Each week on Defining Marriage, hosts Matt Baume and James Morris chat about what’s happening with marriage equality, featuring frequent digressions into pop culture, silly banter, and the jokes and quibbles that have kept them together as a couple for over a decade. The first eighteen episodes of the podcast contain the complete audiobook version of the book Defining Marriage, which traces the decades-long evolution of marriage through the personal stories of those who lived through it, featuring personal insights from the lives of Evan Wolfson, Dan Savage, Ken Mehlman, Dustin Lance Black, and many more.
It's a Christmas miracle! Defining Marriage is back, baby. And also finished. But James and Matthew aren't leaving you -- this is the start of something new and exciting and hopefully far less inappropriate. Join us for one last bumble, a round of what's-her-name, and a tease for where you can find us in the new year on our new upcoming podcast, Cozy Pants.
Do You Want to See My Foot
Apr 02, 2018
Oh my stars and garters, we're back -- improbably enough, by popular demand. After a bit of a hiatus for creative re-tooling, Defining Marriage has been resurrected so you may once again revel in topics such as Jeff Goldblum's feet, a robotic Carol Channing, and a torrid giraffe love triangle. Oh and also some marriage news too.
Practice Man Full of Meat
Dec 18, 2017
On this week's episode of the Defining Marriage podcast, we dissect the new Star War, and get blown to Bermuda for some worrisome news about marriage going away. Roy Moore refused to go away, and same-sex couples are happier than heterosexuals -- surprise! All that, plus it becomes clear to James that the furpublic no longer functions.
I Endorse Doug Funny
Nov 20, 2017
We're back for more nonsense! This week we're urging you to check out our Dungeons and Drag Queens show at DungeonDrag.com, and also celebrating the misery of Australian homophobes, hooray. James is in Twitch jail for a day, and the Cheeseman can finally wed. All that plus some misinformation about Ren and Stimpy! How timely.
The Greatest Adventure
Oct 31, 2017
We're back with a rollicking romp of forgotten names and irritating officials! I can't remember the name of another celebrity, and even when I remember I still forget. Vatican officials have some thoughts about Roy Moore, and someone just donated a wig to Alabama. Don't every try to use it at the same time. Also, watch us get even sillier on a livestream on November 4! Details at http://bit.ly/extralifeseattle
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Floor Whisperer
Oct 02, 2017
This week, we celebrate the arrival of Halloween with inappropriate sound effects and the strange story of where pumpkin goo actually comes from. There's some rotten news from Alabama, where Roy Moore is preparing to make Congress even crazier -- did you know he is the world's worst poet? And also some good news from Germany, land of the free.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Don't Deny Your Chum a Bum
Sep 18, 2017
On this week's podcast, James and I argue about ownership of a joke that wasn't even funny, sigh about the ridiculous marriage ads in Australia claiming that gay marriage will abolish Christmas, and sing some folk music. We also dive into Scrumpty Western music and plump up some donut holes.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Steel Beefalo of the Nightmare World
Sep 04, 2017
We're back, baby, with a brand new Defining Marriage and some fresh nonsense from James. Australia is launching into the plebiscite, kind of, and it's triggered some truly terrible TV ads. The Drag Queens have journeyed into a Dungeon, Malta gets gay marriage this week, and Bermuda is being menaced by a man named Wayne Furbert.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Aftertaste of Tomorrow
Aug 17, 2017
A chilly hello from Reykjavik, city of the future! I'm recording from a drizzly city square this week, preparing to reunite with James at the end of my long strange journey through deepest Europe. We have some news about Baldur's Gate and a bald man's pate, as well as the decline of American civilization -- which, let's be honest, was never much of a prize pig. Also in the news is a hasty conclusion (we hope) to the marriage fight in Australia, and Captain Planet's brave stance against the forces of hate.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Newly Dead Game
Aug 08, 2017
What a tangled web of nonsense we weave this week! I'm loitering about London before heading off to Iceland, while James swelters in the Seattle summer. Haiti has banned marriage equality, while a weird official in South Carolina is doing his best to stop queers from having domestic violence protection. Oh brother. And on top of everything, I can't tell the difference between Slash and Dr. Teeth from the Muppets.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
A Damp Swaddle in the Swath of Night
Jul 25, 2017
We have a special guest this week! Ulli Köppe went to see German Chancellor Angela Merkel speak on a panel a few weeks ago, and on the spur of the moment asked her during the Q&A when he'd be able to marry his boyfriend. To everyone's surprise -- especially Ulli's -- she answered that a vote on marriage equality would happen right away. And then it did. And then marriage was legalized. Just like that, Ulli found himself having changed the lives of millions of queer Germans for the better. We chat about that experience, the moment he realized just what he'd done, and what his plans for marriage are now.
And then we get into the silly business as usual: James and I joke around about my time in Europe, about Thor, and about Eartha Kitt. The marriage news of the week is a bit dire: a terribly anti-gay judge just got confirmed for life, a guy who objected to the children of same-sex parents being able to get passports. Ugh. Also, my nipples are briefly mentioned on this week's episode, so you're welcome, world.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Mummy Overalls
Jul 17, 2017
This week on Defining Marriage, we've reached goat marriage at last: I've journeyed to a farm and met some animals and ate their cheese, and if that's not marriage what is? Elizabeth Warren wants to issue a tax refund to all the gay couples who had to pay extra taxes for years, but is this reallllllly a good idea?
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Devil's Bicycle
Jul 10, 2017
On this week's Defining Marriage, we take a stroll through a dinosaur palace, and a trip down memory lane on a scooter from the 1980s that is a bicycle seat with wheels. We have tidbits of marriage from Europe and hot gossip about Kim Davis -- can you believe her name is still coming up?
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Porky the Pumpkin
Jul 03, 2017
We're back! On this week's episode of the Defining Marriage podcast, we pick right back up with a rousing game of What's His Name, and I probe the depths of the animal kingdom for Bruce something, you know, the football guy. James has been having cuddle dreams, and Germany has been sobbing quietly and winning the freedom to marry. Plus: the latest from the sewers of Paris, the actual sewers, not the podcast.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Salami Tactics Advance
Jun 19, 2017
This week I'm reporting from Amsterdam ... that Amsterdam is very pretty. We have a salami marriage in Switzerland, James designs video games about Grace Jones, and it's the 50th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia. Congratulations to everyone!
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Copin' with Copenhagen
Jun 12, 2017
It's an inter-continental edition of the Defining Marriage podcast this week, with James back in Seattle and me sailing off to Europe for the summer. I share a harrowing tale of bicycles and fish, and we take a breath of relief that it's been a slow week for marriage news (aside from that whole thing about the United Kingdom getting a whole new government). Plus: pig scrying.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
These Have Always Brought me Luck
Jun 05, 2017
I'm back from Chicago, and this week's episode is a brief interlude before my rainbow tour to Europe. We talk to riding a train to a pup romp, how I nearly became a go-go dancer without realizing it, and about Chile's gay-marriage train.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
You Look Just Like the Commish
May 30, 2017
I'm on the road again, recording this week's Defining Marriage podcast with Jim and Michaela in Chicago while I visit for IML. In marriage news, we have a huge victory in Taiwan; and in other news, Michaela was once convinced that The Commish was her father.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Max the Hedgehog in the Dracula Parade
May 22, 2017
On this week's episode of Defining Marriage: we investigate some original sins, from pancakes to grandmas. The Church of Scotland is going to decide whether to honor same-sex marriages, and James makes a heavily-accented guess about how that will go. We have the latest news about Carly Rae Jansport and Australia's impatient patients.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Chimp, the Chump, and the Chomp
May 15, 2017
On this week's podcast, there's a plausible size difference (and a few implausible ones), as well as more cake quibbles. A cat and a dog have gotten married for reasons that are not entirely clear, and James has a new drag character based on another drag character that does not actually exist. All that, plus a bearracuda, a giant finger, and that famous aphorism, "when you're on a love boat, anything goes."
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Man Root of All Evil
May 08, 2017
This week on the Defining Marriage podcast, we count our hands and feet; Ireland ponders marriage, and we celebrate good times come on in Bermuda. There's a conspiracy afoot involving the equals sign, and pastries running for president of France. All this, plus James going "HA" a lot.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Youth of America Need to Exfoliate
May 01, 2017
Defining Marriage hits the road this week: I'm down in LA for DragCon while James manages the farm back in Seattle. So my guest is the delightful H. Alan Scott, which whom I discuss NOM's upcoming march for marriage (or more accurately, march to stop marriage). Also on the agenda this week is the $600,000 that Texas will have to pay out for try to stop marriage, and also a critical look at how Bernadette Peters in Gypsy is like Roger Moore in the Bond films.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Slime Confessions with Matthew
Apr 17, 2017
On this week's episode of the podcast, we're going above, beyond, and beneath various ultra-vixens. North Carolina thinks they can just declare the Supreme Court is "null and void," which is dumb; and the Falklands are holding a Rainbow Fun Day, which is delightful. We also discuss characters that cross over between the story of Easter, Bewitched, and Les Miserables.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Christine Ebersole is my Mother the Car
Apr 10, 2017
On this week's podcast: we play "What's Her Name" with a seagull, and revisit the pizzeria what won't cater a gay wedding. Barry Manilow is gay and married (still), and Quantas wants to put a ring on it.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Widow of the Web
Apr 03, 2017
This week on the podcast: James laments the Widow of the Web, while I have no idea who that is. We get an apology from a British gnome who opposed marriage equality, and hear from some Tennessee Beavers who only believe in "natural marriage." And we also fret a bit about Neil Gorsuch, Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee who spells bad news for equal rights.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Bathroom Bill as Played by Ellen Burstyn
Mar 20, 2017
On this week's podcast, Ellen's Burstyn out all over as James descends into a sleepy madness. I confess a dream of clowns, and we debate the true meaning of marriage extortion. We conclude with a mystery of faith, and a wedding overseen by a pig.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Murder She Hopes
Mar 13, 2017
On this week's podcast: James marries an elf in the kingdom of Hyrule, a maiden finds herself transformed, and support for marriage is at 83 percent in Germany where they have all the schneckens. We play an extended game of "What's Her Name" with Kirk Cameron, and speculate about Vanna White's ouija potential.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
It Depends on the Intent of the Sandwich
Mar 06, 2017
This week, we're never lambing alone with Australia's meaty Mardi Gras. There's been yet another hearing the saga of the bakery that won't make gay wedding cakes, and a gay island declared war on Australia.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Case of the Misplaced Moustache
Feb 27, 2017
This week on the podcast: a Supreme Court clerk has delivered a deliciously satisfying slapdown to lawyers who were intentionally using the wrong pronouns for a trans teenager who's had to sue so that he can go to school. A whole bunch of countries are legalizing marriage equality in Europe, but I'm distressed because I can't remember Mike Myers' name. And we think back to Connie Chung's career in musical theater.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Royal Way to Eat a Tuffet
Feb 20, 2017
On this week's Defining Marriage, we discuss an Australian who says that gay marriage is a Soviet-Nazi mind-control plot -- because yes, of course, if Nazis were able to control our minds, the very first thing they would do is convince everyone to support gay marriage. We are also visited by Laura Derider, a southern belle with strong thoughts on bakers and florists who refuse to serve gay couples. And James reveals the royal way to eat a tuffet. There may be a butt or two involved.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
We Found a Ratboy
Feb 13, 2017
On this week's podcast: Finland has released its very own Tom of Finland emoji to celebrate marriage equality, as well as some additional emoji for naked saunas, skiing, and a very graphic pastry. There's more fighting over who has to make whose cakes, whether cake fetishists are a legally protected class, and also anxiety about whether marriage equality will spell the end of the human race. (It's won't.) Also, we discuss the cinematic masterpiece that is Ratboy.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Rats in a Raincoat
Feb 06, 2017
This week on the Defining Marriage podcast, I sputter incoherently while James spins a yarn about the pigeon Superbowl. We discuss a marriage-inequality bill that's likely to be vetoed -- by, as James puts it, Danny De-Veto -- and also hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills coming in the next few weeks. We also have lavender marriages, the first major city in Japan to recognize same-sex couples, Cloris Leachman, and a dead rat.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Unlocking the Donkey Within
Jan 30, 2017
On this week's episode of the Defining Marriage podcast, we are encouraged and befuddled by a Catholic priest who somehow found a way to marry his boyfriend and remain a priest. James gets a spook from a bicycle and a zombie, and we reflect on the proud history of Hee Haw. Also -- some big Supreme Court news is coming this week, so gird your loins.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-Wailers
Jan 23, 2017
This week on the podcast we discover an adorable gay dating sim -- the first of its kind in China, where LGBT relationships are often suppressed. Over in Taiwan, we untangle the reasons why the country is advancing so quickly towards marriage equality while Australia lags behind. James has some VERY harsh words for remarkably hypocritical Texas Republicans. And someone wants to marry a Ferris Wheel.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Horse in the Nude Castle
Jan 16, 2017
I've been swanning around the house with cold and now I find James even more confusing than usual. He's been seasoning the counters and getting caught in zippers. Germany and Austria are creeping up on marriage equality with something called "Plan A," not to be confused with "Planet of the Apes." Or maybe it is to be confused, because James has a monkey-marriage plan.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Don't Gaslight my Schlong
Jan 09, 2017
I had extra coffee for this week's Defining Marriage, and I'm not sure I like what it's done to me. We bounce from Meryl Streep's golden globes to evil furries to Coachella's evil anti-gay-ish owner. We also have some words about the Alpha and Omega, by which I obviously mean two weird-looking toothpaste wolves.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Best Make Egg Costume Man
Jan 02, 2017
Who'd have guessed that the Flintstones had the year's best take on marriage equality? This week on the Defining Marriage podcast, you'll hear me sputter and stammer like a fish in mayonnaise as I try to recall the name of Joan Collins (not Joan Crawford) because she played Wilma's mother in one of the movies.
Also this week: researchers ask each other whether it should be legal to marry robots, and James provides a response. (It is "no, dummies.") We learn about the Teletongue; and also discuss the rogue's gallery attending Donald's inauguration.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Introducing Mother Mayo
Dec 26, 2016
This week on the podcast: Roy Moore, removed from the Alabama Supreme Court for telling clerks not to issue marriage licenses, may be headed to the Senate to fill a seat vacated by a Trump appointee. Oh, good.
But there's also some good news this week: we discuss Gibraltar's first gay marriage, Neil Gaiman's lost episode of Power Rangers, and stoned dogs.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Susie Booze Cruise
Dec 19, 2016
On the podcast this week: we differentiate The Rouged One from Rogue One, and delight in the difficulties of Judge Roy Moore. Also, a funny story about George Lucas and a hat, as well as Lord Dimwit Flathead from Zork. As always, I spend a little time (but not too much) trying to remember some names; and James tells the tale of the erotic mayor of Lowell. I summon a fish to a dish, and we probe the possible ways that Donald Trump's swamp monsters could take away marriage equality. These things are all related, I promise.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Schizophrenic Breakdown
Dec 12, 2016
On this week's episode of the podcast, we contemplate the National Organization for Marriage's strange new shell game, and also Shelley Long, and coconut shells. But it's mostly good news this week: Despite NOM's best efforts, marriage equality is coming to more nations all around the world -- sometimes slowly, but still, progress is progress.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Pelican's Briefs
Dec 05, 2016
On this week's episode of Defining Marriage: James is a man with a plan to push back against the awful people in the Donald administration. It might not be a good plan, but it's not like anyone else is stepping up. Also, Prop 8 might be coming back. But hey there are some really great documentaries about dogs on Netflix!
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Trump Appointee who Eats Cars and Smells Like a Fish
Nov 28, 2016
On this week's episode, we lament the Three Jerks of the Apocalypse: a trio of Trump appointees who will almost certainly work to undermine marriage equality without ever needing to bother with the Supreme Court. From the departments of eduction, justice, and health/human services, you can expect these people to make life miserable for LGBT people. Get used to hearing the names Betsy DeVos, Jeff Sessions, and Bill Price, and to saying them very sadly whenever they come up in conversation.
Also there was just a cute gay couple that got engaged while cosplaying as Power Rangers, so that's fun.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Sudden Problem Law Center
Nov 21, 2016
This week on the podcast: oh lord, won't somebody please give us some good news? We talk about some of the grim news coming out of Washington DC, and also that possible Supreme Court nominee who may or may not have posed nude. Also did you know there are two Fergies and they're not even from the same country?
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
And: we had a bit of a whoops with the audio in this episode -- there's a little snap and crackle. I'd reduced it as much as possible so hopefully it does not cause you distress.
Slashdance
Oct 31, 2016
This week on the Defining Marriage podcast we are joined by Irish Rotunda, James' questionable drag character with a curious beauty treatment. An Irish commission has ruled that a bakery was wrong to refuse a Bert & Ernie gay-marriage cake. We also discuss the finer points of Hamilton and Miss Saigon, and a real stupid attempt to stop marriage equality by top officials in Texas. And we're doing a 24-hour game marathon livestream this weekend -- get the details and join us at http://bit.ly/extralifeseattle
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Once I was a Woman
Oct 24, 2016
On this episode of the podcast, we talk about a pup/furry party that Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert may or may not have been at. Louie recently suggested that gay marriage in Talmud-times caused Noah's flood -- sure, why the hell not. Also, an Ernie/Bert gay marriage cake has caused quite a stir in Ireland, and Judge Roy Moore is refusing to remove his annoying grandfather clock from the office he's been ordered to vacate. And we argue about erotic clowns.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Ira Glass Tries to Remember the Name of a Song
Oct 17, 2016
On this week's Defining Marriage, we are treated to an extended cut of me trying to remember the name of ... oh dear, I've forgotten her name again. Also, let's talk about that rumor that Hillary secretly opposes gay marriage (spoiler: she does not). And Roy Moore, please turn in your keys, thank you.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Camel's Nose
Oct 10, 2016
On this week's episode: Ben Carson threatened further mass killings if gay marriage is allowed to continue, and we are menaced by ghost pumpkins. We also discuss our family crests, camel noses, and Cher is very worried about this election, but also might want to watch out for ghosts. But not pumpkin ghosts. Those are different.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Nevada Tim Strikes Again
Sep 26, 2016
On this week's episode, we celebrate the legalization of same-sex-cow marriage (or something like that) in the British isles. There's been a lot of nonsense about marriage this week, and this time it's not all coming from me and James: the Archbishop of Mexico says Christians are being persecuted; a judge in Kentucky says gays stole the rainbow from his tiny dog; and an Australian man does not believe in anal sex. Well, believe it or not, it's happening.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Family Thermos
Sep 19, 2016
On this week's Defining Marriage podcast: The Grande Reveal! I have received a mysterious series of packages and a strange object du art. What could it possibly mean? And is it related to my dream of appearing in Hamilton, the Broadway show about the life of Margaret Hamilton?
On the marriage front, The Catholic Church has laughed derisively at the idea that they might change their minds about anything at all. Donald Trump has hinted that he might do something unreasonable (can you imagine). Australia is "free to tell porkies" about homosexuals. And we discuss the proper wording of wedding vows: "you may attach the ring" is not a romantic turn of phrase.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
The Southington Peeper
Sep 13, 2016
On this week's episode, we shout nonsense at each other from across a continent: I am in Connecticut while James is in Seattle, which means I can regale him from a distance with tales of NOM's ridiculous fundraising scheme, mysterious packages, and werewolves. Then he threatens to drive a bus with his butt and it's like we're in the same room.
Francis the Talking Mule
Sep 05, 2016
This week's episode is an equine free-for-all, with some horsing around over NOM's ongoing fundraising problems. While they continue to bleed money, Brian Brown is making a ruckus about the Obama administration's "demands," which apparently include "transgenderism." Meanwhile, a Reverend Canon has declared that gay priests are pagans, which frankly sounds like a lot of fun.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
A Horse in a Bikini
Aug 29, 2016
On this week's strange episode of Defining Marriage, we respond to listener feedback regarding horses in itsy bitsy teeny weeny outfits. The parade of animals continues with Oscar Wilde quotes about women and chickens; and then we travel to Kentucky for an oddly homophobic ham breakfast.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
A Flight of Fancy Feast
Aug 22, 2016
On last week's episode, we all had a good laugh about how NOM called their own fundraising "pathetic." But this week they sent out yet another money-beg, this time reminding supporters that they need some cold hard cash in order to protect the nation's bathrooms. And that's why from now on we'll call them the National Association for Marriage, Bathrooms, Liberty, and All (NOMBLA).
Also this week, we debate whether marriage is a "Fact or Fancy," as one essayist put it in the 1950s, and also offer our thanks to the Australian legislator who said that gays shouldn't get married because Dolce and Gabbana are still single. Yup.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Honeymoon on the Moon, Honey
Aug 15, 2016
On this week's episode, we have new details on the Joe Biden-officiated gay wedding, including wild speculation over whether the Vice President invoked his right of prima nocta and bedded one or both of the men afterwards. We also have some dirty songs, and Roy Moore's Hexagonal Honeyhole. It's all very tasteful.
And: did you get the latest fundraising email from the National Organization for Marriage (And Bathrooms)? They called their own donors "pathetic" for not giving more money, so that's probably the most accurate thing they've ever said.
Music:
In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Stinky Manfolds
Aug 08, 2016
Liberace's seahorse
Who would be in your dream-remake of the movie Splash? For me, it would be Erin Gibson and Bryan Safi from Throwing Shade, and the title would be Splash 2: Serving Fishy Realness. Mermaids are the soup du jour on Bermuda, where the anti-gay-marriage forces are desperate for a compromise, now that it seems likely that they'll lose their attempt to hold back the weddings. The Isle of Man just got its first wedding, no thanks to a man who may or may not have had the head of a fish and the tail of a fish.
By the way -- on this week's episode, we note that there are very few (if any) famous black mermaids. But you can find a lot of lovely art here: http://mermaidsofcolor.tumblr.com/
Bleh
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The Moist Encumberance
Aug 01, 2016
Okay, I admit it: gay marriage is all secretly a plot to legalize bear-chicken marriage, as predicted by the TV show Arthur. Also on this week's episode: Utah's marriage equality plaintiffs got to march in a Mormon parade by exploiting a rule that was designed to keep them out. A candidate for the Supreme Court in Mississippi says that gay marriage makes America a "slave nation," and I guess he would know. Also, Australia has appointed a shadow minister for equality -- spooky!
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Why Don't You Fall in a Pigsty
Jul 25, 2016
This week we take a little side-grouse to talk about Stranger Things (we don't like it), and Ben Carson (he says gay marriage is evil), and Kansas (still not fully doing gay marriage). We also tackle the mystery of the mysterious ghosts whispering in the ears of little Mexican girls and selling cockles in Sherwood Forest. Plus! I cannot for the life of me name a Glenn Close movie. How could I have forgotten 101 Dalmations?
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Andrea Loathsome
Jul 11, 2016
I'm back from LA and ready to catch some gay Pokemans! This week on the podcast, we talk about laptop-marriage, Virginia's latest redefinition of marriage (to exclude child brides), and a new study claiming that gay parents make fat kids. Also, it's weird enough that support for marriage equality is climbing in Utah, but it's even weirder that it's climbing extra-fast among Mormons.
Plus: I have another minor stroke trying to remember a celebrity's name. Camemberta? Harriet Hole in the Mozone? Maureen Slithering? Gary Anda? Chester Hope? Moldy Coldfish? Zoltan Mola Nosecare? Lola Crampstink? Nicole Cankles?
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The Baby's Friend
Jul 05, 2016
Happy America Birthday! I'm visiting LA this week and James is back in Seattle, so instead of him we have some extra special guests. I'm joined by Bryan, Liz, and a different Matt to talk about the Australian plebiscite, Robbie Kaplan's Mississippi victory, baby-friends, and sneaking onto ChristanMingle.com to gay-mingle with Christians. And we make a startling discovery on a birth certificate!
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Plebiscite Didgeridoodling Swank
Jun 26, 2016
On this week's episode of the Defining Marriage podcast: What if the National Organization for Marriage held a march and nobody noticed? That's what happened this weekend, with poor NOM spending tens of thousands of dollars for a rally that attracted only a few dozen people. Ah well. You know whose fault that must be: Satan's! At least, that's according to anti-gay lawyer Matt Staver, who calls marriage equality "a lie from the pit of hell." Okay buddy. In other news this week: Donald Trump revealed his wildly anti-gay advisory board (ugh) and I am unable to remember the name of the star of The Devil Wears Prada. The Great Deceiver strikes again!
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People Love Boobs
Jun 20, 2016
Gay marriage is coming to the game Harvest Moon -- eventually, probably -- but is this maybe opening the door to some problematic implementations? James, who knows a thing or two about designing a video game, offers his analysis, and also offers a truly appalling Australian accent. We also summon the spirits of the 90s with Sound Garden, not to be confused with Savage Garden and the Spoonman.
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Weezing the Knees
Jun 13, 2016
Oh, what now? Roy Moore says he needs a little more time to respond to ethics questions, as if two extra weeks is going to make some kind of difference. In the mean time, real judges like Callie Granade will be issuing rulings like "uh, no, gay marriage is definitely a thing."
Meanwhile in Australia, we do not have anything to say about plebiscites this week! Instead, we'll talk about Queer Beer. (No word on whether it makes you gay, but let's assume.) Also there's a happy ending to a marriage that the government finally stopped claiming isn't real, 45 years later.
