Faith and Family

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When Someone You Love Has Cancer Sep 08, 2022

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When Donovan was diagnosed with cancer during the pandemic, he and his wife Jhoana leaned on their faith and on each other for support and encouragement. Show/Hide Transcript When Someone You Love Has Cancer Bernie Rosquites: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Bernie Rosquites. You know the line, “in sickness and in health”? Sound familiar? When the minister mentions, “in sickness and in health” during the marriage vows, we tend to think of a cold, maybe a bad case of the flu, but not this. Jhoana Parto: Hi, I’m Jhoana Parto. I’m 38 years old. My family and I live in Sydney, Australia. Donovan Parto: Hi, I’m Donovan. I’m 39 years old. Jhoana and I have two sons, Isaac and Ezekiel. Bernie: Jhoana and Donovan’s story actually begins with the flu in 2020. The world had shut down because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and in the midst of this, the Partos were devastated to find out that Donovan’s lingering flu symptoms led to further testing and a biopsy. The diagnosis was Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and he needed chemotherapy immediately. Donovan: It was March… sorry, actually it was in April of 2020, where I actually got sick. You know, one of my passions is sport, and I was playing tennis that day with a friend. From that day onwards, I started to get high temperature fevers, extreme sweats. Jhoana: You lost a lot of weight. Donovan: And I also lost a significant amount of weight. I probably lost about seven kilos, which is about 15 and a half pounds or so within two weeks. And basically it was like that for about two and a half, three months until my doctor suggested I reach out to a cardiologist, thinking that it could be a heart issue. And it was a Friday morning. I do recall it was July 9 of 2020, where I got a blood test in the morning and while I was cooking dinner in the evening, the doctor called and suggested that I should go straight into the emergency department of a hospital that was close to us in our previous place or our previous home. And so I did. I rushed through, got a whole bunch of tests done and it was crazy. You know, the doctor was telling me that my blood results had, you know, certain readings of potentially leukemia or a really bad virus. And so I ended up staying there overnight. And yeah, it was just a crazy time in my mind. And at that stage, you’re in shock. You actually go through the whole process of, you know, managing the process of trying to accept it, the fear and the acceptance and basically going through that whole process of managing grief because for a 37-year-old, I think at that time I was healthy. I was working hard. Jhoana: You were traveling, you were playing sports. Donovan: Yeah, I was traveling. I was playing sports. In my role at my company I used to travel, you know, four out of five times a week, whilst performing as a deacon during my visitation, joining the caucus meetings for our local congregation back there in St. George. And yeah, it was extremely busy, but then suddenly COVID hit. What was the hardest thing to accept? Jhoana: So what was the hardest thing to accept about being diagnosed with leukemia? Donovan: Yeah, it’s the uncertainty. I think that is the hardest thing to really accept with leukemia. You know, I talk about the shock. I talk about the fear of not being able to recover quickly enough. But something triggered in my mind that you have just got to accept it. And when I say move on, it’s really about just going through the process. You know, I’m fairly pragmatic in terms of how I approach life and if there’s an issue or a concern or a bump in the road, you know… What do I need to do to be able to get through this? I’m very lucky. I’m very fortunate. I’ve got an amazing wife. I’ve got two great kids now. My family has been extremely supportive. The Church has been extremely supportive. And even, you know, from a work perspective, they have been so supportive these last couple of years where I’ve had a significant amount of leave, but I’m still employed by my current employer. You know, living with cancer, I’m fortunate that I’m no longer classified as having cancer. So I am in remission, but I’ve been in remission before. So this year was actually my second transplant that I had. So I relapsed last year in August. And so going through the process of having a second stem cell transplant, I’m in a quite unique group of individuals who have actually done it twice. So probably the hardest bit to accept on that front is, you know, what if I was to relapse again? The other factor is when you get cancer, the probability increases in getting other cancers as well. But one of the things I know is hard is just the normalcy. We no longer, you know, live our typical day-to-day life. If you look back to when we didn’t have children, there’s an acronym called a DINK, and that acronym spells out Double Income, No Kids. It was different, you know, there were no limitations. We could go out anywhere. We could jump on an airplane and fly wherever we wanted. Times have changed. You know, I’m quite conscious about where we go, who we see, practicing good social-distancing because of COVID-19. There’s just so many things that have changed. I’ll wake up every morning, I’m taking medication for breakfast. You know, I’ve got my weekly or fortnightly visits to the clinic. It’s no longer normal, but that’s the new normal for us. Jhoana: It’s our new reality. Donovan: Yeah. Jhoana: Yeah, I remember visiting you at the hospital the day you went. The doctor sat us down to give us an update, and worst case was that it was leukemia. He said you needed to do a bone marrow biopsy because of the type of leukemia they think it might be, that it would spread quickly, and that you’d have to undergo chemotherapy pretty much immediately. And then he changed the subject. I remember he changed the subject and he asked us how many kids we had. We told him we have one child who was three years old at the time, Isaac, and then I remember he said, “Look, if it is leukemia, you’ll need to get into medication and undergo chemotherapy straight away.” And unfortunately, chemotherapy will affect your ability, our ability, to have children in the future. And I remember it felt like someone was kicking us while we were down because the doctor didn’t know that for the past six months, we had been praying for another child. For the past six months, we had been getting negative after negative and…then to be told on top of, you know, you being sick and possibly having cancer, we may not even be able to fall pregnant again. So it was very heartbreaking. It felt- Donovan: Overwhelming. “The first miracle that we’ve seen in this journey that we’ve had” Jhoana: I remember crying and praying every day at home. I would just spontaneously cry and break down throughout the day. I remember praying and asking God to, you know, give me the strength and the hope because at that time, I didn’t feel like I had any of that. I remember getting up and sneaking out of our room at home because I don’t want Isaac to hear me sad or to see me sad or hear me crying. So I snuck out and I went into the lounge room, and I cried and I prayed, and I started getting ready for the day. And I remember going to the bathroom, and I saw that I had one more pregnancy test left, and I thought, “Why not?” You know? So I took the test, and immediately I saw a line saying that I was pregnant. It was a faint line, but it was definitely there. And I remember just saying to myself, “No way, no way, no.” I couldn’t believe that at this time, you know, there’s that possibility that I was pregnant after the doctor had told us that there’s a possibility we couldn’t have children in the future. Then I cried some more. And then two and a half hours later, you called me and told me that you were with the doctor and that they had the results and the official diagnosis was, unfortunately, cancer. Leukemia. You know, I was sad. I was devastated. But in the back of my head, I was like, I’m pregnant. But it was definitely the news that we needed to hear. You know, we prayed for hope and strength, and God answered in a way only He could. You know, with the pregnancy and His timing, He gave us exactly that. He gave us hope for the future and the strength that we needed at the time to get through this. And even up to now, we speak about it all the time that we see that moment in our life as a reminder of the power of our prayers and the peace that we’ve had together. And the possibilities of what could happen whenever we pray to God and we have God on our side, so… You can’t deny that that was the hand of God telling us that, “Hey, I heard you and I’m here for you.” And I think that was really the first miracle that we’ve seen in this journey that we’ve had. And we’d go to the hospital and drop Donovan off at the hospital, and then we’d go to daycare and I’d drop off Isaac to daycare. So Isaac got into that routine of seeing his dad go to the hospital every morning. And so we had, you know, no choice but to explain to him that, you know, dad is sick and he’s going to the hospital to get better. We also had nightly devotional prayer and nightly anointing of oil, so we always had people coming over every single day, every single night anointing with oil, and Isaac would join sometimes on that. And so it helped us explain because, you know, he’d listen to the prayer and it’s basically us explaining to him that daddy’s unwell and we’re trying to get him better by going to the hospital, by praying and all of that. I remember, though, it was during COVID… So he’d go to school… Yeah, I remember also when I had picked him up, the owner of the daycare came up to me and was like, “You know, your son has been going around asking his friends to pray for his dad?” And I thought, oh my goodness, that is the sweetest thing. Just because he sees us doing it at home, so he’s asking his friends to pray for him. He’s three years old, and I feel like he definitely had to kind of grow up quickly. There was a sad moment, I remember… because Donavan couldn’t carry him – he was only three – he couldn’t carry him, and I couldn’t carry him because I, you know, I was heavily pregnant. And I remember he was with family. And at that time, one of his relatives picked him up and scooped him up, and he told him, “You know what, my parents don’t get to hold me or carry me anymore or hug me anymore like this.” And that made us really sad, you know? I mean, like as much as we wanted to, we physically couldn’t. So now that we’re well, he’s like five years old. He’s like 20 kilos now. We’re still carrying him around like a baby just because of that one year where he felt like we couldn’t do that for him. Bernie: Donovan had a stem cell transplant in December 2020 and another transplant this past March after a relapse. Thankfully, he’s in molecular remission now, but the fight against leukemia continues and a prayer is a constant action. Jhoana: So what are you most afraid of, you know, living with leukemia? Donovan: It is that risk. It’s the risk of relapsing or getting another cancer. I just want life to be normal again. I want to get stronger. I want to be there for you. I want to be there for the boys. And that is my biggest motivation to get through the fear of relapsing and getting leukemia again. So after the transplant, the first time I had total body radiation, I had cranial radiation, and the actual treatment was okay. It wasn’t painful at all. But after getting all that radiation in my body, I’d be sleeping anywhere between 16 to 18 hours a day, just trying to recover. Now living with leukemia, thankfully, I’m no longer living with it. So we took family photos recently and it’s something we’ve been putting off for whatever reason. You know, reasons like my hair trying to grow back because it fell out back in 2020, you wanting to lose the baby weight from having Zeke. Jhoana: It’s not really baby weight anymore if it’s been two years. Donovan: Well it depends on how much pizza you have. Jhoana: It’s just weight now. Donovan: Is there anything else you don’t want to put off anymore? Jhoana: I think I just want to achieve. I think I just want to achieve more of my dreams with you by my side sooner rather than later. Things like, you know, simple things – well, not very simple, but like traveling to Greece, which is something that I’ve always wanted to do. I want to do that with you. You know, I want to experience that with you next year. Preferably. No pressure. Our own goals career wise, our goals when it comes to our faith, our home, our family, everything that’s spoken about when it comes to our future, I want to put all of that into action now and experience all the ups and downs that come with it, with you. Coping with a spouse with cancer Donovan: Now, knowing that I’ve had cancer, how are you coping with it? And how has it changed your life? Jhoana: It feels like I have three kids now instead of two. No, I’m kidding. No, I love taking care of you now. But since you were diagnosed, everything has definitely changed. You know, it’s been so difficult watching someone I love, someone who has always been so strong go through something so painful. All those times I would take you to your appointments and seeing you get weaker and weaker physically… I felt so helpless. People would come up to me and ask me how do I do it, and I always think to myself, what choice do I have, you know? I have to be strong. I can’t be anything else. My husband needs me more than ever. My three-year-old son at that time couldn’t fully understand what was happening, and he needed me there physically and emotionally as well. And I had to stop myself from being too sad. I had to stop myself from moping around. I had to look after myself because I was pregnant, because there was a little human growing inside of me. So I had to take care of myself to take care of the baby as well. So it’s definitely forced me to be stronger and change my perspective on things. And, you know, it’s just reminded us to always be grateful for each day. God gave me the strength, and the love I have for my family also gave me the strength. So speaking of strength, what gives you strength at this time? Donovan: One of my biggest inspirations is you… is Isaac and Ezekial… it motivates me to try and get better every single day. Knowing that we have God in our life, it is definitely a big inspiration because, you know, others may not have that same perspective, having a faith that, in our lives, [is] controlled by a higher power. For me, that is some of the strength that I receive. But at the same time, I look at this diagnosis and this whole treatment that I’ve had as a war. And with every war, there’s individual battles that you face on a daily basis. You might not win them all every single day, but with the inspiration that I’ve received from the people around me and the different coaches that I’ve had, I’ve definitely gotten through my treatment because of that. I’m not sure if I told you this, but that is a big factor, you know, having visitors come see me at the hospital. Because of COVID, there was a survey that some of the pathologists did during that period where people with stem cell transplant and the probability of them succeeding actually went down when the hospitals limited the number of visitors that you can have. Jhoana: Recovery was so hard for you because you weren’t around the people that you need, to be around you. You know, there were so many limitations as to who could be in contact with you, and you found that so hard, and I realized that you are the type of person to get energy from other people. You know, and we’ve been so blessed with all these people in our lives to give you that strength as well. I remember the nurse told us that you had people who were pas…

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How to Talk to a Teen Aug 18, 2022

