Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Latest Episodes:

Adopting a Relative from Abroad Jun 25, 2021

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What issues should parents think about when adopting a relative (niece, cousin, sibling) from abroad. We talk with Mary Beth King, who has a Master of Science in Social Administration and is Frank Adoption Center’s Executive Director, and with Katie Schultz, an International Adoption Specialist with Madison Adoption Associates.
In this episode, we cover,

What level of genetic relationship is required to call it a kinship adoption as well as what circumstances make a child eligible for an international kinship adoption, especially in the eyes of USCIS.
At what age is a child no longer eligible for international kinship adoption?
Changing relationship for both adopter and child – to go from the “cool, exotic US visitor” to everyday caregiver.
Relationship with bio family in home country.
Helping children navigate (and choose) the language of family – will they continue to refer to you as “aunt” or will you be “mom,” etc.
Blending children by birth and this newly adopted child.
Understanding that trauma and loss are still a part of the child’s story even though they are remaining in their biological extended family.
It can take a long time for relative adoptions to come to fruition, the child can be much older than when the family started the process and so helping families adjust to the fact that they may be bringing home an older child can be challenging.
Helping families embrace pre-adoption education as necessary even though they have experience in parenting or they know this child and therefore don't need education on how to parent.
Recognizing that the child’s immigrant experience will be different than your own and how to separate the two.
One parent not related and maybe not been an immigrant.
Navigating two identities, for example - Preparing your child to embrace their identity not just as a Cameroonian, but also as a Black American.
Managing expectations of cultural changes – Understanding that these children are very likely to take on cultural norms of America kids and teens which may be different than the parent-child relationship expectations of your country of origin
Understanding the importance of hobbies, sports, extracurricular activities, play time, etc. in addition (and sometimes even as backseat to) academics, especially as kids adjust to these big changes, make new friends, and heal from trauma and loss
Navigating the American school system and understanding that grade levels don’t always translate internationally. Accessing services to help the child transition.
Adjusting to parenting as an older parent. Things may have changed since they parented last.

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

How to Raise a Child Who Will Thrive Jun 18, 2021

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What are the 7 essential character traits that parents can teach their children to increase resiliency? In this episode we talk with Dr. Michelle Borba, an internationally renowned educational psychologist and author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine.
In this episode, we cover:

You paint a picture in your book of tweens, teens and young adults who are stressed, anxious, depressed, and lonesome. Why are our kids experiencing this?
Importance of play.
Importance of sleep.
7 essential character traits of a child who will thrive both in childhood and adolescence but also into adulthood.
Self-Confidence
- What is the difference between self confidence and self-esteem?
- How does parental praise factor into teaching self-confidence?
- How do you teach self-confidence?
Empathy
- Why is empathy so important to resilience?
- How do you teach empathy or at the very least encourage it?
- How does our modern technology impact empathy?
Self-Control
- What is self-control in children?
- How do we teach self-control?
Integrity
- How do you define integrity?
- How can we help our kids develop integrity?
Curiosity
- Why is curiosity important for thriving?
- What can we do or not do to encourage curiosity?
Perseverance
- What causes kids to give up?
- What can parents do to help?
Optimism
- Is optimism an inborn temperament or one that can be taught?
If you could leave parents with 5 actionable tips for raising a “thriver”, what would they be.

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Partnering with Birth Parents in Foster Care Jun 10, 2021

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Call it co-parenting, shared parenting, or partnership parenting, the gist is the same: foster parents are expected to share the nurturing of a foster child with the birth parents to facilitate reunification whenever possible. Join us today to talk about shared parenting with Carrie Sgarlata, an educator, mom, foster mom, and foster parent trainer and recruiter; and Andrea Leaman, a social worker with the Foster Care Licensing and Placement Program with Children’s Wisconsin Community Services and trainer in partnership parenting.
In this episode, we covered:
1. Why is shared parenting best for the child? (less divided loyalty, foster parents can be a role model, less time in foster care, better behavior, majority of kids will return home and co-parenting makes that easier)

