for listening. She also shares how she used the head trash clearance method to tackle some of her fears duing her pregnancy.
One of the fears Anita worked on during her pregnancy was her fear of pain and interestingly, she says that she didn't really experience pain during labour. I say "interestingly" because I'm sure that has a lot to do with the fact that she didn't fear it. There is a known scientific link between a fear of pain and our experience of it and *that* is why is find that so interesting! Anita went on to have a lovely birth which you can hear all about.
Here she is with her gorgeous little daughter!
Looking after your pelvic floor
Anita is a physio from Toronto who works with women during pregnancy and afterwards to help them to improve their pregnancy and birth experience, but also to assist them with their post-birth recovery. There is so much that Anita shares in terms of how you can work closely with a physio during your pregnancy and afterwards that it's well worth a listen. She's also makes it all sound so straightforward! Some of the things Anita shares include;
what your pelvic floor actually is and how to think about it
the pelvic floor check you can have BEFORE you're pregnant
the physio appointment that is worth having at 37 weeks to check that you're well aligned for birth
pelvic floor exercises you can do other than the dreaded kegel ones
why it's important to be able to relax your pelvic floor as well as tighten it
what you can do to help you go trampolining again
what you can do to help make sure you can sneeze or laugh without looking silly
why it's not too late to get your pelvic floor "fixed" and what you can do
the importance of the mind-body connection when it comes to your alignement
We also talked about Pelvic Girdle Distress aka symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) as this was something that I suffered from during my second pregnancy.
This is an important episode and I would urge you to listen.
Resources
Anita has kindly shared some fabulous resources to support you in this area.
Spinning Babies - this is a great resource by midwife, Gail Tully, for creating pelvic balance and alignment during pregnancy and labour to help with a smoother childbirth (and can help turn a breech baby)
Julie Wiebe, Women's Health and Sport Medicine physical therapist explains how to find your ideal alignment to access your deep core to support your body during pregnancy and after birth:
Prepare to Push TM - ebook / ecourse created by Kim Vopni of Pelvienne Wellness and Bellies Inc with helpful information to prepare your body for birth and postpartum recovery
Childbirth Self Efficacy with Sophie Fletcher
Mar 16, 2017
Today we're talking about childbirth self efficacy. I'm taking a deeper look into the psychology of birth with birth expert and best-selling author, Sophie Fletcher. In this episode we're going to be talking about what childbirth self efficacy is, why it's important in the context of childbirth and what we can do to influence it. Believe it or not, this is all very enlightening!
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The idea for this episode came up when Sophie and I were chatting at the Independent Midwives conference here in the UK. Sophie mentioned childbirth self efficacy to me and I had to admit that I had no idea what she was on about. Once she explained to me what it was, I knew I wanted to chat to her on the podcast about it, because I believe that if a pregnant woman cold get her head around childbirth self efficacy, it provides her with a framework to improve her birth experience - and who doesn't need a bit of that?
What is Self Efficacy?
Psychologist Albert Bandura has defined self-efficacy as one's belief in one's ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. One's sense of self-efficacy can play a major role in how one approaches goals, tasks, and challenges.
It's easy to see how childbirth self efficacy is now a relevant concept to discuss on the podcast.
Self-efficacy has two different components; outcome expectancy, i.e. the belief in a certain behaviour being helpful in a specific situation, and efficacy expectancy, being the belief in one ?s ability to perform such behaviour. But, the outcome expectancy and efficacy expectancy might not always be congruent; a woman might know that a behaviour has a certain outcome but she might be unsure about her own capacity to carry it out.
This bit is key. We already know that childbirth confidence is an important indicator of women’s coping abilities during labour and birth. so naturally it follows that if a woman doesn't believe that she can change an outcome, then she is less likely to take the action required, even though she knows it can have an effect.
During our chat Sophie shares some surprising results from the vast pool of evidence that exists around childbirth self efficacy. The one that stood out for me was that women who choose to pursue the winging it or laissez faire birth plan will have the same outcomes as women who are really fearful. The same?? In other words a probable crap birth experience.
Childbirth Self Efficacy Influencing Factors
Sophie also shares the some key influencing factors that can affect your childbirth self efficacy, which is great to know because then you can do something about it. These include;
Vicarious experiences - where you witness what happens around you. This is where culture and media have a lot to answer for.
Verbal persuasion - which is the impact that friends, family and health care professionals can have
Physical sensations - how we interpret our physical sensations you have
One rather depressing conclusion we came to though was that those women who most need to listen to this podcast about childbirth self efficacy and understand the concept, are the least likely to be listening. Why? Because they simply won't be seeking out information about improving their birth experience because they won't believe in their own ability to use that information to bring about change in their life.
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About Sophie Fletcher
Sophie Fletcher has been a clinical hypnotherapist for over 10 years and is a leading expert on hypnosis and mindfulness for childbirth. Her bestselling book Mindful Hypnobirthing, was published in 2014 and the audio book is being published in March 2017. She is also the co-founder of Mindful Mamma which runs classes across the U.K. and Australia. The audiobook of Mindful Hypnobirthing is being published by Random House in March 2017. Additional antenatal and postnatal hypnosis downloads are available from www.mindfulhypnobirthing.com
Why the ‘winging it’ birth plan sucks, with Shalome Stone
Mar 09, 2017
Today I'm thrilled to be joined on the podcast by Shalome Stone from Rockstar Birth Magazine.
