Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Latest Episodes:

322: 5 ways to polarize a powerful woman (ft. Jason Lange) [Replay] Aug 16, 2024

Show notes

Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;)

So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better.

I love polarity work because it can make a concrete difference in sex, love, dating, and relationships. I've seen countless clients ditch old dating advice, learn about this, and then say, "Wow, this polarity thing really works on a date." Or, "Man, I wish I'd known about polarity sooner ... my marriage might have gone differently."

The fact is, no one teaches us about dating and sexuality and HOW to connect well. Most men don't learn how to flirt with girls, how to polarize a partner, or even what polarity is. Yet it's a fundamental relationship dynamic that can help with everything.

Here we lay out five practical ways to polarize a woman partner into her feminine, helping her to drop into her heart and soften. If you've ever wondered why certain evenings with your wife or girlfriend were magical, while others felt like pulling teeth, this may help.

And if you're a man who has sex with women and you want to help your woman soften, receive more of your love, and relax into even deeper levels of trust, this one is for you.

Quick note: We talk about this on the podcast and wanted to include it here: If you suspect your partner may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (i.e. nothing you do ever seems to make a difference with her), polarity work won't cut it.

You may also want to listen to our episode on that subject: 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder.

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321: 'I’m afraid to show interest until I’m willing to commit' (ft. Jason Lange) Aug 09, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever been concerned about getting involved with a woman because you didn't want to hurt her feelings if it didn't work out?

Ever felt like you shouldn't go deeper emotionally with a woman you were dating because you weren't sure you wanted to put a ring on it?

Does it ever feel like all women want a long-term, committed relationship, so if you're not available for that, you're somehow doing something wrong?

The fact is, sex, dating and relationships are complex. There are a lot of possibilities, and the best kind of relationships are the ones that feel good to both parties.

Here, we explore how to date ethically, share what you're available for, and how to be aware of what's underneath your fear of upsetting a woman. We also outline the immense value of short- and medium-term relationships, and what some women really want when it comes to those.

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

“There are a LOT of men who have so much care and concern, it causes them to not fully engage.”
“I’m here for this; let’s see what’s here.”
“You cannot be in relationship with someone and never hurt them.”
“A successful relationship doesn’t always mean life partnership.”
“Experience is always more valuable than theory.”

320: From breakdown to breakthrough: how to recover from trauma (ft. Jason Lange) Aug 02, 2024

Show notes

If you’ve become aware that you experienced developmental trauma (and/or attachment wounding), you may wonder how to heal from it.

Where do you go to move through stuck parts of yourself that are holding you back? How do you get things moving and release blocks so you can finally get what you want in sex, dating, and relationships?

Jason was a self-proclaimed late bloomer Nice Guy with developmental trauma — he had sex for the first time at 26, and still had a lot to learn around dating. Plus, he was often numb and felt like life was sort of happening to him. He wanted more, but didn't know how to get there.

Then he went to a men’s work workshop where a mentor took just twenty minutes to get him to a place he hadn’t touched in 3 full years of talk therapy.

It was transformational.

(And now he’s married to a beautiful, self-aware, radiant woman with whom he has a thriving relationship.)

Here’s the story of how he got there — and how you can, too

Evolutionary Men Retreat

Ready to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 5 slots left.

Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.

To sign up or learn more, go here.

319: 'My relationship is war.' (What do I do?) (Ft. Jason Lange) Jul 26, 2024

Show notes

Ever felt like when it comes to your relationship, you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or that when you come home, you don't know what (or who) you're going to get? Or that every moment is, "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?"

Reality check: It is not normal to be constantly on guard or anxious in your relationship. That kind of chronic anxiety is highly dysregulating -- and yet it's the "norm" for many of the men with whom we work. Whether they're in sexless marriages, struggle with overwhelming anxiety in dating, or yearn for more closeness with their partners, they're suffering. Are you?

