Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast

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5×05 Spending Money on Kids Oct 31, 2022

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Money is a big issue when you are trying to have kids (especially when it’s through surrogacy) and – of course – raising a child ain’t cheap. We brought in celebrity financial planner, David Rae, to discuss saving and planning financially for your next big thing, and other financial planning issues that may occur for gay men. David Rae, a certified financial planner and a regular advisor on KTLA5 morning show, says financial planning is crucial for gay men who are thinking about having kids. “It’s definitely something you want to address before you start the process,” he explained on Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast. “You want to know it’s going to cost, say, $200k. You want to make sure that you put your financial house in order so you’re not putting this on a credit card, not mortgaging your future.” “When I say planning ahead, look at ways to save for this expense,” Rae continued. “If you must, look at ways that you can possibly get a loan or take loans against your 401(k) which normally financial advisors wouldn’t want you to be doing. I wouldn’t suggest doing that to buy a car but to start a family, we are probably starting a family later in life than our [straight] siblings.” David, a gay man himself, specializes in the needs of the LGBT community and often blogs on his website about financial issues that come up in the community, looking at our lifestyle and how it can be adjusted so what we spend money on is what we think we really need – and not spend money according to expectations from our surroundings. About having kids, David advises to take time to save. The best thing to do, he says, is start an investment account and start putting away money every month and let that build up. If you go for loans consider where you have assets. “There are a lot of sources out there for terrible loans: ‘Oh sure I’ll just give you $200,000 at 30% and you’ll be in debt forever!’,” David says. “There are approaches for staggering different types of loan in time as well. The IVF agencies themselves sometimes have their own loan packages but their terms may not be the best. You might want to look at home equity loan of you own a home. You can even take a loan against your 401(k) if you must. And with all of that, be careful of the debt you’ll be taking on. You don’t want to be buying diapers for twins and drowning in existing debt.” “The interest rate is a big piece to consider, too. If you have a 5-year loan vs. a 10-year loan vs. a 20-year loan, you might pay a lot more interest on a 20-year loan and sometimes you think if you have a 20-year loan, you’ll have to pay all this interest. If you are stretching to make this happen or you are already struggling financially a little bit or on edge – it will make it more affordable and you can pay the loan up faster if you get a 20-year loan, but a 5-year you’ll be like, ‘oh my gosh, I have to come up with $200,000 in five years, that adds some extra stress” Our Guest: David Rae, CFP David Rae, Certified Financial Planner™, Accredited Investment Fiduciary™, and President / Founder of DRM Wealth Management LLC, helping you make smarter financial decisions and positioning yourself for prosperity. Working with a wide diversity of clients for well over a decade, he has built a successful career developing comprehensive financial plans to meet life goals, retirement, tax planning, estate issues, portfolio revision, life insurance, portfolio management, business exit strategies, and more. While based in Los Angeles, he serves clients across the country. At the same time, he enjoys a solid reputation as a smart, go-to financial guy for both mainstream and LGBT print, broadcast, and online media. Guest Host: Daniel Vandenbark Daniel is a single dad, co-parenting with his former partner to raise their son, Torbett, who came to them through open-adoption. Daniel founded his design firm over twenty years ago, designing custom interiors and waterwise landscapes for clients in SoCal and through the US. Daniel is an outdoor enthusiast and enjoys sharing time backpacking, snowboarding and dadventuring with Torbett. Men Having Babies Men Having Babies is a community, nonprofit organization that helps gay men become fathers via surrogacy with education and financial assistance. In each episode this season, the team of Men Having Babies (MHB) will educate us on aspects of having kids through ethical surrogacy. Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest Host: Daniel VandenbarkGuest: David Rae, CFPOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Golden Girls Retirement Plan / David RaeHow the LGBT Community Can Retire Early and Fabulously / David RaeRIP Leslie Jordan Connect with Us Drop us a lineDaddy Squared on InstagramDaddy Squared on FacebookJoin our Facebook group!Work with Yan!

5×04 Helping Kids Through Fear Oct 17, 2022

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Dealing with our kids’ fears is one of our key roles as parents. We invited Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Power of Showing Up who conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, to help us navigate our children’s greatest fears (and some of our fears as parents). Our consistent response to our kids’ fears defines the way in which they will deal with life growing up. Sound overwhelming? To us it did too. So it didn’t come as a surprise in conversation with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (one of the most sought-after parenting coaches in America) that she directed us back to our own anxieties. “We are not at fault for all of our children’s fears,” Dr. Payne Bryson said on our podcast, “but we play a big role in how they construct the meaning of it, how tolerable the fear is and how to respond to it. So we have to start with ourselves and our own fears and anxieties.” “We first have to remember how much we set the tone and the meaning for our kids. You know, when you have a toddler and they hear a scary noise, like a helicopter overhead, the first thing they do is look at your face. And if your face looks scared that creates the meaning, ‘wow, that’s dangerous’ that they follow, especially in those early years.” We talked with Dr. Tina about “popular” children’s fears: fear of going to new places (new class, new camp), COVID-19, fear of the dark and fear of a parent dying. “Around the ages 4-6 and especially between 5-7 kids go through a significant separation anxiety or other kind of anxieties like not wanting to go to the bathroom by themselves,” Dr. Tina explained, and said it’s something most parents don’t talk about and may not know. “It’s evidence of a new cognitive growth, a new cognitive development spurt that they can now imagine bad things happening, parents dying, someone getting into the upstairs bathroom and murdering everyone – they can imagine these things now, but they don’t have the emotional capacity to regulate the feelings around that. So it is really typical for kids development and these are real legitimate fears.” Dr. Payne Bryson gave us some tips to handle our kids’ fears. One of them was to never criticize, minimize or mobilize the fears. “Comments like ‘why are you upset about this? It’s not that big of a deal’ minimizes the fear. That doesn’t ever cause the child to think ‘Oh, you’re right, I’m not afraid anymore.’ What it does is leave them alone with the fear. Their feeling stays the same but now they got the message of ‘they don’t get me and I’m alone with it because they’re just going to try to talk me out of it'.” “Our brain is an association machine. When we criticize them with ‘Why are you being so sensitive about this?’ they make an association with ‘I shared my feelings, that didn’t feel good, maybe I’m not going to keep doing this.’” “The third thing we don’t want to do is mobilize: ‘Ok, I’m going to call the camp director, I’m going to tell them you’re freaked out, I’m going to call the director, and I’m going to make sure I’ll stay with you the whole day…’ When we mobilize to fix it all, what it accidentally communicates to our kids is, I don’t actually trust that you can handle this – I have to go solve everything for you.” “All of this said, it’s important to add that even if you make all of these mistakes - criticize, minimize, mobilize - that doesn’t mean your child won’t not grow up to be a great human being," Dr. Payne Bryson assured, "because the most important thing is that our kids will know we love them. We can’t get too neurotic about every little thing that comes out of our mouths. And what we get wrong related to our kids’ fears on one occasion, we can improve and repair on other occasions." Our Guest: Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of the Bottom Line for Baby and co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers—The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline—each of which has been translated into over fifty languages, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up. She is the Founder and Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations.  An LCSW, Tina is a graduate of Baylor University with a Ph.D. from USC. The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she’s a mom to her three boys. You can learn more about Dr. Bryson at TinaBryson.com. Men Having Babies Corner Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization that helps gay men who are interested in becoming fathers through surrogacy navigate the sea of information and overcome the financial barrier. In this episode, Ron Poole-Dayan, the executive director of the organization, discusses surrogacy destination and why does the organization advocates for surrogacy in the U.S. and Canada. MHB Guidelines for Safe, Legal and Ethical Surrogacy Abroad Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Dr. Tina Payne BrysonOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Instagram Post of Jesse, a gay dad from ColoradoThe Power of Showing Up BookCOVID pandemic made people meaner, lazier: StudyEthical SurrogacyCharmed :) Connect with Us:

5×03 Daddy Goes to the Gym Oct 03, 2022

Show notes

Going to the gym is part of gay culture. But when you have kids it's harder to make time for it. We brought in personal trainer and gay dad Chris Tye-Walker to help you bring back the motivation to lose that dad bod and get back into your sexy, muscular, DILF shape. It may be a little stereotypical, but most gay men make it their business to go to the gym. And when you become a father, the commitment to your body is just one of a long list of commitments. The goal of this episode of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast is to help you with this commitment. “Having kids is super restrictive on all schedules,” explains our guest in this episode, personal trainer Chris Tye-Walker. “You lose any alone time, you lose time with your spouse to go and enjoy each other. Before I had kids no one told me that the last thing you’re going to have is time and freedom. Well, maybe they told me, but I didn’t hear them!” “So when it comes to working out when you have kids, you can use your kids for your workouts, you can do your weights at home to still be active and [make your workouts a time that you are] playing with your children.” An ideal number of workout per week is five, “but that’s not always realistic,” Chris says. “I would prefer you’d do 30 minutes a day. And here’s the thing: we all get tired when the kids go to bed at 7-7:30 and it’s always a choice. If you want to work out when the kids go to bed you totally can. It’s hard, you want to sit on the couch, you want to eat you want to have a cocktail and do nothing. If you want to focus on fitness you can get up and jump rope for 15 minutes or do a circuit for 30 minutes – if that’s the time you have.” “If you’re just going to do cardio, you can do it first thing in the morning. If you do a session with cardio and weights – do your weights first, because you’re going to be strongest and freshest when you start your workout.” We also discussed body shame and that feeling some gay men have at the gym, and you look around you and see the hot, muscular guys around you. Chris recommends to stop comparing yourself to them, and to remember that they were once too where you are now. “Everyone suffers from body dysmorphia,” he explains. “I have it too, and no matter what you’re going to feel like ‘I don’t look good today’, ’I don’t feel good about myself.’ Someone who’s out of shape, or coming back from having newborns, or being injured or wherever else is always going to be very daunting coming back to the gym where everyone is younger or ripped. So, here’s the really hard part for everyone: no one gives a f***.” “Everyone is so narcissistic in a gym, all they care about is themselves. No one is really looking. They’re on their treadmill, doing their own thing. Yes, people look, but you have to remember that everyone’s there for themselves, everyone’s there to prove themselves, everyone’s there to work hard, no one’s there to make fun of you for looking a certain way. Everyone in the gym is going to better themselves. Everyone’s been in the place where they’re not happy with how they look, even if it’s the person in the best shape in that gym – they had to work to get there, at some point they didn’t feel they’re in the shape they want to get into, so they went to the gym.” Our Guest: Chris Tye Walker Chris Tye-Walker (CSCS) is a Certified Fitness Trainer, and one of the most sought after celebrity Elite Performance Coach in Los Angeles. He is the host and creator of TheTreadSeries.com, a lululemon ambassador, and he has appeared as a Fitness Trainer / Host on Bodyrock.TV, SELF Magazine’s 5 Ways To, BeFit’s Transform workout series, and a variety of online, live and televised fitness programs. Originally from London, England, Chris has extensive fitness training and experience stemming from his own prolific career as a nationally ranked athlete. He ran Track & Field for Great Britain and was from 2002-2005. The discipline, passion for fitness, education and expertise that Chris acquired during his own athletic career, combined with his love for working with people, propelled him into a career as a fitness trainer and has made him an international success. He is favorite among the who’s-who of Hollywood. In addition to being a Certified Strength & Conditioning Specialist, Chris has a Bachelors Degree in Sports Science (with a concentration in Sports Psychology). His fitness resume includes being a Guest Fitness Instructor for the NIKE Women's NTC Tour and working for the UCLA Department of Athletics. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEQkuShPnxY Download Chris' List of Basic Moves When you’re stuck in your workout - fall back to one of these basic moves that fits with the program of the day. Sign up to Daddy Squared community and receive Chris Tye-Walker's cheat sheet of to your email: #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; width:600px;} /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ * indicates required First Name Email Address * Location (City, State) (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LOCATION';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true); Men Having Babies Corner International nonprofit organization Men Having Babies helps gay men who want to become fathers through surrogacy to realize their dream of fatherhood. The organization helps with education and financial assistance, and holds conferences across the globe that are dubbed 'surrogacy bootcamp' and help gay men navigate through the sea of information on surrogacy. In this episode, Sara Miller, a former surrogate and member of MHB's staff, explains how to choose your surrogacy agency and clinic.Surrogacy Directory - Ratings and Reviews Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Chris Tye-WalkerOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Chris Tye Walker on YouTubeDaddy Squared 1x03 (another "gay gym" episode): Dad Bod Connect with Us Daddy Squared on InstagramDaddy Squared on FacebookJoin our Facebook group!Work with Yan!

5×02 Parents Guide to Roblox Sep 19, 2022

Show notes

A Parents' Guide to Roblox: more than half of America’s kids play Roblox, and let’s face it: most of us parents have no idea what they actually do there. In this episode, we dive into the popular gaming platform, what is it, what are they doing there, and most important: is it safe? We interviewed a gay dad who plays Roblox with his kids, the platform’s Community Director for Safety and Civility, and for the first time in the podcast’s history: we interview our kids! Roblox, the popular gaming platform, seems to be a growing phenomenon that is becoming a childhood milestone, just like Halloween obsession or the Baby Shark song. “It is a platform where people can create anything they can imagine,” explains Laura Higgins, Director for Community Safety and Civility at Roblox. “We actually started as a physics classroom app and it was a way that young people can carry out experiments that they can’t do in the real world, for example, what happens if you drop a car off a tall building. So it started as a classroom, but what we started seeing is what kids were doing outside of the classroom. They were using their imagination to come up with that wacky creations.” Higgins says that the company encourages that parents be involved as much as possible especially when setting up the kids’ accounts. The tips she shared on our podcast in order to ensure the safety of the kids include using the kids’ actual birth date (to make sure the age-appropriate restrictions will be part of the child’s profile), choosing a restricted games list, turn chat on/off, choose who they can talk to and create a (not-obvious) pin number control. “Safety is definitely our core at Roblox,” Higgins says. “We are a platform designed around kids and for kids, so that safety was built right from day one. We don’t allow any sharing of identifiable information, so they cannot share their telephone number, their address, their real names – all of those sorts of things it’s banned.” “We have very strict chat filtering that runs across the platform, in fact, we use several filtering systems, it’s a mix of human moderation and machine and AI technologies that constantly run across the platform. Until very recently you couldn’t type any numbers. Our technology has moved on and we’ve become much more savvy about managing these things, we use contextual moderation, so for example if I work on a pizza place, it will be able to detect if you say ‘I sold three pizzas today,’ as opposed to ‘I’m 3-years-old’.” In the episode, we also heard from Jeremy, a gay dad in Minnesota, who plays with his kids regularly on the platform. Jeremy shares custody of his 3 boys, ages 11, 10, 8. He works for a school district as the Finance Director. Jeremy has been with his boyfriend for 2 years and, he is the Band Teacher at the school his kids go to. They like playing Minecraft and Roblox as a family. "My partner and I were kinda dragged into 'we want you to play with us'," Jeremy tells us. "I am not a big gamer, so it was new for me, but I did help them set up their accounts." “It’s scary when you first start," the dad of three concluded, "it’s so overwhelming and I was like ‘I don’t know what to do, you’re going to have to show me'." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tThEJBBS_X4 Our Guest: Laura Higgins Laura Higgins, Roblox Director of Community Safety and Civility, Roblox Laura Higgins is Director of Community Safety and Civility at Roblox with more than two decades of experience building proven safeguarding, online safety and civility programs. Roblox’s groundbreaking digital civility initiative is focused on providing the community with the skills needed to create positive online experiences in partnership with the world’s leading safety and industry organizations that drive meaningful change. Civility online is a new concept that’s based on existing principles—that everybody has a part to play in making the digital world a better place. In her previous role with the UK Safer Internet Centre (part of the “Better Internet for Kids” project funded by the European Commission), Laura founded several award-winning services including the Professionals Online Safety Helpline and the world’s first helpline dedicated to supporting victims of image based abuse. Laura has worked with the biggest names in tech sitting on Twitter and Snapchat’s advisory boards. She has spoken on digital safety topics across the globe and regularly appears in the media sharing her expertise with industry experts, parents and kids. Guest Host: Daniel Vandenbark Daniel is a single dad, co-parenting with his former partner to raise their son, Torbett, who came to them through open-adoption. Daniel founded his design firm over twenty years ago, designing custom interiors and waterwise landscapes for clients in SoCal and through the US. Daniel is an outdoor enthusiast and enjoys sharing time backpacking, snowboarding and dadventuring with Torbett. Men Having Babies Corner Men Having Babies is a community, nonprofit organization that helps gay men become fathers via surrogacy with education and financial assistance. In each episode this season, the team of Men Having Babies (MHB) will educate us on aspects of having kids through ethical surrogacy. This fall, Men Having Babies is having two more conferences for gay men who want to learn more about building a family through surrogacy – in what they call ‘surrogacy bootcamp.’ They will be in Chicago (October 14-15) and New York City (November 11-13). Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest Host: Daniel VandenbarkGuests: Jeremy Wilcox, Laura Higgins (Roblox), our kids! Adam and Ben, and Torbett.Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Roblox introduces mandatory age-gated account tiers Parents Safety and Moderation Safety and Civility at Roblox Safety and Civility Page [Episode Extension] Therapist Tyler Tooley Utilizes Roblox, Mindcraft to Help Children Through Anxieties Connect with Us Daddy Squared on Instagram Daddy Squared on Facebook Join our Facebook group! Work with Yan!

