Dear Hank & John - Complexly

400: For Those Who Are Still Listening Oct 30, 2024

Why do Hank and John keep things PG? Why are white sheets the standard ghost costume? How will computers deal with dates beyond the year 9999? If the president was allergic to peanuts, would the White House become a peanut-free zone? In the Garfield comic strip, can John understand what Garfield is thinking? …Hank and John Green have answers!

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399: God of Frogtok Oct 16, 2024

Why do things happen “at” night but “during” the day? How do you heat food during a power outage? What is an organ? Does moonlight contain UV rays? What are the implications of AI song covers? What’s a better name than Milkdromeda? Hank and John Green have answers!

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398: Organic Plastic Sep 18, 2024

When do I stop using a bar of soap? What’s the current state of the first plastics ever made? How do you best judge peoples’ character when dating? What’s going on with bacteria in my math problem? How do authors get health insurance? Hank and John Green have answers!

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397: A Top Podcast for Teens Sep 04, 2024

Why don’t we know why gravity works? What if the Green brothers went on Dancing with the Stars? When jaundiced, do smurfs turn green? Why am I always thirsty even though I drink lots of water? How is Potato doing? Do you ever go down internet rabbit holes learning about the things that plague you? …Hank and John Green have answers!

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396: I’m About to Become an Expert Aug 21, 2024

Why do many romance books release in paperback? Can giraffes swim? Can a mosquito get drunk from biting me? How do I understand supreme court decisions? Should I put ice cubes in my mug before or after pouring my coffee? Hank and John Green have answers!

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395: Your One Wild and Precious Corpse Aug 14, 2024

When will people be buried on the moon or mars? How do I not feel lonely and like a social failure? Do we not have anything interesting to say to ants? At what point is it socially acceptable to refer to how long your business has been open? What’s the deal with art galleries? Where do ocean creatures go during a storm? Where does the sun get its energy? Hank and John Green have answers!

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394: I Think Very Highly of Me (Live at VidCon!) Jul 31, 2024

Would John perform standup if it avoided inconveniencing someone? Which historical figure should be swapped with a dinosaur? Why is everyone so mad about Pluto? How do you solve a problem like Maria? Hank and John Green have answers in this live show.

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393: I Hope You Forgot to Record Jul 17, 2024

In which Hank and John go on a journey of meaning.

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392: Kill The Part That Cringes Jun 26, 2024

Should tiny characters really have high-pitched voices? Where do flies sleep? Is a seed a plant? When, why, and how were hard-shell tacos invented? Should I be concerned about nicotine in potatoes? Hank and John Green have answers!

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391: High Priest of Beef Days Jun 12, 2024

Do we have the original copy of the declaration of independence? What animals would have been on Noah’s Ark? What do I do if I accidentally walk into a fancy restaurant? What do I do with an unused prom dress? How do I know if I’m a boring person? Hank and John Green have answers!

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390: Breathe Mars (w/ Dr. Katie Mack!) May 29, 2024

If everything was the exact same color, would we still be able to see? Why can't I take naps in contacts? How long does it take to get to space? What would you bring to Mars? How many people are asleep right now? If atoms are mostly space, why don't I fall through my chair? Hank and John Green have answers!

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Introducing The Universe May 22, 2024

John has launched a new podcast project with Katie Mack! Crash Course Pods: The Universe is a new limited series podcast where Dr. Katie Mack, a theoretical astrophysicist, walks John Green through the history of the entire universe - including the parts that haven’t been written yet.

Join John and Katie as they discuss the Big Bang, cosmic dawn, black holes, and, eventually, the end of our universe.

It’s available now on at https://youtube.com/CrashCourse and wherever podcasts are available.

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389: Dear Honk and Jane May 15, 2024

What's the best way to hold an umbrella? What do I do with a life-sized Shaq? Are humans a super-organism? Why does espresso goop smell like burnt hair? Is 26 too late to start wearing sunscreen? What is a pet to do when their person sneezes? Hank and John Green have answers!

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388: Turtle the Moon May 01, 2024

How could ping pong balls be considered a liquid? What do you mean "there's no free will"? What is toothpaste? What counts as a rare book? What is Applebees? What's the worst accent you got? What would happen if Gamera hugged the moon? Hank and John Green have answers!

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387: Hard Pivot to Beef Apr 22, 2024

What are some good audiobooks? How do I relearn to chew? How do vitamins get assigned letters? How do I ask for money I was owed? How do I deal with a fear of worms? How do gel fingernails work? Hank and John Green have answers!

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386: Play Me Some More Fiddle Apr 03, 2024

Why does my cat put her mice in the water bowl? How do you quit Twitter? How much would it cost to build a real Lego house? What happens to dirt displaced by coffins? Why do batteries bounce when they're dead? How do I balance socialization and personal time? Hank and John Green have answers!

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385: Duology Mar 20, 2024

What's a good place to put stickers? How do I convince my friends to join me in a wolf-and-bear enclosure? How does a compass work in space? How do I be less judgmental? What's happening with the economy? Did astronauts know about low gravity on the moon before they got there? Hank and John Green have answers!

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384: A Martian Ocean Mar 06, 2024

How do you stop caring whether people like you? Why does my shower set off the smoke detector? Why would a 21st century suburban high school have to test for tuberculosis? Should I wash my eyes? Can a solar sail tack against solar wind? Has humanity peed an entire ocean yet? Hank and John Green have answers!

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383: The College Freaktacular Feb 21, 2024

How do I choose what college to apply to? Any fast tips for college survival? Am I gonna forget everything I learn in school? What's the future of college? What do I do after college? How do I function on my own? Hank and John Green have answers!

Take a college course that starts on YouTube and earn college credit with Study Hall: https://link.gostudyhall.com/dhj

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382: Dental Spider-bots Feb 07, 2024

Why don't batteries last very long? Does Spider-man have to brush his teeth? Can a goose do math? Hank and John Green have answers!

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381: Until Oblivion Hits Jan 31, 2024

Why do humans have butts? Why does John sound weird this week? What should a delivery driver do when a dog escapes? How many humans have ever been 30? How do I handle my drinking problem? Why do leaves change colors at different rates? Are we doing anything tonight? Hank and John Green have answers!

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380: GreenChat 2024 Jan 10, 2024

What's up with the Green brothers in 2024? Hank and John Green have answers!

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379: Rainbow Moon Dec 20, 2023

Where is the bit line? Why are some jenga blocks harder to pull than others? Would the moon be the same brightness if it was a different color? Hank and John Green have answers!

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378: Pelican Dream Chat Dec 13, 2023

Are orcas the only animals that sink ships? Will vodka give flowers a second wind? Hank and John Green have answers!

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377: Dear Hank and John: Taylor's Version Nov 29, 2023

How do I get my significant other on board with Taylor Swift? Would Taylor Swift be a good president? Will you rerelease the Eras Tour Pizza John shirt? What's your opinion on Napoleon Dynamite? Hank and John Green have answers!

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376: Death of the Dad Joke Nov 15, 2023

Do my pets have better circulation than me? What's the organizational structure of an anarchy club? What are your hiatus T-Swift thoughts? How do I return a key to someone I don't talk to anymore? Why does a boiled egg feel less than a fried egg? Hank and John Green have answers!

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375: The Water Episode Nov 08, 2023

Why is unsalted water called freshwater? How long would it take to drink a swimming pool? How do I gently reject a fish? What size are we on the scale of the universe? Can I eat misdelivered food? How do I break spaghetti? Hank and John Green have answers!

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374: Shorter, And Worse, But More Authentic Oct 25, 2023

Hey, what's up with the podcast now? How do I destroy a thatched roof in a wind tunnel? Hank and John return from a brief hiatus to give you all these answers and more!

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373: Infinitely More Versatile (w/ Mike Trapp!) Sep 18, 2023

Why do we have Eastern and Pacific time zones? What would happen if I blended a smoothie for a year? What's the most versatile food? Why are some towns completely circular? Why do we get in the shower instead of under it? Why do people like surprise boxes? Hank Green and Mike Trapp have answers! And you can catch more of both of them on Dimension 20's Mentopolis, now on Dropout.tv!

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372: Did I Just Glimpse Nirvana? May 22, 2023

What the heck is going on with Dear Hank and John for the next four to six months? Hank and John Green have answers!

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371: Eyeglasses, A Finger, I Dunno May 15, 2023

How do I find meaning in life? How big would a ball made of all the world's mosquitos be? If Neanderthals were around today, would they understand memes? Where is it 5 o'clock right now? Hank and John Green have answers!

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370: Solving a Space Murder (w/ Sam Reich!) May 01, 2023

Should cars have two horns? Why are humans the only animal that uses toilet paper? How do cowboys say goodbye? When will the first space murder take place? How do I have a Taskmaster birthday? Was there ever a day when nobody died? Hank Green and Sam Reich have answers!

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369: Now It Gets German (w/Sarah Urist Green!) Apr 24, 2023

Where does the word delete come from? How do I maintain friendships in a difficult time? Do humans undergo physiological changes along with seasons? Could a potato take a picture? How do I do stuff at college? Why do we do what we do? What shoes are best at deflecting cleats? What's the deal with tuberculosis? John and Sarah Urist Green have answers!

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368: Cowboys Through and Through (w/ Roman Mars!) Apr 17, 2023

Are roaches a moral failing? What makes a species native? What's a finsta? How do I help a horse experiencing object permanence? Can I use quarters I found? How do they do surgery on a fish? Why do only old people like stinky cheese? Hank Green and Roman Mars have answers!

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367: Sharkface Unicycle Boy Apr 10, 2023

Is doing a 180 in a rocket ship hard? Do fish get thirsty? What are some alternatives to "Sun's Out, Guns Out"? How worried should we be about AI? Where do Floridians go for spring break? What's the next big sick? Hank and John Green have answers!

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366: Just Science Day (w/ Deboki Chakravarti!) Apr 03, 2023

What does water smell like? Did bipedal dinosaurs get back pain? Is my perception of time related to my heart rate? Does getting fresh air when you're sick actually doing anything? Are orange peels airtight? Why can't I smell ants? Why can't humans drink river water anymore? Deboki Chakravarti and Hank Green have answers!

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365: Some Guy Died in This House Mar 20, 2023

Are there any liquid planets? What should I know about tuberculosis? Do we eat rocks other than salt? Why do I like crickety leg rubbing? What do I wear to an orchestral Ratatouille event? How do I hide my birthday? Is 100^99 bigger or smaller than 99^100? How do full moons work? Hank and John Green have answers!

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364: Yourami (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Mar 13, 2023

Why do we put butter in that thing in our fridges? How do I explain memory loss without garnering sympathy? Is mental illness as romanticized as it is stigmatized? Are righties called northpaws? What's the best donut you've ever had? Where is the Pogue's Run Tunnel? How do I make a Dr Pepper cheesecake? John and Sarah Urist Green have answers!

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363: What is Sadness, Even, To a Mouse? Mar 06, 2023

Do mouse burp? Does skiing get better? Why does one movie feel longer than multiple TV episodes? Can I yo-yo while skydiving? What's the loudest a sound could be? What have we learned today? Hank and John Green have answers!

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362: Time and Cheese Grater Feb 20, 2023

Can I use eggwater for coffee? Do cows eat chickens? Does soup make you pee? How does electricity know when a circuit is closed? How many pancakes are required for a stack? Is John trying to pull his hair out? What's some good cheese-grating small talk? Hank and John Green have answers!

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361: The Murky Passions Feb 13, 2023

Why can't I sneeze on command? Do young people really not want to work anymore? Does every region have their own secret sodas? When will the Awesome Coffee Club make tea? Could I survive deep underwater if I went down there slowly enough? Why don't people say things are going North? Hank and John Green have answers!

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360: Katherine's Question Challenge Feb 06, 2023

Can fish see water? How do you decide what to write about? Does a shoal ever get to just vibe? What's your favorite part of the movie Goncharov? Do sea creatures have boogers? How long would it take to walk around the moon? Why do people unwantedly abbreviate my name? What color do you want your bones to be? Do I move through time, or vice versa? Can I keep a gift I haven't given yet? Hank and John Green have answers!

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359: Converted to Goldendoodles Jan 30, 2023

Are anthills just one person? Can you help solve crosswords? Did people used to think they would die of colds? What does "have a good one" mean? When can I compliment a stranger? Hank and John Green have answers!

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358: My Heart Muscle's Chiseled Jan 23, 2023

What person growth have you seen in your life? Why doesn't my heart feel sore after exercise? Hank and John Green have answers!

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357: Who Should Come But The News Dec 26, 2022

Which uncle is most likely to underpay you? How do eyes wear a sundress? What are your New Year's Hot Takes? Hank and John Green have answers!

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356: Screaming in a Large Space Dec 19, 2022

What can I do in an empty library? How fast do we make pee? Can a horse and a dinosaur have kids? Can I live in Milton Keynes as a Wimbledon fan? Could I drink Martian water through a filtered straw? Is the sun up there silently screaming for all eternity? Hank and John Green have answers!

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355: The Spy Who Traumatized Me Dec 12, 2022

Does it really take one to know one? What do I say when I hand someone blood? How do I catch up with news on a monthly basis? How do I keep my impact in perspective? Hank and John Green have answers!

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354: Major Major Major Major Dec 05, 2022

Why aren't people over 18 called majors? How does irratiation work? Why are different spots of skin different? What does it mean for Hank to be on a journey of meaning? How long have artichokes been around? Who's Bernice? Hank and John Green have answers!

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353: Good for the Gaggle Nov 28, 2022

What would you do with $44 billion? How important are consistent beliefs? Who decides collective nouns? How do I stop swearing but still be cool? Can correlation ever imply causation? Do we know more about ʻOumuamua? Hank and John Green have answers!

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352: Self-Serving Sarcophagi (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Nov 21, 2022

Who decides how a name is pronounced? What would you preserve for the future? How do I make sure I'm kind? Have you purchased your burial plots yet? What can I do in Indianapolis? How do I impress with rollerblades? Have you considered going to Ireland? John Green and Sarah Urist Green have answers!

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351: Sphere the Atmos Nov 14, 2022

Why is it harder to wake up during inclement weather? How do I explain gravity to a 3-year-old? Do magnets ever stop magneting? Do I weigh less on a mountain? What's the difference between an -ology and an -onomy? Where should I get my next tattoo? What's the tattoo-getting etiquette? Hank and John Green have answers!

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350: Fully Two Selves Nov 07, 2022

Where does paper go when you cut it? Were silent letters always silent? Why do you only smell smells when you inhale? What categories aren't made up? Do other planets each have their own unique day names? How do you deal with grief? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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349: The Rooster Gauntlet Oct 31, 2022

Did people used to die of old age earlier? What would happen to a dead body on the moon? Where could I live that is furthest away from venomous creatures? How do we know that smacking an asteroid would keep it from hitting Earth? How do I be brave in the dark? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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348: Good Old Demily Oct 24, 2022

Do you have questions? This week only, Hank Green and John Green have exactly zero answers! Just a real human conversation about pilfered lemurs, secret playlists, and past mortifications.

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347: The Ultimate Stalemate, Emotionally (w/ Mark Watson!) Oct 17, 2022

Could you break out of a giant pickle? How do you balance gratitude? How do I pretend I know what someone's talking about? How do I be more understanding of reply anxiety? How do I handle people who don't like Rocky Horror? How do I correct someone's pronunciation? Hank Green and Mark Watson have answers!

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346: Pete's A John Sep 26, 2022

What class would you invent? How do I know if someone recognizes Pizza John or not? How do I let one of my students know I recognize Snizza John? What do I do when a student tells me I look like I eat trail mix? Is time just an increase in entropy? How do you handle pizza emergencies? What beverage do we leave out on Pizzamas Eve? Hank and John Green have answers!

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345: Did He Have Rats? Sep 19, 2022

What's up with Ryan Reynolds? Why do green anoles like singing more than brown anoles? Is stomach acid inside our bodies or outside our tubes? How do bats aim poop? How do La Croixs get their flavor? What is the beer of champagnes? Hank and John Green have answers!

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344: A Film of Scuzz Sep 05, 2022

Would being caught just before hitting the ground still hurt? Is it bad that the Earth is spinning faster? Where does the air inside of bell peppers come from? Why do people use pot lids as cymbals? How do you get better at trivia? Hank and John Green have answers!

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343: Raccoonanity Aug 29, 2022

How often does the moon go around the Earth? Are bugs alright? How do I not cry at rude customers? When's the last time you had a good cry? What is the animal version of "humanity"? Hank and John Green have answers!

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342: Recovered Ancient Knowledge Aug 22, 2022

How do I house sit for 100 ducks? How do I move a tectonic plate? How do power lines explode balloons but not birds? Why are so many US products not available in Canada? Hank and John Green have answers!

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341: Juice the Cloud (w/ Randall Munroe!) Aug 15, 2022

What would happen if a day was a minute? What if an asteroid hit a volcano that was ready to erupt? Would a rocket and a bullet go through Jupiter's center? How many countries would Earth have if they were all the size of Vatican City? Would you tell anyone if you found oil on Mars? Could a person eat a whole cloud? Hank Green and Randall Munroe have answers!

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340: Blame the Bird Aug 08, 2022

How do I have my writing read apart from me? Is the Earth really round? How do I find out about food recalls? What would Earth be like if trees had never evolved? Why are the planets different at different distances from the sun? Hank and John Green have answers!

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339: Every Building is a Vehicle (w/ Brennan Lee Mulligan!) Aug 01, 2022

How does something absorb light? How do I handle losing four marks? Is it okay to disagree with movie reviews? Can I just take ice cream? Is it bad luck to open an umbrella in a car? Hank Green and Brennan Lee Mulligan have answers!

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338: The Stupidest Birds in the Forest Jul 25, 2022

How do I respond to decade old bread texts? How do woodpeckers not get concussions? Would Earth's destruction be bad for Mars? Why is it so hard to get the last cereal square on the spoon? How was soap invented? What would Earth look like from space if it never had life on it? Hank and John Green have answers!

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337: Reserved for Mateys Jul 18, 2022

What's up with all the giraffe sex? Why is it easier to keep a moving bicycle upright? How does my stomach growl? Why were dinosaurs so big? What are some interesting skills to have? Hank and John Green have answers!

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336: Welcome to Wendy's Jun 27, 2022

How do I learn to fart? Do I dream of invisible sounds? Can you use a vacuum inside a vacuum? What does "keep an ear out" mean? Why are hardcover books so expensive? Hank and John Green have answers!

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335: Just Boil It Jun 20, 2022

Why is the Earth's interior still molten? How do I tell someone I don't like orange soda? What do I write in the yearbook for someone who failed my class? What do I do with Too Much Peanut Butter? How does a 14-year-old make money? Hank and John Green have answers!

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334: The Nose of A Mouse May 31, 2022

How do we know what happens in black holes? How do I make small talk with an old guy? What's the best plant for a typewriter-shaped flower pot? Why do we have capital letters but not numbers? What's the difference between democrats and republicans? Why do heat injuries make you more prone to future heat injuries? Hank and John Green have answers!

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333: Crabulo.us May 23, 2022

Do I address a mis-sent crab flyer? Could we open some terrariums on the moon? What does "run of the mill" mean? How will people on Mars maintain their microbiome? Do snakes need to stretch? Is there a purpose to having music around ad breaks? Hank and John Green have answers!

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332: As It Transpired May 16, 2022

What grade would we get as an alien's homework? Was your feud over YouTube comment signatures? How do you write an email? Can trees make clouds? How do I make it to the bathroom when the middle seater sleeps? Is it okay to buy used books? Hank and John Green have answers!

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331: The Edge of a Very Small Wilderness May 09, 2022

How do I handle a loved one's astronaut aspirations? Should I pick dandelions? How do I sound more cultured? What is a "vibe" scientifically speaking? How do you think of new jokes? Why can't we send our garbage into space? Hank and John Green have answers!

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330: The Dear Hank Rejoinder May 02, 2022

Can I use a mother's day coupon on myself? How much of a dollar bill do you have to have to use it? Why is the computer mouse cursor tilted? How do we know Alpha Centauri is the closest star? Can a smell be solidified? What does my dog know about mirrors? Will a badger respect my pee? Hank Green has answers!

Music breaks in this episode:

"Fall of a Raindrop" by Calm Shores

"Soda Stream Jingle" by somebody in the '90s who probably got paid a LOT

"The Bratwurst Song" by Stationary Sign

"Street Life Educations" by Off Cuts

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Note: The podcast ad for the IMPACT app is unscripted and being recorded live. It may contain some slight differences. Please visit https://impact.interactivebrokers.com/ for full details of products and services. Interactive Brokers, LLC member FINRA/SIPC.
The projections or other information generated by IMPACT app regarding the likelihood of various investment outcomes are hypothetical in nature, do not reflect actual investment results and are not guarantees of future results. Please note that results may vary with use of the tool over time.
The paid ad host experiences and testimonials within the Podcast may not be representative of the experiences of other customers and are not to be considered guarantees of future performance or success. The opinions provided within the ad belong to the host alone.

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329: Here's How to Lose Every Time Apr 25, 2022

What do you picture while reading? How often should a woodpecker poop? What does the spicy cough demand? What do I do about workplace ants? Can a friend be a +1? How do I know if a job is not for me? John Green and Rosianna Halse Rojas have answers!

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328: The Dear John Episode Apr 18, 2022

Do bees know what they're doing? Do you worry that you'll run out of thoughts? What is the wildest thing some rando has ever said to you? Can my weekend sleep schedule be different? Why are advertisements so annoying? How do ships traveling at half speed save fuel? What are the implications of a tiny plastic baby? How do you do anything when the world is ending? John Green has answers!

Music breaks in this episode:

"Dear Hank and John Theme" by Gunnarolla

"Stolen Hearts" by T. Morri

"Becoming Mr. Bossa" by Redeemin'

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The projections or other information generated by IMPACT app regarding the likelihood of various investment outcomes are hypothetical in nature, do not reflect actual investment results and are not guarantees of future results. Please note that results may vary with use of the tool over time.

The paid ad host experiences and testimonials within the Podcast may not be representative of the experiences of other customers and are not to be considered guarantees of future performance or success. The opinions provided within the ad belong to the host alone.

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327: One Drop of the Dirtiest Water (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Apr 11, 2022

How are art eras named? How do I feel about a somewhat small accomplishment? How do move on from gnomes? Do you like Latin? John Green and Sarah Urist Green have answers!

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326: The Best of Dear Hank and John, Vol. 3 Apr 04, 2022

From exploding shower doors to unsneezing doctors, here's a collection of some of Dear Hank and John's most memorable moments from episodes 200 to 300 (ish)! There's also a bunch of dad jokes. If you need a refresher on some dubious advice, Hank Green and John Green have you covered!

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325: Just A Chicken Floated By (w/ Roman Mars!) Mar 28, 2022

Why don't we have mouth roombas? Is the universe full of chickens? What scientific advances are happening? What was the first internet purchase? How do I convince my parents to let me check a bag? What is Twitter? What's the difference between a telescope and a camera? Are sea monkeys natural? Hank Green and Roman Mars have answers!

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324: mOON NOT COLD? Mar 21, 2022

Are there more wheels or doors? Why do we have individual teeth? Are there more teeth or more legs? mOON NOT COLD? What if my colors are different? How do I use a mouse? Why do firefighters have Dalmatians? Do astronauts ever eat normal food? How does moving water cast a shadow? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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323: Hoop Seated Mar 14, 2022

What percentage of total stuff do we know about? What does "net zero carbon emissions" mean? Why does stove-heated soup taste better than microwaved soup? How do I maintain motivation consistency? How do I tell my boss I hate his football team? Is there a way to eat asparagus without your pee smelling weird? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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322: Front Row Salad Bar (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Feb 25, 2022

How do you eat salad without looking weird? Should I wear makeup to a job interview if I don't usually wear it? Why are word games so fun? When does "late" turn into "stood up"? Why does clothing changes sizes in luggage? How do I find people who want what I make? How do I enjoy a hobby without being the best at it? John Green and Sarah Urist Green have answers!

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321: Chicken Yoga (w/ Chelsea Fagan!) Feb 21, 2022

Why do people fall for crypto scams? Should I work for a company that doesn't align with my values? Why does cash not feel like real money anymore? Where do millionaires keep their money? Why is investing seen as a "man thing"? How do I not feel bad about leaving my job? How do I start investing? What dinosaur had the most delicious eggs? Hank Green and Chelsea Fagan have answers!

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320: Fried A Feb 14, 2022

Do we really need leap days? Are there liquids that are thinner than water? Why did Hank keep making TikToks after he said he wanted just one? How do I explain mortality to people who question my flowers? Do my cells have families and sentience? Hank and John Green have answers!

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319: The Bug & Shrimp Wordle Hour Feb 07, 2022

What would happen if we carbonated the ocean? Were you excited to talk at the doomsday clock conference? How do I be less competitive? Is the Library of Congress an actual library? What does "heard through the grapevine" come from? Hank and John Green have answers!

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318: Opposing Squirrel Vibes Jan 31, 2022

Is it possible to not have a temperature? Why isn't space hot? How big would a city have to be to hold everybody? How do I get my parents to ease up? Hank and John Green have answers!

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317: The Sleepy Holler Hanna Banjo Band Jan 24, 2022

Where should I practice the banjo? Why am I allowed to walk up to Starry Night? What do I do with unwanted books? Why doesn't gum stick to teeth? How does one order the next round on themself? How do booster shots work? Hank and John Green have answers!

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316: The Lovecraftian Squirrel Situation Jan 17, 2022

Why do spoons flip reflections on one side? How do we know the Northern Hemisphere is on top? How famous is Hank on Tiktok? Why do guys have amazing eyelashes? What's the closest flammable planet? What does "matching funds" actually mean? Hank and John Green have answers!