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Having effective parent and teenager communication is important for a healthy relationship. A mom and her teen discuss their communication style. Show/Hide Transcript How to Talk to a Teen [Show open] Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone. You’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family’s life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, I actually have my own daughter with us as we explore how to communicate effectively and why open communication is important, especially as she’s growing up and developing into her own person. Mariel: Oh, my goodness. Hi, Mattea. Mattea Gutierrez: Hi, Mom. Mariel: So Miss Mattea is turning 16 this year. She’s going to be a junior in high school. Wow, I can’t believe it. And how else would you describe yourself, Mattea? Like, what are you into these days? Mattea: I’m very into immersing myself in media that I can find on the internet. I really like to read and stuff like that. I’m always at the library of my school, which is really nice. I like to just listen to music, play on bass and guitar. Super, super chill. Mariel: So how would you describe our relationship, Mattea? Mattea: We’re super, super besties. Yeah, I don’t think there’s any other way to say it. Of course, we are a mother and daughter, but I think just we’re able to talk about a lot of things and I’m able to talk about the most things with you, of course, because I’ve known you since I was not born yet. And even since then, it’s like you knew I loved to dance to Donna Summer when you were pregnant with me. So and then we’ve had that awesome connection. We know each other very well. Mariel: That is very true. And we still listen to seventies music and dance around and sing around. In the car, especially when we’re driving. Besties indeed. I think that’s how I describe us also. But I mean, I think we have balance like bestie/parent balance. Not quite… Mattea: …like besties only, no limits. Like, we definitely have those moments where it’s like we’re going to be honest with each other. And then we’re just going to, you know, talk about life and help each other out and stuff. Mariel: Do you, do you ever get startled when I have to turn mom on? Like, Mom mode? Mattea: It depends on the situation. If I’m aware of the thing that I have to be kind of reminded of. Yeah. I’m like, yeah, you’re right. You’re right. And of course, I’m going to listen to you because if my mom saying it, then she’s right. She knows everything because, you know, mom senses. But for sure, it’s helped us, even though it startles me, sometimes it does help us become even more besties, getting to know that stuff. Parent and teenager communication Mariel: That’s true. And I mean it’s kind of proof that I would never lie to you, right? OK, well, we’re here to talk about effective parent and teenager communication. Is that you? Based on parenting websites, you and your child are communicating effectively when—OK, here’s the list Mattea. OK? So you and your child are communicating effectively when (let’s see if we hit these marks): you both feel able to talk freely about your feelings and you feel heard and understood. Do we want to comment on that? What do you think? Do you feel free to talk about your feelings? Mattea: Yes. Besties. Mariel: Oh, that’s good. And you feel heard and understood? Mattea: I feel very heard and understood. And I hope you feel heard and understood even by an almost 16-year-old. Mariel: I mean, yeah, you know I’m really happy where were we that we are at? Where we are, like, you know, you’re 16 and you could be, I don’t know, I don’t know. Like you’re so much better than I was at 16. So I’m glad that you feel that way, that you feel like you can talk freely and express yourself and that you feel heard and understood. All right. And then the second bullet says that you talk about all the little stuff and you feel comfortable talking about the tough stuff when you need to. Mattea: For sure, because I mean, I have a diary and I have everything in my diary. And sometimes, I tell everything to my diary, but if I write everything in my diary, I probably told more to you. I read in it and then it’s like when we’re talking, I just pull it out and like, what am I forgetting to say to you about my day? Oh, yeah. We talk about other little stuff. We have lots of cute little inside jokes with that. And so, you know, that even makes it comfortable to talk about tough stuff because, you know, sometimes for me it’s hard to talk about tough stuff, but it’s since we already know each other, we like how we react to different little things and stuff like that really helps to just kind of is that even if that’s throwing in little jokes with the tough stuff. Mariel: That’s true. I think it’s because like, we really, really, really, really know each other, right? And I think that we or we have a really good sense of when it’s jokey time and when it’s like, “OK Mom, you need to listen” or, you know, or vice versa. But I do enjoy that. I like the little stuff in between. Like, for example, I love the the texts in the middle of the day or just a meme or like.. Mattea: …like a random selfie. We also send or sometimes we’ll share songs. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I love that integration. Sometimes even like in a parent perspective, it’s tough to talk about the tough stuff because we’re trying to also balance and make sure you know that while we’re talking to you that we love you. Yeah. And it’s not just like we’re getting on you or there’s blame involved. Like, you’re this or that or you’re feeling at this or whatever. It’s really. Yeah, not like that at all. So just so you know, the tough talks are also tough on us. I know. So this last bullet, it says here you have a close and easy way of sharing things and you both know you won’t be judged because you love and care about each other. Mattea: Yeah, that’s us. Because we find ways to relate to situations just a lot that could be different intensities. Like, I don’t know, even when I’m little and I had an accident in my pants, and you’ll be like, “That’s OK. I had that, too, and it’s OK because you’re not the only person who does when you’re six years old.” Like we’re able to be ourselves, with those inside jokes. They’re inside jokes for a reason. We wouldn’t be that to just anyone, our coworkers or or classmates or any of that. Mariel: That’s true. Mattea: So, yeah, we, we know each other, we get each other, and yeah, there’s no judgments in our interactions. Mariel: That’s very true. I feel like judgment comes when there’s blame or there’s, I don’t know, there’s some obviously there’s something negative about judgment, right? Yeah. And I like the example that you actually shared. Like when you make a mistake as a child, you know, and you’re not afraid to be like, “Oh no, are we going to get in trouble?” And I think that, as a parent, because the response, at least for me and your dad, it’s like we try not to be reactionary. So that means if something spills, the first thing is we check on you guys. “Are you OK? We can clean it up.” It’s OK, right? Instead of being like, “What were you thinking! Roar!” No. No roaring in our house. Yeah, we are loud for sure. But. Oh, yes, no roaring. So Mattea… Mattea: Mother? Mariel: What would you say was a meaningful discussion that we had that stood out to you? Mattea: You know, it’s kind of—you know when you’re baking, it’s like the inside of a cake has to be baked first before the outside is baked. So you could be a fully baked perfect cake. So, a lot of our discussions are very much like that with having our internal selves benefit, you know, the way we are externally. I know one good discussion. One time it was I was having a really rough time with myself, just mental health and stuff, all of that. And, you know, I was, I was much younger than now. And so it was I thought, wow, I’ve never dealt with anything like this before and how do I tell Mom and all that? Because I thought it was something I could deal with. I always tried to be independent, but sometimes that’s not the solution, because it was really bothering me. And so, you know, I finally come up to you and it was, it was really good because you let me know that, there was no judgment with that and that, you know, this is a safe place to share, all of those feelings and that I’m not the only one who’s dealing with that. So, I wouldn’t have to rely on myself to feel better, which was really, really good. Mariel: I know you don’t have all the answers sometimes, and that’s OK. But do you remember what that topic was, though? Mattea: It was mental health stuff. So if it was just mostly very intrusive thoughts about not being just in the simplest terms, I being a good person, I’m hurting people and all that. Like hurting the people I love and stuff like that. Mariel: Or by like the way you act? Mattea: Like the way I act and all of that because I do have my moments sometimes. And then at one point it was just so it was just bothering me to the point where it’s like I couldn’t do the things that I loved just because that bothered me so much, you know? So, it would sometimes make me cry because it was it was that upsetting to me. Yeah. And I thought, well, just assumed because I’m in a super loving household, why am I feeling all of this kind of doubt for the love that I would give back? And so that’s why, you know, it was so meaningful to have that conversation about what I’m feeling is nothing wrong and that it’s still a safe place. Like, even though we do have our moments that doesn’t get rid of, all the good that we surround ourselves and the people we love with, you know? Mariel: Yeah, baby. I do appreciate though. I know I will say this, and it is like a “parent flex,” you know? And it really has nothing to do with me, but I am really proud of how introspective you are. And some of the things that, you think about or you consider are so foundational and like you said, very intrinsic. Like, when you I really love the analogy you gave about, baking from the inside first because there’s a metaphor where they say, you know, when you’re pregnant, that you’re baking, you know? Mattea: Oh yeah. Mariel: So I guess it’s like you’re not really completely done baking even when you come out of the oven? Mattea: Yes. Mariel: So that was a really good analogy. But you are very insightful. And I love the way that you think about how you are and how your actions affect people. So for me, I actually want to answer this question, too. You know, a meaningful discussion that we had that stood out to me was I think—and I think it’s what helps our relationship and that’s why I’m sharing it—is that when I also realized I was making an intrinsic mistake like in the way that perhaps affected, you and your brother, I also apologized and I remember, just saying, hey, maybe it shouldn’t have been that way I’m really sorry, you know, and I acknowledged it, and then I said, “Oh, OK. I’m sorry, that was Mommy’s mistake.” And you know, after that, I meant it and it didn’t happen again, you know? So I know that I’ve apologized a lot over the years. Because, again, just human, right? We’re all just it’s a house full of humans. And I mean, just because we’re parents, it doesn’t mean that we are perfect or that we have all the answers right away. And I think that what I apologized for, one of the first things I remember apologizing for was calling you “Mommy #2.” Do you remember that? Mattea: Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, we had a, we found a book in the library one time. It was my first big move to a new school, new house and all that. And so, you know, we’d go to the library a lot, and we even went to this—was it I think it might have been the school library—where I was mommy #1, mommy #2. And then it’s the older sister had to kind of take over as a mommy #2 for the brother, you know, just like so you could have extra care and all that. And, we kind of connected it to us because whenever we saw a mother and daughter and books and all that, we’re like “That’s us!” because, you know, it’s the sweetest little stuff. Mariel: Well I mean, I think that for me, it was almost like I didn’t want you to feel that it was your responsibility. And I think I realized that because, I mean, when you’re the first child as you are, as I am, as your dad is, actually also there’s often like a feeling of responsibility to take care of the your siblings under you. And I think that I had put that on you. And I you know, at some point sometimes I had forgotten that you were just a kid, too, you know, even though you were called Mommy #2, or we said it in a loving way, right? For you to help out and for you to assume responsibility. But at the same time, I think that we both you actually, too, because you became very serious. Do you remember that? Mattea: Yeah. Yeah. Mariel: But, and I remembered I’m just like, man, she’s just a kid. And then I remember apologizing to you and then reminding you, you know what? You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t take things so seriously, because I remember that talk. Yeah, but I thought that that was, a meaningful discussion that we had it’s an opportunity for me to say hey, to be, you know, the same thing introspective, reflective, and then tell you I’m sorry. Mattea: Yeah, yeah. And I really like that conversation. Those really I really appreciate that one. Yeah. Yeah. That helped me even joke around more not only with my brother, but also with you and dad I start to let loose. Mariel: You almost parented yourself, too. Mattea: I would almost parent myself, too. I would try to be like I was just so used to being mature for my age that it made, it came to the point where it’s like I couldn’t even be friends with my brother. I couldn’t really be friends with other kids my age. But now hearing this, it really did help. And it’s like, I feel like I’m a [more fun] person now. Mariel: Yeah. We are happy, she is happy, we’re all healthy. Happy and healthy. All right. So as your parents, Mattea, you know we’re always here to talk about anything on your mind, right? OK, so experts actually say that effective communication can help if you’re feeling disconnected with your child. Hmm. You feel disconnected with your child, you and your child don’t speak. You want to encourage your child to talk about what’s going on, I guess, on their end right? And you want to improve your relationship with your child. So they’re saying that effective communication can help all that. That’s true. But I also feel like there are some foundational aspects, you know, that have to happen before you can reach being that person that your child can connect to. Right? Because it’s like you can’t just be like, oh, we’re disconnected. So we have to connect now by communicating. Yeah. Mattea: Like, you can’t just [say] let’s, let’s just talk it out, right? Because there’s so much building up to what does disconnect. Mariel: Right, exactly. And I feel like there’s a lot of “in-between” that needs to happen in terms of creating a safe space for that discussion. You know, there are reasons why you and your child don’t speak, right? There are reasons why you don’t feel connected to your child. And there are reasons why you feel you might need to encourage your kid to talk about what’s going on with them. So yeah, I think that those are my thoughts. I think that like there has to be a pathway towards that. And communication, while it is…or effective communication can help you connect, definitely. But it can’t just be like, “Here’s my style of talking, you’re going to listen.” Right? Yeah. “And then that’s that. And now we’re connected.” You know, it’s not automatic like that. Like for us, even I think it took years. There’s different phases of our communication right? I remember, there was a middle school phase. Where it was like, you know, you were a little more on the serious side…

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Present Parenting May 26, 2022