5x01 Couples Conflict Sep 06, 2022

Show notes

What happens when he doesn’t want to have kids and you do? When you want an open relationship and he wants to stay monogamous? Daddy Squared opens Season 5 with couples’ conflict specialist, Dr. Alan Fruzetti

Daddy Squared Around The World SEASON FINALE: Russia, China, Iran Jul 12, 2021

Show notes

Throughout the season we've interviewed gay men from countries around the world, but all of these countries could easily be argued incredibly supportive of the LGBT community and of LGBT parenting. Not so much the three countries that we are focusing on in this episode The Not-Such-Great-Places-to-be-a-Gay-Dad Episode This season, Daddy Squared has (virtually) flown from country-to-country around the world talking to gay dads and experts about what it’s like to be gay and become a gay dad in places like Ireland, South Africa, Argentina, etc., etc. The countries we’ve covered have had all kinds of important variations in LGBTQ rights, parental rights, laws regarding Surrogacy and IVF, etc., etc. But one thing they all had in common was a basic belief in the right of a gay man to live openly – and have a family. For our season finale, we decided it was time to deal with the rest of the world: the many, many countries where not only is being a gay dad impossible, but homosexuality itself is forbidden or persecuted. For obvious reasons, our guests on this episode could not come to us live from the countries of their origin. Instead, X, Y and Alex joined us representing Taiwan & China, Russia, and Iran, respectively. It’s a fascinating and meaningful talk. And yes, we know: Way to end the season on a high note! But actually, having just listened to the episode ourselves, we’ve realized that the perseverance held by members of the LGBTQ community everywhere in the world is nothing short of miraculous – and ultimately, we shall overcome! China LGBT people in China face legal and social challenges that are not experienced by non-LGBT residents. According to the Constitution of China, same-sex couples are unable to marry or adopt, and households headed by such couples are ineligible for the same legal protections available to heterosexual couples. No anti-discrimination protections exist for LGBT people. Iran Iran's government structure is parliamentary. It has a "democratic" layer with a tripartite separation of powers, above which looms the "theocratic" layer with the Guardian Council and Supreme Leader. LGBT people in the Iran face legal challenges not experienced by non-LGBT residents. While people can legally change their assigned sex, sexual activity between members of the same sex is illegal and can be punishable by up to death. Bottom line: it's scary to be gay in Iran. Russia Russia has long held strongly negative views regarding homosexuality. Although same-sex sexual activity between consenting adults in private was decriminalized in 1993, homosexuality is disapproved of by most Russians, and same-sex couples and households headed by same-sex couples are ineligible for the legal protections. Our Guests Eddie Chen, an entrepreneur born and raised in Taiwan, moved to the United States in 1990 at the age of 16. He graduated from USC then founded a few businesses including a wearable heated clothing company called VENTURE HEAT. With ongoing business in China and some family members in Taiwan; he travels back to Asia frequently. This allows him to stay connected to his heritage and familiar with current social climate. He currently resides in Orange County, California with his loving husband of 5+ years. They welcomed their first son in 2019 through surrogacy in California and they have a second son due in 2021. Dimitry Kostantinov moved to Los Angeles from Russia, and raises his 14-months son, born through surrogacy, with his husband, Casey. Life for LGBT People in China, Iran and Russia: Related Articles Man forced to flee Iran for being gay after police raided family home (London News, January 25, 2022)Iran’s new government leaves country’s LGBTQ community hopeless (LA Blade, August 16, 2021)WeChat in China shuts down LGBTQ-related accounts (LA Times, July 7, 2021)'All Discrimination Comes from Ignorance.' Meet the Chinese Ex-Cop Creating a Global LGBTQ+ Community (Time, June 24, 2021)'We're not hiding': Gay and lesbian Russians say a cultural shift is underway (NBC News, June 21, 2021)Gay Iranian man allegedly killed by family days before seeking asylum (ABC News, May 14, 2021) Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Dimitry Kostantinov, Eddie ChenOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Hungary: Hungarians speak out on anti-LGBT+ law as EU pushes for its repeal (July 7, 2021) Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

Daddy Squared Around The World: Ireland Jul 06, 2021

Show notes

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Ireland. We talked with Irish Minister for Equality Roderic O'Gorman, to get a taste of what it’s like being gay in Ireland, and researched options for Irish gay men who want to become dads. Ireland's Minister of Equality, Roderic O'Gorman responds to Westlife star Mark Feehily call on Irish government to put surrogacy legislation in place. "I think in terms of surrogacy, the problems that are faced by gay couples, we have very little legislation about surrogacy, and how the law treats children born through surrogacy," Minister O'Gorman said on Daddy Squared podcast, "and that's something that this government is acting on, we're committed to acting on this." "Laws of surrogacy are dealt with by our department of health and they will be leading on this but my department of equality and also the departments of children and of justice," Minister O'Gorman explains, "We have all been working together, so the three ministers have met a number of times with our attorney general. As I'm sure you know, there are many different circumstances in which a child can be conceived as a result of surrogacy, and different people can be involved depending on the approach taken, so there's a whole range of legal relationships that has to be regulated. Obviously of course, the center to that are the rights of the child, and I'm actually meeting with the minister for justice and the minister for health next week to continue to work on this." "Obviously our department of health, like every department of health across the world, has been absolutely focused on COVID over the last 15 months, but I think as we come out of COVID now and the situation here in Ireland has been improving significantly, we need to prioritize issues like this and it is a priority for this government. I know Mark said it's not an emergency, but it leaves hundreds, if not soon to be thousands, of children in a really grey area in terms of their legal rights with respect to their two parents and that can't go on." Our Guest: Minister Roderic O'Gorman Roderic O'Gorman is an Irish Green Party politician who has served as Minister for Children, Equality, Disability, Integration and Youth since June 2020. He lives in Dublin with his partner, Ray Healy. He has said that he knew he wanted to be a politician even before he identified his sexuality. Surrogacy for Gay Men in Ireland "I think that surrogacy is what's growing at the moment [as an option for gay men to build their family in Ireland] and that's why it's so important to provide that regulatory and that legal framework protection for children and to make sure that the legal relationship between the child and their two dads is clear and strong," Minister O'Gorman said on Daddy Squared Podcast. There is no Irish legislation to cover the legal issues arising from surrogacy. Due to this current vacuum, the legal status and rights of all involved are governed by legislation dealing with non-surrogate births and children. Read about Ireland's surrogacy legal status on CitizenInformation.ie Fostering and Adoption for Gay Men In Ireland "Internally in Ireland, there aren't as many mothers giving their children up for adoption anymore," said Minister O'Gorman, "so the number of children who are available to adopt every year is very small. Some adoptions will take place within the family, maybe family members are deceased." In Ireland, there are currently over 6,000 children and young people in care and almost 90% of these are living with foster caregivers. If you are thinking about becoming a foster family, please make sure you follow all the prerequisites: You must be over the age of 25You need a spare bedroomYou need a full driving licenseYou must have flexibility in your working arrangementsIf you are fostering as a couple, you will need to have been together for three years and living together for at least one yearIf you have children, your youngest child must be at least three years old when you start to foster The Irish Foster Care Association can also help with any enquiries you might have around fostering a child. See: www.ifca.ie If you are considering adoption contact a your Local Adoption Office in the HSE. Organizations LGBT Ireland lgbt.ieTreoir, an organisation which provides information for unmarried parents, has a section on their website for LGBT parents, which provides legal information on a range of issues from guardianship to parental leave.COLAGE – Network For Children With LGBT ParentsEquality for Children Men Having Babies Often when we discuss issues related to surrogacy ethics, we focus on the surrogate and the prospective parents. Possibly even more important, though, are the rights of the children, themselves. What are the ethics regarding the children once they are born? Some kids can find themselves without basic rights like citizenship, health insurance and everything that's related to that. There's a lot of discourse worldwide that starts with surrogacy, and organizations like Men Having Babies claim that regardless of how a child came to being, they should have inherent rights for citizenship and parentage, and that they should be able to cross borders and be able to live discrimination-free regardless of opinions about the process by which they were brought into the world. Gay Dads in Ireland: Related Articles and News Surrogacy Bill to Give Full Parent Rights to Couples (The Sunday Times / November 12, 2022)International surrogacy to be regulated under new legislation (Business Post / November 12, 2022)Brian Dowling: Our battles for surrogacy or adoption left me feeling angry (Independent / May 7, 2022)Derry dads become first couple to welcome baby through surrogacy completely in Northern Ireland (Irish Central, February 17, 2022)Two men and two babies: Why Irish surrogacy law needs to change (Irish Times, November 13, 2021)'This directly affects my family': Westlife star Mark Feehily supports surrogacy campaign (Irish Examiner, October 5, 2021)Daddy and Dad: It’s little things that make a big difference (Irish Examiner, July 25, 2021)Westlife's Mark Feehily wants surrogacy legislation in Ireland to have rights for daughter Layla (RSVP live, June 14, 2021)Legal rights call for children born through surrogacy (RTE, June 1, 2021)Brian Tobin: Ireland’s approach to surrogacy law needs a rebirth (Irish Examiner, April 28, 2021)New laws needed on surrogacy, Special Rapporteur on Child Protection says (Irish Examiner, April 1, 2021) Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Roderic O'GormanOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Judge Denies Britney Spears' Request To Have Her Father Removed From Conservatorship (NPR)Pride flags cut down again in Waterford in 'truly despicable act' (Irish Examiner)Minister for Equality praises people of Waterford for 'incredible solidarity' with LGBTQ+ community (thejournal.ie) Gay Icons from Ireland Katherine Zappone Katherine Zappone is a former American-Irish independent politician who served as Minister for Children and Youth Affairs from May 2016 to June 2020. She was a Teachta Dála (TD) for the Dublin South-West constituency from 2016 to 2020. She previously served as a Senator from 2011 to 2016, after being nominated by the Taoiseach. With her Seanad nomination, she became the first openly lesbian member of the Oireachtas and the first member in a recognised same-sex relationship. Senator David Norris Norris is an Irish scholar, independent Senator and civil rights activist. Internationally, Norris is credited with having "managed, almost single-handedly, to overthrow the anti-homosexuality law which brought about the downfall of Oscar Wilde", a feat he achieved in 1988 after a fourteen-year campaign. He has also been credited with being "almost single-handedly responsible for rehabilitating James Joyce in once disapproving Irish eyes". Twink (Adele King) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqIqv7RAfv8 Johnny Logan and Ireland's Eurovision Winners Johnny Logan from Ireland is known by the name "Mr. Eurovision," having won for Ireland twice as a singer (1980, 1987) and again once as a writer (1992). His song Hold Me Now is not only a multi-million seller single, but also voted in the top 3 most favorite Eurovision songs of all time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJy9ZiliwwU Linda Martin - Represented Ireland twice in the Eurovision Song Contest: First in 1984 with Terminal 3, and later she won for Ireland in 1992 with Why Me?, which became a massive hit in several countries in Europe.Niamh Kavanagh - Represented Ireland in twice in the Eurovision Song Contest. First in 1993, she won the contest with the song In Your Eyes, then in 2010 with It's For You. Eimear Quinn - Eurovision Song Contest 1996 winner with the song "The Voice". Since then she has toured and performed extensively internationally and has released four albums of her work, the most recent being Ériu, recorded with the RTÉ Concert Orchestra and released in 2020. Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

