Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Latest Episodes:

Collaborative Parenting Oct 26, 2022

Show notes

Is your child more challenging than most? Do typical parenting approaches not work? We talk about how to parent harder-to- parent kids with Dr. Ross Greene, the originator of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions parenting model, a non-punitive, non-adversarial, trauma-informed model of care. Dr. Greene is a clinical psychologist, former Harvard professor, and the author The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings.
In this episode, we cover:

Why are some kids “harder to parent”?
How does trauma impact a child’s behavior?
How does innate temperament or genetics impact behavior?
What is the collaborative partnership approach?
3 Steps to the Collaborative & Proactive approach are:
- The Empathy step – involves gathering information so as to achieve the clearest understanding of the kid’s concern or perspective about a given unsolved problem.
- The Define Adult Concern step involves the adult sharing their perspective.
- The Invitation step involves having the adult and kid brainstorm solutions so as to arrive at a plan of action that is both realistic and mutually satisfactory…in other words, a solution that addresses both concerns and that both parties can actually do.
“Kids do well if they can.” Kids are challenging because they’re lacking the skills not to be challenging. If they had the skills, they wouldn’t be challenging. That’s because – and here is perhaps the key theme of the model — Kids do well if they can. And because (here’s another key theme) Doing well is always preferable to not doing well (but only if a kid has the skills to do well in the first place).
How would you apply this approach to work with kids who have experienced trauma?
Is Collaborative partnership permissive parenting?
Practical applications:
- A child who struggles with transitions.
- A child who won’t accept “no” and tantrums or argues.
- A child who doesn’t handle change and can’t be flexible.
- Tattling
- A teen who disregards curfew or other house rules.
- How to deal with aggressive behaviors towards pets, siblings, or parents?

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Introduction to International Adoption Oct 19, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Have you ever thought about adopting a child from abroad? What does it take and what type of kids are available? To learn more, listen to our interview with Robin Sizemore, Executive Director of Hopscotch Adoptions, who has worked in the international adoption field for 27 years and Debbie Price, Executive Director of Children’s House International and who has worked in international adoption for 28 years.
In this episode, we cover:

Outline of the typical international adoption process.
What type of kids are available for international adoption?
What is the youngest child available?
Is it possible to get a young healthy child or baby?
International adoption regulations.
What governmental entities are involved in international adoption?
How to decide on what country to adopt from? Will the country accept you? Does the country place children that you think your family is a good fit for?
What are some of the country-specific requirements for adoptive parents?
Can adoption agencies have different or more stringent requirements than the foreign or US government?
What are the health risks for children adopted internationally? What type of special needs do children have?
What type of care do children have before adoption? Institutional vs foster care.
How to find children abroad who are waiting for adoption? How to adopt a child on a waiting child website?
How much information will you have on the health of the child when you receive a referral?
How big of a risk is it that a country will close down to international adoption once you apply? How do you mitigate the risk of losing the money you invested?
What to look for in an international adoption agency?
Pre-adoption education requirements.
How much does international adoption cost?
Are grants available?
What is the Adoption Tax Credit and can it be used for an international adoption?
How long does it take to adopt internationally?
Is it possible for single women, gays, lesbians, or other members of the LGBTQ+ community to adopt internationally?
Importance of post-adoption reporting.
How do internationally adopted children acquire US citizenship?

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Unexpected Stresses on Newly Adoptive Parents Oct 12, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you getting ready to adopt or have just adopted? Do you wonder what the experience will really be like and what you can do to prepare? Join our conversation with Dr. Jennifer Bliss, LCSW and Director of Adoptions and Foster Care at Vista Del Mar and Family Services in Los Angeles; and Molly Berger, MSW and Adoption Social Worker at Adoption Center of Illinois.
In this episode, we cover:
Domestic Infant Adoption:

Process
Typical stresses adoptive parents feel
Lack of sleep
Not deserving to complain
Feeling like a babysitter
Not feeling love at first site
Impact of infertility struggles on transitioning into parenthood
Stresses with parenting a child with neonatal abstinence syndrome
Stresses with open adoption

Older child adoption through foster care or international adoption:

Process
Typical stresses adoptive parents feel
Unrealistic expectations of the child and of yourself
Love at first site
Feeling like a babysitter
Language issues
Cultural issues
Parental attachment styles-How the way we were parented influences how we parent.
Challenging behaviors
Sibling issues

Change is stressful and adding a child to your family is a huge change regardless of how the child joins the family. What can newly adoptive parents do to prepare in advance and to cope in those first few months?
How has the idea of cocooning impacted stress?

Additional Resources:

Doc McStuffins, "Baby McStuffins" (Season 3)
Sesame Street, "Gina Adopts a Baby"
Suggested Book List on Preparing Children for Adoption of a Sibling
Suggested Book List on Explaining Adoption To Birth Siblings of Adopted Children
Creating a Family resources on Disrupting Birth Order
Creating a Family courses on Combining Kids by Birth and Adoption

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

IVF from the Male Partner's Perspective Oct 05, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What's IVF like for the male partner? We spend a lot of time talking about the experience of infertility treatment for the person going through treatment, but what about their partner? We talk with Keegan Prue, the author of "The IVF Dad." He and his wife Olivia went through two rounds of IVF and suffered two miscarriages before welcoming their daughter.
In this episode, we cover:

Tell us your story to parenthood.
The imagined role of the male partner: strong, supportive, and not needing support.
Media messages about men that impact how they can respond to infertility: men take action to fix problems, showing emotion makes you weak, real men don’t ask for or need help, real men are virile, being a father is part of what makes you a man.
What are some things that you learned that the male partner can do to improve the quality or quantity of sperm.
What are some common emotions men or those supporting a person trying to get pregnant might feel when they start infertility treatment: anger; embarrassment; jealousy; fear that is won’t work; worry (over costs, impact of the treatment on their partner and their relationship), feeling less manly.
How can the supporting partner take care of themselves during treatment?
The partner’s role in giving the shots. What are some common feelings they experience?
Tips for staying connected with your partner through the stress of fertility treatment.
Dealing with miscarriage yourself while supporting your partner.
The role of infertility nurses. You wanted to nominate your infertility nurse for sainthood. What did she do that made the stressful experience of infertility and its treatment more bearable for you as the male partner.

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Finding an Adoption and Foster Competent Therapist Sep 28, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Do you think your child or your family would benefit from counseling? How do you find the right therapist and how can you tell in advance if they will be a good fit for your family? We talk with Debbie Riley, a Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist and CEO of the Center for Adoption Support and Education.
In this episode, we cover:

What type of professional can provide therapy to an adopted or foster child or family?
What’s the difference between being adoption competent and adoption informed?
Why is competency in adoption or foster issues important?
What do we mean be an “adoption competent therapist”? What makes a therapist adoption competent?
Is adoption/foster competence the same as trauma competence?
How can you tell if a therapist is competent to handle adoption or foster issues? Are there specific trainings that provide adoption competency?
Creating a Family provides a list of ways to find an adoption competent therapist on our Adoption Therapy section.
Is one type of therapeutic model of treatment more effective for adoptive children and families? Theraplay, Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), Narrative therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), etc.
Should therapy with adopted kids on adoption issues involve just the child, or the child and the parent?
What is home-based therapy and are there advantages to this type of therapy for adoptive and foster families.
How can you find a therapist that will provide therapy within the home? (One source is http://www.familycenteredtreatment.org/)
Is therapy via tele-health or via teleconferencing as effective for adopted children? For families? How to know if it will work for your family? Ways to make it more effective.
How can a parent determine if the therapist is a good fit for the child and family? What questions should they ask?
How many sessions to try?
When to seek a therapist?
How to find a therapist with lived experience of being adopted?

Resources

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Introduction to Foster Parenting Sep 21, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Have you ever thought about becoming a foster parent? If so, this is the podcast for you! We talk with Arnie Eby, the Executive Director of the National Foster Parent Association and a foster parent for 22 years; and Angie Jones, a licensed clinical social worker and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar, an agency placing foster children.

