Health
**Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women**

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine … and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard?

And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us — we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply.

Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

Latest Episodes:

292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange) [replay] Jan 19, 2024

Show notes

If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.

In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.

But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get "reverse polarity." This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.

We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it's important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.

Even if you're experiencing reverse polarity, you can both grow in different ways and generate polarity again. We can always expand our consciousness and capacity -- it just takes some work and sometimes some skilled guidance to get there. The good news? Figuring this out can lead to the most satisfying sex and connection of your life.

Note: The concept of polarity comes in part from David Deida's work, and in addition to reverse polarity, here we also delve into the concepts of first-, second-, and third-stage relationships.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

291: Want to get better at dating? Here are 3 ways to practice with women (ft. Violet Lange) Jan 12, 2024

Show notes

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).

Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.

This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes

"Online dating can be crushing."
"Structure in your life can lead to other structures."
"Half my female clients meet their partners in real life."
"Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new women can be a game-changer."

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Mentioned on this episode:

Violet's program: Radiant Love
Jaiya's community work with the erotic blueprints
Londin Angel Winters & Justin Patrick Pierce's work

290: Teaching healthy masculinity in schools! The Inspiring Men Project (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh) Jan 05, 2024

Show notes

When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man?

No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering.

Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He's in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and young men. The goal is to teach them how to be "a calm but assured version of masculinity."

But how do you do that? What do you teach, and how do you describe what it is to wield power? Listen for a fascinating view into an inspiring potential future for us as a culture. (Also, if you have sons or may have sons in the future, this one will be of particular interest to you.)

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“I was starting to see so much toxic masculinity I started to devalue my own masculinity.”
“These boys don’t get shown possibilities — it’s just, ‘Don’t be these things.’”
“I started to see how much harm our boys are facing.”
“I can’t control what the world does to me, but I can control how I meet that.”
“Emotion are tools. They’re important.”
“Power is our ability to meet and shape the world around us.”
“Sometimes it’s important to bond shoulder-to-shoulder; sometimes it’s important to bond face-to-face.”

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Mentioned on the episode

Scott's program, the Inspiring Men Project, and his own site
This is Your Moment (program to stop rape)
RAINN (Rape & Incest National Network) -- free, confidential chat-based support for anyone who has experience any form of sexual assault
Sacred Sonz -- virtual and in-person support for boys and teens

289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange) Dec 29, 2023

Show notes

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode.

If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you've ended up with.

In our work with men we've often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.

Fortunately, we've also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes:

“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”
“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”
“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”
“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone."
“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”
“Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I'm a nice guy. Now what?
Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

288: GuyTalk: What dating is like after getting divorced Dec 22, 2023

Show notes

Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children.

Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?”

Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as their experiences dating, having sex, and getting into new relationships post-divorce.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“I didn’t feel safe to voice my needs with my partner.”
“I felt like my identity was being snuffed out in my marriage.”
“It was a deep-dive back into my passions.”
“Am I worthy? Will a quality woman say yes to this?”
“We’re both doing work and we support each other.”

—

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

287: GirlTalk: The either/or conundrum in sex, dating, and relationships Dec 15, 2023

Show notes

This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really crave from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly.

The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can either have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can either settle down and become 'boring,' or have an exciting life without stability.

This pattern of thinking is especially obvious when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. A lot of people struggle with believing they can have a partner who is BOTH one thing and another thing. And for women who are attracted to men, that is frequently: I want to feel claimed/ravaged AND respected/cherished.

There's more to it than that, and here we get down and dirty with it. Listen on for insight into the light and dark masculine, fuckboys at Da Club, the shame we hold around this pattern, and how to embody everything a woman yearns for.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Mentioned on this episode:

Dear Men Episode 269: The heart/cock matrix

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“I can either have fun … or be married.”
“I liked the feeling of being respected, but I didn’t feel juicy.”
“This is the best sex that I’ve ever had with anybody.”
“I could trust that he would show up, and see parts of me that I wasn’t necessarily proud of.”
“It’s not something you do or say. It’s a vibe!”