Daddy Squared Around The World: Brazil Jun 28, 2021

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Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Brazil. We talked with Brazilian Senator and gay dad Fabiano Contarato, to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Brazil, and researched options for Brazilian gay men who want to become dads. Brazil has a constitution that guarantees equal rights under the law for all Brazilians regardless of background or sexual identity. "But in actuality," says Senator Fabiano Contarato, "it is a country that unfortunately is racist, sexist, classist and homophobic. Especially in terms of the nuclear families, I would say that in terms of the prejudices that we experience as gay men and other LGBTQIA+ it is our nuclear families that eventually has the most prejudice against our kind." "I will say that within Brazilian society, if a gay man is able to gain better position of power, we do end up gaining more rights within society," The Senator adds. It wasn't until 2019 that the Brazilian supreme court gave equal standing status to homophobic attacks at the same plain of race-based attacks. And it wasn't until 2020 that the federal tribunal in Brazil allowed for LGBTQA people to donate blood. "The rights of LGBTQA people in Brazil were not gained through the normal means of legislation," says Senator Contarato, "but through the supreme court where we would have to fight for the rights." Fabiano Contarato is currently married and has two children through adoption. As the first ever LGBT senator elected, he contributes a lot to the visibility of LGBT people in Brazil in general, and same-sex parents in particular. "Despite all the prejudice I was able to work at the police force and as a law professor," he says. "I was able to be elected as Senator and have more votes than the current governor." Our Guest: Fabiano Contarato Fabiano Contarato is the first openly LGBT person to be elected for the Brazilian Senate. He was the most voted candidate for the Brazilian Senate in the state of Espírito Santo during the 2018 Brazilian general election, with over one million votes. He's a Brazilian law professor, a former police chief, he lives with his husband and two adopted children. Ouça a entrevista completa e não editada com o senador Fabiano Contarato em português. No estúdio em Los Angeles estão pais gays e o casal Yan e Alex, com o tradutor para o português Mario Guevara-Martinez https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPmLtLwRefc Adoption for Gay Men in Brazil Adoption is legal in Brazil following a supreme court decision in 2010. The procedure is relatively simple, and begins with submitting an application for qualifying for adoption at the Children's and Youth Court of the city where the gay single or couple resides. They then present an initial petition containing: complete qualification, family data, certified copies of birth or marriage certificate or statement relating to the period of common-law marriage, copies of RG and CPF, proof of income and residence, certificate of physical and mental health, criminal record certificate and civil distribution clearance certificate. The maximum period for completing the qualification for adoption is 120 days, which can be extended for an equal period. Read more about adoption in Brazil (Portuguese) Surrogacy for Gay Men in Brazil Commercial surrogacy is not allowed in Brazil, as the Constitution prohibits the commercialization of organs and tissues. However, since there is no specific law expressly prohibiting such a reproductive technique, surrogacy may be performed altruistically. The Surrogate must be a family member of the first, second, third, or fourth degree of one of the intended parents – and can’t be over 50 years old.Similarly to the UK – the surrogate has parental rights, and so does her husband – and this is where problems can occur. As far as going overseas for surrogacy -- there's no problem bring the baby back to Brazil. A birth certificate from the country of birth with both parents written as parents grants both parents legal rights for the child in Brazil as well. Co-Parenting Co-parenting is also stated by courts, and since 2014 it can be given to three people. Men Having Babies Understanding the relationship with your surrogate should be, could be, will be--is important. You can find out what the relationship that your surrogate wants by talking to her and being upfront. Before you start it, before you get the medical screening and certainly before you start your journey you have to figure out what's important to you, what relationship you want and what sort of interaction with your surrogate you want throughout the journey, and when you talk to your potential surrogate see what she wants. Men Having Babies Webinar: You and Your Surrogate Gay Icon: Paulo Gustavo Gustavo was a Brazilian actor, comedian, director, screenwriter, and a TV host. Coming out as gay in adolescence, in 2015, he married dermatologist Thales Bretas. Their twin boys were born via surrogacy in 2019. In May 2021 Gustavo died following complications of COVID-19. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc8Vscl2K7I Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Fabiano ContaratoTranslator: Mario Guevara-MartinezOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Blue's Clues - Pride segment Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

