Coaching for Leaders

Latest Episodes:

461: The Power of Showing Up, with Tina Payne Bryson Mar 30, 2020

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Tina Payne Bryson: The Power of Showing Up Tina Payne Bryson is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens. Tina is the author with Dan Siegel of two New York Times bestsellers, The Whole-Brain Child* and No Drama Discipline*, each of which has been translated into over forty languages. She’s recently released with Dan their newest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired*. In this conversation, Tina and I explore what it means to show up for kids and why it’s more than just being physically present. We discuss the distinction between being seen vs. being shamed. Plus, practical actions that parents, family members, and other caregivers can take to empower children. Key Points Our research and experience suggest that raising happy, healthy, flourishing kids requires parents to do just one key thing. It’s not about reading all the parenting best sellers or signing your kids up for all the right activities. You don’t even have to know exactly what you’re doing. Just show up. Intensive parenting is problematic not only because of the pressure it puts on parents, but because some research suggests that all this exhausting parental striving may not be the best way to raise children. Showing up is more than just being physically present. Many people don’t have the advantage of relationships. They grew up in families where almost all of the attention was focused on external and surface-level experiences. Let your curiosity lead you to take a deeper dive and make space and time to look and learn. A child’s brain is changing and changeable. Resources Mentioned The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired* by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Tina Payne Bryson The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction* by Christine Carter Wildhood: The Astounding Connections between Human and Animal Adolescents* by Barbara Natterson-Horowitz and Kathryn Bowers Related Episodes How to Reduce Drama With Kids, with Tina Payne Bryson (episode 310) Align Your Calendar to What Matters, with Nir Eyal (episode 431) Family Productivity, with Bonni Stachowiak (episode 453) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

460: The Power of Why Over How, with Gina Bianchini Mar 23, 2020

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Gina Bianchini: Mighty Networks Gina Bianchini is the Founder & CEO of Mighty Networks*. She is an expert on network effects. Mighty Networks is a pivot from the enterprise-only platform Mightybell, which powered communities for Intuit, American Express, and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Mighty Networks has unlocked the opportunity to elevate the rapidly growing world of creators with a purpose. Gina and Mighty Networks have been featured in Fast Company, Wired, Vanity Fair, Bloomberg, and The New York Times. In this conversation, Gina and I discussed the importance of a big, specific mission for an organization. In addition, the necessity to stay dedicated to that mission, especially during difficult times. Plus, she remindes us of the value in bringing all stakeholders along with that mission. Key Points We are a master class in having a mission and deciding it is important no matter what is happening elsewhere. Mission and Purpose Mission and purpose need to be big — and be specific. Make a clear distinction between “why” and “how.” Engage all stakeholders with the mission, including customers, contractors, and vendors. Resources Mentioned Mighty Networks* Related Episodes Start With Why, with Simon Sinek (episode 223) How to Create a Vivid Vision, with Cameron Herold (episode 345) How to Clarify What’s Important, with Ron Williams (episode 410) Seven Tools to Create Margin and a New Podcast (episode 411) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

459: Discover Who You Are, with Hortense le Gentil Mar 16, 2020

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Hortense le Gentil: Aligned Hortense is an Executive Leadership Coach and the President and Founder of JAY Consulting. She works with C-suite executives from Fortune 500 companies, supporting them in their development and leadership by working with them on the alignment between their personal values and their professional activities. Hortense is part of the Marshall Goldsmith’s prestigious 100 Coaches Project. She has been selected to receive a Thinkers 50 coaching award for excellence in her field. She is the author of several articles about leadership and coaching in such publications as Leader to Leader. She is the author of the book Aligned: Connecting Your True Self with the Leader You’re Meant to Be*. Key Points We are often blind to these invisible lines running throughout our lives. Reflecting on the role models others have admired in their lives can provide insight on what they value. Fictional characters, colors, animals, tress, and even countries can also provide insight into values. Wisdom from Peter Drucker: “Tell me what you value, and I might believe you. But show me the twists and turns of your life and I’ll show you what you really value.” Resources Mentioned Aligned: Connecting Your True Self with the Leader You’re Meant to Be* by Hortense le Gentil Book Notes Download my highlights from Aligned in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes Enhance Your Self-Awareness, with Daniel Goleman (episode 353) Three Steps to Great Career Conversations, with Russ Laraway (episode 370) What to Do With Your Feelings, with Lori Gottlieb (episode 438) The Way to Be More Self-Aware, with Tasha Eurich (episode 442) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