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315: Orlampa Raxerati Dec 27, 2021

How would you like to be bronzed? How did 2021 go? Where's the Complexly logo exit? What are some first time solo flying suggestions? Hank and John Green have answers!

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314: The Ultimate Week in Ryans (w/Ryan Reynolds!) Dec 20, 2021

How much of the sky can I actually see? Can I return to a coffee shop if I forgot sugar and cream? Why is Ryan Reynolds on today's podcast? How can I stop picturing a mixture of Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling? How do I deal with blowing an audition? How do I explain that the Ryan Reynolds I married is not today's guest? Who decides what books become movies? Hank Green and John Green and Ryan Reynolds have answers!

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313: I Will Not Engage Dec 13, 2021

Why are your German accents so bad? Why are American English classes so intent on finding meaning? Does Earth's spin affect air travel? How would sound work through Gabriel's Horn? Does nobody really like you when you're 23? Hank and John Green have answers!

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312: Chonkadees Dec 06, 2021

What luggage should I buy? How do I set reminders without a phone? How do I arrange to be fossilized after my death? How do I do things alone? How do we know the universe is expanding? How do I turn down monetary offers for pets? Hank and John Green have answers!

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311: Confurious (w/ Deboki Chakravarti!) Nov 15, 2021

Could we clone a neanderthal today? Would I get sick if I ate the Mona Lisa? Why aren't there other animals as smart as humans? What is the skin of your teeth? Would turning on a flashlight in space, would it move you? Has anyone ever tried to use lightning as a power source? Hank and John Green have answers!

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310: Ruined Rax Pants Nov 08, 2021

Who decided what pen colors were professional? Do you have any advice for stage fright? If you dropped something in a hole drilled all the way through earth, where would it end up? How does one's internal clock work? How long should I wait for someone to call me back? Should I put a plot twist in my book? How long would it take shoeless humans to evolve foot pads like dogs? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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309: The Modern Pacifier Nov 01, 2021

Do subatomic particles have color? How do I be less dependent on my phone? What happens if you eat the scoby? How do you help a parent when they lose their job? Where did museums come from? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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308: No More Dongles Oct 25, 2021

Wouldn't it be easier to genetically engineer a martian than terraform Mars? How do mirrors represent distance? Should I wear my Pizza John mask to jury duty? How do you get good at being bad? Why do goalies have different uniforms? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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307: Snizza John Oct 11, 2021

What can a license plate tell you? Which person is the piggy in the piggy back ride? Why can't tractors go faster? Why are there so many jewelry ads on the radio? Why can't I get dressed the night before? Can non-cherry fruits be maraschinoed? What is TV static? Is a two-headed hydra two pets? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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306: Lemon People Bucket Problem Oct 04, 2021

What is indigo? Do you study for your books or rely on past knowledge? Would we notice if everything in the universe got bigger? If I fell through a cloud, would I get wet? Why can't I melt wood? Who do you have so many publishers? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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305: No Manholes Allowed Sep 27, 2021

How fast to you have to be to follow the sunset? How fast are mosquitos? Why does the solar system spin? Should a three-headed dog have three names? How does soap work? Why do car speedometers go so high? Why do YouTube thumbnails change sometimes? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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304: Snotty Little Crapburger Sep 20, 2021

What do I do when I freeze up in a job interview? How do I bail on a high school I never attended? Are we still evolving? Should I attend my high school's do-over prom? How does gravity affect lemon men? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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303: Come Back With A Warrant Sep 06, 2021

How much does a rainbow weigh? Where is Voyager headed? What does it mean to 86 something? Am I radioactive? Is it normal to clap at the end of movies? Are brains strings or wrinkle? What does "not unkindly" mean? Who reads books as a job? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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302: Please, Your Reimbursement Here Aug 30, 2021

What's less scared of us than we are of it? Why do spammers call me Cameron? Why can't Jeff Bezos give his money away? Is there less oxygen where plants don't grow? How do I reply to a friend with a tenuous grasp of geography? Can my glasses burn my eyes like a magnifying glass? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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301: Super Humble Spy Brothers Aug 23, 2021

Why do people say good things humble them? How do I work at a sandwich shop? Should I lean into my temporary tattoos? Why is hold music still so janky? Why are tomatoes associated with Italy? What is a homeroom? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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300: Robocalling Ryans Aug 16, 2021

What's the easiest way to look like you're working? What do I do when my family watches a movie I don't want to watch? Will I test positive for COVID-19 if I'm vaccinated? What is storm oil? How do I deal with the end of the Earth? When do I have to start answering calls from numbers I don't know? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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299: A Very Dark Place Inside My Bones Aug 09, 2021

How deep is sand? What do I do for homeroom? How do I figure out when a wedding is being held? Do you have bones? How do bees work? Why is white noise called white noise? Does sunlight hit my bones? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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298: The Whens and Wheres of Thens and Theres (w/Jess Zafarris!) Aug 02, 2021

Why can you answer what, when, and where with that, then, and there? Hank Green and Jess Zafarris have answers!

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297: The Mariko Aoki Brothers Jul 12, 2021

Where do unreleased toots go? Why do some books tell you what font they use? How do I stop people asking when my book will be finished? What's up with temporary moons? Why do book stores smell like book stores? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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296: The Y'all Call Jul 05, 2021

How do I avoid grieving the living? What's up with Dr Pepper Zero? Would explosions have flames in space? Who is "y'all"? Can a box be round or oval? How can water be oxygen rich? How do you keep one perfect book from ruining all others for you? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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295: Have I Got Some Roaches For You Jun 28, 2021

Can your tongue get swole? Why do we call dog arms legs? Should I keep kids chill when I babysit them? What would an inconvenience store sell? What do I do with a duplicate diploma? Do dogs know when they're old? Did you get the Sunday Scaries? What should my parents do with a box of roaches? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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294: We Messed Up, So Let's Talk Crash Course! Jun 21, 2021

How can I support the creation of free educational content? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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293: A Fiction of Light Jun 14, 2021

Why are printers so bad? When do you change the hair color on your ID? Does NASA fake the color of Mars? Why is Venus hotter than Mercury? How do I tell people I don't work for free? What do I do with peed-on lettuce? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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292: AlienzBop May 31, 2021

Do you burp? Have you ever had hot Dr Pepper? What are mausoleums for? What's the best gift for aliens? Who coined the phrase "coined a phrase"? Can water condense on me? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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291: The Dear Hank Letter May 23, 2021

Is the crust the healthiest part of bread? What would a Dear Hank letter be? How was John the one who came up with the idea for Vlogbrothers? Why do cats and dogs take small sniffs? Am I allergic to Mars? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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290: Independent Elmer Experts May 17, 2021

Is Mars a world? Which side of the bagel is better? Which came first, when or then? Why is there a cow on this glue? Why do people have go-to orders? Who decides when Easter happens? Who decides anything, really? Is it normal to sneeze? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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289: No Moon Chickens May 10, 2021

Why are crisp packet wrappers so noisy? What do you do with a second copy of a book? What's between your organs? Why are podcast ads so different from TV & radio ads? What is a relegation zone? Are Martian sunsets really blue? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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288: I Thought I'd Come Up With A Joke May 03, 2021

What's up with pee shivers? What did we do before glasses? What do I do about freeloading roommates? Where are all the Irish setters? Do I correct my neighbor's misunderstanding of my cat's name? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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287: The AFC Wimbledon & Mars Spectacular Apr 26, 2021

What happened on Mars this week? What's AFC Wimbledon up to? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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286: A Number Likely to Go Up Apr 19, 2021

What's the worst job you've ever had? Why are hats so important? When should I get a vase? Should I wash my hair with cold water? What happens when a cemetery goes bankrupt? How do I become less emotionally dependent on my ex? Why aren't there spicy animals? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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285: A Pill Meant for Horses Apr 12, 2021

Is it okay to ask people for their discarded tree branches? How long would the vaccine need to be in my system before a whale could eat my arm without me needing another dose? Where should the Anthropocene Reviewed book go on my bookshelf? Why does my toilet water move when it's windy? Have you ever been in a sewer? How do they get all that medicine in such a small pill? How should my sister celebrate her 16th birthday? What do we do with my father's neckties? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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284: Brain Secretions Worthy of Consumption (w/ Charlie Jane Anders!) Apr 05, 2021

How do we know if our ideas are original? Are there any serious efforts to colonize asteroids? Why aren't there any space books for teenagers? When does contemporary fiction become historical fiction? How do I write more than a few pages at a time? What unnecessary things do you do to make life more enjoyable? Hank Green and Charlie Jane Anders have answers!

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283: Nightmare Antz (w/ Ashley C. Ford!) Mar 29, 2021

Why is Earth called Earth instead of Water? How do I be less busy? How do I tell my mom her breath is bad? Was it okay to email my doctor? How will COVID be portrayed in future media? Can a fetus yawn? Hank Green and Ashley Ford have answers!

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282: The Silly Brothers Mar 22, 2021

Who writes author bios in the back of books? Why do things burn up when entering the atmosphere but not exiting it? Would you stay in a space hotel? Where does stimulus money come from? Can humans reduce carbon emission as much as we need to? Can you make a cake? How do you get sauces delivered? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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281: Reverse Photon Farts Mar 15, 2021

Would Earth bounce if you shrank it? How do you write italics by hand? How do I overcome vaccine jealousy? How do pupils dilate? How do I write a story without my parents knowing? Will The Anthropocene Reviewed book have special signatures? What is tape made of? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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280: Music in the Wind (w/ Katherine Green!) Mar 08, 2021

How many songs go on a perfect playlist? What's the statute of limitations on sending people photos? Do outside plants get dusty like houseplants? Does the moon's orbit line up with Earth's the solar system's? Why don't eyes fog up like glasses? What did people think of static electricity before the discovery of electricity? How do I track down a mystery smell? What is Groundhog Day? Can you make art in space? Hank Green and Katherine Green have answers!

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279: Live Your Whimsy (w/Farah Alibay!) Mar 01, 2021

How can Mars landings happen in realtime? How will humans keep track of days on Mars? How do I stop imagining mice in books? What's the coolest themed party you've ever attended? Will our radiation kill Martian life? What's it like being a systems engineer for the Perseverance Rover? Hank Green, John Green, and Dr. Farah Alibay have answers!

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278: Popeulation Density Feb 15, 2021

Can a whale use a snorkel? Am I getting one vaccine or two? What is Hank's job? Why do some hoodies have pockets in their pockets? How many popes per square mile does the Vatican have? Is artificial gravity possible? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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277: One Quirk Too Many Feb 08, 2021

Why do American weeks start on Sunday? How long should Christmas decorations stay up? How do I add variety to my life? What's a failure that felt like success? Is it okay to use a gift in its thank you card? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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276: An Onomatopoetic Wifi Explainer Feb 01, 2021

How does science work? Is it rude to turn off the lights while my dog eats? How does wifi work? Do I always dream and just can't remember sometimes? What do I do as an adult? Why do cans explode in the cold but not bottles? Is it okay to get into something good for the wrong reasons? How do I work from home without burning out? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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275: What Good Death Quotes Jan 25, 2021

How does public domain work? What is the most common name in human history? Why do we sleep in the dark? What's up with epigraphs in books? When does researching become spying? How are categories useful? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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274: Not and Never Both Jan 18, 2021

Is Benjamin Harrison the exact middle president of the USA? How did you predict a pandemic? Would a younger version of me be able to open my phone? When did we start counting minutes and seconds? Why would a bathrobe have a hood? What are small things humans do that make you happy? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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273: John's Shark Bite Jan 11, 2021

What is John's emergency scale? What does "profit goes to charity" mean? When do you list someone other than immediate family as an emergency contact? How do I stop thinking about my thoughts? How much money is there in the world? Can planets be other shapes? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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272: If It Was A Good Moose Dec 28, 2020

Are Medusa's powers affected by beauty's subjectivity? What's the difference between dry and wet measuring cups? Have you ever started a blog before? What are some surprisingly edible things? How do I pet a moose? What do you get a baby for Christmas? Where is Gibson and why is your podcast shared there? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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271: The Best Pant (Live at VidCon London w/Hannah Witton!) Dec 21, 2020

How do I make new friends? How do you feel about vulva-print trousers? What do I do while someone is saying hi to my dog? Does organization help you maintain a career with ulcerative colitis? Will people of the future have inaccurate fairs about us? How do you come up with good, engaging content? How do you decide how to spend your time? How do you birthday a person who hates birthdays? Should radar keys be prescribed? Hank Green and Hannah Witton have answers!

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270: Frailty's Pickle Dec 14, 2020

What do I do when my friends don't invite me places? What are some conversation topics that are impossible to argue about? What do I do if I found my Christmas presents? How do I ensure my friend gets my dead hand? Is human vitamin D production dependent on skin surface area? Where does the phrase "in a pickle" come from? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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Time is tickell.
Chaunce is fickell.
Man is brickell.
Freilties pickell.
Poudreth mickell,
Seaſonyng lickell.