Daddy Squared Around The World: Israel Jun 21, 2021

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Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Israel. We talked with Israeli pop star and gay dad Ivri Lider to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Israel, and researched options for Israeli gay men who want to become dads. Parenting is engraved in Israeli culture. In this episode of Daddy Squared we give a taste of gay fatherhood in Israel as well as explore options for gay men to become dads. "In Israel these days it's really very common for gay men to have kids," singer Ivri Lider tells Daddy Squared, "it's pretty amazing what happens in Tel Aviv. In the last 10 years it became the obvious thing, like the normal obvious thing for gay couples to have kids. In Israel, having kids is something that is very much intrenched in society and it's, like, important. Having kids is like the most important thing you can do with your life." Despite the normality of gays with kids in Israel, and the popularity of surrogacy among gay Israelis, surrogacy is still illegal in the country, and gay men are forced to have kids abroad. "It is something that we really are fighting for these days," Lider says, "because right now it's a discriminating law. If you're a straight couple you can do surrogacy in Israel and also if you're a woman you can do surrogacy in Israel, but if you are a man you can't. It's kinda obvious that it's more of an anti-gay law because there's not a lot of straight men who go through surrogacy alone. We definitely see it as something discriminating against gay men, but the Israeli Supreme Court ruled last year that it should be changed. So it's this moment in time when we're waiting to see what's gonna happen with that." Lider, had his son, Alby, through surrogacy in the U.S. in 2019. "It's such an amazing thing," he says about parenthood, "suddenly to having a little kid and watching the world through his eyes, learning about the world with him and being able to teach him --it's just incredible." "It took time for me to decide that I'm doing it and how I'm doing it. At the beginning I was in a long relationship and I was thinking I would be doing it in a relationship, and then we broke up--partially because of that, because he wasn't ready, and then I was a long for a while, thinking I would do joint parenting, and I met with a few girls and then after a while I was feeling that this is not really for me, I was feeling that I'll never feel ready to do it with a woman who's not my wife, and I felt in a kind of deep psychological way for me to not commit enough. So I thought, 'ok, you're going to commit,' and I was still single when I started the process." "And the most amazing thing is that I met Yonatan, my boyfriend, right after I started. So I started the process as a single man but eventually when Alby was born we were already in a relationship. Yonatan will tell you that on the first date we were sitting at my house and talking and having wine, and I was like, 'yeah, I'm having a kid.'" Surrogacy for Gay Men in Israel Surrogacy is illegal for single men and gay couples in Israel, therefore, gay men travel abroad, mostly to the U.S. and Canada, for their journey. Joint Parenthood (Co-Parenting) for Gay Men in Israel "It's very common to do it with someone you know for many years," Ivri Lider says. "Like, a lot of my friends will tell you, 'oh we were friends in high school,' or we know this woman for 20 years and now we're going to have a kid together.' In a very Israeli fashion it's very family-like, a close relationship." Our Guest: Ivri Lider Ivri Lider is an Israeli musician, pop star, icon. He took the Israeli music world by storm and has sold over a million copies of his albums, which includes 12 original albums, live albums and DVDs. His performances are highly-praised by critics and audiences alike, and are always quick to sell out. Lider has fans spanning all generations – teenagers, soldiers, students, young couples, and even the young at heart who are sixty and over. His songs have become the soundtrack of Israeli living. Ivri is known for his versatility and for his passion to collaborate with artists from all different genres. In addition to collaborating with other musicians, he works with artists from the film, video, visual arts and dance world. Organizations Avot Ge'im (Israel's Gay Fathers Association) The Aguda (Israel's LGBT Task Force) Men Having Babies When men pursue surrogacy to build their families, obviously one of the biggest obstacles is the financial barrier, given that in almost in every variation a very expensive preposition. This is where Men Having Babies sees the fertility equality as crucial for our advocacy work. The reason being, that we are not considered anywhere as 'infertile,' therefore, even if there are benefits associated with infertility that would otherwise allow us to get insurance or other funds -- those are given only to heterosexual couples or people that they can show that they are 'medically infertile.' Men Having Babies is now advocating a new definition of fertility that isn't a disease, but also a status. Men Having Babies Parenting Options for Israeli Men Men Having Babies Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) Gay Dads in Israel: Related Articles and News ‘I always felt drawn to surrogacy’: The mother of three who carried a baby for two dads (Ynet / July 2026) With co-parenting on the rise in Israel, an advocate aims to export the model to American Jews (JTA / February 18, 2026) Israel’s LGBTQ community celebrates surrogacy equality (Israel21c.org / June 6, 2022) Children by surrogacy to be allowed for same-sex couples (Times of Israel, January 4, 2022) Israeli Court OKs Surrogacy for Same-sex Couples (Voice of America, July 11, 2021) Two Men and Three Adopted Kids: How Parenthood Changed Israeli LGBTQ Families (Ha'aretz, July 11, 2011) Nvidia To Finance Surrogacy And Adoption Proceedings For Israeli Employees (No Camels, June 2021) How Bituach Leumi avoids Surrogacy Law (in Hebrew) (June 2021) High Court pushes deadline to fix surrogacy law after elections (March 2021) Israel's LGBTQ Community Demands: Cancel the Discrimination in Surrogacy Law (Hebrew) (January 2021) Supreme Court Rules: Adoption Law Discriminates Against the LGBTQ Community and Will Be Changed (2017) Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Jesse Brune-Horan, Active Love MinistriesOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: A Day of Pride - Book translated by Daddy Squared My Everything by Einat Natan Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram Gay Icons from Israel Gal Uchovskyan Israeli screenwriter, producer, journalist, activist and Israeli TV personality. Read more Dana InternationalAn Israeli pop singer. She has released eight albums and three additional compilation albums. She was the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest 1998 in Birmingham with the song "Diva". Read more https://youtu.be/h5W3ko1ft2M?t=193