In this episode, we cover:

What is the goal of the foster care system?
How to become a foster parent?
What are the typical requirements for becoming a foster parent?
What disqualifies you to become a foster parent?
What type of pre-service training is involved?
How long does it usually take to become a licensed foster parent?
Who licenses foster parents?
What types of questions should parents ask when deciding on which agency to work with?
What are the different levels of licensing for foster homes?
Do foster parents get paid?
Can you foster if you rent your home or apartment?
Does one parent have to be at home if they want to have infants or young pre-school aged children placed with them?
How much control do foster parents have on which child is placed with them?
What is expected of foster parents when a child is placed with them?
Can you travel with a foster child? Out of state? Out of the country?
What is shared parenting or co-parenting?
What type of support should foster parents expect from the agency they are licensed through?
Is it possible to adopt your foster child?
How do you foster and adopt?
How much control do foster parents have on visitation, medical treatment, mental health care, and reunification?
How to cope with the grief when a foster child leaves?
Where can foster parents turn for support?

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions Sep 14, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

We talk today with Sarah Naish, the CEO of the Center of Excellence in Child Trauma and founder of the National Association of Therapeutic Parents. She is the author of "The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting" and "The A-Z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parents." She is the adoptive mom to a sibling group of 5 who are now adults and she has fostered over 40 kids.
In this episode, we cover:

Why are some kids harder to parent and why especially are kids who have experienced trauma, including prenatal trauma, often harder to parent?
Understanding the cause of the behavior is the root of parenting harder to parent kids.
Establish the basics to make their lives predictable so they can feel safe and grow and heal. The elements for establishing this base:
- Routines
- Establish yourself as a safe base-empathetic and nurturing but in control
  - Respond to the child, not to the child’s demand
Be honest about their story, contact, etc. – be factual, but don’t fill in the gaps
Establish strong, clear boundaries- what to do when these boundaries are crossed?
Use natural or life consequences
- Our kids may not recognize cause and effect.
  - Early trauma, including prenatal exposure, can hinder a child’s ability to recognize cause and effect
  - Our kids may be developmentally younger than their chronological years which also impacts understanding.
- Natural consequences help children recognize that they can make an impact on the world-helps them make sense of the world
- Combine natural consequences with nurturance.
How to handle incidents when they happen. PARENTS model.
- Pause-to allow you to respond with intention not emotion.
- Assess-is anyone in danger or serious damage.
- Reflection-quick reflection to identify the trigger.
- Empathize rather than ask questions
  - use empathetic commentary-
  - respond to their feelings rather than the behavior.
- Nurture-examples of nurturing in the heat of the moment.
- Think about next action to take.
  - What strategies might I use to resolve this? Do you need to do anything else?
  - How can we avoid this situation in the future?
- Self-care
Other parenting strategies for harder to parent kids. Other tools for your toolkit.
- Identify your triggers.
- Set realistic expectations.
- Use silliness or playfulness.
- Remove the audience.
- Help kids show they are sorry rather than demand they say they are sorry.
- The phone strategy.
- Watch what the child is doing rather than what she is saying.
- Payback time.
- Admit it when you made a mistake.

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

When to Consider Sperm or Egg Donation Sep 07, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Are you considering donor egg or sperm? When should you consider these options? What choices do you have and what are some of the psychological hurdles you need to consider? We talk with Dr. Angela Leung, a reproductive endocrinologist at Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey; and Dr. Poonam Sharma, a Licensed Psychologist specializing in reproductive issues.
In this episode, we cover:

Sperm Donation:

What are the possibilities of getting pregnant when the male partner has an abnormal semen analysis? Does it depend on whether sperm count, motility, or morphology are abnormal?
When should patients consider sperm donation from a medical standpoint?
How and when should medical providers bring up the possibility of using donated sperm? Does it matter that the “patient” is usually the female partner?
What are some of the psychological issues that may arise for the female partner using a sperm donor?
What are some feelings the male partner commonly experiences?
What type of impact does “asymmetry of parenthood” in which there will be a biological motherhood and social fatherhood have on couples?
How do these issues differ if the patient is part of a heterosexual couple, a lesbian couple, or a single parent?