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When Shalome and I first chatted, it took us a while to figure out what we'd focus on for our pocast chat because we could've had spoken on a whole range of stuff around birth. But once I'd spoken to her for a bit, I knew what it was. Shalome was telling me about her own journey into birth work and what sparked her interest, which for her it was her own crappy first birth experience. Shalome approached her first birth with confidence just believing that because she was a woman she would be fine, she "had all the bits" after all. Basically, she went with the 'winging it' strategy, otherwise known as "going with the flow".
Things didn't pan out all that great for her, which you can hear all about in the podcast. When the time came round for baby number two, she knew she had to do things differently. She knew that this time around she would need to do her homework and prepare. If you've been listening to the podcast, you'll know that I keep banging on about the need to prepare for your birth. This preparation is might include things like;
educating yourself about birth and the birthing process
learning about the birth choices you have and the decisions you might face
finding out about the birthing professionals that are available to support you in the lead-up and following your birth
doing emotional work if you have fears, anxieties or worries that you need support with
mental preparation to help you find toold and techniques that can help you to stay focussed and positive on the day
physical preparation in terms of exercises to strengthen your body for birth
Phew! Not a bad list for starters! It can be easy to see why this can seem overwhelming at first. But believe me when I say this; it's worth it. YOU'RE worth it! The thing is, the benefits of preparing aren't immediately obvious, especially for first time mums who have NO IDEA what awaits them.
So, perhaps I can convince you through talking about the impact of NOT PREPARING, and how using the 'winging it' strategy really does suck. As someone who went with the 'winging it' strategy, Shalome is much better placed to tell how much it does indeed suck.
We also talk about budgetting for birth and I ask Shalome "how much should you invest financially in your birth?". She compares our birthing day with other big days in our lives that we spend considerable sums on - namely the wedding, but one thing is clear from our chat. The far-reaching ripple effects of your births mean that investing in your birth is a no brainer.
I hope you enjoy our chat! And listen up for this utterly rockstar quote from Shalome "I don't have a magic vagina"
If you want to track down Shalome here are all the usual links
Website - www.rockstarbirthmagazine.com
Facebook - www.facebook.com/rockstarbirthmagazine
Instagram - @rockstarbirthmag
Podcast - Rockstar Birth Radio
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Expecting Multiples with Mars Lord
Mar 02, 2017
If you're expecting multiples then today is your turn! I can't tell you how many times I receive emails from mamas expecting multiples asking.. no BEGGING.. me for podcast episodes for them and believe me when I say this: I have been TRYING!!!
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Today I'm speaking to Mars Lord. Mars is a doula who specialises in supporting parents who are expecting multiples and what gives her special insider knowledge is the fact that she is a mum of twins. Incredibly, she had her twins AFTER her 3rd baby; you can listen to the full story in the podcast.
Expecting Multiples
During our chat Mars shares a ton of gold nuggets, and they're not just for the mamas expecting multiples. There's stuff there for all pregnant mamas.
She starts by sharing her own twin birth journey busting the common assumptions that are held when it comes to expecting multiples;
twins will come early
you will birth in a hospital
you will have a planned c-section
you will need to be monitored
you will need an epidural
Instead Mars encourages you to approach your birth in the same way you would a singleton birth;
Get savvy and do your birth homework
Research your birth choices
Understand the risks you face and decide on what is right for you. Mars likes to replace the word risk with considerations. Everything is a consideration.
Trust your instincts
Ask the questions and challenge what you're being told
Ask your hospital for the multiples birth policy and remember protocol is not a medical reason; it’s a guideline.
About Mars Lord
My name is Mars Lord and I am passionate about birth and about women having and making informed choices. I became a doula because I believe that birth is a wonderful thing and can be a wonderful time. As a mother of 5 (including twins) I know that even when it doesn’t seem to go the way that we want it to, it can still be an incredible experience. It should be your incredible experience.
Find out more about Mars at her website Mammy Doula. You can also followe her on Twitter.
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Cord Clamping – Why we need to Wait for White, with Amanda Burleigh
Feb 23, 2017
Cord clamping is something that you might not even think to consider when it comes to your birth plan, but let me tell that it most definitely is. In today's podcast I want to help you to undersrtand why delayed cord clamping should be an important non-negotiable aspect of the birth of your baby, whether you have a vaginal or c-section birth.
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Today I'm chatting to Amanda Burleigh, who is a well-known UK midwife. I say well-known, because Amanda is a bit of an activist and is very outspoken on this particular topic. She has been campaigning for delayed cord clamping for over ten years and it is in thanks to her efforts that health policies are changing. She is a true hero!
Amanda first started to consider the impact of cutting the cord when she was wondering why so many boys (her sons included) had behavioural issues.
"After talking to teachers who were concerned at the numbers of children with behavioural, learning and medical problems and noticing the same in my friends and colleagues children. The numbers were too high to be ignored and this got me thinking and looking for a common denominator. Informally I looked at many potential causes, caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, sugar consumption etc eventually (in 2005) I reflected on our own practice as midwives and realised that although we were taught to clamp and cut the umbilical cord immediately, there was absolutely no evidence to support this practice. The cord for 50-60 years and common practice now) is to cut the cord before the baby has even breathed and I quickly realised that this couldn't be good practice. I looked for evidence and found work by George Morley who stated that immediate clamping was the reason for the increase in autistic spectrum disorders and other problems, cerebral palsy. In 2005 there was little evidence to look at to support delaying cord clamping but there has never been any evidence to support immediate cord clamping at all. All the available evidence did point out that immediate cord clamping deprives the baby of at least 30% of their intended blood volume.
I started my campaign from then really and increased as I realised that implementing change (despite it being evidence based change) is really hard to influence.
I did change practice slightly in my own hospital and was then asked to be quiet (in 2012) and then I decided to get louder and I started the facebook page to inform parents and carers and I got a petition up to try and influence NICE (UK guidance) to change practice . This attracted 5.500 signatures from over 44 different countries. I also had articles in the paper."
Delayed Cord Clamping - The Benefits
Delayed cord clamping or optimal cord clamping is associated with:
Increased neonatal iron stores in the neonatal period.
Increased organ perfusion and subsequent cardiopulmonary adjustment.
Increased duration of early breast feeding.
Decreased risk of feral-maternal transfusion
Decreased umbilical infections
Increased white cells-infection prevention
Less blood splatter-HIV protection
May benefit neurodevelopmental outcomes, particularly in males
One thing that Amanda talked about was the Golden Hour after birth. Here's what se means by that;
Safe environment - warmth, privacy, dignity, respect, quiet and undisturbed
Slow, gentle and peaceful - Less problematic third stage
Raised Oxytocin
Decreased Adrenaline.
Optimal Cord Clamping –ideally the cord should be empty
Immediate Skin to Skin
Breastfeeding
Time alone to bond
Resources and research
Judith Mercer - Rethinking placental transfusion
bloodtobaby.com
Andersson, O., Domellöf, M., Andersson, D. and Hellström-Westas, L. (2014). Effect of Delayed vs Early Umbilical Cord Clamping on Iron Status and Neurodevelopment at Age 12 Months. JAMA Pediatrics, 168(6), p.547.
Andersson, O., Lindquist, B., Lindgren, M., Stjernqvist, K., Domellöf, M. and Hellström-Westas,
When all your worst birth fears come true
Feb 09, 2017
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Imagine if all your worst birth fears came true.
What kind of birth experience would that be?
It would be easy to think that this could be the most terrifying birth experience ever. And for some it might well be, but in today's episode I'm sharing a story that shows that it doesn't have to be. Today's positive birth story is from Grace who was a big fan of the podcast during her pregnancy.
Grace got in touch with me because I put a call out to my email list asking for case studies to feature in my book; I was looking for women who had used my fear-clearance method to prepare for their birth. "I used your head trash clearance and I must say I'm so glad I did!"
By the time I finished reading Grace's email, I knew I had to get her on the podcast because this wasn't your typical birth story of a birth going just as the mother wanted. Instead it's a story of all her worst fears coming true and culminating in her ultimate worst birth fear; the emergency c-section. Her story is a remarkable example of the WHY it's important to do the emotional and mental preparation during your pregnancy and BEFORE your birth.
When it comes to birth, there are no guarantees. Sure we can tell ourselves that we'd love the calm water-birth at home by candle-light, or the lovely birth centre birth surrounded by loved ones. But just because that's what we want doesn't mean that's what we get. And as with all things in life, it's not necessarily what happens to you that matters the most; it's how you respond to what happens to you.
This is what makes Grace's story so inspiring and it has lessons in for all of us.
Read her email for yourself;
"I did use your head trash clearance and I must say I'm so glad I did!
About a year and a half before I found out I was pregnant, my sister had her first baby. Her story was quite horrific. Her baby was breech and she ended up having to have an emergency C-section. She was devastated. I didn't realize how worried I was about this very thing happening to me until I was about 6 months pregnant and began searching for and clearing my head trash. More than anything, I wanted an all natural labor and birth outside of a hospital. I had a birthing center picked out and was ecstatic to experience labor and birth at in it's most raw form. After several weeks of digging out and identifying my fears, the fear of having to go to a hospital and worst of all having a C-section kept showing up. I will say that I had to work on this fear daily and although it became easier and easier to manage my head trash, this one was the most difficult.
My labor contractions began at 6am on Jan 12th, 2016. They were small period like cramps and I didn't think much of them at first. After an hour or two and they weren't going away, I realized what was going on. My contractions were about a minute every 5 minutes right from the beginning. I went about my day, even went to the gym and attempted to workout until I stood up and felt a little gush of something (it was my water leaking out). After that my contractions became a little stronger but stayed about 5 minutes apart. I was elated! I was going to meet my baby so soon! I felt nothing but joy and although at times I was uncomfortable, I didn't have any trouble running a few errands, packing some items for the birthing center, eating some lunch and then relaxing and waiting for my husband to get home. He arrived home around 4pm and we headed to the birthing center about an hour away. By this time my contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and pretty strong. Again, my fears and worries that I had experienced during my pregnancy were no where to be seen! We arrived to the birthing center around 5:30pm and we were shown to an exam room. They confirmed that the fluid I was leaking slowly was indeed amniotic fluid. My midwife felt my stomach and decided that baby was head down. She then asked me if she could check my dilation.
Taking the fear out of birth, with Hannah Dahlen & Kate Levett
Feb 02, 2017
Hannah Dahlen and Kate Levett are pretty much celebrities in the birth world and I'm thrilled to have been able to chat to them both for my podcast. When I was going through the edit of my book recently I realised how much I've cited much of their research, so this was a real treat for me.
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Hannah Dahlen & Kate Levett
Hannah Dahlen and Kate Levett carried out a study last year which shows that "antenatal education classes focussing on pain relief techniques dramatically reduce the rate of medical interventions during childbirth, such as epidural use and caesarean section. The research, the first of its kind and published online today in the medical journal BMJ Open, raises questions about the way expecting mothers are provided childbirth education classes".
The goal of the research was to test whether childbirth education programs can help to reduce the the rate of medical interventions. To do this they conducted a randomised controlled trial of 176 women having their first baby across two Sydney hospitals. The key findings of the research were as follows;
It found women in the study group:
Had a significant reduction in epidural rates compared with women in the control group (23.9% vs 68.7%)
Had a reduced caesarean section rate (18.2% vs 32.5%)
Were significantly less likely to require their labour to be accelerated using artificial means (28.4% vs 57.8%) or have perineal trauma (84.7% vs 96.4%)
Had a shorter second stage of labour (mean difference of 32 minutes)
Babies in the study group were also less likely to require resuscitation (with oxygen and/or bag and mask) at birth (13.6% vs 28.9%)
As you can see the findings are pretty astounding and makes undertaking childbirth education a no-brainer. So, it was against this backdrop that we chatted about the research as well as other aspects of birth including the effect that fear can have on your birth and what we can do about it. During our conversation we talk about;
how fear impacts birth outcomes
the importance of continuity of care for women when it comes to pregnancy and birth, and how it helps minimise their fear
value of a great midwife and how she is able to support a birthing woman
why relationships are at the heart of birth
the role that midwives play when it comes to introducing fear into the birth space and why they need to take responsibility when it comes to their fears and self-care
the techniques and tools that you can use to help you throughout birth
the key things to learn about before birth that can have a big impact on your birth
why learning about the birthing body can help you prepare for birth
how by taking a proactive approach to birth education and preparation can influence how birth professionals respond to you during labour
Hannah Dahlen
Hannah Dahlen is the Professor of Midwifery in the School of Nursing and Midwifery at UWS. She has been a midwife for 26 years and still practices. She is one of the first midwives in Australia to gain Eligibility and access to a Medicare provider number following government reforms in 2010.
Professor Dahlen has strong national and international research partnerships, has received 15 grants since 2000, including being CI on three NHMRC grants and an ARC Linkage grant and has had over 120 publications. She has spoken at over 100 national and international conferences and given invited keynote addresses at half of these.
Hannah is the National Media Spokesperson for Australian College of Midwives and has been interviewed in print, radio and TV numerous times and featured in three documentaries. Hannah is a past President of the Australian College of Midwives and received Life Membership in 2008 for outstanding contributions to the profession of Midwifery.
In November 2012 she was named in the Sydney Morning Herald’s list of 100 “people who change our city for the better” A panellist ...
Hannah’s Healing VBAC, with Birth Photograher Hannah Palamara
Jan 26, 2017
Last week I shared an interview with Independent Midwife, Nicky Grace to showcase the wonderful women that are midwives, but also to highlight the challenge that Uk Independent Midwives are facing due to a new ruling that will prevent them from continuing their valuable work. But, to be honest, there is nothing more powerful that sharing a real life story of what the difference an independent midwife can make for a woman. Well the story I'm sharing today IS that story.
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Today I'm chatting to Hannah Palamara who is a Birth Photographer and Doula. Here's Hannah in her own words
"Before I was a birth photographer or a doula, I was a mother. My own children’s births were what led me into the doula and birth photography work I do today . Each of my births was drastically different. They demanded me to grow and change in ways that I never could have anticipated. Each of my birth stories held lessons and gifts. I wouldn’t be the same without them. My birth journeys were so impactful that I knew I had to help and document other women as they transitioned into motherhood. I delved into birth work by becoming a doula, and soon found that my other true passion is in capturing all the incredible moments of the birthing day."
During my chat Hannah shares her difficult journey that ultimately led to her incredible healing VBAC for her third baby. During our chat, Hannah shares how she came to work as a birth photograher, but we also touch on so many worthwhile topics, including
how the words you hear during your pregnancy carry so much influence
how vulnerable you can find yourself without adequate emotional support
the situations that led to her c-sections
the value and doing the "inner work" and working on your "stuff"
how being told "your pelvis is too small to birth a baby" makes you feel - and how utter rubbish it is!
why she decided to hire an independent midwife
why she decided to opt for a home birth
why you should absolutely consider hiring a birth photographer
what a birth photographer can help you to capture when it comes to your birth
And brilliantly, since my chat with Hannah, she has received an honourable mention for her photography work by the Internation Association of Birth Photograhers; the only person in the UK to be mentioned! Yay! You can see the competition here birthphotographyimagecompetition.com
You can see a selection of Hannah's work below
To find out more about Hannah's work visit her website at - www.treeoflifedoulaphotography.com . You can find her on Instagram Tree of life doula photography or on Facebook - Tree of life doula photography
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Birth, Midwifery & Women, with Independent Midwife Nicky Grace
Jan 19, 2017
After a bit of a break the podcast is back! To kick off series 3, I'm sharing an interview with an independent midwife, Nicky Grace, whom I know personally through my local Home Birth Group.
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Save the Independent Midwife
I decided to start with this due to the recent shocking news here in the UK, that independent midwives are being forced out of work because their regulator, The Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) have announced that their professional indemnity insurance is no longer valid. This means that they can no longer attend births and if they do, they will be struck off.
This is a real hammer blow on so many levels;
women in the UK will be forced to use the NHS (ou national health service) depsite the fact that it does not have enough resources to satisfy demand
women who feel they need extra care and support during their pregnancy and birth, will no longer be able to receive the level of the support they seek
Some women pregnant women feel so strongly about this that they are seriously considering free-birthing (no midwifery support) which means that they are potentially exposed to increased risks in case the situation demands midwifery assistance.
Imagine if private dentists everywhere had just found out that their insurance was no longer valid and that they had to shut their practice. It wouldn't happen would it? So why does such a farcical situation unfold when it comes to something as important as birth and women's fundamental rights.
Here is more information about this crazy situation
This week's announcement: Indemnity provision for IMUK midwives is 'inappropriate', says NMC
Birthrights Criticises NMC for Independent Midwives Decision
I have a bit of a mini rant at the begining of the podcast, but really I wanted to use the podcast to shine a supportive ray of light on the incredible women that are midwives and for me sharing an interview with someone like Nicky does that brilliantly.
Nicky is an independent midwife who set up the Nottingham Home Birth Group, which is where I met her when I was planning my home births. She has been an independent midwife for many years *cough cough* and is also active in the Association of Radical Midwives (ARM). She also provides training to independent midwives through her Grace Academy of Midwifery and Birth.
Our conversation dances all over the birth topic - as you would expect! So the best thing to do is to settle in and enjoy!
New Fear Free Childbirth Member Area
During the podcast I mentioned the new Fear Free Childbirth member area, where you can access all the resources that accompany the podcast, as well as see the whole podcast archive organised by topic.
To join the Fear Free Childbirth member Are, just fill in your details below to receive your login details.
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You can find out more about Nicky and her work at https://birthgrace.com/
Simone’s Fearless Birth in a Stream
Jul 28, 2016
There are birth stories and there are birth in a stream stories and today on the podcast I'm super chuffed to be able to bring you one of the latter. It's an incredible birth story and one that you might well have seen, or at least heard about.
Today I'm sharing Simone's amazing fearless birth in a stream. You might well have heard of Simone's birth because she's been all over the internet in the last few weeks. WHY? because the video of her birth in a stream has amassed over 54m views on YouTube!
Not seen it? here it is...
Simone's birth in a stream
During my conversation with Simone - and it's THE longest interview I've ever done - we talk about so much more than her birth in a stream. Thanks in part to her background as a doula and a therapist who specialises in helping women to overcome their fears of birth. But not only that, it's a wonderful birth story that needs to be told, and that is a story in its self given the viral nature of the video. So we don't only talk about pregnancy and birth, but we talk about what it's like having a viral video that goes stratospheric.
The birth in the stream is Simone's fourth birth, so we spent some time talking about her previous births and how she came to want to birth in nature. Simone cites her source of inspiration being Elena Tonetti's film Birth as we know it which shows Russian women birthing in the black sea; the minute she saw that film she knew that's what she wanted.
A fearless birth
Simone is a therapist who is a practitioner of The Journey method for emotional clearing and as such she has been undertaking her own journey of emotional clearance for many years. Her training as a doula also gives her a great foundation of birth education and together this provided a powerful combination of fearlessness that she could carry into her birth. She also carried out a ton of research into her birth options that ultimately ended with her birth in a stream. But that's not to say she didn't have fears - every birth is different - so we talk about her fears and how she reacted to them and dealt with them.
I love feeling empowered both intellectually and emotionally about stuff
One thing that is interesting is that Simone talks about how we as pregnant women are highly sensitive, and how this means that sometimes the fears that we may be experiencing are not our own; they're other people's fears. She talks about how she was able to pick up on other people's fears during the birth and how she would have appreciated someone to provide emotional support to others that were present, as she found herself absorbing some of these fears.
This is particularly interesting for us to note given how many people may be present at our own births including health care professionals, and who may have birth fears that have not been processed or cleared. It can be all to easy to feel fear, but for that fear not to be personal - but unless you've undertaken lots of emotional clearance work, it's not easy to tell if the fears you have are yours or not. I recall in my last pregnancy, that a fear of birth came up for me. I knew that I wasn't fearful of birth and so when I went within, I realised that this fear was my baby's and not mine. So you see, the fear might not even be where you expect!
Pregnancy Brain
Simone talks a lot about the patriarchal society that we live in, and how disconnected we are from nature and the things that sustain us. Part of this discussion is around the male and the female energy and how our thinking is all too often dominated by left brain thinking, and so when our pregnancy triggers some right brain thinking, some people find it disorientating and label it as pregnancy brain. But it's not!
Pregnancy brain; it just means your left brain isn’t dominating your thoughts now and that you have an opportunity to tap into your right brain.
I love how she talks about this!
Consciousness of Birth
As Simone was approaching her birth she had the in...
Tora’s Fearless Birth Story from Sweden
Jul 21, 2016
My guest today is Tora, a podcast listener, and we had a few emails back and forth during her pregnancy, but what was so fabulous is that Tora emailed me to tell me about her amazing fearless birth.
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Tora's Fearless Birth
"Thank you so much for your podcast. It has been a wonderful tool for me to learn about birth and unlearn birthing fears.
I have listened to almost all of your episodes including the head trash clearing method. I combined your material with two free hypnobirthing meditation tracks I found online and used that to prepare for my birth.
And on sunday I gave birth to my first baby! Birth was incredibly fast and easy. Not even eight hours from first small contraction until my little baby was born. I was booked to go to a hospital here in Stockholm that I really trust, but in the end they were over booked and we went to another hospital that we knew nothing about. I gave birth only an hour after coming in to hospital though, so the surroundings didn't matter much in the end, and the staff was wonderful.
The midwife and nurses called my birth a "caramel birth" in Swedish, meaning it was a rare and beautiful thing. They complimented me on being so calm and able to take direction and were impressed by my ability to give birth, without pain meds, in a calm way.
When I called my hospital to say that my contractions were 3-4 in 10 minutes and I think I need to come into hospital now, I don't think the midwife taking the call believed me. She said "keep working at home for another hour, take a shower or a bath and call me in an hour." I should have been more persistent, but I trusted her judgement. She should have known I was meditating the baby out fear free! Maybe I sounded too calm on the phone.
After 45 minutes I felt like I needed to give birth and I told my boyfriend to call them and say we absolutely need to go in now. In the end, especially since we had to go to a hospital a bit further away, we were only 5 minutes from giving birth on the high way! After 5 minutes at hospital they saw that I was completely dilated and 1 minute later my waters broke all over the room with the first involuntary push from my body.
I pushed for 10 min, and then they told me to stop myself because the baby's heart beat was too slow. I breathed through the contractions for 20 min before they said I should push again, by that time the baby was completely fine again, and after 10 minutes of pushing the midwife put my son on my stomach. I cried with joy and today with my hormones flying around from breast feeding 3 days later I still cry when I think about that wonderful moment! Must be the best moment of my life so far.
My boyfriend was an enormous support. He was always by my side, kissing my face, stroking my hair and giving me the instructions of the midwife right by my ear. Since I had my eyes closed almost the entire labour and birth, he acted as my eyes and doula.
The midwifes told me they thought we should apply for a home birth if we have another baby. Here in Sweden giving birth is free, but if you want a home birth you need to pay for it yourself. However, you can apply for compensation which you will get if you have no complications in your pregnancy, it's not your first child, etc. Both me and my boyfriend feel like that would be the best thing for us if we decide to have another one.
I loved giving birth! I love my beautiful calm little baby boy. And I feel like you helped me through it with all your wisdom and ambition to help women have a fear free birth. Thank you so much Alexia!"
I couldn't believe it! I was thrilled! So I asked Tora if she wouldn't mind coming on the podcast to share her story... she said YES and here we are!
During our chat, Tora talks more about which free materials she used and how she prepared for her fearless birth. She shares the fears that she had - she HAD! They are no more!
Preparing your mindset for birth
Jul 14, 2016
Getting into the right mindset for birth is something that is often talked about. We're often hearing people say "Birth is mind over matter" and that's because it's true! So I wanted to dig a bit deeper into understanding what a great mindset for birth was and I've a great guest to help me.
On the podcast today, I'm joined by Ulf Sandstrom who is a mental trainer and hypnocoach who also happens to be a co-founder of the Hypnobirthing Society of Sweden. Doesn't he sound like the perfect guest to help us to better understand the best kind of mindset for birth and how we might go about achieving that?
During my conversation with Ulf, we talk about many aspects of mindset for birth because quite frankly he has so much to share. He's also very generously created some free downloads to go with our chat and help you to take some of the things we talk about further. See below for more details!
Here are just some of the things that we talked about...
How dads can play an active role during birth
Hypnobirthing places a great emphasis on the importance of dads during pregnancy and birth and Ulf shares some of the ways that he encourages dads to get involved including;
Helping mum to relax during pregnancy by reading relaxation scripts to her. This has the added benefit of the baby learning to associate dad with being a calming influence THIS TIP IS GOLD-RATED**!! Why? Because once baby is here, dad will have a hugely calming influence on the baby which will not only help mum but help dad to feel super-involved with the little one. What's great about this is that both of you are doing something practical, that gets results AND that can be used afterwards.
Be a gatekeeper to all aspects of the birth where thought is required. This helps mum to stay focused on birthing.
Helping mum get back to calm place during birth by using some tools and techniques he has learned during the pregnancy.
His advice to dads is this; Think of yourself as a sommelier at a top-notch restaurant and come from a place of service.
**Now, not only is this dad-tip GOLD RATED, but he's also created a dad-script exclusively for you my podcast listeners. How fabulous is that? To find out how to get yours - see below.
How to handle your fears
If you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet, it’s because you’re imagining what it’s going to be like. perhaps you read it, saw it or heard about it. Or perhaps you have a vivid imagination that prefers to look at possible dangers.
Ulf reminds us that "if you develop a fear or a phobia, it’s not your will; it's a response by your nervous system" and that a fear isn't any less difficult for someone than a trauma based on something that's actually happened.
"If you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet, it’s because you’re imagining what it’s going to be like"
Ulf shares a great exercise which is great for both mums and dads. Write down anything you’re afraid of about the birth - or post birth. You don't need to share it with each other. Once you've written your fears down, set fire to the paper. Setting fire to your fears like this can be really powerful; it can help you not only to acknowledge and accept your fears but also to feel like you've voiced them as well as helping you to let them go.
Getting into the mindset for birth
Ulf says this on getting into a mindset for birth; "The more luggage you can lose before birth the better". I love how he uses the term "luggage"; I use the term head trash, but we're talking about the same thing. It's all that emotional baggage that can prevent you from being totally present during birth but can also kick off mental processes that could bring on anxiety or fear which could directly impact labour. BUT... and it's a big BUT!
"If you haven't lost your luggage, the better mood you can find yourself in, the better."
This is a great point. We don't all have the time or ability to shed all our luggage before birth,
Mindset for Birth with Ulf Sandstrom
Jul 14, 2016
Getting into the right mindset for birth is something that is often talked about. We're often hearing people say "Birth is mind over matter" and that's because it's true! So I wanted to dig a bit deeper into understanding what a great mindset for birth was and I've a great guest to help me. On the podcast today, I'm joined by Ulf Sandstrom who is a mental trainer and hypnocoach who also happens to be a co-founder of the Hypnobirthing Society of Sweden. Doesn't he sound like the perfect guest to help us to better understand the best kind of mindset for birth and how we might go about achieving that? During my conversation with Ulf, we talk about many aspects of mindset for birth because quite frankly he has so much to share. He's also very generously created some free downloads to go with our chat and help you to take some of the things we talk about further. See below for more details! Here are just some of the things that we talked about... How dads can play an active role during birth Hypnobirthing places a great emphasis on the importance of dads during pregnancy and birth and Ulf shares some of the ways that he encourages dads to get involved including; Helping mum to relax during pregnancy by reading relaxation scripts to her. This has the added benefit of the baby learning to associate dad with being a calming influence THIS TIP IS GOLD-RATED**!! Why? Because once baby is here, dad will have a hugely calming influence on baby which will not only help mum, but help dad to feel superinvolved with the little one. What's great about this is that both of you are doing something practical, that gets a results AND that can be used afterwards. Be a gatekeeper to all aspects of the birth where thought is required. This helps mum to stay focused on birthing. Helping mum get back to calm place during birth by using some tools and techniques he has learned during the pregnancy. His advice to dads is this; Think of yourself as a sommelier at a top notch restaurant and come from place of service. **Now, not only is this dad-tip GOLD RATED, but he's also created a dad-script exclusively for you my podcast listeners. How fabulous is that? Click the big download button below to get your copy. How to handle your fears If you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet, it’s because you’re imagining what it’s going to be like. perhaps you read it, saw it or heard about it. Or perhaps you have a vivid imagination that prefers to look at possible dangers. Ulf reminds us that "if you develop a fear or a phobia - it’s not your will, it's a response by your nervous system" and that a fear isn't any less difficult for someone than a trauma based on something that's happened. "If you’re afraid of something that hasn’t happened yet, it’s because you’re imagining what it’s going to be like" Ulf shares a great exercise which is great for both mums and dads. Write down anything you’re afraid of about the birth - or post birth. You don't need to share it with each other. Once you've written your fears down, set fire to the paper. Setting fire to your fears like this can be really powerful; it can help you noti only to acknowledge and accept your fears, but also to feel like youv'e voiced them as well as helping you to let them go. On preparing for birth... Ulf says this on getting into a mindset for birth; "The more luggage you can lose before birth the better". I love how he uses the term "luggage"; I use the term head trash, but we're talking about the same thing. It's all that emotional baggage that can prevent you from being totally present during birth, but can also kick off mental processes that could bring on anxiety or fear which could directly impact labour. BUT... and it's a big BUT! "If you haven't lost your luggage, the better mood you can find yourself in, the better." This is a great point. We don't all have the time or ability to shed all our luggage before birth, and so if you haven't then the next best thing is to do what...
Natasha’s conscious pregnancy and positive birth story
Jul 07, 2016
If I had to sum up my philosophy on life and indeed all those important aspects of life, I'd say it would be all about living consciously. So I was thrilled when Natasha, the host of the Conscious Living Podcast, approached me so that she could share her positive birth story on the podcast.
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Natasha has a Master’s degree in Psychology and works in Child and Family Therapy, so she has a solid understanding of the role that our minds can play in life, and therefore our birth experience. The minute she found out she was pregnant, Natasha applied her conscious living philosophy so that she could enjoy a conscious pregnancy with a very clear intention of experiencing a positive birth experience.
When I asked Natasha how she would describe conscious living, this is what she said "Conscious living is being aware; of why we do the things we do, and how that impacts the people around us and the world at large".
For me, no event in life warrants a conscious approach more than the arrival of a new human being and our transition into our lives as parents. Our behaviour as a pregnant woman, and then as mother, has such far reaching impact that I believe it is our duty to take our role seriously and think about how we want to shape the future we're creating. remember, this is not just our future but that of another little person who is helpless and reliant on us as its creator.
"Everything we do during pregnancy and during labour sets us up for how we will parent"
Choosing a conscious pregnancy
If you'd like your pregnancy to be as close as possible to being a conscious pregnancy, then listening to Natasha will certainly set you on the right track that's for sure! During our chat Natasha shares so much wisdom and learnings that I felt compelled to jot loads of these down and share them with you right here. Of course, to get the full picture, you're better off hearing her tell the full story, but here's a flavour...
Set boundaries particularly with other women sharing their negative birth stories. In a polite yet firm manner let them know that "unless this is a good story, I'd prefer not to hear it". The unconscious mind will absorb all this negativity, so don't let it near you.
Train your mind to support you and not hinder you. Natasha chose to change her default mental response of "what if everything goes wrong" to "what if everything goes right".
Get clear on what you want to achieve and set out to achieve it. For Natasha this meant having a team around her that she trusted to respect her wishes and desires. Her doula and midwife were crucial in helping her and her husband stay present and free from anxiety during the birth.
Don't fill your mind with things that cause you anxiety. For Natasha this meant not being informed of her numbers during birth; her dilation at various points during labour. She wanted to stay connected to her body and her baby.
"I believe a huge piece of my successful birth was just not knowing my numbers and just trusting my body, my baby and my midwife."
As I said above, to get the full flavour of Natasha's concsious pregnancy journey, listening to the podcast will hit the spot! I hope you enjoy it.
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About Natasha
Natasha Grey has a Master’s degree in Psychology with an expertise in Child and Family Therapy. She is the co-author of the children's book, Everyday Superheroes, and is the host of the Conscious Living Podcast. She focuses her time and energy on wellbeing and wholeness that includes mind, body and spirit.
Find out more about Natasha at www.caseyplusnatasha.com
Sign up for more information on conscious living at www.caseyplusnatasha.com/fridays
The difference between meditation and hypnosis, with Suzy Ashworth
Jun 30, 2016
Today I want to explore the difference between meditation and hypnosis, and relaxation beause they're often used interchangeably but there are actually important yet subtle differences.
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One message that is never far away from the ears of a pregnant woman is around the idea of self-care and relaxation. The importance of taking the time to reduce stress and to relax is brought into stark focus when you're carrying a baby, but this isn't always easy. Unfortunately, being pregnant doesn't mean that life is put on hold; you still get all the usual stressors coming your way. Now add hormones to the mix and keeping calm and stress-free is suddenly made a bit more tricky.
In seeking ways to help to return to this place of calm and relaxation, many women are prompted to start finding new ways to deal with life, or at least start adopting practices that can help them live more calmly day-to-day. This is not only to help them to relax, but also as a way of preparing for birth. Some of the new things that women discover around this time might include meditation, hypnosis and relaxation but what's not always clear is the difference between meditation and hypnosis, and whether relaxation is different again. So, I thought it would be great to shine a light on this to help you understand the difference, so that you can decide which one is right for you.
To help me do this, I invited Suzy Ashworth onto the podcast for a chat. Sure, I could have talked through all this myself, but it's always nicer to chew it over with someone, and Suzy is perfect for the job. As the co-founder of the Calm Birth School (an online hypnobirthing programme) and someone who's recently cranked up her meditation practise, Suzy has got a good handle on how they differ. She's even written a piece for Huff Post on this: What’s the Difference Between Meditation, Self-Hypnosis and Relaxation?
What is the difference between meditation and hypnosis?
During my chat with Suzy, we explain what these differences are and in summary this is what we said;
Meditation
It's an active practice that takes discipline and focus. It can be invaluable in helping you to process your emotions and handle your thoughts, while also offering you potential moments of clarity and inspiration. When pregnant, meditation can be a great time to visualise your birth as well as to connect and communicate to your baby.
Hypnosis
Suzy describes hypnosis as a state whereby you have a narrowed focus of attention, where you become really engrossed in something and you don't notice the passage of time. In this state, you're less aware of your surroundings and you're more open to suggestion. Think watching TV or being engrossed in a good book. Suzy went on to say that as you're more suggestive, it means that you're more open to change which can be helpful if you're looking to let go of some fears and beliefs that don't support you. This is what makes hypnosis such a great tool for birth preparation.
Relaxation
Suzy described relaxation as "letting the tension in your mind and your body release". At its very simplest she encourages using your breathing to help you to relax; breathing in for 4 and out for 7. When your exhalation is twice as long as your inhalation, then you trigger the relaxation response in the body, which can have a immediate and direct impact on your mind and body. This is such a great way to restore calmness in your mind during pregnancy and birth.
Understanding the difference between these three approaches can help you to decide what is likely to help you the most depending on where you're at and what you need.
Fearful of birth?
If you're in a place of fear, Suzy recommends starting with education so that you become informed about birth, and I completely agree with her. Education can sometimes be all you need to move past fear. If you need more support with releasing fears,
Grief, Loss and Being Pregnant without a Mother
Jun 23, 2016
I'm going to keep my podcast show notes short today because I just recorded the podcast without planning it. I just hit record and spoke from the heart. It's a very personal podcast that was hard for me to record and I don't quite fancy having to regurgitate it all for the sake of writing a proper blog post to go with it.
During the podcast I talk about the more difficult emotions that we have to experience during pregnancy, specifically grief and loss. This is because last night I found out that someone who was very dear to me died, someone who was like a dad to me when I was a little girl. And this brought back a lot of my own painful emotions about losing my mother when I was 30 years old.
Grief, loss and other difficult emotions
When we're pregnant, we're likely to expereince the who range of human emotions that simply come from being a human being living life. I know I've said in other podcasts that we need to try to marinade out baby in positive emotions because the negative ones can harm your baby. But I'd like to make clear that I'm not referring to the more difficult human experience that might include feelings of grief and loss. Your baby is an emotionally intelligent being already and will already be experiencing their own set of emotions. And, it's important that we prepare our baby for its life as a human being, and this means experiencing the whole range of human emotions. The emotions that are damaging are consistent levels of stress. Stress is a build up of all that you haven't dealt with or processed and stress has a direct impact on the body. Stress is also something we can do something about. We can take action to reduce our feelings of stress. From something as simple as taking a walk in nature or meditation, to actively trying to reduce your stress through using something like my 5 Step Head Trash Clearance Method. When it comes to emotions like grief, loss and sadness I believe that these need to be owned and embraced. For us to feel them, live with them and process them....and eventually move through them. Not to deny them and bottle them up.
Being Pregnant without a Mother
Being pregnant without a mother is not an easy journey by any means, and it continues in your life as a mother. The annual reminder that is Mother's Day is a stark reminder of everything that you have and everything that you don't have in colliding brutally in one single day. It's a hard day, for me anyhow. But actually everyday is a challenge. There are always so many reminders of mothers; friends talking about their mothers, even wingeing about their mothers, stories of their mothers droppping by to help them look after their kids; just seeing kids and their mums is hard. Mums are everywhere and I am reminded everyday that mine is no longer with me, and that she was taken too early.
Being pregnant without a mother can feel daunting, like you have no-one to show you the ropes or talk you through things. You've got to figure it all out on your own. No-one to call at 3am when the little one isn't feeding or if red blotches show up on their skin suddenly. There are many women out there who are pregnant without a mother and so I thought I'd share how I coped and handled that in the hope that maybe it can help someone else live through it.
If I had to summarise my coping strategy in one word it would be this: GRATITUDE!
Focus on what you DO have, not what you don't.
Focus on those things that went well in your life, and not that those that didn't
Focus on who you've become as a result of those experiences and be grateful for that
Focus on what those experiences taught you and what changes or decisions you made as a result
Focus on the fact that you're a living being with senses to expereince this wonderful world we call home, and ejoy those human moments that come each day.
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