Daddy Squared Around The World: Australia Jun 14, 2021

Show notes

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Australia. We talked with Equality Australia founder and gay dad Tom Snow to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Australia, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. Gay dad Tom Snow was a key person in Australia's Marriage Equality campaign. Though the Australian campaign was fueled by the success in Ireland and in the United States, in the interview on our podcast Tom explained the key difference between Australia and those countries. "In Ireland the biggest message around marriage equality was about equality," Snow explained. "In the U.S. there were a few things that were use but freedom was a big one, equality and rights were also big in the states. But when we message-tested those in Australia, the biggest thing that Australians get is fairness. And what we realized is that people just saw it as not fair that same sex couples were not able to get married. They could see the unfairness of it, and they were like 'that's not decent' that there's a group of people that are not treated the same." Winning marriage was important for the country, however, Snow told Daddy Squared it wasn't quite important for parenting, as gay men could have kids, even before marriage, in a few different ways. "Surrogacy, adoption and co-parenting are probably the big three," he says, "historically many gay men and lesbian women did it through co-parenting. The good news in Australia is that adoption is reasonably equal in the law, in that case it's reasonably equal for gays and lesbians. We do have some issues that some of the adoption agencies that are religious-based, discriminate against our community and continue to do so." "Surrogacy is harder for gay men in Australia, there might be a family friend or a family member who might carry a baby for a gay male couple. That's difficult [to find a surrogate] so many gay men do go overseas." A dad of a twin 10-year-olds and a 6-year-old through surrogacy, Snow shared his own story of parenthood. "Never is everything under control," he laughs, "but it's the most fun experience, every day is just a riot of fun. I say this to everyone looking at being a parent, it's a lot harder than I ever expected it to be, but it's also a lot better than I ever expected it to be. It is a complete change in your life." Adoption for Gay Dads in Australia Currently in Australia, laws around adoption and fostering by LGBT people differ by state/territory. The first step for prospective parents is to research which type of adoption or permanent care is possible in your state or territory. There are three types of adoption in Australia: domestic adoption (local and from out of home care), inter-country adoption, or permanent care and foster care. Helpful information about adoption in general and by-state in Australia can be found on adoptchange.org.au It's important to state that religious-based foster care agencies may appeal to legal provisions allowing them to refuse to assess LGBT applicants. Full information sheet on adoption and foster care in Australia by Australian Psychology Society (APS) can be found here. Surrogacy for Gay Dads in Australia Surrogacy in Australia is based on state-by-state laws. Western Australia, for example, only allows single women and heterosexual couples to engage in surrogacy. There are different rules, and generally the laws are you can have altruistic surrogacy so you can pay for costs but you can't pay for someone to undertake surrogacy for you. A typical surrogacy journey within Australia costs around $70,000 AUD. Most of these costs are the costs of IVF. Cost of surrogacy in the U.S. can reach up to $200,000 AUD. More info about surrogacy for gay men in Australia can be found here Co-Parenting for Gay Men in Australia Currently, co-parenting is still largest avenue for gay men to become parents (surrogacy is catching up fast though). Historically, co-parenting cases ended up in court in Australia due to scam or other problematic issues that stem from not really knowing the person you get into co-parenting with. It is highly recommended to look for co-parent through friends, word of mouth, rather than on internet searches. In general, law in all states say that all sperm donors must be known and so dads can decide the level of involvement they would like to have in their kids' lives and state it in their co-parenting agreement. Co-Parenting Agreements Rodney Chiang-Cruise, one of the Admins in Gay Dads Australia Facebook group recommends the co-parenting agreement to become a living document. "Revisit the contract a year later and see what has worked and what didn't really work," he advises. "Also, make sure to spend the first years build the family structure. Focus in the first two years on building the relationship with your co-parents rather than dividing the time of the baby. Spend time with your co-parent daily. Remember, it's not about ownership of the child - it's about building and raising a family." A dad on Gay Dads Australia group, who co-parent a 9-year-old and a 6-year-old with lesbian moms advises to draw everything up legally, even if it feels a bit awkward at the beginning, and really discuss not only what each parents role will be in the child’s life but what that roll actually means and involves for each person. "In our case, we learned that my partner and I had a very different idea of an 'active father' role involves compared to the mums ideas of that role," he says. "Things got a bit difficult navigating those differences for a few years but we are all now in a really amazing place with two awesome kids." Men Having Babies In several countries that are not allow surrogacy to the same extent as in the United States, there is a feeling that for the sake of the surrogate surrogacy should be uncompensated, as well as that the surrogate should have more rights to protect them, including, supposedly, the right to keep the child of the intended parents. The assumption is that the surrogate will appreciate that she will get to decide the fate of the baby she's carrying. The reality is that surrogates do not ask for this supposed right. More about surrogate's stigma and stereotypesMen Having Babies ethical framework for ethical surrogacy for intended parentsAlso, check out MHB's video archive on ethical surrogacy and legal clarity Our Guest: Tom Snow Tom Snow is Chair of Equality Australia, and was a Co-Chair and Founder of the Equality Campaign, which led the successful Yes vote in the Australian Marriage Law Postal Survey and saw in the successful legislative change for marriage equality. Tom is an accidental activist. When his family stood in front of a rainbow coloured Canberra Airport in August 2015, he was thrust into being one of the leaders of the marriage equality campaign. Through his business career, Tom has played a range of directorship roles, including being a director at Perth Airport, Canberra Airport, the Port of Adelaide, Bankstown Airport, Peninsula Link, Etihad Stadium and the Australian Science Festival. He was also Chair of the Canberra Convention Bureau. He is a Rhodes Scholar, and is a proud father of three kids. Organizations Gay Dads Australia (also check out their Facebook Group) Rainbow Families Gay Dads in Australia: Related Articles and News First same-sex couple approved for surrogacy in Western Australia (Out in Perth / August 17, 2026) The price of Australia’s ‘ethical’ surrogacy laws (ABC News / March 21, 2026) Australian Gay Dads Share Foster to Adoption Story (January 14, 2023) As a single, gay man, I refused to forget fatherhood (SBS News / April 20, 2022) Single Aussie gay man makes history with the birth of his own baby boy: 'It's a love like I've never experienced before' (Daily Mail / April 5, 2022) Student Volunteer Army founder Sam Johnson and husband searching for surrogate to start family (Stuff, March 5, 2022) How surrogacy allowed a single man to keep hold of his fatherhood dream (The Age, December 5, 2021) Recognising Children of Same-Sex Couples (by Owen Hodge Lawyers, 2020) From foster to 'forever' parents: One gay couple's path to adoption (SBS News, 2018) Shattering the Co-Parenting Dream (Star Observer, 2015) Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Jesse Brune-Horan, Active Love MinistriesOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: A Supreme Court Case Poses a Threat to L.G.B.T.Q. Foster Kids (The New York Time, June 5, 2021) Me, My Therapist and Kylie Minogue (Yan's op-ed in HuffPost) Tom's choice for Australian gay icons: Ian Thorpe and Magda Szubanski Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

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