Here we discuss the difference between an unhealthy and healthy love relationship. A healthy love relationship is one in which the relationship GIVES you evergy, rather than draining it from you. Or as we put it, “It’s not a healthy relationship if it requires you to abandon yourself over and over.”

And: “Our relationship should co-regulate us, not dysregulate us.”

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

“There’s a sense, if I don’t keep making my partner OK, they won’t make it.”
“We definitely see the toxic loyalty play out with Nice Guys.”
“I’ve got to pay attention to survive here.”
“Being with you in our dynamic is actually causing me self-harm. I’m hurting myself just being in relationship with you.”
“Most importantly, I feel safe with you.”
“Your relationship becomes a generator!”

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Other episodes related to this one:

Episode 106: What does it mean to 'do the work'?
Episode 196: Are you a child of neglect?

318: GirlTalk: Role play in sex. What's it like!? Jul 19, 2024

Show notes

Ever wanted to explore role-play in sex? If so, you're not alone! According to research, one in three people in North America alone wants to try some kind of role-play in the bedroom, whether that's doctor/patient, professor/student, cop/detainee, pirate/wench or some other sexy dynamic.

Why is sexual role-play so intriguing? Is it different from kink/BDSM? How do you bring it up in a fun and respectful way with a partner? What are your hesitations, and what might your partner's hesitations be? And what's your pleasure? What would you want to explore?

Here we delve into all of it: sexual taboos, our own personal experiences with role-play, how to talk about sexual role-play with a partner, and more.

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

"We had both had experiences of being in shut-down sexual relationships."
“I don’t want to be the director; I want to be the actress."
"These aspects of our psyche are more than just entertainment."
"Relationships can evolve."
"It’s a basket of possibiities!"

317: What exactly IS codependency? (How do you know if you’re codependent?) (ft. Jason Lange) Jul 12, 2024

Show notes

"It felt kind of like a trap, but at the same time felt like a soothing warm blanket to feel safe and ruminate within."

"The codependent relationship is filled with drama. There is blaming, a victim and the rescuer/protector. That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me."

"It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried."

The word "codependence" gets thrown around a lot, but it's not always clear what it means. How do you know if you're codependent? How do you know if your partner is codependent? Can one person be codependent while the other isn't?

Here we delve into our own personal experiences of codependency, as well as the experiences of some of our clients. We aim to provide clarity on codependent dynamics and how to overcome them.

In Jason's words, "Too many men stay in a place of perpetual suffering." If your love relationships have never felt quite right -- if they've always felt off, or you've felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she couldn't take care of herself), or you've never felt like you could get it right with your partner (nothing was ever enough), this will be relevant for you.

A lot of the men we work with are aching for MORE, and I just want to say -- that's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

“We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”
“While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”
“As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”
“There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.”

316: Where do you find quality masculine role models? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay] Jul 05, 2024

Show notes

Did you have a deeply present, emotionally aware father who took the time to attune to you and teach you how to be a trustworthy, integrated man?

If so, you're in the minority. ;) Most of our clients had far-less-than-ideal role models when it came to the masculine -- which makes becoming a trustable adult man challenging.

For example, do you feel equipped to lead hard conversations with your woman partner, and help the two of you navigate repair? Are you able to stand up for yourself in a deep, grounded way without getting defensive or shutting down? Did you ever see any of those things role-modeled in your family of origin?

The fact is, we learn how to be in the world from our caregivers. If you were raised by people who were abusive, alcoholics, neglectful, or just not emotionally attuned to you, then there are gaps in your understanding of sex, dating, and relationships. Here we talk about how to fill those in -- and how to replace bad role models with good ones.

If you're someone who wants to grow beyond how he was raised -- this one is for you.