458: The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier Mar 09, 2020

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Michael Bungay Stanier: The Advice Trap Michael Bungay Stanier is at the forefront of shaping how organizations around the world make being coach-like an essential leadership competency. His book The Coaching Habit* is the best-selling coaching book of this century, with over 700,000 copies sold and 1,000+ five-star reviews on Amazon. He’s the author of the new book The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever*. In this conversation, Michael and I discuss why advice is overrated and often displays poor leadership. Michael shows us how to avoid coaching ghosts and dealing with people who can’t stop talking. Plus, we explore how to keep people engaged in the conversation, become more coach-like, and qualify advice when the time is right to give it. Key Points Advice is overrated. Not advice itself. There’s a time and a place for good advice. The problem is the default habit of giving advice. -Michael Bungay Stanier The Advice Trap: The more I give them advice, the more they want my advice. Three reasons your advice doesn’t get results: You’re solving the wrong challenge. You’re proposing a mediocre solution. You’re displaying poor leadership. Avoid coaching the ghost (the person note present) and yarning (excessive conversation that isn’t leading anywhere productive). To keep people engaged in the conversation, use the TERA principles: Tribe: Be on their side. Expectation: Show them the future. Rank: Raise them up. Autonomy: Give them the choice. When you do give advice, consider diminishing it with: “Here’s my best guess…” “I may be wrong…” “This is just one idea/option/thought…” Resources Mentioned The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever* by Michael Bungay Stanier The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever* by Michael Bungay Stanier MBS.works Book Notes Download my highlights from The Advice Trap in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes The Way to Stop Rescuing People From Their Problems, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 284) How to Stop Having the Same Problems, with Corrinne Armour (episode 387) Leadership in the Midst of Chaos, with Jim Mattis (episode 440) How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

457: When Leadership Isn’t Right, with Bonni Stachowiak Mar 02, 2020

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456: How to be Diplomatic, with Susan Rice Feb 24, 2020

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Susan Rice: Tough Love Susan Rice served as the United States ambassador to the United Nations during President Barack Obama’s first term in office. She was later appointed by President Obama as National Security Advisor, a position she held until the end of his presidency. Today she is the Distinguished Visiting Research Fellow at the School of International Service at American University, a Non-Resident Senior Fellow at the Belfer Center for Science and International Affairs at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times. She is the author the New York Times bestseller Tough Love: My Story of Things Worth Fighting For*. In this conversation, Susan and I discuss how her upbringing shaped her skills at mediation, the course corrections she navigated in her career to get better, and how she ensured all perspectives were heard inside President Obama’s National Security Council meetings. Key Points Susan’s early experience mediating the arguments between her parents helped her develop resilience that would be useful later. It’s helpful to separate the behavior from the person. Address inappropriate behavior, and keep it in context with the larger relationship. “You can get a long way leading a team, even if many members of the team don’t actually agree with the direction you’re steering towards, if they feel that their advice, perspective, recommendations have truly been heard and appreciated.” When facilitating a critical meeting, ensure the principal attendees receive reading points and preparation well in advance. Humor, an iron fist, or a velvet glove are all useful tools at the right times. Experience helps you determine what’s best in the moment. Wisdom from Susan’s dad: “You can’t let other people define you, for you.” Resources Mentioned Tough Love: My Story of Things Worth Fighting For* by Susan Rice Book Notes Download my highlights from Tough Love in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes How to Manage Abrasive Leaders, with Sharone Bar-David (episode 290) The Way to Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344) How to Negotiate When Others Have Power, with Kwame Christian (episode 416) Leadership in the Midst of Chaos, with Jim Mattis (episode 440) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

455: How to Create Great Relationships, with Colleen Bordeaux Feb 17, 2020

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Colleen Bordeaux: Am I Doing This Right? Colleen Bordeaux is a best-selling author, speaker and human capital consultant based in Chicago. She has been published everywhere from the Chicago Sun Times to the Huffington Post and has been endorsed by New York Times columnist and past guest Barry Schwartz and Sunday Times bestselling author Louise Parker. Her popular blog has reached more than 200,000 readers and she leads a women’s mastermind group in Chicago. She is the author of the new book: Am I Doing This Right?: A Philosophical Guide to Life in the Age of Overwhelm*. In this conversation, Colleen and I discuss the power of relationships — and some of the key principles for cultivating the very best relationships to support you, both professionally and personally. Key Points You are the same today that you are going to be in five years except for two things: the people with whom you associate, and the books you read. -Charles Jones To be nobody but yourself in a world which does its best, day and night, to make you everyone else, is to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting. -e.e. cummings Six steps to improving the relationships you cultivate: Assess your own crab-status. Take stock of who you’re spending time with. Consider who you’re not spending time with, but want to be spending time with. Evaluate these relationships based on what you need in your life. Eliminate or manage the relationships that aren’t working to create more space for the ones you need. Create a relationship mantra (Colleen’s is below): My relationships are the best gift I’ve been given, and they are my biggest responsibility. The primary purpose of each of my relationships is to help each other become better versions of ourselves by sharing our authentic experiences, perspectives, and gifts. I will be open to new connections, because that is a source of growth in life—and I will seek and cultivate friendships that bring me to life, and distance myself from relationships that drain me and influence me to betray my values. I aspire to have the kind of quality relationships that inspire others in how they approach developing, growing, and cultivating this important area of their lives. -Colleen Bordeaux Resources Mentioned Am I Doing This Right?: A Philosophical Guide to Life in the Age of Overwhelm* by Colleen Bordeaux Book Notes Download my highlights from Am I Doing This Right? in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes How to Grow Your Professional Network, with Tom Henschel (episode 279) The Way to Build Relationships at Conferences, with Robbie Samuels (episode 346) Grow Beyond What is Safe, with John Corcoran (episode 362) How to Create Meaningful Gatherings, with Priya Parker (episode 395) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

454: How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet Feb 10, 2020

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David Marquet: Leadership is Language David Marquet is the former commander of the U.S.S. Santa Fe, a nuclear-powered attack submarine. Under David’s command, the ship had an impressive turnaround, achieving the highest retention and operational standings in the Navy. David is the author of the bestseller Turn the Ship Around: A True Story of Turning Followers Into Leaders* and has just released his new book, Leadership is Language: The Hidden Power of What You Say and What You Don’t*. In this conversation, David and I explore the seven sins of questioning. David shares the story of the ill-fated El Faro and how we can discover better information in leadership by making the shift from self-affirming to self-educating. Key Points A leading question comes from a place of thinking the person is wrong, or that you have the answer. I hear this a lot from people who think they have the right answer but don’t want to use say so, so they use the Socratic method as a “teaching moment.” It’s annoying and arrogant. Self-affirming questions are often binary questions with a special motivation: to coerce agreement and make us feel good about the decision we have already made. Seven Ways to Ask Better Questions: Instead of question stacking, try one and done. Instead of a teaching moment, try a learning moment. Instead of a dirty question, try a clear question. Instead of a binary question, start the question with “what” or “how.” Instead of a “why” question, try “tell me more.” Instead of a self-affirming question, try self-educating questions. Instead of jumping to the future, start with the present, past, then future. Resources Mentioned Leadership is Language: The Hidden Power of What You Say and What You Don’t* by David Marquet Turn the Ship Around: A True Story of Turning Followers Into Leaders* by David Marquet David Marquet’s website Related Episodes Find Courage to Speak When It Matters Most, with Allan McDonald (episode 229) These Coaching Questions Get Results, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 237) The Path of Humble Leadership, with Edgar Schein and Peter Schein (episode 363) How to Build Psychological Safety, with Amy Edmondson (episode 404) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

453: Family Productivity, with Bonni Stachowiak Feb 02, 2020

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Bonni Stachowiak: Teaching in Higher Ed Bonni Stachowiak is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, a professor of business and management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, Bonni was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. She is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide*. Key Points Create margin by under-scheduling family and kid commitments. Our default setting is to have a limited about scheduled on weekends. We collaborate on schedules by using shared iCloud calendars as a family. Acuity Scheduling* supports both of us professionally in automating scheduling to ensure conflicts are rare. We both use systems to capture ideas and activities before we decide to move on them. The Drafts app helps both of us do this quickly. Bonni keeps a “someday/maybe” list and Dave keeps an “incubation” list. We get the kids involved with household responsibilities, so everybody learns to contribute and share daily work. Take time to put on your leadership hat to make decisions about what’s important. Then, you can manage from there. Resources Mentioned The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide* by Bonni Stachowiak Full Focus Planner* from Michael Hyatt Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World* by David Epstein Who Killed the Weekend? by Katrina Onstad Kourosh Dini: Mind, Music, & Productivity Streaks app Related Episodes Getting Things Done, with David Allen (episode 184) How to Become the Person You Want to Be, with James Clear (episode 376) Finding Joy Through Intentional Choices, with Bonni Stachowiak (episode 417) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

452: How to Motivate Leaders, with John Maxwell Jan 27, 2020

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John Maxwell: The Leader’s Greatest Return John Maxwell is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, coach, and speaker who has sold more than thirty-one million books in fifty languages. He has been identified as the #1 leader in business by the American Management Association and the most influential leadership expert in the world by Business Insider and Inc. magazine. He is the founder of The John Maxwell Company, The John Maxwell Team, EQUIP, and the John Maxwell Leadership Foundation, organizations that have trained millions of leaders from every country of the world. He is the author of the new book The Leader’s Greatest Return: Attracting, Developing, and Multiplying Leaders*. In this conversation, John and I discuss his work to develop leaders and the distinctions between motivating followers and motivating leaders. We also explore the seven key motivations of leaders that John has uncovered. Key Points Successful people have discovered what they are good at. Successful leaders discover what other people are good at. “I didn’t have any sudden big hits early in my career. I wasn’t a home run hitter. My secret was to get up to bat every day and just try to get on base consistently.” -John Maxwell “You can have everything in life you want if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar The Seven Motivations of Leaders: Purpose: leaders want to do what they were created to do. Autonomy: leaders want the freedom to control their lives. Relationships: leaders want to do things with others. Progress: leaders want to experience personal and professional growth. Mastery: leaders want to excel at their work. Recognition: leaders want others to appreciate their accomplishments. Money: leaders want to be financially secure. Resources Mentioned The Leader’s Greatest Return: Attracting, Developing, and Multiplying Leaders* by John Maxwell Book Notes Download my highlights from The Leader’s Greatest Return in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes Ten Steps to Create a Recognition Program, with Michelle Smith (episode 80) Start With Why, with Simon Sinek (episode 223) The Scientific Secrets of Daily Scheduling, with Daniel Pink (episode 332) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.

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