Enneagram and Marriage

Latest Episodes:

When Desire Meets Resistance in Your Marriage Nov 11, 2026

Show notes

What happens when one partner reaches for closeness and the other pulls away? In this episode, Christa explores why resistance in marriage is so often protection rather than rejection, and why the partner who desires more needs to walk through a healthy process to take care of self, to address whether the resistance is real and full, partial, or just a different expression or another side of the same desire they have. Drawing on the dual control model of desire, Gottman’s research on the pursuer and distancer offers you a gentler way to share desire with a wise and full heart!

Order the book, The The Three Desires, here!⁠⁠ https://a.co/d/02eHewf5

Send us a copy or screenshot of your receipt to melody@enneagramandmarriage.com to get your FREE Three Desires Calendar as an earlybird bonus or ⁠⁠⁠fill out the pre-order bonus form here!⁠⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-three-desires

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx⁠⁠

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Choosing Us: Stories and Strategies to Strengthen Your Marriage w/Jonathan Van Viegen, MFT Nov 09, 2026

Show notes

In this vulnerable but practical episode with a highly successful solution-focused couples therapist, Jonathan Van Viegen, MA, LMFT, also featured in Nov 2026 Psychology Today cover story, we walk through baseline steps for building shared trust again or for the very first time in your marriage. Jonathan shared what men and women need in most cases in marriages, while also sharing how he had an extremely tumultuous childhood in contrast to his wife's more stable attachment, as well as how this work led him to find the field of couples' therapy. Most of all, if you deal with any anxious or avoidant attachment in the relationship, this conversation offers you tips and groundwork for working on this most important relationship together! Watch on YouTube!

https://jonathanvanviegen.com/book/ or on Amazon here! https://a.co/d/0cfNg6SF

Jonathan's got so many tips for you on Instagram right here, too! https://www.instagram.com/jonathanvanviegen/?hl=en

Order the book, The The Three Desires, here!⁠ https://a.co/d/02eHewf5

Send us a copy or screenshot of your receipt to melody@enneagramandmarriage.com to get your FREE Three Desires Calendar as an earlybird bonus or ⁠⁠fill out the pre-order bonus form here!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-three-desires

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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When Desire Meets Disappointment in Your Marriage Nov 04, 2026

Show notes

Every couple knows the moment when what they hoped for and what they got don’t match. In this episode, Christa explores what happens when desire meets disappointment, why disappointment isn’t proof that we wanted too much, and the two common ways couples react: protesting louder or going inward and pretending to want less. We also look at how each of the three desires, self-preservation, spark, and social, shapes where we feel let down, and we offer a simple practice for naming the longing underneath so your spouse has something to move toward instead of something to defend against. Don't miss it! 🥳🥳🥳🥳 Pre-order The Three Desires now to receive the bonus calendar, and join the launch team for extra goodies at www.thethreedesires.com. Listen now! Watch on YouTube!

Order the book, The The Three Desires, here! https://a.co/d/02eHewf5

Send us a copy or screenshot of your receipt to melody@enneagramandmarriage.com to get your FREE Three Desires Calendar as an earlybird bonus or ⁠fill out the pre-order bonus form here!⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-three-desires

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Why Your Marriage Needs All Three Desires (and How We’re Walking Through Them with Intention) w/Melody Hardin, 9 Nov 02, 2026

Show notes

Christa and Melody kick off something big: a new and special bonus item that will help you walk through the intricacies and nuances of The Three Desires as soon as you like! We also cover some fun facts about the instincts or desires, like answering important questions: How there can be 45 zones when there are only three desires, and talking about how couples often have blind spots because they don't realize all the zones in each of the desires are part of a healthy and thriving marriage!

To get your fabulous pre-order bonus, The Three Desires Calendar, don't wait till it's on sale, it's now FREE. The Three Desires calendar makes a great two-in-one double holiday gift: wrap the calendar now for Christmas, and the book, The Three Desires, ships February 2, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Order the book, The The Three Desires, here! https://a.co/d/02eHewf5

Send us a copy or screenshot of your receipt to melody@enneagramandmarriage.com to get your FREE Three Desires Calendar as an earlybird bonus or fill out the pre-order bonus form here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-three-desires

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Spiritual Intimacy for Real Couples Oct 28, 2026