2. Building a relationship that begins when someone’s child is removed is not easy. What are some of the emotions the birth parents are likely feeling when they first meet the foster parent? (fear, confusion, denial, anger, embarrassment, feeling that the authorities over-reacted, shame, grief, betrayal, sadness, uncertainty, taking their child away, loss of control)

3. How to build a relationship of co-parenting?

a. Start with compassion
b. Lower expectations
c. Reassure them that you are only here to help not adopt their child
d. Show a picture of where the child is staying
e. Don’t take things personally? (be the more emotionally stable person) Realize that you are seeing these people at likely the worst moment of their life.
f. Go the extra mile
g. Language matters: refer to the child as their child.
h. Treat them with dignity and respect.
i. Go the extra mile to make it easier or less awkward for them.
j. Ask birth parents questions about the child, her likes, dislikes, fears, etc.
k. Send pictures, share artwork, share cute stories

4. Communication between birth and adoptive parents is key to success. Ideas for setting up good communication. How to communicate between visits?

5. How to handle visits to facilitate co-parenting?

6. How to overcome our own anger and judgement towards birth parents?

7. How to establish healthy boundaries?

8. Is it possible to do partnership parenting with incarcerated parents?

9. How to handle Social media

10. Becoming a parenting mentor to birth parents. What are some skills that birth parents may need help developing and how can foster parents help? (importance of routine, working with the school, discipline, normal child developmental stages, how to find community support)

11. How can we help birth parents shift their attitude towards the foster care system from existing to keep them from their children towards existing to help stabilize the family?

12. What if:

a. What if the birth parent abused the child?
b. What if the birth parents don’t accept responsibility for what they did that caused the child to be removed?
c. What if the birth parent lies about what happened that resulted in the child being removed?

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The Endocrine System, Thyroid Gland, and Fertility Jun 04, 2021

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How does the endocrine system impacts fertility, what can go wrong, and what can be done about it. We talk today with Dr. Mark Trolice, the Director of Fertility CARE: The IVF Center in Orlando and Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology at the University of Central Florida College of Medicine. He is double Board-certified in Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility and OB/GYN.
In this episode, we include:
· What is the function of the endocrine system in human health?

· How does the thyroid gland function within the endocrine system?

· How is female fertility impacted by the endocrine system?

· How is male fertility impacted by the endocrine system?

· What is hypothyroidism?

· What is hyperthyroidism?

· How are dysfunctions in the endocrine system diagnosed?

· How are dysfunctions in the endocrine system treated?

· What dietary and lifestyle choices impact the health of the endocrine system and thyroid gland?

· What are some common endocrine disrupting chemicals in our environment?

· How are environmental endocrine disruptors impacting fertility?

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. Creating a Family brings you the following expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Interview with Sarah Sentilles, author of "Stranger Care" May 28, 2021

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In this episode we interview Sarah Sentilles, author of a newly released book by Random House titled Stranger Care. "Stranger Care" is a beautifully written book that captures the promise and often the failure of foster care. And it is a beautiful portrait of love with no promise of a future.
In this episode, we cover:
Beautifully written book that captures the promise and often the failure of foster care. And a beautiful portrait of love with no promise of a future.

· How did you come to the decision to become foster parents? And did you come to that decision or were you really trying to become an adoptive parent?

· Discussion of “ethically cleaner”.

· I appreciated how you showed Evelyn, the birth mom, to be human and to love her child. You did a good job of showing the nuances, which are hard to do, especially when you are the one losing the child. I very much enjoyed seeing how that relationship grew. What helped change it?

· Rooting for and against birth mom

· Love and yet not belonging to you

· The power of the state to remove kids should not be used without great care.

· What qualifies as good parenting and is “good enough” enough. Ex. of the car seat.