-John Heywood, 1562

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269: Into the Future, Vittorio Dec 07, 2020

How do I achieve my dream fridge? What do Danish people call Danish pastries? Is the North Pole a continent or an island? Why are cartoon mice cute? How do cats purr? How does rounding up for charity work? Can I put your voice in a build-a-bear? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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268: How Onion Weight Per Onion Dec 01, 2020

What do I do about a secret snake neighbor? What do I do with excessive root vegetables? How do I respond to someone asking if I'm blushing? Is the Earth at the same point relative to the sun every year? How do hurricanes get named around the world? Will John ever apologize for his Twix betrayal? If you need answers or even just lots of onion-related musings, Hank Green and John Green have what you're looking for!

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267: One From the Archives Nov 24, 2020

How much sand can I take from the beach before it becomes immoral? Are there fossils in space? Where does a pirate accent come from? What's the big city equivalent of a corn field? How do I cut down on screen time? Do I keep tea warm or cool it down? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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266: Doin' My Work, Jerk Nov 16, 2020

Why does the Twix company care about left and right Twixes? What would happen if I found dinosaur bones in my backyard? How do I reply to my boss's strange greeting? Did people roll their eyes in the 1800s? When will we need to update our maps for new continents? Do planes fly over Earth's poles or go around? Do Americans really put cream into coffee? Will copies of the Anthropocene Reviewed book be signed even at my local bookstore? Hank Green and John Green have answers to all these questions in their first foray back into independent podcasting!

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265: The Kazoo Came First Nov 09, 2020

How do I get better at communicating my feelings?! Could the dinosaurs have seen the meteor on its way? Was John really shocked by an electric pen in Crash Course? How can I spice up solo meal times? How do you consolidate your possessions to move in with other people? What's up with kazoos? How do we get vitamin D from the sun? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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264: The Opposite of a Trophy Nov 02, 2020

Do you put your mask or earbuds on first? Why were soda fountains a big deal? Why don't holes in the ground below sea level always fill with water? Where did XOXO as hugs and kisses in letters come from? How do you tell if someone has been quantum leapt? Why is pint pronounced the way it is? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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263: Before the Acorns Oct 26, 2020

Can you really fly close enough to the sun to melt wax wings? Why does it take a minute for hot water to come out of the tap? Where are non-binary people from? Why shouldn't I eat grass? Do Americans have to pay fire insurance? What's topsoil? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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262: The Old Ramen Factory (Live in Carmel, IN!) Oct 19, 2020

What's up with roundabouts? What should my former foster grandpa name be? What are your weirdest stress coping mechanisms? What's your absurd dream scent? What are your favourite non-touristy places in Indiana? What would happen if a werewolf went to the moon? How do I cope with taking extra time for college? What do I do for a disrupted honeymoon? What do I bring when moving to a new country? How can I get my partner and cat to get along? Hank Green and John Green have answers, but keep in mind they're answers FROM THE PAST! Specifically from March 10, 2020, so before ... you know, *gestures broadly* really popped off for their particular locales. Just know that sometimes dubious advice and the questions that inspire it age kinda weirdly!

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261: Not Pastable Oct 12, 2020

Why is fire shaped like fire? What Halloween costumes work with a mask? Why do dumpsters all smell the same? How do I stop getting voting ads now that I've decided to vote? Will humans someday run out of dirt? Who had the idea for keys? Can you cook pasta in something besides water? Is it a bad sign if no ads show up in an ad break? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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260: His One Loamy Weakness Oct 05, 2020

Why do superheroes fly with their arms out in front? Were my college expectations way off? Could we use space travel to look at dinosaurs? Should I feel bad about moderating my comment sections? Why aren't shadows totally black? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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259: Infinite Bird Sep 28, 2020

Could the pandemic wipe out lice? What's up with the "birds aren't real" conspiracy theory? Do you think this will be over by the end of the year? What would human pet food taste like? Are birds pee-shy? How do I convince my partner that alligators aren't that big a deal? Can listening to music really loud really damage your hearing? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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258: A Really Old Cheetah Sep 21, 2020

Will it be safe for my roommate's rabbit to be on TV next spring? What do I pack for an evacuation? Did people make paper planes before the Wright Brothers? What's the website you mentioned that had ballot information? Why don't we hear animals fart? How do I feel better about working at an oil company? Would giants be slow? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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257: There Eye Am (w/ Taha Khan at VidCon London!) Sep 14, 2020

Why do different animals make such different noises? What's the deal with Fahrenheit? How do I not invite all my friends to a gathering? Why is my hair darker when it's wet but not underwater? Is snot me? What do I do with a lot of starfruit? Hank Green and Taha Khan have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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256: A Lonely Road (w/Jacob Goldstein!) Sep 07, 2020

What is money? How do you not look suspicious when you find $60,000? How do I tell my friend I'm uncomfortable hearing brag about their salary? What do I do now that I accidentally turned my boyfriend's sheets pink? How do you pick a car? How do I get comfortable calling myself a writer? How do I handle my friends throwing a birthday party for their dog on my birthday? John Green and Jacob Goldstein have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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255: Hello, Mr. & Mr. Green Aug 31, 2020

What is "other" on my phone's storage? How do I handle my life being thrown off track? What's the policy on renaming a fostered fish? Are mushrooms a vegetable? How do I smile from behind a mask? Can I run through people's sprinklers? How do I start a conversation with my roommate about enjoying your work? How do I navigate bookstore genres without consulting someone in person? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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254: It Ain't Easy Being Green Bunnies Aug 24, 2020

How do eels reproduce? Why isn't there green fur in nature? Is small talk a betrayal? Where do rights come from? What do I do about a late birthday present? What's the name of our solar system? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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253: Tensor Tympani Work With Me Aug 17, 2020

How much paint does it take to make a room smaller? Why can't we hear when we yawn? Are we always expanding the same way the universe is? Why does gatekeeping happen? Why is there an L on a hill in Missoula? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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252: A Comedy Podcast About Chemical Equilibrium Aug 10, 2020

How do I handle my fear of megacryometeors? Why do bugs like lights so much? Where is John's Edgar Allen Poe bust? How do I stay productive while recovering from surgery? Would fireworks work in space? How do you work All Star into your video titles? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn.Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn

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251: 5 Seconds is 1 Mile Aug 03, 2020

Where should I be during a phone interview? Do other animals get sick as often as humans do? What's the time/distance correlation between lightning and thunder? What's a rehearsal dinner? What do I do with really minor TikTok fame? What happens to amputated limbs? How do I make remote wedding guests feel included? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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250: Carl Yastrzemski's Business School Jul 27, 2020

How do I live the dream of not having a job? What's the history of mouth cleaning? Do authors get to choose the font of their books? Why are piggy banks shaped like pigs? How do you feel about sibling comparisons? How finite is the atmosphere? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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249: The Liverbird in the Room (Live at VidCon Now!) Jul 20, 2020

Any life advice for a recent college graduate? If you put milk in a bowl of croutons, is that dinner cereal? How do I stay motivated to create? What have you learned about yourselves or each other lately? What should I do for graduation cap decorations? What would you like to do for a solo podcast? How do create content while staying true to myself? How do you fit 3 bedrooms into 2? What was your favorite VidCon moment ever? What flavor of ice cream should I make? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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248: Nature's Solar Panels Jul 13, 2020

How do you greet multiple friends in different time zones? What are some other card games that scratch the same itch as Uno? Could I swim in the water table like a lake? Can I photosynthesize like a plant? If other animals didn't already fly, would we still have invented planes? When bugs land on us, is it because they think we're majestic? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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247: Lobster Dream Hands Jul 06, 2020

How do I learn to dance? Why do shirts have tags? Have you ever published a book under a pen name? Where did air quotes come from? How do you answer the phone at 2 AM? Should I be worried about entering the workforce if I don't like meetings? Why do you two use the same youtube account?

Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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246: A Hard Wet Sponge Jun 29, 2020

What are some socially distant birthday strategies? Why do we refer to things as bone dry? Do all microwaves rotate in the same direction? Why haven't we cured cancer? Can I appropriate abandoned office plants? Is it okay to drink tea from a coffee mug? Why does alphabetical order exist? What does it mean to waste water? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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245: We Are Held Together by Sunlight Jun 22, 2020

What happens to viruses when they die? Is it possible to separate the art from the artist? Why did you guys talk about Al Gore so much in 2007? How do you retrain your brain? How do I feel confident in my abilities around older people? What is the statue of limitations for the term "late"? What do I do with my new One Direction action figure set? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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244: screamingfrog.mp3 Jun 15, 2020

What could be in an audio file labeled "screaming frog"? Do you write with timelines in mind? What do I do with my grandma's fruitcake? Where do I get a bunch of mosquitos? Do Americans just walk into people's houses like on TV? What's the deal with voting? Do magnets work in space? Can we tell if a planet disappeared? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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243: Either 8½ or 68 Million Jun 08, 2020

How do I help my mom manage her depression? How do I address a professor who signs their emails with initials? What size boot is Italy? What is the most seen you've ever felt by a piece of fiction? What's the best song to secretly learn on guitar? Has being writers affected your view of authorial intent? How do I learn to love opera for the music instead of the attention? What does stadium size have to do with football quality? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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242: I Was Dunking a Basketball (Live in Atlanta, GA!) Jun 01, 2020

How do I show non-consumerist appreciation for my mom? Is it better to be sticky or slippery? What's your favorite chair? How do you get used to living in the cold? How do I deal with having an awkward screen name? How often do books get rejected by publishers? How do you have a moderate opinion? What's the dumbest way you've ever been injured? How do you fight for custody of a goldfish? How do I become mayor? How do I lie about how I met my best friend? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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241: An Exhaustive & Exhausting Study May 25, 2020

How do I wrangle a lot of crickets? How do I spend less time looking at screens? Is a paperback version of a new book worth the wait? What do I keep having recurring dreams about Nicolas Cage being my uncle? Can you sneeze underwater? John Green and Hank Green have answers! Unless your question is "who are Nic Cage's parents," in which case the answer is August Coppola & Joy Vogelsang, neither of whom appear by name in this episode!

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240: Mail Order Memes May 18, 2020

How does the ozone layer relate to climate change? How can I communicate with my phoneless best friend? How many ants would it take to carry a human? Can I drink 4-year-old soda? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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239: Does This Have Walnuts or Pecans? May 11, 2020

How do I connect with my siblings? Why do some cereals falsely claim nuts? Is it okay to call a professor by their first name? Are coffee machines a kitchen necessity? How do I format a scholarship essay? John Green and Hank Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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238: The Meteor Men May 04, 2020

Why don't people paint their houses black? How do I deal with loneliness? What are some good triplet pranks? What are the Google Street View must-see attractions? What's up with money? How much is one lock of hair? Where can I find a "Kirskagard" journal? John Green and Hank Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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237: A Well-Balanced Breakfast Apr 27, 2020

Why have I become nocturnal? How do I write in a book? Where does the phrase "the high seas" come from? Which fruits are breakfast fruits? How do I help my mom appreciate art? How do I deal with negativity on social media? How big would googly eyes need to be to see them on the moon? John Green and Hank Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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236: Connoisseurs of Our Own Embarrassments Apr 20, 2020

How do I stop being embarrassed by mail? How do I edit my grandpa's book? Is it selfish to cry on your birthday? How do I live in a place with bugs? What is something that took you an embarrassingly long time to find out? John Green and Hank Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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235: Do Duck Stuff While Ye May Apr 13, 2020

What happens to ducks when they die? Have you written your will? Why are things blurry even when my face is close to the mirror? What should I grow in my garden? What should I learn about? Can I hang out with ghosts while still practicing social distancing? How do you talk while crying? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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234: I Know About Drowsy, Too, Buddy Apr 06, 2020

Are the astronauts stuck on the space station right now? What crafts or books can I use to pass the time? Will books still come out on schedule? How do I paint something other than animals in dresses? What does "under the weather" mean? Do chickens go through menopause? What's the best human law for a cat to break? Can you make your website less confusing? Why does rubbing alcohol evaporate? How do I stay positive while on the front lines of a pandemic? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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233: The Adventures of Yukon John and Glass Foot Hank (w/ Dr. Aaron Carroll!) Mar 30, 2020

How do I convince my parents to take social isolation seriously? Can I social distance from the same room? How can I get to know my new town while social distancing? Are squirrels real? Should I tell my parents about the secret passage I found in my room? Whatever happened to Soggy Pitch? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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232: The Construction Paper Diploma Mar 23, 2020

How do I entertain myself during a quarantine? Where is the center of the universe? Why are the letters on a phone keypad upside down from a keyboard numberpad? Should I stop talking to my friend because they don't like The Mountain Goats? How do I cope with sudden major life changes? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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231: Bouquet Trebuchet (Live in Raleigh, NC!) Mar 16, 2020

