Enneagram and Marriage

Latest Episodes:

NEW Sept Series: The Shadow Side of Selflessness Sep 02, 2026

Show notes

Serving is beautiful, but there's a shadow side to it, the point where selflessness turns into self-erasure and a person, more often a woman, slowly disappears inside their own marriage or role. In this episode, Christa gently names coercive control, the slow stripping away of a person's freedom, voice, and even their grip on reality, and how it can hide behind spiritual words and show up alongside narcissism. She reframes boundaries as part of how love stays healthy and safe, sometimes even lifesaving. If this names something you're living, you don't have to carry it alone. Christa shares real support, including the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You were never meant to disappear. You were meant to be seen, safe, and whole. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

⁠Get inside the FREE Wholehearted Summit for Weary Women Sept 9-11 here!⁠ http://www.simplywholehearted.com/a/2148302131/MhoTboBT

Find Amy here at her website! www.simplywholehearted.com

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Subscriber Series (FREE): The Two Shadows in Every Type: Overly Controlling and Complying Sep 02, 2026

Show notes

Here in this (free) subscriber series episode, Christa goes deeper into how self-erasure takes root for each of the nine types in this subscriber episode released for our entire audience. For a lot of women, it started early, praised for being easy, agreeable, and self-sacrificing, until saying no felt impossible. That's not always humility. Sometimes it's a wound wearing the costume of virtue. She looks at how coercive control and narcissism find and exploit that shadow, and how faith language gets twisted to keep a person silent. Then she turns toward healing, telling yourself the truth, finding a safe voice, and slowly rebuilding a self that's allowed to want, feel, need, and say no. Listen here!

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When You're Too Weary for the Work, with Amy Wicks, 7 Aug 31, 2026

Show notes

So many this 2026 are bone-tired, pouring themselves out for everyone around them until there is nothing left, and then feeling guilty for having no energy left for the inner work they know matters, especially if they're going to have anything to bring to their spouse or familiy. In this warm and honest conversation, Christa welcomes Amy Wicks to talk about the conference she has created just for the weary, happening September 9 through 11. Together they explore why so many people are running on empty, how our own weariness and unhealed places show up in our marriages without our realizing it, and what it looks like to be restored when we are too tired to even begin. Amy shares about the remarkable voices gathering to teach, including Chuck DeGroat and Aundi Kolber, and Christa, who will be speaking on the marriage piece, talks about why our relationships need us to come full rather than empty. For the one who is too weary for the work, this is a gentle invitation to be filled first. Come join the convo + conference!!⁠ Watch on YouTube!

Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

Get inside the FREE Wholehearted Summit for Weary Women Sept 9-11 here! http://www.simplywholehearted.com/a/2148302131/MhoTboBT

Find Amy here at her website! www.simplywholehearted.com

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The Gift Your Marriage Never Knew It Needed: A Full You Aug 26, 2026

Show notes

As we have named what our spouses cannot carry for us, now we turn the corner to the best gift your marriage never knew it needed, and it is not a date night or a new technique, it is a full you. If your spouse cannot give you your worth, your aliveness, or your sense of purpose, then where do these things actually come from? Christa explores the needs that do not disappear when we stop asking our spouse to be our everything, and the things only we can tend for ourselves with the SPARKS analogy she uses, to help you find your way back to your own joy, your own worth, your own inner growth, and your own relationship with God, where we are fully seen even when the people around us are depleted. Far from being one more burden, she shows why this is a gift: when you come to your marriage full rather than empty, you free your spouse from a job they were always going to fail at, and you free yourself from the ache of waiting. With practical ways to begin tending your own soul this week, this is a freeing turn toward wholeness! ⁠Watch on YouTube!

We also share about the Enneagram and Marriage coaching certification, starting 9/15 where Christa trains others to help couples reclaim what is theirs to tend.

⁠Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

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When Parenting Takes Everything, with Abbey Howe, 3 Aug 24, 2026

Show notes

When the kids need everything, there is often very little left over for the marriage, and yet if our family is going to make it, fighting for it is your work to do. To this end, Christa welcomes Abbey Howe, theater graduate, beloved Enneagram voice, and the mind behind memes that have made so many of us laugh and feel seen on IG and YouTube, for a real talk about marriage in the thick of the parenting years. Abbey is living this season herself, adjusting to the genuine demands of raising a little one, and she brings both honesty and hope to this convo in her 3-4 pairing. The research is clear that marital satisfaction often dips when children are young, with less time, less sleep, and less connection to go around, and yet the couples who stay intentional come through these years with a bond that grows deeper, not weaker. Together, Christa and Abbey talk about what a spouse can and cannot carry in this season, why a parent has to tend our own self-care rather than wait for the marriage to refill us completely, and how learning to play again, to laugh and lighten up, can bring life back to both a weary parent and a tired marriage. If you are deep in the parenting years or want to remember how to bless someone in this season as you offer wisdom, this one will meet you right where you are! Watch on YouTube, too!

Abbey's Team Workshops and Websites ! https://abbeyhowe.com/

Abbey's book is here! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1632175681?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback

Follow Abbey Howe's wildly popular YouTube here! https://www.youtube.com/abbeyhowe

Find Abbey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/?hl=en

⁠Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

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What Your Spouse Can and Can't Hold (Mind the Gap!) Aug 19, 2026

Show notes

As we're talking about all month, every marriage has gaps and seasons where connection runs thin or a need goes unspoken for too long. As you're learning to healthily differentiate, don't move so far away that you lose sight of the connections you DO need to have. Find where your healthy and unhealthy gaps are right here and make the healthiest move for you and your family as we learn together in this mid-week mini! ⁠Watch on YouTube!⁠ Watch on YouTube!

Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

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Grief, Remarriage, and the Love That Lasts, with Clarissa Moll, 6 Aug 17, 2026

Show notes

⁠⁠⁠This is a special and tender episode to close our month on what our spouses can and cannot carry for us, because some things, like grief, are simply too heavy for any one person to hold alone. Christa welcomes the award-winning writer and podcaster Clarissa Moll, who produces and moderates Christianity Today's flagship news podcast, The Bulletin, and who has become one of the most trusted voices on grief and hope. In 2019, Clarissa's husband Rob (type 9) died suddenly in a hiking accident at Mt. Rainier, leaving her to raise their four children as a widow, and out of that valley came her best-selling book, Beyond the Darkness: A Gentle Guide for Living with Grief and Thriving After Loss. Now a remarried widow (6-2 pairing) building a joyful blended family, Clarissa shares what it means to move through grief rather than around it, how a new marriage holds the memory of a former love, why no single person can be the whole of our healing, and where hope must take hold again after loss. No matter your loss, this conversation will meet you right where you are. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Clarissa Moll is an award-winning writer and podcaster who helps bereaved people find flourishing after loss. Her writing (https://www.clarissamoll.com/writing) appears in Christianity Today, The Gospel Coalition, RELEVANT, Modern Loss, Grief Digest and more. She cohosted Christianity Today’s [“Surprised by Grief”](https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/podcasts/surprised-by-grief/) podcast and is a frequent guest(https://www.clarissamoll.com/speaking) at events, on podcasts, and radio shows.

She also hangs out behind the microphone as the producer and moderator of Christianity Today’s flagship news podcast, “The Bulletin.“(https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/podcasts/bulletin/)

Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here⁠!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!

Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here!

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Your Virtue, Your Vice, and Awakening to Your True Purposes Aug 12, 2026

Show notes

So much of what we hand our spouse to fix is really our own inner work in disguise. In this episode, Christa turns to two of the most useful words the Enneagram gives us: your vice and your virtue. Your vice is the emotional pattern that runs the show under stress, the overused survival strategy of your type, and your virtue is the higher quality that naturally emerges as you heal and grow.

We'll walk together through all nine types, and show you that the journey from vice to virtue is intentional and costly, but truly worthy too as your purposes become clearer each day.

When we instead ask our spouse to soothe all of our aches instead of doing our own work, we exhaust them and stay stuck, but when we own it, we free them and we grow. With honest, practical steps for naming your vice, catching it in the small daily moments, and taking one step toward your virtue, this is a freeing reminder that the most loving thing you can do for your marriage is often to go do your own inner work!

Plus a look at the coaching certification where Christa trains others to walk couples through exactly this. Listen here! ⁠Watch on YouTube!

⁠⁠Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass Use the code COACH for $250 off - or - use a payment plan!!Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Take the E + M Quiz at www.QuizforCouples.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx

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The Blind Spots Between Us, with Beatrice Chestnut, 2 Aug 10, 2026

Show notes

Christa welcomes the beloved Beatrice Chestnut, one of the most respected voices in the Enneagram world, for a rich conversation on the three centers of intelligence, the body, the heart, and the head, and how each one shapes the way we love, fight, and connect in relationships.

So much of what we wrongly ask our spouse to carry comes from the parts of ourselves we have not yet done our own work on, and Bea's teaching gives us a map for exactly that work. Together they explore how most of us lead from one center while neglecting the others, often without realizing it, and the blind spots that creates between two people trying to love each other well. They look at how a body-led, a heart-led, and a head-led partner can so easily misread one another, why meeting your spouse in their center rather than expecting them to move to yours is essential, and how the passions beneath our types quietly drive the same fights on repeat.

This pivotal conversation offers a way to see yourself and your spouse with more compassion, and to stop handing your partner what was always yours to tend. This is a meaningful part of this month's series on what our spouses were never meant to hold. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Get inside the Enneagram and Marriage Coaching and Masterclass classroom here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/the-e-m-coaching-masterclass

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Where Our Deeper Needs Really Belong with Coach Linda Hannigan, 3 Aug 05, 2026

Show notes

This week Christa welcomes Linda Hannigan, 3 (3-1 pairing), an Enneagram and Marriage certified coach, gifted orator, and truth teller whose candor and artistry make her a joy to learn from. Together they continue the August question of what our spouses can and cannot carry for us, and where our deeper needs actually belong. Linda brings her signature honesty, willing to talk openly about the strengths and the tender places in her own marriage, even as she helps us tend our spiritual lives along the way. They explore how we so often hand our spouse longings that were never theirs to hold, why bringing those deeper needs to God and to a wider community brings such freedom, and how truth telling, done with grace, actually draws a couple closer rather than driving them apart. It is a rich, warm, and honest conversation. Listen here! Watch on YouTube!

Find Linda's coaching website: https://www.9lumens.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/9lumens/

Watch Linda's Galatians sermon: https://youtu.be/j6B9vsq5f7I?si=jIGcPIfnZd9meoCL

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