· Keeping siblings together.

· It is discouraging that organizations, such as Creating a Family exist to support people like you when you were first considering your options. And if we didn’t reach someone like you who is educated and I would assume someone who researches and gathers info then how in the world do we reach people. Education research focused woman are our demographic!

· How long has it been and do you know what has happened to Coco?

· How have you and your husband been changed by this experience?

· Is this book in part an attempt to reach out to Coco. Did you write it with an ear to her reading it later in life and you talking to her. Do you hope she will hear about it and read it?

· Did you decide to give up on fostering? What about adopting?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Blending Children by Birth and Adoption May 21, 2021

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Have you ever considered adopting after you had children by birth? Or thought about trying to get pregnant after you adopted? Is it a good idea to combine kids by birth and adoption. In this episode, we talk with Rebecca Ricardo, an LCSW who has worked in the field of adoption since 1991. She currently serves as the Executive Director for a licensed, child-placing agency that provides both placement and support services. She is an adoptee and a birth mom. The son she placed for adoption was raised as the only adopted child between two children born to his adoptive parents.
In this episode, we cover:

• What are the typical reasons why families have both adopted and non-adopted kids?

• What does the research show on how children and families adjust when there are children by both adoption and infertility?

• Do parents have a tendency to favor their biological children? Kin Selection Theory based on evolutionary psychology.

• Does it matter if the adopted child is adopted after the family has had bio kids, or if the adopted child comes first (most often because the parents were infertile) and they went back into treatment after they adopted to try for a biological child? What different factors come into play?

• Favoritism by grandparents or extended family. How to handle?

• The tendency of parents of families that combine biological and adopted kids to downplay genetics, birth stories, etc.

• How to handle conflicts with children or extended family members when children require a different type of parenting because one child has experienced trauma?

• How to handle conflicts when one child requires more of the parent’s time than another child?

• Tips for parents who are combining kids by birth and adoption. How can social workers help families that are considering this?

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Taking Care of Yourself When Parenting Harder to Parent Kids May 14, 2021

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Do you sometimes feel that self-care is an impossible goal when you are parenting kids who have experienced trauma. There isn't enough time in the day to do it all, much less take care of yourself. Or is there? Join us to talk about how to find time to take care of yourself. We will talk with Angelica Jones, MSW, Program Director of Intercountry Services and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services.
In this episode, we cover:

· “Selfcare” or “take care of yourself” are overused but still vitally important terms for foster, adoptive, and kinship parents.

· Why do all parents but especially parents of kids who’ve experienced trauma need to practice self-care?

· What is secondary trauma?

· Why are kids who’ve experience neglect, abuse and other childhood traumas harder to parent?

· The busyness of foster and adoptive parenting.

· What are some of the barriers to taking care of ourselves as adoptive, foster or kinship parents?

· The importance of respite care and the barriers to parents using it.

· Practical ideas for providing self-care.

· Think small when thinking self-care.

· Ask for help and accept it when offered. If someone offers to help, say “yes” and suggest something specific. Ex. A meal on Wednesday night. Babysitting or taking a child to the movies once a month.

· Parent Support groups

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Impact of OTC Drugs on Fertility May 07, 2021

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Do you worry that the over the counter medications you take for a headache or allergies could impact your fertility? What about CBD or melatonin? We talk with Dr. Kathleen Tucker, a scientific director for various IVF labs; and with K.E. Tucker Consulting, and Dr. Angie Beltos, CEO and Chief Medical Officer of Vios Fertility Institute.
In this episode, we include:

Research has found three reasons why the impact of OTC medication on fertility has become an increasing issue.
- We are taking more medications now that people in the past.
- People are waiting longer to start a family and age is associated with greater medication use.
- People are experiencing more chronic disease at earlier ages.
Taken together, these factors have increased the number of prescribed and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs being taken by women and men attempting to get pregnant with or without fertility treatment.
As always, talk to your doctor about any concerns you have regarding both prescription and non-prescription medications.
Impact of OTC drugs on fertility - female and male fertility.
- Impact on natural conception.
- Impact when taken during fertility treatment.
- Impact on pregnancy.
Impact of NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) on fertility.
- Aspirin (brand names include Bayer, Bufferin, Ecotrin, St. Joseph)
- Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin)
- Excedrin (acetaminophen, aspirin and caffeine)
- Naproxen (Aleve, Anaprox DS, Naprosyn)
- Celecoxib (Celebrex)-prescription only
- Acetaminophen (Tylenol)
Antacids-histamine blockers and proton pump inhibitors
Antihistamines B-both types? 1st generation, 2nd generation
Sleep aids
CBD
Other common over-the-counter (OTC) medications
Skin and hair care products
Herbal supplements?
As always, talk to your doctor about any concerns you have regarding both prescription and non-prescription.

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Talking with Young Children about Adoption and Birth Parents Apr 30, 2021

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How should you talk with young children, toddlers, and preschoolers about adoption. How do you talk about birth mothers and birth fathers? In this episode we talk with Jenna Howard, a LMSW who has worked in the adoption field since 1994 in both domestic and international adoption. In addition, she is an adoptee and an adoptive mom.
In this episode, we cover:

Why is it important to start talking about adoption and birth parents with kids when they are very young?
When should you begin talking about adoption with children if they are adopted at birth or a very young age?
How to talk with infants about adoption.
What do young children understand about the concept of adoption?
What name should be used when referring to birth parents?
How to talk with toddlers and preschoolers about adoption. (They are accepting of what parents say and the attitude it was said.)
Adoption is cool stage.
Oversharing details. Distinction between secret and private.
Oversharing as a parent.
Helping child explain adoption.
Talking about adoption vs. different ways families are made.
Keep it short and simple. Laying the groundwork.
Positive adoption language.
Common questions children this age might ask and sample answers.
How to talk about birth fathers and the role of birth fathers when the child doesn’t understand conception?
How to talk about birth fathers when birth father is unknown or otherwise not in the picture?
How to talk about birth siblings.
Why do some adoptive parents hesitate to talk with young children about adoption?
When should parents share some of the harder parts of their child’s adoption story (domestic violence, substance abuse, incarceration, unknown birth father, rape)?
Tips:
1. Books – Creating a Family has a great list of the Best of the Best Adoption books for kids broken out by type of adoption and age of the child.
2. Movies/TV shows (Sesame Street, Mister Rodgers, etc)
3. Make a life book
4. Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler and the link won’t change so that makes it easy. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool

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Practical Tips for Disciplining Children Who Have Experienced Trauma Apr 23, 2021

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How do you discipline kids who have experienced trauma? We provide 5 tips and then discuss 5 challenging parenting situations. Our expert is Karen Doyle Buckwalter, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Play Therapist and Supervisor, and co-author of "Raising the Challenging Child".
In this episode, we cover:
1. The Relationship Bank Account

Spend effort building your relationship with your child so that you have banked “good will” for when you need to say no or set a firm rule.
Ideas for making quick and easy deposits:
- Praise efforts, successes, helpfulness, their unique essence—big and small.
- Let the child choose whenever possible.
Look for compromises.
Make more deposits than withdrawals.
Magic “rule” 5 positive comments to every 1 negative.
- Difference between making a deposit and spoiling your child.
- Sideswipe instead of confront.

2. Respond to What is Beneath the Behavior

Behavior is a reflection of a need. It’s a symptom.
Strategies for digging deeper into what is underneath the behavior.

3. Reexamine Your Expectations

See your child for who she is.

4. Balancing Structure and Nurture

How does structure lead to feelings of safety and why is this often misunderstood when parenting children with a history of trauma?
Choose your battles: choose to ignore some behaviors.

5. Share Power to Gain Power

Specific Behaviors: