Crown Jewels

Latest Episodes:

May God Save The Betch Aug 31, 2023

Show notes

For this episode, Samantha and Lex start off with an update. While we will no longer be producing weekly episodes of Crown Jewels, stay tuned for breaking royal news in the future. For this week’s Tea & Crumpets, they start some “polite conversation” about how the royal kids are not allowed to eat with their parents during holidays and official dinners (it’s giving kids table at Thanksgiving). While they banish their kids to eat alone, the royal family has welcomed Prince Andrew and Lady Susan Hussey back with open arms. Then, they Make It Reign on the Kardashian/Jenner family after the photo of Doria, Kris, and Kim was released. The duo closes out by guessing how much Princess Charolette is worth before naming the Spotted Dick of the week. Until next time, may God save the Betch.

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Our 2024 Monarchy Predictions Aug 24, 2023

Show notes

Prince Andrew is a long-term problem? Yeah, duh. This week, Sam and Lex start off by agreeing with the royal family, who confess that Prince Andrew is seen as a bigger concern than Harry and Meghan. Then, they report on the absent Prince William and Harry’s not so absent hairline. They Make It Reign on the royal summit, or what the corporate girlies call an ‘off-site’. During this royal summit, King Charles will discuss his vision for the monarchy in the coming years, so Sam and Lex throw their own ideas into the mix. To close, they play a game of Mail or Fail before dubbing the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Royal Raves & TikTok Trends Aug 17, 2023

Show notes

The 2023 Invictus Games are officially in full swing, and Lex and Samantha are very excited to see Harry in his element. But first on the menu for Tea & Crumpets, a report was released stating that Meghan and Harry are the most talked-about couple on TikTok, but the conversations around them are trending negatively. Then, they delve into news about the royal couple across the pond, making it clear that Wills and Kate’s recent activities have been somewhat unusual, as they’ve both been spotted attending clubs and 24-hour festivals. To close, they play in a game of Mail or Fail before naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Dos And Don’ts Of Royal Etiquette (Ft. William Hanson) Aug 10, 2023

Show notes

On this episode, Samantha and Lex are joined by royal etiquette expert William Hanson (@williamhansonetiquette), who lent his expertise to the upcoming film Red, White, and Royal Blue. They serve up this week’s Tea & Crumpets, starting with the removal of Prince Harry’s HRH title. Then, what’s really going on in the House of Sussex, and why were they the subject of so many gossip mag headlines last week? And finally, Archewell has bought the rights to bestseller Meet Me At The Lake, with plans to adapt it into a feature for Netflix. Next, they ask William to Make It Reign on his etiquette pet peeves, and get all their burning Red, White, and Royal Blue questions answered. They close with some American vs. British etiquette, and find out if Brits really do think Americans smile too much.

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Harry Is Back In Court, But Out Of Office Aug 03, 2023

Show notes

On this episode, Samantha and Lex serve up this week’s Tea & Crumpets featuring Wills and Kate honoring rangers, King Charles and Camilla’s summer plans, and Harry being left out of his own company’s update. They double down on Prince Harry and Make It Reign on the recent setback in his lawsuit against The Sun, due to not providing timely evidence. They close by finding out what new position opened at Buckingham right before agreeing on this week’s Spotted Dick.

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Archewell’s Update Admist The Divorce Rumors Jul 27, 2023

Show notes

We had another royal birthday this week! Samantha and Lex wish Prince George a happy 10th birthday (even though it’s making us feel old). They jump into Tea & Crumpets with some updates: One is about the Archewell website announcing their support of the not-for-profit organization, Equimundo, as well as an update to Sarah Ferguson’s Instagram, where she sends best wishes to her “little lion cub.” They Make It Reign on the divorce rumors surrounding Meghan and Harry. While they are taking these with a grain of salt, one has to wonder why more trustworthy publications are getting involved. The episode ends with guessing what our favorite royal author is up to, followed by naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Royals Hold Court At Wimbledon Jul 20, 2023

Show notes

At the beginning of the episode, Lex and Samantha wish Queen Camilla a happy birthday this week! Then, for Tea & Crumpets, they discuss Wimbledon and the Royals who attended, before questioning the Queen’s revoked allowance and President Joe Biden’s visit to the UK. After the news of Harry and Meghan’s docuseries getting snubbed by the Emmys, they Make It Reign on Netflix and their lack of support. To conclude, they examine how Prince William is getting around before finding it difficult to name the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Sweaty Smooches + Separate Beds Jul 13, 2023

Show notes

We’re all about PDA this week! Samantha and Lex kick off Tea & Crumpets with a hearty serving of affection with Wills and Kate’s polo kiss. Then they discuss Lilibet’s covered face in paparazzi photos and Princess Charlene honeymooning apart from Prince Albert. Next, they Make It Reign on Buckingham Palace, because who would want to live there? Actually... we would! To wrap up, they speculate on the secret to the King and Queen’s marriage before crowning this week’s Spotted Dick.

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Harry And Meghan Are Reportedly All Smiles, But What’s The Real Tea? Jul 06, 2023

Show notes

This week, Samantha and Lex catch up on the Kyle and Mauricio separation announcement before jumping into Tea and Crumpets: King Charles receiving the (replica) Scottish Crown Jewels, Kate securing her fashion icon status, and Prince Harry missing his best friend Jack Mann’s wedding for reasons still unknown. Then, they make it reign on the shady coverage of Harry and Meghan’s so-called "eviction" from Frogmore cottage, and discuss symbiotic celeb/paparazzi relationships. To close, they guess an £11m-per-year Mail or Fail and name this week’s Spotted Dick.

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What’s Next-flix For The Suxxess? Jun 29, 2023

Show notes

Are Meghan and Harry ready to Netflix and chill? Or just chill? This week, Samantha and Lex serve up some Tea & Crumpets about Sarah Ferguson’s recent procedure and Prince William’s 5 year plan to end homelessness. Then, they make it reign on Meghan and Harry’s recent flop eras, first with Spotify and now Netflix. They were issued an ultimatum… no work, then no pay. To close they play a round of Mail or Fail before naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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