286: How do I “do” dating apps well? (so I don’t get discouraged) (ft. Jason Lange) Dec 08, 2023

Show notes

Online dating can be hard! As a hetero man on the apps, you're statistically likely to get far fewer matches than a hetero woman. If you're on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, MeetMindful, and/or OKCupid and you're not finding what you're looking for ... you're not alone.

Dating apps can be crazy-making -- for real! That said, online dating does NOT have to suck for you. We have 5 concrete tips for you to maintain your sanity and actually have a good experience.

These are things we've seen work for our clients, and they can work for you. Take a listen if you want more hot sex, dating, and relationships in your life.

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes from this episode:

"A lot of times we see men limiting themselves because they assume a woman won’t be open to a “less serious” relationship."
“Everybody is navigating different phases of life.”
“For it to be a successful relationship, it doesn’t have to last forever.”
“Turn the notifications off!”
"I have an ability to impact my life (vs. I feel like a victim).”
"When we’re doing the work, we’re getting our power back.”

285: Depression, Anxiety, and Nice Guy Syndrome (ft. Tony Endelman & Dr. Glover’s work) Dec 01, 2023

Show notes

How do depression & anxiety intersect with sex & dating?

If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experience anxiety, clinical depression, and/or dysthymia — low-grade, chronic depression — then you know how easy it is to spiral. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, it can feel daunting to even get started. Negative self-talk abounds! This can be exacerbated if you identify with Nice Guy Syndrome.

The fact is, human beings (especially in the modern world) are prone to anxiety & depression. So how do you work on it and respectfully get laid at the same time?

Here, Toby Endelman, who collaborates closely with Dr. Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy), discusses his own personal journey around overcoming depression, and practical steps you can take if you’re in the same boat.

This is a big subject and there are no quick fixes, but the important thing to know is that there *is* hope, and things can get better.

—

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“My father’s passing really knocked me on my ass.”
“I grew up thinking I was deeply unattractive.”
“I couldn’t believe this woman was going out with me!”
“Changing my environment was a great start.”
“Every relationship is a choice, and you always have the choice to walk away.”
“You cannot do this work alone. We need other people to become who we are.”

284: Is cheating (including emotional affairs) correlated with Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Jason Lange) Nov 24, 2023

Show notes

Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power.

Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on.

In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.”

To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like:

What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship?

How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship?

Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so?

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“I wasn’t taught to attune to myself, or advocate for myself.”
‘“Life just happening to us’ (as Nice Guys) vs. ‘I have the power to impact my life.’”
“Confrontational tolerance is critical.”
“It tends to bring guys alive.”

Mentioned on this episode:

Dear Men episode 128: Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
Dear Men episode 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything -- this is the one I reference, where we talk about emotional neglect
250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange -- this one explores the concept of polarity as well as reverse polarity

283: How to go from stuck ... to unstuck ... to THRIVING (ft. Brian Johnson of Heroic) Nov 17, 2023

Show notes

"What should I do with my life?"

It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around.

Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing.

But how the hell do you figure it out?! It isn't always easy. Enter Brian Johnson, who has worked with elite athletes, Navy SEALs, the CEO of Whole Foods, Phil Stutz (psychiatrist to the stars), and thousands more. He's successful, driven, and very passionate about helping everyone know how to answer the question, and go from stuck to unstuck to thriving.

Traditional sex and relationship advice won't cover this, but if you want women to desire you on a deep level -- sexually as well as in a relationship -- this isn't one to miss.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

"You’re supposed to enter the forest at the darkest spot, and sometimes Life throws you into that spot."
"It’s laser tag; do I really need instructions??"
"The most elite performers in the world have the most coaches."
"Love is the hero’s secret weapon."
“Action drives creativity.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

Brian's book: Areté

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