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    Health

    Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives

    Aidan Donnelley Rowley and Jolene Park talk about their decisions to make an Early Exit from the drinking life, the gray area of drinking and the ongoing edits they make to their lives.

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    Latest Episodes:
    Episode 29 - Reality Check Jun 26, 2018
    Show notes

    While every aspect of our lives can improve sans alcohol, the reality is there are still aspects of our lives that can still be difficult after we stop drinking.

    Both Aidan and Jolene have found that finding their flow, purpose, and focus helps them deal with reality.

    Giving up drinking does not solve all our problems but it allows us to clear the decks and look at what we need to focus on. Removing alcohol is not a protection or guarantee against hard, painful emotions or events. But giving up alcohol does allow us to recalibrate and pull in the resources that we need the most.

    Aidan has observed that the farther she gets from alcohol the quieter things get. Things don't feel as dramatic. Things get more stable and predictable. Not drinking has become a more measured, stable way of being.

    Jolene recommends looking into resources like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help deal with the physiological underpinnings of why we drank. The reality is we're dealing with physical, emotional and energetic patterns and the animal brain that often needs re-wiring, re-patterning and replenishing after we stop drinking.

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership
    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 28 - Reaching Out Jun 25, 2018
    Show notes

    Jolene and Aidan talk about reaching out to a therapist, people in our lives who are supportive and we know are like-minded or communities online or in person. Opening up to people in our life versus trying to figure out this drinking question on our own. But sometimes it's actually hard to reach out. They also discuss how and when to reach out to others who we are concerned about.

    Jolene mentions her Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers that she just launched to offer the "what's next" content and community after we stop drinking. Join and learn more here.

    Jolene also shares her steps: 1. Reach out, 2. Stay, and 3. Engage. Even if we feel okay and think we're 'fine', staying and engaging are important pieces to reaching out. We're putting in the engagement deposit in our energy bank account. Continue to reach out. The reality is we're more alone than ever, yet we're wired for connection. We are social beings wanting and needing to connect.

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership
    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 27 - Hard Moments Jun 24, 2018
    Show notes

    Jolene and Aidan share experiences they recently had with alcohol being front and center in their life. Even though they no longer drink they still encounter hard moments. These moments can be confusing, baffling and hard, no matter how good, strong and committed we feel. When drinking was part of our identity there will be moments where we're reminded of who we used to be when we were around alcohol.

    They talk about what alcohol represented to them plus the effect that alcohol created and other ways and options to have that same effect and feeling now. Aidan recommends noticing and naming that it's a hard moment and then actually experiencing the moment and to get to the other side. The practice of being uncomfortable is what takes the intensity away. Looking beyond the appearances and appreciating the complexity that there are deeper stories behind the drinking pictures that seem so romantic and perfect.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership
    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 26 - #Dry Life + Social Media Apr 04, 2018
    Show notes

    Jolene and Aidan talk about how social media and Instagram initially brought them together to start this podcast. They discuss how online platforms have played a role in changing how we think about drinking.

    It has become easy to quickly form online alcohol-free communities and the alcohol conversation is shifting because of podcasts, blogs, Instagram, and FaceBook groups. There is a sense of accessibility that is powerful and good.

    People can dabble and be "sober curious" at a distance. They can listen and participate at their own comfort level. The community of people becoming interested in this alcohol-free lifestyle is growing. But then there is a flip side to social media as well. Are we hiding behind our computer screens? Face-to-face interaction is an important ingredient as well.

    She Recovers provides a great in person conference once a year. But do we need more on-going in-person alcohol-free conversations in our local communities? There can be a powerful connection, story, and vulnerability within social media, but we also filter aspects of our lives on social media too.

    Jolene and Aidan end by sharing some of their favorite Instagram handles - TheSoberGlow, Tammi Salas, Cleo Wade, Wild Soul Healing, Tell Better Stories 2018, and The_Numinous who also hosts the in-person NYC Club Soda events.

    In the end, look at the balance between your in-person and online communities. Follow and unfollow in whatever way feels good to you.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 25 - Other People's Opinions Apr 03, 2018
    Show notes

    What do others say when they are drinking or not drinking around us?

    How did Jolene and Aidan navigate other people's opinions early on? People will certainly have conversations and opinions, but the fear of what others will think and say is often worse than what's actually said.

    Some people can be threatened or feel strongly that drinking is a part of life that shouldn't be missed. Taking alcohol out can feel punitive, perfectionistic and unnecessary for many people.

    However, the stronger you get in your own stance and the decision to not drink the easier this all becomes. If you feel confident and carry that energy into your interactions and social life, Jolene has found her friends have stayed her friends regardless of whether she drinks or not. Some people have even pulled her aside and said they're thinking about cutting back or taking a break from drinking themselves.

    Arm yourself with an explanation of why you're not drinking. It can be quick and simple. Also, ask yourself how much you're seeking and needing permission from others to do or not do something? Some people will prefer for you to keep drinking, and there can be mild to moderate pushback, but opinions are just opinions. Let people reveal themselves, they might surprise you with their support.

    The judgment goes both ways, we can also judge those who drink too much as well. Self-awareness and critical thinking is the key. Is there something sideways or off with a relationship in the first place to elicit comments or could the person who is judging be drinking too much themselves?

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 24 - The Moderation Question Apr 02, 2018
    Show notes

    Is it possible to moderate? What do Aidan and Jolene think about moderation?

    Aidan says she could moderate but felt miserable. It wasn't pleasant to think about and plan for all the time. It takes the joy out of her day. However, moderation helped bring both Jolene and Aidan to their resolute decision to stop drinking for good.