Egg Donation:

When should patients consider egg donation from a medical standpoint?
What medical conditions make egg donation appropriate?
How and when should medical providers bring up the possibility of using donated eggs? Who on the medical staff is the one that usually introduces the topic?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the female partner?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the male partner?
What type of impact does “asymmetry of parenthood” in which there will be a genetic father and biological mother who is carrying but not using her own eggs?

Donor Selection:

What are some general medical considerations when selecting any type of donor? (i.e., egg or sperm bank vs. live donor)
What advice would you give intended parents about psychological considerations when selecting a donor?
Do medical providers or mental health professionals talk with patients about the use of anonymous vs. open donors/identified donors?
What issues to consider when using known/directed donors? (i.e., friends, relatives)
Should you tell the child?

Embryo Donation:

When should patients consider using donated embryos?
How to discuss this option with patients?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the intended parents?

Additional Resources:
American Society of Reproductive Medicine Guidance Regarding Gamete and Embryo Donation
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Transracial Adoption from the Eyes of Adoptee, Birth Mom, and Adoptive Mom Aug 31, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

Transracial adoption affects all parts of the adoption triad. We will talk today with a transracial adoptee and his birth mom and adopted mom. We will include tips for adoptive parents raising transracially adopted or fostered child.
In this episode, we cover:

Adoptee’s experience with transracial adoption
- Preschool
- Elementary years
- Middle and high school years
  - Code switching
  - Feelings
  - Identity formation
- College
- Adulthood
- Reunion with birth family
- Birth Father?
Birth Mother’s experience with reunion and transracial adoption
- Her role in identity formation
- Her feelings on reunion
Adoptive Mother’s experience with transracial adoption
Tips for adoptive and foster parents

Additional Information:

Kyle Bullock’s Instagram: kb_2090
Short documentary based on story of Kyle and his birth family and adoptive family. “Finding identity: Growing up a transracial adoptee”

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Trauma and Transracial Adoption Aug 24, 2022

Show notes

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

We talk today with Dr. Gina Samuels about Trauma and Transracial Adoption. Dr. Samuels is an Associate Professor at the University of Chicago's School of Social Service Administration and In-Coming Director at the Center for the Study of Race, Politics and Culture. She is an adult transracial adoptee. She has a newly published article in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect tilted “Epistemic trauma and transracial adoption.”
In this episode, we cover:

How do you define trauma? What is complex trauma?
What is epistemic trauma and how does it differ from the trauma caused by abuse or neglect or witnessing violence?
The article, “Epistemic trauma and transracial adoption”, asks how might the theory of epistemic injustice highlight conditions endemic to the experience of adoption, and specifically transracial adoption, that mark a distinct type of trauma? How does this apply to all adoption and how specifically to transracial adoption?
The article posits that the condition of being transracially adopted can represent intersectional minoritized statuses.
What are some other life experiences that can result in epistemic trauma and intersectional minoritized status? Mixed race? First generation immigrant?
What are ways in which transracial adoption is traumatic? Racism? Adoption based microaggressions? Racial microaggressions?
What are ways in which the institution of adoption aid in this epistemic trauma?
“Hermeneutical smothering”—the deployment of dominant meanings that drown out, distort, or obscure one's own meaning making processes. How does this apply in adoption? How does it apply in transracial adoption? (How adoptees experience racism; how adoptees experience adoption)
“TRA does not adopt children out of racism. In fact, TRA can place children right in the center of it.” Being transracially adopted, also amplifies a person of color's proximity to whiteness, and to the meanings of race and racism that exist within in these spaces.
The feeling of being more fully understood with other transracial adopted people.
How can we do better?
The Creating a Family Facebook Support Group had an interesting discussion from all sides of the adoption triad (adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents) of the following quote: “Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful.” ~Rev. Keith C. Griffith
- Check it out at https://www.facebook.com/groups/creatingafamily/posts/10159843117386168/