Have you ever added a strange fact to a book? How does a teacher inspire their students? How do I figure out if NASA has aliens? Do lobsters feel pain? How do I focus on one book at a time? How do I keep my family from bringing a siege engine to my wedding? How do I tell someone my name without embarrassing them for getting it wrong? Is only ever wearing one color attractive? How do I get to know my new city? Is being in a spoon cult an interesting enough fact when I introduce myself? Hank Green and John Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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230: The Hot Love of Angry Pigeons Mar 09, 2020

How do I stop losing forks? How do I handle my cat's internet fame? What's your favorite bird? How do I quit my job? What do I do when my job runs out of pasta? Why do some chairs have butt grooves? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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229: You Don't Know When the Sickness Is Coming (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Mar 02, 2020

Should I go to a concert if my recent ex will be there? How do book blurbs work? Can a two-person book club even function? How do I become a better writer? How do I entertain myself while stuck in a department store? Should I feel guilty about making less money than my partner? How do I help my parents understand that Amsterdam is safe? John Green and Sarah Urist Green have answers!If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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228: You Say Banana, I Say Banana (w/ Rosianna Halse Rojas!) Feb 24, 2020

How do I cope with my unrequited love for Timothée Chalamet? Why have I started exclusively reading non-fiction? How can I both support and express concern for my mom's world-class Candy Crush skills? What's the expiration date on a frozen turkey? How can I tell if my fiancée thinks my grandma starred in The Sound of Music? How do I keep a journal? How do I entertain myself without looking at a screen? How do I feel better about accidentally growing the wrong plants? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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227: One-Star Statue Reviews Feb 17, 2020

Where do I start with Star Trek? Where does water go when I turn the faucet off? Why does my nose produce more snot when I cry? Should I ask permission before I sharpen my roommate's knives? How do I become less emotionally attached to a statue I don't own? Is it okay to wear white to a bride-less wedding reception? Is there a way to use social media without getting drawn into arguments? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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226: It Is the Monkey Feb 10, 2020

How close is the sky to the ground? How do you keep the words that captivate you from slipping away? Is it okay to have doubts on the day of your wedding? Could I keep my spouse's calcified heart on my desk? What do I do if I'm trapped in a car due to skunk? How do I properly use the phrase "It's all downhill/uphill from here"? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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225: It’s a Hit and They Get Kicked (Live From St. Petersburg, FL!) Feb 03, 2020

How can I find time to do all the things? If I smack someone with my lower limb prosthetic, am I kicking them? What is the oddest combination of food you’ve seen someone eating? What if I love something everyone hates? Did you ever consider throwing in the towel? When do you figure out how to solve adult problems? What do I do about my leg’s fart sounds? How can I appear older in a room full of high school students? How do I convince my spouse to move for my improv group? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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224: The Octopuscene Jan 27, 2020

What happens to balloons when they fly away into the sky? How do I record a video of myself? Who should you thank? Can bees feel happy and sad? When does the Anthropocene end? How do I get my boyfriend to take ghost travel seriously? What does Kindle highlighting say about humanity? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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223: All at Once for Everyone Jan 20, 2020

What hobbies should I take up while my feet are broken? What would you like to come back as in your next life? Am I "just a teacher"? What is the proper response to a cheese burglar? What should I do about the snoring guy? Is there an American seasoning? How long should you keep Christmas cards? How do you deal with reliving a horrible moment over and over again? Why does my daughter keep asking if I'm hungry? What is proper puzzle protocol? John Green and Hank Green have answers.

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222: Just a Man Who’s Lost His Dongle Jan 13, 2020

What should I do with my art money? What do you do if you miss a flight? Are gas giants just tiny planets with big atmospheres? Why does my brain release endorphins for things that are bad for me? What should we do with the bird in the freezer? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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221: Favorites of the 2010s Jan 06, 2020

In this special episode of the pod, John Green and Hank Green discuss their favorites of the past decade! Topics include:

Favorite bookFavorite poemFavorite dad jokeFavorite TV showFavorite tripFavorite songsFavorite sports momentFavorite Cheeto Guy momentBest conversationFavorite weird enthusiasm

We'll be back to giving dubious advice next week, so send your questions to hankandjohn@gmail.com!

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220: Haunted Christmas Trees Dec 23, 2019

Is it okay to go to your old house and ask if you can walk through it? How do you research? How do you interject in conversations smoothly? Can you unpickle a pickle? What should my rice crispy sculpture be? Can I enjoy religious music as an atheist? How do you sell yourself? Will this tree haunt us? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

Tour info: https://www.hankandjohn.com/appearances

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219: How to Become Part Crow Dec 16, 2019

What is the proper reaction to a canceled Shawn Mendes concert? When should I wear my fancy diamond gold pretzel necklace? What am I supposed to do with the urn my dog's ashes were in? Why do hamsters like wheels? Why are there so few new Christmas songs? Could I get a blood transplant from a crow? Why don't we talk about the moon during the day? John Green and Hank Green have answers.

Tour info: https://www.hankandjohn.com/appearances

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218: Hank & John's Airport Stories Dec 09, 2019

Why shouldn't I take my temperature after I eat? Will my fingerprint grow back? How will COPPA affect Crash Course? Can my bottle of frozen water get through TSA? At what age are you supposed to use the money in your piggy bank? What are the noises that landlines make when you dial a number? Could Bill Gates cure cancer? Will stickers be our civilization's cave art? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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217: Rocks to Earth 2028! Dec 02, 2019

Can stinging insects sting other insects? What is the scientific difference between stuffy and fresh air? Why aren't there many books about twenty-somethings? When did limos become uncool? How do I survive as the fifth wheel at Disney World? How do we know no two snowflakes are alike? What do you do on a bus with 51 twelve-year-olds? John Green and Hank Green have answers!

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216: Zombie Turtle Party Nov 25, 2019

Why do we say “head over heels”? What should I wear to a Mountain Goats concert? What is the best thing that happened during the 2010s? Do airplanes have horns? What is my boyfriend’s interesting news?? How much money would I need to donate to PIH to get you to go bungee jumping or skydiving? What should I bring to a zombie turtle party besides a shovel? Justice or mercy? What happened to the short poems? John Green and Hank Green have answers.

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215: The Big Card Nov 18, 2019

Is it acceptable to put sugar on cottage cheese? Can a Ravenclaw wear Slytherin merch? How do I stop stressing about stress? How do we know what's at the center of the Earth? Should British people get a constitution? Why don't snow globes get moldy inside? Why do grocery stores have olive bars? Should I ask why I wasn't invited to a wedding? John Green and Hank Green give advice!

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214: Crime Dentures Nov 11, 2019

How do I make a film for dental school? What if my anglerfish doesn’t match my room decor? What should I do with a bag full of 1500 pictures of pregnant Harry Styles? Do I need to talk to my boss about the book they lent me? Can I zest a bit of lime at the store? Any podcast recommendations? What song should I blast through the church steeple? Hank Green and John Green give advice!

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213: Baddy One Shoe Nov 04, 2019

Why don't we sink in sand? How do I not freak out about all the time I'm wasting? Do naughty people only wear one shoe? Why do microwaves rotate food? Am I up or down for whatever? My boyfriend doesn't know who Elon Musk is? What would happen if we immediately halted single-use plastics? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions!

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212: The Billionaire Cactus Ghost Oct 28, 2019

What can I do with my cactus costume? What do you do when people you don't know recognize you? Why are all the ghosts so old? Where do grownups keep their potatoes? Are there ghosts on Mars? How do I make my career choice not sound boring? Is climate change for real? Hank Green and John Green answer your questions!

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211: You Can Tik Whatever You Can Tok, Baby (Live from VidCon Australia w/ Zach Kornfeld!) Oct 21, 2019

What is the least dumb way to ask someone out? What’s your strategy for winning Seven Wonders? How did you start from nothing? If you can portray any celebrity in a biopic who would it be? Would you consider becoming a TikTok star? Why do birds? Zach Kornfeld of The Try Guys joins Hank Green to answer your questions live from VidCon Australia!

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210: Chest Moose Tattoo (w/ SciShow Tangents!) Oct 14, 2019

What's going on with microbes? What happens when an astronaut sneezes in space? Why do we have toes? Should I dress fancier? Why aren’t there drones on Mars? Do you get lighter every time you fart? What do I do about the poster I don’t understand? Why do animals live for different amounts of time? Hank Green, Ceri Riley, Stefan Chin, and Sam Schultz of SciShow Tangents join the pod to answer your Qs!

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209: Sword Dabbing (Live from Minneapolis, MN!) Oct 07, 2019

How should I invest to survive a financial downturn? How often do I really need to change my underwear? Am I a bag? How do help seventh graders? Should we think about the 2D world? What are wedding planning tips? How do I stop imitating accents? How do I deal with the ghosts? How do I innovate in a sword company? John Green and Hank green give advice!

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208: Speedo Minotaur Guy (Live from Madison, WI!) Sep 23, 2019

Why is my instinct to hug my dogs too hard? If you had to move to Sesame Street, who would you want to be your neighbor? How do you know when the story you've written is done? Why was Halley's Comet selected for The Anthropocene Reviewed? How does one properly celebrate the removal of orthodontia? Am I causing defective elevators? What do I do if my boyfriend is the speedo guy? Is it okay if I wear my wedding band before I get married? John Green and Hank Green give advice!

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207: The Still Escalators of Doom Sep 16, 2019

Why are unmoving escalators so disconcerting? What do I do about the plant that died while I was house sitting? What should I tell people who think I'm moving to the worst place in the world? Should I tell my mom you're still alive? What condiment would your body dispense? How does iambic pentameter work? How do we know when we're deriving too much from art? How do I make friends in junior high? How do I talk my brother out of aspiring to be a YouTube star? John Green and Hank Green give advice!

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206: If You Can't Put Your Mouth There... (with Andrew Levitt AKA Nina West!) Sep 09, 2019

How should I act around my professor who is also my peer? Do the knobs on toasters control heat or time? How do I not get matching tattoos with my mom? Do you ever think about where all your hair is in the world? How can I be less judgmental? How should you display a sugar packet collection? How do I tell people who think I'm dead that I'm not dead? What should I do when I ring the doorbell and I'm not sure if I rang the doorbell? How should you respond to neck skin compliments? Are my new friends friends? Andrew Levitt (Nina West) from RuPaul's Drag Race joins Hank Green to answer your questions!

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205: Piggy Bank Toughness Sep 02, 2019

Should I call this strange number back? What have I missed on the pod? Why are your faves your faves? Don't you need more than lemons for lemonade? How do I get the money out of this coin bank? Should I get bangs? Should I change my email address? Why do I get the urge to get my life together in the middle of the night? How do I make time pass in my stories? What is with that baseball song? John Green and Hank Green yell at clouds and give advice!

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204: Quiet, Subdued, and Possibly Illicit Aug 26, 2019

How do I make this flesh-eating bacteria sound safe? How do I tell my housemate not to get a crockpot? Am I as unlikeable as the character I wrote? Does my friend live with a ghost? How did conspiracy theories spread before the internet? Why are the most-viewed vlogbrothers videos about giraffe sex? How do I stop my favorite movie from being my whole personality? How would fandoms respond to the apocalypse? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions from the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art, but shhh.

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203: Joy, Attention, Justice, Hips Don't Lie Aug 19, 2019

What do I do with 15 pounds of cornbread? Where do song lyrics live in our brains? Why are we here? How did people get answers before Google? How often should I vacuum? Do wedding pianists get anxious? When are my vegetable plants ready? Can I skip the parts about farming in Anna Karenina? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions!

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202: Pants Clone Aug 12, 2019

Where are the natural wheels? How do I make a conspiracy theorist understand that space exists? What are SEO tools? Should we market climate change better? Why are car horns so primitive? How do I confront my mortality compared to red curry paste? What do I do about the frog in the car? Are Tic Tacs food? John and Hank have answers!

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201: Giant Stone Abraham Lincoln 2020 Aug 05, 2019

Can a sentient statue run for president? How do I attend a show solo? How can I be bougie enough for art frames? Could Elsa solve climate change? How can I not be a sobbing mess on my wedding day? Should I make a new ring for my dad? What should I do when I'm not sure if I know someone? Hank and John have answers!

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200: Only If You Got Enough Life Jackets Jul 29, 2019

What is the setup for this joke? What's with people waving from boats? Why don't cartoons change their outfits? How do I tell someone I’ll be back but not RIGHT back? What is your self-care routine? How do I follow soccer? Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why are flies?? John and Hank have answers!

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199: The Best of Dear Hank & John #2! Jul 22, 2019

Over the last couple years, John and Hank have bestowed upon the world some true gems of advice and anecdotes. We compiled some favorites in one episode for you to enjoy!

We'll be back with a regular episode next week, so if you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com.

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198: No Ticket Out Jul 15, 2019

What's with birthday cake flavor? How do we know where we are in space? Are we the last generation of humans? Is it safe to shower when the power is out? Can I be a dyslexic nerdfighter? What do I wear to a pirate-themed wedding? What is the physics of window air conditioners? How do I stop talking about things my friends don’t care about? John and Hank have answers!

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197: It's All About Empowerment! (w/ Jenny Owen Youngs!) Jul 08, 2019

How do I promote myself? Are museums better explored individually or as a group? What should I do with memorabilia I don't intend to display? What do I do when someone's in my seat? How should Sincere sign off emails? Why do bugs die on their backs? How do we put less value in personality tests? Do mascots smile inside the suit when posing for pictures? Hank and Jenny from Buffering the Vampire Slayer answer your questions and remind you that you rock!

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196: There Is Nothing You Are Not Jul 01, 2019

How did they decide doorbells should go ding dong? How do I get my coworkers out of my personal life? Why does Hank have button-up jeans? How do you not worry that everything you write has been written before? What are the odds that I'm part pigeon? Why don't you see tons of stars when you're in space? Hank and John have answers!

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195: Fun with Bob and John! Jun 24, 2019

What should I do with all these keys? How do I unrecommend a raunchy novel to my grandma? What's a good psychology team name? What is the most effective way to pull an all-nighter? What should I call my girlfriend's parents? Why are middle schoolers so terrifying? What do I do with all these tomatoes? Hank and John have advice!

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The survey is on the Patreon linked above and also here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N7DKBW6

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194: Fortunately, They Are Not Carnivores Jun 17, 2019

How do I advance past the waving stage of acquaintanceship? What does one do at conferences? My friend based a character off of me but the character sucks? How do I get in my house if I'm locked out? From where does a giant African land snail poop? Can I have only one jacked arm? John and Hank have answers!

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193: It's Like a Pool of Liver! Jun 10, 2019

Why do I cry more easily as I get older? What is SPF? What are healthy methods to combat loneliness? What should I do if I busted a hole in the wall while bonding with my sibling? How do I be less curt in texts and emails? Where does John consume his hot takes? How do I stop being bad at cooking? How would John and Hank have met if they weren’t brothers? How do I make this locker room my new home? John and Hank have answers!

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192: Raised on a Yacht (w/ Vanessa Hill of BrainCraft!) Jun 03, 2019

Vanessa Hill of BrainCraft joins Hank to answer your questions! Has it ever not been raining? Can I change my major if I have a scholarship? Should there be compulsory voting? How do I learn to ride a bike? What is tipping etiquette in the US? When is it my turn to watch TV? Can I take a blanket covered with pictures of me to college? Will the US claim Mars as a state? How does boxed mac and cheese work?

For more Vanessa, check out youtube.com/braincraft!

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191: The Engagement Duck May 27, 2019

What is the dress code if there is no dress code? Where can I be anxious at work? What should I do with 72 tall vases? How can I avoid having to do dishes? How can I grow my own vegetables if the Sun is in the wrong place? How do I sort out my priorities? How do I tell my girlfriend's mother we aren't ready for a duck? Is there a polite way to ask someone to eat quietly? How and where should I conceal the dream rock? John and Hank have dubious advice!

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190: The Top Three Best Things About Sneezing Underwater May 20, 2019

How do I get people to remember who I am? What do I do about the Red Bull I spilled in a kid's backpack? How do I deal with my girlfriend's unaccepting parents? Does cold water boil faster than hot water? Which way should a staple face? Is it possible to sneeze underwater? What is the correct way to eat the bottom of a popsicle? How do I get out of being grounded? Can I bring my boyfriend to a thing even though it says "spouses only"? John and Hank are here to help!

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189: Weird Statistics May 13, 2019

Do a lot of people swerve? What constitutes black coffee? How do I make mac and cheese if I don't have milk? What is the rage/luck relationship when it comes to pennies? How do I find out my therapist's name? Should I give books to people who don't like to read? How should I deal with family drama? How do I get my charger back? Is it time to rip off the Band-Aid? John and Hank have (dubious) advice!

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188: The Imperial Bridal March May 06, 2019

What is the proper thing to do with abandoned table beer? What's the best way to spend time on trains? How do I move on when my favorite show ends? How do I sleep in without waking up with a backache? Should I have played "The Imperial March" at a wedding? Are you allowed to use the soap in another person's shower? Why do some carrots taste earthier than others? Why isn't there a Neptune Day? What should I do about Gavin's grass ideas? John and Hank have dubious advice!

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187: The Uncle Mike Way of Life Apr 29, 2019

How do I fairly distribute my hugs? Could black holes suck up the Earth? How do I change the way I walk? How can I support my stressed-out dad? What's the best way to receive negative performance reviews? What do I do if I vomit at work? Why don't ants die when they fall from heights? Who should play me in the movie of my life? John and Hank have (dubious) answers!

The poem John mentions at the beginning of the episode is "The Palace" by Kaveh Akbar, found here.

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186: The Morlon Wiley Way In Apr 22, 2019

How do you open an envelope? How do companies turn attention into money? What's the deal with the itsy bitsy spider? And more!

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185: Time-Traveling Battle Axes Apr 15, 2019

Who owns the bones? Why are American coins so confusing? Would dragon eggs have scales? And more!

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184: Lady with the Time Piece (w/ Helen Zaltzman!) Apr 08, 2019

How do you deal with saying something wrong publicly? How far does a squirrel's social sphere extend? Can I ask my friend questions about her surgery? And more!

Thanks to Helen Zaltzman for being a temporary Green brother this week! Find more of Helen's work at helenzaltzman.com.

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183: John's Subway Safety Procedures Apr 01, 2019

How do you stay focused on one project for a long time? Should I tell this stranger to examine their zipper? Are there other kinds of ketchup? And more!

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182: It’s All Hermeneutics to Me Mar 25, 2019

Are our voices actually slightly deeper? What's going on with paperclips? How do I keep out the chickens? And more!

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181: Comforting Existential Crises (w/ Jana Hisham!) Mar 18, 2019

When are you too old to read YA? How do you get lost in a healthy way? Are there entire civilizations on the bottom of the ocean? And more!

Check out Jana's YouTube channel: youtube.com/aFriendlyArab

This episode was recorded live at VidCon London 2019!

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180: The Bird Thunderdome (w/ Katherine Green!) Mar 11, 2019

How do I win the bird hospitality battle? Are the keys part of the car? How do I get better at creative writing? And more!

You can listen to more Hank & Katherine in Delete This!

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179: The Queen's Dream Job (w/ Danielle Bainbridge!) Mar 04, 2019

Should I pretend to dislike my sister? How do I not put too much pressure on my dream job? How much salt does it take to mummify a person? And more!

Keep learning from Danielle in Origin of Everything!

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178: Snack Man! (Live at PodCon!) Feb 25, 2019

How do I propose to my girlfriend if I can't get down on one knee? How do I get rid of a bad nickname? Should I cause chaos? And more!

This episode was recorded live at PodCon 2 in Seattle, WA.

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177: Gum Influencers Feb 18, 2019

How do I know if I'm being a know-it-all? How do we survive the 2020 presidential election? At what point does a flying fish become a swimming bird? And more!

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176: The Celebrity Life Coaches of Your Dreams Feb 11, 2019

Should penguins go to Mars? Why do we chew rubber? Is this frantic, indecisive squirrel okay? And more!

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175: Burn It All!!!! Feb 04, 2019

What should I put in my journal? Should I sign a card for someone I don't know? What do I do when strangers tell me my shoes are untied? And more!

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174: The Mysterious "Stolen" Car Jan 28, 2019

Am I too old to race down hotel hallways? Is there a stranger in my attic? How do you make plans with a subgroup of friends? And more!

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173: My Ghost Date, Timothy Jan 21, 2019

What should I do at prom by myself? Can ghosts ride in cars? How do you end a voicemail? And more!

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172: Get in Touch with Your Glitter Side Jan 14, 2019

How do I stop receiving so many Peeps? Why do I have to sneeze immediately after I put on mascara? How do I use a bus? And more!

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171: Our Pasta-Making Robot Overlords Jan 07, 2019

What do I do when all my friends hang out without me? Are beans basically small potatoes? How do you smuggle a swan internationally? And more!

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170: You Can Trust Us, We're Aliens Dec 31, 2018

How do I teach a class I know almost nothing about? What if humans had tails? Why can’t you walk through a drive-through? And more!

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169: A Perpetual Christmas Civilization That Orbits the Sun Dec 24, 2018

Why do we put people on pedestals? How can I get better at mornings? What should I hide under the floorboards? And more!

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168: All of Them, Including LinkedIn Dec 17, 2018

Where did all the websites go? How do you solve a problem like Maria? What's my brand? And more!

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167: A Song Called Shhh Dec 10, 2018

What should I do about the accordion player outside? Should I take a trip to a strange city by myself? How do I get in the secular Christmas spirit? And more!

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166: Do Not Enter the Secret Room Dec 03, 2018

Why are human babies so useless? What's with Ohio's salad crackers? Why can't I use an umbrella in the snow? And more!

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165: We're Gonna Make It Nov 26, 2018

What would it feel like to be microwaved? How do I get my dad to chill on Facebook? How do I confront my roommate about the ferret oatmeal baths? And more!

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164: The Kurt Vonnegut Special Nov 19, 2018

How much money should I ask for? How do I talk to my crush? Will climate change make mountains shorter? And more!

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163: A Man's Man's Guide to Potassium Nov 12, 2018

How do I convince my boyfriend not to grow a mullet? What do I do with this small, hot towel? Should I destroy my sad friend in Words with Friends? John and Hank have answers to this and more!

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Hello from Hank and John! Nov 08, 2018

Hosts Hank and John Green (authors and YouTubers) offer both humorous and heartfelt advice about life’s big and small questions. They bring their personal passions to each episode by sharing the week’s news from Mars (the planet) and AFC Wimbledon (the third-tier English football club).

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162: The Fault in Our Mars Nov 05, 2018

What tricks can babies do? Should I become a space lawyer? Did I let a guy steal my car? And more!

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161: Your Dabbing Uncle Hank Oct 29, 2018

At what point do I fail? What should I do while I'm waiting to be sawed in half? Should I eat the fungus? And more!

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160: You Are Not My Bus Oct 22, 2018

Where should I look when I'm talking to someone? Will aliens ride our roller coasters when we're all dead? Should guests help do the dishes? And more!

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159: The Horrifying Five-Tined Fork Oct 15, 2018

How do I get out of this maze? What do I do with this cello? When will I stop having to call my mom to help me figure out life? And more!

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158: President Alligator Oct 08, 2018

Why do people hate raisins? Is U2 a boy band? How do I make friends with the people I work with? And more!

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157: It's My Soundtrack! (w/ Rosianna Halse Rojas!) Oct 01, 2018

Should I treasure my books more? Can I learn to sleep standing up like a horse? Does everyone have an eighties disco playing in their head? And more!

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Find Rosianna:

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Make Out With Him

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156: There Is a Diversity of Opinions Among the People Who Drive This Car Sep 24, 2018

How can I avoid having to dress up for Halloween? What do you do when your friends make fun of your friend? How do I artfully display my rib? And more!

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155: Drunk Fruit Squirrels Sep 17, 2018

Can I wear my Tuesday shirt on other days? How do I give advice that doesn't hurt feelings but is still helpful? Did I steal this plant? And more!

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154: You're Doing Great (w/ Tessa Violet!) Sep 10, 2018

What do I do when I'm asked to lie to children? Should I tell my boss I'm obsessed with her famous son? Why is Dodie so much better at stuff than I am? And more!

Check out Tessa on YouTube and wherever you get your music!

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153: Perfectly Normal Art Projects (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Sep 03, 2018

Can I use being an artist as an excuse for being weird? How do museum benches work? What is the best advice a parent can give their child? And more!

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152: Thank You, Hot Fries!! Aug 27, 2018

Are we living in a simulation? Are there other types of teeth? What should I do with this bowl? And more!

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151: Dapper Dudes Aug 20, 2018

How do I tell my boyfriend he's beautiful? Can I talk to my cousin's ex? How do I figure out my music taste? And more!

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The PodCon 2 campaign ends soon! Support it here!

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150: Spicy Limes Aug 14, 2018

What should I do with this tooth? How do I keep a secret? How do I get out of the shadow of my parents’ triumphs? And more!

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148: Hiding Nuts Jul 23, 2018

Why is there no $25 bill? What happens to a person’s consciousness when they're teleported? What does space smell like? And more!

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147: Celebrities on a Plane Jul 16, 2018

Should I tell my boyfriend he has a fandom? What do you do in a non-reciprocal high five situation? Why are football scarves so short? And more!

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146: Skate with Snakes Jul 02, 2018

How did people tell time before clocks? Should I go to a thing just to avoid FOMO? How do I deal with popsicle haters? And more!

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145: Wait to Panic Jun 18, 2018

What should I do with the ends of bread? How do you know when you get to the end of the galaxy? How did they livestream the lunar landing? And more!

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144: Great, Robust Berries (w/ Jenny Lawson!) Jun 11, 2018

What is your innocuous life curse? What should I read when I've outgrown YA? How do I survive without my coping mechanism? And more!

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143: Eleven Peas Jun 04, 2018

Are there any good billionaires? How do I get better at contracts? What are the rules of doctor-patient small talk? And more!

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139: What If the Moon Was One of Us May 07, 2018

What should I spend my birthday money on? Is hope a dinosaur? What do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth? And more!

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138: Snappy the T. rex Apr 30, 2018

Do dead bodies get sunburned? How do you science a baby? Who were the first fans? And more!

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137: Manhole & Me Apr 23, 2018

Why am I in Seattle? Why are bricks stacked that way in walls? Is nihilism hilarious? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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136: Wake Up Canadian Apr 17, 2018

What should I wear to Hamilton? If you work a four-day week, do you still get a hump day? Are books a distorted mirror? And more!

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135: Danger Noodles and Little Boops (w/ Emily Graslie!) Apr 09, 2018

How do you throw away a trash can? Which animals have the most awkward adolescent phase? Are humans an invasive species? And more!

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134: The Millennial Avocadome Apr 02, 2018

Are rocks actually soft? What are Pop-Tarts? My boyfriend's ex is dating my ex??? And more!

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133: Fork Bouquet Mar 26, 2018

What should I do with all these plastic forks? At what age do you grow out of regret? Do ants sleep? And more!

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132: Schrödinger's Floor Mar 19, 2018

Why do we need constant mental stimuli? How do I clean my room? Can I still be friends with my ex's family? And more!

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131: Space War Fears Mar 12, 2018

How do I handle the surprise baby hamsters? Can I take things from someone else's shopping cart? Are we all gonna die in a space war? And more!

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130: The LaCroix Boix Mar 05, 2018

How much sand is there? How do I unfriend the murder? How does one finance baby? And more!

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129: The Worst Guest Books Feb 26, 2018

Am I not invited to my aunt's wedding? Do I tell my friend I clogged their toilet? Is there an Olympic Hall of Urine? And more!

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128: AARTcoin Feb 19, 2018

Are hitchhiker ants okay? How do I tell my parents I want to study economics? Who is responsible for calling back after a dropped call? And more!

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127: How to Befriend a Crow Feb 12, 2018

Should I follow my dreams of having strange animal friends? What would happen if I pee in this humidifier? Is it disrespectful to look at someone while they yawn? And more!

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126: The Space Alien Orange Peel Health Craze Feb 05, 2018

Should I spend prom at Target or break up my friends? How does Legolas never run out of arrows? What would happen if all plants ceased to exist? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Some things mentioned: The Anthropocene Reviewed: https://soundcloud.com/theanthropocenereviewed An Absolutely Remarkable Thing: hankgreen.com Eons: youtube.com/eons Scatterbrained: youtube.com/mentalflossvideo

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125: Book Hangovers (w/ Sarah Urist Green!) Jan 29, 2018

How do people love reading when it hurts? How do you make friends in art class? How do you proceed after accidentally slow dancing with someone? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com and enter dearhank or dearjohn.

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124: Liars and Litterers and Thieves Jan 23, 2018

Can I hoard stolen goods? How do I make sure I don't become a racist? How do I get cookies? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Hank's book is available for preorder! Learn more at hankgreen.com. This episode is sponsored by Backblaze! Backblaze provides unlimited cloud backup for Macs and PCs for just $5/month. Check it out at backblaze.com/dearhank or backblaze.com/dearjohn.

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123: The Incredible Glamorous Hulk Jan 15, 2018

How do fish get into lakes? How do I stay aware of things without giving them views? Do aliens communicate with sign language? And more! Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. They're offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn to download a title free and start listening. You can also text dearhank or dearjohn to 500-500. Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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122: The Last Brand Deal Jan 08, 2018

Am I too young to be self-supervised? Can I throw away my dead grandmother's sponges? How do I make a personal retirement PowerPoint for Rick? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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121: Every Plum Has Its Thorn Dec 25, 2017

What is the point of love if it always ends? How do I scream? How do I stop a surprise avian ring delivery? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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120: Snake Cuddle Time Dec 18, 2017

How do I memorize all the birds? Should I join the Navy? How do you eat trail mix? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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119: Water Is Dry (w/ Greg Miller!) Dec 11, 2017

Why don't I have a lifelong friend? How can I become ruler of everyone with my name? What are snails trying to flee?? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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118: Heavy Baby Bib! (w/ Alex Goldman!) Dec 04, 2017

What counts as significant change? How do you know who you're supposed to buy presents for? Is it weird to let someone know you're thinking of them? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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117: Lightsaber Your Tiny House (w/ Katherine Green!) Nov 27, 2017

What do you do with cereal dust? What happens if kid doesn't like dog? How did cave people cut their fingernails? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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116: Do Not Enter the Craft Fort! (w/ Caitlin Hofmeister!) Nov 20, 2017

How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? What is the line between archaeology and grave robbing? What is the appropriate time to get into the Christmas season? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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115: Semi-Immortal 35-Year-Olds on Mars Nov 13, 2017

What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? How do I turn my imagination off long enough to sleep? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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114: Confused About Batman Nov 06, 2017

Over the last month, Hank and John have been on the road going to cities all across America. Every stop, they did a short episode of Dear Hank and John, and some of those got recorded. Then Hank edited some of the best of those moments into this podcast. How do I promote my guinea pig's Instagram? Is it cold in space? When did you first feel successful? And Many Other Questions Answered! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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113: Aardvarks with Guns Oct 30, 2017

Is outer space full of vampires? Am I engaged? Why haven't our mouths evolved to be better at pumpkin spice lattes? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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112: Toaster Is a Wolf to Dog Oct 24, 2017

Where does candle wax go? Can you just switch where you're sitting one day? Does saying "I love you" eventually lose its meaning? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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111: Omagles All the Way Down Oct 09, 2017

How do I get in on my neighbor's cranberry bread? How do I live in a very small room? Who's responsible for the divider in a checkout line? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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110: One and Less Extra Bone Oct 02, 2017

Where does all the extra body come from? Why are grapefruits called grapefruits? Is it acceptable to talk about social media in real life? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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109: The Catastrophizing Kindergarten Teacher Sep 25, 2017

How do I stop whistling? How do you not get burned out? How do I get rid of a death zit? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankdandjohn

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108: We Would All Be Flounders Sep 18, 2017

What do I say to my blind date? How do I get my mom to call me less frequently? Are you supposed to ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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107: skREvEL! Sep 11, 2017

Why do I feel safer with the lights on? Why can't my bathtub be in my living room? Am I in danger of being electrocuted? And more! Turtles All the Way Down tour: http://www.turtlesallthewaydownbook.com/#tour Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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106: Cannibal Mermaids Sep 05, 2017

How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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105: Fancy Diving Aug 28, 2017

Is cake salty? How do I get alone time at a party without a cigarette? Where is the rest of An Imperial Affliction? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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104: Dove Quivering Aug 21, 2017

Why am I afraid of something I know doesn’t exist? Can I avoid scurvy by sticking my arm in a giant vat of orange juice? What is proper etiquette for a cat birthday party? And more! Get 10% off your first purchase by going to hover.com/dearhank or hover.com/dearjohn Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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103: There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!) Aug 14, 2017

What is a mug without a handle? When's the right time to get a Saturn tattoo? Should I come out when I'm not ready? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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102: The Friend Bucket Aug 07, 2017

Could you take down a coyote with your arms? Should people be allowed to put things in someone else's Netflix queue? How do I cope with social anxiety? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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101: Knit like a Mofo Jul 31, 2017

What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!! Jul 24, 2017

Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! probablysignedturtles.com Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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99: A Fusing of the Hair Jul 03, 2017

What do I do if my spouse wants to shave his head? Why are there birds at the airport? What if I'm not as well read as my boyfriend? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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98: An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!) Jun 26, 2017

How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-getter? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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97: Lemon Salty Whales Jun 19, 2017

When should I introduce my kid to Star Wars? Can I dislike parts of my life even though I have privilege? How did humans start swimming? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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96: Next Level Laziness Jun 12, 2017

If you put in work to be lazy, is it still laziness? Does Lin Manuel Miranda listen to Hamilton for funzies? At what point are you supposed to put water on a toothbrush? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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95: Lawn Care Vigilantism Jun 05, 2017

What should my fun fact about me be? How do Christians and non-Christians get along? Am I too old to listen to this podcast? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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94: Pocket Conspiracy Theories (w/ Matthew Gaydos!) May 29, 2017

Is Hank a reptilian-human hybrid? How do I grieve and also be there for my students? What do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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93: Nothing Fits on a Bumper Sticker May 22, 2017

Can a writer mess with science for poetic purposes? If you enjoy Narnia, would you enjoy The Fountainhead? Is there a right social construct to teach? And more!

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92: Cewebrity May 15, 2017

Should I contact the guy who owns the plane on which I was born? Are art and content different? Does it matter that the guy I'm dating has a six pack while I eat a lot of tacos? And more! PodCon! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/podcon-podcast/x/1883440#/ Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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91: Everything Is Everything (w/ Mayim Bialik!) May 08, 2017

Why do I like the smell of gasoline? What should I do about my racist boss? What is the clothes fastener technology in Star Wars? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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90: Glitter Soul May 02, 2017

Are you really in the clear with liquor before beer? Should I embrace the error on my birth certificate? Does it really matter where I go to college? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com Patreon: patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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89: A Rich Guy with an Affinity for Bats Apr 24, 2017

Is Batman a superhero? How do I claim an island as my own? Is there a "no politics" rule in dating? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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88: Hank's Profound Graduation Speech Apr 10, 2017

Why do rich people like golf so much? What color is the sky on Mars? How much do I need to fact-check news before I share it? Where are bird ears??? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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87: The Future Is Gonna Rule Apr 03, 2017

How do I develop a cool signature? How do I tell my dad I've been hiding a snake for several months? Is it acceptable to shout advice at strangers? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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86: This Week in Ryans Mar 27, 2017

Do taller people have bigger organs? Are more expensive clothes actually better? Is there a secular way to say you're "praying" for someone? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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85: Stay Gold, Potaterson Mar 20, 2017

What should my motto be? What vegetable is happiness? When is enough really enough? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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84: Live from NerdCon: Nerdfighteria! Mar 13, 2017

Where are all the fireflies? What is "the spark"? Was Alexander Hamilton or Sirius Black a bigger drama queen? And more!

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83: There's No Rock and Roll on Mars Mar 06, 2017

Is the Big Bang really a thing? Does the driver or the passenger get to pick the music? What if someone gets pregnant on Mars? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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82: Where There Was Previously Nothing Feb 20, 2017

How long until everyone is related to Beyoncé? When does parenting stop sucking? How can I help the world without being rich? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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81: Always Making Progress Forever Feb 13, 2017

Can you separate the artist from the work? How do bugs survive microwaves? Will we ever be a perfectly unified planet? And more! Sarah's cookies! https://digitalcookie.girlscouts.org/scout/sarah755035 NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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80: Life Is Hard and Also Has Good Things Feb 06, 2017

What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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79: Tiny Useless Pelvises (That Are Still There) Jan 30, 2017

How nice do you have to be at the grocery store? How do we know humans didn't come from Mars? What is sound even? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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78: Being Sure Jan 23, 2017

How do I stop catfishing someone? How do I not feel embarrassed sharing my writing? Should I DIY my shirt? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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77: Save Us, Giant Octopus Jan 16, 2017

Should you always imagine people complexly? Would constellations be different on Mars? How many trees would you have to plant to offset your carbon footprint? And more!

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76: The Best of Dear Hank & John Jan 09, 2017

A look back on some of the most memorable moments in the history of the pod! Featuring: Jurassic Mars, Ryan, OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING, John's atrocious cereal eating habits, pumpkins and penguins, the long con, and more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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75: The Nutrient Coconut Milk of Sin (w/ Katherine Green!) Jan 03, 2017

Who does my cat think I am? Is listening to music a waste of time? Should we get a new coconut? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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74: The Kindness Muscle Dec 28, 2016

How do I deal with finals stress? What building would you haunt? How do I teach my kid not to bully? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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73: Planes, Trains, and Automosqueals Dec 19, 2016

What do you do if you're lost in the forest? Is Santa subject to trademark laws? Should I take a boring job for money? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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72: Planet Dirt (Hank Returns!) Dec 12, 2016

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Should I tell my mom about my risky plans? What is the tipping point for apocalypse chaos? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: http://www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com

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71: Only Pause for Applause (w/ Hannah Hart!) Dec 06, 2016

Help, I can't tell my roommates apart! What if my relationship has an expiry date? How much reflection should you do after finishing a book? And more!

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70: The Rhythmic Thud of the Space Bar (w/ Ashley Ford!) Nov 22, 2016

How do we move forward post-Election Day? How do you know when/if to have kids? Why does the space bar sound like that? And more!

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69: Live from NerdCon: Stories (w/ Karen Hallion!) Nov 07, 2016

Who is the foxiest founding father? How do I convince my boyfriend to not go to Mars? Is all my sister's stuff mine now? And more!

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68: Gaga in Space (w/ Tyler Oakley!) Nov 01, 2016

Are quesadillas sandwiches? What is the ideal OK Cupid match percentage? How much of another person's food am I allowed to consume? And more!

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67: Feeling Home Oct 24, 2016

Should I ghost out of my job? Are bubble baths a hobby or an interest? How do I not feel like a forever foreigner? And more!

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66: A Great Bit of Oratory Oct 17, 2016

How do I keep enjoying music I enjoyed with an ex? How do I recover from being doused in bull semen? What are my responsibilities when people ask me to watch their stuff? And more!

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65: But... You're a Horse Oct 03, 2016

Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, more experienced artists? And more!

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64: Really Terrible Scandinavian Geography Lessons Sep 26, 2016

Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!

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63: World Queen Sep 19, 2016

What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more!

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62: Pumpkins and Penguins (and Fiddles) Sep 12, 2016

How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they walk around aimlessly? And more!

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61: Tiny Acts of Kindness Sep 06, 2016

How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more!

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60: There Is Almost Always a Future Aug 30, 2016

Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more!

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59: Hank's Disaster Preparedness Plan Aug 22, 2016

What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits? And more!

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58: That's the Science (w/ Flula!) Aug 16, 2016

Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more!

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57: Og Nomekop Aug 09, 2016

How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more!

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56: Is It Going to Throw Up? Aug 02, 2016

How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday? And more!

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55: A Proper Dumpster Fire Jul 26, 2016

Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more!

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54: Nerd Punk Jul 06, 2016

Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more!

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53: The Worst Episode Ever Jun 30, 2016

Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more!

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52: We Are in This Together Jun 21, 2016

Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more!

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51: Weird/Bad Dancefighting Jun 15, 2016

What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more!

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50: Things Are Like Other Things Jun 07, 2016

Why isn't John on Hank's Top 8 on MySpace? What is the correct way to eat an Oreo? Is my can opener a sign that I've entered an alternate universe? And more!

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49: Not Not an Adult (w/ Sydney Green!) May 31, 2016

How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more!

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48: Pizza John Priorities May 24, 2016

Is Pizza John inherently unsexy? Should I court familial disaster? Where else can I seek dubious advice? And more! AFC update tag music is 'News Sting' by Kevin MacLeod. http://incompetech.com

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47: You're Gonna Be Okay May 17, 2016

How do I mourn a mug? What if it had been Vlogsisters instead of Vlogbrothers? How do I navigate roommatedom? And more!

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46: Brotherhood 3.0 May 02, 2016

Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why is a minor injury more painful to me than literal childbirth? How do I get myself a surprise party? And more!

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45: Not Knowing Apr 26, 2016

Should I feel guilty about liking Hamilton? Why aren't we talking about our impending death by Yellowstone? Should I be saving all my burrito money for the economic apocalypse? And more!

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44: A Life Sandwich Apr 20, 2016

How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliments? How do I deal with over-the-top laughter? How do I deal with the closest thing there is to death? And more!

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43: Gotta Be Kitten Apr 12, 2016

Why do people put up with banana opportunity cost? How do I deal with bird attacks? Chemtrails: what's up with them? And more!

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42: Mayonnaise Malaise Apr 05, 2016

Am I making unethical sandwich decisions? Am I a sucker for not cheating in school? Do we need drive-thru reform? Why do farts smell worse in the shower? And more!

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41: In the Absence of Toes Mar 29, 2016

Have we checked in on the bees? What would happen if you lost your big toe? How do you stir hot cocoa efficiently? And more!

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40: Almost Distressingly Good Advice Mar 21, 2016

How Canadian am I, really? How should I unpack? How do I reconcile my ideals with my actions? And more!

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39: Feelings Are All Right (with Katherine Green) Mar 16, 2016

How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal with my driving anxiety? And more!

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38: The Smelling in Your Dwelling Mar 08, 2016

Why don't bugs die when we flick them? Why do we talk the way we do? What's the deal with dollars in movies? How much would it cost to buy the world a coke? And more!

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37: The Floridiest Place Mar 02, 2016

How do you reattach John's head? Why aren't supreme court justices chosen more efficiently? How do you hug? Does Mars have seasons? Why don't people eat grass like cows?

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36: Grief Is Super Weird Feb 23, 2016

Is there a secret planet opposite ours? Is strawberry flavor fooling us all? How can we be better listeners? Why do people ghost other people?

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35: Should I Get Baptized if I Don't Believe? Feb 16, 2016

Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an make milk, are they mammals? When does the early 2000s become "The Turn of the Century"? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

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34: YouTube Freaky Friday Feb 09, 2016

Can I eat expired Mac N Cheese? What would you do if you only had 300 subscribers on YouTube? Is a kitty on my lap an excuse for tardiness? What if you dumped the sun into a massive MASSIVE bucket of water? What do you do when someone asks you a question that you aren't ready to answer?

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33: Putting Water in Cereal?! Feb 03, 2016

Why do we fall for clickbait? Why do smells become normal? Why do we call aluminum foil "tin foil?" Why do people always ask where I'm from? My name is boring! Are four-sided bananas safe to eat?! THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS, ANSWERED FOR YOU TODAY!

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32: Broccoli-Flavored Chocolate Jan 27, 2016

Can create fresh water by boiling the sea with a giant magnifying glass? Is suffering necessary for us to appreciate the beauty in life? What about asteroids and super-volcanos! Should a heart be judged by how much it loves or by how much it's loved?

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31: Breakin' the Law (and Being Good.) Jan 19, 2016

Should I give up on my dreams of changing the world? Is mayonnaise an instrument? Why are DVD cases not squares? Can you burn a cucumber? Does the moon have Earth eclipses? Do you have anonymous social profiles?

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30: Ending the Hiaaeetus! Jan 11, 2016

What do you do when your couple friends stop hanging with single you? Should we imagine evil people complexly? Could you light Saturn on fire? How long could humans survive only eating humans? And then we discuss our over/unders for age of death.

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29: Barbershop Genghis Dec 22, 2015

Do you need to be a Patreon supporter to get your question answered? How do I make my partner comfortable at his first Christmas with my family? Why are mini-M&Ms better than the regular kind? Why do we always assume life needs water? And an important update from Sweden!

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28: John's Top Ten Probable Apocalypse List Dec 15, 2015

Why are there no feral cows? What are you looking at? Should you say "Bless You" when someone coughs? What would happen if the magnetic poles reversed? How do I keep my nerves from getting the best of me (while playing competitive Pokemon)? What can we do to make the conversation around religion less awful? And more questions answered here at Dear Hank and John! And YES the new Wimbledon stadium at Plough Lane has been approved!! Edited by Nick Jenkins. Music by Gunnarolla.

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27: Giving Gifts without Breaking the Bank Dec 07, 2015

Did we discover the periodic table, or did we invent it? How do you start running a business with friends? How would one go about crashing the moon into the Earth? Is an emoji a word? And finally, most importantly, when is it ok to start listening to Holiday music?

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26: Should I Make Out with My Roommate? Dec 01, 2015

How do I choose an ethical engagement ring? There's a wasp trapped in my dorm room! How do I know which arm rest is mine at the movie theater? And a question about grammar...from our father. Also, we have a patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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25: LIVE IN NEW YORK it's NARS MEWS! Nov 23, 2015

Why are we so obsessed with zombies? What do you do if your dentist tries to talk to you when you obviously can't talk? How do beat my girlfriend's gift skills? Should I try to re-kindle a friendship with someone who I did something nasty to? AND OTHER QUESTIONS answered here, today, on Dear Hank and John.

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24: The Great Finger Licking Debate Nov 17, 2015

How do you learn new things as an adult? Oral surgery advice? Worrying about hexagons and etc!

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20: This Episode Contains Puke Oct 19, 2015

Should I cave to my parents and have them at my wedding? Are we just cats? Why does 98 degrees feel hot if that's my body temperature? How do I read slow books? What do you do when your loved one is in a pyramid scheme? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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19: Should I Abandon My Stuffed Animal? Oct 12, 2015

Should I watch YouTube ads? How do I make friends with my old neighbors? What do I do when my daughter won't sleep because she's always on the internet? When is it worth arguing on the internet? Will climate change mess with forecasts?

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18: Coming to Terms with your Nerdiness Oct 05, 2015

How do I balance my marriage with my career? What if your job isn't morally ambiguous? Is there something wrong with me if I am informed but also not sure who to vote for?

But boy do we spend a lot of time on that first one because we clearly think about it a lot! Also...WATER ON MARS!

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17: Meeting Taylor Swift('s parents) Sep 28, 2015

How do I stop projecting onto people? What do you do when you get pigeonholed as "the smart kid"? Is English class valuable? And of course...do you have any advice for new drivers...of course we do...be very careful and do not kill us.

NOTE: This was recorded before the big Mars news that was released today but, oddly enough, Hank talks about the thing that the news is about which is a bit confusing. Sorry about that.
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16: Handling Awful Roomates Sep 21, 2015

Hey! Let's talk about Patrick Rothfuss's beard! Also, talking with Nathalie, falling asleep instead of singing, and how to run a press junket. It's a pretty weird and varied episode of Dear Hank and John! A comedy podcast about death.

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15: Get That In Your Mouth! Sep 14, 2015

What is art? Should we lower the drinking age? What kind of liquor is the best? Who should I play with on Mario Kart? How do decrease my impact on the environment without money? What do you do when "The One" leaves you? And OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!

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14: Jurassic Mars Sep 07, 2015

Do other people exist? How do I become a good middle school teacher? How do I know if I'm being egotistical? What is "home" and will I ever find it? And a secret that Hank has never told anyone and is totally ashamed of!

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13: John and Hank and Wheezy Waiter! Aug 31, 2015

How do you make friends? What's your favorite planet? What would happen if you fell into Jupiter? Is it all downhill from 30? What sports did you play? If you could be a prodigy at any one thing what would it be?

Edited by Nicholas Jenkins.Theme music by Gunnarolla.
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12: Tree Climbing Strategies Aug 24, 2015

Do old people love minions? Do you believe in the multi-verse? What languages would you Matrix into your brain? How do you pick a sports team? What do fish dream about? These and other questions answered in this delightful episode of Dear Hank and John.

Edited by Nicholas Jenkins. Theme music from Gunnarolla.
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11: How Do You "Make Something of Yourself"? Aug 17, 2015

If you could punch anyone in the face, who would it be? Do you need to "protect your image"? Do adults continue to change as they get older? What are some cheap date ideas? If you could invent a new word, what would it be? These and other questions (and also the news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon) are contained within!

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10: When Your Friend Likes Ayn Rand... Aug 10, 2015

Dear Hank and John now with 100% MORE JOHN! Here we discuss what to do when a young relationship is endangered by different goals, whether memory implants would be awesome or awful, and how to pick books and TV shows in a world of infinite content.

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9: Dear Hank and Felicia (w/ Felicia Day!) Aug 03, 2015

Can you ruin your life in high school? How do you un-friend someone IRL? What video game world would you live in? Hank Green and Guest-John Felicia Day take on these questions and more in the final episode before John's return next week!

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8: Dear Hank and Grace (w/ Grace Helbig!) Jul 27, 2015

How do you adjust to a new culture in a new town? Do I have to study at an Ivy League school? Should I keep chasing my dream? Grace Helbig and Hank Green have all the answers!
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7: What to do About Stomach Farts Jul 20, 2015

How do you avoid being pretentious when you're intelligent, Charlie and Jimmy's school uniforms, when to look for a new job, and all the news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon.

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6: Would You Eat a Moon Sandwich? (w/ Emma Blackery!) Jul 13, 2015

Hank is joined by Emma Blackery (youtube.com/emmablackery) to give you some dubious advice about gherkins, Google Plus, fate and being short.

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5: Should I Lie to Get a Job? (w/ Maureen Johnson!) Jul 06, 2015

With John out of town on the Paper Towns press tour, Hank calls on long-time John-replacement Maureen Johnson to help co-host this extra long edition of Dear Hank and John. In it, we discuss the science of sight, whether it's OK to lie to get a job, and how to deal with that paralyzing feeling that your life isn't special and that you're just going to do all of the same boring crap everyone else has already done.

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4: What's in a Name? Jun 29, 2015

Will a nickname change who I am? Are the bees OK? Should I go to a fancy college? And is it OK if you don't feel as sad as you think you should? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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3: Pain Demands to be Felt Jun 22, 2015

In which Hank and John discuss pain, the Istari, eschatology, and the slowness of apocalypses. Thank you to all of the many people sending in questions!

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2: It's a Humor Podcast! Jun 15, 2015

In which Hank and John answer questions about global development, chronic pain, and being depressed in hotel rooms. It's a humor podcast!!
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1: The Debut: Do You Pee on Your Own Head? Jun 08, 2015

John Green and Hank Green get together for the very first time to answer to answer a bunch of questions. Will we go to Ava's wedding? What college major will help the world most? Have you ever peed on your own head? Will humans eventually colonize the galaxy? What's going on with Mars? Also...AFC Wimbledon?!

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