    Jolene found once she drank the first glass of wine the neurochemical activation had begun and it was very difficult to moderate and say no to more glasses of wine.

    If you're thinking about moderating you've probably passed the point of being able to moderate. Your energy might be better spent in simply stopping altogether. However, limiting and cutting back on alcohol is a great first step. Questioning why you want to be able to keep drinking is helpful too.

    The question becomes not can you moderate, but do you want to moderate? It's a choice. Ultimately for both Jolene and Aidan, dealing with the hard stuff in life is better than the merry-go-round of back and forth drinking. Quitting drinking doesn't guarantee or protect us against things. There's nothing wrong with moderating and it's often a path to stopping. Willpower is exhaustible. Critical thinking your way through this question is helpful even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 23 - Memes + Marketing Apr 01, 2018
    Show notes

    Jolene and Aidan discuss the troubling marketing of alcohol memes toward women and moms. The promotion of excess as a way to escape and cope is what's being promoted. These memes send the message that drinking is the way to make life better. As many are quietly trying to feel okay and justify their own drinking it's easy to thoughtlessly share these memes.

    Aidan voices her concern for people who are currently struggling with alcohol and how this marketing shows up in their lives especially when it's brought into the wellness world.

    What is the message we're sending? How can we question without coming across as angry? Wine has become a big part of the female culture and the feminist message of independence. Women are being sold the message that booze is a way to take the edge off but we're really just diluting our power. Habitual alcohol consumption is stripping us of our strength -- energetically and emotionally.

    Tell Better Stories 2018 on Instagram is calling this out.

    Jolene and Aidan also share ways we can all be more mindful and pay attention by refusing to share alcohol memes, comment diplomatically, and speak to business owners who sell or share these memes. It's time to think critically and outside the box about alcohol marketing.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 22 - Finding Your People Jan 07, 2018
    Show notes

    Aidan and Jolene discuss how they found alcohol-free like-minded people through blogging, Instagram, FaceBook groups, and when social media connections can turn into friendships in real life.

    Jolene mentions how This Naked Mind and The HOME podcast weren't available when she stopped drinking so the online world is quickly and rapidly changing.

    They mention in-person groups like AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery, Women and Sobriety, Life Ring and the importance of being with people face-to-face which helps calm and regulate the nervous system. Aidan is part of a sober bookclub that was started by Mia Glow who is SoberGlow on Instagram. Begin to research and explore what local groups are in your area and available for you to tap into.

    While some friendships dropped away, they both added many new people to their life as well. Being public can expedite finding your people. Aidan recommends paying attention to people's energy and how it impacts you. If there are people who criticize and make you feel less than, they are not your people.

    The flip side of how you find your people is how you let go of people. It can be hard and difficult at times to step away from certain individuals and groups but take the time to find communities that resonate with you because we all need human connection and support.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 21 - Public or Private? Jan 06, 2018
    Show notes

    Aidan was public with her decision to not drink in 2012 with her Year Without Wine blog posts, but Jolene stayed quieter and more private in the early months of quitting drinking for good. Jolene shares how she wrote a blog post when she was 60-days alcohol-free but she didn't publish it. Through the evolution of not drinking though, they both developed and claimed more of their voice, which Jolene demonstrated in her recent TEDx talk.

    It's a very personal decision that depends on many factors, but if you feel called to speak out, Aidan recommends speaking publicly because the connection to others that it brings can be profound. Waiting for others to give us permission to go alcohol-free will never happen, so there is a leap we must take. As time goes on family and friends do tend to step up and are supportive of our decision.

    Ask yourself what is your purpose in being public? For Aidan, she believes it's a conversation that needs to happen. For Jolene, she feels there is a missing piece regarding the physiological neurotransmitter, and brain chemistry side of things. She is also passionate about shaking out-dated paradigms and breaking stigmas surrounding alcohol.

    If you're private about giving up drinking the decision still benefits and is reflected in all areas of your life. Find what serves you - being public or staying more private - the benefits need to be for you, not someone else.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

    Episode 20 - New Year, New You? Jan 05, 2018
    Show notes

    Do you make New Year's Resolutions? What happens when, if you fall off course or routine? In this episode, Jolene and Aidan discuss The Four Tendencies (the upholder, the obliger, the questioner, and the rebel) by Gretchen Rubin.

    They also discuss how personal values, intentions, and clarifying your 'why' plays a role in making decisions and choosing things like your word for the year. When we understand our patterns, approach, personality, and biochemistry we can make empowered edits within our own lives.

    Is Dry January good or is it just a way to just beat ourselves up for indulgences through a 'cleanse'? Could a 30-day cleanse be a way to make us feel like we always need "to fix ourselves." Jolene believes a true cleanse needs to be medically supervised and we need to be careful that we're not starting from a place of thinking we are deficient or defective. Both Aidan and Jolene agree that when we think of making a change as a way to improve and add/enhance something it tends to stick and last longer. They end this episode with how they plan to celebrate New Year's Eve and what their core values, over-arching intentions are for 2018.

    SUBSCRIBE

    Subscribe to 'Edit Podcast: Editing Our Drinking and Our Lives' on iTunes, SoundCloud, or stream on Stitcher, Google Play. Please consider rating us on iTunes. It will help others find our podcast!

    CONNECT WITH JOLENE:

    • Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/
    • Jolene on Instagram - www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/
    • Email: jolene@healthydiscoveries.com

    CONNECT WITH AIDAN:

    • The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/
    • Aidan on Instagram- www.instagram.com/drybeclub/
    • Email: aidandonnelleyrowley@gmail.com

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