Show notes

Spiritual connection is one of the most longed-for and least talked-about parts of marriage, and for many couples it can feel surprisingly awkward. In this episode, Christa shares candidly about how deep spiritual intimacy can be uncomfortable, why it still matters so much, and how the roles have shifted in her own marriage and family across seasons. With Halloween approaching and a focus on bringing light into darkness, this conversation offers practical, gentle ways to more naturally connect spiritually and/or authentically pray together without overwhelming each other, as well as how to resist the pull toward spiritual manipulation, and why lament belongs in a couple’s prayer life too. Watch on YouTube!⁠

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Spooky Season Special: Typing Sense and Sensibility Oct 28, 2026

Show notes

In this bonus Spooky Season Special, Christa sets aside the scary movies and turns to a classic that brings warmth to a dark time of year, typing some of her absolute favorite characters in the Austen Sense and Sensibility. From Marianne’s romantic intensity and Elinor’s restraint to Willoughby’s image-driven facade, Mrs. Jennings’s lively generosity, and Colonel Brandon's quiet depths, we'll have fun walking through typing fun. Along the way, we explore what these characters reveal about attraction, maturity, and the difference between a love that dazzles and a love that is real and deep. Watch on YouTube!⁠⁠

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Praying Through This Present Darkness Oct 26, 2026

Show notes

This week, Christa sits down with bestselling author Frank Peretti for a rich conversation about faith, marriage, and prayer. As his classic novel This Present Darkness celebrates its 40th anniversary, Frank shares why he wrote it: we so often forget the spiritual battles happening beneath the surface of our lives and our homes. Paired with the recent conversation about how our brains are wired toward negativity and need renewing, this episode is a powerful reminder that prayer is one of the strongest ways to protect and strengthen your marriage. Grab the 40th anniversary edition of This Present Darkness today, and let it remind you to pray for your marriage with fresh eyes. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Get a copy of Frank's 40th anniversary book hardcopy here! https://a.co/d/04sRRO6y

Get it on Kindle here! https://a.co/d/0840ISoB

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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An E + M Mini: The Three Instincts and Your Faith Oct 21, 2026

Show notes

In this mini episode, Christa walks through the three instincts as three distinct invitations into a more vibrant, grounded faith. The self-preservation instinct calls us to truly rest in Christ, to replenish and receive rather than strive. The sexual instinct, our spark of creative aliveness, invites us to activate our faith and let it make life feel vivid and awake again. The social instinct draws us toward helping and serving others, reminding us there are many ways to give and belong. Each instinct challenges us differently as we reach beyond ourselves, while also giving us permission to rest, connect, and be renewed. This conversation will help you notice where you may need to shift so you can live from your healthiest place. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Get your free ticket to the Spiritual Formation Summit here! ⁠

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Burnout in Ministry Marriages and the Way Back w/Monika Kirkland (Type 1/4) Oct 19, 2026

Show notes

This week, Christa welcomes Monika Kirkland (Type 1/4)m a Christian writer, host of the Inner Revival podcast, and a wife and mom of four. She and her husband, a worship pastor and her high school sweetheart, have served in ministry together for over a decade, her new book, Ever With You: Becoming Fully Awake to the God Who Is Near, was born out of a season when she was running on caffeine and cortisol until anxiety-induced vertigo stopped her in her tracks.

Christa and Monika talk about what burnout does to a marriage when both partners are pouring out and neither is being filled, and how Monika found the rest she was desperate for - in intimacy with God. They also explore why stillness can feel so uncomfortable when the first voice we hear is the inner critic, and how each Enneagram type tends to look for rest in its own familiar substitutes.

If you’re feeling depleted in your marriage, your ministry, or your walk with God, this episode is a gentle invitation back. Listen here! https://youtu.be/mNBach9QOQshttps://youtu.be/mNBach9QOQs!

Connect with Monika at monikakirkland.com and on Instagram @monikakirkland, and find her book, Ever With You, wherever books are sold or here! https://a.co/d/0ewfpScw

Get your free ticket to the Spiritual Formation Summit here!

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Take the E + M Quiz at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Breath Prayers for Every Enneagram Type Oct 14, 2026

Show notes

Each of us struggles with various deep concerns, and in today’s mini episode, Christa walks us type by type through various breath prayers, one for each type. Take some time to pause, breathe, and join us in a collective prayer time as we place a hand on our hearts, release stress, and embrace the light and love of God. Calling on Matthew 11:28, we are all reminded that rest and refreshment, and being carried, not just carrying, is part of the blessed journey. Watch on YouTube!

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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