Coming Out Pod

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Episode 254: Gender Without Identity with Avgi Saketopoulou and Ann Pellegrini Jun 21, 2023

Show notes

Holy hell, do we have a PIPING HOT EPISODE for you! When previous guest Avgi Saketopoulou and her partner Ann Pellegrini (both practicing psychoanalysts and faculty members at NYU) received an award for an academic article they co-authored, they were thrilled to find out that their paper would be published in a prestigious journal. They spent the following year working closely with the editors to revise their article for publication...only to be told at the last minute that they would be required to remove parts that the journal deemed "too political." Instead of bowing to pressure, Avgi and Ann decided to expand upon their thesis and publish it as a book, thereby making their work accessible to laypeople as well as academics. In this riveting conversation, Avgi and Ann discuss their controversial argument: that queer and trans people are not, to quote Lady Gaga, "born this way," but rather that any number of outside factors (including trauma) *can* affect and inform our sexuality/gender. It's a truly liberating, paradigm-shifting discussion about how we as queer people police ourselves as a result of (justified) fear that our words will be weaponized against us. And most importantly, we finally get to the bottom of the eternal question: *did* seeing the movie Mannequin as a child make Lauren gay??
Follow Avgi and Ann on Instagram at @avgolis98 and @apell168 respectively. And give Jeff Bezos the finger by ordering their incredible book at uitbooks.com instead of at the other place!

Episode 253: Briana Mills Jun 14, 2023

Show notes

Therapist and advocate Briana Mills was born with an extremely rare form of muscular dystrophy, and from a very early age, everyone but her mother reinforced the ableist idea that the world would never expect much from her. Throughout her youth, Briana didn't want anything to do with her disability; all she wanted was to fit in. But her participation in a youth leadership forum for marginalized students not only changed the way she viewed herself, it made her want to educate others. Briana shares how seeing therapist after therapist who knew nothing about disability inspired her to become a therapist herself, specifically so that she could serve other people like her. She also discusses her experiences as a disabled bisexual woman on the dating apps, and we have a great conversation about taking it upon yourself to educate others vs. somewhat-less-kindly telling people to educate themselves.
Check out Briana's website at https://www.brianamills.com/, and follow her on Twitter at @theBrianaMills and on Instagram at @brianamillslmft. And if you live in California and are looking for a therapist, make sure to reach out!
Also, while we don't have personal experience with it, it's worth noting per our conversation in this episode that there is a new queer-friendly dating app called Dateability that is specifically designed for the disabled and chronically ill communities! You can follow them on Twitter and Insta at @dateabilityapp, and sign up for an account at https://info.dateabilityapp.com/!

Episode 252: Carolyn Bergier, REDUX! Jun 07, 2023

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WE MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH, Y'ALL! For our first episode of the *actual* happiest season (sorry, KStew), we're rejoined by comedian and podcaster extraordinaire, Carolyn Bergier, who was first on the pod all the way back in Pride of 2019! When we last spoke with Carolyn, she was two years into her second marriage, and described herself as a "serial monogamist." Well, suffice to say there's been a big change to the latter half of that sentence, because two years ago, Carolyn and her wife Cecilia opened up their marriage! Carolyn shares how feeling safer and more secure in a relationship than she ever had before had unexpected results, and discusses the challenges and joys of navigating "non-monogamy 101." She also describes the differences between dating women on her own versus dating them with her wife, and we have an incredibly candid conversation about alllllllll the pros and cons of having children. Happy listening, and HAPPY PRIDE!
Follow Carolyn on Instagram (and encourage her on TikTok!) at @tgicarolyn. And if you're in the New York area, lucky you: you can go see Carolyn's live queer dating show "Love's A Pitch" on June 20th at C'mon Everybody in Brooklyn!

Episode 251: Cat Alvarado May 31, 2023

Show notes

Hot on the heels of her newly-released debut comedy album "Off-White," we talked to Nicaraguan-American comedian and writer, Cat Alvarado! Growing up in a mostly Spanish-speaking household, Cat always felt more Latina...and yet more often than not, she was perceived by her own community as "a white girl." Needless to say, Cat's dawning realization that she was bisexual only enhanced her experience of straddling two different worlds. Cat describes the dismal Vegas wedding she went through with as a teenager because she was terrified of going to hell for having premarital sex, and shares the refreshingly *positive* experience she had being a unicorn (good couples ARE out there!!). We also have a candid conversation about those instances where we're not 100% "out and proud" with family members, and the guilt we place on ourselves as queer people for these deeply personal decisions. Plus: naked ladies!
Follow Cat on Twitter and Instagram at @thecatalvarado, and on TikTok at @catalvaradocomedy. And you can buy "Off-White" on iTunes and Bandcamp, or stream it on Spotify! But, you know - buy it!

Episode 250: Holly Cinnamon May 24, 2023

Show notes

Actor/singer-songwriter Holly Cinnamon (Succession, Daredevil) recently released the single "Small Town Queer," and in a true case of impeccable timing, we just so happened to catch her while she's briefly back in her rural Canadian hometown! Holly (she/they) weaves a tale that has it all: a childhood obsession with Barbra Streisand! Coming to terms with your sexuality on a camping trip! Making your pregnant high school biology teacher a Feist mixtape! Holly also shares how they processed a traumatic event via Alexander Technique and somatic experiencing, and how they've recently embraced themself as a self-described "baby they." Plus, the song Holly wrote to honor the first American woman in space (who, spoiler alert, was also queer)!
(TW: sexual assault, but nothing descriptive. Content warning is verbally given beforehand at around the 42 minute mark.)
Follow Holly on Instagram at @holly.cinnamon, subscribe to her YouTube channel, and check out her teaching presence website at https://teachingpresence.com/. You can also listen to "Small Town Queer," "Ride Sally Ride," and more on Spotify at https://sptfy.com/hollycinnamon, or just search "Holly Cinnamon" on any streaming platform!