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Rim Shots from Gabe Kaplan
Jun 06, 2016
Oops, we missed a week! As you NO DOUBT noticed, last week's episode does not exist, in part due to our travels to Chicago. But we're back now from the debauchery of IML, and we're hot on the trail of the latest in gay marriage news. My favorite headline this week is that there's a group trying to get some buzz around Roy Moore for the Supreme Court... and what a coincidence, that group just happens to have been founded by Roy Moore. (But he's not the president! His wife is.) Also this week we reflect on one of the strangest episodes of Murder She Wrote ever committed to film, featuring Gabe Kaplan and a drag show and a gay bar and (in our minds) a disgusting sex act with a fish.
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A Sloppy Whisper
May 23, 2016
On this week's episode, we're sloppily whispering to each other about how Nebraska still won't allow two moms to appear on birth certificates -- instead, one of the moms has to be listed as "friend." Unclear what sort of legal obligation "friends" have to babies. Also, James browbeats Australia over some nonsense-talk about whether kids are harmed by same-sex parents. We have news about Ireland, relating first to marriage and then to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; and after learning that Scotland is changing the rules for priests who want to get married, James tortures me with questions about Braveheart.
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The Banana Banner Boys
May 16, 2016
You're in for a real fun-fair of nonsense this week, with a haunting melange of bananas and the Alabama Supreme Court. We have more details on what's going to happen to Judge Roy Moore, now that Ambrosia Starling is holding his feet to the fire. And we also have created a musical version of The Crucible called Goody Goody Goody. Meanwhile, Italy is getting civil unions, so that's a good first step; and Australia is plebisciting along despite some religious group afraid that marriage equality means an end to Mother's Day. We're also on the hunt for the recipe for ambrosia salad, and for Barbra Streisand.
Two videos related to this week's discussion:
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#VacationOfConsulGeneral
May 09, 2016
Congratulations to Hanscom Smith, a senior US diplomat in Shanghai who just married his husband in a delightful ceremony. And what better wedding gift can they have hoped for than the removal of Judge Roy Moore, the homophobic Supreme Court justice from Alabama who was just suspended from his job for his resistance to marriage equality. Ha.
We also discuss the bizarre targeting of Target for their bathroom policy -- where exactly is the Bible passage about keeping restrooms separate? And then there's Australia's plebiscite, a disgusting word that I can barely bring myself to say. Apparently I also cannot bring myself to say our safe word, because it's been so long since we agreed on one that James forgot we even had one.
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International Amour, More Ray Moore, and More
May 02, 2016
Congrats to the islands moving towards marriage equality! We have good news this week from the Bahamas, The Faroe Islands, and the seductively-named Isle of Man. And also from Colombia, which is not an island, except that it is ideologically a bit of an island in that it is one of the few South American countries where same-sex couples can now get married. Hooray.
Also this week: James has been playing his creepy Dark Souls III game, which means lots of bonus ghost noises on the episode. And the National Organization for Marriage is practically a ghost these days, since they've nearly run out of money. They say it's because they've been so "successful," hahaha, and that they need a cash injection to pay for a scheme to send 100,000 faxes to Congress. Oh brother.
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Animals Strike Curious Poses
Apr 25, 2016
This week's episode concerns in ineffable mysteries of Prince and his opinion on gay marriage. Was he for it or against it or what? Perhaps not even he knew for sure, but we'll do our best ot unravel what clues he left behind. Also, did you hear the one about the guy who wants to marry the computer that got him addicted to pornography? He's a Christian EDM producer, by the way. Oh, musicians, I don't think I'll ever understand you. Nor will I ever fully understand James' grandmother, who seems to have somehow inspired a toothy sight gag on the new season of Kimmy Schmidt.
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Queen Latifah Wipe
Apr 18, 2016
Hello, Texans! This week's episode is all about you. And also us, in that we are about to visit you -- James and I are coming to HavenCon in Austin to present a panel on Saturday, April 23rd, at noon, called "Queer Gamers Coast to Coast." And what perfect timing, because a Texas court has just ruled that allowing two lovely lesbian women to marry does not constitute, as the state claimed, "legal chaos."
Elsewhere in the world, Norway's Lutheran Church has voted to allow same-sex marriage, which is good news for Rose Nylund's queer family members. And conservative marriage otter Ryan Anderson believes that gay people will stop wanting to get married if he just invites them to enough Thanksgivings.
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The Pope and a Pig in a Poke
Apr 11, 2016
This week on the podcast, James and I talk about the pope's recent declaration that same-sex couples reeeeeeeally shouldn't be allowed to marry. James knows a thing or two about this pope business, and explains exactly how the church justifies some of its wacky rules about who gets special treatment and also the strange terrifying alternate universe where all the unbaptised babies go. We also address a Puerto Rico judge's ruling that the US Constitution doesn't apply to them; and the subsequent appellate ruling that yes of course it does, don't be ridiculous.
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Young Men Foaming for Gay Marriage in the Florida Heat
Apr 04, 2016
On this week's episode of the Defining Marriage podcast: Spring has sprung, when a young man's heart turns to fancy. Who's the young man, and what's so fancy about him? These and other mysteries remain unsolved on this week's episode, but we do talk about Florida's achievement of finally legalizing gay marriage, nearly a year after the Supreme Court already did it for them.
Also, various state governors are vetoing religious-freedom bills that cloak anti-queer animus, but those vetoes might not save us.
And once again, James tortures me with a name that I can't remember. We also quote Meatloaf, and whoever wrote the Bumblebee Tuna song. What a shame those two musical icons never teamed up.
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Georgia On Our Minds
Mar 28, 2016
You've no doubt heard about North Carolina's unpleasant dabbling with anti-gay and anti-trans laws. On this week's episode, we're talking about the implications, as well as the traditional method of celebrating Easter: with a delicious Easter sundae. Also, did you know Mississippi has a robot that does the filibustering for you? What marvels we enjoy in this modern world!
Also, here's a little video I made about trans bathroom panic and why it's a bunch of nonsense:
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President Chicken
Mar 21, 2016
We've traveled to San Francisco this week, and our SF friends Andy and Long join us to talk about what Obama's nomination of Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court would mean for LGBT folks. Is there a chance that Obama's nominee could actually make it onto the court, and what sort of queer cases could he hear? We make some wild guesses, and also talk about a gay pirate broadcaster that we've tastefully decided should be called Butt Pirate Radio. Further digressions involve the time Sandra Day O'Connor played against a boy's volleyball team, and a chicken that would be president. Also, who would be a better president: Donald Trump or PewDiePie?
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This week Missouri had a filibuster and Australia talked about a plebiscite. Both of these sound like made-up words but it's all too true.
Missouri Democrats did their best to stop an anti-gay law, but Republicans were able to force a vote. We talk about the real-world implications of this law on witches and mule-owned monster truck dealerships. Then we sing.
Photo: Greg Westfall/Mule
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No Mas, Roy Moore
Mar 07, 2016
Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore has come to resolve an attack on our sovereignty now! He's very upset that homosexuals are getting married, and he's written hundreds of pages to explain his feelings. So very many feelings.
This particular bout of impotent rage was touched off by a ruling that Alabama does indeed have to obey rulings from the Supreme Court of the United States, for a variety of reasons including and not limited to the fact that Alabama is a part of this country. Gays can get married, even in states where people do not like them.
And so, Roy Moore has written a hundred and something pages about why that is a bad thing. Some highlights:
The opinion appeals more to emotion than law, reminding one of the 1974 song "Feelings" by Morris Albert, which begins: "Feelings, nothing more than feelings ...."
Homosexuals who seek the dignity of marriage must first forsake the sexual habits that disqualify them from admission to that hallowed institution. Surely more dignity attaches to participation in a fundamental institution on the terms it prescribes than to an attempt to wrest its definition to serve inordinate lusts that demean its historic dignity. A "disgrace to human nature" cannot be cured by stripping the institution of holy matrimony of its inherent dignity and redefining it to give social approval to behaviors unsuited to its high station. Sodomy has never been and never will be an act by which a marriage can be consummated.
But the human being, as a dependent creature, is not at liberty to redefine reality; instead, as the Declaration of Independence states, a human being is bound to recognize that the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are endowed by God. Those rights are not subject to a redefinition that rejects the natural order God has created.
"Man, considered as a creature, must necessarily be subject to the laws of his creator, for he is entirely a dependent being." 1 Blackstone, Commentaries on the Laws of England *39. Part of that natural order is the institution of marriage as the union of a man and a woman. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24.
The great sufferers will be the children -- deprived of either a paternal or a maternal presence -- who are raised in unnatural families that contradict the created order.
Venturing beyond "the sacred precincts of marital bedrooms," Griswold, 381 U.S. at 485, the Court anointed with constitutional protection the use of contraceptive devices by the unmarried, setting its seal of approval upon fornication.
Obergefell is but the latest example of the Court's creation of constitutional rights out of thin air in service of the immorality of the sexual revolution.
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Many Things Go
Feb 29, 2016
This week we're soothing our burning hot Oscar Fever with a study that, according to researchers, somehow suggests that people oppose gay marriage because they think it makes their partners more likely to cheat. Or something like that.
It's confusing, which is why we get so distracted by conversation about Mary Tyler Moore, Kirk Cameron, and wieners.
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Manny Pacquiao and the Bonobo Showboat
Feb 22, 2016
This week we're puzzling over Manny Pacquiao, a boxer/politician who's had some particularly unpleasant things to say about marriage equality. He's running for office in the Philippines and told an interviewer that same-sex couples shouldn't have the freedom to marry. And then he went much further, with Instagram posts about how LGBTs should be put to death, yikes.
Somehow, we also get on the topic of kangaroos (because they're all boxers), fetish nights, and as always, Star Wars. The episode concludes with me having a minor stroke.
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How do you Solve a Problem Like Scalia?
Feb 15, 2016
For the last few episodes, I've been revisiting the marriage work that I did as an reporter and activist over the last decade. And this week we'll be talking about some surprise changes coming to the US Supreme Court.
Here are a few things Antonin Scalia had to say about LGBTs:
"[S]uppose all the States had laws against flagpole sitting at one time, you know, there was a time when it was a popular thing and probably annoyed a lot of communities, and then almost all of them repealed those laws," Scalia asked the attorney fighting the Texas law. "Does that make flagpole sitting a fundamental right?"
"Many Americans do not want persons who openly engage in homosexual conduct as partners in their business, as scoutmasters for their children, as teachers in their children's schools, or as boarders in their home," he wrote. "They view this as protecting themselves and their families from a lifestyle that they believe to be immoral and destructive."
"But I had thought that one could consider certain conduct reprehensible—murder, for example, or polygamy, or cruelty to animals—and could exhibit even 'animus' toward such conduct. Surely that is the only sort of 'animus' at issue here: moral disapproval of homosexual conduct[.]"
"[A job] interviewer may refuse to offer a job because the applicant is a Republican; because he is an adulterer; because he went to the wrong prep school or belongs to the wrong country club; because he eats snails; because he is a womanizer; because she wears real animal fur; or even because he hates the Chicago Cubs."
"It doesn't say you can't have—you can't have any sexual intimacy. It says you cannot have sexual intimacy with a person of the same sex."
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Behind the Scenes at the Star-Studded Prop 8 Play
Feb 08, 2016
For the last few episodes, I've been revisiting the marriage work that I did as an reporter and activist over the last decade. And this week we'll be talking about 8 the play, the dramatic interpretation of the prop 8 trial. I worked behind the scenes on mounting the star-studded premieres in New York and LA, and here to talk about it with me this week is the delightful James.
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Anti-Marriage Pledge Punishes Straight Fornicators
Feb 01, 2016
Believe it or not, there are still some people trying to undo marriage equality, and generally make life unpleasant for gay people. And also, it turns out, for straight people.
I'm joined once again by my very special guest, James, to talk about this weird situation.
In Oklahoma, there are 26 bills -- possibly a record -- jostling to chip away at protections for LGBT people. Among them: a bill to legitimize "sexual orientation change" treatments. The bill specifically calls out some protected practices, and they're amazing: "physical pain, such as electroshock or electroconvulsive therapy, touch therapy, pornography exposure or vomit-induction therapy."
Federally, six candidates have endorsed the "First Amendment Defense Act," which doesn't just say that marriage should be between a man and a woman; but that only married heterosexuals should be allowed to have sex. Sorry, single straight people! Sorry, single moms! This proposed bills is really about controlling peoples' bodies -- gay and straight, and particularly women.
Oddly enough, Trump is one of the only candidates who hasn't pledged to sign the bill. (He said he supported it in a letter, but declined to sign the pledge.) So we have a strange situation here where the GOP is making Donald Trump look like the reasonable guy in the room.
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Can Marriage Equality Be Rolled Back?
Jan 25, 2016
The work on marriage equality is pretty much wrapped up in this country, but every now and then, anti-gay activists manage to find their way into the news by trying to roll back progress and stop LGBTs from getting married. What are their chances of success? Well, let's talk about it this week, with the help of a special guest.
The latest scheme to undo marriage involves a sneaky bill in Tennessee. If it had passed it would have created a special right for bigots by allowing nonprofits to discriminate against same-sex couples -- but ONLY against same-sex couples. The bill failed, probably in part because noncompliance with federal law would have cost the state $8 billion.
But there are somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 more bills like this in legislatures around the country. In this episode we'll talk about what those bills look like, how to spot the ones that are disguised, and what can be done to stop them.
Here's the Valentine's video we discuss in this week's episode:
Some supplemental viewing about anti-gay laws:
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When Coming Out at Work Launched a Federal Investigation
Jan 18, 2016
This week, I'm talking to Davina Kotulski, a crucial figure in the modern marriage equality movement. Davina appears briefly in my book, but she played a key role in securing marriage in California and nationally. I spoke to her this week about what it was like to not just be a witness to history -- but to have an opportunity to shape it.
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Interview with "Buffy" Writer Jane Espenson & Friends About Gays, Marriage, and Their Sitcom "Husbands"
Jan 11, 2016
This week, I'm looking back at a 2011 interview with the folks behind the webseries Husbands: Jane Espenson, Brad Bell, and Sean Hemeon. When it was created, the world in which Husbands took place was kind of a fantasy realm: marriage equality was just a fact of life. It's just five years later now, and it's a bit strange to think how recently that had to be speculative fiction.
Husbands is a sweet funny love story that skips over all of the activism of the last few years and gets to the heart of what it is to be a gay couple: falling in love, taking a chance on someone you love, and watching your life change together. It's where we are today -- reality finally catching up with something that could only be a dream a few years ago.
And now, here's my 2011 interview.
Did you notice how Jane referred to Husbands as the show that networks might do 3 years from now? Well, that's happened, in fits and starts. There's Modern Family, which includes a gay couple. There's New Normal, which featured married gays much more prominently, and ultimately, briefly. There was Looking, which was also with us for only a short time. And then there are shows like Vicious and Faking It, which are strongly focused on gay coupling and seem to have some actual longevity. And of course, it's worth nothing that the third season of Husbands was picked up by the CW network to stream online.
So, there've been some successes, and some ... let's call them learning opportunities. Obviously, having a gay couple on your show is no guarantee of success. But it's at least possible, and increasingly, unremarkable. And that's thanks, in part, to pioneers who imagined the world as it should be, even when it seemed like a far-away dream.
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The Emotional Work of Turning Prop 8's Heartbreak into Triumph
Jan 04, 2016
This week, let's take a look back at Proposition 8. That's the fight that got me engaged with marriage, back in 2008. After the marriage ban passed, I started making YouTube videos to update people on what was happening with marriage. I'm going to play the audio for you, but if you want to watch the videos, some of which are a bit visual, you can find them in the shownotes for this episode at DefiningMarriage.com.
Here's one of the first post-Prop 8 videos I did, from May of 2009.
Well, I was wrong about it going back to the ballot. At the time, that seemed like the only option, since the convention wisdom was that a court case was too risky. But the day after I put this video out, AFER revealed their lawsuit, and the rest was history. And of course, you can read all about that history -- why it seemed so risky, why AFER decided they could take a chance, and the freakout that happened once the Prop 8 lawsuit was revealed -- in my book, Defining Marriage.
Let's jump ahead a year to July of 2010. I produced a recap of everything that had happened with Prop 8 to get everyone caught all caught up. At this point, we'd heard initial arguments in the Prop 8 case, but there had been no ruling yet.
How about that prediction from Nate Silver! Fifteen years to marriage equality? Turns out it was five.
Next up, a video from 2013, summing up AFER's case before the Supreme Court. I made this video for AFER the week before they presented oral argument, to help folks understand the case.
I also produced a video showing the behind the scenes work that had gone into the case. We followed the plaintiffs and lawyers and PR people all over Washington, documenting what it was like to finally land at the Supreme Court. This one's pretty visual, so I do recommend checking DefiningMarriage.com to watch it if you can.
At that point, it was all up to the justices. And that meant a few tense months of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. While we waited, I put together another video that summed up the entire case, drawing on interviews and media coverage from 2008 to 2013. Here's a sprint through the entire case, from its very first day to the moments before the Supreme Court ruled:
Well I hope I'm not spoiling any surprises by revealing that we won. Here's a roundup of that day of decision, all of the celebrating, all of the rallying, all of the excitement and disbelief and joy.
Turns out we had some more surprises in store. Within a week, marriage had resumed in California, much earlier than anyone expected. It was a huge shock to everyone, and I was able to arrange to have cameras present to document the first weddings. Here's one more video -- you'll first hear some interviews from the day of decision, and then you'll hear footage from a few days later, when we suddenly learned that the couples could marry.
Please do get in touch and let me know your thoughts and questions on Twitter -- I'm @mattbaume. Check out my other podcast, The Sewers of Paris, for revealing personal stories about the entertainment that changed the lives of gay men. And don't forget to hop over to Amazon to get Defining Marriage in print or via download. If you do pick up a copy, it would mean a lot if you could leave an Amazon review with your honest opinion.
Thanks again for listening, watching, and reading!
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The Last Year-in-Review You'll Ever Need
Dec 28, 2015
This week, we're looking to the recent past. At the end of 2011 and 2012, I produced "year in review" videos that summed up everything that happened with marriage equality those years, and looked ahead to what was coming next. Each one's a fascinating little time capsule, and I'm happy to say that most of my predictions came true. Here's the first one, which I made almost exactly four years ago in December of 2011.
Hey, it's Matt in 2015. A couple interesting things jump out there. First is all that attention to civil unions. It was only four years ago that civil unions were a big deal, that it was considered good news when a state had them. Nowadays of course we'd think of them as insufficient, as separate but equal. We've come to expect full equality in just four years -- it's an amazingly rapid change.
Another detail from 2011 was that brief mention of a judge ordering the National Organization for Marriage to turn over a list of their donors in Maine. NOM was able to drag the release of that information until earlier this year, 2015. And guess what they were hiding? Their total number of donors in Maine was: 6. Yup, six. Of those, five were insanely rich people from around the country giving between 50,000 and 1.25 million, and the other was the knights of columbus. Money well spent.
Also in 2011, we were only just barely starting to see national surveys that showed a majority supported the freedom to marry. It was too soon to really be optimistic, because it was hard to tell if it was a trend or just a fluke. Well, now we know -- it was a trend. Support continues to surge upward, and at last count we had 50 with majority support.
Something that's striking about the end of 2011 video is the nervousness about how the votes in 2012 would go. We'd lose the battle in North Carolina, but that was the last time an anti-marriage ballot measure passed. Just a few months later, we won marriage in Washington, Maine, Maryland, and Minnesota.
And of course, there's that line I deliver at the end of the video: "I would really like to get married." That was one of the biggest changes of all between then and now. Just goes to show, you never know how future-you might surprise yourself.
Now let's take a listen to the video I produced a year later, in January of 2013. This one's more of a look ahead than a look back.
One thing I was absolutely right about: the Supreme Court rulings would be a big big deal only a few months later. But I didn't do a great job of describing them. "The culmination of AFER's work" really doesn't cover it. In fact, the ruling on DOMA was probably more important, since it set the stage for the ruling two years later that overturned marriage bans around the country.
Another interesting detail: you can see the shift here, just a year later, from accepting civil unions to expecting marriage. States like Illinois, having just passed civil unions a year earlier, were quickly moving toward marriage. And civil union efforts in Colorado faltered in part because many organizers saw them as insufficient.
I also just want to point out that mention of Chris Christie, who had at the time just vetoed a marriage bill. As Republicans go, he's actually one of the least homophobic -- but that's still not saying much. Now he's running for president, and it's worth remembering that he's never been much of a friend.
A couple people have asked me if I'll go a year in review this year, and I figured, sure, I might as well. So here it is: we won. That's it. Your marriage equality year in review for 2015, and the last one you'll ever need to hear.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Revisiting the Gay Soldier Who Changed a Presidential Race
Dec 21, 2015
This week I'm looking back at my 2012 interview with Josh Snyder and Steve Hill. Steve was the soldier who asked a question about Dont Ask Don't Tell at a Republican debate, and was booed by a few people in the audience. None of the Republicans on stage reacted to the booing, and Rick Santorum responded to the question by dismissing Steve's military service. And so, before he knew it, Steve had become a minor celebrity in the presidential race. Everyone was talking about Steve Hill the soldier. But what most folks didn't know about was Steve the husband. He had recently married his partner, Josh, in an intimate ceremony at a meaningful gravesite. Here's my conversation with them from January of 2012, just a few weeks after the debate that changed their lives.
There are so many elements of their story that I can't imagine going through -- having to marry in private to protect your career; talking to your secret spouse from a war zone without any of the protections -- or even acknowledgement -- of marriage; and then of course becoming an international celebrity simply by speaking your truth.
I'm in awe of Steve and Josh's ability to endure these incredible experiences as calmly and gracefully as they have. And I have deep admiration for Steve's decision to pose that question. As he said, it was a big risk to step forward, and to give up his anonymity. But his motivation -- that "it was more important that the question get out there" -- speaks to a level of bravery to which I think we all aspire.
When I describe their wedding ceremony, I'm sometimes met with shock that anyone would want to marry over a grave -- and the grave of a stranger, no less. But I don't think Steve and Josh saw Leonard Matlovich as a stranger. In case you're unfamiliar with Leonard, he was a decorated Tech Sergeant who came out in 1975 Time Magazine cover story about gay service members. It was a turning point in the LGBT liberation movement, and for the rest of his life Leonard fought for equality.
So even though they never met, Steve and Josh had a close personal connection to Leonard. And when they married, they weren't just standing over his grave. They were standing alongside him, and along with all of the other queer service members buried in that section of Congressional Cemetery. They married surrounded by friends, and their marriage was a promise to continue the brave work that those men and women began.
In 2014, Steve wrote a book about his experiences called Soldier of Change. It has his inside take on the media frenzy around the debate, as well as his 20-year journey in the army and meeting Josh, plus a foreword by George Takei. Soldier of Change is available now on Amazon.
And what do you know, so is Defining Marriage, the book on which this podcast is based! It's now out in audiobook, paperback, and ebook; so however you like your books, it's waiting for you.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
A Gay Couple's 60-Year Love Story
Dec 14, 2015
Hello friends, I'm Matt Baume, and thanks for subscribing to the Defining Marriage podcast, where we trace the decades-long evolution of marriage through the personal stories of those who lived through it.
Now that I've released the entire book as a podcast, for the next few episodes I'll be revisiting the marriage work that I did as an reporter and activist over the last decade. I've gathered news clips, interviews, and analysis from the dark days of marriage inequality.
This week I'm looking back at my 2011 interview with Alan Shayne and Norman Sunshine, a couple about to celebrate the 60th anniversary of their meeting. Back in 2011, they'd just written a book about their time together called Double Life, and it is an absolutely amazing story. Alan's career took him from acting on Broadway to running Warner Brothers Television; Norman is a celebrated painter and ad executive. Together they were first-hand witnesses to the monumental changes in how our culture views gay couples. Here's our interview from 2011 -- it was conducted over Skype, so the audio quality is a little scratchy, but it's worth sticking around for.
One thing that Alan and Norman commented on was how in the late 50s and early 60s they had no role models for a relationship of equals -- either gay or straight. That observation stuck with me for years after our conversation, because it really highlights that we're living in a remarkable time. Just a few decades earlier and it would be unthinkable that partners could be peers. It can be tempting to be nostalgic for simpler times, but remember, simpler isn't always better.
That also reminded me of something Judge Vaughn Walker wrote in his 2010 ruling that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional. Walker noted that marriage is in a state of constant change, and that the institution reflects social conventions of the time. Back then, he wrote:
"The evidence shows that the movement of marriage away from a gendered institution and toward an institution free from state-mandated gender roles reflects an evolution in the understanding of gender rather than a change in marriage."
Walker also wrote that the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage:
"exists as an artifact of a time when the genders were seen as having distinct roles in society and in marriage. That time has passed."
If we have anyone to thank for gay marriage, it's really straight people. Sometime in the last few decades, they got their act together and realized that there's no reason why men and women should be required to fill different roles. And once marriage became more equal between women and men, restricting access by gender made less and less sense.
So, thanks, straight people.
Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
NOM's Cool Moose Obsession
Dec 07, 2015
Hello friends, I'm Matt Baume, and thanks for subscribing to the Defining Marriage podcast, where we trace the decades-long evolution of marriage through the personal stories of those who lived through it.
Now that I've released the entire book as a podcast, for the next few episodes I'll be revisiting the marriage work that I did as an reporter and activist over the last decade. I've gathered news clips, interviews, and analysis from the dark days of marriage inequality. I'll play them for you, then talk about what was happening back then, which predictions came true and which were a little off the mark, and what's changed in the intervening years.
Last week, I covered three misleading national ads that the National Organization for Marriage ran after Prop 8 passed. This week, we'll take a look at some ads that the anti-gay industry targeted to specific states -- and we'll talk about why, in every case, they failed to have the impact they were supposed to.
We'll start with an ad from 2010 in Iowa. A few years earlier, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that the state constitution required marriage equality. In 2010, three of those judges were up for re-election -- it's a weird quirk in some states voters pick their judges, even though voters have no idea what qualifies someone to be a good supreme court justice. NOM saw an opportunity here, and started running commercials that encouraged voters to throw the pro-equality justices out of office. I responded with a video of my own, debunking theirs. Here it is.
Watching it 5 years later, a couple things strike me about this video. Particularly -- why did NOM even bother? Even if these judges were kicked out, it's not like they their replacements were going to be able to reverse the decision. It was decided unanimously, and the judges themselves were pretty conservative. Anyone who replaced them would probably have voted the same way. So what was NOM even hoping to achieve?
Maybe they were trying to intimidate judges in other states. Rule for marriage equality, and we'll take your job away, something like that. Who knows.
Anyway, back in 2010, my little youtube video was no match for NOM, and all three judges lost their seats in the election. But then something funny happened -- two years later, another of the judges was up for retention, and this time he was able to keep his seat. In part because by 2012, NOM had a lot less money to spread around on dumb fights that didn't actually mean anything. We'll talk about that in just a little bit.
First, take a listen to another video from 2010. This one's from Minnesota, where a crazy anti-gay politician named Tom Emmer was running for governor. NOM ran ads supporting him, and I put out a video exposing their lies.
I have good news and bad news about how this election went. The good news is that Tom Emmer lost, by a lot. But then five years later, he ran for the seat in Congress being vacated by Michele Bachmann, and he won. So today, instead of screwing things up in Minnesota, he's screwing things up in the House of Representatives.
In fact, the Republican party used Emmer as justification for introducing an anti-gay bill this year. They're calling it the First Amendment Defense Act, and it would eliminate nondiscrimination protections for a variety of groups. I'll do my best to explain their logic, even though it's a stretch and it's not going to make sense, but when Republicans introduced this bill, they cited Emmer's previous election losses as evidence that it's necessary. You see, the way they saw it, Tom Emmer spoke out against gay marriage, and then he lost an election, and that means that he was discriminated against by gays, and so businesses should be able to discriminate against gays.
Yeah. It's crazy. Especially in light of that Iowa ad, in which they were telling voters to kick judges out of office. How is that any different from voters rejecting Tom Emmer? I don't know. Like I said. it doesn't make sense.
And speaking of not making sense, let's listen to an ad they ran in Rhode Island in 2011. Back then, lawmakers were considering a marriage bill, so NOM ran some ads trying to intimidate them. Here's my response.
You can't see it on the podcast, but a cartoon moose kept popping up on screen during the ad. Sometimes it's like NOM wants to be made fun of.
Anyway, the Rhode Island fight got awfully bitter in 2011, and eventually the legislature passed a civil unions bill. And two years later, they passed a marriage bill. So, nice try, NOM, but you lose again.
Last I'm going to play for you two videos from 2012. One's from Washington and one's from Maine. Both states were facing votes on marriage, and the polling was very very tight. As usual, NOM put out ads full of lies, and as usual, I rebutted. Here they are:
Well, that was a huge waste of NOM's money, because they lost in both states, as well as in Minnesota and Maryland. 2012 was the last time marriage was on the ballot, and it's also the last time NOM ran election ads like these. I do kind of miss doing the rebuttals, but it's probably for the best that they're in the past.
Next week I'm going to take a look at a fascinating interview I did in 2011 with Alan Shayne and Norman Sunshine. They have an incredible story about growing up closeted, working on Broadway, becoming the head of Warner Brothers Television, being arrested, getting married, and sharing an absolutely amazing life together. You won't want to miss it.
Until then, listeners, please do get in touch and let me know your thoughts and questions on Twitter -- I'm @mattbaume. And leave a review on iTunes, those reviews make a huge difference.
So what happens with the podcast? Well, starting with this episode, I'll be revisiting the marriage work that I did as an reporter and activist over the last decade. I've gathered some historical news clips, as well as interviews I conducted, and analysis from the dark days of marriage inequality. I'll play them for you, and then afterwards, I'll pop back in to talk about what was happening back then, which predictions came true and which were a little off the mark, and what's changed in the intervening years.
Let's start with three debunking videos. There was a period when the National Organization for Marriage was putting out a ton of commercials on TV and on the radio. They were, of course, full of lies. But unfortunately, NOM was really good at lying.
So as a nerdy gay with a YouTube channel, I took NOM's campaign as a personal challenge: how can I take something that sounds reasonable and show people that they're being lied to? And more importantly -- can I make NOM stop doing that?
The first clip you'll hear is from 2010. Federal Judge Vaughn Walker had just ruled the Proposition 8 was unconstitutional, and NOM was pissed. So they put out a radio ad to justify Prop 8 and attack Judge Walker. Here it is.
Hey, it's Matt in 2015 again. Reflecting back on that 5-year old video, a couple things strike me. The first is that, although you can't see this on the podcast, I had a lot more hair, and tragically, completely failed to style it before it left me. Oh well.
But perhaps more importantly -- did you hear how absolutely crazy NOM's lies were? Even back then, in order to justify Prop 8, they had to completely make up facts and misrepresent the contents of the ruling. You'll hear the same thing in this next NOM ad from 2011. Back then, the Justice Department announced that they would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act, and once again nom was PISSED. So they did what they always do: lie. Here's my debunking from 2011:
Okay, it's me in 2015 again. Well times sure have changed. Two years later, the Supreme Court agreed with the Obama administration -- and many of the politicians who were responsible for DOMA in the first place -- and overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. What strikes me about this ad is how NOM repeatedly conflates DOMA with marriage. It's as if, in their minds, DOMA and heterosexual marriage are the same thing. Like you can't have marriage if you don't have DOMA. Well we've been without it for a couple years now, and it sure does seem like straight people are still getting married. So THAT'S a relief.
Also at the end of NOM's ad, they ask you to go to DefendDOMA.com. I was curious about what DefendDOMA is, so I checked it out. Sure enough, it doesn't appear to have been updated since 2011. Their Twitter link is broken. NOM's link to sign a petition no longer works. And when you click on "Donate," you get an error message that says "unavailable." That's a real shame.
Finally let's take a look at a NOM video from October of 2012. It features a narrator explaining in meticulous detail why it's OK to discriminate against gay and lesbian couples, and it's one of NOM's most polished an also most desperate videos. Although we didn't know it at the time, NOM had good reason to be desperate when they put this video out.
And we're back to 2015. I remember that being a particularly exhausting video to make, in part because of the density of misleading information. Remember, this was October of 2012, and NOM was getting desperate. Four states were about to vote on marriage equality -- Washington, Maryland, Maine, and Minnesota -- and although voters had rejected the freedom to marry in dozens of states in years past, for the first time ever, it was looking like the queers might actually win in 2012.
So this ad was part of a NOM strategy to reassure voters, no, don't worry, it's ok to discriminate. But of course they were fighting a losing battle at this point, and must have known it. Multiple polls showed a majority of Americans supported the freedom to marry. And sure enough, a month later, voters in all four states rejected NOM's ballot measures.
Strangely enough, they haven't made any videos since then. I'd like to take full responsibility for that. You're welcome, America.
Next week I'm going to take a look at some more debunking videos -- the clips we heard today were all national fights, but next week's will dissect the lies that NOM was spreading state by state. That includes the organization's brief and inexplicable obsession with a moose.
Until then, listeners, please do get in touch and let me know your thoughts and questions on Twitter -- I'm @mattbaume. And leave a review on iTunes, those reviews make a huge difference.
And check out my other podcast, The Sewers of Paris, for revealing personal stories about the entertainment that changed the lives of gay men.
Until next time, friends… by the power vested in me by the internet, I now pronounce this podcast over.
Music:Music: In Your Arms Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Afterword
Nov 23, 2015
The dramatic conclusion! Will James and I ever get married? The answer may surprise you. (But probably not.)
Plus: what's next? Well, now you can finally buy the print edition of the book! If you're enjoyed the podcast or the ebook, a dead-tree edition of Defining Marriage might make a wonderful gift, should a gift-giving opportunity arise in the near future. You can pick it up right now on Amazon.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 17: Set Course for the Alpha Quadrant
Nov 16, 2015
For years, national leaders told Josh Boschee that North Dakota had no place in the marriage equality movement. “It’s not where the battlefield is,” they told him. It was just conventional wisdom that his state would never be a player, and he wouldn’t have a role.
And so he was resigned to sitting the fight out. “We’re just going to hope and pray that the other states take care of it for us,” he said.
But as one state after another won the freedom to marry, the conventional wisdom made less and less sense. And he saw the harm of waiting on the sidelines — for example, his neighbors, Celeste and Amber, were expecting a third child in a few weeks but couldn’t appear together on their own kids’ birth certificates.
Sure, the national groups said North Dakota needed to wait. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized: “You know what? We don't need the national groups. We'll just do it on our own.”
Over the course of just a few decades, marriage had gone from an impossible joke to an attainable goal, even in the most unlikely of states.
It was a messy process, unpredictable and littered with setbacks. But it was also a process of growth, of improvement, of coming together for the betterment of all involved.
Just like marriage itself.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 16: Love and Commitment
Nov 09, 2015
At first glance, it might not seem like Thalia Zepatos had a personal stake in the marriage equality movement. After all, she was straight, with no kids of her own.
But she had also experienced the pain of second-class treatment. It was during a particularly violent campaign for nondiscrimination protections, during which staffers’ offices were broken into, Thalia’s car was followed, and innocent queer bystanders were attacked and killed by skinheads.
After that experience, Thalia was determined to end such abusive treatment. She saw that progress had been slow and that public opinion wasn’t moving fast enough, and so she dedicated the next few years of her life to searching for a better way to show voters why the freedom to marry mattered.
And then, at last, she discovered a solution: a message that was so obvious it was right in front of everyone all along. Her research showed that it worked — but it had yet to be tested in an actual election.
By 2012, there was no time for further testing. Four states had marriage bans on the ballot, and Thalia had convinced campaign managers in all four states to adopt her new strategy. They were about to find out whether it would work.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 15: Welcome to the Other Side of the Rainbow
Nov 02, 2015
Senator Ed Murray had a roadmap to win equality in Washington. It would take years, and for much of that time, nobody believed he could do it.
That’s because a key ingredient of his plan was time and patience. Rather than pushing for full marriage, Ed wanted to take a slow-motion approach, gradually educating legislators about marriage over the course of years before putting a marriage bill in front of them.
Impatient allies didn’t see the point. But Ed’s strategy was vindicated one day in 2012 when he was sitting in his office with his partner Michael, both of them collecting themselves after an emotional testimony about why their long relationship deserved equal treatment under the law. In walked Mary Margaret Haugen, a longtime legislator with a conservative district. She had voted against marriage equality in the past, but today, she told them, she had changed her mind. It was simply the right thing to do, she realized, even though it meant she would probably lose her seat.
That’s when it was clear that the tide had turned. People who would never have supported the freedom to marry before now found themselves switching sides, even if it came at a great cost.
“We have been on a long journey,” Governor Christine Gregoire said. After years of work, she said, the marriage bill was “the final step. It is the right step. We have finally said yes to marriage equality.”
But it wasn’t the final step after all. Instantly, anti-gay groups began gathering signatures to put their definition of marriage on the ballot that November. Winning over the conscience of the legislature was a multi-decade effort; now, Ed had eleven months to win over the conscience of the whole state.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 14: If not … Great
Oct 26, 2015
If you wandered down to a Midtown union hall in Manhattan one night in 2011, you might’ve encountered an unusual sight: Broadway stars, decked out in tuxedos and cocktail dresses, calling voters all over New York. They’d just left an awards dinner early, and without stopping to change they had descended on a marriage equality phone bank — as they had been doing for weeks.
It was the work of Jenny Kanelos, a small-town girl who’d moved to the big city just a few years earlier. In her wildest dreams, she couldn’t have envisioned herself leading a movement. But just a few years earlier, she’d volunteered to work on the Obama campaign, and discovered within herself an untapped well of power. Jenny found that she possessed two secret weapons: an intense commitment to justice, and a community of allies ready to follow her into battle.
She teamed up with her friends Gavin Creel and Rory O’Malley — themselves stars of the stage — and before she knew it, they were leading a rally in the middle of Times Square, drawing massive crowds to phone banks, and delivering boxes full of signatures to the Capitol.
But organizing alone wouldn’t be enough to win equality. Despite the groundswell that Jenny and her friends led, legislators dismissed the public support and voted down a marriage bill.
Now New York was about to find out what happens when Jenny gets pissed.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 13: Well That is F***ing Bold
Oct 19, 2015
It seemed too improbable to be true: the lawyers who fought Bush v. Gore teaming up to fight Prop 8. And if that wasn’t strange enough, the company they were keeping was absolutely insane: lefty activist Rob Reiner; Bush Campaign Manager Ken Mehlman; screenwriter Dustin Lance Black.
Orchestrating this strange alliance was Chad Griffin, who was until recently an outsider to marriage equality. He’d been brought in to advise the Prop 8 campaign, and the cause had become his passion. Now, the political operative turned his attention to the freedom to marry, and he had a daring new strategy.
It was so daring, in fact, that the conventional wisdom at the time was that it was a terrible idea. Longtime leaders let him know in no uncertain terms that his federal lawsuit could do far more harm than good, and that there was little trust for his conservative allies. Their objections were completely reasonable, given that they’d weathered painful setbacks in the fight, from the destruction of relationships to legal roadblocks to the death of loved ones in the midst of battle.
This new strategy was wrong, they explained, and so were the people behind it. The whole thing broke all the rules.
But Chad was convinced that breaking the rules was the only way to win.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 12: You Have to Take Part in Your Own Liberation
Oct 12, 2015
One week, Amy was just a newlywed from Cleveland. The next, she was leading an international protest movement, drawing millions of people into the streets.
It started with a simple email from her friend Willow, and the suggestion that people channel their outrage over Prop 8 into impromptu local marches. Amy casually posted the suggestion on her website, forwarded an email about it to some friends, and went to bed. That’s how Join the Impact was born.
In a sense, it came along at just the right moment. After Prop 8 passed, the LGBT community and its allies had been plunged into a collective state of grief, furious and mournful and feeling entirely powerless. Everyone was looking for a place to channel their emotions. Amy and Willow found themselves deputized as global grief counselors.
But the two women soon found that leading an international liberation movement can be a little exhausting.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 11: I Don’t Really Know How it’s Going to Work
Oct 05, 2015
The plan, Tim and Juan agreed, was to wait until spring.
That’s when Tim’s brother returned from serving in Iraq and could serve as best man at the wedding, just as Tim had done for him. A family-heavy wedding was non-negotiable for Tim, but for Juan it was a bit more problematic. His family still struggled with his homosexuality. Tired of waiting for their struggle to be over, he’d cut them out of his life.
After they met, Tim’s family had taken Juan in as one of their own, embracing the man who made Tim so happy. They couldn’t wait to be married in a few months.
But then they woke up the day after the election to discover that Prop 8 had passed, and marriage was off the table. Any other couple might’ve mourned and settled for a civil union. But Juan was resolute. The ban may have passed, but one way or another, they he was getting that license.
They were about to discover just how powerful family and the drive to marry can be.
Stick around after Juan and Tim's story for a little post-chapter discussion, including my interview with Dustin Lance Black. We chat all about his history of fighting for marriage equality, why marriage is so important to him, and why his relationship with Tom is so special. "I never dreamed in that time I'd meet somebody and fall in love and get engaged. I just never knew if that was something I'd be able to appreciate in my own lifetime."
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 10: This is an Effing Disaster
Sep 28, 2015
The crowd that gathered outside the California Supreme Court in May of 2008 let out a cheer that you could hear clear across the city when they got the news: the court had just overturned the state’s marriage ban. Same-sex couples could finally marry.
What followed was a summer of sheer bliss, with 18,000 couples typing the knot. But looming on the horizon was Proposition 8. The idea that anyone could take marriage equality away was simply too painful for many people to confront.
But leaders like Kate Kendell were doing everything they could to sound the alarm. Faulty polling, lackluster fundraising, and a backwards campaign strategy were just a few of the red flags. Longtime grassroots organizers like Molly McKay were aghast to see a campaign that wanted nothing to do with them or their years of experience.
While the campaign sputtered and organizers struggled, the clock was counting down to what was looking increasingly like the end of marriage.
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Chapter 9: Zero Regrets
Sep 21, 2015
Gavin Newsom was mayor of San Francisco for just one month before he pissed off the President of the United States.
But that was the goal. After President George Bush called for a constitutional marriage ban in his State of the Union, San Francisco’s newly-elected mayor racked his brains for an appropriately defiant response. He was sure he’d hit on the perfect solution: let gays and lesbians marry.
To his surprise, the plan encountered strong resistance from queer leaders, including those within his own staff. The timing was wrong, they told him; it was too risky; as a straight man, it wasn’t his fight.
But he stuck to his guns, and soon there were lines of same-sex couples ringing San Francisco City Hall, broadcast internationally and propelling marriage equality into the spotlight.
Then came the backlash, both in the form of more marriage bans across the country and repercussions to Newsom’s career. Was it worth it?
“It's never the right time to do the right thing when it comes to politics and politicians,” he told me years later. “Which means it's always the right time to do the right thing.”
Music: Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
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