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While screen time has its positives and negatives, quality time is important. Four moms talk about being present and what to do instead of screen time. Show/Hide Transcript Present Parenting Bernie Rosquites: Technology is all around us. The world is so fast-paced and ever-changing. We rely on the internet, our phones, tablets, [and] social media for all the latest news and to keep up with our friends and family. But how do we stay present as parents? How do we spend quality time with our children, and not allow the screen to take over our lives? I’m Bernie Rosquites. Jewell Buenavista: And I’m Jewell Buenavista, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. Bernie: Well, these past two years, the pandemic has been, let’s just say just a little bit rough. We’ve been isolated in the house. We’ve been working from home, trying to homeschool our children all the while trying not to catch COVID. We’ve all become so accustomed to relying on our screens, but how do we pivot from our devices to spend quality time with our kids? Jewell: Oh, Bernie, that’s such a good question. A lot of us get so busy with meetings or tasks, that it’s so easy just to stick our kids on our iPads or any electronic device. Bernie: Absolutely. Right. So, let’s have a discussion. We brought on some fellow moms to talk about their ideas of I’m doing air quotes with my fingers—present parenting. Jewell: Oh, I love this topic. So, let’s welcome Felicia Nofuente. She’s a school counselor and mother of three boys. We also have Tracy Nguyen she works from home with two toddlers and finds fun ways to keep them occupied. Welcome, ladies. Bernie: Hello, ladies. Felicia: Hi, Thanks for having us. Bernie: So, you know, it’s obvious. We’re all busy moms, right? And I gotta admit, I’m guilty of sometimes sticking my son—not so much in front of the TV, he’s 9-about-to-be-10—so for him, it’s not so much the TV, it’s the Nintendo Switch and the iPad because he’s into Roblox right now. You know, when I got something to do, and sometimes it’s not even something to do when I just need that—let me give an hour of peace and quiet just to collect my thoughts. I know I’m not the only one right? Please tell me I’m not the only one. Jewell: So I’m guilty. I’m guilty of everything you just said, Bernie. So how about you ladies, what’s going on in your lives when it comes to dealing with electronics, especially right now? Tracy: Well, for me, I work from home. So there will be times that you know, PBS or Disney is going to be babysitting my children. But you know, everything comes good in moderation, right? I like to try and justify that, you know, it helps my children develop in grammar and language and speaking and singing a whole lot of singing. But um, yes, it just having it in under, you know, a time limit is what we’re aiming for. Learning curves, every day, learning curves. But yes, we’re working on this, for sure. Felicia: I have three kids at different ages, so they all like different things. So my oldest is 12. And then I have a seven-year-old and then a three-year-old. So each is into their own thing. For us, I kind of tried to let go of that guilt because that pandemic time was rough. And I’m an educator, I know what I’m doing, and I still struggled. So even if you are equipped or not equipped, it was still a struggle. So if Nintendo Switch was it or PS4 or whatever it is, that was where they’re gonna go. And I had to let go of that mom guilt like “Oh my gosh, I’m not there.” But, I think what the pandemic gave me was some perspective and time to see, okay, what do my kids like to do and how can I tap into that? So that’s kind of where I took it. It was kind of like the gift of time where I got to spend time with them and see what they’re searching. So I found my oldest son looking up lyrics got into music got into some 90s hip hop, and I kind of got to see what was he interested in looking at his searches, because as a parent, you have to look up what they’re searching. Bernie: Absolutely. Felicia: Because they’re things that he looked up and I want him to ask me those questions. Like, if you have a question, just ask me and I can give you the best answer I can. But don’t rely on Google. Bernie: I’m gonna be your Google first. Okay? Mom and Dad are gonna be Google first before you ask anybody else, right. And one thing I got from the pandemic was this bald spot on the back of my head, but we’ll talk about that another day. What to do instead of screen time Bernie: So, what are some things we can do instead? Tracy, I’ve been told you started a no-TV challenge with your kids. I’m curious! How was that? Tracy: Okay. So let’s be honest, it started off as a repercussion for bad behavior. That’s how it started. So I have a four-year-old and about-to-be-three-year-old and attitudes were flying one day, and I was like, “That’s it. No more TV.” And then, after the first two days, it was nothing but fussy. Fussiness, tantrums, of course, the works, right? But once we hit day three, I tell you, it was like a flip of the switch. They were quiet, they were more independent. The pretend play started getting really elaborate. I’ll go hours without hearing a peep. It was weird. So I was like, Okay, let’s see how long we can go with this. My husband has the trophy right now where he went five days without TV. Yes. My longest has been four days. So we’re working on it. Bernie: That’s that’s great, though, because at a young age, they are able to just be without the TV. Tracy: I kid you not—okay, so when I started this challenge, my husband was like, “Are you sure though, because it’s getting really hard. I got things to do.” I was like, just stick it out. I’m telling you, it’ll make the difference. And once he started seeing the benefit, because I had to go away for a week of work. He saw the difference that it made in their attitudes, the way they talk to each other the way they played. He was like, oh, okay, we can do this. Okay, I’m totally on board. So it also comes down to my husband and I getting on board and then making it a whole lot easier. So once we’re not talking about it or questioning it, neither are the kids. Bernie: Teamwork makes the dream work. Jewell: So Tracy, can I ask, what did you do to keep the kids busy? Tracy: In the beginning, it became apparent that I really needed to be more disciplined in routines, building a routine that kept them busy. Jewell: So what I like about that is that you’re being intentional, instead of taking the easy route of like, okay, just do whatever, you are putting a routine and that takes conscious parenting, you know what I mean? Like being present, and making sure that they stay on top of whatever, you know the routine you’re putting. Ever since my 13-year-old was in kindergarten, we would do dates, like intentional once-a-week lunch dates, one on ones. And now what we added to our dates is we have to learn one new thing about each other. So it’s nice, because it’s a great way that as busy as our lives get, they get our full attention. And it’s been a great way for us to stay connected with our kids. So Felicia, I hear you have quite an artistic son and even take drawing requests from friends and family to keep him busy. Felicia: So for their Children’s Worship Service, they went virtual. And they would do these arts and crafts projects or workouts. And he gravitated towards this like David and Goliath drawing video that they played. And he really took to it. So then he would draw pictures. And he would say, can you give this to like my sister or my brother, (like my own [siblings] so his uncle hers or his aunt] and at the time, you know, I would just take a picture of it and then text it to them. And it got to the point where I was sharing them on Instagram. And everyone’s like, Oh, that’s so cute. Can you draw me goofy? Or can he draw me— Jewell: Aww Felicia: —or Mickey Mouse. So I would take the request and he would draw it. And I would just show him a picture or he’d watch a video and it got to the point where he’s like, what do my fans want now? Bernie: Who wants to commission me? Felicia: Funny, so we would open it up. I would post it on my story and say does anyone want to help Isaac practice his drawing skills so you can follow my stories. So it kind of, like snowballed into, alright, what do my fans want now? Occasionally, he’ll take a break, like, Mommy, I just need a break from my fans. And I’m like, okay, that’s his fan. So I have to say, Okay, does anyone want a drawing, and then they would put it, they would send the request, and he would draw, and I would tag them. It’s kind of been a really fun thing. It does take time away from the screen where he can focus on his skill. So I’ve gotten like art set sent to me, and I have colored pencils everywhere. If you look at my house, it’s his craft room, really, that I’m in. So he really, he spends a lot of time. And he’s very meticulous with his colors and what he does. So those requests are very special, I frame them and I send them to those who requested it. But it’s just nice to see where his imagination goes. So now some people are like, can you draw me in the mountains. So we’ve been going on a lot of trips, that’s my, my big thing. I want my kids to see what’s around us, because we’re in Nebraska, let’s be honest, I’m surrounded by cornfields. And I want them to see the world. So he has been drawing, he keeps a notebook, he keeps a sketchbook everywhere he goes. Jewell: I love how you tap into a talent that you may or may not have known that he had. So I have a question for you, Felicia. So as a school counselor how do you think it affects a child when they’re left to their devices all day? Felicia: I kind of get to see the positives and negatives. So now I tried not to get my kids away from devices because they need to learn how to use it appropriately. And our school district here is one-to-one iPads. So they’re on screen all the time. As a counselor, when I meet with kids, or they have something going on, it typically has to do with social media. You can see how it takes a toll because they’re constantly comparing themselves to other people. They’re constantly comparing what someone else has based off the images that they see. On the other end, there are great ways for them to learn new skills. You know, they learn all these fun things. And if they’re really interested in something, they can look it up. But there are reasons why parents should be very intentional with which apps their kids have access to. Bernie: Wow. Being present for your child Jewell: I love that you said that there’s good and bad because we can’t hide our kids from technology. I mean, I think it would be silly for us to think that we can because you’re right. I mean, all our kids are on their devices for school, so that is what they’re trained on. I love how you said, you know, for parents to be active, again, being intentional, being present in looking at what their kids are exposed to because as an adult, I get FOMO (“fear of missing out”), I get it. I’m in my 40s [I’m like], oh, “How come she’s looking cute?” Then I started looking at myself…you know, all of this. So what more of somebody at a young age [that’s] not mature enough to handle those kinds of comments and all of that. So I love how you said parents need to really stay on top active be proactive be present, you know, but again, I want to know more because I really do want to know, and our listeners, because we have such negative connotations. Oh, electronics are evil, you know, they’re bad social media is bad. But there are positive things, you know, I mean, can you help us share? How can we make it a positive experience? Can you expand on that a little bit more, please? Felicia: There are resources. So I refer a lot of parents to Common Sense [media] and they go over movies and games that are age-appropriate for different developmental stages. And then they also have like a “do and don’t” apps that parents should really look out for. I’m very intentional with how much access my son gets to others and strangers and people he games with. But as a parent, we’re visitors in this world, but when you take that away, it’s hard as a parent to figure out that world that they live in online. And when you take that away, abruptly, you have to be mindful of that’s the only community that they know. Like, if they can’t talk to their friends, they do have FOMO (“fear of missing out”). Like, then I’m not going to know what they talked about, and I’m gonna go to school, and everyone’s talking about something and I’m lost. Bernie: I’m not gonna lie, I’m like, I’m gonna be fifty soon, and I’m gonna get I gotta Google FOMO Okay, so thank you for bringing that up. Like, what is FOMO? I’m learning so much from just talking and listening to what you’re saying, because my son just started Roblox, because for a long time, he didn’t have the Switch. And he didn’t have the Xbox and all that. But then I realized, you know, just like what Jewell was saying, like, electronics is not evil, because I started at first I was like, oh, my son’s not into that. And then I realized when he started going to school, you know, all his friends were talking about Minecraft, Roblox, this and that. And he didn’t have [any] idea what they were talking about. He just made it up like he knew what they were talking about. And I felt bad. So we gave him the Switch. He’s on Roblox. And I am being actually proactive and checking, like, why are twelve, fifteen, people trying to be your friend, and you just got on and he was like, I don’t know, he only plays with one person, and that’s his cousin. I think that’s the one thing I’ve learned as far as doing this Faith and Family podcast, it’s really important to stay relevant. We definitely need to spend more time as a family and away from the screen. What else? I want to hear from Tracy, what else do you think we can do to spend more time as a family? What have you been doing Tracy? Tracy: I love that you’re doing the no device during mealtimes. That’s actually been one of the hardest things to do. I’m still working on this. I will admit, like for long car rides, if I don’t want the kids to fall asleep, I will turn on the iPad to put on whatever their favorite movie is. But I’m staying connected to your children and finding out what piques their interest and just diving into it. Just give them A or B options. Do you want to color? Or do you want to play pretend? Jewell: But I did want to share something because I think it’s we have to like what you were saying, Tracy that the internet is not a bad thing if we use it right, right? As a matter of fact, my 13-year-old daughter used electronics to invite her friend to a Bible-based webinar that we had not too long ago, you know, and the topic was about social media—how social media influences Christian living. And through her electronic, she was able to invite her friends. So it’s teaching them how can we use our tech? How can we use technology to be able to share our faith and do more good in the world? So just wanted to add on top of that. But Felicia, just to add to Bernie, what else do you recommend? What else can we do, in addition, to stay connected with our kids and our family? Keeping your child in mind Felicia: You know, just having conversations, intentional conversations with your kids. And I use the car ride a lot. I have three boys. So they’re not really into sitting down and like having conversations with me. I have to either throw a football or we have to go out for a walk. But the eye contact part they’re not really into, it’s not their jam. But when we go in the car, I have really insightful and thoughtful conversations, especially as I see my oldest kind of coming into his own. But it was having those conversations with my kids an…

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Parenting Children with Special Needs May 12, 2022

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1 out of 700 babies in the U.S. are born with Down’s Syndrome. Two moms discuss the challenges and blessings of their life with a special needs child.

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Parenting Children with Special Needs

Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, we have two moms, each with a son born with special needs.

Maribel Aquino: Hi, my name is Maribel Aquino from Pomona, California. I have a three-year-old son named Brennan.

Acelyne Parco Sagabaen: My name is Acelyne Parco Sagabaen from Burlingame, California. My son is Jaxson, and he’s one year old.

Mariel: Acelyne’s son, Jaxson was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome during pregnancy, and Maribel’s son, Brennan was diagnosed at birth. Down’s Syndrome is characterized by intellectual and developmental delay due to a chromosomal disorder. Despite these challenges, a growing number of people with DS live independently and are able to find employment.

Life with a special needs child

Maribel: Three words to describe Brennan. Number one, he is brave. He’s sociable and diligent. He is brave. Actually looking back, my husband and I were thinking, “There must be a reason why we named him Brennan because the meaning of this name is brave.” Brennan is sociable. He gives a hug to everyone he meets. He lights up the room with the sweetest smile. And Brennan is diligent. Until now has been receiving therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and then now speech therapy. And he works so hard and he doesn’t complain.

Acelyne: Three words to describe Jaxson. Jaxson is strong, and loving, and mellow. Maribel, what’s a fear that you had when you first found out about Brennan’s diagnosis? And looking back what would you tell your old self about that fear?

Maribel: More than anything else, I feared for his health, and I feared for his life. You know, those unanticipated health issues. When we learned about his congenital heart defect, we were so scared. And looking back, what will I tell myself, I will tell myself that everything will be okay. Learn to let go and let God take control of everything. And everything will be okay. I remember where during NICU (newborn intensive care unit) days hospital stays, I kept telling myself: “Nothing God gives that we cannot handle.” I kept on repeating those words in my mind. And it helped me get through all those difficult situations.

Acelyne: I had fears of—I had a lot of fears when I found out about Jaxson’s diagnosis, like, I had fears that people wouldn’t include him or love him just because he had a disability, like, I was so scared that people would leave him out. And I also had fears of having the ability to care for a child with a special with special needs, because I had no idea how to care for someone with special needs. I’ve never been in that situation. I also had fears of having enough time and resources because before being a mom, I felt like I had no time, or I didn’t have enough time for myself. So when I found out about his diagnosis, I kept thinking like, how am I going to take him to his appointments? How am I going to take care of him? And how do we have enough financial resources to bring him to all these specialists and doctors? I was just so scared.

And I also had fears about the future like who would take care of him if something happened to myself or my husband? Like will he be able to take care of himself? I don’t—I just didn’t know.

Looking back, I would tell my old self not to worry. Don’t worry about anything. You may feel nervous and scared but we have a God that can help us through anything. He’s the greatest provider. Maribel, I feel like there’s definitely more worried that parenting challenges, right? What do you think the most rewarding thing is about being a mom of a child with special needs?

Maribel: Raising kids is not an easy task. It takes a village; more so if they have special needs. For me, the most rewarding aspect of being a parent to a kid with special needs is that we get to see, experience, and feel God’s miracles firsthand in our lives. Through Brennan, we see God’s love and power. There’s just so many, like I have a long list of answered prayers. We felt so much closer to God. And this beautiful journey, although it may be challenging, and for others, they may see it as inconvenient. It could be an [unconventional] kind of parenting, but the rewards are so much greater and it outweighs all those challenges.

Acelyne: I love that you said that Maribel! Because like Brennan is three years old now and Jaxson is still one. So I’m still really new to being a mom, how do you find the strength to keep going?

Maribel: If I may share this one experience? The very first surgery. One Monday morning, I received a call from the NICU doctor. Nine o’clock. The doctor told me that they’re going to do the surgery. It’s called exploratory laparotomy. It’s a procedure to open up the abdomen to fix or find out what’s causing the problem. Brennan was few weeks old. We didn’t know what the problem was. He kept vomiting. That Monday morning when they called us, [they said] they’re going to do that surgery on that same day. I was bawling. And I thought I’d lose my mind.

I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do. My husband was already at work. I was by myself. I ran to our living room. And then I knelt down and prayed. The doctor was even worried about me because you know, when she was telling me about the procedure and explaining my sense of hearing stops, because you know, like, she was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But all I heard was there’s a surgery, you know, they have to do the surgery.

During the preparation, I remember the nurse asked for the waiver for me to sign, right? Because I couldn’t sign it. I couldn’t take any longer. I ran to the restroom. And then I grabbed a clean toilet seat cover. I laid it flat on the floor. And then that’s where I knelt. I said—I just surrendered everything to God. It’s His will, whatever happens, you know? “Just give me the strength that I need.” But there’s hope. I mean, I’m praying that he’ll make it.

And then after that, I went back to his room and then signed the waiver form. And then yeah, that they did the surgery after two or three hours and then he’s back. That first surgery, and then here comes another one. And then the third one. He was under the knife nine times. You thought it would get easier. No. Another major surgery was the heart. But thanks be to God. I mean, because of His mercy and compassion, look at Brennan now. He has come so far and we’re so grateful to our own Almighty God. So what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a mom to a child with special needs?

Acelyne: I feel like the most rewarding part is seeing him grow and seeing him like smash all his goals, even though it may take him a little longer than typical children. Seeing him accomplish one goal and how happy he is, it just makes me so happy. Seeing him grow within a community that loves him. So I’m so happy that he gets to grow up inside the Church Of Christ because the community inside the Church is so strong and supportive, I wouldn’t know what I do without all the brothers and sisters in the Church Of Christ. They love him so much and I love seeing how much happiness he brings them, and to know that he’s not a burden.

So that’s that was also one of my fears that he would be a burden to myself or he would be a burden to me and Jones, my husband, or my family, or be a burden to other people. But it was the total opposite. He’s not a burden he’s a ball of love. He’s the total opposite of a burden he’s such a blessing to us and such a blessing to our family and He’s truly a gift from God, that’s a great source of happiness to us.

Special needs parent burnout

Acelyne: So, Maribel how do you overcome special needs parent burnout?

Maribel: Okay, this may sound cliche, but I strongly believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So, we have to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others, right? So how can we take care of others if we’re sick? So we have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally fit, with proper nutrition. Also, I try to squeeze in exercises.

We cannot underestimate the value of “me time” because our needs matter too! Our needs are important too. Also, communication with the spouse or family member. And it’s also an important thing is [to] find a support group. Try to look for resources that are offered within the community. And most of all, pray. Pray that because we have God as our best friend. He is always ready to listen 24/7. Okay, how about you Sister Acelyn, how what do you do to overcome the parent burnout being a special needs parent?

Acelyne: Like you, I absolutely believe that “me time” is so important to overcome special needs parent burnout because, I mean, almost every day we go through therapies and driving there and making sure he making sure Jaxson eats and gets changed and cleaned before therapy and after therapy. [My husband and I], we make sure that we set aside some time to go for a walk just to go outside and get some vitamin D and feel the sun on our faces because we’ve been indoors taking care of Jaxson all day. I love that my husband also allows me to get a massage. I mean simple things like that or just [getting] boba after a therapy like that really helps us out, so we don’t get burnt out. Setting aside time to meditate at the house of worship, and making sure we have that moment of peace and silence, meditating and resetting our mind and our bodies and really get rid of all that built-up stress that we may have throughout the week and be renewed.

Another thing we do to overcome special needs parent and burnout is asking for help when we need it because really, taking care of a child with special needs, it’s like another a whole other job, it’s like a full-time job. So whenever someone offers us help, and we need it, we make sure to take it because we might overstress ourselves or might be mentally drained, because of all the appointments that we have to go. And we make sure to treat ourselves with anything that we like, like even just doing some, doing a hobby that we like to do. So for me, one of my hobbies is reading. So even just a few moments to curl up in a corner and, and read a book or learn a new language, something fun. Spending time to go out for a dinner every once in a while, that that really helps us.

My prayer for Jaxson is for him, to grow up strong, for him to know that he’s loved. For him to understand his purpose, and for him to know that he has a purpose and he’s not worthless. I want him I pray for him to grow up knowing God’s words, to grow up knowing that he’s a loved servant of God, and a loved child of God. I pray he will always be protected from any harm and danger and to grow up with good health and, and the ability to serve with all his heart. That’s my prayer.

Maribel: My prayer for Brennan is that God will give him the strength to overcome all these challenges, because there’s just so many unanticipated health issues with Brennan, you know, like just a simple cough and cold for a typical child to recover for a week, but with Brennan, it may take few weeks, two months, and sometimes it could even mean hospitalization. We fear that you know, like, because hospital life is difficult. Every day we do not take for granted every single day that we are home. We are thankful we are home, because that means he’s healthy. We are home, that means we are not at the hospital. And [in] our prayer, we are thankful to God because we have him. He’s alive. He’s been through a lot, but he is with us. God continues to entrust Brennan to us and that is a very big blessing to our family. This journey, it’s challenging, but it is very beautiful. It’s one thing that I would not trade anything in this world.

Mariel: Thanks to Maribel and Acelyne for sharing tiny snippets of what life with a special needs child is like. You might be surprised to find out that it sounds similar to your own parenting journey, even though you may not even have a child with special needs. Parenting a child with developmental or intellectual disabilities used to be very stigmatized, but thankfully people with disabilities are more advocated for in society today.

I’m Marlel Gutierrez, thanks for listening to the Faith and Family podcast. Don’t forget to like and subscribe and follow @incmedianews on Instagram for the latest on incmedia.org.

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Dealing With Postpartum Depression Dec 23, 2021

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After having a child and losing her dad, Irma Jackson experiences postpartum depression. She finds solace in her faith and knowing she’s not alone. Show/Hide Transcript Tired Moms Podcast: Postpartum Depression Irma Jackson: I asked and I prayed that God gave me some clarification why I might be going through this and I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it back again. If I didn’t have the Church or if I didn’t have God, I would have been lost a long time ago. I wouldn’t have been able to control this on my own. Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are four Christian moms from the Church Of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Mariel Gutierrez and joining me on this podcast are my very good friends. Bernie: I’m Bernie Rosquites. Emirick Haro: I am Emirick Haro. Jewell: And I’m Jewell Buenavista. Mariel Gutierrez: Today we’re going to talk about postpartum depression. It’s a thing. Many of us go through it, some milder than others, but it’s real. And it happens. Bernie: How are we going to hold hands together virtually, like this social distance holding hands as we talk about this? Everyone: Yeah. Bernie: On this podcast, you will learn about the ways to cope with it, how to support someone who’s going through it, then we’ll also hear from a mom of two who fought her way through it with professional help, prayer and her faith. Jewell: You know, sometimes this is called baby blues, and it’s normal. About one in five women experience this. I was always happy, I was always a positive person growing up. And with my first child, I remember having these crazy, crazy thoughts that it would make me cry. And then I finally read, you know, I would keep it to myself, because they were such horrible thoughts. I didn’t even share it with my husband, Harmony. Jewell: But one day I was reading that book, um, “What to Expect in Your First Year” and it said in there, if you have thoughts, something along these lines, if you have thoughts of maybe throwing your baby out the window or something, it is completely normal. When I read that I was just like, Oh my gosh! I started crying because I was having these crazy thoughts like, … why would I have these kinds of thoughts? You know, and, um, I shared it with Harmony. I was crying to him. And I didn’t realize that maybe I did have postpartum depression and not realize it. But it definitely was. I was definitely not myself. Emirick: I wasn’t sure if I had that either. Okay, I didn’t really realize if I was depressed, but I’m looking here at the symptoms now and maybe, let me see if I could check off these symptoms. It’s been a while but you know, it is a vivid memory of when I was a first mother. So, experiencing low mood, or being restless. Everyone: Okay. Yes, yes. (laughs) Emirick: Being sad or overwhelmed. Feeling guilty or worthless. Check maybe, yep. Easy fatigue, easily fatigued, or being irritable. Check. Jewell: Irritable! Emirick: Ok, crying easily and too often. Withdrawing to staying away from family and friends. Wow. Okay. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like you’re not sure how this is going to get better. Yeah, Um okay. Eating too much. Or refusing to eat. (laughs) Mariel: Sorry, go on. Emirick: One or the other. Yeah. So yeah, I think of both Yes. Sleeping too much, or having trouble sleeping. So taking a look at that list, I could probably check off more than half of those things. So maybe I was experiencing postpartum depression and just slugging it off as like, Oh, it’s okay. You know, I’m gonna be ok. Mariel: Yeah, I think some of that sometimes, like, especially after birth, a lot of these things on this list, you shrug off as like, well, I just had a baby. Of course I’m tired. Of course I feel weird because I just had a baby. So I remember for myself, I didn’t think beyond that. I just thought like, yeah, I’m sad because maybe because I don’t feel like myself. Or you know, or I feel tired or just Yeah, I just I kind of just tacked it on to just having had a baby. That was it. Bernie: I think. Yeah, I’m reading some of this and it sounds like a Monday. Everyone: Like now, right? Yeah. Mariel: Well, you know what, thankfully for us today, and I wish I had this when I just had a baby, but for us today, we got advice from a clinical psychologist, a fellow mom, friend, Dr. Sydney Fontanares. And she shares some of the ways that we can manage postpartum depression. I seriously wish I had this list, you know, when I was giving birth and stuff. Y’all ready? Everyone: Yes Mariel: So number one on her list is to develop support. It’s not uncommon, you know? Postpartum depression is not uncommon. So it helps to hear from other women that have gone through it or other moms, maybe they’re not talking about it. But if you open up, they’ll be like, Yeah, me too. You know, other moms can be your greatest source of strength. And I feel like I have that with you guys, you know? Bernie: Yes! Jewell: I definitely had my go-to people that really helped me. Emirick: And I think that maybe that helped me not realize that I was experiencing postpartum depression. Bernie: Yeah, that’s a way to look at it, yeah. Emirick: Because I did have support. Mariel: And you know, what’s interesting about that is that maybe like, when you’re together in that support group, you don’t have to label it, right? Everyone just understands, like, yeah, we know what this is. And so we know how to help you. And they just kind of band together with that goal. But that’s awesome that you guys had support. Alright, so number two, number two on her list, right? She says, to make simple lifestyle adjustments. You know, taking care of your baby includes taking care of yourself. Yes, yep. Dr. Sydney Fontanares was saying, you know, don’t pressure yourself to just do everything all at once. Do what you can and then leave the rest for another time. Which, again, you know, I know what you– Jewell: Easier said than done. Mariel: Exactly. Because there’s always a list, right? Yes, there’s a list. And then like, it’s not like, you can just take off anything from that list and be like, oh, we’ll feed them tomorrow or, or we’ll wash the onesies another time. You know, but you know, like the poop explosions, you’re going through, like 50 a day. So, yeah, it’s hard. But I think that it is worth exploring. Right? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And so her third, you know, advice for us was to seek professional help and discuss like the symptoms, no harm in that right. And then just know that the symptoms don’t last forever. They’re temporary, and they’re treatable. And you keep asking for help until you can find the care you need. Bernie: Yea, that’s one hundred right there. Emirick: That’s important, right? You have to- Mariel: I wish– I wish I had, you know, someone tell me that when I was younger, but I do love the way that she says like, the symptoms don’t last forever, and that they’re treatable. But I think the question is what happens when the symptoms last longer than expected, right? So right now, we’re going to hear about the inspiring struggle of Irma Jackson. She’s a mama too, a nurse, who on top of the stress of being a medical professional, she’s dealt with the loss of her dad. And this is all while trying to manage her postpartum depression. Wow. So it sounds like a lot. But let’s, let’s have a listen and see how she got through it. Bernie: Please stick around till the end of the podcast because Brother Jeff Deguia will tell us what the Bible has to say about grief and depression. Irma Jackson: My name is Irma Jackson, and I am a nurse case manager. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, probably about 2014. But I had the symptoms in 2013, I expected there to be baby blues, which is a normal thing for people after they have a child because our hormones readjust. When I had the symptoms, because I didn’t get any validation from my family that I disclosed it to, not feeling right, I tried just living with it from this uneasy feeling. And then slowly, my behavior started to change. And that’s where I reached out for help from a professional. Irma Jackson: It was probably day after day, I would find out, I would feel overwhelmed. Sometimes depression has different faces. And the way it came out for me was anxiety. And I felt debilitated. Like I couldn’t drive in the car with my child in the backseat, because her cry would trigger me. And that would create this anxiety where I felt like I couldn’t move. And I had fast breathing. So I had physical signs and symptoms of something. Like I really couldn’t put my finger on it because I’ve never experienced it before. I went to a few of those group therapies, which helped to realize I wasn’t alone. I asked and I prayed that God give me some clarification why I might be going through this. And I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it back again. Irma Jackson: And, it happened when my father died from a cardiac arrest, in February 2017, and then my grandfather dying July 2017. And then giving birth to my child, my second child, unemployed. And so those triggers became too much for me to handle Hope is so important when you’re going through depression, because no matter how many loving people there might be surrounding you, and supportive people surrounding you, you still feel hopeless. So that hope, it gives you the motivation to wake up the next day, and live your life every moment, even if it takes every moment to have the motivation to get through it. That hope is what keeps you going. When I heard Ka Eduardo talk about depression, I felt like I could breathe, I actually felt like he knows. And the brethren will know that this is something that’s normal and should be accepted. Because for people like me, we need help. We need the support of our community. And so again, hearing that in the lesson about depression, about hopelessness, it did give a form of validation to say, hey, it is something real, it’s not just me, it’s not just in my head, I’m not crazy. Irma Jackson: If I didn’t have the Church, or if I didn’t have God, I would have been lost a long time ago. I wouldn’t have been able to control this on my own. I’m reminded in the worship services that when we’re weak, God is the strongest, and that God will never give anything to us that we can’t handle. And so I have full faith in the fact that this is just going to make me stronger and ready for Judgment Day. Mariel: Wow. Well, we’re so thankful that Irma shared that story with us. While it’s heartbreaking, I’m really happy that she’s getting better. And she’s found ways to cope. Yeah, especially like with, you know, the verses that we get in worship service. And I remember the lesson that she actually was referring to about Brother Eduardo V. Manalo referencing depression and how to cope with it. And I’m sure you all remember it as well, right? Bernie: Yes, yes. Mariel: Yeah. Emirick: I do like how she referenced that hearing that in the worship service, like, validates her feelings, right? And that’s so strong, right, to know that, okay, someone knows what I’m going through and, you know, isn’t just tossing it aside saying, No, you’re not depressed, everything’s gonna be okay. But so they recognize it, and we hear it. And then, and it’s, you know, there’s hope for it, you know. So that was uplifting to hear her talk about that. And I do remember those services and, and feeling strengthened from them. When he would mention depression and read the verses that would help us through it. Bernie: I remember that worship service! I cried–I had two handkerchiefs. Mariel: A towel? Did you have a towel? Bernie: And, like, you know what everybody’s saying? It’s like, thank goodness, we, we have that spiritual side where we can kind of like, “God, what do I do with this burden? I don’t know. Can you help me with this?” Emirick: Yeah. And then it makes it, you know, like, it makes it feel like every burden you go through has a purpose. And you’re right. You know, like, in every worship service, you feel that because, I mean, yeah, and it’s been said many times, even before the pandemic, but then like, he really emphasized it, you know, in those services, about depression, where, where you do know that every everything you go through has a purpose. Bernie: Well, so now, like what we said, This isn’t uncommon, so if you know someone from our listeners out there, if you know someone who’s going through it, Dr. Sydney also provided us with ways we can support our friends or family members. And this is, it’s a short list, but still, it helps a lot. Number one, listen to her. Don’t ignore her feelings, you know. Instead, listen and show her that you’re there for her. And by being there for her, by being there for your friend, your sister, your homegirl, all that and trying to understand what she’s going through or without judging or invalidating your feelings, right? That’s because your job, your job, isn’t to make those emotions disappear, right? It’s because sometimes we don’t know the words to say, and all that, you know, but it’s to make her feel heard. Mariel: Right. You know what, that’s one of the things I really don’t like is when people try to solve things for me. My husband will attest to that. But it’s true though, right? Like, it goes a long way if you just someone, if you just feel like, okay, he heard me or she heard me or my friend heard me, and, and I’m safe, and I’m safe to have expressed that. Bernie: You’re not expecting, you know, I’m not looking for advice. Sometimes you’re just not looking. Sometimes, can I just cry with you? Can you cry with me? You know. Number two, help with housework before they ask you, which I’ve done, which I’ve done. I’ve like gone to like my girlfriend’s house, you know, and I’m just like I just want to say hi to the baby. Then I kind of started looking around. Girl, there’s like a, there’s a basket full of baby clothes that need to. I got it. And while she’s talking to me, she’s like, No, you don’t need to do that. I’m like, No, no, no, no. Let’s just keep talking. I’ll fold. You talk, I fold. And without even asking I was just grabbing whatever. Just fold. Do I need to fold your husband’s underwear too? I don’t know, I’ll do it. Whatever you want me to do, girl. Emirick: Take out the trash? Bernie: You know, it’s just the little things. Those little things help. Like, you know what, I’ll wipe the counter for you. Without even asking what do you want me to do. Just do it. Emirick: Bernie, my son is 20. But you know what, you can come over. I think I’m going through some stuff. Everyone: laughs Bernie: Number three, encourage them to take time for self care. Yes, sir- a necessity. Because fatigue is a big major contributing factor to some worsening symptoms. Mariel: I feel like it’s a sensitive subject, when someone will tell you, you need self care. So I would tread lightly. But also, I think to just remember like, also, to make them feel safe that um… Girl, it’s only like 10 minutes, let’s go do our nails, you know. Or like, you know, let’s just go for a walk real quick, you know. Instead of someone just telling me like you need to take care of yourself. That would have been, you know what I mean? Those are two completely different things. Bernie: Those are two different things. Mariel: Right.So, please don’t. I think I’m just, I’m just speaking for myself at least. Like I would have not liked someone to just say, hey, you should brush your hair.…

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How We Explain Christmas to Our Kids Nov 12, 2021

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Explaining to Christian children why the Church Of Christ doesn’t celebrate certain holidays and how to maintain spiritual integrity Show/Hide Transcript How We Explain Christmas to Our Kids Bernie Rosquites, Host: You’re listening to Faith and Family, a Christian Family community that aims to provide Christian family values. I’m Bernie Rosquites. As members of the Church Of Christ, we uphold beliefs [that] guide both our public and our personal lives. But how do we teach that to our kids, when it means taking away seemingly fun and widely accepted holidays, and perhaps, alienating them from their peers? What do we say to our kids when it comes to explaining why members of the Church Of Christ don’t celebrate events like Halloween or Christmas? And what do we tell the grown-ups around them? With me today to talk about all of this is Emirick Haro, Jewell Buenavista, and Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome back, ladies. Everyone: Hello! Bernie: Hello? Everyone: Hi! Bernie: Okay, I was like, what happened? [Laughing] So holidays are just around the corner. Literally, one of them is literally just around the corner. Now for you, ladies: Are there holidays—is there a particular holiday that your kids ask the most questions about? Emirick: I got to them before anybody else could. I would tell them… Bernie: You’ve got to, yeah. Emirick: Yeah! What the holiday was, what it was called, and I would always tell them it’s a celebration of a fake god. And God will be mad at us if we do that, so we don’t do that. Jewell: There was a time that…it was during Halloween that [my daughter] Jasmine—I think she was like only three or four—we had to go somewhere during October 31st, so we had brought her to my in-laws, and she [came] home, she’s like, “Oh my gosh! Halloween was so much fun!” Everyone: Oh nooo! [Laughing] Jewell: And then we were like, “Why what happened? What did you do? We don’t celebrate Halloween!” And she’s all, “I know, I know, I know, but we had so much fun giving out candy…”and, you know. For me and [my husband] Harmony, we…it was more like okay, it’s…we explained to her, and then, of course, we had to remind our in-laws that we don’t celebrate Halloween. Bernie: Mhmm… Jewell: But now, it was just kind of that one time, but then, now it’s honestly not… Bernie: … not a big deal? Jewell: It’s not. Yeah. Bernie: Yeah. How about you, Mar? Mariel: Umm… okay. Now I feel bad! Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: I was going to say you dressed your son up like Woody, didn’t you?! Everyone: [Laughing] Mariel: When the costumes go on sale! And it’s not Halloween! Bernie: You know I have to say, I’ve done that. When a costume goes on sale, I… Mariel: I know! Your son loves to dress up, right? I see those posts. Yeah, that’s not Halloween, right? Bernie: Mhmm, no. He knows it. Mariel: Yeah! I got my daughter…I think she had caught [on], when she was really small, she had watched, I think, Polar Express. Are you guys familiar with that movie? Bernie: Yes! Mariel: Yeah! So, she saw it on TV, and… but she was really young, we’re talking like two or three, and I was like, “Aww man!” you know? Because she was so like…it was so magical for her! You know what I mean? And I, unfortunately, didn’t get to her, before it got to her, and so I had to explain to her, well, you know, I had to be kind of the bad guy. I was the parent that was like, well, I don’t know, Santa doesn’t really exist, you know? And like, this is what Christmas is, but we don’t do that as members of the Church Of Christ. And it was hard for her, you know? Now she… Bernie: … did she ask questions? Mariel: She did! And for a while, she would say, like, because she was only three? You know? Bernie: Yeah, mhm. Mariel: I would say, “Do you understand?” And she’ll be all like, “Yeah.” But then she’ll be all like, “Buuut…” [Laughing] You know? She’d be like, “Yes, but… can I still get presents? But I’m not celebrating,” you know? Bernie: Yeah Mariel: Yeah. Or like, “But, can I…” She’ll ask like it was like a jumble of questions: Can I still have hot chocolate? Yes, you may have hot chocolate. Can we still go to places with snow? Yes, we can still go to places with snow. Bernie: That’s too cute. Mariel: You know what I mean? Bernie: That is adorable. Mariel: And then she was like, are you sure that Santa doesn’t exist? [Laughing] Bernie: Because last I checked, he was giving out gifts right now! Mariel: I know, because I just saw him at the mall, you know? Everyone: [Laughing] Mariel: It was a little hard. I wish I had gotten to it before it did. You know, like I thought that because she was two or three, it was too soon anyway, because they weren’t at school, blah blah blah. But I was wrong! You know what I mean? It’s true, like they are… these holidays are being marketed so early, right? Bernie: Yeah. Mariel: You know? Even like…it’s in their programming, their television programming. It’s in commercials, it’s everywhere! Bernie: Girl, if you go to Starbucks, everything is pumpkin flavored, pretty soon it’s going to be mint flavored. Mariel: I know! Bernie: Everything is based on those things, so it’s unavoidable. Now, are there special things that you do to avoid the inevitable exclusions from their peers? Because I know a few parents who when, for example, when it’s Halloween, they have their, their school has their Halloween parade. Some of these parents—I’m not saying it’s wrong or right—but some of these parents, they just don’t bring them. They exclude them from school, just so they don’t have to see any of it. Or there are some who take them out to the movies while the other kids are trick-or-treating, or give New Year presents instead of Christmas presents. I mean, do you do any of that? Emirick: I used to! I used to when I was a stay-at-home mom. I was a stay-at-home mom for a while. During Halloween, I would volunteer at the school to take care of those kids who don’t celebrate. Bernie: Oh! Mariel: Aww…that’s awesome! Emirick: Because you know… Jewell: I think it’s a great idea! I think I wanna do that! Bernie: That’s an amazing idea. That’s a great idea. Emirick: Because we’re not the only ones who don’t celebrate. Bernie: That’s true. Emirick: Now, if we were, then I would probably be like, okay kids, we’re not going to school, or something else to say. But I would volunteer. I would talk to the principal and say, do you have other kids who don’t celebrate Halloween? And so, it would be offered to the teachers. If there were any kids who, you know, it’s against their beliefs to go out and do the parade or whatever. Mrs. Haro will take all those kids to the library, and we would make paper airplanes; we would do a little science lesson, and have a lot of fun! And so, I would do that every year with my kids. Mariel: Oh! You made a community for those kids! I love it! Jewell: I love that idea! Bernie: I love that. I mean that is… Jewell: Yeah! I mean, when [my son] Hayden was in TK. So TK, what is that? Mariel: Transitional? Jewell: Yeah, transitional kindergarten. He was five years old so during Christmas time, the teacher took us aside, and said, “Oh can I speak to you real quick?” And then she was like, “I know you guys don’t celebrate Christmas, but Hayden has to stop telling everybody that Santa is not real.” Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: See! I’m afraid that’s what my son is going to do! [Laughing] Emirick: I’m about to have a special conversation with my kids about that, yeah. Jewell: And so, of course, we had to [tell him], “Hayden, you can’t…you still have to respect…” Everyone: Right, yes. Jewell: So…but in a way, I’d rather him be confident that way, and tame him down, versus like, he’s embarrassed to be the outcast. Do you know what I’m saying? And I think that’s what parents need to remember. When I was a Children’s Worship Service teacher, I would purposely ask the kids during service, because I feel like kids need to embrace being different you know? Bernie: Correct. Respect others’ beliefs, while still participating in learning Jewell: And I don’t think we should dance around the topic? You know what I mean? So we could sugarcoat their feelings? No, I feel like we need to…I feel like we need to teach them how to be confident. Emirick: I feel like believing in those, you know, things like, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, I feel like those kinds of things kill faith, because kids grow up thinking that stuff is real. Yeah, and then they grow up thinking those things are real, God is real. They lump them all together. Bernie: Oh gosh no, right. Emirick: And when they grow up they realize… wait, Santa Claus isn’t real? And the Tooth Fairy isn’t real? Oh, then God must not be real either. So, you know, I made it very clear. I feel like those things kind of are killing that faith in God, and they think that it preserves wonder in a child, and I’m like, there are so many things that you can wonder. I mean, all of God’s creations, and all the things God does? That’s wonderful! [Those are the] things you should have your wonder in! So, when you put your wonder in these fake things, and they think, oh, you’re not preserving wonder in a child, you’re killing a child’s imagination and creativity, I think, absolutely, that is the wrong thing. You’re not killing their imagination and creativity…you’re killing their faith. You know? And you can believe in God, and not believe in those fake fairy things, and preserve wonder, and teach creativity and imagination. So, from a very early age—from the minute my kids could look around, and see things and understand what I’m saying to them, I told them this is Christmas. It’s in honor of a fake god. Do we honor fake gods or do we honor the real God? And they’ll say, oh the real God! And then I go, so we don’t do that. As they got older…and so you know little kids are very bold. Like you said, Hayden would tell everybody! So, [my son] Russell was given a gift from his teacher for Christmas one time in first grade. She wrapped up books, and gave a wrapped up book to all the kids in our class. And when I came to pick up Russell one day after school, and he hadn’t come out! And I was looking for him! And so I went to his classroom, and he was very angry at his teacher. And I’m like, what’s going on? And the teachers all like, Russell is upset because I gave him a Christmas gift. And Russell is all like, I told her! I told her so many times! Everyone: [Laughing] Emirick: I don’t celebrate Christmas! And then, so I was like, oh man! So I had to like, pull him aside! And I told my other kids, too, like you have to understand this is a truth that we know, but it’s not a truth that everybody knows yet. And so, we do have to share it, but we have to be sensitive with… Everyone: yeah, right, right Emirick: …how they’re going to take it, because maybe they’ve lived their whole life believing this, so we have to be gentle? And so I had to explain to Russell! I’m like, so you know, I’m like…we took the book, and apologized to the teacher, and I’m like, Russell, you can’t be angry at her! She was just trying to be nice to you! And he’s like, but I told her! I don’t celebrate Christmas! Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: Well, you know, we do get a lot of that side eye from other parents for this. Other parents, other adults, and we become that super weird, and lame… you know, parent, real quick when we’re missing from the Halloween parades, and holiday parties, you know? How do we explain our beliefs to teachers, and surrounding adults that may think it’s quote, unquote “not a big deal” to include our kids in things that are against our beliefs? Jewell: I think for me, I don’t know…for me, none of this is a big deal, to be honest. I just straight up tell the teachers, we don’t celebrate it, and that’s it! And then I think we live in a world now that… Bernie: …a little bit more accepting? Jewell: Yeah, that there [are] a lot of different beliefs, and so teachers are a lot more accommodating. Emirick: And I tell my kids, we are not going to make any excuses not to do something, because we still want to learn, and we still want to let our teachers know that we are here for the learning. Even though it goes against our beliefs, we’re going to make accommodations, so that we’re not offending God, but we are still learning. So, they were making leprechaun traps in kindergarten, and they had to make a family project with your family, you were going to make a leprechaun trap, and they had to bring it to school, then they were going to trick the kids that they had a leprechaun, or something like that, right? And [my son] David was in kindergarten, and he told his teacher, you know I don’t really believe in leprechauns, and it goes against…in my Church, I’m not allowed to celebrate Saint Patrick’s day, so is it okay if I just make a mousetrap? So he made an accommodation! He’s like, I’m not saying I don’t want to do this, I know this is a family project, but I’m not going to make a leprechaun trap, I’m going to make a mousetrap instead. And she was like okay, sounds good! So we made a mousetrap! And then he told me in kindergarten, he’s like, “I wanted to tell everybody that you didn’t really catch a leprechaun, it was just the teachers tricking you!” Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: I love this kid! Emirick: So if there’s like a Christmas worksheet or anything like that, my kids have done in the past, and said, you know, is it okay if I do this worksheet instead? My mom found this worksheet online, and it’s like the same content, but it’s just something different. And then, they’re like okay! You know, they’re still able to participate in the learning. Bernie: Sure! There’s a solution! Jewell: Can I ask Emirick a question on that real quick? So…and maybe I don’t know if I’m doing this right or wrong, you know, because same thing with me. I believe, you know, I let my kids participate, you know, in activities. Just the same thing [as] yours, you know, during Halloween time, it’s arts and crafts, you know what I mean? They still have to do the arts and crafts. So, that’s what I mean. I don’t completely take them out, they still do the activities like in arts and crafts. Even in the holidays they have a holiday program where they sing songs, you know, for the holiday program. I mean, I actually allow my kids to participate. Emirick: We take the seasonal approach. So, I’ll ask the teacher, because there have been programs, and they’ll say, is it okay if your child participates in the program? And I’m like what’s the song? And then she’ll tell me what the song is, and I’m like oh okay that’s just winter. Like, I believe that Jingle Bells is just a winter song, and they’re just going through the snow or whatever like that, and I’m like oh that’s okay. But when they start singing about Santa Claus, and all that stuff then I say, “Nah, we can’t really participate in that.” So yeah, and when they do their crafts, like, for example, when they did 12 days of Christmas craft? So, they were counting down to Christmas, and David said, can I count down to New Year’s? And they’re all like, ok. So then he made those rings where he was counting down to the New Year. So, we’re always accommodated, and they were very clear. So, the teachers knew that we don’t do this, but we’re still here. We’re not trying to excuse ourselves out of these activities, we’re still here for the learning. Bernie: Those are great examples! Mariel: You know what’s funny? Is that, I know my son had an encounter with his friend, where he was doing that thing! Being really loud, and say like, “We don’t celebrate that! Why do you?” You know, and like, of course, I’m over here trying to calm him down, you know. And then, like so, his friend turns to him, and says, “Do you celebrate birthdays?” And my son turns to me, [Whispering] “Do we celebrate birthdays?” Everyone: [Laughing] Mariel: I was like, “Yes, we celebrate birthdays, and New Year’s.” It’s funny because they’re like, he’s still defin…

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3 Lessons from a Breast Cancer Survivor Oct 28, 2021

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As a breast cancer survivor, early detection, support, and her faith saved Luida Florendo. Listen to her journey and learn one of her biggest life lessons.

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Tired Moms Podcast: Breast Cancer Survivor

Luida: …He said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. Reality hit. So I broke down and cried. I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it.

Bernie Rosquites: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are Christians from the Church of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Bernie Rosquites, and joining me on this podcast is my good friend, Miss Emirick Haro.

Emirick Haro: Hey, Bernie, hello, hello, everybody. It’s October, which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We celebrate those who are battling it– the friends and family members who are in the trenches with them, and those who have survived it.

Bernie: Yes. And we were also helping to spread awareness with our guest today, Luida Florendo. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2014. The treatment was so tough on her, she cried herself to sleep, but with the support of her husband, friends, and God, she has managed through it. So she’s experienced a lot, and we are going to learn a very important lesson from her. She is with us right now. Hi, Luida. Thank you for joining us today.

Luida: Hi, Bernie. Hi, Emirick. Hello. Glad to be here in this podcast show.

Emirick: Thank you for joining us. Yes. Tell us how you found out that something was wrong.

Luida: Let’s see started back in April 2014. I had my first mammogram at the age of 42. I was turning 43 in a couple months. When the results came back from the mammogram, the doctor said that I had some calcifications or white spots in my mammogram. So they said we need to check if you have any cancer cells. So they said let’s do a biopsy. So I did a biopsy and he said it came up negative. But he said just to make sure let’s do a lumpectomy, which is a surgery to get some breast tissue sample.

Bernie: Okay.

Luida: And after that first lumpectomy, they found a speck of cancer cells and was like in the milligram. It was super tiny, but they caught it early. So I was thankful for that. And then they said you know what, let’s do a second lumpectomy just to make sure that it hasn’t gone to the lymph nodes. So the results came back and it was negative. So that was good. But we said the next step is we need to take it to the tumor board to see if you have the aggressive cancer cell. So when it came back he said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. So that was in August 2014 and he said you need to do chemotherapy next week

Bernie: so when you got the mammogram it came out negative right. And then they said let’s just double check. Is that– they didn’t –Is that how it went?

Luida: Actually when they looked at the results of the mammogram they saw white spots

Bernie: okay to the tiny okay,

Luida: Right and then because I never had any mammogram before that

Bernie: This was your first one?

Luida: very first one so they had nothing to compare it to. So they said we need to check it out.

Emirick: Wow. So it’s really important to have a mammogram, right?

Bernie: Yes, yes,

Luida: Early detection is key. Yes, man.

Emirick: And and when do they recommend starting it? At what age?

Luida: I was at the time I turned 43

Emirick: Okay, so um, your very first mammogram and then that was in April and in four months, you had to start going through chemotherapy? Um, tell us what was going through your mind from the moment that you found out something was wrong, right, because it’s just a routine procedure. Everyone said, get a mammogram and you know, and and you get one thinking it’s just going to be routine, and you find out something is wrong, and in four short months you’re going through chemotherapy, so like, how did you process that in your brain?

Luida: Let’s see, for the first reaction, I was, um…reality hit. So I broke down and cried. And then at the time, I was the only one working, my husband was laid off at the time. So I was thinking how we’re going to pay the bills. How are we going to survive? Right?

Bernie: Wow.

Luida: So that’s the initial reaction.

Emirick: Could you feel that something was wrong? Like were you tired? were you feeling sick sometimes or did it just feel like normal like every day

Luida: it’s funny you mentioned that because I had no symptoms whatsoever. So no tiredness, no sore, nothing sore in my my breasts, but it was just because mammogram, they found that there was something there was something unusual about my mammogram. And that’s when everything happened.

Emirick: So yes, because I know I mean, myself, I, I get scared of mammograms. I had one actually, finally, I’m 46 now and I had my first one, like, last year. So for those of you listening, you know, I hope this inspires you to get mammogram and get early so that you can, you know, learn about what’s going on, because like you said, You didn’t feel anything different, right?

Luida: None.

Emirick: So just routine. Can I ask when you found out? What were your prayers? Like? How did you? How did you like turn to God and, and, and ask for his help?

Luida: Let’s see, I knew that my life was in God’s hands.

Bernie: Yes.

Luida: So I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it. But then I said, if it was possible, I wanted to fight this breast cancer, I want it to live longer.

Emirick: So it’s almost like that surrender, right? So

Bernie: Surrendering is, is… when you leave it, it’s easy to say like, you know, I’m just gonna leave it in God’s hands, but there are times in the middle of the night. Your mind starts talking to you. But I feel like your conviction to just, “ I’m gonna let God take the wheel.”

Luida: Yeah, right.

Bernie: And, and, and you’re still with us today. And through all this, as scary, as I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions you were going through, who was supporting you through it all.

Luida: I guess my number one supporter would definitely be my husband, Cesar Lorenzo. He took me to all my doctor appointments to all my chemo, and radiation treatments. He was practically my nurse at home. So he made sure that our was well taken cared of and comfortable. But my other supporters would definitely be family. My family’s in Hawaii, the Langit family there were miles away, but very supportive. Then I had my in laws, the Florenda family who were here in San Diego, then I also had my co workers from the county of San Diego that was super supportive. And another big supporter were my INC family from the locale of South San Diego.

Emirick: you had a lot of support.

Bernie: you had a lot of support and that I that’s.. and that really means a lot. How has your relationship with God changed through this experience?

Luida: Let’s See, definitely when I was going through the chemo treatments and all that, it definitely made my relationship with God stronger. Because um, despite the chemo treatments, God was so good that he gave me the strength to still go to work. He still allowed me to perform in the choir. So that I am super thankful to God that despite the treatments,

Bernie: You were still doing your thing.

Luida: I was still you’re still business as usual. Yeah.

Emirick: Through chemotherapy and everything?

Luida: Right? It’s like, and then I guess I went to work and went to church. Usually I had a black scarf on because I lost my hair. But that didn’t bother me. It’s like, I don’t care.

Emirick: I just really admire your positivity.

Bernie: Yes.

Emirick: I actually don’t know, like, what is chemotherapy like? If you don’t mind, kind of painting that picture for me and and our guests.

Luida: Let’s say we chemotherapy. I’d be fine. Like I would do it on Friday. But then I would be super hyper and talkative, per my husband. Saturday, Monday. And then on Monday, and Tuesday will be my down day. It’s like I can’t go to work. I can’t do anything. So and then I guess the hardest part about the chemotherapy was like when you eat food. It tastes like metal like you’re eating pennies.

Bernie: Yeah.

Emirick: Oh, yeah.

Luida: So it was hard to find something that your mouth and your taste buds could accept. So that was the hardest thing and then that’s the one where one day I was like super hungry, but I couldn’t eat anything and that’s when I cried myself to sleep.

Emirick: Aww

Bernie: I can only I yeah. You’re just like that piece of chicken that looks delicious. It tastes like a bag of pennies.

Emirick: No, you take away my sense of taste and I don’t know how I’m gonna continue. Yeah. So Okay, that’s a lot to go through. Um, what would, what some advice you’d have for someone who’s going through that, like, how did you find your strength?

Luida: Let’s see pretty much um, like having God as your backbone was a big, big help.

Bernie: Absolutely.

Luida: Having the support of family and friends having huge circle of support was , it helped me through the chemo treatments.

Emirick: Now I heard that after your experience, you started supporting other family and friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer. Why is that important for you to help them?

Luida: Let’s see, when it comes to my experience with breast cancer, I definitely wanted to be open to anyone who was experiencing the same thing or someone who knew someone that was going through breast cancer, because I wanted to, like ease their anxiety, kind of give them an idea of what they’re gonna go through, or some of the good and bad things that they’ll experience during the chemo treatments.

Emirick: How did you begin doing that? Did you just identify– how did you learn of people also diagnosed with breast cancer?

Luida: Actually, after I went through my own chemo treatments, it was strange because I had a co worker, I had a cousin and I had three church friends that also had breast cancer. And then I was open to answering other questions. Yeah.

Bernie: You know, God has His has His way. You know, it’s like He, you went through this, this journey that was painful. But I always I always think like, when things happen when I experience things that aren’t always the best experience, I always like, there’s a reason. There’s a reason why I’m going through this, whatever it is, I’ll try my best to be present when I realize what that reason is. And I feel like because of your positive, positive attitude and the strength that you have shown, here’s the reason. And because you have had some close friends and family go through a similar experience, you were there and you helped create a village for them.

Emirick: Right? It’s like uh, I feel the same way like maybe you went through it because you were super strong. You had to go yes first. Yeah, you could turn around and be like Alright guys, we got this, you know. Interesting that I see. I see that too.

Bernie: Is that Yeah, so just to summarize what I’m learning is that number one, to all our listeners out there, right, get a mammogram– never too late. Right I’m actually actually penciling it in there’s like I’m like actually writing it down on my thing like big bold letters get a mammogram, schedule, tomorrow

Emirick: I will ignore the letter that came from Kaiser the other day says primary or secondary mammogram I was like no I don’t I got I got the first one already

Bernie: you’re fine. But get the mammogram. Okay, number two, find your support and your tribe which is the reason Luida wanted to help others right and and you like I said, you went through this journey and yet I felt like God was like, Okay, this is this part’s gonna be hard. But I promise you there’s a reason. And number three, pray and believe in God that’s what I’m learning from this conversation. And I have to say, again, I am just absolutely just amazed of the just the positivity, that you’re just sharing with us through this, this journey that you went through. So God is truly truly so great. So, Luida, I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story and joining Emirick and I and allowing us to go on the short journey with you with what you went through. So I appreciate that. We appreciate that

Luida: bye everyone. Thank you for having me on this podcast.

Emirick: Yes, thank you so much for sharing your story. We know that someone out there is listening who’s experiencing the same thing. And we just want to remind you that you are not alone. And God’s love never fails.

Absolutely.

Bernie: So thank you, Luida, for joining us Emmerich as usual. Thank you always for being my awesome co host. So thank you for listening to this episode of faith and family. And if you enjoy listening to us talk, laugh, cry, build each other up. You can Download more on Google podcast I Heart Radio and Apple podcasts under Faith and Family. And, as always, please, please, please, please, please leave us a review or just say hi. Other than that, please take care and stay safe. We’ll see you next time.

The post 3 Lessons from a Breast Cancer Survivor appeared first on incmedia.org.

What Do You Say To Someone Who Lost A Child Sep 23, 2021

Show notes

After grieving the loss of her child, Mae shares how she is coping with the loss and what her loved ones around her said during her healing process. Show/Hide Transcript Mae Peralta: You know, that I would feel guilty, because your initial reaction to the whole thing – well, if I were to be a mom, how can I be a mom, if I can’t protect the one thing [that] I’m supposed to protect?Bernie: Right. Emirick: Yeah.Mae: One friend of mine was like, “Oh, you’ll have other kids!” Bernie and Emirick: Oh. Mae: I mean, what makes you think that this one didn’t matter, somehow? [Music] Bernie Rosquites: Parenting isn’t easy! It’s challenging and frustrating, but it’s also rewarding and inspiring! We just need a few reminders. Parents, dads, mamas – you’re not alone – I’m Bernie Rosquites. Emirick Haro: And I’m Emirick Haro. We are the tired, but inspired moms, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. Bernie: You know, losing a loved one, it isn’t easy. I know – I recently lost my mom last October, and the grief can be… uh, quite honestly, I have no words for it. It just, it leaves you numb! And you find yourself in this space of trying not to question: why? And you want to crawl in a hole, but you can’t. And reality is you have no other option but to move forward, painfully, without the one you lost, and you have to allow time to help you heal. Emirick: I lost my dad when I turned 21. It was something that happened suddenly, so it… I wasn’t able to prepare myself for it. But, honestly, I don’t know how I would’ve prepared myself if I had a clue that it would’ve happened anyway. Life, immediately after his passing, was difficult, it was sad, and awkward. My friends would tippy toe around me because they didn’t know how to support me. And I would tippy toe around my mom because I didn’t know how to support her. So, what’s the best way to support someone who has just lost a loved one? Bernie: So, today, Mae Peralta will be joining us on this podcast. She lost her baby girl at 24 weeks, due to complications. She lost her girl on November 25th, 2013. But today – she is blessed with one daughter, Hope, and a pair of some amazing twins, Sam and Lily! But she is still healing from that loss, and that’s absolutely understandable. It takes time and prayer and some encouragement. Please stick around to the end of the podcast because Brother Jeff De Guia will tell us what the Bible has to say about grief and what we should have hope in. Mae is on with us to talk about the best way to support someone who has had a miscarriage, or has experienced loss. Hello, Miss Mae! How are you? Mae: Hi! Hi, moms! Thank you for having me! Bernie: We’re glad to have you here! So, Mae, I know you’ve got 3 kids, girl! Mae: Yes, I do! Bernie: Yeees girl! A work from home husband, and a dog to take care of! I mean, just saying that, I’m already tired. What’s that like? Walk us through your day! Any day! Mae: Let me give you an example of the day: I would wake up in the morning, get my daughter, Hope, ready for school. And even though her school is only in front of the laptop at home, it takes her literally 20 minutes to get up and get dressed. And then from there, I just kind of start looking at my laundry – to be folded, to be put away, or to be started – so that’s a neverending story. I’ll get breakfast started for the kids, and for the husband, and then from there I’ll just kind of do my daily chores, you know. Hopefully insert a walk with the dog, because sometimes I need to get out of the house. Bernie: [Laughs] Right?! Mae: Yeah! Ummm…. I did some panic-buying of some baked goods, so I’ve got a lot of flour that I’ve got to go through. Bernie: Is that where all of that went?! All at your house? [Laughs] Mae: Yeah! So, while I’m doing meal-prepping, I’m going to insert some kind of baked goods somehow because I’ve got to get through all of that flour. Emirick: Man, it’s time for a nap already! [Laughs] Mae: I know, right? And along with that I help Hope, the oldest, with her homework and try to get the twins to at least practice – to pretend – that we’re going to school – so they’re not just playing around the whole day. Bernie: And to add to all this chaos, everybody, Mae’s whole family recently tested positive for COVID. But, thankfully, everyone is ok! Right? Everyone is ok?! Mae: We are good! Thank you! By the grace of God. Bernie: Yes, and has fully recovered! This is awesome. So, I’m glad to hear everybody is ok. Mae: We are, thank you. Emirick: So, your life sounds very eventful! Busy, loud… a bit chaotic? But, overall, sounds very blessed! But life wasn’t always like that. In 2013, when you lost your baby because of complications, how did you cope with losing Adeline Faith? Mae: Ohhh… um. Honestly, it’s been a few years, but I do find myself trying to make sense of it all, still… You know, that I would feel guilty, because your initial reaction to the whole thing – well, if I were to be a mom, how can I be a mom, if I can’t protect the one thing [that] I’m supposed to protect? Bernie: Right. Emirick: Yeah. Mae: And then, you know, I felt guilty because my thoughts would go to, “Oh, maybe… maybe I’m not supposed to have children?” Maybe this was God’s way of telling me, yeah, I’m not supposed to have children. Emirick: How… how were like, you know, the people around you? Friends, you know, your community? LIke, how… Mae: To be honest with you, I know it was difficult for them to try to figure out what to say to me, and how to act around me. And I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but almost all of them, like, kind of said the wrong thing to me. And I kind of almost felt immediately… I knew immediately that I, myself, had to kind of take the situation into my own hands. And almost, kind of, put myself in a situation where I had to show them I was ok when I still wasn’t, because I didn’t want to continue with this whole, “Are you ok? … What can I do for you?” The truth is, you couldn’t [do anything], nobody really [could]. Emirick: What are some of the things they would say that would like… sting? You know, like when they would say, “I’m sorry,” you know? And they try to make you look at the bright side? Bernie: Right. Because, you know, people don’t [always know] what to say, but sometimes, I think the things that they say are just like… it’s definitely not what you wanted to hear. Mae: Yeah. It wasn’t. Like… one… one friend of mine was like, “Oh, you’ll have other kids!” Bernie: Oh? Emirick: Mmm… Mae: And I was just like, ok… I’m not like, you have no reaction to that because you’re just like, you’re… my friend, why would you say that to me? Bernie: Right. Mae: Like, what makes you think… I mean, what makes you think that the positive, the positive of like, “Oh, I’ll have other kids!” – like this one didn’t matter, somehow? And, “Don’t grieve for too long.” And I’m like, well, I haven’t even grieved yet, I’m still trying to… Bernie: … process. Mae: Yeah! Process everything that has happened, and at the same time, I have to put up a front with everyone, just because it’s easier for me to show you I’m ok, when I’m really not… because of, you know, comments like that! So it was just like, ok… Emirick: So, it’s as if you had to think of them? Mae: Yes. Honestly, like, let me… just let me be. I mean, if there was anything else, you know, just let me be… because this, I know this feeling, the sadness, isn’t going to take forever, but I just need to know that this sadness is ok for me to feel. Bernie: Did you have anyone in your community, in your group of friends or family, that did say the right thing? Or did do… or did the right thing? Mae: One of my good friends, best friends – she was my best friend at work – she just went, you know, you know, just… she always said, “Your faith is what’s going to take you through it – let it take you through it.” But, yeah, she was so understanding. And there are times where, you know, there are… you just can’t say anything. So, you know, on days after work, she’ll be like, “You want to go to Starbucks?” or “You know what, let’s go to our Disneyland, let’s go to Costco!” You know, just to kind of get back into what everyday life was like, again. Emirick: Yeah, like a little bit of a distraction? Mae: Yes! At least, for that time. To remind me that I’m not this sad person all the time. And I was, for a very long time… but she helped me through that. Emirick: Uh, so, I’m… I’m taking notes! You know? It’s like, you’ve just got to be there. And like, you don’t have to bring it up? You don’t have to be like, positive? You just have to be like, let’s just hang out! Like, give a sense of normal! And if that person is willing to cry, or talk about it, you don’t even have to say anything! You just have to just let them know, I’m here. I’m not judging you, I’m not telling you that it’s going to be one way or the other. I’m just here… for whatever you need. Bernie: And she, and she didn’t say any of that! She… her way was like, “Do you want to go to Costco?” You know? It wasn’t one of those, “Hey girl, I feel like you need some time…” She just… Emirick: Yeah yeah… right?Bernie: … went about it, normally. Emirick: Not even saying, “You’re going to get through this.” You don’t have to say that. Bernie: Exactly… yes! Mae: Because it almost seemed like, if anybody were to say that to me, they’re already putting that timeline. Bernie: They set you up! Mae: Yeah! Yeah. So, that’s how I took it. Like, if somebody, you know, asks you or tells you that, it’s like, you’re already putting me in this position where I need to force myself to feel a certain way just because you need me to tell you, “I’m ok.” But I’m not! Bernie: Right.Mae: Yea. Emirick: See, that brings so much… like, that makes so much sense. Bernie: Yes, it does! It does. Emirick: That makes so much sense, and I’m really glad that you’re sharing that. Even though, like, I don’t know. It’s hard to elaborate those thoughts. You know?Bernie: Yup. Emirick: You’re doing a really great job of elaborating it for us. Bernie: And you know what’s awesome? Is that singing in the background. Emirick: Exactly. [Laughs] Mae: Oh man! Bernie: No no no… you know what? We need some of that every so often… Emirick: Yes! Bernie: Especially on a Tuesday? You know what? We need some of that precious little baby singing. I appreciate that. Emirick: The joy he’s experiencing! Like, lets us feel that joy, too. [Laughs] Bernie: I feel it all the way from over here! I appreciate that! Mae: Oh my gosh… [Baby singing] Bernie: Wow. I really appreciate what you’re sharing with us. You know… it’s, you know, you’re sharing something that… it’s difficult to talk about, but it’s part of the healing process, I hope. I know I appreciate it. And they say, time heals, but nobody… nobody says how much time. It’s difficult, but the world does move on. And God has surprised you in so many ways. Since Adeline, you’ve been pregnant twice. You gave birth to baby girl, Hope, and then, tell us about your second pregnancy! Mae: [Laughs] Well, that’s still up for debate, if I was present or not for that? Everyone: [Laughing] Mae: But, um… honestly, I just remember I found out I was pregnant… again, and I’m like, oh wow? So, at exactly 20 weeks, you know, I have an ultrasound schedule to check, you know, for the gender, and you know, just you know, all of you know, just a check up. So… me and my husband, we’re there at the ultrasound techs office, all ready to go, belly all gelled up. And you know, she does her initial scan, and… you know, she’s scanning, she’s scanning… And, she kind of mentions this in a way, as if I forgot to tell her, or you know, I just forgot to mention it to her? She goes, “Oh, so you’re having twins?” And I go, “What?” And she looks at me, and I look at her, and she goes, “You’re, you know, you’re having twins!” and I go, “What?!” So, for the third time! I think she kind of got it! And she kind of mentioned, again, and she says, “You’re. Having. Twins…” and my third and last, “WHAT” was what surprised her, and she kind of got it, so she kind of read the room – finally – and she said, “Ok. Oh. Oh? Ok, honey. Um, let me give you some time…uh, would you like a cup of water???” And, I just thought to myself, I need more than a cup of water! But… Bernie: You need to get my doctor on the phone! Mae: I need you to get me whatever you think I need right now! But, if water is it, then please get me a cup of water! Bernie: An oxygen tank! Mae: So, you know, she leaves the room, and I look at my husband, and he’s smirking! He is smirking… Everyone: [Laughing] Emirick: Guys are so good at that… Mae: And it was just… yeah. Another situation of… you’re just like, you could not have written this any better. Because the complete shock, but then, at the same time, the complete awe of it. Like… Bernie and Emirick: Right. Mae: With the first pregnancy, I had the doctors telling me, “You’re never going to be able to conceive again…”Bernie: Wooow… Emirick: What an interesting story! Like, from beginning, to end, like, going around to all this! And I know, like, you went through a lot of grief, and it was difficult, and still, you know, it’s still somewhat difficult, but… And then, like, hearing people to like, cheer you up, putting you on their timeline, I loved the advice you gave, but I can’t help but just notice and realize the amazing blessings in your life, you know?Bernie: Mmmhm. Emirick: Just a house full of laundry, laughs, meltdowns, uh… music in the background! You know? All of that background noise! Those are like evidence of all of those blessings and love in your life. So, I just want to say thank you so much for sharing this story, because it just has brightened my day! I’ll be honest, I wasn’t having the best day today, but like, just hearing your story took me on a rollercoaster of emotions… and it is leaving me on a high! Bernie: Yes! Mae: This is my life! Emirick: Listening to your son just sing about whatever in the background? Loving that! But um, really, the education I got today from sharing the best way to help someone grieve. I [didn’t] know that. Like, I’m guilty of those things that we were talking about earlier. You know? Trying to put someone on my timeline, or trying to like just tell them, “It’s going to be ok.” You know? Without really thinking of how that affects that person. So, the tips you gave us today are so helpful in helping us love each other better. You know what I mean? So, thank you for that. Bernie: I agree. And even though you experienced all that pain, you can truly see… and hear! How blessed you are! Everyone: [Laughing] Yes… Bernie: It’s just, you know, it’s going to take time. With everything, it’s just going to take time, and you know, girl, we’re here for you. I hope you know that. And Mae, thank you, again, for sharing your story. We appreciate that. Now, let’s hear some advice coming from the Bible about how we should look at grief with the minister of the gospel, Brother Jeff De Guia. Brother Jeff: Experiencing the loss of a loved one is devastating and while time heals the pain, so do the words from the Bible. What does the Bible say about grief and how we can overcome this type of pain? We’ll read Lamentations 3:28-33 & 25-26: “When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The ‘worst’ is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: … GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from GOD.” (The…

Full show notes at the publisher

9 Ways To Regain Your Sense Of Self Jul 15, 2021

Show notes

Do you feel like you’ve lost your identity when you became a mom? Don’t worry it’s normal! Here are 9 self-care tips to reclaim your old sense of self. Show/Hide Transcript 9 Ways to Regain Your Sense of Self Jewell:I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth… Everyone: [Laughs] Emirick: Keep going, Jewell! Mariel: It’s like a handmaid’s tale! I’m like… Everyone: [Laughs] Jewell: My hormones were all over the place! And at the same time dealing with crying babies and lack of sleep. I always just felt stressed out! And fast forward to now, maybe within the last two years, is when I recognized that I’ve lost who I was! Mariel Gutierrez: Hello! Welcome to the Faith and Family podcast, hosted by the Tired but inspired Moms! We are four Christian moms of the Church Of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. I’ve been a mom since 2006. Bernie Rosquites: I’m Bernie Rosquites! I’ve been a mom since 2012. Emirick: I’m Emirick Haro, and [I’ve] been a mom since 2000! Jewell: And I’m Jewell Buenavista. [I’ve] been a mom since 2008! Mariel: It’s so funny. You know, I was actually doing the math in my head. I’m like, collectively, we have 50 years of mom-ing experience. [Laughs]. And I felt both old but very accomplished! Because I was like, well, if I don’t have the experience I can always just tap into one of my friends, you know? [laughs] Right? So today, I’m going to ask, do you guys even remember what you were like before being a mom? With our 50 years of mom-ing experience? Do you all feel like you’ve lost a sense of identity? So, today – listeners, friends – today we’re going to discover the 9 effective ways to cope with identity loss, and how to slowly gain it back! Bernie: Well, good. Because girl I need it! Before being a mom, I was… a creative! You know, I loved, loved to write. But the last time I was creative, was helping my 8 year old with a puppet show… Everyone: Aww…Bernie: And you know, my fashion sense has kind of been chiseled down to like the leggings and the hoodie and the slip on shoes – preferably Vans – so that’s why I think I’m still a little bit fashionable? Emirick: [Laughs] definitely! Kids are wearing them? I mean, come on, right?! Bernie: And them um… right?! Mariel: Right! Right. Still on point. Emirick: Hoodies and vans! You’re still good. Bernie: And then don’t get me started [with] wearing that make-up! My make-up brushes have collected dust, and I think the only thing that’s still being used is eyeliner and mascara, and do I even bother to wear lipstick these days? Do I even? So… Jewell: Oh my goodness, Bernie. We’re so the same when it comes to that! Well, I just realized before… um when becoming a mom after the three, I realized ok, something about me has changed. And what I realized was: I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth… Everyone: [Laughs] Emirick: Keep going, Jewell! Mariel: It’s like a handmaid’s tale! I’m like… Everyone: [Laughs] Jewell: My hormones were all over the place! And at the same time dealing with crying babies and lack of sleep. I always just felt stressed out! And fast forward to now, maybe within the last two years, is when I recognized that I’ve lost who I was! And, honestly, mamas, I’m trying to find myself. I used to fix myself a lot more! Nowadays, just like Bernie, I’m just [like] ok, what sweats, what jeans, what… Mariel: Jewell, you know what’s so funny though? It’s that you’re still really pretty and put together… Everyone: [Laughs] Emirick: Yeah, sounds like, you know, a lot of changes continue to happen. So, before you were a mom, and now… good and bad things! Right? So, if I think of myself – my identity – before I was a mom, I was spontaneous as well. I flew by the seat of my pants, and I always landed on my feet. Planning and preparation was like, totally overrated? [Laughs] It was like, what do I feel like doing now? I’m going to do that right now! And… I lie a little because I didn’t always land on my feet, but I pretended like I always landed on my feet.Mariel: No matter how you landed, it was always just gracefully anyway [Laughs] Emirick: Yeah exactly! I’m like ta-da! This was how it was supposed to be?! I was so fun and spontaneous… But, today, like today, I’m like [the] complete opposite. I’m super practical and a total planner! You know? Ok, maybe not a complete total planner, because you know, I have my moments, but my 24 year old self would be super impressed with this 46 year old version, you know? Mariel: You know what’s funny? I didn’t know you all when I was single, right? I lived all the way up in Canada. So hearing about you all, like, your befores? And… yeah! Like, I mean, I love you all now and everything, and I wish we were all single together. Bernie: Oh, Emirick: We would’ve had a good time! Mariel: We sound like fun people! We sound like we’re humans, right?! Everyone: [Laughs] Jewell: Seriously! Emirick: Totally! Mariel: Like, really cute? Emirick: I’m trying to convince my kids that I was like, really fun! Jewell: Oh my gosh, Emirick! That’s me all the time! And my kids just laugh. They’re like, no mommy, daddy’s the fun one! Mariel: Ouch! Ow… Bernie: Why is dad always the fun one?! Dad’s the fun one in my house too. Mariel: Oh, you know what then? So, does it even bear asking? Like, should I even ask? Do you miss your old self? You know? Are there parts of it that you miss? Or.. Bernie: You know, I… I do. It can be a little scary. A little… depressing, shall I say? Every sense of who you were before kids, or, who I was before kids, is… you know… you kind of look in the mirror and it’s all gone? And your passions and your interests have slowly disappeared, and you’ve devoted all this time to raising little humans, right? And a lot of the time you don’t even realize that it’s happening! It’s right there, it’s happening right before your face. You don’t even know. Next thing you know, you’re at the Container Store figuring out how you’re, like, going to organize, you know, your… Mariel: Tiny t-shirts and [laugh] yeah! Bernie: And then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and then you just see parts of yourself, you know, it’s fading away, and so sometimes, you know, that kind of, that kind of hits hard sometimes. You try not to, but… Mariel: Yeah… Bernie: … it does. Mariel: Yeah… Bernie: But this – we’re not going to end… we’re not going to end as a sad story! Everyone: [Laughs] Bernie: What we are sharing because I feel like… I’m going to cry!? Emirick: Yes! Mariel: Did you feel emotional as well? Everyone: [Laughs] Bernie: But what we are sharing, and you know, it’s… it’s true, and it’s the realities of parenthood. You know, we’ve got a lot of moms reaching out to us everyday saying the same thing, and asked us how they can cope. Well, we reached out to Dr. Sydney Fontanares who is a licensed clinical psychologist in the Bay area, and she shared with us 9 ways to deal with identity loss. Are you all ready to hear these 9 ways? Everyone: Yes! Bernie: There you go! Ok, number 1: Ask yourself what are the things I liked or liked to do before I became a mother? Everyone: Mmm! Bernie: Right? How can I reincorporate some of these things back into my life? Which we’re slowly doing because, you know, Jewell is over here chillin’ on the couch binging on Netflix! Which is awesome! And then we ask for help! Number 2: We ask for help. It takes a village! Jewell: Yes Bernie: It takes a village to raise a child… and a mom! Right? Everyone: Yes! Bernie: Moms can take this time to rediscover herself and her hobbies, which is… which is the truth. You know, I myself [am] slowly getting back to the creative portion of what I love to do. Why not? Even if it’s just a few… uh, you know, a few minutes out of the day just to, just to – something for me. Um, number 3: Compromise with your spouse about a weekly set “me” time. Mariel: Mmm. Emirick: That’s a good one, yes.Bernie: Like, I’m going to be a Target… between 4:30 and [laughs] Mariel: 4:30 to 8:00? [Laughs] Jewell: I’m getting my nails done, my hair done… Bernie: Right? Exactly! It’s on the calendar. It’s on the calendar. Number 4: Find ways to creatively continue to invest in yourself – which is so true. Number 5: Know that your identity is ever evolving. Jewell: Yes! Bernie: That ‘different’ doesn’t always mean ‘lost’. Priorities shift as you and your child grows. Which is so truuue! Right? Everyone: Yes. Yes. That’s a good one! Bernie: Yeees! And number 6: Identify how to incorporate what you value in the current season of your life. Number 7: Use boundaries to help you prioritize your wants and needs. Number el… 8: Practice self-compassion, and number 9: identify your strengths and what you do well. Mariel: Hmmm… Emirick: I like those!Jewell: I love these! Ni… this 9. Bernie: Yeah! But I’m going to pair her advice, you know, your advice… everybody’s take on this with acceptance and prayer because I prayed a lot when I felt like I was spiraling. Everyone: Yes. Mhm. Bernie: And God has shown me through different events and people in my life, you know, example? You guys! That I have been blessed with, like, the most important job, and that’s being a mom. And this is who I am now and forever. I can’t, I can’t waste my time asking myself, you know, where did “Bernie from the Block” go? Everyone: [Laughs] Emirick: She’s in there! She’s in there! [Laughs] Mariel: [Laughs] She’s lifted! She’s like, deep down, shoved… Emirick: She has evolved though! Mariel: Yes! She’s evolved! Emirick: She’s better now! Bernie: Yeah, like, you know, I’m Jojo’s mama, and I now give myself grace. Everyone: Yes. Bernie: And I love my leggings. And my hoodie! And as my journey as a wife and mother has given me new things. It’s given me new things to write about! Right? Everyone: Yes! True. Bernie: And I have embraced my new identity, and you know guys, I mean, I love it. It’s hard, it took some time to get here, but I’m comfortable where I am now. Yeah.Jewell: Girl! I know what you mean. You know, when I look in the mirror, I see pictures I’m like, wow, I really look like a mom now! Everyone: [Laughs] Jewell: And Harmony [would] be like, what do you mean? You are a mom? And I’m like, no, I really look like a mom now. So, even though… Here’s the thing mamas, even though we kind of miss our younger selves, like, this life isn’t so, it’s not so bad, it’s not a bad life either, you know? If you learn to embrace the life you have now? I truly believe that God gives us our children to remind us how much He loves us. And I want to repeat that, ok? God gives us our children to remind us how much He loves us. You know, as challenging as it is to parent, it is far more rewarding and fulfilling, you know, to have children, than the challenges. We have to remember that our children were given to us to raise them to serve God. And that is something we have to remind ourselves. So, I may not cut their nails regularly as I have shared with you mamas, you know? Emirick: Told you! Set a reminder on your phone! Everyone: [Laughs] Jewell: You know, I may not feed them the healthiest dishes… Mariel: We were told! [Laughs] Jewell: You know, I mean. [Laughs] Put a reminder on my phone [Laughs] And one day I’ll just see Hudson and be like, how come your nails look like that?! It’s like, I’m so sorry son! [Laughs] But mamas, let me tell you, I do know that or the most part, I try to teach them to be God-fearing. And this is where – hold on, I have to pause… because I start getting emotional – that our very purpose in life is to serve God. And I believe teaching our faith in God is one of the best parenting tools. I can’t emphasize that enough, you know? When our children have faith in God, it’s like the best thing ever! LIke, I’ll give you an example. Recently, my daughter gave me a gift for Mother’s Day. It was a book filled with positive affirmation and inspiration that she wrote, along with some pictures. And my favorite page that she wrote was, she goes, um… Mommy, whenever you’re feeling down, pray. We may not always be here, but God will always be there. Everyone: Awww… Jewell: And so it’s like, it’s like… Emirick: Jewell: God’s reminder. You know what I mean? How our children is His blessing, and how much He… He gives reminders to us through our children. And it’s like, when our children do these little things, you can tackle the next day over again with strength, you know what I mean?Bernie: Yes. Jewell: And so, it’s the best thing, you know, to be a mother, you know, all these blessings and fulfillment that we get… having our children. Emirick: It sounds like she pa… you passed your identity, you know, on to her. You know, like, because that’s always been your identity, right? And it’s always been our identity is that we are, you know, we have strong faith in God, and we want to do what God wants us to do all the time. And so like even though like other… these little insignificant pieces of our identity… identity gets lost… quote unquote lost, we always have that. And I love what you’ve shared because it just shows that, like, you’ve passed that identity, that strong part of your identity, to your children as well. And so, you know, we don’t need to be sad about who we were before we had kids. Bernie: Right! Mhm. Emirick: Because we can continue to evolve to become better, you know? I think that we all have to realize that it isn’t about trying to get your identity back. I mean, you can try, but I think you’d be missing out on a lot of growth if you’re trying to be the same person you were before kids. Everyone: Right. Emirick: Right? It’s about allowing yourself to evolve into a new and improved identity. I went through many phases and, like I shared with you guys, I did struggle in the beginning, when my kids were little. But at some point, I allowed myself to just, you know, just go through these phases, and these ever evolving identities. I was a stay at home mom, I used to plan PTA functions and play dates. I went and got my Masters Degree in Educational Leadership. Then I started writing plays for Children’s Christian Theatre at Church. I read a ton to improve myself, to make myself a better mom, and now, in this part of my journey, I get to hang out with you ladies on these podcasts! Jewell: Yes! Emirick: And um, you know, help other mamas! So, it’s been a beautiful journey, and I know that there’s more to come. So, motherhood may have prevented me from keeping my old identity, and I did mourn it for a little while. But when I decided to let go and just go with the flow, the journey has been just such a beautiful one. And I know I’m a much better person because of it. Mariel: Aw? Jewell: Emirick, I really love how you said that you… it’s like you’re transferring your identity through your children. It’s like you – it’s so true! Like, you’re… you’re, you’re, you’re legacy, how you were, you’re now seeing it through your children, and we don’t realize that that’s what we’re doing, so thanks for sharing that! Emirick: [Laughs] And, you know, hopefully they’re upgraded versions? You know? I don’t want my kids [inaudible] Everyone: [Laughs] Emirick: and stuff! But definitely the important parts, right? The important parts of who we are get transferred into these little beings… Emirick: … and then we get to see them grow. Jewell: Yes. Emirick: … and take another, like uh, take another spin on it! [Laughs] It’s beautiful. Bernie: Yeah. That. Girl. Yes. Girl. Yes. So, you know, for all our listeners out there, what are you struggling with? Remember, you’re going to be fine! And yes, mamas, we are tired! But we are also inspired by this motherhood stuff, and you know what? It’s absolutely… it’s OK if you miss your old self! It’s absolutely OK. And it’s OK if you want to have some “me” time, or try to get some parts of your identity back. But, you know, the one thing that, you know, we all have to remember, for…

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How Can Decluttering Reduce Stress? May 27, 2021

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After decluttering her entire home, Natasha learned she is living a more stress-free life filled with meaning and she’s encouraging others to do the same. Show/Hide Transcript Natasha: For as long as I can remember, I was spread pretty thin. I’m sure that’s like most moms, right? Right? That’s just mom life. Mariel Gutierrez: Right. Natasha: I’m like getting all emotional about it, but because I don’t have as much stuff cluttering my life, as much stuff to worry about, I can just focus my energies on things that really matter. Mariel Gutierrez: Parenting isn’t easy. It’s challenging and frustrating, but it’s also rewarding and inspiring. We just need a few reminders. Parents––dads, moms––you’re not alone. Let’s do this parenting thing together. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Jewell Buenavista: And I’m Jewell Buenavista. We are the tired, but inspired, moms and you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. Mariel: Now, have you ever heard that saying, “Your home is a reflection of your mind,”? Okay. Well, if this is true, my mind is––oh my gosh––Guitar Center meets Barnes and Noble, I guess. You know? So, my mind is cluttered with all the necessary things. Jewell: You know, my home is organized chaos and a lot of stuff, which is really a true reflection of my mind because there’s just a lot of things in my head and it’s chaotic but yet organized. You know? I know where things are at but if somebody was to look into my brain, they would be like, “Oh my goodness, it’s too chaotic but it’s organized somehow.” Mariel: Kind of like you’re in a circus tent. Right? Jewell: Yes! That’s a pretty good description, Mar! Mariel: I feel like I’m next door––at the circus tent next door to you. Alright well, you know, so like chaos, right? We talked about it––organized chaos. A chaotic home, though, can be pretty stressful. Can we actually be better wives and moms and humans by decluttering and trying to live a minimalist life? Interesting. Today, let’s explore. Let’s explore with Natasha. Our friend, Natasha Esguerra, a busy mom of two, who decided to take the big step of living a minimalist life and found herself enjoying life a little bit more. And she’s going to share her journey and life hacks with us. Hi, Natasha! Natasha Esguerra: Hi guys, thanks so much for having me on today. Mariel: Of course, thanks so much for joining us! So, let’s get right into it. So, like every busy mom, you were spreading yourself thin, right? Errands, work, chores, obligations…but please share with us the top three ways you feel your life or relationships have improved since you started to declutter your home. Natasha: So yeah, for as long as I can remember, I was spread pretty thin, like you said. I had a lot of stuff going on and I’m sure that’s like most moms, right? That’s just mom-life, right? #momlife. But after starting to embrace minimalism, I was able to look at––I felt as if my home suddenly became a place of rest. Instead of coming home after a stressful day to like, a totally cluttered house and thinking, “Oh man, now I’m home and there’s all this mess at home,” it became different. I would come home, the house was manageable and peaceful, and I felt great at the end of the day––like a place to recharge. I felt like it was a place to recharge instead of being a place for more stress. And then, on top of that, I also found more time for my family because with less things to do at home––less stuff surprisingly converted to less things that I had to do each day, so less things to keep up with each day. So, as a result, I ended up having more time for family. So like today, I did a full day of work but after we got home, we had a snack, cleaned up a little and then went to the playground. Mariel: Aww, I love that! Natasha: We’re trying to do that each day. Those are the things that we never had time for before. It’s like we’d get home and it was just like another job, trying to get everything cleaned up and take care of the kids and get them to bed. There was no time to be like, “Oh, let’s go play. Let’s go outside for a bit.” But now, that’s just part of our everyday life because we have more time for that. And then, in general, I just feel like since I have less things to worry about, or less things to maintain, I have more time to do things I actually love. So, I have a Youtube channel, I, of course, have my duties in Church––I’m a Choir Director and I oversee different congregational choirs throughout the area. So, having time to do those kinds of things and having time for my family, I feel like my cup is full. I don’t feel like I’m running on fumes. I don’t feel like there’s not enough time in the day. I used to always feel drained and torn down. I never had time for myself. But ever since I started becoming minimalist, I just feel like my life has transformed for the better. Mariel: I love that. Jewell: You know, Natasha, I follow you on social media. And because of you––okay, seriously––I started doing this 30-day challenge that you actually suggested to declutter my home and I think the strategy that you’ve put out there was very helpful because before, I would think, “I’m going to declutter the whole house,” and then I’m so tired and then it never gets done. But I love how you’re like, “You know what? Just clean the fridge,” or, “Start off with two kitchen cabinets.” And I’m telling you, since I started this––it’s been about two weeks now––each time I did something, it was very liberating. Something that I learned from one of the books that you recommended, [it said], “Don’t be a storage. Let the retail stores be the storage.” And that really–– Mariel: Ooh, I like that. Jewell: ––made so much sense and it feels really good. I know what you mean, I can physically feel not stressed going home. So yeah, your recommendations have been amazing. Natasha: I’m so glad to hear that and I think what stops us from decluttering in the first place is we think that we need to tackle the whole house. But how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, right? So, you just have to celebrate––well, if you were to eat an elephant! It’s just a saying that I pulled out of the air! But if you just tackle one spot at a time, you have those little victories, it gets a snowball rolling. I think, too, it’s great to start with places that are the most-lived in your house, right? Because when you come in––so, for my house, when I come into my kitchen, that’s the––when I come into my house, the first thing I see is my kitchen. And so, I need that to be in order. Not immaculate but I need it to be in order because that’s what I first see when I come in the house and I’m like, “Okay, now I feel like I want to cook in it because it’s in order,” as opposed to, “It’s a mess and I don’t feel like doing anything. Let’s get take-out.” You know? Mariel & Jewell: Right, right! Natasha: When you go in your house, what’s the first thing you see? Maybe that’s what you want to start with because that’s visually pleasing and going to make you happy the moment you enter your house. So, it’s great that you’re able to pinpoint. The challenge was [to] do one thing at a time. I’m glad to see that you feel better. It seems like a little but oh my gosh, it adds up––it’s compound, right? Jewell: Yes, no! It’s such a––because I tried to declutter before and I’d feel so exhausted and it’s like I feel like I need to set aside the whole day, you know? But this time, the way you taught in the 30-day challenge, it takes me an hour but that hour made such a huge difference. And one thing is I actually got my kids involved and so, it became like a bonding time as well. So, overall, I’ve been having a lot of fun doing it. I’ve been loving it so thank you for that. Natasha: No problemo! Mariel: So, I want to hear, Natasha, what are your favorite methods? Or what are three methods of how to just get rid of things? Because I don’t want to get overwhelmed. I heard Jewell, where it’s like when it’s bite-sized, it’s much easier to tackle. So, what do you think, Natasha? Natasha: Yeah, so like what I said, the bite-sized really helps. I would say start small. That’s a good way, to start with something you can accomplish, even in just a few minutes, and get those little victories. Even if it’s just a drawer, it’s great to be able to just declutter a drawer, and then the next time you open it, you’re smiling. Before, I used to always––when I would clean up an area, before I knew about minimalism and stuff––when I would clean up a random area, I would then afterwards, everytime I’d pass by, kind of smile at it and be like, “Yeah…” Mariel: You’re like, “I did that!” Natasha: Yeah and I’d be sad whenever it got messed up right away because I still had too much stuff. But if you actually know how to declutter and just get rid of the excess in even just little spots, that’s a great way to start. And then one way you can do that––one question you can ask yourself when you’re tackling a certain area is are there things in here that are damaged or broken? Those are easy victories, you know? Jewell: Expired!! Natasha: Or expired, in the case of food, right? Even make-up, things like that. If it has no real use anymore, just get it out. Don’t say, “Oh, I’m going to fix that later,” you said that ten years ago that you were going to fix that but you didn’t fix it. It’s still there! Mariel: That is some expired make-up! Natasha: Except for the expired make-up. But you know, if you rip something, you’re like, “Oh yeah, I’m going to sew that. This is still a good shirt, I’m just going to sew that.” But you didn’t do that, so you know––get rid of those things! You’re not going to do it if you haven’t done it yet. It’s okay, you know? It’s going to be okay. And then, another question I ask myself, especially for clothes––have I used this in the last year? Aside from winter clothes or something, other stuff, if you really haven’t used it, or even if it doesn’t fit right. Like, when you put it on and you’re not like, “Yeah, this is awesome!” or “I look amazing!” If you’re like, “Mmm…it’s just…you know…this is okay,” but it doesn’t really spark joy––like Marie Kondo says-–if it doesn’t really spark joy, why hold onto it? And then, I also think to myself––another thing that helps me to let go of stuff, especially if I haven’t used it, but sometimes things, they cost a lot of money, right? And you don’t want to let go of it because it cost a lot of money back in the day or whatever, or you just have this sentimental attachment to it, you could ask yourself, “Would someone else get more use out of this,” rather than it just sitting in the corner somewhere collecting dust, could someone else actually make use of it? And if the answer is yes, hopefully that would compel you more to basically give to others rather than to just not do anything for anyone. And so, based on those questions that I ask myself, I am then able to decide to toss it or donate it and then, I actually am left with things in my house that I love and nothing more. And I’m still striving to get to that point but at least in my most-lived areas, I feel like I’m at a good spot and that makes me very happy and that makes me willing to keep going, to have that momentum, and to strive even more to declutter and just really keep what really sparks joy. So, those are some things that I ask myself and some things that help me in terms of minimizing. Jewell: At the end of decluttering my home, Natasha, I’m hoping I could be a better wife, mom and Christian. I feel like it’s such a good way to count your blessings because you could focus on that more. How did decluttering help you become a better Christian? Natasha: I just––decluttering, I feel, helped me to become a better Christian because I feel like I just have more time, in general. I have more time, above all, to devote to my relationship with God. But in general, I feel like because I can move more slowly throughout my day––and by more slowly, I don’t mean like a turtle or something. I just mean I’m not rushing. I used to always feel like I was rushing. I feel like I’m more present, in the moment, I’m more deliberate, more intentional about my actions and I feel like it helps me to appreciate everything more––just like little things. Like, in the morning, when I’m getting my kids ready for school, sometimes, I’ll kind of just look at the side of their face. I love looking at their little noses and their little smiles. These are things that I would never slow down and notice as much before, right? So, us getting ready in the morning, we just have fun conversations, we’re joking around––I’m just in the moment and I just love that. And it makes me even more thankful to God for them, for the blessings, just having this time together with them. And it just makes––I don’t know, I’m all getting emotional about it but because I don’t have as much stuff cluttering my life, as much stuff to worry about, I can just focus my energy on the things that really matter. And I feel like relationships are such a big part of life and sometimes, they get neglected because of the things, right? But there a––The Minimalist, they have a podcast and one of the things that they always say is, “Love people, use things.” So, rather than using people and loving things, you know? It’s better to just appreciate people and treat them right and not worry so much about material things, in a sense. So, I feel like being able to notice that and just appreciate that even more, it’s really a blessing. It’s really a blessing that comes from God. And I have more energy, as a result, to devote to the things that I do for Him and in my services to God. I feel like our relationship is much better because I’m not just rushing through everything. I’m not just trying to survive. And then, I’m more thankful for everything that I already have. I don’t feel like I need anything more. I used to always personally love going onto Amazon, walking into Target. I used to love all of those things––not love but you know, I used to feel like I needed the next best thing and worry more that those things would make me happy. Whereas really, what makes me happy is what I already have––God’s love, the love of my family, the relationships with my friends––and those are the things I should be paying more attention to and striving more to develop and enrich, rather than just worrying about things, right? So, yeah. Jewell: Ahhh, I love it. I love how you said you’re slowing down because you know, a lot of times, especially moms, we’re always on the go. We’re always rushing, we’re––and the things around you, it takes up space in your mind. All of this stuff, “What am I going to do with this stuff?” Even just looking for socks, it’s like it’s stressful because the pairs are not there or there’s too many and it’s––but I love how you said you’re slower in a sense that you are pausing to actually be in the moment and being more intentional. I feel like decluttering––I feel like after this, I’m going to declutter more. I love it. I’m so inspired, Natasha. And I hope––so, thank you so much for being with us today. Hopefully, some of our listeners can learn a few things from this discussion because I know I definitely have and I’m looking forward to not just decluttering our house but to declutter my mind, and really slow down, and be more intentional, and be deliberate, you know? And really focus on the blessings and the relationships that matter most. Thank you so much for being with us today, Natasha! Natasha: Thank you so much for having me. It was a pleasure! Mariel: Thanks for listening to this episode of Faith and Family. If you enjoy listening to us talk, laugh, cry and build each other up, you can download more on Google podcast, iHeartRadio and Apple podcast under Faith and Family. Please leave us a review or just say hi! Take care and stay sa…

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