Episode 249: Shenuque Tissera May 17, 2023

Show notes

Lauren talks to her CHARMING AND HILARIOUS friend Shenuque Tissera, a New York-based actor and standup who identifies as a genderqueer pansexual! Shenuque (he/they) grew up in a Sri Lankan Catholic family on Staten Island, and remembers the concept of masculinity making him uncomfortable as far back as childhood. This didn't get any easier when he started attending an all-boys Catholic high school, and so Shenuque learned to just keep his head down, and try to blend in with the machismo around him. It wasn't until just after college that Shenuque finally stopped repressing his sexuality...and by then he was already in a very serious relationship with a woman. Shenuque talks about how he started using standup as a way to process his sexual identity, and shares how exploring gender is what's currently most interesting to him. He also describes the messages he gets from queer Sri Lankan kids, and tells a surprisingly tender story about a hunky gym rat with a heart of gold!
Follow Shenuque (and watch his standup clips!) on Instagram at @shenuque, and on TikTok at @fakeshenuque. And check out Lauren and Shenuque TOGETHER on past episodes of FMK Champions here and here!

Episode 248: Martha Marion, REDUX! May 10, 2023

Show notes

At long last, Episode 40 guest Martha Marion is back to talk about her all *new* set of identifiers, which include "solo-poly-my-way" and "Everybody from Ted Lasso can get it!" Martha discusses the excitement she experienced getting to be "a publicly queer person," and shares how she felt like, in coming out, she escaped a straitjacket, only to discover "there's twenty more straitjackets on under here?!" Martha also describes her quest to replace the relationship escalator with a playground, and we have an elaborate discussion about the infinite nuances that exist within relationship orientations. All this, plus Martha gushes about her girlfriend and "the wet joy of being a whole person that gets to meet another whole person!"
Catch Martha as the voice of Arcee in Transformers: Earthspark on Paramount+, and say hi to her if you see her on a bus!

Episode 247: Nicole's Dad! May 03, 2023

Show notes

If you're a longtime listener of the pod, then you probably remember alllllll the way back in Episode 17 when Nicole's mom joined us to tell Nicole's coming out story from her own point of view as a parent. Well, it took us four-and-a-half years and 230 more episodes, but we've finally got a matching set of Pacents: today's guest is none other than Nicole's DAD! Paul Pacent discusses his Italian-American Catholic(ish) upbringing on Long Island, and how having (closeted) gay friends in the '60s helped normalize queerness for him. He speaks honestly about his family's less-than-stellar reaction when his younger sister (Nicole's Aunt Nina) came out, and how in many ways that prepared him for his experience with Nicole two decades later. Plus, we tackle the age-old question that spans all generations: what do you do when people are being ignorant asshats in the group chat??

Episode 246: Burak Yilmaz Apr 26, 2023

Show notes

Burak Yilmaz grew up in a very small town in Turkey and was best friends with his beautiful, glamorous mother: she taught him fashion, makeup, and hair, and would dress him in outfits to match her. But when he was five years old, Burak's mother left, launching him into a real-life Cinderella story, complete with a literal wicked (read: abusive) stepmother. In addition to his stepmother, Burak also endured abuse at the religious boarding school he was shipped off to, later documenting his experiences in a best-selling Turkish memoir that he wrote under a pen name. But when his identity was discovered, Burak was captured and imprisoned. He shares his incredible story of perseverance, culminating in his recently released book, "If My Mother Never Left." Also, the debt that Miley Cyrus owes him for her new hit single!
(TW: child abuse)
Follow Burak on Instagram at @burakny212, and look for "If My Mother Never Left" (available soon in audio form) on Burak's website (https://burak212.com/), Amazon, or wherever else you buy books online!

Episode 245: Rae McDaniel Apr 19, 2023

Show notes

Nicole is once again single-handedly manning the ship for a conversation with Rae McDaniel (they/them), a non-binary therapist, certified sex therapist, coach, Transgender Diversity and Inclusion Educator, AND author of the upcoming book "Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim Your Joy, & Step Into Your Most Authentic Self" -- talk about a multi-hyphenate! Rae grew up the adopted child of fundamentalist Southern Baptist missionary puppeteers (!!) in rural Louisiana, got married very young to a cis man, and didn't come out as queer until they moved to Chicago for grad school. Their story is an inspiring example of moving through difficulty to find gender "magic," which they define as that space where "who I think that I am, how I'm presenting myself in the world, who I'm surrounding myself with, and how I'm showing up in the world are all aligned." Rae also discusses how they encourage their trans and non-binary clients to move away from a fear-based paradigm by reframing gender exploration as the magic we are running *towards,* not just the pain we are running away from. It's a fantastic conversation, and we hope it whets your appetite for Rae's book, which launches May 30th!
Follow Rae on Instagram at @theraemcdaniel for allllll things Rae, including their newsletter and "Gender Magic" pre-orders!

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