Themes from this episode:

The impact of having an emotionally volatile dad vs. absent/passive dad
If you don't want to be "that guy" -- the angry guy, the shut-down guy, the guy who makes women uncomfortable -- how do you act instead?
How do you reclaim your manhood if you grew up with women who badmouthed men? (i.e. "Don't be like your father")
The power of men's work

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

315: What happens once you’ve recovered from Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Dr. Robert Glover) Jun 28, 2024

Show notes

There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example?

If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your relationships.

If you’ve ever had thoughts like, “When’s it going to be my turn? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?” or, “I’ve done so many good things, nobody should ever be mad at me.” — then you’re plenty familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome!

But what happens after you’ve recovered? What’s the dream? What happens once you’ve mastered things like asserting yourself, knowing what you want and need and how to speak up for it, and how to set healthy boundaries?

Here, Dr. Glover and I go through the before, during, and after states of Nice Guy Syndrome. It gets spicy in places, so get ready for a fun ride!

Memorable quotes from this episode:

“Nobody ever taught me, ‘Say what’s on your mind.’ In my family, that was actually punished.”
“You begin to realize that a lot of the patterns in your life are triggered by unconscious toxic shame, and deep anxiety states.”
“In the process of having good guy friends, my love relationship has improved dramatically.”
“This is the most productive, satisfying year of my life.”
“We’re healing for humanity.”

314: Can microdosing help you develop better relationships? (ft. David Romero) Jun 21, 2024

Show notes

Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life?

Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken?

Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships?

Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. Sometimes we just all need some support to break through big blocks.

Here, I talk with David Romero, psychedelic integration coach, about how microdosing psilocybin can help human beings live fuller, richer lives -- including in relationship.

So-called "magic mushrooms" have huge potential when it comes to healing. And with all the stresses of modern life, we can use all the advantages we can get when it comes to helping us to have more regulated nervous systems, heal attachment issues, and overcome chronic pain.

If you've ever been curious about microdosing psilocybin as a therapeutic modality, you won't want to miss this one.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

"More often than not, the root causes of physical pain are deeply psychological."
"We’re byproducts of the stress that took place before we even arrived in this world."
"These things do amazing things because they help give you a different perspective."
"It allows us to take a step back from the crisis our mind is putting us into."
"I can confidently say it has made a profound impact on my life and my love relationship."

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Mentioned on this episode:

How to Change Your Mind -- mini-series on psychedelics used for healing, streaming on Netflix
Fantastic Fungi -- excellent documentary on mushrooms (psychedelic as well as other kinds), streaming on Netflix

313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder) Jun 14, 2024

Show notes

"I took responsibility for things that wasn’t mine to take."

So begins the brave stories of four men who share their personal experiences of what it was like being in relationship with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (or with traits of it).

If you've ever been unsure about whether your partner may have traits of BPD, this is a good one to listen to. For example, ever felt like your role in your relationship is solely that of a caretaker? In one man's words, "I felt like a caregiver and she was my responsibility."

Thrillingly, this episode is about more than just the intensity of being in an unhealthy relationship. It's also the story of freedom, expansion, and joy. It's how these men got out, and the brightness, love, and peace that's possible on the other side.

In one man's words, a turning point was interacting with someone who treated him with kindness and respect: "It was a healing moment and I began to imagine a different life for myself."

What does it take to get out of an unhealthy relationship? What is life like after you do personal growth work and heal? Sex, dating, and relationships are complex, and here we delve into all the dynamics at play from beginning to end.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

“Anything I shared about myself was eventually used against me, and sometimes in cruel ways.”
“My life in the relationship was like being on a rollercoaster with no safety harness.”
“My self-worth started to come back, and that’s what made me think, ‘What am I doing in this situation?’”
“In my current relationship, I feel grounded, safe and loved. It’s a world of difference.”
“Now life is pretty fucking great.”

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Other resources mentioned on this episode:

National Domestic Violence hotline (includes a live chat feature, if you don't want to get on the phone yet): TheHotline
Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
Dear men episode 289: Do Nice Guys attract volatile women?